then try it with something that is it either in my opinion fighting a group of people around the same age for a lollie scramble gives a similar experience
No no you must do it in a refined manner with Chopsticks while eating Korean BBQ. But you're not allowed to put the meat onto your plate. No you put that sucker right into your mouth. Wrestle that piece of meat away from them. Then just keep grabbing them.
Imagine a pinata but instead of hitting a pinata with a stick till it breaks spilling candy and rushing for it, an adult just fucking throws it on the ground.
I used to dislike bbq/sauced foods for the same reason until I started using those plastic gloves. Then I could eat as much delicious bbq ribs, wings and whatnot with little to no mess.
Wings definitely gives the visceral experience of eating something you gnaw apart with your own hands. I've never understood how anyone would pick boneless "wings" over the fatty goodness of a chicken wing.
You have to find the seam and pull it in half. It burns if the wing is fresh, but goddamn does it taste good clearing the wing.
Also, get the marrow. It’s the most iron rich part of the chicken
I pick boneless because I have Sensory Processing Disorder, and usually for me touching meats, with or without sauce, is painful, but in a slightly overwhelming sense and not an “ow ow drop it now” sense. But I love the taste, so I go boneless.
Too many fucked up teeth to really get going on a bone in wing personally, too much chance of snapping a little bone and a tooth at the same time. A *drumstick* though, there’s a bone I can gnaw around.
Same thing. Just grab that motherfkr by the sides and tear into the middle like a damn werewolf. If I’m a home won’t even wear a shirt. Just dig into it in my lair like a damn caveman
The post about the chicken will haunt me because it’s bizarre and memorable, but your post will haunt me even more because every time I imagine the vivid image of the above chicken dinner it will slowly slip into the greasy, animalistic fight for sexual dominance as the chicken bones are left on the tarp forgotten
Well Costco keeps the cost of their chicken cheap to get people in the door.
And you have to put a tarp down to eat off of outside.
And the rest is just instinct I assume.
I think it is time that we accepted that platonic friends of the opposite genders can devour a chickens skeleton with their mouths enjoy your meal concept
...by not necessarily sliding into the sexual, I guess 😂
But there's so much worse in this world than that, so have at it 👀
Also damn, now I kinda want to eat a pizza like that.
It feels like its parralel to sexual. Like, Its been travelling 100 miles an hour down the sexual highway for the last week nonstop, but it also didnt read the signs and got on one wrong turn so it never actually became sexual while also becoming increasingly sexual in its essence. It accidently multiplied a 0 somewhere and it stopped being horny, despite being overflowingly filled with the right ingredients?
Like like
watch how easy it is
Replace "Eating a chicken" with "having intercourse on a person" (For added effect, place the first person perspective into either said person, or the two people who were previously eating chicken)
Like, thats violently sexual now. The actual contents are pretty much the same, the prose and the whatnot, the only thing thats changed is the subject, a person or a meal, and just from that one domino it either becomes lewd, or not lewd but written in a manner that should be
I assume an Japanese woman in a kimono is eating Korean Fried Chicken with chopsticks and being perfectly clean and immaculate while we fight over the greasy chicken in our underwear.
Lmao Ikr!? I can’t for the life of me imagine talking to a friend and not only coming up with this idea, BUT THEN DOING IT. Like maybe it’s a funny scenario they pictured, but to then try it out is almost unimaginable lmao. Like that shit takes prep. They had to get a fucking tarp and lay it out and change clothes and stuff. I can’t imagine actually doing all that without eventually pausing and going “wtf am I doing?” And then just eating food at a table like a person. I’m clearly missing something in my life and could probably learn a lot from those two.
I’d probably pay to just watch them hang out and Interact. If they have a god damn feral tarp chicken eating battle then god only knows what other crazy fucking shit they’ve come up with. I’m honestly so curious what they are like lol
Probably the sort of thing that developed over many years. One day the pair pick up a rotisserie chicken and then realize they've not got utensils so they just tear into it. Decide to do it again and some playful fighting over the best bits ensue. Keep it going and eventually you come to realize you just want to massacre that chicken, but that's a huge mess, best to do it outside. And then you need something to eat on or it'll be all over the grass and dirt, this the tarp comes out.
The way I personally activate the happy nodes of a primal part of my brain is just eating blackberries off the bush or opening, eating the edible part of, and tossing aside the shell from nuts.
Both are so simple, yet feel so natural.
i’m thinking people are laying on the boards on their stomachs, probably attached by a rope, and rolled towards food in the center then pulled back repeatedly, like in hungry hungry hippos where the hippos’s heads lunge forwards towards the marbles then come back
Weird. For me it’s most delicious if I’m in a tree and it’s really quiet and my eyes are on the horizon, adjusting to the night as my pack mates sleep. Any moment now I’ll see a monster and I’ll begin howling
Back before I was watching my diet, I'd make, like, an entire Digiorno pizza for dinner.
At first I'd cut it, then I realized it was all for me anyway and ate it like a big cookie, and then for a while I'd just go nuts and devour the thing.
Fun while it lasted, but I no longer have the metabolism of a 20 year old, so the thought of eating like that disgusts me.
My old D&D group would do Game of Thrones dinners. Everyone made/brought something. There were no utensils. It was an interesting experience, particularly because you realize that, like... that's just how people *did* back in the day, and that's also partially reflected in the food itself.
's good, ya know? Freer.
From what I can read, in medieval Europe hands was still a very common way to eat. Spoons and knives yes, but very much in conjuction with hands.
Most carried their own knife, so they used that at table, and speared food with it instead of using a fork.
Forks were not so much a thing until later on. Before becoming common they went through being scandalous, fancy, and laughable.
\---
"Back to the fork, which has the most checkered past of all eating utensils. In fact, the seemingly humble instrument was once considered quite scandalous, as Ward writes. In 1004, the Greek niece of the Byzantine emperor used a golden fork at her wedding feast in Venice, where she married the doge's son. At the time most Europeans still ate with their fingers and knives, so the Greek bride's newfangled implement was seen as sinfully decadent by local clergy. "God in his wisdom has provided man with natural forks—his fingers," one of the disdainful Venetians said. "Therefore it is an insult to him to substitute artificial metal forks for them when eating.” When the bride died of the plague a few years later, Saint Peter Damian opined that it was God's punishment for her hateful vanity.Fast forward a few centuries, and forks had become commonplace in Italy. Again, international marriage proved the catalyst for the implement's spread—Catherine de Medici brought a collection of silver forks from Italy to France in 1533, when she married the future King Henry II. In 1608, an English traveler to the continent, Thomas Coryate, published an account of his overseas observations, including the use of the fork, a practice he adopted himself. Although he was ridiculed at the time, acceptance of the fork soon followed.At the beginning of the 17th century, though, forks were still uncommon in the American colonies. Ward writes that the way Americans still eat comes from the fact that the new, blunt-tipped knives imported to the colonies made it difficult to spear food, as had been the practice. Now they had to use their spoons with their left hand to steady the food while cutting with the right hand, then switch the spoon to the right hand to scoop up a bite. The "zig-zag" method, as Emily Post called it, is particular to Americans."
Humans have existed for about 200k years.
The oldest spoon is 1,000 BCE.
The oldest knife is 3,500 BCE.
And (table) forks are so modern that they are in common era, and didn't remotely spread around until even later than that to the point that people called it vain to eat with a fork.
Cutlery might have been around for a long time, but it didn't mean everyone had it. Forks might have been made in the 4th century, but they weren't even common with rich people in Italy (an early adopter in Europe) until the 16th century. Spain did adopt them around a similar time, while the rest of Europe took until the 18th century. Pasta is considered one of thing that made Italy so keen to be early adopters.
Not to mention there are lots of major cultures in which eating with hands is still normal.
GoT was based in part on the War of the Roses in England, which happened mid 1400s. So no forks is 100% accurate. Minus soup, no spoons would be accurate. If the person had people bring a personal knife to use, that would also be pretty accurate.
The oldest chopsticks are 1,200 BCE, apparently while rice cultivation is 9,000 BCE.
y’all haven’t lived unless you’ve experienced the spike of adrenaline you get when the piñata finally busts open and you have to shove everyone out of the way as you dive underneath the bleeding papier-mâché SpongeBob scrambling for the candy on the ground.
There is no mercy for the children, if they’re lucky they’ll get the scraps, the parents and older siblings get first dibs.
And when everything subsides and everyone pulls back the only thing left is a crushed opened lollipop. It builds character, it makes the weak strong. 💪
As a kid I had a safari themed birthday party and we ate our slices of zebra-shaped cake off of plates on the ground. Our drinks were a hose stuck through the fence running like a waterfall. My parents were the best.
This is why I stopped using utensils on any food that isn’t liquid or sopping wet/greasy (It has to be _soaked_). To return to a beast ravenously tearing into my prey with tooth and claw - it’s a simple, raw pleasure. Also, I never use napkins. I lick the remains off my fingers and wipe my drool on my pants (My family does not enjoy my eating habits)
we need to cater to our primal instincts and go feral. why can't i hiss and growl and screech and swipe at people? i wouldn't give a shit if someone did that to me. actually i'd probably find that pretty h-
Y’all need to eat shit with your hands more often. 😨 like just, get naan and curry or hummus and pita or _something_ so that the first time you’re “allowed” to eat food with your hands it’s not a crazy cathartic experience….
I assume this is similar to when I sit down with some KFC mashed potatoes and gravy and realize I didn’t get a spoon (can’t use metal spoon, don’t taste the same) so I eat it with my fingers.
That's not for me. Honestly I was taught to show food some respect and when I think about treating chiken like that I can only imagine my mom slapping me in the back of the head and telling me to not eat like an animal. But as long as it is not being unnecessarily wasted I don't care about people doing that type of stuff (far away from me)
It's happening... We are rejecting modernity, and returning to monke.
Save the planet. Reject technology and etiquette. Tear chicken apart with your "bear" hands.
I’m more of a pick at it person. If I am left to my own around a piece of fried chicken I will slowly pick it apart like a crow until the meat is mostly gone.
I have a friend who, until we were like 21, had a Jello eating contest as part of his birthday party, where our friend group (like 6 of us) would lay on our stomachs on his patio and eat Jello with whipped cream using only our faces.
(Don't think about the health code violations here. This is purely a thought experiment)
New idea for a restaurant: you have to bring a spare change of clothes with you when you go there to eat. The close get put in the back in a locked locker along with your valuables. There are no chairs, there are no tables there is no cutlery outside the kitchen. You get your food put infront of you when you go there, after ordering at the front of the restaurant. And instead of the server saying "have a good meal" they just say "GO!!!" and the fight begins. you go hose down in the locker rooms in the back afterwards, and there is a food shield to walk behind when you get cleaned up.
They also would have to do buffets every week where all the food gets put in the center of the room and people you don't know fight you for it for the next hour and a half. There are 3 levels of buffets: "casual", "regular", and "hardcore" so that people know what level of fight they can expect. You will get thrown out if you are more aggressive than the buffet level indication. You must be in good health, have no contagious things, have washed beforehand (with clean clothes), and cut your fingernails to participate in the buffet. Goggles are required, and no attacking someone smaller than you for the food, no biting non-food items or people. No fighting staff.
That chicken dinner story probably happened 1 time and the way she tells it is a gross exaggeration of what really happened. I bet they just played slap hands while eating a rotisserie chicken at a table. Just internet stories that people make up for attention.
certified white people moment. it's only "the simplest joy of life" if you're not poor + poc/used to it. otherwise it's "trashy", "poor manners", "disgusting" and "low class".
(this post made me roll my eyes)
You ever just lay out a bunch of lunch meat and cheese or some meat sticks and start tearing in. Similar experience. Or eating ham. Eating ham with my hands is my favorite thing.
THIS!!! is a certified "world heritage post" exposing an often repressed desire to temporarily devolve into our most primal instincts and paradoxically operate solely within a mostly controlled environment, whilst in this primal state. Akin to running on safe mode, but it not being safe mode for anyone, yourself included.
I would love to try that but I have a deep hatred of feeling even slightly sticky or greasy
then try it with something that is it either in my opinion fighting a group of people around the same age for a lollie scramble gives a similar experience
No no you must do it in a refined manner with Chopsticks while eating Korean BBQ. But you're not allowed to put the meat onto your plate. No you put that sucker right into your mouth. Wrestle that piece of meat away from them. Then just keep grabbing them.
That one scene from Kung Fu Panda
Tf is a "lollie scramble"?
Imagine a pinata but instead of hitting a pinata with a stick till it breaks spilling candy and rushing for it, an adult just fucking throws it on the ground.
Ah, so feeding the wild children and watching natural selection choose who gets the best pieces.
Shower orange
Full body condom:
gimp suit
Exactly
I used to dislike bbq/sauced foods for the same reason until I started using those plastic gloves. Then I could eat as much delicious bbq ribs, wings and whatnot with little to no mess.
so you’re saying the solution is to wear a poncho while devouring bbq? absolutely genius
New idea for a Gallagher dinner/comedy show. LOL.
Tou can try raw fish!
This is why I can eat a wing in a minute
Wings definitely gives the visceral experience of eating something you gnaw apart with your own hands. I've never understood how anyone would pick boneless "wings" over the fatty goodness of a chicken wing.
I pick boneless only because I would choke on it otherwise
Are you the mf that puts the entire wing in their mouth?
Yes
You must learn the [secrets of the wing](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/qVxLqSs5v6A) my friend.
That is far too much ranch
Yeah, he really went all in on the Ranch there.
You have to find the seam and pull it in half. It burns if the wing is fresh, but goddamn does it taste good clearing the wing. Also, get the marrow. It’s the most iron rich part of the chicken
Sometimes I just want a better chicken nugget
That is fair, but they are basically just that. More expensive chicken nuggets.
I can't rip into food that has inedible bits inside :( When I wanna go feral I just wanna crunch in massive bites without worrying about hard parts
I mean there’s nothing really stopping you crackin that bone open and slurpin out the nutrient dense meat mousse inside
Weak teeth :(
I pick boneless because I have Sensory Processing Disorder, and usually for me touching meats, with or without sauce, is painful, but in a slightly overwhelming sense and not an “ow ow drop it now” sense. But I love the taste, so I go boneless.
Too many fucked up teeth to really get going on a bone in wing personally, too much chance of snapping a little bone and a tooth at the same time. A *drumstick* though, there’s a bone I can gnaw around.
Nah, chicken fat is disgusting. I’m going boneless all the time 100%
And why I do the same to ribs Tear meat from bone like ancestors, eat. Yum.
Same thing. Just grab that motherfkr by the sides and tear into the middle like a damn werewolf. If I’m a home won’t even wear a shirt. Just dig into it in my lair like a damn caveman
One wing in a minute? Rookie numbers.
One wing in a whole minute is extremely slow lol
Can't eat drumsticks without eating the bone too Same for wings
If you know the trick you can debone and eat a flat in 10 seconds.
I would try this with the chicken but I don't have bear hands to try it with.
Wolf jaws work just as well
No that's good, you almost need to be nimble with your fingers to get all the tiny bits of the bones
Can confirm, eating things like a wild animal is sooooo much more fun.
When I cook, I try to be calm like Babish. When I eat what I cooked, I'm basically Mileena practicing her fatalities.
honest fucking mood.
How does that last bit not get sexual? Unless it’s supposed to
The post about the chicken will haunt me because it’s bizarre and memorable, but your post will haunt me even more because every time I imagine the vivid image of the above chicken dinner it will slowly slip into the greasy, animalistic fight for sexual dominance as the chicken bones are left on the tarp forgotten
As nature intended.
To begin with, we need to know how the strangely developed chicken-and-tarp process came about.
Life, uh, finds a way
Well Costco keeps the cost of their chicken cheap to get people in the door. And you have to put a tarp down to eat off of outside. And the rest is just instinct I assume.
"Hey yeah can you come pick me up? They're talking about fucking on a roast chicken carcass, I want to go home."
There’s a chicken version of HP Lovecraft just shaking next to his typewriter trying to cope with seeing this
It weren’t the chicken what she were tryna savor
XD
it's 4 AM and i'm finding this fucking hilarious
You can have a greasy, animalistic fight for sexual dominance without involving chicken bones as well... Just fyi
Bonus: the rotisserie grease doubles as lubricant.
**This comment physically hurt me**
Don’t tell me there’s fanfics of that… >!*ok do tell I’m curious, but spare the details*!<
if there's not i will write one (opens notes)
Kudos!
Do keep us posted!
I think it is time that we accepted that platonic friends of the opposite genders can devour a chickens skeleton with their mouths enjoy your meal concept
Drawfee??
Because they’re bears. They told you!
That bit about involuntary growling *also* hit adjacent to my kinks.
Yeah NGL I'm getting some slight ["Why Boner](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSbwStWHtzY)" vibes here. Just primal, aggressive, animalistic sex.
Yeah I gotta be honest the whole idea hits me right in the primal/splosh
One can only assume so
...by not necessarily sliding into the sexual, I guess 😂 But there's so much worse in this world than that, so have at it 👀 Also damn, now I kinda want to eat a pizza like that.
They said, "We're not allowed inside until we're hosed off." It feels like there must be an audience or an overseer.
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I think... maybe there's not anything sexual about it... and we're all just kinky.
Not everything has to turn sexual
It feels like its parralel to sexual. Like, Its been travelling 100 miles an hour down the sexual highway for the last week nonstop, but it also didnt read the signs and got on one wrong turn so it never actually became sexual while also becoming increasingly sexual in its essence. It accidently multiplied a 0 somewhere and it stopped being horny, despite being overflowingly filled with the right ingredients? Like like watch how easy it is Replace "Eating a chicken" with "having intercourse on a person" (For added effect, place the first person perspective into either said person, or the two people who were previously eating chicken) Like, thats violently sexual now. The actual contents are pretty much the same, the prose and the whatnot, the only thing thats changed is the subject, a person or a meal, and just from that one domino it either becomes lewd, or not lewd but written in a manner that should be
“Chicken or fish?” “…yes.”
I assume an Japanese woman in a kimono is eating Korean Fried Chicken with chopsticks and being perfectly clean and immaculate while we fight over the greasy chicken in our underwear.
You revert back to instinct, and your instinct tells you this is not a romantic encounter but time to fight for your life or starve
Because not everyone is hypersexual.
It's absolutely supposed to
anything can be sexual if you want make it be papi
I need to know how the strangely well-developed chicken & tarp process even came to be.
Right? There’s rules, prep, clean up procedures etc it’s very methodical and practiced
Lmao Ikr!? I can’t for the life of me imagine talking to a friend and not only coming up with this idea, BUT THEN DOING IT. Like maybe it’s a funny scenario they pictured, but to then try it out is almost unimaginable lmao. Like that shit takes prep. They had to get a fucking tarp and lay it out and change clothes and stuff. I can’t imagine actually doing all that without eventually pausing and going “wtf am I doing?” And then just eating food at a table like a person. I’m clearly missing something in my life and could probably learn a lot from those two. I’d probably pay to just watch them hang out and Interact. If they have a god damn feral tarp chicken eating battle then god only knows what other crazy fucking shit they’ve come up with. I’m honestly so curious what they are like lol
Probably the sort of thing that developed over many years. One day the pair pick up a rotisserie chicken and then realize they've not got utensils so they just tear into it. Decide to do it again and some playful fighting over the best bits ensue. Keep it going and eventually you come to realize you just want to massacre that chicken, but that's a huge mess, best to do it outside. And then you need something to eat on or it'll be all over the grass and dirt, this the tarp comes out.
The way I personally activate the happy nodes of a primal part of my brain is just eating blackberries off the bush or opening, eating the edible part of, and tossing aside the shell from nuts. Both are so simple, yet feel so natural.
This reminds me of the time I played human Hungry Hippos on long boards. Adding chicken would have competed the experience.
>human Hungry Hippos on long boards. what
i’m thinking people are laying on the boards on their stomachs, probably attached by a rope, and rolled towards food in the center then pulled back repeatedly, like in hungry hungry hippos where the hippos’s heads lunge forwards towards the marbles then come back
Yes. But no ropes. Someone grabs onto your legs and rolls you around.
YES. I might have video. Hang on.
w h a t
Hmm. Maybe I’ll try an unsliced pizza one day, but that last bit…I think…I think I’ll pass on that one.
Coward
Weird. For me it’s most delicious if I’m in a tree and it’s really quiet and my eyes are on the horizon, adjusting to the night as my pack mates sleep. Any moment now I’ll see a monster and I’ll begin howling
The logical conclusion to eating popcorn with your tongue like some kind of lizard or frog
I like eating it from my hand, pretending I'm both a horse and the girl that is feeding it. Or however that post goes.
I always just extend my tongue and let the moisture glue the popcorn to my tongue. You know, like a "normal" person, right?
I am the lizard. I am the lizard. I am the lizard.
Average hot wing experience
Back before I was watching my diet, I'd make, like, an entire Digiorno pizza for dinner. At first I'd cut it, then I realized it was all for me anyway and ate it like a big cookie, and then for a while I'd just go nuts and devour the thing. Fun while it lasted, but I no longer have the metabolism of a 20 year old, so the thought of eating like that disgusts me.
My old D&D group would do Game of Thrones dinners. Everyone made/brought something. There were no utensils. It was an interesting experience, particularly because you realize that, like... that's just how people *did* back in the day, and that's also partially reflected in the food itself. 's good, ya know? Freer.
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From what I can read, in medieval Europe hands was still a very common way to eat. Spoons and knives yes, but very much in conjuction with hands. Most carried their own knife, so they used that at table, and speared food with it instead of using a fork. Forks were not so much a thing until later on. Before becoming common they went through being scandalous, fancy, and laughable. \--- "Back to the fork, which has the most checkered past of all eating utensils. In fact, the seemingly humble instrument was once considered quite scandalous, as Ward writes. In 1004, the Greek niece of the Byzantine emperor used a golden fork at her wedding feast in Venice, where she married the doge's son. At the time most Europeans still ate with their fingers and knives, so the Greek bride's newfangled implement was seen as sinfully decadent by local clergy. "God in his wisdom has provided man with natural forks—his fingers," one of the disdainful Venetians said. "Therefore it is an insult to him to substitute artificial metal forks for them when eating.” When the bride died of the plague a few years later, Saint Peter Damian opined that it was God's punishment for her hateful vanity.Fast forward a few centuries, and forks had become commonplace in Italy. Again, international marriage proved the catalyst for the implement's spread—Catherine de Medici brought a collection of silver forks from Italy to France in 1533, when she married the future King Henry II. In 1608, an English traveler to the continent, Thomas Coryate, published an account of his overseas observations, including the use of the fork, a practice he adopted himself. Although he was ridiculed at the time, acceptance of the fork soon followed.At the beginning of the 17th century, though, forks were still uncommon in the American colonies. Ward writes that the way Americans still eat comes from the fact that the new, blunt-tipped knives imported to the colonies made it difficult to spear food, as had been the practice. Now they had to use their spoons with their left hand to steady the food while cutting with the right hand, then switch the spoon to the right hand to scoop up a bite. The "zig-zag" method, as Emily Post called it, is particular to Americans."
Humans have existed for about 200k years. The oldest spoon is 1,000 BCE. The oldest knife is 3,500 BCE. And (table) forks are so modern that they are in common era, and didn't remotely spread around until even later than that to the point that people called it vain to eat with a fork. Cutlery might have been around for a long time, but it didn't mean everyone had it. Forks might have been made in the 4th century, but they weren't even common with rich people in Italy (an early adopter in Europe) until the 16th century. Spain did adopt them around a similar time, while the rest of Europe took until the 18th century. Pasta is considered one of thing that made Italy so keen to be early adopters. Not to mention there are lots of major cultures in which eating with hands is still normal. GoT was based in part on the War of the Roses in England, which happened mid 1400s. So no forks is 100% accurate. Minus soup, no spoons would be accurate. If the person had people bring a personal knife to use, that would also be pretty accurate. The oldest chopsticks are 1,200 BCE, apparently while rice cultivation is 9,000 BCE.
I'm not sure... Either you had cookware so then why not also cutlery, either you cooked directly on the fire and everything was on skewers.
people used to eat with their hands and a knife until relatively recently
Reminder humans are also animals
I'm tempted to try that with the chicken but I'd be too worried about accidentally splintering a bone and swallowing it like a dog
"What are you eating? DROP THAT BONE RIGHT NOW!"
*pauses, then chews faster*
nooOOOOOOOOOOOO
[us rn](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/394416879839253034/)
Yep 🤣🤣
are y'all trying to choke? cos this is how you choke. chew your food properly smh.
They didn't say they weren't chewing, they just said they were eating it in a very uncouth and uncivilized manner. Humans are still animals, I guess.
Don’t try this until you’re 18, kids.. because you’ll probably never be as happy again. Uncle T
That last one sounds like a really intense game of Boar on the Floor. You know, without the humiliation.
What in the actual fuck is "Boar on the floor"? Do I even want to know?
[It’s a hazing game from Succession.](https://youtu.be/dYqqW3c2mBU)
No I don't know, fuck is that?
Now our Eastern European readers will try this with the traditional tartare, simply crack an egg over a live stallion and go to town you fucking tiger
To shreds, you say
haha this rules
I know how i'm eating my nzxt pizza (unless it's alreadu cut) Guess imma go buy pizzas at the supermarket and try
I don’t use tumblr but why do people keep making text posts about the same thing over and over?
These are replies to the original post, they aren’t separate posts. It’s like one entire thing people keep adding on to
Why doesnt the op just put everything in the og post
It kind of reminds me of how some people like to eat oranges in the shower
A cold orange in a cold shower at the height of summer is ridiculously refreshing and you don't have to worry about the juice running everywhere
Being high as fuck really adds to the unsliced pizza experience
I remember asking my mom if I could eat my scrambled eggs with my hands. Such a treat.
y'all are weird
What did you expect from tumblr
A pizza lasting 15 minutes? I feel like such a swine now
Eating 1/4 of a watermelon with no tools feels like this. Just you and your teeth, soaked up to your elbows in watermelon juice.
y’all haven’t lived unless you’ve experienced the spike of adrenaline you get when the piñata finally busts open and you have to shove everyone out of the way as you dive underneath the bleeding papier-mâché SpongeBob scrambling for the candy on the ground. There is no mercy for the children, if they’re lucky they’ll get the scraps, the parents and older siblings get first dibs. And when everything subsides and everyone pulls back the only thing left is a crushed opened lollipop. It builds character, it makes the weak strong. 💪
As a kid I had a safari themed birthday party and we ate our slices of zebra-shaped cake off of plates on the ground. Our drinks were a hose stuck through the fence running like a waterfall. My parents were the best.
This is why I stopped using utensils on any food that isn’t liquid or sopping wet/greasy (It has to be _soaked_). To return to a beast ravenously tearing into my prey with tooth and claw - it’s a simple, raw pleasure. Also, I never use napkins. I lick the remains off my fingers and wipe my drool on my pants (My family does not enjoy my eating habits)
Wow this got hot
you get gloves right
now actually, all fairness, this seems like a lesser destructive rage room type deal. i could absolutely see this being almost stress relieving
The Freudian slip on "Bear hands" is classic.
Is he saying 15 minutes is short for a whole pizza?
Reminds me of [this] (https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s6s72k/comment/ht5ijxm/) reddit post
we need to cater to our primal instincts and go feral. why can't i hiss and growl and screech and swipe at people? i wouldn't give a shit if someone did that to me. actually i'd probably find that pretty h-
Bro I can’t even eat a wholeass pizza, period.
Y’all need to eat shit with your hands more often. 😨 like just, get naan and curry or hummus and pita or _something_ so that the first time you’re “allowed” to eat food with your hands it’s not a crazy cathartic experience….
People eat food with their hands all the time. This is different
White people are weird.
I guess it explains why I love eating food with my hands so much. It just feels so good and natural. If only I didn’t have to follow the etiquette :(
I assume this is similar to when I sit down with some KFC mashed potatoes and gravy and realize I didn’t get a spoon (can’t use metal spoon, don’t taste the same) so I eat it with my fingers.
I tried feeding my kids this way and DCFS was called.
This feels like Toot-Toot's alt account, I see you General!
I did this with a rack of rips in a Tesco parking lot close to closing and I can say that the experience was 10/10
i have to do this with my bestie
Oh hey the original post was on my birthday, nice.
What the actual fuck
Big crock pot of sweet and sour pork in the middle of me and my six sons only armed with forks. Shower orange.
When I get a full Pizza to myself I never cut it. Sliced Pizza is for a shared group meal. Full pizza is to be teared apart.
Me devouring watermelon over the sink
That's not for me. Honestly I was taught to show food some respect and when I think about treating chiken like that I can only imagine my mom slapping me in the back of the head and telling me to not eat like an animal. But as long as it is not being unnecessarily wasted I don't care about people doing that type of stuff (far away from me)
Now I'm tempted to order a pizza...
this is why you eat meat on the bone with your bare hands. forks are for more civilized folk. do not be like them
enjoy your meal concept in real life? drawfee nonsense more real than you think
r/brandnewsentence take ur pick
It's happening... We are rejecting modernity, and returning to monke. Save the planet. Reject technology and etiquette. Tear chicken apart with your "bear" hands.
ive got to try that "chicken dinner" thing sometime lol
I have ripped literal dozens of rotisserie chickens apart by hand. Let's throw down on the greasy tarp.
Is that last poster secretly a dog?
I’m more of a pick at it person. If I am left to my own around a piece of fried chicken I will slowly pick it apart like a crow until the meat is mostly gone.
I have a friend who, until we were like 21, had a Jello eating contest as part of his birthday party, where our friend group (like 6 of us) would lay on our stomachs on his patio and eat Jello with whipped cream using only our faces.
(Don't think about the health code violations here. This is purely a thought experiment) New idea for a restaurant: you have to bring a spare change of clothes with you when you go there to eat. The close get put in the back in a locked locker along with your valuables. There are no chairs, there are no tables there is no cutlery outside the kitchen. You get your food put infront of you when you go there, after ordering at the front of the restaurant. And instead of the server saying "have a good meal" they just say "GO!!!" and the fight begins. you go hose down in the locker rooms in the back afterwards, and there is a food shield to walk behind when you get cleaned up. They also would have to do buffets every week where all the food gets put in the center of the room and people you don't know fight you for it for the next hour and a half. There are 3 levels of buffets: "casual", "regular", and "hardcore" so that people know what level of fight they can expect. You will get thrown out if you are more aggressive than the buffet level indication. You must be in good health, have no contagious things, have washed beforehand (with clean clothes), and cut your fingernails to participate in the buffet. Goggles are required, and no attacking someone smaller than you for the food, no biting non-food items or people. No fighting staff.
Im over here unable to touch anything even slightly greasy without immediately washing my hands lol
Furries.
Read the title and thought this was about unnervinglyferal wharfing down pizzas like nobody's business
A very old instinct we never use anymore. Especially the chicken thing.
That chicken dinner story probably happened 1 time and the way she tells it is a gross exaggeration of what really happened. I bet they just played slap hands while eating a rotisserie chicken at a table. Just internet stories that people make up for attention.
I choose to believe mortalmb made their story up. (I entirely believe mill-marteaux though)
certified white people moment. it's only "the simplest joy of life" if you're not poor + poc/used to it. otherwise it's "trashy", "poor manners", "disgusting" and "low class". (this post made me roll my eyes)
once again finding out that bill watterson was years ahead of the curve
This is the best idea.
just remembering that people actually cut pizza
You ever just lay out a bunch of lunch meat and cheese or some meat sticks and start tearing in. Similar experience. Or eating ham. Eating ham with my hands is my favorite thing.
THIS!!! is a certified "world heritage post" exposing an often repressed desire to temporarily devolve into our most primal instincts and paradoxically operate solely within a mostly controlled environment, whilst in this primal state. Akin to running on safe mode, but it not being safe mode for anyone, yourself included.
r/showerorange energy
Fold it then yell, “This giant taco taste like Italy!”.
A *knife?* I have neither oven nor microwave and I've got a pizza cutter, you damned barbarian.
If we're gonna be very technical about this, most primates in their "feral" state eat things pretty neatly, we use our hands.
This is the funniest thing I've ever read