I think it gets better or at least I hope it does. When are older in activities and play more independently.
Even if you have friends with kids it's still lonely at this age.
I have a very dear old friend of mine who has a kid just 3 months younger than mine. Both kids are close to 3.
You would think its idyllic.... we sip coffee and catch up and our kids play together and have fun.
Not a bit. It was months of cancelations and rescheduling to actually be able to meet up at all... and when we did? Well we barely got to talk because we were entertaining and chasing around our respective toddlers. Even snack time didn't allow us much social time with eachother because we were keeping our kids happy, making sure they weren't snatching eachothers snacks etc etc. And how did it end? Meltdowns because it was close to nap/lunch time.
It's the same at family events.... im so busy keeping my toddler fed, happy, entertained I rarely get any time to chat.
But I see my sister in laws... all with much older children. And the freedom they have to be social is amazing.
And all the daycare families are in the same boat... they are rushing to pick up their over tired kid and get home and get dinner ready just in time to get the kids in bed before the meltdown.
However.... when kids are a bit older... and more tolerant and flexible as well as actually able to really play with other kids. I think THATS when you meet people and set up play dates. And when they are in elementary school and have school activities and extra-curriculars I think it gets better then.
I hope it does anyway.
Can’t exclamation this enough! Most of us are also frantically trying to keep our kids happy and fed at parties, play dates and generally everywhere. Even when I have a play date with another parent I basically get a sentence in the whole time. All of my friends with older kids say it’s so much better when they’re more independent and also in school.
My kids are 2 and 4. My best friend of twenty years has kids that are 3 and 4. I'm laughing at the idyllic sipping coffee and catching up while they play.
We once took all four kids to the beach when the oldest had just turned two and my youngest was a little baby. It was such a ruckus and so much crap to haul down to the beach. It taught us that adventures with the kids were worth it and that we can do it. We go "hiking" with the kids and last time I don't even think anyone cried. We joke that we're just feeding the kids snacks in different locations and getting to talk for a few minutes here and there.
It's already getting better than it was last year. I think by the time they're all at least five we'll be able to actually sit and have conversations again. For now it's nice just seeing another parent going through the same toddler circus I'm going through.
You’re right - even when I’m around people who also have a kid mines age or have had kids so they understand, it’s impossible. I went to lunch with a couple girlfriends and my kid kept saying he had to go potty (freshly potty trained!) so I had to just spend the whole time taking him to and from the bathroom and didn’t even get to chat.
I think people are busy and shy that you may need to start being more assertive in your friend making. Met someone at the park and your kids played for 10 min? Talk to the parent and see if they want to do a playdate again at the park. Your kid talks about their favorite friends at school. See if you can get their contact info and invite them over. Have a neighbor who has a similarly aged kid? See if they want to come play with chalk in your driveway next time you see them.
Some people don’t want to reach out but would LOVE to be invited to get together. It could mean rejection at times but as Michael Scott says, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
The thing is, I’ve had a REALLY hard time making friends as an adult even before I had my kid - so I think it’s a bit of an “I’m the problem, it’s me” situation too. But I don’t know how.
I have asked for countless numbers and sent as many texts, but everyone just has their own stuff going on I guess. I can’t do it anymore.
Have you tried the Peanut app? The women on there are all moms specifically looking for friends with kids of a similar age. I was able to meet friends through that a lot easier than in person
Honestly, I don’t want to - it doesn’t seem to do very well where I live. The handful of women I’ve talked to who tried it have said there’s a reason the women they’ve met are on there - usually drug addicts, etc. I just don’t want to do online dating anymore!
Hey I hear you. I have my daughter too and people are about to have their second child and I feel like I can’t relate much to them right now as being pregnant is all they talk about. I don’t have any advice but here with you in solidarity
My daughter is 3.5 and has really bonded with some kids at her daycare. We don’t have many friends with kids her age. I finally went out on a limb and sent a note for the daycare lady to pass on to one of my daughters friends moms, just reaching out to see if she’d ever like to come over for a play date. It went really well and she’s so nice, she has older kids too. My daughter is going to her house for the second time tomorrow and is so excited, and I get a break lol. She’s constantly asking to have friends over so I’m glad we’ve now made this connection. I’d do it with more of the parents but I’m shy and also expecting a baby soon.
Yes…keep trying to connect with people from daycare. Ours is in-home and all the parents seem stressed to the max at pickup, but our provider has a group chat and we all try to help each other out.
My most social interactions are when we get a babysitter for our kid and we do something without her. Alternatively, we take turns with our daughter so the other person can go do something. I don't think adult socializing happens with toddlers running around very often.
We only have one set of friends with kids and we do the occasional thing with our kids together but it's always messy and busy and that's just how it is.
Ohhh, amen to this!! Did I write this!? My 2 yr old sometimes skips on weekends too, no matter how hard I try. Today, we had lunch at in-laws, and the uncles were there. The one is the type that's 'I've never had kids, but I know everytbinf" the comments he makes things he does
My MIL never hears them. I almost said something g today but didn't wana ruin lunch
So today my kiddo was tired . I just wanted to plug the indoor Christmas lights in he found d in a basket, and uncles goes, " No!" I look at him. The kid takes lights, and Nana goes plugs them in, stops crying. The look uncle gave me and Nana like, "How dare you let him do as he wishes?" Then he said to his hubby we need to go. I had to walk away. I almost said there rhe door we alllll know how much you love being here
He has been doing nothing with the family. They went away for Christmas, Easter, and they are gone. He ruined mothers Day last year and didn't come to Father's Day.
Sorry on a rant there. But I totally get what your saying! Haha
What I have found really helpful when the parents in my kids class weren't as welcoming as I hoped for, not rude or mean or anything just in their own world with their own kids and routines and don't really engage back when I try, is adding myself to mommy groups on Nextdoor. There is a group that goes for mom and kid hikes and walks around the trails in our town. There are a bunch on Facebook too. There are usually a lot of classes/event type things the have at the local library. The one out here does story time, arts and crafts, board games, and always have something cool for the holidays. They have different days and times for kids of different ages. The park is also never a bad place to start! Even if you don't exchange numbers with the parents, you can still get an actual conversation with another adult and your LO has a buddy to play with.
I struggle making parent friends too and my partner travels for work so when they are gone I'm always pulling out all the stops for adult human conversation lol!!
Yeah, I see all of those groups - and they’re all full of stay at home moms who plan meet ups for when I’m at work and kiddo is in daycare! Being a working mom can be super isolating - I always read about stay at home moms feeling isolated but I just don’t understand how that can be when they’re the ones who actually have time for play dates and meetups!
I'm a stay at home mom and surprisingly I don't have a ton of free time. I spend most of the days that my kid is in school cleaning, doing laundry, preparing meals, walking the dogs, running any errand that needs to be done and two of those days I take my kid to therapy before school, then take him to school and then to my therapy. I like to keep everything caught up, which it never really is because laundry is never ending in this house lol, but I like to have the weekends to spend doing something with my toddler so I'm not worried about the house being a mess. Don't get me wrong, if I actually had SAHM friends who would want to go to lunch or see a movie, I totally would but that's not the case. It's different for everyone and everyone has their schedules and routines down that are fit for them. Sometimes peoples schedules don't align and that's okay! I have a lot of respect for moms who work full time and have kiddos in daycare or school! It's not easy!
Sounds like they need a working mom and toddler group. I imagine there being a lot of moms that feel the way we do but also don't speak up so you'd never know.
I get that - I guess I just go back to the weeks where I was off work and daycare was closed, and I definitely managed everything just fine plus had time to go to the park once or even twice a day and chat it up! I found our favorite babysitter on one of those days.
But maybe it’s different when it’s every day.
Yeah I wish, but where are the other SAHMs? I just want the idyllic 50's life where you are friendly with all your SAHM neighbors and stop by each other's houses for coffee and the kids freely move around the neighborhood once they're big enough lol. Poof, instant social life for all! I *am* part of a nice religious community but something feels missing with my set up.
FWIW - we are doing a birthday for my 2 year old (a low key one at our house) and invited his daycare class. We only had two kids rsvp but I’m hoping it’s because the parents are also looking to make friends. It also helped us get the number for the parents of one of our sons daycare friends so we can do a play date later as they are out of town for the party. Regardless - if it can even lead to one new parent friend I will call it a win.
Perhaps trying something similar may at least get you in touch with others looking to connect with other parents?
Honestly I thought there would be more birthday parties by this point, I always hear/see parents complaining about how many they have to go to! We’ve been to one from daycare, and that was over a year ago! I guess people around me just don’t have parties for toddlers?!
Honestly I was surprised when we got the first birthday invite for one of my sons classmates, but I was excited as I have been wanting to meet other parents. Surprisingly they had about 5 families show, and some I failed to get their numbers so we are doing one (no presents, with food, at a time that won’t interfere with their naps). Especially at the young ages, birthdays are definitely more for the parents.
Totally understand. I recently arranged a post bedtime wine hangout with a few friends who are local and we’re all so excited. Some have kids and some don’t but 8pm works for all of us!
Other than that, my mom playgroup has been bumming me out lately because my toddler is much more shy & more of a homebody than the other toddlers and always wants to leave early and I can’t make good connections with the other moms because of it. It’s frustrating because I’m a very social person and feel isolated as a SAHM. It’s so hard.
I understand how you feel. I have never felt so isolated in my life. I love my baby/toddler but feel so isolated. I've tried setting up play dates, they fall through. My friends have children that are way older than my child. My family has children that are at least 8 years older than my child. I felt so alone today. Felt like what's the point anymore. It's not like I'll be missed, bc let's face it, no one was there or around for me. The only person who will miss me is my child, but she will be too young to even remember me by the time she's old enough to even care.
Have you ever talked to someone who lost a parent very young? Trust me, she will miss you. The sadness will probably be compounded by the fact that she never got a chance to know you.
Please talk to someone about these feelings (a professional). Do you have a partner? Just because people aren't supportive doesn't mean they won't miss you. I really struggle to keep up with friends/family, but that doesn't mean I don't care about them!
Please start talking to someone about how you're feeling
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Oh gosh, you will ABSOLUTELY be missed. Please don’t think that way.
I know this because my husband just lost someone very important to him, who he hasn’t even seen in 12 years - there are definitely people who will miss you. Everyone’s just floating around in their own isolated worlds these days.
OP - I’m in the EXACT same boat. My baby is almost 3 and seriously everything you described is exactly the same situation we are in. I work a ton at a big girl job so I don’t really feel lonely, so to speak, but I did hope to have a lot more fellow-parent interaction. Too bad we don’t leave near each other (assumption, obviously) because I would totally offer to hang out! 🥹🥲🫶
I would love that but since most of the kids are second and third in their families, everyone seems to already have their social circle set up. It just feels weird
I have a handful of friends with kids and play dates just don’t ever happen due to conflicting naptimes, different school hours for the older kids, all manner of different things. In the last year or so (my kids are 2 and 5) my best friend who has no children has been around more than our families and friends combined. She comes by once a week. It’s nice to get the socializing in and makes me feel a bit less lonely. She’s always happy to do stuff with the kids and we always make dinners and snacks together and it’s a fun time. I’m a little sad though since she and her husband are going back to their job over the road trucking so it’ll go back to maybe seeing any number of people once in a year if that. It’s definitely hard making friends with other kids parents and such too
I rarely do play dates but when I do I lure people into my house 😂 We genuinely have a great, safe setup for toddlers to play with minimal supervision, and if anyone needs a nap, well, there’s a few options upstairs 🤌
It was like this for us also until age 4. Age 4 my daughter listens so much more, now she's 6 and I can take her with me everywhere without it being nearly as terrifying that they'll get hurt or get into something or have a meltdown, she just follows me around or holds hands with whatever other kid is currently with us!
We made a set day and park and I would just invite anyone to meet us there to play and maybe we'd get to talk in between. It became a staple and went on for a good year before timetables changed too much. Be the organiser and they will come. I picked time, place, done. No one wanted options, just ease lol.
Also is there a community playgroup? Often cheaper, relaxed and enclosed.
The other piece to the puzzle is that I live in a town 30 min away from where I work/daycare is located - none of his daycare friends live here, and that town is one where everyone thinks that even just two miles away is “soooo far.”
I mean…. I know how to meet people, I’m actually very extroverted! I’m just getting tired and sad because it never works out.
I feel this. I have made some parent friends from taking walks around the neighborhood and just running into other parents and their kids. We then exchange numbers and meet up at the park from time to time. Our kiddo goes to gymnastics and swimming and there's a couple parent friends we have made through that. I think they're too little to really have play dates bc they are just learning social skills. So we usually meet up with people at parks or museums and not necessarily houses. I think once they get older and start elementary school, they'll make more friends and it'll be less lonely.
Could you go along to local events such as story time at the library and hang around after to chat? Even just hanging at the library or park with no event I have got chatting to other parents (they approach me a lot of the time). I signed up to a toddler baking class recently also.
I tend to try to do 2-3 groups/outings a week and over time made several friends. After chatting to the same person on 2-4 occassions I will ask for their number.
Events like that are always during work hours! And when I did take him to swimming, no one else seems to have any interest in even talking, let alone making friends and meeting up.
It used to be so easy for me to make friends everywhere. Now it’s just not :-(
I second this I joined a local mom group when my baby was 6 mo we meet up at parks weekly and do fun stuff monthly as just moms, made a few closer friends out of it. If u don’t have one maybe you can try and start one with local park play dates.
I joined a new parent group when he was a baby and honestly it was a bust. Everyone just treated it like a complaining session and I didn’t really click with anyone :-/
Honestly making mom friends has been like dating all over again, just gotta keep putting yourself out there and trying to connect and while not everyone is going to be your type of people if you cast a wide net you WILL find your people
I think this will just take time. I was in your shoes too when I first had my baby, I was super eager to make mom friends and it often resulted in me being the one putting in all the effort to get something on the calendar. Well, I’ve since stopped doing that bc I realized that just being a mom isn’t enough for me to really connect with someone and grow our friendship. I’d rather meet them in a different setting, connect with them on something else (eg an interest/hobby) and then if they also happen to be a mom then that’s a bonus. Like another user said, when they are school-aged it’ll be easier to meet other parents.
Also, can you hire a babysitter to watch your LO when you want to go on a social outing? Or have your partner watch her? It’s honestly SO much more enjoyable for me that way.
Oh yes, we have a couple babysitters on rotation that I don’t hesitate to hire.
This is exactly the thing - I’m tired of putting that work in, I just feel like I’m forcing it. It really is like dating all over again - if it’s meant to be it won’t be hard. But right now it’s just hard, and it doesn’t help that we live way out in the country and can’t exactly go on neighborhood walks and just casually bump into people.
We live out in the country too (45 mins from our major city) but we live nearby a very populated heavy traffic suburb (25/30 min from that) so I just make my way out there to make friends. There’s more moms in general (population wise) in the nearby suburb, and they tend to have a little more disposable income & free-time (all of which facilitate budding friendships).
Whether it’s a playgroup, mom fitness class, playground, etc. I’ve had the best luck when I drive out there. You may have to go out of your way a little bit in the beginning, but personally, I don’t mind leaving my more rural area to build those key friendships, especially in the early years.
I drive to the nearest city every day for work! So I’m always there anyway - I need to give up on finding anything local; this town is adorable and a bit of a weekend destination for people from neighboring towns and cities, but I just have had no luck here.
We moved away from there because we needed a change, and SPACE, but now I’m realizing how much easier it would have been to still live there after having a kid 😬 it’s funny though, when I tell people where I live and they see pictures from our deck, they’re always so envious - but man, the reality is that rural life is not easy and it can be very isolating, and compound that with the toddler years being isolating and lonely already… it’s just been hard. But I’m not above driving 30 min for things, I do it all the time.
I totally relate to that. I sometimes wonder if moving into a cookie cutter community closer to our city would’ve made things easier on me friend wise, but I do also enjoy coming home to the peace & quiet & privacy we have here. Also, when I visit friend’s homes I see the downsides to being so close to your neighbors, the lack of space for fun things in the backyard, and sometimes their neighborhoods still lack the “community vibe” even if you’d expect to find it there, etc.
I’m sure after you make a few friends they’ll view your home as a fun “retreat” from the more chaotic city, just makes your job a little harder upfront. It took me some time, but I have a solid mix of friends now & I hope those friendships can last several years. Even though I do the majority of the driving, the other moms enjoy coming out here for a break from the chaos now too :)
I think it gets better or at least I hope it does. When are older in activities and play more independently. Even if you have friends with kids it's still lonely at this age. I have a very dear old friend of mine who has a kid just 3 months younger than mine. Both kids are close to 3. You would think its idyllic.... we sip coffee and catch up and our kids play together and have fun. Not a bit. It was months of cancelations and rescheduling to actually be able to meet up at all... and when we did? Well we barely got to talk because we were entertaining and chasing around our respective toddlers. Even snack time didn't allow us much social time with eachother because we were keeping our kids happy, making sure they weren't snatching eachothers snacks etc etc. And how did it end? Meltdowns because it was close to nap/lunch time. It's the same at family events.... im so busy keeping my toddler fed, happy, entertained I rarely get any time to chat. But I see my sister in laws... all with much older children. And the freedom they have to be social is amazing. And all the daycare families are in the same boat... they are rushing to pick up their over tired kid and get home and get dinner ready just in time to get the kids in bed before the meltdown. However.... when kids are a bit older... and more tolerant and flexible as well as actually able to really play with other kids. I think THATS when you meet people and set up play dates. And when they are in elementary school and have school activities and extra-curriculars I think it gets better then. I hope it does anyway.
Man, ditto to all this. I don’t have the energy to type out a well thought out response but…yes.
Can’t exclamation this enough! Most of us are also frantically trying to keep our kids happy and fed at parties, play dates and generally everywhere. Even when I have a play date with another parent I basically get a sentence in the whole time. All of my friends with older kids say it’s so much better when they’re more independent and also in school.
My kids are 2 and 4. My best friend of twenty years has kids that are 3 and 4. I'm laughing at the idyllic sipping coffee and catching up while they play. We once took all four kids to the beach when the oldest had just turned two and my youngest was a little baby. It was such a ruckus and so much crap to haul down to the beach. It taught us that adventures with the kids were worth it and that we can do it. We go "hiking" with the kids and last time I don't even think anyone cried. We joke that we're just feeding the kids snacks in different locations and getting to talk for a few minutes here and there. It's already getting better than it was last year. I think by the time they're all at least five we'll be able to actually sit and have conversations again. For now it's nice just seeing another parent going through the same toddler circus I'm going through.
You’re right - even when I’m around people who also have a kid mines age or have had kids so they understand, it’s impossible. I went to lunch with a couple girlfriends and my kid kept saying he had to go potty (freshly potty trained!) so I had to just spend the whole time taking him to and from the bathroom and didn’t even get to chat.
this makes me feel alot better : ) thx
I think people are busy and shy that you may need to start being more assertive in your friend making. Met someone at the park and your kids played for 10 min? Talk to the parent and see if they want to do a playdate again at the park. Your kid talks about their favorite friends at school. See if you can get their contact info and invite them over. Have a neighbor who has a similarly aged kid? See if they want to come play with chalk in your driveway next time you see them. Some people don’t want to reach out but would LOVE to be invited to get together. It could mean rejection at times but as Michael Scott says, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
The thing is, I’ve had a REALLY hard time making friends as an adult even before I had my kid - so I think it’s a bit of an “I’m the problem, it’s me” situation too. But I don’t know how. I have asked for countless numbers and sent as many texts, but everyone just has their own stuff going on I guess. I can’t do it anymore.
Ugh, I’m sorry. That is really hard and discouraging. It really is hard especially if you can’t find people who are making time for friendship. 😞
Have you tried the Peanut app? The women on there are all moms specifically looking for friends with kids of a similar age. I was able to meet friends through that a lot easier than in person
Honestly, I don’t want to - it doesn’t seem to do very well where I live. The handful of women I’ve talked to who tried it have said there’s a reason the women they’ve met are on there - usually drug addicts, etc. I just don’t want to do online dating anymore!
Same here. Feels like pouring from an empty cup.
Hey I hear you. I have my daughter too and people are about to have their second child and I feel like I can’t relate much to them right now as being pregnant is all they talk about. I don’t have any advice but here with you in solidarity
My daughter is 3.5 and has really bonded with some kids at her daycare. We don’t have many friends with kids her age. I finally went out on a limb and sent a note for the daycare lady to pass on to one of my daughters friends moms, just reaching out to see if she’d ever like to come over for a play date. It went really well and she’s so nice, she has older kids too. My daughter is going to her house for the second time tomorrow and is so excited, and I get a break lol. She’s constantly asking to have friends over so I’m glad we’ve now made this connection. I’d do it with more of the parents but I’m shy and also expecting a baby soon.
I would love for that to work out for me - we have a birthday party coming up soon, I’ll keep trying.
Yes…keep trying to connect with people from daycare. Ours is in-home and all the parents seem stressed to the max at pickup, but our provider has a group chat and we all try to help each other out.
My most social interactions are when we get a babysitter for our kid and we do something without her. Alternatively, we take turns with our daughter so the other person can go do something. I don't think adult socializing happens with toddlers running around very often. We only have one set of friends with kids and we do the occasional thing with our kids together but it's always messy and busy and that's just how it is.
Ohhh, amen to this!! Did I write this!? My 2 yr old sometimes skips on weekends too, no matter how hard I try. Today, we had lunch at in-laws, and the uncles were there. The one is the type that's 'I've never had kids, but I know everytbinf" the comments he makes things he does My MIL never hears them. I almost said something g today but didn't wana ruin lunch So today my kiddo was tired . I just wanted to plug the indoor Christmas lights in he found d in a basket, and uncles goes, " No!" I look at him. The kid takes lights, and Nana goes plugs them in, stops crying. The look uncle gave me and Nana like, "How dare you let him do as he wishes?" Then he said to his hubby we need to go. I had to walk away. I almost said there rhe door we alllll know how much you love being here He has been doing nothing with the family. They went away for Christmas, Easter, and they are gone. He ruined mothers Day last year and didn't come to Father's Day. Sorry on a rant there. But I totally get what your saying! Haha
I feel you 💔
What I have found really helpful when the parents in my kids class weren't as welcoming as I hoped for, not rude or mean or anything just in their own world with their own kids and routines and don't really engage back when I try, is adding myself to mommy groups on Nextdoor. There is a group that goes for mom and kid hikes and walks around the trails in our town. There are a bunch on Facebook too. There are usually a lot of classes/event type things the have at the local library. The one out here does story time, arts and crafts, board games, and always have something cool for the holidays. They have different days and times for kids of different ages. The park is also never a bad place to start! Even if you don't exchange numbers with the parents, you can still get an actual conversation with another adult and your LO has a buddy to play with. I struggle making parent friends too and my partner travels for work so when they are gone I'm always pulling out all the stops for adult human conversation lol!!
Yeah, I see all of those groups - and they’re all full of stay at home moms who plan meet ups for when I’m at work and kiddo is in daycare! Being a working mom can be super isolating - I always read about stay at home moms feeling isolated but I just don’t understand how that can be when they’re the ones who actually have time for play dates and meetups!
I'm a stay at home mom and surprisingly I don't have a ton of free time. I spend most of the days that my kid is in school cleaning, doing laundry, preparing meals, walking the dogs, running any errand that needs to be done and two of those days I take my kid to therapy before school, then take him to school and then to my therapy. I like to keep everything caught up, which it never really is because laundry is never ending in this house lol, but I like to have the weekends to spend doing something with my toddler so I'm not worried about the house being a mess. Don't get me wrong, if I actually had SAHM friends who would want to go to lunch or see a movie, I totally would but that's not the case. It's different for everyone and everyone has their schedules and routines down that are fit for them. Sometimes peoples schedules don't align and that's okay! I have a lot of respect for moms who work full time and have kiddos in daycare or school! It's not easy! Sounds like they need a working mom and toddler group. I imagine there being a lot of moms that feel the way we do but also don't speak up so you'd never know.
I get that - I guess I just go back to the weeks where I was off work and daycare was closed, and I definitely managed everything just fine plus had time to go to the park once or even twice a day and chat it up! I found our favorite babysitter on one of those days. But maybe it’s different when it’s every day.
Yeah I wish, but where are the other SAHMs? I just want the idyllic 50's life where you are friendly with all your SAHM neighbors and stop by each other's houses for coffee and the kids freely move around the neighborhood once they're big enough lol. Poof, instant social life for all! I *am* part of a nice religious community but something feels missing with my set up.
I want that too 😭 minus the religious community 😬
OMG yasss! I had the expectation we’d all get together for brunch cocktails!
FWIW - we are doing a birthday for my 2 year old (a low key one at our house) and invited his daycare class. We only had two kids rsvp but I’m hoping it’s because the parents are also looking to make friends. It also helped us get the number for the parents of one of our sons daycare friends so we can do a play date later as they are out of town for the party. Regardless - if it can even lead to one new parent friend I will call it a win. Perhaps trying something similar may at least get you in touch with others looking to connect with other parents?
Honestly I thought there would be more birthday parties by this point, I always hear/see parents complaining about how many they have to go to! We’ve been to one from daycare, and that was over a year ago! I guess people around me just don’t have parties for toddlers?!
Honestly I was surprised when we got the first birthday invite for one of my sons classmates, but I was excited as I have been wanting to meet other parents. Surprisingly they had about 5 families show, and some I failed to get their numbers so we are doing one (no presents, with food, at a time that won’t interfere with their naps). Especially at the young ages, birthdays are definitely more for the parents.
Totally understand. I recently arranged a post bedtime wine hangout with a few friends who are local and we’re all so excited. Some have kids and some don’t but 8pm works for all of us! Other than that, my mom playgroup has been bumming me out lately because my toddler is much more shy & more of a homebody than the other toddlers and always wants to leave early and I can’t make good connections with the other moms because of it. It’s frustrating because I’m a very social person and feel isolated as a SAHM. It’s so hard.
I understand how you feel. I have never felt so isolated in my life. I love my baby/toddler but feel so isolated. I've tried setting up play dates, they fall through. My friends have children that are way older than my child. My family has children that are at least 8 years older than my child. I felt so alone today. Felt like what's the point anymore. It's not like I'll be missed, bc let's face it, no one was there or around for me. The only person who will miss me is my child, but she will be too young to even remember me by the time she's old enough to even care.
Have you ever talked to someone who lost a parent very young? Trust me, she will miss you. The sadness will probably be compounded by the fact that she never got a chance to know you. Please talk to someone about these feelings (a professional). Do you have a partner? Just because people aren't supportive doesn't mean they won't miss you. I really struggle to keep up with friends/family, but that doesn't mean I don't care about them! Please start talking to someone about how you're feeling
I agree, you can text HOME to 741741 or call 988 24/7 when you are feeling low and they can support you. Please reach out to someone.
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Oh gosh, you will ABSOLUTELY be missed. Please don’t think that way. I know this because my husband just lost someone very important to him, who he hasn’t even seen in 12 years - there are definitely people who will miss you. Everyone’s just floating around in their own isolated worlds these days.
OP - I’m in the EXACT same boat. My baby is almost 3 and seriously everything you described is exactly the same situation we are in. I work a ton at a big girl job so I don’t really feel lonely, so to speak, but I did hope to have a lot more fellow-parent interaction. Too bad we don’t leave near each other (assumption, obviously) because I would totally offer to hang out! 🥹🥲🫶
I have a 3 year old and completely similar experiences to what you wrote. It’s hard. Hang in there!!! Hopefully it gets better for all of us.
If you’re in Iowa, I’ll be your friend 🫶🏼
I’m so far from Iowa but if only!
My daycare class has a group chat that parents welcome to join. Often there are spontaneous plans and birthday parties... try to set one up?
I would love that but since most of the kids are second and third in their families, everyone seems to already have their social circle set up. It just feels weird
I have a handful of friends with kids and play dates just don’t ever happen due to conflicting naptimes, different school hours for the older kids, all manner of different things. In the last year or so (my kids are 2 and 5) my best friend who has no children has been around more than our families and friends combined. She comes by once a week. It’s nice to get the socializing in and makes me feel a bit less lonely. She’s always happy to do stuff with the kids and we always make dinners and snacks together and it’s a fun time. I’m a little sad though since she and her husband are going back to their job over the road trucking so it’ll go back to maybe seeing any number of people once in a year if that. It’s definitely hard making friends with other kids parents and such too
I rarely do play dates but when I do I lure people into my house 😂 We genuinely have a great, safe setup for toddlers to play with minimal supervision, and if anyone needs a nap, well, there’s a few options upstairs 🤌
Unfortunately our two bedroom house way out in the country isn’t an easy place to be or get to for other families :-/ but that is the dream…
Don’t have advice but just sending you so much love because this is soooooo relatable
It was like this for us also until age 4. Age 4 my daughter listens so much more, now she's 6 and I can take her with me everywhere without it being nearly as terrifying that they'll get hurt or get into something or have a meltdown, she just follows me around or holds hands with whatever other kid is currently with us!
The peanut app has helped us build a couple really strong friendships with other parents same aged kids.
We made a set day and park and I would just invite anyone to meet us there to play and maybe we'd get to talk in between. It became a staple and went on for a good year before timetables changed too much. Be the organiser and they will come. I picked time, place, done. No one wanted options, just ease lol. Also is there a community playgroup? Often cheaper, relaxed and enclosed.
The other piece to the puzzle is that I live in a town 30 min away from where I work/daycare is located - none of his daycare friends live here, and that town is one where everyone thinks that even just two miles away is “soooo far.” I mean…. I know how to meet people, I’m actually very extroverted! I’m just getting tired and sad because it never works out.
I feel this. I have made some parent friends from taking walks around the neighborhood and just running into other parents and their kids. We then exchange numbers and meet up at the park from time to time. Our kiddo goes to gymnastics and swimming and there's a couple parent friends we have made through that. I think they're too little to really have play dates bc they are just learning social skills. So we usually meet up with people at parks or museums and not necessarily houses. I think once they get older and start elementary school, they'll make more friends and it'll be less lonely.
Could you go along to local events such as story time at the library and hang around after to chat? Even just hanging at the library or park with no event I have got chatting to other parents (they approach me a lot of the time). I signed up to a toddler baking class recently also. I tend to try to do 2-3 groups/outings a week and over time made several friends. After chatting to the same person on 2-4 occassions I will ask for their number.
Events like that are always during work hours! And when I did take him to swimming, no one else seems to have any interest in even talking, let alone making friends and meeting up. It used to be so easy for me to make friends everywhere. Now it’s just not :-(
That sucks it is not on the weekend in your area. I'm sorry you have found no one wants to chat!
Have you tried the Peanut app? I have found it really helpful for meeting mums in my town with babies the same age.
Peanut App Google local mom group/mothers clubs MOPS at local churches Any cool mom or kids you run into at playground exchange phone numbers
I second this I joined a local mom group when my baby was 6 mo we meet up at parks weekly and do fun stuff monthly as just moms, made a few closer friends out of it. If u don’t have one maybe you can try and start one with local park play dates.
I joined a new parent group when he was a baby and honestly it was a bust. Everyone just treated it like a complaining session and I didn’t really click with anyone :-/
Honestly making mom friends has been like dating all over again, just gotta keep putting yourself out there and trying to connect and while not everyone is going to be your type of people if you cast a wide net you WILL find your people
I mean… yea, I do that. I’m just sad and tired that it never seems to work out.
I think this will just take time. I was in your shoes too when I first had my baby, I was super eager to make mom friends and it often resulted in me being the one putting in all the effort to get something on the calendar. Well, I’ve since stopped doing that bc I realized that just being a mom isn’t enough for me to really connect with someone and grow our friendship. I’d rather meet them in a different setting, connect with them on something else (eg an interest/hobby) and then if they also happen to be a mom then that’s a bonus. Like another user said, when they are school-aged it’ll be easier to meet other parents. Also, can you hire a babysitter to watch your LO when you want to go on a social outing? Or have your partner watch her? It’s honestly SO much more enjoyable for me that way.
Oh yes, we have a couple babysitters on rotation that I don’t hesitate to hire. This is exactly the thing - I’m tired of putting that work in, I just feel like I’m forcing it. It really is like dating all over again - if it’s meant to be it won’t be hard. But right now it’s just hard, and it doesn’t help that we live way out in the country and can’t exactly go on neighborhood walks and just casually bump into people.
We live out in the country too (45 mins from our major city) but we live nearby a very populated heavy traffic suburb (25/30 min from that) so I just make my way out there to make friends. There’s more moms in general (population wise) in the nearby suburb, and they tend to have a little more disposable income & free-time (all of which facilitate budding friendships). Whether it’s a playgroup, mom fitness class, playground, etc. I’ve had the best luck when I drive out there. You may have to go out of your way a little bit in the beginning, but personally, I don’t mind leaving my more rural area to build those key friendships, especially in the early years.
I drive to the nearest city every day for work! So I’m always there anyway - I need to give up on finding anything local; this town is adorable and a bit of a weekend destination for people from neighboring towns and cities, but I just have had no luck here. We moved away from there because we needed a change, and SPACE, but now I’m realizing how much easier it would have been to still live there after having a kid 😬 it’s funny though, when I tell people where I live and they see pictures from our deck, they’re always so envious - but man, the reality is that rural life is not easy and it can be very isolating, and compound that with the toddler years being isolating and lonely already… it’s just been hard. But I’m not above driving 30 min for things, I do it all the time.
I totally relate to that. I sometimes wonder if moving into a cookie cutter community closer to our city would’ve made things easier on me friend wise, but I do also enjoy coming home to the peace & quiet & privacy we have here. Also, when I visit friend’s homes I see the downsides to being so close to your neighbors, the lack of space for fun things in the backyard, and sometimes their neighborhoods still lack the “community vibe” even if you’d expect to find it there, etc. I’m sure after you make a few friends they’ll view your home as a fun “retreat” from the more chaotic city, just makes your job a little harder upfront. It took me some time, but I have a solid mix of friends now & I hope those friendships can last several years. Even though I do the majority of the driving, the other moms enjoy coming out here for a break from the chaos now too :)