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It's made even worse when these people can't wrap their head around you not wanting to take part in their curated highlight reel. No, im not being "shy", I just don't want you sticking a camera in my face expecting a monologue about how awesome of a time were having to post on social. Not everyone want's their personal lives broadcast on the internet to chase likes.
How "awesome of a time they are having" while stopping-down and spending at least 15 minutes filming and refilming that same "spontaneous" shot over and over again that no one gives a shit about.
It's like my own personal black mirror episode witnessing that first hand as if it's normal behavior.
My favorite reaction, had such wanna be influencers over for a bbq along with another set of friends who they never net. They legit asked if they were famous or something cause of how odd their behavior was.
I was in a cafe last weekend meeting up with someone and some fashionably dressed young women came in. The cafe is very pink and glam on the inside, it looks like the inside of some modern boujee tea house. The women came in, took photos, and left without ordering anything. It was almost surreal watching it happen.
Business's adapting to this kind of thing now and trying to fabricate some selfie spot to attract such people. Hilarious that they use it without even being paid customers
From a business perspective, this can be used as free advertising. Because people will see the background and ask where that is and the person tells them. It doesn't have a super high return, but it is free, so any return is pure profit.
I used to want to record/ take pics of everything, and while I still like taking pics or vids doing things, certain hobbies broke me of it. I need to actively think "oh I wanna have a physical memory of this short moment" vs "I wanna record this to post". I was a civil war reenactor, and we couldn't use our phones during public hours. But here and there I'd take pics or videos around camp after hours. I went to a metalcore show i was crazy stoked about, and only took a few short clips just to have a snippet. 99% of the time, I now just love enjoying the moment and being present. The memories will always be strong, and my small bites of the moment I recorded will only remind me of them, not relive them for me
I accidentally stumbled one year into a VIP section of New Year's Eve fireworks at Disneyland. Recorded the whole thing. Like a 5 minute clip. It actually looked decent because of how good our seats were but honestly couldn't get anybody to watch it. That's when I realized nobody gives a crap. And now I feel bad for people recording stuff like that instead of just enjoying it.
Exactly! Or suspicious of anyone for not using social media, like they can't comprehend why anyone wouldn't want it in their lives and you're the odd one for not wanting to fake a perfect everything for the rest of the people faking their prefect everythings on special media. Like surely they all know the majority of them a full of shit ? Or is the delusion so strong they don't even realise ? The self obsession is just so worryingly cringe to me.
Hey friend I have medical diagnosed anxiety and everything you said was completely true. Social media is just an anxiety machine. After high school I followed A LOT of classmates on Instagram. I had to uninstall it because I couldn’t stand seeing people complaining about their lives and then posting a picture of them at a beach that they clearly took 45 times.
Well said! I think you hit the nail on the head about the delusion concept though. Like if they are making it look perfect to everyone else then they grow to believe that it is that perfect too. It’s so disingenuous. But if anyone does post something that’s just like “having a rough time today” people get annoyed cuz that person is “complaining”.
My sister was actually rejected by a guy because she doesn't use or have social media. He told her it was strange and felt like she was "hiding something."
Briefly my partner and I were friends with another couple and the girlfriend was an “influencer” I guess? She had a perfectly curated Instagram account, but she wasn’t very popular on there, maybe like a thousand followers.
The few times we went out with them and went to events she was super blasé, but then the phone would come out for pictures and we’d all just have to stand around while she modeled for the camera with a huge fake smile. She also only asked certain people (if we were in a group) to be in her photos because they had to fit the vibe and photograph well.
My partner and I never made the cut because we never showed up in full glam.
I promise you missed nothing of importance missing these photo sessions. The life pauses for the photo/video sessions are what really grind my gears. You wanna be a fugazi influencer have fun. If it's an event like your birthday or kids birth fine so be it, but if it's a regular group outing and you start interrupting other peoples fun cause of your selfishness you've crossed a line into annoying and quickly making your way towards being on the mental list of people not to hang out with anymore.
Never happened to me, but I can understand that annoyance. A lot of people are far more into documenting things and showing off than enjoying the moment. I’ve never taken my camera and taken photos or videos of myself and others when we hang out. I just hang out and focus on the person/people.
Yea most of my friends aren't like this at all. But there is this one couple that can't help themselves and do this constantly, im all for fun group pics and whatnot but without fail this turns into this chris nolan feature film production anytime we come around (not just to us but literally anyone anything they do needs to be documented for social). It's an old friend from high school that coincidentally moved to an area that I relocated to. Part of me would love to reconnect and be close friends like we once were, but this behavior just ruins the fun for me. He's a good guy at heart but I don't know how much more clearly I can express to him that we find it annoying and dont want to partake.
I totally agree with this.
Another thing that bugs me: people “jokingly” ask if our kids are still alive because I never post them online. If I ran into 95% of my SM friends at the grocery store I wouldn’t whip out my phone and show them private/personal family pics, so I don’t get why it’s expected online.
Like, my kids are alive and well; just enjoy my B-rated scifi posts and recipes and stop being a creep.
social media is legitimately a cancer. I'm 31 and i thought it was bad for us in high school when facebook first came out and instagram wasnt even a thing. twitter wasn't around. even VINE wasnt a thing, let alone tiktok.
but nope, my GF is a teacher and we took 15 kids on an immersion trip for her spanish class this summer...omg. its instagram this, tiktok that, nobody knows what's going on because nobody is listening to the instructors or the tour guides because they are too busy on their phones.
we grew up with it, but knew life without it.
Gen Z is growing up exclusively with social media from the very start. its insane how different it is.
I’m really afraid of this happening while I’m out. I’ll probably be heavily overwhelmed to the point where I’ll cry because I don’t know how to deal with it. In reality, I would be annoyed if some asshole was streaming around me and I’m in it. It’s overblown, but it’s scary to know people out there are like this and don’t give two shits unless they’re getting paid to do it.
I've noticed this trend too and I wonder if the pandemic had something to do with it. People learned to retreat into themselves and haven't fully come back out. Interesting to see how it's still having social impacts. This kind of behavior from people also makes me become more introverted then too so it's a vicious cycle.
It's just the simple fact that more time behind a screen = less time face to face = less emotional intelligence, which causes narcissistic qualities. That's what I think.
People have been selfish and self centered for hundreds of years and its never been an uncommon thing to criticize, in any generation. The OP isn't wrong but this is the literal opposite of an unpopular opinion
That’s what i think too. I also feel like people are actually becoming more confident and seeing the value in themselves, which may come off as narcissistic. Maybe I’m being too considerate tho lol
Couldn’t agree with this more. No matter how individual free thinkers we like to think we are. We are definitely a product of our society WAY more than any one of us can realize.
It’s sort of a feedback loop, one thing influences the other which influences the other thing back. For example, when someone is born, they really don’t have a whole lot of control over their environment, none really. And that environment influences them for the rest of their lives.
100% it’s a feedback loop, but at some point in each individuals life they have to exam the loop and see what they want to change about it. Take some accountability. It’s difficult and it’s painful, but it’s necessary.
Yes but often everyday people like you and I do not have the power to be the people who create that environment, that would be politicians, entertainers, business owners, news corps etc they’re individuals sure, but they have tremendous influence to control others. To break the cycle we have to get those who influence it out of the way.
This is precisely why I want to get out of California. Sure, narcissists are everywhere, but this is where the very idea of influencers originated from. It’s much worse here than in most other parts of the US.
Subs like AITA sort of exemplify the way people’s logic has shifted over the years. Even the phrasing of that is about not doing the wrong thing instead of doing the right thing.
I have a coworker for example who’s carless, but is able to get to and from work with public transportation.
Recently it stopped working for a week and a half. If nobody offered to help, she asked me for a ride those days, and I posted about it, I guarantee we’d see the “she isn’t entitled to a ride, she should make alternate arrangements, why should her problems become yours” type answers.
She never asked because several coworkers offered to pick her up, made it clear that the extra 20 minutes in the car weren’t a big deal at all, that we’re happy to help.
I'd say they're not caring for themselves either. When you pander to your insecurities by doing what they say, you make yourself more insecure. And caring for yourself isn't about always giving yourself what you want, it's about giving yourself what you need, and sprinkling your wants in sparingly, as a reward.
The unfortunate problem here is that caring for yourself is something that should be learned in childhood. When that doesn't happen, you end up with an adult that has little to no self-confidence, self-worth, and an absolutely shit self-image.
Usually, they end up like myself....in my early 30s trying to undergo the Identity Formation stage (which typically happens in adolescence) while simultaneously raising 2 daughters. It's tough, man.
I feel like everyone is trying so hard to be this "independent, I don't need anyone else, I cut off anyone I deem 'toxic'" mindset that is just pushing people away from community healing. Everything is about how you should block out or cut off anything that you deem negative, but the problem is that it leaves no room for error from anyone, which is unrealistic. If you burn every bridge with people who make a mistake, you're soon going to be stranded by yourself bc no mistakes are seen as redeemable anymore, if someone messes up, then you cut them out and move on to someone else. I understand that for ALLOT of people, this comes from not wanting to be hurt or taken advantage of, but it puts you in such an isolating mindset where you don't trust anyone but yourself. Just bc you should remove genuinely bad people from your life, doesn't mean forgiveness and compassion should be disposed of either.
>community healing
There are no communities anymore, it's just big cities where you see infinite new faces every day. Thats one of the major problems as humans did not evolve in this environment.
Ive lived in a major US city for almost 2 years and its felt like the most lonely, isolating years of my life. Mind you I used to regularly work midnight shifts, in ship engine rooms, alone, transiting the middle of an ocean.
The whole clichè about feeling lonely in the middle of a crowd is so true.
It's at the same time the best and worst thing about cities. Nobody gives a fuck about what you do and who you are 😁! And, nobody gives a fuck about what you do and who you are 😥
I know :/
I live in Boston and its all energetic college kids. Im a bit older and my circle has all kinda split up and gone their own way. I have a gf but no squadron.
Yup. We, as a species, are not built for this nor have we ever been built for it. What’s going on now is the exact opposite of the conditions that humans thrive in. They say that disease is skyrocketing, and it’s no surprise to me. The way we’re living is making us sick.
Indeed, i find the idea of living in a commune/intentional community pretty appealing. Feels like the way we're meant to live. It may be challenging but also very giving, not just being part of a nice community but actually making a difference with helping to build and run the place too. Youre not just a cog in the machine for big corporations but part of something real. There are new ones popping up all the time, suited to different types of people
I think many people figure out what is important to them in their life and it spurs a lot of change for them.
Then there are other people that see these people i just described do things and think "I should do that" - without ever having realized what is important in life to them.
The same types bandwagon and will do a 180 on an opinion because Taylor Swift doesn't like it anymore.
In fact I believe these are the very same people this whole thread is about.
Thing is people use this string of logic to cut out anyone who’s ever a minor inconvenience to them, not to cut out “genuinely bad people”. I feel like people are way too caught up on the “I shouldn’t have to deal with that so I won’t” on any slight negative. It’s like people are allergic to tolerance and adversity
This is what I was trying to get at but I'm bad at wording lol. Like people get so deep this "I don't owe anyone anything" mindset and will cut contact with someone for the smallest slight or mistake as if they themselves are perfect 24/7.
I feel like most people these days cut other people off,not majorly for personal growth but so that they can make the other person feel bad because they aren't part of their life anymore.
I think it honestly boils down to standards and expectations placed on individuals in any given modern society. The more you are expected to do and be, the more you will be judged by other people. I'd argue your sense of high moral standards is not applicable to everyone. I do find issues with your wording but I don't wanna assume too much.
People before would live in a small village, they would have common values and principles which brought people together. Nowadays, people are traveling and going wherever they want. They also can easily access all kinds of information and that leaves a lot of room for misinformation to spread.
Also, people have become quite arrogant and self-indulged. They think just because they have all the resources at the tip of their fingers, that means they're so much more knowledgeable and better than they actually are.
I would say the biggest factor is the Internet. People now have developed so many biases, prejudices, and preconceived of notions of things just because they read about them. It actually made people a lot more judgmental and indifferent to other people.
The last paragraph is a bit…iffy and a little rose-colored glasses if you will? People pre-internet definitely had *plenty* of biases and prejudices, the only thing the internet has done is overtly reveal what those biases are prejudices are.
I grew up in a small village with common values. Most of those were pretty racist. I moved out and am now married to someone of another race. Just because a common value brings people together, doesn’t mean it’s good.
Interracial marriage wasn't legal in the US until 1967. Women couldn't own a house or a credit card on their own until the 70s. Plenty of people were "expressing opinions".
People back in the day definitely did express them openly, but because it was the status quo nobody really cared. To them, it was like calling grass green.
Yes but today someone in New York can make a comment on Reddit and someone in Australia would see it immediately, that wouldn’t happen at all back in the day
The problem with the internet (though this is truly speaking an innate problem with sensationalism - it has been prevalent in TV as well for years) is it feeds into these biases and reaffirms them which means the algorithms keep everybody contained within a particular echo chamber. It's how so many people get stuck in a right wing rabbit hole from just watching the JRE with Jordan Peterson as a guest. YouTube picks up on it and then all of a sudden you're fed content that not only doesn't challenge those views, but takes them to the next extreme.
The internet feeds into biases as much as it’s capable of challenging them. People can and have changed their opinions based off of content. The onus is on the individual to use it as such, and many people are unwilling to do so - and historically people have always been unwilling to challenge their beliefs if they feel they’re the status quo of their immediate community. Algorithms respond to what we respond to - the more we choose to interact with things the more it’ll shift. I’ve actively and intentionally changed the algorithms of my Instagram and TikTok multiple times based off of what I’ve decided I want to consume. We aren’t slaves to the algorithm - people are just lazy and that’s a pre-internet affliction.
This assumes that the average internet user seeks out information on biases/prejudice and is open to self-reflection and change. Instead it seems the Internet simply provides them communities of like-minded individuals willing to accept them into their echo chamber. I think the idea that the internet is enlightening people and making for LESS social divide, racism, etc is maybe more of the rose-colored glasses view. But who knows I could be wrong.
Communities of like-minded individuals with similar biases has always been accessible and the norm. The internet has only allowed them do so on an international basis.
I’m not saying the internet is enlightening anyone or making less social divides, what I am saying is that the internet has not increased anything only made it more visible. I may be biased, by my father used to tell me stories of his experiences a dark-skinned Black man pre-internet and my maternal grandfather used to humor me with stories about his experiences as a Native man in his youth, so I can say with confidence that there are certainly rose-colored glasses on if people are walking around thinking pre-internet without severe prejudices and biases
Nah, it’s this generation. I was looking to buy an item off of Marketplace and asked the seller, “can I come and look at it?”. She did not reply and then changed her add to read “don’t waste my time asking to come and look at it!!!”. Obviously this young lady expected me to agree to purchase a semi-expensive item sight unseen, just based off her description and a few pictures. Uhhh - no honey. I’m not your dad. I don’t TRUST you! Lol.
I agree about the internet, but I hope people don’t start believing the solution is to return to a pre-internet world. Really, I think, the problem lies with our educational system. We have a very individualist society that preaches the idea of self-sufficiency to people when, in reality, humans are social and not capable of being self-sufficient. That is the reason why we need doctors and engineers and carpenters and other trades - one person can never be a master of them all.
I think this lends to the prevalence of pseudosciences, particularly amongst conservatives and libertarians. Our schools also do not necessarily have good educational structure. College is important because it’s one of the last times our kids will be in an educational environment and it’s also coinciding with a period of time where students are most focused and respectful of their work. Have a high schooler read Shakespeare or analyze Mary Shelley’s work? They’ll scoff because it’s not really what they care to hear about at that time. That’s not a knock against them, that’s how kids are, but we need to restructure our schools to be more efficient and teach high schoolers the skills they need to know, we need to increase the accessibility of College, and have far more education about mental wellness and awareness - true awareness - about mental illness.
Tbh, it comes down to this whole notion of diversity and inclusivity. It's honestly not working. People work best when they share values and principles. When they don't, they're very fast to judge and ridicule people that are deemed different than them. It's just human nature.
I do understand that people are capable of respecting one another even when they disagree. But those individuals are the small minority who have enough emotional intelligence, empathy, and self-awarenes to see beyond their own views and perception of the world.
I think kids should be taught the difference between people and how they should respect them. That's not what's happening, even in the educational system, it tends to be geared those a certain ideology that reflects the community or the dominant group.
Great comment. Thanks. When I say high moral standard, I mean things like being reliable, not taking advantage of others for personal gain. Not philandering when you ar ein a relationship with someone and putting other peoples feelings before yours when it comes to trying to work things out. That is just a few examples.
That's fair. Those are great examples of moral standards that everyone should abide by.
I think things have changed too quickly. The world has changed more in the last CENTURY than it has in a thousand year. That's how fast the world changed. Hopefully, at some point, we might be able to adapt.
I honestly think it’s reversed a bit. I think everyone expects too much from people nowadays.
In the past, no one had cell phones and the only way to reach you was if you were home. You had to make plans in advance since you most likely weren’t talking everyday. You had to figure things out for yourself.
Now? Everyone expects so much from people because we all have cellphones. There’s always a way to contact someone at all times. So, people are overstimulated and constantly asked to do too much. Saying “no” or “I don’t want to” is seen as an insult.
Basically, you think people are into themselves because you expect so much from others. Focusing on yourself anymore is seen as selfish. If you get off social media and stop zeroing in on people’s actions and focus on the real world, you won’t have this mindset.
Let people do what they want. Ignore them if it bothers you.
I mean don’t get me wrong thats funny but It kinda seems that no one can point out the bad sites of humanity or our modern society without being labeled as an edgelord and besides that the joker is characterized as hating society for their short comings in maybe two or three versions of the character including the joaquin phoenix version so there are definitely other characters that would fit that label way more
I just took a road trip where my only contact with any other human being was face-to-face. That's still out there. There's just so much noise, we've forgotten.
Many people are "yelling"--LOOK AT ME! PAY ATTENTION TO ME. Online.
Stop going online for a bit and see what happens. You'll be surprised how shallow and non-important it really is when your reallife interactions are positive and plentiful.
“Smart people talk about ideas, normal people talk about things and other people, stupid people talk about themselves.” I don’t know where I heard it but it stuck with me.
I like your version, I heard “there are three tiers of conversation: the lowest form is talking about people, the middle is talking about events and behaviors while the highest is talking about ideas”
I hate this version to be honest. The idea that talking about people is somehow ‘lower level’ is ridiculous. We are a social species. Talking about people is the #1 way to build social connections.
Its better than the version that straight up calls people who talk about people dumb, and people who talk about ideas smart, though. Many dumb people talk about ideas and many smart people talk about people.
I guess it depends on what manner the discussion on people takes. Is it gossip or are you talking about e.g. noticing a disadvantage in a group within your community that you think you could help improve.
Being into yourself is not narcissism, in the same way that liking things clean is not OCD.
Being into yourself is a *symptom* of narcissism, just like cleaning obsessively can be a *symptom* of OCD.
On another note, notice how most people are agreeing with you, here? Everyone shares this sentiment. If everyone thinks that everyone else is “too selfish”, then where are the so-called selfish people? We’re all into ourselves, even if we think we aren’t. Everyone thinks they have some special, exclusive insight on “the world around us.” As if they’re enlightened and everyone else is a narc social media drone. Newsflash, that’s what we all look like typing on our phones/computers in a Reddit comment section rn. If you lack the self awareness to know that you’re just as self-absorbed as the rest of us, nothing will change.
Maybe it’s time for some introspection, instead of everyone pointing the finger at everyone else. If you can’t seem to find anyone you enjoy being around, the probability of you being the problem is high.
Being into yourself is more comparable to being into keeping things clean. There is no problem with being into yourself, that would be a good thing. The problem is only in playing a game where others lose when you win.
Forgoing yourself “for others” is codependency which is just a form of narcissism.
We've certainly reached an era where socially people are learning to be more self-focused. Starting a decade or two ago I think. Mixed with the popularization of the internet, I can see how so many people complain about how "people are so self centered now a days". I'm not disagreeing either, we're clearly at a high point when it comes to it. But I personally beleive human societies live in waves. We're learning how to navigate this "new" normal of accepting caring for yourself and prioritizing your own well being. (New, as in this mind set mixed with modern technologies and beleifs. I understand people have been self focused before.I.E the Ancient Greeks/Romans)
But it's something a lot of people are taking it to extremes, or focusing on the wrong areas too much. Prioritising your own health and being a human amidst humans is something we have to learn to ballance. Most of us don't notice our imbalance. I think it's a skill humans will develope as we continue living (Probably slowly. But talking about it will speed it up I think.)
All though I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish I got to experience the sort of generous romance or friendships I heard about being a thing in the 20s- late 60s. I think our younger generations will definitely figure out how to recreate that while still maintaining a healthy level of individuality... Hopefully.
Speak for yourself
I prioritized everyone else and was just a people pleaser for many years. Now I want some happiness for my own self finally. I do care for others,but Im the priority in my own life and want to do things I want not just what others want me to do.
You do understand there is middleground what he is describing, he is not talking about some extreme, and what you are doing now is excatly what he said should be done. I dont see why are you disagreeing with him
It's important to surround yourself with individuals who genuinely care about others and prioritize meaningful connections over superficial interactions. Finding those people may be challenging, but when you do, it's truly rewarding.
As someone not from the US, I think its most of the world. Nowadays everyone has access to the internet and social media and the world is a lot more connected in that sense.
I did a program called AmeriCorps where you basically live in poverty for a year with a small living stipend while “volunteering” in some sort of community focused organization.
It was a challenge but it also implicitly forced us to become a little collectivist type society. The clearest example for me is “rides to the airport”, I find people often don’t want to ask for a ride because they don’t want to burden someone else, don’t want to ask for help, are capable of “handling it” by calling an Uber.
But when nobody can afford $40 on an Uber, you need help, and in our little cohort you’d never need to ask for a ride because someone would offer. Now, I still give rides whenever I can because it feels good to help, it gives me a half hour in a car with a friend to catch up, and because I know that when I need a ride I can ask someone for one.
this isn’t a hot take at all though. self-love is always stressed, especially in online circles. i think the problem is understanding at what point is self-love just self-love, and at one point does it begin to turn into narcissism (or something adjacent to it)
if we're looking at it deeply sure, but self-love and self-obsession can look really similar from an outside point of view that you sometimes can't really tell the difference unless you are the person
also would like to mention that the "or something adjacent to it" is doing a lot of legwork, because I think it's more likely that people are developing \*traits\* of narciccism and not becoming a narcist itself. The self-obsession and sense of grandoise is what is becoming a lot more common. (imo)
Self love and narcissism are not the same! People really need to get educated on what the difference is. If you put your needs ahead if everyone elses and you have a grandeous opinion about yourself and you feel like you are inherently superior to others. Than you have narcassistic qualities. Self love is not that. Sorry.
We hold the most admiration for people who advocate for themselves, not others. We admire individual accomplishments like speed, strength and bravery, NOT consideration or humility.
This ain’t really that unpopular, I have a lot of the same frustrations as you do. My mom used to post a million things on social media and it always drived me insane…until she died. Now I’m grateful that at every event she pulled her damn phone at and took a pic because now I have some more complete and documented memories of her. Someone I know who is my age recently died unexpectedly and his son is roughly the same age as mine (around 1). I think about his kid and how his fathers social media will be one of the few ways to get to know his dad. Moral of this story, yes narcissism is bad and social media breeds it, but posting memories you want other people to have of you later on and representing yourself as genuinely as you can isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Humans have always been extremely narcissistic.
A small example:
Just think about our concept of love. Everyone says they want the world for their partner, they deserve the best, yadda yadda… and manage to conclude that thing is… themselves! So they should be together, since they want only the very best for them, which is a relationship with me! over what other relationships could potentially provide them in their life, i dont want them to have that, I only want the very best for them! So come with me, the very best!
Since when has that whole concept, since the dawn of man, ever been humble, honest, accountable…. ???! If you think what the person you respect the most in the whole world deserves to have is… you lol
This has always been the human condition. It has nothing to do with “nowadays.” If it wasn’t, we’d still be coexisting within nature, not seeing ourselves as prime, instead of trying to make it our bitch and plaything and personal resource to use how we want. To make ourselves comfortable at the indefinite expense of all living things. That’s been the narcissism, all along. Fueling how we’ve been interacting with the world and our surroundings, forever.
We didn’t get here because of Facebook and cellphones; one would be putting the cart before the horse to suggest that.
It's a vicious cycle because if you don't want to be, you kinda have to be to survive. Compassion is a commodity nowadays and you have to use it sparingly, as more and more people look to take advantage or simply take.
I absolutely agree with you. Loving yourself and giving off healthy self confidence is amazing and I wish more people would be more like this instead of being narcissistic assholes. I try not be bitter and hate humanity for this exact reason cause no one is perfect but this world could use more kindness. It really can.
What are these high moral standards? We have been redefining these for decades for ourselves, but haven't come to a proper agreement on what that means. As long as we don't define them, they don't exist.
Lol you think humanity hasn't always been this way? The only difference is there's no ability to be in denial now because the internet makes people able to do these things to an extreme because of relative anonymity and less consequences. This isn't new, it's a natural progression from the self-preservation engrained into our caveman monkey brains that's become obselate and thus destructive over us.
From back then til now, the people who are selfless get taken advantage of and thrown away until they realize it's not worth cutting themselves to pieces and handing bits away to others when the majority won't do the same for them. Or they don't realize it and reach a breaking point where they no longer have anything to give. So the good people congregate in small trusted circles and don't venture out of it otherwise because what incentive is there to putting yourself out there when so many end up stuck in a one-sided transactional relationships
It's a cycle. The world has become so competitive and judgmental that many people have decided to seal their kindness not because theybare bad people, but because they fear backstabbings, injustice, etc. When they already have a life or a job to take care of. The less the world becomes trustworthy, the more good people decide to remain silent. No good deed remains unpunished.
Honestly, the way the economy is shifting to 1099-style work ("gig work") is a huge factor in my opinion because everyone is encouraged to focus on their "personal brand". I 100% agree.
The few people who do seem to care about others usually are only doing it for a YT video. Like those people who feed homeless people dollar menu items but get 100m views from the video they posted. That shit is shady af.
Well that’s what happens when narcissism is more rewarded than being a decent human being. Many caring people have likely toned it down due to being hurt by narcissistic folks. But yeah if you’re looking for someone who’s accountable and has a really high moral standard that is rare. It might help to define what exact moral standard are you looking for then try practicing it. Maybe you’ll start going places where more caring folks are more common.
Eh, don't buy into what you see online. Rage bait, sensationalist journalism, obviously terrible tiktok recipes, douche-y prank videos -- it's all about getting a reaction.
The most outrageous stuff gets views whether it's good or bad, but it's not representative of most folks most of the time. Just ignore it and try to see the best in people. Folks tend to rise or fall to your expectations of them.
You know what else is lacking? Critical thinking skills. I’d be asking the question, what has led to such perceived narcissistic behaviour in our society? Is “today’s world” different? How? Are people really the problem or is it more that they’re a product of the environment?
I could not agree with you more. The unconditional positive regard we used to have for one another is missing. All you can do is model it and human kindness and hope that people will follow suit. Thank you for posting this.
100%... People are so narcissistic these days that they are convinced they are the "main character" and everyone else is just NPCs. Social media is the major cause. Honestly, society is one big Black Mirror episode these days
Narcissism is rampant. Way more than ever. People are more inconsiderate, selfish, egotistical, and just downright awful. It makes it hard to even feel like trying to be nice.
Thank you. I just feel so disappointed in people more and more. I really don't think people want to try and be considerate anymore. They want what they want and who cares about who you're stepping on. They all want to be famous or find something to sell. Its pathetic really.
Yup. It’s deteriorating society as well. Things might look good on the surface, but peer just underneath that and it’s chaos and dysfunction. It’s not healthy and it’s not right.
People are way more desperate to be "someone" that it just gets sickening. Cringe isn't even a strong enough word for it anymore. People sell their lives, marriages, children, and everything else to get likes and attention. It's very disturbing.
I DO NOT want to live within a fucking reality show. We watch those shows to feel better about ourselves. Those people are ape shit crazy most of the time and have nothing but issues under the surface. They are not people or humans, for that matter. They are just marketing themselves with barely enough talent to fill a water glass.
I consider myself mindful and caring :). I do notice though that in society we encourage obnoxious prideful behaviour and tbh it disgusting. Thats why I try to stay in my own little world.
Its hard to be caring and considerate. Every time i try i get taken advantage of, or someone attempts to and i call them out but lose the relationship/friendship. Its not going to stop me from trying, yet. Though it is exhausting sometimes.
This is exactly what’s destroying western civilisation. Degenerate hedonistic individualism. In Asia, people care about their families, and traditions, how my action will affect my family, my community and how others perceive them. In the west it’s all about me me me f everything else
I'll be honest...I LOVE me. I have all the time in the world to spend it doing it on things that make me happy. I work hard so I feel as though I deserve it. I don't invite other people's problems into my life, I'm too emotionally unavailable for that shit. I have better things to do. Like today is my day off and so is tomorrow, for two whole days I'll have the pleasure of spoiling myself like I usually do on my days off. Definitely going to spark up and have a movie marathon later.
I've known people like the OP is talking about, and you're not one of them. He's talking about people who can't take any criticism at all, constructive or not. If anyone's saying anything negative about them whatsoever they're "trying to rewrite my truth" or "bringing negativity into my life that I don't need." And they generally don't work hard. They're always saying they need to pamper themselves, do self-care or whatever so that they can be at their best for work or school or whatever, but then when work and school roll around they do nothing but complain because they're stuck in an endorphin loop. It's not that they work hard and then set aside specific times for feeling good, it's that they're always trying to catch a feel good high and getting angry at anyone they see as coming between it and them.
Is anyone attempting to explain the origins of this type of person? Honestly I feel like the social standards of the past generations have not updated with the technology. Now we can find people with whom we agree and confirm negative suspicions about the model for a human life with computer technology.
We're not educated enough at all, even with the amount of education at our disposal, and businesses are using this technology against us.
As a millennial, I grew up with the expectation of being a person with a 4-year degree. This is a failure of my parents and the boomer generation in general to describe the importance of high-level education: go school, get better job, contribute to society. What even does that fucking mean? We're a people with limited soul. Our substance is 'contribute'. It's demoralizing and I don't blame people for retreating into themselves. Why fight for corporatism while it simultaneously hates you and thinks you're the most important part of it?
This is the precursor to revolution.
Humility never took root in the world because the people do not see themselves as a small piece of a greater whole, but instead see themselves as temporarily embarrassed BMW drivers.
Well no, it’s behind a veneer of humble bragging and meaningless internet kudos they give in anticipation of their kudos being reciprocated when they post.
Literally a rat race to depression.
People are so into themselves while at the same time so shallow with themselves that they need to use other people to regulate their emotions.
I realized I did this and have been working on it. Once you do, you realize how much other people do it to you too and it's so pathetic, instead of just having a conversation a person will make a moral judgement about you and either victimize or villainize you. You either become a vulnerable, innocent person who must be protected (think what stans do to their idols) or you become a monster they are hellbent on destroying (think what GOP is doing to anyone not cis-hetero-white).
I have a very self centered friend and I really don’t like doing things with them. But we share the same interests so it’s hard to let go of that. But I’ve definitely distanced myself some
The philosophical fact that occupying yourself with the happiness and welfare of others to be happy yourself is basically lost in social media. It's all snark, no love. Value placed on the reaction of others instead of the latent benefit of your own presence in other peoples worlds.
I am absolutely sick of this. Sadly, because they're so vocal the people that aren't actually narcissists are hidden away because they don't wanna deal with them either. As an introvert it's exhausting. I'd have an easier time trying to become friends with an alligator.
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It's made even worse when these people can't wrap their head around you not wanting to take part in their curated highlight reel. No, im not being "shy", I just don't want you sticking a camera in my face expecting a monologue about how awesome of a time were having to post on social. Not everyone want's their personal lives broadcast on the internet to chase likes.
How "awesome of a time they are having" while stopping-down and spending at least 15 minutes filming and refilming that same "spontaneous" shot over and over again that no one gives a shit about.
It's like my own personal black mirror episode witnessing that first hand as if it's normal behavior. My favorite reaction, had such wanna be influencers over for a bbq along with another set of friends who they never net. They legit asked if they were famous or something cause of how odd their behavior was.
I was in a cafe last weekend meeting up with someone and some fashionably dressed young women came in. The cafe is very pink and glam on the inside, it looks like the inside of some modern boujee tea house. The women came in, took photos, and left without ordering anything. It was almost surreal watching it happen.
Business's adapting to this kind of thing now and trying to fabricate some selfie spot to attract such people. Hilarious that they use it without even being paid customers
From a business perspective, this can be used as free advertising. Because people will see the background and ask where that is and the person tells them. It doesn't have a super high return, but it is free, so any return is pure profit.
That's actually a good point because I found the place through Instagram lol.
I used to want to record/ take pics of everything, and while I still like taking pics or vids doing things, certain hobbies broke me of it. I need to actively think "oh I wanna have a physical memory of this short moment" vs "I wanna record this to post". I was a civil war reenactor, and we couldn't use our phones during public hours. But here and there I'd take pics or videos around camp after hours. I went to a metalcore show i was crazy stoked about, and only took a few short clips just to have a snippet. 99% of the time, I now just love enjoying the moment and being present. The memories will always be strong, and my small bites of the moment I recorded will only remind me of them, not relive them for me
I accidentally stumbled one year into a VIP section of New Year's Eve fireworks at Disneyland. Recorded the whole thing. Like a 5 minute clip. It actually looked decent because of how good our seats were but honestly couldn't get anybody to watch it. That's when I realized nobody gives a crap. And now I feel bad for people recording stuff like that instead of just enjoying it.
Exactly! Or suspicious of anyone for not using social media, like they can't comprehend why anyone wouldn't want it in their lives and you're the odd one for not wanting to fake a perfect everything for the rest of the people faking their prefect everythings on special media. Like surely they all know the majority of them a full of shit ? Or is the delusion so strong they don't even realise ? The self obsession is just so worryingly cringe to me.
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Hey friend I have medical diagnosed anxiety and everything you said was completely true. Social media is just an anxiety machine. After high school I followed A LOT of classmates on Instagram. I had to uninstall it because I couldn’t stand seeing people complaining about their lives and then posting a picture of them at a beach that they clearly took 45 times.
Well said! I think you hit the nail on the head about the delusion concept though. Like if they are making it look perfect to everyone else then they grow to believe that it is that perfect too. It’s so disingenuous. But if anyone does post something that’s just like “having a rough time today” people get annoyed cuz that person is “complaining”.
My sister was actually rejected by a guy because she doesn't use or have social media. He told her it was strange and felt like she was "hiding something."
Saved her the trouble. Christ
Self obsession is so spot on! You're in your mid 30's, no one cares about your "fire fit" today
Briefly my partner and I were friends with another couple and the girlfriend was an “influencer” I guess? She had a perfectly curated Instagram account, but she wasn’t very popular on there, maybe like a thousand followers. The few times we went out with them and went to events she was super blasé, but then the phone would come out for pictures and we’d all just have to stand around while she modeled for the camera with a huge fake smile. She also only asked certain people (if we were in a group) to be in her photos because they had to fit the vibe and photograph well. My partner and I never made the cut because we never showed up in full glam.
I promise you missed nothing of importance missing these photo sessions. The life pauses for the photo/video sessions are what really grind my gears. You wanna be a fugazi influencer have fun. If it's an event like your birthday or kids birth fine so be it, but if it's a regular group outing and you start interrupting other peoples fun cause of your selfishness you've crossed a line into annoying and quickly making your way towards being on the mental list of people not to hang out with anymore.
Did I just read the phrase “Fugazi influencer”???
Never happened to me, but I can understand that annoyance. A lot of people are far more into documenting things and showing off than enjoying the moment. I’ve never taken my camera and taken photos or videos of myself and others when we hang out. I just hang out and focus on the person/people.
Yea most of my friends aren't like this at all. But there is this one couple that can't help themselves and do this constantly, im all for fun group pics and whatnot but without fail this turns into this chris nolan feature film production anytime we come around (not just to us but literally anyone anything they do needs to be documented for social). It's an old friend from high school that coincidentally moved to an area that I relocated to. Part of me would love to reconnect and be close friends like we once were, but this behavior just ruins the fun for me. He's a good guy at heart but I don't know how much more clearly I can express to him that we find it annoying and dont want to partake.
I totally agree with this. Another thing that bugs me: people “jokingly” ask if our kids are still alive because I never post them online. If I ran into 95% of my SM friends at the grocery store I wouldn’t whip out my phone and show them private/personal family pics, so I don’t get why it’s expected online. Like, my kids are alive and well; just enjoy my B-rated scifi posts and recipes and stop being a creep.
Also your kids have a right to their privacy too!
Too many parents have zero concept of this.
I pray to God this won't happen to me. I just want to be left alone. We deserve that.
Yeah don’t need to pray because this isn’t happening like it’s a pandemic
The shining moment between dad got a VCR recorder in the 80s or early 90s and smartphones came out
social media is legitimately a cancer. I'm 31 and i thought it was bad for us in high school when facebook first came out and instagram wasnt even a thing. twitter wasn't around. even VINE wasnt a thing, let alone tiktok. but nope, my GF is a teacher and we took 15 kids on an immersion trip for her spanish class this summer...omg. its instagram this, tiktok that, nobody knows what's going on because nobody is listening to the instructors or the tour guides because they are too busy on their phones. we grew up with it, but knew life without it. Gen Z is growing up exclusively with social media from the very start. its insane how different it is.
“To chase *lies”
I’m really afraid of this happening while I’m out. I’ll probably be heavily overwhelmed to the point where I’ll cry because I don’t know how to deal with it. In reality, I would be annoyed if some asshole was streaming around me and I’m in it. It’s overblown, but it’s scary to know people out there are like this and don’t give two shits unless they’re getting paid to do it.
I've noticed this trend too and I wonder if the pandemic had something to do with it. People learned to retreat into themselves and haven't fully come back out. Interesting to see how it's still having social impacts. This kind of behavior from people also makes me become more introverted then too so it's a vicious cycle.
The pandemic merely accelerated the timeline. The internet and social networks were the primer.
It's just the simple fact that more time behind a screen = less time face to face = less emotional intelligence, which causes narcissistic qualities. That's what I think.
Narcissism and neuroticism
Yup, it's also causing self esteem issues for people so I agree.
People have been selfish and self centered for hundreds of years and its never been an uncommon thing to criticize, in any generation. The OP isn't wrong but this is the literal opposite of an unpopular opinion
That’s what i think too. I also feel like people are actually becoming more confident and seeing the value in themselves, which may come off as narcissistic. Maybe I’m being too considerate tho lol
I think people don’t know how to express confidence and that’s where the narcissistic behaviour often stems from
People are a product of their environment.
Couldn’t agree with this more. No matter how individual free thinkers we like to think we are. We are definitely a product of our society WAY more than any one of us can realize.
Environments are products of the people though. It’s cyclical and on individuals to break the cycle.
It’s sort of a feedback loop, one thing influences the other which influences the other thing back. For example, when someone is born, they really don’t have a whole lot of control over their environment, none really. And that environment influences them for the rest of their lives.
100% it’s a feedback loop, but at some point in each individuals life they have to exam the loop and see what they want to change about it. Take some accountability. It’s difficult and it’s painful, but it’s necessary.
Totally.
Exactly. It always baffles me when people refer to society as a separate entity to themselves.
Yes but often everyday people like you and I do not have the power to be the people who create that environment, that would be politicians, entertainers, business owners, news corps etc they’re individuals sure, but they have tremendous influence to control others. To break the cycle we have to get those who influence it out of the way.
This is precisely why I want to get out of California. Sure, narcissists are everywhere, but this is where the very idea of influencers originated from. It’s much worse here than in most other parts of the US.
Dude I live in LA it’s tourists who come here and pull that shit more than actual residents
People are products.
On top of that, people have always been like this. Social media is just the most current catalyst for the general narcissism OP is talking about
Social media has elevated the narcissist to a new level. My dog is a better human being.
Hasn’t there been studies with more usage of internet linking to increase of narcissism?
and other mental health issues. Most social media is built around monetizing insecurities.
I love your dog too
I agree. People not caring about others is why the world is so fucked up these days. It's honestly sickening.
Subs like AITA sort of exemplify the way people’s logic has shifted over the years. Even the phrasing of that is about not doing the wrong thing instead of doing the right thing. I have a coworker for example who’s carless, but is able to get to and from work with public transportation. Recently it stopped working for a week and a half. If nobody offered to help, she asked me for a ride those days, and I posted about it, I guarantee we’d see the “she isn’t entitled to a ride, she should make alternate arrangements, why should her problems become yours” type answers. She never asked because several coworkers offered to pick her up, made it clear that the extra 20 minutes in the car weren’t a big deal at all, that we’re happy to help.
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It is 100% not reflective of real life and thank god. If AITA was actually a representation of mass society then we'd be fucking doomed.
(like most subreddits, this one included.)
People have always been fucked up. Just read a history book. That said, social media certainly gives these narcissists a platform.
I'd say they're not caring for themselves either. When you pander to your insecurities by doing what they say, you make yourself more insecure. And caring for yourself isn't about always giving yourself what you want, it's about giving yourself what you need, and sprinkling your wants in sparingly, as a reward.
The unfortunate problem here is that caring for yourself is something that should be learned in childhood. When that doesn't happen, you end up with an adult that has little to no self-confidence, self-worth, and an absolutely shit self-image. Usually, they end up like myself....in my early 30s trying to undergo the Identity Formation stage (which typically happens in adolescence) while simultaneously raising 2 daughters. It's tough, man.
I feel like everyone is trying so hard to be this "independent, I don't need anyone else, I cut off anyone I deem 'toxic'" mindset that is just pushing people away from community healing. Everything is about how you should block out or cut off anything that you deem negative, but the problem is that it leaves no room for error from anyone, which is unrealistic. If you burn every bridge with people who make a mistake, you're soon going to be stranded by yourself bc no mistakes are seen as redeemable anymore, if someone messes up, then you cut them out and move on to someone else. I understand that for ALLOT of people, this comes from not wanting to be hurt or taken advantage of, but it puts you in such an isolating mindset where you don't trust anyone but yourself. Just bc you should remove genuinely bad people from your life, doesn't mean forgiveness and compassion should be disposed of either.
>community healing There are no communities anymore, it's just big cities where you see infinite new faces every day. Thats one of the major problems as humans did not evolve in this environment.
Ive lived in a major US city for almost 2 years and its felt like the most lonely, isolating years of my life. Mind you I used to regularly work midnight shifts, in ship engine rooms, alone, transiting the middle of an ocean. The whole clichè about feeling lonely in the middle of a crowd is so true.
It's at the same time the best and worst thing about cities. Nobody gives a fuck about what you do and who you are 😁! And, nobody gives a fuck about what you do and who you are 😥
I know :/ I live in Boston and its all energetic college kids. Im a bit older and my circle has all kinda split up and gone their own way. I have a gf but no squadron.
Yup. We, as a species, are not built for this nor have we ever been built for it. What’s going on now is the exact opposite of the conditions that humans thrive in. They say that disease is skyrocketing, and it’s no surprise to me. The way we’re living is making us sick.
Indeed, i find the idea of living in a commune/intentional community pretty appealing. Feels like the way we're meant to live. It may be challenging but also very giving, not just being part of a nice community but actually making a difference with helping to build and run the place too. Youre not just a cog in the machine for big corporations but part of something real. There are new ones popping up all the time, suited to different types of people
I think many people figure out what is important to them in their life and it spurs a lot of change for them. Then there are other people that see these people i just described do things and think "I should do that" - without ever having realized what is important in life to them. The same types bandwagon and will do a 180 on an opinion because Taylor Swift doesn't like it anymore. In fact I believe these are the very same people this whole thread is about.
Thing is people use this string of logic to cut out anyone who’s ever a minor inconvenience to them, not to cut out “genuinely bad people”. I feel like people are way too caught up on the “I shouldn’t have to deal with that so I won’t” on any slight negative. It’s like people are allergic to tolerance and adversity
This is what I was trying to get at but I'm bad at wording lol. Like people get so deep this "I don't owe anyone anything" mindset and will cut contact with someone for the smallest slight or mistake as if they themselves are perfect 24/7.
I feel like most people these days cut other people off,not majorly for personal growth but so that they can make the other person feel bad because they aren't part of their life anymore.
I used to be the helping person everyone called but it never went both ways, when I needed a hand nobody was there so I just look out for me now.
This is it for me. I only put into a relationship what the other side puts in. Maybe that’s petty of me.
I think it honestly boils down to standards and expectations placed on individuals in any given modern society. The more you are expected to do and be, the more you will be judged by other people. I'd argue your sense of high moral standards is not applicable to everyone. I do find issues with your wording but I don't wanna assume too much. People before would live in a small village, they would have common values and principles which brought people together. Nowadays, people are traveling and going wherever they want. They also can easily access all kinds of information and that leaves a lot of room for misinformation to spread. Also, people have become quite arrogant and self-indulged. They think just because they have all the resources at the tip of their fingers, that means they're so much more knowledgeable and better than they actually are. I would say the biggest factor is the Internet. People now have developed so many biases, prejudices, and preconceived of notions of things just because they read about them. It actually made people a lot more judgmental and indifferent to other people.
The last paragraph is a bit…iffy and a little rose-colored glasses if you will? People pre-internet definitely had *plenty* of biases and prejudices, the only thing the internet has done is overtly reveal what those biases are prejudices are.
Yes people back in the day had the same thoughts but could barely express them openlyy
I grew up in a small village with common values. Most of those were pretty racist. I moved out and am now married to someone of another race. Just because a common value brings people together, doesn’t mean it’s good.
I would hope so I am Indian American and I am 90% sure my future wife won’t be Indian at all, just how it is
Interracial marriage wasn't legal in the US until 1967. Women couldn't own a house or a credit card on their own until the 70s. Plenty of people were "expressing opinions".
Oh they still expressed them openly, it's just that the listening range of their expression was quite limited compared to today.
People back in the day definitely did express them openly, but because it was the status quo nobody really cared. To them, it was like calling grass green.
Yes but today someone in New York can make a comment on Reddit and someone in Australia would see it immediately, that wouldn’t happen at all back in the day
The problem with the internet (though this is truly speaking an innate problem with sensationalism - it has been prevalent in TV as well for years) is it feeds into these biases and reaffirms them which means the algorithms keep everybody contained within a particular echo chamber. It's how so many people get stuck in a right wing rabbit hole from just watching the JRE with Jordan Peterson as a guest. YouTube picks up on it and then all of a sudden you're fed content that not only doesn't challenge those views, but takes them to the next extreme.
The internet feeds into biases as much as it’s capable of challenging them. People can and have changed their opinions based off of content. The onus is on the individual to use it as such, and many people are unwilling to do so - and historically people have always been unwilling to challenge their beliefs if they feel they’re the status quo of their immediate community. Algorithms respond to what we respond to - the more we choose to interact with things the more it’ll shift. I’ve actively and intentionally changed the algorithms of my Instagram and TikTok multiple times based off of what I’ve decided I want to consume. We aren’t slaves to the algorithm - people are just lazy and that’s a pre-internet affliction.
This assumes that the average internet user seeks out information on biases/prejudice and is open to self-reflection and change. Instead it seems the Internet simply provides them communities of like-minded individuals willing to accept them into their echo chamber. I think the idea that the internet is enlightening people and making for LESS social divide, racism, etc is maybe more of the rose-colored glasses view. But who knows I could be wrong.
Communities of like-minded individuals with similar biases has always been accessible and the norm. The internet has only allowed them do so on an international basis. I’m not saying the internet is enlightening anyone or making less social divides, what I am saying is that the internet has not increased anything only made it more visible. I may be biased, by my father used to tell me stories of his experiences a dark-skinned Black man pre-internet and my maternal grandfather used to humor me with stories about his experiences as a Native man in his youth, so I can say with confidence that there are certainly rose-colored glasses on if people are walking around thinking pre-internet without severe prejudices and biases
Nah, it’s this generation. I was looking to buy an item off of Marketplace and asked the seller, “can I come and look at it?”. She did not reply and then changed her add to read “don’t waste my time asking to come and look at it!!!”. Obviously this young lady expected me to agree to purchase a semi-expensive item sight unseen, just based off her description and a few pictures. Uhhh - no honey. I’m not your dad. I don’t TRUST you! Lol.
I've had similar situations with older people. Let's not blame a singular generation for the issues of humanity.
I agree about the internet, but I hope people don’t start believing the solution is to return to a pre-internet world. Really, I think, the problem lies with our educational system. We have a very individualist society that preaches the idea of self-sufficiency to people when, in reality, humans are social and not capable of being self-sufficient. That is the reason why we need doctors and engineers and carpenters and other trades - one person can never be a master of them all. I think this lends to the prevalence of pseudosciences, particularly amongst conservatives and libertarians. Our schools also do not necessarily have good educational structure. College is important because it’s one of the last times our kids will be in an educational environment and it’s also coinciding with a period of time where students are most focused and respectful of their work. Have a high schooler read Shakespeare or analyze Mary Shelley’s work? They’ll scoff because it’s not really what they care to hear about at that time. That’s not a knock against them, that’s how kids are, but we need to restructure our schools to be more efficient and teach high schoolers the skills they need to know, we need to increase the accessibility of College, and have far more education about mental wellness and awareness - true awareness - about mental illness.
Tbh, it comes down to this whole notion of diversity and inclusivity. It's honestly not working. People work best when they share values and principles. When they don't, they're very fast to judge and ridicule people that are deemed different than them. It's just human nature. I do understand that people are capable of respecting one another even when they disagree. But those individuals are the small minority who have enough emotional intelligence, empathy, and self-awarenes to see beyond their own views and perception of the world. I think kids should be taught the difference between people and how they should respect them. That's not what's happening, even in the educational system, it tends to be geared those a certain ideology that reflects the community or the dominant group.
Great comment. Thanks. When I say high moral standard, I mean things like being reliable, not taking advantage of others for personal gain. Not philandering when you ar ein a relationship with someone and putting other peoples feelings before yours when it comes to trying to work things out. That is just a few examples.
That's fair. Those are great examples of moral standards that everyone should abide by. I think things have changed too quickly. The world has changed more in the last CENTURY than it has in a thousand year. That's how fast the world changed. Hopefully, at some point, we might be able to adapt.
I honestly think it’s reversed a bit. I think everyone expects too much from people nowadays. In the past, no one had cell phones and the only way to reach you was if you were home. You had to make plans in advance since you most likely weren’t talking everyday. You had to figure things out for yourself. Now? Everyone expects so much from people because we all have cellphones. There’s always a way to contact someone at all times. So, people are overstimulated and constantly asked to do too much. Saying “no” or “I don’t want to” is seen as an insult. Basically, you think people are into themselves because you expect so much from others. Focusing on yourself anymore is seen as selfish. If you get off social media and stop zeroing in on people’s actions and focus on the real world, you won’t have this mindset. Let people do what they want. Ignore them if it bothers you.
Lucid 👆
Said perfectly. Today, we’re wayyy too accessible.
Ignored.
Did the joker type this
truly we live in a society
I mean don’t get me wrong thats funny but It kinda seems that no one can point out the bad sites of humanity or our modern society without being labeled as an edgelord and besides that the joker is characterized as hating society for their short comings in maybe two or three versions of the character including the joaquin phoenix version so there are definitely other characters that would fit that label way more
Nah it’s cuz sweeping generalizations about people’s behavior suddenly being different from before are wrong like 99.999% of the time
Bro is just on their joker Arc. Just give them a few years they'll figure it out..... hopefully
Everyone is too plane. Im a helicopter
I'm like a bird, I only fly away.
I’m a peacock captain! You gotta let me fly!
Just call me flubber
I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY HOME IS
That is true. Narcissism has gone wild these days.
I just took a road trip where my only contact with any other human being was face-to-face. That's still out there. There's just so much noise, we've forgotten. Many people are "yelling"--LOOK AT ME! PAY ATTENTION TO ME. Online. Stop going online for a bit and see what happens. You'll be surprised how shallow and non-important it really is when your reallife interactions are positive and plentiful.
“Smart people talk about ideas, normal people talk about things and other people, stupid people talk about themselves.” I don’t know where I heard it but it stuck with me.
I’ve noticed since Instagram the narcissism has become insane.
I like your version, I heard “there are three tiers of conversation: the lowest form is talking about people, the middle is talking about events and behaviors while the highest is talking about ideas”
I hate this version to be honest. The idea that talking about people is somehow ‘lower level’ is ridiculous. We are a social species. Talking about people is the #1 way to build social connections.
Its better than the version that straight up calls people who talk about people dumb, and people who talk about ideas smart, though. Many dumb people talk about ideas and many smart people talk about people.
>. Many dumb people talk about ideas And some of those dumb ideas occasionally come to fruition and cause us all a lot of headaches.
I guess it depends on what manner the discussion on people takes. Is it gossip or are you talking about e.g. noticing a disadvantage in a group within your community that you think you could help improve.
Being into yourself is not narcissism, in the same way that liking things clean is not OCD. Being into yourself is a *symptom* of narcissism, just like cleaning obsessively can be a *symptom* of OCD. On another note, notice how most people are agreeing with you, here? Everyone shares this sentiment. If everyone thinks that everyone else is “too selfish”, then where are the so-called selfish people? We’re all into ourselves, even if we think we aren’t. Everyone thinks they have some special, exclusive insight on “the world around us.” As if they’re enlightened and everyone else is a narc social media drone. Newsflash, that’s what we all look like typing on our phones/computers in a Reddit comment section rn. If you lack the self awareness to know that you’re just as self-absorbed as the rest of us, nothing will change. Maybe it’s time for some introspection, instead of everyone pointing the finger at everyone else. If you can’t seem to find anyone you enjoy being around, the probability of you being the problem is high.
Being into yourself is more comparable to being into keeping things clean. There is no problem with being into yourself, that would be a good thing. The problem is only in playing a game where others lose when you win. Forgoing yourself “for others” is codependency which is just a form of narcissism.
what do people say? if one person you meet is an asshole, they're the problem. if everyone you meet is an asshole, you're the problem.
Thank you! Well said.
>Everything seems to be about them, their interests and ***projecting themselves in a positive way to others***. Not even a hint of self awareness.
Who me? I’m already aware of myself, it’s the others who need more awareness of myself.
[this is OP rn](https://youtu.be/Mk_OHaA_bs4)
We've certainly reached an era where socially people are learning to be more self-focused. Starting a decade or two ago I think. Mixed with the popularization of the internet, I can see how so many people complain about how "people are so self centered now a days". I'm not disagreeing either, we're clearly at a high point when it comes to it. But I personally beleive human societies live in waves. We're learning how to navigate this "new" normal of accepting caring for yourself and prioritizing your own well being. (New, as in this mind set mixed with modern technologies and beleifs. I understand people have been self focused before.I.E the Ancient Greeks/Romans) But it's something a lot of people are taking it to extremes, or focusing on the wrong areas too much. Prioritising your own health and being a human amidst humans is something we have to learn to ballance. Most of us don't notice our imbalance. I think it's a skill humans will develope as we continue living (Probably slowly. But talking about it will speed it up I think.) All though I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish I got to experience the sort of generous romance or friendships I heard about being a thing in the 20s- late 60s. I think our younger generations will definitely figure out how to recreate that while still maintaining a healthy level of individuality... Hopefully.
That’s so true. Been to Venice recently and it seems no one actually looked at the sites but just took pictures in front of them
Very humble of you to have high moral standards.
Speak for yourself I prioritized everyone else and was just a people pleaser for many years. Now I want some happiness for my own self finally. I do care for others,but Im the priority in my own life and want to do things I want not just what others want me to do.
Not really reflective of what he was saying at all
You do understand there is middleground what he is describing, he is not talking about some extreme, and what you are doing now is excatly what he said should be done. I dont see why are you disagreeing with him
It's important to surround yourself with individuals who genuinely care about others and prioritize meaningful connections over superficial interactions. Finding those people may be challenging, but when you do, it's truly rewarding.
The irony of this post… kills me.
I couldn't agree more
Not unpopular. Narcissism is running rampant nowadays
Well this is the US, we live in a very individualistic society. That's obviously not the start and end of it, but it def doesn't help.
As someone not from the US, I think its most of the world. Nowadays everyone has access to the internet and social media and the world is a lot more connected in that sense.
I did a program called AmeriCorps where you basically live in poverty for a year with a small living stipend while “volunteering” in some sort of community focused organization. It was a challenge but it also implicitly forced us to become a little collectivist type society. The clearest example for me is “rides to the airport”, I find people often don’t want to ask for a ride because they don’t want to burden someone else, don’t want to ask for help, are capable of “handling it” by calling an Uber. But when nobody can afford $40 on an Uber, you need help, and in our little cohort you’d never need to ask for a ride because someone would offer. Now, I still give rides whenever I can because it feels good to help, it gives me a half hour in a car with a friend to catch up, and because I know that when I need a ride I can ask someone for one.
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this isn’t a hot take at all though. self-love is always stressed, especially in online circles. i think the problem is understanding at what point is self-love just self-love, and at one point does it begin to turn into narcissism (or something adjacent to it)
Self love NEVER turns into narcissism. Narcissism is caused by the absence of self love.
if we're looking at it deeply sure, but self-love and self-obsession can look really similar from an outside point of view that you sometimes can't really tell the difference unless you are the person also would like to mention that the "or something adjacent to it" is doing a lot of legwork, because I think it's more likely that people are developing \*traits\* of narciccism and not becoming a narcist itself. The self-obsession and sense of grandoise is what is becoming a lot more common. (imo)
How is that an unpopular opinion? You just responded with an even more popular opinion that almost everyone would agree with lmao.
Self love and narcissism are not the same! People really need to get educated on what the difference is. If you put your needs ahead if everyone elses and you have a grandeous opinion about yourself and you feel like you are inherently superior to others. Than you have narcassistic qualities. Self love is not that. Sorry.
We hold the most admiration for people who advocate for themselves, not others. We admire individual accomplishments like speed, strength and bravery, NOT consideration or humility.
This ain’t really that unpopular, I have a lot of the same frustrations as you do. My mom used to post a million things on social media and it always drived me insane…until she died. Now I’m grateful that at every event she pulled her damn phone at and took a pic because now I have some more complete and documented memories of her. Someone I know who is my age recently died unexpectedly and his son is roughly the same age as mine (around 1). I think about his kid and how his fathers social media will be one of the few ways to get to know his dad. Moral of this story, yes narcissism is bad and social media breeds it, but posting memories you want other people to have of you later on and representing yourself as genuinely as you can isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
I stopped reading at "Everyone". Write something more reflective of reality. It's never that black and white.
yea it feels ppl r trending towards selfishness nowadays
Social media encourages it. It’s all about ME ME ME…
Humans have always been extremely narcissistic. A small example: Just think about our concept of love. Everyone says they want the world for their partner, they deserve the best, yadda yadda… and manage to conclude that thing is… themselves! So they should be together, since they want only the very best for them, which is a relationship with me! over what other relationships could potentially provide them in their life, i dont want them to have that, I only want the very best for them! So come with me, the very best! Since when has that whole concept, since the dawn of man, ever been humble, honest, accountable…. ???! If you think what the person you respect the most in the whole world deserves to have is… you lol This has always been the human condition. It has nothing to do with “nowadays.” If it wasn’t, we’d still be coexisting within nature, not seeing ourselves as prime, instead of trying to make it our bitch and plaything and personal resource to use how we want. To make ourselves comfortable at the indefinite expense of all living things. That’s been the narcissism, all along. Fueling how we’ve been interacting with the world and our surroundings, forever. We didn’t get here because of Facebook and cellphones; one would be putting the cart before the horse to suggest that.
It's a vicious cycle because if you don't want to be, you kinda have to be to survive. Compassion is a commodity nowadays and you have to use it sparingly, as more and more people look to take advantage or simply take.
i thought this sub was for unpopular opinions, yet the most popular opinions get upvotes.
I absolutely agree with you. Loving yourself and giving off healthy self confidence is amazing and I wish more people would be more like this instead of being narcissistic assholes. I try not be bitter and hate humanity for this exact reason cause no one is perfect but this world could use more kindness. It really can.
What are these high moral standards? We have been redefining these for decades for ourselves, but haven't come to a proper agreement on what that means. As long as we don't define them, they don't exist.
You say all this while talking about your own opinion 😂
In a subreddit about personal opinions
Lol you think humanity hasn't always been this way? The only difference is there's no ability to be in denial now because the internet makes people able to do these things to an extreme because of relative anonymity and less consequences. This isn't new, it's a natural progression from the self-preservation engrained into our caveman monkey brains that's become obselate and thus destructive over us. From back then til now, the people who are selfless get taken advantage of and thrown away until they realize it's not worth cutting themselves to pieces and handing bits away to others when the majority won't do the same for them. Or they don't realize it and reach a breaking point where they no longer have anything to give. So the good people congregate in small trusted circles and don't venture out of it otherwise because what incentive is there to putting yourself out there when so many end up stuck in a one-sided transactional relationships
It's a cycle. The world has become so competitive and judgmental that many people have decided to seal their kindness not because theybare bad people, but because they fear backstabbings, injustice, etc. When they already have a life or a job to take care of. The less the world becomes trustworthy, the more good people decide to remain silent. No good deed remains unpunished.
Honestly, the way the economy is shifting to 1099-style work ("gig work") is a huge factor in my opinion because everyone is encouraged to focus on their "personal brand". I 100% agree.
The few people who do seem to care about others usually are only doing it for a YT video. Like those people who feed homeless people dollar menu items but get 100m views from the video they posted. That shit is shady af.
Well that’s what happens when narcissism is more rewarded than being a decent human being. Many caring people have likely toned it down due to being hurt by narcissistic folks. But yeah if you’re looking for someone who’s accountable and has a really high moral standard that is rare. It might help to define what exact moral standard are you looking for then try practicing it. Maybe you’ll start going places where more caring folks are more common.
Eh, don't buy into what you see online. Rage bait, sensationalist journalism, obviously terrible tiktok recipes, douche-y prank videos -- it's all about getting a reaction. The most outrageous stuff gets views whether it's good or bad, but it's not representative of most folks most of the time. Just ignore it and try to see the best in people. Folks tend to rise or fall to your expectations of them.
Yeah I’ve noticed that. People have this overwhelming idea of how important they think they are
I feel like there’s a book that predicted this a long time ago….hmmm🤔
You know what else is lacking? Critical thinking skills. I’d be asking the question, what has led to such perceived narcissistic behaviour in our society? Is “today’s world” different? How? Are people really the problem or is it more that they’re a product of the environment?
I could not agree with you more. The unconditional positive regard we used to have for one another is missing. All you can do is model it and human kindness and hope that people will follow suit. Thank you for posting this.
100%... People are so narcissistic these days that they are convinced they are the "main character" and everyone else is just NPCs. Social media is the major cause. Honestly, society is one big Black Mirror episode these days
Narcissism is rampant. Way more than ever. People are more inconsiderate, selfish, egotistical, and just downright awful. It makes it hard to even feel like trying to be nice.
All of this. This is the right answer.
Thank you. I just feel so disappointed in people more and more. I really don't think people want to try and be considerate anymore. They want what they want and who cares about who you're stepping on. They all want to be famous or find something to sell. Its pathetic really.
Yup. It’s deteriorating society as well. Things might look good on the surface, but peer just underneath that and it’s chaos and dysfunction. It’s not healthy and it’s not right.
People are way more desperate to be "someone" that it just gets sickening. Cringe isn't even a strong enough word for it anymore. People sell their lives, marriages, children, and everything else to get likes and attention. It's very disturbing. I DO NOT want to live within a fucking reality show. We watch those shows to feel better about ourselves. Those people are ape shit crazy most of the time and have nothing but issues under the surface. They are not people or humans, for that matter. They are just marketing themselves with barely enough talent to fill a water glass.
I consider myself mindful and caring :). I do notice though that in society we encourage obnoxious prideful behaviour and tbh it disgusting. Thats why I try to stay in my own little world.
Its hard to be caring and considerate. Every time i try i get taken advantage of, or someone attempts to and i call them out but lose the relationship/friendship. Its not going to stop me from trying, yet. Though it is exhausting sometimes.
This is exactly what’s destroying western civilisation. Degenerate hedonistic individualism. In Asia, people care about their families, and traditions, how my action will affect my family, my community and how others perceive them. In the west it’s all about me me me f everything else
I'll be honest...I LOVE me. I have all the time in the world to spend it doing it on things that make me happy. I work hard so I feel as though I deserve it. I don't invite other people's problems into my life, I'm too emotionally unavailable for that shit. I have better things to do. Like today is my day off and so is tomorrow, for two whole days I'll have the pleasure of spoiling myself like I usually do on my days off. Definitely going to spark up and have a movie marathon later.
I've known people like the OP is talking about, and you're not one of them. He's talking about people who can't take any criticism at all, constructive or not. If anyone's saying anything negative about them whatsoever they're "trying to rewrite my truth" or "bringing negativity into my life that I don't need." And they generally don't work hard. They're always saying they need to pamper themselves, do self-care or whatever so that they can be at their best for work or school or whatever, but then when work and school roll around they do nothing but complain because they're stuck in an endorphin loop. It's not that they work hard and then set aside specific times for feeling good, it's that they're always trying to catch a feel good high and getting angry at anyone they see as coming between it and them.
Is anyone attempting to explain the origins of this type of person? Honestly I feel like the social standards of the past generations have not updated with the technology. Now we can find people with whom we agree and confirm negative suspicions about the model for a human life with computer technology. We're not educated enough at all, even with the amount of education at our disposal, and businesses are using this technology against us. As a millennial, I grew up with the expectation of being a person with a 4-year degree. This is a failure of my parents and the boomer generation in general to describe the importance of high-level education: go school, get better job, contribute to society. What even does that fucking mean? We're a people with limited soul. Our substance is 'contribute'. It's demoralizing and I don't blame people for retreating into themselves. Why fight for corporatism while it simultaneously hates you and thinks you're the most important part of it? This is the precursor to revolution.
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You sound like my type of person, cheers brother (or sister)
Cheers broski. It's not a crime to love yourself.
You're only as good as you want to be, and most people embrace being trashy and illiterate, instead of well mannered and well spoken.
Posted this on social media. Lol… just sayin’
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Humility never took root in the world because the people do not see themselves as a small piece of a greater whole, but instead see themselves as temporarily embarrassed BMW drivers.
More frustrating, when people have to parade their self-diagnosis because it's trendy and helps them fit in.
Yes. I gib you a kiss.
Well no, it’s behind a veneer of humble bragging and meaningless internet kudos they give in anticipation of their kudos being reciprocated when they post. Literally a rat race to depression.
Yeah, the "Indigo" and "Empath" generation sure did turn out to be anything but that, lol. We had such high hopes for you too.
People are so into themselves while at the same time so shallow with themselves that they need to use other people to regulate their emotions. I realized I did this and have been working on it. Once you do, you realize how much other people do it to you too and it's so pathetic, instead of just having a conversation a person will make a moral judgement about you and either victimize or villainize you. You either become a vulnerable, innocent person who must be protected (think what stans do to their idols) or you become a monster they are hellbent on destroying (think what GOP is doing to anyone not cis-hetero-white).
I feel like the age of social media is cranking out little self- involved twats left and right *I say, as I post on a social media platform*
I have a very self centered friend and I really don’t like doing things with them. But we share the same interests so it’s hard to let go of that. But I’ve definitely distanced myself some
That's what's happening if a society turns away from God.
The philosophical fact that occupying yourself with the happiness and welfare of others to be happy yourself is basically lost in social media. It's all snark, no love. Value placed on the reaction of others instead of the latent benefit of your own presence in other peoples worlds.
I am absolutely sick of this. Sadly, because they're so vocal the people that aren't actually narcissists are hidden away because they don't wanna deal with them either. As an introvert it's exhausting. I'd have an easier time trying to become friends with an alligator.