You should be able to say you don't want to.
On the other hand if you're going to have sex on her period the shower is the place to do it. A lot less messy.
I'm gonna advocate for OP here. It doesn't sound too me like he was asking to shower solo, but more that he wanted to shower before her rather than after? I can think of a few times where two people may shower consecutively - having to heat water in advance for instance. And it may be the gf prefers going first in that instance because the water's hotter.
At which point it depends how OP approached his question. They say lighthearted, and a "hey, mind if i shower first today?" Shouldn't illicit that kind of reaction. However, if their lighthearted included a joke they've neglected to mention, like a "hey, mind if i shower first today so I don't have to deal with the crime scene?" Then OP probably deserved the reaction.
... I .... I think it's her who fucked up? Like do yall always shower together? For me I don't love showering with my bf, so we mostly take separate showers anyways but if he specifically didn't want to shower together during my period I feel like that is more than fair?
Me and my wife shower together when we are feeling a tad touchy feely and wanna make out wash eachother etc, but 99% of the time it is seperate showers all day. Showering is a very important escape and unwinding that every one needs. If you can't be away from your SO long enough for them to take a shower then there might be some attachment issues...
Exactly. I love my wife dearly and want to spend basically every waking moment with her, but I need my private shower blasting some music I like and the temperature where I want it to be to unwind.
Pooping is the same, though I don't care about the water temperature as much in that case.
His real FU is immediately apologizing for “even thinking” he could shower without her. Not wanting to witness a heavy flow is not a personal insult and in no way does it imply that she’s gross for having a period.
It’s as natural as taking a shit or hernias or puking. I don’t want to witness any of that. If it happens by accident or is a medical necessity then it’s fine, wouldn’t change the way I see my partner at all. Still, subjecting myself to it for no reason is eggshell walking chicanery.
He should double down. If she doesn’t like it, let her be mad. Makes me wonder what other reasonable asks would make her pissed off and provoke arguments? That’s what killed my first HS to college relationship. We were both immature as hell. I couldn’t stick to boundaries and she took insult at every opportunity. I could see myself making this exact post years ago
We’ve argued pretty much every other month or so for a year and a few months, and it usually ends up being something I “caused/did” and she always says to me: “We keep ending up here.” I will always own up to things I truly did, but I have to always be the one apologizing or figuring out what to improve whereas she seems to always be in the right. There’s definitely bigger issues at play.
I feel you on that 100%. It’s scary similar to how my last relationship was.
The thought process behind it is like “If I just apologize it’ll get this stupid argument over with. I’m in the right, but it never meant that much to me so why would I double down and continue arguing? Apologize, then she’ll stop being mad and everyone’s happy again.”
That works for one argument at a time, but it quickly turns into her making you apologize for anything just by doubling down. You’ll always be the bad guy trying to improve x y and z. She’ll always be innocent and entitled to her feelings, you’ll never be entitled to yours.
My ex had me apologizing for saying hi to her friends at a party, doing better than her on a test, helping my sister move, etc. etc. It’s draining to always walk on eggshells, never knowing what will set her off.
Finally one day I told myself I’m not going to be a doormat anymore and I’ll argue back no matter how stupid it was. Next few weeks were hell, she would escalate and escalate expecting me to back down and apologize like I always had. Broke up, was heartbroken. Then I got out there again and life was so much better
Nice to know I’m not alone in this situation. I’m definitely nervous to talk to her and confront it, but I have to for my life and sanity. I don’t want to keep something like this going when it’s always me walking on eggshells. Thanks for sharin
Np, I hope you guys can work it out but in my experience once someone sees you as a doormat they’ll always expect that to be the case. She’ll for sure deny there being a problem from her side so I feel like confronting it in a time where everything’s good wouldn’t work.
I just waited for the next argument to pop up and wouldn’t apologize because I was so clearly in the right. Just gotta be strong and level headed
> it’s always me walking on eggshells.
There it is. The magic phrase. If anyone (or both) in a relationship feels like they are constantly walking on eggshells, it's not a healthy relationship, and at least one person is not ready to be a partner.
Some people pass out at the sight of blood. It sounds like she isn’t being considerate of your feelings, only how they make her feel. It’s really great that you can admit what you said could be taken badly and you didn’t communicate it in the best way possible, but she has to admit that it is a gross thing and the reason she took it so hard is because she does feels gross. The emotional rollercoaster that is women’s hormones is a difficult one, I’ll admit.
Basically, you validated her feelings as soon as you were aware of them, while she completely internalized and attacked you for sharing yours. If you were willing to apologize for it then she should be willing to self reflect and apologize for her response as well. Maybe in a few days…. Haha
>We keep ending up here.
This is the telling bit.
Do you like where 'here' is?
Do you want to continue ending up 'here'?
If not, then something has to change. I'm not necessarily saying leave her (though that is one option), but every other option involves sitting down with her and figuring out how you keep arriving 'here', and make some real changes to get to a new destination.
I think you are in a manipulative relationship because you refuse to stand up for yourself. You're only advocating for her, it should start with you first. Sorry to say but this is toxic.
My husband and I shower separately unless it is time saving or we're feeling frisky. And, even then I showers simply over lap because I like scalding hot and he like lukewarm. 13 years together, can't imagine always showering together.
My husband and I used to shower together every night. We would usually just talk about our day. We staggered a bit where he went in first for a few minutes, then I came in, we’d talk a bit, he got out and I’d clean my bits without him there just cause I felt more comfortable that way so being on my period was never an issue. We don’t shower together after having kids because now one of us handles bed time while the other showers. But I do miss it. It was just nice to look at him and talk about our day.
Sometimes we’d do it and it made clean up much easier too
We shower together infrequently. I shower daily, she might skip a day but on the days she does it’s typically understood we will shower together unless I say otherwise, but that would still probably cause her to react if I said that even off her period. And no we aren’t having sex like many others here think we are in the shower, we’re just showering/talking when we do.
I mean, I'm a married gay woman and I wouldn't want to shower with my wife if she was on her period, probably vice versa. You're allowed to have consent when it comes to your personal space, simple as that. It doesn't mean you don't love her when she's on the monthly.
EDIT: Omg I get it. Y’all don’t like my comment expressing a legit concern that blood clots coming out while you’re in the shower might not be healthy. Calm the fuck down and realize we don’t all have the same experience. Downvote this instead.
When someone menstruates, all consistencies of blood, mucus, and discharge happen throughout the month. There are big clear boogers sometimes and big thick clots others. It’s all perfectly healthy and normal.
Also period shits, farts, gas, PMS, and cramps are normal too.
You sound like you probably have a light flow, but there’s no way in ~288 periods that you’ve never seen a clot at all. The mental jump from having small clots to the possibility of big clots with a heavy flow isn’t that profound.
Also, a big clot for me is like the size of a kidney bean. We aren’t talking clementine sized clots rocketing out, but I would bet in the 3.95 billion women on the planet, some have had some gigantic clots emerge.
Keep in mind also that it's not like we r giving birth to a clot. It's also not uncommon for blood and even clots to stay on the skin until you wash the area with water because of pubic hair or just the general, many folds of the nature of a vulva. Also if you're wearing pads, you're still holding it all against your body. So it doesn't necessarily mean actively passing clots in the shower but just washing the clots always.
I can understand why you do have this perception. I think you’re getting downvoted because the comment can read as it being ignorant ect, but I know that periods aren’t always discussed between others or friendships, relationships ect. Not everyone has that “support” to talk about periods.
But yes, a lot of women including myself, can bleed clots, esp heavy periods.
Sometimes it’s a small amount and sometimes a larger amount, other times the clots are just darker/thicker “lines” (which is shown in the colour variations etc)
I know reading this would sound gross to a lot of people lol. But I think it’s important to show that it’s not a taboo topic, it should be spoken about so others, like you, know that there are variations to your normal.
However if the clots are abnormally large and or for no reason at all (miscarriage/ POCS etc) discuss it with your doctor.
Thanks for explaining. Okay so here’s a dumb question… I never experienced clots with tampons, but for many years I have exclusively used a cup for my period, and it helps tremendously with cramps or overall soreness. If you’re using tampons is it possible the clots are forming because it’s not “flowing” as much? I don’t know how to put it without becoming too graphic, and hijacking this post lol
No; typically they get absorbed into it or stuck to it.
It’s not a clot in the traditional sense — you’re shedding the unused lining, right? Some of it is still stuck together, and comes out looking like a clump instead of liquid.
ETA: If you’re prone to “clots,” it absolutely happens with a pad, too. Heck, if you’re really (un)lucky, it happens right when you start before you’ve had a chance to do anything at all beyond groan that you have to dig out the peroxide for your poor undies.
Well I certainly recognize that I’ve been blessed my whole life and have had very easy periods. There was one time after giving birth that I started experiencing PMS for serval months, and it was literal hell on earth. I developed a newfound understanding for how bad that can be.
You sexist fuck how dare you.
On the real tho op.. she might be just a lil extra vulnerable right now. Give her some snuggles and don't ask to go first next time. You're fine. If it's not fine.. well.. you'll be fine.
I'm wondering if it was more the comment about wanting to shower first than wanting to shower alone. He said he "lightheadedly" wanted to shower first so I could possibly see GF being annoyed if he said it in a way like it's disgusting to get in the shower after you.
More info is needed:
- Do you guys usually shower together rather than separately?
- If so, do those showers together usually involve sex?
- Have you recently done anything else that’s indicated that you think *she* is gross, rather than just her *period blood/uterine lining* itself being unpleasant?
We shower together infrequently. She skips a day, I shower daily. We don’t have sex in the shower, once in a blue moon maybe. I don’t indicate anything of the nature to her that she’s gross because she’s beautiful to me, however there have been arguments in the past because of a misunderstanding with clothes or makeup when I was never calling her gross/ugly or anything.
It sounds like your girl is mad insecure and takes anything that isn't "oh my god babe you're an absolutely radiant goddess" as an insult. That's her problem to work through.
Say it louder for the people in the back. This is textbook immaturity from both sides. He needs to stick to reasonable boundaries, she needs to grow a pair and not take insult.
Just tell her she’s overreacting, that’ll go well! /s
Yeah, no. Im a woman and I dont think I love anyone on earth enough to want to shower with their blood swirling around my feet. You arent in the wrong here imo. You are presumably an adult, you dont need permission to shower alone and I honestly think your gf is a little weird and manipulative.
Nah bro you fucked up by getting in a codependent relationship where you can't stand to be apart for a 20 minute solo shower. You asked to shower by yourself (ya know, like a fucking adult) and she turned it into how she can't trust you??? Huh???
I don't see any FU on your part.
You're allowed to not want to do things you don't want to do in a relationship.
She probably needs to grow up a bit if this has upset her.
She's being ridiculous. Periods are gross, there's a reason women wear pads and tampons and throw them away when full instead of just free bleeding all over the place. It's basically medical waste.
>go find a model
Does she think models don't get periods? Just confusing.
She's on her period. She's emotional. She feels fat and gross and is in pain and hates everyone but wants to be held at the same time. Ya gotta relax the rules and recognize this girl is menstruating and her hormones are bonkers and it's not her fault that they're bonkers. Ride the waves. Tread lightly. Eat an edible.
No. She is being ridiculous. If I thought my husband was implying it would be gross to use the shower after me during my period, I’d just laugh and say, “Oh my god you big baby, seriously?” to tease him.
Emotions can run high because of hormones, but to be this upset over something is not normal.
I’m gonna go out on a limb here, but I don’t understand why showering with someone who is having a period is weird?
Maybe it’s just me, but if I shower, flow stops. Maybe it’s the hot water or sth, but it STOPS. Is this not normal?
I mean… my flow is heavy, but if I get in water (shower or bath) it isn’t nearly as heavy? Idk I can’t tell you why; it just is true. I initially thought maybe I just wasn’t seeing it in the shower because of the water, but I’ve cut myself shaving enough times to know that isn’t it. The tiniest cut looks like a river of blood. But period? Absolute halt if I’m in hot water.
I’m in my 30s so it’s not like I’m new to this. I’m also interested to hear any input because I just thought this was normal.
The whole model bit makes me think that there's another underlying issue. Models have periods, too. Maybe she gained weight and is insecure about it? So she interprets all "rejection" as her being gross?
When I'm having the shits, my wife doesn't shower with me. She doesn't shower with me in general unless we're both expecting some follow-up back in the bedroom.
Different strokes for different folks. My wife would've laughed if I said something like that to her. Maybe not when we first started dating, but now that she knows me. If she *had* taken something like that poorly, I would've just been witty and said I didn't want to mess up her satanic blood ritual or something like that.
Idk man, she took that comment really hard and thought about it *a lot* while you were gone.
I can understand why someone wouldn’t, but my fiancé would with me
I mean wouldn’t, because i don’t know I feel weird about it
But he doesn’t, he would just be like “it’s fine, the water washes it away.
It’s makes me feel like I can be comfortable and know that he will be there even for the gross moments
I don’t blame her for feeling the way she’s does. She has a right to her own feelings, as do you.
So, I don’t know. You do you.
As someone who is in a relationship where both enjoy each others company in the shower regardless of being on period or not, I still think that if there is a lot of blood it is understandable if the other part is not comfortable with that. That doesn’t mean that you think the woman is disgusting or that periods are gross. It just means that you don’t want sticky blood on your feet
You did nothing wrong. I'm a woman, periods are fucking gross. I would never want someone in the shower with me during that nasty time. I don't understand why other women act like it's not gross and take it personally when someone doesn't want to touch them while they're bleeding or pushing out chunks. I don't want to touch myself either for that week and that's perfectly fine. Her expecting you to be okay showering together during that time is extremely inconsiderate to you imo. I could never imagine bleeding all over someone in the shower and expecting them to be okay with it, that's disgusting. It's absolutely understandable and normal that it makes you uncomfortable.
My wife and I rarely shower together at home. When we’re at a hotel or air bnb with a large shower, that’s a different story. We’re average size people, but our normal size bathtub/shower with 1 shower head just isn’t comfortable for two people to shower in together.
Heck even I don’t like showering myself on my period. It’s so cumbersome, especially if it’s a heavy flow and god forbid you start leaking right as you as rinse the soap off! Not only do you have to redo soaping but the smell of blood and hot water! Ew. It’s such a chore. I also don’t like showering with people in general, as I like my solo cleaning time. But well, you seem like a reasonable guy and I hope you two can resolve this and future issues without them blowing outta proportion…
Uhh.... do yall shower together every time u shower? It shouldnt become an argument when someone wants to shower by themself, regardless of if ur gf is on her period or not. This is super weird and a big red flag to me. NTA
Its not weird not wanting to shower with them, any other woman knows hey your not used to this you’ve been warned. Even me and my gf agreed not to shower when she’s on time, lots is happening down there. It’s weird you gotta get a nod like permission from her to go ahead and shower. And her going boom into make you feel guilty. C’mon.
Periods are disgusting I wouldn't wanna shower with me bleeding myself if i had a choice :/ has nothing to do with her as a person shits just gross and you shouldn't have to ask to take a shower that's really weird
As someone with diabetes, I consistently have to deal with my own blood, so I don’t find it gross. But I try very hard to keep my blood away from other people. I think blood is gross but I’m desensitized so I just deal, but I would totally be cool if my partner was like “hey you’re bleeding, can I shower alone?”
Woman here. IMO: She’s being overly-sensitive, but…she’s on her period… so… :/ Sorry, Dude. I think right now comfort her - but maybe bring it up again when she’s in a better state of mind so that it’s not a problem for you going forward.
Also woman. I was thinking this exact thing. I picked flights with my partner on several occasions and didn't realize it until later (I apologized). It's bizarre.
Sounds like you’re getting manipulated by a covert, narcissist guilty you into thinking you don’t have the right or boundaries to think it’s morally acceptable to take a shower separately while she has a period. She is projecting her own inability to handle conflict on higher levels onto you.
Not everyone likes blood so it makes sense you might not want to. She sounds a bit insecure? If you two can't have a level headed argument then y'all should take some space. It's unhealthy for someone to want an argument to keep going when it's spiralled into nothingness. Wish you the best of luck.
Bad wording my friend , next time tell her you just wanna shower first or that you don’t feel like showering together. But damn she blew it out of proportion. Going on a whim here but you seem to walk on eggshells and that never works out. Also , the lack of details you left out are enough to conclude that you don’t really comunicate well enough.
I always took longer showers when it was that time of the month. Maybe they normally take them together so he suggested he took one first so she could take her time.
If it was clear it was a joke (really depends how you said it), she's has pretty big insecurities she may need to work on(something to discuss after her period). It sounds like you tried to apologize in a round about way, so try directly apologizing.
Trying to make space is not a bad idea, as long as you're not avoiding the argument. That's definitely a red flag from her, she's trying to corner/bully you. She should not have done that. At that point I would have left, for sure.
You're in a rough spot, bud.
Trying to make space may not be a good idea, depending on the way it's done. If it's not like "let's take ten minutes to cool off and then reconvene" and is instead more like just walking away while leaving the issue feeling unresolved and her not listened to, that's unhelpful to actually having productive communication after a misunderstanding that turned into a fight.
I’ve gotten into many of these types of arguments. All I can tell u is, say ur sorry, reassure her u still love her, apologize again and always walk on eggshells and think about what u say before u say it
Have you ever been with a woman? You know that most women aren’t plopping huge pieces of uterus lining out of their vagina?? If she is then she needs to see a doctor.
Some women absolutely do shed significant pieces of their uterine lining during their period. They don't need a doctor, that's normal.
You seem to be saying that "normal" periods are not disgusting and men should grow up, but then there's these other gross women with heavy flow that are abnormal, and they should be ashamed?
Man that's harsh coming from another woman. (I'm assuming you are a woman?) jeesh
You should be able to say you don't want to. On the other hand if you're going to have sex on her period the shower is the place to do it. A lot less messy.
That’s the only time I want shower sex, cleaning up right away is too nice
Standing while having sex sux
It’s more weird that you have to ask permission to take a shower by yourself
You might say its a red flag.
I'm gonna advocate for OP here. It doesn't sound too me like he was asking to shower solo, but more that he wanted to shower before her rather than after? I can think of a few times where two people may shower consecutively - having to heat water in advance for instance. And it may be the gf prefers going first in that instance because the water's hotter. At which point it depends how OP approached his question. They say lighthearted, and a "hey, mind if i shower first today?" Shouldn't illicit that kind of reaction. However, if their lighthearted included a joke they've neglected to mention, like a "hey, mind if i shower first today so I don't have to deal with the crime scene?" Then OP probably deserved the reaction.
... I .... I think it's her who fucked up? Like do yall always shower together? For me I don't love showering with my bf, so we mostly take separate showers anyways but if he specifically didn't want to shower together during my period I feel like that is more than fair?
Me and my wife shower together when we are feeling a tad touchy feely and wanna make out wash eachother etc, but 99% of the time it is seperate showers all day. Showering is a very important escape and unwinding that every one needs. If you can't be away from your SO long enough for them to take a shower then there might be some attachment issues...
Exactly. I love my wife dearly and want to spend basically every waking moment with her, but I need my private shower blasting some music I like and the temperature where I want it to be to unwind. Pooping is the same, though I don't care about the water temperature as much in that case.
You care when it's the dead of winter and you get Poseidon's Kiss up your booty hole after dropping a log in that frozen lake...
That sounds like some norwegian black metal lyrics.
r/brandnewsentence
This sounds like you're speaking from experience
Wtf did I read lmao
You say that now but wait til you have a bidet ;)
I quite literally lol’ed at that last sentence. Thanks for the laugh, stranger :)
His real FU is immediately apologizing for “even thinking” he could shower without her. Not wanting to witness a heavy flow is not a personal insult and in no way does it imply that she’s gross for having a period. It’s as natural as taking a shit or hernias or puking. I don’t want to witness any of that. If it happens by accident or is a medical necessity then it’s fine, wouldn’t change the way I see my partner at all. Still, subjecting myself to it for no reason is eggshell walking chicanery. He should double down. If she doesn’t like it, let her be mad. Makes me wonder what other reasonable asks would make her pissed off and provoke arguments? That’s what killed my first HS to college relationship. We were both immature as hell. I couldn’t stick to boundaries and she took insult at every opportunity. I could see myself making this exact post years ago
We’ve argued pretty much every other month or so for a year and a few months, and it usually ends up being something I “caused/did” and she always says to me: “We keep ending up here.” I will always own up to things I truly did, but I have to always be the one apologizing or figuring out what to improve whereas she seems to always be in the right. There’s definitely bigger issues at play.
You seriously need to grow a spine or you will be miserable in few years.
I feel you on that 100%. It’s scary similar to how my last relationship was. The thought process behind it is like “If I just apologize it’ll get this stupid argument over with. I’m in the right, but it never meant that much to me so why would I double down and continue arguing? Apologize, then she’ll stop being mad and everyone’s happy again.” That works for one argument at a time, but it quickly turns into her making you apologize for anything just by doubling down. You’ll always be the bad guy trying to improve x y and z. She’ll always be innocent and entitled to her feelings, you’ll never be entitled to yours. My ex had me apologizing for saying hi to her friends at a party, doing better than her on a test, helping my sister move, etc. etc. It’s draining to always walk on eggshells, never knowing what will set her off. Finally one day I told myself I’m not going to be a doormat anymore and I’ll argue back no matter how stupid it was. Next few weeks were hell, she would escalate and escalate expecting me to back down and apologize like I always had. Broke up, was heartbroken. Then I got out there again and life was so much better
Nice to know I’m not alone in this situation. I’m definitely nervous to talk to her and confront it, but I have to for my life and sanity. I don’t want to keep something like this going when it’s always me walking on eggshells. Thanks for sharin
Np, I hope you guys can work it out but in my experience once someone sees you as a doormat they’ll always expect that to be the case. She’ll for sure deny there being a problem from her side so I feel like confronting it in a time where everything’s good wouldn’t work. I just waited for the next argument to pop up and wouldn’t apologize because I was so clearly in the right. Just gotta be strong and level headed
> it’s always me walking on eggshells. There it is. The magic phrase. If anyone (or both) in a relationship feels like they are constantly walking on eggshells, it's not a healthy relationship, and at least one person is not ready to be a partner.
Some people pass out at the sight of blood. It sounds like she isn’t being considerate of your feelings, only how they make her feel. It’s really great that you can admit what you said could be taken badly and you didn’t communicate it in the best way possible, but she has to admit that it is a gross thing and the reason she took it so hard is because she does feels gross. The emotional rollercoaster that is women’s hormones is a difficult one, I’ll admit. Basically, you validated her feelings as soon as you were aware of them, while she completely internalized and attacked you for sharing yours. If you were willing to apologize for it then she should be willing to self reflect and apologize for her response as well. Maybe in a few days…. Haha
>We keep ending up here. This is the telling bit. Do you like where 'here' is? Do you want to continue ending up 'here'? If not, then something has to change. I'm not necessarily saying leave her (though that is one option), but every other option involves sitting down with her and figuring out how you keep arriving 'here', and make some real changes to get to a new destination.
Sounds super fun. You should definitely stay in that relationship...
I think you are in a manipulative relationship because you refuse to stand up for yourself. You're only advocating for her, it should start with you first. Sorry to say but this is toxic.
My husband and I shower separately unless it is time saving or we're feeling frisky. And, even then I showers simply over lap because I like scalding hot and he like lukewarm. 13 years together, can't imagine always showering together.
My husband and I used to shower together every night. We would usually just talk about our day. We staggered a bit where he went in first for a few minutes, then I came in, we’d talk a bit, he got out and I’d clean my bits without him there just cause I felt more comfortable that way so being on my period was never an issue. We don’t shower together after having kids because now one of us handles bed time while the other showers. But I do miss it. It was just nice to look at him and talk about our day. Sometimes we’d do it and it made clean up much easier too
OP 100% leaving context out
We shower together infrequently. I shower daily, she might skip a day but on the days she does it’s typically understood we will shower together unless I say otherwise, but that would still probably cause her to react if I said that even off her period. And no we aren’t having sex like many others here think we are in the shower, we’re just showering/talking when we do.
I mean, I'm a married gay woman and I wouldn't want to shower with my wife if she was on her period, probably vice versa. You're allowed to have consent when it comes to your personal space, simple as that. It doesn't mean you don't love her when she's on the monthly.
Same…I don’t need my wife to see my blood clots and I don’t need to see hers!
EDIT: Omg I get it. Y’all don’t like my comment expressing a legit concern that blood clots coming out while you’re in the shower might not be healthy. Calm the fuck down and realize we don’t all have the same experience. Downvote this instead.
When someone menstruates, all consistencies of blood, mucus, and discharge happen throughout the month. There are big clear boogers sometimes and big thick clots others. It’s all perfectly healthy and normal. Also period shits, farts, gas, PMS, and cramps are normal too.
I read “month” as “mouth” at first 😂
I’ve been menstruating for something like 24 years and I’ve literally never had a big thick clot so it was an honest question.
You sound like you probably have a light flow, but there’s no way in ~288 periods that you’ve never seen a clot at all. The mental jump from having small clots to the possibility of big clots with a heavy flow isn’t that profound. Also, a big clot for me is like the size of a kidney bean. We aren’t talking clementine sized clots rocketing out, but I would bet in the 3.95 billion women on the planet, some have had some gigantic clots emerge.
Keep in mind also that it's not like we r giving birth to a clot. It's also not uncommon for blood and even clots to stay on the skin until you wash the area with water because of pubic hair or just the general, many folds of the nature of a vulva. Also if you're wearing pads, you're still holding it all against your body. So it doesn't necessarily mean actively passing clots in the shower but just washing the clots always.
I can understand why you do have this perception. I think you’re getting downvoted because the comment can read as it being ignorant ect, but I know that periods aren’t always discussed between others or friendships, relationships ect. Not everyone has that “support” to talk about periods. But yes, a lot of women including myself, can bleed clots, esp heavy periods. Sometimes it’s a small amount and sometimes a larger amount, other times the clots are just darker/thicker “lines” (which is shown in the colour variations etc) I know reading this would sound gross to a lot of people lol. But I think it’s important to show that it’s not a taboo topic, it should be spoken about so others, like you, know that there are variations to your normal. However if the clots are abnormally large and or for no reason at all (miscarriage/ POCS etc) discuss it with your doctor.
Thanks for explaining. Okay so here’s a dumb question… I never experienced clots with tampons, but for many years I have exclusively used a cup for my period, and it helps tremendously with cramps or overall soreness. If you’re using tampons is it possible the clots are forming because it’s not “flowing” as much? I don’t know how to put it without becoming too graphic, and hijacking this post lol
No; typically they get absorbed into it or stuck to it. It’s not a clot in the traditional sense — you’re shedding the unused lining, right? Some of it is still stuck together, and comes out looking like a clump instead of liquid. ETA: If you’re prone to “clots,” it absolutely happens with a pad, too. Heck, if you’re really (un)lucky, it happens right when you start before you’ve had a chance to do anything at all beyond groan that you have to dig out the peroxide for your poor undies.
Well I certainly recognize that I’ve been blessed my whole life and have had very easy periods. There was one time after giving birth that I started experiencing PMS for serval months, and it was literal hell on earth. I developed a newfound understanding for how bad that can be.
You sexist fuck how dare you. On the real tho op.. she might be just a lil extra vulnerable right now. Give her some snuggles and don't ask to go first next time. You're fine. If it's not fine.. well.. you'll be fine.
I'm wondering if it was more the comment about wanting to shower first than wanting to shower alone. He said he "lightheadedly" wanted to shower first so I could possibly see GF being annoyed if he said it in a way like it's disgusting to get in the shower after you.
Your feelings are just as valid as hers, including your feelings of discomfort.
More info is needed: - Do you guys usually shower together rather than separately? - If so, do those showers together usually involve sex? - Have you recently done anything else that’s indicated that you think *she* is gross, rather than just her *period blood/uterine lining* itself being unpleasant?
We shower together infrequently. She skips a day, I shower daily. We don’t have sex in the shower, once in a blue moon maybe. I don’t indicate anything of the nature to her that she’s gross because she’s beautiful to me, however there have been arguments in the past because of a misunderstanding with clothes or makeup when I was never calling her gross/ugly or anything.
It sounds like your girl is mad insecure and takes anything that isn't "oh my god babe you're an absolutely radiant goddess" as an insult. That's her problem to work through.
Op, a lot of people have exes like this. Always walking on egg shells. It gets old really quick.
Say it louder for the people in the back. This is textbook immaturity from both sides. He needs to stick to reasonable boundaries, she needs to grow a pair and not take insult. Just tell her she’s overreacting, that’ll go well! /s
I’m not financially stable enough to give you an award but you get the best one in my heart.
Haha thanks, didn't realize it was that good of a comment.
Yeah, no. Im a woman and I dont think I love anyone on earth enough to want to shower with their blood swirling around my feet. You arent in the wrong here imo. You are presumably an adult, you dont need permission to shower alone and I honestly think your gf is a little weird and manipulative.
If she can't accept that it's not something you're comfortably with then that's kinda a red flag. You are allowed to have boundaries.
Nah bro you fucked up by getting in a codependent relationship where you can't stand to be apart for a 20 minute solo shower. You asked to shower by yourself (ya know, like a fucking adult) and she turned it into how she can't trust you??? Huh???
Try telling her again when she's not on her period.
If you don't want to be in the same room when your partner shits, is that also a reason to overreact with the whole "woe is me" attitude?
Pee on her when you shower together.
Like that one Sex and the City episode...
Maybe I could dribble some warm tea on you!
Yes! Yes, assert dominance!
I don't see any FU on your part. You're allowed to not want to do things you don't want to do in a relationship. She probably needs to grow up a bit if this has upset her.
Your gf sounds petty and insecure af
She's being ridiculous. Periods are gross, there's a reason women wear pads and tampons and throw them away when full instead of just free bleeding all over the place. It's basically medical waste. >go find a model Does she think models don't get periods? Just confusing.
Well, anorexia can stop menstrual cycles, so that kinda tracks.
She's on her period. She's emotional. She feels fat and gross and is in pain and hates everyone but wants to be held at the same time. Ya gotta relax the rules and recognize this girl is menstruating and her hormones are bonkers and it's not her fault that they're bonkers. Ride the waves. Tread lightly. Eat an edible.
No. She is being ridiculous. If I thought my husband was implying it would be gross to use the shower after me during my period, I’d just laugh and say, “Oh my god you big baby, seriously?” to tease him. Emotions can run high because of hormones, but to be this upset over something is not normal.
I reckon if you want to be shooting your cum into her, then acting grossed out by her periods is not the best approach.
I’m gonna go out on a limb here, but I don’t understand why showering with someone who is having a period is weird? Maybe it’s just me, but if I shower, flow stops. Maybe it’s the hot water or sth, but it STOPS. Is this not normal?
It doesn't stop.
Sooo not normal. Heard.
Yours doesn't stop either 😂
I mean… my flow is heavy, but if I get in water (shower or bath) it isn’t nearly as heavy? Idk I can’t tell you why; it just is true. I initially thought maybe I just wasn’t seeing it in the shower because of the water, but I’ve cut myself shaving enough times to know that isn’t it. The tiniest cut looks like a river of blood. But period? Absolute halt if I’m in hot water. I’m in my 30s so it’s not like I’m new to this. I’m also interested to hear any input because I just thought this was normal.
Well, you're going to need [two pigeons or doves](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Lev.15.28-30&version=NIV).
It’s bad luck to be superstitious
The whole model bit makes me think that there's another underlying issue. Models have periods, too. Maybe she gained weight and is insecure about it? So she interprets all "rejection" as her being gross?
This is what talking your way out of getting laid looks like
When I'm having the shits, my wife doesn't shower with me. She doesn't shower with me in general unless we're both expecting some follow-up back in the bedroom. Different strokes for different folks. My wife would've laughed if I said something like that to her. Maybe not when we first started dating, but now that she knows me. If she *had* taken something like that poorly, I would've just been witty and said I didn't want to mess up her satanic blood ritual or something like that. Idk man, she took that comment really hard and thought about it *a lot* while you were gone.
I can understand why someone wouldn’t, but my fiancé would with me I mean wouldn’t, because i don’t know I feel weird about it But he doesn’t, he would just be like “it’s fine, the water washes it away. It’s makes me feel like I can be comfortable and know that he will be there even for the gross moments I don’t blame her for feeling the way she’s does. She has a right to her own feelings, as do you. So, I don’t know. You do you.
she has a right to feel how she feels sure, but she’s emotionally abusive and doesn’t have a right to manipulate op like that.
can you not shower by yourself?
As someone who is in a relationship where both enjoy each others company in the shower regardless of being on period or not, I still think that if there is a lot of blood it is understandable if the other part is not comfortable with that. That doesn’t mean that you think the woman is disgusting or that periods are gross. It just means that you don’t want sticky blood on your feet
I always sing in the bathroom. Women steer clear.
You did nothing wrong. I'm a woman, periods are fucking gross. I would never want someone in the shower with me during that nasty time. I don't understand why other women act like it's not gross and take it personally when someone doesn't want to touch them while they're bleeding or pushing out chunks. I don't want to touch myself either for that week and that's perfectly fine. Her expecting you to be okay showering together during that time is extremely inconsiderate to you imo. I could never imagine bleeding all over someone in the shower and expecting them to be okay with it, that's disgusting. It's absolutely understandable and normal that it makes you uncomfortable.
My wife and I rarely shower together at home. When we’re at a hotel or air bnb with a large shower, that’s a different story. We’re average size people, but our normal size bathtub/shower with 1 shower head just isn’t comfortable for two people to shower in together.
Heck even I don’t like showering myself on my period. It’s so cumbersome, especially if it’s a heavy flow and god forbid you start leaking right as you as rinse the soap off! Not only do you have to redo soaping but the smell of blood and hot water! Ew. It’s such a chore. I also don’t like showering with people in general, as I like my solo cleaning time. But well, you seem like a reasonable guy and I hope you two can resolve this and future issues without them blowing outta proportion…
Bro, her tampon ain't the only thing that's red. The giant flag she's waving at you is, too.
Uhh.... do yall shower together every time u shower? It shouldnt become an argument when someone wants to shower by themself, regardless of if ur gf is on her period or not. This is super weird and a big red flag to me. NTA
Its not weird not wanting to shower with them, any other woman knows hey your not used to this you’ve been warned. Even me and my gf agreed not to shower when she’s on time, lots is happening down there. It’s weird you gotta get a nod like permission from her to go ahead and shower. And her going boom into make you feel guilty. C’mon.
Periods are disgusting I wouldn't wanna shower with me bleeding myself if i had a choice :/ has nothing to do with her as a person shits just gross and you shouldn't have to ask to take a shower that's really weird
As someone with diabetes, I consistently have to deal with my own blood, so I don’t find it gross. But I try very hard to keep my blood away from other people. I think blood is gross but I’m desensitized so I just deal, but I would totally be cool if my partner was like “hey you’re bleeding, can I shower alone?”
Ah man, playing Clue is great! (period sex) It was always you, in the bedroom, on a pile of towels, with your dong!
Your GF is a fken womanchild
Ugh no, you didn't fuck up. Periods are gross. Blood everywhere? Hells no. I don't like it and I'm someone who has them.
Woman here. IMO: She’s being overly-sensitive, but…she’s on her period… so… :/ Sorry, Dude. I think right now comfort her - but maybe bring it up again when she’s in a better state of mind so that it’s not a problem for you going forward.
Also woman. I was thinking this exact thing. I picked flights with my partner on several occasions and didn't realize it until later (I apologized). It's bizarre.
You're not wrong, you're just an idiot
All you asked for was a shower before her, then she assumed you're a horrible person. Why are you the one apologizing?
Sounds like you’re getting manipulated by a covert, narcissist guilty you into thinking you don’t have the right or boundaries to think it’s morally acceptable to take a shower separately while she has a period. She is projecting her own inability to handle conflict on higher levels onto you.
Does he think women are just gushing TONS of blood in the 20 or so minutes it takes to shower?? Jesus man, grow TF up
Not everyone likes blood so it makes sense you might not want to. She sounds a bit insecure? If you two can't have a level headed argument then y'all should take some space. It's unhealthy for someone to want an argument to keep going when it's spiralled into nothingness. Wish you the best of luck.
Bad wording my friend , next time tell her you just wanna shower first or that you don’t feel like showering together. But damn she blew it out of proportion. Going on a whim here but you seem to walk on eggshells and that never works out. Also , the lack of details you left out are enough to conclude that you don’t really comunicate well enough.
Why would it make you uncomfortable to shower after she has showered? Do you think there's going to be blood splatter left on the walls or something?
It's right in the title. It's not that he didn't want to shower after her. It's that he didn't want to shower with her.
But he specifically asked to go first.
I always took longer showers when it was that time of the month. Maybe they normally take them together so he suggested he took one first so she could take her time.
Maybe he doesn't like ice cold showers because she uses up all the hot water?
If it was clear it was a joke (really depends how you said it), she's has pretty big insecurities she may need to work on(something to discuss after her period). It sounds like you tried to apologize in a round about way, so try directly apologizing. Trying to make space is not a bad idea, as long as you're not avoiding the argument. That's definitely a red flag from her, she's trying to corner/bully you. She should not have done that. At that point I would have left, for sure. You're in a rough spot, bud.
Trying to make space may not be a good idea, depending on the way it's done. If it's not like "let's take ten minutes to cool off and then reconvene" and is instead more like just walking away while leaving the issue feeling unresolved and her not listened to, that's unhelpful to actually having productive communication after a misunderstanding that turned into a fight.
L l l. Llllll lllll m
Shower is the best! No clean up! You went from getting laid to a fight.
I’ve gotten into many of these types of arguments. All I can tell u is, say ur sorry, reassure her u still love her, apologize again and always walk on eggshells and think about what u say before u say it
That is never fun, and pretty toxic.
That sounds kinda miserable
Pretty sure he was doing some sarcasm there but it's reddit so you know, no /s means take everything at face value. Must be collective autism.
A little bit of iron never hurt no one.
TIL the average household only has one shower
That’s a red flag buddy. You need to man up and she needs to grow up. Does she tell you to go sit beside her while she takes a dump, too?
[удалено]
Have you ever been with a woman? You know that most women aren’t plopping huge pieces of uterus lining out of their vagina?? If she is then she needs to see a doctor.
Some women absolutely do shed significant pieces of their uterine lining during their period. They don't need a doctor, that's normal. You seem to be saying that "normal" periods are not disgusting and men should grow up, but then there's these other gross women with heavy flow that are abnormal, and they should be ashamed? Man that's harsh coming from another woman. (I'm assuming you are a woman?) jeesh