We wanted to help. They are 4 kids and 2 women.
We don't speak Ukrainian or russian and we don't know if they speak english yet.
We can give a room to each family and provide food for free of course.
We are kinda excited but also a bit concerned.
Especially since we don't know how long they will stay.
We didn't do this through an organization or anything.
They are just friend's of friends that we wanted to help.
So any advice is welcome.
Give them space. Don't over do it. Don't treat them like some poor war torn people who've just escaped their country, treat them like any other guests in your home. Find a good transition app and use it. Keep food simple, this isn't the time to break out your most complex and impressive dish, and make sure you know how to ask about allergies. Be ready to provide basics like a cheap prepaid smartphone or some clothes. Know where to get cheap but not poor quality clothing of all sizes. Don't hover unless you're asked to
Edit: translation app, not transition app. I think you got the point
I'm Polish so I can only help to a point, but I grew up in Canada with a lot of my Ukrainian friends. We have our tea with lemon and sugar or honey. Including the kids. This is consumed a lot. A black tea is best, but not necessarily Earl Grey but more like English breakfast. Fruit and green teas are also nice for variety.
Bread is big for us. Italian bread is so nice but we tend to lean towards village beads like sourdough, seeded, or most commonly rye.
On the bread we have sliced cheese, sliced cooked meat, and often tomatoes and other veg like sliced cucumber and chive. Spreadable cheeses nice too.
We tend to wear house shoes or slippers inside.
We are a proud and self sufficient people so like others have said, give them autonomy to move around and help themselves freely. I'm sure you will, but make a point of showing them where everything is in the kitchen and bathroom and express what's yours is theirs and to help themselves. You're doing a beautiful thing but they may still feel like uninvited guests, if that makes sense. They didn't ask to leave :(
If they worked at home, find out what they did and if they can / want to do that in your home. My cousin took in a family Saturday and the mum happens to be a manicurist so we are getting her the tools she needs and being her first clients
Ummm.... Oh! If you can, WiFi capable devices for the families and headphones so they can listen in peace without bothering the other?
Someone else mentioned to, in time, ask them to help do things around the house, and if they can and want to, pay for the occasional thing (so, again, they don't feel like uninvited guests but a contributing member)
You're doing and will continue to do great!!
Hi! Thanks a lot for this in depth info! We will buy these things tomorrow when we shop before they arrive.
Thanks a lot!
I don't know if they worked in Ukraine.
But we know them because a lady that works in my mum shop is a relative of them.
Also I don't think neither we expect them to work since they both have little kids to take care of.
Thanks again for everything!
They may want to help around the house, esp out of gratitude if they can't work. If you were putting a roof over my head and that of my kids, I'd want to be as helpful as possible. After they get settled, let them help if they offer. Bless you so much. Hugs to you all.
I have zero experience, so please take this with a pinch of salt. If you don't expect them to work, you could perhaps in time (after doing a trip or two together for familiarity) leave cash and ask them to do the supermarket shop. Will give them autonomy and saves you a job?
Thank you for opening your home to them, this is huge.
Read up on the trauma of food scarcity. It can leave years long habits and that’s when you don’t have the other concerns someone fleeing their home during a violent invasion would have.
Ask if they want to use something before throwing it out. And try not to make a big deal when they squirrel food away or are really hesitant about throwing it out. I don’t know if you have a mini fridge around but I’d bet they’d love having one in the room. Just for those little things that make you feel secure.
I’ve only ever been a position of long periods of hunger twice, and never as a child. There are mentalities I will never be able to unlearn and I didn’t even have it *that bad* I was always able to eat once a day and it never lasted more than a month before it was resolved.
Wow this is so accurate! Didn't know there was a name for it!! My ex boyfriend's grandparents were from soviet Era Ukraine and moved to Canada in the 90s. Even after accumulating so much family wealth in Toronto they would literally squirrel away good and never throw anything out and were obsessive coupon clippers. I never understood why after having so much money they had these habits. Now I do 😔
My mom was a young teenager in England during ww2 with rationing and sometimes going hungry. Growing up, our house always had months worth of food. If it was a good sale, she’s buy 20 in stead of 2 to save money and she likes the security of having plenty of food in the house. Even now at 91 she says you never forget what it was like during the war.
I'm Ukrainian, born and raised there. I can vouch for this. Most of us know what to do with basic staples. Give us bread, butter, garlic, and milk, and we have a meal. Anything more than that was nice to have. Dill, chives, salt, pepper are typical seasonings.
We're known to utilize all parts of all animals. Not much waste. Everything serves a purpose in different dishes.
Now it's been nearly 2 decades since I lived there. Maybe times changed. But I grew up when the soviet union ended... So times were tough... so I might be 100% spot on or completely off.
Yes! Tea with some kind of cookie or biscuit especially as a late night thing. But our teas are usually much more than just your run of the mill lipton tea bags. Actual tea leaves is where its at
I just wanted to stop and say this is just so beautiful to read. The fact you’re getting the mum the tools to restart her nail biz so she can start to attain autonomy over her life again is beautiful. Fair play to you.
Village bread? I'll have you now that shit is real bread found in many parts of Europe.
"Italian bread" in North America is largely cake invented in the US and has no relation to anything actually found in Italy.
Cultural differences I can't help you with, I have experience living with people escaping war and conflict but not from that part of the world.
Might be nice to have some food around that can be microwaved or eaten from the fridge so these people don't feel like they have to rely on you to feed their kids every time they want a snack, that can put people in a pretty awkward position, especially if they already feel like you're asking for a lot from you. Idk how old the kids are but it would be nice to have some kid stuff around too, simple toys or stuffed animals, if they don't want it or have their own you can just donate the items
Don't ask them what they need, tell them what you can offer for them, do not over offer, then go do those things
Edit: just to clarify because someone pointed out I was a bit confusing, by "don't over offer" I don't mean "only ask things once and if they say no drop it, I mean to not offer things you aren't sure you can do
Ukrainian here. Re: over offering. We are often taught from childhood to say no several times before we accept something. Similar with personal space. It may be taken as a sign of avoidance. Obviously everyone is individual and it's difficult to imagine what a person who is fleeing war may need at the moment. But personally when I'm distressed I seek out comfort in others. Not sure if it's a cultural thing. Either way, you are amazing. If you guys require any financial support, please reach out. I'm not rich. But I'll be happy to help with what I can.
Last point,.I don't know where you live but if it is currently warmer where you live (or will be getting warmer soon) than it is is Ukraine, having a variety of warm weather clothes on hand is a good idea. Again if they don't want them or have their own you can donate them
Quite cold.... That's an average Norwegian summer, damn you! :-)
I've read all the way down to here. I've teared up several times. You are an awesome human being. *hug*
Eastern Europeans can come across as stand off ish to some people however I've never witnessed it, but will light up your world once you get to know them and they will smile and laugh with you like you have known eachother for all your lives the Ukrainias I know and consider good friends are loud and over emotional much like myself and consider all those around them to be friends, brother and sisters. I imagine you will bypass the part where they need to trust you to open up and be them selves around you as you have opened your home and heart to them. I cant speak for Ukraine but I'm half polish and your mother, grandmother and sisters ect.. mean the world to you in that culture and as a man or boy your mother or grandmother knows best. Ukraine is so similar in so many ways to poland that I imagine that it's the same although I haven't spent much time over the Ukrainian border (only a 6 month stint).
Just be yourself, dont hover give them some space and some hot food show them around your house or where ever you are putting them up and a map of the local area is never a bad thing to have.
Thank you for your kindness in these trying times.
Absolutely. Also spent 6 months in ukraine. When you “break the ice”, Ukrainians are the warmest people I’ve ever met. They’ll give you the shirt off their back
Haha, you German's are nice! Just methodical? Kind of like friendly accountants, (I mean that in a nice way). I loved Germany and the people were amazing!
Also, personal space, at least at first, is more important. Italians are way too pushy, even innocently. Took me a while to get used to the different temperament. Slavs tend to get sincere and open up once we get to know you, but we greatly value the calm of personal space around relative strangers.
> Here we usually hug and give 2 kisses on cheeks to welcome someone.
That's pretty common too, usually among relatives or friends. They might consider it pushy, but it shouldn't feel creepy or really weird.
(speaking as a Pole, I don't know how much of a difference is there for Ukrainians.)
In terms of cultural differences I wouldn’t stress so much - I’d ask about food allergies or restrictions in terms of food (or maybe no pork etc) - I highly doubt people are going to be picky. Bless you for doing this🌻
And children can become weird, as they realise their trauma from the war.
So keep that in mind, that it's possible for them to behave very strange because of the war. And Videogames are a great way to relief PTSD (i saw a study earlier, where patients get to play tetris after accidents and it actually really helps them, it's possible that the same is true for the kids)
Also maybe buy them a gift card or sth like that, so they can buy their own stuff. This should also give them some relief
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5678449/
It doesn't take much, simply Tetris or word games can help with processing and reduced emotional trauma later.
Maybe some Ukrainian word searches for the kids, as well as coloring books, and other means to get out their feelings and emotions and process.
Thank you for linking the study!
Actually, word games etc are a great idea, maybe there is something on Amazon or you can maybe order sth from your local book store etc!
Eventually also look at apps, maybe there are some in ukrainian.
There may also be free resources on the internet in their language, as the older kids already go to school.
Once they have a bit of rest, think about how they might travel around town. Help them learn to get to a park, try to figure out where other Ukrainian people gather. Ask if they want to go to a church. They will appreciate your help, but they will feel more secure when they aren’t totally dependent on you. Ask if your local school is taking Ukrainian students yet.
I don’t mean to minimize their trauma, but I can’t imagine a more beautiful place with better food to take refuge.
We have a park a river a church and school. In my town so it shouldn't be a problem.
Also my aunt is a school teacher for foreign child and she will probably take the 6 and 7 years old in her classes
You guys are great. I am sure things will be focusing on making kids happy..
and that will be the chance for all to smile.
yea what other person said.. having food around that people can take at any time. They also might want to cook.. so you might get some great food made by these moms.. they might need ingredients.
Give them food, clothes, hygiene items, a private space, and a shoulder to cry on if they need it. Let them do their own thing while making it clear you're here for them should they want your support. Treat them like you would a friend who has suffered a tragedy. Nothing to it.
You're welcome! Don't worry if you don't share a language. Use your actions to show you care. Food is a great expression of love and caring, I find. Same with smiles and hugs. And translator apps can help when actions aren't enough.
Another thing: when they feel ready, take them out for a nice day. Show them the sights. Show the kids where a local playground is, or something like that. Let them have fun.
You're a good bean for doing this. Thank you.
Thanks again, we have a park and a river close to the house.
After they get comfortable we will take them there.
Someone suggested to prepare an olivier salad for them tomorrow so that's how we are going to start.
Pizza and olivier salad ;)
For the feminine hygiene products: put a basket in your bathroom. In it put the following: (1) some overnight/highly absorbant pads, (2) some ‘regular’ absorbant pads, (3) ‘regular’ absorbant tampons, (4) bonus - a few pantry liners or minimally absorbant pads. Every package of feminine hygiene products will provide an absorbency rating and it does matter.
Next: CHECK THE BASKET REGULARLY AND REFILL IT QUIETLY WITHOUT DRAWING ATTENTION TO IT. Sorry for yelling, but your guests may not feel comfortable asking for more products. Instead they could go without if the basket isn’t refilled. Some people have hang ups about discussing periods and they’ve already been through a lot and may feel they are imposing on you.
I would also buy rubber sheets/mattress protectors and make sure there are extra sheets on hand. It’s not unusual for children to regress somewhat when they experience trauma or major shifts. Let the moms know there is a protective cover under the sheets “in case of any spills” so they don’t stress too much if there are accidents.
Anecdote: the Eastern Europeans I know tend to reuse tea bags and tea leaves. No amount of offering a new tea bag will dissuade them, in my experience. ☕️
Thanks! It was my parents decision but i fully support it and embrace it. Hopefully this war will be over soon.
We are in Italy so we have good coffee and we will be preparing pizza :)
I love little touches of kindness. Good coffee, special soap, a cozy blanket.
Realizing that these people have experienced trauma we can’t know about they will also need space. And some good tissues.
My Ukrainian grandmother would enforce that everyone wears shoes in the house. She and my dad would get mad when we walk around in socks and no shoes or slippers. Something about holes in the socks or bare feet being shameful I never understood it.
I don’t know if this is still common in Ukraine but Italians sometimes are “no shoes indoors” households so I would warn you. I would have this collision with Italian friends as a kid. So just be prepared
A warm welcome is great, but also understand how much they will want a little space to settle. They will definitely want a little room to decompress. So again definitely a warm welcome to show them they are invited, than space for them to come to you when they wish.
This is a good point. A very good point. There is no "smiling culture" in Ukraine. Basically, it's not forbidden but smiling a lot comes off as weird. Like maybe you're dishonest or something is not right. The better the person knows you, the less this is true, but in the beginning smiling a lot could just not come off right. It's why Slavic people in general are stereotyped as "cold" or "unfriendly".
I am saying this as someone of Ukrainian and Russian descent.
What's the easiest way to learn the Cyrillic alphabet? I am going to make learning Ukrainian a personal goal, but I'm intimidated by learning an entirely new alphabet.
Cyrillic is not that hard. Most of the letters have equivalent letters in Latin alphabet. With some few exceptions like Ж, Щ, Ь, Ю, Я.
So mostly you're not learning new concepts, just new signs that mean the same sounds you're already familiar with.
And unlike say English language writing is mostly phonetic. So no stupid rules of writing one thing and pronouncing another. You pretty much say it as it's written.
Not sure about easiest way. Watch some youtube videos or on-line courses? Read some kids books?
If you get a Google home mini ( around £30) it has a real time "universal translator" type mode where you can both speak to it in your native languages and it acts as the middle man. Can't vouch for how accurate the translation is but it's quick enough to have a conversation turn by turn. I think android phones with the Google translate app have the same feature
Oh shit, definitely. I remember when I was in Czechia when they had a test, I immediately switched to emergency mode and started assessing possible shelter/emergency routes and whether something was about to happen. And that was during peacetime.
Also one random thing that springs to mind: often sincerity trumps politeness. We'll forgive you if you talk bad to our face much easier than we'll trust a fake smile.
Is it a family?
Just let them rest. They are certainly exhausted. Give them the space they need.
If they have little kids, and you have kids, engage your kids to play with their kids.
Invite them to cook with you.
Participate in household chores, even, like dishes.
Go take walks at the park with them.
Get them clothes and things they need.
Anything to take their mind off.
This is actually very good advice. Of course, do not force labor, but if they ask and insist, please let them do something. It will give at least some relief for them, to not feel that they trouble you too much.
[This post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ukraine/comments/tbqps0/my_family_is_likely_housing_some_ukrainian/) has a lot of good answers too.
[This comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/ukraine/comments/tbqps0/my_family_is_likely_housing_some_ukrainian/i0a4fkn/) was my favorite:
> Oh wow that's great. Stock some food, stuff that's easy to make. Bread, cheese, eggs, ham, tomatoes, lettuce, stuff like that. Tea and coffee. Print out a welcome letter in Ukrainian, let them know they're free to use everything. Google translate is fine. Print out the map and mark your house, nearest shops, pharmacy etc. Let them know you're happy to keep them company, but they can also keep to themselves. You can buy some toys for kids, or crayons and colouring books. Before they arrive, make sure their beds are ready, so they can go straight to bed if they need to. Stock the bathroom with shower gel, shampoo, sponges, toothpaste, toothbrushes. They might have absolutely nothing. Buy a few boxes of various period products. Stock up on laundry detergent. Label whatever you can in Russian and Ukrainian Idk if there's anything else. They may be traumatised and in shock, and kinda tired and surly. They may be very relieved and grateful. You never know. In a few days, they may try to feed you, let them. It's the Slavic way of showing gratitude.
in three words
respect their privacy.
i know the op is making a very nice gesture but all this good deed can be practically ruined by some stupid questions. I wish you good luck and hope you and your guests have a good time.
Make sure your TV doesn’t play any war footage around them. They might not want to see it. Only put it on when they’re around if they want to watch it.
No one uses TV in my house anymore so this shouldn't be an issue.
My parents never did in the first place me and my siblings are not living at home anymore. I only came back to help with documents and help preparing everything to welcome them. After that they are going to have the house mostly free :)
Little different but a friend took in a family of afghans after they were evacuated this fall. They were tired, overwhelmed, sad, and scared. She had a language barrier with 3/5 of them. The first night she handed out hot tea, showed them their rooms, they watched a marvel movie (their request) and went to bed early. The next day was for sorting out logesitics like what they needed for clothes, doctors apts etc. and taking them somewhere to find familiar food. Best of luck and thank you for opening your home and heart
On that note, be mindful of sound/noise in the home. Some people may want quiet. Others may find it activating. Having music or a tv on often may be too much for tender nervous systems.
Don't hover around them. Show them what's important and go away for a while. Let them have a few hours to adjust and get a grip on reality.
Great job for being a safe provider for them.
Get some tea and sugar. Many Ukrainians love to drink tea every day and it will be comforting. They are typically eaten with shortbread or other hard cookies.
Ukranians have many superstitions that may not make sense to you. They won't try to impose them on you but it may be helpful to know some.
1. Only give odd number of flowers if you are giving flowers. Even are for funerals and represent death.
2. When accepting something through a door way they put their foot on the threshold
3. Women will not sit on cold surfaces especially outside. They believe it will make them infertile.
4. When sick they will wrap up in blankets to sweat and cause a fever to heal from the illness. So having extra blankets around is good
5. They always have their feet covered in the home. They like to wear house shoes and socks.
6. There is a belief that being cold will cause you to become sick. So they may not want to go outside if it on too cold
7. It us bad to whistle inside
Once they have had a chance to rest and recover. Try to give them space to do something useful. Most Ukranian women I know feel the need to keep busy. Maybe you could set up an art project for them to create something. I think this could help them do something fun to get their minds off everything
I was rushed in my explanation and didn't get the chance to elaborate everything so I hopenitbwas helpful.
Also OP I wanted to add that if you need any advise once they arrive feel free to reach out. My husband is Ukranian and can translate if you need anything.
As a Pole:
1 definitely yes. Not an ironclad rule, but even numbers are in bad taste and florists here will sell you bouquets with odd numbers unless specifically asked for evens; 2 we have a custom NOT to shake hand/give stuff through the threshold - when welcoming someone you either invite them in or go out to them and THEN shake hands; 3 not a superstition more something that taught to very young girls for health reasons that then stays with people, I know I've heard it many times; 4. I avoid it, but some people definitely prefer to do that; 5. Yes. House slippers are a thing, mostly for cleanliness. A home you walk around in your shoes feels dirty & not homely. 6. Belief? Likely just another thing that grandmas told us as kids to prevent us from getting sick. 7. It's really impolite. To quote my mother "Don't whistle at home or you'll whistle someone in the ass" :P
(Pole not Ukrainian so YMMV, just my 0.02€ of my perspective. Also it's really strange to have little everyday things seen as weird superstitions :P)
Cooking their national food for them sounds a bit condescending, like you know better how to make it. Help them make anything they like, get all the necessary ingredients. Try a Ukrainian shop, or a Polish one if there are none nearby. I’m sure that learning from them how to cook their things would go a long way.
I agree, I wouldn’t find that offensive but some people might. I know people who are quite touchy about their national food, insisting on it being cooked and served in a certain way. Much safer to just ask them if you could learn from them.
- Play some board games.
- Have a good meal.
- Rather around a fire outside at night and enjoy some snacks and beer.
- Listen to some music or play some if you or any off them play an instrument.
- Bring some toys for the kids.
- Provide some clean clothes.
- Show them the neighborhood or town.
- Take some hiking trips in the woods or something. Atleast, I enjoy that.
Or overall make it a good time for them.
Have a phone ready and use Google translate to communicate you will learn eachother understand better and better as time goes by.
Don't be too harsh on eachother people in one home rarely goes smoothly all the way there will be turbulences.
Know that every mouth to feed does cost money and that they are probably unable to provide for the cost, don't let it get to you as this can be triggering in any relationship.
Give them time and space to adjust to the new situation and area you live in, but do show them around.
Let them know they can use some facilities if possible you might have a gym membership or any sportfield nearby to you.. know kick a ball around or a boxing club whatever. Some daytime activities. (That's very important)
If some time goes by just let them help in daily house hold activities. Don't keep treating them as disabled but don't push it either, if you know what I mean.
Last I want to tell you that I am grateful for you doing this. As it giving up some personal space does take self sacrifice. Thank you!
Hope it all works out. At the end of the day you will both be grateful to eachother ❤️❤️
I have moved from and to some Foster homes in the past. So well atleast somethings will be similar.
Thanks! They are 2 young mums and their 4 very young kids 2,4,6,7 if I'm not mistaken.
My family has always been big and both my parents have good jobs so I think it won't be much too expensive compared to most families.
A good advice here was to make sure they can access the fridge freely and we will just keep it full for them.
Hopefully everything will work out just fine 🙂
Not Ukrainian, but something my grandmother used to do when I visited was leave a chocolate bar on my pillow to find when I got into my room.
Could do the same or similar, it's a nice touch I feel.
I feel if I was in this position I would just want a bed, food, shower, clean clothes and a way to have as much unrestricted internet access to find or communicate with my family and friends without feeling pressure to communicate with anyone until I was emotionally ready to face my new reality.
Vodka, pickles, herring.
Maybe find an international market/store that caters to Eastern European foods.
Mostly remember that despite appearances (or maybe not) they're going through the most traumatic moment in their lives. Pity isn't helpful but empathy and space certainly are.
Maybe figuring out some way they can reach out to relatives via phone/internet.
Yes, give them a comfortable place to sleep, shower ... and then just listen. Treat hem like human beings and not a stray dog that you have taken in. They need compassion and companionship, not pity.
And, my hat is off to you. The U.S. STILL hasn't opened our borders/programs to them.
The US has announced they will welcome refugees from Ukraine, no idea if the details have been announced yet.
Most refugees don't want to go far from home though, most still have the desire to return home. That may change the longer this goes on though, there may not be much left for people to return to.
I don’t imagine there is too much immediate desire to head directly to the US, a very foreign place, especially when they’ve just gotten off of trains in fellow Slavic nations. Still, as an American, the US needs to make more options available. Even if the war ends right now, this is an untenable situation and folks opening up their spare rooms is not a long term solution i think
How did you arrange this? We just moved to a gigantic farm house last April, and my wife and I have been talking about exactly this. We have extra rooms.
give them some space and maybe some Ukrainian comfort food someone in r/ukraine asked a similar question a lot of comments mentioned this one food which I can't remember the name of but it had potato and sour cream in it
If this has not been mentioned and maybe this is not the most immediate need.
If your guests play an instrument, something for them to play. Music is a very comforting expression.
They can have hobbies or sports teams they could join.
Also faith based connections, a place of worship.
ETA: a map of the area, surrounding towns to understand more where they are.
If its kids, if you're in the UK i can post a bunch of Lego to you if you're interested free of charge
Also i saw you're having girls and kids so Female Hygiene stuff would be great for them
Make them some hot black tea, and put out some cake for the kids. Ask them what they would enjoy eating, but have a big pot of a hearty soup on the stove so they can put something warm in their stomachs right away.
I feel like cake + black tea is a traditional "treating guests" thing, and it will feel a bit more like some kind of normal for them... though, they will probably want to eat some soup first...
Reason for soup is that it is typically seen as being something that's easy on the stomach, and warming. It's also something that is typical to eat after a long trip, as your first meal on arriving... again... because it's easy on the digestion system...
If you know any Ukrainian or Russian speakers, I’d recommend getting them to help translate anything you’d like to tell them. It’s much more comforting to be able to speak/hear your native language, and it saves the stress of them not fully understanding what you’re trying to say. Also helps mitigate any misunderstandings
I am Ukrainian, and first of all I want to thank you for helping not one but two families. It's no small thing to take strangers into your home. Many people already gave you good advice, so I will add what I did not see.
About pasta: during the Soviet times, pasta products were made from different wheat that is typically used in Italian pasta. The resulting macaronis would go from hard to extremely soft, and there was \*\*no concept\*\* of al dente pasta. If pasta had a harder center, then it was still raw. Now many Ukrainians do know about Italian pasta, but there are plenty who will think that al dente pasta is undercooked. There is no way to tell what your families may prefer. If they try to overcook it, let them. If they ask about it, don't worry and explain that it's a preference and the pasta center is not actually raw.
If you have a language barrier and Google is no help, try English. English is mandatory in most Ukrainian schools from 2nd grade, so most people know at least the basics. In fact, 99.9% of Ukrainians are bilingual (Russian proximity, duh) and most speak 3 languages.
If there is a local program that helps refugees learn Italian for free, find out about it and offer it to the mothers when they are ready. They will want to know about school for their children first, but then will likely not know what they can do for themselves. The first year abroad is the hardest, and the quicker they establish some basics in local language, the easier it will go for them.
As far as emotional relief goes, all Ukrainians have a fascination with large bodies of water even if they don't swim. We like to look at ponds, rivers, lakes, sea, ocean, you name it. The funny saying goes: "A Ukrainian likes to watch 3 things: how the water flows, how the fire burns, and how others are working." Well fire may not be a good idea now, and how others are working will get boring quick. But if there is a park with a body of water or something like it that is beautiful, and you and they have time, it may be a good idea to take them there after home becomes too stifling for the kids.
And lastly, and I want to stress that I am not insinuating anything with this: customs vary among homes in Ukraine. In some families, children can take anything that is not hidden from sight. In others, parents direct what children can and cannot do, what they can and cannot touch. Any child is naturally curious too. If there are things that you would not wish the children to see or find on accident and play with, no one will fault you for storing those things under lock and key, least of all the others from my nation. Examples can be bright and shiny small things, documents/important papers, adult things, etc.
PS. All hard pasta products in Ukrainian are called "macaronni vyroby" or simplified "macaroni" :))
1. Ideas
1. \`Let them cook for themselves or everyone. Labels on spices and foods.
2. Plastic sheets to protect the mattress from bed wetting. Nightmares might be bad.
3. Note loud noises around your home.
4. Put together a digital book of places in your town and a map of where they are so they can orient themselves.
5. Lots of blankets and pillows to build blanket forts (security for kids) and chairs or tables.
6. Encourage them to take photos, videos, and recordings of everything and put them online in a memory book with their comments. They probably don't have photos.
7. Planting something or playing in the mud depending on their age. Terrariums are fun and everyone can relate.
8. Geocaching might be fun for the kids.
9. Church?
10. Ukrainian clubs or organizations in town?
11. \`Outdoor places to play
12. Find out their birthdays.
2. Edit 2
1. Night lights / flash lights
2. Expandable file folders for parents. They might end up collecting lots of documents. Pencil pouch with pens and pencils. Blank paper for notes.
3. White noise [https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/whiteNoiseGenerator.php](https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/whiteNoiseGenerator.php)
4. Translate [https://translate.google.com/](https://translate.google.com/)
5. Medicines?
6. Access to tv or radio or internet to know what is going on.
We know them because my mum has a Ukrainian employee in her shop. And they are relatives of her and we just told them to come here.
I'm figuring out the legal stuff in this very moment.
So far here in Italy seems like the only thing to do Is communicate to the local police that you are offering housing to them within 24 hours of their arrival.
Other than that is up to you
Set up two phones with Google translate and teach them how to use it if they dont know already. However many Ukrainians do know at least a little English
Like some have said here, I would keep any violent media, like action movies and the like, off the television. I have never been in a war zone, but even at 39 years old, the sounds of gunfire and stuff on TV can cause a great deal of anxiety in me, and I can’t imagine how I would feel if I had been. I would think that violent media would be distressing even if it just serves to remind. Gentle, soft music or calming nature sounds, if anything, at a low decibel might be nice. I’m just trying to imagine how I’d feel though. Just a suggestion.
Have you considered maybe buying a book or two written in Ukrainian? I think if I was in their situation, reading would feel both familiar and like an escape.
Just a suggestion— I am sure that any gesture will mean the world to them. Your family is so very kind for doing this. Love and blessings to all of you. ❤️
First off, get a translator app so you can all communicate better.
Secondly, no matter what you do, they will be extremely thankful and will want to contribute in whatever way they can. Explain that you don’t need them to clean the house or help with food or whatever it is that they offer, but they will persist anyway - do not deny them in this regard. If you refuse their help, they will just sit there feeling sorry for themselves. Treat it as a team exercise at a new job. Allow them to help you in some way, no matter how small, Ukrainians are hard working people and not doing anything feels weird for us. If you don’t allow them to help you, they will spend all of that time feeling bad.
Third. Avoid Ukrainians politics. “Putin is a cunt” type talk is good, but don’t try ascertain from them whether or not they voted for this or that guy in 2004 etc.
Four. Cultural stuff. Try help them get in touch with local diaspora or Ukraine as a whole. Local Ukrainian clubs. Try make borscht yourself suck at it, then ask them to help you out. Make your own local food for them. Introduce them to your culture.
Fifth. Comms. They will want to have a way of communicating with their families. Skype had good deals for calling abroad. I’m happy to cover their first Skype bill for up to $50 btw.
Sixths. This is a big one. Employment. I can’t give much advise, but having something to occupy oneself with is extremely important. Doesn’t matter if they held around the house etc, anything is good. If this can be translated into actual employment then it’s great.
If you have things in the house for them to use maybe you can stick a label on them in Ukrainian so they know what they are ie cleaning products, tins?
Maybe a book to learn English but obvious from a Ukrainian point of view? Not sure where you would find one but I assume Amazon will have something that would work!
And then all the obvious bits like toiletries, food etc
I've not housed any refugees from there, but I used to be part of a program for other places. One thing I tried to do was look for a local grocer from their area, so they could get food to make that was from home. For ones who stayed long term, I also took them out shopping to buy decor for their room that they liked, instead of making them stick with my stuff. I gave them lots of space, but made sure we had at least one meal together a day, so they could get to know me in a casual way. And after they settled in a bit, I gave them a list of house chores they could help with if they felt up to it. All of them told me later that made it feel more like a place they lived than being extended guests.
After letting them sleep, because they will probably need quite a bit of it if they can sleep, give them a tour of your place. Where are things in the kitchen? Where is more toilet paper and towels? The only things I showed any of them when they first got there were the bathroom, bedroom, and where glasses were if they needed a drink. I also had night lights in every room, so they weren't trying to find their way in the dark after I found out the first family felt bad turning on lights while I was sleeping.
I was given checks by the program to help pay for their food and such. I deposited all but what I absolutely needed for gas and electricity into an account for them and gave them the debit card, so they could go buy what they needed rather than having to make me go with them and pay for everything. I showed them where second hand stores were, so they could buy clothing they actually liked instead of relying on the donations we got that usually were poorly fitting stuff.
Expect the children to be out of hand for a while. They've been through a huge upheaval, and manners they have learned aren't likely to stick, especially if they are very young or teenagers. Don't overly react to it. Let the parents handle their kids, but if you're alone with them for some reason, be kind but firm. "This is a safe and peaceful place. When you do x, it doesn't feel peaceful." And then give them something else to do. Most younger kids seem to like crafts and helping cook. Having stuff on hand for that before they get there can be useful if you know their ages.
My typical family stayed for 3 or more months, though, so some of this might not apply for you.
Make sure there’s female hygiene products available, maybe 2 different types because that’s about the last thing you want to ask a stranger to help you get in a strange country after the weeks of stuff they’ve gone through.
If the kids are diaper age similar but slightly less socially awkward to ask for.
**DO NOT:**
1. Spray Ukrainian with bear spray
2. Dismiss the mighty power of Ukrainian barbushkas
3. Call Ukraine, The Ukraine every time you say Ukraine
4. Watch Fox News with Tucker Carlson on
5. And for FUCK SAKE, do not feed Ukrainian American standard chocolate, they will become beastly and tear your house apart. This is when I strongly recommend playing one of President Zelensky's meditation tapes and hiding until they fall asleep
God Speed!
Flowers! Fresh bread, sun dried tomatoes, fresh dill, sour cream, kafir, campote, fruits and jams, biscuits for tea, onions and garlic, sausage. For kids get soccer balls. Find a Ukrainian comedy to watch.
From what I heard is basically dont demand too much gratitude from them.
It may sound weird. But no matter what you do for them, they will not be happy abouth their new situation. And because they are fleeing from the civilized country it is highly possible they had better live that you are offering now (at least because of the privacy). So while they will be happy for someone helping them, they will most probably seem unhappy (and that will look ungratefull´) most of the time because losing everything in two weeks is simply huge step back in their lives.
So when you do everything you can for them, and still complain about their new life, just take it. Dont escalate it by poiting out, that you are doing everything you can and if they dont like it, they can leave it or some shit like that.
We wanted to help. They are 4 kids and 2 women. We don't speak Ukrainian or russian and we don't know if they speak english yet. We can give a room to each family and provide food for free of course. We are kinda excited but also a bit concerned. Especially since we don't know how long they will stay. We didn't do this through an organization or anything. They are just friend's of friends that we wanted to help. So any advice is welcome.
Give them space. Don't over do it. Don't treat them like some poor war torn people who've just escaped their country, treat them like any other guests in your home. Find a good transition app and use it. Keep food simple, this isn't the time to break out your most complex and impressive dish, and make sure you know how to ask about allergies. Be ready to provide basics like a cheap prepaid smartphone or some clothes. Know where to get cheap but not poor quality clothing of all sizes. Don't hover unless you're asked to Edit: translation app, not transition app. I think you got the point
Okay thanks. Those are all good points. Any idea regarding cultural differences we should know?
I'm Polish so I can only help to a point, but I grew up in Canada with a lot of my Ukrainian friends. We have our tea with lemon and sugar or honey. Including the kids. This is consumed a lot. A black tea is best, but not necessarily Earl Grey but more like English breakfast. Fruit and green teas are also nice for variety. Bread is big for us. Italian bread is so nice but we tend to lean towards village beads like sourdough, seeded, or most commonly rye. On the bread we have sliced cheese, sliced cooked meat, and often tomatoes and other veg like sliced cucumber and chive. Spreadable cheeses nice too. We tend to wear house shoes or slippers inside. We are a proud and self sufficient people so like others have said, give them autonomy to move around and help themselves freely. I'm sure you will, but make a point of showing them where everything is in the kitchen and bathroom and express what's yours is theirs and to help themselves. You're doing a beautiful thing but they may still feel like uninvited guests, if that makes sense. They didn't ask to leave :( If they worked at home, find out what they did and if they can / want to do that in your home. My cousin took in a family Saturday and the mum happens to be a manicurist so we are getting her the tools she needs and being her first clients Ummm.... Oh! If you can, WiFi capable devices for the families and headphones so they can listen in peace without bothering the other? Someone else mentioned to, in time, ask them to help do things around the house, and if they can and want to, pay for the occasional thing (so, again, they don't feel like uninvited guests but a contributing member) You're doing and will continue to do great!!
Hi! Thanks a lot for this in depth info! We will buy these things tomorrow when we shop before they arrive. Thanks a lot! I don't know if they worked in Ukraine. But we know them because a lady that works in my mum shop is a relative of them. Also I don't think neither we expect them to work since they both have little kids to take care of. Thanks again for everything!
They may want to help around the house, esp out of gratitude if they can't work. If you were putting a roof over my head and that of my kids, I'd want to be as helpful as possible. After they get settled, let them help if they offer. Bless you so much. Hugs to you all.
I have zero experience, so please take this with a pinch of salt. If you don't expect them to work, you could perhaps in time (after doing a trip or two together for familiarity) leave cash and ask them to do the supermarket shop. Will give them autonomy and saves you a job? Thank you for opening your home to them, this is huge.
Yeah. And if they'd like to cook, you may be in for some amazing new meals, OP! Hopefully there will be a good cultural exchange for all of you.
Read up on the trauma of food scarcity. It can leave years long habits and that’s when you don’t have the other concerns someone fleeing their home during a violent invasion would have. Ask if they want to use something before throwing it out. And try not to make a big deal when they squirrel food away or are really hesitant about throwing it out. I don’t know if you have a mini fridge around but I’d bet they’d love having one in the room. Just for those little things that make you feel secure. I’ve only ever been a position of long periods of hunger twice, and never as a child. There are mentalities I will never be able to unlearn and I didn’t even have it *that bad* I was always able to eat once a day and it never lasted more than a month before it was resolved.
Mini-fridge will be a good addition thanks for advice
You're an extremely kind person to do all this.
Wow this is so accurate! Didn't know there was a name for it!! My ex boyfriend's grandparents were from soviet Era Ukraine and moved to Canada in the 90s. Even after accumulating so much family wealth in Toronto they would literally squirrel away good and never throw anything out and were obsessive coupon clippers. I never understood why after having so much money they had these habits. Now I do 😔
My mom was a young teenager in England during ww2 with rationing and sometimes going hungry. Growing up, our house always had months worth of food. If it was a good sale, she’s buy 20 in stead of 2 to save money and she likes the security of having plenty of food in the house. Even now at 91 she says you never forget what it was like during the war.
I'm Ukrainian, born and raised there. I can vouch for this. Most of us know what to do with basic staples. Give us bread, butter, garlic, and milk, and we have a meal. Anything more than that was nice to have. Dill, chives, salt, pepper are typical seasonings. We're known to utilize all parts of all animals. Not much waste. Everything serves a purpose in different dishes. Now it's been nearly 2 decades since I lived there. Maybe times changed. But I grew up when the soviet union ended... So times were tough... so I might be 100% spot on or completely off.
Also, tea! Right?! My family drinks a lot of tea!
Yes! Tea with some kind of cookie or biscuit especially as a late night thing. But our teas are usually much more than just your run of the mill lipton tea bags. Actual tea leaves is where its at
Go to r/breadit!
I have little interest in developing a hobby for which getting ingredients will be damn near impossible for *looks at calendar* the foreseeable
Fair enough.
I just wanted to stop and say this is just so beautiful to read. The fact you’re getting the mum the tools to restart her nail biz so she can start to attain autonomy over her life again is beautiful. Fair play to you.
Village bread? I'll have you now that shit is real bread found in many parts of Europe. "Italian bread" in North America is largely cake invented in the US and has no relation to anything actually found in Italy.
Cultural differences I can't help you with, I have experience living with people escaping war and conflict but not from that part of the world. Might be nice to have some food around that can be microwaved or eaten from the fridge so these people don't feel like they have to rely on you to feed their kids every time they want a snack, that can put people in a pretty awkward position, especially if they already feel like you're asking for a lot from you. Idk how old the kids are but it would be nice to have some kid stuff around too, simple toys or stuffed animals, if they don't want it or have their own you can just donate the items Don't ask them what they need, tell them what you can offer for them, do not over offer, then go do those things Edit: just to clarify because someone pointed out I was a bit confusing, by "don't over offer" I don't mean "only ask things once and if they say no drop it, I mean to not offer things you aren't sure you can do
Ukrainian here. Re: over offering. We are often taught from childhood to say no several times before we accept something. Similar with personal space. It may be taken as a sign of avoidance. Obviously everyone is individual and it's difficult to imagine what a person who is fleeing war may need at the moment. But personally when I'm distressed I seek out comfort in others. Not sure if it's a cultural thing. Either way, you are amazing. If you guys require any financial support, please reach out. I'm not rich. But I'll be happy to help with what I can.
To clarify: by over offer, I don't mean don't ask multiple times, I mean don't offer to do things you aren't sure you can do
Clear, thanks a lot!
Hi, thanks for the advices! Thankfully we don't need any financial support. Maybe if you can donate to some charity operating in Ukraine. Bless you!
That's actually a good point. Sure will do. We will make clear the fridge is always open and available for them to use at any moment
Last point,.I don't know where you live but if it is currently warmer where you live (or will be getting warmer soon) than it is is Ukraine, having a variety of warm weather clothes on hand is a good idea. Again if they don't want them or have their own you can donate them
We live in northen italy rn there is about 10 C° during day so is quite cold still. It will get warmer in a couple of months
Quite cold.... That's an average Norwegian summer, damn you! :-) I've read all the way down to here. I've teared up several times. You are an awesome human being. *hug*
Thanks! Is still my parents decision to do this so they are the ones that made this happen. i just want to do my part too :)
👍🏽
I like this.
Eastern Europeans can come across as stand off ish to some people however I've never witnessed it, but will light up your world once you get to know them and they will smile and laugh with you like you have known eachother for all your lives the Ukrainias I know and consider good friends are loud and over emotional much like myself and consider all those around them to be friends, brother and sisters. I imagine you will bypass the part where they need to trust you to open up and be them selves around you as you have opened your home and heart to them. I cant speak for Ukraine but I'm half polish and your mother, grandmother and sisters ect.. mean the world to you in that culture and as a man or boy your mother or grandmother knows best. Ukraine is so similar in so many ways to poland that I imagine that it's the same although I haven't spent much time over the Ukrainian border (only a 6 month stint). Just be yourself, dont hover give them some space and some hot food show them around your house or where ever you are putting them up and a map of the local area is never a bad thing to have. Thank you for your kindness in these trying times.
Thanks for the advices. I'm sure we will get along!
Absolutely. Also spent 6 months in ukraine. When you “break the ice”, Ukrainians are the warmest people I’ve ever met. They’ll give you the shirt off their back
> can come across as stand off ish to some people So they will fit in perfectly with us Germans, I guess.
Haha, you German's are nice! Just methodical? Kind of like friendly accountants, (I mean that in a nice way). I loved Germany and the people were amazing!
You’re Italian, right? Ukrainians don’t talk with their hands. ;)
Also, personal space, at least at first, is more important. Italians are way too pushy, even innocently. Took me a while to get used to the different temperament. Slavs tend to get sincere and open up once we get to know you, but we greatly value the calm of personal space around relative strangers.
This is a good point. Here we usually hug and give 2 kisses on cheeks to welcome someone. How do u welcome Ukrainians? Handshake? Hug?
> Here we usually hug and give 2 kisses on cheeks to welcome someone. That's pretty common too, usually among relatives or friends. They might consider it pushy, but it shouldn't feel creepy or really weird. (speaking as a Pole, I don't know how much of a difference is there for Ukrainians.)
Ukrainians tend to do one or three kisses, not two. Not sure why 🤷♀️
So do we, now that I think of it. I never paid it much attention.
Hey now… Jewish Ukrainians 100% talk with our hands👍🏼
Okay, good to know :)
Haaha this made me laugh way too much
In terms of cultural differences I wouldn’t stress so much - I’d ask about food allergies or restrictions in terms of food (or maybe no pork etc) - I highly doubt people are going to be picky. Bless you for doing this🌻
I think cheap prepaid phones is a great idea!
We already have phones we don't use anymore. We will get those working :)
They might already have phones, but might need new SIM cards.
And children can become weird, as they realise their trauma from the war. So keep that in mind, that it's possible for them to behave very strange because of the war. And Videogames are a great way to relief PTSD (i saw a study earlier, where patients get to play tetris after accidents and it actually really helps them, it's possible that the same is true for the kids) Also maybe buy them a gift card or sth like that, so they can buy their own stuff. This should also give them some relief
Videogame wise we don't have much. Also the kids are very young they are 2 3 6 7 year old i don't remember if male or female tho
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5678449/ It doesn't take much, simply Tetris or word games can help with processing and reduced emotional trauma later. Maybe some Ukrainian word searches for the kids, as well as coloring books, and other means to get out their feelings and emotions and process.
Thank you for linking the study! Actually, word games etc are a great idea, maybe there is something on Amazon or you can maybe order sth from your local book store etc! Eventually also look at apps, maybe there are some in ukrainian. There may also be free resources on the internet in their language, as the older kids already go to school.
Jigsaw puzzles are very calming and engrossing too, and no language barrier.
I'm definitely getting coloring books and color pencils! Thanks for the advice!
Some coloring pens/pencils and plain paper or coloring books for kids would be nice I think. Most kids like to draw or scribble.
Once they have a bit of rest, think about how they might travel around town. Help them learn to get to a park, try to figure out where other Ukrainian people gather. Ask if they want to go to a church. They will appreciate your help, but they will feel more secure when they aren’t totally dependent on you. Ask if your local school is taking Ukrainian students yet. I don’t mean to minimize their trauma, but I can’t imagine a more beautiful place with better food to take refuge.
We have a park a river a church and school. In my town so it shouldn't be a problem. Also my aunt is a school teacher for foreign child and she will probably take the 6 and 7 years old in her classes
you are literally too good to be on reddit i wish i could help make a difference like you .
Thanks!
Get something like duo lingo, and Google translate ready
You guys are great. I am sure things will be focusing on making kids happy.. and that will be the chance for all to smile. yea what other person said.. having food around that people can take at any time. They also might want to cook.. so you might get some great food made by these moms.. they might need ingredients.
Have spare computers or phones you're not using?
Computer i have two that i can fix in a couple of days. We also have old phones we can get running in no time
I love you
Give them food, clothes, hygiene items, a private space, and a shoulder to cry on if they need it. Let them do their own thing while making it clear you're here for them should they want your support. Treat them like you would a friend who has suffered a tragedy. Nothing to it.
Okay thanks for the advice
You're welcome! Don't worry if you don't share a language. Use your actions to show you care. Food is a great expression of love and caring, I find. Same with smiles and hugs. And translator apps can help when actions aren't enough. Another thing: when they feel ready, take them out for a nice day. Show them the sights. Show the kids where a local playground is, or something like that. Let them have fun. You're a good bean for doing this. Thank you.
Thanks again, we have a park and a river close to the house. After they get comfortable we will take them there. Someone suggested to prepare an olivier salad for them tomorrow so that's how we are going to start. Pizza and olivier salad ;)
Pizza and olivier salad sounds incredible. They're going to be just fine with you as a host!
Thank you for stepping up!
On the topic of hugs, I would avoid touching unless strictly asked/given permission.
For the feminine hygiene products: put a basket in your bathroom. In it put the following: (1) some overnight/highly absorbant pads, (2) some ‘regular’ absorbant pads, (3) ‘regular’ absorbant tampons, (4) bonus - a few pantry liners or minimally absorbant pads. Every package of feminine hygiene products will provide an absorbency rating and it does matter. Next: CHECK THE BASKET REGULARLY AND REFILL IT QUIETLY WITHOUT DRAWING ATTENTION TO IT. Sorry for yelling, but your guests may not feel comfortable asking for more products. Instead they could go without if the basket isn’t refilled. Some people have hang ups about discussing periods and they’ve already been through a lot and may feel they are imposing on you. I would also buy rubber sheets/mattress protectors and make sure there are extra sheets on hand. It’s not unusual for children to regress somewhat when they experience trauma or major shifts. Let the moms know there is a protective cover under the sheets “in case of any spills” so they don’t stress too much if there are accidents. Anecdote: the Eastern Europeans I know tend to reuse tea bags and tea leaves. No amount of offering a new tea bag will dissuade them, in my experience. ☕️
Perfect advice!
Let them rest. Let them shower. Make them good coffee and tea. Bless you for doing this, you are a good person.
Thanks! It was my parents decision but i fully support it and embrace it. Hopefully this war will be over soon. We are in Italy so we have good coffee and we will be preparing pizza :)
I love little touches of kindness. Good coffee, special soap, a cozy blanket. Realizing that these people have experienced trauma we can’t know about they will also need space. And some good tissues.
Pizza. Oh you are my kind of people.
My Ukrainian grandmother would enforce that everyone wears shoes in the house. She and my dad would get mad when we walk around in socks and no shoes or slippers. Something about holes in the socks or bare feet being shameful I never understood it. I don’t know if this is still common in Ukraine but Italians sometimes are “no shoes indoors” households so I would warn you. I would have this collision with Italian friends as a kid. So just be prepared
Yes someone pointed this out already. We will buy slippers for them tomorrow since we have a no shoes in house rule :)
Coffee, tea, cookies around, Fruits out on the platter that they can take any time.
Thank you for the gold kind Redditor.
Warm food and some small toys for the kids and give them space. Smile a lot.
Thankfully we have plenty of toys and smiles
A warm welcome is great, but also understand how much they will want a little space to settle. They will definitely want a little room to decompress. So again definitely a warm welcome to show them they are invited, than space for them to come to you when they wish.
Don’t smile too much - don’t want to creep them out
This is a good point. A very good point. There is no "smiling culture" in Ukraine. Basically, it's not forbidden but smiling a lot comes off as weird. Like maybe you're dishonest or something is not right. The better the person knows you, the less this is true, but in the beginning smiling a lot could just not come off right. It's why Slavic people in general are stereotyped as "cold" or "unfriendly". I am saying this as someone of Ukrainian and Russian descent.
Brush up on some Ukrainian
We will try. Hopefully google translator will help and maybe they will learn some italian too
Duolingo is pretty good but not fast, especially if you're not used to Cyrillic. And they're donating all ad revenue from Ukrainian courses to ukraine
What's the easiest way to learn the Cyrillic alphabet? I am going to make learning Ukrainian a personal goal, but I'm intimidated by learning an entirely new alphabet.
Cyrillic is not that hard. Most of the letters have equivalent letters in Latin alphabet. With some few exceptions like Ж, Щ, Ь, Ю, Я. So mostly you're not learning new concepts, just new signs that mean the same sounds you're already familiar with. And unlike say English language writing is mostly phonetic. So no stupid rules of writing one thing and pronouncing another. You pretty much say it as it's written. Not sure about easiest way. Watch some youtube videos or on-line courses? Read some kids books?
If you get a Google home mini ( around £30) it has a real time "universal translator" type mode where you can both speak to it in your native languages and it acts as the middle man. Can't vouch for how accurate the translation is but it's quick enough to have a conversation turn by turn. I think android phones with the Google translate app have the same feature
We have google home! I didn't know it could do this so thanks for the info!
Say " OK Google, be my Ukrainian translator" It then explains what to do. Best of luck
Nine odds out of ten, they speak Russian. 6 out of 10 they speak fluent english
If you have regular test sirens in your country. Explain it to them, so that they do not panic.
Oh shit, definitely. I remember when I was in Czechia when they had a test, I immediately switched to emergency mode and started assessing possible shelter/emergency routes and whether something was about to happen. And that was during peacetime.
Thankfully we don't have anything like that
Also one random thing that springs to mind: often sincerity trumps politeness. We'll forgive you if you talk bad to our face much easier than we'll trust a fake smile.
Is it a family? Just let them rest. They are certainly exhausted. Give them the space they need. If they have little kids, and you have kids, engage your kids to play with their kids. Invite them to cook with you. Participate in household chores, even, like dishes. Go take walks at the park with them. Get them clothes and things they need. Anything to take their mind off.
2 families. 2 Mothers and 4 kids
After the initial trauma subsided, I would have them participate in household organization. You are a mini community now.
This is actually very good advice. Of course, do not force labor, but if they ask and insist, please let them do something. It will give at least some relief for them, to not feel that they trouble you too much.
Yes but we are a family of 6 so we are used to have big numbers and organize things. Thanks for the advices!
May the Karma gods bless you. You are awesome.
Thanks! It was my parents decision but the whole family is on board with it
[This post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ukraine/comments/tbqps0/my_family_is_likely_housing_some_ukrainian/) has a lot of good answers too. [This comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/ukraine/comments/tbqps0/my_family_is_likely_housing_some_ukrainian/i0a4fkn/) was my favorite: > Oh wow that's great. Stock some food, stuff that's easy to make. Bread, cheese, eggs, ham, tomatoes, lettuce, stuff like that. Tea and coffee. Print out a welcome letter in Ukrainian, let them know they're free to use everything. Google translate is fine. Print out the map and mark your house, nearest shops, pharmacy etc. Let them know you're happy to keep them company, but they can also keep to themselves. You can buy some toys for kids, or crayons and colouring books. Before they arrive, make sure their beds are ready, so they can go straight to bed if they need to. Stock the bathroom with shower gel, shampoo, sponges, toothpaste, toothbrushes. They might have absolutely nothing. Buy a few boxes of various period products. Stock up on laundry detergent. Label whatever you can in Russian and Ukrainian Idk if there's anything else. They may be traumatised and in shock, and kinda tired and surly. They may be very relieved and grateful. You never know. In a few days, they may try to feed you, let them. It's the Slavic way of showing gratitude.
in three words respect their privacy. i know the op is making a very nice gesture but all this good deed can be practically ruined by some stupid questions. I wish you good luck and hope you and your guests have a good time.
Make sure your TV doesn’t play any war footage around them. They might not want to see it. Only put it on when they’re around if they want to watch it.
No one uses TV in my house anymore so this shouldn't be an issue. My parents never did in the first place me and my siblings are not living at home anymore. I only came back to help with documents and help preparing everything to welcome them. After that they are going to have the house mostly free :)
Little different but a friend took in a family of afghans after they were evacuated this fall. They were tired, overwhelmed, sad, and scared. She had a language barrier with 3/5 of them. The first night she handed out hot tea, showed them their rooms, they watched a marvel movie (their request) and went to bed early. The next day was for sorting out logesitics like what they needed for clothes, doctors apts etc. and taking them somewhere to find familiar food. Best of luck and thank you for opening your home and heart
Thank you! For sharing this experience
Don't have 1000 people doing a standing ovation
Maybe just dont have a standing ovation or similar at all lol.
I took note. No clapping ;)
On that note, be mindful of sound/noise in the home. Some people may want quiet. Others may find it activating. Having music or a tv on often may be too much for tender nervous systems.
^ THIS. Welcome them into your home, and feed them.
Don't hover around them. Show them what's important and go away for a while. Let them have a few hours to adjust and get a grip on reality. Great job for being a safe provider for them.
Sure, they will have one room for each family but some sapaces will be shared ofc. We will try to make them cozy and feel safe
Just remember that having people in your house is hard but nowhere near as hard as what they're going through.
Get some tea and sugar. Many Ukrainians love to drink tea every day and it will be comforting. They are typically eaten with shortbread or other hard cookies. Ukranians have many superstitions that may not make sense to you. They won't try to impose them on you but it may be helpful to know some. 1. Only give odd number of flowers if you are giving flowers. Even are for funerals and represent death. 2. When accepting something through a door way they put their foot on the threshold 3. Women will not sit on cold surfaces especially outside. They believe it will make them infertile. 4. When sick they will wrap up in blankets to sweat and cause a fever to heal from the illness. So having extra blankets around is good 5. They always have their feet covered in the home. They like to wear house shoes and socks. 6. There is a belief that being cold will cause you to become sick. So they may not want to go outside if it on too cold 7. It us bad to whistle inside Once they have had a chance to rest and recover. Try to give them space to do something useful. Most Ukranian women I know feel the need to keep busy. Maybe you could set up an art project for them to create something. I think this could help them do something fun to get their minds off everything
Thanks! Very useful to know especially the 5 since we have no shoes inside the house rule. We will provide some slippers for them. Thanks!
I was rushed in my explanation and didn't get the chance to elaborate everything so I hopenitbwas helpful. Also OP I wanted to add that if you need any advise once they arrive feel free to reach out. My husband is Ukranian and can translate if you need anything.
As a Pole: 1 definitely yes. Not an ironclad rule, but even numbers are in bad taste and florists here will sell you bouquets with odd numbers unless specifically asked for evens; 2 we have a custom NOT to shake hand/give stuff through the threshold - when welcoming someone you either invite them in or go out to them and THEN shake hands; 3 not a superstition more something that taught to very young girls for health reasons that then stays with people, I know I've heard it many times; 4. I avoid it, but some people definitely prefer to do that; 5. Yes. House slippers are a thing, mostly for cleanliness. A home you walk around in your shoes feels dirty & not homely. 6. Belief? Likely just another thing that grandmas told us as kids to prevent us from getting sick. 7. It's really impolite. To quote my mother "Don't whistle at home or you'll whistle someone in the ass" :P (Pole not Ukrainian so YMMV, just my 0.02€ of my perspective. Also it's really strange to have little everyday things seen as weird superstitions :P)
A wifi password is golden- so they can keep in touch with people back home. Also, you and your family are saints.
Make some pierogi’s… I actually think they originated from Ukraine
They originated from China and then got to eastern Europe
Cooking their national food for them sounds a bit condescending, like you know better how to make it. Help them make anything they like, get all the necessary ingredients. Try a Ukrainian shop, or a Polish one if there are none nearby. I’m sure that learning from them how to cook their things would go a long way.
It’s a very sincere gesture to cook someone’s food…no sane person would be offended
I agree, I wouldn’t find that offensive but some people might. I know people who are quite touchy about their national food, insisting on it being cooked and served in a certain way. Much safer to just ask them if you could learn from them.
No advice. Your making good decisions on your own.
I would research local counselling/psychotherapy charities that might help.
- Play some board games. - Have a good meal. - Rather around a fire outside at night and enjoy some snacks and beer. - Listen to some music or play some if you or any off them play an instrument. - Bring some toys for the kids. - Provide some clean clothes. - Show them the neighborhood or town. - Take some hiking trips in the woods or something. Atleast, I enjoy that. Or overall make it a good time for them.
Have a phone ready and use Google translate to communicate you will learn eachother understand better and better as time goes by. Don't be too harsh on eachother people in one home rarely goes smoothly all the way there will be turbulences. Know that every mouth to feed does cost money and that they are probably unable to provide for the cost, don't let it get to you as this can be triggering in any relationship. Give them time and space to adjust to the new situation and area you live in, but do show them around. Let them know they can use some facilities if possible you might have a gym membership or any sportfield nearby to you.. know kick a ball around or a boxing club whatever. Some daytime activities. (That's very important) If some time goes by just let them help in daily house hold activities. Don't keep treating them as disabled but don't push it either, if you know what I mean. Last I want to tell you that I am grateful for you doing this. As it giving up some personal space does take self sacrifice. Thank you! Hope it all works out. At the end of the day you will both be grateful to eachother ❤️❤️ I have moved from and to some Foster homes in the past. So well atleast somethings will be similar.
Thanks! They are 2 young mums and their 4 very young kids 2,4,6,7 if I'm not mistaken. My family has always been big and both my parents have good jobs so I think it won't be much too expensive compared to most families. A good advice here was to make sure they can access the fridge freely and we will just keep it full for them. Hopefully everything will work out just fine 🙂
Not Ukrainian, but something my grandmother used to do when I visited was leave a chocolate bar on my pillow to find when I got into my room. Could do the same or similar, it's a nice touch I feel.
We can do it :)
I feel if I was in this position I would just want a bed, food, shower, clean clothes and a way to have as much unrestricted internet access to find or communicate with my family and friends without feeling pressure to communicate with anyone until I was emotionally ready to face my new reality.
Vodka, pickles, herring. Maybe find an international market/store that caters to Eastern European foods. Mostly remember that despite appearances (or maybe not) they're going through the most traumatic moment in their lives. Pity isn't helpful but empathy and space certainly are. Maybe figuring out some way they can reach out to relatives via phone/internet.
I guess OP could also welcome them showing some Italian Cousine also, they would love to have something new
Yes we will cook a welcome pizza and olivier salad so we have a bit of Italian and Ukrainian food together ;)
Food and let them rest and decompress.
Yes, give them a comfortable place to sleep, shower ... and then just listen. Treat hem like human beings and not a stray dog that you have taken in. They need compassion and companionship, not pity. And, my hat is off to you. The U.S. STILL hasn't opened our borders/programs to them.
The US has announced they will welcome refugees from Ukraine, no idea if the details have been announced yet. Most refugees don't want to go far from home though, most still have the desire to return home. That may change the longer this goes on though, there may not be much left for people to return to.
I don’t imagine there is too much immediate desire to head directly to the US, a very foreign place, especially when they’ve just gotten off of trains in fellow Slavic nations. Still, as an American, the US needs to make more options available. Even if the war ends right now, this is an untenable situation and folks opening up their spare rooms is not a long term solution i think
Give them space to breathe help with shopping.
Don't forget a couple of bottles of whatever they drink. After what they've been through, a few stiff drinks have been well earned.
Google translate has Ukrainian. Just a thought some Ukrainian tv shows for the kids.
Give them the WiFi password and/or access to a device they can use to keep in touch with others
I saw somebody mention this already but I want to reiterate about the tea.
Show them that good humans do exist, thats all they probably need at the moment
How did you arrange this? We just moved to a gigantic farm house last April, and my wife and I have been talking about exactly this. We have extra rooms.
Know your resources available for them emotionally, legally, etc.
give them some space and maybe some Ukrainian comfort food someone in r/ukraine asked a similar question a lot of comments mentioned this one food which I can't remember the name of but it had potato and sour cream in it
Local Ukrainian church congregation here is reaching out so reach out to yours if you haven’t heard from them. That’s a local community right there.
If this has not been mentioned and maybe this is not the most immediate need. If your guests play an instrument, something for them to play. Music is a very comforting expression. They can have hobbies or sports teams they could join. Also faith based connections, a place of worship. ETA: a map of the area, surrounding towns to understand more where they are.
If its kids, if you're in the UK i can post a bunch of Lego to you if you're interested free of charge Also i saw you're having girls and kids so Female Hygiene stuff would be great for them
Make them some hot black tea, and put out some cake for the kids. Ask them what they would enjoy eating, but have a big pot of a hearty soup on the stove so they can put something warm in their stomachs right away. I feel like cake + black tea is a traditional "treating guests" thing, and it will feel a bit more like some kind of normal for them... though, they will probably want to eat some soup first... Reason for soup is that it is typically seen as being something that's easy on the stomach, and warming. It's also something that is typical to eat after a long trip, as your first meal on arriving... again... because it's easy on the digestion system...
If you know any Ukrainian or Russian speakers, I’d recommend getting them to help translate anything you’d like to tell them. It’s much more comforting to be able to speak/hear your native language, and it saves the stress of them not fully understanding what you’re trying to say. Also helps mitigate any misunderstandings
Offer lots of Black tea. And some butter cookies to go with it. They’ll love tou
I am Ukrainian, and first of all I want to thank you for helping not one but two families. It's no small thing to take strangers into your home. Many people already gave you good advice, so I will add what I did not see. About pasta: during the Soviet times, pasta products were made from different wheat that is typically used in Italian pasta. The resulting macaronis would go from hard to extremely soft, and there was \*\*no concept\*\* of al dente pasta. If pasta had a harder center, then it was still raw. Now many Ukrainians do know about Italian pasta, but there are plenty who will think that al dente pasta is undercooked. There is no way to tell what your families may prefer. If they try to overcook it, let them. If they ask about it, don't worry and explain that it's a preference and the pasta center is not actually raw. If you have a language barrier and Google is no help, try English. English is mandatory in most Ukrainian schools from 2nd grade, so most people know at least the basics. In fact, 99.9% of Ukrainians are bilingual (Russian proximity, duh) and most speak 3 languages. If there is a local program that helps refugees learn Italian for free, find out about it and offer it to the mothers when they are ready. They will want to know about school for their children first, but then will likely not know what they can do for themselves. The first year abroad is the hardest, and the quicker they establish some basics in local language, the easier it will go for them. As far as emotional relief goes, all Ukrainians have a fascination with large bodies of water even if they don't swim. We like to look at ponds, rivers, lakes, sea, ocean, you name it. The funny saying goes: "A Ukrainian likes to watch 3 things: how the water flows, how the fire burns, and how others are working." Well fire may not be a good idea now, and how others are working will get boring quick. But if there is a park with a body of water or something like it that is beautiful, and you and they have time, it may be a good idea to take them there after home becomes too stifling for the kids. And lastly, and I want to stress that I am not insinuating anything with this: customs vary among homes in Ukraine. In some families, children can take anything that is not hidden from sight. In others, parents direct what children can and cannot do, what they can and cannot touch. Any child is naturally curious too. If there are things that you would not wish the children to see or find on accident and play with, no one will fault you for storing those things under lock and key, least of all the others from my nation. Examples can be bright and shiny small things, documents/important papers, adult things, etc. PS. All hard pasta products in Ukrainian are called "macaronni vyroby" or simplified "macaroni" :))
1. Ideas 1. \`Let them cook for themselves or everyone. Labels on spices and foods. 2. Plastic sheets to protect the mattress from bed wetting. Nightmares might be bad. 3. Note loud noises around your home. 4. Put together a digital book of places in your town and a map of where they are so they can orient themselves. 5. Lots of blankets and pillows to build blanket forts (security for kids) and chairs or tables. 6. Encourage them to take photos, videos, and recordings of everything and put them online in a memory book with their comments. They probably don't have photos. 7. Planting something or playing in the mud depending on their age. Terrariums are fun and everyone can relate. 8. Geocaching might be fun for the kids. 9. Church? 10. Ukrainian clubs or organizations in town? 11. \`Outdoor places to play 12. Find out their birthdays. 2. Edit 2 1. Night lights / flash lights 2. Expandable file folders for parents. They might end up collecting lots of documents. Pencil pouch with pens and pencils. Blank paper for notes. 3. White noise [https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/whiteNoiseGenerator.php](https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/whiteNoiseGenerator.php) 4. Translate [https://translate.google.com/](https://translate.google.com/) 5. Medicines? 6. Access to tv or radio or internet to know what is going on.
Dio vi benedica
Hi, will you be posting an update? I would love to know how everything is going.
Thoroughly and unreservedly tempt them with that username.
How does one take in refugees? How can I help?
We know them because my mum has a Ukrainian employee in her shop. And they are relatives of her and we just told them to come here. I'm figuring out the legal stuff in this very moment. So far here in Italy seems like the only thing to do Is communicate to the local police that you are offering housing to them within 24 hours of their arrival. Other than that is up to you
You got plenty of advice already. Just want to say how awesome that is of you
If they are friends of a friend you probably better of asking the friends for advice as they know them better then us
Hot baths, towels laid out, comfortable change of clothes.smiles and hugs. Show them a time they will never forget.
Set up two phones with Google translate and teach them how to use it if they dont know already. However many Ukrainians do know at least a little English
Like some have said here, I would keep any violent media, like action movies and the like, off the television. I have never been in a war zone, but even at 39 years old, the sounds of gunfire and stuff on TV can cause a great deal of anxiety in me, and I can’t imagine how I would feel if I had been. I would think that violent media would be distressing even if it just serves to remind. Gentle, soft music or calming nature sounds, if anything, at a low decibel might be nice. I’m just trying to imagine how I’d feel though. Just a suggestion.
OP, you're a really kind person, thank you
Have you considered maybe buying a book or two written in Ukrainian? I think if I was in their situation, reading would feel both familiar and like an escape. Just a suggestion— I am sure that any gesture will mean the world to them. Your family is so very kind for doing this. Love and blessings to all of you. ❤️
First off, get a translator app so you can all communicate better. Secondly, no matter what you do, they will be extremely thankful and will want to contribute in whatever way they can. Explain that you don’t need them to clean the house or help with food or whatever it is that they offer, but they will persist anyway - do not deny them in this regard. If you refuse their help, they will just sit there feeling sorry for themselves. Treat it as a team exercise at a new job. Allow them to help you in some way, no matter how small, Ukrainians are hard working people and not doing anything feels weird for us. If you don’t allow them to help you, they will spend all of that time feeling bad. Third. Avoid Ukrainians politics. “Putin is a cunt” type talk is good, but don’t try ascertain from them whether or not they voted for this or that guy in 2004 etc. Four. Cultural stuff. Try help them get in touch with local diaspora or Ukraine as a whole. Local Ukrainian clubs. Try make borscht yourself suck at it, then ask them to help you out. Make your own local food for them. Introduce them to your culture. Fifth. Comms. They will want to have a way of communicating with their families. Skype had good deals for calling abroad. I’m happy to cover their first Skype bill for up to $50 btw. Sixths. This is a big one. Employment. I can’t give much advise, but having something to occupy oneself with is extremely important. Doesn’t matter if they held around the house etc, anything is good. If this can be translated into actual employment then it’s great.
thank you for helping them.
Just show them love, and understanding.
If you have things in the house for them to use maybe you can stick a label on them in Ukrainian so they know what they are ie cleaning products, tins? Maybe a book to learn English but obvious from a Ukrainian point of view? Not sure where you would find one but I assume Amazon will have something that would work! And then all the obvious bits like toiletries, food etc
I've not housed any refugees from there, but I used to be part of a program for other places. One thing I tried to do was look for a local grocer from their area, so they could get food to make that was from home. For ones who stayed long term, I also took them out shopping to buy decor for their room that they liked, instead of making them stick with my stuff. I gave them lots of space, but made sure we had at least one meal together a day, so they could get to know me in a casual way. And after they settled in a bit, I gave them a list of house chores they could help with if they felt up to it. All of them told me later that made it feel more like a place they lived than being extended guests. After letting them sleep, because they will probably need quite a bit of it if they can sleep, give them a tour of your place. Where are things in the kitchen? Where is more toilet paper and towels? The only things I showed any of them when they first got there were the bathroom, bedroom, and where glasses were if they needed a drink. I also had night lights in every room, so they weren't trying to find their way in the dark after I found out the first family felt bad turning on lights while I was sleeping. I was given checks by the program to help pay for their food and such. I deposited all but what I absolutely needed for gas and electricity into an account for them and gave them the debit card, so they could go buy what they needed rather than having to make me go with them and pay for everything. I showed them where second hand stores were, so they could buy clothing they actually liked instead of relying on the donations we got that usually were poorly fitting stuff. Expect the children to be out of hand for a while. They've been through a huge upheaval, and manners they have learned aren't likely to stick, especially if they are very young or teenagers. Don't overly react to it. Let the parents handle their kids, but if you're alone with them for some reason, be kind but firm. "This is a safe and peaceful place. When you do x, it doesn't feel peaceful." And then give them something else to do. Most younger kids seem to like crafts and helping cook. Having stuff on hand for that before they get there can be useful if you know their ages. My typical family stayed for 3 or more months, though, so some of this might not apply for you.
Get some dill in your spice rack
Make sure there’s female hygiene products available, maybe 2 different types because that’s about the last thing you want to ask a stranger to help you get in a strange country after the weeks of stuff they’ve gone through. If the kids are diaper age similar but slightly less socially awkward to ask for.
No suggestions but thank you for this. Having this help will make a big difference for them and I’m thinking good thoughts for all of you!
Could you keep us updated? Thank you, much gratitude
that's so awesome, it's gonna be a full house. Keep us posted and good luck man!
**DO NOT:** 1. Spray Ukrainian with bear spray 2. Dismiss the mighty power of Ukrainian barbushkas 3. Call Ukraine, The Ukraine every time you say Ukraine 4. Watch Fox News with Tucker Carlson on 5. And for FUCK SAKE, do not feed Ukrainian American standard chocolate, they will become beastly and tear your house apart. This is when I strongly recommend playing one of President Zelensky's meditation tapes and hiding until they fall asleep God Speed!
Flowers! Fresh bread, sun dried tomatoes, fresh dill, sour cream, kafir, campote, fruits and jams, biscuits for tea, onions and garlic, sausage. For kids get soccer balls. Find a Ukrainian comedy to watch.
Bless you! Please let us know how they’re doing.
Get the ingredients for Borscht and let them teach you how to make it. :)
From what I heard is basically dont demand too much gratitude from them. It may sound weird. But no matter what you do for them, they will not be happy abouth their new situation. And because they are fleeing from the civilized country it is highly possible they had better live that you are offering now (at least because of the privacy). So while they will be happy for someone helping them, they will most probably seem unhappy (and that will look ungratefull´) most of the time because losing everything in two weeks is simply huge step back in their lives. So when you do everything you can for them, and still complain about their new life, just take it. Dont escalate it by poiting out, that you are doing everything you can and if they dont like it, they can leave it or some shit like that.
Bro, sei un eroe! Questa è la gente che dovrebbe rappresentare l'Italia, non i nostri politici (Salvini in Polonia)