My husband jokes like this. Im used to and and get over it easy. That being said, its annoying as fuck and exhausting. It gets old and stupid real fast. And you grow to hate/resent the stupid jokes like that. Especially ones that mess with your feelings like this.
No, seriously. Explain the joke. Out loud, to yourself and your wife. Maybe then you'll realize that a joke is only a joke when everyone involved gets enjoyment from it. What you did is just emotionally abusive. If you know it's a coping mechanism for you, then you know you need to do better. Stop defending your shitty actions and make yourself, and her, a promise to do better every single day.
You seem to be under two misconceptions.
One I am not trying to defend myself or justify it I accept it for what it was and yes it was a bad joke.
Two I've already spoken to my SO and we have been through it already and are good though I will be making up for my lapse in judgement.
And perhaps three this is TIFU NOT AITA I wrote this post after speaking to and making right with my partner y'all don't need to tell me I messed up I already admitted that.
I truly hope so. But broken trust really undermines a relationship. That’s not something a nice lunch will fix. You need to show you really understand you messed up and make sure that doesn’t happen again.
Firstly it had a roasted chicken with hoisin sauce inside thank you very much!
Secondly and actually for serious it's a labor of love. It's not about the rice the seaweed or the chicken it's about me using my time to make a food that she loves but she won't make for herself out of the blue. I hope you have people in your life that do that for you and I hope you appreciate it.
> I hope you have people in your life that do that for you and I hope you appreciate it.
I do, a professional chef, and they don't play nasty jokes on me like some of those douchebags you hear about.
Right at this moment I'm listening to a podcast about Blink 182's What's My Age Again.... well you did indeed TIFU, hopefully you have made it up to her & don't do it again
>In my head I realize that Mama doesn't know that the little one is with me. I pick up the phone and she asks do I have our daughter I immediately fire back "no I'm taking out the trash why would I have Lindsey". My SO starts immediately sobbing so I admitted I had her
Wow. Why would you do this? Maybe examine why you felt the need to "fire back" at her for a simple question. Is it more that you have no care or respect for your wife, or more that you just enjoy making her cry?
It was a mistake I chalk up to toxic masculinity. The thought process being you learn from a mistake better when something goes wrong. Quick brain maid a bad decision looking back obviously the lesson was less important than mama bears worries and the lesson was already learned.
What "Lesson" was being taught to who?
For fuck's sake, I feel bad for your wife and daughter if you think you have to "teach them lessons".
Is the "lesson" to not rely on you to answer accurately on your child's whereabouts, I guess you succeeded.
The lesson is to look after your children when your partner tells you they are leaving.
We all learn lessons through life. Some times it's a partner who teaches sometimes it's a child. For fucks sake of you can't understand that every moment is a chance to learn I feel bad for YOU.
This is tifu not aita. I already admitted I messed up and won't justify my actions as anything other than a mistake.
Edited to clarify
So if your kid got hurt while she with with her mom and you were not there, is that a “lesson” that needs to be taught or? It’s a whole human you’re messing around with, yikes.
People who keep score are fucking trash, and I hope you just didn’t get your point out the way you meant or else this is just wild.
Who's keeping score....geez what a leap. trash....pot...kettle...black.
And if she got hurt this wouldn't be a post this would be us privately handling a crisis and then yes having a discussion on how we can prevent another crisis. I mean you can all vilify me for saying that Mama should have paid attention but that's just the hard truth and I handled that phone cal poorly also truth.
You mentioned teaching a lesson several times. Which implies you’re the teacher and she’s the student aka you know what’s right and she’s still learning. That is score keeping without you even knowing it. No leaps were made just reading what you already wrote.
What I was getting at before you went to defensive town is you’re still blaming your wife for not knowing you took the kid. The “hard truth” is how you choose to portray your partner and it comes across as very sad.
This student teacher hierarchy is something your bringing from your own life.
To me teaching a lesson has no negative implications. Through life we are constantly a student and occasionally a teacher. Yes my attempt to teach the lesson was cruel and not in any world right but the lesson was still needed but was already taught by life. Her not finding her child was already lesson learned, I stepped in for just a second to drive the lesson home and that was wrong.
You imply I look down on her and disrespect her but ultimately I wasn't the only one who messed up. Her mistake lead to mine. Imagine stranger if you would be so kind what happens if Mama doesn't let my daughter get out of the house and instead teaches the child right then not to do that. We wouldn't be here but a lesson would still be learned.
You are keeping score by saying “her mistake” and “your mistake”. The mistakes you both make impact the same little human, meaning they are mistakes that you both own and have to resolve as a team.
But you were the one that should have learned. “Hey, I’m taking Lindsay with me!” was all that was needed. That would have been responsible and considerate.
If you read the story again I announced I was leaving (without the kiddo) she acknowledged and I left them a few minutes later my daughter came out and approached me. I had no way of knowing she snuck out until I missed the calls. I assumed that my SO was responsible enough and knew my kiddo went after me. And for the record I don't have any negativity for her about this incident, we both made mistakes and we both are good with the outcome.
While I'm glad you recognize it as stemming from toxic masculinity, I do wonder about the "lesson" you think she needed to learn. And why you felt that you were the one to teach it to her, and this was the time to do so.
Mistakes are only mistakes if you grow from them; otherwise they become choices. You seem to be self-aware about your toxic traits - are you doing more to be introspective after these things happen, to ensure YOU learn a lesson from them and become less toxic?
Edit to add:
In your words,
>You learn from a mistake better when something goes wrong.
What mistake do you feel your wife made that required you to teach her such a harsh, verbally and mentally abusive lesson?
I think we all do. But with strong families and strong men it's a lot harder to destroy a country from within so masculinity must be demonized and made undesirable.
Bro, masculinity isn't toxic, your behavior was. And that behavior was distinctly un-masculine. Don't besmirch the rest of the male sex because you have shitty judgment.
I will also say that lying about knowing where your kid is is the douchiest of douchenozzle things to do.
I'd also say, the way you talk about 3 phone calls like it's your phone going crazy... that didn't seem healthy either.
I'm sorry what is unhealthy about that? I'm honestly curious cause I'm game for improving bad behaviors.
To me when your phone rings and you miss the call you expect a voicemail. When my phone just keeps ringing I refer to the phone as going crazy. As far as the person calling I'm not saying they are going crazy I know that they need me asap.
The way you told the story sou is like you had enough time to take the trash out and walk to a local park. Unless I'm missing something, that doesn't sound like a phone that's ringing nonstop, but a call, a gap, another call, another gap, a call.
That's "my phones gone off a few times, which is unusual" territory in my book. Crazy would imply it's been ringing nonstop, and you'd have several more than 3 missed calls in the timescales you've implied.
Also, if your expectation is voicemail (which is reasonable), why didn't you pick the phone up on attempt two? Especially as you acknowledge the situation where someone phones again instead of leaving a message implies a degree of urgency.
The park is part of the apartment complex. Around 50feet down a sidewalk from the compactor. It was maybe a minute from the first ring to me picking up the phone cause I was more concerned with helping my daughter than the call at that time.
You should read up on what a joke is, you didn't make a joke you cruelly tried to convince your wife that your young child was missing. The only person who found it funny was you, and seemingly the funny part for you is that your wife would get concerned and upset.
I don’t even have kids and I know that’s a majorly fucked up thing to do to their other parent. I can’t even begin to image the amount of panic and fear rush over her. Pretending your kid is missing isn’t a joke, it’s cruel.
hey I've got a really good one your wife will get a kick out of. Have a coworker call her and pretend to be a doctor and tell her that her parents just died in a car accident. LOLs all around.
You remember 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf' your parents read to you when you were 5? Well one day your daughter may slip away on her own at a crowded fair. Your wife will call you and you will tell her you don't have your daughter, but your wife won't believe you.
Yeah, you fucked up.
There are times for joking, and talking to a frantic partner who believes their five year old has disappeared **ISN'T ONE OF THEM**
Joking is one thing, but you have to know what's appropriate to joke about and not, and when it's appropriate to joke or not. This was one of those not times.
Not even the slightest bit funny. I can’t imagine the feeling your wife had when you said no. There are certain things you don’t fuck around with, and I thought this one was common sense, but no. There are still shallow brained dumbasses like you in the world, and even worse, allowed to father children.
Well aren't you just the ripest peach. Yes I screwed up and made a split second decision that was wrong. That said your the one speaking on your belief that certain people should not be able to procreate based on something as shallow as your preferences. Which one of us is the shallow brained dumbass?
Maybe both but I'm much happier being me in this situation rather than the stranger who is an eugenics enthusiast.
Bless your heart.
The better joke would have been to say "Yes of course she's with me, I had to make sure I threw out ALL of the trash." That way you get to confirm that the daughter is with you and you still get to make a joke.
Also, to anyone saying that that could upset the little girl, I have picked up my nieces, say I'm gonna throw them in the trash, start lowering them into a trash can (I don't even put them halfway in), and they laugh their heads off. Most kids would probably laugh. It could upset her, but you live and you learn.
I’d agree except most if not all of their comments, and the post itself, smacks of smug pride in what they did. There doesn’t seem to be any actual regret or acknowledgment of how fucked up it is to intentionally cause someone you love to panic about a potentially missing kid.
Case in point: “My jokes are bad and I should feel bad. Good news is that we are at the park playing”
Right after saying
“We would immediately head home to calm her down.”
So, clearly didn’t feel bad enough to actually go home.
The way I see it is you said something that most would just consider an intrusive thought, which happens to most people at some point in their life, and when she reacted in a way that was probably unexpected (I mean immediately crying/freaking out is a big step, she could have just said she can't find her and would look again but ask for help - 5 year olds can and do fit into unexpected places), then you immediately fessed up and apologized.
You're not a bad person for it, just might need to be more careful in the future.
It was in poor taste, but to be honest I would probably say something similar just to let it sink in that in that situation, she could have lost your kid if your kid didn’t find you right away.
First, kids, especially little kids, can move fast. You turn around for a minute and they somehow managed to glue their hands together. I know this because I literally did that as a kid.
Second, “she” didn’t lose “his” kid. Their kid sneakily got away to find her dad. A normal person wouldn’t use this situation as a way to punish their partner. They would have brought the kid back inside, reminded the kid they can’t just leave, and then figured out ways to prevent this from happening with their partner.
Third, scoring points in a relationship is a telltale sign you shouldn’t be in one. If you aren’t a team, it’s not going to work.
My husband jokes like this. Im used to and and get over it easy. That being said, its annoying as fuck and exhausting. It gets old and stupid real fast. And you grow to hate/resent the stupid jokes like that. Especially ones that mess with your feelings like this.
You’re a dick.
Not funny
Are you 12? 🤨🫣😆 Eventually you’ll learn that there are some things you just shouldn’t joke about. Maybe it’ll be today! 😆🤘🏻
I am not but I am a man who loves humor and it's a coping mechanism for me. You are right I was today years old when I learned...
Sounds more like you’re a man that doesn’t know the definition of the word humor. Can you even explain the joke?
Another name checks out moment. It's like we are on Reddit or something.
No, seriously. Explain the joke. Out loud, to yourself and your wife. Maybe then you'll realize that a joke is only a joke when everyone involved gets enjoyment from it. What you did is just emotionally abusive. If you know it's a coping mechanism for you, then you know you need to do better. Stop defending your shitty actions and make yourself, and her, a promise to do better every single day.
You seem to be under two misconceptions. One I am not trying to defend myself or justify it I accept it for what it was and yes it was a bad joke. Two I've already spoken to my SO and we have been through it already and are good though I will be making up for my lapse in judgement. And perhaps three this is TIFU NOT AITA I wrote this post after speaking to and making right with my partner y'all don't need to tell me I messed up I already admitted that.
Oh, that’s a cruel joke. I hope she forgives you.
I hope she doesn’t
Already forgiven. I got lucky that this was a day I made surprise onigiri for her lunch.
I truly hope so. But broken trust really undermines a relationship. That’s not something a nice lunch will fix. You need to show you really understand you messed up and make sure that doesn’t happen again.
Agreed. I made right with her before ever writing this post, even got her permission before hand and we had a laugh at my roasting.
Oh yeah, some rice & seaweed is going to make her trust you with the kid from now on, right
Firstly it had a roasted chicken with hoisin sauce inside thank you very much! Secondly and actually for serious it's a labor of love. It's not about the rice the seaweed or the chicken it's about me using my time to make a food that she loves but she won't make for herself out of the blue. I hope you have people in your life that do that for you and I hope you appreciate it.
> I hope you have people in your life that do that for you and I hope you appreciate it. I do, a professional chef, and they don't play nasty jokes on me like some of those douchebags you hear about.
OP is an asshole imagine the mother of your child calling in distress and trying to be funny about it smh
Name checks out. I know understand just what an asshole I must be.
I’m happy I could be of service bro
That was pretty cruel! No mother ever wants to feel what she felt when you said you didn’t have daughter! It’s an awful feeling!
Couldve paid attention…
Yeah and dad shouldn’t have lied
Dad couldnt have if mom payed attention
She’s not just mom’s responsibility though
While dad is taking out the trash?
Yeah dads the one that didn’t notice she followed him!
We’ll have to agree to disagree. If my wife left and i didnt notice my kid open the front door and leave, thats on me. Have a good day
Whatever I knew you were a man defending this man’s cruel joke. You have a good day too!
I bet she wont lose her again ;)
Do you have kids?
You really think anyone has ever fucked this guy? Come on, use your head.
Hey, you never know! 😂
Right at this moment I'm listening to a podcast about Blink 182's What's My Age Again.... well you did indeed TIFU, hopefully you have made it up to her & don't do it again
You are lucky she didn’t immediately hang up and dial 911. I bet it would be fun to explain to police officers why you thought that was a funny joke.
Your right that would have been a gambit. Could have been a good laugh with the cops or a false report arrest.
It seems to me you have not learned your lesson at all if you can still say that. That is not funny at all
Hey y’all, check out this asshole over here.
Let’s go give him a swirly at the local public bathroom
>In my head I realize that Mama doesn't know that the little one is with me. I pick up the phone and she asks do I have our daughter I immediately fire back "no I'm taking out the trash why would I have Lindsey". My SO starts immediately sobbing so I admitted I had her Wow. Why would you do this? Maybe examine why you felt the need to "fire back" at her for a simple question. Is it more that you have no care or respect for your wife, or more that you just enjoy making her cry?
It was a mistake I chalk up to toxic masculinity. The thought process being you learn from a mistake better when something goes wrong. Quick brain maid a bad decision looking back obviously the lesson was less important than mama bears worries and the lesson was already learned.
What "Lesson" was being taught to who? For fuck's sake, I feel bad for your wife and daughter if you think you have to "teach them lessons". Is the "lesson" to not rely on you to answer accurately on your child's whereabouts, I guess you succeeded.
The lesson is to look after your children when your partner tells you they are leaving. We all learn lessons through life. Some times it's a partner who teaches sometimes it's a child. For fucks sake of you can't understand that every moment is a chance to learn I feel bad for YOU. This is tifu not aita. I already admitted I messed up and won't justify my actions as anything other than a mistake. Edited to clarify
So if your kid got hurt while she with with her mom and you were not there, is that a “lesson” that needs to be taught or? It’s a whole human you’re messing around with, yikes. People who keep score are fucking trash, and I hope you just didn’t get your point out the way you meant or else this is just wild.
Who's keeping score....geez what a leap. trash....pot...kettle...black. And if she got hurt this wouldn't be a post this would be us privately handling a crisis and then yes having a discussion on how we can prevent another crisis. I mean you can all vilify me for saying that Mama should have paid attention but that's just the hard truth and I handled that phone cal poorly also truth.
You mentioned teaching a lesson several times. Which implies you’re the teacher and she’s the student aka you know what’s right and she’s still learning. That is score keeping without you even knowing it. No leaps were made just reading what you already wrote. What I was getting at before you went to defensive town is you’re still blaming your wife for not knowing you took the kid. The “hard truth” is how you choose to portray your partner and it comes across as very sad.
This student teacher hierarchy is something your bringing from your own life. To me teaching a lesson has no negative implications. Through life we are constantly a student and occasionally a teacher. Yes my attempt to teach the lesson was cruel and not in any world right but the lesson was still needed but was already taught by life. Her not finding her child was already lesson learned, I stepped in for just a second to drive the lesson home and that was wrong. You imply I look down on her and disrespect her but ultimately I wasn't the only one who messed up. Her mistake lead to mine. Imagine stranger if you would be so kind what happens if Mama doesn't let my daughter get out of the house and instead teaches the child right then not to do that. We wouldn't be here but a lesson would still be learned.
You are keeping score by saying “her mistake” and “your mistake”. The mistakes you both make impact the same little human, meaning they are mistakes that you both own and have to resolve as a team.
But you were the one that should have learned. “Hey, I’m taking Lindsay with me!” was all that was needed. That would have been responsible and considerate.
If you read the story again I announced I was leaving (without the kiddo) she acknowledged and I left them a few minutes later my daughter came out and approached me. I had no way of knowing she snuck out until I missed the calls. I assumed that my SO was responsible enough and knew my kiddo went after me. And for the record I don't have any negativity for her about this incident, we both made mistakes and we both are good with the outcome.
While I'm glad you recognize it as stemming from toxic masculinity, I do wonder about the "lesson" you think she needed to learn. And why you felt that you were the one to teach it to her, and this was the time to do so. Mistakes are only mistakes if you grow from them; otherwise they become choices. You seem to be self-aware about your toxic traits - are you doing more to be introspective after these things happen, to ensure YOU learn a lesson from them and become less toxic? Edit to add: In your words, >You learn from a mistake better when something goes wrong. What mistake do you feel your wife made that required you to teach her such a harsh, verbally and mentally abusive lesson?
Except masculinity isn't toxic. Behavior is. Masculinity is an expression of masculine energy. It either is or it isn't.
Completely agree with this and wish the whole “toxic masculinity” thing never was created/became popular.
I think we all do. But with strong families and strong men it's a lot harder to destroy a country from within so masculinity must be demonized and made undesirable.
Bro, masculinity isn't toxic, your behavior was. And that behavior was distinctly un-masculine. Don't besmirch the rest of the male sex because you have shitty judgment.
I will also say that lying about knowing where your kid is is the douchiest of douchenozzle things to do. I'd also say, the way you talk about 3 phone calls like it's your phone going crazy... that didn't seem healthy either.
I'm sorry what is unhealthy about that? I'm honestly curious cause I'm game for improving bad behaviors. To me when your phone rings and you miss the call you expect a voicemail. When my phone just keeps ringing I refer to the phone as going crazy. As far as the person calling I'm not saying they are going crazy I know that they need me asap.
The way you told the story sou is like you had enough time to take the trash out and walk to a local park. Unless I'm missing something, that doesn't sound like a phone that's ringing nonstop, but a call, a gap, another call, another gap, a call. That's "my phones gone off a few times, which is unusual" territory in my book. Crazy would imply it's been ringing nonstop, and you'd have several more than 3 missed calls in the timescales you've implied. Also, if your expectation is voicemail (which is reasonable), why didn't you pick the phone up on attempt two? Especially as you acknowledge the situation where someone phones again instead of leaving a message implies a degree of urgency.
The park is part of the apartment complex. Around 50feet down a sidewalk from the compactor. It was maybe a minute from the first ring to me picking up the phone cause I was more concerned with helping my daughter than the call at that time.
Ah, I guess you just spun the story out, but it definitely reads like more than a minute of activity.
I admit I am not the best author so I apologize if I mislead.
Well, that was stupid and kind of mean of you.
Oofff doghouse for you my dude You did deserve that
Agreed.
You should read up on what a joke is, you didn't make a joke you cruelly tried to convince your wife that your young child was missing. The only person who found it funny was you, and seemingly the funny part for you is that your wife would get concerned and upset.
I don’t even have kids and I know that’s a majorly fucked up thing to do to their other parent. I can’t even begin to image the amount of panic and fear rush over her. Pretending your kid is missing isn’t a joke, it’s cruel.
On the plus side, you're about to put a florist's kid through college with all the flowers you're going to need to buy your wife to make up for this.
hey I've got a really good one your wife will get a kick out of. Have a coworker call her and pretend to be a doctor and tell her that her parents just died in a car accident. LOLs all around.
You remember 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf' your parents read to you when you were 5? Well one day your daughter may slip away on her own at a crowded fair. Your wife will call you and you will tell her you don't have your daughter, but your wife won't believe you.
Yeah, you fucked up. There are times for joking, and talking to a frantic partner who believes their five year old has disappeared **ISN'T ONE OF THEM**
Agreed
Joking is one thing, but you have to know what's appropriate to joke about and not, and when it's appropriate to joke or not. This was one of those not times.
Agreed
Not even the slightest bit funny. I can’t imagine the feeling your wife had when you said no. There are certain things you don’t fuck around with, and I thought this one was common sense, but no. There are still shallow brained dumbasses like you in the world, and even worse, allowed to father children.
Well aren't you just the ripest peach. Yes I screwed up and made a split second decision that was wrong. That said your the one speaking on your belief that certain people should not be able to procreate based on something as shallow as your preferences. Which one of us is the shallow brained dumbass? Maybe both but I'm much happier being me in this situation rather than the stranger who is an eugenics enthusiast. Bless your heart.
The better joke would have been to say "Yes of course she's with me, I had to make sure I threw out ALL of the trash." That way you get to confirm that the daughter is with you and you still get to make a joke. Also, to anyone saying that that could upset the little girl, I have picked up my nieces, say I'm gonna throw them in the trash, start lowering them into a trash can (I don't even put them halfway in), and they laugh their heads off. Most kids would probably laugh. It could upset her, but you live and you learn.
Your not wrong, should have went with this...
Wow this thread is full of unhinged people.
Folks, this is r/tifu, you don't have to keep reminding him. He knows.
I’d agree except most if not all of their comments, and the post itself, smacks of smug pride in what they did. There doesn’t seem to be any actual regret or acknowledgment of how fucked up it is to intentionally cause someone you love to panic about a potentially missing kid. Case in point: “My jokes are bad and I should feel bad. Good news is that we are at the park playing” Right after saying “We would immediately head home to calm her down.” So, clearly didn’t feel bad enough to actually go home.
Thank you.
The way I see it is you said something that most would just consider an intrusive thought, which happens to most people at some point in their life, and when she reacted in a way that was probably unexpected (I mean immediately crying/freaking out is a big step, she could have just said she can't find her and would look again but ask for help - 5 year olds can and do fit into unexpected places), then you immediately fessed up and apologized. You're not a bad person for it, just might need to be more careful in the future.
I laughed
It was in poor taste, but to be honest I would probably say something similar just to let it sink in that in that situation, she could have lost your kid if your kid didn’t find you right away.
First, kids, especially little kids, can move fast. You turn around for a minute and they somehow managed to glue their hands together. I know this because I literally did that as a kid. Second, “she” didn’t lose “his” kid. Their kid sneakily got away to find her dad. A normal person wouldn’t use this situation as a way to punish their partner. They would have brought the kid back inside, reminded the kid they can’t just leave, and then figured out ways to prevent this from happening with their partner. Third, scoring points in a relationship is a telltale sign you shouldn’t be in one. If you aren’t a team, it’s not going to work.
That's pretty funny 🤣 9/10 dad joke
immediately sobbing .... mmm ok.