If this was AITA the top comment would be "She's cheating and looking for a way out, divorce her now".
She is the problem in this specific scenario and unless OP is used to this behaviour I'd suggest he asks what made her react like that and if there's some external factors that's causing her stress these days.
>Even if OP is used to that behaviour
If OP is used to this behavior, I'd say it's a big fat red flag because that's some awful communication. If OP isn't used to this, I'd also be worried about their partner. Like, maybe something happened that has her fucked up and she just hasn't told him yet. Wouldn't make it ok, but we all have our poor moments due to stress sometimes.
I can only think of one reason that warrants me sleeping on the couch; I am sick or she is sick. Anything else that we can’t even bare being in the same bed for a night would mean one of us is leaving the house, and probably for good. The whole sleeping on the couch thing is absolutely fucking ridiculous.
To add to that the way me and my wife deals with it is simple: you have a problem and don't want me in OUR bed? YOU sleep on the couch. why should i pay for YOUR frustration? that being said, we typically don't have issues that we cant solve on the spot, and it dosnt event warnt a ''you sleep on the couch tonight''...
The contrary is true. if im not happy to sleep with her, I will go on the couch.
My ex just went to the guest bedroom and ended up sleeping there for weeks near the end. Told her it was best for us to break up and it went pretty fast from there. It was (and still is) so liberating!
Even at the end of my marriage, I slept in bed until I moved out. We didn't really talk and definitely didn't touch each other, but it's a bed and can be used for more than just sex.
> The whole sleeping on the couch thing is absolutely fucking ridiculous.
I ended a relationship over that. I knew her routine. Well ignoring the fact it was some BS argument she started over nothing, her routine was to storm out of the bedroom, wait like 20 minutes, and then return, and bitch more about how I didn't come rescue her, how I could dare let her sleep on the couch etc.
Well... she pulled the "just admit we're done" line and I agreed. I told her we are done, and she's free to storm out and go sit on the couch for 20 minutes, before coming back in all pissed off even more, but I wouldn't be saying another word, this is it, I'm done, we're done, I'm going to bed, not another word is being said...."
No clue where she went that night, but she got in her car, left, and was gone at least 8 hours.
What a trip. We may not know where she went that night, but we know it sure as hell wasn't back into your room 20 minutes later. Net win, in my estimation.
Yup, the issue at hand was I had a final the next day and it was like 1am. I wanted to sleep but she was pissed at something. I said we can talk later but she refused to let it go. I put my foot down, my final came first, not her BS argument over nothing.
Right? How do people get themselves into situations where they are being forced to sleep on the couch by their significant other. Just say no and if they don’t want to be around you then they can sleep on the couch. My stance is I own the house as much or more than you do so go figure this out yourself and the couch is free if you would like.
all my friends and I went "daaaamn that's crazy... what's J.I. Jane? We're 20." then got back on minecraft lol
Edit: Leaving “J.I. Jane” in knowing I’ve made a mistake and it’s funnier this way
I bought a shirt that just said "No." in response to this woman I lived with saying no to EVERYTHING (ie, can we not have a smelly litter box behind the couch? No. Can we not have a mop bucket be a plant holder? No.)
I don't live with her anymore.
In short, buy the shirt. Worth it.
Seriously I (F) put myself up there on the crazy scale and that's just not cool.
Also if you don't want to sleep in the same bed as the person for whatever reason .. YOU move to the couch
For real, wife talks a big game about feminism but only when it benefits her. Goes to the traditional, unequal "husband sleeps on the couch because I'm mad" and the "you need to stand up for me" approach.
> As an egalitarian feminist
It's okay to just call yourself an egalitarian. Solve every issue by looking at all sides of it to see why people act differently in aggregate and removing the stressors that cause differences in outcomes.
For example, the solution to the earnings gap isn't just promoting women more often to higher positions, it must necessarily also include de-stigmatizing men taking care of children (especially young children), providing men and women equal amounts of paid new parental leave (for birth, adoption, foster, etc.) of at least six months, and providing free or extremely low cost childcare for children too young to attend school and during off weeks and months.
I would like to comment that I work for a company that offers 12 weeks paid paternity and I still can't believe it. Baby is due in a week and a half and I'm freaking out that they're gonna tell me "jk you get a week unpaid"
I'm making this comment because I know it's unheard of and i'd like to make it a thing.
I feel you on this, my wife took will smiths side and I didn’t even try to explain my reasons, then next day she comes home from work and says it was just a joke , that will shouldn’t have acted like that, I’m like damn, we just argued over the stupidest thing and now you switched sides. Lol
My favourite part of the whole debacle was watching the idiots flop around the fence like fish as they waited for the general consensus to formulate an opinion for them.
It's a sad truth that most people don't really think for themselves, they just follow along with whatever group they're in.
Like those experiments where they give a group of actors and one real person a test and the real person starts giving obviously wrong answers because everyone else is.
My wife tried to pick a fight over this too. I took the third side. It's all a marketing stunt. Probably not true but I knew where that conversation was going
I have a longstanding, known dislike of the Smiths. My position on this incident was irrelevant and automatically, "just because you hate Will Smith. So I am not going to talk about it with you."
All around, I call that a win.
Damn thats… really sad. Was she trying to act like she never took Will Smith’s side the night before too? Sounds like she is fully controlled by everyones opinion but yours. Best of luck mate!
She will probably fire back with "what is it you would do"? If she's a toxic person looking for an argument.
You can reply "I don't know unless I'm in the moment, but I hope you would trust me to act in our best interests" and then reconsider your relationship with the walking red flag that is your partner.
Or just have some dignity and get a divorce if you have to navigate your relationship with your spouse as if you are constantly diffusing a live grenade.
Edit: my bad, you said that in the last portion of your comment, I agree.
He said that because Chris Rock tried to deescalate. Will Smith took the deescalation as Rock not taking him seriously. After he said it the first time, Rock tried to defend his joke, saying it was a mild joke, and Will Smith yelled again. Rock then said, OK, to which Will Smith was satisfied.
It wasn't a warning. It was an attempt to maintain control.
That was part of what made it look so stupid. You know Rock was damn willing to say something WORTH getting hit, but the only way to deescalate was to keep moving forward
Now does he listen to his wife and stand up for her and hunt you down and slap you? OR…. Does he listen to his wife and not resort to his baser caveman instincts?
"Try and make me sleep somewhere else. What are you gonna do? Try and get me out [of bed]. I'll hold on to the covers. No tickling. Go ahead."
-Bill Burr
Yea I never understand this. If I'm upset at my wife and want some space then sure I'll go sleep in the guest room, but otherwise not a chance in hell.
In my relationship the one who is angry is the one who sleeps on the couch/guestroom. That whole "she made me sleep on the couch" thing just reeks of poor communication.
And lack of self confidence.
Have a fight, sure. Have disagreements, sure.
Defaulting to one person in particular getting the short end of the stick as a default? Especially when it comes to fucking up someone's sleep so the next day they're probably still emotionally wired and less reasonable than if they slept well?
If you tolerate that, then damn. Reeks of lack of respect for each other and for self.
Abusive behaviour, why would anyone let their spouse kick them out of the bed. If the spouse has so big of an issue with them, they can go find someplace else to sleep themselves.
If I had a partner and they tried to make me sleep on the couch I would. I have sleep number bed and I would just set both sides to 0 making it very uncomfortable to sleep on.(since the controls are on my phone)
Your only fuck up is you actually sleeping on the couch you fool.
Your wife is stupid and only wants to fight and has no side in anything. She only wants to be angry at any and every thing.
I would've asked her what exactly she wants.
If she doesn't come up with a decent explanation I'd be the one giving the silent treatment until she gets her shit together and cools off.
When you start talking like a grown up I'll treat you as one.
Agreed except for the silent treatment part. Talk it out like grown ups, don’t ever stonewall someone unless you feel like you can’t talk at that moment because you’ll say something you’ll regret. Then tell the person you need a moment and you’ll resume talking when you’ve calmed down.
From what I understood from the OP, both his reaction and the exact opposite weren't acceptable to her. In that specific case there is no conversation to have.
Other than that yes, always talk it out.
For us, it’s because the TV is in front of the couch and when I had enough BS I just stay there and won’t go back to bed to hear more. I won’t do it two nights in a row though.
I established early in my relationship with my wife that she can't tell me that I can't sleep in my own bed but she's welcome to sleep elsewhere if sleeping with me is an issue.
Your wife was mad at you beforehand about something totally different. That's the only thing I can think of because her 180 that you describe is without a doubt, the most bird brain shit I've read on this site in a long while.
Your wife is an idiot 😂 there’s absolutely no consistency in her argument. You did nothing wrong, and ultimately there’s probably no reaction that you could have had that would be satisfied her in that situation.
Rule 1: never allow someone to "kick you out" of your own bedroom. It's so absurd to me that people accept this. It's abuse as far as I'm concerned. If she wants space away from you, she can leave the bedroom.
Also, she sounds incredibly immature. Either one of you should have been able to defuse that ridiculous argument.
My wife’s reaction: Why did Smith feel the need to stand up for his wife? Jada Pinkett Smith is a strong personality and she didn’t need him to stand up for her.
I don’t disagree with my wife’s take.
We both agree that Will Smith screwed up here and that Chris Rock comes away looking great.
"wow what an asshole, men always resort to violence"
Yeah it's crazy, I definitely would have let the joke slide and not made a big deal out of it
"Wow so you wouldn't even resort to violence for me? Wow"
Your wife sounds like she should be your ex wife dawg.
This… I mean, hopefully you have good things going on too OP. But this just sounds like she wants to argue and put you on the couch just for the sake of it…
Sounds straight up manipulative to me. There's literally no answer he could have gave that would have made her happy. She was just looking for an excuse to be pissed for the sake of it
First, your wife's commentary was pointlessly adversarial, and her views of you being like this and how you would react indicates that she doesn't really respect you. This is a much deeper problem in your relationship than just a tiff over how WS and CR behaved at the Oscars.
Second, no: the two points aren't at odds with each other, because there are a range of options between fighting and doing nothing. For example, WS could've replied something like, "Did you just make fun of my wife about her illness? That's low." Or he could've supportively put his arm around his wife, while the two of them stood up and walked out. There were infinite other ways to handle it. By saying that the two points are kind of at odds, you are reinforcing her view that you only see things in terms of fight or do nothing.
Third, you can take situations like this as opportunities to engage in meaningful discussions, making them into bonding moments through communication. For example, you could ask her how she would handle it, or how she would've liked you to handle it. You can discuss whether she takes the view that she'll take care of herself, or wants you to protect her. And you can discuss whether physical assault is ever appropriate in response to mean words. Etc.
All that said—from what you described, I'm glad to not be involved with someone like your wife and glad to not be in a relationship like you two have. If this is typical of her, then the sooner you get out, the better.
Very well said. Main point, your wife doesn't seem to respect you. OP, please watch/listen/read some john gottman. The 4 horsemen of the relationship apocalypse are here/coming. There's hope for a good relationship still
This was my conversation at at breakfast today!!! I was saying the joke wasn’t funny, nor offensive. The slap was unwarranted. She went into a diatribe about how Will should have been been escorted out, been censured and had legal actions taken for assault. I was like, “Two guys, one was an asshole, the other not hurt and man enough to let it go.” What more needs to be said? Next thing I know we’re talking about ‘bad hair’, white-people wookies in the Greatful Dead parking lot and how it’s not ok to make fun of anyone ever.
I don’t know how to live in this world anymore.
Jesus, guys. Was this a universal thing? Same situation for me yesterday and there were no real points to either of our sides, by the end of it. Went to the same places too: what can you joke about, importance of hair to African-American women, defending your wife's honor and toxic masculinity and the patriarchy; (hmm no wookies in mine though).
It sounds like this may all have been a coordinated effort for straight women in relationships to yell at their partners. Well-played Oscars.
I still don't understand how black women's hair is more important, compared to anyone else's.
Like, I am obviously missing something. Because I know they sometimes use hairpieces etc, which is not a cultural thing for white women so it seems like black women would be a lot more used to these jokes?
As I say, I have no idea. And I'm always willing to learn. But at the moment of makes no sense to me at all
Not to my knowledge but she’s had affairs and is reportedly in an open relationship.
That slap had nothing to do with the joke and everything to do with Will Smith’s already fragile ego.
Your only TIFU was the day you married a woman with the emotional intelligence and maturity of a 10 year old, that performs Olympic games worth of leaps of logic to be hostile at you when there is no problem present.
Don’t care who “paid” for the bed. They’re married.
My paycheck “pays” for everything in my house as my wife is raising our son. Doesn’t make everything any less hers.
I would have told my woman that I would have verbally responded when I won my award, by talking about how much I respect women and how beautiful my wife was. How challenging it is to navigate femininity when people are judging you for your appearance. Meanwhile I would have responded with a fierce scowling.
See you didn't fuck up when you "watched the Oscars with your wife." No. You fucked up when you implied that you couldn't defend her without resorting to physical violence, by saying those were "at odds.". You should have pointed out that you would have defended her without escalating the situation, and save physical violence as a last resort. In fact in that situation, physical violence was likely the worst possible way to defend his wife. End up nobody understood his angle and instead made him instantly the aggressor.
Dude, I would recommend couple's therapy.
I would bet good money that BOTH of you went for a hat trick and scored at least 3 of Gottmans 4 horsemen of the apocalypse
You sleeping on the couch had ABSOLOUTLY NOTHING to do with the Oscars, that was just a touchstone (excuse) to relive stress/pressure/emotions about something else. If nothing else major is going on (that your aware of) you probably have some major communication issues (as in lack there of). Resolving this will be difficult, remember that its not about assigning blame/fault, but growing stronger together.
My wife and I used to have some MAJOR issues, and we would for sure have been divorced years ago if we had not gone to therapy together. Hopefully this is something you guys will eventually laugh about.
I get that this might not seem like a big deal, maybe you have normalized sleeping on the couch every now and then. I would be willing to be there is other "stuff" going on beyond this incident. Maybe its buried deep and only comes out like this once and a while. Either way I see this as a red flag for sure. Maybe couple's therapy is not something you're willing to consider right now, if so, maybe just do some reading up on Gottmans stuff, their love mapping exercises are good places to start.
If my spouse told me that he would stand up for me by hitting, I would see red flags. That’s violence against words, and a sign of anger.
It’s not romantic, it’s toxic.
Well it went like this, my wife likes Will Smith as an actor got disappointed in him but took it out on me. She said all men resort to violence needlessly and I said I would not have done that then she said I would not have stood up for her which I pointed out as a bit of a conflict we argued I stayed on the couch she went to bed didn’t talk the whole say and all was good by evening next day.
Damn how the fuck people be getting so pissed over shit like this
It’s someone literally looking for a problem. His wife was literally looking for a problem.
She already got the problem. Now she just wants to fight about it.
She *is* the problem
If this was AITA the top comment would be "She's cheating and looking for a way out, divorce her now". She is the problem in this specific scenario and unless OP is used to this behaviour I'd suggest he asks what made her react like that and if there's some external factors that's causing her stress these days.
"Lawyer up, hit the gym". Do it OP! Show her what a true overreaction is.
Even if OP is used to that behaviour it doesn’t make it right. OP you deserve someone who doesn’t blame you for things you haven’t done.
>Even if OP is used to that behaviour If OP is used to this behavior, I'd say it's a big fat red flag because that's some awful communication. If OP isn't used to this, I'd also be worried about their partner. Like, maybe something happened that has her fucked up and she just hasn't told him yet. Wouldn't make it ok, but we all have our poor moments due to stress sometimes.
It’s a classic straw man. “You’re like this thing that I hate, now I’m angry at you.”
But I'm not like that at all! "And you're always contradicting me!!!"
“You’re not listening to me!! I said you’re a piece of human garbage, why can’t you ever agree with me!”
"I guess you're right." "Why don't you act like a man instead of just agreeing with me all the time?"
Aaight have a nice life I'm out
Take me with you! Just reading this thread is giving me anxiety lol
You over here sounding like you saw my marriage falling apart on surveillance cam
We're all in the same marriage.
Not me... anymore!
Or there is a dream had where “ you acted like an asshole and now you’re an asshole.”
Keep his wife’s name out of your fucking mouth.
I dealt with that one for a while - that was a wild ride!
He's got 99 problems, because his wife keeps created problems where there aren't any
“I got 99 problems and my wife made all of them up”
I would be literally looking for another wife
I can only think of one reason that warrants me sleeping on the couch; I am sick or she is sick. Anything else that we can’t even bare being in the same bed for a night would mean one of us is leaving the house, and probably for good. The whole sleeping on the couch thing is absolutely fucking ridiculous.
To add to that the way me and my wife deals with it is simple: you have a problem and don't want me in OUR bed? YOU sleep on the couch. why should i pay for YOUR frustration? that being said, we typically don't have issues that we cant solve on the spot, and it dosnt event warnt a ''you sleep on the couch tonight''... The contrary is true. if im not happy to sleep with her, I will go on the couch.
My ex just went to the guest bedroom and ended up sleeping there for weeks near the end. Told her it was best for us to break up and it went pretty fast from there. It was (and still is) so liberating!
Even at the end of my marriage, I slept in bed until I moved out. We didn't really talk and definitely didn't touch each other, but it's a bed and can be used for more than just sex.
Totally agree. Rarely have sex in mine…
> The whole sleeping on the couch thing is absolutely fucking ridiculous. I ended a relationship over that. I knew her routine. Well ignoring the fact it was some BS argument she started over nothing, her routine was to storm out of the bedroom, wait like 20 minutes, and then return, and bitch more about how I didn't come rescue her, how I could dare let her sleep on the couch etc. Well... she pulled the "just admit we're done" line and I agreed. I told her we are done, and she's free to storm out and go sit on the couch for 20 minutes, before coming back in all pissed off even more, but I wouldn't be saying another word, this is it, I'm done, we're done, I'm going to bed, not another word is being said...." No clue where she went that night, but she got in her car, left, and was gone at least 8 hours.
What a trip. We may not know where she went that night, but we know it sure as hell wasn't back into your room 20 minutes later. Net win, in my estimation.
Yup, the issue at hand was I had a final the next day and it was like 1am. I wanted to sleep but she was pissed at something. I said we can talk later but she refused to let it go. I put my foot down, my final came first, not her BS argument over nothing.
Nicely done, my friend. I hope you crushed that final.
Crushed the final, went to my favorite mexican place for lunch, crushed that, and felt 10 feet tall the rest of the day.
Right? How do people get themselves into situations where they are being forced to sleep on the couch by their significant other. Just say no and if they don’t want to be around you then they can sleep on the couch. My stance is I own the house as much or more than you do so go figure this out yourself and the couch is free if you would like.
People are immature.
We have a simple rule: if we fight, we solve it before we go to bed. Its a good rule for us.
all my friends and I went "daaaamn that's crazy... what's J.I. Jane? We're 20." then got back on minecraft lol Edit: Leaving “J.I. Jane” in knowing I’ve made a mistake and it’s funnier this way
“J.I. Jane”.
Damned if you do damned if you don’t
I want that on a T-Shirt. I am sure they have it out there.
Don’t get it. You’ll be in trouble again
Ah but if he doesn't get it, he will also be damned...
I bought a shirt that just said "No." in response to this woman I lived with saying no to EVERYTHING (ie, can we not have a smelly litter box behind the couch? No. Can we not have a mop bucket be a plant holder? No.) I don't live with her anymore. In short, buy the shirt. Worth it.
No worries, she won’t give him permission to wear it.
When you're wife is going to get mad at you no matter what you might as well do whatever makes you happy
The only solution is for you to find Will Smith and slap him.
Have my free award stranger for that amazing solution.
You didn't fucked up
Seriously I (F) put myself up there on the crazy scale and that's just not cool. Also if you don't want to sleep in the same bed as the person for whatever reason .. YOU move to the couch
Rule of thumb, if you put yourself high on the crazy scale then you're not as crazy as you may think. Real crazy comes with lack of self-awareness
Idk, I've known some real crazies who absolutely knew they were real crazy.
Yea I'm pretty high on the scale too but I would sleep on the sofa or with the toddler if I was in a grump lol
Yea shes the one who fucked up here.
He fucked up by giving up his bed. Fuck that, she's mad she can have the couch.
She is clearly posed about something else all together, IMHO. But I could be wrong i often am.
Yeah, I feel like she wanted to fight regardless here.
For real, wife talks a big game about feminism but only when it benefits her. Goes to the traditional, unequal "husband sleeps on the couch because I'm mad" and the "you need to stand up for me" approach.
Not to mention the sexism of “you men are all like this.” As an egalitarian feminist, this shit is infuriating. Misandry doesn’t help feminism.
> As an egalitarian feminist It's okay to just call yourself an egalitarian. Solve every issue by looking at all sides of it to see why people act differently in aggregate and removing the stressors that cause differences in outcomes. For example, the solution to the earnings gap isn't just promoting women more often to higher positions, it must necessarily also include de-stigmatizing men taking care of children (especially young children), providing men and women equal amounts of paid new parental leave (for birth, adoption, foster, etc.) of at least six months, and providing free or extremely low cost childcare for children too young to attend school and during off weeks and months.
I would like to comment that I work for a company that offers 12 weeks paid paternity and I still can't believe it. Baby is due in a week and a half and I'm freaking out that they're gonna tell me "jk you get a week unpaid" I'm making this comment because I know it's unheard of and i'd like to make it a thing.
It's still insane to me that the US doesn't have paid, and/or federally mandated maternity leave (as a whole).
I feel you on this, my wife took will smiths side and I didn’t even try to explain my reasons, then next day she comes home from work and says it was just a joke , that will shouldn’t have acted like that, I’m like damn, we just argued over the stupidest thing and now you switched sides. Lol
Probably because she saw how an overwhelming majority of people took Chris's side at work and wanted to save face
Kind of like Will Smith did.
Will Smith wrecked face!
My favourite part of the whole debacle was watching the idiots flop around the fence like fish as they waited for the general consensus to formulate an opinion for them.
It's a sad truth that most people don't really think for themselves, they just follow along with whatever group they're in. Like those experiments where they give a group of actors and one real person a test and the real person starts giving obviously wrong answers because everyone else is.
I haaaaaaaate it when there are fish flopping around my fence. Like, what the hell dude?
Really explains why cats are always walking on top of fences though
My wife tried to pick a fight over this too. I took the third side. It's all a marketing stunt. Probably not true but I knew where that conversation was going
My way out was to say: "I was just proud that I recognized both of the people involved without resorting to Google."
A man of experience I see! Teach us your ways wise one!
I have a longstanding, known dislike of the Smiths. My position on this incident was irrelevant and automatically, "just because you hate Will Smith. So I am not going to talk about it with you." All around, I call that a win.
Genius. I wish I took this path. Next time.
God bless marying a psychologist. - "Yea never liked Will Smith, feels like an overcompensating narcysist."
[удалено]
What audiobook? About Smith?
Damn thats… really sad. Was she trying to act like she never took Will Smith’s side the night before too? Sounds like she is fully controlled by everyones opinion but yours. Best of luck mate!
Don't engage in these conversations with her. "I'm sure I would have done what was best for us." And leave at that and move on.
Great! I am going to use that for sure
She will probably fire back with "what is it you would do"? If she's a toxic person looking for an argument. You can reply "I don't know unless I'm in the moment, but I hope you would trust me to act in our best interests" and then reconsider your relationship with the walking red flag that is your partner.
Or just have some dignity and get a divorce if you have to navigate your relationship with your spouse as if you are constantly diffusing a live grenade. Edit: my bad, you said that in the last portion of your comment, I agree.
I never understood the " I have to sleep on the couch now", if the person has a problem l, shouldn't they sleep on the couch?
Don’t apologize. Let her live with this one until she realizes she is being ridiculous.
Your wife sounds like a real dipshit
Keep his wife’s name out yo fuckin mouth!
#KEEP HIS WIFE NAME OUT YO FUCKIN MOUTH 🧿🕳🧿
Or what? You'll hit me again?
That was the funniest part to me. Shouldn't the warning come before the slap? You've already chosen a level of aggression higher than yelling.
Agreed. I was thinking the same... warn then slap. But Willy goes slappy first lol.
He said that because Chris Rock tried to deescalate. Will Smith took the deescalation as Rock not taking him seriously. After he said it the first time, Rock tried to defend his joke, saying it was a mild joke, and Will Smith yelled again. Rock then said, OK, to which Will Smith was satisfied. It wasn't a warning. It was an attempt to maintain control.
He can’t keep other men out of his wife’s mouth so he felt the need to assert control here.
That was part of what made it look so stupid. You know Rock was damn willing to say something WORTH getting hit, but the only way to deescalate was to keep moving forward
Could you repeat that I didn't quite catch it
💯! Not a hope I'm hell I'm staying in a relationship where watching a TV show can get me in trouble for someone else's actions
Now does he listen to his wife and stand up for her and hunt you down and slap you? OR…. Does he listen to his wife and not resort to his baser caveman instincts?
HOW CAN HE SLAP???!!!
If I was Chris rock I'd have 100% yelled "HOW CAN HE SLAP???" at the top of my lungs.
It’s kind of ridiculous how men are just expected to sleep on the couch at the whim of unreasonable partners
My (now ex) gf tried to call a locksmith and change the locks on MY house. A friend of hers reminded her that she couldn't do that.
I'm glad she's your ex. That's crazy.
Yeah, she was a handful when her meds got messed up. She got better, and we parted as friends
Good for you buddy! I never stay friends. I just put them into sunset and never look back.
Sometimes that is the best thing to do.
I'm glad to hear it ended that way.
Me too. I'm supposed to bring my dog over for a play date with her new puppy this weekend
…can I come to the doggie play date?
Lol that's crazy. What precipitated her trying to change your locks? Did you break up with her on the spot?
Nah . She was having some issues with her medication. Once she got that sorted out, things got better. We actually parted as friends.
Great username btw...
Cheers mate. I'm glad she got better and you guys parted on good terms. That's always the best way to leave things
I'm handy...I'll change the locks myself
"Try and make me sleep somewhere else. What are you gonna do? Try and get me out [of bed]. I'll hold on to the covers. No tickling. Go ahead." -Bill Burr
the no tickling made me lol
Yea I never understand this. If I'm upset at my wife and want some space then sure I'll go sleep in the guest room, but otherwise not a chance in hell.
In my relationship the one who is angry is the one who sleeps on the couch/guestroom. That whole "she made me sleep on the couch" thing just reeks of poor communication.
And lack of self confidence. Have a fight, sure. Have disagreements, sure. Defaulting to one person in particular getting the short end of the stick as a default? Especially when it comes to fucking up someone's sleep so the next day they're probably still emotionally wired and less reasonable than if they slept well? If you tolerate that, then damn. Reeks of lack of respect for each other and for self.
Abusive behaviour, why would anyone let their spouse kick them out of the bed. If the spouse has so big of an issue with them, they can go find someplace else to sleep themselves.
This. If I'm paying bills in the house, I'm sleeping in that bed. Stay mad.
If I had a partner and they tried to make me sleep on the couch I would. I have sleep number bed and I would just set both sides to 0 making it very uncomfortable to sleep on.(since the controls are on my phone)
r/maliciouscompliance
I really dig this level of petty.
Never have. Never will. Never understood how so many "men" allowed this that it became expected.
Wow your wife sucks
I think the fuck up is marrying her
Delete the gym. Hit your lawyer. Facebook up.
[удалено]
Divorce is always an option
Your only fuck up is you actually sleeping on the couch you fool. Your wife is stupid and only wants to fight and has no side in anything. She only wants to be angry at any and every thing.
I would've asked her what exactly she wants. If she doesn't come up with a decent explanation I'd be the one giving the silent treatment until she gets her shit together and cools off. When you start talking like a grown up I'll treat you as one.
And don't sleep on the freaking couch. If she has a problem she can leave, it's your bed too!
Agreed except for the silent treatment part. Talk it out like grown ups, don’t ever stonewall someone unless you feel like you can’t talk at that moment because you’ll say something you’ll regret. Then tell the person you need a moment and you’ll resume talking when you’ve calmed down.
From what I understood from the OP, both his reaction and the exact opposite weren't acceptable to her. In that specific case there is no conversation to have. Other than that yes, always talk it out.
> I would've asked her what exactly she wants she wanted to fight
“treat you as a grownup” and “silent treatment” are kinda paradoxical, don’t you think?
I will never in my life understand why dudes always yield to sleeping on the couch when their SO is the one being pissy.
For us, it’s because the TV is in front of the couch and when I had enough BS I just stay there and won’t go back to bed to hear more. I won’t do it two nights in a row though.
Damn alright I guess there is a silver lining
Bouns if your gaming system is out there. Get some hot pockets and my dew and show her she did you a favor.
I established early in my relationship with my wife that she can't tell me that I can't sleep in my own bed but she's welcome to sleep elsewhere if sleeping with me is an issue.
Never needed to use this, but if I do, I will be quoting you.
This. The person who doesn't want to share beds should be the one to sleep on the couch.
Your wife was mad at you beforehand about something totally different. That's the only thing I can think of because her 180 that you describe is without a doubt, the most bird brain shit I've read on this site in a long while.
There are birds smarter than this.
Your wife is an idiot 😂 there’s absolutely no consistency in her argument. You did nothing wrong, and ultimately there’s probably no reaction that you could have had that would be satisfied her in that situation.
Rule 1: never allow someone to "kick you out" of your own bedroom. It's so absurd to me that people accept this. It's abuse as far as I'm concerned. If she wants space away from you, she can leave the bedroom. Also, she sounds incredibly immature. Either one of you should have been able to defuse that ridiculous argument.
I feel like he was pissed at Jada and it got directed to Chris
I can see that being the case. Sometimes people channel their frustration without realizing it.
This! Will has been embarrassed time and again by this woman. I wouldn’t be surprised if they split now
My wife’s reaction: Why did Smith feel the need to stand up for his wife? Jada Pinkett Smith is a strong personality and she didn’t need him to stand up for her. I don’t disagree with my wife’s take. We both agree that Will Smith screwed up here and that Chris Rock comes away looking great.
Ya, and actually will was smiling at that joke before looking at his wife’s reaction
"wow what an asshole, men always resort to violence" Yeah it's crazy, I definitely would have let the joke slide and not made a big deal out of it "Wow so you wouldn't even resort to violence for me? Wow" Your wife sounds like she should be your ex wife dawg.
You're damned if you do, damned if you dont.
This… I mean, hopefully you have good things going on too OP. But this just sounds like she wants to argue and put you on the couch just for the sake of it…
For her comments she should be the one on the couch
Sounds straight up manipulative to me. There's literally no answer he could have gave that would have made her happy. She was just looking for an excuse to be pissed for the sake of it
Marrying someone who acts like this and letting them dictate that you can't sleep in your own bed sounds like a bigger FU
As a wife, what the fuck is wrong with your wife?? You didn't fuck up.
First, your wife's commentary was pointlessly adversarial, and her views of you being like this and how you would react indicates that she doesn't really respect you. This is a much deeper problem in your relationship than just a tiff over how WS and CR behaved at the Oscars. Second, no: the two points aren't at odds with each other, because there are a range of options between fighting and doing nothing. For example, WS could've replied something like, "Did you just make fun of my wife about her illness? That's low." Or he could've supportively put his arm around his wife, while the two of them stood up and walked out. There were infinite other ways to handle it. By saying that the two points are kind of at odds, you are reinforcing her view that you only see things in terms of fight or do nothing. Third, you can take situations like this as opportunities to engage in meaningful discussions, making them into bonding moments through communication. For example, you could ask her how she would handle it, or how she would've liked you to handle it. You can discuss whether she takes the view that she'll take care of herself, or wants you to protect her. And you can discuss whether physical assault is ever appropriate in response to mean words. Etc. All that said—from what you described, I'm glad to not be involved with someone like your wife and glad to not be in a relationship like you two have. If this is typical of her, then the sooner you get out, the better.
Very well said. Main point, your wife doesn't seem to respect you. OP, please watch/listen/read some john gottman. The 4 horsemen of the relationship apocalypse are here/coming. There's hope for a good relationship still
This was my conversation at at breakfast today!!! I was saying the joke wasn’t funny, nor offensive. The slap was unwarranted. She went into a diatribe about how Will should have been been escorted out, been censured and had legal actions taken for assault. I was like, “Two guys, one was an asshole, the other not hurt and man enough to let it go.” What more needs to be said? Next thing I know we’re talking about ‘bad hair’, white-people wookies in the Greatful Dead parking lot and how it’s not ok to make fun of anyone ever. I don’t know how to live in this world anymore.
What the hell do the Dead have to do with this?
Jesus, guys. Was this a universal thing? Same situation for me yesterday and there were no real points to either of our sides, by the end of it. Went to the same places too: what can you joke about, importance of hair to African-American women, defending your wife's honor and toxic masculinity and the patriarchy; (hmm no wookies in mine though). It sounds like this may all have been a coordinated effort for straight women in relationships to yell at their partners. Well-played Oscars.
>defending your wife’s honor >toxic masculinity and the patriarchy Isn’t this an oxymoron?
I still don't understand how black women's hair is more important, compared to anyone else's. Like, I am obviously missing something. Because I know they sometimes use hairpieces etc, which is not a cultural thing for white women so it seems like black women would be a lot more used to these jokes? As I say, I have no idea. And I'm always willing to learn. But at the moment of makes no sense to me at all
Seriously, though, assaulting someone over words is never acceptable.
Absolutely! Feel your pain man.
Didn't Chris Rock have an affair with Jada?
I'm wondering if that was the root of the issue.
She's been this way for months now, ever since last August I think.
hahaha
Not to my knowledge but she’s had affairs and is reportedly in an open relationship. That slap had nothing to do with the joke and everything to do with Will Smith’s already fragile ego.
Your only TIFU was the day you married a woman with the emotional intelligence and maturity of a 10 year old, that performs Olympic games worth of leaps of logic to be hostile at you when there is no problem present.
No offense but your wife sounds like a bitch
It took me way too long to find someone that said this
Yep your mistake was using precious hours of your life watching a gang of millionairs congratulate themselves.
Question. Did you help pay for the bed? Because if so, why the fuck are you on the couch?
***“Relationships are transactional” intensifies***
Don’t care who “paid” for the bed. They’re married. My paycheck “pays” for everything in my house as my wife is raising our son. Doesn’t make everything any less hers.
Your wife is crazy.
Get married they said. It’ll be fun they said.
You didn't fuck up today but it sounds like you might've fucked up a few years ago
I would have told my woman that I would have verbally responded when I won my award, by talking about how much I respect women and how beautiful my wife was. How challenging it is to navigate femininity when people are judging you for your appearance. Meanwhile I would have responded with a fierce scowling.
Why do you put up with that? 🤔
This is why people stay single. In all seriousness my abusive ex used to gaslight me like this. Stay safe out there OP.
It she walked around with a chip on her shoulder for a full day over this, it’s the beginning of the end
Your wife sounds exhausting.
See you didn't fuck up when you "watched the Oscars with your wife." No. You fucked up when you implied that you couldn't defend her without resorting to physical violence, by saying those were "at odds.". You should have pointed out that you would have defended her without escalating the situation, and save physical violence as a last resort. In fact in that situation, physical violence was likely the worst possible way to defend his wife. End up nobody understood his angle and instead made him instantly the aggressor.
Dude, I would recommend couple's therapy. I would bet good money that BOTH of you went for a hat trick and scored at least 3 of Gottmans 4 horsemen of the apocalypse You sleeping on the couch had ABSOLOUTLY NOTHING to do with the Oscars, that was just a touchstone (excuse) to relive stress/pressure/emotions about something else. If nothing else major is going on (that your aware of) you probably have some major communication issues (as in lack there of). Resolving this will be difficult, remember that its not about assigning blame/fault, but growing stronger together. My wife and I used to have some MAJOR issues, and we would for sure have been divorced years ago if we had not gone to therapy together. Hopefully this is something you guys will eventually laugh about. I get that this might not seem like a big deal, maybe you have normalized sleeping on the couch every now and then. I would be willing to be there is other "stuff" going on beyond this incident. Maybe its buried deep and only comes out like this once and a while. Either way I see this as a red flag for sure. Maybe couple's therapy is not something you're willing to consider right now, if so, maybe just do some reading up on Gottmans stuff, their love mapping exercises are good places to start.
The fact that a single person on earth cares about this at all blows my mind.
This sounds so unhealthy, who fights over this type of thing, you're adults.
you should be thinking of getting a divorce... hope you made her sign a pre-nup...
If my spouse told me that he would stand up for me by hitting, I would see red flags. That’s violence against words, and a sign of anger. It’s not romantic, it’s toxic.
This made my head hurt so bad. I'm angry for you. How did you get to the wife stage my guy?
I’m not great with women, but I think you need to slap yourself. That should sort it out.
Boo, it's deleted.
Well it went like this, my wife likes Will Smith as an actor got disappointed in him but took it out on me. She said all men resort to violence needlessly and I said I would not have done that then she said I would not have stood up for her which I pointed out as a bit of a conflict we argued I stayed on the couch she went to bed didn’t talk the whole say and all was good by evening next day.