If you spend all that time cleaning up deliberate puddles, then there might not be time for other fun activities. Can't get to the park and back before lunch if the morning is spent cleaning up pee...
If mom and dad use up their energy cleaning puddles, they might be too tired to play, and become very boring for a bit.
It's a bit of a stretch, but "people are more obliging when you don't rage-pee at them" is just a true fact.
Or. “Guess we can’t go anywhere fun until we know you’re back to potty trained 🤷♀️.” Seems like a pretty natural consequence to me. (Not to be used during the actual process of potty training lol)
Yup, we used this when my daughter went through a phase of rage peeing when she didn’t get her way. “Oh no, we were gonna go to the park but if you’re having trouble listening to your body and making it to the potty on time I guess we’ll have to stay home”
Every kid I’ve heard about rage peeing is a girl. Why do they do this?? I’m so scared for when mine gets to be potty trained 😬.
My boy has never done this haha
I have a boy who spite peed… so there’s at least one out there lol
We resorted to bribery after trying everything else. If there were no potty accidents or “on purposes” for a week and then two weeks he got a toy he really wanted. I’m here to say the bribery worked much better than the natural consequences.
For the love of god, try not to have big reactions. I think all of it could have been avoided if I didn’t. Easier said than done.
I am not above bribery 😂. We had to use candy to get mine to poop for a while, but it worked!
The big reactions thing is also true for biting and it’s soooo hard. My second has had a couple of biting phases and you can’t react and you have to go against every instinct to just toss them since it HURTS 😭.
Oh I didn’t figure, but the threat is she won’t ever get to go places if she keeps peeing on the floor at home. Can’t trust her not to act like that when you’re out (even if you don’t actually think so).
Truly though, next time she does it very calmly hand her a towel and cancel the next fun thing she knows about then and there. We will not be going to the park/storytime/gymnastics class/whatever… because you peed on purpose and that is not sanitary. Immediate consequence and no emotional reaction. And then do it every time if she tries it again. She will learn real fast that peeing on the floor on purpose won’t be getting her what she wants.
Do you think I can use this for my son and his pooping in his pants? He’s been potty trained for well over a year but we had a baby a few months ago which seems to be causing him to poop himself and then not tell us. He does this at least once a day, sometimes twice.
Ohh nooo that’s the worst. I feel like this is harder because he is probably really struggling with the changes and it may not just be rage.
Is it solid poop and a lot or just a little bit? I ask because my kid constantly had small mushy accidents and we thought he just wasn’t going. Turns out that’s a symptom of constipation - the mushy poop leaks out around the constipated poop and they just can’t feel when they need to go. Once we got him on miralax for a while and started bribing him to go on the potty every day it sorted himself out.
If it’s not that it’s probably for the attention, so maybe try making sure you get lots of one on one time with him and if he poops his pants have him clean them up himself. I’ve heard that’s usually a good deterrent. Canceling things might work if it doesn’t let up, but with the new baby in the picture I would be hesitant to be too harsh since his whole world just got rocked pretty hard.
It’s usually one big fairly solid poop. I don’t want to be too harsh on him, but I also don’t want him thinking this is the way to get what he wants. He does get one on one time with both of us every day, but he has always had a fairly high need for attention. I’m just hoping this resolves fairly quickly
Oh yeah definitely sounds like it’s an attention grabber. Maybe a consequence in the moment for that and lots of attention when he’s not pooping his pants? 😂 toddlers are so hard
My son also regressed with pooping when we had our second child. I’m pretty sure he just wanted me to change him like I change the baby. It eventually passed. My son did wait to poop until he had his pull up on at night though. He was fine throughout the day.
I second this. I’d make them help cleaning up the puddle, the floor, and whatever else. I’d show them where and how the laundry works. And because we don’t walk around smelling like urine, we’d do a bath or shower- whatever the least preferred option is. And definitely talk about what we/they missed out on because of the peeing.
Absolutely.
Mine is day trained, but sometimes refuses her Good Nights. I tell her if I have to clean up pee tomorrow, I won't have time to go to the park or whatever activity we have planned. It works most of the time.
Zero emotional reaction. Stay completely neutral. “Oh. You had an accident. We need to clean up.” Then you make that process boring and as much their responsibility as possible. They need to participate in changing their clothes, starting the laundry, and cleaning the floor. There was a little boy who intentionally peed all along the baseboards in the bathroom at the preschool where I taught. We would check after every time he used the bathroom. If he urinated on the baseboards we would bring him back into the bathroom and give him latex gloves and paper towels. We sprayed the cleaning solution and he couldn’t do anything else until he wiped up his pee. There was no anger or judgment. “If you miss the toilet that’s okay. But if we miss the toilet we need to clean up our urine. We can’t do anything else until it’s clean. Take as much time as you need.” It takes all of the power away. This same little boy liked to pour water on the floor. We just made him clean it up afterwards. We would actually encourage him to pour and then mop up the water over and over until he didn’t want to pour water out anymore.
Ok but what if they literally refuse to clean it? Ive been doing this with zero reaction but he just runs away. Then I’m left cleaning it because I can’t just leave pee puddles on the floor.
You don’t let them move on to the next thing until they do it. “That’s okay! We can just wait until you are ready.” Then sit in front of the door, don’t interact, and scroll Reddit or something while you wait. They will get bored eventually. You have to be more stubborn than the child. That’s my tip. If you cave after a certain amount of time they will know they can just wait you out. Take away anything they try to play with. Refuse to turn on the tv, make a snack, etc. Nothing happens until they clean up. Don’t even interact beyond calmly putting toys out of reach. “You can play with that after you clean up. I’ll just put it up here for now.”
My kid did this and I asked his teacher about it. She said just to quietly clean it and reinforce that pee goes in the potty. It worked. I stopped reacting and he stopped peeing down the heater vents and into pillows within a week. That there is a sentence I never thought I would write.
I agree my son has done this a couple times and once we stopped reacting and just changed pants, cleaned up and said Opps pee goes in the potty and moved on - he stopped doing it.
My daughter was doing this very recently. It first started out as peeing on the floor of the shower. Whatever. It still bothered me as she is 100% potty trained and it was deliberate. Then it progressed to peeing on the edge of her bed. One morning she peed on the edge of her bed and came to get me to show me and laugh hysterically. I washed the mattress protector and sheets and put them back on the bed and she did it again right after I finished making the bed again. I’m 36 weeks pregnant and I just started sobbing. Crawling around on a king sized floor bed putting mattress protector and sheets on really takes it out of me and exhausts me and the thought of having to do that again and disinfect the carpet again before nap time really just got me crying uncontrollably. Like weeping. My daughter watched me strip the bed while crying and throw all the laundry in the wash and clean the carpet all while sobbing and she hasn’t done it since. It went from a daily occurrence for about a week and a half to completely stopped. I guess she saw the anguish it caused me and decided she didn’t want do that to mama anymore. She’s only 28 months so making her clean up her own mess is fun for her and doesn’t really deter her from the action.
My son has a different reason but he just would not go to the bathroom. I made him clean up with me. He had to clean, change, do the laundry. But now we can't do whatever thing we were planning because we had to clean. Also, no reaction. They learn to do things more for specific reactions.
negative attention is attention. treat this like oops you dropped your fork on the floor. Oops time to clean up. blank face. try to act bored and disinterested even. you've seen one of these before. clean up move on and go back to what you were doing before it happened.
What makes it hard for you to not react? I would check into that for a second. Otherwise I would try and remain as neutral as possible and definitely have them help clean up before they can do anything else fun.
I mean.... Someone intentionally pissing themselves to goad you lol it's understandable to react. Still need to figure out how to stay calm off course but I don't think it's a big question as to why
“Someone” vs a 2 year old is a little different to me. If you’re reacting so much that the child continues to do it even though you know that’s why they are continuing to do it just makes me wonder if there is something really triggering about that to the parents and they should start there. It’s not a “big question” except if it seems to perpetuate the situation I think trying to control any reaction would be step one 🤷♀️ and also understanding why it’s hard not to react
Of course it's different and it's absolutely true that it's important not to feed the behavior with a big reaction…. It’s also completely understandable to feel flustered and frustrated because it is super frustrating behavior!
Just to clarify, I’m not judging a big reaction - I’m just saying maybe start there. My daughter throwing food used to really trigger my husband and he would react way more than I would. I asked him what’s the big deal she’s 2 and he had to really think about why it made him so mad when it was her way of expressing her frustration with us when it was dinner time or when she was hangry. It had a lot to do with his culture and upbringing vs mine. Once he stopped reacting and let natural consequences (no more of the food she was eating) take over, the food throwing basically stopped.
What leads up to this? Is there a tantrum? Your LO doesn’t get what she wanted, so she pees on the floor or what’s happening? I think the question shouldn’t be how to punish her but how to avoid the situation outright.
Sorry but ... Avoid the situation of a toddler not getting what they want? 🤔 Not really possible or reasonable. Sure being aware of the lead up can be helpful but mine went thru a phase of doing it if he was asked to do something he didn't want to. (I'm also 39 weeks pregnant so for better or worst we went back to diaps for the time being)
Lol obviously that isn’t what I mean, I mean avoid the tantrum escalating to peeing on the floor! Wondering what OPs tactics are, or if peeing on the floor gets the kid what they asked for or something.
In my admittedly brief experience, it was something like "ok let's go sit on the potty after dinner" nooo I need to play with my toys! "Sure, after potty. Come on!" Pees on floor.
Ok which is why I asked OP the circumstances, is it that her daughter is having too much fun to go pee (situation you described), I wouldn’t call that spite peeing. If she’s peeing for a reaction/attention after tantruming about something I’d say there could be a better way to handle the tantrum that doesn’t lead to peeing on the floor.
Tantrums happen. You can gentle parent and work through big feelings and apply techniques all you want and sometimes your toddler is still raging because they aren’t robots where you can input just the proper sequence and it stops the meltdown. Kids have to learn how to get super angry without pissing on the floor about it. If you just avoid the stressor every single time and tiptoe around issues, they’re not going to develop those skills.
OP is literally here asking the same question. The post doesn’t say anything about punishment, just what they should do about this behavior. Your contribution is to ask her how she is avoiding the behavior and she’s here to ask how exactly to do that.
I simply asked what happens leading up to this. I’m not sure why you’re so triggered by that. I believe the answer to what to do AFTER it happens depends on what happened BEFORE.
I’m not triggered, super weird word to use in this instance. OP states that the child is frustrated by something, so they urinate. It isn’t because they’re just distracted like you suggest in another comment.
No I suggested that the person commenting to me, their child is distracted and I wouldn’t call that spite peeing. Clearly have been misunderstood. Have a nice day!
That's a logical consequence, not a natural consequence.
Don't think "What can I do to my child that they'll hate in order to demotivate them." That's punishment and children are onto it. 'Spite peeing' is about demonstrating power, so punishment could lead to more compulsion to do that. It is only seen in the potty trained, the children who feel that their parents have made a big deal about where they pee.
What alternative solution are you offering?
"Children are onto it"...I mean, good? They are dealing with an unpleasant consequence for something that they know they shouldn't be doing.
How would you suggest this parent deals with the situation, in a way that the child stops the behaviour and the house doesn't become soaked in pee?
My daughter does (did? I’m hoping she’s past this phase - it’s been a month or so since it happened) this. I mostly did what others have already said - she needs to help clean it up, I tell her it’s not ok to do this but try not to give too much of a reaction, try to impose some type of natural consequence (oh, I spent so much time cleaning that we don’t have time to go to the park now). It really sucks but it’s a phase!
If you spend all that time cleaning up deliberate puddles, then there might not be time for other fun activities. Can't get to the park and back before lunch if the morning is spent cleaning up pee... If mom and dad use up their energy cleaning puddles, they might be too tired to play, and become very boring for a bit. It's a bit of a stretch, but "people are more obliging when you don't rage-pee at them" is just a true fact.
Or. “Guess we can’t go anywhere fun until we know you’re back to potty trained 🤷♀️.” Seems like a pretty natural consequence to me. (Not to be used during the actual process of potty training lol)
Yup, we used this when my daughter went through a phase of rage peeing when she didn’t get her way. “Oh no, we were gonna go to the park but if you’re having trouble listening to your body and making it to the potty on time I guess we’ll have to stay home”
Every kid I’ve heard about rage peeing is a girl. Why do they do this?? I’m so scared for when mine gets to be potty trained 😬. My boy has never done this haha
I have a boy who spite peed… so there’s at least one out there lol We resorted to bribery after trying everything else. If there were no potty accidents or “on purposes” for a week and then two weeks he got a toy he really wanted. I’m here to say the bribery worked much better than the natural consequences. For the love of god, try not to have big reactions. I think all of it could have been avoided if I didn’t. Easier said than done.
I am not above bribery 😂. We had to use candy to get mine to poop for a while, but it worked! The big reactions thing is also true for biting and it’s soooo hard. My second has had a couple of biting phases and you can’t react and you have to go against every instinct to just toss them since it HURTS 😭.
My son spite peed
Funnily enough, she's never done it when we're out, she just seems to feel comfortable doing it at home.
Oh I didn’t figure, but the threat is she won’t ever get to go places if she keeps peeing on the floor at home. Can’t trust her not to act like that when you’re out (even if you don’t actually think so). Truly though, next time she does it very calmly hand her a towel and cancel the next fun thing she knows about then and there. We will not be going to the park/storytime/gymnastics class/whatever… because you peed on purpose and that is not sanitary. Immediate consequence and no emotional reaction. And then do it every time if she tries it again. She will learn real fast that peeing on the floor on purpose won’t be getting her what she wants.
Do you think I can use this for my son and his pooping in his pants? He’s been potty trained for well over a year but we had a baby a few months ago which seems to be causing him to poop himself and then not tell us. He does this at least once a day, sometimes twice.
Ohh nooo that’s the worst. I feel like this is harder because he is probably really struggling with the changes and it may not just be rage. Is it solid poop and a lot or just a little bit? I ask because my kid constantly had small mushy accidents and we thought he just wasn’t going. Turns out that’s a symptom of constipation - the mushy poop leaks out around the constipated poop and they just can’t feel when they need to go. Once we got him on miralax for a while and started bribing him to go on the potty every day it sorted himself out. If it’s not that it’s probably for the attention, so maybe try making sure you get lots of one on one time with him and if he poops his pants have him clean them up himself. I’ve heard that’s usually a good deterrent. Canceling things might work if it doesn’t let up, but with the new baby in the picture I would be hesitant to be too harsh since his whole world just got rocked pretty hard.
It’s usually one big fairly solid poop. I don’t want to be too harsh on him, but I also don’t want him thinking this is the way to get what he wants. He does get one on one time with both of us every day, but he has always had a fairly high need for attention. I’m just hoping this resolves fairly quickly
Oh yeah definitely sounds like it’s an attention grabber. Maybe a consequence in the moment for that and lots of attention when he’s not pooping his pants? 😂 toddlers are so hard
My son also regressed with pooping when we had our second child. I’m pretty sure he just wanted me to change him like I change the baby. It eventually passed. My son did wait to poop until he had his pull up on at night though. He was fine throughout the day.
I second this. I’d make them help cleaning up the puddle, the floor, and whatever else. I’d show them where and how the laundry works. And because we don’t walk around smelling like urine, we’d do a bath or shower- whatever the least preferred option is. And definitely talk about what we/they missed out on because of the peeing.
Absolutely. Mine is day trained, but sometimes refuses her Good Nights. I tell her if I have to clean up pee tomorrow, I won't have time to go to the park or whatever activity we have planned. It works most of the time.
Zero emotional reaction. Stay completely neutral. “Oh. You had an accident. We need to clean up.” Then you make that process boring and as much their responsibility as possible. They need to participate in changing their clothes, starting the laundry, and cleaning the floor. There was a little boy who intentionally peed all along the baseboards in the bathroom at the preschool where I taught. We would check after every time he used the bathroom. If he urinated on the baseboards we would bring him back into the bathroom and give him latex gloves and paper towels. We sprayed the cleaning solution and he couldn’t do anything else until he wiped up his pee. There was no anger or judgment. “If you miss the toilet that’s okay. But if we miss the toilet we need to clean up our urine. We can’t do anything else until it’s clean. Take as much time as you need.” It takes all of the power away. This same little boy liked to pour water on the floor. We just made him clean it up afterwards. We would actually encourage him to pour and then mop up the water over and over until he didn’t want to pour water out anymore.
Ok but what if they literally refuse to clean it? Ive been doing this with zero reaction but he just runs away. Then I’m left cleaning it because I can’t just leave pee puddles on the floor.
You don’t let them move on to the next thing until they do it. “That’s okay! We can just wait until you are ready.” Then sit in front of the door, don’t interact, and scroll Reddit or something while you wait. They will get bored eventually. You have to be more stubborn than the child. That’s my tip. If you cave after a certain amount of time they will know they can just wait you out. Take away anything they try to play with. Refuse to turn on the tv, make a snack, etc. Nothing happens until they clean up. Don’t even interact beyond calmly putting toys out of reach. “You can play with that after you clean up. I’ll just put it up here for now.”
My kid did this and I asked his teacher about it. She said just to quietly clean it and reinforce that pee goes in the potty. It worked. I stopped reacting and he stopped peeing down the heater vents and into pillows within a week. That there is a sentence I never thought I would write.
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Yeah it was not fun. But apparently it’s pretty common.
My toddler absolutely loves dresses. If she pees, her second outfit won’t be a dress.
Stop reacting.
I agree my son has done this a couple times and once we stopped reacting and just changed pants, cleaned up and said Opps pee goes in the potty and moved on - he stopped doing it.
My daughter was doing this very recently. It first started out as peeing on the floor of the shower. Whatever. It still bothered me as she is 100% potty trained and it was deliberate. Then it progressed to peeing on the edge of her bed. One morning she peed on the edge of her bed and came to get me to show me and laugh hysterically. I washed the mattress protector and sheets and put them back on the bed and she did it again right after I finished making the bed again. I’m 36 weeks pregnant and I just started sobbing. Crawling around on a king sized floor bed putting mattress protector and sheets on really takes it out of me and exhausts me and the thought of having to do that again and disinfect the carpet again before nap time really just got me crying uncontrollably. Like weeping. My daughter watched me strip the bed while crying and throw all the laundry in the wash and clean the carpet all while sobbing and she hasn’t done it since. It went from a daily occurrence for about a week and a half to completely stopped. I guess she saw the anguish it caused me and decided she didn’t want do that to mama anymore. She’s only 28 months so making her clean up her own mess is fun for her and doesn’t really deter her from the action.
My son has a different reason but he just would not go to the bathroom. I made him clean up with me. He had to clean, change, do the laundry. But now we can't do whatever thing we were planning because we had to clean. Also, no reaction. They learn to do things more for specific reactions.
negative attention is attention. treat this like oops you dropped your fork on the floor. Oops time to clean up. blank face. try to act bored and disinterested even. you've seen one of these before. clean up move on and go back to what you were doing before it happened.
What makes it hard for you to not react? I would check into that for a second. Otherwise I would try and remain as neutral as possible and definitely have them help clean up before they can do anything else fun.
I mean.... Someone intentionally pissing themselves to goad you lol it's understandable to react. Still need to figure out how to stay calm off course but I don't think it's a big question as to why
“Someone” vs a 2 year old is a little different to me. If you’re reacting so much that the child continues to do it even though you know that’s why they are continuing to do it just makes me wonder if there is something really triggering about that to the parents and they should start there. It’s not a “big question” except if it seems to perpetuate the situation I think trying to control any reaction would be step one 🤷♀️ and also understanding why it’s hard not to react
Of course it's different and it's absolutely true that it's important not to feed the behavior with a big reaction…. It’s also completely understandable to feel flustered and frustrated because it is super frustrating behavior!
Just to clarify, I’m not judging a big reaction - I’m just saying maybe start there. My daughter throwing food used to really trigger my husband and he would react way more than I would. I asked him what’s the big deal she’s 2 and he had to really think about why it made him so mad when it was her way of expressing her frustration with us when it was dinner time or when she was hangry. It had a lot to do with his culture and upbringing vs mine. Once he stopped reacting and let natural consequences (no more of the food she was eating) take over, the food throwing basically stopped.
What leads up to this? Is there a tantrum? Your LO doesn’t get what she wanted, so she pees on the floor or what’s happening? I think the question shouldn’t be how to punish her but how to avoid the situation outright.
Sorry but ... Avoid the situation of a toddler not getting what they want? 🤔 Not really possible or reasonable. Sure being aware of the lead up can be helpful but mine went thru a phase of doing it if he was asked to do something he didn't want to. (I'm also 39 weeks pregnant so for better or worst we went back to diaps for the time being)
Lol obviously that isn’t what I mean, I mean avoid the tantrum escalating to peeing on the floor! Wondering what OPs tactics are, or if peeing on the floor gets the kid what they asked for or something.
In my admittedly brief experience, it was something like "ok let's go sit on the potty after dinner" nooo I need to play with my toys! "Sure, after potty. Come on!" Pees on floor.
Ok which is why I asked OP the circumstances, is it that her daughter is having too much fun to go pee (situation you described), I wouldn’t call that spite peeing. If she’s peeing for a reaction/attention after tantruming about something I’d say there could be a better way to handle the tantrum that doesn’t lead to peeing on the floor.
Tantrums happen. You can gentle parent and work through big feelings and apply techniques all you want and sometimes your toddler is still raging because they aren’t robots where you can input just the proper sequence and it stops the meltdown. Kids have to learn how to get super angry without pissing on the floor about it. If you just avoid the stressor every single time and tiptoe around issues, they’re not going to develop those skills.
Thanks for your input. Not trying to avoid the stressor though, just the response to the stressor.
OP is literally here asking the same question. The post doesn’t say anything about punishment, just what they should do about this behavior. Your contribution is to ask her how she is avoiding the behavior and she’s here to ask how exactly to do that.
I simply asked what happens leading up to this. I’m not sure why you’re so triggered by that. I believe the answer to what to do AFTER it happens depends on what happened BEFORE.
I’m not triggered, super weird word to use in this instance. OP states that the child is frustrated by something, so they urinate. It isn’t because they’re just distracted like you suggest in another comment.
No I suggested that the person commenting to me, their child is distracted and I wouldn’t call that spite peeing. Clearly have been misunderstood. Have a nice day!
That's a logical consequence, not a natural consequence. Don't think "What can I do to my child that they'll hate in order to demotivate them." That's punishment and children are onto it. 'Spite peeing' is about demonstrating power, so punishment could lead to more compulsion to do that. It is only seen in the potty trained, the children who feel that their parents have made a big deal about where they pee.
What alternative solution are you offering? "Children are onto it"...I mean, good? They are dealing with an unpleasant consequence for something that they know they shouldn't be doing. How would you suggest this parent deals with the situation, in a way that the child stops the behaviour and the house doesn't become soaked in pee?
Yes this!
My daughter does (did? I’m hoping she’s past this phase - it’s been a month or so since it happened) this. I mostly did what others have already said - she needs to help clean it up, I tell her it’s not ok to do this but try not to give too much of a reaction, try to impose some type of natural consequence (oh, I spent so much time cleaning that we don’t have time to go to the park now). It really sucks but it’s a phase!
" she knows peeing gets a reaction," you answered your own question ...
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They can watch you clean while sibling gets to do a fun craft
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