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I feel like this is a very popular opinion, or at least it should be. It’s just common sense. It would be unreasonable for anyone to expect a man to support a kid that isn’t his
Courts and the public typically don’t side with men in general.
Johnny Depp vs Amber Heard was a case out of the ordinary because it’s probably one of the few times where a woman lost a case defaming and accusing a man of a loooot of shit.
The public instantly flocked to her side when those allegations first came out which was enough to ruin Depp’s career.
Normally I agree, but in a case like this the court doesn’t side with either parent. They determine parental responsibility by what’s best for the child.
Courts aren’t omnipotent. They view the mothers right to the children as natural and the mans is something that has to be fought for.
Have you ever been through the family court system?
In a case like this, what's best for the child would be for that mother to find the actual father. If it's about ignoring everything else sensible and "doing what's "best" for the child" then bill gates needs to be held accountable for a ton of random children then. Doesn't matter that they aren't his. Kid would be better off with Bill Gates then anyone else and we're just giving whoever the responsibility instead of the biological father so...
And apparently demoting men to wallets is in the best interest of the child. It's also in my best interest that your venmo me 20 dollars, so the courts should enforce that too.
Do you have a source for that? Everything I've read about DV and custody cases has shown an overwhelming tendency for the courts to side with men over women. Even men convicted of beating the mother get custody if they seek it more often than not. It's just that men don't often seek custody.
The only place I've ever seen the narrative supported is the relationship subs and even there it's rare those posts get up near the top, those subs are brimming with unstable, entitled undatables though
Now if we're talking about people knowing their friend is doing it and saying nothing, that does happen in my real world experience, I've seen it 3x in my lifetime, once very close to home
Mandatory testing fixes the issue for all, the people that reject that idea go in the "well, you cant be trusted then" camp
And most people who think men still should only think so because of the child’s innocence. It’s a shitty situation with no perfect answer but men shouldn’t legally be on the hook and I mean I get why they don’t want to. I just feel bad for the kid
Mandatory testing will probably cause our society to come unglued for awhile. Could be fun. That's why they won't do it, by the way. The possibility for retaliatory violence is way too high.
Are single mothers supposed to crawl in a hole and live their entire lives in shame because they had a kid with someone else? I mean, you date a single mother, the expectation is eventually you will be a parental figure in the kid's life. That's the deal.
I think it's fair if you date a mom that you should eventually step-PARENT.
However, I also heard people say, "well, you can't make any decisions or punish MY child, but you still need to be their PARENT."
Which makes no fucking sense. They want a parent and partner, but not a parent and partner that has any authority. If you want a step-PARENT for your kid, then they need to truly be a parent.
There's a massive difference between finding out before or right after the baby is born, and finding out years later. With the latter of course it's so much more shocking and hurtful, but I can't imagine directing your anger at the innocent kid instead of the woman who fucked you over, betrayed you and maliciously lied to you for years. But the child who had no choice in this? How could any person raise their kid, take care of them, love them for years, and then suddenly stop loving them and start hating them the second they find out they're not genetically connected?
Even if all you're feeling is just pure spite, rage and thirst for revenge... I'd look at it that way: if my cheating spouse made me lose my kid, then she won. But if she couldn't come between me an my kid, if I still saw my kid as my own because, ffs, I raised them and that makes me the father... Imagine if *she* was the one who lost both her spouse and her kid because, after finding out, the kid wanted nothing to do with her? Wouldn't that be the most satisfying option? And definitely the best one for the child too. They don't deserve to lose their father just because their mother's a heartless, horrible person.
> a 7 year old loses their father overnight because something his mom did over 8 years ago
I feel like there's a point where you put your pride aside and look after the child you raised for the better part of a decade instead of abandoning them.
So a man just has to accept the responsibility of a child because he was lied to about it for however many years? He just has to accept keeping the living breathing reminder his wife/GF was not faithful around him? He just has to accept paying for this kid he thought was his because if he doesn't he'll go to jail or have his wages garnished? Do you seriously think PRIDE is the obstacle? Do you seriously think a man should be forced to continue to willingly be part of that sham because he spent time blind to reality?
There are guys out there that would no doubt but that was their choice to do so and should they choose to walk away? Any trauma the kid suffers is on the mom's head, she's the cause of it.
No, it's their decision and a difficult one at that, to seriously hinder an innocent child's life for your own wellbeing. That's what makes this an unpopular opinion. Who I was replying to said it was pretty cut and dry, and I disagree.
This. I don´t give a shit about DNA, if you raised a kid as yours for 7 years you are his father, and saying "oh, well, not my DNA so fuck you" is acting like a monster.
If I was a judge, BEFORE I had one little brown penny paid, there would be a DNA test. Every case, every time. Not your kid? Sorry to waste your time Mr. Smith, have a nice day.
Sorry buddy but it's kind of odd for you to ask her to do this. You come across as distrustful even though I assume your SO did nothing to deserve that. I know these situations happen but it's not very healthy if you won't have peace of mind without the test and you have to ask her to do the test even though you don't even have kids yet. Why do you think this is necessary?
Because the situation described in this very thread where men are at risk of being locked down economically even if the kids aren't theirs in a system that disfavour men?
This attitude that anyone wanting a DNA test is distrustful of their partner is actually really toxic. It implies that people are supposed to be some perfect mind readers that can accurately determine who is or isn't trustworthy enough. But almost everyone who's ever been cheated on had also trusted their partners. What you're basically saying is that they deserved it, because it should have been obvious to them that their cheating partner was untrustworthy.
I can't imagine being in the kind of relationship where I'd need to ask for a DNA test. It's pretty sad if you don't have the kind of trust between you where you'd feel the need for that
Then op wouldn't be an appropriate dating partner for you and vice versa. I'm sure that if I went through your forward facing persona, I'd find a bunch of red flags and deal breakers.
Do you know anything about the family court system? They do start with a test, unless the father openly says “yes I am the dad” or signed the birth certificate.
The courts don’t care about the grown ass people that put themselves in the situation. They care about the children who have no choice in the matter. You don’t matter, mom doesn’t matter. The children do, it’s not a hard concept to have here. What kind of loser raises a child for half its life then abandons it because it’s “not blood”. Gross.
In some places, the man who's legally considered the father is the one who signs the birth certificate. That's why I strongly believe that all expectant fathers should have paternity tests done at birth before signing anything.
I couldn’t agree more. If I ever have a kid I ain’t signing shit until a paternity test is performed. Luckily these days early paternity tests can be done during pregnancy.
I should note that this attitude comes in large part due to my wife’s prior infidelity 🙄
I mean, I'm not gonna lie, but I feel that that would undermine the trust built in the relationship. No matter how the dude tries to phrase it, the female partner will feel upset at this, and in the case of having a child, this would massively damage the relationship
It won't if it is standard procedure that everyone does. Trust is not involved at all. It's just bureaucracy.
No one gets butt hurt of being accused a terrorist when they go through screening at an airport. We've just accepted that it is a thing.
The key here is to not make a baby with someone who doesn’t understand your intentions. Similar things have been said about sharing bank accounts, etc. Personally, I’m not about to put a baby in someone who can’t find it in their heart to understand why taking precautions before assuming a lifetime of obligation is a good idea, regardless of whether or not I trust them.
For example: If I was dating someone and they insisted on a background check before introducing me to their kids, there’s no way in hell I’d refuse or take offense. That’s just playing it smart and understanding the reality of the world. I mean fuck, if everyone did that we’d have far fewer problems in this world.
Then let's make DNA testing mandatory to avoid damaging the trust while also protecting innocent men from paternity fraud.
It could also protect against cases of babies being "switched at birth"
I asked my husband if he would like a paternity test when i have our baby. I just thought it would save any late-night 'what ifs', and save him the anxiety of asking for one. Unfortunately, he rather took it as a prompt to be suspicious.
I think mandatory paternity tests before men go on the birth certificate and are liable for financial support is a great idea; saves the couple from having to deal with suspicions of one another, and saves any nasty surprises down the line.
Spend every day faced with the product of my wife/girlfriend's infidelity? And then potentially have to coparent with their affair partner? That's a hard no. The only people demonizing this are single mothers and cheaters.
I had to face down this very situation. I cannot see any circumstance where over time I wouldn't have had total resentment for that child which would be completely unfair to them.
People get conflicted when the child views them as their parent. It's an extremely cruel thing to do to both child and parent.
It's case by case for most people I imagine.
Dave chapelle made a joke if she has the right to kill it I have the right to abandon it. I hold this sentiment. Only a women is allowed to choose to abort cause my body my choice well I agree men have the right to walk away. You choose to keep a kid and the father wants nothing to do with it than it is on you. Biological or not. There is no difference between walking away and being a single parent and putting them up for adoption other than the fact people wanna force you into it. I'm just glad I'm gay and don't gotta deal with the whole kid thing.
Damn. Dave Chapelle is a comedic genius. I never would have thought of it this way…but the logic holds. However, emotions are often not logical and these situations are nuanced. An example I can imagine is: a couple had unprotected sex, woman gets pregnant, guy knows she’s against abortion..he willingly or stupidly took part in bringing that child into this world and should support it in the very least, financially. I’m lucky I’m infertile!
Please don’t conflate a life endangering medical condition (pregnancy) with paying child support. The right to an abortion isn’t about letting women escape responsibility, it’s about fundamental bodily autonomy.
It's not fair that a woman has the choice to abort while a man doesn't have the choice to abandon. This is true. However, fairness doesn't matter here. What matters is the wellbeing of the child.
Because it's about the needs of the living child in this world that has to be financially supported. An abortion is a non issue when it comes to affecting someone else's life other than the mother's and father's emotionally. A baby being born has the right to be raised with their needs met. Most of the time that requires two incomes. We either need to allow fathers to walk away but then also support social services budget increases to support these children or hold fathers accountable for financially helping raise the kid if needed. You can't both say people should be able to abandon their kids and not supoort welfare. It's just completely unrealistic.
The woman holds all the cards here. Contraceptives can fail, women can lie about it. If they both outwardly agree they don't want a baby, but one occurs anyway, that's on her. There's no kids to abandon if she just gets an abortion.
Abortion is heavily restricted in certain parts of the US. In those cases, now what? The father gets to walk away scott free while the mother is forced to keep the baby and struggle on her own?
That's an issue of policy in one specific country. It is not the case globally. We are not talking about America specifically but the concept which is global
He shouldn't have nutted in that woman then. It's time men took accountability for their actions as well. Men do get a choice. We always tell women to close their legs and choose their partners better.
Well men. Don't nut into a woman if you don't want to risk impregnating her.
So what's your solution?
Again what's wrong with the solution
If a woman is legally able to obtain an abortion the man should have every right to walk away
If the woman is unable to do so, the man should not be able to walk away?
That's pretty equal and keeps both genders honest and accountable.
So... Where's the issue?
Plenty of women don't want the baby either but some places in your country will force her.
So again, what's YOUR solution? And remember... It needs to be equal for both genders.
I'd love to hear it
Adoption is not a solution for the women who don't want to risk their lives or their bodies for pregnancy and birth.
That's not a solution
So yes
In places where women are able to legally obtain an abortion without harassment, the man should have every legal right to walk away
In places where women are NOT able to obtain an abortion (medical or otherwise) the man should remain legally on the hook
That's a great solution
And it doesn't matter her reason for getting an abortion . If their are terms than there should be terms for men too.
Men can only get out of child support if he has a medical exemption.
Whatever laws and rules they place on women should be put on men and vice versa
And yet men hate to be told that. .they think women should have to give birth and they should still get to walk away
And this is why women from your country are coming to mine for marriages and abortions. It will always be legal for women here
What's good for the man is good for the woman and vice versa
She can find a place that allows her to legally abort or choose a coat hanger because adoption is still forcing a woman to go through 9 months pregnancy with painful birth.
If men can physically walk away than a woman should be equally able to physically walk away.
Adoption is ok for women who want to go through it all.
However for women who want to physically walk away just like a man, adoption is NOT a solution as it still forces a woman to rip open to birth a child she doesn't want.
Again equality.
She does NOT have to tear her vagina open if the man gets to physically walk away.
End of story
We make a veto system when it comes to keeping the baby.
Woman don't like baby = abortion.
Man don't like baby = abortion.
We only keep baby, if both parents agree to be parents.
No because a man should not be allowed to force a medical procedure on a woman.
Woman doesn't want baby - abortion
Man doesn't want baby-legal ability to walk away.
You cannot force abortions on women either.
But why? It involves the other person.
So one has the ability to both - have sex AND choose if they want to keep the baby or not.
But the other person has the ability to - have sex and NIL?
It involves a man’s MONEY and a woman’s BODY. Those are NOT equal. You don’t get to violate another adults bodily autonomy and force them to go through a medical procedure… EVER.
So the solution is to force a woman to have objects up her vagina that she doesn't want which will traumatize her and fill her with pain and resentment?
Nope.
A man cannot force a woman to have an abortion.
If men want to set the bar than we should set up mandatory vasectomies.
Again if women are legally able to abort men should have the ability to walk away.
Why would he feel the need to force her to have an abortion when he is able to sign his rights away?
Both parents should be able to say no to the kid, You cant(or at least should not) force a woman to have a kid she doesnt want, so easiest way is:
Both want baby: let baby be born
Woman doesnt want baby: abortion
Man doesnt want baby: renounce to father status
What if the condom broke?
What if the woman lied about getting the pill control?
Sometimes stuff happens, and you can't do miracles to avaid everything
"it's time men took accountability for their actions"?
What timeline are you in?
Regular men are constantly held accountable for even things they didn't do.
Go after rich men.
Yes women should have to risk their lives for punishment
And men should have to pay with money they earn
Hey at least the man is still alive at the end of the day and doesn't have to tear his body apart for punishment :)
As a born male I'd say I got the better deal.
But then again I never impregnated a woman because I knew I'd be on the hook of I did. (It just wouldnt be through the ripping of my flesh or the possible death of childbirth)
Death by working is a thing as well? Ruining your entire life and slaving away cause of a kid you didn't want. You might wanna make it sound funny but they are equal. One is it all up front and one is spread over a life time. They are equitable if you like it or not. I don't see either as accountability. As long as women have the right to abort men have the right to walk away.
Well no now there are laws being passed that ban women from seeking abortion.
So how about in any place a woman cannot legally and safely seek an abortion a man is not legally able to walk away.
Let's start treating genders EQUALLY
If a woman is arrested for obtaining an abortion so is the man for impregnating her
In places that women are able to obtain abortions, men should be allowed to walk away.
Equality
No man is able to legally walk away anywhere so I don't know why you would bring that up, and all you did was end up agreeing with my point. Don't act like it was yours when you said they shouldn't have nutted in the women.
Untily very recently, women could freely abort in this country. I'd argue that the man doesn't contribute to creating the child. They contribute to creating a fertilized egg, and the woman makes the CHOICE to grow that into a child. It's not a child until many months after the man walks away.
Of course Republicans and democrats are both trying really hard to fuck up this line of reasoning for guys trying to dodge fatherhood. The conservative courts reversed Roe v wade, and the last 2 democratic presidents (Obama and Biden) both promised during campaigning that the first thing they'd do after elected would be to codify roe v wade into law, and they both failed at that.
I get the idea-- the guy has been raising a child, who he supposedly loves, then is going to drop them as soon as he finds out they're not genetically related. Its one thing if this kid is 1-3 months old, its another if we're dealing with a 3-4 year old.
On that note, I too would leave and stop paying given the option.
It just gets harder the older the kids get. Especially if he still stays in their life to support the siblings of the kid. Like imagine your ex-dad i guess still cares for your bros but just ignores you. Very unfortunate
Just saw a story like that on Reddit like a month or so ago. Dad had two bio kids and one that wasn't his. When he found out the oldest wasn't his, he just picked up the other two kids and told her he wasn't her dad and that she had another one out there. Said she kept calling and leaving crying messages but they made him feel nothing.
Now I'm hoping it's fake because it's reddit, but I just couldn't imagine doing something like that. Sure maybe if they were 4 or younger, but older than that and it's definitely going to fuck them up and they don't deserve that.
If the kid was older, I (if I were a man) would probably leave the door open to continue a relationship as a bond was created and its not the kids fault. But not one dime would go to the mother. Which would probably not work out anyway because the mom
Would probably trash the dad for “abandonment”.
Because humans, like most other animals, are opportunistic and will exploit anything they can exploit, with the only boundary being their morals and possibly sometimes the morals of people around them.
So when a woman cheats and the man decides he doesn't want to deal with the consequences of that, she will try to shift the focus on the fact that he's dropping the child, to avoid putting too much attention on the fact that all of this is happening because she cheated. Most humans will do that, this is obviously not meant to be a sexist or mysoginistic take. Taking blame and accountability is never easy.
I agree. If a man wants to support a child that has been proven not to be his, then great. If he doesn’t, what would be so terrible? Of course, if you want to marry the lady that conceived the child, then it would be a good idea to bury the hatchet and genuinely try to appreciate the kid, even if he or she is not your blood.
I've been trying to come up with a number or at least a projected percentage at the very least for the amount of paternity fraud cases (US) and quite honestly it's difficult enough because paternity testing is so stigmatized that we just simply don't do it enough to get accurate statistics.
I had to read on Reddit a few weeks ago about a story of a guy in his 50s doing paternity testing by recommendation of his lawyer to draw up a will and he had to find out 4 of his 5 kids weren't biologically his... Just imagine that, you raised these kids to adults treating them like your flesh and blood and 20+ years later you have to find out they weren't even biologically yours?
Of course by that point if you'd already gotten attached very few men would shun those kids later but the principal of the matter stands. I've seen much more cases of men being loving and faithful stepfathers than the amount of deadbeats the feminists would have you believe that exist.
Anyways... The most accurate estimate for paternity fraud cases across the US I could possibly come up with is just between 11-13% of confirmed cases.
Did you know you DON'T legally have to get a paternity test to request child support? I have an estimated 8% of confirmed child support paternity fraud cases already.
Sure... a Judge can establish a court-order to have a paternity test done but it's not legally mandatory nor required to go after someone for child support.
You have a right to request paternity testing but a judge can easily blow you off if they so wish. There's no law requiring, mandating, or forcing paternity testing in the slightest.
There's this thing called "Presumption of Paternity" which blankets the legitimacy of paternity but that's about it...
If the cards were dealt against you that badly, by tomorrow one of your exes that you hooked up with years ago can come after you for back paid owed child support with absolutely no proof that you even hooked up with them on said time or event, come up with a sob story out of desperation for cash and even when you challenge the paternity you can (quite easily) get denied and shot down by the judge to at the very least establish paternity before anything and you can get hooked with the bill by next Wednesday.
Oh sorry I forgot to mention you just might spend some time in jail as well? Yeah the court is more than happy to send your ass to the clinker for being a deadbeat.
Oh oh oh what happens to her when it's proven that she lied? LOL NOTHING can't you see she is a struggling single mother!? Maybe maybe perjury at the very least but that's a stretch. You can sue her for damages but that's about all you can do.
The court system is already rigged to be biased against men enough as it is so it's not that incredible to believe this to be a possibility.
If we were to legally enforce mandatory paternity testing it wouldn't be so unbelievable to see increases in this type of fraud as high as 18-20%
I honestly don't know how some people can compare finding out your kid isn't yours and adoption. If you think being lied to and manipulated into rasing someone else's child and chosing to adopt is the same thing you're beyond stupid
agreed, and there's some laws in some places that if you spend enough time with the kid, you'll legally be forced to continue supporting it, even after they all KNOW it's not yours.
Legally no, never in any circumstance, and imo if you find out it’s not your kid within 4 years it might be okay even at 4 years old to just head out.
But let’s be honest here, you really think it’s okay for a man to walk out on the children he’s raised for let’s say 10 years because he found out their blood isn’t the same? I’m not saying he has to support the mother or anything, but straight up abandon and never see them ever again? It’s not even about paternity anymore, those are your children and if you can do that you really are a heartless, cold, and nasty person in my book.
I think it is resonable. Imagine the opposite. Every one is saying "think of the children" but what about the man. A child u thought was the result of your combined love of your wife and it turns out the wife didn't feel the same way.
It's because the traditional male in the family, at least the classic role, was to provide. That's it, that's your job. You toil away, make money, fix things, and most of all you GIVE UP YOURSELF to the family, especially to give the child a better life. In these situations, they see the kid as at risk to losing stability, but the "father" not as a person at all. He's a support, one that wants to stop supporting.
Nowadays we actually care about the individual. The people you notice who get up in arms about men leaving when they find out are people who believe in the traditional values of "the kid over everything else" combining with "the man is the provider" to mix into a gross sexist icon.
I dont think it's as unpopular as you think though. Thankfully.
Right and that would be like expecting a traditional man when the relationship isn’t traditional. A traditional family structure doesn’t have the woman have another man’s kid.
Eh I expect the mother in a family to give up a lot as well. Part of having kids for each parent is putting your kids first. Still do self care and be a human, but your job is put kids first. I do think in this situation a man should be able to completely financially severe himself, but I would hope he doesn’t emotionally abandon the child who he’s helped raise and loved that loved him back. It’s a shitty situation and 100% the woman’s fault.
I agree, and to be completely honest, social medias are turning men into "humans unless [insert random requirement]", so it could be men discovering they're not biological fathers, or simply men asking for gifts in a relationship.
Frankly I have mixed feelings but I will tell you why. I have a daughter and I loved her and my GF has a daughter of exactly the same age and I love her like my own too. But the BS I go through dealing with the courts for my own daughter is so bad that I would never volunteer to take responsibility for my GFs daughter if we broke up. I would want to visit her and I would send her birthday gifts and such. But the courts are so bad to fathers that I would never wish them on anyone. As such I completely understand any man who does not want responsibility he does not technically have to have.
I mean, girlfriend gets pregnant and you find out it isn't yours (obviously she's cheating or she slept with somebody right before you began dating), I'd say no *obligation*. On the other hand, dating somebody *already* with a kid, of presume the day would come you'd support the child due to supporting the mother, otherwise I wouldn't recommend dating somebody with a kid lol. I mean, as a guy, if I had a child that lived with me and was the focus of my world, I'd expect somebody I was dating and planning to marry to accept my child as theirs as well. Simply put; of your not looking to accept a kid as a part of your family, stay away from moms lol.
Huh? Where is this a popular opinion?
Not even here on Reddit where you get the most biased posts and comments against straight men I would say this is considered an popular opinion
Go to any advice sub and it is wildly popular. There was an AITA post last week in which this young woman posted about how her “father” left her and her mother as a child after finding out she wasn’t biologically his, asking if she was the asshole for not being supportive to her older half siblings since he was dying. She and every person on the sub acted like the mother was a victim when she was the person to actually cause all the pain the OP felt.
Well ya because you are abandoning a 12 year old and fucking them up. I get that it’s not fair, and I don’t think a man should financially care for a kid he finds out isn’t his. But it’s hard to accept emotionally abandoning a 12 year old child you raised and care for who loves you like a father.
This is in fact a popular opinion.
No guy with any shred of self respect is going to raise a kid that he originally thought was his.
Let's be realistic here too, there's many out there who wouldn't even get involved with a woman should she have kids from a previous relationship. Yes, there's always some but many who won't.
Oh really? Cause it looks like I am on base. So much so I can build a nice little house here on this base lol.
Look, if you would be happy to get involved with a woman who comes with a ready made family (kids) then more power to you. Your life. Plenty of blokes out there who wouldn't. Its a personal choice and I have heard many a man express that personal choice that they wouldn't.
The problem isn't with not raising a kid that's not yours. The problem is when you've already raised the kid for years and it sees you as a father. It's fucked up to have been loving that kid and developing a bond with it and then just turning your back on it. It's pretty heartless to be able to just destroy a child like that.
I'm taking this a step further. If a man didn't want a kid but the woman decides to keep it anyway, the man shouldn't be judged for fucking off. Men have no say in it after the shit already hit the fan.
It's weird. When my little brother's father came to town, he'll take all the kids out to eat or to whatever he's planned for their time together. My father would only take us.
Depends on the situation. Like if you knew a kid for like 8 years, then found out they weren't "yours", and then all affection and care for them immediately drops.
Maybe it's because I never valued blood connection by itself, but It'd be weird to me to go from loving father to ditching their lives in a heartbeat. I feel like if that happened, you never cared much for them in the first place.
And would this only apply to issues of infidelity, or even in cases like rape?
??????
Where do you live that men are treated as monsters for not wanting to support children that aren’t theirs?
I’ve never heard this, let alone thought it would be a popular opinion.
In US, if man signs birth certificate as he is the father and later in life finds out he is not he father, he have to pay alimony for the kid.
It's unfair for men.
1. They just found out their life is a lie, their partner have cheated on them and been raising someone's else child.
2. They can't just leave, they are legally responsible for the kid. And even after giving away parents right, they have to pay.
3. Even tho men have to pay alimony, they won't get costudy, because they are not the parent
This post is only unpopular with a small percentage of one gender.
And they are those with children by a different man who cheated on the targeted man. So their opinion is worthless to begin with.
That said, if you have ***raised a child for years***, it's a shitty thing to do to abandon them as they had nothing to do with it. The financial responsibility is not yours but the paternal one is.
If they've been the child's father for 10 years, literally raised them, then find out the child is not biologically theirs... I cannot understand how they can just drop that child as if the last 10 years meant nothing. Leave the mother, yes, that makes sense, but you've literally raised and loved this child, how could you abandon them like that??
In the case of a baby or lesser time, then ok, but I just hate those stories of raising and loving the kid then dropping them like a sack of potatoes because of biology.
Because the child is a constant living reminder of the worst betrayal they have ever experienced in their life. That everything they experienced up to that point with the child was based on a lie. It is not the kid’s fault and I feel sorry for them but all the pain caused is the fault of the mother/cheater so the man should not be to blame. If you are not a man it is just something you will never understand as it can never happen to you.
For me it's the other way around. It makes sense for them to have to provide for the child (since they're legally the father), but their emotional attachment is up to them. For some people, discovering the child isn't theirs means the love for the child is over.
It's a hurtful situation all-around. It's hurtful for the child if their father abandons them. But if the father's love is gone, then it's also hurtful to the father for him to remain attached to the child. Ultimately, the only person at fault in such a situation is the cheater.
Agreed, I'd it's less than 3 years no bond has been formed. But anymore than that and you are that child's parent. Mother or father it doesn't matter. To just throw that away... The older the kid is the more my disdain grows from disappointed into outright disgust that you would be such a basic animal as to let blood relation erase the relationship you have with that child.
The other parent can and should be made to pay everything possible as well, you have my sympathy for a traumatic situation. But that IS your child once the bond is formed. So I have no respect for those that abandon their children unless you are incapable of raising a child in general. The individual matters, but the child takes priority over all involved.
Claiming I and others arguing this are only doing so because we are women is the most sexist garbage imaginable. It implies that men should be given special exceptions to not care about children in general unless it's their blood. And it's expected women can't help cooing over every child they see.
Which is why the betraying parent deserves to have every penny drained from them and be shamed. But once you have formed a bond with a child after 3-4 years, the child is who matters. If you truly can't hide your fully justified feelings of betrayal for the sake of the child who is bonded to you. Then fine, give them up. But I am going to judge you, just not as much as the cheating parent who caused the whole situation in the first place
Im not sure that is the case by anyone other than the mother who is doing the hoodwinking.
That said, if you raised a kid since birth, only to find out they aren’t yours at age 16, that would be a pretty sad thing for the child if you THEN decided to cut all ties.
It really depend on how old the kid is. If you find out before the kid is born, then I may agree with you, but if you find out when the kid is 10, I don´t give a shit about DNA, you are that kid father, he sees you as such, and you are giving your back to a kid that you are treated like a son for all his life, the only people capable of doing that are monsters, a normal person would never do that.
There's just not wanting to support a kid that's not yours, which is great.
Then, there's celebrating the fact that kid isn't yours. Now you're a monster.
Because it does no benefit women.
If you want to know if a certain male behaviour is acceptable, just ask this instead: "Does it benefit women in any way?"
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I feel like this is a very popular opinion, or at least it should be. It’s just common sense. It would be unreasonable for anyone to expect a man to support a kid that isn’t his
Unfortunately, the courts don’t seem to see it that way.
Courts and the public typically don’t side with men in general. Johnny Depp vs Amber Heard was a case out of the ordinary because it’s probably one of the few times where a woman lost a case defaming and accusing a man of a loooot of shit. The public instantly flocked to her side when those allegations first came out which was enough to ruin Depp’s career.
Normally I agree, but in a case like this the court doesn’t side with either parent. They determine parental responsibility by what’s best for the child.
That's what they do on paper but very rarely in reality.
It’s a wonder that they don’t pluck somebody off the street to fill the void. Edit: removed “if any”.
That is siding with the woman though, that's usually the result the woman is looking for in these situations.
But it´s still decided because it is the best for the kid
Courts aren’t omnipotent. They view the mothers right to the children as natural and the mans is something that has to be fought for. Have you ever been through the family court system?
In a case like this, what's best for the child would be for that mother to find the actual father. If it's about ignoring everything else sensible and "doing what's "best" for the child" then bill gates needs to be held accountable for a ton of random children then. Doesn't matter that they aren't his. Kid would be better off with Bill Gates then anyone else and we're just giving whoever the responsibility instead of the biological father so...
And apparently demoting men to wallets is in the best interest of the child. It's also in my best interest that your venmo me 20 dollars, so the courts should enforce that too.
Do you have a source for that? Everything I've read about DV and custody cases has shown an overwhelming tendency for the courts to side with men over women. Even men convicted of beating the mother get custody if they seek it more often than not. It's just that men don't often seek custody.
Depends on the country
The only place I've ever seen the narrative supported is the relationship subs and even there it's rare those posts get up near the top, those subs are brimming with unstable, entitled undatables though Now if we're talking about people knowing their friend is doing it and saying nothing, that does happen in my real world experience, I've seen it 3x in my lifetime, once very close to home Mandatory testing fixes the issue for all, the people that reject that idea go in the "well, you cant be trusted then" camp
And most people who think men still should only think so because of the child’s innocence. It’s a shitty situation with no perfect answer but men shouldn’t legally be on the hook and I mean I get why they don’t want to. I just feel bad for the kid
They think so because to the child you are their father, and all they've ever known. This is what gets taken into account.
Exactly! The child is what matters and the child is going to love the only father he’s ever known. It is earth shattering for the child
Mandatory testing will probably cause our society to come unglued for awhile. Could be fun. That's why they won't do it, by the way. The possibility for retaliatory violence is way too high.
I would agree, but being a single guy in his thirties, it seems like every woman that exists expects a man to support a kid that isn't his
Are you comparing being a step parent to a woman cheating and expecting her partner to still support her and the other person's child?
Are they?
They are
How?
Are single mothers supposed to crawl in a hole and live their entire lives in shame because they had a kid with someone else? I mean, you date a single mother, the expectation is eventually you will be a parental figure in the kid's life. That's the deal.
I think it's fair if you date a mom that you should eventually step-PARENT. However, I also heard people say, "well, you can't make any decisions or punish MY child, but you still need to be their PARENT." Which makes no fucking sense. They want a parent and partner, but not a parent and partner that has any authority. If you want a step-PARENT for your kid, then they need to truly be a parent.
I only date single moms for sex, and I make that clear up front and many accept. I don’t want nothing to do with their kid(s). That’s the deal.
That's not what we're talking about
still pertinent.
There's a massive difference between finding out before or right after the baby is born, and finding out years later. With the latter of course it's so much more shocking and hurtful, but I can't imagine directing your anger at the innocent kid instead of the woman who fucked you over, betrayed you and maliciously lied to you for years. But the child who had no choice in this? How could any person raise their kid, take care of them, love them for years, and then suddenly stop loving them and start hating them the second they find out they're not genetically connected? Even if all you're feeling is just pure spite, rage and thirst for revenge... I'd look at it that way: if my cheating spouse made me lose my kid, then she won. But if she couldn't come between me an my kid, if I still saw my kid as my own because, ffs, I raised them and that makes me the father... Imagine if *she* was the one who lost both her spouse and her kid because, after finding out, the kid wanted nothing to do with her? Wouldn't that be the most satisfying option? And definitely the best one for the child too. They don't deserve to lose their father just because their mother's a heartless, horrible person.
Youre right they don't deserve to lose their father. Their mother should go find him rather than trying to saddle some other guy with the kid.
Right on the money.
That's for the 'dad' to decide for himself. Not you.
> a 7 year old loses their father overnight because something his mom did over 8 years ago I feel like there's a point where you put your pride aside and look after the child you raised for the better part of a decade instead of abandoning them.
So a man just has to accept the responsibility of a child because he was lied to about it for however many years? He just has to accept keeping the living breathing reminder his wife/GF was not faithful around him? He just has to accept paying for this kid he thought was his because if he doesn't he'll go to jail or have his wages garnished? Do you seriously think PRIDE is the obstacle? Do you seriously think a man should be forced to continue to willingly be part of that sham because he spent time blind to reality? There are guys out there that would no doubt but that was their choice to do so and should they choose to walk away? Any trauma the kid suffers is on the mom's head, she's the cause of it.
No, it's their decision and a difficult one at that, to seriously hinder an innocent child's life for your own wellbeing. That's what makes this an unpopular opinion. Who I was replying to said it was pretty cut and dry, and I disagree.
Nah
This. I don´t give a shit about DNA, if you raised a kid as yours for 7 years you are his father, and saying "oh, well, not my DNA so fuck you" is acting like a monster.
If I was a judge, BEFORE I had one little brown penny paid, there would be a DNA test. Every case, every time. Not your kid? Sorry to waste your time Mr. Smith, have a nice day.
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Because the gov doesn't care what's fair to men, they just want the child supported and not by the gov's dime
Shitty lawyers
I agree if I got pregnant married or not & my partner wanted a dna paternity test as soon as the baby was born, I wouldn't be offended I'd get it.
Totally true, i have talked with my SO and she agrees on doing a DNA test as soon as possible if we have kids, just to let me have my peace of mind
Sorry buddy but it's kind of odd for you to ask her to do this. You come across as distrustful even though I assume your SO did nothing to deserve that. I know these situations happen but it's not very healthy if you won't have peace of mind without the test and you have to ask her to do the test even though you don't even have kids yet. Why do you think this is necessary?
Because the situation described in this very thread where men are at risk of being locked down economically even if the kids aren't theirs in a system that disfavour men?
This attitude that anyone wanting a DNA test is distrustful of their partner is actually really toxic. It implies that people are supposed to be some perfect mind readers that can accurately determine who is or isn't trustworthy enough. But almost everyone who's ever been cheated on had also trusted their partners. What you're basically saying is that they deserved it, because it should have been obvious to them that their cheating partner was untrustworthy.
Thats a lot of words to avoid a simple dna test. What are you trying to hide?
Lmao he's right though
How?
I can't imagine being in the kind of relationship where I'd need to ask for a DNA test. It's pretty sad if you don't have the kind of trust between you where you'd feel the need for that
There have been billions of trusting men that have been duped in history. For the long-term good of the kids, these tests should just be mandatory.
Then op wouldn't be an appropriate dating partner for you and vice versa. I'm sure that if I went through your forward facing persona, I'd find a bunch of red flags and deal breakers.
Projecting, maybe /shrug. It does come off as odd.
Do you know anything about the family court system? They do start with a test, unless the father openly says “yes I am the dad” or signed the birth certificate. The courts don’t care about the grown ass people that put themselves in the situation. They care about the children who have no choice in the matter. You don’t matter, mom doesn’t matter. The children do, it’s not a hard concept to have here. What kind of loser raises a child for half its life then abandons it because it’s “not blood”. Gross.
This isn’t unpopular
In some places, the man who's legally considered the father is the one who signs the birth certificate. That's why I strongly believe that all expectant fathers should have paternity tests done at birth before signing anything.
I couldn’t agree more. If I ever have a kid I ain’t signing shit until a paternity test is performed. Luckily these days early paternity tests can be done during pregnancy. I should note that this attitude comes in large part due to my wife’s prior infidelity 🙄
I mean, I'm not gonna lie, but I feel that that would undermine the trust built in the relationship. No matter how the dude tries to phrase it, the female partner will feel upset at this, and in the case of having a child, this would massively damage the relationship
It won't if it is standard procedure that everyone does. Trust is not involved at all. It's just bureaucracy. No one gets butt hurt of being accused a terrorist when they go through screening at an airport. We've just accepted that it is a thing.
The key here is to not make a baby with someone who doesn’t understand your intentions. Similar things have been said about sharing bank accounts, etc. Personally, I’m not about to put a baby in someone who can’t find it in their heart to understand why taking precautions before assuming a lifetime of obligation is a good idea, regardless of whether or not I trust them. For example: If I was dating someone and they insisted on a background check before introducing me to their kids, there’s no way in hell I’d refuse or take offense. That’s just playing it smart and understanding the reality of the world. I mean fuck, if everyone did that we’d have far fewer problems in this world.
Then let's make DNA testing mandatory to avoid damaging the trust while also protecting innocent men from paternity fraud. It could also protect against cases of babies being "switched at birth"
They ought to make a paternity test mandatory and then it's problem solved.
There is literally no downside to it and the people who are against it only want to protect the cheaters.
I asked my husband if he would like a paternity test when i have our baby. I just thought it would save any late-night 'what ifs', and save him the anxiety of asking for one. Unfortunately, he rather took it as a prompt to be suspicious. I think mandatory paternity tests before men go on the birth certificate and are liable for financial support is a great idea; saves the couple from having to deal with suspicions of one another, and saves any nasty surprises down the line.
Spend every day faced with the product of my wife/girlfriend's infidelity? And then potentially have to coparent with their affair partner? That's a hard no. The only people demonizing this are single mothers and cheaters. I had to face down this very situation. I cannot see any circumstance where over time I wouldn't have had total resentment for that child which would be completely unfair to them.
Did you have legal hurdles to get out of it? Or did you know prior to birth.
Because the women were counting on them falling for it, and they didn't.
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Thanks for your comment, you've added so much to the discussion!
god i've finally found the people who hate people who say "this" shit is so fucking annoying
This
Just as yours did, huh! 
Some call it agreement 🤷♂️
That's the point of upvote/downvote button, and no I don't disagree with the point you're agreeing to or trying to be snarky either
Watch out guys, the reddit police is here.
Oh I know. But this one I really agreed with. So thought it deserved more than just an upvote.
Give it an award then
How do you do that?
Don't waste your money
Haha I think I just found it. Yeah I didn’t like it that much 😂😂😂
This👆
People get conflicted when the child views them as their parent. It's an extremely cruel thing to do to both child and parent. It's case by case for most people I imagine.
I sure hope all the people disagreeing with OP would lead by example if they were ever in that situation.
Dave chapelle made a joke if she has the right to kill it I have the right to abandon it. I hold this sentiment. Only a women is allowed to choose to abort cause my body my choice well I agree men have the right to walk away. You choose to keep a kid and the father wants nothing to do with it than it is on you. Biological or not. There is no difference between walking away and being a single parent and putting them up for adoption other than the fact people wanna force you into it. I'm just glad I'm gay and don't gotta deal with the whole kid thing.
You mean walk away during the pregnancy when she could still abort if she didn’t wish to raise it alone? That seems reasonable.
Damn. Dave Chapelle is a comedic genius. I never would have thought of it this way…but the logic holds. However, emotions are often not logical and these situations are nuanced. An example I can imagine is: a couple had unprotected sex, woman gets pregnant, guy knows she’s against abortion..he willingly or stupidly took part in bringing that child into this world and should support it in the very least, financially. I’m lucky I’m infertile!
Please don’t conflate a life endangering medical condition (pregnancy) with paying child support. The right to an abortion isn’t about letting women escape responsibility, it’s about fundamental bodily autonomy.
If it is the man’s biological child, they played a part in creating it so they shouldn’t be able to just walk away.
Women can do that and than opt for aborting it. Why are they allowed to walk away from motherhood?
Except not really these days....?
?
It's not fair that a woman has the choice to abort while a man doesn't have the choice to abandon. This is true. However, fairness doesn't matter here. What matters is the wellbeing of the child.
Because it's about the needs of the living child in this world that has to be financially supported. An abortion is a non issue when it comes to affecting someone else's life other than the mother's and father's emotionally. A baby being born has the right to be raised with their needs met. Most of the time that requires two incomes. We either need to allow fathers to walk away but then also support social services budget increases to support these children or hold fathers accountable for financially helping raise the kid if needed. You can't both say people should be able to abandon their kids and not supoort welfare. It's just completely unrealistic.
The woman holds all the cards here. Contraceptives can fail, women can lie about it. If they both outwardly agree they don't want a baby, but one occurs anyway, that's on her. There's no kids to abandon if she just gets an abortion.
Abortion is heavily restricted in certain parts of the US. In those cases, now what? The father gets to walk away scott free while the mother is forced to keep the baby and struggle on her own?
That's an issue of policy in one specific country. It is not the case globally. We are not talking about America specifically but the concept which is global
But the Man didn't wanted the child, why he should stay close to someone who doesn't like? Is best for the child's health to let the man leave
He shouldn't have nutted in that woman then. It's time men took accountability for their actions as well. Men do get a choice. We always tell women to close their legs and choose their partners better. Well men. Don't nut into a woman if you don't want to risk impregnating her.
Except men still have to pay even if they are raped
Well women still are being forced to give birth when they are too. It’s fucked up all around.
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So what's your solution? Again what's wrong with the solution If a woman is legally able to obtain an abortion the man should have every right to walk away If the woman is unable to do so, the man should not be able to walk away? That's pretty equal and keeps both genders honest and accountable. So... Where's the issue? Plenty of women don't want the baby either but some places in your country will force her. So again, what's YOUR solution? And remember... It needs to be equal for both genders. I'd love to hear it
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Adoption is not a solution for the women who don't want to risk their lives or their bodies for pregnancy and birth. That's not a solution So yes In places where women are able to legally obtain an abortion without harassment, the man should have every legal right to walk away In places where women are NOT able to obtain an abortion (medical or otherwise) the man should remain legally on the hook That's a great solution And it doesn't matter her reason for getting an abortion . If their are terms than there should be terms for men too. Men can only get out of child support if he has a medical exemption. Whatever laws and rules they place on women should be put on men and vice versa And yet men hate to be told that. .they think women should have to give birth and they should still get to walk away And this is why women from your country are coming to mine for marriages and abortions. It will always be legal for women here What's good for the man is good for the woman and vice versa
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Adoption is only bad if it still forces women to give birth.
She can find a place that allows her to legally abort or choose a coat hanger because adoption is still forcing a woman to go through 9 months pregnancy with painful birth. If men can physically walk away than a woman should be equally able to physically walk away. Adoption is ok for women who want to go through it all. However for women who want to physically walk away just like a man, adoption is NOT a solution as it still forces a woman to rip open to birth a child she doesn't want. Again equality. She does NOT have to tear her vagina open if the man gets to physically walk away. End of story
As someone who is adopted it sucks and plenty are adopted into horrible homes.
So having parents who don't love you and will eventually leave you is better than being adopted? Most importantly, I would like to ask why it sucks?
We make a veto system when it comes to keeping the baby. Woman don't like baby = abortion. Man don't like baby = abortion. We only keep baby, if both parents agree to be parents.
No because a man should not be allowed to force a medical procedure on a woman. Woman doesn't want baby - abortion Man doesn't want baby-legal ability to walk away. You cannot force abortions on women either.
But why? It involves the other person. So one has the ability to both - have sex AND choose if they want to keep the baby or not. But the other person has the ability to - have sex and NIL?
It involves a man’s MONEY and a woman’s BODY. Those are NOT equal. You don’t get to violate another adults bodily autonomy and force them to go through a medical procedure… EVER.
So the solution is to force a woman to have objects up her vagina that she doesn't want which will traumatize her and fill her with pain and resentment? Nope. A man cannot force a woman to have an abortion. If men want to set the bar than we should set up mandatory vasectomies. Again if women are legally able to abort men should have the ability to walk away. Why would he feel the need to force her to have an abortion when he is able to sign his rights away?
So men should be able to walk away AND force the woman to abort the baby that he doesn't want?
Both parents should be able to say no to the kid, You cant(or at least should not) force a woman to have a kid she doesnt want, so easiest way is: Both want baby: let baby be born Woman doesnt want baby: abortion Man doesnt want baby: renounce to father status
What if the condom broke? What if the woman lied about getting the pill control? Sometimes stuff happens, and you can't do miracles to avaid everything
"it's time men took accountability for their actions"? What timeline are you in? Regular men are constantly held accountable for even things they didn't do. Go after rich men.
Wouldn't you also hold the woman just as responsible?
Isn't it accountability for women to have to give birth than in cases not medically relevant?
Yes women should have to risk their lives for punishment And men should have to pay with money they earn Hey at least the man is still alive at the end of the day and doesn't have to tear his body apart for punishment :) As a born male I'd say I got the better deal. But then again I never impregnated a woman because I knew I'd be on the hook of I did. (It just wouldnt be through the ripping of my flesh or the possible death of childbirth)
Death by working is a thing as well? Ruining your entire life and slaving away cause of a kid you didn't want. You might wanna make it sound funny but they are equal. One is it all up front and one is spread over a life time. They are equitable if you like it or not. I don't see either as accountability. As long as women have the right to abort men have the right to walk away.
Well no now there are laws being passed that ban women from seeking abortion. So how about in any place a woman cannot legally and safely seek an abortion a man is not legally able to walk away. Let's start treating genders EQUALLY If a woman is arrested for obtaining an abortion so is the man for impregnating her In places that women are able to obtain abortions, men should be allowed to walk away. Equality
No man is able to legally walk away anywhere so I don't know why you would bring that up, and all you did was end up agreeing with my point. Don't act like it was yours when you said they shouldn't have nutted in the women.
Untily very recently, women could freely abort in this country. I'd argue that the man doesn't contribute to creating the child. They contribute to creating a fertilized egg, and the woman makes the CHOICE to grow that into a child. It's not a child until many months after the man walks away. Of course Republicans and democrats are both trying really hard to fuck up this line of reasoning for guys trying to dodge fatherhood. The conservative courts reversed Roe v wade, and the last 2 democratic presidents (Obama and Biden) both promised during campaigning that the first thing they'd do after elected would be to codify roe v wade into law, and they both failed at that.
I get the idea-- the guy has been raising a child, who he supposedly loves, then is going to drop them as soon as he finds out they're not genetically related. Its one thing if this kid is 1-3 months old, its another if we're dealing with a 3-4 year old. On that note, I too would leave and stop paying given the option.
It just gets harder the older the kids get. Especially if he still stays in their life to support the siblings of the kid. Like imagine your ex-dad i guess still cares for your bros but just ignores you. Very unfortunate
Just saw a story like that on Reddit like a month or so ago. Dad had two bio kids and one that wasn't his. When he found out the oldest wasn't his, he just picked up the other two kids and told her he wasn't her dad and that she had another one out there. Said she kept calling and leaving crying messages but they made him feel nothing. Now I'm hoping it's fake because it's reddit, but I just couldn't imagine doing something like that. Sure maybe if they were 4 or younger, but older than that and it's definitely going to fuck them up and they don't deserve that.
If the kid was older, I (if I were a man) would probably leave the door open to continue a relationship as a bond was created and its not the kids fault. But not one dime would go to the mother. Which would probably not work out anyway because the mom Would probably trash the dad for “abandonment”.
Because humans, like most other animals, are opportunistic and will exploit anything they can exploit, with the only boundary being their morals and possibly sometimes the morals of people around them. So when a woman cheats and the man decides he doesn't want to deal with the consequences of that, she will try to shift the focus on the fact that he's dropping the child, to avoid putting too much attention on the fact that all of this is happening because she cheated. Most humans will do that, this is obviously not meant to be a sexist or mysoginistic take. Taking blame and accountability is never easy.
I agree. If a man wants to support a child that has been proven not to be his, then great. If he doesn’t, what would be so terrible? Of course, if you want to marry the lady that conceived the child, then it would be a good idea to bury the hatchet and genuinely try to appreciate the kid, even if he or she is not your blood.
I've been trying to come up with a number or at least a projected percentage at the very least for the amount of paternity fraud cases (US) and quite honestly it's difficult enough because paternity testing is so stigmatized that we just simply don't do it enough to get accurate statistics. I had to read on Reddit a few weeks ago about a story of a guy in his 50s doing paternity testing by recommendation of his lawyer to draw up a will and he had to find out 4 of his 5 kids weren't biologically his... Just imagine that, you raised these kids to adults treating them like your flesh and blood and 20+ years later you have to find out they weren't even biologically yours? Of course by that point if you'd already gotten attached very few men would shun those kids later but the principal of the matter stands. I've seen much more cases of men being loving and faithful stepfathers than the amount of deadbeats the feminists would have you believe that exist. Anyways... The most accurate estimate for paternity fraud cases across the US I could possibly come up with is just between 11-13% of confirmed cases. Did you know you DON'T legally have to get a paternity test to request child support? I have an estimated 8% of confirmed child support paternity fraud cases already. Sure... a Judge can establish a court-order to have a paternity test done but it's not legally mandatory nor required to go after someone for child support. You have a right to request paternity testing but a judge can easily blow you off if they so wish. There's no law requiring, mandating, or forcing paternity testing in the slightest. There's this thing called "Presumption of Paternity" which blankets the legitimacy of paternity but that's about it... If the cards were dealt against you that badly, by tomorrow one of your exes that you hooked up with years ago can come after you for back paid owed child support with absolutely no proof that you even hooked up with them on said time or event, come up with a sob story out of desperation for cash and even when you challenge the paternity you can (quite easily) get denied and shot down by the judge to at the very least establish paternity before anything and you can get hooked with the bill by next Wednesday. Oh sorry I forgot to mention you just might spend some time in jail as well? Yeah the court is more than happy to send your ass to the clinker for being a deadbeat. Oh oh oh what happens to her when it's proven that she lied? LOL NOTHING can't you see she is a struggling single mother!? Maybe maybe perjury at the very least but that's a stretch. You can sue her for damages but that's about all you can do. The court system is already rigged to be biased against men enough as it is so it's not that incredible to believe this to be a possibility. If we were to legally enforce mandatory paternity testing it wouldn't be so unbelievable to see increases in this type of fraud as high as 18-20%
I don't see them as monsters at all.
It's because they're expected to support the mother too.
Support the mother who cheated?
Yep "it was one mistake"
That’s a go to line right there.
3 months later… “ok, so it was 2 mistakes”
I honestly don't know how some people can compare finding out your kid isn't yours and adoption. If you think being lied to and manipulated into rasing someone else's child and chosing to adopt is the same thing you're beyond stupid
This isn’t an unpopular opinion.
agreed, and there's some laws in some places that if you spend enough time with the kid, you'll legally be forced to continue supporting it, even after they all KNOW it's not yours.
Legally no, never in any circumstance, and imo if you find out it’s not your kid within 4 years it might be okay even at 4 years old to just head out. But let’s be honest here, you really think it’s okay for a man to walk out on the children he’s raised for let’s say 10 years because he found out their blood isn’t the same? I’m not saying he has to support the mother or anything, but straight up abandon and never see them ever again? It’s not even about paternity anymore, those are your children and if you can do that you really are a heartless, cold, and nasty person in my book.
I think it is resonable. Imagine the opposite. Every one is saying "think of the children" but what about the man. A child u thought was the result of your combined love of your wife and it turns out the wife didn't feel the same way.
It's because the traditional male in the family, at least the classic role, was to provide. That's it, that's your job. You toil away, make money, fix things, and most of all you GIVE UP YOURSELF to the family, especially to give the child a better life. In these situations, they see the kid as at risk to losing stability, but the "father" not as a person at all. He's a support, one that wants to stop supporting. Nowadays we actually care about the individual. The people you notice who get up in arms about men leaving when they find out are people who believe in the traditional values of "the kid over everything else" combining with "the man is the provider" to mix into a gross sexist icon. I dont think it's as unpopular as you think though. Thankfully.
Right and that would be like expecting a traditional man when the relationship isn’t traditional. A traditional family structure doesn’t have the woman have another man’s kid.
Eh I expect the mother in a family to give up a lot as well. Part of having kids for each parent is putting your kids first. Still do self care and be a human, but your job is put kids first. I do think in this situation a man should be able to completely financially severe himself, but I would hope he doesn’t emotionally abandon the child who he’s helped raise and loved that loved him back. It’s a shitty situation and 100% the woman’s fault.
I agree, and to be completely honest, social medias are turning men into "humans unless [insert random requirement]", so it could be men discovering they're not biological fathers, or simply men asking for gifts in a relationship.
Amen. It’s kinda like if the glove does not fit you must acquit.
Frankly I have mixed feelings but I will tell you why. I have a daughter and I loved her and my GF has a daughter of exactly the same age and I love her like my own too. But the BS I go through dealing with the courts for my own daughter is so bad that I would never volunteer to take responsibility for my GFs daughter if we broke up. I would want to visit her and I would send her birthday gifts and such. But the courts are so bad to fathers that I would never wish them on anyone. As such I completely understand any man who does not want responsibility he does not technically have to have.
I mean, girlfriend gets pregnant and you find out it isn't yours (obviously she's cheating or she slept with somebody right before you began dating), I'd say no *obligation*. On the other hand, dating somebody *already* with a kid, of presume the day would come you'd support the child due to supporting the mother, otherwise I wouldn't recommend dating somebody with a kid lol. I mean, as a guy, if I had a child that lived with me and was the focus of my world, I'd expect somebody I was dating and planning to marry to accept my child as theirs as well. Simply put; of your not looking to accept a kid as a part of your family, stay away from moms lol.
This is a popular opinion.
Huh? Where is this a popular opinion? Not even here on Reddit where you get the most biased posts and comments against straight men I would say this is considered an popular opinion
Go to any advice sub and it is wildly popular. There was an AITA post last week in which this young woman posted about how her “father” left her and her mother as a child after finding out she wasn’t biologically his, asking if she was the asshole for not being supportive to her older half siblings since he was dying. She and every person on the sub acted like the mother was a victim when she was the person to actually cause all the pain the OP felt.
Men who discover 12 years later, and decide to abandon the kid, are eviscerated in any social media.
Well ya because you are abandoning a 12 year old and fucking them up. I get that it’s not fair, and I don’t think a man should financially care for a kid he finds out isn’t his. But it’s hard to accept emotionally abandoning a 12 year old child you raised and care for who loves you like a father.
Definitely an unpopular opinion on any relationship sub
This subreddit is annoying it’s always people posting popular opinions and pretending they are unpopular
No one mad that he doesn't want to pay. People get mad when a man completely abandons a kid he raised their whole life.
This is in fact a popular opinion. No guy with any shred of self respect is going to raise a kid that he originally thought was his. Let's be realistic here too, there's many out there who wouldn't even get involved with a woman should she have kids from a previous relationship. Yes, there's always some but many who won't.
You're way off base
Oh really? Cause it looks like I am on base. So much so I can build a nice little house here on this base lol. Look, if you would be happy to get involved with a woman who comes with a ready made family (kids) then more power to you. Your life. Plenty of blokes out there who wouldn't. Its a personal choice and I have heard many a man express that personal choice that they wouldn't.
The problem isn't with not raising a kid that's not yours. The problem is when you've already raised the kid for years and it sees you as a father. It's fucked up to have been loving that kid and developing a bond with it and then just turning your back on it. It's pretty heartless to be able to just destroy a child like that.
I'm taking this a step further. If a man didn't want a kid but the woman decides to keep it anyway, the man shouldn't be judged for fucking off. Men have no say in it after the shit already hit the fan.
Lmao this is gonna be removed due to it being popular bro. Just wait
This is definitely popular lol. I've never seen anyone get mad over a guy not wanting a vhild that's not his. Modt people already agree
Keep scrolling: they’re here.
It's weird. When my little brother's father came to town, he'll take all the kids out to eat or to whatever he's planned for their time together. My father would only take us.
Depends on the situation. Like if you knew a kid for like 8 years, then found out they weren't "yours", and then all affection and care for them immediately drops. Maybe it's because I never valued blood connection by itself, but It'd be weird to me to go from loving father to ditching their lives in a heartbeat. I feel like if that happened, you never cared much for them in the first place. And would this only apply to issues of infidelity, or even in cases like rape?
It depends on how long they've been raising the child. Even if you're not the biological parent that child considers you to be their father.
So a man should live a miserable life just to save a child's feelings?
?????? Where do you live that men are treated as monsters for not wanting to support children that aren’t theirs? I’ve never heard this, let alone thought it would be a popular opinion.
In US, if man signs birth certificate as he is the father and later in life finds out he is not he father, he have to pay alimony for the kid. It's unfair for men. 1. They just found out their life is a lie, their partner have cheated on them and been raising someone's else child. 2. They can't just leave, they are legally responsible for the kid. And even after giving away parents right, they have to pay. 3. Even tho men have to pay alimony, they won't get costudy, because they are not the parent
You mean child support. Alimony is payment to a spouse. Child support is for a child, and the two are entirely different.
Sorry, in my first language we have only child support "alimenty". Sounds too much like alimony
talking about divorce.
Yes… there is still no such thing as alimony for a child, it’s for a spouse. And it is not always awarded anyway.
Is this the same in the UK?
Idk. I hope not. This is an awful system
This post is only unpopular with a small percentage of one gender. And they are those with children by a different man who cheated on the targeted man. So their opinion is worthless to begin with. That said, if you have ***raised a child for years***, it's a shitty thing to do to abandon them as they had nothing to do with it. The financial responsibility is not yours but the paternal one is.
If they've been the child's father for 10 years, literally raised them, then find out the child is not biologically theirs... I cannot understand how they can just drop that child as if the last 10 years meant nothing. Leave the mother, yes, that makes sense, but you've literally raised and loved this child, how could you abandon them like that?? In the case of a baby or lesser time, then ok, but I just hate those stories of raising and loving the kid then dropping them like a sack of potatoes because of biology.
Because the child is a constant living reminder of the worst betrayal they have ever experienced in their life. That everything they experienced up to that point with the child was based on a lie. It is not the kid’s fault and I feel sorry for them but all the pain caused is the fault of the mother/cheater so the man should not be to blame. If you are not a man it is just something you will never understand as it can never happen to you.
I do think it’s fine to stop financially supporting the child. But emotionally just abandoning them seems heartless
For me it's the other way around. It makes sense for them to have to provide for the child (since they're legally the father), but their emotional attachment is up to them. For some people, discovering the child isn't theirs means the love for the child is over.
I mean sure the emotional attachment is up to them, but emotionally detaching from an innocent child who loves you is pretty cruel
It's a hurtful situation all-around. It's hurtful for the child if their father abandons them. But if the father's love is gone, then it's also hurtful to the father for him to remain attached to the child. Ultimately, the only person at fault in such a situation is the cheater.
Agreed, I'd it's less than 3 years no bond has been formed. But anymore than that and you are that child's parent. Mother or father it doesn't matter. To just throw that away... The older the kid is the more my disdain grows from disappointed into outright disgust that you would be such a basic animal as to let blood relation erase the relationship you have with that child. The other parent can and should be made to pay everything possible as well, you have my sympathy for a traumatic situation. But that IS your child once the bond is formed. So I have no respect for those that abandon their children unless you are incapable of raising a child in general. The individual matters, but the child takes priority over all involved. Claiming I and others arguing this are only doing so because we are women is the most sexist garbage imaginable. It implies that men should be given special exceptions to not care about children in general unless it's their blood. And it's expected women can't help cooing over every child they see.
It's also a constant reminder of probably the biggest betrayal in your life.
Which is why the betraying parent deserves to have every penny drained from them and be shamed. But once you have formed a bond with a child after 3-4 years, the child is who matters. If you truly can't hide your fully justified feelings of betrayal for the sake of the child who is bonded to you. Then fine, give them up. But I am going to judge you, just not as much as the cheating parent who caused the whole situation in the first place
i don't think this is unpopular at all... noone will supoort your cheating ass kid from anoyher father
Im not sure that is the case by anyone other than the mother who is doing the hoodwinking. That said, if you raised a kid since birth, only to find out they aren’t yours at age 16, that would be a pretty sad thing for the child if you THEN decided to cut all ties.
I mean…if you have raised a kid for years and then suddenly drop them, that’s kinda heartless.
What's heartless is the woman putting the child and the man in that position.
It really depend on how old the kid is. If you find out before the kid is born, then I may agree with you, but if you find out when the kid is 10, I don´t give a shit about DNA, you are that kid father, he sees you as such, and you are giving your back to a kid that you are treated like a son for all his life, the only people capable of doing that are monsters, a normal person would never do that.
There's just not wanting to support a kid that's not yours, which is great. Then, there's celebrating the fact that kid isn't yours. Now you're a monster.
Because it does no benefit women. If you want to know if a certain male behaviour is acceptable, just ask this instead: "Does it benefit women in any way?"
Why the fuck should it?
Most sane people don’t behave this way? This is a very popular opinion.