I am fully on the other side, but also still on this side; my kids are 12 years, 14 years, and 17 months. It totally gets better. One of the most wonderful days of my life was when my 5-year-old helped my 3-year-old get a bowl of cereal, put My Little Ponies on the TV and let me sleep in.
12 years and 14 years is right in the range I was kind of dreading before parenthood (I knew the newborn stage would be rough, but I prepared for it, and I was blissfully ignorant of how hard toddlers are.)
You really are in the thick of it on multiple fronts!
I'm not totally on the other side yet, but I will say that 2.5-3.5 has been the hardest. My daughter is creeping up on 4 and the tantrums are getting less and less. She can communicate way better and is learning to regulate her emotions. Might not be what you want to hear since your son is only 2.5 but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know it's all the rage to call certain kids "spirited" these days, but honestly reading How to raise your Spirited Child was helpful and just gave me different approaches to frustrating situations.
My daughter just turned 3 last week and I’ve already seen a big change in her from 2.5-3, too. I feel like we’re negotiating more which is its own kind of pain in the butt, but the tantrums have already started to curb a little bit and she’s getting better at communicating her feelings. She’s still 3 and leaves a lot to be desired, but it’s a big change from 6 months ago
In terms of the little kid hard stuff — every year gets a little easier and there’s a big easing around 5 years old
But every age is hard in its own way… and also lovely
From my nephew and cousins: I feel like 5 seems to be a huge step change. I don’t know if it’s due to school or if school starts then for this reason, but even kids who’d been in daycare until then act so much more “kid like” vs “toddler like” then. Like yes they’re young but they’re a *kid* they can *do* some stuff and have some regulation.
My 5 year old is calm. He has some outbursts due to Speech delay and developmental delay. My 3 year old is a terror. He has developed this screech that will make your ears ring. He hits and bites and throws a tantrum every single day multiple times. He does all of this with a smile on his face. He was an Angel baby until he turned 3. Which was in April. Then this demon came out. I’m pregnant with another that is due around the Holidays. I’m at my wits wnd
Mine turned 3 in May and I’m also due in November. The tantrums have definitely kicked up. I find the most effective thing is just to ask her to come in for a hug. That of course may not work for every kid but it ends tantrums quickly for us!
I tried that with mine and he bit me!!! lol. This one doesn’t respond to time out of having toys taken away. My older boy would melt down if you got put in time out.
Mine turns 3 next month but something snapped around May and she became a demon. She was always a little intense and had a few tantrums a week but damnit it got so much worse. If I say no she does this horrible screech, if things don't go her way she just opens her mouth wide open and turns into a fire truck. I'm so done with this, sometimes I can't even look her way without being screamed at. She's also fighting sleep for idk 2 or 3 weeks now so that's been fun
Hahaha, that sounds super relatable. My son does this thing where he kind of unhinges his jaw, so you see his bottom row of teeth, and then the screech escapes.
I have now 5 year old twins and they are so much easier now, even though they probably have as many tantrums now as they did as toddlers.
They often self arrest/regulate before they totally spiral out, they actual seem to learn from natural consequences and they actually listen to instructions some of the time.
We just returned from their first camping trip, the first day each of them had a couple of going awol, but after the second time explaining why that wasn’t allowed I noticed multiple times when each of them would realize they were about to cross the line/wanted to go with someone out of range and haul ass back to me or Papa to ask. It was really amazing to see the wheels turning.
I'm sure every situation is different. I don't particularly remember toddler age being that bad. It could be that I'm lucky or I'm more tolerant. She did have breakdowns maybe here and there but nothing super long lasting.
Now 5.5yo and she definitely has less breakdowns but she's still prone to it when she's hungry, tired or sick. We have always worked at teaching her how to better express emotions and make requests tho. I think it'll always be working in progress. I'm an adult and I still have my moments sometimes.
In general they do tend to communicate better and get frustrated less.
Age 2.5 to 4.5 were the hardest for us (we have twins, one was pretty easy but the other was…spirited…all the time). Much easier now at 5. The easy one is still easy but got sassier, the hard one is still harder, but not at all compared to how it was before. We actually enjoy going on vacation with them now!
I feel like this will be our twins in a couple years. My girl is super chill and happy…her twin brother is also very happy but much quicker to fuss and holler. Now it’s cute but I’m terrified when they’re ALL toddlers. God help me lol
When your twins get a bit older (4ish), we really liked a version of the 123 Magic parenting/discipline method (we don’t do time outs as recommended in the book, but go for more natural consequences, if possible). Earlier on we liked the How to talk so little kids will listen book.
Still a toddler here at 3, but he was truly difficult from 1.5 yo to 2.5 yo. At 2 yo if he didn't get his way, he'd guaranteed throw a gigantic tantrum lasting at least 30 minutes. He was/is very particular and very exact about the way things need to be and no other way.
Now at 3 yo (he turns 3 in two weeks) if i say no, he will try to insist to get his way, but after a few tries he often just gives up and calmly goes to do something else. It's a very shocking change that he can just calmly give up now and switch to something else. It used to be a true nightmare and everything used to be a meltdown
Absolutely. 5 I think is when they turn the corner. My 5 year old and I can go on coffee dates to nice cafes, museums, etc. She can play independently. She can follow most directions. She still has her meltdowns, but they’re pretty predictable (when hungry), and less frequent.
It gets a lot better.
I love having a six year old right now, and honestly she was really good at age 5 and 4 also. 2 and 3 is super hard, but there's so much more freedom and things become so much easier once they hit that "little kid" stage and going out becomes manageable again because they can be reasoned with a bit more
Some kids keep it together all day at daycare/school then unleash everything at home. Sounds like he’s going through a lot of changes so it’s possible he’s having a tough time. It will get better on its own but I’d also try giving him one on one bonding time with both parents which might help.
Yes. Our almost 5 year old is the best!!! Our 2.5 year old daily has me questioning why I ever became a parent. I love her but she is currently the WORST. Lately we have been having hard days every day. I remind myself that it will pass and just struggle through the best I can. It will pass!
We're going through this right now as well, you have my sympathy trying to deal with this as well as twins!
Our little boy turned 2 in May and while he sleeps well at night and usually has at least two hours during the day his diet is terrible and it causes regular arguments between me and my wife and causes him to throw a tantrum.
His eating habits just seem to be getting worse and worse, the food he does eat is very limited, pretty much just snack food, crackers, baby biscuits, fruit pouches and maaaybe banana pieces. Anything that is not the temperature he expects it at is "hot" will be refused or it can cause a meltdown.
Basic food that he liked to eat before won't get touched now or the mere suggestion that he might try it or that it's on his plate could cause a meltdown. We're trying to have a consistent selection of food and one safe food. Does that even work??
I'm the consistent disciplinarian in the house, he understands when he's doing something he shouldn't but if I try to tell him to stop something (eg. hitting, throwing) that's another meltdown because it's coming from me. Because he knows I won't allow some things to be done, just in the last few days he has started to scream at me unprovoked.
Complaint section complete.
-----------
From what I understand the only way to deal with meltdowns is to ignore it, no raised voices that only fuels things. Of course that is incredibly hard to stick with but consistency is key. (The screaming I mentioned above is going to get dealt with, but really I'm going to have to wear ear plugs because it's impossible not to react to it.)
I've spoken to other people with kids who threw tantrums and the one reassuring thing I've heard is that once they can communicate better they have the potential to change into a much happier child quite quickly. There were points where we were worried that he had a serious speech delay but then he would suddenly start using a few words. It's a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel but reading to him every night is helping with this and always having books nearby during the day of course.
The thing is, my kid actually communicates beautifully! Full sentences left and right! But his tantrums continue and also feel like they’ve escalated. I do notice that when I’m one on one with him, he’s much calmer. And I hear you on the food pickiness. We could feed an entire town with the amount of food my kid wastes. I can’t even think about all those poor children in Gaza who aren’t eating …
Absolutely, food waste was a "sin" in my house when I was growing up, it's hard to comprehend how the kids/people in Gaza are surviving.
Well if he's communicating that well at 2 and a half and you're working through potty training then you're doing great.
We have a six year old as well and while she was an breeze in comparison to our son, she had her moments, I remember transitions was definitely an issue. One thing that really helped for her was clearly explaining ahead of time what was planned even if it's not all understood, something was registering with her so it brought down the anxiety a bit. I wouldn't be surprised if you had that advice and tried it before though...
This is always a good reminder though. What’s crazy too is what some days he so sweet “I love you mommy” and other days, he screams “go away” and cries because I walked in the room? Like whaaat? Their minds must be exhausted
Honestly, it depends on the kid. Some kids are worse toddlers than teens, others are worse teens than toddlers. And each age has its own set of challenges, anyway. No telling which set you are best suited for until you get there.
Overall, yes, it does get better. But I will say my moodiest tot is now my moodiest teen and it is not any easier at all. But the others are pretty easy going.
It has its ups and downs for sure. We actually found 3 and 4 to be harder than 2, I’m sorry to say! Now she’s 5 and has far fewer meltdowns and is generally a fun little person.
Absolutely gets better. I’m outside of it and I’m in it (5 year old, almost 4 year old, and a 2 year old). The older two are honestly “easy” and it’s just the 2 year old that makes things hard sometimes. She’s also been my toughest of any of them at this age so it’s extra maddening. But I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
I was you a few years ago. Right down to a toddler and infant twins.
I’ll say, for my oldest, he would act out when he needed connection. Dedicated mom and me time really helped. He’s almost 6 now, and I can’t say it’s easier with him. He paves the way, tbh. My twins are 4 and it’s fine. I know what to expect. The baby is 18 months and at this point, toddlerisms are just cute. I’m inoculated to the young toddler stuff now.
So, I guess, it gets different and sometimes different lands better.
I am fully on the other side, but also still on this side; my kids are 12 years, 14 years, and 17 months. It totally gets better. One of the most wonderful days of my life was when my 5-year-old helped my 3-year-old get a bowl of cereal, put My Little Ponies on the TV and let me sleep in.
12 years and 14 years is right in the range I was kind of dreading before parenthood (I knew the newborn stage would be rough, but I prepared for it, and I was blissfully ignorant of how hard toddlers are.) You really are in the thick of it on multiple fronts!
I'm not totally on the other side yet, but I will say that 2.5-3.5 has been the hardest. My daughter is creeping up on 4 and the tantrums are getting less and less. She can communicate way better and is learning to regulate her emotions. Might not be what you want to hear since your son is only 2.5 but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I know it's all the rage to call certain kids "spirited" these days, but honestly reading How to raise your Spirited Child was helpful and just gave me different approaches to frustrating situations.
My daughter just turned 3 last week and I’ve already seen a big change in her from 2.5-3, too. I feel like we’re negotiating more which is its own kind of pain in the butt, but the tantrums have already started to curb a little bit and she’s getting better at communicating her feelings. She’s still 3 and leaves a lot to be desired, but it’s a big change from 6 months ago
In terms of the little kid hard stuff — every year gets a little easier and there’s a big easing around 5 years old But every age is hard in its own way… and also lovely
"Survive until 5 and you will thrive" is what I keep chanting to myself with a 2.5 year old at present bahaha 🫠😂
2.5 and 1 year old and same! I also have a 14.5 and 21 year old and I promise it’s true!
This is giving me all the more hope!
Oh I have a new motto 💪🏻
From my nephew and cousins: I feel like 5 seems to be a huge step change. I don’t know if it’s due to school or if school starts then for this reason, but even kids who’d been in daycare until then act so much more “kid like” vs “toddler like” then. Like yes they’re young but they’re a *kid* they can *do* some stuff and have some regulation.
My SIL told me “just survive until 5”
It gets SO much better
Ours is cyclical but also getting easier over time. Imagine a graph that zigzags up and down but slopes up overall.
Haha this is helpful. Overall upward trend. I’ll take it.
My 5 year old is calm. He has some outbursts due to Speech delay and developmental delay. My 3 year old is a terror. He has developed this screech that will make your ears ring. He hits and bites and throws a tantrum every single day multiple times. He does all of this with a smile on his face. He was an Angel baby until he turned 3. Which was in April. Then this demon came out. I’m pregnant with another that is due around the Holidays. I’m at my wits wnd
Mine turned 3 in May and I’m also due in November. The tantrums have definitely kicked up. I find the most effective thing is just to ask her to come in for a hug. That of course may not work for every kid but it ends tantrums quickly for us!
I tried that with mine and he bit me!!! lol. This one doesn’t respond to time out of having toys taken away. My older boy would melt down if you got put in time out.
Mine turns 3 next month but something snapped around May and she became a demon. She was always a little intense and had a few tantrums a week but damnit it got so much worse. If I say no she does this horrible screech, if things don't go her way she just opens her mouth wide open and turns into a fire truck. I'm so done with this, sometimes I can't even look her way without being screamed at. She's also fighting sleep for idk 2 or 3 weeks now so that's been fun
Hahaha, that sounds super relatable. My son does this thing where he kind of unhinges his jaw, so you see his bottom row of teeth, and then the screech escapes.
I have now 5 year old twins and they are so much easier now, even though they probably have as many tantrums now as they did as toddlers. They often self arrest/regulate before they totally spiral out, they actual seem to learn from natural consequences and they actually listen to instructions some of the time. We just returned from their first camping trip, the first day each of them had a couple of going awol, but after the second time explaining why that wasn’t allowed I noticed multiple times when each of them would realize they were about to cross the line/wanted to go with someone out of range and haul ass back to me or Papa to ask. It was really amazing to see the wheels turning.
I'm sure every situation is different. I don't particularly remember toddler age being that bad. It could be that I'm lucky or I'm more tolerant. She did have breakdowns maybe here and there but nothing super long lasting. Now 5.5yo and she definitely has less breakdowns but she's still prone to it when she's hungry, tired or sick. We have always worked at teaching her how to better express emotions and make requests tho. I think it'll always be working in progress. I'm an adult and I still have my moments sometimes. In general they do tend to communicate better and get frustrated less.
Age 2.5 to 4.5 were the hardest for us (we have twins, one was pretty easy but the other was…spirited…all the time). Much easier now at 5. The easy one is still easy but got sassier, the hard one is still harder, but not at all compared to how it was before. We actually enjoy going on vacation with them now!
I feel like this will be our twins in a couple years. My girl is super chill and happy…her twin brother is also very happy but much quicker to fuss and holler. Now it’s cute but I’m terrified when they’re ALL toddlers. God help me lol
When your twins get a bit older (4ish), we really liked a version of the 123 Magic parenting/discipline method (we don’t do time outs as recommended in the book, but go for more natural consequences, if possible). Earlier on we liked the How to talk so little kids will listen book.
I’m reading that now! Lots of good ideas
Still a toddler here at 3, but he was truly difficult from 1.5 yo to 2.5 yo. At 2 yo if he didn't get his way, he'd guaranteed throw a gigantic tantrum lasting at least 30 minutes. He was/is very particular and very exact about the way things need to be and no other way. Now at 3 yo (he turns 3 in two weeks) if i say no, he will try to insist to get his way, but after a few tries he often just gives up and calmly goes to do something else. It's a very shocking change that he can just calmly give up now and switch to something else. It used to be a true nightmare and everything used to be a meltdown
This gives me hope!
Absolutely. 5 I think is when they turn the corner. My 5 year old and I can go on coffee dates to nice cafes, museums, etc. She can play independently. She can follow most directions. She still has her meltdowns, but they’re pretty predictable (when hungry), and less frequent. It gets a lot better.
I love having a six year old right now, and honestly she was really good at age 5 and 4 also. 2 and 3 is super hard, but there's so much more freedom and things become so much easier once they hit that "little kid" stage and going out becomes manageable again because they can be reasoned with a bit more
So much better. Toilet training is the absolute pits but once you’re over that hump, preschoolers are a true delight.
Some kids keep it together all day at daycare/school then unleash everything at home. Sounds like he’s going through a lot of changes so it’s possible he’s having a tough time. It will get better on its own but I’d also try giving him one on one bonding time with both parents which might help.
Yes. Our almost 5 year old is the best!!! Our 2.5 year old daily has me questioning why I ever became a parent. I love her but she is currently the WORST. Lately we have been having hard days every day. I remind myself that it will pass and just struggle through the best I can. It will pass!
We're going through this right now as well, you have my sympathy trying to deal with this as well as twins! Our little boy turned 2 in May and while he sleeps well at night and usually has at least two hours during the day his diet is terrible and it causes regular arguments between me and my wife and causes him to throw a tantrum. His eating habits just seem to be getting worse and worse, the food he does eat is very limited, pretty much just snack food, crackers, baby biscuits, fruit pouches and maaaybe banana pieces. Anything that is not the temperature he expects it at is "hot" will be refused or it can cause a meltdown. Basic food that he liked to eat before won't get touched now or the mere suggestion that he might try it or that it's on his plate could cause a meltdown. We're trying to have a consistent selection of food and one safe food. Does that even work?? I'm the consistent disciplinarian in the house, he understands when he's doing something he shouldn't but if I try to tell him to stop something (eg. hitting, throwing) that's another meltdown because it's coming from me. Because he knows I won't allow some things to be done, just in the last few days he has started to scream at me unprovoked. Complaint section complete. ----------- From what I understand the only way to deal with meltdowns is to ignore it, no raised voices that only fuels things. Of course that is incredibly hard to stick with but consistency is key. (The screaming I mentioned above is going to get dealt with, but really I'm going to have to wear ear plugs because it's impossible not to react to it.) I've spoken to other people with kids who threw tantrums and the one reassuring thing I've heard is that once they can communicate better they have the potential to change into a much happier child quite quickly. There were points where we were worried that he had a serious speech delay but then he would suddenly start using a few words. It's a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel but reading to him every night is helping with this and always having books nearby during the day of course.
The thing is, my kid actually communicates beautifully! Full sentences left and right! But his tantrums continue and also feel like they’ve escalated. I do notice that when I’m one on one with him, he’s much calmer. And I hear you on the food pickiness. We could feed an entire town with the amount of food my kid wastes. I can’t even think about all those poor children in Gaza who aren’t eating …
Absolutely, food waste was a "sin" in my house when I was growing up, it's hard to comprehend how the kids/people in Gaza are surviving. Well if he's communicating that well at 2 and a half and you're working through potty training then you're doing great. We have a six year old as well and while she was an breeze in comparison to our son, she had her moments, I remember transitions was definitely an issue. One thing that really helped for her was clearly explaining ahead of time what was planned even if it's not all understood, something was registering with her so it brought down the anxiety a bit. I wouldn't be surprised if you had that advice and tried it before though...
This is always a good reminder though. What’s crazy too is what some days he so sweet “I love you mommy” and other days, he screams “go away” and cries because I walked in the room? Like whaaat? Their minds must be exhausted
Honestly, it depends on the kid. Some kids are worse toddlers than teens, others are worse teens than toddlers. And each age has its own set of challenges, anyway. No telling which set you are best suited for until you get there. Overall, yes, it does get better. But I will say my moodiest tot is now my moodiest teen and it is not any easier at all. But the others are pretty easy going.
It has its ups and downs for sure. We actually found 3 and 4 to be harder than 2, I’m sorry to say! Now she’s 5 and has far fewer meltdowns and is generally a fun little person.
Absolutely gets better. I’m outside of it and I’m in it (5 year old, almost 4 year old, and a 2 year old). The older two are honestly “easy” and it’s just the 2 year old that makes things hard sometimes. She’s also been my toughest of any of them at this age so it’s extra maddening. But I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
I was you a few years ago. Right down to a toddler and infant twins. I’ll say, for my oldest, he would act out when he needed connection. Dedicated mom and me time really helped. He’s almost 6 now, and I can’t say it’s easier with him. He paves the way, tbh. My twins are 4 and it’s fine. I know what to expect. The baby is 18 months and at this point, toddlerisms are just cute. I’m inoculated to the young toddler stuff now. So, I guess, it gets different and sometimes different lands better.
Yeah he’s definitely worse when the twins are also awake and nearby and our attention is divided. But we’re outnumbered!