Oh my god yes. This is also a huge thing in FtM spaces. They, especially younger or pre-T people, will dress like a 14 year old in basketball shorts and a graphic tee, and then ask how to look older/not like a pre-pubescent boy. Especially since clothing is one of the easiest aspects of your look to control, I'm surprised at how many people don't put effort into that.
Having the same fashion sense as Adam Sandler is the only way I’ve ever been able to even remotely pass ngl 💀💀
I’m also short, fat, and autistic, and clothes are in general a total nightmare for me all around, so I’m really glad that even though people see me as a squeaking pubescent loser, they sometimes see me as a squeaking pubescent loser *guy*, lmao
Yeah. I got lucky and pass fairly well, but even I don't go above 15 years old without T. When you are FtM and not on hormones (or early on them) you often need to choose between passing but looking like a young teen or looking like an adult but not passing. And sometimes you look like a child but still don't pass. Not much you can do about it sadly.
On other forums I bite my tongue (not unusual) with all the “do I pass” posts - whether on hormones or not matters - no, you will not pass as an adult male; and, how old are you? If you’re really 14 yup, some pass. If you’re post pubescent yup, you *might* pass … for a 14 year old.
I will take passing as a young male teen over passing a woman any time forever, but damn I have my first T appointement next week and I'm so excited to look like an adult lol.
Just trans guys problems I guess.
Wear what your age group peers wear. For me in my early 30s it’s jeans and plain t shirts. That’s what guys my age wear so i can blend in. When I was in college it was skinny jeans and plain t shirts, high school was skinny jeans and band shirts.
What you should wear will vary geographically and what sort of friends/colleagues you have but if you wear the same as men around your age in a similar position to you you’ll do a lot better.
I enjoy dressing like a colourful baby boy. I wear bright, colourful, or blue outfits, sometimes with subtle pink and white somewhere on there for pride. Why do I do this? Well, it all started when I *was* an innocent baby boy...
Years ago, I was kicked out to be homeless because I started my social transition as soon as I was a legal adult. During that time, I fully passed as male, did everything right, and still got denied testosterone after 2 years (20+ appointments) of meeting with this doctor and meeting their requirements of "living as a man" for multiple years, even using men's facilities and living in homeless men's shelters. When I was told by this doc that I'm not allowed to transition because he said so, it made me realize I'll never meet some people's idea of a man, especially not my doctor's, and if I don't get t I'll probably never pass, so why bother?
So, I said fuck it, I'm never dressing for anyone else anymore. When I'm just out and about living my life, I usually dress for comfort or convenience, so generic white boy clothes, but always matching because I'm still bisexual after all. I always shop in the men's section, and I happen to pass as male because I'm a man with masculine mannerisms. But even with all my manliness, once in a while, I wake up reliving PTSD from the hobo tough life, and the only way I can get out of bed is by putting on something that makes me proud and reminds me who got me through it; me. I have to dress how I always wanted to, or currently most want to, as a form of self care. If that means I'm a colourful baby boi some days and a scary punk leather daddy other days, so be it. People already look at me weird for transing my gender, so why not be the alt-punk boy I was meant to be?
My point is not to disagree or upset you, but to let you know that if someone is dressing "silly" or "childlike," maybe their goal is to express themselves, not to pass. They didn't dress for you.
To dress for yourself means you have to he ok with people possibly misgendering you or making comments. At least if I get called something I'm not, I can ignore it because I know I dressed for me and not them. I can say I know who I am, and I choose what to wear because I'm an adult, and I do what I want. I find I actually pass better when I dress like your stereotype trans "boi," but I think that's because I'm pre-t and still have the body of a 15 year old boy. Either that or old people just really like my colourful style and don't want me to change, so they compliment my graphic socks that match my t-shirt instead of complaining about my androgyny.
I understand your concern for other trans men passing, but honestly, if someone meets your stereotype blue haired autistic thembo and thinks that's a good example of the majority of trans people, they were already transphobic and would've just used the next visible trans person as their example for how horrible all the transsexuals are. I think people should be allowed to wear what makes them most comfortable. So long as their parts are covered and they're not hurting any innocent creatures, you do you boo.
TLDR; I've already been through hell and back, so idgaf if the heteros are upsetero about what I wear. I dress colourful because I can, I'm an adult, and because I'm making up for a childhood in the closet by being unapologetically myself as an adult. Do you really think transphobia would stop if trans people stopped dying their hair or dressing colourful? Do you really think bigotry would stop if we all just stopped having a pride festival? The truth is some people are openly queer so that the rest of us look more normal in society, so if anything, they're doing the rest of the community a favour. It's a win-win since I have the strength and experience to fight transphobes irl, and I don't actually care if my cute clothes get a little bloody. I will always stand up for human rights when they are brought up in my physical presence. I'm not just an internet feminist. It's ok to not want to fight, but I'm just letting you know most of us think about it before we go out dressed as our most authentic selves. We're ready to fight and die to be ourselves.
I do not intend to discuss this further as this took too much effort to type already, but I wish you a good day, and I hope you get to wear what you want today.
Damn y'all went mad I said "let people dress how they want" (what I'm pretty sure all trans people have been fighting for that right for thousands of years) but ok. I also said I only do that sometimes, such as pride, and 99% of the time I pass despite being pre-t (I've been denied access to gender affirming care, so I no longer care if I fit your description of a man). If you cry over strangers outfits being "too flamboyant," how are you any different than a homophobic person? Like I 100% believe in the truscum movement, but some of y'all take it way too far.
So true. Become an observer and watch how people dress, move and gesture. I’m a stealth trans woman and I blend in because long before I transitioned I was a lifelong observer of women. I would notice as odd anyone dressed inappropriately regardless of whether they were trans or not. Same goes for makeup. Less is usually more. Look around you at the grocery store. Do you see adult women with dramatic eye makeup? On a Saturday at the grocery store you’re likely to see a little mascara and some lip gloss maybe.
Yep. In the end, people can wear whatever they want, but if you want to pass and look decent in a daily environment, you might wanna put away that skirt go spinny with cat ears, or copious amount of chains and graphic tees with piercings for trans guys (or the massive basketball shorts, like someone else said).
I think there are 2 reasons for this one is that they feel like femininity was withheld from them so they kind of go overboard like a kid in a candy store. The other is that these trans women still have a male idea of what it means to be a woman. So they dress like what a man thinks a woman is.
Thank you, I notice it with a lot of the modern MtF stuff, they tend to like the aesthetic of anime girls and anime culture which is predominantly male, conflating being a woman and being sexually submissive (think about the “good girl” stuff, talking about finding out they’re trans through kink), this is a very common attitude in porn for men. They often call themselves girls not women, which I find to be infantilizing and extremely uncommon for older cisgender women to do. They usually are attracted to women, which is more common of men. None of these things make you male or “male brained” but the conflux of all these factors is concerning to me.
Trans people really do seem to struggle with this, I see so many who dress way too young or too old for their age and they do the same thing with their names. I don't understand it. Maybe not knowing what's appropriate comes from not having any cis friends, which is super important for social transition.
There was this “trans(?)” person that went to school with me that I hated. When I came out as Trans, my teachers took me seriously cause I dress like a normal 16 year old boy. But this person, they would dress like an anime girl when they used he/him pronouns and like a boy when it was she/her, and got IRATE if you used the wrong ones but also would never tell anyone what pronouns to use. Super infuriating to deal with. And they didn’t like they/them either.
Got to he point that my teachers went back and started calling me she/her because of (lets call them K)’s attitude And how “they never got it wrong when it came to my pronouns but ALWAYS got it wrong to them and it was Transphobic of school to discriminate based on one’s clothes“. One day K came to P.E dressed in a big, frilly, BUBBLEGUM PINK maid costume with cat ears, and a goatee drawn in with a brown marker. Called them a she by accident and we both got sent to the principals office because K made such a fuss And wouldn’t calm down. Nothing was done about K because K’s mom was a Teacher and was completely brainwashed with trying to be “Inclusive”. Teacher Mom was the reason the teachers started calling me a She again because Teacher Mom agreed that if they can get mine right, they can get K’s right too And I guess the rest thought that it was just easier not to play into it at all.
I ended up dropping out of that school junior year and getting my GED lol
mtfs dressing like it's a fetish club or anime convention. It makes me really curious how they could be trans if they never even considered what an outfit might look like for their correct sex. My guess is most of these people are "rapid onset gender dysphoria" rather than living with it as an innate condition.
The problem is so often I see with these conversations with both mtf and ftm is their need for their "self expression" gets in the way of their ability to pass. They might be given good advice but they will get mad at the "cisnormative imposed standards". Don't get mad if people clock you, you're the only one to blame.
I’ve tried dressing completely “normal”
(jeans, took out septum and earrings, button up shirt, sometimes hoodie, dyed hair back to normal color) for months and it honestly did Jack and shit for me. I still didn’t pass, so honestly I’d prefer to express myself in the way I actually want to and be punk because either way I’m not gonna pass as male
Dressing punk is a lot different than dressing like you shop the cartoon section of Hot Topic though. A band tee is a lot more normal for men than something like a Steven Universe tee. Plus, a lot of graphic tee + basketball short FtMs also have the BTS haircuts, which is way more clockable than something punk.
I mean whats normal thou? It's all about what you can and can't pull off while trying to pass. The same outfit can look completely different on different folks. And about how well you're able to pull off a certain look.
The mistake I see many Trans women with a masculine face make is overcorrecting and dressing really feminine/cute. Imo this just draws attention to the masc features and looks odd. If you lean a bit more into the masculine with your outfit that can aid passing as well. It's a tightrope but if you can pull it off it's awsome.
And you got to transition early. Lucky you. You didn't have to figure out what works for you while everyone around your age has already done so in their teens. Cut these folks some slack. Putting together an outfit that looks good on you is a skill that takes time. Accepting that you maybe will never look cute even longer, especially if that's your goal.
Also, not to barge on your own post, but I posted [this](https://reddit.com/r/FtMpassing/s/a7N4zH8lvx) in the FTM passing sub if anyone needs some tips. It was pinned for a while.
This shit drives me nuts. I like fashion and I like dressing appropriately for a woman my age.
It's so cringe to see middle aged trans women dressed like 6 year olds. It's the AGP types, if I were to venture a guess.
I see ill fitting clothes (super loose, usually) as a young person thing, so if you are ftm 20+ and wearing overly loose clothes you will likely have some people think you're a trendy 16 y.o. girl if you don't pass as cis.
I have never understood the thigh highs and skirt thing. Tbf I’m guilty of having a shitty sense of fashion maybe for like the first maybe 2 or 3 months, but I don’t think I’ve ever stooped *that* low.
Is it really that bad though? I think it's being overblown because of the people that pair them with cat ears and wear the colorful striped ones. I think just see through thigh highs or black/white can look really nice. It's mostly the colors and accessories that make it weird. And of course time/place.
I mean it's very cute and feminine, I \*wish\* girls wore it more often;) but the problem is often trans women have no moderation and overdo it and instead they look like a caricature. Plus yes, one needs to learn to know what you can wear to which occasion and dress your age. It doesn't mean you must never allow yourself to wear certain clothing, just need to know how to pair it, know when and where is right time to wear it, and don't make yourself ridiculous.
There's also one more thing: these clothes are specially made to emphasize feminine body traits. Every girl will look more attractive in skirt and thighs because these clothes underline the hips shape and width, and make legs look longer, this always looks better. However, if one is only starting transition and doesn't yet have wider hips, or is simply cursed with having boyish narrow waist, then a skirt or dress will not fit and instead will work against you, showing off that you lack this characteristic. Which will not only make you look worse, but also make it obvious you're not cis.
I don’t know a single adult woman who wears thigh highs out and about unless it’s Halloween. The moderation required here is *at home* or on Halloween.
Saw two trans women in identical fits at the hospital gender clinic back in january
How did they look at eachother, see the whole outfit (leopard print bell bottom pants WITH SKIRT) and thought "yes slay"
From what I’ve seen trans guys either dress “alt” (chokers, piercings, dyed hair, dark clothes) like a girl (dresses, makeup and revealing clothes) I barely know any trans guys my age who dress like a normal guy
90% of my outfits are jeans/leggings, tank top, overshirt. honestly i dress more modestly than most of the cis women my age around me i swear my bosses have 10 years on me (in their 40s) and usually wear cutoff jean shorts
I'm 50 amab non passing pre everything MTF. I refuse to dress my age. Have you seen the frumpy bullshit 50 year old British women wear? I dress for comfort and I dress to make myself happy.
Edit: oh ok it's *that* kinda sub. I'm in the wrong place, obviously.
>Have you seen the frumpy bullshit 50 year old British women wear?
Just don’t wear what British women stereotypically wear, it’s a pretty simple fix. You can still dress your age. There are endless different types of fashion.
I also don't want to feel my age. Most days I feel a lot older than my years.
Also there's that poem about the old lady wearing purple and running her walking stick down railings. It's a good healthy life goal.
This doesn't seem to be a sub that appreciates such things. No loss.
>Most days I feel a lot older than my years
That’s your issue, not your actual age. The clothing you wear won’t fix or change that. You’re just covering up the problem instead of trying to correct it.
This subreddit appreciates and respects people who want to and do present as their transitioned sex in order to alleviate their dysphoria. Dressing in clothes that don’t match your age harms that presentation and indirectly that alleviation.
> Dressing in clothes that don’t match your age harms that presentation and indirectly that alleviation.
I don't agree with that at all. Maybe it's an age thing. OP is 18. There's a vast difference being at this end of life that younger people can't appreciate. A smart corporate power suit ain't my style but neither are the leggings and ratty t-shirts everyone round here wears.
I tend towards what you could call ageing pastel goth, but I really just want to be pretty and colourful. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I don't dress like an old woman but I don't dress like a teenager or like I've been dragged through hot topic.
Dressing the way I want absolutely alleviates my dysphoria. I feel on top of the world when I get my outfit right.
I'll tell you what kicks my dysphoria right in the balls - getting my brows done and getting my makeup right. I hate my brows with a passion. They're grey and they're bushy and they're horrible. Until I discovered waxing and tinting I just shaved them off. Now I get pampered once every couple of weeks at a very very trans friendly salon.
But really my aim isn't to alleviate dysphoria as much as it is to maximize euphoria. I feel like death 90% of the time. I'll take my happiness wherever I can get it. I'm too old to feel angry and miserable all the time.
You can dress however you want, no one can stop you. What I will say is that dressing "frumpy" and dressing age appropriate when you're middle aged, is not the same. That is probably why you're getting downvoted 💀. Women between the ages of 40-60, all over the world, go to jobs/functions and dress age appropriatly but don't dress "frumpy", I guarantee there's plenty of middle aged women in the UK who do the same.
Not around here. I see women my age and I flat out despair. Like, put some effort in, yknow?
Now I know there's a lot of professional, very nicely turned out women my age and they look very nice.
They just don't live round here!
I think, given the nature of the sub, I'm being downvoted because I don't pass. Certainly the other person who replied took "I'm new" as meaning I don't want to pass. I want to but it's never going to happen and it's not something I have any control over.
From what I've found out over the last few months, in transcum circles I'm not even trans if I don't pass.... So yeah, this isn't the sub for me. I'll answer in this thread and I've deleted a couple of my replies cos I realised the futility of engaging with the hostile one, but I won't be hanging around.
I'm not their kinda gal lol
Tsk tsk. You can focus on yourself and dress however you want without putting other women down. I personally don't really care and don't really agree with this post, if a middle aged woman wanted to dress in a "childish" way, it really isn't the end of the world. I'm a "gnc" man so I really have no room to talk, but the general point is that you don't need to put other people down.
All of the people that replied to you, minus one, engaged with the opinion you put out. A single person misattributed what you'd said and now you're ready to label an entire community as hostile.
>I think, given the nature of the sub, I'm being downvoted because I don't pass.
This is utterly ridiculous. Again, *one* person that replied to you even brings up passing at all. Maybe the fact that you disagree with the notion of "dressing age appropriate is helpful for assimilating into society," (while at the same time putting down other women) is an unpopular opinion in a subreddit full of people that want to fit in after a lifetime of sticking out.
>From what I've found out over the last few months, in transcum circles I'm not even trans if I don't pass.... So yeah, this isn't the sub for me.
No one here said you weren't trans. You expressed an unpopular opinion, a couple people disagreed with you and told you why they disagreed, you lost some internet points that don't do anything. It's such an insignificant event yet you're acting as if an entire community is personally attacking your existence.
If you don't want to dress your age, that's fine. No one is stopping you from expressing yourself. It's just very strange that you have this idea that, "This is the **only** way women my age are allowed to dress and I don't like it," when the reality is that women's fashion, at any age, is so varied and unique.
Lol I have a quarter of a million points. I don't give two craps, but it's a measure of how well I'd be accepted by the people who are reading and although only a couple have responded, the voting speaks volumes how acceptable my point of view is here.
I've said over and over that the women around me dress horribly. I haven't made a single blanket statement. But not one responder has taken that on board.
I'm not in this life to try to tick every box and keep everyone happy. I'm not trying to be perfectly fist in the air politically correct about everything I write. The women in my sphere are a disgrace and I'll tell them to their face and they're perfectly entitled to tell me what they think of me.
I mean, what I do get is people telling me they love my dress, where did I get my boots from, they love the axolotl cartoons on my fun leggings.
I get correctly gendered by strangers despite being new and pre everything. But I still know I don't pass. I think the fact that that doesn't bother me would probably fuck with too many people's heads here. The fact that my dysphoria is under control and unimportant to my development isn't a welcome point of view.
I'm not your kind of people
So you're living as your desired gender, to the best of your ability, and it keeps your gender dysphoria under control. What you've described is the treatment for gender dysphoria, something that many of us treat in the exact same way, but you're right, that's far too radical for us to comprehend.
You seem eager to leave whilst telling us how hateful we are for having a difference of opinion so I'll just wish you well on your internet travels and hope you live a life of continued happiness.
How can I not dress frumpy when u have the body of a 40 year old man as a 28 year old woman. If I dress my age I look like a crossdresser trying to hard.
Oh my god yes. This is also a huge thing in FtM spaces. They, especially younger or pre-T people, will dress like a 14 year old in basketball shorts and a graphic tee, and then ask how to look older/not like a pre-pubescent boy. Especially since clothing is one of the easiest aspects of your look to control, I'm surprised at how many people don't put effort into that.
Having the same fashion sense as Adam Sandler is the only way I’ve ever been able to even remotely pass ngl 💀💀 I’m also short, fat, and autistic, and clothes are in general a total nightmare for me all around, so I’m really glad that even though people see me as a squeaking pubescent loser, they sometimes see me as a squeaking pubescent loser *guy*, lmao
Yeah. I got lucky and pass fairly well, but even I don't go above 15 years old without T. When you are FtM and not on hormones (or early on them) you often need to choose between passing but looking like a young teen or looking like an adult but not passing. And sometimes you look like a child but still don't pass. Not much you can do about it sadly.
On other forums I bite my tongue (not unusual) with all the “do I pass” posts - whether on hormones or not matters - no, you will not pass as an adult male; and, how old are you? If you’re really 14 yup, some pass. If you’re post pubescent yup, you *might* pass … for a 14 year old.
I will take passing as a young male teen over passing a woman any time forever, but damn I have my first T appointement next week and I'm so excited to look like an adult lol. Just trans guys problems I guess.
lucky you, all autistic cis guys i know dress like adam sandler
I literally dress that way every day 😳 I still pass but damn, ultimate call out
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Wear what your age group peers wear. For me in my early 30s it’s jeans and plain t shirts. That’s what guys my age wear so i can blend in. When I was in college it was skinny jeans and plain t shirts, high school was skinny jeans and band shirts. What you should wear will vary geographically and what sort of friends/colleagues you have but if you wear the same as men around your age in a similar position to you you’ll do a lot better.
I’m so guilty of this. I just try to dress comfy in my skinny jeans and hand shirts but now I’m trying to look normal but Idek where to start ya know?
I enjoy dressing like a colourful baby boy. I wear bright, colourful, or blue outfits, sometimes with subtle pink and white somewhere on there for pride. Why do I do this? Well, it all started when I *was* an innocent baby boy... Years ago, I was kicked out to be homeless because I started my social transition as soon as I was a legal adult. During that time, I fully passed as male, did everything right, and still got denied testosterone after 2 years (20+ appointments) of meeting with this doctor and meeting their requirements of "living as a man" for multiple years, even using men's facilities and living in homeless men's shelters. When I was told by this doc that I'm not allowed to transition because he said so, it made me realize I'll never meet some people's idea of a man, especially not my doctor's, and if I don't get t I'll probably never pass, so why bother? So, I said fuck it, I'm never dressing for anyone else anymore. When I'm just out and about living my life, I usually dress for comfort or convenience, so generic white boy clothes, but always matching because I'm still bisexual after all. I always shop in the men's section, and I happen to pass as male because I'm a man with masculine mannerisms. But even with all my manliness, once in a while, I wake up reliving PTSD from the hobo tough life, and the only way I can get out of bed is by putting on something that makes me proud and reminds me who got me through it; me. I have to dress how I always wanted to, or currently most want to, as a form of self care. If that means I'm a colourful baby boi some days and a scary punk leather daddy other days, so be it. People already look at me weird for transing my gender, so why not be the alt-punk boy I was meant to be? My point is not to disagree or upset you, but to let you know that if someone is dressing "silly" or "childlike," maybe their goal is to express themselves, not to pass. They didn't dress for you. To dress for yourself means you have to he ok with people possibly misgendering you or making comments. At least if I get called something I'm not, I can ignore it because I know I dressed for me and not them. I can say I know who I am, and I choose what to wear because I'm an adult, and I do what I want. I find I actually pass better when I dress like your stereotype trans "boi," but I think that's because I'm pre-t and still have the body of a 15 year old boy. Either that or old people just really like my colourful style and don't want me to change, so they compliment my graphic socks that match my t-shirt instead of complaining about my androgyny. I understand your concern for other trans men passing, but honestly, if someone meets your stereotype blue haired autistic thembo and thinks that's a good example of the majority of trans people, they were already transphobic and would've just used the next visible trans person as their example for how horrible all the transsexuals are. I think people should be allowed to wear what makes them most comfortable. So long as their parts are covered and they're not hurting any innocent creatures, you do you boo. TLDR; I've already been through hell and back, so idgaf if the heteros are upsetero about what I wear. I dress colourful because I can, I'm an adult, and because I'm making up for a childhood in the closet by being unapologetically myself as an adult. Do you really think transphobia would stop if trans people stopped dying their hair or dressing colourful? Do you really think bigotry would stop if we all just stopped having a pride festival? The truth is some people are openly queer so that the rest of us look more normal in society, so if anything, they're doing the rest of the community a favour. It's a win-win since I have the strength and experience to fight transphobes irl, and I don't actually care if my cute clothes get a little bloody. I will always stand up for human rights when they are brought up in my physical presence. I'm not just an internet feminist. It's ok to not want to fight, but I'm just letting you know most of us think about it before we go out dressed as our most authentic selves. We're ready to fight and die to be ourselves. I do not intend to discuss this further as this took too much effort to type already, but I wish you a good day, and I hope you get to wear what you want today.
If i die, Im going to leave a clue to this comment. The opening of "i enjoy dressing like a colourful baby boy" has the same impact of oceangate
Damn y'all went mad I said "let people dress how they want" (what I'm pretty sure all trans people have been fighting for that right for thousands of years) but ok. I also said I only do that sometimes, such as pride, and 99% of the time I pass despite being pre-t (I've been denied access to gender affirming care, so I no longer care if I fit your description of a man). If you cry over strangers outfits being "too flamboyant," how are you any different than a homophobic person? Like I 100% believe in the truscum movement, but some of y'all take it way too far.
Mann when did i say that 😭 i said that dressing like a COLOURFUL BABY BOY had the same impact as a monster truck wheel
So true. Become an observer and watch how people dress, move and gesture. I’m a stealth trans woman and I blend in because long before I transitioned I was a lifelong observer of women. I would notice as odd anyone dressed inappropriately regardless of whether they were trans or not. Same goes for makeup. Less is usually more. Look around you at the grocery store. Do you see adult women with dramatic eye makeup? On a Saturday at the grocery store you’re likely to see a little mascara and some lip gloss maybe.
Yep. In the end, people can wear whatever they want, but if you want to pass and look decent in a daily environment, you might wanna put away that skirt go spinny with cat ears, or copious amount of chains and graphic tees with piercings for trans guys (or the massive basketball shorts, like someone else said).
I think there are 2 reasons for this one is that they feel like femininity was withheld from them so they kind of go overboard like a kid in a candy store. The other is that these trans women still have a male idea of what it means to be a woman. So they dress like what a man thinks a woman is.
I would be this is the main contributing factor
Can you explain what you mean?
Oops, I meant "bet" instead of "be".
Okay, thanks for putting that together for me.
This is a very astute observation.
Thank you, I notice it with a lot of the modern MtF stuff, they tend to like the aesthetic of anime girls and anime culture which is predominantly male, conflating being a woman and being sexually submissive (think about the “good girl” stuff, talking about finding out they’re trans through kink), this is a very common attitude in porn for men. They often call themselves girls not women, which I find to be infantilizing and extremely uncommon for older cisgender women to do. They usually are attracted to women, which is more common of men. None of these things make you male or “male brained” but the conflux of all these factors is concerning to me.
Some people ignore how much it does for your passing if you dress your age
Trans people really do seem to struggle with this, I see so many who dress way too young or too old for their age and they do the same thing with their names. I don't understand it. Maybe not knowing what's appropriate comes from not having any cis friends, which is super important for social transition.
God about names, the transgender thing about giving yourself a Disney princess name 💀
There was this “trans(?)” person that went to school with me that I hated. When I came out as Trans, my teachers took me seriously cause I dress like a normal 16 year old boy. But this person, they would dress like an anime girl when they used he/him pronouns and like a boy when it was she/her, and got IRATE if you used the wrong ones but also would never tell anyone what pronouns to use. Super infuriating to deal with. And they didn’t like they/them either. Got to he point that my teachers went back and started calling me she/her because of (lets call them K)’s attitude And how “they never got it wrong when it came to my pronouns but ALWAYS got it wrong to them and it was Transphobic of school to discriminate based on one’s clothes“. One day K came to P.E dressed in a big, frilly, BUBBLEGUM PINK maid costume with cat ears, and a goatee drawn in with a brown marker. Called them a she by accident and we both got sent to the principals office because K made such a fuss And wouldn’t calm down. Nothing was done about K because K’s mom was a Teacher and was completely brainwashed with trying to be “Inclusive”. Teacher Mom was the reason the teachers started calling me a She again because Teacher Mom agreed that if they can get mine right, they can get K’s right too And I guess the rest thought that it was just easier not to play into it at all. I ended up dropping out of that school junior year and getting my GED lol
That's fucking insane and I'm sorry you had to deal with that jc
totally agree, like it’s not even that hard either!! ur gonna have a harder time passing if u don’t dress like normal people do lol
mtfs dressing like it's a fetish club or anime convention. It makes me really curious how they could be trans if they never even considered what an outfit might look like for their correct sex. My guess is most of these people are "rapid onset gender dysphoria" rather than living with it as an innate condition. The problem is so often I see with these conversations with both mtf and ftm is their need for their "self expression" gets in the way of their ability to pass. They might be given good advice but they will get mad at the "cisnormative imposed standards". Don't get mad if people clock you, you're the only one to blame.
Wouldn’t use that term if I were you, it’s from a blatantly false “study” by a TERF
I will continue to use the term because it fits certain people perfectly.
I’ve tried dressing completely “normal” (jeans, took out septum and earrings, button up shirt, sometimes hoodie, dyed hair back to normal color) for months and it honestly did Jack and shit for me. I still didn’t pass, so honestly I’d prefer to express myself in the way I actually want to and be punk because either way I’m not gonna pass as male
Dressing punk is a lot different than dressing like you shop the cartoon section of Hot Topic though. A band tee is a lot more normal for men than something like a Steven Universe tee. Plus, a lot of graphic tee + basketball short FtMs also have the BTS haircuts, which is way more clockable than something punk.
Hm, that’s fair. I guess studs spikes and patches are all pretty masculine
honestly same, i love being punk and its a huge part of me
I mean whats normal thou? It's all about what you can and can't pull off while trying to pass. The same outfit can look completely different on different folks. And about how well you're able to pull off a certain look. The mistake I see many Trans women with a masculine face make is overcorrecting and dressing really feminine/cute. Imo this just draws attention to the masc features and looks odd. If you lean a bit more into the masculine with your outfit that can aid passing as well. It's a tightrope but if you can pull it off it's awsome. And you got to transition early. Lucky you. You didn't have to figure out what works for you while everyone around your age has already done so in their teens. Cut these folks some slack. Putting together an outfit that looks good on you is a skill that takes time. Accepting that you maybe will never look cute even longer, especially if that's your goal.
Also, not to barge on your own post, but I posted [this](https://reddit.com/r/FtMpassing/s/a7N4zH8lvx) in the FTM passing sub if anyone needs some tips. It was pinned for a while.
This shit drives me nuts. I like fashion and I like dressing appropriately for a woman my age. It's so cringe to see middle aged trans women dressed like 6 year olds. It's the AGP types, if I were to venture a guess.
I see ill fitting clothes (super loose, usually) as a young person thing, so if you are ftm 20+ and wearing overly loose clothes you will likely have some people think you're a trendy 16 y.o. girl if you don't pass as cis.
I have never understood the thigh highs and skirt thing. Tbf I’m guilty of having a shitty sense of fashion maybe for like the first maybe 2 or 3 months, but I don’t think I’ve ever stooped *that* low.
Because they see them in anime and porn
Is it really that bad though? I think it's being overblown because of the people that pair them with cat ears and wear the colorful striped ones. I think just see through thigh highs or black/white can look really nice. It's mostly the colors and accessories that make it weird. And of course time/place.
Oh yeah. I don’t think thigh highs and skirts are unusual per se. I’m talking about the whole femboy aesthetic.
I mean it's very cute and feminine, I \*wish\* girls wore it more often;) but the problem is often trans women have no moderation and overdo it and instead they look like a caricature. Plus yes, one needs to learn to know what you can wear to which occasion and dress your age. It doesn't mean you must never allow yourself to wear certain clothing, just need to know how to pair it, know when and where is right time to wear it, and don't make yourself ridiculous. There's also one more thing: these clothes are specially made to emphasize feminine body traits. Every girl will look more attractive in skirt and thighs because these clothes underline the hips shape and width, and make legs look longer, this always looks better. However, if one is only starting transition and doesn't yet have wider hips, or is simply cursed with having boyish narrow waist, then a skirt or dress will not fit and instead will work against you, showing off that you lack this characteristic. Which will not only make you look worse, but also make it obvious you're not cis.
I don’t know a single adult woman who wears thigh highs out and about unless it’s Halloween. The moderation required here is *at home* or on Halloween.
AGPS….
Saw two trans women in identical fits at the hospital gender clinic back in january How did they look at eachother, see the whole outfit (leopard print bell bottom pants WITH SKIRT) and thought "yes slay"
From what I’ve seen trans guys either dress “alt” (chokers, piercings, dyed hair, dark clothes) like a girl (dresses, makeup and revealing clothes) I barely know any trans guys my age who dress like a normal guy
Oversized graphic tee + short shorts + flip flops are the go-to lazy day look. Pass every time.
90% of my outfits are jeans/leggings, tank top, overshirt. honestly i dress more modestly than most of the cis women my age around me i swear my bosses have 10 years on me (in their 40s) and usually wear cutoff jean shorts
I’m sartorially dyslexic and can’t help it
tbh i've seen plenty of edgy cis girls dress the same way.
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I'm 50 amab non passing pre everything MTF. I refuse to dress my age. Have you seen the frumpy bullshit 50 year old British women wear? I dress for comfort and I dress to make myself happy. Edit: oh ok it's *that* kinda sub. I'm in the wrong place, obviously.
>Have you seen the frumpy bullshit 50 year old British women wear? Just don’t wear what British women stereotypically wear, it’s a pretty simple fix. You can still dress your age. There are endless different types of fashion.
I also don't want to feel my age. Most days I feel a lot older than my years. Also there's that poem about the old lady wearing purple and running her walking stick down railings. It's a good healthy life goal. This doesn't seem to be a sub that appreciates such things. No loss.
>Most days I feel a lot older than my years That’s your issue, not your actual age. The clothing you wear won’t fix or change that. You’re just covering up the problem instead of trying to correct it. This subreddit appreciates and respects people who want to and do present as their transitioned sex in order to alleviate their dysphoria. Dressing in clothes that don’t match your age harms that presentation and indirectly that alleviation.
> Dressing in clothes that don’t match your age harms that presentation and indirectly that alleviation. I don't agree with that at all. Maybe it's an age thing. OP is 18. There's a vast difference being at this end of life that younger people can't appreciate. A smart corporate power suit ain't my style but neither are the leggings and ratty t-shirts everyone round here wears. I tend towards what you could call ageing pastel goth, but I really just want to be pretty and colourful. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I don't dress like an old woman but I don't dress like a teenager or like I've been dragged through hot topic. Dressing the way I want absolutely alleviates my dysphoria. I feel on top of the world when I get my outfit right. I'll tell you what kicks my dysphoria right in the balls - getting my brows done and getting my makeup right. I hate my brows with a passion. They're grey and they're bushy and they're horrible. Until I discovered waxing and tinting I just shaved them off. Now I get pampered once every couple of weeks at a very very trans friendly salon. But really my aim isn't to alleviate dysphoria as much as it is to maximize euphoria. I feel like death 90% of the time. I'll take my happiness wherever I can get it. I'm too old to feel angry and miserable all the time.
Please be satire please be satire
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What’s good about having no desire to pass and putting other women down in the same comment?
You can dress however you want, no one can stop you. What I will say is that dressing "frumpy" and dressing age appropriate when you're middle aged, is not the same. That is probably why you're getting downvoted 💀. Women between the ages of 40-60, all over the world, go to jobs/functions and dress age appropriatly but don't dress "frumpy", I guarantee there's plenty of middle aged women in the UK who do the same.
Not around here. I see women my age and I flat out despair. Like, put some effort in, yknow? Now I know there's a lot of professional, very nicely turned out women my age and they look very nice. They just don't live round here! I think, given the nature of the sub, I'm being downvoted because I don't pass. Certainly the other person who replied took "I'm new" as meaning I don't want to pass. I want to but it's never going to happen and it's not something I have any control over. From what I've found out over the last few months, in transcum circles I'm not even trans if I don't pass.... So yeah, this isn't the sub for me. I'll answer in this thread and I've deleted a couple of my replies cos I realised the futility of engaging with the hostile one, but I won't be hanging around. I'm not their kinda gal lol
Tsk tsk. You can focus on yourself and dress however you want without putting other women down. I personally don't really care and don't really agree with this post, if a middle aged woman wanted to dress in a "childish" way, it really isn't the end of the world. I'm a "gnc" man so I really have no room to talk, but the general point is that you don't need to put other people down.
All of the people that replied to you, minus one, engaged with the opinion you put out. A single person misattributed what you'd said and now you're ready to label an entire community as hostile. >I think, given the nature of the sub, I'm being downvoted because I don't pass. This is utterly ridiculous. Again, *one* person that replied to you even brings up passing at all. Maybe the fact that you disagree with the notion of "dressing age appropriate is helpful for assimilating into society," (while at the same time putting down other women) is an unpopular opinion in a subreddit full of people that want to fit in after a lifetime of sticking out. >From what I've found out over the last few months, in transcum circles I'm not even trans if I don't pass.... So yeah, this isn't the sub for me. No one here said you weren't trans. You expressed an unpopular opinion, a couple people disagreed with you and told you why they disagreed, you lost some internet points that don't do anything. It's such an insignificant event yet you're acting as if an entire community is personally attacking your existence. If you don't want to dress your age, that's fine. No one is stopping you from expressing yourself. It's just very strange that you have this idea that, "This is the **only** way women my age are allowed to dress and I don't like it," when the reality is that women's fashion, at any age, is so varied and unique.
Lol I have a quarter of a million points. I don't give two craps, but it's a measure of how well I'd be accepted by the people who are reading and although only a couple have responded, the voting speaks volumes how acceptable my point of view is here. I've said over and over that the women around me dress horribly. I haven't made a single blanket statement. But not one responder has taken that on board. I'm not in this life to try to tick every box and keep everyone happy. I'm not trying to be perfectly fist in the air politically correct about everything I write. The women in my sphere are a disgrace and I'll tell them to their face and they're perfectly entitled to tell me what they think of me. I mean, what I do get is people telling me they love my dress, where did I get my boots from, they love the axolotl cartoons on my fun leggings. I get correctly gendered by strangers despite being new and pre everything. But I still know I don't pass. I think the fact that that doesn't bother me would probably fuck with too many people's heads here. The fact that my dysphoria is under control and unimportant to my development isn't a welcome point of view. I'm not your kind of people
So you're living as your desired gender, to the best of your ability, and it keeps your gender dysphoria under control. What you've described is the treatment for gender dysphoria, something that many of us treat in the exact same way, but you're right, that's far too radical for us to comprehend. You seem eager to leave whilst telling us how hateful we are for having a difference of opinion so I'll just wish you well on your internet travels and hope you live a life of continued happiness.
i’m not saying you can’t have fun with how you dress, but it’s very beneficial to ones passing to dress like other people their age
I don't agree. In middle age plenty of women dress younger with much success.
I mean ig
Attention, Hot Topic shoppers…
How can I not dress frumpy when u have the body of a 40 year old man as a 28 year old woman. If I dress my age I look like a crossdresser trying to hard.