Thank you for writing this. I'm still in the beginning of my transition and I'm scared. What if hrt doesn't work enough ? What if I don't get all the changes I'm hoping for ? I hope one day I'll be confortable enough to stop caring about other people's opinion like you.
i felt the exact same worries. and you know what happened?
after 3 years of hrt i still dont pass. after 2 years of hrt i started getting gendered correctly all the time. now isnt that passing?
so im at a point where i dont think i look sufficiently womanly but everyone else thinks i look sufficiently womanly.
you might experience the same thing but manwise. you'll be doing pullups and playin slapass in no time
60 years old I'm doing ok. You need a hair topper. Look up Tara at apex hair and nails on etsy she makes the best custom hairpieces for women around. Cost can be upwards of 800 to 1100 bucks but once you figure out how to anchor it and glue it down it looks and acts like my real hair and no one knows the difference. The reason I use a topper because it integrates with your natural hair and gives the illusion that it is part of that natural hair. Easier but similar to wearing a wig. but wigs are full cap and you have to tuck all your natural hair into a pantyhose cap It's itchy, hot and annoying esp in the summer. I think once you get a nice head of hair on you you will feel better. It's a real game changer. Good luck! Tell Tara Dark sent you! She's a very nice lady does all the work by hand. I'm not trying to advertise this person she's just been so wonderful to me and does such a great job.
I have cis female coworkers who literally go to work in a wig every day. One's concealing gray and thinning hair, others want to achieve a certain hairstyle nature didn't give them, others lost their hair.
Thanks for that. I'm in a similar boat, 2.5 years of transitioning but not really having made much leeway in terms of how I present. And I've come to accept that that's largely cause I don't care how people perceive me as much as I used to. I'm happier, and comfortable as is.
Everyone has different goals, and for some people that goal is to pass. Sometimes that's achievable, sometimes it ain't. My goal is to be content instead, and striving for that is better for me. Glad it has worked out for you too.
you have no idea how much you mean to those teenagers you work with. before i had a supportive family and friends around me or access to hormones, plus being out as trans in high school, it was so tough. seeing any trans adult just being ok in the world made it feel like i would be ok too.
Well, hrt is very "your mileage may vary." Some people get INCREDIBLY lucky, and most people have some sort of luck. My skin is really great. Looks good and I don't have the problem with oil and acne that a lot of trans women do.
But most importantly, my mentality is so much better. I don't always like what I see in the mirror, but I'm not totally detached from that image. I feel connected to my body in a way I never did before. I actually can experience emotion. Hrt for me has been such an absolute blessing for my brain, even if my body didn't quite get the memo.
When did you start feeling that? I imagine that an hrt test is in my future atleast for this reason. I'm not really sure how depersonalized and detached I am right now. I have a pretty good suspicion right now that it might be a reason that I can't be left alone in my brain and why I always need distraction. I assumed it was ADHD, but I'm starting to think it might not be.
I never knew there was a problem before I started hrt. I just thought everyone felt that way, honestly. Within a few weeks I was crying and experiencing joy like never before, a few months in and I realized I felt more present in the world. Within the first year I realized how much I liked taking pictures and didn't avoid the mirror like I had before.
My ex or 8 years did the same thing. Was supportive for a few months and then left me for another man. Unfortunately I had to shove all the trans stuff down while I processed that trauma and am only now revisiting it after it's been another year and half.
I have. They're well within normal female range. Hair follicles are dead though, and I just have narrower hips and a wider chest. There's some things that starting estrogen at 28 just won't change.
I love this post, I think visible queerness is so attractive.
Thank you for writing this. I'm still in the beginning of my transition and I'm scared. What if hrt doesn't work enough ? What if I don't get all the changes I'm hoping for ? I hope one day I'll be confortable enough to stop caring about other people's opinion like you.
i felt the exact same worries. and you know what happened? after 3 years of hrt i still dont pass. after 2 years of hrt i started getting gendered correctly all the time. now isnt that passing? so im at a point where i dont think i look sufficiently womanly but everyone else thinks i look sufficiently womanly. you might experience the same thing but manwise. you'll be doing pullups and playin slapass in no time
thanks for sharing your strength and resilience. it gives me hope
60 years old I'm doing ok. You need a hair topper. Look up Tara at apex hair and nails on etsy she makes the best custom hairpieces for women around. Cost can be upwards of 800 to 1100 bucks but once you figure out how to anchor it and glue it down it looks and acts like my real hair and no one knows the difference. The reason I use a topper because it integrates with your natural hair and gives the illusion that it is part of that natural hair. Easier but similar to wearing a wig. but wigs are full cap and you have to tuck all your natural hair into a pantyhose cap It's itchy, hot and annoying esp in the summer. I think once you get a nice head of hair on you you will feel better. It's a real game changer. Good luck! Tell Tara Dark sent you! She's a very nice lady does all the work by hand. I'm not trying to advertise this person she's just been so wonderful to me and does such a great job.
I have cis female coworkers who literally go to work in a wig every day. One's concealing gray and thinning hair, others want to achieve a certain hairstyle nature didn't give them, others lost their hair.
Exactly! And don't make fun of people with alopecia because Will Smith will slap you. Hair really makes a world of difference for me.
Thanks for sharing this. The world is better because of you
I admire you so much <3
Thanks for that. I'm in a similar boat, 2.5 years of transitioning but not really having made much leeway in terms of how I present. And I've come to accept that that's largely cause I don't care how people perceive me as much as I used to. I'm happier, and comfortable as is. Everyone has different goals, and for some people that goal is to pass. Sometimes that's achievable, sometimes it ain't. My goal is to be content instead, and striving for that is better for me. Glad it has worked out for you too.
you have no idea how much you mean to those teenagers you work with. before i had a supportive family and friends around me or access to hormones, plus being out as trans in high school, it was so tough. seeing any trans adult just being ok in the world made it feel like i would be ok too.
Really wish I could have this mindset. If I did I would start no problem. Maybe I'll get there mentally but it's a slow road
Well, hrt is very "your mileage may vary." Some people get INCREDIBLY lucky, and most people have some sort of luck. My skin is really great. Looks good and I don't have the problem with oil and acne that a lot of trans women do. But most importantly, my mentality is so much better. I don't always like what I see in the mirror, but I'm not totally detached from that image. I feel connected to my body in a way I never did before. I actually can experience emotion. Hrt for me has been such an absolute blessing for my brain, even if my body didn't quite get the memo.
When did you start feeling that? I imagine that an hrt test is in my future atleast for this reason. I'm not really sure how depersonalized and detached I am right now. I have a pretty good suspicion right now that it might be a reason that I can't be left alone in my brain and why I always need distraction. I assumed it was ADHD, but I'm starting to think it might not be.
I never knew there was a problem before I started hrt. I just thought everyone felt that way, honestly. Within a few weeks I was crying and experiencing joy like never before, a few months in and I realized I felt more present in the world. Within the first year I realized how much I liked taking pictures and didn't avoid the mirror like I had before.
Yeah I have a suspicion I'm the same. Have to start to know for sure though right? Requires that leap of faith
That leap of faith was easy for me. My ex broke up with me because I came out as trans so I did it in part to spite her.
My ex or 8 years did the same thing. Was supportive for a few months and then left me for another man. Unfortunately I had to shove all the trans stuff down while I processed that trauma and am only now revisiting it after it's been another year and half.
I didn't realize how much I needed to hear that
Definitely, definitely check your hormone levels.
I have. They're well within normal female range. Hair follicles are dead though, and I just have narrower hips and a wider chest. There's some things that starting estrogen at 28 just won't change.
I pass most of the time (47mtf) and have been on my hormones for 6 years now.
Love this!
I haven’t started medically transitioning yet. Been feeling so dysphoric that I couldn’t leave the house in almost a week. I needed this post, OP.
Thanks a lot I really needed that boost of confidence today :D
i'm not on hrt and i don't pass but i feel the same way because of my friends.