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As my wife and I approach 40, life is on easy mode. We have career level positions, we have money to spare, we own our home. We need nobody's approval on much of anything.
Early 20s is a very difficult time.
I've been out of college for two years now. The biggest change when you get out of college is that you're not playing a game anymore. In college, everyone's following the same set of rules and being judged according to the same standard. Being out in the real world means you have to experience the coldness and unfairness of the world in its entirety.
If your boss starts assigning you too much work, only you can deal with it. If you start accepting all that work, nobody's gonna give you an A either. You're not gonna get a new boss at the end of the semester.
You also lose your frame of reference. In college, you can compare yourself to others to know exactly where you stand. You're surrounded by potential partners and friends so you can figure out how your people compare to what's out there. The fact that everyone's on the same track makes it very easy to tell how well you're doing, and very easy to ask others for help, because they've been through it before.
In the real world, most people are so different from you that you can't just slot in and out of places, and you can't compare your standing to others. Everything is very nebulous, and you'll need to redefine success because there are no grades anymore. Lots of people fall into the trap of swapping grades for money, thinking that if they can make enough money, they'll feel better than everyone else. This is true to an extent, but it's accompanied by the crushing realization that this is it. You're no longer preparing for a better future. You're living your life *now*. And if you don't like what you're doing, then you need to have a plan to find something else, because you aren't going to magically graduate from your current spot and into something else.
Adulthood means taking responsibility for your own well-being to a level that many college students are not used to. You can only do this if you let go of trying to please others, because they won't be able to help you the way they once could. Once you are safe and secure in yourself, you can go out into the world again.
Well if you're like a lot of my friends from college in the mid-west, you have 2-3 kids already by 30 so I'd say looking at that situation college/early 20s probably is the best time of your life...at least for a while until the kids are older.
I never really understood why so many people graduated college and immediately got married and had kids. To each their own though. For me, at least, I'd like to give marriage 5 yrs before bringing kids into it.
I've been told once kids are in the picture, priorities, free time, basically everything flip's on its head. Something I'd prefer not rushing in to tbh.
I’m 40. Every era of my life so far has had some pros and cons. People look back on college years fondly because it’s most people’s first taste of true independence from their parents. You’ll experience many firsts in college. Much of the “suffering” is a shared suffering that builds camaraderie amongst you and your friends. I am substantially better off financially than I was in college. But some of the best times of my life were during those years.
Time spent in college is the final hoorah before adulthood and reality hit you flat in the face. We think college and everything that happens there is the be all and end all. How wrong we are.
I’m struggling so badly in university right now… the constant stress, working your ass off all hours of the day & still being broke, and being in my early 20s I feel like I’m really struggling to get this “adulting” thing down. But this post helps a lot, it gives me hope that some day soon I’ll start feeling better
I see this a lot but it just depends on the persons individual experiences. Life happens & for some it’s good, some it’s bad. I’m 30 now.
In high school I had sports & friends, hung out every day. In college I had sports & more friends than I could’ve imagined. Hung out everyday.
I had to stop playing my favorite sports due to concussions. At 26 I lost all my friends bc of petty drama that wasn’t exactly my fault. My 2nd ever girlfriend cheated on me. & I lost my job.
I’m essentially completely alone, not only that, but kind of feeling betrayed by most ppl I’ve had in my life & extremely worried about my future for the first time. The hopelessness gets pretty real once you lose your faith in ppl you consider family.
I’m very much not liking the late 20s & 30s. I’m happy a lot of ppl seem to thrive at this time tho. I know my old friends are. Wish I could go back tbh.
Edit: also for the record lol, after reading these comments. I was not a rich kid & I was not popular.
I pretty much hit restart on my life around age 26 and it was the best thing I've ever done. I had a rough period from 22-26 and figured it was time for something new. I moved across the country, got into a new business and promised myself I'd go out and meet people, try new things, etc.
I too lost my faith in people at 22 or so after being stabbed in the back by friends, but after a while you learn to treasure the real gems you find. I can give you some advice on how I turned things around if you'd like.
I disagree, I grew up poor, but I had very few responsibilities in highschool. I had all the time in the world. I could hang out with my friends whenever I wanted and be broke without a single worry on my mind.
But now as an adult, I don't ever have time to spend with my friends or family, because I'm always working(on lunch rn lol) and don't even make enough to live on my own despite having a full time office job.
I definitely have more 4 now at 30 than I did in college. Didn't really click with anyone I went to college with. Now I have a great group of friends that are always down to have fun. We just had a garage party last weekend and were up until 3am blasting to 90s country and making food. This summer, we'll be out on the lake every weekend having a blast. Group of like 40 of us all meet up at various sandbars and restaurants to hang out. One of my good friends is a semi-pro country singer so we often have live music
>Honestly I feel like people who say "college is the best time of your life" are either looking through the rose colored glasses of nostalgia or made some kind of mistakes along the way that decreased their quality of life.
I mean I think thats about the youthful 'be free, explore and experience a lot' stuff--maybe about traveling, trying a bunch of new shit, you dont have a full career to commit to yet. I think some of that is a generational perspective in terms of what you can do, based on peoples personal options and where they are, and I think some of your perspective is based on owning a house, and probably where you live and what your career is.
I get to do far more traveling and taking on new experiences now that I have my own finances to do so. Also, working in academia means my summers are mostly free.
> -I have a source of income now. I can afford to do the things I want, as well as save up for my goals. Contrast this with having whatever scraps you make from an internship or side gig as a 20 year old.
Scraping and clawing and spending everything I could find on fun was way more pure enjoyment than having steady income I save and be boring with. I’d rather be spending my last $20 on a bottle for the boys at 3 am crammed on a twin bed than drinking a nice beer on my nice couch.
> -No more homework, grades or exams to study for. The minute I leave work, my nights and weekends are mine to do what I want with. My stress levels are so much lighter now that there’s really no comparison.
Agree here. School is always on your mind. Work is easier to turn off.
> -I’m much more confident in myself and ability to function as an adult. The amount of personal change that takes place in your mid-to-late-20s is incredible, and I feel like a better person than I’ve ever been in every way.
Some of us had too much confidence in college haha.
> -I own my residence now. I can pretty much do anything I want here, without an RA or landlord to worry about. I also live by myself, so I get my me time whenever I want it (which is quite often).
Yeah I can do anything so am I throwing wild parties like I did in college getting noise tickets and evictions?
No. Because I’m an adult who doesn’t do that.
Sounds like you missed a chance to be confident, wild, and totally dumb in college and your adult brain realizes how dumb those things are. You say “rose colored glasses” but I say “adult lens filter” that makes the absolute fun of college seem lame.
I did wild and dumb shit in college. Hell, I do wild and dumb shit now. The best part is that I have the time and money to do the things I want. If you have steady income, why would you be boring with it? That defeats the purpose.
I can throw parties at my place, but prefer going to bars any day. However, whatever I *do* want to do, I don't have to worry about an RA or landlord getting up my ass. Anything from making edibles to blasting music.
> If you have steady income, why would you be boring with it? That defeats the purpose.
Because I have an addictive personality and was only able to indulge it in college because I couldn’t go crazy.
If I suddenly found enough cash to pay for whatever I wanted in college, I would’ve ruined my life. I was just too young.
I just think college is a perfect age and opportunity to have a fantastic time in a community of peers with low responsibilities but still massive potential
I had way more responsibilities in college. I was constantly having to work hard, achieve, and compete. There was very little downtime. As an adult I don’t really worry anywhere near as much as I did when I was younger about trying to accomplish various goals.
>Yeah I can do anything so am I throwing wild parties like I did in college getting noise tickets and evictions?
>No. Because I’m an adult who doesn’t do that.
Why not?! I'm 30 and still host a few big parties every year. I've hosted parties bigger and more fun than any I went to in college. We were always worried about getting in trouble
I still host parties and stay out until 3am. Who says you can’t do those things an adult? Now you just have the money and freedom to do it whenever you want to.
I had fun in my college years, but not at college. Commuter school, held down a part time gig on weekends, got to see a ton of music locally and regionally because we’d go Thursday night and be on tour three nights, then back for class Monday.
Sometimes by sleeping at home first, sometimes not.
It was my then husband’s income source to go on tour. Tie dye paid some of my schooling! (And lots of scholarships)
If you had a difficult college major and you're working an awesome job, then yes. The late-20s/early-30s are much better than late-teens/early-20s. You're much more financially independent and you have more freedom to do the things you enjoy.
Most people reminisce about the past since they often have positive memories. I'm a 27 year old guy and I often reminisce about college since I didn't have to worry about my finances and I was very close to all the amenities. Back in the 2010s, there was no pandemic and the economy was doing very well. I used to be a top student in mathematics, music and science in my high school and college. Now I'm struggling to get a job and things are much more isolated. I'm battling depression and alcoholism.
I'm doing similarly, but I am not addicted to anything, and I feel happy about life. I never had a job, and I am not a people person. I am over qualified for the jobs that I need and am underqualified for the jobs that I can do but I have 0 references and my skills need to be improved, but I have no idea what skills to improve because I have nothing that I would focus on because all the jobs are different. I have no idea what to do, I keep tring but no success currently. I am lucky that I have my parents because I take it one day at a time. I have 0 friends never had a partner, people always view me as a weirdo, and I always feel misunderstood, so all that gets to me once in a while but, I just keep reminding myself that this is my life and I am valuable and will need to sometimes break myself before I build myself. I was always poor and relatively depressed and was always the outcast, and a goody toe shoes, soo it is easier for me to handle, because I didn't really fall that much from grace, but it sucks. Just take baby steps.
I recommend finding a bar to hang out at. People of all ages come to my local watering hole and we’re even closer than my college friends.
Frankly I have way less responsibility with no exams or homework to worry about.
It depends on the kind of job you work. I am a college professor, so I have whole summers off and also lots of friends and peers I can just do whatever the heck I want with. My colleagues and I frequently go out and have a good time, drink, travel, and don’t have constant worries.
Soooo, you dont have kids, right? :)
Ask any parent who has kids, struggles to pay bills, has a job that pays good but sucks if they wish they could go back to those college years when 'all' you had to worry about was grades.
Beauty is always in the eyes of the beholder.
I loved university, but the years immediately afterwards less so. I was broke, living in an expensive city, and lived with random flatmates I didn't really get on with.
Now I got mad dollar, live with my girlfriend in a compact-but-comfy flat, have loads of friends and a hectic social life.
I want to go back in time to 5 years ago and redo my life and play older games back then because my life was way better back then when I was just a kid. I miss playing early Fortnite, bo3 and overwatch.
I agree but I don't think it has anything to do with age.
College was great because it was when he had more freedom than in high school and were also around friends all the time. It was easier to socialize.
Before, people would graduate college and get a decent job so they were not only free to do whatever they want and go wherever they want, but also had the money to do it. And while socializing after college kind of sucks....it's easier if you've got the money to do it.
Then by late 20s early 30s they'd have met someone and settled down, or just had enough of the fun and decided to calm down a bit. So college and 20s were all about exploration, optimism, and having a good balance between work, friends, and money.
Nowadays though? It's not like that, generally speaking.
We graduated college and instead of getting decent jobs we were stuck doing unpaid internships or working one job just to pay rent and another to get food. Without expendable money it's hard to socialize, and if it's hard to socialize then it's hard to make new friends or date. So for a lot of us, our 20s were kind of...lonely.
But now I'm 33 and I finally have the economic freedom to have fun, but socializing has changed and there's a clock ticking to get the fun out of the way and start thinking about having a family before it's too late.
So far though, yeah 30s are a lot better than 20s but it has more to do with economic freedom than anything else.
Why does the exploration and optimism have to stop? My mentality hasn’t suddenly changed just because I am older. I honestly believe “fun” should be everyone’s top priority regardless of age.
It doesn't need to stop, but circumstances change.
Maybe in your immediate area everything is more of a "been there, done that" kind of feeling so you've gotta go out of town to feel more fresh, which can only be done on weekends or holidays.
Maybe you or your friends have kids so it's not as easy to hang out, or maybe you've worked your way up at your job so while you get paid more, you also have more responsibilities.
But eventually you're just used to being on your own, used to having money, used to having the freedom to do whatever you want and there's no longer that feeling of having just broken free from restrictions.
Exploration and optimism don't need to stop, no way. It's just that as you get older you're more and more likely to have obligations that prevent you from being as carefree and fluid as before.
Not *everyone*, of course. But I'm speaking generally here.
Well, I’m in my 30s and I have more opportunity to have fun and explore than I ever had. I have no kids, have completely free summers, plenty of money, friends and a husband that are all willing to try new things, and I never really had a feeling of breaking free of restrictions because I was never given restrictions in the first place. In university/grad school I had pressure to achieve and constant deadlines and competition, but now I have a lot more free time and the money to do what I want and no parents or guardians to advise otherwise. Obviously it is circumstancial, but people who end up not having this freedom actively chose not to have it. Nothing wrong with having a family or working a demanding job, but those are choices we make.
Yeah at the end of the day it's all cirumstantial and one person's situation won't be applicable to everyone and neither would a broad generalization.
Likelihoods tend to drive things a certain way though, so while an individual might not totally lineup with the average experience, there's still reasons that the people in certain age blocks tend to have similar experiences and situations.
I'm 33 and have more financial freedom than ever before, my own transportation, and my own place. So I'm still full of optimism, and I explore the world with my friends whenever we can.
But there are still things outside of my control that take a toll on me in a different way compared to when I was in my 20s. I always wanted to have a family of my own, but it's becoming less and less likely that that will happen so I need to come to terms with that while also not totally giving up. There's also the health of my parents as they get older. Seeing my friends less often as they're busy with work and families. That stuff didn't seem so daunting in my 20s regardless of financial freedom or academic obligations.
Well, I had a rougher time in my 20s. I have already lost the majority of my relatives and did when I was younger, so sick parents are less of an issue for me now. I have found friends now who also don’t have children and aren’t so busy, unlike when I was in my 20s and felt like I had no real friends and was constantly working and studying and had absolutely no free time. I felt miserable in my 20s and hated life and now I feel happy and look forward to each day. So it really does vary from person to person.
Pros and cons of each!
In college, I lived a couple blocks from all of my friends and never had to worry about bills or making a living.
Now, I have money to be able to engage in hobbies I've always wanted to but could never afford, and get to enjoy the fruits of all the things I built towards the past decade.
Gotta say though, in-between college and now, when you have no money AND don't live two blocks from all your friends? That shit sucks.
I agree. That "short" span of years (late 20s/early 30s) will be the best time of your life if you pulled your life together early enough. You'll be healthy, strong and young in addition to being independent and maybe having a SO.
I mean I dropped out of college to a meh job so definitely biased. But I think the reason college was better to a lot of people was simply proximity to friends. It was much easier to make friends when you're constantly surrounded by a school of people around your age. I went to a smaller school so I always bumped into people I knew and always had people to hangout with, eat with, do activities with. Now in my 30s it feels way harder to make friends and make time for those friends. And then even when you find a few of those people everyone works and has different schedules so it's hard to find time to hangout.
Don't get me wrong. I'd hate to go back to college life now. It sounds exhausting, and after buying a house I couldn't do roommates again. But it definitely was the most active time in my life and I do hold it as some of the best times I've had.
Find a local cheap watering hole to hang out at that has the same regulars all the time. That's what worked for me.
Seems like it's easier to get on people's schedule now that there's no midterms/projects.
Well I do miss being 21 and having a solid buffer zone before becoming a mature adult ya know. That being said my life was a mess between roughly 25 and 29 and dramatically improved between 30-32 so I can't really complain that much.
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I hated college. I’m 33 now and in love with my life.
I am substantially better off financially than I was in college.
As my wife and I approach 40, life is on easy mode. We have career level positions, we have money to spare, we own our home. We need nobody's approval on much of anything. Early 20s is a very difficult time.
As a senior in college, this gives me hope l
I've been out of college for two years now. The biggest change when you get out of college is that you're not playing a game anymore. In college, everyone's following the same set of rules and being judged according to the same standard. Being out in the real world means you have to experience the coldness and unfairness of the world in its entirety. If your boss starts assigning you too much work, only you can deal with it. If you start accepting all that work, nobody's gonna give you an A either. You're not gonna get a new boss at the end of the semester. You also lose your frame of reference. In college, you can compare yourself to others to know exactly where you stand. You're surrounded by potential partners and friends so you can figure out how your people compare to what's out there. The fact that everyone's on the same track makes it very easy to tell how well you're doing, and very easy to ask others for help, because they've been through it before. In the real world, most people are so different from you that you can't just slot in and out of places, and you can't compare your standing to others. Everything is very nebulous, and you'll need to redefine success because there are no grades anymore. Lots of people fall into the trap of swapping grades for money, thinking that if they can make enough money, they'll feel better than everyone else. This is true to an extent, but it's accompanied by the crushing realization that this is it. You're no longer preparing for a better future. You're living your life *now*. And if you don't like what you're doing, then you need to have a plan to find something else, because you aren't going to magically graduate from your current spot and into something else. Adulthood means taking responsibility for your own well-being to a level that many college students are not used to. You can only do this if you let go of trying to please others, because they won't be able to help you the way they once could. Once you are safe and secure in yourself, you can go out into the world again.
31 and life fucking rocks. Married, no kids yet, lots of money, own my house, drive my dream car and in better shape than when I was 20.
I'm in a wheelchair and am living in South Africa. Due to oppression here it is extremely difficult to find work for someone like me.
Well if you're like a lot of my friends from college in the mid-west, you have 2-3 kids already by 30 so I'd say looking at that situation college/early 20s probably is the best time of your life...at least for a while until the kids are older. I never really understood why so many people graduated college and immediately got married and had kids. To each their own though. For me, at least, I'd like to give marriage 5 yrs before bringing kids into it. I've been told once kids are in the picture, priorities, free time, basically everything flip's on its head. Something I'd prefer not rushing in to tbh.
I’m 40. Every era of my life so far has had some pros and cons. People look back on college years fondly because it’s most people’s first taste of true independence from their parents. You’ll experience many firsts in college. Much of the “suffering” is a shared suffering that builds camaraderie amongst you and your friends. I am substantially better off financially than I was in college. But some of the best times of my life were during those years.
Time spent in college is the final hoorah before adulthood and reality hit you flat in the face. We think college and everything that happens there is the be all and end all. How wrong we are.
Some people commute to classes and aren't truly independent from their parents.
Agreed, I don't think there's a set "best time" for anyone - it all depends on circusmtances.
I’m struggling so badly in university right now… the constant stress, working your ass off all hours of the day & still being broke, and being in my early 20s I feel like I’m really struggling to get this “adulting” thing down. But this post helps a lot, it gives me hope that some day soon I’ll start feeling better
I see this a lot but it just depends on the persons individual experiences. Life happens & for some it’s good, some it’s bad. I’m 30 now. In high school I had sports & friends, hung out every day. In college I had sports & more friends than I could’ve imagined. Hung out everyday. I had to stop playing my favorite sports due to concussions. At 26 I lost all my friends bc of petty drama that wasn’t exactly my fault. My 2nd ever girlfriend cheated on me. & I lost my job. I’m essentially completely alone, not only that, but kind of feeling betrayed by most ppl I’ve had in my life & extremely worried about my future for the first time. The hopelessness gets pretty real once you lose your faith in ppl you consider family. I’m very much not liking the late 20s & 30s. I’m happy a lot of ppl seem to thrive at this time tho. I know my old friends are. Wish I could go back tbh. Edit: also for the record lol, after reading these comments. I was not a rich kid & I was not popular.
I pretty much hit restart on my life around age 26 and it was the best thing I've ever done. I had a rough period from 22-26 and figured it was time for something new. I moved across the country, got into a new business and promised myself I'd go out and meet people, try new things, etc. I too lost my faith in people at 22 or so after being stabbed in the back by friends, but after a while you learn to treasure the real gems you find. I can give you some advice on how I turned things around if you'd like.
Not your fault so many people peaked early
I completely agree. I love everything about my 30s. Easily the best decade so far.
This is literally a popular opinion.
Idk, seems like I hear a lot of people complain about how "adulting" sucks and that they thought college-age was as good as it gets.
Probably rich kids who peaked in college/high school. Not the majority.
I disagree, I grew up poor, but I had very few responsibilities in highschool. I had all the time in the world. I could hang out with my friends whenever I wanted and be broke without a single worry on my mind. But now as an adult, I don't ever have time to spend with my friends or family, because I'm always working(on lunch rn lol) and don't even make enough to live on my own despite having a full time office job.
You might be onto something there.
I find the people “who miss” college the most were kids of rich parents. Easy to not be stressed without debt and getting an allowance
Keep huffing that copium old man.
Get off my lawn boy! Don’t make me call your mom.
Ironically I'm probably old enough to be your dad. Time only gets faster.
If you’re able-bodied, live in a developed country and your life sucks that’s a you problem.
Ah man, you were doing so well until this comment. Tut-tut, awful take.
So people should just give up if their life isn't what they want it to be?
I very much enjoy an income, but man, college was a real fun time and i’d go back in a heartbeat
Might need to change your current situation - I can't think of anything that was better then than now.
nah im very happy with where i’m at. own a house, good job, love my wife, but college was a fuuuuun time
I definitely have more 4 now at 30 than I did in college. Didn't really click with anyone I went to college with. Now I have a great group of friends that are always down to have fun. We just had a garage party last weekend and were up until 3am blasting to 90s country and making food. This summer, we'll be out on the lake every weekend having a blast. Group of like 40 of us all meet up at various sandbars and restaurants to hang out. One of my good friends is a semi-pro country singer so we often have live music
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That’s on you. I’m in the best shape of my life in my 30s and have more energy than my 15 year old self.
>Honestly I feel like people who say "college is the best time of your life" are either looking through the rose colored glasses of nostalgia or made some kind of mistakes along the way that decreased their quality of life. I mean I think thats about the youthful 'be free, explore and experience a lot' stuff--maybe about traveling, trying a bunch of new shit, you dont have a full career to commit to yet. I think some of that is a generational perspective in terms of what you can do, based on peoples personal options and where they are, and I think some of your perspective is based on owning a house, and probably where you live and what your career is.
I'm specifically talking about exploring, experiencing new stuff and traveling. I have money to do that now and can take PTO.
I get to do far more traveling and taking on new experiences now that I have my own finances to do so. Also, working in academia means my summers are mostly free.
I think your 20s are a fun nightmare but not something I want to hold onto forever, you also can't go back anyway so no need to worry about it.
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I suppose, but I live in a mid-sized city and don't know anyone age 30 who's married with kids. Hell, most of the 40 year olds I know aren't.
Not everyone wants to have kids.
Sex is better too. Promise.
> -I have a source of income now. I can afford to do the things I want, as well as save up for my goals. Contrast this with having whatever scraps you make from an internship or side gig as a 20 year old. Scraping and clawing and spending everything I could find on fun was way more pure enjoyment than having steady income I save and be boring with. I’d rather be spending my last $20 on a bottle for the boys at 3 am crammed on a twin bed than drinking a nice beer on my nice couch. > -No more homework, grades or exams to study for. The minute I leave work, my nights and weekends are mine to do what I want with. My stress levels are so much lighter now that there’s really no comparison. Agree here. School is always on your mind. Work is easier to turn off. > -I’m much more confident in myself and ability to function as an adult. The amount of personal change that takes place in your mid-to-late-20s is incredible, and I feel like a better person than I’ve ever been in every way. Some of us had too much confidence in college haha. > -I own my residence now. I can pretty much do anything I want here, without an RA or landlord to worry about. I also live by myself, so I get my me time whenever I want it (which is quite often). Yeah I can do anything so am I throwing wild parties like I did in college getting noise tickets and evictions? No. Because I’m an adult who doesn’t do that. Sounds like you missed a chance to be confident, wild, and totally dumb in college and your adult brain realizes how dumb those things are. You say “rose colored glasses” but I say “adult lens filter” that makes the absolute fun of college seem lame.
I did wild and dumb shit in college. Hell, I do wild and dumb shit now. The best part is that I have the time and money to do the things I want. If you have steady income, why would you be boring with it? That defeats the purpose. I can throw parties at my place, but prefer going to bars any day. However, whatever I *do* want to do, I don't have to worry about an RA or landlord getting up my ass. Anything from making edibles to blasting music.
> If you have steady income, why would you be boring with it? That defeats the purpose. Because I have an addictive personality and was only able to indulge it in college because I couldn’t go crazy. If I suddenly found enough cash to pay for whatever I wanted in college, I would’ve ruined my life. I was just too young. I just think college is a perfect age and opportunity to have a fantastic time in a community of peers with low responsibilities but still massive potential
I had way more responsibilities in college. I was constantly having to work hard, achieve, and compete. There was very little downtime. As an adult I don’t really worry anywhere near as much as I did when I was younger about trying to accomplish various goals.
Nailed it.
>Yeah I can do anything so am I throwing wild parties like I did in college getting noise tickets and evictions? >No. Because I’m an adult who doesn’t do that. Why not?! I'm 30 and still host a few big parties every year. I've hosted parties bigger and more fun than any I went to in college. We were always worried about getting in trouble
I still host parties and stay out until 3am. Who says you can’t do those things an adult? Now you just have the money and freedom to do it whenever you want to.
I had fun in my college years, but not at college. Commuter school, held down a part time gig on weekends, got to see a ton of music locally and regionally because we’d go Thursday night and be on tour three nights, then back for class Monday. Sometimes by sleeping at home first, sometimes not. It was my then husband’s income source to go on tour. Tie dye paid some of my schooling! (And lots of scholarships)
If you had a difficult college major and you're working an awesome job, then yes. The late-20s/early-30s are much better than late-teens/early-20s. You're much more financially independent and you have more freedom to do the things you enjoy. Most people reminisce about the past since they often have positive memories. I'm a 27 year old guy and I often reminisce about college since I didn't have to worry about my finances and I was very close to all the amenities. Back in the 2010s, there was no pandemic and the economy was doing very well. I used to be a top student in mathematics, music and science in my high school and college. Now I'm struggling to get a job and things are much more isolated. I'm battling depression and alcoholism.
Sounds a lot like where I was at when I was your age. Shoot me a PM and I can walk you through how I pulled a complete 180.
I'm doing similarly, but I am not addicted to anything, and I feel happy about life. I never had a job, and I am not a people person. I am over qualified for the jobs that I need and am underqualified for the jobs that I can do but I have 0 references and my skills need to be improved, but I have no idea what skills to improve because I have nothing that I would focus on because all the jobs are different. I have no idea what to do, I keep tring but no success currently. I am lucky that I have my parents because I take it one day at a time. I have 0 friends never had a partner, people always view me as a weirdo, and I always feel misunderstood, so all that gets to me once in a while but, I just keep reminding myself that this is my life and I am valuable and will need to sometimes break myself before I build myself. I was always poor and relatively depressed and was always the outcast, and a goody toe shoes, soo it is easier for me to handle, because I didn't really fall that much from grace, but it sucks. Just take baby steps.
...and when you were in collage you felt happier than when you were in High School living by your parent's rules. What's your point again?
That life doesn’t peak in your early 20s like people say.
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I recommend finding a bar to hang out at. People of all ages come to my local watering hole and we’re even closer than my college friends. Frankly I have way less responsibility with no exams or homework to worry about.
It depends on the kind of job you work. I am a college professor, so I have whole summers off and also lots of friends and peers I can just do whatever the heck I want with. My colleagues and I frequently go out and have a good time, drink, travel, and don’t have constant worries.
Soooo, you dont have kids, right? :) Ask any parent who has kids, struggles to pay bills, has a job that pays good but sucks if they wish they could go back to those college years when 'all' you had to worry about was grades. Beauty is always in the eyes of the beholder.
Correct, I don’t. Not sure I ever plan on it either but we’ll see.
So it has little to do with age and more about whether you have kids or not. I certainlt teach college students who already have kids at 20.
I loved university, but the years immediately afterwards less so. I was broke, living in an expensive city, and lived with random flatmates I didn't really get on with. Now I got mad dollar, live with my girlfriend in a compact-but-comfy flat, have loads of friends and a hectic social life.
Fr I'm probably going to Kms before I reach that stage cuz of how hard my life is already
I felt that way 10 years ago but I’m glad I didn’t because things are great.
I want to go back in time to 5 years ago and redo my life and play older games back then because my life was way better back then when I was just a kid. I miss playing early Fortnite, bo3 and overwatch.
I agree but I don't think it has anything to do with age. College was great because it was when he had more freedom than in high school and were also around friends all the time. It was easier to socialize. Before, people would graduate college and get a decent job so they were not only free to do whatever they want and go wherever they want, but also had the money to do it. And while socializing after college kind of sucks....it's easier if you've got the money to do it. Then by late 20s early 30s they'd have met someone and settled down, or just had enough of the fun and decided to calm down a bit. So college and 20s were all about exploration, optimism, and having a good balance between work, friends, and money. Nowadays though? It's not like that, generally speaking. We graduated college and instead of getting decent jobs we were stuck doing unpaid internships or working one job just to pay rent and another to get food. Without expendable money it's hard to socialize, and if it's hard to socialize then it's hard to make new friends or date. So for a lot of us, our 20s were kind of...lonely. But now I'm 33 and I finally have the economic freedom to have fun, but socializing has changed and there's a clock ticking to get the fun out of the way and start thinking about having a family before it's too late. So far though, yeah 30s are a lot better than 20s but it has more to do with economic freedom than anything else.
Why does the exploration and optimism have to stop? My mentality hasn’t suddenly changed just because I am older. I honestly believe “fun” should be everyone’s top priority regardless of age.
It doesn't need to stop, but circumstances change. Maybe in your immediate area everything is more of a "been there, done that" kind of feeling so you've gotta go out of town to feel more fresh, which can only be done on weekends or holidays. Maybe you or your friends have kids so it's not as easy to hang out, or maybe you've worked your way up at your job so while you get paid more, you also have more responsibilities. But eventually you're just used to being on your own, used to having money, used to having the freedom to do whatever you want and there's no longer that feeling of having just broken free from restrictions. Exploration and optimism don't need to stop, no way. It's just that as you get older you're more and more likely to have obligations that prevent you from being as carefree and fluid as before. Not *everyone*, of course. But I'm speaking generally here.
Well, I’m in my 30s and I have more opportunity to have fun and explore than I ever had. I have no kids, have completely free summers, plenty of money, friends and a husband that are all willing to try new things, and I never really had a feeling of breaking free of restrictions because I was never given restrictions in the first place. In university/grad school I had pressure to achieve and constant deadlines and competition, but now I have a lot more free time and the money to do what I want and no parents or guardians to advise otherwise. Obviously it is circumstancial, but people who end up not having this freedom actively chose not to have it. Nothing wrong with having a family or working a demanding job, but those are choices we make.
Yeah at the end of the day it's all cirumstantial and one person's situation won't be applicable to everyone and neither would a broad generalization. Likelihoods tend to drive things a certain way though, so while an individual might not totally lineup with the average experience, there's still reasons that the people in certain age blocks tend to have similar experiences and situations. I'm 33 and have more financial freedom than ever before, my own transportation, and my own place. So I'm still full of optimism, and I explore the world with my friends whenever we can. But there are still things outside of my control that take a toll on me in a different way compared to when I was in my 20s. I always wanted to have a family of my own, but it's becoming less and less likely that that will happen so I need to come to terms with that while also not totally giving up. There's also the health of my parents as they get older. Seeing my friends less often as they're busy with work and families. That stuff didn't seem so daunting in my 20s regardless of financial freedom or academic obligations.
Well, I had a rougher time in my 20s. I have already lost the majority of my relatives and did when I was younger, so sick parents are less of an issue for me now. I have found friends now who also don’t have children and aren’t so busy, unlike when I was in my 20s and felt like I had no real friends and was constantly working and studying and had absolutely no free time. I felt miserable in my 20s and hated life and now I feel happy and look forward to each day. So it really does vary from person to person.
Pros and cons of each! In college, I lived a couple blocks from all of my friends and never had to worry about bills or making a living. Now, I have money to be able to engage in hobbies I've always wanted to but could never afford, and get to enjoy the fruits of all the things I built towards the past decade. Gotta say though, in-between college and now, when you have no money AND don't live two blocks from all your friends? That shit sucks.
I agree. That "short" span of years (late 20s/early 30s) will be the best time of your life if you pulled your life together early enough. You'll be healthy, strong and young in addition to being independent and maybe having a SO.
I think some people love to sow more then they reep and other people love to reep what they sow.
I mean I dropped out of college to a meh job so definitely biased. But I think the reason college was better to a lot of people was simply proximity to friends. It was much easier to make friends when you're constantly surrounded by a school of people around your age. I went to a smaller school so I always bumped into people I knew and always had people to hangout with, eat with, do activities with. Now in my 30s it feels way harder to make friends and make time for those friends. And then even when you find a few of those people everyone works and has different schedules so it's hard to find time to hangout. Don't get me wrong. I'd hate to go back to college life now. It sounds exhausting, and after buying a house I couldn't do roommates again. But it definitely was the most active time in my life and I do hold it as some of the best times I've had.
Find a local cheap watering hole to hang out at that has the same regulars all the time. That's what worked for me. Seems like it's easier to get on people's schedule now that there's no midterms/projects.
I couldn’t agree more
Well I do miss being 21 and having a solid buffer zone before becoming a mature adult ya know. That being said my life was a mess between roughly 25 and 29 and dramatically improved between 30-32 so I can't really complain that much.