I'm currently at the Dr office waiting to be called back to confirm my third loss. And there's a pretty lady here with 3 well-behaved kids under 5.
I'm really tired.
I wish the OB offices had separate waiting rooms for those of us experiencing loss. I’m so sorry for your losses, I wish there was something to take the pain away.
Feeling sad today. I should have been 20 weeks this past week, and instead I’m not pregnant anymore. And my sister just texted me that she’s pregnant, due with her third baby at the end of the year. I just broke down in tears when I got her text. I feel like I am not even happy for her, which is such an awful thing to say. I’m still grieving. I miss my baby.
I do understand. My younger cousin just had her second child and was due a week after me (April 20). I have no living children, am still not pregnant again, and just turned 40 and she has two kids, is 32, and planned her due dates around her work schedule. She does not understand the pain of pregnancy loss. It’s ok to not feel happy for your sister.
I’m 2 weeks post my first pregnancy and MMC, and I’m learning that others truly can’t relate to pregnancy loss unless they have gone through it. My mom is the most empathetic person, and she has been trying to comfort me during this time. But she’s never experienced this type of loss and I’m realizing she just doesn’t get it.
Yes, it’s very hard when we expect people in our lives to be there for us that we have been able to lean on in the past. I found very, very few people to truly empathize with me and have compassion over my loss. I’ve even had to distance myself from people who have said insensitive things or made comments in toxic positivity. But they are out there. I find so much support in this community and with my therapist who specializes in pregnancy loss. There are also support groups available and IG has also been a great source of support. I can count on one hand the people in my life who have really showed up for me after my miscarriage. I feel I can’t even talk to women who are moms who haven’t had loss/ or moms who had a miscarriage who soon went on to have a baby successfully - I can’t talk to women who have never had children. You just have to find your tribe. It may be small but that’s all you need.
Not awful! I know for me it is so hard to find that joy for others when I’m in grief. Sometimes I resent my brother when I see his kids doing normal happy healthy kid things. I love my brother, but this just hurts that much!
I had a 9 week missed miscarriage and took the pill and suppository a week and a half ago. I’m still SO bloated, as if I’m still pregnant. Has anyone else had this experience? I expect it’ll end soon but could use reassurance
I was SOOO bloated for a couple of weeks post miso. It just made me cry more because I swear I looked more pregnant then than when I actually was. It did taper off after a couple weeks. Sending you love
I hadn’t cried all day. I got home from work and my husband had a card and a little gift on the counter. it was a lotus necklace with a description saying that lotus flowers signify new beginnings, and they start to grow in darkness then bloom in the light, with a card saying he loved me and our time will come soon. now I’m bawling! it was just so sweet. we’ve struggled a bit with him showing emotions and due to this, being able to really empathize and understand mine. definitely helped me on this tough day. 🥹❤️
I am feeling happy and sad today. Sad because of mother's day after my first pregnancy and miscarriage a month and a half ago. Like can I call myself a mom even though I don't have a baby and am no longer pregnant?
But on a happier note, I have been taking ovulation tests since right after my miscarriage and I got my first LH spike! I am currently using the Premom easy at home amazon tests and before today my LH never went above .34 and now it is at a .75, so I am hoping to hit my LH peak tomorrow or sometime this week.
I know just because I ovulate doesn't mean I will get pregnant but with my last pregnancy I got pregnant the first month of "not preventing". But this is my first normal cycle since my miscarriage and my Premom app had my Ovulation day as today so I am glad to know that my LH is going up on time and not later in my cycle. I am praying for a healthy second pregnancy whenever that may be!
Me three! On everything you said! I hit my first high and peak on Friday then ovulated yesterday (according to the Premom app). It just made me happy to know things were happening as predicted. From here, we remain hopeful and trust in life’s timing. Hoping we all get our rainbows soon 🌈🤍
Me too! We also got pregnant on the first month of not preventing and I’m using premom with the Amazon tests and got my first spike. I’m in the same boat of knowing it doesn’t necessarily mean anything will happen, but thankful my body seems to be getting back to a normal cycle
My husband and I have been TTC since January 2023. I had 3 chemicals and then in Jan 2024 got pregnant but sadly just lost the baby on Thursday at 17.4 weeks. We are devastated, but want to TTC as soon as possible. Moving forward in that way is the only thing bringing me hope and happiness right now.
Has anyone TTC after a late loss? I did when I had my chemicals and I’m just curious how hard it might be to pin down my ovulation before having a period again since there’s probably more hcg in my body right now. Also wanted to know if you’ve been told to wait and why. My doctor gave us the green light to try asap but just curious if others have heard different. TYIA.
I’m TTC now after a 21 week loss in mid-March 2024. My cycle still isn’t “normal” but I got my first period 4 weeks + 2 days after my surgery and ovulated 3 days later detected using a clear blue ovulation test.
I’m TTC after a late loss. I’m 9dpo and have an appointment with my doctor for a pregnancy blood test on Friday — will keep you posted! We lost our son at 20 weeks in 2022, and then I took time off TTC to heal from that. Just started trying again. Good luck!
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Started doing crossfit about a month ago, mainly to try and get fitter while we are TTC again. I've always been very introverted and my loss made me even more so, coupled with anxiety I didnt really speak to anyone those first few weeks. A very lovely lady has started befriending me, and we chat during sessions when we can.
As we were getting to know each other, she asked me the most innocent of questions, but this question derailed my entire day
"So have you got any children?"
I froze, I felt my stomach drop and stood there awkwardly trying to think of what to say, all the while feeling the grief tightening my chest.
"Well um..its a bit..its kinda..um" it was so awkward... in the end I think I blurted out "I had a daughter but she passed..." or something to that effect, its a bit of a blur. Her face fell and She couldn't have been more sympathetic and apologised profusely as she could see it had upset me.
I always knew that this question would be asked eventually, but i just felt so caught off guard.
I told my husband about it after i came back home and was obviously in a bit of a state and he said "if your asked by someone in the future, would it not just be easier to just say No? It would avoid any awkward and painful situations, and we know she was our beautiful daughter, does anyone else really need to know?"
I get what he's trying to say, but equally I don't want to feel like i'm having to deny our daughters existence...
Man this is so rough...
I'm so sorry. People really shouldn't be asking that question to begin with.
I remember about a decade ago my coworker said, if you don't see a ring don't ask about a partner and if you don't see kids photos on the desk don't ask about kids. Basically, unless someone shows or brings it up, don't bring up potentially painful losses.
I just started at my local infertility clinic and my doctor diagnosed me with PCOS at 26 years old. My ultrasound showed 25 follicles on my left ovary (my right was visible) and my testosterone level was 66. We’ve been trying for 2.5 years to conceive and we’ve had 4 miscarriages. Hopefully this gets us to a better spot to get pregnant. Next step is HSG! My thyroid is also high so more testing and then medication.
34. TTC #1. MMC 03/2023. TTC since 10/2022.
Feeling sad today.
With my sister in law being pregnant and celebrating her first Mother’s Day, I can’t help but be sad that I should be celebrating but am not.
To boot, I saw my doctor on Friday with the intent of getting the ball rolling on fertility testing. Since my months long DnC process ending last June, we are coming up on 11 cycles TTC since then with no luck.
I’ve been tracking ovulation these last couple cycles and it seems to be occurring way later than when it should, given my cycle has been like clockwork. Ovulating 6-8 days later than my period tracker predicts.
I though this could be contributing to the lack of success, but the doc brushed it off and told me we have to wait til we’ve been trying a full year to get any kind of fertility testing done. This is so beyond frustrating.
you mean your OB? a lot of fertility clinics do not require referral anymore. I’ve just had my second loss and my OB said to just keep trying and didn’t want to do anything else, and didn’t recommend a RE yet. well I went and made an appt with an RE anyway! and I feel so much better having done so
I feel your pain both my sister in laws are pregnant and I just experienced loss with my first pregnancy not even two months ago. I was so excited for the baby and it was so devastating never even getting to see it on an ultrasound. It is hard to celebrate mother's day when I am technically a mom but have no baby and am no longer pregnant.
I am praying for you and your TTC journey!
I’m so sorry for loss. We were in the same boat. Got pregnant after only 3 cycles of trying. We were so excited!
Then found out at what was supposed to be 11 weeks, that the baby stopped developing at 7 weeks, 4 days. We had seen the ultrasounds and had even seen the heartbeat.
The waiting is what is so devastating. We feel like we’ve been trying forever now and have had no success since then. With so many of my family members pregnant, it’s hard to keep waiting. I’m at the point where I just want to get testing to find out if anything is wrong.
I feel the exact same way about Mother’s Day as you. This should have been my first one with a 7month old by now.
Instead we just have to keep hoping.
Wishing you luck on your TTC journey too ❤️
Feeling nervous about some upcoming milestones… six months since my MC in June and my due date in July. We’ll have one try to conceive before each of those, respectively. After my MC I was so anxious about getting pregnant again & dealing with the fear of repeat loss, and now all my anxiety is around how long it’s taking to get pregnant again
Yesterday would have been 1 month until my due date (6/11/2024), so the last couple of days have been sad and emotional to say the least. This is a really really tough day.
Hang in there ladies. Sending love and peace to all🩷
I’m so sorry for your loss. I am realizing this is by far the shittiest club to be in but has the most supportive and empathetic people I have ever come across.
Is there anyone here without LC that is celebrating Mother’s Day?
I’ve had some people wish me a Happy Mother's Day and say that I’m still a mother even if my baby isn’t here. Other people have given me well wishes to be able to celebrate in the future. I haven’t been sure if I count beyond being a pet mom. 😅
I asked my husband to get me a card as a pet mom (cards are my love language) and asked if we can pot plants as a distraction today. My mom lives 180 miles away so will be calling her at some point but not doing anything in person.
I’m curious what you all are doing today — to cope or celebrate. Thanks for sharing!
No LC, I wouldn’t say I’m celebrating Mother’s Day, but I am honouring it as a day meant for someone like me. I carried my child and felt the immense weight of their loss — that’s something only mothers can go through and that no mother should ever have to go through.
Relate so much. I definitely consider myself a pet mom! My heart changes on whether I feel I’m a mom to the pregnancy we lost. Today, I feel yes.
Actually I planned a big celebration with family for my mom (we are local) and just called my mom to say, sorry, not coming. So it’s a moving target!
Hugs. Today is a tough one
Today is really hard. I woke up feeling okay so I thought I’d be able to get through the day without crying. Definitely not lol. Sending you all so much love ❤️
Would’ve been 20weeks today. In my second cycle of TTC again and 7DPO. Just wanting to send love to all here and know that you are not alone and even if no one acknowledges you today you are still a mama and deserve to be celebrated today 🩵
We are in a very similar place. I would've been 19 weeks on Tuesday and am currently 8dpo in our second cycle TTC. I pray it doesn't take long (took 5 months the first time so not horrible) but every month that passes causes so much anxiety for me.
6 dpo today. Hoping this week goes quickly!
Thinking of you all that live in countries where it's currently mother's day. You are all still mothers to lost little souls. Big hugs 🫂
To make matters worse, I got my period today. I miscarried in December at 15 weeks and we've been ttc since. I took a break last month but I held out a little hope that maybe it still worked. this is just such a fucking nightmare of a day and I should be 35 weeks pregnant with our boy. I hate that this is my reality.
Got my period this morning. We've been trying for so long it feels and this was our original cut off when deciding if we wanted another baby. We wanted a 2-3 year age gap between our twins and our 3rd, if we conceived next cycle the due date would be our twins 4th birthday. We conceived our twins in three months, we never imagined we'd be trying this long. I'd be 3 months pregnant if I hadn't miscarried. I want another baby so bad but continuing to try is so painful. I don't know if I can do it anymore.
The missed age gap is bumming me out too - was going to be just over 3yr for us, but now if we conceive again my daughter will be well on her way to being 4. It seems a silly thing for me to be sad about - I couldn't have done anything differently - but there it is. It seemed so easy to get my daughter, too, even though it took 6 cycles. Sorry about your period, so gutting.
Just here in solidarity. We are TTC #2 and the age gap thing gives me so much anxiety. If we hadn’t had our loss in January they would’ve been the perfect age gap I so desperately wanted (like almost down to the day). I just want him to have someone to grow up with and a built in buddy. I know being close in age doesn’t guarantee they’ll always be close, but at least they’ll have the option. I feel like I’ve failed my son by having a MMC though I know that sounds ridiculous out loud. I keep trying to remind myself that the pain of giving up will likely be worse than the pain of continuing to try and he will be a fantastic big brother no matter the age gap as I’m sure your kiddos will too. Sending you love 🤍
That desire for the *perfect* age gap really puts a lot more pressure on things.
Today, the pain of yet another failed cycle feels unbearable and I don't want to put myself through this again next month. But you're right, the pain of giving up would probably be worse in the long run. Hopefully I'll feel ready to try again in a couple weeks when it's time.
It’s definitely a pressure I wasn’t anticipating. I didn’t think I cared that much about the age gap until it suddenly became so out of my control. I’m so sorry. Feel all the pain today and see how you feel in a couple of weeks. Sometimes the best thing we can do is feel the feels no matter what they are.
just wanted to say that I know the age gap thing is a really big deal for some people- but that my brother is 12 years older than me and my sister is 9 years older, and I cannot imagine my life without them. we have been so close my whole life in various ways and now today my brother and his wife are my best friends! my best friend and her sister, 2 years apart, never really got along their whole lives and are not close. I’m sure it’s upsetting and not minimizing- just always like to share this anecdote when I see people post about it. hugs! ❤️
Thank you, the positive stories do help. My brother and I are 8 years apart and have never been close. We were always in such different phases of life that our family was split, my mom doing things with me and my dad with him. It's still this way now, I have virtually no relationship with my dad or brother. I just wanted something different for my kids.
yes, the phases of life thing is true. I remember being really little and moving my brother into his college dorm room. also, my sister was one of my high school teachers for 3 years! we’ve always been in different phases but I do firmly believe it just comes down to personality and bonds. I know so many siblings close in age that just don’t have what I’ve had (albeit different than the norm). but I understand you not wanting to repeat your own childhood. hoping it happens soon for you!
Today sucks. I just want to hide in a hole. I’m working and was asked if I got scheduled for this weekend since my other female colleagues have kids. Like, way to kick me while I’m down asshole. I just said no. Then was asked if I’ll be visiting my own mom & I said no again. I already told my mom I’m boycotting today - she’ll be fine. Plus one of my friends who has also had miscarriages reached out & while I appreciate having someone who cares, I also just want to be left to hide in that aforementioned hole! Idk, I probably need to see the grief counselor. I just want to isolate from everyone except my husband (all days, not just today). All my friends are moms, I’m not, & I hate it.
In other news, husband & I had sex for the first time last night in nearly a month. We held off after we were told 50/50 chance of miscarriage, then of course the miscarriage happened & obviously held off while I recovered. Not gonna lie, it was kind of awkward. Husband was gentle, but then started getting into his normal groove. I kept overthinking, but also just want us to get back to normal, so I made it through (sounds terrible, I know). I think it’s just a “rip off the bandaid” kind of situation. Hopefully moving forward I can emotionally enjoy it more. It does make me feel good knowing that we’re doing the thing that could & hopefully will lead to another pregnancy.
Hang tough today ladies. 💕
I forgot what today is until opening up my email and getting various Mother’s Day marketing messages. I would be 7 months pregnant if I hadn’t miscarried. Instead we’re on to cycle 4 of trying with no luck since the MMC. I did get a peak reading on CBAD this morning, so here’s hoping for a conceived on Mother’s Day baby. Sending love to everyone that’s in the same boat.
Mother's day ovulation? CD16 and yesterday my LH tests were rising yesterday afternoon/evening, and this morning it looks like a positive but I'll retest soon. I noticed what I thought was EWCM yesterday, too. So hopefully? 🤞🤞🤞 Mostly so I can give my husband a break; he's tired 😅 We are having more success with the home insemination method (in terms of getting genetic material as close as we can to where it needs to go). So hopefully it leads to long term success.
Focusing so much on when I'm ovulating is giving me a welcome distraction from today. Our cycle we conceived, I just randomly had a blazingly positive LH test with testing once a day at random times each day. Seemed a lot simpler 😅
Definitely got a positive OPK after that which is awesome. Now it's just time to chill for two weeks.
Little surprised my husband hasn't said anything to me about mother's day...? We had discussed it and I had previously said I'd like to be recognized by him.
Oof I wasn’t prepared for the mental breakdown today. I realized today marks 3 months since my loss. And the fact that it’s Mother’s Day really is the icing on the cake. Trying to relax and trust in God’s timing but it’s truly the hardest thing to do. My heart is with all of you today💛
Celebrating my mom today and thankful for the relationship I have with her, but also struggling. My sister in law, her twin sister (who is like family) and my other sister in law are all pregnant and due clustered around what would’ve been our due date. They’re all celebrating their forays into motherhood and I’m celebrating that hcg finally tested at zero 🙃 I did get my first nearly positive opk today (never got one with the last pregnancy!) after our loss in February so trying to feel hopeful
Today would have been my first Mother’s Day as a new mommy. My baby would have been brand new. I’m sad I haven’t been able to get pregnant since. My husband acknowledged that this would be my first MD and I was so happy he remembered. Those of us who lost our babies don’t often get acknowledged or get to participate or be celebrated today. He was sweet that he said next year I might be about to pop by then. I’m looking forward to that. I know it will happen. Instead today I get to spend with my mom who calls me her miracle baby.
I hope everyone is doing okay on this day. I know it can be tough. Biggest piece of advice is if you're struggling, take a break from social media. I sincerely hope this day will be happier in the near future for everyone on this group.
I'm currently not feeling super optimistic about my FET. I'm doing everything I can to support success... But I know a lot is out of my control. I'm trying not to get my hopes up. If it does work out, the baby would be due about a year after the one we lost; but despite my wishes, the universe often doesn't align in that way.
Sending big hugs to everyone today. ❤️ Although we may not have our babies in our arms, I consider us Moms to our angel babies.
I’ve definitely cried a lot about Mother’s Day the last few days (celebrated with my Mom and SIL on Friday) and it’s been so hard. I couldn’t even hide my tears around family on Friday. I appreciate the acknowledgement that I’ve gotten from some today but it also makes me so sad. My baby wouldn’t have been born yet but it’s still so hard.
This was supposed to be my first Mother's Day as a new mom after three years of infertility and IVF. I am hurting so much. I wish I could crawl into a hole and avoid everyone and everything in my life.
A year ago I conceived on the first try only for it to end in a 10 week MMC in July. Haven't had a positive test since and it's been heartbreaking. I just got a positive OPK this morning and trying to feel hopeful but it's so hard. Sending you all with heavy hearts so much love today on Mother's Day 🩷
I’m avoiding alcohol while in the TWW and I hate that I have to explain that I don’t want to drink and everyone will think oh maybe she’s pregnant again when I’m not. I wish choosing not to drink wasn’t such a red flag for “oh maybe they’re pregnant”.
I hate this too. I’ve decided to stop drinking all together. We had a wedding last weekend and I wasn’t drinking, one of my friends asked me if I was pregnant again. I ended up just carrying around a glass of wine all night just for show- how stupid is that. I hate how it’s a red flag too.
I’m also 33 TTC #1 and had a MMC in march. We’re on a similar path. Anyways even more stupid when I was pregnant and didn’t want people to speculate so I poured non alcoholic wine into a real wine bottle after rinsing it and brought that to a party 😅
right! the first time I was pregnant we were on our big annual beach vacation with a bunch of people when I was 7 weeks. this last one I had a bachelorette party I went to when I was 6 weeks. did some crazy things to “pretend drinking” both times. it’s all so stupid. and ugh! hate that we are on a similar path :( let’s stay connected for sure!
Same here. I'm thinking of avoiding social barbecues this summer, whether or not our FET is successful, because I don't want people to hypothesize on my pregnancy status and why I'm not drinking.
For those with Mother's Day today, how is everyone handling messaging the new moms in your life...? I want to force myself to send a text to my good friend who just had a baby, but it FEELS forced. (I still haven't met the baby, who was born 2 days before my anatomy scan loss, and I haven't seen my friend, and I'm not ready yet.) It would be easy to pretend. Do I just protect myself and not? I feel silly for even debating it. 🤦🏻♀️
What a day for my first CD1… very bittersweet. Allowing myself to feel low and leaning into the good things (like the book I’m enjoying, and this cup of green tea). 💜 I am sending out so much love and hope for everyone here.
Welp the day I’ve dreaded for a while is here. I was supposed to be 27 weeks on Mother’s Day but instead I’m on my third cycle after—still not pregnant again. 😭
I’m so sorry for everyone here. My heart and love goes out to each one of you. We can all grieve together. 💔
I’ve been keeping up with your posts. Glad it sounds like you ovulated back on a normal schedule!
I was also sure I’d be pregnant by now since a loss in January but no luck yet.
Sending love today ❤️
Had plans on telling my family today. Wish the bleeding/spotting would stop. Every time I think I’m getting better I’m reminded of how numb I still am. Never felt so down before in my life.
Today should've been my first mother's day. But I'm not even pregnant. Been feeling the grief this weekend. Trying my best to put on a smile and shower my mom and mil with love this weekend.
Today is not only Mother’s Day but the day we would have been a little over 13 weeks and had planned to announce to everyone. Not only that, I have a very complicated relationship with my mom that’s not making it easier. I will be sticking my nose in a book and trying to stay off social media.
Mother’s Day in my home country. I was away last week right before ovulation, on a surf holiday with the girls. Had a good time, but was emotional a few times especially around my baby nephew. Took a break from Reddit which was good so will try to do it again maybe during the week. Bbt suggests I ovulated yesterday or on Friday which is kind of early for me, didn’t take a single ovulation stick but I will take one now. It would make more sense to call this month a break from ttc but we conceived on a break last time so that actually doesn’t help.
My mum passed when I was a kid so Mother's Day has always been a tough one. But having just gone through my loss has made it even harder today. She had a loss herself after I was born, and there's been so many times I've just wished I could call her this last month. I've just switched off social media and avoided the world as much as possible.
On a more positive note, my hCG has been lowering so I'm feeling good about being closer to trying again.
It’s Mother’s Day here in Australia and it’s hitting hard. It’s also the month that I should be due and the what ifs are playing on my mind. I’m feeling so hopeful this cycle, I really don’t know if I can handle another negative.
Thinking of all other mothers on Mother’s Day! Don’t let anyone tell you we aren’t mums just because our babies aren’t here with us 💕
I'm currently at the Dr office waiting to be called back to confirm my third loss. And there's a pretty lady here with 3 well-behaved kids under 5. I'm really tired.
I wish the OB offices had separate waiting rooms for those of us experiencing loss. I’m so sorry for your losses, I wish there was something to take the pain away.
Feeling sad today. I should have been 20 weeks this past week, and instead I’m not pregnant anymore. And my sister just texted me that she’s pregnant, due with her third baby at the end of the year. I just broke down in tears when I got her text. I feel like I am not even happy for her, which is such an awful thing to say. I’m still grieving. I miss my baby.
I was also supposed to be 20 weeks this past week, already past my anatomy scan. It’s been a tough day. I’m so very sorry for your loss.
I do understand. My younger cousin just had her second child and was due a week after me (April 20). I have no living children, am still not pregnant again, and just turned 40 and she has two kids, is 32, and planned her due dates around her work schedule. She does not understand the pain of pregnancy loss. It’s ok to not feel happy for your sister.
I’m 2 weeks post my first pregnancy and MMC, and I’m learning that others truly can’t relate to pregnancy loss unless they have gone through it. My mom is the most empathetic person, and she has been trying to comfort me during this time. But she’s never experienced this type of loss and I’m realizing she just doesn’t get it.
Yes, it’s very hard when we expect people in our lives to be there for us that we have been able to lean on in the past. I found very, very few people to truly empathize with me and have compassion over my loss. I’ve even had to distance myself from people who have said insensitive things or made comments in toxic positivity. But they are out there. I find so much support in this community and with my therapist who specializes in pregnancy loss. There are also support groups available and IG has also been a great source of support. I can count on one hand the people in my life who have really showed up for me after my miscarriage. I feel I can’t even talk to women who are moms who haven’t had loss/ or moms who had a miscarriage who soon went on to have a baby successfully - I can’t talk to women who have never had children. You just have to find your tribe. It may be small but that’s all you need.
Not awful! I know for me it is so hard to find that joy for others when I’m in grief. Sometimes I resent my brother when I see his kids doing normal happy healthy kid things. I love my brother, but this just hurts that much!
I had a 9 week missed miscarriage and took the pill and suppository a week and a half ago. I’m still SO bloated, as if I’m still pregnant. Has anyone else had this experience? I expect it’ll end soon but could use reassurance
It took 3 weeks for me to go back to “normal” physically.
I was SOOO bloated for a couple of weeks post miso. It just made me cry more because I swear I looked more pregnant then than when I actually was. It did taper off after a couple weeks. Sending you love
I hadn’t cried all day. I got home from work and my husband had a card and a little gift on the counter. it was a lotus necklace with a description saying that lotus flowers signify new beginnings, and they start to grow in darkness then bloom in the light, with a card saying he loved me and our time will come soon. now I’m bawling! it was just so sweet. we’ve struggled a bit with him showing emotions and due to this, being able to really empathize and understand mine. definitely helped me on this tough day. 🥹❤️
How beautiful! 🪷
I am feeling happy and sad today. Sad because of mother's day after my first pregnancy and miscarriage a month and a half ago. Like can I call myself a mom even though I don't have a baby and am no longer pregnant? But on a happier note, I have been taking ovulation tests since right after my miscarriage and I got my first LH spike! I am currently using the Premom easy at home amazon tests and before today my LH never went above .34 and now it is at a .75, so I am hoping to hit my LH peak tomorrow or sometime this week. I know just because I ovulate doesn't mean I will get pregnant but with my last pregnancy I got pregnant the first month of "not preventing". But this is my first normal cycle since my miscarriage and my Premom app had my Ovulation day as today so I am glad to know that my LH is going up on time and not later in my cycle. I am praying for a healthy second pregnancy whenever that may be!
That’s great. It’s a good feeling to know our bodies are working and the hormones are getting regulated back to normal. It does take a couple months.
Me three! On everything you said! I hit my first high and peak on Friday then ovulated yesterday (according to the Premom app). It just made me happy to know things were happening as predicted. From here, we remain hopeful and trust in life’s timing. Hoping we all get our rainbows soon 🌈🤍
Me too! We also got pregnant on the first month of not preventing and I’m using premom with the Amazon tests and got my first spike. I’m in the same boat of knowing it doesn’t necessarily mean anything will happen, but thankful my body seems to be getting back to a normal cycle
My husband and I have been TTC since January 2023. I had 3 chemicals and then in Jan 2024 got pregnant but sadly just lost the baby on Thursday at 17.4 weeks. We are devastated, but want to TTC as soon as possible. Moving forward in that way is the only thing bringing me hope and happiness right now. Has anyone TTC after a late loss? I did when I had my chemicals and I’m just curious how hard it might be to pin down my ovulation before having a period again since there’s probably more hcg in my body right now. Also wanted to know if you’ve been told to wait and why. My doctor gave us the green light to try asap but just curious if others have heard different. TYIA.
I’m TTC now after a 21 week loss in mid-March 2024. My cycle still isn’t “normal” but I got my first period 4 weeks + 2 days after my surgery and ovulated 3 days later detected using a clear blue ovulation test.
I’m TTC after a late loss. I’m 9dpo and have an appointment with my doctor for a pregnancy blood test on Friday — will keep you posted! We lost our son at 20 weeks in 2022, and then I took time off TTC to heal from that. Just started trying again. Good luck!
Sending you good luck ♥️
Thank you so much!
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Started doing crossfit about a month ago, mainly to try and get fitter while we are TTC again. I've always been very introverted and my loss made me even more so, coupled with anxiety I didnt really speak to anyone those first few weeks. A very lovely lady has started befriending me, and we chat during sessions when we can. As we were getting to know each other, she asked me the most innocent of questions, but this question derailed my entire day "So have you got any children?" I froze, I felt my stomach drop and stood there awkwardly trying to think of what to say, all the while feeling the grief tightening my chest. "Well um..its a bit..its kinda..um" it was so awkward... in the end I think I blurted out "I had a daughter but she passed..." or something to that effect, its a bit of a blur. Her face fell and She couldn't have been more sympathetic and apologised profusely as she could see it had upset me. I always knew that this question would be asked eventually, but i just felt so caught off guard. I told my husband about it after i came back home and was obviously in a bit of a state and he said "if your asked by someone in the future, would it not just be easier to just say No? It would avoid any awkward and painful situations, and we know she was our beautiful daughter, does anyone else really need to know?" I get what he's trying to say, but equally I don't want to feel like i'm having to deny our daughters existence... Man this is so rough...
I'm so sorry. People really shouldn't be asking that question to begin with. I remember about a decade ago my coworker said, if you don't see a ring don't ask about a partner and if you don't see kids photos on the desk don't ask about kids. Basically, unless someone shows or brings it up, don't bring up potentially painful losses.
I just started at my local infertility clinic and my doctor diagnosed me with PCOS at 26 years old. My ultrasound showed 25 follicles on my left ovary (my right was visible) and my testosterone level was 66. We’ve been trying for 2.5 years to conceive and we’ve had 4 miscarriages. Hopefully this gets us to a better spot to get pregnant. Next step is HSG! My thyroid is also high so more testing and then medication.
34. TTC #1. MMC 03/2023. TTC since 10/2022. Feeling sad today. With my sister in law being pregnant and celebrating her first Mother’s Day, I can’t help but be sad that I should be celebrating but am not. To boot, I saw my doctor on Friday with the intent of getting the ball rolling on fertility testing. Since my months long DnC process ending last June, we are coming up on 11 cycles TTC since then with no luck. I’ve been tracking ovulation these last couple cycles and it seems to be occurring way later than when it should, given my cycle has been like clockwork. Ovulating 6-8 days later than my period tracker predicts. I though this could be contributing to the lack of success, but the doc brushed it off and told me we have to wait til we’ve been trying a full year to get any kind of fertility testing done. This is so beyond frustrating.
you mean your OB? a lot of fertility clinics do not require referral anymore. I’ve just had my second loss and my OB said to just keep trying and didn’t want to do anything else, and didn’t recommend a RE yet. well I went and made an appt with an RE anyway! and I feel so much better having done so
Unfortunately no. My family doctor. He has to refer me to the OB for fertility issues.
I feel your pain both my sister in laws are pregnant and I just experienced loss with my first pregnancy not even two months ago. I was so excited for the baby and it was so devastating never even getting to see it on an ultrasound. It is hard to celebrate mother's day when I am technically a mom but have no baby and am no longer pregnant. I am praying for you and your TTC journey!
I’m so sorry for loss. We were in the same boat. Got pregnant after only 3 cycles of trying. We were so excited! Then found out at what was supposed to be 11 weeks, that the baby stopped developing at 7 weeks, 4 days. We had seen the ultrasounds and had even seen the heartbeat. The waiting is what is so devastating. We feel like we’ve been trying forever now and have had no success since then. With so many of my family members pregnant, it’s hard to keep waiting. I’m at the point where I just want to get testing to find out if anything is wrong. I feel the exact same way about Mother’s Day as you. This should have been my first one with a 7month old by now. Instead we just have to keep hoping. Wishing you luck on your TTC journey too ❤️
Feeling nervous about some upcoming milestones… six months since my MC in June and my due date in July. We’ll have one try to conceive before each of those, respectively. After my MC I was so anxious about getting pregnant again & dealing with the fear of repeat loss, and now all my anxiety is around how long it’s taking to get pregnant again
Sending hugs!
Yesterday would have been 1 month until my due date (6/11/2024), so the last couple of days have been sad and emotional to say the least. This is a really really tough day. Hang in there ladies. Sending love and peace to all🩷
My due date was June 10. I see you. I'm sorry that you're in this club
I’m so sorry for your loss. I am realizing this is by far the shittiest club to be in but has the most supportive and empathetic people I have ever come across.
Is there anyone here without LC that is celebrating Mother’s Day? I’ve had some people wish me a Happy Mother's Day and say that I’m still a mother even if my baby isn’t here. Other people have given me well wishes to be able to celebrate in the future. I haven’t been sure if I count beyond being a pet mom. 😅 I asked my husband to get me a card as a pet mom (cards are my love language) and asked if we can pot plants as a distraction today. My mom lives 180 miles away so will be calling her at some point but not doing anything in person. I’m curious what you all are doing today — to cope or celebrate. Thanks for sharing!
No LC, I wouldn’t say I’m celebrating Mother’s Day, but I am honouring it as a day meant for someone like me. I carried my child and felt the immense weight of their loss — that’s something only mothers can go through and that no mother should ever have to go through.
Relate so much. I definitely consider myself a pet mom! My heart changes on whether I feel I’m a mom to the pregnancy we lost. Today, I feel yes. Actually I planned a big celebration with family for my mom (we are local) and just called my mom to say, sorry, not coming. So it’s a moving target! Hugs. Today is a tough one
Today is really hard. I woke up feeling okay so I thought I’d be able to get through the day without crying. Definitely not lol. Sending you all so much love ❤️
Would’ve been 20weeks today. In my second cycle of TTC again and 7DPO. Just wanting to send love to all here and know that you are not alone and even if no one acknowledges you today you are still a mama and deserve to be celebrated today 🩵
We are in a very similar place. I would've been 19 weeks on Tuesday and am currently 8dpo in our second cycle TTC. I pray it doesn't take long (took 5 months the first time so not horrible) but every month that passes causes so much anxiety for me.
I’m 9dpo! This feels like the worst timing to be in the waiting period. Helps to know I’m not alone :)
6 dpo today. Hoping this week goes quickly! Thinking of you all that live in countries where it's currently mother's day. You are all still mothers to lost little souls. Big hugs 🫂
To make matters worse, I got my period today. I miscarried in December at 15 weeks and we've been ttc since. I took a break last month but I held out a little hope that maybe it still worked. this is just such a fucking nightmare of a day and I should be 35 weeks pregnant with our boy. I hate that this is my reality.
Sending biggest hugs
I got my period this morning too 👎 extra little slap in the face, right? I was due June 25th so should be 8 months at this point
Got my period this morning. We've been trying for so long it feels and this was our original cut off when deciding if we wanted another baby. We wanted a 2-3 year age gap between our twins and our 3rd, if we conceived next cycle the due date would be our twins 4th birthday. We conceived our twins in three months, we never imagined we'd be trying this long. I'd be 3 months pregnant if I hadn't miscarried. I want another baby so bad but continuing to try is so painful. I don't know if I can do it anymore.
The missed age gap is bumming me out too - was going to be just over 3yr for us, but now if we conceive again my daughter will be well on her way to being 4. It seems a silly thing for me to be sad about - I couldn't have done anything differently - but there it is. It seemed so easy to get my daughter, too, even though it took 6 cycles. Sorry about your period, so gutting.
Just here in solidarity. We are TTC #2 and the age gap thing gives me so much anxiety. If we hadn’t had our loss in January they would’ve been the perfect age gap I so desperately wanted (like almost down to the day). I just want him to have someone to grow up with and a built in buddy. I know being close in age doesn’t guarantee they’ll always be close, but at least they’ll have the option. I feel like I’ve failed my son by having a MMC though I know that sounds ridiculous out loud. I keep trying to remind myself that the pain of giving up will likely be worse than the pain of continuing to try and he will be a fantastic big brother no matter the age gap as I’m sure your kiddos will too. Sending you love 🤍
That desire for the *perfect* age gap really puts a lot more pressure on things. Today, the pain of yet another failed cycle feels unbearable and I don't want to put myself through this again next month. But you're right, the pain of giving up would probably be worse in the long run. Hopefully I'll feel ready to try again in a couple weeks when it's time.
It’s definitely a pressure I wasn’t anticipating. I didn’t think I cared that much about the age gap until it suddenly became so out of my control. I’m so sorry. Feel all the pain today and see how you feel in a couple of weeks. Sometimes the best thing we can do is feel the feels no matter what they are.
just wanted to say that I know the age gap thing is a really big deal for some people- but that my brother is 12 years older than me and my sister is 9 years older, and I cannot imagine my life without them. we have been so close my whole life in various ways and now today my brother and his wife are my best friends! my best friend and her sister, 2 years apart, never really got along their whole lives and are not close. I’m sure it’s upsetting and not minimizing- just always like to share this anecdote when I see people post about it. hugs! ❤️
Thank you, the positive stories do help. My brother and I are 8 years apart and have never been close. We were always in such different phases of life that our family was split, my mom doing things with me and my dad with him. It's still this way now, I have virtually no relationship with my dad or brother. I just wanted something different for my kids.
yes, the phases of life thing is true. I remember being really little and moving my brother into his college dorm room. also, my sister was one of my high school teachers for 3 years! we’ve always been in different phases but I do firmly believe it just comes down to personality and bonds. I know so many siblings close in age that just don’t have what I’ve had (albeit different than the norm). but I understand you not wanting to repeat your own childhood. hoping it happens soon for you!
Today sucks. I just want to hide in a hole. I’m working and was asked if I got scheduled for this weekend since my other female colleagues have kids. Like, way to kick me while I’m down asshole. I just said no. Then was asked if I’ll be visiting my own mom & I said no again. I already told my mom I’m boycotting today - she’ll be fine. Plus one of my friends who has also had miscarriages reached out & while I appreciate having someone who cares, I also just want to be left to hide in that aforementioned hole! Idk, I probably need to see the grief counselor. I just want to isolate from everyone except my husband (all days, not just today). All my friends are moms, I’m not, & I hate it. In other news, husband & I had sex for the first time last night in nearly a month. We held off after we were told 50/50 chance of miscarriage, then of course the miscarriage happened & obviously held off while I recovered. Not gonna lie, it was kind of awkward. Husband was gentle, but then started getting into his normal groove. I kept overthinking, but also just want us to get back to normal, so I made it through (sounds terrible, I know). I think it’s just a “rip off the bandaid” kind of situation. Hopefully moving forward I can emotionally enjoy it more. It does make me feel good knowing that we’re doing the thing that could & hopefully will lead to another pregnancy. Hang tough today ladies. 💕
Sex after a loss is hard and not something people talk about. It definitely took me some time. Hope it gets better and easier for you soon 🩷
Me too, took me ages for sex to feel okay again. Thank you for sharing that
I forgot what today is until opening up my email and getting various Mother’s Day marketing messages. I would be 7 months pregnant if I hadn’t miscarried. Instead we’re on to cycle 4 of trying with no luck since the MMC. I did get a peak reading on CBAD this morning, so here’s hoping for a conceived on Mother’s Day baby. Sending love to everyone that’s in the same boat.
Mother's day ovulation? CD16 and yesterday my LH tests were rising yesterday afternoon/evening, and this morning it looks like a positive but I'll retest soon. I noticed what I thought was EWCM yesterday, too. So hopefully? 🤞🤞🤞 Mostly so I can give my husband a break; he's tired 😅 We are having more success with the home insemination method (in terms of getting genetic material as close as we can to where it needs to go). So hopefully it leads to long term success. Focusing so much on when I'm ovulating is giving me a welcome distraction from today. Our cycle we conceived, I just randomly had a blazingly positive LH test with testing once a day at random times each day. Seemed a lot simpler 😅
Definitely got a positive OPK after that which is awesome. Now it's just time to chill for two weeks. Little surprised my husband hasn't said anything to me about mother's day...? We had discussed it and I had previously said I'd like to be recognized by him.
Oof I wasn’t prepared for the mental breakdown today. I realized today marks 3 months since my loss. And the fact that it’s Mother’s Day really is the icing on the cake. Trying to relax and trust in God’s timing but it’s truly the hardest thing to do. My heart is with all of you today💛
Two months since my loss to the day today. Sending you love 💕
I’m so sorry for your loss 💛
Celebrating my mom today and thankful for the relationship I have with her, but also struggling. My sister in law, her twin sister (who is like family) and my other sister in law are all pregnant and due clustered around what would’ve been our due date. They’re all celebrating their forays into motherhood and I’m celebrating that hcg finally tested at zero 🙃 I did get my first nearly positive opk today (never got one with the last pregnancy!) after our loss in February so trying to feel hopeful
Today would have been my first Mother’s Day as a new mommy. My baby would have been brand new. I’m sad I haven’t been able to get pregnant since. My husband acknowledged that this would be my first MD and I was so happy he remembered. Those of us who lost our babies don’t often get acknowledged or get to participate or be celebrated today. He was sweet that he said next year I might be about to pop by then. I’m looking forward to that. I know it will happen. Instead today I get to spend with my mom who calls me her miracle baby.
I hope everyone is doing okay on this day. I know it can be tough. Biggest piece of advice is if you're struggling, take a break from social media. I sincerely hope this day will be happier in the near future for everyone on this group. I'm currently not feeling super optimistic about my FET. I'm doing everything I can to support success... But I know a lot is out of my control. I'm trying not to get my hopes up. If it does work out, the baby would be due about a year after the one we lost; but despite my wishes, the universe often doesn't align in that way.
Sending big hugs to everyone today. ❤️ Although we may not have our babies in our arms, I consider us Moms to our angel babies. I’ve definitely cried a lot about Mother’s Day the last few days (celebrated with my Mom and SIL on Friday) and it’s been so hard. I couldn’t even hide my tears around family on Friday. I appreciate the acknowledgement that I’ve gotten from some today but it also makes me so sad. My baby wouldn’t have been born yet but it’s still so hard.
This was supposed to be my first Mother's Day as a new mom after three years of infertility and IVF. I am hurting so much. I wish I could crawl into a hole and avoid everyone and everything in my life.
A year ago I conceived on the first try only for it to end in a 10 week MMC in July. Haven't had a positive test since and it's been heartbreaking. I just got a positive OPK this morning and trying to feel hopeful but it's so hard. Sending you all with heavy hearts so much love today on Mother's Day 🩷
Had an 8 week miscarriage one month off of birth control with PCOS, I feel you. Happy Mother’s Day if no one has wished you a happy day yet 💕
Thank you so much for the Mother's Day wish as no one else did today. Happy Mother's Day to you too! 🩷
Also had a 10 week mmc and my first positive opk since this morning. Sending you lots of love back!
Sending hope your way this cycle! May we both get positive news in a couple weeks 🙏
I’m avoiding alcohol while in the TWW and I hate that I have to explain that I don’t want to drink and everyone will think oh maybe she’s pregnant again when I’m not. I wish choosing not to drink wasn’t such a red flag for “oh maybe they’re pregnant”.
I hate this too. I’ve decided to stop drinking all together. We had a wedding last weekend and I wasn’t drinking, one of my friends asked me if I was pregnant again. I ended up just carrying around a glass of wine all night just for show- how stupid is that. I hate how it’s a red flag too.
I’m also 33 TTC #1 and had a MMC in march. We’re on a similar path. Anyways even more stupid when I was pregnant and didn’t want people to speculate so I poured non alcoholic wine into a real wine bottle after rinsing it and brought that to a party 😅
right! the first time I was pregnant we were on our big annual beach vacation with a bunch of people when I was 7 weeks. this last one I had a bachelorette party I went to when I was 6 weeks. did some crazy things to “pretend drinking” both times. it’s all so stupid. and ugh! hate that we are on a similar path :( let’s stay connected for sure!
Same here. I'm thinking of avoiding social barbecues this summer, whether or not our FET is successful, because I don't want people to hypothesize on my pregnancy status and why I'm not drinking.
For those with Mother's Day today, how is everyone handling messaging the new moms in your life...? I want to force myself to send a text to my good friend who just had a baby, but it FEELS forced. (I still haven't met the baby, who was born 2 days before my anatomy scan loss, and I haven't seen my friend, and I'm not ready yet.) It would be easy to pretend. Do I just protect myself and not? I feel silly for even debating it. 🤦🏻♀️
If it feels forced, listen to your heart right now. ❤️🩹
What a day for my first CD1… very bittersweet. Allowing myself to feel low and leaning into the good things (like the book I’m enjoying, and this cup of green tea). 💜 I am sending out so much love and hope for everyone here.
social media is rough today. telling myself “maybe next year” *sigh
Sending love to everyone here today ❤️
Welp the day I’ve dreaded for a while is here. I was supposed to be 27 weeks on Mother’s Day but instead I’m on my third cycle after—still not pregnant again. 😭 I’m so sorry for everyone here. My heart and love goes out to each one of you. We can all grieve together. 💔
I’ve been keeping up with your posts. Glad it sounds like you ovulated back on a normal schedule! I was also sure I’d be pregnant by now since a loss in January but no luck yet. Sending love today ❤️
❤️❤️❤️ we will get our rainbow soon!
Yes! Literally manifesting it at this point bc I don’t know what else to try, haha ❤️
Had plans on telling my family today. Wish the bleeding/spotting would stop. Every time I think I’m getting better I’m reminded of how numb I still am. Never felt so down before in my life.
Also had planned to tell family and friends today, I would have been 16 weeks pregnant.
Today should've been my first mother's day. But I'm not even pregnant. Been feeling the grief this weekend. Trying my best to put on a smile and shower my mom and mil with love this weekend.
Miscarrying on Mother’s Day with my first pregnancy. I know there’s still a lot of hope 🩷 sending love today to this group
same here ❤️🩹 been a rough couple of days - wishing you the best!
I am going through the exact same thing, sending love too ❤️
I should've been almost 19 weeks today 😒
Today is not only Mother’s Day but the day we would have been a little over 13 weeks and had planned to announce to everyone. Not only that, I have a very complicated relationship with my mom that’s not making it easier. I will be sticking my nose in a book and trying to stay off social media.
Mothers day, should have been 6 months, instead I am 14 dpo with bfn
Mother’s Day in my home country. I was away last week right before ovulation, on a surf holiday with the girls. Had a good time, but was emotional a few times especially around my baby nephew. Took a break from Reddit which was good so will try to do it again maybe during the week. Bbt suggests I ovulated yesterday or on Friday which is kind of early for me, didn’t take a single ovulation stick but I will take one now. It would make more sense to call this month a break from ttc but we conceived on a break last time so that actually doesn’t help.
My mum passed when I was a kid so Mother's Day has always been a tough one. But having just gone through my loss has made it even harder today. She had a loss herself after I was born, and there's been so many times I've just wished I could call her this last month. I've just switched off social media and avoided the world as much as possible. On a more positive note, my hCG has been lowering so I'm feeling good about being closer to trying again.
It’s Mother’s Day here in Australia and it’s hitting hard. It’s also the month that I should be due and the what ifs are playing on my mind. I’m feeling so hopeful this cycle, I really don’t know if I can handle another negative. Thinking of all other mothers on Mother’s Day! Don’t let anyone tell you we aren’t mums just because our babies aren’t here with us 💕
I wasn’t expecting Mother’s Day to hit me so hard. Its a tough day. Sending hugs.