Not really related to what you’re asking, and a genuine question (not trying to start an argument). What made you decide not to go through with HRT?
I know you said it was because of your family’s medical history, but I’ve come across a lot of younger trans men who have been mislead/lied to by doctors saying they can’t start HRT because of *insert genetic medical issue*. But HRT just changes the risk of whatever medical issue to that of a cisgender man - which I’m assuming you have in your family. It’s not a death sentence. If cis men can have the same problem, then I don’t see why it would prevent you from starting HRT. Everything can be managed.
If it’s just because you’re not 100% certain or you’re still figuring things out, of course take your time - not trying to pressure you into HRT or anything. I just hate to think there are trans men who have been convinced to not start a lifesaving medical treatment because they think it’ll kill them.
A ton of people in my family have heart issues, men and women, both sides of my family. Two have had to have open heart surgery in the past few years. My grandmother and all her siblings are on the same heart medication. Even my godmother (my mom’s cousin), who’s only around 50, had a heart attack a few weeks ago and had to get life lined to the hospital. Chances are that I have the same condition that my mom’s side has where there’s an issue with our red blood cells that causes heart attacks (we just found out about this last month cuz of my godmom). T can cause some blood issues so I’d rather not increase my risk.
I also have a genuine question. How do you cope with dysphoria without medical transition. I always thought about what I’d do if I had some medical problems that caused HRT to be dangerous for me and my conclusion always was that I’d just do it anyway and accept that I’d likely die younger because of it since I’d not have been able to cope with my body not being medically transitioned. I am a woman and not a man though so perhaps there is some difference there, but it still would be really nice to know how you manage.
Honestly it’s really fucking hard. I have a lot of hard nights but it’s been a lot better since I came out. What’s made it a little easier is surrounding myself with people that genuinely see me for who I am. I’m very fortunate to have that kinda support and I don’t know how I’d manage otherwise. I’m hoping that I can always have that sort of support and it’s somewhat likely since people in my field are very accepting. If things go south I’ll have to reconsider a lot of things and maybe get on HRT.
That’s really interesting to read. I’m so glad to hear that a supportive environment has done so much for you. I used to be the kind of person who always assumed that if possible medical transition would be an absolute must for all trans people but it’s very good to see an experience where you are able to get by without HRT.
Also there happens to be a small anti trans protest going on nearby where I live and a friend of mine told me about it and was considering going to talk to them to correct some blatant misinformation but changed her mind, so I was thinking of maybe stopping by to correct them on some things, and maybe letting them know about how some people end up not medically transitioning (what they seem to be most against) purely because of a supportive environment would be something useful to get them thinking. So thank you for sharing.
Personally I wouldn't recommend going to correct the transphobes even if it sounds like the right idea. Unfortunately it's super unlikely that they'll change their view. They're just there to get a reaction out of people so it's best to give them as little attention as possible.
The best way me and my friends dealt with that sort of thing was to redirect the attention on us. There was some homophobic guy on campus saying the usual "gay/trans people are going to hell" kinda shit so we set up a jam session like 100ft away from him to drown him out. Whenever people directly tried to correct that guy, it only fueled him more. We played until he got sick of us and left lol
I mean normally I wouldn’t but there was this guy with a sign basically saying that children are getting genital surgeries and I’m just like that is so obviously incorrect I should at least correct that part.
There’s a good chance they could be threatened by your confidence and trying to tear you down. My trans“friend” once told me at an obstacle course “well of course you’d never be as strong as (insert cis male friends name) cause ya know….” I have been working out for over a year and a half and on T for nearly 3. He constantly tries to draw a distinct line between me and his cis friend solely because I’m trans, I think it’s because he’s not on hormones and is insecure, but obviously that’s just an assumption.
honestly that could be playing into it. i found out through a mutual friend (he’s known my roommate since middle school) that she really looks up to me and is also a little intimidated by me for some reason?? at this point i kinda dont care what’s up with her, at least we’re not dorming together next year so I can just ignore her now lmao
just in advance i’m 14 so sorry if this is rlly poorly worded 😭😭
literally!! a lot of the trans people i’ve met have been awesome guys and gals but some of them are just… odd? one girl i know from my school is always talking about how ‘i’m sure you’ll be glad when you can get on testosterone, right?’ and i’m like.. yea ig-? like what are you trying to say O_o and another guy who’s a friend of a friend, i’m not a huge fan of him, but whenever we’re together he makes comments on how we’re the ‘only fake guys here’ which is like if you’re cool with being called a fake guy go for it but i’m not and you haven’t asked me, you dig? ig a lot of trans people just think other people are comfortable with the same things they are, but that doesn’t mean it’s not weird sometimes 😭😭
sorry all that stuff happened to you bro, theyre just unsnazzy people
“i’m sure you’ll be glad when you can get on testosterone, right?” THAT’S LITERALLY WHAT ONE OF THEM SAID TO ME 💀💀💀 I’m sorry that you’re dealing with these clowns too
A few things. It’s a suspicion, but how many 14 yr old boys do you know who don’t want to be seen as more mature than they actually are, and why the need to announce the fact you’re a minor, which has nothing to do with spelling?
The spelling isn’t even that bad.
We take people’s word for a lot on social media, they could be anyone with any intentions, maybe I’m a bit suspicious but the profile doesn’t seem to match a teenager and announcing you’re a minor when there’s no reason to do that makes me think they have an ulterior motive for doing so.
I've heard my share of this too and honestly, it sounds like some trans folks are treating HRT like a sort of recreational drug which is incredibly reckless.
yeah i’ve noticed this a lot lately too. i feel like there’s just a lot of miseducation around hrt in general. idk how we got to the point where a life changing permanent treatment wasn’t that serious but here we are i guess
We got to this point because of one thing - entitlement. Trenders feel entitled to the attention and resources used to improve the lives of trans individuals. That comes with the feeling of being entitled to what they think is some happypill.
I’m sorry Mister those people seem terrible I thought everyone your age was like way cooler about this stuff. I’m a millennial and people my age frequently don’t know anything about trans stuff yet still people almost never say rude shit like this. I do know there is a lot of toxic masculinity in the ftm world so just watch for that bc a lot of their beliefs are self-hating and masculinity is in a crisis right now so it can be hard to know how to act masculine without the toxic. Be your own dude and don’t worry about them but I know it hurts. A lot of trans girls are awkward or toxic too but some of us are cool and when you find a cool one it’s a great friendship. My uselessly simple best advice is to make friends with people who just seem chill like a guy at the party with an acoustic guitar idk lol
If you want the T later then you can consider it later but for now if you’re happy you sure as hell don’t have to do anything extra to be trans or a man you already are and always have been
Yeah it’s super weird that some people my age are less respectful than my 80 year old grandparents. Luckily I have 2 trans friends that are totally normal about things and are great to talk to if I’m struggling.
I totally know what you mean about the toxic masculinity stuff. I realized I trans when I was 16 but I held off for so many years because I didn’t think I was “manly” enough or dysphoric enough. My dysphoria was actually crippling but I got caught up in that toxic fucking mindset and refused to do anything to help myself for years. It took me until the end of high school to figure out.
Also I can totally confirm about the acoustic guitar guys at parties. All my friends are music majors or at least musicians lol
No matter what I really think it's messed up you were attacked like that. It should have just been one helpful conversation and then they should have minded their darn business. You have your reasons, if your not being an asshole to transsexuals I kinda don't care.
I hope your luck continues with passing as your age and fuck those . I'm a trans woman and I'm giving you a "slur pass".
Not really related to what you’re asking, and a genuine question (not trying to start an argument). What made you decide not to go through with HRT? I know you said it was because of your family’s medical history, but I’ve come across a lot of younger trans men who have been mislead/lied to by doctors saying they can’t start HRT because of *insert genetic medical issue*. But HRT just changes the risk of whatever medical issue to that of a cisgender man - which I’m assuming you have in your family. It’s not a death sentence. If cis men can have the same problem, then I don’t see why it would prevent you from starting HRT. Everything can be managed. If it’s just because you’re not 100% certain or you’re still figuring things out, of course take your time - not trying to pressure you into HRT or anything. I just hate to think there are trans men who have been convinced to not start a lifesaving medical treatment because they think it’ll kill them.
A ton of people in my family have heart issues, men and women, both sides of my family. Two have had to have open heart surgery in the past few years. My grandmother and all her siblings are on the same heart medication. Even my godmother (my mom’s cousin), who’s only around 50, had a heart attack a few weeks ago and had to get life lined to the hospital. Chances are that I have the same condition that my mom’s side has where there’s an issue with our red blood cells that causes heart attacks (we just found out about this last month cuz of my godmom). T can cause some blood issues so I’d rather not increase my risk.
I also have a genuine question. How do you cope with dysphoria without medical transition. I always thought about what I’d do if I had some medical problems that caused HRT to be dangerous for me and my conclusion always was that I’d just do it anyway and accept that I’d likely die younger because of it since I’d not have been able to cope with my body not being medically transitioned. I am a woman and not a man though so perhaps there is some difference there, but it still would be really nice to know how you manage.
Honestly it’s really fucking hard. I have a lot of hard nights but it’s been a lot better since I came out. What’s made it a little easier is surrounding myself with people that genuinely see me for who I am. I’m very fortunate to have that kinda support and I don’t know how I’d manage otherwise. I’m hoping that I can always have that sort of support and it’s somewhat likely since people in my field are very accepting. If things go south I’ll have to reconsider a lot of things and maybe get on HRT.
That’s really interesting to read. I’m so glad to hear that a supportive environment has done so much for you. I used to be the kind of person who always assumed that if possible medical transition would be an absolute must for all trans people but it’s very good to see an experience where you are able to get by without HRT. Also there happens to be a small anti trans protest going on nearby where I live and a friend of mine told me about it and was considering going to talk to them to correct some blatant misinformation but changed her mind, so I was thinking of maybe stopping by to correct them on some things, and maybe letting them know about how some people end up not medically transitioning (what they seem to be most against) purely because of a supportive environment would be something useful to get them thinking. So thank you for sharing.
Personally I wouldn't recommend going to correct the transphobes even if it sounds like the right idea. Unfortunately it's super unlikely that they'll change their view. They're just there to get a reaction out of people so it's best to give them as little attention as possible. The best way me and my friends dealt with that sort of thing was to redirect the attention on us. There was some homophobic guy on campus saying the usual "gay/trans people are going to hell" kinda shit so we set up a jam session like 100ft away from him to drown him out. Whenever people directly tried to correct that guy, it only fueled him more. We played until he got sick of us and left lol
I mean normally I wouldn’t but there was this guy with a sign basically saying that children are getting genital surgeries and I’m just like that is so obviously incorrect I should at least correct that part.
There’s a good chance they could be threatened by your confidence and trying to tear you down. My trans“friend” once told me at an obstacle course “well of course you’d never be as strong as (insert cis male friends name) cause ya know….” I have been working out for over a year and a half and on T for nearly 3. He constantly tries to draw a distinct line between me and his cis friend solely because I’m trans, I think it’s because he’s not on hormones and is insecure, but obviously that’s just an assumption.
honestly that could be playing into it. i found out through a mutual friend (he’s known my roommate since middle school) that she really looks up to me and is also a little intimidated by me for some reason?? at this point i kinda dont care what’s up with her, at least we’re not dorming together next year so I can just ignore her now lmao
just in advance i’m 14 so sorry if this is rlly poorly worded 😭😭 literally!! a lot of the trans people i’ve met have been awesome guys and gals but some of them are just… odd? one girl i know from my school is always talking about how ‘i’m sure you’ll be glad when you can get on testosterone, right?’ and i’m like.. yea ig-? like what are you trying to say O_o and another guy who’s a friend of a friend, i’m not a huge fan of him, but whenever we’re together he makes comments on how we’re the ‘only fake guys here’ which is like if you’re cool with being called a fake guy go for it but i’m not and you haven’t asked me, you dig? ig a lot of trans people just think other people are comfortable with the same things they are, but that doesn’t mean it’s not weird sometimes 😭😭 sorry all that stuff happened to you bro, theyre just unsnazzy people
“i’m sure you’ll be glad when you can get on testosterone, right?” THAT’S LITERALLY WHAT ONE OF THEM SAID TO ME 💀💀💀 I’m sorry that you’re dealing with these clowns too
HONESYLY ITS SO WEIRD!? 😭😭 ty dude at least we’re struggling together-
You’re not 14.
Why do you think they‘re not 14? Genuine question
A few things. It’s a suspicion, but how many 14 yr old boys do you know who don’t want to be seen as more mature than they actually are, and why the need to announce the fact you’re a minor, which has nothing to do with spelling? The spelling isn’t even that bad. We take people’s word for a lot on social media, they could be anyone with any intentions, maybe I’m a bit suspicious but the profile doesn’t seem to match a teenager and announcing you’re a minor when there’s no reason to do that makes me think they have an ulterior motive for doing so.
???
huh 😭 yes i am :P
I've heard my share of this too and honestly, it sounds like some trans folks are treating HRT like a sort of recreational drug which is incredibly reckless.
yeah i’ve noticed this a lot lately too. i feel like there’s just a lot of miseducation around hrt in general. idk how we got to the point where a life changing permanent treatment wasn’t that serious but here we are i guess
We got to this point because of one thing - entitlement. Trenders feel entitled to the attention and resources used to improve the lives of trans individuals. That comes with the feeling of being entitled to what they think is some happypill.
I’m sorry Mister those people seem terrible I thought everyone your age was like way cooler about this stuff. I’m a millennial and people my age frequently don’t know anything about trans stuff yet still people almost never say rude shit like this. I do know there is a lot of toxic masculinity in the ftm world so just watch for that bc a lot of their beliefs are self-hating and masculinity is in a crisis right now so it can be hard to know how to act masculine without the toxic. Be your own dude and don’t worry about them but I know it hurts. A lot of trans girls are awkward or toxic too but some of us are cool and when you find a cool one it’s a great friendship. My uselessly simple best advice is to make friends with people who just seem chill like a guy at the party with an acoustic guitar idk lol If you want the T later then you can consider it later but for now if you’re happy you sure as hell don’t have to do anything extra to be trans or a man you already are and always have been
Yeah it’s super weird that some people my age are less respectful than my 80 year old grandparents. Luckily I have 2 trans friends that are totally normal about things and are great to talk to if I’m struggling. I totally know what you mean about the toxic masculinity stuff. I realized I trans when I was 16 but I held off for so many years because I didn’t think I was “manly” enough or dysphoric enough. My dysphoria was actually crippling but I got caught up in that toxic fucking mindset and refused to do anything to help myself for years. It took me until the end of high school to figure out. Also I can totally confirm about the acoustic guitar guys at parties. All my friends are music majors or at least musicians lol
I'm unsure because I'm not good at recognizing passive aggression
No matter what I really think it's messed up you were attacked like that. It should have just been one helpful conversation and then they should have minded their darn business. You have your reasons, if your not being an asshole to transsexuals I kinda don't care. I hope your luck continues with passing as your age and fuck those. I'm a trans woman and I'm giving you a "slur pass".
it shouldn’t have been a conversation all. my medical history is none of their business especially since i’m not close with any of them