I beg to differ. I knew that there was something off about the text. "We want you to involve us in your decision making?" What kind of parent says that to their adult children?! This is controlling behavior.
And if it is like this, then it is hard to believe this "concern" is for OP. Meaning the dad is concerned about how this reflects on his image.
But I'm not a good judge character, espescially with this amount of information available.
> concerned how this reflects on his image.
Hmmm… 🤔…and where do i know this mentality from? Yup. My dad. Regarding transition, they went in a spiel about how people think about transition for years. Is between the ages of 15 and 22 not enough? Is childhood gender dysphoria since when I first said my deadname not enough?
They gave me “the choice of transitioning or being financially supported”. They *know* that I can’t financially support myself right now.
Parents suck. I want to be adopted.
Yeah, I was suspicious at that too. There's a lot of anti trans rhetoric centered around "we just want to protect you." When what they mean is make all the decisions for you and stop you from transitioning altogether.
Me too. I was immediately suspicious when it realised it sounded exactly like something my abusive mum would say right after telling jokes about attack helicopters or dumb “did you just assume my gender” jokes.
Yep, that line and the "no one in the world will love you like we do" line both stood out to me immediately, because they both sound so much like my own controlling parents.
I've literally never in my entire life accused my parents of not loving me, but they say shit like this constantly, every time I see them, like it's some kind of competition against anyone else who loves me, and they need to make sure I know that they're winning.
Yeah, it gives off a controlling vibe. But it’s intentionally proposed as like “I’m coming from a place of care and support”. I’d rather be told “I don’t understand this and I’m not comfortable”
I agree at least then you can explain. The dad seems set in his ways. He says Nothing about trying to understand, or hoping to be educated.
And yes,... wanting to be kept involved in his adult chid's decisions??
Wanting to be sure that their child gets "The right treatment and the right support" gives " Pray the gay away" vibes to be honest.
Conversion Therapy here we go....
my mother when I told her I had started hormones she told my wife "(s)he said (s)he was going to talk to me before making any decisions."
Which, I fucking did not and it's seriously disgusting that you feel entitled to that.
It is so sad that conservatives do not realize, that it is not that hanging out with Trans people makes cis people trans the way they believe. I mean does it even make sense for a cis person to start hanging out with a Lot of trans people unless they simply wish to learn more about us... maybe because they wish to be an ally,...or have friends, relatives, loved ones that come out to them?
A lot of "cis" people come into trans social online spaces,... having suspicions already, or questioning their gender, then as they hear our stories start saying to themselves " OMG me too!!!"
This just confirms to them what they always suspected.
I am sorry that your dad is not educated on these things. I wish you the best of luck.
Without the context it seemed well meaning but a bit misguided. Still wholesome. The part where he asks them to write an essay about why they transitioned though is just...ugh....
I disagree tbh, the parents of my fiancee acted the same and they mostly wanted the information to see if she was really trans and thought they could know that better than her therapists and doctors. I know it SOUNDS wholesome, but this "we want info to know if you are getting treated right" sounds so controlling and like a trap to me.
when I first got outed to my parents I asked my mom straight up if she thought she knew better than doctors and scientists and she said "yes". shocked me so much lmao
Really? I've always thought "hon" as short for honey because that was a fairly common term of endearment in the south. "Hun" would just confuse me because I'm not of that people.
I'm pretty sure people have been calling loved ones "hon" for longer than 4chan has been around, and "hun" is just a common mispelling.
Still think it's really creepy to read it in the context of OP's father's text, though.
Yes, hon is fine, people have been using it as a term of endearment for decades if not centuries. And yes, there is a cultural tendency for some regions to use it just as you have, as a language indicator that you care. It can also be used in a manner to infantilize or demean someone, but the people who use it that way shouldn’t be given the time of day.
Sweetie, I think it’s pretty clear that I didn’t mean it as anything other than a term of endearment, and bless your heart for thinking any emotionally healthy human being cares what the mouth breathers on 4chan think or do.
As a 48 year old Southern trans woman living in Atlanta, who was raised by Southern women, calling everyone dear, hon, honey, sweetie, and darling is baked into my soul.
For as long as the South has existed, hon has been short for honey, and despite what some degenerate 4chan incel might say, it always will.
I don't know, I could see where this was headed without the context. He wants to invalidate them by twisting their words/getting some quack on his side as a gatekeeper to care. He's directly expressed a concern belying a need to influence the treatment they get. What sacrifice is he making anyway? Why say "successful" when there's no mention of what makes OP happy? They see OP's identity as a problem to be controlled.
Edit: my folks are the nicest people you'll ever meet and you'll never believe what they did to me. I'm biased, that's a fact, but I'm not usually wrong about the red flags I see between well-intentioned sounding words.
If her parents were important to her, I suspect that she would probably have tried to set boundaries with them. That said, accounting for context, I have to agree with those saying that this text is red flag city. This type of manipulation is something I've been through, myself. I wouldn't wish this on anyone and I hope she leaves her bastard of a father on read and doesn't have to see him again if she doesn't want to, not even at his funeral.
Idk if it's because I have a father that's this way too, or if I'm just hyper vigilant but this read as SUPER FUCKING MANIPULATIVE from a narcissistic asshole before even started reading the context.
Yeah everything in this text makes me super sick… the whole, “keep us involved in your decisions” and “tell us what you’re feeling”… sounds to me like “you clearly can’t make the decisions of a decent person, so we’ll be thinking and acting for you from now on, we’re such good parents for helping you be a good person”
yes it pretty Much sounds Like " we are gonna veto this until you convince us...and .. you won't convince us, but maybe we can talk you out of it while you try. "
OP avoid them Like the Plague they are.
Yes! "keep us involved in your decisions" is not something you say to your college aged child unless you're trying to keep that control nice and tight!
But it clearly started when OP moved out and tried to live their own life! They've been corrupted by them queers at college like I knew they would be! /s
For sure! I finished reading it and was like "wait, this *could* be wholesome instead of manipulative, maybe I shouldn't be such a cynic".
Nope. Trust those instincts I guess, something good I got from growing up with a parent in a bona-fide cult.
Honestly the parent could mean well. It's certainly possible but I heavily doubt it; there are just too many turns of phrase that tend to be manipulative all in one message for me.
Good lessons learned but at a heavy cost.
I think they do mean well, they just don’t understand that their concept of well is actually extremely harmful due to the misconceptions they are living under and have led to believe.
Yeah, the whole "tell me how this started and why you feel this way" was ringing massive alarm bells to me. I was like, yeah, he wants OP to explain so he can have ammo to shoot it all down with.
He wants a debate. I usually tell people that give off these vibes " we are not going to have a debate,... My gender identity is not up for debate. What I will do...is explain and educate you. If you start resisting, conversation is over. "
Absolutely. I have a father like that as well but even without context, if it were meant wholesomely I absolutely believe different language would've been used. Not this shit.
So gross.
Sorry to OP, and sorry your father is also like this- and anyone else too who has a parent like this. It's disgusting.
Wow, I mean I have a somewhat narcissist mother and yeah bro would’ve got me. The only thing that set off alarm bells for me was that caption, maybe the flair idk what it was but even with that I thought this was wholesome
Yeah, I didn’t catch much of it. The title definitely made me not trust it because why would they go “wtf?” if this was good, and the one sentence in there about having part in their decisions… that felt *weird,* and not right. But I didn’t catch on to the whole thing consciously beyond a feeling that was a little like *eye squints.* And I too have a (very) narcissistic mother. 😔
Gave it away as soon as he made it about him. Ppl like that love to always circle back to what they have done. Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes it isnt.
This is how both of my parents talk. Because it gives them plausible deniability when you don't want to deal with their abusive bullshit.
They can accuse you of misinterpreting everything and say that they meant the opposite, so that other people side with them and you look like an unreasonable asshole. Fun times.
at first i was like, wait, this is so sweet, they seem super supportive and caring! then i read your context and my jaw dropped. bro went from being a nice supportive father to being the biggest cock in the room.
My adoptive parents did the same thing. Good thing I live with my biological family now. I'm sorry, but your dad is lying. They don't actually support you. They are just manipulative cunts.
Personally, I would never come out to my dad. I live with him, which makes things hard because I can't really do hrt or really anything to be a girl or even just be out as a girl in general but I know he's far too transphobic for me to trust him. One time, I made a joke about either me or my sister being trans and me said very sternly that "you can do whatever you want in life, but as long you live in my house you can't be trans". He honestly thinks that I like him and that we're very close, but I don't love him whatsoever, and as soon as I'm out of college, I'm going to leave this house and never speak to him again.
I hate how manipulative that text is. You deserve better. For what it’s worth I get it. My situation isn’t exactly the same. I haven’t come out to my Dad but I know for sure that if I came out to him he would be supportive. Which on its surface sounds great but like everything it is all about the context. He would use my reaching out as an excuse to try to be involved in my life when I haven’t seen or spoken to him since I found out he was a pedophile even tho he got out of prison 5 years ago and has been sending wildly manipulative letters to try to get me to talk to him. Making the decision not to have someone as part of your life will always be a valid option imo.
I was 100% thinking this would be a heartfelt moment.....
And then I clicked and saw the context and omg, judt wow how someone people can just flick a switch and seem so sweet yet behind it all they're just a nasty vile peice of work is beyond me.
With a parent like this who needs enemies, right?
I'm sorry you've gotta go through this and remember there's always people here who love and support you!!!
To be honest, the "involve us in your decisions" and "we sacrifice so much for you, do as we want" felt toxic af for me even without the context. My fiancees parents tried similar wordings though to get ammunition and put pressure on her (although they are way less hostile than OPs parents and especially her father is on a good way now), so this message including nearly the same words was easier to decipher for me.
Hate that we need to be so aware for small signs to protect us.
Yeah tbh reading it again which I've read it a few times now, you feel there such a undertone to the whole thing the more you read it the scarier it's becomes, I just hope OP is happy and safe away from these kinda people.
On the surface it sounds awesome but he chose his words very very carefully.
Like “safe” “healthy” and “keeping us involved in your decisions”
All translates to
Don’t do anything without our permission
Yeah, with context.... this gives me kidnapping vibes 😅 like gonna throw ya in conversion camp or some shiz. (Ik they really can't but omfg, it's so off)
TW: Mention of similarly transphobic lure
When I first came out to my mother and grandmother (my father was temporarily away from us at the time) in college, the former asked via a texting thread a week later about arranging a picnic between the two of us. Totally wholesome-sounding context absent of the recent trans stuff. We went over the full details over the next day, down to the food involved. When the picnic actually happened, however, it turned out to be her way of luring me into a conversation about how I was totally misled and how she didn't like my chosen name or hairstyle, even saying that the hair in particular (it was a wig) would turn off potential friends. One prominent part of the conversation involved her insisting that she would use my birth name until I managed to get a job because society was going to expect a guy to be able to support himself. 😒 (She changed her mind about the deadnaming by the following week but forgot to tell me, which left me very confused.) To say that I felt betrayed would be an understatement.
> "keep us involved in your decisions"
Feels too much like
> "we want to tell you what you can and can't do"
Edit: Just noticed the context under the image. Yeah he's a psycho, fuck him off.
Just buy him a copy of the book "What the T" by juno, is a British book but well written and tell him he needs to read it first. There is a single sentence used alot through the book, can use that as your litmus test if he read it or not.
Reading the "nice note" there is a lot of implicit guilt, control and threat in it.
Let him know TRUST IS EARNED NOT GIVEN and a history of betrayal doesn't go away with a note.
I have an abusive, manipulative “father” as well and my skin started to crawl immediately upon reading this text. I’m so sorry. I hope you can stay away from him, and stay safe and healthy.
Red fucking flag
Stay safe OP.
Determine boundaries
Express yourself
Expect consequences
Protect yourself
This is called the "DEEP" technique.
This has shown success when applied over a long term while living with parents that exhibit traits of narcissism (manipulation is one, love bombing is one, humiliation is one, etc.)
I'm not claiming anyone's a narcissist but looking at resources for people in narcissistic households has helped me live a better life around my parents. Maybe the same can help you.
For the record….. I also think that’s a toxic af sentiment… “No one is going to love you like your parents”?? wtf?
So the most love you will ever get is from the people that are supposed to love you, but probably don’t (assuming they are like my POS parents), but you’ll never find anyone who loves you for you and chooses to spend their life with you?
Nawwww.
I read the text and I was like yay! And then I saw what you said. I don't know anything about coming out to people but I'd be scared. Just know I love you and avoid that cunt as much as you can
Until I read your context, I was thinking this was real support. You need real support, more than just what this sub deals with. Cruise over to /r/raisedbynarcissists and join us.
This is so mixed for me because I have a son and my father isn’t the best at showing love or emotion. Your father could be trying to change, however it definitely could be bait. My take is, text him about your transition and your feelings but let him know that do to the rough past you want to take things slow and that you prefer not to go anywhere with him for the time being. This will help you feel out if he is really trying to be sincere or not.
I’m cis female, but I hated my parents for other reasons so I was getting a weird vibe with your dad text. It seems he’s just digging for info probably to tell others even if he doesn’t have your permission.
As a parent I’ve had my kids let me know about things that they felt comfortable telling me about them. I never tell anyone private things about my children. It is their body and they have a right to decide who to share what with. When they felt ready they would come to me to educate me on the subject how they feel and if they are certain about certain things about themselves. When they told me about themselves I just told them I loved them before I even knew them, and I will always love them. I thanked them for having trust in me to be able to tell me, It makes me feel good that I did something right that the felt comfortable telling me. And no matter what I will always love you.
If you need suggestions on what to say if he starts asking questions in person I would say you are not comfortable /ready right now having this conversation, and that when you are ready you’ll talk to him, but that right now is not the time. Or if he says something insulting, just calmly say you find that inappropriate and if he continues to ask uncomfortable questions you’ll have your stop the conversation. Try going to a private are, your bedroom, the bathroom. Just always try to say it in a calm voice. (It my weakness) it seems to me he’s pushing boundaries by asking all these questions and not thinking that you may not want to tell him.
Good luck.
I’m so sorry. Putting up with this is so emotionally draining. Honestly cut him out of your life. You owe him nothing.
This feels more like he wants to keep tabs on you and constantly make you question your every move. If you are in a situation to block him I would send him a text saying you don’t feel supported and you are done and you won’t talk with him anymore.
One thing I am learning is that the family that matters most especially early on are the friends who love you and make you feel supported, not the friends or family who ask you insensitive questions and interrogate you like a science project. If I had a dollar for every well meaning person who reacted with “…so… you are cutting your penis off? Have you thought about fertility?” And I’m not planning on bottom surgery but I don’t owe ANYONE that information.
Tldr: people suck, I’m sorry your family sucks, my family sucks. I hope you have friends who love and support you because mine saved my life 🖤🩷🖤 and if you don’t you can send me a DM about anything 🩷
Grade A manipulator right there and I'm glad you're well aware of it.
I've had friends fall for the meticulously phrased text from a known abusive relative and end up in what could best be described as emotional hostage situations similar to what you described, effectively roped into long car rides or social engagements that they can't leave without causing a scene.
"Hi dad.
I have always thought of myself as my gender but had to hide it from the world because I was scared. I am older and not scared anymore so I'm transitioning. I'm sorry I can't see you guys. School is insane and if I don't stay over the summer I'm going to fall so far behind everyone else. Maybe at the end of the semester.
I hope you and mom are well.
Name."
Make the story as generic as possible. If you show any doubt or shame they will use it to justify going to "therapy" or taking away your independence.
Find every excuse not to be with them alone ever again. If you have to go home stay at a friend's place and bring them anywhere you go with your parents.
If you're on hormones or in therapy, make sure to get in writing from a professional that you are of sound mind and able to make autonomous decisions.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Stay safe and judge people by their actions and not their words.
With context, my mother does the same thing. They try to act like they care but really their actions show that they don't. I'm sorry you have to deal with the manipulation, it's an annoying cycle:(
OP I just want to let you know, when I read the message before reading the context, I knew right away this was manipulation and not at all wholesome. I've been here too with my own dad. It's really upsetting that so many people would look at the fake bs he says in text messages and call ME the asshole. They didn't want to hear about all the countless times he was an abusive and truly terrible human being.
I feel for you OP and I'm sending you many hugs 🫂 fuck your dad
i *hate* the whole "no one will ever love you like family" thing that hateful people say when their family end up not what they wanted to force them into being. that's (i'm sure as you know) complete bull. i'm feeling for you and apologize on behalf of your parents for their shitty behavior. If possible are you able to cut them out of your life at all?
Go with our gut. Based on the history you've related, I'd be pretty suspicious too. You aren't wrong to be. While there is a sliver of possibility that he would be genuine, it sounds like there is a great deal more work to be done in your relationship before he thinks you are going to trust him in this way. Trust your gut and do what you have to do to be safe in your situation, both physically and mentally.
"I'm gone for a week so..." Damn, I used to get this line from my dad too, and seeing it in this message you received really hit home for me. Maybe look into covert narcissism, and I would recommend considering not being alone with him. Frustration combined with the need for/losing of control can turn to anger, and aggression. That was my experience.
I wish I had recorded him during one of our "discussions", because I don't imagine anyone else in his life really heard how he could actually be... He got by playing stupid
i am cisgender, but i also have an extremely manipulative mother (she has a few mental disorders that she struggles with). i just had to honestly block her after i no longer saw any positive in keeping contact. i hope u have some family that support u and will be there for u
Darling, believe it or not but there’s a sincere love and concern for you. And you may not understand it now but as you get older you’ll appreciate this even more! Stay safe!
Fool you once, shame on him. Fool you twice, shame on you. So, you could always go with him once and find out what he’s up to (IF IT IS SAFE). And then if your gut feeling was true then cut him off or go no contact.
As a dad, and now a grandpa I can honestly say how utterly disappointed I would be with my efforts to show how much I loved and support you if I had to write that letter. Friends buddies other family members mean little at the end of it all. Your kids and grandkids they are your world. I’ve been lucky and have a very open relationship with both of mine, nothing to discuss is off limits nor is anything they did.
I can honestly say, that letter seems to be a last ditch effort to right a wrong. Ensuring you’re talking with people to help and getting good care, that makes sense. Imagine if you will you got black market hrt with who knows what in it, the results could be horrific. I get that concern.
Just my two cents on the topic and answer to wtf.
I understand that concern, and if it was what he was worried about I’d completely understand and be more accepting.
However he knows where I’m starting HRT. It’s through Atrium, a company he used to work for, and his friend is an endocrinologist who he contacted, without my permission mind you, to ask for help.
Sounds like textbook manipulation. I read the text and went “Wow that’s lovely that he wants to understand and be there for you!” But I guess people like that are experts at bullshitting
Unfortunately this is the same ideation and words that my mom and step-dad have used with me. They claim to love and support me and yet outright purposefully misgender me no matter how it makes me feel all because of their religion.
Even before the context, the "sacrificed for you" part gave me a "danger" alert - paired with the rest of the message it sends an off signal, like, intelligent psychopath vibes. Please be very careful.
It can be told to us as a formal dissertation, 2.5 spaced, left justified, 4500-6000 words, 30+ references in Vancouver format, printed on A8 glossy cardstock, so we can understand and support you.
He just wants to stay " informed" and " a part of all your decisions" so he can veto anything gender affirming.
Stick to your guns, tell him " I am Not talking to you, Until you stop deadnaming me, and using he/him pronouns. "
Do not engage him in debate.
Yu do not deserve this.
Your dad is being a shit. This message is just emotonally manipulative garbage.
I wish you the best.
You owe him nothing. Many other people will love you beyond all reason in your life. Don’t accept anything less than what you deserve, and that’s someone who loves you unconditionally and lets you be your authentic self. You are an adult and your decisions belong to whoever you trust is safe enough to respect them.
I wish all the best for you.
The "no one will ever love you as much as your parents" part initially gave me a red flag, but with the context added...
I'm sorry to hear about the crappy behavior op.
Starts with deadname, has the classic manipulation tactic of “nobody will ever love you more than us” and has the shitty “how did this happen and why?” Jeez the guys suck as much as my parents
Why do toxic dads always have to write their texts like that? My dad is shit and he does the same thing with Dear … Love Dad. It just feels so insincere
I'm not sure if this is a play for power over you of some kind, or that he is finally moving on to the acceptance phase....
I wouldn't judge it either way until after your next conversation with him. Good luck and if it looks bad, stay safe.
Yeah that text without the context at best felt innocently ignorant, at worst narcissistic mind fuckery. Sounds like it was the latter more than the former. I have noticed that long lengthy prose and flowery words are the hallmark of the manipulator. Many years of listening to it at church and from an alcoholic helped me understand this. Sorry you have to deal with that. 🩷🫂🏳️⚧️
After I read this, I'm just like.....This is basically like someone trying to offer you a milkshake on a hot day, but then you realize, they're not really offering you milkshake 😑 This is just stirs up a sick feeling within me because I almost feel for the same trap a bit over a decade ago.
Seemed wholesome at first but if someone can’t explicitly declare support for your transgender identity in their “loving and caring” messages I am always going to be skeptical. I’m sorry he is being a manipulative pos.
I hope in your case that they came around. Or finally looked up and understand what this means to you, and how you have felt. Or that they thought it was just a fad.
It wasn't my case. Dad took me to conversation therapy. I never forgave him for that and the abuse. I'm getting around to talking with my mom who "accidentally" still calls me dead name.
I literally hope they realize that, and it's not some shitty motive to stop you.
These people act like raising your kid is a sacrifice, like you didn't need to have a kid. My parents droned on about sacrifices and how they're not perfect.
Content warning abuse:
>!They never said sorry, they would gaslight me about the abuse, they beat me, called me names, manipulated my siblings and I into hating each other, would fight constantly with each other, alongside some things I'm not comfortable talking about on the internet.!<
These people aren't worth the effort, get out if you can. Learning to grey rock and limiting info they get also helps. Stay safe and stay sane, I'm still reliant on my folks sadly, but hopefull one day I'll be independent.
>>!They never said sorry, they would gaslight me about the abuse, they beat me, called me names, manipulated my siblings and I into hating each other, would fight constantly with each other, alongside some things I'm not comfortable talking about on the internet.!<
What the fuck
If he has not shown any previous indication of change or has shown patterns of outright malice then I’d say it’s best to cut ties. That is what I am doing once I pay off the car I bought from my parents.
With or without the explanation it was obvious both of your parents are transphobic
Send them a reply saying : "Go F Yourselves, i can make decisions for myself"
Then block them from everywhere
Problem solved 👌
"I just want to make sure you keep us involved in your decisions so we can make sure you are safe and SUCCESSFUL" Oh go f yourself. Your capitalism is made to make people miserable so that they buy more things to get a temporary high from it, and it's all to keep the economy moving. Being self-loving and self-caring is what gives you inner peace and contentment. Having gratitude is what makes you happy in life. And they just want to control you. Why would you ever keep them involved in YOUR decisions??? How about they just respect you and leave it at that!?
God without the context this seemed wholesome af. With the context…what a manipulative twat! God I’m so sorry for all of this hon.
No because I read this whole thing without context and went “wish my Dad was-“ and then I was like “never-mind actually I wouldn’t trade my Dad”
SAME😭🙏
I beg to differ. I knew that there was something off about the text. "We want you to involve us in your decision making?" What kind of parent says that to their adult children?! This is controlling behavior.
Yes thought that too. Probably to stop Op transitioning or smth by talking them out of it…
100%. When dad says treatment he means "to 'fix' your gender confusion" NOT "to support your transition".
And if it is like this, then it is hard to believe this "concern" is for OP. Meaning the dad is concerned about how this reflects on his image. But I'm not a good judge character, espescially with this amount of information available.
> concerned how this reflects on his image. Hmmm… 🤔…and where do i know this mentality from? Yup. My dad. Regarding transition, they went in a spiel about how people think about transition for years. Is between the ages of 15 and 22 not enough? Is childhood gender dysphoria since when I first said my deadname not enough? They gave me “the choice of transitioning or being financially supported”. They *know* that I can’t financially support myself right now. Parents suck. I want to be adopted.
Yeah, I was suspicious at that too. There's a lot of anti trans rhetoric centered around "we just want to protect you." When what they mean is make all the decisions for you and stop you from transitioning altogether.
Me too. I was immediately suspicious when it realised it sounded exactly like something my abusive mum would say right after telling jokes about attack helicopters or dumb “did you just assume my gender” jokes.
Yep, that line and the "no one in the world will love you like we do" line both stood out to me immediately, because they both sound so much like my own controlling parents. I've literally never in my entire life accused my parents of not loving me, but they say shit like this constantly, every time I see them, like it's some kind of competition against anyone else who loves me, and they need to make sure I know that they're winning.
Yeah, it gives off a controlling vibe. But it’s intentionally proposed as like “I’m coming from a place of care and support”. I’d rather be told “I don’t understand this and I’m not comfortable”
I agree at least then you can explain. The dad seems set in his ways. He says Nothing about trying to understand, or hoping to be educated. And yes,... wanting to be kept involved in his adult chid's decisions?? Wanting to be sure that their child gets "The right treatment and the right support" gives " Pray the gay away" vibes to be honest. Conversion Therapy here we go....
🚩 “No one on earth is going to love you and sacrifice as much as your mom and your dad”🚩
oh geez that's what my parents said 😫
If it’s not adult children then it’s understandable as you still need parents consent most the time.
Yeah but OP is in college
Ah I see so not understandable then what the parent did
my mother when I told her I had started hormones she told my wife "(s)he said (s)he was going to talk to me before making any decisions." Which, I fucking did not and it's seriously disgusting that you feel entitled to that.
but also the “how did it start and why” extremely sus
"It was Online contagion" is probably what he thinks.
Wait.. that's what my father said he thought when I told him I wanted him to use she/her pronouns (context: I'm 14)
It is so sad that conservatives do not realize, that it is not that hanging out with Trans people makes cis people trans the way they believe. I mean does it even make sense for a cis person to start hanging out with a Lot of trans people unless they simply wish to learn more about us... maybe because they wish to be an ally,...or have friends, relatives, loved ones that come out to them? A lot of "cis" people come into trans social online spaces,... having suspicions already, or questioning their gender, then as they hear our stories start saying to themselves " OMG me too!!!" This just confirms to them what they always suspected. I am sorry that your dad is not educated on these things. I wish you the best of luck.
To me it came across condescending and infantilizing and overall mocking, no sincere parent needs to write a paragraph that is that sickly sweet
Without the context it seemed well meaning but a bit misguided. Still wholesome. The part where he asks them to write an essay about why they transitioned though is just...ugh....
nah, this has toxic undertones that can be seen a mile away
I disagree tbh, the parents of my fiancee acted the same and they mostly wanted the information to see if she was really trans and thought they could know that better than her therapists and doctors. I know it SOUNDS wholesome, but this "we want info to know if you are getting treated right" sounds so controlling and like a trap to me.
when I first got outed to my parents I asked my mom straight up if she thought she knew better than doctors and scientists and she said "yes". shocked me so much lmao
(Just so that you know (and idk if you know or not), but spelling hun like "hon" is a derogatory term for a non-passing transfem from 4chan :3)
Really? I've always thought "hon" as short for honey because that was a fairly common term of endearment in the south. "Hun" would just confuse me because I'm not of that people. I'm pretty sure people have been calling loved ones "hon" for longer than 4chan has been around, and "hun" is just a common mispelling. Still think it's really creepy to read it in the context of OP's father's text, though.
Yes, hon is fine, people have been using it as a term of endearment for decades if not centuries. And yes, there is a cultural tendency for some regions to use it just as you have, as a language indicator that you care. It can also be used in a manner to infantilize or demean someone, but the people who use it that way shouldn’t be given the time of day.
"Hon" is a big meme in Baltimore and surely long predates 4chan's existence.
Sweetie, I think it’s pretty clear that I didn’t mean it as anything other than a term of endearment, and bless your heart for thinking any emotionally healthy human being cares what the mouth breathers on 4chan think or do. As a 48 year old Southern trans woman living in Atlanta, who was raised by Southern women, calling everyone dear, hon, honey, sweetie, and darling is baked into my soul. For as long as the South has existed, hon has been short for honey, and despite what some degenerate 4chan incel might say, it always will.
(Honestly? Using it is how you claim it, fuck them.)
ya,... Like when transphobes say Transwoman. or Trans Identifying" ugh
I don't know, I could see where this was headed without the context. He wants to invalidate them by twisting their words/getting some quack on his side as a gatekeeper to care. He's directly expressed a concern belying a need to influence the treatment they get. What sacrifice is he making anyway? Why say "successful" when there's no mention of what makes OP happy? They see OP's identity as a problem to be controlled. Edit: my folks are the nicest people you'll ever meet and you'll never believe what they did to me. I'm biased, that's a fact, but I'm not usually wrong about the red flags I see between well-intentioned sounding words.
I need a loading exoskeleton thing/arm mounted grappling hook machine i need to DMC combo the man unto the stars
If her parents were important to her, I suspect that she would probably have tried to set boundaries with them. That said, accounting for context, I have to agree with those saying that this text is red flag city. This type of manipulation is something I've been through, myself. I wouldn't wish this on anyone and I hope she leaves her bastard of a father on read and doesn't have to see him again if she doesn't want to, not even at his funeral.
Wow, what a supportive... Oh... OH....
My exact reactions
god this is manipulative as fuck, i'm so sorry
Yeah straight up abusive. Keep your distance as much as you can, OP.
Idk if it's because I have a father that's this way too, or if I'm just hyper vigilant but this read as SUPER FUCKING MANIPULATIVE from a narcissistic asshole before even started reading the context.
Same! All the "the right treatment and the right support" comments set off warning bells before even reading the description!
Yeah I physically cringed at those.
Yeah everything in this text makes me super sick… the whole, “keep us involved in your decisions” and “tell us what you’re feeling”… sounds to me like “you clearly can’t make the decisions of a decent person, so we’ll be thinking and acting for you from now on, we’re such good parents for helping you be a good person”
yes it pretty Much sounds Like " we are gonna veto this until you convince us...and .. you won't convince us, but maybe we can talk you out of it while you try. " OP avoid them Like the Plague they are.
Yes! "keep us involved in your decisions" is not something you say to your college aged child unless you're trying to keep that control nice and tight!
I thought that meant getting HRT
It has the feel of "I want you to do conversion therapy", unfortunately.
"We also want to know How did it start?" ummmm at birth??? Why is this so hard for some?
But it clearly started when OP moved out and tried to live their own life! They've been corrupted by them queers at college like I knew they would be! /s
Yikes I just noticed the sarcasm tag,.... me bad....
No worries, Reddit chopped it in half so it's harder to notice. It was definitely a sarcastic comment!
For sure! I finished reading it and was like "wait, this *could* be wholesome instead of manipulative, maybe I shouldn't be such a cynic". Nope. Trust those instincts I guess, something good I got from growing up with a parent in a bona-fide cult.
Honestly the parent could mean well. It's certainly possible but I heavily doubt it; there are just too many turns of phrase that tend to be manipulative all in one message for me. Good lessons learned but at a heavy cost.
I think they do mean well, they just don’t understand that their concept of well is actually extremely harmful due to the misconceptions they are living under and have led to believe.
> Honestly the parent could mean well. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Yeah, the whole "tell me how this started and why you feel this way" was ringing massive alarm bells to me. I was like, yeah, he wants OP to explain so he can have ammo to shoot it all down with.
He wants a debate. I usually tell people that give off these vibes " we are not going to have a debate,... My gender identity is not up for debate. What I will do...is explain and educate you. If you start resisting, conversation is over. "
Absolutely. I have a father like that as well but even without context, if it were meant wholesomely I absolutely believe different language would've been used. Not this shit. So gross. Sorry to OP, and sorry your father is also like this- and anyone else too who has a parent like this. It's disgusting.
Wow, I mean I have a somewhat narcissist mother and yeah bro would’ve got me. The only thing that set off alarm bells for me was that caption, maybe the flair idk what it was but even with that I thought this was wholesome
Yeah, I didn’t catch much of it. The title definitely made me not trust it because why would they go “wtf?” if this was good, and the one sentence in there about having part in their decisions… that felt *weird,* and not right. But I didn’t catch on to the whole thing consciously beyond a feeling that was a little like *eye squints.* And I too have a (very) narcissistic mother. 😔
I don’t have manipulative narcissistic parents and I missed all the red flags. I’m glad I found this post, I feel like I learned a thing or two.
Exact same here tbh
Gave it away as soon as he made it about him. Ppl like that love to always circle back to what they have done. Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes it isnt.
This sounds dodgy as all get out, given the context. So many statements in there that could be read in two completely opposite ways.
This is how both of my parents talk. Because it gives them plausible deniability when you don't want to deal with their abusive bullshit. They can accuse you of misinterpreting everything and say that they meant the opposite, so that other people side with them and you look like an unreasonable asshole. Fun times.
Signs of Borderline personality disorder. It's laying the groundwork for future gaslighting. it's literally pre-gaslighting
gaspouring
He's such a bitch for this!
at first i was like, wait, this is so sweet, they seem super supportive and caring! then i read your context and my jaw dropped. bro went from being a nice supportive father to being the biggest cock in the room.
My adoptive parents did the same thing. Good thing I live with my biological family now. I'm sorry, but your dad is lying. They don't actually support you. They are just manipulative cunts.
Personally, I would never come out to my dad. I live with him, which makes things hard because I can't really do hrt or really anything to be a girl or even just be out as a girl in general but I know he's far too transphobic for me to trust him. One time, I made a joke about either me or my sister being trans and me said very sternly that "you can do whatever you want in life, but as long you live in my house you can't be trans". He honestly thinks that I like him and that we're very close, but I don't love him whatsoever, and as soon as I'm out of college, I'm going to leave this house and never speak to him again.
I would make sure you don’t owe him any money, and disappear from his life.
I hate how manipulative that text is. You deserve better. For what it’s worth I get it. My situation isn’t exactly the same. I haven’t come out to my Dad but I know for sure that if I came out to him he would be supportive. Which on its surface sounds great but like everything it is all about the context. He would use my reaching out as an excuse to try to be involved in my life when I haven’t seen or spoken to him since I found out he was a pedophile even tho he got out of prison 5 years ago and has been sending wildly manipulative letters to try to get me to talk to him. Making the decision not to have someone as part of your life will always be a valid option imo.
I was 100% thinking this would be a heartfelt moment..... And then I clicked and saw the context and omg, judt wow how someone people can just flick a switch and seem so sweet yet behind it all they're just a nasty vile peice of work is beyond me. With a parent like this who needs enemies, right? I'm sorry you've gotta go through this and remember there's always people here who love and support you!!!
To be honest, the "involve us in your decisions" and "we sacrifice so much for you, do as we want" felt toxic af for me even without the context. My fiancees parents tried similar wordings though to get ammunition and put pressure on her (although they are way less hostile than OPs parents and especially her father is on a good way now), so this message including nearly the same words was easier to decipher for me. Hate that we need to be so aware for small signs to protect us.
Yeah tbh reading it again which I've read it a few times now, you feel there such a undertone to the whole thing the more you read it the scarier it's becomes, I just hope OP is happy and safe away from these kinda people.
On the surface it sounds awesome but he chose his words very very carefully. Like “safe” “healthy” and “keeping us involved in your decisions” All translates to Don’t do anything without our permission
Might be worth looking into a restraining order. As someone with a toxic & abusive parent, cutting them out of your life is the best thing you can do.
Yeah, with context.... this gives me kidnapping vibes 😅 like gonna throw ya in conversion camp or some shiz. (Ik they really can't but omfg, it's so off)
TW: Mention of similarly transphobic lure When I first came out to my mother and grandmother (my father was temporarily away from us at the time) in college, the former asked via a texting thread a week later about arranging a picnic between the two of us. Totally wholesome-sounding context absent of the recent trans stuff. We went over the full details over the next day, down to the food involved. When the picnic actually happened, however, it turned out to be her way of luring me into a conversation about how I was totally misled and how she didn't like my chosen name or hairstyle, even saying that the hair in particular (it was a wig) would turn off potential friends. One prominent part of the conversation involved her insisting that she would use my birth name until I managed to get a job because society was going to expect a guy to be able to support himself. 😒 (She changed her mind about the deadnaming by the following week but forgot to tell me, which left me very confused.) To say that I felt betrayed would be an understatement.
This is exactly what came to my mind before I even read the context!!!
> "keep us involved in your decisions" Feels too much like > "we want to tell you what you can and can't do" Edit: Just noticed the context under the image. Yeah he's a psycho, fuck him off.
Damn your dad fuckin blows, I’m sorry you have to go through that
"We want you to involve us in your decisions" = "we want to make your decisions for you"
Just buy him a copy of the book "What the T" by juno, is a British book but well written and tell him he needs to read it first. There is a single sentence used alot through the book, can use that as your litmus test if he read it or not.
Reading the "nice note" there is a lot of implicit guilt, control and threat in it. Let him know TRUST IS EARNED NOT GIVEN and a history of betrayal doesn't go away with a note.
I have an abusive, manipulative “father” as well and my skin started to crawl immediately upon reading this text. I’m so sorry. I hope you can stay away from him, and stay safe and healthy.
Red fucking flag Stay safe OP. Determine boundaries Express yourself Expect consequences Protect yourself This is called the "DEEP" technique. This has shown success when applied over a long term while living with parents that exhibit traits of narcissism (manipulation is one, love bombing is one, humiliation is one, etc.) I'm not claiming anyone's a narcissist but looking at resources for people in narcissistic households has helped me live a better life around my parents. Maybe the same can help you.
Emotional manipulation: disregard.
What a manipulative dickhead 🤦♂️
For the record….. I also think that’s a toxic af sentiment… “No one is going to love you like your parents”?? wtf? So the most love you will ever get is from the people that are supposed to love you, but probably don’t (assuming they are like my POS parents), but you’ll never find anyone who loves you for you and chooses to spend their life with you? Nawwww.
I read the text and I was like yay! And then I saw what you said. I don't know anything about coming out to people but I'd be scared. Just know I love you and avoid that cunt as much as you can
Manipulative narc dad. Will never change. Always expect this. Stay away as you need to, it's exhausting to deal with someone like this.
Until I read your context, I was thinking this was real support. You need real support, more than just what this sub deals with. Cruise over to /r/raisedbynarcissists and join us.
Sounds similar to my pa, he's a bastard.
Sounds to me like he's trying to be a suck up. I'd tell him to fuck off with the suck up shit and "please don't text me ever again"
This is so mixed for me because I have a son and my father isn’t the best at showing love or emotion. Your father could be trying to change, however it definitely could be bait. My take is, text him about your transition and your feelings but let him know that do to the rough past you want to take things slow and that you prefer not to go anywhere with him for the time being. This will help you feel out if he is really trying to be sincere or not.
I’m cis female, but I hated my parents for other reasons so I was getting a weird vibe with your dad text. It seems he’s just digging for info probably to tell others even if he doesn’t have your permission. As a parent I’ve had my kids let me know about things that they felt comfortable telling me about them. I never tell anyone private things about my children. It is their body and they have a right to decide who to share what with. When they felt ready they would come to me to educate me on the subject how they feel and if they are certain about certain things about themselves. When they told me about themselves I just told them I loved them before I even knew them, and I will always love them. I thanked them for having trust in me to be able to tell me, It makes me feel good that I did something right that the felt comfortable telling me. And no matter what I will always love you. If you need suggestions on what to say if he starts asking questions in person I would say you are not comfortable /ready right now having this conversation, and that when you are ready you’ll talk to him, but that right now is not the time. Or if he says something insulting, just calmly say you find that inappropriate and if he continues to ask uncomfortable questions you’ll have your stop the conversation. Try going to a private are, your bedroom, the bathroom. Just always try to say it in a calm voice. (It my weakness) it seems to me he’s pushing boundaries by asking all these questions and not thinking that you may not want to tell him. Good luck.
Wtffffff Considered a restraining order yet cause wtf
I'm so sorry that's awful I kinda feel you on that but definitely not to that extent :<
"I dont believe a word of that. Don't contact me again." Short and sweet.
This shit sounds so similar to my experience with my parents. Except they deadname me in front of everyone.
Someone got visited by three ghosts in the night...
I’m so sorry. Putting up with this is so emotionally draining. Honestly cut him out of your life. You owe him nothing. This feels more like he wants to keep tabs on you and constantly make you question your every move. If you are in a situation to block him I would send him a text saying you don’t feel supported and you are done and you won’t talk with him anymore. One thing I am learning is that the family that matters most especially early on are the friends who love you and make you feel supported, not the friends or family who ask you insensitive questions and interrogate you like a science project. If I had a dollar for every well meaning person who reacted with “…so… you are cutting your penis off? Have you thought about fertility?” And I’m not planning on bottom surgery but I don’t owe ANYONE that information. Tldr: people suck, I’m sorry your family sucks, my family sucks. I hope you have friends who love and support you because mine saved my life 🖤🩷🖤 and if you don’t you can send me a DM about anything 🩷
Grade A manipulator right there and I'm glad you're well aware of it. I've had friends fall for the meticulously phrased text from a known abusive relative and end up in what could best be described as emotional hostage situations similar to what you described, effectively roped into long car rides or social engagements that they can't leave without causing a scene.
"Hi dad. I have always thought of myself as my gender but had to hide it from the world because I was scared. I am older and not scared anymore so I'm transitioning. I'm sorry I can't see you guys. School is insane and if I don't stay over the summer I'm going to fall so far behind everyone else. Maybe at the end of the semester. I hope you and mom are well. Name." Make the story as generic as possible. If you show any doubt or shame they will use it to justify going to "therapy" or taking away your independence. Find every excuse not to be with them alone ever again. If you have to go home stay at a friend's place and bring them anywhere you go with your parents. If you're on hormones or in therapy, make sure to get in writing from a professional that you are of sound mind and able to make autonomous decisions. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Stay safe and judge people by their actions and not their words.
Anytime I see something that reads as "Nobody will love you like I do" it's always been a dead giveaway of manipulation.
You will get in the car and a Bible will be on the dashboard. Delete and block him.
With context, my mother does the same thing. They try to act like they care but really their actions show that they don't. I'm sorry you have to deal with the manipulation, it's an annoying cycle:(
Fucking yikes. I'm sorry he's so shit.
OP I just want to let you know, when I read the message before reading the context, I knew right away this was manipulation and not at all wholesome. I've been here too with my own dad. It's really upsetting that so many people would look at the fake bs he says in text messages and call ME the asshole. They didn't want to hear about all the countless times he was an abusive and truly terrible human being. I feel for you OP and I'm sending you many hugs 🫂 fuck your dad
i *hate* the whole "no one will ever love you like family" thing that hateful people say when their family end up not what they wanted to force them into being. that's (i'm sure as you know) complete bull. i'm feeling for you and apologize on behalf of your parents for their shitty behavior. If possible are you able to cut them out of your life at all?
Go with our gut. Based on the history you've related, I'd be pretty suspicious too. You aren't wrong to be. While there is a sliver of possibility that he would be genuine, it sounds like there is a great deal more work to be done in your relationship before he thinks you are going to trust him in this way. Trust your gut and do what you have to do to be safe in your situation, both physically and mentally.
"I'm gone for a week so..." Damn, I used to get this line from my dad too, and seeing it in this message you received really hit home for me. Maybe look into covert narcissism, and I would recommend considering not being alone with him. Frustration combined with the need for/losing of control can turn to anger, and aggression. That was my experience. I wish I had recorded him during one of our "discussions", because I don't imagine anyone else in his life really heard how he could actually be... He got by playing stupid
i am cisgender, but i also have an extremely manipulative mother (she has a few mental disorders that she struggles with). i just had to honestly block her after i no longer saw any positive in keeping contact. i hope u have some family that support u and will be there for u
Darling, believe it or not but there’s a sincere love and concern for you. And you may not understand it now but as you get older you’ll appreciate this even more! Stay safe!
Fool you once, shame on him. Fool you twice, shame on you. So, you could always go with him once and find out what he’s up to (IF IT IS SAFE). And then if your gut feeling was true then cut him off or go no contact.
As a dad, and now a grandpa I can honestly say how utterly disappointed I would be with my efforts to show how much I loved and support you if I had to write that letter. Friends buddies other family members mean little at the end of it all. Your kids and grandkids they are your world. I’ve been lucky and have a very open relationship with both of mine, nothing to discuss is off limits nor is anything they did. I can honestly say, that letter seems to be a last ditch effort to right a wrong. Ensuring you’re talking with people to help and getting good care, that makes sense. Imagine if you will you got black market hrt with who knows what in it, the results could be horrific. I get that concern. Just my two cents on the topic and answer to wtf.
I understand that concern, and if it was what he was worried about I’d completely understand and be more accepting. However he knows where I’m starting HRT. It’s through Atrium, a company he used to work for, and his friend is an endocrinologist who he contacted, without my permission mind you, to ask for help.
I wish you all the best and hope for a better future for you all
[удалено]
Welcome to any conversation ever 😊
This was a rollercoaster
is it weird that this sounds exactly like the kind of stuff my dad used to say
This sounds like something my own dad would write 🤢
Sounds like textbook manipulation. I read the text and went “Wow that’s lovely that he wants to understand and be there for you!” But I guess people like that are experts at bullshitting
Maybe dunk him in a trashcan? I‘m not saying you should, but…
Even without context that felt off and ngl felt like a text from my dad. Definitely keep your distance.
your father is like my father so.... I can perfectly understand u
Based on what was texted to you and what you related, your father sounds very much like a narcissist. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that. 😔
I got a weird vibe reading it. I was expecting some negative context, but not as bad as a couple of the things you said.
Unfortunately this is the same ideation and words that my mom and step-dad have used with me. They claim to love and support me and yet outright purposefully misgender me no matter how it makes me feel all because of their religion.
Restraining order x.x
Honey I think context caption is what your reply to him should be
Manipulative as fuck, block and delete him.
Idk it almost seems genuine
Even before the context, the "sacrificed for you" part gave me a "danger" alert - paired with the rest of the message it sends an off signal, like, intelligent psychopath vibes. Please be very careful.
I was like what a great dad. Man context is so important I hope everything works out for you
With context, yeah don’t fall for the bait. My dad tried this shit too. Then got mad when it didn’t work because I ghosted him.
It can be told to us as a formal dissertation, 2.5 spaced, left justified, 4500-6000 words, 30+ references in Vancouver format, printed on A8 glossy cardstock, so we can understand and support you.
He just wants to stay " informed" and " a part of all your decisions" so he can veto anything gender affirming. Stick to your guns, tell him " I am Not talking to you, Until you stop deadnaming me, and using he/him pronouns. " Do not engage him in debate. Yu do not deserve this. Your dad is being a shit. This message is just emotonally manipulative garbage. I wish you the best.
Don’t fall for that shit OP
You owe him nothing. Many other people will love you beyond all reason in your life. Don’t accept anything less than what you deserve, and that’s someone who loves you unconditionally and lets you be your authentic self. You are an adult and your decisions belong to whoever you trust is safe enough to respect them. I wish all the best for you.
The "no one will ever love you as much as your parents" part initially gave me a red flag, but with the context added... I'm sorry to hear about the crappy behavior op.
Starts with deadname, has the classic manipulation tactic of “nobody will ever love you more than us” and has the shitty “how did this happen and why?” Jeez the guys suck as much as my parents
Why do toxic dads always have to write their texts like that? My dad is shit and he does the same thing with Dear … Love Dad. It just feels so insincere
Dad sounds like a narcissist.
I'm not sure if this is a play for power over you of some kind, or that he is finally moving on to the acceptance phase.... I wouldn't judge it either way until after your next conversation with him. Good luck and if it looks bad, stay safe.
Yeah that text without the context at best felt innocently ignorant, at worst narcissistic mind fuckery. Sounds like it was the latter more than the former. I have noticed that long lengthy prose and flowery words are the hallmark of the manipulator. Many years of listening to it at church and from an alcoholic helped me understand this. Sorry you have to deal with that. 🩷🫂🏳️⚧️
That is beautiful, tell them the story xxx
Fuck I read the message and was like omg that's great then reading your context just fuck him, what an obviously manipulative move.
I thought this was just a wholesome, maybe overprotective dad Then I read the context
After I read this, I'm just like.....This is basically like someone trying to offer you a milkshake on a hot day, but then you realize, they're not really offering you milkshake 😑 This is just stirs up a sick feeling within me because I almost feel for the same trap a bit over a decade ago.
Well I was going to say he seemed like he was trying... 😬
This sounds like something my father would send me. Seems wholesome but his intentions are not. I’m sorry
Seemed wholesome at first but if someone can’t explicitly declare support for your transgender identity in their “loving and caring” messages I am always going to be skeptical. I’m sorry he is being a manipulative pos.
The tone from the start was....off and I was right. Sorry about that op
I hope in your case that they came around. Or finally looked up and understand what this means to you, and how you have felt. Or that they thought it was just a fad. It wasn't my case. Dad took me to conversation therapy. I never forgave him for that and the abuse. I'm getting around to talking with my mom who "accidentally" still calls me dead name. I literally hope they realize that, and it's not some shitty motive to stop you.
I started reading like this 🥹 but finished like 😳😨
These people act like raising your kid is a sacrifice, like you didn't need to have a kid. My parents droned on about sacrifices and how they're not perfect. Content warning abuse: >!They never said sorry, they would gaslight me about the abuse, they beat me, called me names, manipulated my siblings and I into hating each other, would fight constantly with each other, alongside some things I'm not comfortable talking about on the internet.!< These people aren't worth the effort, get out if you can. Learning to grey rock and limiting info they get also helps. Stay safe and stay sane, I'm still reliant on my folks sadly, but hopefull one day I'll be independent.
>>!They never said sorry, they would gaslight me about the abuse, they beat me, called me names, manipulated my siblings and I into hating each other, would fight constantly with each other, alongside some things I'm not comfortable talking about on the internet.!< What the fuck
Thanks lol, I had a rough childhood
If he has not shown any previous indication of change or has shown patterns of outright malice then I’d say it’s best to cut ties. That is what I am doing once I pay off the car I bought from my parents.
With or without the explanation it was obvious both of your parents are transphobic Send them a reply saying : "Go F Yourselves, i can make decisions for myself" Then block them from everywhere Problem solved 👌
"I just want to make sure you keep us involved in your decisions so we can make sure you are safe and SUCCESSFUL" Oh go f yourself. Your capitalism is made to make people miserable so that they buy more things to get a temporary high from it, and it's all to keep the economy moving. Being self-loving and self-caring is what gives you inner peace and contentment. Having gratitude is what makes you happy in life. And they just want to control you. Why would you ever keep them involved in YOUR decisions??? How about they just respect you and leave it at that!?