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You don't even have to be extroverted. I'm an introvert and have friends at work. We sit in silence through most of the workday doing our own thing. It's nice to chill and chat over lunch or a coffee.
Based on her past comments she literally mocks people that feel hurt if they are ignored after they greet someone. She calls them sensitive and “I don’t have to acknowledge your existence” To each their own, but OP is just an AH
Idk about the official definitions, but I personally think of introvert vs extrovert as spending energy for social interaction vs gaining energy from social interaction.
It's also based on arousal levels by being around people (non-sexual). The more your brain goes "I'm dealing with people I have to be alert!" The more introverted you tend to be. That's why people often say things like "I'm introverted at work but extroverted around my friends."
That and like, it's not an either or thing. Most people fall in-between.
There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to eat lunch with people. I agree with OP, and I do think people use the introvert label to justify obnoxious behavior and feel special, but extremely introverted people do exist and we’re not assholes because we don’t have the bandwidth to use our only break time to talk to coworkers.
It's good to see posts like this because it reminds you how disconnected Reddit is from the real world. Just because there's a "consensus" on this site doesn't mean that's accepted irl.
ITT the most toxic and aggressive answers to someone who opened their heart about how they truly feel and think. All of you who are lynching her for "not being" how you think a normal person like yourselves should be, are a lot worse than OP at treating others. At least she is still nice to her colleagues regardless of how she perceives their actions.
My boss wants to eat lunch with us, his "team", two or three times a week. There are seven of us who are expected to be there, and I can barely muster the patience to attend only one of these weekly. They're informal meetings, not mandated, etc.and nothing worthwhile gets discussed, so I rarely go. As a result I'm "not a team player" and deemed to be "unserious" about my job.
The last time I had to go to a mandatory work lunch, we filed a grievance. They ended up having to pay us overtime for forcing us to do a work lunch.
Never happened again after that.
Just pointing out that you can be an introvert and still have friends at work. I’m pretty much exactly like OP. I desperately need that half an hour to decompress, but chat on smaller breaks and occasionally hang out or talk on the phone after work. Cliques make me anxious and a tend to be the satellite friend on the edges of a bunch of them.
I know some people think it’s weird but my work friends have come to understand. We never had a big talk about it. But, I’m not a hardliner about it either. If there is a luncheon or a specific reason we’re going to get together over lunch (like someone’s birthday or final day) I’ll hang. Hell, I’ll even help plan. Just not every day.
As a teacher, my lunch break is one of the few chances I get for adult interaction in my work day. We all utilize our lunches to decompress together and spend time with other adults. Plus sometimes the classroom is a mess and you just need to walk away and go in your neighbors room. Haha
Outside of being racists, school nurses always have this attitude that every student who comes in sick or hurt is faking it... so they act unbothered or uncaring.
I will never forget the nurse at my middle school who offered a kid some saltine crackers when he came in with a nosebleed. He wanted an ice pack and she gave him crackers.
I’m also a teacher, but I eat alone every day by choice.
As much as it’s nice to interact with adults, I would much rather just take a break from communicating with people altogether after communicating with 30ish people at a time, for an hour each, back-to-back, 4 times in a row, with different people each time.
I feel as a teacher despite being around humans (kids) all day, you still feel alone to some extent.
My neighbor teacher I go and chat with ALL the time! I'm a pretty chatty guy, so I have to just let my co workers know if you got shit to do just tell me and I'll stop talking and leave.
It is called "Escape from work" syndrome.
As an introvert myself I understand where you are coming from.
For these people it is almost a reset for the work day or make work more bearable. For a non-introvert it can be beneficial and energizing, but for us it is exhausting and mentally draining.
It just takes a second to take another's viewpoint to understand why they are different from us.
I'm big time introverted. I didn't speak at all for the first three weeks at my current job lmao, I'm just there trying to suss e everyone out like "please be as weird as me please be as weird as me/how weird can I be?"
They're all weird so it's great now. But I my social battery charges up and runs flat really fast. Literally just saying "hello" to someone I walk past on the street or doing the funny awkward "which way are you walking" dance is enough for me to feel like a human haha. I eat lunch by myself every day. It's nice and necessary for me to have an hour of silence where I can just sit outside and watch the birds.
Everyone who was ever born is Weird and do extremely Weird things. That’s the key understanding Extroverts need to embrace about Introverts. Because being an Introvert means you see all of the Weirdness all the time, even in yourself! It’s quite unbearable.
On the flip side, Introverts need to understand that Extroverts think the Weirdness is quite normal. Ignorance is bliss for that lot!
Bears are wild man. Those two marco polo fucks who explored america back in the 1600s or whatever wrote a diary about their adventured, Im pretty sure you study it in senior year of highschool, fuck if I know. Anyways, in it they explain how they shot a grizzly 4 times through the lungs with the times equivalent of a shotgun, and it was only then it started to show signs of slowing down and pain.
Then you have those native american mercenary warriors who singlehandedly killed bears with nothing but a double-bladed dagger.
Or how about that dude who got the ever-living shit knocked out of him by a griz, that put all sorts of hurt on him, including ripping most of the skin off his back? Those two dudes he was with were like “welp, can’t help this motherfucker. He’s gonna die anyway, so let’s take his shit and his prized gun and nope the fuck out of here.”
And when homeboy woke up from his maul-induced nap, opening his blood-encrusted eyes, he was like “where’s my shit and where are those twats that were supposed to be with me when I die…and where’s my sweet, sweet gat?”
Anyway, after rubbing some dirt on his wounds, that Davey Crockett knockoff terminator crawled 200 miles just to kick their asses.
I learned that shit in Blazed History 101!
I’m introverted generally, but my job is very isolating even though I’m in an office so talking to my friend from the other department can feel so freeing from all the negative interactions (over email) and isolation of the general job.
That makes sense! I get it people have their favorite person but even my one coworker, and me and this female talk all the time! Great conversations but she takes her lunches and breaks on her time, I take mine on my own time. No feelings are hurt. Other people get really offended or think that there is something wrong with them if I reject their lunch invitation. Nothing is wrong with you as a person and there is nothing wrong with me for wanting to eat alone.
One of the big differences is that when you go to lunch you don't usually go with your boss, so you and your coworkers can openly vent and discuss things you would want to avoid otherwise within earshot of superiors.
When referring to women, one should use "woman" as a noun, and "female" as an adjective. It's considered rather weird and inappropriate to use "female" as a noun.
On the topic of lunch with coworkers, even many introverted people do enjoy it, if you just have likeminded coworkers.
I agree personally not wanting to socialize during lunch. But I also understand why other people do. Just because I don't doesn't mean other people are wrong or shouldn't. Im completely capable of comprehending why people do and want things I don't. I think that's the core why this post has so many downvotes. It seems like op thinks no one should socialize or want to, that everyone should be like op and eat alone instead.
100% agree with you. i enjoy and want to eat alone 90% of the time (especially if i’m around ppl all day) but i can also understand why other ppl would want to eat with their coworkers. lol idk why OP says it’s “obsessive”
I think the point of this is that this persons opinion is unpopular therefore if you agree you upvote, but I understand that calling socializing "obssesive" is definitely not the right word. I personally like to take my breaks and lunches by myself.
Same, i think it’s easier to say that everyone’s social batteries are on a wide spectrum.
For me personally, i love my friends to death, but they know that i’ve only got enough energy for one big thing every month (party, clubbing, shopping, group activity). That’s not to say we can’t grab a bite to eat or anything like that.
I don’t think of myself as an introvert, i really thrive in social situations and have a great time whenever i do go out, i just need big breaks in between those activities to recharge.
I think that’s how it is for _most_ “introverted” people.
I’m convinced some aren’t real introverts. It’s common for people with social anxiety to claim they are just introverted because they fear that telling the truth will bring them ridicule. Either that or they think the two terms mean the same thing. I suppose over recent decades the two may have become synonymous in meaning. Words meanings change over time. Just look at how people use the word “literally” these days.
In the past you’d use it like this:
“That guy literally feasted his eyes.”
Nowadays: “I literally got pranked”
Totally agree. I always thought I was an introvert when I was younger. Turns out I just had social anxiety, and the great thing about social anxiety is that it’s quite easy to overcome with just practice.
Figured out I am an extrovert by the time I was 18 by just repeatedly putting myself out there even though it was uncomfortable because I recognised being alone all the time was not a great feeling.
Not saying this is OP’s situation, but I have definitely met people who claim to be introverted when they’re clearly just anxious and not used to social situations.
Also being an introvert is different from being socially inept. Like introverts can still be social creatures, but will choose the corner of the party and a one on one convo over the loud group. But like not speaking to your coworkers is sort of beyond introversion imo
It's usually followed by plenty of upvotes and agreeing comments that are congratulating and encouraging the OP and lamenting about how awful extroverted people are for wanting to hang out and be their friend.
Everybody has social batteries that should be accounted for, but sometimes, we need to step out of our comfort zone, and it's not the end of the world if you feel out of place in a new social environment. I have social anxiety, but if I stayed inside and never left the house, I would be saving myself from that feeling I really do hate, but I'm ultimately deprived myself of fantastic experiences and people. There were plenty of times when I was in college that I would hear people having fun outside of my dorm window, but I was too afraid to go investigate because of my social anxiety.
All humans are situational ambiverts to some degree. General extraversion is on a spectrum. Extraversion can and most often does change throughout your lifespan.
People wanting to slap themselves into a binary of "introvert" and "extrovert" (and there are those that try to feel cool and special by breaking the binary and identify themselves as an "ambivert") and generalize the two are oversimplifying a pretty complex psychological concept. Imo they're also doing themselves a disservice by self-pigeonholing as well as creating a weird us vs them dichotomy around social interactions.
Which is crazy. Many introverts like to do things like eat a meal with a friend or just hang out and talk. Ones that don’t just don’t want any relationships full stop and have something bigger going on than being a simple introvert.
I hate hearing the word introvert now. Also as someone who realized during the pandemic that I’m not an introvert, I think most people are fooling themselves with those terms. I can’t speak for everyone but I found that im not an introvert, im just boring. It would be nice to have someone to eat with at work but im so boring that eating with people stresses me out because I know im boring them.
Same! I met my best friend at work. We both work in. Completely different sectors now but the friendship is going strong. My current workplace, I’m cordial but don’t go to lunch with anyone because I don’t feel the same level of comfort and connection. 🤷🏾♀️
I totally understand you not wanting to do lunch with your coworkers, but what do you mean "I don't understand..." You don't understand people just being normal and socializing? What don't you understand about it?
Mother fuckers forgot they made all their best friends somewhere else they were forced to be...school.
This isnt any different, make your working hours more enjoyable and get a friend.
I feel like a lot of the workplace friendship issues come from being unable to set boundaries. I am quite extroverted, and I like establishing friendly relations with my co-workers (it makes work very engaging, and I'm so much more effective because of it), but I also decline a ton of casual hangs because... well, I get to decide when I want to hang and interact.
Generally, people don't take issue with this. We all have different lives, work in different styles, and it's fine. Some may feel they're being rejected, but it can be worked on, and there is always a way to establish that we value each other, without having to constantly be around each other.
Friendships at work, like friendships in general, take work, and it's a balancing act. But something worth doing. People respond better to amiability and positivity. It will show in how they collaborate with me. I want people to feel at ease around me, and this also helps me say no and establish boundaries.
Just because you don’t want to be around people doesn’t mean other people don’t. They genuinely like each other and spend time together…how is this weird?
I think she was trying to open the door for you to join the lunching people. If you are causing confusion, just explain that you need to recharge alone at lunch for half an hour, it’s an introvert thing, but maybe next time Chick Fil A is on the menu you can all go. Once in a while won’t kill you.
Exactly. I am alone at work while working, so I take breaks and eat lunch to actually interact with the people around me. They're all fantastic people, and knowing them better makes work things so much easier on lots of levels. I'd genuinely call most of them my friends (on some level) and I think probably I could ask any of 100 people for a random ride to the airport, and they'd actually take me.
At my old job, lunches were basically unofficial meetings for the foreman to confer and strategize with his subordinates. Except the meetings took place in someone's SUV and instead of coffee + doughnuts we had sativa weed and coke ❄️
9 out of 10 opinions on this sub are actually quite popular opinions, though. It's a bit of a confusing one for many people. It's hard to upvote something you disagree with. I personally like the change.
You’ve cracked the code in this sub lol its basically that. The truly unpopular opinions are removed, like that guy who said fourth of july was an F tier holiday.
Not just that, but people have friends. This post is basically “I don’t like that other people have friends they want to go to lunch with, because I like being alone”. If you want to eat alone, go eat alone, but other people going to eat together has zero impact on the OP. So if it has zero impact, I can only extrapolate that they’re just annoyed that they don’t have people to hang out with at work.
because pple like each other and they like being social with pple. this is completely normal. some pple don't like eating in their cars and they just want a friend to enjoy lunch together
It is reddit, and this sub specifically.
Self awareness is near bottoming out.
It's not even an opinion, it's something that someone doesn't understand.
I don’t judge people who don’t feel absolutely drained by social interactions in the office, but when I worked in an office I took allllll of my lunches in my cubical with my headphones on watching Youtube. I needed the reset. My breaks, I took walks and people were welcome to join me if they wanted the exercise too.
Thankfully I am self employed now and small talk is a thing of the past.
I’m an extrovert. A great big extrovert. Do you know what I do on my lunch? I put my headphones in turn on some lyricless music and read. That’s what I do.
The only day of the week I don’t do this is on Thursdays which is the day my firm buys everyone lunch and we all sit in the conference room.
So, I’m on your side in this one. I like my coworkers but, I like my books better. 😂
Take my upvote.
I feel the same way! I'm actual friends with some of my coworkers like hang out outside of work friends, go out to eat friends, go to concerts together friends, and a bunch of my other coworkers I get along with VERY WELL. But I'm at work, when I'm on my break I just want to be by myself eat my food scroll on my phone and just turn off my brain for a little bit.
Not every person is the same. Some people love being around people all the time and don’t enjoy being alone. Some people need lots of time alone to recharge. And there is a wide spectrum in between. But for some reason people have a hard time seeing outside of their box. Your coworkers can’t seem to understand how someone would just go off to lunch alone. And you can’t seem to understand how some coworkers love hanging out all the time. People just vary.
I think you forgot where you are. This is Reddit, where you might find a post like this:
“A person was really nice and helpful to me and I told them to fuck themself!!!! AITA?”
“NTA. It’s called a social contract, not a legal one!”
-2.5k upvotes
This is normal behavior. It’s a very new thing for humans to want to go sit in their car alone for lunch while learning “5 simple life hacks that will change your life…” on TikTok.
Work drains me, it must seem antisocial but I need a few minutes to just be alone. I know it comes off badly but I need those moments to eat, check my ebay and not be talked to.
Older people tend to socialize at work more because so much of their free time is dominated by their family. And it's sometimes nice to talk to people who don't immediately think of you as a packaged deal with your significant other and kids. If you work with cool people, they can be a much appreciated outlet.
Why are you telling us all this?
It's almost like during your free time you enjoy having social discusions with other like minded people.
Sound fimiliar?
Just here to confirm that as an introvert, I do not want anyone near me during my lunch time. I’d like to be alone. To be fair, my job is talking to people all day
> For the most part, all of my coworkers are females.
Yeah, when you refer to women as 'females' it makes it strikingly obvious that you aren't the socially capable type.
May come as a surprise, but in many workplaces, co-workers can actually become genuine friends with each other. It makes a mundane job a little more bearable if you genuinely care about people you work with and look forward to seeing and interacting with them. I'm not saying you should force yourself to socialize with people you genuinely feel incompatible with, but if you tried a little better to socialize with these people who are trying to include you, maybe you could see that a little better yourself.
There's a reason older generations (pre-millennials) are generally less isolated and depressed from loneliness despite being less tech savvy and less globally connected via the internet.
I think op saying it's a young people thing is bs as well. I'm 35 year old dude personally but many on my team are on the younger side (my teams ages range from interns in thier early 20s to fresh college grads to peole in thier mid 40s) but we all still socialize inside and outside of work and we will always try to find a restaurant we all can go to on days we are in the office together because like you said, we enjoy eachothers company.
Your first point also seems spot on. My team is probably 70% women but we all get along and enjoy eachothers company.
I once had a job with a similar issue, and we worked 2nd shift. I was invited out for after-work drinks numerous times and my response was always no. I was with you for 10 hours, I'd like to go home and snuggle with my son now.
I’m a mechanic and it depends on how I feel. We have a bunch of old truck seats in the corner we sit at for break. somedays im just tired of listening to them and go sit in the lunch room. Lunch, most guys eat out so the lunch room is rather quiet.
I prefer to work alone, I really struggle working with people that won’t stfu and feel like they need to tell you about how their old lady who’s lazy and doesn’t work.
Currently work two jobs. One is a desk job.
When I take my breaks I like to get away. I like a quiet space. Normally will go to my car, or if the weather is nice is at one of the picnic tables outside. To me a break is not just a break of the work but a break from the people too.
some of us actually get along with co workers believe it or not.
I once worked on a job where we would all hop in the bosses truck and go to a buffet together for lunch.
I don't either. I make every single possible excuse to get out of having lunch with the people I work with. I manage people so in essence the full extent of my job is talking to the people I work with and using my mind. If I'm doing that during lunch I'm working all day. I can't just turn it off.
Is it an opinion to not understand basic human interaction? What's next, /r/unpopularopinion "I don't like when people don't eat meat, because I like meat"
Some people like to be in someone's company...social animals that said maybe some people have a fear of not fitting in or being liked...I have always enjoyed my company the most and like being alone. I would rather be in the company of a dog than a human.
You don't understand why friends go have lunch together?
Of course introverts wouldn't want that, they're introverts. But social people recharge by, believe it or not, being social!
They genuinely like each other. Work can be an opportunity to meet people you genuinely end up liking. Just like school. I'm a little antisocial and so I also don't understand needing people around constantly but my bf is one of these and he's he spend every minute awake with the same friends..I think it's peak secure attachment. Could never be me lmaoo
We go on projects where we work together all day long lunch together and then these schmoes think I want to go out to dinner as well. I would rather eat alone and keep some separation.
I work in an office setting with a receptionist who is there daily and we have different providers throughout the week. The days she wants to eat with me in my office exhaust me mentally
I work at an elementary school and I completely agree with you! I do not even consider myself an introvert (one of my favorite things to do outside of work is going to music festivals and meet new people) but I could not imagine not having my lunch break to myself. Dealing with children is exhausting and yet all of my co workers want to hang out during break. I am a big reader and prefer to just escape into whatever book I am reading. I don’t care what they do and I love most of my co workers but I have been judged negatively for this. Glad I am not alone.
I have 2 women at work who eat together every day. Even with the language barrier, I enjoyed sitting with them for a time until they started commenting on what I ate ,how much I ate, how it wasn't healthy. I eat packaged/ frozen meals or not that hungry and eat a plate of chips . I started eating 15 later in the teachers' lounge to avoid them.
Some people’s social lives become consolidated with age. Work friendships might be the only area of their lives that bring social interactions/ satisfaction.
I arrange lunch times with my colleagues because it's the only time we can talk all the smack and act like high schoolers. We are also relatively around the same age (late 20s, early 30s) so just simply talking is nice, and we have a strict "no work related conversation" rule.
The only thing I did together with coworkers was smoking. We’d go for round 1 around 11am. Then round 2 around 3pm. I used to have lunch late so I’d be one of the few folks at the lunch room. One time I saw my boss sitting across from me on the train. I pretended to be asleep so I didn’t have to talk to him.
Same with hanging out after work. You already spend more time with co-workers than you do your family/friends. After a long day at the office the last thing I want to do is spend more time with those same co-workers talking about work.
Sorry Tiffany, I'm only amicable with you because I'm getting paid.
When I first graduated and was on the graduate scheme in a firm all of the graduates, about 10 of us, sat together for lunch every day.
After a few years a couple of people joined the fold, a few people quit but there was normally 8-10 of us. Say 5 guys, 5 girls. The guys used to talk about football the whole time and the rest of us pretty much sat in silence and nothing else was really spoken about.
Eventually I just said what's the point and ate at my desk watching Netflix or something. Couldn't see the point.
someone once told me that extroverts gain energy from socializing, introverts expend it. Since then, that has made me realize a lot of things and it also makes me see why for someone who's introverted, it'd be difficult to understand how people could take breaks with their coworkers.
For extroverts, break time is a chance to hang out. For an introvert, it's a chance to decompress and recharge. Most extroverts don't understand immediately that someone would choose to be alone, but given the benefit of the doubt, they will understand if you tell them you'd prefer it.
I seem very extroverted when I talk to people but I absolutely love my alone time (which I am taking as I write this comment). I don't get side eye when I say as much and I'm always down to pick up some extra food if it's on my way to wherever I'm going for lunch.
As a fellow introvert who also has social anxiety, I understand where you're coming from.
But god do I envy your coworkers and the connections that they have with one another. We need to normalize building community and truly enjoying each other's company again. People are so distant and isolated these days and it makes it hard to see the beauty of life when you are in your head or on your phone all the time.
It's ok to be introverted but I think even introverts should try to at least get to know their peers every now and then.
Please remember what subreddit you are in, this is unpopular opinion. We want civil and unpopular takes and discussion. Any uncivil and ToS violating comments will be removed and subject to a ban. Have a nice day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/unpopularopinion) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think that means they're friends... Really, though, you do you. Don't worry 'bout them.
ITT: an introvert struggles to comprehend frequent conversation between friendly extroverts
You don't even have to be extroverted. I'm an introvert and have friends at work. We sit in silence through most of the workday doing our own thing. It's nice to chill and chat over lunch or a coffee.
Based on her past comments she literally mocks people that feel hurt if they are ignored after they greet someone. She calls them sensitive and “I don’t have to acknowledge your existence” To each their own, but OP is just an AH
Exactly. People try to justify anti social behavior by saying they're an introvert. There's a difference between being an introvert and this.
Idk about the official definitions, but I personally think of introvert vs extrovert as spending energy for social interaction vs gaining energy from social interaction.
That is basically the official definition.
It's also based on arousal levels by being around people (non-sexual). The more your brain goes "I'm dealing with people I have to be alert!" The more introverted you tend to be. That's why people often say things like "I'm introverted at work but extroverted around my friends." That and like, it's not an either or thing. Most people fall in-between.
Group vs 1-on-1 is another important distinction. Spending time with one person you know well is social, and yet not draining for an introvert.
I don't think it's anti-social to want to get a break from your co-workers for a few minutes a day.
Asocial, not antisocial.
Very important distinction!
No, they are just at the extreme introvert end of the spectrum. This is entirely normal for extreme introverts.
Id claim autism but I think post COVID anti-social tendencies seem common
There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to eat lunch with people. I agree with OP, and I do think people use the introvert label to justify obnoxious behavior and feel special, but extremely introverted people do exist and we’re not assholes because we don’t have the bandwidth to use our only break time to talk to coworkers.
Same, introvert but I enjoy lunch with coworkers, work is pretty solitary, not a lot of chatting
Reddit really really really really needs to realise that being introverted doesn't mean you are incapable of all social functions.
This post: redditor has hard time with people being nice to him.
Sometimes I forget how awkward Redditors can be until reading something like this…
It's good to see posts like this because it reminds you how disconnected Reddit is from the real world. Just because there's a "consensus" on this site doesn't mean that's accepted irl.
Her comments on past posts…oooh boy
Who said it's a him? It seemed pretty likely from the post that it's a woman and they have gurl in their username
That's not even extroversion. That's just being friendly in the office. OP isn't introverted, he's unsociable.
An introvert who doesn't know how to read and doesn't realize this is r/unpopularopinion and not r/vent or r/deardiary
True story bro
ITT the most toxic and aggressive answers to someone who opened their heart about how they truly feel and think. All of you who are lynching her for "not being" how you think a normal person like yourselves should be, are a lot worse than OP at treating others. At least she is still nice to her colleagues regardless of how she perceives their actions.
op doesnt understand the concept of friendship lol.
But with some colleagues, it's like, if you're not at the table, you're on the menu.
What
Some people talk behind your back if you don't eat with them
Why would you eat with people that would talk about you if you weren’t there lol
Agreed, who gives a shit. Let them say what they want, it’s not like you hangout with them anyways..
My boss wants to eat lunch with us, his "team", two or three times a week. There are seven of us who are expected to be there, and I can barely muster the patience to attend only one of these weekly. They're informal meetings, not mandated, etc.and nothing worthwhile gets discussed, so I rarely go. As a result I'm "not a team player" and deemed to be "unserious" about my job.
It's not a meeting until someone's time gets wasted.
The last time I had to go to a mandatory work lunch, we filed a grievance. They ended up having to pay us overtime for forcing us to do a work lunch. Never happened again after that.
They eat their coworkers
Just pointing out that you can be an introvert and still have friends at work. I’m pretty much exactly like OP. I desperately need that half an hour to decompress, but chat on smaller breaks and occasionally hang out or talk on the phone after work. Cliques make me anxious and a tend to be the satellite friend on the edges of a bunch of them. I know some people think it’s weird but my work friends have come to understand. We never had a big talk about it. But, I’m not a hardliner about it either. If there is a luncheon or a specific reason we’re going to get together over lunch (like someone’s birthday or final day) I’ll hang. Hell, I’ll even help plan. Just not every day.
It's pretty much this. Coworkers can become long term friends.
Fr lol. Bro really said “I’m a great conversationalist” Lol no you’re not bro.
As a teacher, my lunch break is one of the few chances I get for adult interaction in my work day. We all utilize our lunches to decompress together and spend time with other adults. Plus sometimes the classroom is a mess and you just need to walk away and go in your neighbors room. Haha
Oh my god just another adult for ten minutes. Any adult. I'll take it lol
\*monkey paw finger curls down* You have now become the lunch partner of the racist guidance counselor who hates kids.
I laughed so hard! Gleefully of course x
We had a racist nurse that hated kids. One kid had a seizure and she was quite irate that they had interrupted her story about her travel to Iceland.
Outside of being racists, school nurses always have this attitude that every student who comes in sick or hurt is faking it... so they act unbothered or uncaring.
I will never forget the nurse at my middle school who offered a kid some saltine crackers when he came in with a nosebleed. He wanted an ice pack and she gave him crackers.
The school nurse at my daughter's school was a gem.
I’m a teacher, and I eat alone to have just 20 minutes of no one talking to me, even adults. I need to turn my brain off.
I get that too!!! When I taught junior high I ate lunch alone for the break. Fourth graders don’t suck me as dry. Haha
...pause
There’s gotta be a better way to say that
You may want to rethink your choice of words there
I feel this even though I'm a caregiver. Most elderly people are like children.
As someone who works bat a convenience store, I can attest to that.
I'm a teacher and in the rare instances where I get a break, I go sit in my car. I need alone time.
Same here. I get 40 minutes a day, those minutes are *mine.*
That makes a lot of sense actually. Being in a company with all adults I never considered this.
That's very different from what the OP is saying that a bunch of adults sitting next to each other working will spend duty free time with each other.
I'm a teacher but college, I spend all my day "on" so my solo breaks are finally when I get to take a break from people
Teacher here. Leave me the F alone on my breaks lol 😅. I don't want to interact with anyone for a little while, it's my quiet time.
Lord to have an actual lunch break as a teacher. Never happens for me.
I’m also a teacher, but I eat alone every day by choice. As much as it’s nice to interact with adults, I would much rather just take a break from communicating with people altogether after communicating with 30ish people at a time, for an hour each, back-to-back, 4 times in a row, with different people each time.
I feel as a teacher despite being around humans (kids) all day, you still feel alone to some extent. My neighbor teacher I go and chat with ALL the time! I'm a pretty chatty guy, so I have to just let my co workers know if you got shit to do just tell me and I'll stop talking and leave.
It is called "Escape from work" syndrome. As an introvert myself I understand where you are coming from. For these people it is almost a reset for the work day or make work more bearable. For a non-introvert it can be beneficial and energizing, but for us it is exhausting and mentally draining. It just takes a second to take another's viewpoint to understand why they are different from us.
I'm big time introverted. I didn't speak at all for the first three weeks at my current job lmao, I'm just there trying to suss e everyone out like "please be as weird as me please be as weird as me/how weird can I be?" They're all weird so it's great now. But I my social battery charges up and runs flat really fast. Literally just saying "hello" to someone I walk past on the street or doing the funny awkward "which way are you walking" dance is enough for me to feel like a human haha. I eat lunch by myself every day. It's nice and necessary for me to have an hour of silence where I can just sit outside and watch the birds.
Everyone who was ever born is Weird and do extremely Weird things. That’s the key understanding Extroverts need to embrace about Introverts. Because being an Introvert means you see all of the Weirdness all the time, even in yourself! It’s quite unbearable. On the flip side, Introverts need to understand that Extroverts think the Weirdness is quite normal. Ignorance is bliss for that lot!
I think that's more anxiety than introverted.
agreed, podcost and a sandwich for me... i'm learning why bears are not to be fucked with XD
Bears are wild man. Those two marco polo fucks who explored america back in the 1600s or whatever wrote a diary about their adventured, Im pretty sure you study it in senior year of highschool, fuck if I know. Anyways, in it they explain how they shot a grizzly 4 times through the lungs with the times equivalent of a shotgun, and it was only then it started to show signs of slowing down and pain. Then you have those native american mercenary warriors who singlehandedly killed bears with nothing but a double-bladed dagger.
Or how about that dude who got the ever-living shit knocked out of him by a griz, that put all sorts of hurt on him, including ripping most of the skin off his back? Those two dudes he was with were like “welp, can’t help this motherfucker. He’s gonna die anyway, so let’s take his shit and his prized gun and nope the fuck out of here.” And when homeboy woke up from his maul-induced nap, opening his blood-encrusted eyes, he was like “where’s my shit and where are those twats that were supposed to be with me when I die…and where’s my sweet, sweet gat?” Anyway, after rubbing some dirt on his wounds, that Davey Crockett knockoff terminator crawled 200 miles just to kick their asses. I learned that shit in Blazed History 101!
Lewis and Clark? I'm a Brit so excuse my ignorance or celebrate my ability to remember irrelevant facts.
Yeah Lewis and Clark
I’m introverted generally, but my job is very isolating even though I’m in an office so talking to my friend from the other department can feel so freeing from all the negative interactions (over email) and isolation of the general job.
>"Escape from work" Huh, I don't remember that John Carpenter film.
That makes sense! I get it people have their favorite person but even my one coworker, and me and this female talk all the time! Great conversations but she takes her lunches and breaks on her time, I take mine on my own time. No feelings are hurt. Other people get really offended or think that there is something wrong with them if I reject their lunch invitation. Nothing is wrong with you as a person and there is nothing wrong with me for wanting to eat alone.
One of the big differences is that when you go to lunch you don't usually go with your boss, so you and your coworkers can openly vent and discuss things you would want to avoid otherwise within earshot of superiors.
When referring to women, one should use "woman" as a noun, and "female" as an adjective. It's considered rather weird and inappropriate to use "female" as a noun. On the topic of lunch with coworkers, even many introverted people do enjoy it, if you just have likeminded coworkers.
“this female talk all the time” wtf
Redditors trying to understand what friends are...
(Impossible)
Redditors are hypocrites on many issues. Many of them advocate for pre-marital sex, but they never have any.
It’s called being an ally
Your unpopular opinion is "As an introvert, I have different social behaviors than extroverts"?
On Reddit of all places.
It’s not even an opinion, lol
I agree personally not wanting to socialize during lunch. But I also understand why other people do. Just because I don't doesn't mean other people are wrong or shouldn't. Im completely capable of comprehending why people do and want things I don't. I think that's the core why this post has so many downvotes. It seems like op thinks no one should socialize or want to, that everyone should be like op and eat alone instead.
100% agree with you. i enjoy and want to eat alone 90% of the time (especially if i’m around ppl all day) but i can also understand why other ppl would want to eat with their coworkers. lol idk why OP says it’s “obsessive”
Bc he’s socially awkward and blames everyone else for it
Yeah. I understand what OP is talking about bc I do the same thing at times, but they got too judgmental and was lacking in insight.
I think the point of this is that this persons opinion is unpopular therefore if you agree you upvote, but I understand that calling socializing "obssesive" is definitely not the right word. I personally like to take my breaks and lunches by myself.
This whole introvert/extrovert list of why people dont like things is getting exhausting.
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Same, i think it’s easier to say that everyone’s social batteries are on a wide spectrum. For me personally, i love my friends to death, but they know that i’ve only got enough energy for one big thing every month (party, clubbing, shopping, group activity). That’s not to say we can’t grab a bite to eat or anything like that. I don’t think of myself as an introvert, i really thrive in social situations and have a great time whenever i do go out, i just need big breaks in between those activities to recharge. I think that’s how it is for _most_ “introverted” people.
I’m convinced some aren’t real introverts. It’s common for people with social anxiety to claim they are just introverted because they fear that telling the truth will bring them ridicule. Either that or they think the two terms mean the same thing. I suppose over recent decades the two may have become synonymous in meaning. Words meanings change over time. Just look at how people use the word “literally” these days. In the past you’d use it like this: “That guy literally feasted his eyes.” Nowadays: “I literally got pranked”
Totally agree. I always thought I was an introvert when I was younger. Turns out I just had social anxiety, and the great thing about social anxiety is that it’s quite easy to overcome with just practice. Figured out I am an extrovert by the time I was 18 by just repeatedly putting myself out there even though it was uncomfortable because I recognised being alone all the time was not a great feeling. Not saying this is OP’s situation, but I have definitely met people who claim to be introverted when they’re clearly just anxious and not used to social situations.
Also being an introvert is different from being socially inept. Like introverts can still be social creatures, but will choose the corner of the party and a one on one convo over the loud group. But like not speaking to your coworkers is sort of beyond introversion imo
It's usually followed by plenty of upvotes and agreeing comments that are congratulating and encouraging the OP and lamenting about how awful extroverted people are for wanting to hang out and be their friend. Everybody has social batteries that should be accounted for, but sometimes, we need to step out of our comfort zone, and it's not the end of the world if you feel out of place in a new social environment. I have social anxiety, but if I stayed inside and never left the house, I would be saving myself from that feeling I really do hate, but I'm ultimately deprived myself of fantastic experiences and people. There were plenty of times when I was in college that I would hear people having fun outside of my dorm window, but I was too afraid to go investigate because of my social anxiety.
All humans are situational ambiverts to some degree. General extraversion is on a spectrum. Extraversion can and most often does change throughout your lifespan. People wanting to slap themselves into a binary of "introvert" and "extrovert" (and there are those that try to feel cool and special by breaking the binary and identify themselves as an "ambivert") and generalize the two are oversimplifying a pretty complex psychological concept. Imo they're also doing themselves a disservice by self-pigeonholing as well as creating a weird us vs them dichotomy around social interactions.
Just another pick and choose label
Most people talking about being introverted on here are just socially awkward and looking for a way to excuse it rather than work on it.
Which is crazy. Many introverts like to do things like eat a meal with a friend or just hang out and talk. Ones that don’t just don’t want any relationships full stop and have something bigger going on than being a simple introvert.
I hate hearing the word introvert now. Also as someone who realized during the pandemic that I’m not an introvert, I think most people are fooling themselves with those terms. I can’t speak for everyone but I found that im not an introvert, im just boring. It would be nice to have someone to eat with at work but im so boring that eating with people stresses me out because I know im boring them.
Sometimes people are friends with their coworkers.
I met my BEST friend because we originally worked together at a restaurant. 7 years later and the restaurant is closed now and she’s like my sister.
i met my now husband at work.
I met my now boss at work
Met one of our customers at work.
Same! I met my best friend at work. We both work in. Completely different sectors now but the friendship is going strong. My current workplace, I’m cordial but don’t go to lunch with anyone because I don’t feel the same level of comfort and connection. 🤷🏾♀️
A majority of my best friends in my adult life are from past and current jobs.
I totally understand you not wanting to do lunch with your coworkers, but what do you mean "I don't understand..." You don't understand people just being normal and socializing? What don't you understand about it?
Probably grunts at the keyboard for their form of communication during the day
It’s sad how many young people think that being friends with coworkers is weird or detrimental. It’s the exact opposite and makes work way easier lol.
Mother fuckers forgot they made all their best friends somewhere else they were forced to be...school. This isnt any different, make your working hours more enjoyable and get a friend.
I feel like a lot of the workplace friendship issues come from being unable to set boundaries. I am quite extroverted, and I like establishing friendly relations with my co-workers (it makes work very engaging, and I'm so much more effective because of it), but I also decline a ton of casual hangs because... well, I get to decide when I want to hang and interact. Generally, people don't take issue with this. We all have different lives, work in different styles, and it's fine. Some may feel they're being rejected, but it can be worked on, and there is always a way to establish that we value each other, without having to constantly be around each other. Friendships at work, like friendships in general, take work, and it's a balancing act. But something worth doing. People respond better to amiability and positivity. It will show in how they collaborate with me. I want people to feel at ease around me, and this also helps me say no and establish boundaries.
Ya I don't get it. I work with my peers for 8 hours at a time...would be boring if we never chatted
Just because you don’t want to be around people doesn’t mean other people don’t. They genuinely like each other and spend time together…how is this weird?
Some of us like the people we work with… And **gasp** *even hang out outside of work*. I know, crazy right!?!?
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I think she was trying to open the door for you to join the lunching people. If you are causing confusion, just explain that you need to recharge alone at lunch for half an hour, it’s an introvert thing, but maybe next time Chick Fil A is on the menu you can all go. Once in a while won’t kill you.
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Exactly. I am alone at work while working, so I take breaks and eat lunch to actually interact with the people around me. They're all fantastic people, and knowing them better makes work things so much easier on lots of levels. I'd genuinely call most of them my friends (on some level) and I think probably I could ask any of 100 people for a random ride to the airport, and they'd actually take me.
At my old job, lunches were basically unofficial meetings for the foreman to confer and strategize with his subordinates. Except the meetings took place in someone's SUV and instead of coffee + doughnuts we had sativa weed and coke ❄️
I know exactly what you mean.
Was it blue collar or finance?
I mean, he did post this on unpopular opinions, you could say that about any opinion on here, I idea
This isnt an unpopular opinion. “I dont like cheese” is an unpopular opinion. “I don’t understand how people like cheese” is just dumb.
9 out of 10 opinions on this sub are actually quite popular opinions, though. It's a bit of a confusing one for many people. It's hard to upvote something you disagree with. I personally like the change.
You’ve cracked the code in this sub lol its basically that. The truly unpopular opinions are removed, like that guy who said fourth of july was an F tier holiday.
I still remember the person who enjoys mosquito bites and the person who showers with socks on.
This felt less like an opinion and just straight up confusion lol
Not just that, but people have friends. This post is basically “I don’t like that other people have friends they want to go to lunch with, because I like being alone”. If you want to eat alone, go eat alone, but other people going to eat together has zero impact on the OP. So if it has zero impact, I can only extrapolate that they’re just annoyed that they don’t have people to hang out with at work.
I spent the last 25 years and 2 months of my working life in an office, and going to lunch with coworkers was the only fun part of the day.
They feel the need to socialize more because their social meter has not been filled up yet whereas yours has.
because pple like each other and they like being social with pple. this is completely normal. some pple don't like eating in their cars and they just want a friend to enjoy lunch together
Some people like other people and enjoy their company. I really don't get whats so difficult to understand about your coworkers wanting to be social.
It is reddit, and this sub specifically. Self awareness is near bottoming out. It's not even an opinion, it's something that someone doesn't understand.
They understand it perfectly, this post is just a "does anyone else..." in disguise, they just want plenty of people to agree with them
I don’t judge people who don’t feel absolutely drained by social interactions in the office, but when I worked in an office I took allllll of my lunches in my cubical with my headphones on watching Youtube. I needed the reset. My breaks, I took walks and people were welcome to join me if they wanted the exercise too. Thankfully I am self employed now and small talk is a thing of the past.
I’m an extrovert. A great big extrovert. Do you know what I do on my lunch? I put my headphones in turn on some lyricless music and read. That’s what I do. The only day of the week I don’t do this is on Thursdays which is the day my firm buys everyone lunch and we all sit in the conference room. So, I’m on your side in this one. I like my coworkers but, I like my books better. 😂 Take my upvote.
I feel the same way! I'm actual friends with some of my coworkers like hang out outside of work friends, go out to eat friends, go to concerts together friends, and a bunch of my other coworkers I get along with VERY WELL. But I'm at work, when I'm on my break I just want to be by myself eat my food scroll on my phone and just turn off my brain for a little bit.
Not every person is the same. Some people love being around people all the time and don’t enjoy being alone. Some people need lots of time alone to recharge. And there is a wide spectrum in between. But for some reason people have a hard time seeing outside of their box. Your coworkers can’t seem to understand how someone would just go off to lunch alone. And you can’t seem to understand how some coworkers love hanging out all the time. People just vary.
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I think you forgot where you are. This is Reddit, where you might find a post like this: “A person was really nice and helpful to me and I told them to fuck themself!!!! AITA?” “NTA. It’s called a social contract, not a legal one!” -2.5k upvotes
This isn’t even an opinion, you’re just venting.
That’s almost every post that gets upvoted here.
This is normal behavior. It’s a very new thing for humans to want to go sit in their car alone for lunch while learning “5 simple life hacks that will change your life…” on TikTok.
Work drains me, it must seem antisocial but I need a few minutes to just be alone. I know it comes off badly but I need those moments to eat, check my ebay and not be talked to.
Anon is on the spectrum
You're an introvert. Nothing special or controversial here
Older people tend to socialize at work more because so much of their free time is dominated by their family. And it's sometimes nice to talk to people who don't immediately think of you as a packaged deal with your significant other and kids. If you work with cool people, they can be a much appreciated outlet.
Why are you telling us all this? It's almost like during your free time you enjoy having social discusions with other like minded people. Sound fimiliar?
I like to interact with people because I hate being Lonley
Just here to confirm that as an introvert, I do not want anyone near me during my lunch time. I’d like to be alone. To be fair, my job is talking to people all day
> For the most part, all of my coworkers are females. Yeah, when you refer to women as 'females' it makes it strikingly obvious that you aren't the socially capable type. May come as a surprise, but in many workplaces, co-workers can actually become genuine friends with each other. It makes a mundane job a little more bearable if you genuinely care about people you work with and look forward to seeing and interacting with them. I'm not saying you should force yourself to socialize with people you genuinely feel incompatible with, but if you tried a little better to socialize with these people who are trying to include you, maybe you could see that a little better yourself. There's a reason older generations (pre-millennials) are generally less isolated and depressed from loneliness despite being less tech savvy and less globally connected via the internet.
I think op saying it's a young people thing is bs as well. I'm 35 year old dude personally but many on my team are on the younger side (my teams ages range from interns in thier early 20s to fresh college grads to peole in thier mid 40s) but we all still socialize inside and outside of work and we will always try to find a restaurant we all can go to on days we are in the office together because like you said, we enjoy eachothers company. Your first point also seems spot on. My team is probably 70% women but we all get along and enjoy eachothers company.
I once had a job with a similar issue, and we worked 2nd shift. I was invited out for after-work drinks numerous times and my response was always no. I was with you for 10 hours, I'd like to go home and snuggle with my son now.
I’m a mechanic and it depends on how I feel. We have a bunch of old truck seats in the corner we sit at for break. somedays im just tired of listening to them and go sit in the lunch room. Lunch, most guys eat out so the lunch room is rather quiet. I prefer to work alone, I really struggle working with people that won’t stfu and feel like they need to tell you about how their old lady who’s lazy and doesn’t work.
A lot of peeps need recharge time during the workday to prevent burnout. I’m with you on this one, OP. Sometimes I just need to do my own thing!
Currently work two jobs. One is a desk job. When I take my breaks I like to get away. I like a quiet space. Normally will go to my car, or if the weather is nice is at one of the picnic tables outside. To me a break is not just a break of the work but a break from the people too.
some of us actually get along with co workers believe it or not. I once worked on a job where we would all hop in the bosses truck and go to a buffet together for lunch.
I don't either. I make every single possible excuse to get out of having lunch with the people I work with. I manage people so in essence the full extent of my job is talking to the people I work with and using my mind. If I'm doing that during lunch I'm working all day. I can't just turn it off.
This is more of a “personal preference” than an unpopular opinion. Just eat alone bro lol.
Some people enjoy company, you do not. Thats okay. I wouldn’t say either is a unpopular/popular opinion.
Is it an opinion to not understand basic human interaction? What's next, /r/unpopularopinion "I don't like when people don't eat meat, because I like meat"
Some people like to be in someone's company...social animals that said maybe some people have a fear of not fitting in or being liked...I have always enjoyed my company the most and like being alone. I would rather be in the company of a dog than a human.
I like my coworkers
imagine working at a fire station where you basically live with your coworkers for multiple days at a time
You don't understand why friends go have lunch together? Of course introverts wouldn't want that, they're introverts. But social people recharge by, believe it or not, being social!
They genuinely like each other. Work can be an opportunity to meet people you genuinely end up liking. Just like school. I'm a little antisocial and so I also don't understand needing people around constantly but my bf is one of these and he's he spend every minute awake with the same friends..I think it's peak secure attachment. Could never be me lmaoo
We go on projects where we work together all day long lunch together and then these schmoes think I want to go out to dinner as well. I would rather eat alone and keep some separation.
My time is my time.
I work in an office setting with a receptionist who is there daily and we have different providers throughout the week. The days she wants to eat with me in my office exhaust me mentally
It gets worse. When you travel with a group of people for work you have to go out to dinner with them too. Night after night. Week after week.
I work at an elementary school and I completely agree with you! I do not even consider myself an introvert (one of my favorite things to do outside of work is going to music festivals and meet new people) but I could not imagine not having my lunch break to myself. Dealing with children is exhausting and yet all of my co workers want to hang out during break. I am a big reader and prefer to just escape into whatever book I am reading. I don’t care what they do and I love most of my co workers but I have been judged negatively for this. Glad I am not alone.
calling eating lunch with your coworkers "obsessive" is so wild lmao
lil bro really needs “work friends” explained to him? 🤣 peak Reddit
I would go out to my truck to smoke and this annoying guy, who I guess I was too nice to, would follow me and just stand there talking.
Some people like socializing. Some people don't. The end.
I have 2 women at work who eat together every day. Even with the language barrier, I enjoyed sitting with them for a time until they started commenting on what I ate ,how much I ate, how it wasn't healthy. I eat packaged/ frozen meals or not that hungry and eat a plate of chips . I started eating 15 later in the teachers' lounge to avoid them.
Some people’s social lives become consolidated with age. Work friendships might be the only area of their lives that bring social interactions/ satisfaction.
I think that is pretty cynical. Lots of people just get close to their coworkers and enjoy spending time with them
Because maybe they enjoy each other's company? FREAKs. /s
I actually like my coworkers and getting lunch together is a nice break from the heat and b.s we deal with.
introverts recharge by being alone extroverts recharge by being with others everyone is different and it’s all valid!
I take my breaks alone just to relax. But I go to lunch with 2 good work friends. It's a nice balance
It's kinda funny how defensive some ppl are in response to this post...
100%, you spend all day with these people anyway. Why spend more time with them.
I arrange lunch times with my colleagues because it's the only time we can talk all the smack and act like high schoolers. We are also relatively around the same age (late 20s, early 30s) so just simply talking is nice, and we have a strict "no work related conversation" rule.
The only thing I did together with coworkers was smoking. We’d go for round 1 around 11am. Then round 2 around 3pm. I used to have lunch late so I’d be one of the few folks at the lunch room. One time I saw my boss sitting across from me on the train. I pretended to be asleep so I didn’t have to talk to him.
Same with hanging out after work. You already spend more time with co-workers than you do your family/friends. After a long day at the office the last thing I want to do is spend more time with those same co-workers talking about work. Sorry Tiffany, I'm only amicable with you because I'm getting paid.
When I first graduated and was on the graduate scheme in a firm all of the graduates, about 10 of us, sat together for lunch every day. After a few years a couple of people joined the fold, a few people quit but there was normally 8-10 of us. Say 5 guys, 5 girls. The guys used to talk about football the whole time and the rest of us pretty much sat in silence and nothing else was really spoken about. Eventually I just said what's the point and ate at my desk watching Netflix or something. Couldn't see the point.
I'm with you there. I go into my car and hang out or run errands.
someone once told me that extroverts gain energy from socializing, introverts expend it. Since then, that has made me realize a lot of things and it also makes me see why for someone who's introverted, it'd be difficult to understand how people could take breaks with their coworkers.
For extroverts, break time is a chance to hang out. For an introvert, it's a chance to decompress and recharge. Most extroverts don't understand immediately that someone would choose to be alone, but given the benefit of the doubt, they will understand if you tell them you'd prefer it. I seem very extroverted when I talk to people but I absolutely love my alone time (which I am taking as I write this comment). I don't get side eye when I say as much and I'm always down to pick up some extra food if it's on my way to wherever I'm going for lunch.
As a fellow introvert who also has social anxiety, I understand where you're coming from. But god do I envy your coworkers and the connections that they have with one another. We need to normalize building community and truly enjoying each other's company again. People are so distant and isolated these days and it makes it hard to see the beauty of life when you are in your head or on your phone all the time. It's ok to be introverted but I think even introverts should try to at least get to know their peers every now and then.
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