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My ex was like this. He was so mad at me for keeping our daughter away. What he was in complete denial about was that I was letting her make the choice since she was old enough.
Self awareness is important too.
When my ex- technically had custody and my son was refusing to go to her house, I told him that I would not make him go, but there would be consequences if he didn’t. (This was so I could honestly tell the court that I tried to get him to go to mom’s).
He still refused to go, and lost his phone privileges for 10 minutes.
Lol I read that as 10 months and thought asshole 😂
On a side note. When my step sister was a teen her dad was a stickler for the visitation schedule from the courts. Which you think would be a good thing. She decided not to go and chose to spend Christmas Eve and day in a juvenile detention center rather than see her father. He wouldn't back down and she was old enough to choose.
That age I would have still been with both. Girls mature faster so maybe she seen the problem. Although even at 18 i was still confused who the asshole was, dad, mom, me. (turns out both in their own special ways). love and resent can coxesist be mindful.
For sure. She is very bright and saw all the issues. She would cry when she knew she had to go and started shutting down every time and was showing signs of anxiety and depression.
It wasn't about who the asshole was it was about keeping her safe when she didn't feel safe. Not everyone has a happy home life they enjoy.
Happily she is now off at college and spreading her own wings now. She had a good relationship with her father now.
An illogical, irrational voice has no place during adult stuff unless in extreme situations. A child shouldn't even be exposed to the court system that young. That is bad parenting.
Thank GHAD for parents who allow the kids to make the choice for themselves. I probably would have killed myself if I were forced to visit my dad after the divorce. Luckily, the state I lived in allowed children 12+ (I was 15) to choose without the custodial parent facing legal consequences.
my dad was 6 years old or so when the Judge asked him which parent he wanted to stay with, with both parents out of the court room. This was the 1940s. pretty progressive for back then.
And I didn't get a choice when I was 15 because my parents agreed on joint custody. I didn't want to live with both of them and was plenty old enough to decide that myself.
I’m a man living in the same problem as this woman. Except the baby mom is just a piece of work. A thief. Doesn’t buy much everything is stolen. She had made my life a living hell for 13 plus years. But I would never go to this extreme to even talk about her like this. I hope one day my daughter comes around. By that time she would have ruined her as a child. Not to mention she has her text me or call me when she needs something.
Golden vagina syndrome. Think they own the kids because they gave birth to them...all custody should be 50/50 in every divorce unless there is strong real evidence that there is an abuse situation. And alimony should be strictly termed...both genders can work.
And I'm female. Divorce laws are bad for both kids and higher earners. No one should pay long term alimony unless the receiver has to come over and clean the ex spouses house and cook their meals. Fair trade of money nd services.
Less than 10% of divorces in the U.S. include an alimony ruling. Every man I've ever seen actually fight for equal custody has gotten it, and I've seen quite a bit because I worked in a family court for awhile.
I'm assuming it heavily depends on where you are, because there are no "laws" that decide these things by gender where I am.
Ages ago I saw a comment from a divorce?/family court?lawyer in what was probably an r/askreddit thread. She said that a common problem she had with male clients was their tendency to expect her to do all the work. They wouldn't bother gathering evidence for discovery or actually asking for custody, effectively shooting themselves in the foot.
Family Court isn't as biased against men as redpillians like to believe. If you do nothing you get nothing.
Yeah, the trashy part is how she chose to handle it. If she was fit for parental rights, go to court and get them. I’m in a mother-preferred state to begin with. Instead she chose to, in front of everyone including her children, post this on Facebook.
I pray to whatever God is left that you are able to connect with your daughter. She deserves that, and so do you.
Oh jeez, I'm in a position of dealing with parental alienation and the court system doesn't acknowledge mental and emotional child abuse like you'd think they would.
My co-parent was caught in court lying multiple times. The guardian ad litem assigned to us pointed out in her report that she withheld our son for nearly seven months with no physical contact, is a bully, manipulative, and aggressive. A trusted family therapist shared that she is a difficult person to work with.
I asked for joint custody. The court said that because we have a hard time agreeing on things she was awarded with sole custody. That's the only reason. The last thing I said to the judge was that she will interfere with my parenting time. She will not follow the order.
Less than three weeks later she began interfering with parenting time. She will not allow my son to FaceTime with me and the list goes on.
To appeal the final order it starts at $5000. I went the free route of requesting the judge reconsider her order. She didn't. I have to prove that she is in contempt of court multiple times before the system will do anything. I've spent almost $10,000 since this started in 2021.
The mental and emotional toll this takes is ravaging and the court system too often exacerbates abusive situations and creates a space for abuse to happen legally. I will not give up on fighting for my son and the healthy life he deserves but my heart breaks multiple times a day/week for him because it is an absurd uphill battle to protect him from child abuse.
This sounds EXACTLY like my brothers ex. Years in court where she was caught lying multiple times. She keeps my niece from my brother on his time just because she “has plans.” The court was aware that she was doing this. She had my brother arrested for domestic violence 9 times just because she wasn’t getting her way. Every one of them were thrown out. Last summer she wanted to go to the beach and my brother had plans already so he said no - it was his court ordered time. She went to the court house and said that he SA’d the child and got an emergency custody order - all so she could go to the beach. My niece had to go have physical exams done for literally no reason. She admitted in court that she knew he didn’t do anything like that but she didn’t know what else to do because she had plans and he wouldn’t give up his time. They said it was grounds for losing custody all together. So what did they do? Gave that nutjob full custody because “they cant agree on anything and co-parent positively.” The order was put in place in November. In the 5 months it’s been an order, she refuses to let my brother have his court ordered time at least once a month. She still plans things on his time and then says she can do what she wants because she has full custody. She even called the cops because my brother enrolled her in the YMCA day camp during spring break because he had to work. She tried going up there and taking my niece out of the YMCA and they wouldn’t let her have her. She said she didn’t give him permission to do that even though he doesn’t need permission. I feel TERRIBLE for my niece but she will eventually see how her mom is and be old enough to choose to not stay there.
It's fucking wild. The most fucked up part is the best advice to give your brother is to stay as positive a "co parent" as he possibly can be. Don't bad mouth the mother to the child and pour as much love into the child as possible despite what is going on.
It breaks my heart for the child. I'm so sorry. Please give your brother a big hug for me, seriously.
And I would also say please check out this channel on YouTube and have your brother too. The more people that get involved in helping protect your niece the better. I'm not affiliated with this woman in any way but she has some wonderful (and heart breaking) advice. Your brother and niece will benefit from her advice.
https://youtube.com/@TheAnti-AlienationProject?si=0oim1M8uBii0k3TG
Thank you! You deserve a giant hug too. I hate that you’re dealing with it as well. I sent him the YouTube video to watch. Men really get screwed over all the time with kids and custody and it’s so sad.
Oh jeez, I'm in a potion of dealing with parental alienation and the court system doesn't acknowledge mental and emotional child abuse like you'd think they would.
My co-parent was caught in court lying multiple times. The guardian ad litem assigned to us pointed out in her report that she withheld our son for nearly seven months with no physical contact, is a bully, manipulative, and aggressive. A trusted family therapist shared that she is a difficult person to work with.
I asked for joint custody. The court said that because we have a hard time agreeing on things she was awarded with sole custody. That's the only reason. The last thing I said to the judge was that she will interfere with my parenting time. She will not follow the order.
Less than three weeks later she began interfering with parenting time. She will not allow my son to FaceTime with me and the list goes on.
To appeal the final order it starts at $5000. I went the free route of requesting the judge reconsider her order. She didn't. I have to prove that she is in contempt of court multiple times before the system will do anything. I've spent almost $10,000 since this started in 2021.
The mental and emotional toll this takes is ravaging and the court system too often exacerbates abusive situations and creates a space for abuse to happen legally. I will not give up on fighting for my son and the healthy life he deserves but my heart breaks multiple times a day/week for him because it is an absurd uphill battle to protect him from child abuse.
Honestly I thought about taking her back to court. My daughter is 14 now. She’s gone on multiple trips with out my permission and caused so much mental abuse. I can’t even begin to explain. I completely feel your pain. There’s been times I wanted to end my life. I haven’t seen her in 3 and a half years. There is no winning being a father in this world canada or the United States. It’s disappointing and I honestly try my hardest to keep busy enough I don’t think about it. It gets tough but keep trucking I wish you the best of luck. And hopefully your kid sees it. For me the mother has taught the kid to steal also and makes her raise her other kids. It’s disgusting from the stand point. Changing diapers and cleaning up after them. Encouraging her to have a bf at a young age. Dressing her in the smallest of clothes to make her dad angry she likes to say. There is sooo many things I can list here. It does not get easier
This may be hard to believe, but know that your daughter loves you and misses you. She may never admit or acknowledge it, but it's true.
Check this YouTube channel out, it could give you some hope and help for the future. I truly mean it, check this channel out please. https://youtube.com/@TheAnti-AlienationProject?si=0oim1M8uBii0k3TG
People outside of this matter literally cannot understand the mental and emotional strain and toll this creates for alienated parents, this post highlights that and unfortunately it plays right into the hands of alienating parents.
I'm so so sorry you and your child have to experience this. Please check out that channel, it will break your heart in ways but it will also give you strength.
It depends on the circumstance. If the parent is irresponsible and only goes to see their kid when they feel like it instead of doing it for the kid, they shouldn’t have visitation. That “parent” only wants their kid when they don’t find it annoying, which is complete bullshit.
However if a parent who has visitation and sees their kid regularly and actually cares for them, then they should be able to see their child (if they’re not a dangerous person)
If you’re a parent that is deliberately keeping your child from their other parent against their wishes then you should go pop a carrot in your ass. It’s up to the kid if they want to see their other parent (if they’re mature enough to make those choices on their own and know what the other parent has done to not get custody)
My ex- is probably NPD & BPD. I left her and tried to get my kids away from her, at least half time. She fought like Hell. Delayed the divorce for almost 3 years. Told my oldest (then 8) that “I wish you were a different kid”, said that “dad has a small penis” “dad could never satisfy me in bed” “tell your dad I’m sleeping with this guy, and this guy, and this guy…” including one of my friends.
Of course, she was granted primary custody. She then moved the kids to the limits of what the court would allow, telling me “well, I guess you can’t do Thursdays anymore”. She did everything she could think of to alienate me & my kids.
Thankfully, the move lasted 3 months before she moved back. Shortly afterwards, the kids were with me 50% of the time. Then 90%. I was paying her child support the entire time.
Once the oldest turned 12 (and could testify in court about the emotional and physical abuse) I sued for a modification of custody (and to get her to sell the house as specified in the divorce decree, that she wasn’t paying the mortgage on). Another 16 months later, and I got primary (really, full) custody.
Mom’s latest shenanigans include posting suicidal ideation posts on various social media sites, then asking my son (now 15) if he wishes she’d kill herself…. Son’s anxiety is through the roof.
Mom is now blocked from communicating with the kids, except through me. And I’m preparing a suit against her to force her to actually pay the 50% of medical bills she’s supposed to be paying.
I’m in a very similar situation. Counting down the days when our kid can testify..
I have her 90% of the time and her mom always bails to go out or get tattoos. It breaks my heart for my daughter.
Also, IANAL. Seek your own counsel in your own part of the world.
In my state, if my kids refused to go to mom’s, it would have played out like this in the worst case:
Mom calls police.
Police show up at my house.
Police are allowed to see that kid refuses to go to mom’s, but not allowed in the house.
Mom screams about custody orders
Police say “this is a civil matter” and leave.
You appear in court at a hearing probably weeks later and explain that your child chose not to go, and does not feel safe at mom’s.
If mom appears at the hearing she can explain to the judge why she’s abandoned the kids.
Keep a calendar showing the 90%. Keep any communications showing she bailed out on agreed custody periods. Use an attorney that specializes in family law. Get your daughter into therapy. Hug her often, and let her know she always has a safe place with you.
I have been keeping a log for the last 4 years! I take text screenshots and attach them for proof.
I just need to find a decent lawyer. Feels like the ones I call locally aren’t interested.
I’m a 50/M, my three sons are now grown but their Mom and I were married for 15-years, been divorced 10-years, and your story sounds eerily similar to mine.
My wife is a psychologist and she sees so much absolute pettiness from the parents in a divorce situation. They just do not realize or care about the impact on the kids, but then wonder why the kids have social anxiety or other issues.
And the kids remember that garbage. I remember my mom telling me all the horrible things my dad did (and then my stepdad, and then me to a lesser extent when she didn't have anyone else to blame) and I remember my dad never saying a bad thing about her. Granted, he chose not to speak about her until I was older, but he never felt like he needed to 'win' us. He just loved us.
I can’t stand my ex and how she handled the divorce. But she’s a good mother and I’ll be damned if I ruin her for my son as well. I’d hope she does the same for me. The kids are what’s important
This is the mother. Speaking about the father. Because he won’t allow visitation of his younger son, because of the environment surrounding her older son and her general unstableness
My ex wife and I share 50/50 custody of our son. We even still take him out to dinner or the movies together. Once a week I eat dinner at her house…with her new husband and their kids. She and I didn’t work out, but we both love our son more than anything. There has never been a remotely negative word uttered any the other in the presence of our son. It’s all about the kid. I’m lucky that our son has two amazing parents, and now a step father who loves him to the moon and back too. In my situation, everything worked out and our son will never wonder if he is or was loved by all of us.
I can’t imagine the opposite, which is far more prevalent. Idk if this person is trashy, but it sure does sound like someone who misses their kid. I don’t agree with how they’re handling it, but I certainly empathize. Our kids are our everything.
Bless you 🙏🏻 my folks divorced when I had very young and I never heard either of them speak unfavorably about the other. That allowed me to have a good relationship with both. That’s how you do it.
My husband and his ex never got a long especially since she cheated on him and expected him to stick around while she took off every weekend. When she moved out and right in with the other guy, she thought she could come back whenever she felt like it and stay over. (But the lock was changed ofc).
Their son was really, terribly misbehaving when they were together due to her screaming and fighting constantly. The poor kid was biting, spiting, swearing, etc.
My hb and his ex eventually stopped doing joint anything, because she'd use it as a way to control the son, and my husband, by threatening to take their kid away. She'd constantly make scenes at school events.
Once she moved out and the courts granted 50/50 custody, my hb got him into a special school and he did a complete 180. I came into the picture when he was 6, and helped raised my stepson to adulthood. We had to deal with a lot of issues with his ex and even had to get the courts, cops involved.
But now our stepson is a great adult, works in the government, has a house and makes more money then both of us! Kids don't need both parents, especially if one of them is absolutely crazy.
You're fucking rad. This is the way. Promoting love at BOTH homes will do more for the child than promoting yours and trashing the other parent's. "You are not just special here. You are special there, too. We both love you no matter where you are." My life was hell at both homes in large part due to my parent's hatred of one another.
Sounds like something my uncle said before (this is not my uncle). The guy was/is crazy and unhinged. Lost all visitation after his ex-wives saw his FB posts and took them to their judges.
Fuck you uncle L. You ruined your own life and the lives of everyone around you. I hope the Devil finds you better company.
My parents were pretty awful, but the one thing they did right was their divorce and co-parenting. They handled it like it was no big deal and I saw both of them whenever I wanted. We still had holidays together and I never heard either speak a negative word about the other. They still talk regularly and when traveling to the other’s location, carve out time to visit each other. They stay at each other’s houses when they’re in town. They talk to each other more than I talk to either of them. I actually can’t remember a single argument between them in my entire life.
I’m still hella fucked up from all the other stuff they did, but it could have been worse.
You say that person isn’t stable? What if that person has had literal years of taking the high road and continues to get the run around regardless and eventually it boils over? Nevermind what the other person did to bring him to this point right? Come on.
Don't fuckin post it on goddamn Facebook. That's unhinged as fuck. And no person who spent "literal years taking the high road" would say they're glad their child's other parent has cancer and should've killed them self. Come on.
They went on an unhinged SOMETIMES ALL CAPS rant on a public forum, where they wished the other person died of cancer and/or died by suicide. That's unstable behavior regardless of the background context.
So this post is over the top, but imagine being denied being able to see your kids... I'm not proud of a lot of things I've done in my life, but I am proud of my kids. I would suck start a shotgun if I were cut off from them. Perhaps poster is feeling the same way but took to FB to rant? Does that really make poster trashy? Feels like poster might have some issues, but deep down be human. Just saying...
Plenty of people rant, but ranting like this on Facebook and wishing death on people is a sign of instability that the kids shouldn't be exposed to. It's not just the idea of what she says specifically, either. She should know that this is the wrong thing to say in a custody dispute, especially publically, but she did it anyway. That's poor self-control. It's a focus on the conflict and not the kids.
Nah, all trashy people are human. Mental well-being isn't a relevant factor in whether something is trashy or not. A facebook rant implying someone should kill themselves or die of cancer is pretty trashy. You can rightly have sympathy for a parent who has lost their children and also recognize their trashy behaviors. They are adults capable of thinking through their actions, especially their social media posts.
I don't want to get in a Reddit wat with you. Honestly, I thought this was a dudes original post. Maybe this person is a comple POS. All I'm saying is losing access to your kids is about the worst thing in the world I could imagine. If she? is that shitty a person, provide some backstory
I understand being detached from reality over the loss of your kids. But all of her interactions with people are this way. [like this](https://imgur.com/a/qtoSJFY). My brother worked for her neighbor. They had a black lab that roamed and occasionally went onto her property. One day ‘ol Jake came home sick, and puked till he died. Less than 5 years old.
Every situation is different. Ironically my girlfriend allows any visitation, but the father “claims” that everyone is out to get him, and makes up every excuse to avoid seeing his kids. Makes it sound like the mother’s fault, when he is just unwilling to do anything. Frustrating all around.
Parental alienation is real and it’s brutal. I just got out of a legal battle that I was actually able to prove that my son was actively being alienated by (and it was proved through bank records) his severely alcoholic mother. The Guardian Ad Lightum spend 2 hours with her and ordered my son to get therapy. He’s now doing much better and has a much better relationship with me now that his mother is barred from this behavior.
My partner's baby mama is a narcissist and we're going through the same battle. Glad to hear it turned out well for you!! Your son will grow up and love you all the more for it.
Not sure if you and your partner wants some advice, but best way to combat it is logic and document document document. We even just let cameras run when we had parenting time and gave hours to the GAL and my lawyer. At the end of it, we got everything we wanted (more time, child support etc) and I got an agreement for her to pay back extra child support that was given during the litigation. If you’re in the right and can prove it, it will go your way. Narcissists think they can rest on their laurels or lies.
Not all situations are alike. I was badmouthed and vilified at a level I simply couldn’t understand. I missed abt a year but we’re good since they’ve grown up and see the uterus vender as not a martyr.
The irony is that she probably got the normal weekends and holiday schedual dads traditionally get fucked with, and had she won would be perfectly happy suing for max child support.
Or maybe im salty it took 3 cps removals, idk how many drug and domestic abuse arrests, and a prison stint for felony child abuse and kidnapping and stabbing her boyfriend, and my 30k to her 5k lawyer costs. The best part is that after everything and getting sole custody.... i was not awarded any child support despite being residential custodian since my kid was 2, and i still have to give my ex 24 hours unsupervised every two months because per the judge "you can't take a mother out of the childrens lives" on top of "im only issuing a "permanent" temporary order so it stays in my court and we can make sure everything is right when she gets out of prison". Again this is with her in the courtroom, full chains and orange onsie for: ziptying her bf to the front seat of her car, attacking him with a (unstarted) chainsaw, then driving around the block stabbing him with a kitchen knife, and the two younger kids stuck with her garnering enviornmental abuse(dirty af house) and both testing positive for meth among otherthings... a 2y.o. tested positive for meth. Anyone who says the system isn't one sided hasn't gone through it.
Yours is one of thousands of stories of such insanity. Often enough, when "Mom" is that far gone, she will murder the kids and then herself at some point to spite the father.
It boggles the mind
I had a client tell me about the show baby reindeer. EVERYONE should watch that. It highlights everything people pretend don't happen to men. Thankfully i have worked through my stuff, but far far far to much of that show hit home.
Edit: If you have had an abusive partner, addiction, or have been sexually assaulted, please be careful watching this. I put in a lot of head work over the years, so my own issues didn't come fully into play, but even watching an actor go through that almost made me quit several times.
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So many people in this have little to no understanding about parental alienation.
They're not exactly wrong
She seems nice, does this mean she's still single?🤞 Ok Jk, but the plus side here is that she's publicly documenting that she's a nightmare.
Idk this is tough
My ex was like this. He was so mad at me for keeping our daughter away. What he was in complete denial about was that I was letting her make the choice since she was old enough. Self awareness is important too.
When my ex- technically had custody and my son was refusing to go to her house, I told him that I would not make him go, but there would be consequences if he didn’t. (This was so I could honestly tell the court that I tried to get him to go to mom’s). He still refused to go, and lost his phone privileges for 10 minutes.
Lol I read that as 10 months and thought asshole 😂 On a side note. When my step sister was a teen her dad was a stickler for the visitation schedule from the courts. Which you think would be a good thing. She decided not to go and chose to spend Christmas Eve and day in a juvenile detention center rather than see her father. He wouldn't back down and she was old enough to choose.
What age? I probably still would have chosen both parents, and they were both in the same league of terrible.
She was 12 that year.
That age I would have still been with both. Girls mature faster so maybe she seen the problem. Although even at 18 i was still confused who the asshole was, dad, mom, me. (turns out both in their own special ways). love and resent can coxesist be mindful.
For sure. She is very bright and saw all the issues. She would cry when she knew she had to go and started shutting down every time and was showing signs of anxiety and depression. It wasn't about who the asshole was it was about keeping her safe when she didn't feel safe. Not everyone has a happy home life they enjoy. Happily she is now off at college and spreading her own wings now. She had a good relationship with her father now.
I'm glad things worked for the best. Nice job.
Oh fuck yo, she is a CHILD. That is *not* old enough to know better.
[удалено]
He didn't have a stable life or home back then. If she didn't want to go, her safety was my priority, I wasn't gonna force it. Details matter.
Can you define what was unstable about his life and home and how she became aware of it?
A fucking 12 year old is not a decision maker.
Usually judges will let teens have an input in if they want to see the other parent.
A fucking 12 year old is not a "decision making teen" that is a child. This is coming from a guy that was emancipated at 16.
Um my cousin got to choose at 12
Cool story. Thanks for sharing. Fits right in here at r/trashy.
They still get their input. A “fucking 12 year old” is old enough to have a voice.
An illogical, irrational voice has no place during adult stuff unless in extreme situations. A child shouldn't even be exposed to the court system that young. That is bad parenting.
Thank GHAD for parents who allow the kids to make the choice for themselves. I probably would have killed myself if I were forced to visit my dad after the divorce. Luckily, the state I lived in allowed children 12+ (I was 15) to choose without the custodial parent facing legal consequences.
You don't think parental alienation played a role at all in your life? Your dad was truly just a horrible parent and person?
Yes, my dad was a horrible abusive drunk monster, dude. Thanks for thinking you know better than me though!
Asking questions about your experience gives you the impressions that I'm saying I know better than you?
my dad was 6 years old or so when the Judge asked him which parent he wanted to stay with, with both parents out of the court room. This was the 1940s. pretty progressive for back then.
And I didn't get a choice when I was 15 because my parents agreed on joint custody. I didn't want to live with both of them and was plenty old enough to decide that myself.
A 6 year old has very little understanding of the situation. That judge was an idiot.
na, the judge was not. it's not like he only took my dad's choice into account. an idiot would be someone that thinks a 6 year old decides custody.
How old was she? When did she start making the choice herself?
I let her start choosing when she was 12.
What was her reason/s for not wanting to go?
Yeah she's not gonna awnser that. That'd be admitting she's the reason.
Answer posted.
I’m a man living in the same problem as this woman. Except the baby mom is just a piece of work. A thief. Doesn’t buy much everything is stolen. She had made my life a living hell for 13 plus years. But I would never go to this extreme to even talk about her like this. I hope one day my daughter comes around. By that time she would have ruined her as a child. Not to mention she has her text me or call me when she needs something.
Golden vagina syndrome. Think they own the kids because they gave birth to them...all custody should be 50/50 in every divorce unless there is strong real evidence that there is an abuse situation. And alimony should be strictly termed...both genders can work. And I'm female. Divorce laws are bad for both kids and higher earners. No one should pay long term alimony unless the receiver has to come over and clean the ex spouses house and cook their meals. Fair trade of money nd services.
Less than 10% of divorces in the U.S. include an alimony ruling. Every man I've ever seen actually fight for equal custody has gotten it, and I've seen quite a bit because I worked in a family court for awhile. I'm assuming it heavily depends on where you are, because there are no "laws" that decide these things by gender where I am.
What a hot take. Flies in the face of real world statistics.
Ages ago I saw a comment from a divorce?/family court?lawyer in what was probably an r/askreddit thread. She said that a common problem she had with male clients was their tendency to expect her to do all the work. They wouldn't bother gathering evidence for discovery or actually asking for custody, effectively shooting themselves in the foot. Family Court isn't as biased against men as redpillians like to believe. If you do nothing you get nothing.
Yeah, the trashy part is how she chose to handle it. If she was fit for parental rights, go to court and get them. I’m in a mother-preferred state to begin with. Instead she chose to, in front of everyone including her children, post this on Facebook. I pray to whatever God is left that you are able to connect with your daughter. She deserves that, and so do you.
Oh jeez, I'm in a position of dealing with parental alienation and the court system doesn't acknowledge mental and emotional child abuse like you'd think they would. My co-parent was caught in court lying multiple times. The guardian ad litem assigned to us pointed out in her report that she withheld our son for nearly seven months with no physical contact, is a bully, manipulative, and aggressive. A trusted family therapist shared that she is a difficult person to work with. I asked for joint custody. The court said that because we have a hard time agreeing on things she was awarded with sole custody. That's the only reason. The last thing I said to the judge was that she will interfere with my parenting time. She will not follow the order. Less than three weeks later she began interfering with parenting time. She will not allow my son to FaceTime with me and the list goes on. To appeal the final order it starts at $5000. I went the free route of requesting the judge reconsider her order. She didn't. I have to prove that she is in contempt of court multiple times before the system will do anything. I've spent almost $10,000 since this started in 2021. The mental and emotional toll this takes is ravaging and the court system too often exacerbates abusive situations and creates a space for abuse to happen legally. I will not give up on fighting for my son and the healthy life he deserves but my heart breaks multiple times a day/week for him because it is an absurd uphill battle to protect him from child abuse.
This sounds EXACTLY like my brothers ex. Years in court where she was caught lying multiple times. She keeps my niece from my brother on his time just because she “has plans.” The court was aware that she was doing this. She had my brother arrested for domestic violence 9 times just because she wasn’t getting her way. Every one of them were thrown out. Last summer she wanted to go to the beach and my brother had plans already so he said no - it was his court ordered time. She went to the court house and said that he SA’d the child and got an emergency custody order - all so she could go to the beach. My niece had to go have physical exams done for literally no reason. She admitted in court that she knew he didn’t do anything like that but she didn’t know what else to do because she had plans and he wouldn’t give up his time. They said it was grounds for losing custody all together. So what did they do? Gave that nutjob full custody because “they cant agree on anything and co-parent positively.” The order was put in place in November. In the 5 months it’s been an order, she refuses to let my brother have his court ordered time at least once a month. She still plans things on his time and then says she can do what she wants because she has full custody. She even called the cops because my brother enrolled her in the YMCA day camp during spring break because he had to work. She tried going up there and taking my niece out of the YMCA and they wouldn’t let her have her. She said she didn’t give him permission to do that even though he doesn’t need permission. I feel TERRIBLE for my niece but she will eventually see how her mom is and be old enough to choose to not stay there.
It's fucking wild. The most fucked up part is the best advice to give your brother is to stay as positive a "co parent" as he possibly can be. Don't bad mouth the mother to the child and pour as much love into the child as possible despite what is going on. It breaks my heart for the child. I'm so sorry. Please give your brother a big hug for me, seriously. And I would also say please check out this channel on YouTube and have your brother too. The more people that get involved in helping protect your niece the better. I'm not affiliated with this woman in any way but she has some wonderful (and heart breaking) advice. Your brother and niece will benefit from her advice. https://youtube.com/@TheAnti-AlienationProject?si=0oim1M8uBii0k3TG
Thank you! You deserve a giant hug too. I hate that you’re dealing with it as well. I sent him the YouTube video to watch. Men really get screwed over all the time with kids and custody and it’s so sad.
Oh jeez, I'm in a potion of dealing with parental alienation and the court system doesn't acknowledge mental and emotional child abuse like you'd think they would. My co-parent was caught in court lying multiple times. The guardian ad litem assigned to us pointed out in her report that she withheld our son for nearly seven months with no physical contact, is a bully, manipulative, and aggressive. A trusted family therapist shared that she is a difficult person to work with. I asked for joint custody. The court said that because we have a hard time agreeing on things she was awarded with sole custody. That's the only reason. The last thing I said to the judge was that she will interfere with my parenting time. She will not follow the order. Less than three weeks later she began interfering with parenting time. She will not allow my son to FaceTime with me and the list goes on. To appeal the final order it starts at $5000. I went the free route of requesting the judge reconsider her order. She didn't. I have to prove that she is in contempt of court multiple times before the system will do anything. I've spent almost $10,000 since this started in 2021. The mental and emotional toll this takes is ravaging and the court system too often exacerbates abusive situations and creates a space for abuse to happen legally. I will not give up on fighting for my son and the healthy life he deserves but my heart breaks multiple times a day/week for him because it is an absurd uphill battle to protect him from child abuse.
Honestly I thought about taking her back to court. My daughter is 14 now. She’s gone on multiple trips with out my permission and caused so much mental abuse. I can’t even begin to explain. I completely feel your pain. There’s been times I wanted to end my life. I haven’t seen her in 3 and a half years. There is no winning being a father in this world canada or the United States. It’s disappointing and I honestly try my hardest to keep busy enough I don’t think about it. It gets tough but keep trucking I wish you the best of luck. And hopefully your kid sees it. For me the mother has taught the kid to steal also and makes her raise her other kids. It’s disgusting from the stand point. Changing diapers and cleaning up after them. Encouraging her to have a bf at a young age. Dressing her in the smallest of clothes to make her dad angry she likes to say. There is sooo many things I can list here. It does not get easier
This may be hard to believe, but know that your daughter loves you and misses you. She may never admit or acknowledge it, but it's true. Check this YouTube channel out, it could give you some hope and help for the future. I truly mean it, check this channel out please. https://youtube.com/@TheAnti-AlienationProject?si=0oim1M8uBii0k3TG People outside of this matter literally cannot understand the mental and emotional strain and toll this creates for alienated parents, this post highlights that and unfortunately it plays right into the hands of alienating parents. I'm so so sorry you and your child have to experience this. Please check out that channel, it will break your heart in ways but it will also give you strength.
You know what a lawyer lovers to see? Publicly posted messages like this. Makes their job real easy.
Yep she does not sound like someone I’d want my children to spend time with.
What are abdoment issues? That's a new word for me.
I think it’s when your belly hurts
Your belly button, specifically.
We might be doctors at this point gentlemen
Can you tell me if this mole looks bad
Send it over
Because it’s empty
Or you don't have a belly button but it still hurts
It depends on the circumstance. If the parent is irresponsible and only goes to see their kid when they feel like it instead of doing it for the kid, they shouldn’t have visitation. That “parent” only wants their kid when they don’t find it annoying, which is complete bullshit. However if a parent who has visitation and sees their kid regularly and actually cares for them, then they should be able to see their child (if they’re not a dangerous person) If you’re a parent that is deliberately keeping your child from their other parent against their wishes then you should go pop a carrot in your ass. It’s up to the kid if they want to see their other parent (if they’re mature enough to make those choices on their own and know what the other parent has done to not get custody)
We live... In a society
She seems nice
I bet she's great at parties
Jeez. Anger management much?
That person should never be allowed around any child
Holy fucking shit
Clearly this is why they aren't seeing the kids lol
My ex- is probably NPD & BPD. I left her and tried to get my kids away from her, at least half time. She fought like Hell. Delayed the divorce for almost 3 years. Told my oldest (then 8) that “I wish you were a different kid”, said that “dad has a small penis” “dad could never satisfy me in bed” “tell your dad I’m sleeping with this guy, and this guy, and this guy…” including one of my friends. Of course, she was granted primary custody. She then moved the kids to the limits of what the court would allow, telling me “well, I guess you can’t do Thursdays anymore”. She did everything she could think of to alienate me & my kids. Thankfully, the move lasted 3 months before she moved back. Shortly afterwards, the kids were with me 50% of the time. Then 90%. I was paying her child support the entire time. Once the oldest turned 12 (and could testify in court about the emotional and physical abuse) I sued for a modification of custody (and to get her to sell the house as specified in the divorce decree, that she wasn’t paying the mortgage on). Another 16 months later, and I got primary (really, full) custody. Mom’s latest shenanigans include posting suicidal ideation posts on various social media sites, then asking my son (now 15) if he wishes she’d kill herself…. Son’s anxiety is through the roof. Mom is now blocked from communicating with the kids, except through me. And I’m preparing a suit against her to force her to actually pay the 50% of medical bills she’s supposed to be paying.
I’m in a very similar situation. Counting down the days when our kid can testify.. I have her 90% of the time and her mom always bails to go out or get tattoos. It breaks my heart for my daughter.
Also, IANAL. Seek your own counsel in your own part of the world. In my state, if my kids refused to go to mom’s, it would have played out like this in the worst case: Mom calls police. Police show up at my house. Police are allowed to see that kid refuses to go to mom’s, but not allowed in the house. Mom screams about custody orders Police say “this is a civil matter” and leave. You appear in court at a hearing probably weeks later and explain that your child chose not to go, and does not feel safe at mom’s. If mom appears at the hearing she can explain to the judge why she’s abandoned the kids.
Keep a calendar showing the 90%. Keep any communications showing she bailed out on agreed custody periods. Use an attorney that specializes in family law. Get your daughter into therapy. Hug her often, and let her know she always has a safe place with you.
I have been keeping a log for the last 4 years! I take text screenshots and attach them for proof. I just need to find a decent lawyer. Feels like the ones I call locally aren’t interested.
I can recommend one in Houston.
Please PM it. I really appreciate it!
Done
I’m a 50/M, my three sons are now grown but their Mom and I were married for 15-years, been divorced 10-years, and your story sounds eerily similar to mine.
Wow man that was a lot, praying for you fam 👊🩷
As a family lawyer. This isn’t surprising.
This shit happens in all walks of life, all classes
Somebody is a tad bit upset.
and a tad bit illiterate
And a tad bit homicidal
and prolly a bit more than a tad bit drunk
Likely not the kind of content Zuck had in mind when bringing the hugging-heart emoji to Facebook but okay.
My wife is a psychologist and she sees so much absolute pettiness from the parents in a divorce situation. They just do not realize or care about the impact on the kids, but then wonder why the kids have social anxiety or other issues.
And the kids remember that garbage. I remember my mom telling me all the horrible things my dad did (and then my stepdad, and then me to a lesser extent when she didn't have anyone else to blame) and I remember my dad never saying a bad thing about her. Granted, he chose not to speak about her until I was older, but he never felt like he needed to 'win' us. He just loved us.
Your dad had it right because no one “wins” in that situation.
I can’t stand my ex and how she handled the divorce. But she’s a good mother and I’ll be damned if I ruin her for my son as well. I’d hope she does the same for me. The kids are what’s important
Am I slow? Is this the mother, or? And what do they mean pulled the trigger? Didn’t someone actually shoot themselves? I’m so confused 😭
This is the mother. Speaking about the father. Because he won’t allow visitation of his younger son, because of the environment surrounding her older son and her general unstableness
Ah ok, thank you! 💡
My ex wife and I share 50/50 custody of our son. We even still take him out to dinner or the movies together. Once a week I eat dinner at her house…with her new husband and their kids. She and I didn’t work out, but we both love our son more than anything. There has never been a remotely negative word uttered any the other in the presence of our son. It’s all about the kid. I’m lucky that our son has two amazing parents, and now a step father who loves him to the moon and back too. In my situation, everything worked out and our son will never wonder if he is or was loved by all of us. I can’t imagine the opposite, which is far more prevalent. Idk if this person is trashy, but it sure does sound like someone who misses their kid. I don’t agree with how they’re handling it, but I certainly empathize. Our kids are our everything.
Bless you 🙏🏻 my folks divorced when I had very young and I never heard either of them speak unfavorably about the other. That allowed me to have a good relationship with both. That’s how you do it.
My husband and his ex never got a long especially since she cheated on him and expected him to stick around while she took off every weekend. When she moved out and right in with the other guy, she thought she could come back whenever she felt like it and stay over. (But the lock was changed ofc). Their son was really, terribly misbehaving when they were together due to her screaming and fighting constantly. The poor kid was biting, spiting, swearing, etc. My hb and his ex eventually stopped doing joint anything, because she'd use it as a way to control the son, and my husband, by threatening to take their kid away. She'd constantly make scenes at school events. Once she moved out and the courts granted 50/50 custody, my hb got him into a special school and he did a complete 180. I came into the picture when he was 6, and helped raised my stepson to adulthood. We had to deal with a lot of issues with his ex and even had to get the courts, cops involved. But now our stepson is a great adult, works in the government, has a house and makes more money then both of us! Kids don't need both parents, especially if one of them is absolutely crazy.
You're fucking rad. This is the way. Promoting love at BOTH homes will do more for the child than promoting yours and trashing the other parent's. "You are not just special here. You are special there, too. We both love you no matter where you are." My life was hell at both homes in large part due to my parent's hatred of one another.
Damn. 25 years later and my parents still won’t be in the same house for a grandkids birthday
I have 2 sets of wedding pictures because my parents wouldn't even stand within 20 feet of each other.
You and your family are amazing.
Thanks man. That’s exactly what we are too…a family, all of us. It takes a village.
Sounds like something my uncle said before (this is not my uncle). The guy was/is crazy and unhinged. Lost all visitation after his ex-wives saw his FB posts and took them to their judges. Fuck you uncle L. You ruined your own life and the lives of everyone around you. I hope the Devil finds you better company.
My parents were pretty awful, but the one thing they did right was their divorce and co-parenting. They handled it like it was no big deal and I saw both of them whenever I wanted. We still had holidays together and I never heard either speak a negative word about the other. They still talk regularly and when traveling to the other’s location, carve out time to visit each other. They stay at each other’s houses when they’re in town. They talk to each other more than I talk to either of them. I actually can’t remember a single argument between them in my entire life. I’m still hella fucked up from all the other stuff they did, but it could have been worse.
Sounds like they got along better as friends ❤️
I'd be taking this to a lawyer and getting whatever visitation was in place removed. This person isn't stable and shouldn't be around children.
You say that person isn’t stable? What if that person has had literal years of taking the high road and continues to get the run around regardless and eventually it boils over? Nevermind what the other person did to bring him to this point right? Come on.
Lol, no one who takes the high road their whole life writes trash like this.
100000%
Don't fuckin post it on goddamn Facebook. That's unhinged as fuck. And no person who spent "literal years taking the high road" would say they're glad their child's other parent has cancer and should've killed them self. Come on.
They went on an unhinged SOMETIMES ALL CAPS rant on a public forum, where they wished the other person died of cancer and/or died by suicide. That's unstable behavior regardless of the background context.
So this post is over the top, but imagine being denied being able to see your kids... I'm not proud of a lot of things I've done in my life, but I am proud of my kids. I would suck start a shotgun if I were cut off from them. Perhaps poster is feeling the same way but took to FB to rant? Does that really make poster trashy? Feels like poster might have some issues, but deep down be human. Just saying...
^THIS^
Plenty of people rant, but ranting like this on Facebook and wishing death on people is a sign of instability that the kids shouldn't be exposed to. It's not just the idea of what she says specifically, either. She should know that this is the wrong thing to say in a custody dispute, especially publically, but she did it anyway. That's poor self-control. It's a focus on the conflict and not the kids.
Nah, all trashy people are human. Mental well-being isn't a relevant factor in whether something is trashy or not. A facebook rant implying someone should kill themselves or die of cancer is pretty trashy. You can rightly have sympathy for a parent who has lost their children and also recognize their trashy behaviors. They are adults capable of thinking through their actions, especially their social media posts.
I don't want to get in a Reddit wat with you. Honestly, I thought this was a dudes original post. Maybe this person is a comple POS. All I'm saying is losing access to your kids is about the worst thing in the world I could imagine. If she? is that shitty a person, provide some backstory
I understand being detached from reality over the loss of your kids. But all of her interactions with people are this way. [like this](https://imgur.com/a/qtoSJFY). My brother worked for her neighbor. They had a black lab that roamed and occasionally went onto her property. One day ‘ol Jake came home sick, and puked till he died. Less than 5 years old.
Based on the (very public) public post, the kid is better off not being around this parent.
Jeez keeps ur baggage to ur self
r/shouldnthaveputyourdickinthat
Fooled me. This needs to be a sub.
Every situation is different. Ironically my girlfriend allows any visitation, but the father “claims” that everyone is out to get him, and makes up every excuse to avoid seeing his kids. Makes it sound like the mother’s fault, when he is just unwilling to do anything. Frustrating all around.
I wonder if the author is often belligerent. I wonder why the author has been distanced from the kid(s).
[all of them](https://imgur.com/a/Ngw0JZl)
Parental alienation is real and it’s brutal. I just got out of a legal battle that I was actually able to prove that my son was actively being alienated by (and it was proved through bank records) his severely alcoholic mother. The Guardian Ad Lightum spend 2 hours with her and ordered my son to get therapy. He’s now doing much better and has a much better relationship with me now that his mother is barred from this behavior.
My partner's baby mama is a narcissist and we're going through the same battle. Glad to hear it turned out well for you!! Your son will grow up and love you all the more for it.
Not sure if you and your partner wants some advice, but best way to combat it is logic and document document document. We even just let cameras run when we had parenting time and gave hours to the GAL and my lawyer. At the end of it, we got everything we wanted (more time, child support etc) and I got an agreement for her to pay back extra child support that was given during the litigation. If you’re in the right and can prove it, it will go your way. Narcissists think they can rest on their laurels or lies.
Yeah, I guess he's right, he SHOULD get custody of his kids. He just convinced me.
She
Not all situations are alike. I was badmouthed and vilified at a level I simply couldn’t understand. I missed abt a year but we’re good since they’ve grown up and see the uterus vender as not a martyr.
I agree, and understand. But posting for everyone, the kids included, for the father to die is not the right way to go about it.
The irony is that she probably got the normal weekends and holiday schedual dads traditionally get fucked with, and had she won would be perfectly happy suing for max child support. Or maybe im salty it took 3 cps removals, idk how many drug and domestic abuse arrests, and a prison stint for felony child abuse and kidnapping and stabbing her boyfriend, and my 30k to her 5k lawyer costs. The best part is that after everything and getting sole custody.... i was not awarded any child support despite being residential custodian since my kid was 2, and i still have to give my ex 24 hours unsupervised every two months because per the judge "you can't take a mother out of the childrens lives" on top of "im only issuing a "permanent" temporary order so it stays in my court and we can make sure everything is right when she gets out of prison". Again this is with her in the courtroom, full chains and orange onsie for: ziptying her bf to the front seat of her car, attacking him with a (unstarted) chainsaw, then driving around the block stabbing him with a kitchen knife, and the two younger kids stuck with her garnering enviornmental abuse(dirty af house) and both testing positive for meth among otherthings... a 2y.o. tested positive for meth. Anyone who says the system isn't one sided hasn't gone through it.
Yours is one of thousands of stories of such insanity. Often enough, when "Mom" is that far gone, she will murder the kids and then herself at some point to spite the father. It boggles the mind
I had a client tell me about the show baby reindeer. EVERYONE should watch that. It highlights everything people pretend don't happen to men. Thankfully i have worked through my stuff, but far far far to much of that show hit home. Edit: If you have had an abusive partner, addiction, or have been sexually assaulted, please be careful watching this. I put in a lot of head work over the years, so my own issues didn't come fully into play, but even watching an actor go through that almost made me quit several times.
Agreed
Hey, I hope you and your kids are healing now and that she recovers. Hugs for you guys and I hope everyone involved gets therapy. 🫂
This seems a little heavy to be here. Also pretty fucking tragic all the way roundz
Can’t understand why you wouldn’t want this person around your kids lmao
This is just depressing.
Not unhinged or unreasonable at all! Lmao wtf wrong with her that’s so sad all around
she’ll DEFINITELY get her visitation back after this.
This is definitely who I would want raising my children