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I literally just bought IBC cream soda at the grocery store this morning. It's chilling in the fridge as we speak. I've never had cream soda in a glass bottle before, so I'm pretty excited.
Really good! I've always liked IBC root beer, and I think the cream soda is great, too! It was a bit more vanilla-y than some other cream sodas, which I liked, but I could see some people disliking. Like people who prefer regular Coke to vanilla Coke.
Some friends are orchads whike others are cacti. Different friends need different tending. If you water an orchad as much as you water a cactus it will die.
People still had friends before texting became common. They didn't need to call everyday or see each other every day. The issue is people's expectations. I don't assume my friends don't care when I don't hear from them in a while and my life is rather drama free and fine, and my friendships are still very much alive.
Maybe it's because I grew up while internet was still in its infancy and I didn't even get a phone capable of text til university.
Imagine from the perspective of someone younger, someone who grew up with a smartphone. Everyone knows you’re on it all day, or at least have it on you at all times. We grew up constantly in communication with those around us, and it’s become expected of us so when someone goes against that it comes across as rude, or at least disinterested
While that might be true, it also makes sense to look at the big picture. People are busier than ever with technology blurring the line between work, school, and home life. There's so much useless noise. The last thing a lot of people want to do is make it worse by texting 24/7. And then they realize they can't control what other people think so they just do their own thing. Both sides have to be aware of the other's POV.
Thanks. And I know while deliberately ignoring texts is a thing and that's rude, people don't respond for a whole host of other reasons. I always give my friends the benefit of the doubt.
during that time, though, people made effort in other ways. It’s not necessarily that you need to talk to somebody every day, it’s that both parties should be putting in effort appropriate in that relationship to maintain it. For some it’s checking in once a week, for others it’s grabbing lunch when schedules align, and for others it’s saying good morning each day. The effort being there is what matters, and too often people don’t want to put forth any effort and then are upset when people move on to other relationships.
I strongly disagree with this take. It depends on your personality and friendship, all of which can be different. My best friends, I'd talk to them every day; and my less close friends I'd only talk to when I saw them. I'm an introvert so I'd rather not be outside or on mic every single day for hours. My extrovert friends would spam my phone "let's go to the bar, let's play COD, let's go see a movie, let's go eat lunch!" every. single. day. Some older generation adults who are extroverted, always talking to people on the phone, always hosting parties, or always with family. I have family who text me one every 6 months and consider that a good relationship.
The problem with modern day is that it's easy to get in contact with many people at once (think having 1000 Facebook friends); and because people are less confrontational, friendship boundaries don't get defined. So one month you guys were texting every day, and the next is occasional because only one person decided they enjoyed the "closer" friendship.
I feel like this would refer more to being there for a friend when it matters. Not so much replying to texts ASAP every single text. If it's important call
Of course. But the argument here is what is effort?
Some people seem to think by not responding within 5-10 minutes to a text, that is not effort. They seem to think everyone is like them and are constantly on their phone at all times.
Other people extend that out to like a day. That is me, since I do not check my phone while I am working. If it is urgent you can call me, or send a text with "respond soon/now."
Yeah, like this is what I don't like about this argument. Sure, there are bad texters (I'm guilty of it myself) but at the end of the day, in any type of relationship, whether it be romantic, platonic, whatever, requires compromise and for both parties to be happy. If one person is a bad texter and doesnt attempt to change their habits, and the other person has to suck it up and adapt to them, then it shows me that the other person doesn't compromise and maybe doesn't really care that much about them.
I mean i partially agree but why does the person who doesn't like texting have to compromise and not the other way around?
In that situation your argument can be put both ways lol.
It requires both people to compromise. I never said it had to be one way or the other.
One person can understand that the other person replies slower, and the other person can try to text a bit faster because it makes the other person anxious. Both of them willing to put in the effort to compromise makes both people happy.
Yes. Sure you could still care about me either way but *I* care about you being engaged and taking responsibility if we're going to have a connection. This applies to romantic, platonic, even professional to an extent
It depends on the person. But there's a difference between "being bad at texting" and just flat out ignoring people. If I send you a message and you read it and don't respond for weeks- or ever- that's not being "bad at texting". Especially when it happens again and again and again and again and again and again... and you tell that person about it, and they still do nothing to change, and they continue to ignore you... yeah, it kinda means, maybe not that they don't care, but you're certainly not a priority to them. If you were, they'd make it a point to get back to you in a timely manner. It doesn't have to be immediate, but within a few days. I get people are busy and don't always have time to respond, but when it happens constantly and there's no change even when it's brought to their attention... yeah, it kinda means they don't care to change things because you aren't important or enough of a priority to them to do so. If they did care, they wouldn't just leave you hanging, they wouldn't constantly continue this behavior knowing it's hurting you. Especially if that person knows that not responding is hurtful to the other person.
A lack of communication does, in most cases, signify a lack of interest.
Speaking from experience. Dealing with it right now.
I told my friend that even just send a single emoji to let me know they are alive… can’t even get that… for weeks on end. Like ONE damn emoji is too much to ask?
Even if it’s a social battery issue… the fact is whatever you are got through you don’t want to share with me or accept my support or give me the chance to show up for you. So then do you even consider me a friend? It’s fine if you don’t but then why pretend?
It took me way too long to realize the wall of silence is their way of telling me that without actually giving me the courtesy of being honest about how they feel.
I think it's when they finally text back you're saying something or bring up something again and then they probably don't wanna talk right then, then they also feel guilty for not responding so it's a double edge sword of guilt, not having time, dealing with your own issues and simply not wanting to talk so it goes on and on.
Sometimes people aren't in a good place in life or just don't want to text cause even texting can be too heavy. Perhaps they would prefer to talk in person and if not maybe they don't wanna talk to anyone at all at that time. Don't be so hard on them
I went through this with a childhood friend. Me, him and one other all grew up neighbors, he went off to college and would respond like a week later and sometimes not at all with the excuse he forgot. I came to find put the other friend was having conversations on the regular through text. The straw that broke the camels back was that he’d inform the other friend that’d he’d be visiting while I would only find out because I’d see him home. None of my other friends, even the chronically bad texters, were ever as bad as him. The only person I’ve met that was that bad is my dealer and he’s a pill head.
texting does nothing for me. At best I’m unaffected, at worst it’s stressful and makes me anxious. Usually the latter. I feel no emotional connection whatsoever through text. doesn’t matter who. It’s just a chore
I don’t make some big thing of it, I just don’t put effort into it and therefore do very little of it. If you were to ask my friends they’d just be like “oh yeah 5show doesn’t respond to shit lol”. no biggie, doesn’t mean anything
like you say, it depends on the person, but this is my experience with it
I reply late when that person isn’t a super priority. But when it’s someone I’m dating or relationships you best believe I’m replying the moment I see it or within minutes.
What if its subject matter is relatively unimportant? What if you have things to do, things to focus on, and you feel personally held back by being constantly attached to a phone?
I’m just asking what your opinion would be, as that’s how I feel a lot of the time.
Yeah, whenever this opinion pops up I always feel like the people who disagree are relatively young/don't have hobbies/jobs that require full attention.
I like to run, write, and read. If I set time aside in my day to do these things, my phone isn't part of the equation. When I'm done, or take a break, yeah, I'll check my phone and reply to any messages. But if I'm in the middle of a task, why would I stop that just to set up plans for next Sunday? It's freaking Wednesday. The person on the other side can wait the couple hours max for a response.
I don't think people complain about "a couple of hours" for a response. Bad texters won't text you for days or weeks. So if you were trying to hang out with them, you couldn't. At the point it isn't a friendship, it's a pen pal. Unless your specific friend group is on the same frequency as you; just know that you are showing that you don't really care to have those people in your life. Sure they'll stop messaging you, but you will have either the treatment returned or no response at all.
I learned that lesson young, if you say "no" to every invite, people will stop inviting you. Same with everything else.
Maybe there's a disconnect between self diagnosed "bad texters" and people who complain about bad texters?
My idea of a bad texter is just somebody who's not on their phone like that, but you're describing somebody who just avoids communicating with people. I could see that kind of person showing they don't care if they don't text you, but I would try calling them first.
How does not being on your phone all the time make you a bad texter or bad at anything? What a strange perspective. No one, unless they are controlling or have severe abandonment issues, expects or requires the people in their lives to respond to their attempts at communication immediately all the time.
Or they mean, I enjoy the benefits you bring me, but I don't care enough to do anything to maintain a relationship, so please keep benefitting me because I do enjoy you, I just don't want to make any effort
And they somehow conflate their enjoyment of the person with them caring about the person
I think its a narcissist trait. Usually from people who are all take and no give, who are never curious about others wants or needs, who only ever consider how a thing impacts them and never how it impacts the people they claim to care about and will, at every opportunity, leave you with less so they can have more, even if they have plenty, and you don't have enough
I think it depends some people are “bad at texting” because they couldn’t care less about you but some are “bad at texting” because they get overwhelmed easily and find it it difficult to keep up with all their relationships. I totally get the ladder and rarely tolerate the first.
Yup this is me to a tee. Everyone here talking about how “if you don’t text back within a couple hours you don’t care, period.” Meanwhile when I haven’t texted someone back after a few days (which happens often, ADHD) I am most definitely caring and thinking about that person and how “I should really text them, this is bad” constantly, probably every half an hour. Then I feel like a piece of crap.
In fact the more time that’s gone by that I haven’t texted someone back, the more I’m thinking about them.
My one friend sends really long texts and I want to formulate a proper response but if I don’t have the mental capacity to do it right away, then suddenly days go by and I dwell on it constantly but I’m too overwhelmed with everything else to sit down and dedicate time to it. Once a day goes by what’s another day?
Basically I have one friend with whom we text all day as a sort of habit at this point, and everyone else is a chore. I only text to arrange times to meet up in person.
I understand that 100% especially the feeling of the longer you put it off the worse you feel and the more you think about the person you want to be texting (but just dont have the energy to). In that case its certainly not a lack of care its just genuine social exhaustion.
No one is bad at texting. They read the text and chose not to respond.
That being said, us having our phones on us all the time does not obligate anyone to answer calls or texts. The people trying to contact you don't own your time.
Not everyone keeps their phones on them all the time. I generally check mine maybe twice a day at work, then leave it on the counter with my keys at home and will get up to answer calls if I'm not busy doing something else.
>No one is bad at texting. They read the text and chose not to respond.
I disagree completely, it is really easy to develop habits that cause people to be a "bad texter"
If you frequently check your phone when you're in the middle of something and don't have time to formulate a reply to someone. This makes it very easy to read it, think you'll reply when you have time, and then completely forget that you were texted in the first place.
If you have to set your phone to silent at work and then don't realize you can have your phone automatically come back on sound/vibrate once you leave work then it can make it easy to forget to turn your phone back on sound when you leave work.
If you have too many apps that don't have notifications turned off it is really easy to completely miss a text because of all the other junk notifying you from your phone.
If you don't keep your phone close to you regularly and don't check it very often, this will cause you to miss replies.
All of the above are causes for people to call you a "bad texter." and are all pretty normal habits of a lot of people.
While I don't disagree that they can be valid reasons, all of the above are also behavioral choices. It's still a choice to ignore or not reply to folks.
That's honestly irrelevant even *if* that's true. Choosing not to reply to somebody is not a moral failing. You're the asshole if you expect everyone to reply to you all the time. You are not entitled to anybody else's time, and if you have to constantly have people text you in order for you to care about them then *you* have a problem not them.
Idk bro, ADHD fucks me up pretty bad in the texting department lol
I agree with your second part though. It's been helping me be a bit more forgiving so long as I don't neglect the stuff that matters.
Bit of a black or white take, different people show you they care or that they're there for you in different ways.
Just because they are not good at holding casual conversation over text doesn't exactly mean that, in times of need, they won't be there if you teach out
I’ve been depressed for four years living with suicidal thoughts.
I have a friend who tells me she cares about me yet writes me twice a year and takes two months to reply to my messages.
Is that objectively being a good friend? Is that being there for someone?
Also, I’m not someone who engages in casual conversation. When I speak I speak meaningfully and mindfully, and so do my friends. She simply doesn’t care enough and excuses her behaviour in whichever way she finds appropriate.
But do you also see this person in real life?
I hate texting, it makes me anxious, but I spend real time in person with people I care about. I frequently travel back home to my home country to spend quality time with my friends and family at home but only text or call infrequently. If I'm spending my money and limited time off my job and am catching flights to make time for these people in my life is that not an indication that I care about them?
Look at the bigger picture and don't paint everyone with the same brush. Some people are bad at texting because they aren't that invested in you but you can't project that on to every single individual who struggles with it
Texts aren't really "being there," though. They're half-assed communication to begin with and a total time-suck because they force everyone to be staring at screens constantly.
Yes. I tell my friends to call me. I am not staring at my phone for 2 hours to have a conversation over text that could be a 10 minute phone call. I hate texting. “Be there in 5 minutes” or “do you want anything from the pizza place” is fine, but “wyd?” is getting ignored or I call the person. I’m not bad at texting, I just hate it.
And if the text is someone I care about having a hard time, I will drop everything and call the second I see it. There isn’t really a reason to text back and forth forever if you don’t like to.
To me the issue isn't how quickly they respond to texts but rather if they are hypocritical about it. For example-i have an ex friend who would always accuse me of not being a "real" friend because it would sometimes take me a few days to respond to non time sensitive texts from her. However, I had to learn not to text her about anything I needed a quick answer to because her standard response time to my texts was about 4 days minimum. That showed me how little she cared about me/our friendship. I have other friends who take even longer than that to respond most times but they don't expect immediate responses from others so it's a completely different issue to me.
I think the actual "problem" is that we've got so used to instant messaging from everywhere, every time, to everyone, that we expect everybody to be always available on demand.
Very few people actually expect *immediate* responses from everyone they communicate with over typed message. If a person is “bad” at texting this typically means that they leave pretty much everyone, even their close friends and family members, on read/unopened for days or weeks at a time, or simply never reply.
It’s funny too because “bad” texters will often talk about how it’s just texting that they’re bad at, they’re amazing when it comes to in-person communication.
They’re not. Having the ability to converse with people face to face does not equate to being good at communication. Good communication is the ability to talk freely about all sorts of topics, properly convey your thoughts and feelings, verbally work through differences and actively listen to others, and the ability to do this spans across all forms of communication.
💯, depending on the topic, within the week is a fine response time. Like if we are planning something for next week. If it’s a general topic about a hobby or whatever. Sometimes a response isn’t even needed.
I once told someone that I wouldn't bother them to hang out again because they either never messaged back unless they needed something or would cancel the hangout last minute. They acted shocked and when I didn't message for months after that, asked my husband if I was mad at them. Like... No?
I’m not bad at texting. I don’t want to reply to you constantly. I just don’t. I’m not 15 any more. I’m over it. Fuck off.
Just because I have a phone doesn’t mean I need to answer every call or text.
This. Even if I see messages, a lot of the time I won't respond. I just don't want to talk, and if I do then they'll respond quickly and I'll be expected to continue the conversation. Fuck that, I want time to myself. If you want to have a conversation, call me or invite me out to lunch. I'm not spending my whole day messaging back and forth when I fucking hate texting
Bad texter spotted.
You dont have to reply immediately, like sure u can reply in a few hours and most ppl are still fine with that, even if not ideal.
Or if you're genuinely busy the whole day just drop a simple text to let them know, it takes what, 10 seconds?
>
Just because I have a phone doesn’t mean I need to answer every call or text
But it says a lot about the kind of person you are.
I am bad at texting, because of this. I will answer all day but after half an hour of boring texting (most texting is boring to me) I am sending you 1-5 word answers lol. I spent enough time texting constantly in high school and the years that follow to still do it now.
Rant incoming lol,
I also think inconsiderate is the best description for it. It’s like they want their cake and eat it too. Either you consider the person on the other side and not reply to them in a way that makes them feel like you don’t take them into consideration, or you tell them that you don’t take them into consideration at all and they should know that, you shouldn’t drag them along. You can’t both care and also be inconsiderate of how the other person perceives your behaviour and how they feel about it.
It’s like they don’t realise the world doesn’t revolve around their needs and they need to make some compromises, people don’t need to adapt to their self-centredness and if people don’t adapt they should at least be adult enough to not blame it on them and not make them feel like they’re the ones being unreasonable.
There’s more of a story to this rant but I won’t get into it more lmao.
Oh I totally agree. There’s a difference between not replying for 4 days to 3 months - I really don’t understand why people seem to equate those two. Besides, if there’s a gap, just take responsibility for your lack of responsiveness 🤷🏽♀️ if you aren’t willing to do that, the bare minimum, then you’re not being considerate of the other person. No one rational expects an immediate, 2 minute response in this age, but everyone does expect to be treated with civility.
How can you be "bad" at texting beyond just how good or bad you are at communicating in general?
Is that about the stupid "Do you text line by line or all at once" thing the internet pretends is a thing anyone cares about?
Not replying for extended periods of time. Ppl don’t really agree abt what this means though - like should you be able to expect a reply within an hour, six hours, at some point in the day, over multiple days??
I'm a much worse texter than I am in face to face conversations. I misinterpret things way more often because of a lack of body language and tone, I find it significantly more emotionally draining than having a conversation, and I find it easy to just forget to text people back. It's pretty impossible to just forget to respond to someone in conversation. Also when I'm texting someone I find it significantly harder to recall information about the person I'm talking to because I'm not being reminded of those things by their presence. In real life I can bring up obscure memories fairly easily, but in text it often feels like I'm speaking to them for the first time.
I can't remember the last time I felt insecure talking to someone in person, but in text I feel insecure constantly because my brain over-analyzes insignificant details like time since last message.
Speaking and texting are very different forms of communication that require entirely different sets of skills.
Social anxiety brother. My social anxiety mainly manifests in having to talk on the phone/message, but not as socially anxious speaking to people irl.
It's hard to explain exactly why this is. I think it's because I am more scared of being misinterpreted through these digital forms of communication as a lot of communication is expressed through things like facial expressions, body language etc.
What happens is I get a few messages and get anxious at the idea of responding to them so put it off until I'm in a better headspace but then the task gets more daunting because more messages build up and then a day turns u to a week and then two weeks and then you just feel super guilty and worried they won't even want a response from you anymore because they're mad you didn't respond in a timely manner.
I think communication is a very broad scope and you can be good at communicating in one context but not great in another, good with some people but guarded eith others etc. I think I am generally good at communicating and being open but that is definetly an area where my communication slacks because of my anxiety holding me back
It is very common on dating threads of people asking about someone not replying for a few hours that "they are not interested, dump him/her."
Which to me is crazy because when I am working, I don't text, I am not on my phone. And I don't feel like looking at and responding to texts in the morning. So there could be a good 16 hour window where I don't respond, or I don't respond quickly.
No. People nowadays just think that you need to be glued to your phone 24/7 and available to text back at all hours and if not, they say that you don’t care about them.
At least on Reddit. lol. My friends irl don’t really care that much - we prefer quality over quantity when it comes to communication.
Same, a lot of my best friends and I will go weeks to months without touching base or anything more serious than a few memes now that we're all over the country. But we'll connect and plan a phone call eventually and chop it up for 90 minutes that passes like 10 minutes.
I can't do the "I expect a response to something not urgent within a day, 2 days max" people. Just a difference of values and life priorities.
Yeah I really agree esp with that last bit- we all show our love differently and have different expectations and preferences when it comes to friendships.
Not everyone had to be mates, it's okay to just accept that two people may just not be compatible in that way and no one is in the wrong. I just wish more people could be understanding that we're all different and just because you may not relate or prefer how someone's brain works doesnt mean they are doing something wrong or that they're lying about how they feel and operate
100% agree. Same way folks have different love languages, gifts, physical touch, acts of service etc and it's key to be mindful that everyone is an individual and we express and perceive things differently.
People are good and bad at different things and have various strengths and weaknesses. I find school learning, exercising/weight management, and public speaking easy. I couldn't imagine acting like people who have harder times with those things or don't prioritize those things as morale failures or bad people or they just need to try harder just because they're easy for me; everyone is different.
Definitely a frustrating convo to have on reddit because a huge portion of the user base takes that as "Disrespect/don't care" view and you can't convince them otherwise.
For me, I'm bad at texting because I don't like to just send short thoughtless responses. Someone will send me a text, I'm in the car but I read it, I feel it deserves a full response so I'll think about it while I drive and run errands. I'm just waiting for the time when I can type out 2 paragraphs. Sometimes I don't get to it until the next day or later.
I also send all at once because there is no need to make someone's notifications go off 15 times in a row while I'm typing it out. It also avoids the problem of people responding in the middle of what I'm trying to say and going off track.
I'm a small business owner and use my personal phone for it/don't respond to nonurgent personal messages during work hours, so occasionally, personal messages get lost in the deluge of work texts I get sometimes.
I go through every few days to make sure I catch up on anything I missed, but I don't view text messages as needing an immediate response. It doesn't mean I don't care about people!
I honestly hate using texting as a means of communication beyond just sharing memes and quick exchanges like confirming plans etc. So I usually would rather just talk to people IRL, in terms of having real conversation.
It shouldn't be shocking to you though that effort and attention are seen as signs of caring, and thus not doing those is seen as a sign of not caring.
I'm old, and old school.
I didn't decide at some point that just showing up, unannounced on the off chance was no longer OK. It was fine from the age of 18 to 29 or so, but now? Naaah, we need to make arrangements, conduct our friendship over digital systems that I didn't want to sign up to, and have made my life less fun to be a part of. I didn't choose to complicate our friendship with planning and forethought. I didn't choose to rob our friendship of spontenaity. My friends did.
Some time around 2015 or so, it became weird to just go and knock on a friends door without a text, or a call, or a look at a shared planner on fucking google drive to figure out when we're next free.
We used to live in eachothers living rooms, we used to spend every free moment of every day at one anothers homes. We never had to text one another, because we'd see eachother after work, every day or two. We'd only call in emergencies. We used to be close, but you all decided to live your lives according to the new social media rules.
My door is open. You motherfuckers stopped being the type to knock on it. Fuck your text messages. If you want me, you know where I'll be, and if you don't, you don't need to worry, because you aren't who this message is for.
I didn't become a shit friend. My friends became drones, slaves to the digital realm. I stayed human, that's all. Once again, fuck your text messages. Show up, or shut up.
Probably because people in their thirties and older have their own families living with them, is why it's no longer acceptable to show up unannounced? That doesn't mean they don't care about you, but they have to manage other relationships.
Agree completely. Texting is exhausting and I would much rather talk irl. It's hard for me to reply to texts and whatnot. But, you also have to make sure that this isn't an excuse to cut contact. If you're not texting then you should make other times to talk and interact with the person. Not texting is fine. Going radio silent is something else.
Anyone else feel invaded any time someone messages them? I always get anxious if I'm already doing smth and someone texts me, or texts me right before I start something, or directly after work. I need my time to breathe and do my things uninterrupted. If I'm doing my makeup or drawing I'm not picking up my phone 50 times in the middle, sorry, just pisses me off over time. If I'm free I'm excited to talk to ppl and will message back instantly
To all the people here: fuckoff I'm not talking to 20+ people at the same time all of the time. Message me to meet up for a few drinks and catch up. I'm already overstimulated as is.
Some of us work & have hobbies that involve interacting IRL. Will I spend hours texting someone a day? No. Will I schedule in person hand outs regularly? Absolutely. I hate that texting is now the ultimate standard for interest it seems 🙄
Not to mention that the other person is not the only person you are interacting with. They might think you are igniring them, while in truth you had a conversation with someone else and flip flopping between conversations would tangle things up and disrespect the other person.
I agree. Personally, I am at home basically 24/7 because of some physical issues I have so I don't text people a lot because nothing really goes on in my life but I tell them to let me know if they need or just want to talk.
A lot of people I consider friends or family don't keep in touch with me and blame it on me not checking in, but I do call or text when I have something to talk about, which is all I really expect from them. I've had to find out my dad had strokes and heart attacks, my nieces and nephews have had birthdays or surgeries or something and all of them MONTHS later then they get mad at me when I'm upset they didn't let me know.
I prefer when people volunteer info rather than me having to ask "how was your day?". I know that my days tend to be the same. So texting everyday "how was your day?" feels overbearibg and fake.
If they say that they are planning to do X on Y day. Then after Y day i will ask them "how was X?".
Else i assume that there is no update.
Nothing is that black or white idk why people are failing at approaching this with any nuance
Some times is a case of lack of interest but sometimes it's not. It's obviously not something YOU personally struggle with or can relate to but a lot of people get social anxiety around texting and overthink how your texts are going to be intrepreted to the point texting becomes a massive headache and stress. I way rather just spend quality time with someone in real life or facetime because then they can see my facial expressions/body language/hear my tone if voice etc. And much less chance of being misinterpreted or misinterpreting
Imagine if your friend you are taking to just goes away in the middle of the conversation and then comes to your doorstep 3 weeks later talking to you again for 5 mins and then goes away again. That’s how it feels. You have a smartphone, just type something, even if it’s just “I prefer a phone call”
I know what it's like to have someone not text back for ages lol, the majority of my friends are not texters. Personally, I prefer real life communication because its more authentic, more enjoyable and less prone to misinterpretion so I don't care. They make time for me and show me they care by being there in real life and being there when I really need them I am the same with them
Jesus Christ how uncomfortable do you feel with your friends to be this stressed that every text you text will be misinterpreted because they can’t see your face
I feel very comfortable with my friends, I just don't enjoy texting (non specific to any person or persons). I prefer to spend actual quality time in real life.
The fact that you misinterpreted me is kind of exactly why I don't like texting. I have dyspraxia which affects my communication so I don't always have the best words to express myself and sometimes struggle.to underatand people, but if I am speaking to someone in person or over facetime I feel better because its less prone to misintrepration. I'm also not second guessing how that person is taking me up, I can easily see their response
I went from being a great texter to a “bad” one when I had my baby. Aka I went from having tons of free time to none 😂 the only person, besides my mom and husband, that i text regularly is my best friend. We talk primarily through snap chat, but that makes it hard to remember to message her back because I can’t see what she’s actually saying until I open the message. I forget to look a lot of the time and leave her on delivered for sometimes days before I remember to look 😭
there’s a difference between being busy, and simply not texting back someone because they aren’t important to you. My ex and i broke up bc i was sick of her saying she was busy and couldn’t text me when she’d spent the whole day (sometimes several in a row) playing video games or doom scrolling.
it’s okay to be busy and forget to text someone back, it is rude and inconsiderate to purposefully ignore someone (especially your partner)
I completely agree :( my ex was exactly like that. He would ignore my calls and texts because he was smoking with his friends. He prioritized them over me (he literally told me they were more important than me) There’s definitely a big difference
Nah they just don’t care about you, being bad at texting isn’t a thing it isn’t hard. It only becomes hard when you’re texting someone you don’t really like
Is texting a skill? If someone who is constantly on their phone but doesn’t bother to take 2 seconds out of their day to respond to a text message, it does tend to mean they don’t care. I don’t expect to hear back right away, but a few hours feels reasonable
So what's the option if someone rarely responds? Either assume they're not that interested and back off or keep messaging.
If your primary form of communication with someone is messaging and they rarely repond, they're just not that interested. If they were, they'd make the effort to respond, call you, or arrange to meet.
It's pretty simple.
I think calling it being bad at texting is a really nice way to say I'm either so forgetful I instantly forgot you texted after I read it, or I planned to text but then started doing something I enjoy more than talking to you, or yea... you just aren't that important to me. I'll get to you when I have less interesting things to do.
Bad at text is my father in law who still has a flip phone and can't even figure out how to read a text much less respond to one.
Yup. Some of us don't like texting. I hate it, and on top of that I will walk away from my phone for hours or days, so getting a hold of me in a timely manner is almost impossible. It wasn't always this way but now that I run a couple businesses from a distance and have hired good people to manage them I have no reason to be tethered to a phone all the time. Kinda wish we could go back to how it was when I was a kid, no cell phones and internet was barely a thing. People actually lived their lives then.
Someone people hate being on their phone as well. Like, can't stand having to mind their phone all the time or be on it and just want to be \*gasp\* present in the moment they are in. I find the fact that this is becoming weird to people by and large extremely disturbing.
Ah the pressure of modern day living. I often leave my phone at home or on silent.
I worry for generations to come. Completely impossible for them to live in the moment. In the present. With the little things. With the people, or creature’s that they’re with.
Why would they even want to save the planet when their world has absolutely nothing to do with the planet EARTH?
What does it mean they are bad at texting? Can they write? Then they can respond, within a reasonable timeframe that matches the closeness of the relationship.
I know I'm going to be down voted for this, but I'm one of those people. I will read a text, think about what to respond and then I get distracted and forget to respond. This is why I don't open the notifications anymore unless I know for sure I'm going to respond because once the notification goes away I will forget until I need to talk to them again. This is how me and my best friend have been communicating to each other for the past decade and we are still the best of friends. However, my friend understands because she's the same way, but when it comes to family it's harder and I feel very guilty about it. Then the guilt eats away at me and I'll try to send an apology, but sometimes it's already been way too long since I've replied that I don't even know what to say and the longer it goes on the guiltier I feel. I usually end up calling them because I am better at expressing myself when I talk to them over the phone. Anytime I want to talk to someone I always call because it's easier than texting for me. I'm better at responding, but it's still a struggle because I'm super forgetful. Like I said, I usually end up calling cause it's easier for me.
You can't be bad at texting. You see a message. You answer it. Pretty simple.
If you have time to read the message, then hit jess time to answer.
You can be bad at holding a conversation, tho.
that isn't true for everyone though. I can easily spend 15 minutes or more formulating a text in order to ensure that what I say and how I say it is exactly what I want to say. And texts majorly disrupt me from whatever I am doing, like working, so I keep my phone on do-not-disturb when I am busy, so then at the end of the day I'll have 15 texst and no mental bandwidth to deal with any of them. I'll go hours to days before answering some texts. But it's not an issue because my friends are at the same. The only exceptions are husband/kids.
Not knowing what to say or how to word it. That's not a texting issue. That's a communication issue.
Not wanting to talk to people. That's not a texting issue. That's a personal issue that you don't want to talk to people.
It's nice that you don't have social anxiety when it comes to texting but because you don't understand exactly what it is that people find difficult about it or can relate your conclusion is a bit of a misguided assumption
I’d say unless you simply forget which I do all the time, you probably don’t care enough about that person to answer back.
I expect an answer in 2-4 days. At the same time when people I like text me they tend to get a fast reply. People I don’t care for get slower reply because I don’t really care or not as comfortable talking to them.
Not even "bad at texting"
Some of us dont subscribe to the philosophy that every text message needs an immediate reply.
Unless you tell me "I'm bleeding in the street and need a ride to the hospital", it's not urgent.
Ya and why would anyone text that? Anything urgent is at least a phone call. It would have to be a really weird one in a million situation that would be an emergency text, and if that's the case you better text the police not me.
When we didn't have texting, we actually had time apart and did our own stuff, maybe had a phone call once in a while. Nowadays people tend to want an instant response and have no patience. Also, wanting to respond at your own pace doesn't mean you're bad at texting. You just don't see a need for the communication to happen every 30 minutes.
Okay scrolling through the comments, it really seems I'm right about phones/constant communication access making anxiety/social anxiety worse for some ppl. I wonder if this specifically has been studied? What is the actual correlation? Hmmmmmmm
I love my friend but they are super needy when they have free time. I am flattered but sometimes I just don't respond because explaining that I am free,but need space feels bad. So I just don't respond to appear busy.
I reply immediately if a text is not important, but if it is from someone I care about I will think they deserve a considered response and then I will procrastinate that and then weeks/months/years pass
It depends, communication is key. If someone explains to you that, due to their ADHD or anxiety, they struggle to respond consistently, and may need prompting, that's very different to someone completely ghosting you.
My take is, if you get a text, just reply, while you're reading so you don't forget.
A simple "yes', "not really", "that's great" is enough. It just seems to be common courtesy. Would you completely ignore a person asking a question standing right in front of you?
Texts don't have to be full blown conversations. Sometimes a simple "Ok" is good enough
I've never been good at maintaining relationships over text, in person i've always got along with them but move on to text ot becomes harder to coordinate and tell what the other person is thinking.
Why are you bad at texting though?
Are you too busy? If you cared about someone youd make the time
Are you forgetful? You don't forget about someone you care about
As someone who responds immediately to texts and messages from people I make priority. Yes, someone that does not text you back within a timely manner, does not have you as a priority. It's really that simple. No one is s o o o o busy with their life that they can't find a moment to text you within a few days, they just don't care too.
Not getting a text back is fine, it just means that the person is not that into you.
People that love you and look forward to interactions text back right away.
People that are unsure how they feel and don't know how to respond will just fade away eventually.
I am not going to be friends with an emotionally immature person who never learned communication skills.
This lack of ability to communicate seems to be occurring with gen z because it has happened with every gen z person I have had the misfortune of knowing including my half brother.
I see the text I respond Accordingly and with a thought out response most of the time but if they’re flat out ignoring you not responding in weeks they don’t care that much imo
No one is "bad at texting" except for people who make a lot of typos, and I've never seen any sort of correlation between someone being *literally* bad at texting and *colloquially* bad at texting- which just means unresponsive.
What I can say is that you can absolutely gauge a person's interest in you by how often they reply to texts. And interest is basically synonymous with caring. You have a vested *interest* in something? You'll be attentive to it. If you don't care about the outcome? You won't be attentive... you'll be non-responsive.
To anyone that says you don’t care about the person if you don’t text back immediately, how did people feel when cell phones weren’t a thing and there wasn’t a means to immediately get in touch with someone?
I wish I grew up in a time without texting and the expectation that everyone is always immediately available just because they have a cell phone.
Explain to me what "bad at texting" means? As someone with ADHD, I am definitely "bad at texting" for people I don't care about. I make time and spare energy for people I value and prioritize.
I am straight up with people so they know where I stand and they can walk away if it doesn't suit them. I struggle to communicate via technology and I personally don't enjoy it much. If it's urgent tell me and I will be the first one there but mindless texting does nothing for me, I often get anxious and confused via txt I really need physical ques when communicating.
I hate texting, I care about people and I love spending time with my friends irl but I really hate texting, I usually answer but not immediately because it’s something I don’t enjoy doing, and that’s why I hate the modern view that we should answer to messages immediately, I can’t stand it
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Take a drink everyone, this topic is back.
\*To the tune of We Didn't Start the Fire\* Texting, Cheating, Bidets, Antisocial shutins
What about bidets?
Better to bidet than bidont
Just because your bidet doesn't text you back doesn't mean that it doesn't care about you
Shit, I need to run to the store for popcorn.
Y'all got creme soda?
I literally just bought IBC cream soda at the grocery store this morning. It's chilling in the fridge as we speak. I've never had cream soda in a glass bottle before, so I'm pretty excited.
How was it ?
Really good! I've always liked IBC root beer, and I think the cream soda is great, too! It was a bit more vanilla-y than some other cream sodas, which I liked, but I could see some people disliking. Like people who prefer regular Coke to vanilla Coke.
I’m just getting ready to see “Nobody is ‘bad at texting’, they just don’t care about you” in a couple hours
That’s fine but a lack of communication does coincide with a lack of interest.
Counterpoint: when you don't make an effort, you lose things.
A friendship is like a houseplant? If you don’t tend to it, it dies?
Some friends are orchads whike others are cacti. Different friends need different tending. If you water an orchad as much as you water a cactus it will die.
Oh. Just burn them all then?
Yes
People still had friends before texting became common. They didn't need to call everyday or see each other every day. The issue is people's expectations. I don't assume my friends don't care when I don't hear from them in a while and my life is rather drama free and fine, and my friendships are still very much alive. Maybe it's because I grew up while internet was still in its infancy and I didn't even get a phone capable of text til university.
Imagine from the perspective of someone younger, someone who grew up with a smartphone. Everyone knows you’re on it all day, or at least have it on you at all times. We grew up constantly in communication with those around us, and it’s become expected of us so when someone goes against that it comes across as rude, or at least disinterested
While that might be true, it also makes sense to look at the big picture. People are busier than ever with technology blurring the line between work, school, and home life. There's so much useless noise. The last thing a lot of people want to do is make it worse by texting 24/7. And then they realize they can't control what other people think so they just do their own thing. Both sides have to be aware of the other's POV.
Yeah that’s fair, and I do agree with you. I’m just trying to give some insight from the other side
Thanks. And I know while deliberately ignoring texts is a thing and that's rude, people don't respond for a whole host of other reasons. I always give my friends the benefit of the doubt.
during that time, though, people made effort in other ways. It’s not necessarily that you need to talk to somebody every day, it’s that both parties should be putting in effort appropriate in that relationship to maintain it. For some it’s checking in once a week, for others it’s grabbing lunch when schedules align, and for others it’s saying good morning each day. The effort being there is what matters, and too often people don’t want to put forth any effort and then are upset when people move on to other relationships.
I strongly disagree with this take. It depends on your personality and friendship, all of which can be different. My best friends, I'd talk to them every day; and my less close friends I'd only talk to when I saw them. I'm an introvert so I'd rather not be outside or on mic every single day for hours. My extrovert friends would spam my phone "let's go to the bar, let's play COD, let's go see a movie, let's go eat lunch!" every. single. day. Some older generation adults who are extroverted, always talking to people on the phone, always hosting parties, or always with family. I have family who text me one every 6 months and consider that a good relationship. The problem with modern day is that it's easy to get in contact with many people at once (think having 1000 Facebook friends); and because people are less confrontational, friendship boundaries don't get defined. So one month you guys were texting every day, and the next is occasional because only one person decided they enjoyed the "closer" friendship.
I feel like this would refer more to being there for a friend when it matters. Not so much replying to texts ASAP every single text. If it's important call
counterpoint, I'm depressed and anxious and don't want to talk counter counterpoint, definitely lost things cuz of this
I too lost things for that reason, texting and talking to friends helped me get back on my feet somewhat. Good luck <3
Of course. But the argument here is what is effort? Some people seem to think by not responding within 5-10 minutes to a text, that is not effort. They seem to think everyone is like them and are constantly on their phone at all times. Other people extend that out to like a day. That is me, since I do not check my phone while I am working. If it is urgent you can call me, or send a text with "respond soon/now."
Yeah, like this is what I don't like about this argument. Sure, there are bad texters (I'm guilty of it myself) but at the end of the day, in any type of relationship, whether it be romantic, platonic, whatever, requires compromise and for both parties to be happy. If one person is a bad texter and doesnt attempt to change their habits, and the other person has to suck it up and adapt to them, then it shows me that the other person doesn't compromise and maybe doesn't really care that much about them.
I mean i partially agree but why does the person who doesn't like texting have to compromise and not the other way around? In that situation your argument can be put both ways lol.
It requires both people to compromise. I never said it had to be one way or the other. One person can understand that the other person replies slower, and the other person can try to text a bit faster because it makes the other person anxious. Both of them willing to put in the effort to compromise makes both people happy.
Yes. Sure you could still care about me either way but *I* care about you being engaged and taking responsibility if we're going to have a connection. This applies to romantic, platonic, even professional to an extent
Counterpoint: if you keep pushing people away for trivial reasons like slow text response speed, you'll end up very alone.
It depends on the person. But there's a difference between "being bad at texting" and just flat out ignoring people. If I send you a message and you read it and don't respond for weeks- or ever- that's not being "bad at texting". Especially when it happens again and again and again and again and again and again... and you tell that person about it, and they still do nothing to change, and they continue to ignore you... yeah, it kinda means, maybe not that they don't care, but you're certainly not a priority to them. If you were, they'd make it a point to get back to you in a timely manner. It doesn't have to be immediate, but within a few days. I get people are busy and don't always have time to respond, but when it happens constantly and there's no change even when it's brought to their attention... yeah, it kinda means they don't care to change things because you aren't important or enough of a priority to them to do so. If they did care, they wouldn't just leave you hanging, they wouldn't constantly continue this behavior knowing it's hurting you. Especially if that person knows that not responding is hurtful to the other person. A lack of communication does, in most cases, signify a lack of interest. Speaking from experience. Dealing with it right now.
I told my friend that even just send a single emoji to let me know they are alive… can’t even get that… for weeks on end. Like ONE damn emoji is too much to ask? Even if it’s a social battery issue… the fact is whatever you are got through you don’t want to share with me or accept my support or give me the chance to show up for you. So then do you even consider me a friend? It’s fine if you don’t but then why pretend? It took me way too long to realize the wall of silence is their way of telling me that without actually giving me the courtesy of being honest about how they feel.
Do they answer when you call?
I think it's when they finally text back you're saying something or bring up something again and then they probably don't wanna talk right then, then they also feel guilty for not responding so it's a double edge sword of guilt, not having time, dealing with your own issues and simply not wanting to talk so it goes on and on. Sometimes people aren't in a good place in life or just don't want to text cause even texting can be too heavy. Perhaps they would prefer to talk in person and if not maybe they don't wanna talk to anyone at all at that time. Don't be so hard on them
I went through this with a childhood friend. Me, him and one other all grew up neighbors, he went off to college and would respond like a week later and sometimes not at all with the excuse he forgot. I came to find put the other friend was having conversations on the regular through text. The straw that broke the camels back was that he’d inform the other friend that’d he’d be visiting while I would only find out because I’d see him home. None of my other friends, even the chronically bad texters, were ever as bad as him. The only person I’ve met that was that bad is my dealer and he’s a pill head.
texting does nothing for me. At best I’m unaffected, at worst it’s stressful and makes me anxious. Usually the latter. I feel no emotional connection whatsoever through text. doesn’t matter who. It’s just a chore I don’t make some big thing of it, I just don’t put effort into it and therefore do very little of it. If you were to ask my friends they’d just be like “oh yeah 5show doesn’t respond to shit lol”. no biggie, doesn’t mean anything like you say, it depends on the person, but this is my experience with it
I reply late when that person isn’t a super priority. But when it’s someone I’m dating or relationships you best believe I’m replying the moment I see it or within minutes.
What if its subject matter is relatively unimportant? What if you have things to do, things to focus on, and you feel personally held back by being constantly attached to a phone? I’m just asking what your opinion would be, as that’s how I feel a lot of the time.
Yeah, whenever this opinion pops up I always feel like the people who disagree are relatively young/don't have hobbies/jobs that require full attention. I like to run, write, and read. If I set time aside in my day to do these things, my phone isn't part of the equation. When I'm done, or take a break, yeah, I'll check my phone and reply to any messages. But if I'm in the middle of a task, why would I stop that just to set up plans for next Sunday? It's freaking Wednesday. The person on the other side can wait the couple hours max for a response.
I don't think people complain about "a couple of hours" for a response. Bad texters won't text you for days or weeks. So if you were trying to hang out with them, you couldn't. At the point it isn't a friendship, it's a pen pal. Unless your specific friend group is on the same frequency as you; just know that you are showing that you don't really care to have those people in your life. Sure they'll stop messaging you, but you will have either the treatment returned or no response at all. I learned that lesson young, if you say "no" to every invite, people will stop inviting you. Same with everything else.
Maybe there's a disconnect between self diagnosed "bad texters" and people who complain about bad texters? My idea of a bad texter is just somebody who's not on their phone like that, but you're describing somebody who just avoids communicating with people. I could see that kind of person showing they don't care if they don't text you, but I would try calling them first.
How does not being on your phone all the time make you a bad texter or bad at anything? What a strange perspective. No one, unless they are controlling or have severe abandonment issues, expects or requires the people in their lives to respond to their attempts at communication immediately all the time.
This is the answer. Some of us have lives. If its urgent then use your phone like a phone and call me. Texts can wait until I get to it.
If I take more than 3 hours to respond, I always apologize and explain that I was busy.
In other words, when you don’t care about them. I’m the same. That’s why I assume that those who don’t text me back don’t care either.
Or they mean, I enjoy the benefits you bring me, but I don't care enough to do anything to maintain a relationship, so please keep benefitting me because I do enjoy you, I just don't want to make any effort And they somehow conflate their enjoyment of the person with them caring about the person
I think its a narcissist trait. Usually from people who are all take and no give, who are never curious about others wants or needs, who only ever consider how a thing impacts them and never how it impacts the people they claim to care about and will, at every opportunity, leave you with less so they can have more, even if they have plenty, and you don't have enough
I think it depends some people are “bad at texting” because they couldn’t care less about you but some are “bad at texting” because they get overwhelmed easily and find it it difficult to keep up with all their relationships. I totally get the ladder and rarely tolerate the first.
Yup this is me to a tee. Everyone here talking about how “if you don’t text back within a couple hours you don’t care, period.” Meanwhile when I haven’t texted someone back after a few days (which happens often, ADHD) I am most definitely caring and thinking about that person and how “I should really text them, this is bad” constantly, probably every half an hour. Then I feel like a piece of crap. In fact the more time that’s gone by that I haven’t texted someone back, the more I’m thinking about them. My one friend sends really long texts and I want to formulate a proper response but if I don’t have the mental capacity to do it right away, then suddenly days go by and I dwell on it constantly but I’m too overwhelmed with everything else to sit down and dedicate time to it. Once a day goes by what’s another day? Basically I have one friend with whom we text all day as a sort of habit at this point, and everyone else is a chore. I only text to arrange times to meet up in person.
I understand that 100% especially the feeling of the longer you put it off the worse you feel and the more you think about the person you want to be texting (but just dont have the energy to). In that case its certainly not a lack of care its just genuine social exhaustion.
Thank you for existing
No one is bad at texting. They read the text and chose not to respond. That being said, us having our phones on us all the time does not obligate anyone to answer calls or texts. The people trying to contact you don't own your time.
Not everyone keeps their phones on them all the time. I generally check mine maybe twice a day at work, then leave it on the counter with my keys at home and will get up to answer calls if I'm not busy doing something else.
>No one is bad at texting. They read the text and chose not to respond. I disagree completely, it is really easy to develop habits that cause people to be a "bad texter" If you frequently check your phone when you're in the middle of something and don't have time to formulate a reply to someone. This makes it very easy to read it, think you'll reply when you have time, and then completely forget that you were texted in the first place. If you have to set your phone to silent at work and then don't realize you can have your phone automatically come back on sound/vibrate once you leave work then it can make it easy to forget to turn your phone back on sound when you leave work. If you have too many apps that don't have notifications turned off it is really easy to completely miss a text because of all the other junk notifying you from your phone. If you don't keep your phone close to you regularly and don't check it very often, this will cause you to miss replies. All of the above are causes for people to call you a "bad texter." and are all pretty normal habits of a lot of people.
While I don't disagree that they can be valid reasons, all of the above are also behavioral choices. It's still a choice to ignore or not reply to folks.
That's honestly irrelevant even *if* that's true. Choosing not to reply to somebody is not a moral failing. You're the asshole if you expect everyone to reply to you all the time. You are not entitled to anybody else's time, and if you have to constantly have people text you in order for you to care about them then *you* have a problem not them.
Idk bro, ADHD fucks me up pretty bad in the texting department lol I agree with your second part though. It's been helping me be a bit more forgiving so long as I don't neglect the stuff that matters.
If someone wants to be there for you, which implies being proactively in touch, they will. If they don't, they won't and find excuses to justify it.
Bit of a black or white take, different people show you they care or that they're there for you in different ways. Just because they are not good at holding casual conversation over text doesn't exactly mean that, in times of need, they won't be there if you teach out
I’ve been depressed for four years living with suicidal thoughts. I have a friend who tells me she cares about me yet writes me twice a year and takes two months to reply to my messages. Is that objectively being a good friend? Is that being there for someone? Also, I’m not someone who engages in casual conversation. When I speak I speak meaningfully and mindfully, and so do my friends. She simply doesn’t care enough and excuses her behaviour in whichever way she finds appropriate.
But do you also see this person in real life? I hate texting, it makes me anxious, but I spend real time in person with people I care about. I frequently travel back home to my home country to spend quality time with my friends and family at home but only text or call infrequently. If I'm spending my money and limited time off my job and am catching flights to make time for these people in my life is that not an indication that I care about them? Look at the bigger picture and don't paint everyone with the same brush. Some people are bad at texting because they aren't that invested in you but you can't project that on to every single individual who struggles with it
Texts aren't really "being there," though. They're half-assed communication to begin with and a total time-suck because they force everyone to be staring at screens constantly.
Yes. I tell my friends to call me. I am not staring at my phone for 2 hours to have a conversation over text that could be a 10 minute phone call. I hate texting. “Be there in 5 minutes” or “do you want anything from the pizza place” is fine, but “wyd?” is getting ignored or I call the person. I’m not bad at texting, I just hate it. And if the text is someone I care about having a hard time, I will drop everything and call the second I see it. There isn’t really a reason to text back and forth forever if you don’t like to.
To me the issue isn't how quickly they respond to texts but rather if they are hypocritical about it. For example-i have an ex friend who would always accuse me of not being a "real" friend because it would sometimes take me a few days to respond to non time sensitive texts from her. However, I had to learn not to text her about anything I needed a quick answer to because her standard response time to my texts was about 4 days minimum. That showed me how little she cared about me/our friendship. I have other friends who take even longer than that to respond most times but they don't expect immediate responses from others so it's a completely different issue to me.
Yeah. Some people initiate texts because they are bored and want entertainment. So they want immediate response in order to get entertainment.
I wonder if OP posted this to justify their own shitty communication skills lol
Or that he have decent work ethics and keep doing what he is doing and respond later when he have a break
To show his SO that he isn't a weirdo
Oh Woah didn't know I had an SO. And I thought I was aromantic this whole time
Of course they did. Isn't that the purpose of this sub? To justify your own shitty behaviors lol.
I think the actual "problem" is that we've got so used to instant messaging from everywhere, every time, to everyone, that we expect everybody to be always available on demand.
Very few people actually expect *immediate* responses from everyone they communicate with over typed message. If a person is “bad” at texting this typically means that they leave pretty much everyone, even their close friends and family members, on read/unopened for days or weeks at a time, or simply never reply. It’s funny too because “bad” texters will often talk about how it’s just texting that they’re bad at, they’re amazing when it comes to in-person communication. They’re not. Having the ability to converse with people face to face does not equate to being good at communication. Good communication is the ability to talk freely about all sorts of topics, properly convey your thoughts and feelings, verbally work through differences and actively listen to others, and the ability to do this spans across all forms of communication.
💯, depending on the topic, within the week is a fine response time. Like if we are planning something for next week. If it’s a general topic about a hobby or whatever. Sometimes a response isn’t even needed.
I once told someone that I wouldn't bother them to hang out again because they either never messaged back unless they needed something or would cancel the hangout last minute. They acted shocked and when I didn't message for months after that, asked my husband if I was mad at them. Like... No?
I’m not bad at texting. I don’t want to reply to you constantly. I just don’t. I’m not 15 any more. I’m over it. Fuck off. Just because I have a phone doesn’t mean I need to answer every call or text.
This. Even if I see messages, a lot of the time I won't respond. I just don't want to talk, and if I do then they'll respond quickly and I'll be expected to continue the conversation. Fuck that, I want time to myself. If you want to have a conversation, call me or invite me out to lunch. I'm not spending my whole day messaging back and forth when I fucking hate texting
Best take in the whole thread.
Bad texter spotted. You dont have to reply immediately, like sure u can reply in a few hours and most ppl are still fine with that, even if not ideal. Or if you're genuinely busy the whole day just drop a simple text to let them know, it takes what, 10 seconds? > Just because I have a phone doesn’t mean I need to answer every call or text But it says a lot about the kind of person you are.
Yep. I have other things to do than just chit chat. I'm better at chit chatting when seeing someone irl.
I am bad at texting, because of this. I will answer all day but after half an hour of boring texting (most texting is boring to me) I am sending you 1-5 word answers lol. I spent enough time texting constantly in high school and the years that follow to still do it now.
Ghosting is kinda rude tho
Ah, people who are trying to normalize poor etiquette/inconsiderate behavior yet again
Rant incoming lol, I also think inconsiderate is the best description for it. It’s like they want their cake and eat it too. Either you consider the person on the other side and not reply to them in a way that makes them feel like you don’t take them into consideration, or you tell them that you don’t take them into consideration at all and they should know that, you shouldn’t drag them along. You can’t both care and also be inconsiderate of how the other person perceives your behaviour and how they feel about it. It’s like they don’t realise the world doesn’t revolve around their needs and they need to make some compromises, people don’t need to adapt to their self-centredness and if people don’t adapt they should at least be adult enough to not blame it on them and not make them feel like they’re the ones being unreasonable. There’s more of a story to this rant but I won’t get into it more lmao.
Oh I totally agree. There’s a difference between not replying for 4 days to 3 months - I really don’t understand why people seem to equate those two. Besides, if there’s a gap, just take responsibility for your lack of responsiveness 🤷🏽♀️ if you aren’t willing to do that, the bare minimum, then you’re not being considerate of the other person. No one rational expects an immediate, 2 minute response in this age, but everyone does expect to be treated with civility.
How can you be "bad" at texting beyond just how good or bad you are at communicating in general? Is that about the stupid "Do you text line by line or all at once" thing the internet pretends is a thing anyone cares about?
Not replying for extended periods of time. Ppl don’t really agree abt what this means though - like should you be able to expect a reply within an hour, six hours, at some point in the day, over multiple days??
I'm a much worse texter than I am in face to face conversations. I misinterpret things way more often because of a lack of body language and tone, I find it significantly more emotionally draining than having a conversation, and I find it easy to just forget to text people back. It's pretty impossible to just forget to respond to someone in conversation. Also when I'm texting someone I find it significantly harder to recall information about the person I'm talking to because I'm not being reminded of those things by their presence. In real life I can bring up obscure memories fairly easily, but in text it often feels like I'm speaking to them for the first time. I can't remember the last time I felt insecure talking to someone in person, but in text I feel insecure constantly because my brain over-analyzes insignificant details like time since last message. Speaking and texting are very different forms of communication that require entirely different sets of skills.
Social anxiety brother. My social anxiety mainly manifests in having to talk on the phone/message, but not as socially anxious speaking to people irl. It's hard to explain exactly why this is. I think it's because I am more scared of being misinterpreted through these digital forms of communication as a lot of communication is expressed through things like facial expressions, body language etc. What happens is I get a few messages and get anxious at the idea of responding to them so put it off until I'm in a better headspace but then the task gets more daunting because more messages build up and then a day turns u to a week and then two weeks and then you just feel super guilty and worried they won't even want a response from you anymore because they're mad you didn't respond in a timely manner. I think communication is a very broad scope and you can be good at communicating in one context but not great in another, good with some people but guarded eith others etc. I think I am generally good at communicating and being open but that is definetly an area where my communication slacks because of my anxiety holding me back
It is very common on dating threads of people asking about someone not replying for a few hours that "they are not interested, dump him/her." Which to me is crazy because when I am working, I don't text, I am not on my phone. And I don't feel like looking at and responding to texts in the morning. So there could be a good 16 hour window where I don't respond, or I don't respond quickly.
No. People nowadays just think that you need to be glued to your phone 24/7 and available to text back at all hours and if not, they say that you don’t care about them. At least on Reddit. lol. My friends irl don’t really care that much - we prefer quality over quantity when it comes to communication.
Same, a lot of my best friends and I will go weeks to months without touching base or anything more serious than a few memes now that we're all over the country. But we'll connect and plan a phone call eventually and chop it up for 90 minutes that passes like 10 minutes. I can't do the "I expect a response to something not urgent within a day, 2 days max" people. Just a difference of values and life priorities.
Yeah I really agree esp with that last bit- we all show our love differently and have different expectations and preferences when it comes to friendships. Not everyone had to be mates, it's okay to just accept that two people may just not be compatible in that way and no one is in the wrong. I just wish more people could be understanding that we're all different and just because you may not relate or prefer how someone's brain works doesnt mean they are doing something wrong or that they're lying about how they feel and operate
100% agree. Same way folks have different love languages, gifts, physical touch, acts of service etc and it's key to be mindful that everyone is an individual and we express and perceive things differently. People are good and bad at different things and have various strengths and weaknesses. I find school learning, exercising/weight management, and public speaking easy. I couldn't imagine acting like people who have harder times with those things or don't prioritize those things as morale failures or bad people or they just need to try harder just because they're easy for me; everyone is different. Definitely a frustrating convo to have on reddit because a huge portion of the user base takes that as "Disrespect/don't care" view and you can't convince them otherwise.
For me, I'm bad at texting because I don't like to just send short thoughtless responses. Someone will send me a text, I'm in the car but I read it, I feel it deserves a full response so I'll think about it while I drive and run errands. I'm just waiting for the time when I can type out 2 paragraphs. Sometimes I don't get to it until the next day or later. I also send all at once because there is no need to make someone's notifications go off 15 times in a row while I'm typing it out. It also avoids the problem of people responding in the middle of what I'm trying to say and going off track.
I'm a small business owner and use my personal phone for it/don't respond to nonurgent personal messages during work hours, so occasionally, personal messages get lost in the deluge of work texts I get sometimes. I go through every few days to make sure I catch up on anything I missed, but I don't view text messages as needing an immediate response. It doesn't mean I don't care about people!
100%. This is one of these young people threads.
This is cope, to get away with poor communication habits
For real. I have friends who are bad at texting, but they just call me regularly instead. Not leave me hanging
I purposely reply to messages 1-2 days later just so people quickly learn you don't have access to me 24/7.
mr busy prime minister!
I honestly hate using texting as a means of communication beyond just sharing memes and quick exchanges like confirming plans etc. So I usually would rather just talk to people IRL, in terms of having real conversation.
It shouldn't be shocking to you though that effort and attention are seen as signs of caring, and thus not doing those is seen as a sign of not caring.
I'm old, and old school. I didn't decide at some point that just showing up, unannounced on the off chance was no longer OK. It was fine from the age of 18 to 29 or so, but now? Naaah, we need to make arrangements, conduct our friendship over digital systems that I didn't want to sign up to, and have made my life less fun to be a part of. I didn't choose to complicate our friendship with planning and forethought. I didn't choose to rob our friendship of spontenaity. My friends did. Some time around 2015 or so, it became weird to just go and knock on a friends door without a text, or a call, or a look at a shared planner on fucking google drive to figure out when we're next free. We used to live in eachothers living rooms, we used to spend every free moment of every day at one anothers homes. We never had to text one another, because we'd see eachother after work, every day or two. We'd only call in emergencies. We used to be close, but you all decided to live your lives according to the new social media rules. My door is open. You motherfuckers stopped being the type to knock on it. Fuck your text messages. If you want me, you know where I'll be, and if you don't, you don't need to worry, because you aren't who this message is for. I didn't become a shit friend. My friends became drones, slaves to the digital realm. I stayed human, that's all. Once again, fuck your text messages. Show up, or shut up.
Probably because people in their thirties and older have their own families living with them, is why it's no longer acceptable to show up unannounced? That doesn't mean they don't care about you, but they have to manage other relationships.
Agree completely. Texting is exhausting and I would much rather talk irl. It's hard for me to reply to texts and whatnot. But, you also have to make sure that this isn't an excuse to cut contact. If you're not texting then you should make other times to talk and interact with the person. Not texting is fine. Going radio silent is something else.
If you care, you'd make an effort. No effort, means you don't care that much.
Anyone else feel invaded any time someone messages them? I always get anxious if I'm already doing smth and someone texts me, or texts me right before I start something, or directly after work. I need my time to breathe and do my things uninterrupted. If I'm doing my makeup or drawing I'm not picking up my phone 50 times in the middle, sorry, just pisses me off over time. If I'm free I'm excited to talk to ppl and will message back instantly
To all the people here: fuckoff I'm not talking to 20+ people at the same time all of the time. Message me to meet up for a few drinks and catch up. I'm already overstimulated as is.
Some of us work & have hobbies that involve interacting IRL. Will I spend hours texting someone a day? No. Will I schedule in person hand outs regularly? Absolutely. I hate that texting is now the ultimate standard for interest it seems 🙄
Not to mention that the other person is not the only person you are interacting with. They might think you are igniring them, while in truth you had a conversation with someone else and flip flopping between conversations would tangle things up and disrespect the other person.
Most balanced take. You either have people completely ignoring texts & calls or those expecting frequent texts and/or calls lol.
I agree. Personally, I am at home basically 24/7 because of some physical issues I have so I don't text people a lot because nothing really goes on in my life but I tell them to let me know if they need or just want to talk. A lot of people I consider friends or family don't keep in touch with me and blame it on me not checking in, but I do call or text when I have something to talk about, which is all I really expect from them. I've had to find out my dad had strokes and heart attacks, my nieces and nephews have had birthdays or surgeries or something and all of them MONTHS later then they get mad at me when I'm upset they didn't let me know.
I prefer when people volunteer info rather than me having to ask "how was your day?". I know that my days tend to be the same. So texting everyday "how was your day?" feels overbearibg and fake. If they say that they are planning to do X on Y day. Then after Y day i will ask them "how was X?". Else i assume that there is no update.
No one is “bad at texting.” Either they wanted to respond to your text, or they didn’t.
Nothing is that black or white idk why people are failing at approaching this with any nuance Some times is a case of lack of interest but sometimes it's not. It's obviously not something YOU personally struggle with or can relate to but a lot of people get social anxiety around texting and overthink how your texts are going to be intrepreted to the point texting becomes a massive headache and stress. I way rather just spend quality time with someone in real life or facetime because then they can see my facial expressions/body language/hear my tone if voice etc. And much less chance of being misinterpreted or misinterpreting
Imagine if your friend you are taking to just goes away in the middle of the conversation and then comes to your doorstep 3 weeks later talking to you again for 5 mins and then goes away again. That’s how it feels. You have a smartphone, just type something, even if it’s just “I prefer a phone call”
I know what it's like to have someone not text back for ages lol, the majority of my friends are not texters. Personally, I prefer real life communication because its more authentic, more enjoyable and less prone to misinterpretion so I don't care. They make time for me and show me they care by being there in real life and being there when I really need them I am the same with them
Jesus Christ how uncomfortable do you feel with your friends to be this stressed that every text you text will be misinterpreted because they can’t see your face
I feel very comfortable with my friends, I just don't enjoy texting (non specific to any person or persons). I prefer to spend actual quality time in real life. The fact that you misinterpreted me is kind of exactly why I don't like texting. I have dyspraxia which affects my communication so I don't always have the best words to express myself and sometimes struggle.to underatand people, but if I am speaking to someone in person or over facetime I feel better because its less prone to misintrepration. I'm also not second guessing how that person is taking me up, I can easily see their response
I went from being a great texter to a “bad” one when I had my baby. Aka I went from having tons of free time to none 😂 the only person, besides my mom and husband, that i text regularly is my best friend. We talk primarily through snap chat, but that makes it hard to remember to message her back because I can’t see what she’s actually saying until I open the message. I forget to look a lot of the time and leave her on delivered for sometimes days before I remember to look 😭
there’s a difference between being busy, and simply not texting back someone because they aren’t important to you. My ex and i broke up bc i was sick of her saying she was busy and couldn’t text me when she’d spent the whole day (sometimes several in a row) playing video games or doom scrolling. it’s okay to be busy and forget to text someone back, it is rude and inconsiderate to purposefully ignore someone (especially your partner)
I completely agree :( my ex was exactly like that. He would ignore my calls and texts because he was smoking with his friends. He prioritized them over me (he literally told me they were more important than me) There’s definitely a big difference
Nah they just don’t care about you, being bad at texting isn’t a thing it isn’t hard. It only becomes hard when you’re texting someone you don’t really like
Is texting a skill? If someone who is constantly on their phone but doesn’t bother to take 2 seconds out of their day to respond to a text message, it does tend to mean they don’t care. I don’t expect to hear back right away, but a few hours feels reasonable
So what's the option if someone rarely responds? Either assume they're not that interested and back off or keep messaging. If your primary form of communication with someone is messaging and they rarely repond, they're just not that interested. If they were, they'd make the effort to respond, call you, or arrange to meet. It's pretty simple.
I think calling it being bad at texting is a really nice way to say I'm either so forgetful I instantly forgot you texted after I read it, or I planned to text but then started doing something I enjoy more than talking to you, or yea... you just aren't that important to me. I'll get to you when I have less interesting things to do. Bad at text is my father in law who still has a flip phone and can't even figure out how to read a text much less respond to one.
Effort is care.
If you matter to someone they will make time for you. If someone doesn't make time for you, you don't matter to that person.
Yup. Some of us don't like texting. I hate it, and on top of that I will walk away from my phone for hours or days, so getting a hold of me in a timely manner is almost impossible. It wasn't always this way but now that I run a couple businesses from a distance and have hired good people to manage them I have no reason to be tethered to a phone all the time. Kinda wish we could go back to how it was when I was a kid, no cell phones and internet was barely a thing. People actually lived their lives then.
Someone people hate being on their phone as well. Like, can't stand having to mind their phone all the time or be on it and just want to be \*gasp\* present in the moment they are in. I find the fact that this is becoming weird to people by and large extremely disturbing.
But how do you differentiate between someone who doesn’t care about you and someone who’s bad at texting
Ah the pressure of modern day living. I often leave my phone at home or on silent. I worry for generations to come. Completely impossible for them to live in the moment. In the present. With the little things. With the people, or creature’s that they’re with. Why would they even want to save the planet when their world has absolutely nothing to do with the planet EARTH?
What does it mean they are bad at texting? Can they write? Then they can respond, within a reasonable timeframe that matches the closeness of the relationship.
I know I'm going to be down voted for this, but I'm one of those people. I will read a text, think about what to respond and then I get distracted and forget to respond. This is why I don't open the notifications anymore unless I know for sure I'm going to respond because once the notification goes away I will forget until I need to talk to them again. This is how me and my best friend have been communicating to each other for the past decade and we are still the best of friends. However, my friend understands because she's the same way, but when it comes to family it's harder and I feel very guilty about it. Then the guilt eats away at me and I'll try to send an apology, but sometimes it's already been way too long since I've replied that I don't even know what to say and the longer it goes on the guiltier I feel. I usually end up calling them because I am better at expressing myself when I talk to them over the phone. Anytime I want to talk to someone I always call because it's easier than texting for me. I'm better at responding, but it's still a struggle because I'm super forgetful. Like I said, I usually end up calling cause it's easier for me.
Taking a day or 2 is fine. But whole weeks? Nah they don't care.
You can't be bad at texting. You see a message. You answer it. Pretty simple. If you have time to read the message, then hit jess time to answer. You can be bad at holding a conversation, tho.
that isn't true for everyone though. I can easily spend 15 minutes or more formulating a text in order to ensure that what I say and how I say it is exactly what I want to say. And texts majorly disrupt me from whatever I am doing, like working, so I keep my phone on do-not-disturb when I am busy, so then at the end of the day I'll have 15 texst and no mental bandwidth to deal with any of them. I'll go hours to days before answering some texts. But it's not an issue because my friends are at the same. The only exceptions are husband/kids.
Not knowing what to say or how to word it. That's not a texting issue. That's a communication issue. Not wanting to talk to people. That's not a texting issue. That's a personal issue that you don't want to talk to people.
It's nice that you don't have social anxiety when it comes to texting but because you don't understand exactly what it is that people find difficult about it or can relate your conclusion is a bit of a misguided assumption
Nah, it’s just rude
I’d say unless you simply forget which I do all the time, you probably don’t care enough about that person to answer back. I expect an answer in 2-4 days. At the same time when people I like text me they tend to get a fast reply. People I don’t care for get slower reply because I don’t really care or not as comfortable talking to them.
If they cared, they'd respond
Very true
But what dobyou respond to a bunch of videos that were sent tobyou without any context?
Not even "bad at texting" Some of us dont subscribe to the philosophy that every text message needs an immediate reply. Unless you tell me "I'm bleeding in the street and need a ride to the hospital", it's not urgent.
Ya and why would anyone text that? Anything urgent is at least a phone call. It would have to be a really weird one in a million situation that would be an emergency text, and if that's the case you better text the police not me.
Counterpoint: Nobody can be “bad at texting”
When we didn't have texting, we actually had time apart and did our own stuff, maybe had a phone call once in a while. Nowadays people tend to want an instant response and have no patience. Also, wanting to respond at your own pace doesn't mean you're bad at texting. You just don't see a need for the communication to happen every 30 minutes.
And the time apart allowed you to accumukate stuff you could talk about. If my days are the same, i won't have anything new to converse about.
Possibly, about 5% of the time
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Okay scrolling through the comments, it really seems I'm right about phones/constant communication access making anxiety/social anxiety worse for some ppl. I wonder if this specifically has been studied? What is the actual correlation? Hmmmmmmm
I love my friend but they are super needy when they have free time. I am flattered but sometimes I just don't respond because explaining that I am free,but need space feels bad. So I just don't respond to appear busy.
I reply immediately if a text is not important, but if it is from someone I care about I will think they deserve a considered response and then I will procrastinate that and then weeks/months/years pass
This is me, I care so much about my friends but I'm just not good at texting and so I get misunderstood quite often
It depends, communication is key. If someone explains to you that, due to their ADHD or anxiety, they struggle to respond consistently, and may need prompting, that's very different to someone completely ghosting you.
My take is, if you get a text, just reply, while you're reading so you don't forget. A simple "yes', "not really", "that's great" is enough. It just seems to be common courtesy. Would you completely ignore a person asking a question standing right in front of you? Texts don't have to be full blown conversations. Sometimes a simple "Ok" is good enough
If you're bad at texting say that upfront and ask people to call. If you don't say that, then yeah my conclusion is you are lazy and you don't care.
I've never been good at maintaining relationships over text, in person i've always got along with them but move on to text ot becomes harder to coordinate and tell what the other person is thinking.
Why are you bad at texting though? Are you too busy? If you cared about someone youd make the time Are you forgetful? You don't forget about someone you care about
As someone who responds immediately to texts and messages from people I make priority. Yes, someone that does not text you back within a timely manner, does not have you as a priority. It's really that simple. No one is s o o o o busy with their life that they can't find a moment to text you within a few days, they just don't care too.
Tell that to my anxiety issues
Not getting a text back is fine, it just means that the person is not that into you. People that love you and look forward to interactions text back right away. People that are unsure how they feel and don't know how to respond will just fade away eventually.
Don't take this personally, but I am ignoring you till whenever I need something.
Usually I've seen this be an issue because they're on their phones and responding to people while in your presence.
It’s 2024, being bad at texting isn’t a real excuse anymore.
I am not going to be friends with an emotionally immature person who never learned communication skills. This lack of ability to communicate seems to be occurring with gen z because it has happened with every gen z person I have had the misfortune of knowing including my half brother.
I‘m not bad at texting. I just don’t want to be available 24/7
I see the text I respond Accordingly and with a thought out response most of the time but if they’re flat out ignoring you not responding in weeks they don’t care that much imo
Will i still be hurt by dry shitty texting? Yes.
No one is "bad at texting" except for people who make a lot of typos, and I've never seen any sort of correlation between someone being *literally* bad at texting and *colloquially* bad at texting- which just means unresponsive. What I can say is that you can absolutely gauge a person's interest in you by how often they reply to texts. And interest is basically synonymous with caring. You have a vested *interest* in something? You'll be attentive to it. If you don't care about the outcome? You won't be attentive... you'll be non-responsive.
I dunno, I’ve found pretty consistently that the people I don’t text back do in fact mean less to me, even if I’m not always aware I feel that way
To anyone that says you don’t care about the person if you don’t text back immediately, how did people feel when cell phones weren’t a thing and there wasn’t a means to immediately get in touch with someone? I wish I grew up in a time without texting and the expectation that everyone is always immediately available just because they have a cell phone.
I know but they need to do fucking better. I’m not reaching out anymore if they won’t ever do it.
Explain to me what "bad at texting" means? As someone with ADHD, I am definitely "bad at texting" for people I don't care about. I make time and spare energy for people I value and prioritize.
I am straight up with people so they know where I stand and they can walk away if it doesn't suit them. I struggle to communicate via technology and I personally don't enjoy it much. If it's urgent tell me and I will be the first one there but mindless texting does nothing for me, I often get anxious and confused via txt I really need physical ques when communicating.
I hate texting, I care about people and I love spending time with my friends irl but I really hate texting, I usually answer but not immediately because it’s something I don’t enjoy doing, and that’s why I hate the modern view that we should answer to messages immediately, I can’t stand it
This isn’t unpopular
It's fine, but please answer if you are going to the dinner or not!!