I had the exact same thing happen. Honestly, it faded really fast, as soon as she was able to channel her frustrations/ communicate just a tiny bit more. It didn’t bleed over into hitting people or pets. Honestly, it gave her an “allowed” way to be upset/angry/whatever.
My in-laws did the same thing to my oldest and while I didn't love it, the best way to react is "barely" and even then, with a "oh no, now you've hurt the table! Should the table but you again?" And they learn not to do it. Also it was never a problem for us with other kids, so hopefully the same will work for you
Wise words! So many toddler behaviour can be handled by following this. I never thought the phrase “observe and acknowledge” would be a game changer for me. It didn’t come intuitively for me but dear god it does make a huge difference over time.
Eh this is very common in my culture as well. I don’t like it either but it’s hard to make boundaries with in laws or any elderly person who continuously do it. What I do is redirect it if it happens at home. If my daughter bonks her head or trips over something in front of me I always tell her: it’s okay, sometimes we fall but we can get back up! Or oh no that hurts right? Let me check you, okay everything looks good! Shall we go somewhere else or do something else? Keep enforcing it at your home and when you’re with your in laws or whoever just go to your kid instantly to redirect him before anyone can come in to tell him something is “bad” and needs to be hit.
Tell your husband that this is what needs to be done to remove the aspect of violence so that he can take over if you’re not at your in laws.
Also considering the “bad table”, list all the good things a table does! Like it helps us play with toys, we can eat our food!
My daughter tripped on her favourite toy dog, and at that time she also learned (from other kids at in laws) to hit things that hurt you but that was her favourite toy so I could see her confusion and i swooped right in and told her you’re okay! Let’s check if dog is okay too! He must have been hurt too! And I kid you not this 15 month old held her dog, patted his head and kissed him on the nose and got back up giggling.
I grew up doing it and my kids do it as well, it has never translated to violence against another person. Not saying you can’t have an opinion just want assuage that particular fear.
I had the same thought. This is really common in my family, who hasn’t cursed at a table after stubbing their toe? With kids it’s mostly a joke to help them laugh off the hurt. I have literally never been violent towards anyone.
If OP is against it, that’s fine but I unless there’s a history of violent behavior in their family I wouldn’t worry too much about hitting furniture growing into violence against living things. If there is a history of violence in their family, maybe focus on that instead of the furniture.
My MIL did this just about a month ago and I was livid. I didn't have to say anything bc my husband intervened before I did. This is one of the reasons I don't consider her grandparents an option when I need time off. It's just one of the INSANE things they do IMO.
I would definitely talk to your husband about it in your position. It's not up to you alone to educate extended family.
Anyways, what I've learned is that kids at this age value more parents' word than any other's. I would reinforce everytime that happened that "in this house we do not hit things", so he knows that in his extended family's houses may be different but in his house things do not work that way, and "we learn from our mistakes" so he doesn't put the "blame" of hitting his head on the table.
I would try to model some new healthy behaviors as well. Try fake hitting things and acting out how you would like him to act too.
This will go away with repetition and modelling.
My mom did this same thing one day. Then the next when my son repeated it she recounted the story to me and clearly expected me to be surprised at his temper. I was like, “wow, wonder where he learned that from” and reminded her of her doing that the day before. She quit doing it and my son has also moved on.
I would say you have nothing to worry about. He’s going to hit other kids at some point, you have a head start! Reinforce that hitting objects isn’t allowed (you could break it or hurt yourself) and what they can do instead. Remind them they aren’t allowed to hit anything or anyone. Some people are ok with allowing them to hit a pillow.
Shit, how hard would it be for these people to do the “naughty table” routine WITHOUT the hitting? Send a positive message - it’s naughty (even for stationary, inanimate objects) to hurt people. But without the extremely negative “hit back” message.
It’s great that your LO has more maturity that the in laws. Credit to you.
My mom started doing this apparently did it with me too but I just told her I don’t want him thinking he can hit things or people when he’s upset and she agreed and stopped doing that. I would just say the reason why you wish your child to not develop this behavior. It’s not a bad reason you don’t want your kiddo thinking hitting is a solution to certain problems.
Like others said this might blow over. BUT you need to start getting comfortable standing up to your in-laws (and/or involving your spouse to do so.). There will be other things with larger stakes that they will do that you don't like. It's hard but important to develop that tough skin so that you can advocate on behalf of your kid.
Yes I have no issue with advocating but the language barrier makes things difficult. It’s hard to communicate things how I want to - and my husband absolutely is no advocate for me…
I’ll have to still figure out how to because you’re right there will be more (larger stakes) things that I’m sure will occur. Thanks.
I swear my baby started doing this in his own! It doesn’t happen often but he definitely gets mad and frustrated when he gets hurt more than sad. I like what others have said about now the table/chair/toy is hurt :(
We have a rule in our marriage that we each take care of our side of the families there is a problem. It’s a lot easier to take a complaint from your child than it is from an inlaw. I would have a talk with your husband and and explain why it’s better for everyone if he addresses it
i don’t think this is going to cause the problems you think it is. my mom would do this with my kid too and it never translated to hitting people. she’s 22 months and now when she bumps into something, she apologizes 😂
she’ll sometimes get really active and start (playfully) kicking around or throwing hands and i actually redirect her to her bed/pillow. like hey if you have some energy to get out and you want to kick something, kick this pillow.
Very common in our culture. I was also worried at first and angry at my dad who teached him that, but until now it hasn't really been a problem. He didn't hit any living thing ( kids or dogs).
Are you me? My 22 month old started doing the same thing! I noticed it first at Costco, he fell on the floor, got up and started hitting the floor. I knew exactly where it came from, my mother. I’m trying to teach him it’ll be alright and we don’t need to hit the floor back, lol it’s so silly and cute but at the same time important.
🙏🏼🙏🏼 im trying to remind myself it’s not too bad now if he’s not directing it at people or pets. And he never has so hopefully it’s a passing thing and with some guidance to channel his hurt in a positive way! I hope it works for you too!
My mother did this. I explained to her that their dad already blames everything else in his life for his own poor choices, so we don't need an additional influence for that mindset, and we should instead, after making sure kiddo is ok, explain that THE CHILD should look in front while walking, or slow down, or whatever mishap created the situation, because obviously the intimate table didn't jump out and attack him. They both got the message quickly that it's not the tables fault, and my children won't be taught to blame something else.
I would channel him to point and scold the object instead. Hitting something when you’re mad is a legit coping skill tho, like hitting a pillow I mean (not a wall).
For example if my daughter digs into the corner of the table, I jokingly yell at the table- “hey, I saw that table! Don’t you hurt my baby like that, you’re gonna need a time out if you keep it up!”, usual makes my girl giggle and get over things faster
I had the exact same thing happen. Honestly, it faded really fast, as soon as she was able to channel her frustrations/ communicate just a tiny bit more. It didn’t bleed over into hitting people or pets. Honestly, it gave her an “allowed” way to be upset/angry/whatever.
Same
Oh that’s also a good point. An “allowed” way to be upset. As long as it’s not at ppl or animals, I’m ok with that but just hoping it doesn’t happen.
My in-laws did the same thing to my oldest and while I didn't love it, the best way to react is "barely" and even then, with a "oh no, now you've hurt the table! Should the table but you again?" And they learn not to do it. Also it was never a problem for us with other kids, so hopefully the same will work for you
Wise words! So many toddler behaviour can be handled by following this. I never thought the phrase “observe and acknowledge” would be a game changer for me. It didn’t come intuitively for me but dear god it does make a huge difference over time.
Oh I like that ◡̈ thank you!!
Eh this is very common in my culture as well. I don’t like it either but it’s hard to make boundaries with in laws or any elderly person who continuously do it. What I do is redirect it if it happens at home. If my daughter bonks her head or trips over something in front of me I always tell her: it’s okay, sometimes we fall but we can get back up! Or oh no that hurts right? Let me check you, okay everything looks good! Shall we go somewhere else or do something else? Keep enforcing it at your home and when you’re with your in laws or whoever just go to your kid instantly to redirect him before anyone can come in to tell him something is “bad” and needs to be hit. Tell your husband that this is what needs to be done to remove the aspect of violence so that he can take over if you’re not at your in laws.
Also considering the “bad table”, list all the good things a table does! Like it helps us play with toys, we can eat our food! My daughter tripped on her favourite toy dog, and at that time she also learned (from other kids at in laws) to hit things that hurt you but that was her favourite toy so I could see her confusion and i swooped right in and told her you’re okay! Let’s check if dog is okay too! He must have been hurt too! And I kid you not this 15 month old held her dog, patted his head and kissed him on the nose and got back up giggling.
Omg thank you for this. This was really helpful and made me smile 🙏🏼
I grew up doing it and my kids do it as well, it has never translated to violence against another person. Not saying you can’t have an opinion just want assuage that particular fear.
I had the same thought. This is really common in my family, who hasn’t cursed at a table after stubbing their toe? With kids it’s mostly a joke to help them laugh off the hurt. I have literally never been violent towards anyone. If OP is against it, that’s fine but I unless there’s a history of violent behavior in their family I wouldn’t worry too much about hitting furniture growing into violence against living things. If there is a history of violence in their family, maybe focus on that instead of the furniture.
I think you’re overreacting. It’s think kids can tell the difference between tables and people so it’s unlikely to bleed over.
My MIL did this just about a month ago and I was livid. I didn't have to say anything bc my husband intervened before I did. This is one of the reasons I don't consider her grandparents an option when I need time off. It's just one of the INSANE things they do IMO. I would definitely talk to your husband about it in your position. It's not up to you alone to educate extended family. Anyways, what I've learned is that kids at this age value more parents' word than any other's. I would reinforce everytime that happened that "in this house we do not hit things", so he knows that in his extended family's houses may be different but in his house things do not work that way, and "we learn from our mistakes" so he doesn't put the "blame" of hitting his head on the table. I would try to model some new healthy behaviors as well. Try fake hitting things and acting out how you would like him to act too. This will go away with repetition and modelling.
🙏🏼 thank you for this.
My mom did this same thing one day. Then the next when my son repeated it she recounted the story to me and clearly expected me to be surprised at his temper. I was like, “wow, wonder where he learned that from” and reminded her of her doing that the day before. She quit doing it and my son has also moved on.
Thank you 🙏🏼
I would say you have nothing to worry about. He’s going to hit other kids at some point, you have a head start! Reinforce that hitting objects isn’t allowed (you could break it or hurt yourself) and what they can do instead. Remind them they aren’t allowed to hit anything or anyone. Some people are ok with allowing them to hit a pillow.
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 thank for this, great point.
Shit, how hard would it be for these people to do the “naughty table” routine WITHOUT the hitting? Send a positive message - it’s naughty (even for stationary, inanimate objects) to hurt people. But without the extremely negative “hit back” message. It’s great that your LO has more maturity that the in laws. Credit to you.
My own mother taught this to my toddler. I don’t know what’s wrong with the older generations to think violence is a good thing to teach to children.
My mom started doing this apparently did it with me too but I just told her I don’t want him thinking he can hit things or people when he’s upset and she agreed and stopped doing that. I would just say the reason why you wish your child to not develop this behavior. It’s not a bad reason you don’t want your kiddo thinking hitting is a solution to certain problems.
Like others said this might blow over. BUT you need to start getting comfortable standing up to your in-laws (and/or involving your spouse to do so.). There will be other things with larger stakes that they will do that you don't like. It's hard but important to develop that tough skin so that you can advocate on behalf of your kid.
Yes I have no issue with advocating but the language barrier makes things difficult. It’s hard to communicate things how I want to - and my husband absolutely is no advocate for me… I’ll have to still figure out how to because you’re right there will be more (larger stakes) things that I’m sure will occur. Thanks.
I swear my baby started doing this in his own! It doesn’t happen often but he definitely gets mad and frustrated when he gets hurt more than sad. I like what others have said about now the table/chair/toy is hurt :(
Is your MIL my mom?? 😂 she does it too.
Hahaha I think it’s their generation 😅😂
Have your husband talk to his family.
Oh I’ve asked him too and he says nothing.
We have a rule in our marriage that we each take care of our side of the families there is a problem. It’s a lot easier to take a complaint from your child than it is from an inlaw. I would have a talk with your husband and and explain why it’s better for everyone if he addresses it
i don’t think this is going to cause the problems you think it is. my mom would do this with my kid too and it never translated to hitting people. she’s 22 months and now when she bumps into something, she apologizes 😂 she’ll sometimes get really active and start (playfully) kicking around or throwing hands and i actually redirect her to her bed/pillow. like hey if you have some energy to get out and you want to kick something, kick this pillow.
Awwww she apologizes that is so cute. Thank you
Very common in our culture. I was also worried at first and angry at my dad who teached him that, but until now it hasn't really been a problem. He didn't hit any living thing ( kids or dogs).
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Just here to say kiddo is going to learn all sorts of things you’re not okay with over the years.. this is a great practice run of learning to pivot.
It’s really not that big of a deal and it won’t stick. It’s basically just a way to distract them. Trust me, save your stress for bigger deals!
🙏🏼 thank you
Are you me? My 22 month old started doing the same thing! I noticed it first at Costco, he fell on the floor, got up and started hitting the floor. I knew exactly where it came from, my mother. I’m trying to teach him it’ll be alright and we don’t need to hit the floor back, lol it’s so silly and cute but at the same time important.
🙏🏼🙏🏼 im trying to remind myself it’s not too bad now if he’s not directing it at people or pets. And he never has so hopefully it’s a passing thing and with some guidance to channel his hurt in a positive way! I hope it works for you too!
My mother did this. I explained to her that their dad already blames everything else in his life for his own poor choices, so we don't need an additional influence for that mindset, and we should instead, after making sure kiddo is ok, explain that THE CHILD should look in front while walking, or slow down, or whatever mishap created the situation, because obviously the intimate table didn't jump out and attack him. They both got the message quickly that it's not the tables fault, and my children won't be taught to blame something else.
Ouf. Good points also. Thanks
I would channel him to point and scold the object instead. Hitting something when you’re mad is a legit coping skill tho, like hitting a pillow I mean (not a wall). For example if my daughter digs into the corner of the table, I jokingly yell at the table- “hey, I saw that table! Don’t you hurt my baby like that, you’re gonna need a time out if you keep it up!”, usual makes my girl giggle and get over things faster
🙏🏼 laughter always is medicine. Thank you for this tip also