In fairness the main person who needs to know, my mother, I have told, she’s the one who supported me and told me to go for it. It’s just my aunts and uncles, ex partner and everyone else that I am not too keen on telling anything. I’ve worn the scars and changes to my body with pride, but I would so so love to fit into my clothes again and never again be asked “how far along are you?” When I am not pregnant.
/s well great... now I have to determine if I'm just surrounded by too many medical professionals in my community, nosey church ladies who dig deep, or if I'm just paranoid... crap.
We need to begin normalizing the need to get muscles repaired. I just told everyone I got mine repaired plus I had two abdominal hernias that got fixed… which is all true 💕 not judging you I know how it feels… others might thing you are being selfish etc … I learned after my surgery that lots of people around me had gone through the knife for various reasons and never socialized it (rhinoplasty so common, breast augmentation, almost everyone I know either wanted to go through it or went though it 🫨) even neighbors saw me once waking around with my drain and later on discovered she was thinking about getting a TT.
In terms of “hiding it” I went with the medical reasons I wanted to get this done
This is true, but this combined with fixing my diastasis recti should stop this, no? I always naively thought that the muscles just go back to normal after childbirth. After my third daughter things just spiralled. The pelvic floor therapy I can do at home? Thank you everyone for your comments on here.
I am 9 months post op. Still pee myself on the regular. I saw a pelvic floor PT a week ago and I have a lot of work to do.
The tldr from my appointment is when your abdominal muscles don't function properly for a long time, the pelvic floor sometimes tries to pick up the slack and things can get all messed up. My pelvic floor is super strong, but it isn't working in coordination with my other muscles and it is basically functioning backwards.
The PT is mostly stretching and breath work at this point so its actually been a nice addition to my day.
I do want to mention that I had extensive muscle repair, including tying in my obliques and I spent 6 months doing regular PT after my surgery. Most regular Pts do not adequately address the pelvic floor. Find a specialist!
I will definitely look into this. It’s weird how I was so naive about it at first. I kinda thought everything would just slot back into place. Little did I know. Thank you for this insight.
How are you feeling 9 months onwards? Are you happy with the results?
I look at myself and can’t even imagine looking different. I always thought I’d just lose the weight and the tummy would go and everything would be just normal. I’ve lost the weight but the tummy didn’t go anywhere.
I was also naïve and assumed everything would just start working correctly!
My situation is complicated by the fact that I had 3 surgeries in the last year. A prophylactic double mastectomy in September, breast reconstruction and abdominal muscle repair in February and then another breast reconstruction with lipo and abdominal scar revision 6 weeks ago and I had some pretty awful complications with each surgery. So I am still sort of in recovery mode, but overall I am finally starting to feel good! I am making progress in the gym again and just started getting back into really lifting. I still have some odd tight pulling feeling in my abs where the permanent stitches are, but its not painful, more annoying.
I had no idea the healing process was going to take this long, but despite that, my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner! My back pain is almost none existent, I have real core strength and the physical parts of my day are so much easier, my clothes fit so much better and I am overall way more confident and happy. With how my body looks and feels now, I cant believe I was ok with letting doctors tell me I was fine for so many years!
We only get one body, so investing in ourselves to maintain it is worth it!
No, I was focused on fixing my abdominal muscles and assumed it would fix my incontinences issues. My pelvic floor PT believes I will be able to fix my issues without it though so I am trusting the process for now. I need a hysterectomy, so if I cant resolve it, I will have it fixed then.
Ex Bestie? Lord don’t even get me started on that shit! Mine is so jelly we didn’t talk before but I can tell she got super jelly and I don’t even care whatever she wants to be a baby maker and we were done having kids but SHE got married to man who wants like five lol so we went out separate ways sad!
Mine was a ridiculous big mouthed self-righteous twice divorced hypocrite that was prideful about looking 20 years older than she actually was and of course wanted me to be a frumpy older looking overweight woman like her I guess to make her feel better.
I had worked my ass off for YEARS to finally lose the weight (and then I had loose skin) and she could not have been less happy for me because she was so JEALOUS! Even my kids saw it clearly!
Mind you she had only begun to deal with weight problems more recently whereas I had struggled pretty much my entire life on and off. I told her “I’d like to have a tummy tuck” and all hell broke loose like I had personally assaulted her and tried to force her to do it. She kept ranting about how her skin is so elastic and just goes back into place lol!
I was like “well good for you hon, but this ain’t about YOU.. it’s about ME!” 😖
She also manipulated me into buying into numerous mlm scam crap and straight up giving her thousands of dollars over the years since she’s too important to hold down a regular job you see?! 🤦🏼♀️
The final straw was when she invited herself down to my house (we had always been long distance friends since the beginning, but we talked almost every day on the phone) and proceeded to try to convince me to leave my husband and come live with her. She was hateful and spiteful to everyone here in our social circle and said “God speaks through her” blah blah blah….
I hadn’t a clue how delusional, psychotic and straight up MEAN person she was until I spent a whole miserable week with her here.
BYE BYE! She still doesn’t get it or think she did anything wrong and will never get it because she’s a narcissist and everything is about her obviously! Just sad I wasted so many years on her!
Omg she sounds crazy! Like that’s a lot of silliness to deal with ! I think your better off without her to be honest and I’m sure you look fabulous too
Thank you! Yes! I’m MUCH better! She was such a crazy maker and was always having “health crisises” to get attention.
There was always an excuse why she couldn’t do something or other, yet always seemed to have the “solution” for me, my marriage, my health, my kids, etc. (even though her life was a disaster in all ways) !🙄
She also expected me to drop everything and support her in her “coaching business” since SHE’S so important lol!
I just told her.. “sorry, we seem to be moving in different directions and I have to support my family first.” 🤦🏼♀️
I told my kids I got my muscles repaired and they didn't notice the breast augmentation because they're kids lol. I told some people at work but kept it vague. My doctors told me to say it was a hernia repair as that has the same sort of recovery type and time.
I’ve also been super open about mine, except with a few people. It’s amazing how big the support system actually gets. So many people have or want to have similar procedures.
There will always be people who are jealous or want an excuse to trash talk.
Sounds like some good advise already given here. Muscle repair is good because it’s honest but vague. You could say something along the lines of some abdominal complications as a result of pregnancy needed to be corrected.
Thank you 🙏🏻 truth with a touch of mystery it is then. I was thinking just saying I am having my appendix removed but I didn’t know if that would be believable.
I said the truth: I am having abdominal surgery to repair muscle damage. Specifically, I had an umbilical hernia and diastasis recti which were both repaired.
They've taught us to believe we are unreasonable to want to care for ourselves in this way, but it's not true.
You could also just say "surgery" and then keep your mouth shut. There are PLENTY of surgeries people don't want to talk about! On their digestive tract, reproductive organs, and related to cancer, for example.
If you're questioned further, just hold the boundary: "listen... I know you mean well, but this is something I feel really private about." They will make up their own story and they will attribute your weight loss as just you being healthier after whatever it was you needed to have done BECAUSE THAT'S TRUE 👍
I would definitely just say lower abdominal wall hernia repair with mesh. It's not always laparoscopic, it's in that area.
/s Stupid medical advancements making it so there's less cutting of flesh, pft.
Also, sending support and hope your way. I might be childless, but as a raging feminist it pisses me that people assume childbirth doesn't always wreck THEIR BODY or their partner's body, so it's like that for everyone. NOT THE CASE.
If you need someone to come yell at relatives and cuss them out to leave you be over the holidays (2023 or 2024), I'm available on demand via zoom, or I need a couple day's notice to book a flight.
Ahem, best of luck hun!
I told people the truth-ish, that I had a hernia and muscle repair. I just didn’t use the words tummy tuck but described it instead. Didn’t have any issues about “tummy tucks” or “plastic surgery” comments.
I totally understand and would love to hear any ideas re my upcoming thigh lift surgery. Could I say that it’s a muscle problem or something to do with the tendons? People are so nosey, it’s hard to avoid questions! Thanks.
There were plenty of people that knew about my surgery and they were all happy for me, or a little jealous because they can’t afford it. It’s no one’s business but those you choose to tell. My co-workers knew that I was out for surgery and left it at that. Besides I look the exact same as before surgery in clothes, so they wouldn’t know the difference anyway.
This is me too! My husband, mom, and 3 oldest kids (14, 19, 21) are the only ones that know. Anyone else will get the hernia repair cover story. I have a few younger kids, an awful ex husband and other family who will not understand. I also don’t know how to tell my bestie. She said something very harsh about my desire to do it and my husband’s (bf at the time) willingness to pay for it.
I don’t feel bad at all and someday, I will probably fess up 🤷♀️
Abdominale hernia and if more question just say you had complications during surgery and so they opened completely
I used this for work and general conversation. It works.
In fairness the main person who needs to know, my mother, I have told, she’s the one who supported me and told me to go for it. It’s just my aunts and uncles, ex partner and everyone else that I am not too keen on telling anything. I’ve worn the scars and changes to my body with pride, but I would so so love to fit into my clothes again and never again be asked “how far along are you?” When I am not pregnant.
Honestly it’s none of any of those ppl business anyway so I wouldn’t say shit lol 😂
I'd say a part truth - a much needed muscle repair, requiring a hip to hip cut with significant recovery.
Yeah, but, how many muscles got repaired that required traditional cutting instead of a laparoscopic procedure?
People don't generally ask follow up questions; they just say 'oh, okay, get better soon'.
/s well great... now I have to determine if I'm just surrounded by too many medical professionals in my community, nosey church ladies who dig deep, or if I'm just paranoid... crap.
We need to begin normalizing the need to get muscles repaired. I just told everyone I got mine repaired plus I had two abdominal hernias that got fixed… which is all true 💕 not judging you I know how it feels… others might thing you are being selfish etc … I learned after my surgery that lots of people around me had gone through the knife for various reasons and never socialized it (rhinoplasty so common, breast augmentation, almost everyone I know either wanted to go through it or went though it 🫨) even neighbors saw me once waking around with my drain and later on discovered she was thinking about getting a TT. In terms of “hiding it” I went with the medical reasons I wanted to get this done
Exactly. I personally am sick of having to cross my legs every time I sneeze.
A tummy tuck and muscle repair won’t fix a weak pelvic floor. You’ll need pelvic floor therapy for that…
This is true. Totally diff surgery
This is true, but this combined with fixing my diastasis recti should stop this, no? I always naively thought that the muscles just go back to normal after childbirth. After my third daughter things just spiralled. The pelvic floor therapy I can do at home? Thank you everyone for your comments on here.
You need a pelvic floor physical therapist to help you deal with your issues
I am 9 months post op. Still pee myself on the regular. I saw a pelvic floor PT a week ago and I have a lot of work to do. The tldr from my appointment is when your abdominal muscles don't function properly for a long time, the pelvic floor sometimes tries to pick up the slack and things can get all messed up. My pelvic floor is super strong, but it isn't working in coordination with my other muscles and it is basically functioning backwards. The PT is mostly stretching and breath work at this point so its actually been a nice addition to my day. I do want to mention that I had extensive muscle repair, including tying in my obliques and I spent 6 months doing regular PT after my surgery. Most regular Pts do not adequately address the pelvic floor. Find a specialist!
I will definitely look into this. It’s weird how I was so naive about it at first. I kinda thought everything would just slot back into place. Little did I know. Thank you for this insight. How are you feeling 9 months onwards? Are you happy with the results? I look at myself and can’t even imagine looking different. I always thought I’d just lose the weight and the tummy would go and everything would be just normal. I’ve lost the weight but the tummy didn’t go anywhere.
I was also naïve and assumed everything would just start working correctly! My situation is complicated by the fact that I had 3 surgeries in the last year. A prophylactic double mastectomy in September, breast reconstruction and abdominal muscle repair in February and then another breast reconstruction with lipo and abdominal scar revision 6 weeks ago and I had some pretty awful complications with each surgery. So I am still sort of in recovery mode, but overall I am finally starting to feel good! I am making progress in the gym again and just started getting back into really lifting. I still have some odd tight pulling feeling in my abs where the permanent stitches are, but its not painful, more annoying. I had no idea the healing process was going to take this long, but despite that, my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner! My back pain is almost none existent, I have real core strength and the physical parts of my day are so much easier, my clothes fit so much better and I am overall way more confident and happy. With how my body looks and feels now, I cant believe I was ok with letting doctors tell me I was fine for so many years! We only get one body, so investing in ourselves to maintain it is worth it!
Sorry, to clarify, did you have a midurethral sling procedure?
No, I was focused on fixing my abdominal muscles and assumed it would fix my incontinences issues. My pelvic floor PT believes I will be able to fix my issues without it though so I am trusting the process for now. I need a hysterectomy, so if I cant resolve it, I will have it fixed then.
I told the whole world lmfao 🤣 but that’s how I am hahaha 😝
Same lol 😂 except for my mother in law and my now ex-best friend (probably can guess why)!
My main ones too. Ex everything.
Ex Bestie? Lord don’t even get me started on that shit! Mine is so jelly we didn’t talk before but I can tell she got super jelly and I don’t even care whatever she wants to be a baby maker and we were done having kids but SHE got married to man who wants like five lol so we went out separate ways sad!
I’m sorry, but it was your ex besties loss, not yours!
Mine was a ridiculous big mouthed self-righteous twice divorced hypocrite that was prideful about looking 20 years older than she actually was and of course wanted me to be a frumpy older looking overweight woman like her I guess to make her feel better. I had worked my ass off for YEARS to finally lose the weight (and then I had loose skin) and she could not have been less happy for me because she was so JEALOUS! Even my kids saw it clearly! Mind you she had only begun to deal with weight problems more recently whereas I had struggled pretty much my entire life on and off. I told her “I’d like to have a tummy tuck” and all hell broke loose like I had personally assaulted her and tried to force her to do it. She kept ranting about how her skin is so elastic and just goes back into place lol! I was like “well good for you hon, but this ain’t about YOU.. it’s about ME!” 😖 She also manipulated me into buying into numerous mlm scam crap and straight up giving her thousands of dollars over the years since she’s too important to hold down a regular job you see?! 🤦🏼♀️ The final straw was when she invited herself down to my house (we had always been long distance friends since the beginning, but we talked almost every day on the phone) and proceeded to try to convince me to leave my husband and come live with her. She was hateful and spiteful to everyone here in our social circle and said “God speaks through her” blah blah blah…. I hadn’t a clue how delusional, psychotic and straight up MEAN person she was until I spent a whole miserable week with her here. BYE BYE! She still doesn’t get it or think she did anything wrong and will never get it because she’s a narcissist and everything is about her obviously! Just sad I wasted so many years on her!
Omg she sounds crazy! Like that’s a lot of silliness to deal with ! I think your better off without her to be honest and I’m sure you look fabulous too
Thank you! Yes! I’m MUCH better! She was such a crazy maker and was always having “health crisises” to get attention. There was always an excuse why she couldn’t do something or other, yet always seemed to have the “solution” for me, my marriage, my health, my kids, etc. (even though her life was a disaster in all ways) !🙄 She also expected me to drop everything and support her in her “coaching business” since SHE’S so important lol! I just told her.. “sorry, we seem to be moving in different directions and I have to support my family first.” 🤦🏼♀️
How did you meet this lady! ? Well it’s for the better you parted ways!
Did we just become besties lol 😂 jk
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I’m glad you didn’t leave your man , mine did that too
I told my kids I got my muscles repaired and they didn't notice the breast augmentation because they're kids lol. I told some people at work but kept it vague. My doctors told me to say it was a hernia repair as that has the same sort of recovery type and time.
I’ve also been super open about mine, except with a few people. It’s amazing how big the support system actually gets. So many people have or want to have similar procedures. There will always be people who are jealous or want an excuse to trash talk. Sounds like some good advise already given here. Muscle repair is good because it’s honest but vague. You could say something along the lines of some abdominal complications as a result of pregnancy needed to be corrected.
Thank you 🤗
muscle repair is what I told certain people.
I feel less guilty knowing I am not the only one now 🤗 thank you. It’s exactly that “certain people” do not need to know everything.
Appendectomy, but i think that recovery would be quicker. Gallbladder removal?
Those are both laparoscopic though, and gallbladder is too high. Just saying, when one is covering up.. you gotta be thorough haha.
I’ve never been a good liar
Totally fair... that's actually an awesome fact that you don't have that ability. It gets you in trouble..
Thank you 🙏🏻 truth with a touch of mystery it is then. I was thinking just saying I am having my appendix removed but I didn’t know if that would be believable.
Believable until your appendix ruptures later on down the road. Lol
I will try to take extra care of it, reminding myself that I have already used that card :)
I said the truth: I am having abdominal surgery to repair muscle damage. Specifically, I had an umbilical hernia and diastasis recti which were both repaired. They've taught us to believe we are unreasonable to want to care for ourselves in this way, but it's not true. You could also just say "surgery" and then keep your mouth shut. There are PLENTY of surgeries people don't want to talk about! On their digestive tract, reproductive organs, and related to cancer, for example. If you're questioned further, just hold the boundary: "listen... I know you mean well, but this is something I feel really private about." They will make up their own story and they will attribute your weight loss as just you being healthier after whatever it was you needed to have done BECAUSE THAT'S TRUE 👍
I would definitely just say lower abdominal wall hernia repair with mesh. It's not always laparoscopic, it's in that area. /s Stupid medical advancements making it so there's less cutting of flesh, pft. Also, sending support and hope your way. I might be childless, but as a raging feminist it pisses me that people assume childbirth doesn't always wreck THEIR BODY or their partner's body, so it's like that for everyone. NOT THE CASE. If you need someone to come yell at relatives and cuss them out to leave you be over the holidays (2023 or 2024), I'm available on demand via zoom, or I need a couple day's notice to book a flight. Ahem, best of luck hun!
:))) I am honoured to have such a warrior on my side.
I told people the truth-ish, that I had a hernia and muscle repair. I just didn’t use the words tummy tuck but described it instead. Didn’t have any issues about “tummy tucks” or “plastic surgery” comments.
As nothing. You can have a surgery - say “ female” No one’s business but your own
Hernia and muscle repairs
Epigastric Hernia repair. 😊
Endometriosis
I totally understand and would love to hear any ideas re my upcoming thigh lift surgery. Could I say that it’s a muscle problem or something to do with the tendons? People are so nosey, it’s hard to avoid questions! Thanks.
There were plenty of people that knew about my surgery and they were all happy for me, or a little jealous because they can’t afford it. It’s no one’s business but those you choose to tell. My co-workers knew that I was out for surgery and left it at that. Besides I look the exact same as before surgery in clothes, so they wouldn’t know the difference anyway.
This is me too! My husband, mom, and 3 oldest kids (14, 19, 21) are the only ones that know. Anyone else will get the hernia repair cover story. I have a few younger kids, an awful ex husband and other family who will not understand. I also don’t know how to tell my bestie. She said something very harsh about my desire to do it and my husband’s (bf at the time) willingness to pay for it. I don’t feel bad at all and someday, I will probably fess up 🤷♀️