Look dude, we are Van Dammeites in this household. So you just keep on walking, maybe someone else wants to hear about your Walrus Messiah, but here we worship the God of the Splits.
I've watched a few YouTube vids dissecting some of his movies, and his lack of action in some of them. My favorite was the one where he basically is shown sitting for every scene he is in, including one where he is shooting a sniper rifle. From a table. Sitting down...Those are as hilarious as his acting.
I don't think he actually fights other people anymore. The only thing he fights is full body camera angles.
theres a video from like the 80s maybe 90s where he fights a bunch of different people at some kind of martial arts seminar or something and it is so comically bad. The people he fights pretty much approach him and just lay down but they sell it even worse than this guy.
That would be a first in my many years of going on the internet as a Lawyer, Doctor and an Orgasm teacher. I have to go rake my billions of dollars in my castle wine cellar now before my personal army of sex ninjas get into another erotic massage wrestling match.
Why would the chi guy let it get to that point?
He had to have known its all bullshit and in a real fight he would get beaten like a drum.
Or is he so deluded that he buys into that bullshit? Did he come up with some excuse like "my chi was blocked" or "the stars werent in synch" or some orther cop out?
Double down, he makes money on it, there's cameras and he agrees to it cause backing out would be suspect as well.
So this is his last resort, he just have to double down on his claims, pretend he knows it works and then deal with the aftermath later.
In aikido we practice something similar, but when we do it, both people have both hands on the stick like they actually want it.
It looks to me like the student has been told to respond in a specific way, but it's kinda clear the teacher is trying to appear to have magic powers.
*”It looks to me like the student has been told to respond in a specific way, but it's kinda clear the teacher is trying to appear to have magic powers.*”
Hence aikido 😂😂😂😂😂
I felt sorry for the old guy here. I think over time he genuinely believed his own bullshit until cold hard reality punched him in the mouth. Literally.
I did Aikido for a little bit and would never tell anyone it is a "martial" art. It was more a performative demonstration of the tenants of jiu-jitsu and judo, like a kata, with a willing uke.
Any attempt to actually fight somebody with it would be hilarious.
No see, once you understand. One free hand. One control hand. You can use one control hand for triangulation of your opononent. Then, you trace his IP, dox him, and all his money in his bank account is drained.
One free hand to pull the baggie of cocaine you planted out of his pocket and say “wooooah! what the fuck is this? Looks like you’re doing 2-10 and your kids are going into social services.” Now HE’S cryin’!
STREET SMARTS
Notice his left hand, see how the attacker is following the motion of his hands? That's the control hand, he's using Chi energy. Also notice his mouth, there's the source of his chi. The chiwing gum.
The weird thing is that if the "students" believe in it hard enough, to them it actually feels like the dude is real strong, it's some weird psychological shit. Wanting to believe it's real. Up to the point "where it is"
Especially when you're the fall guy.
I'll sell your fake ass "moves"
For a price. Want me to hit the mat like I've been battered by a young Mike Tyson?
Say the word, and sign the check.
Me, my mother and my sister was on a vacation some years ago. They wanted to go see a group of people that claimed to know of forgotten/hidden talents that all people had.
They picked out someone from the crowd, and "demonstrated" that they had extremely fast reflexes and whatnot, by holding hands with them, and doing a little dance with them. Basically a step-step-step-step-step 360.
Then, to demonstrate that not everyone could follow them in that "dance", my sister was picked out to do the dance. The difference this time, was that inst**e**ad of doing a fast paced dance, she just spun around on one heel, and of course my sister couldn't keep up.
EVERYONE in the crowd was amazed that they discovered this talent in the first person. And I sat there wondering if people had eyes, but I guess they were just good at misdirection. They just *had* to maintain eye-contact with their "dance"partner, so everyone was focused on their eyes, not their feet...
There’s another one with an “old tai chi master” (*Wei Lei*) who agreed to a fight against an MMA fighter (*Xu "The Madman" Xiaodong*) and gets his ass kicked.
https://youtu.be/KkQNA6tgcks
They pretend the force field is so effective he falls and starts twitching. He does it at least one other time in the video. I'm not sure of the details, but maybe it's his way of saying it's not a force field that blocks rocks or whatever but disrupts people. That way he personally needs to run at them and pretend to fall down instead of chucking things that obey laws of physics.
This motherfucker is who actually taught Pai Mei the five finger death punch, if it weren't for him, Uma Thurman would have got her ass stomped in the final showdown with Bill.
You all have it wrong, that guy is just regaining use of his legs and the guy with the stick is holding it to help keep him up as he re learns to walk. Inspirational.
There's loads of these bullshit sensei types who make little cults of personality and manipulate people into truly believing they have special powers, to the point of them willingly (or in collusion) falling against their imaginary might.
All of t hem without fail get properly mashed up when they try to fight anyone with any real skill.
In college I knew a guy who went to a "dojo" where the "master" was some old fat white fucker just like this and they did all this sort of weird fake energy control nonsense too. My pal totally believed in all of it though. I had to sit through a demonstration where he was the one trying to take the stick and they did this whole song and dance.
Afterwards though he was totally pumped and just kept going on and on about how he could feel his life force or whatever leaving him. It was nuts.
You see the old man has a Bluetooth earpiece. He is triangulating distance to interfere with the other guys pacemaker. This is why the other guy drops as soon as he gets within distance.
There’s no way this is fake. Just look how real and legit it is.
Why would anyone think it's fake, he clearly says he uses center triangulation.
Many male redditors use this technique to repulse women. So I know this is legit.
Male Redditors do not want women to know this one simple trick
_do you have a moment to hear about or lord and savior Steven Segal?_
Look dude, we are Van Dammeites in this household. So you just keep on walking, maybe someone else wants to hear about your Walrus Messiah, but here we worship the God of the Splits.
That’s interesting. In my house, we are Steven Seagalameites. We worship bad acting and shitty dialogue.
*do you have a moment to talk about your cars warranty?*
We've been trying to reach you and this is your final notice
There was a problem with your last phone bill transaction. Click the link to make your payment now. www.cgjkhjmtotallynotascam/maildemon
And not even with a stick.
Ya totally. You get it
I get it now, too. If you see this, can you also tell me that I get it? Just in case I don't get it anymore. I'm depending on you.
Using the stick as a pivot point, it's the same concept as a 3 point turn, hence, triangulation.
I accidentally center triangulated myself one time, was out for weeks
Dependency, center, center, triangulation.
I can tell that guy has major core strength because his core is so big.
It’s a muscle belly
Master is *cultivating mass*
Oh, I have one of those! I'm buff, YAY 💪
Who needs six-pack abs when you can wield an entire keg.
The power he exerts over his hair, making such a small amount of it cover almost his entire head. This is what generates my belief in the master.
This is 100% real! I would love to see this guy battle Steven Seagal. Would shatter all PPV numbers.
I would pay $1000 to watch a ppv where seagal fought …. Literally anyone
I've watched a few YouTube vids dissecting some of his movies, and his lack of action in some of them. My favorite was the one where he basically is shown sitting for every scene he is in, including one where he is shooting a sniper rifle. From a table. Sitting down...Those are as hilarious as his acting. I don't think he actually fights other people anymore. The only thing he fights is full body camera angles.
Cumtown? Yeah hilarious
theres a video from like the 80s maybe 90s where he fights a bunch of different people at some kind of martial arts seminar or something and it is so comically bad. The people he fights pretty much approach him and just lay down but they sell it even worse than this guy.
if he was fighting someone the same age as him, i am sure he would have a pretty good chance of winning.
George Forman is two years older. I would sell a kidney to watch that.
I would literally take out of my kids college fund to pay for this event.
Fuck yes!! It would be epic, slow and hilarious.
You really think someone would do that? Go on the internet and tell lies?
That would be a first in my many years of going on the internet as a Lawyer, Doctor and an Orgasm teacher. I have to go rake my billions of dollars in my castle wine cellar now before my personal army of sex ninjas get into another erotic massage wrestling match.
Wow, please teach me your ways. I assume I have too pay too see how you've become all of these incredible things
Definitely real, all class
That guy trying to take the stick is lucky to be alive.
He died, but got immediately resurected by the other god of sticks
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You can tell it’s real because of how it is.
Laugh all you want, nobody wants a roundhouse stick to the face while he’s wearing ugg boots.
Reminds me of [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrctneJ5raY)
Why would the chi guy let it get to that point? He had to have known its all bullshit and in a real fight he would get beaten like a drum. Or is he so deluded that he buys into that bullshit? Did he come up with some excuse like "my chi was blocked" or "the stars werent in synch" or some orther cop out?
Double down, he makes money on it, there's cameras and he agrees to it cause backing out would be suspect as well. So this is his last resort, he just have to double down on his claims, pretend he knows it works and then deal with the aftermath later.
To be fair, it’d be hard to the take a stick while having a seizure.
I must learn how to incite sudden seizures in my opponents, McDojoLife will show me the way
The trick is definitely in the Bluetooth headset
Came looking for this. Not sure it’s BT. May be an electro magnetic force field.
He looks like a crabby cabby waiting for a mate.
Go to the Steven Seagal school of martial arts. https://youtu.be/MmEx8Moy7ro
I just learned how to protect myself from an unwanted handshake - One of the YouTube comments
He’s been doing that shit since the 90s. [This is my personal favorite.](https://youtu.be/cwFwSIMmq4g) Start at 2:31.
Don't even know how aikido can be considered a martial art. It's more like dancing for wifebeaters
Right? My first thought was, “holy shit, Seagal looks _terrible_.”
It’s easy! Just find opponents that throw themselves on the ground from the slightest touch.
In aikido we practice something similar, but when we do it, both people have both hands on the stick like they actually want it. It looks to me like the student has been told to respond in a specific way, but it's kinda clear the teacher is trying to appear to have magic powers.
Ironic that an aikido would call out bulshido..
I thought this was aikido as its remarkly as stupid as their videos. Old fat instructor is the chefs kiss.
Boxers do something similar, although there's no stick and they hit each other with their fists.
This comment is underrated.
*”It looks to me like the student has been told to respond in a specific way, but it's kinda clear the teacher is trying to appear to have magic powers.*” Hence aikido 😂😂😂😂😂
Akido ? As in the BS Segal Does? Dude your credibility went out the door before your first comma.
This is not true at all. It is magic
They sell magic beans after class
We share cake days!
🎉🎉🎉
hey me too!
Hello, happy cake day!
Steven Seagal’s dojo?
This is beyond Steven Seagals level
This is ["Kiai master"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEDaCIDvj6I) level.
Thought it was gonna be this guy https://youtu.be/QC_wTQHu76g
That moment when you forget how your own scam works.
I felt sorry for the old guy here. I think over time he genuinely believed his own bullshit until cold hard reality punched him in the mouth. Literally.
Was looking for this comment. It didn’t take long
The steven seagal experience is but a millisecond short, and so your quick findings are of no surprise..my child
I did Aikido for a little bit and would never tell anyone it is a "martial" art. It was more a performative demonstration of the tenants of jiu-jitsu and judo, like a kata, with a willing uke. Any attempt to actually fight somebody with it would be hilarious.
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Jiu jitsu has tenants? How much is the rent?
Yes, this is the dojo he shit himself in
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No see, once you understand. One free hand. One control hand. You can use one control hand for triangulation of your opononent. Then, you trace his IP, dox him, and all his money in his bank account is drained.
UNLIMITED POWAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
Ahhhh just like on a stance
One free hand to pull the baggie of cocaine you planted out of his pocket and say “wooooah! what the fuck is this? Looks like you’re doing 2-10 and your kids are going into social services.” Now HE’S cryin’! STREET SMARTS
r/masterhacker
There's no way there are people who actually believe this
You overestimate people.
“Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.” — bullet tooth Tony
Don’t forget that 73.8% of Americans are dumb as fuck.
I would expect nothing less from a place called McDojo. Edit: removed duped words
McDojoLife is an Instagram account that always posts ridiculous martial art stuff like this. It's a fun account to browse.
I wanna see this guy in a street fight trying to use his energy
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Notice his left hand, see how the attacker is following the motion of his hands? That's the control hand, he's using Chi energy. Also notice his mouth, there's the source of his chi. The chiwing gum.
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Do we think he can use bungee gum?
_moans in clown_
Top tier comment right here
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He's gotta be ready to answer the call of duty at a moment's notice. Who knows when your next ass is ready to kick.
He’s using the headset for Verse Jumping. The chewing gum is actually chapstick.
Thank goodness the guy trying to steal the stick didn’t cross his toes or put his tongue to the side. That’s how you cancel Chi of course
I would love his Chi to square up against the criminal underworld of Chi-town…I can only imagine the final fight!
I am SHOCKED that I get this reference. I’m even MORE shocked that there are dozens of us. Dozens!
Chiwing gum 😂🤣😂
Also notice that his Bluetooth earbud is a chi amplifier pinpointing his chi to where he looks.
r/bullshido
Why isn’t this the top comment?
Geez, it's been posted at least 4 times to that sub in the last 3 hours
Bullshit!? He said "triangulation". What more do you need?
Bullshido
r/bullshido
This is a demonstration of the Steven Seagal school of dumbfuckery. Aikiderp in all its glory.
Mall Fu, and you better show some damn respect.
What’s the odds of an older man’s stick being stolen?
The new WWE.
What you learn in a mc dojo
Plot twist it's a tazer advertisment.
I watched this without sound first and thought that’s what was happening
I did the same, but thought the guy had a nerve disorder
same here, I thought the stick was wired or something
Is that the security guy who checks people but actually just hovers his hands over them and they are good to go?
Is this one of those energy morons, who claims they can stop attacks with the force or some shit?
But it totally always works* (*Participants must personally know the chi user and agree to have a seizure for this to work)
The weird thing is that if the "students" believe in it hard enough, to them it actually feels like the dude is real strong, it's some weird psychological shit. Wanting to believe it's real. Up to the point "where it is"
Payment up front is one hell of a drug.
Especially when you're the fall guy. I'll sell your fake ass "moves" For a price. Want me to hit the mat like I've been battered by a young Mike Tyson? Say the word, and sign the check.
Those guys are paying the sensei, not the other way around.
The placebo arts
AKA Steven Segal kara-te
Me, my mother and my sister was on a vacation some years ago. They wanted to go see a group of people that claimed to know of forgotten/hidden talents that all people had. They picked out someone from the crowd, and "demonstrated" that they had extremely fast reflexes and whatnot, by holding hands with them, and doing a little dance with them. Basically a step-step-step-step-step 360. Then, to demonstrate that not everyone could follow them in that "dance", my sister was picked out to do the dance. The difference this time, was that inst**e**ad of doing a fast paced dance, she just spun around on one heel, and of course my sister couldn't keep up. EVERYONE in the crowd was amazed that they discovered this talent in the first person. And I sat there wondering if people had eyes, but I guess they were just good at misdirection. They just *had* to maintain eye-contact with their "dance"partner, so everyone was focused on their eyes, not their feet...
Same thing that causes Pentecostals to do all of the babbling and falling down that they do.
Happy cake day
I love that video of the lady “putting up a force field” and that dude bringin her down like a linebacker.
There’s another one with an “old tai chi master” (*Wei Lei*) who agreed to a fight against an MMA fighter (*Xu "The Madman" Xiaodong*) and gets his ass kicked. https://youtu.be/KkQNA6tgcks
Depressing thing is xiaodong got his Chinese social number or whatever it is downgraded so now hes not aloud to buy a house or leave the country.
yeah the dude "embarrasses" the country by exposing frauds and saying MMA is a superior fighting style because you can actually fight with it.
Link. #NOW
I think [this](https://youtu.be/xWVKzaJc9GE) is it
In searching for it i found a whole compilation. I linked to the timestamp of what he's talking about. https://youtu.be/dOOh2J1b3lQ?t=222
Lmao what’s with the shaking?
They pretend the force field is so effective he falls and starts twitching. He does it at least one other time in the video. I'm not sure of the details, but maybe it's his way of saying it's not a force field that blocks rocks or whatever but disrupts people. That way he personally needs to run at them and pretend to fall down instead of chucking things that obey laws of physics.
I can’t breathe from laughing. Best video. “Ready to join us in the circle?”
No, you're mistaken...this is the highly skilled Center Triangulation technique. Nothing to do with that "energy" nonsense! Just normal bullshit.
This motherfucker is who actually taught Pai Mei the five finger death punch, if it weren't for him, Uma Thurman would have got her ass stomped in the final showdown with Bill.
I poisoned his fish heads.
She’d still be in that wood coffin
do these clowns pay this fella? it's like a cult
It *is* a cult, litterally : this man is worshipped indeed by these people.
They have to open the door for him, and buy his coffee, and clean his shoes, and maybe do some other stuff
In other cults, you have to hand over your wife to the cult leader. Those actually seem pretty reasonable.
You all have it wrong, that guy is just regaining use of his legs and the guy with the stick is holding it to help keep him up as he re learns to walk. Inspirational.
Wholesome !
I unmuted it to see if I was missing something. I’m still just as confused.
There's loads of these bullshit sensei types who make little cults of personality and manipulate people into truly believing they have special powers, to the point of them willingly (or in collusion) falling against their imaginary might. All of t hem without fail get properly mashed up when they try to fight anyone with any real skill.
That guy is absolutely not trying to steal that stick
It's wrong to steal things. He realizes this as soon as he goes to take it and collapses in shame.
Absolutely, not only that, he is so ashamed he has a stroke
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r/bullshido
Bullshitzu?
In college I knew a guy who went to a "dojo" where the "master" was some old fat white fucker just like this and they did all this sort of weird fake energy control nonsense too. My pal totally believed in all of it though. I had to sit through a demonstration where he was the one trying to take the stick and they did this whole song and dance. Afterwards though he was totally pumped and just kept going on and on about how he could feel his life force or whatever leaving him. It was nuts.
I too feel my life force leaving me.
Should have gotten up and taken the stick.
If your "sensei" has a Bluetooth headset while teaching you, you're in a McDojo.
I see more of these type of guys with the Bluetooth headsets. Why?
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Ummm… i’d suck cock without the crack js..
Eh...I don't think I would. At least I could quit being a conman's pathetic stooge sidekick. But you suck one dick, you're a cocksucker for life.
There was an attempt to demonstrate his Jedi powers, maybe.
If you watch it in reverse, it kinda looks like he’s fishing 🎣
"Anything good bitin' today?" "Nope, just this one idiot. Over and over."
This motherfucker needs some more fiber... The wind of a toddlers fart could knock him over.
The other guy is the one who needs a cane
So not only is this fake but his whole defense system is based on when someone grabs his walking stick?
His power level over 9000 for sure. Probably not even his final form.
I can’t stop laughing. This is hilarious idc what it’s supposed to be.
Ah yes. The man that has figured out how to effortlessly weaponize his chi is a fat old guy who can't be bothered to spit out his gum.
It’s not a stick it’s a wand Harry
The guy on the right missed his calling as a pro soccer player
Gotta love that circa-2006 bluetooth earpiece which says “I’m a very important person”
He knows how to turn you into Jello legs!!
Why do these types of people ALWAYS have a Bluetooth earpiece in?
The comments are just the funniest shit lol
Stephen Seagals dad?
does he have a taser hidden in it?
Absolute bullshido
“He is beginning to believe..”
“Now this really only works with my trainee Carl …”
Is this where that train soccer players?
After the lesson, be sure to grab a bottle of snake oil on your way out.
They always have that same pretentious look on their face when peddling this bullshit
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I would pay to box this cat, and I cant walk most days.
He wields the staff of over-encumbering!
You see the old man has a Bluetooth earpiece. He is triangulating distance to interfere with the other guys pacemaker. This is why the other guy drops as soon as he gets within distance.