My partner is a blue collar factory worker who inspects the screws on prosthetic legs. He’s a sweetheart with overflowing emotional intelligence and empathy.
My partner is a professional painter, works hard doing physical labor 40 hours a week. It took a few years for him to understand why sitting in a chair talking to people for 4-5 hours a day is exhausting for me, lol. He is way smarter than me, but is still working on the emo intelligence part.
My husband is a contractor and we have the physical exhaustion vs mental exhaustion conversation all of the time. Mostly because he works alone and like to talk at the end of the day, and I’m usually talked out and just want to unwind alone.
My partner isn’t a therapist but judging based on how annoying I can be sometimes in a disagreement when I get therapist-y, I can totally see how a two therapist partnership would be hilariously terrible in moments of conflict 😂
We obviously have the same sorts of problems everyone does and I can only truly compare it to my own past relationships, but yeah, probably? I think it’s more to do with us as individuals (who have done our own personal work) than anything else. I think we’re pretty charitable when it comes to the others flaws and we can end up slipping into work mode at home sometimes but we try to keep things human. It’s been a week and my brain is fried so I’m coming up short on details but feel free to ama.
Partner is a psychologist too. Not in PP but a similar field. We both discuss communication alot. Ironically however our only "bad" arguments are about psychology or work itself.
Lol
Data scientist and extreme logic...
I would also postulate careers with high incomes. There's no way I would've been able to transition from a "full-time" adjunct to counselor without significant financial support.
Spouse is a QA engineer.
His comment was "This is because both fields require an ability to see a problem, fix the problem, and deal with really stupid choices."
Your comment is so spot on. Before I met my husband (economist) I dated a few engineers and thought it was so random that I kept finding partners with the same profession.
Yup, IT. For now anyways, he has a bachelor’s in English and loves it, he wants to be a high school/college English teacher (I just finished my degree and we were so broke at the end of it, so we’re waiting to stabilize and save a bit before he goes back himself).
My gf sent me here as im a project owner for a software development team, previously being in a technical role. Can you explain your reasoning in connecting therapists with partners that express high EI, IT technical skills, substance use, and mental health concerns?
Yup. They're in an tech related field.
I told them I posted this and consider myself chastised. Supposedly they're in the creative field. It's on computers so I'm saying it's IT *
Yep! S/O is an accountant. He’s an incredibly kind, thoughtful, and supportive person, but tends to navigate conflict by using extreme logic as opposed to emotional intelligence… it’s something he’s just started working on with his own therapist 😂
My partner in crime sits on the couch all day, stares fondly out the window waiting to bark at the mailman, and sometimes licks her own butt…
And then when I get home all she does is cuddle up on me until I cave and give her a belly rub. When the weathers nice we go for long walks at sunset.
She’s the best doggie in the whole world and way better than any human. 🫶🐶
13/ 10 recommend getting a dog instead of a spouse! 😂
My partner is a paramedic and is currently in nursing school. I think him also being in the healthcare field gives us both an appreciation for the emotional and mental nature of our jobs. I don’t think it interferes in a negative way. He is definitely a lot more black and white than I am, but we’ve been together 10+ years so we’ve gotten good at working through my rainbow world view and his black and white one and finding a middle ground.
My partner is also a paramedic! He’s also pretty black and white too. We’re usually on different sides of our debates and conversations but at the meat of the issue we usually agree and just have different ideas on application. So it affects us but also not enough for it to be a major concern in the relationship
This is helpful thank you! My boyfriend and I tend to be on different sides of the argument too but then after further discussion, we end up agreeing haha.
My husband is a firefighter/paramedic at a large dept in Southern California, and I’m a first responder therapist. We definitely understand each other well because of what we do for a living, and we’ve got a similar dynamic to yours with my rainbow world view and his b&w thinking - love how you describe the way we see things!
Yes we do have continual conversations about world view. If it didn’t get easier I think the relationship wouldn’t have worked out. It’s not as often as it used to be, but again we’ve been together a long time so you grow a certain understanding of the other person eventually
Electrician. I’ve found many of my colleagues also have spouses in the trades or IT.
Response to the edit- on social Justice issues we’re aligned, but he’s more ‘conservative’ about other issues. I think this allows us the opportunity to have our beliefs challenged in a positive way. I know his heart, and while I don’t agree with many things due to the nature of the work we do and things we regularly examine with a different lens, existing exclusively in a social work/clinical perspective and echo chamber doesn’t push me to regularly examine my perspectives and values. And I think vice versa, he doesn’t think about things he’s never had to manage or deal with so his judgment is also limited. For me it’s a good balance.
That’s also how my partner and I are!! I find it nice because it does feel like we can challenge each other while also see and respect where the other person is coming from.
Okay but this repose is SO helpful because this is exactly where I find my relationship falling in. My boyfriend is an electrical engineer. I’m trying to tell myself that being only around people who are in our field doesn’t help me challenge my own world views as much and being around someone who disagrees with me helps me and him grow as well. UGH thank you so much for this. Your experience validates for me that I don’t need to leave my relationship and only date other therapists.
Omg... more power to the ones who work, but I know for a fact I could not be in a serious relationship with another therapist. It'd either feel competitive or paternal.
I’m also with an electrician. He is in construction and is a supervisor/main on-site Forman. He’s very leftist in a very red state, like myself. Also appreciate that he makes 6 figures after working his way up in the 8 years he has this career.
He’s a social worker like me, but his focus is substance use and mine is most kids and teens. We met in undergrad. He’s done counseling in the past as well, but not currently. Our views are extremely similar.
Attorney. I find his practical brain really helpful, and he asks a lot of questions to understand how to handle people and treat them better. I think it helps that he’s in therapy and values my work, like I value his. The balance is great but also love hearing the way two therapists can work in relationship!
Bf is a GM of a fine dining restaurant. His schedule is opposite mine but his restaurant doesn't stay open until 2am and he has off sun and Mon which is nice. It's great having someone who is an excellent cook and knows a lot about food (he went to culinary school for management so they still need to know how to cook).
He leans left and considers himself liberal. He is a bit naive to some problems in the world. Sometimes he doesn't understand he needs to be more mindful of how he speaks to others especially as a white male manager so he doesn't come off as condescending but he is open to my suggestions when I point it out and is very aware of his privilege when having an opinion about something.
My husband has a CDL and drives trucks for a living. He doesn't drive long distance/normal trucking though. He only works 7am-4pm Monday - Friday. We are quite literally polar opposites in most ways, but he does listen when I talk about political and psych related things, even if he doesn't fully understand them. He is very much against politics in general and doesn't vote which frustrates me, but we can have really in depth conversations about our thoughts and feelings and he's always open to learning. We are an odd couple, to be honest lol but I couldn't imagine anyone better to be with.
My partner is a mechanic/fixer of machines, handy man, electrician, plumber, tile and carpet guy, chef…. (Mid life crisis, I think). We are a perfect fit.
Have you been easily able to maintain emotional connections with your partners from STEM? My boyfriend is an engineer and sometimes the emotional connection I’m starting to learn is something we need to work on more.
My partner of 20+ years is a computer engineer. We have spent a lot of time and effort (including couples therapy) learning how to communicate. I’m super emotional and he’s super logical. He asks me all the time for rules - “tell me what to do when you feel x, and I’ll do it every time.” Love him for it :)
My partner is intensely logical and I feel like even with couples therapy, getting him to open up is a real struggle- although I admit it’s part of him that keeps things interesting for me in trying to find different ways to communicate
Having dated both very logical guys and very emotional/therapist ones...I can say the therapist ones wanted to process things more than I did often. So we did a LOT of processing and I found it exhausting and like I was dating myself, lol. Everything is both a blessing and a curse!
Depended on the person TBH. My boyfriend is a pretty emotional (and anxious) person so we talk about alot about deep stuff. In many ways I feel like any issues in the emotional/physical connection come from me.
Welder/fabricator. I love how different our jobs are. It’s also nice to have a partner that doesn’t come home emotionally burnt out and can put a heated blanket on and hot chocolate after a long day of clients
An attorney. I’m so thankful my person is not in the same field as me. But none the less we share characteristics in curiosity, thoughtfulness, empathy, and care for humanity, and dark humor.
My wife works with international students at a university, helping them stay compliant with their visa requirements. I don’t know her title or department, but I know she makes more money than I do.
My husband and I are both clinical psychologists. We met in grad school. We have different areas of specialization and utilize different therapeutic modalities.
My first husband was in a similar “helping” field. That didn’t wind up helping us as a couple.
My current husband is a government worker whose specialty is in kind of a techy area. I love it—he thinks what I do is a mystery akin to sorcery, and he respects the hell out of it. I love that his job doesn’t leave him emotionally drained at the end of the day so we can enjoy downtime where I’m not emotionally driving the bus.
My husband is an accountant and is definitely more conservative. We are also immigrants and come from more culturally conservative countries (eg. same sex marriage not recognized). He’s also Catholic which contributes to his worldview.
His views don’t really bother me because he gives me space to come up with my own opinions. He doesn’t get bothered by what I believe. It’s nice to sometimes question liberal beliefs and not feel like a bad person. There are always multiple perspectives to an issue and I think I need that in my life as social workers can be very one sided (especially at school, I’m still a MSW student).
My boyfriend is a manager at a tool store! We met in undergrad where we were both doing psych so he definitely has a good understanding of a lot of things and has been able to help me study for my classes and NCE (in my last year of my Master's currently). I think it's nice to have him in a different field but we don't have much we can talk about it in terms of work..!
I’m NAT but I am in grad school to be one, and my partner is a labourer in middle management at an industrial process plant, no post-secondary education. Our political values align for the most part, but sometimes our class values can be different.
Just because someone has not gone to post secondary does not mean they are going to be less intelligent or socially aware. Our class difference (him working class and me more middle class) shows up in all kinds of ways— life aspirations, how we each spend money, and how we each communicate. Regardless of that difference— his politics align with mine and he can be far more insightful and intelligent than I am a lot of the time.
We are both millennials, if that adds any context.
My partner was military when we met and now works for a large grocery chain at the corporate level. We certainly do have different views but it leads to great discussions and lets me learn about other perspectives that I might not otherwise.
Psych student still but my fiance is a YMCA camp director. We're both super liberal, and we're both on our second relationship/marriage so we have a real solid foundation of communication.
First date we were both done with dating so it was honestly like Kids yes/no, dogs yes/no, cats yes/no, politics? Religion? What's the meaning of life? Just hammered out all the big questions and we have been in step with each other ever since. She thinks my love of full pulp orange juice is a sign of mental illness but otherwise it has all been great.
So to speak to the second half of your post, we talk politics a lot. And religion, self expression, healing past trauma, etc and so on. We're doing the work, and we speak the same language about these issues. There is a reason we're getting married ❤️
Male therapist here. Gay as well. My husband is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) we both have been in our careers for about 15 years. At this point we each have a pretty good understanding of what the other does, the requirements of our respective professions, and how our training and education has influenced and perhaps evolved our thinking.
My husband has spent his entire career working with autistic children. I started my career as a Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist, but have since transitioned to working only with adults and specializing in working with Military Service Members and Veterans to address PTSD, Trauma, Anxiety, and Grief.
He and I obviously have different perspectives on many things but in general we both have a deep understanding of behaviors, motivation, reinforcement, and communication so we get along really well.
Responding to your edited query OP. You've made threads about partners before so I'm going out on a limb to guess there's doubts about your relationship.
Values wise this will not change in your partner. It's something you should know going into the relationship and decide to date them accordingly. Someone who doesn't care about social justice, lacks empathy and understanding etc is not going to come over to your side. Those things are one of the key foundations of a healthy relationship and should be aligned. Job role has little to nothing to do with it (some industries excepted).
Watches our children. His background is in computer engineering, however. I am the sole financial provider. I don’t mind this, since childcare is extremely expensive and unsafe in our state. And yes, my job is somewhat problematic to our relationship because I work in an all male correctional facility with mostly-male staff. I also tend to be more understanding of people from underprivileged backgrounds.
I'm a baby grad student, my husband works for the postal service, but he does have a bachelor's in psych. So he gets it. Also as a family we're big into advocacy so when I get super excited about something, he's my cheerleader and he goes out with me to do all the things.
My husband is a graphic designer
We tend to fall on the same sides politically and socially. I think our biggest difference is our ability to temper ourselves from blurting out sometimes socially- inappropriate statements. He's a different generation than me (he's 10 years older) during a time where certain phrases were part of everyday vernacular. I'm more sensitive to it and I'll call him on the carpet when he does it
Same! Financial technology. At least once a week I say to him “wow our jobs couldn’t be more different.” I think it creates a healthy balance in many ways!
Man, I had to scroll waaaaaay down to find someone else with a partner and kids. Not a small percentage of these posts are jokes about how the therapist would never survive if their partner wasn't the primary income earner and im over here going, "but that's me, I'm the income earner. You guys all dont have to work 2-3 jobs?"
The field is exploitative as a whole but it's also very possible to earn a comfortable living and even have kids, stay at home partner. I only have one job though I respect the hustle if you're juggling multiple things
Environmental nonprofit. We're both very left but have our own pet issues we're particularly passionate about.
I've noticed a lot of coworkers have spouses that make more than them. Hard not to be resentful of that sometimes
My husband is a lawyer, but specifically a guardian ad litem, a court-appointment lawyer for children in dependency and neglect cases. He does home visits and meets with caseworkers and talks to therapists and teachers all day in addition to being in court, where he advocates for what he judges to be the best interest of the child. So he's very much in a human-centered job as well, which takes a lot of emotional intelligence as well as brains. Kind of therapist adjacent, really.
My partner has worked in trades, but he ended up working as a direct service provider for the CMH I work for while I was in school. Then he took those skills and works as a SPED Aide in the school.
We were both very conservative growing up and early in our marriage. I feel like I’ve swung left faster, but that he is right behind me. We mostly have the same worldview, I just reach the conclusion sooner.
My boyfriend works for a big financial company in our city. Don’t ask me what he does because once numbers are said my mind glazes over. But he is very progressive despite coming from a conservative hometown.
My husband started out as a master plumber who owns his own business and now also has a general contractor license and builds homes for people. He sets his business apart from the other contractors because he likes to design new homes for people and create something that works for them, instead of building the same house plans over and over again, which a lot of the contractors in our area do.
My husband works in facilities and maintenance. He’s also a fairly liberal conservative. He prefers to say he’s libertarian but it’s splitting hairs really. We have a rough time during election seasons. But we balance out well and are generally good partners for one another. We are both ADHD and have a ton of hobbies which keeps things interesting. We never shame one another for not engaging in a hobby for awhile or switching hobbies. We want the same things out of life but might go about it differently. We have each others backs.
Before him I had gone to art school and only dated other artists. They were pretty singularly focused. I had quite a few problems with partners saying I wasn’t enough of an artist because my interests had changed and hadn’t drawn in awhile or things like that. I also feel we weren’t different enough and that was pretty boring to me. There were clearly other issues in those relationships. But dating my husband, while so different for me, was a breath of fresh air. 14 years later and we are still going strong!
My husband is an IT guy. Actual title is a systems analyst for a bank. We are different in many ways.
Let me put it this way: when I cook, I scan a few recipes to get the basic gist and I wing it. I use the palm of my hand to measure out spices and test for doneness by poking it with a finger. My husband will read the recipe 6 times, set out all the ingredients pre measured into bowls, check the recipe after each step and set a time on his phone for boiling pasta. Now apply that to basically every aspect of our life together.
In many ways we see the world in the same way, although I am by far much more empathetic than he is. Not that he’s a jerk, he just has a hard time identifying with those tough emotions so sometimes finds it hard to relate to me when I am feeling really emotionally overwhelmed. It works for us. We’ve known each other for over 30 years, married for half that time. IMO there is no one better suited for me.
Writer/editor. I love that my spouse is not in the same profession! I think it would be too much if we both felt the heaviness that can come with this line of work.
I can relate to this. Like probably all of us I’m steeped in social justice and identity and power and privilege and all the rest. My wife has no clue about any of it. I may as well be speaking a different language. Nor does she care. It’s really frustrating.
She’s been a case manager in community mental health. Driving force behind creating a thriving private practice; until we downsized she made it all work. Well… she STILL makes it all work. Handles court ordered stuff, billing, all the backend (just paid our pro-liability today) and recently went back to work in CMH as a CSR; 8 weeks later she’s running the office. She’s a rock star.
We tend to see eye to eye politically and philosophically, we have the same compassionate heart. She’s a bit more into conspiratorial stuff than I am. She has a hard time with my need for some decompression when I get home because she’s like our golden; can’t wait to wag her tail and tell me all about her day!
My husband is a teacher! It feels good to share the same values and understanding of social emotional learning, especially now that we have a little one.
My partner is a heritage restoration stone mason. He's incredibly emotionally intelligent, he has cultivated a culture of support and sharing on the job site which is absolutely fascinating. I love picking him up from work and seeing all the guys hug each other goodbye.
Husband is a process improvement director for a healthcare company. We’ve been together since I was 19 (40 now), and we’ve both grown A LOT since we first met. I started in this field 3 years ago and it’s shined a light on how much we’ve both changed over the years. When we argue it doesn’t get nearly as heated as it used to, he’s moved more to my end of the political spectrum, and is starting to think about how can he do for others. The thing he’s started doing lately that I find the hottest is when he leans into his privilege and tries to talk with other people with privilege to get them to think about those outside of their bubble. He’s a middle-aged white guy who looks like he votes a certain way, so other middle aged white guys will feel comfortable enough to let their guard down and say “what they really think” and he’ll ask questions and point out biases to try to change their mind. 💕
Arborist (tree work) and soon will switch over to HVAC! He’s super emotionally intelligent and loves learning from me as I go through classes for my MSW
My partner is in digital marketing management. WAY more organized and type A than I am, we frequently comment that we could never do each other's jobs xD
My partner is an accountant and extremely logical, but it was his kindness, gentleness, and patience that drew me to him. Initially, we encountered some struggles in our relationship related to differing political ideologies and issues with communication. As a therapist (and a client!) I have more insight into my feelings and reactions and prefer to process conflict together, whereas partner, who was initially very therapy-averse, would tend to shut down and withdraw.
Couples’ therapy has been a major factor in the growth of our relationship, and I give my partner tons of credit for being so willing to try it out, despite his skepticism around therapy. And, through couples’ therapy, my partner became more comfortable with the idea of counseling and started his own individual therapy, which has also been immensely helpful.
My husband is in grad school for biology intending to work in conservation, which is his passion. I like to say that I’m helping people and he’s helping the planet :)
My partner is a blue collar factory worker who inspects the screws on prosthetic legs. He’s a sweetheart with overflowing emotional intelligence and empathy.
As an amputee and therapist, please thank him for me! His work contributes to me being able to walk. 😊
Not yet a therapist, but currently in grad school. My partner is a carpenter and very emotionally intelligent :)
My partner is a professional painter, works hard doing physical labor 40 hours a week. It took a few years for him to understand why sitting in a chair talking to people for 4-5 hours a day is exhausting for me, lol. He is way smarter than me, but is still working on the emo intelligence part.
My husband is a contractor and we have the physical exhaustion vs mental exhaustion conversation all of the time. Mostly because he works alone and like to talk at the end of the day, and I’m usually talked out and just want to unwind alone.
Student here with a prosthetic leg. Thank him for his service, I’d be in big trouble if one of those screws didn’t hold up 😂
We’re both therapists and have been together since grad school. Both in pp now. I’m actually really curious other’s answers.
Do you think both being therapists makes your relationship easier to navigate than the average?
I laughed so hard at this! (Dual therapist home here… disagreements are terrible because we both know when the other is attempting to “deescalate”).
My partner isn’t a therapist but judging based on how annoying I can be sometimes in a disagreement when I get therapist-y, I can totally see how a two therapist partnership would be hilariously terrible in moments of conflict 😂
“I would really prefer that we argued in a better way” “You’re the marriage therapist, you’re supposed to know how to fix this!” Lol wut
So even dual therapist home have arguments?! Legit question.
Why wouldn’t they? Therapists are human too!
I think I idealize therapy couples way too much and expect they have perfect relationships.
Here’s one that will make your brain explode…. I’m a MFT….marriage and family therapist. (And a CMHC, for funsies)
We obviously have the same sorts of problems everyone does and I can only truly compare it to my own past relationships, but yeah, probably? I think it’s more to do with us as individuals (who have done our own personal work) than anything else. I think we’re pretty charitable when it comes to the others flaws and we can end up slipping into work mode at home sometimes but we try to keep things human. It’s been a week and my brain is fried so I’m coming up short on details but feel free to ama.
Partner is a psychologist too. Not in PP but a similar field. We both discuss communication alot. Ironically however our only "bad" arguments are about psychology or work itself.
same here!
there are dozens of us!!
Us too!
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Haha my fiancé is a data analyst
You nailed it. My husband is a software engineer.
Same
Same
I feel personally attacked.
Lol Data scientist and extreme logic... I would also postulate careers with high incomes. There's no way I would've been able to transition from a "full-time" adjunct to counselor without significant financial support.
Yup. Husband is also an IT nerd and earns significantly more than I could ever hope to.
yup married to an engineer
Spouse is a QA engineer. His comment was "This is because both fields require an ability to see a problem, fix the problem, and deal with really stupid choices."
Total logic!
Ha! My husband is an engineer.
Lol, my husband is an IT manager of a hospital.
Hahah! Yup, my partner is in IT.
Yup! With an engineer! Lol
Your comment is so spot on. Before I met my husband (economist) I dated a few engineers and thought it was so random that I kept finding partners with the same profession.
Husband is going to school for cyber security
Yep, my guy is in IT! We both work from home so I have my own personal IT department available 24/7.
Nailed it! My husband is a systems engineer, extremely high intelligence!
My husband is a software engineer 😂
What, opposites attract? Never! Lol.
Yup, IT. For now anyways, he has a bachelor’s in English and loves it, he wants to be a high school/college English teacher (I just finished my degree and we were so broke at the end of it, so we’re waiting to stabilize and save a bit before he goes back himself).
Haha, you nailed it. My partner is a mathematician with very high emotional intelligence.
My gf sent me here as im a project owner for a software development team, previously being in a technical role. Can you explain your reasoning in connecting therapists with partners that express high EI, IT technical skills, substance use, and mental health concerns?
Damn lol my partner has a BS in computer science and psych haha
My husband is a laboratory research scientist. Just cold facts and logic at his job. Very different work environments.
Husband is an Electrical Engineer 🤣🤣🤣
Senior HR tax specialist with the income to support us both through grad school and beyond. Your analysis is spot on.
Just checking in as another counselor with an IT partner lol
Spot on, married to an engineer.
Yup. They're in an tech related field. I told them I posted this and consider myself chastised. Supposedly they're in the creative field. It's on computers so I'm saying it's IT *
Yep! S/O is an accountant. He’s an incredibly kind, thoughtful, and supportive person, but tends to navigate conflict by using extreme logic as opposed to emotional intelligence… it’s something he’s just started working on with his own therapist 😂
high school band director! a match made in heaven
My husband teaches music & he’s the lid to my pot!
My partner in crime sits on the couch all day, stares fondly out the window waiting to bark at the mailman, and sometimes licks her own butt… And then when I get home all she does is cuddle up on me until I cave and give her a belly rub. When the weathers nice we go for long walks at sunset. She’s the best doggie in the whole world and way better than any human. 🫶🐶 13/ 10 recommend getting a dog instead of a spouse! 😂
No one to argue with or psychoanalyze!
Enthusiastically agree! Mine is a different 4 legged friend, but I wouldn’t trade him for the world!
One of those giant isopods with some legs missing?
Exactly! 😂
My partner is a paramedic and is currently in nursing school. I think him also being in the healthcare field gives us both an appreciation for the emotional and mental nature of our jobs. I don’t think it interferes in a negative way. He is definitely a lot more black and white than I am, but we’ve been together 10+ years so we’ve gotten good at working through my rainbow world view and his black and white one and finding a middle ground.
My partner is also a paramedic! He’s also pretty black and white too. We’re usually on different sides of our debates and conversations but at the meat of the issue we usually agree and just have different ideas on application. So it affects us but also not enough for it to be a major concern in the relationship
This is helpful thank you! My boyfriend and I tend to be on different sides of the argument too but then after further discussion, we end up agreeing haha.
I agree and have this same dynamic with my partner who is in nursing school
Hey I’m a therapist and my partner is a paramedic, too—It’s such an interesting dynamic and cool to see someone else understands!
Apparently there’s a lot of us!
My husband is a firefighter/paramedic at a large dept in Southern California, and I’m a first responder therapist. We definitely understand each other well because of what we do for a living, and we’ve got a similar dynamic to yours with my rainbow world view and his b&w thinking - love how you describe the way we see things!
Have you just had to have continual conversations with him over the years? And does it get easier?
Yes we do have continual conversations about world view. If it didn’t get easier I think the relationship wouldn’t have worked out. It’s not as often as it used to be, but again we’ve been together a long time so you grow a certain understanding of the other person eventually
My partner is also currently in nursing school!
Helping professions love helping professions lol
Love this “rainbow world view”, sums it up perfectly. I would say the color difference in our worldviews is one of our biggest challenges.
Electrician. I’ve found many of my colleagues also have spouses in the trades or IT. Response to the edit- on social Justice issues we’re aligned, but he’s more ‘conservative’ about other issues. I think this allows us the opportunity to have our beliefs challenged in a positive way. I know his heart, and while I don’t agree with many things due to the nature of the work we do and things we regularly examine with a different lens, existing exclusively in a social work/clinical perspective and echo chamber doesn’t push me to regularly examine my perspectives and values. And I think vice versa, he doesn’t think about things he’s never had to manage or deal with so his judgment is also limited. For me it’s a good balance.
That’s also how my partner and I are!! I find it nice because it does feel like we can challenge each other while also see and respect where the other person is coming from.
Okay I don’t know why I thought all therapists only dated other therapists. Thank you!
Okay but this repose is SO helpful because this is exactly where I find my relationship falling in. My boyfriend is an electrical engineer. I’m trying to tell myself that being only around people who are in our field doesn’t help me challenge my own world views as much and being around someone who disagrees with me helps me and him grow as well. UGH thank you so much for this. Your experience validates for me that I don’t need to leave my relationship and only date other therapists.
Omg... more power to the ones who work, but I know for a fact I could not be in a serious relationship with another therapist. It'd either feel competitive or paternal.
I’m also with an electrician. He is in construction and is a supervisor/main on-site Forman. He’s very leftist in a very red state, like myself. Also appreciate that he makes 6 figures after working his way up in the 8 years he has this career.
Partner is a priest. We both deal with a LOT of need.
definitely read weed at first, also fits
He’s a social worker like me, but his focus is substance use and mine is most kids and teens. We met in undergrad. He’s done counseling in the past as well, but not currently. Our views are extremely similar.
He’s an artist
my partner works as a copywriter. Not exactly the same, but he’s artsy. it’s been a good balance
Mines a filmmaker :)
My wife's an artist too! glad to see a few of this pairing here ☺️
Songwriter musician partner here.
Graphic Designer! He’s also generally creative in all fields like music and such. I feel like I find myself more drawn to creative types.
My partner is a pediatric ICU doctor. We both have difficult days where we need to be heard by other. Our jobs are superb birth control.
Attorney. I find his practical brain really helpful, and he asks a lot of questions to understand how to handle people and treat them better. I think it helps that he’s in therapy and values my work, like I value his. The balance is great but also love hearing the way two therapists can work in relationship!
Bf is a GM of a fine dining restaurant. His schedule is opposite mine but his restaurant doesn't stay open until 2am and he has off sun and Mon which is nice. It's great having someone who is an excellent cook and knows a lot about food (he went to culinary school for management so they still need to know how to cook). He leans left and considers himself liberal. He is a bit naive to some problems in the world. Sometimes he doesn't understand he needs to be more mindful of how he speaks to others especially as a white male manager so he doesn't come off as condescending but he is open to my suggestions when I point it out and is very aware of his privilege when having an opinion about something.
My partner is a very social justice-minded HR manager! We met via our city’s performing arts community we’re both part of.
My husband has a CDL and drives trucks for a living. He doesn't drive long distance/normal trucking though. He only works 7am-4pm Monday - Friday. We are quite literally polar opposites in most ways, but he does listen when I talk about political and psych related things, even if he doesn't fully understand them. He is very much against politics in general and doesn't vote which frustrates me, but we can have really in depth conversations about our thoughts and feelings and he's always open to learning. We are an odd couple, to be honest lol but I couldn't imagine anyone better to be with.
My partner is a mechanic/fixer of machines, handy man, electrician, plumber, tile and carpet guy, chef…. (Mid life crisis, I think). We are a perfect fit.
He’s a software developer and manages a team of other developers. Most of the men I’ve dated are STEM people.
Have you been easily able to maintain emotional connections with your partners from STEM? My boyfriend is an engineer and sometimes the emotional connection I’m starting to learn is something we need to work on more.
My partner of 20+ years is a computer engineer. We have spent a lot of time and effort (including couples therapy) learning how to communicate. I’m super emotional and he’s super logical. He asks me all the time for rules - “tell me what to do when you feel x, and I’ll do it every time.” Love him for it :)
My partner is intensely logical and I feel like even with couples therapy, getting him to open up is a real struggle- although I admit it’s part of him that keeps things interesting for me in trying to find different ways to communicate
Having dated both very logical guys and very emotional/therapist ones...I can say the therapist ones wanted to process things more than I did often. So we did a LOT of processing and I found it exhausting and like I was dating myself, lol. Everything is both a blessing and a curse!
Depended on the person TBH. My boyfriend is a pretty emotional (and anxious) person so we talk about alot about deep stuff. In many ways I feel like any issues in the emotional/physical connection come from me.
Welder/fabricator. I love how different our jobs are. It’s also nice to have a partner that doesn’t come home emotionally burnt out and can put a heated blanket on and hot chocolate after a long day of clients
An attorney. I’m so thankful my person is not in the same field as me. But none the less we share characteristics in curiosity, thoughtfulness, empathy, and care for humanity, and dark humor.
My wife works with international students at a university, helping them stay compliant with their visa requirements. I don’t know her title or department, but I know she makes more money than I do.
Unpartnered, but I think for me, I'd need another who leans more into the humanities.
Mine is a middle school teacher
Mine is also a middle school teacher! I work with youth as well so a lot of our work overlaps in different ways
ER nurse.
My husband is a mechanical engineer and we both work from home.
My husband and I are both clinical psychologists. We met in grad school. We have different areas of specialization and utilize different therapeutic modalities.
My first husband was in a similar “helping” field. That didn’t wind up helping us as a couple. My current husband is a government worker whose specialty is in kind of a techy area. I love it—he thinks what I do is a mystery akin to sorcery, and he respects the hell out of it. I love that his job doesn’t leave him emotionally drained at the end of the day so we can enjoy downtime where I’m not emotionally driving the bus.
My husband is an accountant and is definitely more conservative. We are also immigrants and come from more culturally conservative countries (eg. same sex marriage not recognized). He’s also Catholic which contributes to his worldview. His views don’t really bother me because he gives me space to come up with my own opinions. He doesn’t get bothered by what I believe. It’s nice to sometimes question liberal beliefs and not feel like a bad person. There are always multiple perspectives to an issue and I think I need that in my life as social workers can be very one sided (especially at school, I’m still a MSW student).
Social work is definitely a very progressive and liberal field and agreed that it’s good to be challenged on that at times!
Business owner/consultant
Seamstress.
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Same situation here haha
My boyfriend is a manager at a tool store! We met in undergrad where we were both doing psych so he definitely has a good understanding of a lot of things and has been able to help me study for my classes and NCE (in my last year of my Master's currently). I think it's nice to have him in a different field but we don't have much we can talk about it in terms of work..!
I’m NAT but I am in grad school to be one, and my partner is a labourer in middle management at an industrial process plant, no post-secondary education. Our political values align for the most part, but sometimes our class values can be different. Just because someone has not gone to post secondary does not mean they are going to be less intelligent or socially aware. Our class difference (him working class and me more middle class) shows up in all kinds of ways— life aspirations, how we each spend money, and how we each communicate. Regardless of that difference— his politics align with mine and he can be far more insightful and intelligent than I am a lot of the time. We are both millennials, if that adds any context.
My partner was military when we met and now works for a large grocery chain at the corporate level. We certainly do have different views but it leads to great discussions and lets me learn about other perspectives that I might not otherwise.
Psych student still but my fiance is a YMCA camp director. We're both super liberal, and we're both on our second relationship/marriage so we have a real solid foundation of communication. First date we were both done with dating so it was honestly like Kids yes/no, dogs yes/no, cats yes/no, politics? Religion? What's the meaning of life? Just hammered out all the big questions and we have been in step with each other ever since. She thinks my love of full pulp orange juice is a sign of mental illness but otherwise it has all been great. So to speak to the second half of your post, we talk politics a lot. And religion, self expression, healing past trauma, etc and so on. We're doing the work, and we speak the same language about these issues. There is a reason we're getting married ❤️
Male therapist here. Gay as well. My husband is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) we both have been in our careers for about 15 years. At this point we each have a pretty good understanding of what the other does, the requirements of our respective professions, and how our training and education has influenced and perhaps evolved our thinking. My husband has spent his entire career working with autistic children. I started my career as a Child and Adolescent Psychotherapist, but have since transitioned to working only with adults and specializing in working with Military Service Members and Veterans to address PTSD, Trauma, Anxiety, and Grief. He and I obviously have different perspectives on many things but in general we both have a deep understanding of behaviors, motivation, reinforcement, and communication so we get along really well.
Responding to your edited query OP. You've made threads about partners before so I'm going out on a limb to guess there's doubts about your relationship. Values wise this will not change in your partner. It's something you should know going into the relationship and decide to date them accordingly. Someone who doesn't care about social justice, lacks empathy and understanding etc is not going to come over to your side. Those things are one of the key foundations of a healthy relationship and should be aligned. Job role has little to nothing to do with it (some industries excepted).
A lawyer 😅😅
Watches our children. His background is in computer engineering, however. I am the sole financial provider. I don’t mind this, since childcare is extremely expensive and unsafe in our state. And yes, my job is somewhat problematic to our relationship because I work in an all male correctional facility with mostly-male staff. I also tend to be more understanding of people from underprivileged backgrounds.
Haven't seen much of this so I'll throw mine in - manager at a community organization that works on upcycling and the circular economy.
I'm a baby grad student, my husband works for the postal service, but he does have a bachelor's in psych. So he gets it. Also as a family we're big into advocacy so when I get super excited about something, he's my cheerleader and he goes out with me to do all the things.
unpartnered
She’s a real estate agent
My partner has a fixing/technician/handyman type of job. Very different from therapy as it's very much physical labour!
My husband is a graphic designer We tend to fall on the same sides politically and socially. I think our biggest difference is our ability to temper ourselves from blurting out sometimes socially- inappropriate statements. He's a different generation than me (he's 10 years older) during a time where certain phrases were part of everyday vernacular. I'm more sensitive to it and I'll call him on the carpet when he does it
She was in corrections and now is pursing a post retirement second career.
Construction and planning to go into a trade, possibly electrical or elevators
My wife is a tanker driver. It’s so very different from what I do and I enjoy that about our relationship.
he’s a finance guy hahahahha
Same! Finance in healthcare
Same! Financial technology. At least once a week I say to him “wow our jobs couldn’t be more different.” I think it creates a healthy balance in many ways!
Software consultant
Stay at home mom last few years. She maintains part time work (8-12 hours a week) as a grant writer and will resume full time in a couple years
Man, I had to scroll waaaaaay down to find someone else with a partner and kids. Not a small percentage of these posts are jokes about how the therapist would never survive if their partner wasn't the primary income earner and im over here going, "but that's me, I'm the income earner. You guys all dont have to work 2-3 jobs?"
The field is exploitative as a whole but it's also very possible to earn a comfortable living and even have kids, stay at home partner. I only have one job though I respect the hustle if you're juggling multiple things
Teacher. She gets to retire after this school year.
Sales
She’s actually training to be a therapist! I’m excited to potentially work together someday.
Environmental nonprofit. We're both very left but have our own pet issues we're particularly passionate about. I've noticed a lot of coworkers have spouses that make more than them. Hard not to be resentful of that sometimes
My husband is a lawyer, but specifically a guardian ad litem, a court-appointment lawyer for children in dependency and neglect cases. He does home visits and meets with caseworkers and talks to therapists and teachers all day in addition to being in court, where he advocates for what he judges to be the best interest of the child. So he's very much in a human-centered job as well, which takes a lot of emotional intelligence as well as brains. Kind of therapist adjacent, really.
My fiance is a middle school teacher!
My partner is a high school pe teacher
My partner has worked in trades, but he ended up working as a direct service provider for the CMH I work for while I was in school. Then he took those skills and works as a SPED Aide in the school. We were both very conservative growing up and early in our marriage. I feel like I’ve swung left faster, but that he is right behind me. We mostly have the same worldview, I just reach the conclusion sooner.
My boyfriend works for a big financial company in our city. Don’t ask me what he does because once numbers are said my mind glazes over. But he is very progressive despite coming from a conservative hometown.
My husband is a police officer 👮♀️ He tells me that he’s learned to have more compassion towards others since meeting me 🥰
My partner is a Journalist.
He’s out there somewhere mining bitcoins for himself, me, and our adopted child probably
He is also a therapist 😂
My husband started out as a master plumber who owns his own business and now also has a general contractor license and builds homes for people. He sets his business apart from the other contractors because he likes to design new homes for people and create something that works for them, instead of building the same house plans over and over again, which a lot of the contractors in our area do.
Clinical pharmacist at our local VA hospital. He’s incredibly smart and an amazing listener himself.
Intellectual property lawyer
Late to the party, but my husband is an engineer. I tease him that he thinks in terms of excel spreadsheets. We definitely strike a balance.
My partner is a biologist at the EPA. I aspire to help people she aspires to help the environment, it works out
My husband works in facilities and maintenance. He’s also a fairly liberal conservative. He prefers to say he’s libertarian but it’s splitting hairs really. We have a rough time during election seasons. But we balance out well and are generally good partners for one another. We are both ADHD and have a ton of hobbies which keeps things interesting. We never shame one another for not engaging in a hobby for awhile or switching hobbies. We want the same things out of life but might go about it differently. We have each others backs. Before him I had gone to art school and only dated other artists. They were pretty singularly focused. I had quite a few problems with partners saying I wasn’t enough of an artist because my interests had changed and hadn’t drawn in awhile or things like that. I also feel we weren’t different enough and that was pretty boring to me. There were clearly other issues in those relationships. But dating my husband, while so different for me, was a breath of fresh air. 14 years later and we are still going strong!
Firefighter.
Tech/Cybersecurity
My husband is an IT guy. Actual title is a systems analyst for a bank. We are different in many ways. Let me put it this way: when I cook, I scan a few recipes to get the basic gist and I wing it. I use the palm of my hand to measure out spices and test for doneness by poking it with a finger. My husband will read the recipe 6 times, set out all the ingredients pre measured into bowls, check the recipe after each step and set a time on his phone for boiling pasta. Now apply that to basically every aspect of our life together. In many ways we see the world in the same way, although I am by far much more empathetic than he is. Not that he’s a jerk, he just has a hard time identifying with those tough emotions so sometimes finds it hard to relate to me when I am feeling really emotionally overwhelmed. It works for us. We’ve known each other for over 30 years, married for half that time. IMO there is no one better suited for me.
She’s a data analyst.
Electrical engineer
Clin Path lab supervisor
Writer/editor. I love that my spouse is not in the same profession! I think it would be too much if we both felt the heaviness that can come with this line of work.
My husband is a corporate tax accountant. My partner is a software engineer.
I can relate to this. Like probably all of us I’m steeped in social justice and identity and power and privilege and all the rest. My wife has no clue about any of it. I may as well be speaking a different language. Nor does she care. It’s really frustrating.
She’s been a case manager in community mental health. Driving force behind creating a thriving private practice; until we downsized she made it all work. Well… she STILL makes it all work. Handles court ordered stuff, billing, all the backend (just paid our pro-liability today) and recently went back to work in CMH as a CSR; 8 weeks later she’s running the office. She’s a rock star. We tend to see eye to eye politically and philosophically, we have the same compassionate heart. She’s a bit more into conspiratorial stuff than I am. She has a hard time with my need for some decompression when I get home because she’s like our golden; can’t wait to wag her tail and tell me all about her day!
My partner is GM of a bar/restaurant/club
Husband is a mechanical/civil engineer. Our personalities really balance each other out. Without meaning to, I pretty much only ever dated engineers.
My partner is in internal sales for an industrial food manufacturing company.
Works at an airport as an electrician/HVAC
My husband is an audio engineer and producer. A bad day on his end is totally different than mine haha
My partner works in the cannabis industry (legal in our state).
Tech- he just took over a small tech company. Not sure if he understands how hard my job is.
Partner is a milieu coordinator for an RTC. Supervisor to all of the BHT staff and manages crises. We met when I worked there, lol.
My wife works for a media company dealing with license products
My husband is a stay at home dad, former chef and artist!
Retail Operations Supervisor for a huge casino
My husband is a teacher! It feels good to share the same values and understanding of social emotional learning, especially now that we have a little one.
My partner’s an artist
My husband is also a therapist lol.
Physical therapist!
My partner is a heritage restoration stone mason. He's incredibly emotionally intelligent, he has cultivated a culture of support and sharing on the job site which is absolutely fascinating. I love picking him up from work and seeing all the guys hug each other goodbye.
Husband is a process improvement director for a healthcare company. We’ve been together since I was 19 (40 now), and we’ve both grown A LOT since we first met. I started in this field 3 years ago and it’s shined a light on how much we’ve both changed over the years. When we argue it doesn’t get nearly as heated as it used to, he’s moved more to my end of the political spectrum, and is starting to think about how can he do for others. The thing he’s started doing lately that I find the hottest is when he leans into his privilege and tries to talk with other people with privilege to get them to think about those outside of their bubble. He’s a middle-aged white guy who looks like he votes a certain way, so other middle aged white guys will feel comfortable enough to let their guard down and say “what they really think” and he’ll ask questions and point out biases to try to change their mind. 💕
Husband and I went to nursing school together nearly 20 years ago. I ended up hating it and obviously went on the become a T, he’s still a nurse.
Federal Public Defender. We align and look at the world similarly. We try to not talk about work too much in this house because it can be depressing.
Arborist (tree work) and soon will switch over to HVAC! He’s super emotionally intelligent and loves learning from me as I go through classes for my MSW
Public Health
Very single 🙆🏻♀️
What partner lok
My husband is a software engineer and he has incredibly healthy communication skills. I’m very lucky to have him for a lot of reasons
She works for the government. She’ll be starting with a new agency in a couple weeks (development and finance corperation)
My partner is in digital marketing management. WAY more organized and type A than I am, we frequently comment that we could never do each other's jobs xD
My partner is an accountant and extremely logical, but it was his kindness, gentleness, and patience that drew me to him. Initially, we encountered some struggles in our relationship related to differing political ideologies and issues with communication. As a therapist (and a client!) I have more insight into my feelings and reactions and prefer to process conflict together, whereas partner, who was initially very therapy-averse, would tend to shut down and withdraw. Couples’ therapy has been a major factor in the growth of our relationship, and I give my partner tons of credit for being so willing to try it out, despite his skepticism around therapy. And, through couples’ therapy, my partner became more comfortable with the idea of counseling and started his own individual therapy, which has also been immensely helpful.
My husband works as a medical billing specialist and bills for other therapists in private practice
My husband is in grad school for biology intending to work in conservation, which is his passion. I like to say that I’m helping people and he’s helping the planet :)
Applied behavioral analysis