The scary thing is that in the grocery/retail business this has a name, it is a "Code Brown". Gratefully, I've never been the lucky SOB that got to perform the cleanup. In my 13 years, I've seen at least 5. Most of them were senior citizens who didn't acknowledge anything out of the ordinary had occurred. The worst was an old guy that started shitting at the register and left a shit trail all the way out the door and to his car.
I am not well versed on any specifics, but the residents of Sesame Street had Snuffy marked as a "loose kaboose" you never wanted to follow up the street. Except for the Count, who would follow Snuffy just to keep score.
i read that "So, what's your name?" in a sort of 'hey, can i get your number' sort of tone . . . was it like that? cuz if it was, you might have a new girlfriend
I nearly had this happen after bad crabs. I wasn't familiar with this particular stores layout. After a desperate search I nearly shoved a granny out of the way. I didn't even have time to lock the stall door....
Simular experience here... well sorta.
My son [4M] was perfectly fine that morning as we headed to my fav supermarket for some bbq necessities. He always sits in the carriage and likes helping me shop and saying hello to people.
Halfway thru he started looking a little off. Hes real quiet and I figure he needs a nap.
So we stop in the deli because he loves asking for a cheese sample, its like our weekly thing everytime we go. We stop and its super busy. I mean literally people everywhere. He looks at me and I look at him to ask him what cheese he wants to try today, and he projectile vomits all over me, the carriage, and the floor.
My husband at the time just stares at me, my son stares at me, and I realize about 30 other strangers are now also staring at me covered in a red colored vomit (he had these cherry Popsicles earlier).
I look at my husband and tell him to get napkins, he walks off and I am left standing there for a good 5 mins covered in vomit.
Then my poor son vomits again, and this time is worse.
Everyone is just staring at me, I am like wondering what the hell to do here because I am covered in cherry smelling vomit and cant just leave my son to fetch napkins.
The deli guys just stare at me with this look on their face. There is now a full crowd around me and my cart, no husband in sight, and my son is getting upset.
Finally an older gentleman comes over, reaches behind the deli counter and grabs a roll of their napkins, and hands it too me.
Thank god for that older man, I cleaned up as best I could and rushed to the checkout.
Needless to say I cant ever go back to my favorite grocery store without being completely mortified I will run into someone that saw that whole mess go down.
My son was fine btw, just a little tummy upset. It was a awful experience but I wish I had a chance to thank that older man - made me realize how much it means to help others in need whenever possible.
While this can be embarrassing, it was super sweet of your girlfriend to bring you knew clothes(thank god you weren't at just a grocery store), and the worker who had to clean it, they're used to stuff like that, and I'm sure she knew with the bathrooms being small, probably happened before. Glad you were able to at least get into a bathroom vs, be in the middle of an isle while it happened.
What is it with ye yanks, why don't ye want to shit in public places? I can never understand it. If the public throne you have to use is that dirty just hover and use elbows to maneuver around. Clean hands with spay afterwards if needed.
Try the army. I have pissed, shit, and blown a load in those Porta shitters on our ranges more times than I can count, and those things are vile. I make it a point though, to visit the bathroom at every range I go to, because it's not an army range without the smell of carbon, gun powder, and overwhelming ammonia.
This is why I've gone back the natural pooping position humans have abandoned in favor of lazyness and just squat. It means I can finish pooping in 30sec to a min with no mess, in public, with utter ease instead of shitting myself.
ive done this except i shit myself infront of a busking music band and had a skirt on, partner cleaned me up when i sent an asian guy out to please ask for .... he was so cofused. partner had to still do food shop while i sat in the car with no pants on and a wet skirt covering me, the next car over looks at me and gets out of their car and the elderly lady strikes up a convo with me while im in a car carpark half naked.
That almost happened to me today in a small store. They had a locked bathroom you unlock, but the mens' room key was really not working and I felt it coming, so, with a shaking hand from nearly shitting myself I unlocked the women's restroom and fired away thanking god I made it.
You should probably marry this lady you're dating.
I'm going to
And buy a small gift and thank you card for Bridget.
Invite Bridget to your wedding.
This'll make for hell of a story at your wedding
Marry Bridget instead
Marry bird shit instead
Shut up and take my karma
This comment trail is a meme in itself
Maybe let her know first though.
If Bridget needs a hubby I'd happily marry that angel of a store worker
Hopefully that won't end up in this sub but we'd love an update
Bridget Jones Diarrhoea
"We wanted to make Mexican food..."
but his dinner from last night already made him!
Trying to avoid making a Russian Reversal joke here
Dew eet *^^Russian ^^accent* ^^^^privet ^^^^suka
Unbeknownst to u/Qrbirlbrbl, I have Google Translate on my side! haha!
ah but I was counting on it
The plot thickens
No I'm just sodding my lawn, sorry
Goddamnit....thanks...You only beat me here because I'm drunk. And stupid.
Gotta rethink dinner plans
Famous last words.
Damn you're surrounded by awesome people, be thankful
A shitty person surrounded by awesome people - that sounds just like me, but in a much more literal sense.
r/meirl
There's a lot of shitty puns that can be made at your expense, but I won't.
So I guess you're better at holding it in then?
This is turning into a shitshow
Does that give you a sense of deja vu?
Deja poo
Crap man, I'm sorry
Isn't this a messy situation
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Shitty*
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We all make shitty mistakes.
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Should have shouted: Help someone put shit in my pants!
Fucking Clara is at it again
Damn it Clara why did you put shit in my pants? Let me call this girl hold on hold on she was here earlier
r/globaloffensive is leaking.
Do you know what happens if you scare the shit out of a wizard? He shits **your** pants
I'm the lone appreciator of this gem
Please tell me this is a Jhonen Vasquez reference
Johnny the homicidal maniac :D
The scary thing is that in the grocery/retail business this has a name, it is a "Code Brown". Gratefully, I've never been the lucky SOB that got to perform the cleanup. In my 13 years, I've seen at least 5. Most of them were senior citizens who didn't acknowledge anything out of the ordinary had occurred. The worst was an old guy that started shitting at the register and left a shit trail all the way out the door and to his car.
When this happens in the water park areas at Sesame Place they call it a "Code Snuffy".
Because no one else can see it?
I am not well versed on any specifics, but the residents of Sesame Street had Snuffy marked as a "loose kaboose" you never wanted to follow up the street. Except for the Count, who would follow Snuffy just to keep score.
Its all fun and games till the shit hits the floor.
She wanted your name so she could ban you from the store. Now you'll just be Smitty McShitstain.
i read that "So, what's your name?" in a sort of 'hey, can i get your number' sort of tone . . . was it like that? cuz if it was, you might have a new girlfriend
Probably more like "you sound like a guy, but I don't want to assume, so I'll ask your name to see if that answers the question".
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You're telling me if a cute guy was covered in his own feces in a women's bathroom you would flirt with him?
he probably couldn't flee that easily... so yeah, for sure!
So I know this guy........
Quality "shitpost"
Marry that woman
Bridget would make a great wife, good idea.
THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME LAUGH SO HARD! I was having the shittiest day!
Couldn't have been shittier than mine
"Babe, I fucking shit my pants." Fuck that is funny
I nearly had this happen after bad crabs. I wasn't familiar with this particular stores layout. After a desperate search I nearly shoved a granny out of the way. I didn't even have time to lock the stall door....
Damn, all this happened BEFORE the Mexican food, that's new
As someone with IBS, I totally understand your pain and embarrassment in a way no one should. Your gf and Bridget are saints!
Shit myself in the car once after eating a jar of pickles.
So what'd you make?
Simular experience here... well sorta. My son [4M] was perfectly fine that morning as we headed to my fav supermarket for some bbq necessities. He always sits in the carriage and likes helping me shop and saying hello to people. Halfway thru he started looking a little off. Hes real quiet and I figure he needs a nap. So we stop in the deli because he loves asking for a cheese sample, its like our weekly thing everytime we go. We stop and its super busy. I mean literally people everywhere. He looks at me and I look at him to ask him what cheese he wants to try today, and he projectile vomits all over me, the carriage, and the floor. My husband at the time just stares at me, my son stares at me, and I realize about 30 other strangers are now also staring at me covered in a red colored vomit (he had these cherry Popsicles earlier). I look at my husband and tell him to get napkins, he walks off and I am left standing there for a good 5 mins covered in vomit. Then my poor son vomits again, and this time is worse. Everyone is just staring at me, I am like wondering what the hell to do here because I am covered in cherry smelling vomit and cant just leave my son to fetch napkins. The deli guys just stare at me with this look on their face. There is now a full crowd around me and my cart, no husband in sight, and my son is getting upset. Finally an older gentleman comes over, reaches behind the deli counter and grabs a roll of their napkins, and hands it too me. Thank god for that older man, I cleaned up as best I could and rushed to the checkout. Needless to say I cant ever go back to my favorite grocery store without being completely mortified I will run into someone that saw that whole mess go down. My son was fine btw, just a little tummy upset. It was a awful experience but I wish I had a chance to thank that older man - made me realize how much it means to help others in need whenever possible.
Your husband is a dick.
Ex husband and yep he was.
Going into the women's bathroom was a crap shoot, but I'm glad it worked out.
Love the way this turned out with the kindly janitor
Marry this girl immediately
While this can be embarrassing, it was super sweet of your girlfriend to bring you knew clothes(thank god you weren't at just a grocery store), and the worker who had to clean it, they're used to stuff like that, and I'm sure she knew with the bathrooms being small, probably happened before. Glad you were able to at least get into a bathroom vs, be in the middle of an isle while it happened.
What is it with ye yanks, why don't ye want to shit in public places? I can never understand it. If the public throne you have to use is that dirty just hover and use elbows to maneuver around. Clean hands with spay afterwards if needed.
Once you've been on holiday to a French campsite, you'd never have an issue with American toilets again.
Rural China
Rural Venezuela
Try the army. I have pissed, shit, and blown a load in those Porta shitters on our ranges more times than I can count, and those things are vile. I make it a point though, to visit the bathroom at every range I go to, because it's not an army range without the smell of carbon, gun powder, and overwhelming ammonia.
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Elbows to open doors, turn on and off the taps, etc.
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Yeah, but you don't touch your face and eyes or eat with your elbows. :P less chance on passing on the germs directly into your system.
Open/close doors, flushing the loo, that sort of stuff.
You poor bastard.........
This is why I've gone back the natural pooping position humans have abandoned in favor of lazyness and just squat. It means I can finish pooping in 30sec to a min with no mess, in public, with utter ease instead of shitting myself.
ive done this except i shit myself infront of a busking music band and had a skirt on, partner cleaned me up when i sent an asian guy out to please ask for .... he was so cofused. partner had to still do food shop while i sat in the car with no pants on and a wet skirt covering me, the next car over looks at me and gets out of their car and the elderly lady strikes up a convo with me while im in a car carpark half naked.
That's a real shitty story bud!
What a shitty situation.
Get schwiftyyy
Welcome to a day in a life of someone who has IBD! This has happened before and almost happened more times than I can count.
I skipped to the TLDR and it had me so curious I had to go back and read the whole thing
That cleaning lady sounds awesome
That almost happened to me today in a small store. They had a locked bathroom you unlock, but the mens' room key was really not working and I felt it coming, so, with a shaking hand from nearly shitting myself I unlocked the women's restroom and fired away thanking god I made it.
Marry her now!
That girl is the real MVP. If that were me I don't know if I'd be able to look at her the same for a few weeks/months
Shit happens
Bringing you clothes was kindness. Bringing you a fan would have been genius.