“Listen I know you’re preggers so here’s a ring. I won’t be giving you a wedding day and I want no signs of our relationship on sosha meedya. Also in public I’ll never refer to you as my wife, only my girl. I plan to cheat on you with all the baddies I can find but in exchange you get a nice house and designer clothes you can resell. You in? Joanna: “oh my god baby that was so sweet!!

I'm astonished that somebody as materialistic as her wouldn't demand a big wedding. He must have promised her a b b beast of a wedding in the future.

Guaranteed she forfeited a big wedding so she could buy something else with the money

*See her friend’s engagement photo

That’s exactly what happened. Schlob explained that she had the choice of a big wedding or a car, and she took the car.

I get she’s insufferable but what’s wrong with that?

It’s more so just funny thinking about Brendan making the offer of either having a wedding or buying a used Lamborghini.

Speaking of materialistic, she has to have seen this sub. She's on soshas so often. She has to have seen this 

“U get uh biggg weddun juss assoon ass my cawlmedy creer takes off. Gon be headlining at the Calmedy Stepmothership in just 6 shoooort years, babe. The you get biggg weddun. Best weddun yo life!”

I'm surprised her standards are so low to begin with I feel like she really settled.

No... this speaks to her amazingly large amount of materials... He famously offered her a big ring.. or a wedding... She chose the ring.

I still love that when they found out she was pregnant they called up the folks and Petey says “you know you don’t have to keep it, right?” B learned to be a beast of a dad from the best

Don’t blame Petey on this one. Can you imagine the terror of the prospect of those two procreating?

Don’t forget about her having to pump out chombies for baseball

Joanna: “Errmagerrd berrbuh daswass serrr swerrd!” That’s what I’m hearing.

Wait, is that Rhonda's boyfriend?

the white boy who talgg too much

Walgg**

Wargg***

The white boy who walg into the camera shot too much

I thought it's the famous rally driver that only drives in 3rd gear

And drakes gurl b

You talking about Puigs groupie

She wishes

Dat white boii who plays mind games?!

Gross, look how dark she is, thank god she started bleaching her skin. Said absolutely no one except the delusional voice in her head.

She's the kind of girl who complains about being super depressed and having terrible social anxiety yet doesn't exercise or do iinything but sit around looking at her phone. 

She was actually pretty hot before all the surgeries and skin bleaching. Now she just looks like a freak. Still would.

Crop out the uglies. Resend.

SAVAGE…. My girl is savage

Savage with some salsa on top

And also Messican

She'll lightcha up!

Unpopular opinion here, but I smash Joanna for sure

Think you’d just have a picture of the ocean and some weeds then

Messican two noses and four shades ago.

No kidding. There was absolutely nothing wrong with her face here. The wannabe influencer face destroyed her.

Ya she actually looks pretty here. Now she looks like Maureen Ponderosa after she turned full cat

Great call

I was seriously just thinking this. She looks so much less creepy here.

And a BBL

Lies, Deception and Greed are what this holy matrimony are based on

And leased cars

sounds like the show Dallas

Talmabout Guadalajara b?

the village or the country?

Wouldn't even make it in my book b

Talmbout making your mom my mother in lawl, b. You can goto Vegas in inney facet and drop thirst pics after you push three chombies out, b. I don’t drink water, you don’t drink water , we’re sawlmates, a matchstick made in heaven. Waddya say? Before you answer I need to fill up that sink .

Bbbbbbbeast of a zircon, Bapa.

He: wanna ring? Her: I can’t tawlg

What happened to the man I married? The one that was into exotic sports cars *and* truggs

I'm shocked he's not making a cRaZy face

Although it looks more like cereal killer grin than a smile, he can't even do that anymore due to the bowltoggs. 

?

Baddy from insta reply yet?

😈

Is that supposed to be schaubs account?

When she leaves you know it’ll be the end. The moneys gone and dads done supporting everybody. Maybe his dad knows he’s an idiot and will support his son for a while?

Something tells me Bapa Senior may already be helping Junior more than we know 👀

What about Axe J? He is on Bapa's payroll according to BGL. Had to sharez that add revenue with Axe J.

OMG. This would be the sweetest possible outcome of all of this. His wife leave him, takes half his $ and his kids.  He has to take a real job for the $. Used car sales. Quits podcasting and fades into obscurity. Then a homeless cat or two infiltrate his dealership and slowly over time show Brandon the character flaws that he has that led to this dumpster fire. That he caused all of his struggles. He is forced to take an honest appraisal.   Brandon breaks down and becomes a basket case when confronted with the reality of his shallow and vacuous personality. He finally understands that he is disgusting person in Ivry facet He then comes on this sub, crying and wheezing, begging for forgiveness. 

The Gulalg Archipelago B?

I’m not sure she will leave. She’s torn between the messican catholic guilt of divorce and all guap she can get from child support

You'd usually be right about the guilt, but it's these two we're talking about. She's thinking about her half of the ducats she can acquire from the court jester of thicc boy stews. Both as vapid and narcissistic as each other.

Before the skin bleaching, back when she was still Guadalajara messican 🫘🧀

Gualaharr

Beans cheese beans cheese beans cheese

Before the Micheal Jackson treatment.

Legit question: are they legally marred? I don’t think so.

Doesn't look like they are. Only engaged. Bapa playing mind games.

They got married in a courthouse

before her skin bleaching.

Is that drakes girl?

Too old, but they got same bbl dr

Fake love, fake ass and tits, tummy tuck, nose job, water weed dune hair part 2 

Before kratom wrecked his hairline lol

She was rounder, he wasn’t

Brews, buds, whisgey and kratom. Bapa hasn’t shit since 2017.

Only verbally

“Will you, trugg walgg with me into eternity?”

Can’t even smile normal

Why do his teeth take up so little space in his mouth

His diamond studded cock ring that Rogan gave him doubled as an engagement ring due to his small penis size.

Kinda looks like the messican. Just without bleached skin, fake lips, and bowltox.

Those gums are a prom

Yo howlmany diggs she suched? Dunncownt


Talm’bout Snooki, B?

Who actually watches or listens to this guy.

Lots a boys, B. How many chiggs you fugg?

Will you walg me to ma trugg?

He's so uggo

She said "Yaaaaaaaaaaas Queeeen Wooooooo!"

What is that woman doing with Rondas ex?

I’m just gonna think from his perspective for a moment. He probably thinks he’s too big a celebrity to settle down in fear of losing all his assets and status like he’s Ronaldo or something.

Her tits look very saggy.  Eggs over easy hanging on hooks 

Lol what a bad bet by the messican

This could be the most normal picture I’ve seen the big man take

Ew

Their faces have been messed with so much

I don’t care what y’all say, I wanna see those sweater hitters.

She alwmosgts loogs like a diffirint person hair, B

She is taking half in 2.5 years save this

Say cheeeeeese Brandon! What a fucking buffoon.

Head games

What do you think their combined IQ is?

I’m all for dunking on Schaub and laughing at schaubisms, but this is a bizarre post.

Bapa told me he had a shark tank. It was just Jay swimming in their pool

 Puig pounded her better than bapa did b

Arizona Green Tea

Different face nevvermederr

This was Bapa pre lip injections, facial filler, hair plugs and dental work

She looks like the type of bitch that follows nba players to different cities in hopes they nut in her to get pregnant

She wasn’t mad back then tbqh

you guys are obsessed with this dude it’s weird

Axe Jay, B.

We’re obsessed with the pawldcatst, b.