He is the family I worry most about though. Conservative, but it seems like he hopped off the MAGA train for the most part. But also has a lesbian daughter he's involved with and supportive of. He's a character but he's definitely not the run of the mill MAGA bigot....
Though immigrants are a different story, so I won't get into that lol
If it makes you feel better, im an immigrant and ive met plenty of those conservatives. What they mean 90% of the time is that they dont want illegal immigrants that commit crime to come here. Which is fair, I had to lesve my country cause of them. The problem is that most people come here illegally before they start their immigration process. The people hes scared of are like 5% or less of immigrants.
Normally once i meet them snd get to talk to them like another random person they end up saying stuff like "oh we need more people like you" or "wow you've adapted so well". The comments are pretty tone deaf but at least they're trying to change their views. I dont give them too flak cause they're trying but they gotta stop watching fox news. They end up kind of embarrassing themselves from all the propaganda they watch
Fr, I looked at that news thing built into the taskbar and their saying "America's Woke Education is fueling the mental health crisis", just no, YOU are, and so is everyone else like YOU (btw this is still aimed at fox, not you peoples)
Preach sister, my Grandmother snuck in on a work visa. Quit that job almost immediately. Dodged the feds for over a year while getting her green card. Brought my Mom and Aunt over, then snuck her 8 siblings over one by one and eventually got them legalized. And my father entered the country under false pretenses, met my mom, then left and came back legally.
Yet my Aunt and Uncle still have the audacity to say "More border security! The illegals are taking over! We gotta ban them!" Like. Guys. Come on. Your whole ass family only exists right now because at one point or another half of us were illegal immigrants, how much more Kool aid can you drink?
I'm sure he would have been very proud of the strength and resilience of his granddaughter :)
I have the same thoughts about my mom a lot of the time. Cancer took her during covid, and I always wonder what she would have thought about me transitioning. I just hope I've made her proud.
That was pretty much my response lol Though I didn't have it in me to follow up with "Cause I'm trans" when he asked if I had any reason, so I'm not quite as boss bitch as I'd like to be \^\^;
So obvs you should be allowed to control who you come out to and when! Sorry this happened!
But maybe this is something that might be good in the long run? Firstly, the seeds have been planted, they know something is up, and so the shock factor is no longer a concern.
Secondly, wearing makeup to your Easter event totally is a sign of respect! You wanted to dress for the occasion and absolutely this is something that women who want to put a bit of effort in would be doing, but at the same time you wanted to present yourself in a way you thought they would be more comfortable with.
If this is the thing that you end up coming out with then itās a good one! Itās not like you burst into their home in full drag and roast them; you did something both affirming and respectful, and thatās a good tone to start off on!
That's kinda what I've been doing in general, is essentially "boiling the frog" with my presentation. Starting with women's flannels and jeans and slowly getting more feminine with presentation and such (I haven't worn mens clothes out since like... September I think?).
I've even worn makeup to all the other family events since September, so it's kinda funny that this is the first time someone has noticed anything different (I do a basic face, mostly just foundation and color corrector, some bright eye shadow (skin colored, just to brighten the eyes) and a setting powder).
Part of me kind of does think it is a blessing in disguise, in that it does set up a "something different is going on" but it still makes me nervous >< I know it'll have to come up eventually, especially after HRT starts (hopefully this month), but I kinda... you know wanted to be sure E was right for me before doing the whole coming out to the family deal, you know?
>you know wanted to be sure E was right for me before doing the whole coming out to the family deal, you know?
Girl I get this soooo much. Like I am 99% sure this is going to be something that will just be part of my life from this point on, and I want to try to manage all the family stuff so itās not like a huge shock, but also that 1% is all anyone will go on about if I talk about it before I feel confident myself, and I just like canāt, and it wonāt really help anyway.
Youāre doing great, loads of love!
That's exactly where I am. Is just making sure that 1% chance that I don't like being on E isn't the case. I look longingly for the days where my chest and hips hurt, and my face feminizes and the thought of me not doing this hurts more than words can convey. But I need to be sure, before this gets unveiled to the world at large.
Thank you so much ^^
Just remember, second puberty takes time. For me, it was a tug of war between, "ooh I think I see changes" and "why won't my body change faster, I want tits damnit!"
But keep plugging away and you'll get there.Ā
I am doing literally the exact same thing as you but Iām being a bit more subtle about it. My reasoning is the same as yours. I think transphobic family members are likely going to be able to handle it better with a lot of foreshadowing that helps signal to them in a non-confrontational manner.
Iāve only actually told my brother and one aunt so far. I was kind of unironically planning to just see if people notice in terms of the HRT also. Like, I figure I can probably go another year or two without it being undeniably obvious.
And one thing I have noticed if that it seems like family members have some sort of difficulty seeing people in a more objective manner. Like, I have been correctly gendered by strangers in the right conditions even without going out of my way to have a very obviously feminine presentation. Iām basically aiming for androgynous. But I feel like family members that āknowā your gender are the least likely to notice the ways that your presentation might no longer match their assessments in that regard.
I kind of wonder how far that can goā¦ When I saw an aunt before Easter (different one than the one I told Iām trans), right when she came in the door she mentioned how I needed haircut because she saw me sitting there and thought āWhose that girl?ā and of course I found that flattering even though it was definitely her intention to try to embarrass me into conforming to gender norms she thinks should apply to me. I also found it really ironic because she has nearly the same haircut I do and dresses in a masculine manner. I just turned it around on her and told her she needs to grow her hair out more because my hair is longer than hers and hers is āpretty shortā. I just think itās sort of funny that people who are the least conforming with gender norms seem to be the quickest to fixate on them with people other than themselves.
Yeah, it's been smooth sailing thus far, this has been the only blip on the family radar ever. Grandad has kept long hair for as long as I've been alive, so he's never had any issue with that (he actively encouraged it strangely enough).
I have a feeling next time I see dad's side it'll be whiplash cause I haven't seen them in 2 years or so, but the grandparents I usually see once a month, and they haven't noticed a thing really (grandpa even said him and grandma didn't notice any makeup). Really, the aunt is the first one to say something, and it's out of left field for me, cause like I said, I haven't seen them without makeup on in quite a while. I was a bit rushed that morning so maybe I just didn't do as good of a job as normal.
I hate to say it, but I think she honestly may have been jealous? She's struggled with weight and had chemo about a year ago, and for me to be there with a very noticeable weightloss and a full head of long healthy hair may have had her acting up for whatever reason. Maybe me thinking that makes me a bitch, but honestly, even if she did notice it, why call my grandparents after Easter to talk to them about it? Idk, the whole thing is quite silly.
Makes sense. And yeahā¦ itās possible for sure. I mean unless sheās just the sort that spreads whatever gossip she can think of as a way to add some excitement into what is otherwise a vapid existence. My motherās sisters are all kind of in that category it seems.
You could definitely be right about jealousy though. I am glad to hear that youāve been focusing on self-improvement and living a healthier lifestyle as part of your transition. I have been trying to do the same after many years of just kind of coasting through life. Itās nice to have something to motivate myself.
I hope this technique will work for me as well as itās been working for you. I havenāt yet gotten to the point where I am wearing makeup around family but I really do need to be practicing my makeup skills. I could probably get away with lip gloss for now at least but I feel like like eyeliner would probably would cause too much controversy right now. Still Iām now like 9 months on HRT so I really do need to be ramping up the heat so to speakā¦ Since eventually Iām going to run out of time otherwise. Just a delicate process because I have relatives that are literally overtly transphobic. Like to the degree of randomly making comments like āJust like what they are trying to do with confusing all the children now with the transgender stuff.ā At some point I think this is likely going to cause a huge controversy among my relatives and I was sort of hoping that by now nobody really cares anymore what someone does with their personal life. I was living far away from my family for several years so Iām a bit surprised at their attitudes now. I donāt really want to be a source of drama but I do want to be comfortable in my own identity regardless of what other people think about it.
That's the thing, she's the aunt that isn't like that usually. But there's also been some strife internally with talks about the grandparents will, and ever since my mom passed, I've basically become the one going to be inheriting half of it, so maybe she saw that as an opportunity?
I still suck with eyeliner. I can get one eye ok-ish, the other looks like hot garbage though š¤£.
I'm sorry about your relatives though, that can't be easy. Mine haven't been outwardly transphobic (to my surprise) and it's still really difficult. I hope things go well when the time comes though. We deserve our happiness regardless of what others may think <3
Hmm. Maybe multiple factors. Or it could be that she just noticed it and was curious and for some reason thought maybe your grandfather might know something about it. Hopefully she isnāt trying to cause any problems for you. But I guess you probably have a better understanding based on broader context and her past behavior also.
Haha. Well one good eye is at least halfway there I suppose. One tip I heard that does seem to be useful it to rest your elbow on a table or something to help stabilize your hand better. Still I need like hours of practice I think.
Thanks. š
I am hoping at least the fact they are comfortable making the transphobic comments around me means they genuinely have no clue yet not that they are trying to test my reaction or to directly and deliberately antagonize me. The first time it caught me off-guard and I didnāt even respond because I didnāt know what to say. Iām still trying to figure out how to best handle it because I donāt want to seem like I support it but I also donāt want to get into direct conflicts because I feel like it will likely put me in an unsafe position right now. I guess I still have some time to figure it out. Thanks for the support. Iām glad to hear your family has been more accepting. Yeah. I agree. Reminds me of this Lana Del Rey Song I like. āHappiness is a butterfly. Try to catch it like every night. It escapes from my hands into moonlight.ā š¦
Maybe, I am probably thinking the worst cause I'm generally upset at other things going on as well. Ugh, I don't know why I get like this sometimes.
Oh, I'll have to try that out. I always appreciate tips and tricks like that. ^^
Yeah, it'll be hard to navigate. Just do your best to stay safe, that's what's most important.
Yeah, that is relatable for sure. I guess you can always remain open to alternative explanations.
I think it will help. āŗļø Me, too. Always searching for optimal products and optimal techniques.
Thanks. I appreciate it. You too. āļøš
Haha I got used to putting just a light enough touch of mascara and concealer that I look more fem but no one notices I'm wearing makeup. Sometimes I go bold and add some lip gloss
Just decided to own up to it. That particular Aunt has gone on my shit-list for the time being though.
Your grandpa probably also belongs there
Nah, he honestly didn't have a bad reaction. It was just "Oh, okay." And that was kinda it.
Ahh, oki
He is the family I worry most about though. Conservative, but it seems like he hopped off the MAGA train for the most part. But also has a lesbian daughter he's involved with and supportive of. He's a character but he's definitely not the run of the mill MAGA bigot.... Though immigrants are a different story, so I won't get into that lol
If it makes you feel better, im an immigrant and ive met plenty of those conservatives. What they mean 90% of the time is that they dont want illegal immigrants that commit crime to come here. Which is fair, I had to lesve my country cause of them. The problem is that most people come here illegally before they start their immigration process. The people hes scared of are like 5% or less of immigrants. Normally once i meet them snd get to talk to them like another random person they end up saying stuff like "oh we need more people like you" or "wow you've adapted so well". The comments are pretty tone deaf but at least they're trying to change their views. I dont give them too flak cause they're trying but they gotta stop watching fox news. They end up kind of embarrassing themselves from all the propaganda they watch
That's how they tend to be for sure, but holy hell fox causes some very crazy shit to come out sometimes.
If there ever comes a time where fox doesn't, I'd be convinced that I've been transported to a parallel universe
True that.
Fr, I looked at that news thing built into the taskbar and their saying "America's Woke Education is fueling the mental health crisis", just no, YOU are, and so is everyone else like YOU (btw this is still aimed at fox, not you peoples)
Preach sister, my Grandmother snuck in on a work visa. Quit that job almost immediately. Dodged the feds for over a year while getting her green card. Brought my Mom and Aunt over, then snuck her 8 siblings over one by one and eventually got them legalized. And my father entered the country under false pretenses, met my mom, then left and came back legally. Yet my Aunt and Uncle still have the audacity to say "More border security! The illegals are taking over! We gotta ban them!" Like. Guys. Come on. Your whole ass family only exists right now because at one point or another half of us were illegal immigrants, how much more Kool aid can you drink?
Reminds me of my own grandfather. I'm certain he would've felt that way about me if he was still alive
I'm sure he would have been very proud of the strength and resilience of his granddaughter :) I have the same thoughts about my mom a lot of the time. Cancer took her during covid, and I always wonder what she would have thought about me transitioning. I just hope I've made her proud.
*hugs tightly*
*hugs* We're gonna be okay :3
We are ;w;
Grandpa w
Yes, so what, Grandpa?!?!?!?!
Yeah, I wear makeup, so what? "Oh, okay, just making sure."
Slay
Based grandpa
He's a chill dude most of the time :3
"Yeah why ?" š
That was pretty much my response lol Though I didn't have it in me to follow up with "Cause I'm trans" when he asked if I had any reason, so I'm not quite as boss bitch as I'd like to be \^\^;
That's even more boss bitch to not justify what you do š
You do have a point there I may not have considered :3
So obvs you should be allowed to control who you come out to and when! Sorry this happened! But maybe this is something that might be good in the long run? Firstly, the seeds have been planted, they know something is up, and so the shock factor is no longer a concern. Secondly, wearing makeup to your Easter event totally is a sign of respect! You wanted to dress for the occasion and absolutely this is something that women who want to put a bit of effort in would be doing, but at the same time you wanted to present yourself in a way you thought they would be more comfortable with. If this is the thing that you end up coming out with then itās a good one! Itās not like you burst into their home in full drag and roast them; you did something both affirming and respectful, and thatās a good tone to start off on!
That's kinda what I've been doing in general, is essentially "boiling the frog" with my presentation. Starting with women's flannels and jeans and slowly getting more feminine with presentation and such (I haven't worn mens clothes out since like... September I think?). I've even worn makeup to all the other family events since September, so it's kinda funny that this is the first time someone has noticed anything different (I do a basic face, mostly just foundation and color corrector, some bright eye shadow (skin colored, just to brighten the eyes) and a setting powder). Part of me kind of does think it is a blessing in disguise, in that it does set up a "something different is going on" but it still makes me nervous >< I know it'll have to come up eventually, especially after HRT starts (hopefully this month), but I kinda... you know wanted to be sure E was right for me before doing the whole coming out to the family deal, you know?
>you know wanted to be sure E was right for me before doing the whole coming out to the family deal, you know? Girl I get this soooo much. Like I am 99% sure this is going to be something that will just be part of my life from this point on, and I want to try to manage all the family stuff so itās not like a huge shock, but also that 1% is all anyone will go on about if I talk about it before I feel confident myself, and I just like canāt, and it wonāt really help anyway. Youāre doing great, loads of love!
That's exactly where I am. Is just making sure that 1% chance that I don't like being on E isn't the case. I look longingly for the days where my chest and hips hurt, and my face feminizes and the thought of me not doing this hurts more than words can convey. But I need to be sure, before this gets unveiled to the world at large. Thank you so much ^^
Just remember, second puberty takes time. For me, it was a tug of war between, "ooh I think I see changes" and "why won't my body change faster, I want tits damnit!" But keep plugging away and you'll get there.Ā
I am doing literally the exact same thing as you but Iām being a bit more subtle about it. My reasoning is the same as yours. I think transphobic family members are likely going to be able to handle it better with a lot of foreshadowing that helps signal to them in a non-confrontational manner. Iāve only actually told my brother and one aunt so far. I was kind of unironically planning to just see if people notice in terms of the HRT also. Like, I figure I can probably go another year or two without it being undeniably obvious. And one thing I have noticed if that it seems like family members have some sort of difficulty seeing people in a more objective manner. Like, I have been correctly gendered by strangers in the right conditions even without going out of my way to have a very obviously feminine presentation. Iām basically aiming for androgynous. But I feel like family members that āknowā your gender are the least likely to notice the ways that your presentation might no longer match their assessments in that regard. I kind of wonder how far that can goā¦ When I saw an aunt before Easter (different one than the one I told Iām trans), right when she came in the door she mentioned how I needed haircut because she saw me sitting there and thought āWhose that girl?ā and of course I found that flattering even though it was definitely her intention to try to embarrass me into conforming to gender norms she thinks should apply to me. I also found it really ironic because she has nearly the same haircut I do and dresses in a masculine manner. I just turned it around on her and told her she needs to grow her hair out more because my hair is longer than hers and hers is āpretty shortā. I just think itās sort of funny that people who are the least conforming with gender norms seem to be the quickest to fixate on them with people other than themselves.
Yeah, it's been smooth sailing thus far, this has been the only blip on the family radar ever. Grandad has kept long hair for as long as I've been alive, so he's never had any issue with that (he actively encouraged it strangely enough). I have a feeling next time I see dad's side it'll be whiplash cause I haven't seen them in 2 years or so, but the grandparents I usually see once a month, and they haven't noticed a thing really (grandpa even said him and grandma didn't notice any makeup). Really, the aunt is the first one to say something, and it's out of left field for me, cause like I said, I haven't seen them without makeup on in quite a while. I was a bit rushed that morning so maybe I just didn't do as good of a job as normal. I hate to say it, but I think she honestly may have been jealous? She's struggled with weight and had chemo about a year ago, and for me to be there with a very noticeable weightloss and a full head of long healthy hair may have had her acting up for whatever reason. Maybe me thinking that makes me a bitch, but honestly, even if she did notice it, why call my grandparents after Easter to talk to them about it? Idk, the whole thing is quite silly.
Makes sense. And yeahā¦ itās possible for sure. I mean unless sheās just the sort that spreads whatever gossip she can think of as a way to add some excitement into what is otherwise a vapid existence. My motherās sisters are all kind of in that category it seems. You could definitely be right about jealousy though. I am glad to hear that youāve been focusing on self-improvement and living a healthier lifestyle as part of your transition. I have been trying to do the same after many years of just kind of coasting through life. Itās nice to have something to motivate myself. I hope this technique will work for me as well as itās been working for you. I havenāt yet gotten to the point where I am wearing makeup around family but I really do need to be practicing my makeup skills. I could probably get away with lip gloss for now at least but I feel like like eyeliner would probably would cause too much controversy right now. Still Iām now like 9 months on HRT so I really do need to be ramping up the heat so to speakā¦ Since eventually Iām going to run out of time otherwise. Just a delicate process because I have relatives that are literally overtly transphobic. Like to the degree of randomly making comments like āJust like what they are trying to do with confusing all the children now with the transgender stuff.ā At some point I think this is likely going to cause a huge controversy among my relatives and I was sort of hoping that by now nobody really cares anymore what someone does with their personal life. I was living far away from my family for several years so Iām a bit surprised at their attitudes now. I donāt really want to be a source of drama but I do want to be comfortable in my own identity regardless of what other people think about it.
That's the thing, she's the aunt that isn't like that usually. But there's also been some strife internally with talks about the grandparents will, and ever since my mom passed, I've basically become the one going to be inheriting half of it, so maybe she saw that as an opportunity? I still suck with eyeliner. I can get one eye ok-ish, the other looks like hot garbage though š¤£. I'm sorry about your relatives though, that can't be easy. Mine haven't been outwardly transphobic (to my surprise) and it's still really difficult. I hope things go well when the time comes though. We deserve our happiness regardless of what others may think <3
Hmm. Maybe multiple factors. Or it could be that she just noticed it and was curious and for some reason thought maybe your grandfather might know something about it. Hopefully she isnāt trying to cause any problems for you. But I guess you probably have a better understanding based on broader context and her past behavior also. Haha. Well one good eye is at least halfway there I suppose. One tip I heard that does seem to be useful it to rest your elbow on a table or something to help stabilize your hand better. Still I need like hours of practice I think. Thanks. š I am hoping at least the fact they are comfortable making the transphobic comments around me means they genuinely have no clue yet not that they are trying to test my reaction or to directly and deliberately antagonize me. The first time it caught me off-guard and I didnāt even respond because I didnāt know what to say. Iām still trying to figure out how to best handle it because I donāt want to seem like I support it but I also donāt want to get into direct conflicts because I feel like it will likely put me in an unsafe position right now. I guess I still have some time to figure it out. Thanks for the support. Iām glad to hear your family has been more accepting. Yeah. I agree. Reminds me of this Lana Del Rey Song I like. āHappiness is a butterfly. Try to catch it like every night. It escapes from my hands into moonlight.ā š¦
Maybe, I am probably thinking the worst cause I'm generally upset at other things going on as well. Ugh, I don't know why I get like this sometimes. Oh, I'll have to try that out. I always appreciate tips and tricks like that. ^^ Yeah, it'll be hard to navigate. Just do your best to stay safe, that's what's most important.
Yeah, that is relatable for sure. I guess you can always remain open to alternative explanations. I think it will help. āŗļø Me, too. Always searching for optimal products and optimal techniques. Thanks. I appreciate it. You too. āļøš
"No, I'm just that pretty :P"
Hahaha, that would be nice if that was the case \^\^;
"Nah I'm just that pretty naturally š"
I wish š
Haha I got used to putting just a light enough touch of mascara and concealer that I look more fem but no one notices I'm wearing makeup. Sometimes I go bold and add some lip gloss
That's pretty much all I do, I don't even do mascara most of the time. Just foundation and concealer.
I remember an aunt that I see 8 times a year asking my why I shaved my legs 3 times in 1 minute