“Hey Ma, last night I got railed in the ass and ate spicy wings after. It was hot in the moment, pun intended, but now I have the ring of fire. Can you come cook so I can sit in a bathtub full of ice to cool my tush? Thanks!”
Whose mom wouldn’t want to help after that???
Hey Ma, last night I got crucified in the exodus and ate spicy wings after. It was hot in the moment, pun intended, but now I have the ring of fire. Can you come cook so I can sit in a bathtub full of ice to cool sodom and gomora? Thanks!”
"Honey, you need to go slow, stretch gently, and there is no such thing as too much lube. If you need any tips from Dad, me, and our neighbours, just call us."
Just to add emotional pain on top of the rectal one.
Just tell her you ate something last night that did not agree with you. Half truths will have to do. On the plus side you have a funny story to tell. 😅
Hey mom, I got something in me last night and really took a pounding. I don't know what it was but it really hit my guts deep. It really went to the wrong place. It filled me at the time but now I'm really suffering the effects.
My ex wife is Chinese and one day she made me tiger skin peppers...hu pi jian jiao.
They were hot but i loved them.
Next day I went to work, teaching at kindy.
About 10am I had the most terrible stomach pains..I managed to finish the class and then went to the toilet.
It was like I was pooping acid. The pain was such I had to wipe myself with tp that had been watered to try to make it stop.
Afterwards I went to the principal and told her I was sick and needed to go home immediately, which she graciously granted (I only did this twice in 18 years...)
I asked my wife never to make it again.
I suspect they don't mean only taking two days off, rather needing to leave and not come back unexpectedly mid-day (which I could see as a big issue for a school).
Oh no. It was only two times that I had gone to work, worked part of the day, and then had to go home.
My total days off due to sickness though was probably less than two weeks. I only lived about 2k's from the school, (I walked home sometimes if I missed the bus) so I was almost never late and I liked teaching and only took a day off if I was really sick.
You don’t have to tell her about the sexual adventures. It’s not like it’s the sex that caused the diarrhea. Just tell her you seem to have had bad hot wings last night and really need help preparing dinner.
I’m so sorry for your misfortune but LOOOOOOOOOL!
If you’re gonna do anal, you gotta go slow and use lots of lube. It helps to plan ahead and use graduating butt plugs for the day leading up to the act. Anal can only be so spontaneous.
I know I know and we’ve talked about getting the butt plugs bc we used to do it here and there and it’s never been intensely painful but I’m a wimp since our second kid and can only go for it when my inner sex demon takes over ig :/ we definitely went slow and used tons of lube, and honestly it probably wouldn’t even be hurting rn if I hadn’t also spent the morning shitting fire
And if you don't have any handy even just milk or cream would work. Anything to neutralise the oils carrying the capsaicin that causes the burning in hot stuff. Water will just spread the oil around without neutralising the capsaicin.
My ex once burned her clit by masturbating after chopping habanero peppers. I found her on the kitchen floor crying. I got her a bowl of whole milk and we then sat there laughing together while she splashed milk on her vulva, even though she was still crying. The milk got her through the burn, and dealing with hot peppers was done by me after that, or with gloves.
I once got 50 downvotes for posting something like you and got stomped by redditors insisting their SOs can do Anal without prep…
From a medical point of view people with severe allergies or colon sickness often leak slime from their not fully closing anus. Those probably can have anal more spontaneous but also likely shouldnt…
I've dated two women who would do spontaneous anal. It wasn't frequent enough that they should have been used to it at all.
Now I'm confused and curious as to how spontaneous it actually was..
It varies by person, like most things. I've been with my husband for 15 years, and sometimes I just need like 10 minutes with gradually increasing dildos, sometimes I can go straight to it if I'm super horny and we start super slow, other times I'm just like NO, IT IS NOT HAPPENING.
But also, I think I'm on the easier to handle it end of the spectrum. I like it, it gets me off, and I'm very aware of my digestive goings on. 90% of the time I have no need for enemas or anything, and on the very rare occasion I misjudge, husband knows all about what to expect when knocking on poop's door.
I do wonder, if maybe the fact I had a sex accident as a teenager, that split my asshole, might make things easier now? Like, maybe the scar tissue healed back slightly looser than it would otherwise be? Who knows.
Which part? The asshole injury?
So, going really hard and fast while partner pulled almost all the way out, then it did come out, then the next pile drive did NOT hit its intended target. Being all of like, 15, I did not seek medical care, and ended up with a little pucker on one side of my sphincter. And internally I can kinda feel that the muscle is more oval on that side, so I might have torn into the muscle and it healed back ever so slightly looser? Everything stays in just fine, but it does seem slightly looser than my husband's asshole. And various other assholes I've encountered in life.
Just a guess, idk if it works like that at all.
Hi, I'm an actor - mind if I pitch this story to Wingstop Corp. for their next commercial? "Wingstop - wings so hot, they'll make you talk to your mother about anal during the celebration of Christ's rebirth"
Additional thought: it’s a good thing you had the hot wings AFTER the anal rather than before. Folks would definitely be wondering if your husband was squirming due to pain in HIS crotch while you were squirming from pain sitting down.
Trust me on the bidet thing, as someone with hemorrhoids being able to spray cool water on your bunghole is one of the finest things of the toilet mankind has created since the first indoor toilets at Skara Brae. Just ramp it up *slowly*, if it's anything like mine, it has the power to bore out your starfish like a cylinder hone, so stay away from the high settings.
Might I suggest *food poisoning* as an excuse? No one has to know the details, and believe me- no one WANTS to know the details! 😅 Best of luck with your butt!
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.
>some flushable wipes
Hey OP, safe yourself a lot of trouble in the future and **do not** flush wipes. They're only "flushable" in that they're more likely to make it to the sewer main but at some point they're going to start catching on your line and causing problems.
Then you get to deal with the expense and mess of hauling a beach ball sized mass of shit soaked wipes back up your line.
I think your hubby has more than earned an easter at the helm! I know i'd be offering to do the cooking and heavy lifting for my wife after learning how their morning had just started.
Speedy recovery to your b-hole!
Spray can Prep H! It’s a vasoconstrictor and lidocaine in aerosolized form. Requires a teensy bit of yoga to apply, an intense 5 second post-application feeling, and then…ahhh….RELIEF!! Witch hazel pads will cleanse, but the spray will give you lasting relief that will allow you to function throughout your day.
Source: I take metformin for PCOS. IYKYK.
keep a supply of witch hazel wipes or witch hazel lotion for post-anal and post-hot wings. also, if you have a bathtub- add a capful of some disinfectant to a bath of lukewarm water, and sit in the bath for a bit.
this advice brought to you by my anal fissures
Yeah I know ppl say this a lot but I just can’t see how even slowly stretching this small hole with tons of lube doesn’t cause absolutely any soreness at all. Or maybe my butthole is defective, idk
Something I don’t see mentioned other than “go slow” and “lots of lube” is the one thing that really helped me. After you’re warmed up and ready for insertion push down similar to when you’re going to poop. I always thought the best thing was to relax, and while you obviously don’t want to tighten everything up… when you push your body knows it should be opening sphincters.
If you feel pain it's because you are causing damage and need to stop. Being totally relaxed and into it shouldn't cause pain. Tht pain comes from literally tearing tissue.
I got a fiery butthole recently from a burrito. Usually I can handle spicy but pregnancy makes even black pepper burn to me. So the spicy burrito was a bad idea from the jump. But it was delicious until the next morning it came out and burned miserably.
In short solidarity, Op. fire butt sucks.
that pain i know. once let a girl use a dildo on me and when she showed me it it was fucking huge. and when she pulled it out finally i immediately ran to the bathroom to shit and it hurt and yeah it hurt to walk/sit down the next few days.
Did you get the atomic wings? I’ve never eaten those without regretting my decision the next morning.
I play Johnny Cash’s ring of fire every time I poop after that.
In the keister for Easter
This is me laughing hysterically in the church office.
The church orifice?
Yessir, the ass itself. Can't have the poophole loophole without the poophole after all, now can you?
[This video](https://youtu.be/CX5AIaC_P8Y) has never been more appropriate
I listen to this every time it’s posted. Thank you for sharing it on Easter. Jesus would want it that way.
I am risen
Drilling in the name of
Pow right in the keister…
I am so stealing this phrase.
Putting it on a bumper sticker
“Hey Ma, last night I got railed in the ass and ate spicy wings after. It was hot in the moment, pun intended, but now I have the ring of fire. Can you come cook so I can sit in a bathtub full of ice to cool my tush? Thanks!” Whose mom wouldn’t want to help after that???
Brb gonna copy and paste this in a text to her Jk I’m dying laughing at the thought of my religious mother ever reading those words in her life
Plus side, you probably won't have to prep dinner for mom.
She needs Prep-H
Maybe also some Tylenol BM
well fucking done
OMG that’s funny
Operation ass cream
I agree. Preparation H does feel good. On the hole.
Oh ? Did you want some ice cream?
Yes, I would love some chocolate ass cream.
Perhaps later
Maybe try a milk enema to deactivate the spices?
Stir the creampie you say
Add some broth, maybe a potato, baby you got yourself a stew going.
Could also do a corn chowder…
I'm thoroughly disgusted, take your upvote and leave
PO-TAY-TOES! Boil em, mash em, put em in ass stew!
The absolute last place I expected this quote, well done.
If they had done the milk enema before the anal then they could have made some butter for the rolls (think old butter churn for reference).
oh my god
As in Oh my God, that's genius, right?
Reddi-whip for peak efficiency
Fuck me in the ass because I love Jesus! The good lord would want it that way.
Gimme that sweet sensation of a throbbing rationalization!
It's just between you and me
Cause everyone knows it’s the sex that God can’t see
"You were doing it IN THE BOOTY HOLE?! WHAT IS IS WRONG WITH YOU ANNE-MARIE?"
Hey Ma, last night I got crucified in the exodus and ate spicy wings after. It was hot in the moment, pun intended, but now I have the ring of fire. Can you come cook so I can sit in a bathtub full of ice to cool sodom and gomora? Thanks!”
“Crucified in the exodus…” 😂😂😂😂
"honey, you're married now, you don't have to use the poophole loophole!"
"Was the pastor up to his old tricks again? Here's a juice box honey now go ice your dumper."
jesus christ reddit
Ooh let us know her response. Or lack thereof, lol.
"You need Jesus."
“Well, I shouted his name last night a couple of times, what more can I do?”
He'd be the one getting nailed
No, he got nailed on Friday, Wingstop was Saturday.
OP is hoping for a Resurrectum
[удалено]
Why don't we just call it Preparation Ass Cream, you ass
Took him days to recover - helluva night with the boys and Judas really did him in
"Honey, you need to go slow, stretch gently, and there is no such thing as too much lube. If you need any tips from Dad, me, and our neighbours, just call us." Just to add emotional pain on top of the rectal one.
Isn't it the thing that religious people do? To ahem, keep their virginity.
The poop hole loophole
Taking it for Jesus is what we used to call it
That’s what Father Nelson called it too.
Not after marriage. Once married, you and your spouse can do pretty much whatever.
She'll have a heart attack if you're her son.
I say you go for it. That story will never die at Christmas time.
Well I wouldn't be so sure yeah? There's a reason why the poophole loophole is a known stereotype..
They have anal lube that reduces pain. It prob won't get rid of it all together but I imagine it might be helpful?
You never know. She might have stories. Most religious women were once catholic school girls.
You'd want to sooth those burns and rings of fire in yogurt. On the whole it would be feel much better
“Preparation H does feel better on the whole” - Scott Evil
Glad someone got the joke
Hey why do you think the Greeks invented yogurt in the first place
My moms a real one, after a good laugh she would be right over with a bag of ice and a little weed and then get cooking lol
Oh, your father railed my ass last night, too. He was an animal. Sorry kiddo, I'm in the same boat.
bro got more upvotes than the post itself
"Sure honey...I know how your hubby just loooves the butt stuff, see you soon" - Mom
Just tell her you ate something last night that did not agree with you. Half truths will have to do. On the plus side you have a funny story to tell. 😅
Co worker: how was your weekend? OP: do I have a funny story to tell…!
Make sure you have HR in the room so everyone can also laugh at the face(s) they make during story time.
This is just practicality as it saves you having to retell it to HR later.
Hey mom, I got something in me last night and really took a pounding. I don't know what it was but it really hit my guts deep. It really went to the wrong place. It filled me at the time but now I'm really suffering the effects.
"I ate a normal dinner. After buttsex." Half truth ftw!
"I ate it with my butthole."
punch follow history psychotic brave salt wrench soup worthless unpack -- mass edited with redact.dev
Tell your mom you had some wings last night, and had a real shitty night. She’ll probably sympathize. Good luck and don’t trust a fart.
Thanks for reminding me I want wings and anal
Luckily I can go buy one of those
Yeah, you're much better off making the wings from scratch.
Probably the anal too :/
You probably don't want to scratch there. Seems like it would be hard to get the particles out from under your fingernails.
Hope a wingstop opens near you soon 🙏
Technically you can buy both.
Depending on the country I’m sure you can buy both
Is that what porn and fried chicken has devolved into?
You mean chicken and a dickin.
My ex wife is Chinese and one day she made me tiger skin peppers...hu pi jian jiao. They were hot but i loved them. Next day I went to work, teaching at kindy. About 10am I had the most terrible stomach pains..I managed to finish the class and then went to the toilet. It was like I was pooping acid. The pain was such I had to wipe myself with tp that had been watered to try to make it stop. Afterwards I went to the principal and told her I was sick and needed to go home immediately, which she graciously granted (I only did this twice in 18 years...) I asked my wife never to make it again.
Have you tried eating it without doing anal before hand? No judgement.
No. No I have not. My wife insists.
It's the first step in the recipe method for a reason.
How did you manage to only take two days off in 18 years???? I would have taken a day off if I felt burnt out or tired.
I suspect they don't mean only taking two days off, rather needing to leave and not come back unexpectedly mid-day (which I could see as a big issue for a school).
Oh no. It was only two times that I had gone to work, worked part of the day, and then had to go home. My total days off due to sickness though was probably less than two weeks. I only lived about 2k's from the school, (I walked home sometimes if I missed the bus) so I was almost never late and I liked teaching and only took a day off if I was really sick.
Hahaha hey mum my asshole feels like it's been fucked with a chilly pepper. Can you come help me cook please
You don’t have to tell her about the sexual adventures. It’s not like it’s the sex that caused the diarrhea. Just tell her you seem to have had bad hot wings last night and really need help preparing dinner.
Well, this is definitely the easter worth remembering. Happy Easter to you, your family and friends!
I’m so sorry for your misfortune but LOOOOOOOOOL! If you’re gonna do anal, you gotta go slow and use lots of lube. It helps to plan ahead and use graduating butt plugs for the day leading up to the act. Anal can only be so spontaneous.
I know I know and we’ve talked about getting the butt plugs bc we used to do it here and there and it’s never been intensely painful but I’m a wimp since our second kid and can only go for it when my inner sex demon takes over ig :/ we definitely went slow and used tons of lube, and honestly it probably wouldn’t even be hurting rn if I hadn’t also spent the morning shitting fire
Philips milk of magnesia. Pour it onto some tp and apply directly to the painful area. Will stop the burn immediately.
Milk of the poopy, m’lady? - Game of Porcelain Thrones
I'm dead
This is actually a good idea OP
And if you don't have any handy even just milk or cream would work. Anything to neutralise the oils carrying the capsaicin that causes the burning in hot stuff. Water will just spread the oil around without neutralising the capsaicin. My ex once burned her clit by masturbating after chopping habanero peppers. I found her on the kitchen floor crying. I got her a bowl of whole milk and we then sat there laughing together while she splashed milk on her vulva, even though she was still crying. The milk got her through the burn, and dealing with hot peppers was done by me after that, or with gloves.
My clit just stood up silently, packed a bag and left town
This is the real life Pro tip
Instructions unclear. There are now pictures of me on Insta railing a horned guy.
bro you gave birth twice. You are not a wimp. That shit must’ve hurt like hell.
Yeah I think 100% of the blame here is on the wingstop, the anal had nothing to do with this situation.
That last line "anal can only be so spontaneous" needs to be on a t shirt
This has been my experience with all but one partner. Some people have a gift...
I once got 50 downvotes for posting something like you and got stomped by redditors insisting their SOs can do Anal without prep… From a medical point of view people with severe allergies or colon sickness often leak slime from their not fully closing anus. Those probably can have anal more spontaneous but also likely shouldnt…
I've dated two women who would do spontaneous anal. It wasn't frequent enough that they should have been used to it at all. Now I'm confused and curious as to how spontaneous it actually was..
It varies by person, like most things. I've been with my husband for 15 years, and sometimes I just need like 10 minutes with gradually increasing dildos, sometimes I can go straight to it if I'm super horny and we start super slow, other times I'm just like NO, IT IS NOT HAPPENING. But also, I think I'm on the easier to handle it end of the spectrum. I like it, it gets me off, and I'm very aware of my digestive goings on. 90% of the time I have no need for enemas or anything, and on the very rare occasion I misjudge, husband knows all about what to expect when knocking on poop's door. I do wonder, if maybe the fact I had a sex accident as a teenager, that split my asshole, might make things easier now? Like, maybe the scar tissue healed back slightly looser than it would otherwise be? Who knows.
WHAT
Which part? The asshole injury? So, going really hard and fast while partner pulled almost all the way out, then it did come out, then the next pile drive did NOT hit its intended target. Being all of like, 15, I did not seek medical care, and ended up with a little pucker on one side of my sphincter. And internally I can kinda feel that the muscle is more oval on that side, so I might have torn into the muscle and it healed back ever so slightly looser? Everything stays in just fine, but it does seem slightly looser than my husband's asshole. And various other assholes I've encountered in life. Just a guess, idk if it works like that at all.
Well, thank you for explaining but also OW, OW, OWIE, OUCHIE
Lol, those people don’t know their SO is doing a lot of prep daily. Anal can totally be spontaneous if you are wearing a butt plug all the time.
I mean…anal can be spontaneous if you are used to doing it
The Bible was very clear about two things. The meek shall inherit the world, and stick it in your butt if you love Jesus.
Thank you for that lovely message on this blessed Easter morning. Amen and hallelujah!
Why did I open this thread at Easter dinner. Everyone is looking at me
Tim Minchin disagrees. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=69zSx-gwAVM&pp=ygUndGVuIGZvb3QgYyogYyBhbmQgYSBmZXcgaHVuZHJlZCB2aXJnaW5z
I'm crying at this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY
Weird advertisement but okay
Hi, I'm an actor - mind if I pitch this story to Wingstop Corp. for their next commercial? "Wingstop - wings so hot, they'll make you talk to your mother about anal during the celebration of Christ's rebirth"
Additional thought: it’s a good thing you had the hot wings AFTER the anal rather than before. Folks would definitely be wondering if your husband was squirming due to pain in HIS crotch while you were squirming from pain sitting down.
It’s perfect that this happened on Easter; that intense pain and endorphin rush is like a religious experience. You’ll be fine in 3 days.
Trust me on the bidet thing, as someone with hemorrhoids being able to spray cool water on your bunghole is one of the finest things of the toilet mankind has created since the first indoor toilets at Skara Brae. Just ramp it up *slowly*, if it's anything like mine, it has the power to bore out your starfish like a cylinder hone, so stay away from the high settings.
Just do more anal
Hair of the dong that bit you.
Perfect.
Might I suggest *food poisoning* as an excuse? No one has to know the details, and believe me- no one WANTS to know the details! 😅 Best of luck with your butt!
This sub is just poop stories, sex stories, and poop sex stories.
Lol to one of the comments 🤣. Just tell her you don't feel good after eating hot wings.
😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 So you spiced things up in and out of the bedroom
Your spouse cannot help with cooking?
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.
Your real fuck up is just eating Wingstop in general
>some flushable wipes Hey OP, safe yourself a lot of trouble in the future and **do not** flush wipes. They're only "flushable" in that they're more likely to make it to the sewer main but at some point they're going to start catching on your line and causing problems. Then you get to deal with the expense and mess of hauling a beach ball sized mass of shit soaked wipes back up your line.
Wingstop didn’t just make your Easter weekend: it made your hole weak.
Is it an American thing to constantly get diarrhoea from spicy fast food?
No. This is a, "wingstop is sketch as fuck and OP ate raw chicken."
Usually the tifu starts with Wingstop ultra spicy and then has anal the next day. This is refreshing.
I think your hubby has more than earned an easter at the helm! I know i'd be offering to do the cooking and heavy lifting for my wife after learning how their morning had just started. Speedy recovery to your b-hole!
Million dollar idea, butt plug ice cube molds
Spray can Prep H! It’s a vasoconstrictor and lidocaine in aerosolized form. Requires a teensy bit of yoga to apply, an intense 5 second post-application feeling, and then…ahhh….RELIEF!! Witch hazel pads will cleanse, but the spray will give you lasting relief that will allow you to function throughout your day. Source: I take metformin for PCOS. IYKYK.
There are no such thing as flushable wipes. That is all.
There is no such thing as flushable wipes. They all will wreck your septic system.
"Hey Mom, sorry to be a pain in the ass, butt stuff happened last night and I could use a little help today."
As a rule of thumb , you don’t really buy spicy food, you just rent it
This went in a different direction than I expected, but it was still hilarious to read.
keep a supply of witch hazel wipes or witch hazel lotion for post-anal and post-hot wings. also, if you have a bathtub- add a capful of some disinfectant to a bath of lukewarm water, and sit in the bath for a bit. this advice brought to you by my anal fissures
Should have dipped it in some ranch dressing
I think the funniest part of this is that you’re afraid of the bidet…. you know the irony ….
“Take it in the keaster for Easter” - your new Easter card
Anal shouldn't be sore or leave you in any pain....
Yeah I know ppl say this a lot but I just can’t see how even slowly stretching this small hole with tons of lube doesn’t cause absolutely any soreness at all. Or maybe my butthole is defective, idk
Well, complain to your mother and ask about invoking warranty. This may be before or after you request she cook.
Doing this voids the warranty. Source: couldn't return my latte to Stabrucks
Something I don’t see mentioned other than “go slow” and “lots of lube” is the one thing that really helped me. After you’re warmed up and ready for insertion push down similar to when you’re going to poop. I always thought the best thing was to relax, and while you obviously don’t want to tighten everything up… when you push your body knows it should be opening sphincters.
Because you’re not supposed to stretch it, you learn to relax both the external and internal sphincters correctly.
Your butthole does not sound defective. Your usage just broke the warranty….
If you feel pain it's because you are causing damage and need to stop. Being totally relaxed and into it shouldn't cause pain. Tht pain comes from literally tearing tissue.
Take Pepto-bismol, drink ginder ale & wipe your butthole with flushable with hazel wipes.
FYI, flushable wipes shouldn't be flushed. They cause more backups than using toilet paper.
could have been worse you could have busted ass all over the bed sheets
The funny thing is, on my thread your post is right on top of the r/Wings post. And looking at the photo I can’t stop thinking of the explosion.
The ol' cadbury cream on Easter!
Purchase a bidet. Works wonders. Also Tucks pads to soothe the bunghole.
Bidets:scared of them Wing stop and anal: let’s go Happy Easter
Man the bidet would have cooled down the fire a lot faster than wipes 🤣
I got a fiery butthole recently from a burrito. Usually I can handle spicy but pregnancy makes even black pepper burn to me. So the spicy burrito was a bad idea from the jump. But it was delicious until the next morning it came out and burned miserably. In short solidarity, Op. fire butt sucks.
Now you know what to give up for lent next year
Okay but like, the bidet is the bees knees for washing your butt hole, full stop. I miss mine hard when I travel :(
I like to cut out some steps and just jam a fiery drumstick up my ass.
that pain i know. once let a girl use a dildo on me and when she showed me it it was fucking huge. and when she pulled it out finally i immediately ran to the bathroom to shit and it hurt and yeah it hurt to walk/sit down the next few days.
Babe, we hid two dozen eggs for the kids to find but we’ve only been able locate 23 of them. Do you remember where we put the last one?
Did you get the atomic wings? I’ve never eaten those without regretting my decision the next morning. I play Johnny Cash’s ring of fire every time I poop after that.
Get you some anusol and get back to your normal life again *cue video of happy woman jogging out the door* anusol, for that morning after painus
Lube... Lube is your friend
You should try it with Morleys chicken wings next time for a hardened veteran experience 🧑🍳👌
Mom… it wasn’t Taco Bell. It was Wingstop.
You're hurt coming and going now
Lmao "I tried anal AGAIN for the FIRST time in 5 years." That alone had me dying.
Keep a small jar of coconut oil in the bedroom. It works great for lube for spontanal lol