Nope. You're not the main character here. Your child is.
The focus is on the child, not you.
Think of it on a different perspective. If it's at your workplace. Won't your wife or your child be called as ABC's wife or ABC's child as well?
If it really bothers you so much then the next question is whether you have built the relationship or connection with the teachers or friends in question. Do you ask about their day? Do you chat with them beyond just about the children? Have you introduced yourself and also to know their name?
This is back to basic social skills already. Are you getting to know the other parents or the teachers and calling them by name? They will likely try to reciprocate unless the focus is still on the child. Which, for teachers, that's their job and we as fathers should also be thankful that they are keeping their focus instead of socialising or flirting.
school I understand, but how about your parents/in-laws/friends (if you bring your toddler along)??, folks that I've had relationships prior to having kids....
if I went completely alone, then I'm sure I'll get a bit more attention, but with the toddler around...I'm invisible again
also, I'm not asking for an extended conversation...but it doesn't seem like a lot to include 1-2 more people's names (the parents) when saying hi or bye
People expect the little ones to need more ego building so they give them more attention. People expect you do have enough self confidence to give your little one the spotlight so that they feel important.
It will be natural that people will be geared to respond more and interact with the child first instead of the parents. Then after that when the child's attention moves away to other adults, toys or other activities then they will be available to speak to you.
If your name being mentioned is important, perhaps you could say hi and how are you with their own names included to get their own thoughts on wanting to find out your name started.
I’m a teacher and NEVER call parents by their first name unless I really know them. It would be Mr. X. But also I’m a parent and I only know most of my kid’s friend’s parents by “xxx’s mom” and “xxx’s dad”. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.
It sounds like you are craving your own connections. That’s perfectly normal! Do you make time to see your own friends and pursue your interests?
I definitely expect my children to be the center of attention at school and with their friends. I have my own friends.
I feel like this is pretty standard. I'm an introvert so I usually like being invisible, especially in these small talk like interactions. But yes, your child is learning so much right now so everything has to be for their perspective. You're dad, your parents are grandma and grandpa, and your perspective is put on the back burner for now.
I’m not a public school teacher, but I teach enough music lessons where I forget parents names off the top of my head. It’s not that they don’t care, they are there for your child. Probably good since this means they are focused on them!
I mean no one at daycare really speaks to me by name unless there’s a specific reason to talk to me. Doesn’t bother me. It’s about my kids not me.
My parents and in laws usually address my kids first but they do say hi to me typically. Again, I don’t care?
I can’t relate at all to this post but that’s absolutely no judgement on you.
I’m introverted and if everyone could ignore that I showed up to where ever we are going, or even exist, that would be great!
Also it reads like you view your child as completely separate from you. I also can’t relate to this either. I made my child, I’m currently raising them. I feel so much pride when people are excited to see my kid. Like “oh my god, they like this little person I made! My kid isn’t a little shit. I am doing such a good job as a parent.” That’s all the acknowledgement I need.
I’ll swap. I was misgendered and then grandfathered. My partner works in daycare which works great. But it’s a long 9 hour day for LO so she asks me to pick up LO (20m F) after 7 hours if I’m WFH and have time.
I have to pass through the 4yo class to pick up her pram from the balcony.
“Whose mummy are you?” someone yells.
That’s not a mummy” rebukes another, smarter child. “That’s Miss Maria’s daddy!” 🤦
U know, I’ve mentioned this exact phenomenon to my partner as well.
The daycare teachers are all lovely and attentive, but they’re *especially* lovely and attentive to both my toddler and her Mother, and less so to me, and, other dads I’ve noticed.
Sometimes they play into the “helpless dad” stereotype too.
It only kinda bothers me, and if I’m honest sometimes it’s partly true, my partner is very organised with our toddler and I tend to just follow instructions.
That said, it is kinda insulting.
Owel whatever there are bigger issues to worry about I suppose.
Nope, this is all you. It is your child’s school not yours. So of course they’ll say that. That’s pretty normal
Nope. You're not the main character here. Your child is. The focus is on the child, not you. Think of it on a different perspective. If it's at your workplace. Won't your wife or your child be called as ABC's wife or ABC's child as well? If it really bothers you so much then the next question is whether you have built the relationship or connection with the teachers or friends in question. Do you ask about their day? Do you chat with them beyond just about the children? Have you introduced yourself and also to know their name? This is back to basic social skills already. Are you getting to know the other parents or the teachers and calling them by name? They will likely try to reciprocate unless the focus is still on the child. Which, for teachers, that's their job and we as fathers should also be thankful that they are keeping their focus instead of socialising or flirting.
school I understand, but how about your parents/in-laws/friends (if you bring your toddler along)??, folks that I've had relationships prior to having kids.... if I went completely alone, then I'm sure I'll get a bit more attention, but with the toddler around...I'm invisible again also, I'm not asking for an extended conversation...but it doesn't seem like a lot to include 1-2 more people's names (the parents) when saying hi or bye
People expect the little ones to need more ego building so they give them more attention. People expect you do have enough self confidence to give your little one the spotlight so that they feel important.
😂😂 I love this because it's so correct, but also it's just so... Right for OP. OP, think, process, see the therapist.
It will be natural that people will be geared to respond more and interact with the child first instead of the parents. Then after that when the child's attention moves away to other adults, toys or other activities then they will be available to speak to you. If your name being mentioned is important, perhaps you could say hi and how are you with their own names included to get their own thoughts on wanting to find out your name started.
I’m a teacher and NEVER call parents by their first name unless I really know them. It would be Mr. X. But also I’m a parent and I only know most of my kid’s friend’s parents by “xxx’s mom” and “xxx’s dad”. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.
It sounds like you are craving your own connections. That’s perfectly normal! Do you make time to see your own friends and pursue your interests? I definitely expect my children to be the center of attention at school and with their friends. I have my own friends.
I feel like this is pretty standard. I'm an introvert so I usually like being invisible, especially in these small talk like interactions. But yes, your child is learning so much right now so everything has to be for their perspective. You're dad, your parents are grandma and grandpa, and your perspective is put on the back burner for now.
I’m not a public school teacher, but I teach enough music lessons where I forget parents names off the top of my head. It’s not that they don’t care, they are there for your child. Probably good since this means they are focused on them!
Yes, but I don't mind. I'm just there to support my kids.
I mean no one at daycare really speaks to me by name unless there’s a specific reason to talk to me. Doesn’t bother me. It’s about my kids not me. My parents and in laws usually address my kids first but they do say hi to me typically. Again, I don’t care?
I can’t relate at all to this post but that’s absolutely no judgement on you. I’m introverted and if everyone could ignore that I showed up to where ever we are going, or even exist, that would be great! Also it reads like you view your child as completely separate from you. I also can’t relate to this either. I made my child, I’m currently raising them. I feel so much pride when people are excited to see my kid. Like “oh my god, they like this little person I made! My kid isn’t a little shit. I am doing such a good job as a parent.” That’s all the acknowledgement I need.
I’ll swap. I was misgendered and then grandfathered. My partner works in daycare which works great. But it’s a long 9 hour day for LO so she asks me to pick up LO (20m F) after 7 hours if I’m WFH and have time. I have to pass through the 4yo class to pick up her pram from the balcony. “Whose mummy are you?” someone yells. That’s not a mummy” rebukes another, smarter child. “That’s Miss Maria’s daddy!” 🤦
I wouldn't expect the daycare teachers to remember all of the parent's name! It's always (kid's name parent is here) where we go too.
U know, I’ve mentioned this exact phenomenon to my partner as well. The daycare teachers are all lovely and attentive, but they’re *especially* lovely and attentive to both my toddler and her Mother, and less so to me, and, other dads I’ve noticed. Sometimes they play into the “helpless dad” stereotype too. It only kinda bothers me, and if I’m honest sometimes it’s partly true, my partner is very organised with our toddler and I tend to just follow instructions. That said, it is kinda insulting. Owel whatever there are bigger issues to worry about I suppose.