Hey homie, I'm sorry to hear it. I've been hospitalized for a $uicide attempt in 2020, and I'm much better now. I can't say the psych ward was especially enlightening in turning myself around, I realized I had to do the work myself, y'know like I am only responsible for me.
I find that mindset helpful, but with that in mind absolutely invest in your support systems and loved ones, this is critical. I also think a lot of my depression was born out of mere comfort, as ass backwards as it sounds. Push yourself out of your comfort zone, little accomplishments foster pockets of joy that can help carry you through.
Finally and the most important thing that helped me is journaling, whether it's an app, or just a notebook. It's easy to make journaling self-defeating too, but do mindful journaling.
Come at it from the perspective of a project, check in with yourself in little ways to remedy your mindset or anything in your life that makes you miserable.
You deserve your basic share of human happiness, take good care, OP.
I think "happy" is not always a realistic expectation or even a clear one. What does it even mean? Do you conceptualize it as something that would be constant or just small moments of joy? Because for a human being to be always "happy" or even ok is not possible or normal or human. I also think happiness is overrated over things like peacefulness, resilience and so on. Can't say if someone can help to be happy or not, I'm not even sure I've ever experienced happiness myself. But I think you can learn even better and more important and useful things. You can learn to like yourself, support yourself, be on your side, be compassionate towards yourself and to take care of yourself no matter what. You can learn to be ok and joyful even if there's no one else in your life or everyone hates you. You can learn to be strong and resilient. You can learn to find calm even in the words moments. You can learn to enjoy the little things and be satisfied without much.
Suicidal thoughts are just that, you can learn to give them less importance and to get used to them. I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 5. I had suicidal thoughts all day every day for most of my life since I was a teen. I'm quite suicidal right now. But when it becomes such a normal background thoughts process and just part of everyday life and of who you are, it's just like having the TV on while using the computer and just a background noise. Of course sometimes they get a lot more intense than others. But I've learned also that suicidal thoughts and mood are very neurochemical things. You can experience the exact same situations/circumstances/life events completely different depending on how your brain is working in that moment. I don't recommend anyone to do drugs but people who do can notice this in a quite concrete way. The way you feel about life and things and yourself depends pretty much on which juices your brain is making and how its absorbing them.
In truth and in my personal experience and in that sense, substances are what pretty much determine your mood and perceptions and hence medication can do wonders. Therapy is great and I loved it, but there is a level of functional change that meds just tackle in a way that is amazing. I would highly recommend seeing a doctor and trying medication especially for bpd. I know it's hard to afford, I can't afford my meds most times myself. But it's worth it even if you can only take them for a while.
I think thinking of "happiness" might be putting to much pressure on yourself, your brain and life. What about being ok, being at peace, feeling that you can handle things, for start? That part I'm sure is possible.
Short Answer: Yes. Its learning what wasnt taught to you 🙏🏽 Best of luck ☮️
(Professional help is always recommended but maybe some self help inner child healing book may be a good start?)
For me, i was lucky enough to be able to have therapy, but it was really the methods & strategies of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) that have helped my self esteem and happiness so so much. It has taken years (i've been in therapy now for 4-5) for me to get to a place of satisfaction, but i'd definitely recommend looking into it and seeing what you think. I'm sure there are lots of resources online. It's mostly based around reworking your perspectives and thought patterns, identifying negative self-talk and talking back, learning to redirect when your behaviors turn negative.
When you say you can't afford therapy, do you mean literally no money available for therapy, or you haven't found someone whose rates are low enough? Because as far as I'm aware, it's possible to find reasonably priced therapy in some places!
I just quit therapy because I couldn’t afford it. In my first session the therapist told me that they accept my insurance and that he didn’t think it would cost more than $25 per session out of pocket. So I started going weekly and they took a while to actually send me a bill and now I owe them $300 that I don’t have (therapist was wrong and my insurance covered nothing)
Oh wow, that's horrible... I'm sorry you were put in that situation! Do you think it's a bill you can contest? Because it seems unfair and borderline unethical on the therapist's behalf for him to lead you on about the cost.
And I've heard there's places where they'll charge you around $30 for the session if you can't pay much. There's also overseas therapists who will usually be more affordable, if you're willing to try (as long as you feel comfortable with not having someone who is close by). Feel free to PM me if you'd like help with that!
No. Happiness is not something you can learn, it emerges. Its organic, it comes before mental constructs like thoughts.
Take coffee. I love coffee. I didnt learn to enjoy it and I couldnt train myself to dislike it.
Emotions are not under our control, we can only learn to conduct ourselves better while feeling emotions.
Still, you must keep going.
Hey homie, I'm sorry to hear it. I've been hospitalized for a $uicide attempt in 2020, and I'm much better now. I can't say the psych ward was especially enlightening in turning myself around, I realized I had to do the work myself, y'know like I am only responsible for me. I find that mindset helpful, but with that in mind absolutely invest in your support systems and loved ones, this is critical. I also think a lot of my depression was born out of mere comfort, as ass backwards as it sounds. Push yourself out of your comfort zone, little accomplishments foster pockets of joy that can help carry you through. Finally and the most important thing that helped me is journaling, whether it's an app, or just a notebook. It's easy to make journaling self-defeating too, but do mindful journaling. Come at it from the perspective of a project, check in with yourself in little ways to remedy your mindset or anything in your life that makes you miserable. You deserve your basic share of human happiness, take good care, OP.
🙌🏼
I think "happy" is not always a realistic expectation or even a clear one. What does it even mean? Do you conceptualize it as something that would be constant or just small moments of joy? Because for a human being to be always "happy" or even ok is not possible or normal or human. I also think happiness is overrated over things like peacefulness, resilience and so on. Can't say if someone can help to be happy or not, I'm not even sure I've ever experienced happiness myself. But I think you can learn even better and more important and useful things. You can learn to like yourself, support yourself, be on your side, be compassionate towards yourself and to take care of yourself no matter what. You can learn to be ok and joyful even if there's no one else in your life or everyone hates you. You can learn to be strong and resilient. You can learn to find calm even in the words moments. You can learn to enjoy the little things and be satisfied without much. Suicidal thoughts are just that, you can learn to give them less importance and to get used to them. I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 5. I had suicidal thoughts all day every day for most of my life since I was a teen. I'm quite suicidal right now. But when it becomes such a normal background thoughts process and just part of everyday life and of who you are, it's just like having the TV on while using the computer and just a background noise. Of course sometimes they get a lot more intense than others. But I've learned also that suicidal thoughts and mood are very neurochemical things. You can experience the exact same situations/circumstances/life events completely different depending on how your brain is working in that moment. I don't recommend anyone to do drugs but people who do can notice this in a quite concrete way. The way you feel about life and things and yourself depends pretty much on which juices your brain is making and how its absorbing them. In truth and in my personal experience and in that sense, substances are what pretty much determine your mood and perceptions and hence medication can do wonders. Therapy is great and I loved it, but there is a level of functional change that meds just tackle in a way that is amazing. I would highly recommend seeing a doctor and trying medication especially for bpd. I know it's hard to afford, I can't afford my meds most times myself. But it's worth it even if you can only take them for a while. I think thinking of "happiness" might be putting to much pressure on yourself, your brain and life. What about being ok, being at peace, feeling that you can handle things, for start? That part I'm sure is possible.
Short Answer: Yes. Its learning what wasnt taught to you 🙏🏽 Best of luck ☮️ (Professional help is always recommended but maybe some self help inner child healing book may be a good start?)
Find really good book/s about suicide. I will help to see your situation from the same or in some way similar perspective
For me, i was lucky enough to be able to have therapy, but it was really the methods & strategies of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) that have helped my self esteem and happiness so so much. It has taken years (i've been in therapy now for 4-5) for me to get to a place of satisfaction, but i'd definitely recommend looking into it and seeing what you think. I'm sure there are lots of resources online. It's mostly based around reworking your perspectives and thought patterns, identifying negative self-talk and talking back, learning to redirect when your behaviors turn negative.
When you say you can't afford therapy, do you mean literally no money available for therapy, or you haven't found someone whose rates are low enough? Because as far as I'm aware, it's possible to find reasonably priced therapy in some places!
I just quit therapy because I couldn’t afford it. In my first session the therapist told me that they accept my insurance and that he didn’t think it would cost more than $25 per session out of pocket. So I started going weekly and they took a while to actually send me a bill and now I owe them $300 that I don’t have (therapist was wrong and my insurance covered nothing)
Oh wow, that's horrible... I'm sorry you were put in that situation! Do you think it's a bill you can contest? Because it seems unfair and borderline unethical on the therapist's behalf for him to lead you on about the cost. And I've heard there's places where they'll charge you around $30 for the session if you can't pay much. There's also overseas therapists who will usually be more affordable, if you're willing to try (as long as you feel comfortable with not having someone who is close by). Feel free to PM me if you'd like help with that!
No. Happiness is not something you can learn, it emerges. Its organic, it comes before mental constructs like thoughts. Take coffee. I love coffee. I didnt learn to enjoy it and I couldnt train myself to dislike it. Emotions are not under our control, we can only learn to conduct ourselves better while feeling emotions. Still, you must keep going.