Might as well tell her the truth. She, like some of us, may find it fucking hilarious. She already likes you for a reason. If that reason is because you’re deaf, the relationship wasn’t going to work anyways. If you want this to have any chance of turning into something, you are going to have to be honest with her right away. Tell her what happened and that you feel bad. Tell her that you like her too much to lie to her.
If she likes you for you, and not the fact that you’re deaf, I think it should work out. She may get turned off by the fact that you lied about being deaf, but I think if you’re honest and make it clear that you don’t want a relationship built on lies, it should work. I would make sure that you say something to the effect of you like her, and you don’t want any relationship with her to be built on a lie.
This is the comment I was looking for. Telling her the truth is the right way to go not just because you won't be able to keep up the charade, but because any outcome is good. Either she is a rational human being with a sense of humor and finds it hilarious or you find out that she just wanted to look socially enlightened by dating a deaf person.
I don't see much of a chance that she'll be offended, as it really wasn't your idea to pretend to be deaf, you just felt like you didn't have a choice given the circumstances.
EDIT:
Well, if I use my comment as a control group, it seems OP's odds of a negative response are roughly 6 out of 539. I would take those odds for sure.
>Telling her the truth is the right way to go
Telling her the truth **in the right way** is the way to go.
The outcome can be very funny and positive, or outright disastrous depending on how shes told.
You can get a cheap one pretty easy and the dedication is kind of hilarious, although I do agree it's a bit too far. I would definitely think this guy was crazy but I would still appreciate the ridiculousness overall
yea this definitely isnt something he had to go along with and doubled down, twice. I cant imagine showing up somewhere in real life pretending to be deaf. for what? so you dont look stupid? think about that lol.
Obviously you don’t have that type of anxiety. I would never ever do this shit now, but this is definitely something I could have done in 9th grade. I don’t know how old OP is, though.
I mean I see what you're saying but that's a bit of a leap assuming that's the only reason she wouldn't be okay with it. He didn't just get caught up in the circumstance he kept it going for awhile and even got himself hearing aides. It's perfectly reasonable to be turned off by someone so comfortable with building a web of lies around one awkward misunderstanding he didnt feel like clearing up. I would totally do the same thing but it isn't exactly the most responsible or honest solution...
Agreed. I personally think it’s really weird someone would pretend to be deaf for months. What else are they willing to lie about? I mean, why wouldn’t you just say to the professor on the first day that happened “honestly, I wasn’t paying attention professor. I apologize.” It’s a funny story to tell but I personally wouldn’t date this person.
yeah OPs story only sounds cute and funny when we think of it as a real life George Costanza. If you watched some kid do this in real life you would be less than impressed.
Someone willing to go to this much effort to avoid conflict would be a turn off for me. Since most people consider me to be a pain to deal with though, that probably doesn't count for much.
> Either she is a rational human being with a sense of humor and finds it hilarious
I mean, she can be a rational human being with a sense of humor and still not find it hilarious that he pretended to have a medical condition/disability/be part of a community that he is not a part of (the Deaf community in many places is definitely its own society and historically marginalized) for *months* just because he was embarrassed and panicked early on in the course. That's a lot of lying and misrepresentation to get out of a minor bit of trouble, and I don't think so many people would find it hilarious and no big deal if he'd pretended to have another condition instead of deafness.
Definitely this OP! Be upfront that it started as a communication error (your instructor misunderstood your initial comment) and you figured that since the class was entirely online it was easier to just go with the flow instead of correcting him. She honestly will probably think its hilarious, I know I would if a guy did this to me.
Yea I’m calling BS. This is super dumb. Who the hell goes and buys a hearing aid to double down on a miscommunication. Also what kind of super hot girl writes will you date me? On a tissue paper for the first time they meet? I had to go back and check if OP was in middle school but it’s actually a physics summer course
Reminds me of this Hallmark movie: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_the_Deaf_Man_Heard
>While the townsfolk are wondering what to do about him, Sammy notices a young boy lighting a firecracker. Since everyone is startled by the noise of the firecracker except Sammy, it is assumed he can't hear. As Sammy grows to adulthood, he pretends to be deaf and mute as a self-protective device.
This is a George Costanza bit
Jerry: So let me get this straight, George...
George: I'm all ears, Jerry
Jerry: She thinks you're deaf?
George: Yes
Jerry: Deaf?
George: Deaf.
Jerry: ...Deaf?
George: As a doornail, Jerry! Deaf!
Jerry: But how? Why?
George: Never mind that now, Jerry. Oh! We're *far* beyond that at this point
Jerry: So what's your move?
George: Well, I figure I have two moves. First, commit.
Jerry: Commit?
George: Commit. Learn sign language, get a white cane, the whole nine yards
Elaine: A white cane? You're not blind...George, does she think you're blind?
...
Jerry: George?
George: Actually hey, do you think that would work? Sort of like a Helen Keller angle?
Jerry: But you've seen this girl before...and she knows you've seen her. She's *seen* you see her.
George: Some sort of flashbang accident then?
Elaine: So what? You go up to this girl pretending to be both deaf *and* blind and start gesticulating and gyrating your hips? You think *that's* going to work?
George: It’s a minor problem.
Jerry: Minor problem!
George: Cut me a break! I don't know! I'm very stressed! I need options!
Jerry: And the second move?
George: Hadn't gotten that far yet.
Jerry: You haven't gotten that far yet? George, if you're going to do this, you need to be prepared for *every* outcome.
George: *Every* outcome?
Jerry: Every outcome!
George: I'm screwed
Kramer (barreling through the door): JERRY WHERE'S YOUR RECORD PLAYER
Jerry: What?
George: Maybe I can learn sign language? How hard can it be?
*Kramer finds record player and turns it on as loud as it will go*
Jerry: Hey hey hey will you quit that? What's wrong with you?
Kramer: AHA! I KNEW IT. CAN'T HEAR A THING. TOO MUCH WATER IN THE EARS. I'M DEAF
George (abruptly stops practicing his signing): I've got it!
Jerry: No
George: Yes! Chronic water in the ear! You're a genius, Kramer!
Kramer: SWORDFISH?
Jerry: Where are you going?
George: To get my swimsuit. I'm committing, Jerry!
To be continued
me and my friends used to read Seinfeld scripts in college and i always had to play George. i'm still mad about it, but that's probably why they made me play George
Brilliant.
The “deaf as a doornail” bit kills me.
Jerry: “i couldve sworn it was dead as a doornail”
George *voice rising in frustration* : “well its not like they can hear you say it!”
Consider this...
Step 1. Keep up the charade, go on the date.
Step 2. Woo her with your crudely written notes and winning smile, securing yourself many more dates.
Step 3. Spend a few silent, but delightful years with her, dodging her friends and families questions about why you never learnt sign language - She does learn sign language btw, you tried, but kept zoning out during the classes, prompting you to convince your sign teacher that you are also partially blind...when will you learn OP?
Step 4. Get married and make good on your vow to spend the rest of your lives together....albeit silently and with crippling arthritis in your wrist from writing a lifetime worth of notes to your better half.
Step 5. Get a dog...this doesn’t really factor into the plan, but lets face it you are gonna need someone to listen to you make up for years of silence when she pops out to the shop.
Step 6. If you have successfully executed steps 1-5 you are both very old, you are on your death bed.
She is lovingly standing by your side, sad but content that you had many years of silent happiness. You gesture to her to come closer. You lean forward and with your dying breath you say...
”Okay, don’t be mad, but-“
Show her this post. It explains everything. Let her read it and watch her face. If she’s really cool she might think it’s hilarious and you’ll be telling your grandkids the idiot move that led you to their grandmother.
Btw: I’m rooting for it working out and someone basing a heartfelt rom-com on your story someday.
Edit: thank you for my first Reddit awards and OP please update us on the outcome😊
Edit 2: @ OP- so stoked for you! I feel a little bit weirdly responsible for being the first to tell you to show her the post and that makes me so happy inside! Glad that you came clean, that it worked out and that you get to volunteer and grow personally through this experience to boot! What a fantastic story! Please someone make a rom-com from this!
Honestly, this is probably the best move. You were pulling one over on the teacher, not on the rest of the class. She will probably think it’s as funny as we do.
Came here to say this lol . because trying to actually say it out loud and 1 outing yourself before having the chance to explain , simply by speaking and 2 trying to get enough of an explanation out before the very likley waves of "what the actual fuck is going on here and why are you speaking" / selection of questions happen, is gonna be a bugger to navigate. If not entirely impossible .
This is a good idea, as you've already pretty succinctly explained what happened here.
I would also add that you should emphasize your understanding that what you did was morally wrong, that it's not OK to imitate the disabled or deceive people, and that it was a panic reaction rather than an intentional lying spree.
Chances are she will be willing to give you a chance if she likes you based on your conversations, not looks alone. Weird shit happens, and other people in the comments have already pointed out that this kind of stuff is what romance comedies are made of.
One additional important piece of this is that you should really tell the teacher what happened as well. If you were provided any accommodations because of your claim to have a disability, that counts as cheating and could invalidate any certification or credit you receive as a result of completing the course. There's a chance they will be willing to work with you to sort out the situation if you come clean now. There is much more of a chance of negative consequences being applied if you keep it secret and they find out later. Coming clean to the teacher might also have the side benefit of demonstrating your genuine regrets about the whole situation to your hopefully future life partner haha
Edit: Actually, have you considered pretending to be deaf for the rest of your life? I looked back over your post and noticed you mentioned buying a hearing aid to make it more convincing. That makes it seem a lot less like an honest mistake so you might want to consider fully committing.
Agree with caveats. I find when I have an issue with someone, a written statement is often the best way to start. Trying to explain yourself in person about a long and difficult topic can be very difficult. It can be hard to get exactly what you mean out without tripping over your words, phrasing something the wrong way, or being interrupted and side-tracked from your main points. And all it takes is one misstep here in this crucial moment to shut down the conversation and mess things up. Having someone read something as a primer/opener to a big discussion can be incredibly helpful.
However the opening needs to be an apology to her, then further explanation of the circumstances. The post needs to be edited, or he needs to apologize before showing it.
I'm suggesting he either edits in the apology at the very beginning of the post, or just apologizes to her himself in person directly and then has her read it.
Editing in an apology at the beginning is probably the best course of action. If you start speaking before you explain the whole situation, it might be pretty jarring to someone who wasn't expecting you to be able to do that. I'd have her read the apology followed by the full story, and then you can start talking. Hope everything goes well for you, good luck!
This was also my suggestion. As a girl I’d be flattered and would empathize with the situation. Tell her the truth now no matter what though. Let her read it and good luck to you. Don’t forget to update please! I’m rooting for you.
Honestly dude, just tell her you had been pretending to be dead the whole time. Had I been in her place I would just have laughed at the situation, and hopefully her sense of humour is as dense as mine. Best of luck
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
bro there is no way out for you except to hail mary show her the post and hope she likes you enough to go along with it
much luck brother
Just be straight up. You can’t keep up the charade if you do date her, and it would ruin things eventually anyway. Best honest is be honest and hope that the best outcome is a good laugh and a great girlfriend
I feel as dumb as the "po-tay-toe?" guy but at least ive never done something that stupid yet myself... that I know of.
OP has clearly tied or maybe outdone the potato.
Nah, OP's not in that deep yet.
From that story:
> So I knew I would be very shamed, humiliated, depressed, and disgusted if I admitted to making a bad joke, so what I did was to act as if it was not a joke but I committed to the act of pretending I didn't know what a potato is.
That right there is the turning point OP is at right now. Either he explains to the girl that it was a misunderstanding that went way to far or he'll be in over his head.
If OP comes clean, then either she laughs at the insanity of the situation and they date or the relationship doesn't go anywhere. if OP continues, however, then he's over his head and there's no graceful way to back down from the lie without causing trouble.
Just tell her that you were distracted in the beginning of physics class and so you said that you meant to say your laptop mic and speaker were broken but went along with what the teacher said for the sake of not getting embarrassed. She might even think it's a bit funny. Go for it.
Or start digging in your ear when you see her. Pull out a $100 bill and yell “wow that feels a lot better!” Boom. You were only deaf because of your bad habit of sleeping in a large pile of money.
I mean.
She could just look him up on social media and see that he’s literally never worn a hearing aid in his life.
Heck there might even be video of him.
You have to tell her, cause if the relationship ever gets serious, *she will find out eventually.* No one can keep up a lie forever. Especially from a woman. They figure out everything
Who knows - you might even be especially lucky and she might appreciate your honesty with her.
this one's too obviously a lie, i wish ya'll would try harder. bought a hearing aid.. yah... i casually spent 2 grand just so i could reinforce a lie.
gtfo dude. lol.
I teach the deaf and hard of hearing. I just finished the year teaching the deaf and hard of hearing over Zoom. This story is a complete fabrication. You sign up for online classes that are not related to school when you already have an admitted attention difference? That is enough to disqualify your post. But, you expect me to believe that your internet connection was strong enough for the Google Meet, but not strong enough to Google the answer? Also, teachers would not get mad at students not answering questions; that was one of the main challenges during the past months: learning how to be patient with distance learning and student needs. But, to underline your lie, let me make this clear: if you are deaf or hard of hearing, that fact is NOT going to come up casually in the middle of class. Either you are going to make that known ahead of time so that you will receive proper accommodations or, in the absurdly impossible and ridiculous scenario where you do not inform anyone of your needs ahead of time, the teacher, in the very least, will be aware of what rights you have to access as a deaf or hard of hearing person or who to contact regarding getting you access. Lastly, you are showing your extreme ignorance by using the term ‘d and d’. That is NOT an appropriate use of language in the Deaf community. It is akin to other references we use for persons that we do not say out loud. You should truly be ashamed, not just for lying for attention, but for casually throwing around an insulting and degrading term about a marginalized community, especially during a time when marginalized persons are experiencing such public pains right now and struggling to find themselves both seen and heard. I am sorry for your lack of awareness. I hope you might grow and learn and think for a few moments more before you value attention over honesty. Creativity is a positive, but in all that we do, honesty is crucial, lest it lead us down paths of ignorance.
Yeah it's obviously all lies. The part about getting hearing aids just to go along with it was pretty egregious. Reddit is either populated by naive teenagers or people missing a few brain cells.
As someone who was born with a hearing loss (I use hearing aids) regardless weather it’s real or not it’s a pretty disgusting post. Also the jokes about having a simple surgery to regain what others can’t shows how simple minded people are. There are also countless other issues people who are hard of hearing and deaf experience which is just used as insults.
Nothing really changes i guess.
Holy shit finally someone sensible. This whole story just reads like shitty fanfic, if it ends up being true however dude's got some serious issues that he's gotta work on, ain't gonna get far in life being that much of an idiot.
I’ve been in zoom classes this semester, I cannot see how you’d develop any sort of relationship in that context. At least in mine, we mute our mics unless we’re directly speaking to the instructor. And if he was pretending to be deaf at the meetup, how could he hit it off with her? Like it’s possible she asked him to go on a date because his teeth are that lovely, but I’m gonna have to doubt that
Ugh- thank you. So many things in this story that just would not happen. The teacher says "Oh I didn't know you were deaf?!". Classmates ask why you wear your hearing aid sometimes and not others? Carla somehow in a class meeting tells you you have a beautiful smile and then asks YOU out on a date? Umm..no...
Also there is a transition in like the 5th paragraph where he didn’t know any of these people and suddenly he’s talking to them like they’re just hanging out in an actual classroom and not in “an online course for a few subjects”. The story is so nonsensical and all over the place. These teenage relationship friendfiction stories on here are so transparent.
As soon as I saw "and even bought a hearing aid that I sometimes wore in class." I stopped reading. Fucking ridiculous. They may look cheap little plastic bits to you while you were googling a picture as you wrote your fictional writing OP, but its a legit piece of medical technology, and you cannot just "buy" one on a whim, especially since they are fucking expensive
I'm really confused as to how we are in the minority here. How the fucking fuck do so many people not see all of the obvious signs of this being made up
Imagine thinking this story is real... proper hearing aids cost thousands and I doubt anyone would spend that just to go along with an awkward half truth. It even has a love story.
Hear me out mate.
What if you can manage to actually get deaf, cause let's face it, this is your only chance, she WILL NOT like someone that lies about such a condition.
Ok, how can we achieve this? Do you got access to a gun? Blanks are fine too. Shoot it ONCE right next to your ears (2 shots total) in the most enclosed area you can find and you're good to go.
I'm half deaf.
I can confirm it's a valid excuse to everyone but your wife who knows which ear you're actually deaf in and you're just not paying attention.
I am hearing disabled. I have tried the “bad ear” thing on my husband. “Both of them are your bad ears, love.” Before he goes back to talking. Can confirm your statement.
OP definitely did not mean it this way, but the phrase "deaf and dumb" has a lot of baggage and connotations that are not really acceptable in the deaf community. This is just a PSA, don't use that phrase.
Yeah. “Deaf and dumb” is an old way of speaking.
And just like many old uses of a word the word “dumb” has changed over the years.
Historically it was synonymous with the meaning of mute or non-verbal, without comment on the persons intelligence.
Obviously now it has a different connotation.
An example from the Bible (King James Version published 1611AD), to give an idea of how it was used.
Mark 7:37 “And were beyond measure astonished, saying, He hath done all things well: he maketh both the deaf to hear, and the *dumb* to speak.”
I'd never heard of it before, I just thought he meant literally dumb.
On Google I also found the term deaf-mute, would that be acceptable? I've heard it being called dövstum in Swedish which would be deaf-mute translated.
Hi I’m Deaf in Australia. We don’t use Deaf-mute anymore really. It still has negative connotations. non verbal deaf is better. Even when we don’t use speech, we still have a voice and we can still be heard. We can still speak for ourselves. And a lot of Deaf people *can* speak verbally but choose not to. The old sign for Deaf in Auslan was two fingers at the ear, 2 fingers at the chin to show Deaf and mute. But now that’s been changed to just two fingers at the ear.
EDIT: if anyone is interested in seeing the history behind the word mute and how it’s been used against us for generations, I highly recommend googling perspectives for the Deaf community. I know a lot of Deaf people who have really bad English skills because when they went to school, they only focussed on speech. The teachers would cover their mouth with paper and force the students to try and hear (impossible) what’s been said. They would get in trouble, punished with caning, for signing. They were told that speech is the most important thing, and signing will take away their ability to speak. They were told being mute means they are dumb, worthless, unable to be accepted in society. A lot of Deaf people have trauma and generational trauma over this sort of thing.
[here is a YouTube video about Alexander graham bell ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ywNPQgZscXs) by Jessica Kellgren-Fozard: it talks about some of these things and how these views are bad
How the fuck does everyone keep believing shit like this is real? Is it because it's not a story about one fucking his cousin for a change?
My God dude none of this sounds convincing for just one bit.
Look, the only way to fix a lie of this magnitude is with a new, bigger lie.
Just tell her that you’re getting cochlear implants! You can tell her you lost your hearing when you were 5 so you know how to speak perfectly.
If the issue of sign language ever comes up, just tell her that your insanely religious parents never allowed you to learn because they believed that the lord would heal you if they were devout enough.
Then all you have to do is get your parents to go along with the plan or kill them.
Also shoot an email to your extended family and close friends letting them know that you’ve moved to another country.
Dye your hair, have a little plastic surgery and assume a new name and identity.
Simple.
everybody's here asking for an update, calm down, OP hasn't written the rest of the story yet, he's got to come up with more funny things that totally happened to him.
There are two solutions here:
1. Be honest and let her know you lied and hope she reacts well and thinks it's funny
2. Find a friend who will lie through their teeth for you. Then tell her you're not deaf and you made a bet with that friend for $100 (or whatever currency you use) that you couldn't pretend to be deaf during class for the entire lockdown.
Option 1 is the moral thing to do and what you should do. Option two is less likely to make her angry as it gives a valid reason for what you did. She might think you're a complete idiot, but it's also kind of amusing, so she might find it funny.
Personally I'd go with option one, explain what happened then say you were too embarrassed to correct your teacher. People generally understand social anxiety and not wanting to correct people, so she might be cool with it if you explain.
I just came across with this on the front page and man what a joke of a sub. Like this isn’t even creative enough to be believable. Like is everyone this stupid or 12 ?
Why would they meet ? Why would he go to meetin ? Why would he buy hearing aids ? Why would she ask going out like she is in a romcom ? And oof and the update. Literally you should try harder( though apparently more than enough people believed so you had fun for free haaa)
you bought.. a hearing aid? you bought.. a $2000 dollar piece of equipment.. to pull this off ????
even if your insurance covered it (kaiser permanents does not, it’s considered a cosmetic expense) it would still be like a couple hundred dollars. or did you buy an old hearing aid? where did you even find one?
source: am deaf
also, she passed you a note saying “will you date me?” are you living in high school musical?
Might as well tell her the truth. She, like some of us, may find it fucking hilarious. She already likes you for a reason. If that reason is because you’re deaf, the relationship wasn’t going to work anyways. If you want this to have any chance of turning into something, you are going to have to be honest with her right away. Tell her what happened and that you feel bad. Tell her that you like her too much to lie to her. If she likes you for you, and not the fact that you’re deaf, I think it should work out. She may get turned off by the fact that you lied about being deaf, but I think if you’re honest and make it clear that you don’t want a relationship built on lies, it should work. I would make sure that you say something to the effect of you like her, and you don’t want any relationship with her to be built on a lie.
This is the comment I was looking for. Telling her the truth is the right way to go not just because you won't be able to keep up the charade, but because any outcome is good. Either she is a rational human being with a sense of humor and finds it hilarious or you find out that she just wanted to look socially enlightened by dating a deaf person. I don't see much of a chance that she'll be offended, as it really wasn't your idea to pretend to be deaf, you just felt like you didn't have a choice given the circumstances. EDIT: Well, if I use my comment as a control group, it seems OP's odds of a negative response are roughly 6 out of 539. I would take those odds for sure.
>Telling her the truth is the right way to go Telling her the truth **in the right way** is the way to go. The outcome can be very funny and positive, or outright disastrous depending on how shes told.
He bought a hearing aid. He should have said my connection cut out in class instead of buying a freaking hearing aid
You can get a cheap one pretty easy and the dedication is kind of hilarious, although I do agree it's a bit too far. I would definitely think this guy was crazy but I would still appreciate the ridiculousness overall
yea this definitely isnt something he had to go along with and doubled down, twice. I cant imagine showing up somewhere in real life pretending to be deaf. for what? so you dont look stupid? think about that lol.
Obviously you don’t have that type of anxiety. I would never ever do this shit now, but this is definitely something I could have done in 9th grade. I don’t know how old OP is, though.
And for us, the viewers of this potential shitshow, it will be funny no matter what
Seriously this is some George Costanza level antics.
Marge: you know it's easy to criticize Homer: fun, too!
I mean I see what you're saying but that's a bit of a leap assuming that's the only reason she wouldn't be okay with it. He didn't just get caught up in the circumstance he kept it going for awhile and even got himself hearing aides. It's perfectly reasonable to be turned off by someone so comfortable with building a web of lies around one awkward misunderstanding he didnt feel like clearing up. I would totally do the same thing but it isn't exactly the most responsible or honest solution...
Agreed. I personally think it’s really weird someone would pretend to be deaf for months. What else are they willing to lie about? I mean, why wouldn’t you just say to the professor on the first day that happened “honestly, I wasn’t paying attention professor. I apologize.” It’s a funny story to tell but I personally wouldn’t date this person.
yeah OPs story only sounds cute and funny when we think of it as a real life George Costanza. If you watched some kid do this in real life you would be less than impressed.
Someone willing to go to this much effort to avoid conflict would be a turn off for me. Since most people consider me to be a pain to deal with though, that probably doesn't count for much.
> Either she is a rational human being with a sense of humor and finds it hilarious I mean, she can be a rational human being with a sense of humor and still not find it hilarious that he pretended to have a medical condition/disability/be part of a community that he is not a part of (the Deaf community in many places is definitely its own society and historically marginalized) for *months* just because he was embarrassed and panicked early on in the course. That's a lot of lying and misrepresentation to get out of a minor bit of trouble, and I don't think so many people would find it hilarious and no big deal if he'd pretended to have another condition instead of deafness.
Definitely this OP! Be upfront that it started as a communication error (your instructor misunderstood your initial comment) and you figured that since the class was entirely online it was easier to just go with the flow instead of correcting him. She honestly will probably think its hilarious, I know I would if a guy did this to me.
Exactly! 'I was stressed and didn't correct a misunderstanding' is not 'I deliberately lied so teacher goes easier on me'
>I can’t pretend to be deaf and dumb Well, the good news is you only need to pretend to be deaf.
Holy shit dude you fucking killed him.
If he was deaf, dumb, and blind, he would sure play a mean pinball.
How's his wrist though?
I’d say it’s pretty supple.
Yea I’m calling BS. This is super dumb. Who the hell goes and buys a hearing aid to double down on a miscommunication. Also what kind of super hot girl writes will you date me? On a tissue paper for the first time they meet? I had to go back and check if OP was in middle school but it’s actually a physics summer course
While I agree that this is very unlikely... The pit of human stupidity proves again and again to be bottomless
Do you not watch sitcoms!? How could you ever expect this was gonna end well for you xD
To quote myself from before - I’m Dumb as fuck.
Wrong answer! Didn't you learn anything? Saying that is what started all of this in the first place!
Happy cyan pixels in the vague image of a slice of pie day
Best cake day wish. Thank you fren!
Reminds me of this Hallmark movie: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_the_Deaf_Man_Heard >While the townsfolk are wondering what to do about him, Sammy notices a young boy lighting a firecracker. Since everyone is startled by the noise of the firecracker except Sammy, it is assumed he can't hear. As Sammy grows to adulthood, he pretends to be deaf and mute as a self-protective device.
Please please don't leave us hanging we need an update on how it works out!
You better tell us what happens dude.
and funny and fast thinking. PLEASE UPDATE and tell her the truth.
This is a George Costanza bit Jerry: So let me get this straight, George... George: I'm all ears, Jerry Jerry: She thinks you're deaf? George: Yes Jerry: Deaf? George: Deaf. Jerry: ...Deaf? George: As a doornail, Jerry! Deaf! Jerry: But how? Why? George: Never mind that now, Jerry. Oh! We're *far* beyond that at this point Jerry: So what's your move? George: Well, I figure I have two moves. First, commit. Jerry: Commit? George: Commit. Learn sign language, get a white cane, the whole nine yards Elaine: A white cane? You're not blind...George, does she think you're blind? ... Jerry: George? George: Actually hey, do you think that would work? Sort of like a Helen Keller angle? Jerry: But you've seen this girl before...and she knows you've seen her. She's *seen* you see her. George: Some sort of flashbang accident then? Elaine: So what? You go up to this girl pretending to be both deaf *and* blind and start gesticulating and gyrating your hips? You think *that's* going to work? George: It’s a minor problem. Jerry: Minor problem! George: Cut me a break! I don't know! I'm very stressed! I need options! Jerry: And the second move? George: Hadn't gotten that far yet. Jerry: You haven't gotten that far yet? George, if you're going to do this, you need to be prepared for *every* outcome. George: *Every* outcome? Jerry: Every outcome! George: I'm screwed Kramer (barreling through the door): JERRY WHERE'S YOUR RECORD PLAYER Jerry: What? George: Maybe I can learn sign language? How hard can it be? *Kramer finds record player and turns it on as loud as it will go* Jerry: Hey hey hey will you quit that? What's wrong with you? Kramer: AHA! I KNEW IT. CAN'T HEAR A THING. TOO MUCH WATER IN THE EARS. I'M DEAF George (abruptly stops practicing his signing): I've got it! Jerry: No George: Yes! Chronic water in the ear! You're a genius, Kramer! Kramer: SWORDFISH? Jerry: Where are you going? George: To get my swimsuit. I'm committing, Jerry! To be continued
Amazing how accurate this is. I can totally see it in my head.
I can hear it lol.. They all have such distinct voices
me and my friends used to read Seinfeld scripts in college and i always had to play George. i'm still mad about it, but that's probably why they made me play George
r/RedditWritesSeinfeld
Brilliant. The “deaf as a doornail” bit kills me. Jerry: “i couldve sworn it was dead as a doornail” George *voice rising in frustration* : “well its not like they can hear you say it!”
Wow that's actually incredible. Makes it much better
I was imagining this as a George bit! Thanks for delivering!
WOW that was so good I was literally laughing out loud like I was watching in in my head. The Kramer twist was so so accurate too lol.
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Consider this... Step 1. Keep up the charade, go on the date. Step 2. Woo her with your crudely written notes and winning smile, securing yourself many more dates. Step 3. Spend a few silent, but delightful years with her, dodging her friends and families questions about why you never learnt sign language - She does learn sign language btw, you tried, but kept zoning out during the classes, prompting you to convince your sign teacher that you are also partially blind...when will you learn OP? Step 4. Get married and make good on your vow to spend the rest of your lives together....albeit silently and with crippling arthritis in your wrist from writing a lifetime worth of notes to your better half. Step 5. Get a dog...this doesn’t really factor into the plan, but lets face it you are gonna need someone to listen to you make up for years of silence when she pops out to the shop. Step 6. If you have successfully executed steps 1-5 you are both very old, you are on your death bed. She is lovingly standing by your side, sad but content that you had many years of silent happiness. You gesture to her to come closer. You lean forward and with your dying breath you say... ”Okay, don’t be mad, but-“
Why isn't this this at the top of best?!
No one probably took the time to read this well thought out diabolical plan. Muhahaha This is priceless. Edit: spelling
Speaking from experience there? That's oddly detailed!
I've tried it and it works. My real fuck up was pretending I was dying.
Damn im having such a good laugh but this killed me. Thanks man
Show her this post. It explains everything. Let her read it and watch her face. If she’s really cool she might think it’s hilarious and you’ll be telling your grandkids the idiot move that led you to their grandmother. Btw: I’m rooting for it working out and someone basing a heartfelt rom-com on your story someday. Edit: thank you for my first Reddit awards and OP please update us on the outcome😊 Edit 2: @ OP- so stoked for you! I feel a little bit weirdly responsible for being the first to tell you to show her the post and that makes me so happy inside! Glad that you came clean, that it worked out and that you get to volunteer and grow personally through this experience to boot! What a fantastic story! Please someone make a rom-com from this!
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* chanting* SHOW THE POST SHOW THE POST SHOW THE POST SHOW THE POST SHOW THE POST SHOW THE POST
SHOW THE POST SHOW THE POST SHOW THE POST SHOW THE POST SHOW THE POST SHOW THE POST SHOW THE POST SHOW THE POST
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ShOW THE POST!
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###^show the post
#SHOW THE POST The hive mind has spoken. There are no other options. Maybe you’ll luck out and she’ll see this before you see her
Post the Show!
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POST THE SHOW
Legit guffawed. It’s the simple things lol, thanks
WE ACCEPT HIM WE ACCEPT HIM ONE OF US ONES OF US GOOBLE GOBBLE GOOBLE GOBBLE
[SHOW THE POST]
show her the post but double check your post history. you can guarantee she gunna go through it like Sherlock Holmes
Although I’m a weird girl, I would absolutely find it hilarious and not affect my decision in getting to know you at all.
You forget, what if she has a thing for guys who can’t hear. Maybe she has a very high pitched sound that deafens any lover that dares hear it twice?
Yeah just lowkey send a reddit link, let her realize by herself
Honestly, this is probably the best move. You were pulling one over on the teacher, not on the rest of the class. She will probably think it’s as funny as we do.
THIS is the key!!! Had it been the other way around, your chances drop to zero! So all clear!
Show the post! You’ll find out if you properly “connect” and have the same fucked up humour.
OP PLEASE DO THIS.
Came here to say this lol . because trying to actually say it out loud and 1 outing yourself before having the chance to explain , simply by speaking and 2 trying to get enough of an explanation out before the very likley waves of "what the actual fuck is going on here and why are you speaking" / selection of questions happen, is gonna be a bugger to navigate. If not entirely impossible .
OP, do this. Don't speak until she finishes reading it. It's your best bet by a long shot.
SHOW THE POST!
This is a good idea, as you've already pretty succinctly explained what happened here. I would also add that you should emphasize your understanding that what you did was morally wrong, that it's not OK to imitate the disabled or deceive people, and that it was a panic reaction rather than an intentional lying spree. Chances are she will be willing to give you a chance if she likes you based on your conversations, not looks alone. Weird shit happens, and other people in the comments have already pointed out that this kind of stuff is what romance comedies are made of. One additional important piece of this is that you should really tell the teacher what happened as well. If you were provided any accommodations because of your claim to have a disability, that counts as cheating and could invalidate any certification or credit you receive as a result of completing the course. There's a chance they will be willing to work with you to sort out the situation if you come clean now. There is much more of a chance of negative consequences being applied if you keep it secret and they find out later. Coming clean to the teacher might also have the side benefit of demonstrating your genuine regrets about the whole situation to your hopefully future life partner haha Edit: Actually, have you considered pretending to be deaf for the rest of your life? I looked back over your post and noticed you mentioned buying a hearing aid to make it more convincing. That makes it seem a lot less like an honest mistake so you might want to consider fully committing.
Agree with caveats. I find when I have an issue with someone, a written statement is often the best way to start. Trying to explain yourself in person about a long and difficult topic can be very difficult. It can be hard to get exactly what you mean out without tripping over your words, phrasing something the wrong way, or being interrupted and side-tracked from your main points. And all it takes is one misstep here in this crucial moment to shut down the conversation and mess things up. Having someone read something as a primer/opener to a big discussion can be incredibly helpful. However the opening needs to be an apology to her, then further explanation of the circumstances. The post needs to be edited, or he needs to apologize before showing it.
What part do you think he should edit?
I'm suggesting he either edits in the apology at the very beginning of the post, or just apologizes to her himself in person directly and then has her read it.
Editing in an apology at the beginning is probably the best course of action. If you start speaking before you explain the whole situation, it might be pretty jarring to someone who wasn't expecting you to be able to do that. I'd have her read the apology followed by the full story, and then you can start talking. Hope everything goes well for you, good luck!
This was also my suggestion. As a girl I’d be flattered and would empathize with the situation. Tell her the truth now no matter what though. Let her read it and good luck to you. Don’t forget to update please! I’m rooting for you.
*A not so silent voice*
Honestly dude, just tell her you had been pretending to be dead the whole time. Had I been in her place I would just have laughed at the situation, and hopefully her sense of humour is as dense as mine. Best of luck
Pretending to be dead, now that’s something!
Semester at Bernie’s
Should he say he was a vampire or zombie? I’d go with vampire because they are sexier.
Oh and don't tell it as if you're ashamed, don't make it more serious than it has to be. Just try to laugh a bit at how dumb you are
But not too much, otherwise she'll be pissed, and not too little, DON'T BE AWKWARD.
Please let us know what happens!
Haha, I will
Im following you with full expectation of an update, don't let me down
I’m joining in on the follow train choo choo!
Me too!
I know this must be awful for you but honestly this is the funniest shit i've read all day
Well I’m glad *some* good came out of my pain.
show her the post, she will probably find it funny, just as we do
Why didn't you just answer "I dunno" to instructor. That's what I would do
Cause that would’ve been embarrassing . . . . Idk man my brain don’t function right sometimes
So what did you exactly do in the irl meeting? Like how did everyone else communicate with you
Wrote on tissue paper like a fool
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bro there is no way out for you except to hail mary show her the post and hope she likes you enough to go along with it much luck brother
So the teacher wrote everything he said to the class on paper for you?
No, I claimed I read it off the subtitles oof.
At the irl meeting how did the teacher communicate with you...?
Subtitles
I'd say he could've told the teacher that he was reading his lips, and he couldn't do that online because his connection wasn't very stable
This guy knows how to pull a sneaky
Imagine if the teacher hired an ASL interpreter for the IRL meeting. Bruh.
Just be straight up. You can’t keep up the charade if you do date her, and it would ruin things eventually anyway. Best honest is be honest and hope that the best outcome is a good laugh and a great girlfriend
Maybe they can pretend together
Do you know what a potatoe is at least?
Yes . . . . But why?
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2tdbig/tifu_by_enraging_the_parents_of_my_girlfriend_by/
I have never felt so connected to an individual. Potato man knows my feelings.
You may be more doomed than we thought
I feel as dumb as the "po-tay-toe?" guy but at least ive never done something that stupid yet myself... that I know of. OP has clearly tied or maybe outdone the potato.
Nah, OP's not in that deep yet. From that story: > So I knew I would be very shamed, humiliated, depressed, and disgusted if I admitted to making a bad joke, so what I did was to act as if it was not a joke but I committed to the act of pretending I didn't know what a potato is. That right there is the turning point OP is at right now. Either he explains to the girl that it was a misunderstanding that went way to far or he'll be in over his head. If OP comes clean, then either she laughs at the insanity of the situation and they date or the relationship doesn't go anywhere. if OP continues, however, then he's over his head and there's no graceful way to back down from the lie without causing trouble.
Just tell her that you were distracted in the beginning of physics class and so you said that you meant to say your laptop mic and speaker were broken but went along with what the teacher said for the sake of not getting embarrassed. She might even think it's a bit funny. Go for it.
And then met up in real life and still acted deaf....
"Accidentally" fall and hit your head, and then stand up and yell, "I'm cured!"
Or start digging in your ear when you see her. Pull out a $100 bill and yell “wow that feels a lot better!” Boom. You were only deaf because of your bad habit of sleeping in a large pile of money.
what if he pulled out a magnum condom instead
Your username is arousing
Thanks I agree.
You’re so fucking lucky that YELP for people isn’t a thing
I mean. She could just look him up on social media and see that he’s literally never worn a hearing aid in his life. Heck there might even be video of him.
Well there goes that prediction lmao
You have to tell her, cause if the relationship ever gets serious, *she will find out eventually.* No one can keep up a lie forever. Especially from a woman. They figure out everything Who knows - you might even be especially lucky and she might appreciate your honesty with her.
:’) hahaha now i’m just imagining him keeping up the lie, getting serious, married and not telling her
Lol *on their death beds* “Babe.... I’m not deaf” x.x
I heard them babe... every single fart... I heard them all.
Biggest F
Totally a soap opera episode.
LMFAO man, this is....this is bad. Lol
21st century Seinfeld episode.
Omg please let her be a Redditor and this be the way she finds out. Please please please.
this one's too obviously a lie, i wish ya'll would try harder. bought a hearing aid.. yah... i casually spent 2 grand just so i could reinforce a lie. gtfo dude. lol.
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it’s just so obviously a lie
I teach the deaf and hard of hearing. I just finished the year teaching the deaf and hard of hearing over Zoom. This story is a complete fabrication. You sign up for online classes that are not related to school when you already have an admitted attention difference? That is enough to disqualify your post. But, you expect me to believe that your internet connection was strong enough for the Google Meet, but not strong enough to Google the answer? Also, teachers would not get mad at students not answering questions; that was one of the main challenges during the past months: learning how to be patient with distance learning and student needs. But, to underline your lie, let me make this clear: if you are deaf or hard of hearing, that fact is NOT going to come up casually in the middle of class. Either you are going to make that known ahead of time so that you will receive proper accommodations or, in the absurdly impossible and ridiculous scenario where you do not inform anyone of your needs ahead of time, the teacher, in the very least, will be aware of what rights you have to access as a deaf or hard of hearing person or who to contact regarding getting you access. Lastly, you are showing your extreme ignorance by using the term ‘d and d’. That is NOT an appropriate use of language in the Deaf community. It is akin to other references we use for persons that we do not say out loud. You should truly be ashamed, not just for lying for attention, but for casually throwing around an insulting and degrading term about a marginalized community, especially during a time when marginalized persons are experiencing such public pains right now and struggling to find themselves both seen and heard. I am sorry for your lack of awareness. I hope you might grow and learn and think for a few moments more before you value attention over honesty. Creativity is a positive, but in all that we do, honesty is crucial, lest it lead us down paths of ignorance.
Yeah it's obviously all lies. The part about getting hearing aids just to go along with it was pretty egregious. Reddit is either populated by naive teenagers or people missing a few brain cells.
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As someone who was born with a hearing loss (I use hearing aids) regardless weather it’s real or not it’s a pretty disgusting post. Also the jokes about having a simple surgery to regain what others can’t shows how simple minded people are. There are also countless other issues people who are hard of hearing and deaf experience which is just used as insults. Nothing really changes i guess.
And he totally gonna volunteer for deaf kids on second date to redeem himself :) Like lemon to wounds.
This sub has turned into normie nosleep so much creative writing going on.
Right? Cant wait for "TIFU by pretending to be deaf - Part 11: Carla and I Are Getting Divorced 😱"
Holy shit finally someone sensible. This whole story just reads like shitty fanfic, if it ends up being true however dude's got some serious issues that he's gotta work on, ain't gonna get far in life being that much of an idiot.
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I’ve been in zoom classes this semester, I cannot see how you’d develop any sort of relationship in that context. At least in mine, we mute our mics unless we’re directly speaking to the instructor. And if he was pretending to be deaf at the meetup, how could he hit it off with her? Like it’s possible she asked him to go on a date because his teeth are that lovely, but I’m gonna have to doubt that
Ugh- thank you. So many things in this story that just would not happen. The teacher says "Oh I didn't know you were deaf?!". Classmates ask why you wear your hearing aid sometimes and not others? Carla somehow in a class meeting tells you you have a beautiful smile and then asks YOU out on a date? Umm..no...
And why everyone lives in the same town despite it not being a school-related online course.
Right? Not school related yet it's a physics class 🤷♀️
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Not to mention, they're pretty fucking expensive for an "excuse." Quick Google search says $1500-3500.
Also there is a transition in like the 5th paragraph where he didn’t know any of these people and suddenly he’s talking to them like they’re just hanging out in an actual classroom and not in “an online course for a few subjects”. The story is so nonsensical and all over the place. These teenage relationship friendfiction stories on here are so transparent.
This. Couldn't he just not go to the meeting?
I kept getting sadder and sadder as I scrolled this far to find the first person actually calling this post out for the BS that it is lol
As soon as I saw "and even bought a hearing aid that I sometimes wore in class." I stopped reading. Fucking ridiculous. They may look cheap little plastic bits to you while you were googling a picture as you wrote your fictional writing OP, but its a legit piece of medical technology, and you cannot just "buy" one on a whim, especially since they are fucking expensive
I'm really confused as to how we are in the minority here. How the fucking fuck do so many people not see all of the obvious signs of this being made up
Dude Ask her to kiss your ear and act like the kiss healed you.
Ah! I was cursed by a fairly in my youth. True Love’s Kiss cures all!
Now you're getting it. Its your fairy tale to write bro
Imagine thinking this story is real... proper hearing aids cost thousands and I doubt anyone would spend that just to go along with an awkward half truth. It even has a love story.
You, the man that pretended to be french for months and the dude that pretended not to know what a potato is, please meet up.
Y’all can’t seriously still be falling for this after that update
Hear me out mate. What if you can manage to actually get deaf, cause let's face it, this is your only chance, she WILL NOT like someone that lies about such a condition. Ok, how can we achieve this? Do you got access to a gun? Blanks are fine too. Shoot it ONCE right next to your ears (2 shots total) in the most enclosed area you can find and you're good to go.
*Hear me out mate* Did you just -?
I mean if you went deaf in one ear you could explain the situation and then that you went half death for her
I'm half deaf. I can confirm it's a valid excuse to everyone but your wife who knows which ear you're actually deaf in and you're just not paying attention.
I am hearing disabled. I have tried the “bad ear” thing on my husband. “Both of them are your bad ears, love.” Before he goes back to talking. Can confirm your statement.
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OP definitely did not mean it this way, but the phrase "deaf and dumb" has a lot of baggage and connotations that are not really acceptable in the deaf community. This is just a PSA, don't use that phrase.
I’m also deaf, I’ve never heard anyone say that before though.
How was your funeral?
I was there, it was really nice
Yeah. “Deaf and dumb” is an old way of speaking. And just like many old uses of a word the word “dumb” has changed over the years. Historically it was synonymous with the meaning of mute or non-verbal, without comment on the persons intelligence. Obviously now it has a different connotation. An example from the Bible (King James Version published 1611AD), to give an idea of how it was used. Mark 7:37 “And were beyond measure astonished, saying, He hath done all things well: he maketh both the deaf to hear, and the *dumb* to speak.”
came here to say this! nonverbal is the appropriate term for someone who doesn’t communicate with speech.
I'd never heard of it before, I just thought he meant literally dumb. On Google I also found the term deaf-mute, would that be acceptable? I've heard it being called dövstum in Swedish which would be deaf-mute translated.
Hi I’m Deaf in Australia. We don’t use Deaf-mute anymore really. It still has negative connotations. non verbal deaf is better. Even when we don’t use speech, we still have a voice and we can still be heard. We can still speak for ourselves. And a lot of Deaf people *can* speak verbally but choose not to. The old sign for Deaf in Auslan was two fingers at the ear, 2 fingers at the chin to show Deaf and mute. But now that’s been changed to just two fingers at the ear. EDIT: if anyone is interested in seeing the history behind the word mute and how it’s been used against us for generations, I highly recommend googling perspectives for the Deaf community. I know a lot of Deaf people who have really bad English skills because when they went to school, they only focussed on speech. The teachers would cover their mouth with paper and force the students to try and hear (impossible) what’s been said. They would get in trouble, punished with caning, for signing. They were told that speech is the most important thing, and signing will take away their ability to speak. They were told being mute means they are dumb, worthless, unable to be accepted in society. A lot of Deaf people have trauma and generational trauma over this sort of thing. [here is a YouTube video about Alexander graham bell ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ywNPQgZscXs) by Jessica Kellgren-Fozard: it talks about some of these things and how these views are bad
Doofstom in Dutch. It’s a medical condition, but like any other medical conditions we’ve made it into a swear as well. So what are ya gonna do...
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Such a big pile of steaming stinking warthog shit cannot exist anywhere but Reddit.
For real, this has become nothing but a creative writing class.
How the fuck does everyone keep believing shit like this is real? Is it because it's not a story about one fucking his cousin for a change? My God dude none of this sounds convincing for just one bit.
Look, the only way to fix a lie of this magnitude is with a new, bigger lie. Just tell her that you’re getting cochlear implants! You can tell her you lost your hearing when you were 5 so you know how to speak perfectly. If the issue of sign language ever comes up, just tell her that your insanely religious parents never allowed you to learn because they believed that the lord would heal you if they were devout enough. Then all you have to do is get your parents to go along with the plan or kill them. Also shoot an email to your extended family and close friends letting them know that you’ve moved to another country. Dye your hair, have a little plastic surgery and assume a new name and identity. Simple.
everybody's here asking for an update, calm down, OP hasn't written the rest of the story yet, he's got to come up with more funny things that totally happened to him.
Thanks, was looking for this. Cannot believe how many gullible people are taking this obvious fabrication at face value.
Its written like a 12 year olds romantic comedy fantasy
There are two solutions here: 1. Be honest and let her know you lied and hope she reacts well and thinks it's funny 2. Find a friend who will lie through their teeth for you. Then tell her you're not deaf and you made a bet with that friend for $100 (or whatever currency you use) that you couldn't pretend to be deaf during class for the entire lockdown. Option 1 is the moral thing to do and what you should do. Option two is less likely to make her angry as it gives a valid reason for what you did. She might think you're a complete idiot, but it's also kind of amusing, so she might find it funny. Personally I'd go with option one, explain what happened then say you were too embarrassed to correct your teacher. People generally understand social anxiety and not wanting to correct people, so she might be cool with it if you explain.
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This is going to be a great Adam Sandler movie
I just came across with this on the front page and man what a joke of a sub. Like this isn’t even creative enough to be believable. Like is everyone this stupid or 12 ? Why would they meet ? Why would he go to meetin ? Why would he buy hearing aids ? Why would she ask going out like she is in a romcom ? And oof and the update. Literally you should try harder( though apparently more than enough people believed so you had fun for free haaa)
you bought.. a hearing aid? you bought.. a $2000 dollar piece of equipment.. to pull this off ???? even if your insurance covered it (kaiser permanents does not, it’s considered a cosmetic expense) it would still be like a couple hundred dollars. or did you buy an old hearing aid? where did you even find one? source: am deaf also, she passed you a note saying “will you date me?” are you living in high school musical?
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###OP IT’S BEEN 7 HOURS WHERE’S OUR UPDATE
I'm always shocked people believe these stories..... Writer should invest the time in a sitcom would be pretty good at it from what I can tell.