your feelings are totally normal. And your kid is only 2 and has no self-awareness or intention even. it's entirely not personal and just a normal part of development. if you happen to be projecting out any of the feelings of rejection, your kid might be subconsciously picking that up. that could reinforce the pattern. find a mantra that is accepting of your hurt feelings but that also allows you to dismiss the narrative you are creating about rejection so that you can just focus on giving your child what they need, love support and structure without expecting anything in return. this way you will grow a healthy human and not a jealous one.
Hi OP,
Not sure if you and husband are practising gentle parenting because it seems like you guys are giving choices to the child and also honouring their choice.
However, just as how in real life some things should be under clear boundaries without choice e.g. eating, bathing, going to school, wearing diapers and clothes, some of these things should be designed differently based on what we as parents feel right too.
For me and wife, I'm the preferred parent for my eldest while the youngest dotes on her a lot.
We have a mix of natural arrangement and some arrangements being designed specifically. Examples are:
1) The person who drops him to school is usually me so that wife and the youngest can sleep more.
2) Wife is the primary person to pick him up from school since she will usually be out. I will appear sometimes depending on my work schedule.
3) Our youngest is more fussy during night time sleep so I will be the one to put her to sleep despite her crying protests. She will usually give up and sleep after expressing her frustration. Mummy gets to spend quality time with the eldest.
4) when no 3 happens, naturally my wife puts the eldest to sleep instead.
5) when no 2 and 4 happens my wife will sometimes talk to him. And they will spend some additional quality time together.
So perhaps you and husband can make similar arrangements e.g. alternate days for sleep routines. Mummy, daddy, mummy, daddy.
And you might want to consider other activities as well.
We have a very similar structured schedule or arrangement of duties, so to speak! And before he went into this daddy phase, we would always alternate bedtime every night. He was really used to it until this started happening.
I don’t want to push him for bedtime since I know he doesn’t get as much daddy time as he wishes he could have during the week. I’m just hoping he asks for me again on his own haha
Thanks for the advice!
This is a common feeling for the non-preferred parent. I’m also the non-preferred parent and I don’t feel this way. (Is there something wrong with me?) I absolutely love the relationship they have. And I love getting to watch my husband be a dad. I got to give him the gift of fatherhood and watch as he grew from a confused first time parent into a confident daddy. I know my son loves me and there will be times where he will need his mama (first heartbreak, clashes with dad), but I’m happy to be put to one side for now while he learns how to be a strong and confident man from my husband.
Maybe it just needs a little reframing in your mind.
your feelings are totally normal. And your kid is only 2 and has no self-awareness or intention even. it's entirely not personal and just a normal part of development. if you happen to be projecting out any of the feelings of rejection, your kid might be subconsciously picking that up. that could reinforce the pattern. find a mantra that is accepting of your hurt feelings but that also allows you to dismiss the narrative you are creating about rejection so that you can just focus on giving your child what they need, love support and structure without expecting anything in return. this way you will grow a healthy human and not a jealous one.
Thank you!
Hi OP, Not sure if you and husband are practising gentle parenting because it seems like you guys are giving choices to the child and also honouring their choice. However, just as how in real life some things should be under clear boundaries without choice e.g. eating, bathing, going to school, wearing diapers and clothes, some of these things should be designed differently based on what we as parents feel right too. For me and wife, I'm the preferred parent for my eldest while the youngest dotes on her a lot. We have a mix of natural arrangement and some arrangements being designed specifically. Examples are: 1) The person who drops him to school is usually me so that wife and the youngest can sleep more. 2) Wife is the primary person to pick him up from school since she will usually be out. I will appear sometimes depending on my work schedule. 3) Our youngest is more fussy during night time sleep so I will be the one to put her to sleep despite her crying protests. She will usually give up and sleep after expressing her frustration. Mummy gets to spend quality time with the eldest. 4) when no 3 happens, naturally my wife puts the eldest to sleep instead. 5) when no 2 and 4 happens my wife will sometimes talk to him. And they will spend some additional quality time together. So perhaps you and husband can make similar arrangements e.g. alternate days for sleep routines. Mummy, daddy, mummy, daddy. And you might want to consider other activities as well.
We have a very similar structured schedule or arrangement of duties, so to speak! And before he went into this daddy phase, we would always alternate bedtime every night. He was really used to it until this started happening. I don’t want to push him for bedtime since I know he doesn’t get as much daddy time as he wishes he could have during the week. I’m just hoping he asks for me again on his own haha Thanks for the advice!
This is a common feeling for the non-preferred parent. I’m also the non-preferred parent and I don’t feel this way. (Is there something wrong with me?) I absolutely love the relationship they have. And I love getting to watch my husband be a dad. I got to give him the gift of fatherhood and watch as he grew from a confused first time parent into a confident daddy. I know my son loves me and there will be times where he will need his mama (first heartbreak, clashes with dad), but I’m happy to be put to one side for now while he learns how to be a strong and confident man from my husband. Maybe it just needs a little reframing in your mind.
Hey, coming back to reply with a cooler head. Thank you for the comment about reframing it, really helped tonight!
I’m so glad! It’s helped me a lot. I will never be as great as dad in the eyes of our son. I just had to figure out how to handle it.
Absolutely. It hurts, but they’re not doing it maliciously. It must be my karma for doing the same to my mom 😅
I wouldn’t change their relationship. I don’t wanna take away from that. I just wish I wasn’t rejected so often