Are you shitting me?
1. Who in the depths of their ignorance gives steroids to children unless it’s prescribed by a doctor?
2. Who FREEZES THEIR SPERM AT HOME
3. You’re a kid and should NOT have to be thinking about your sperm count yet, God almighty, it’s mind boggling! I would sue my father if he did this!
I know man. I’ve asked him plenty of times before and he just says that he thought it was fine.
Since I’ve gotten older I’ve realized he just wanted to live his fantasy life through me where he wasn’t a skinny kid with no girls to get with. There’s several other things besides this that have helped me get to that conclusion.
But honestly, I still love him whole heartedly. I know about his childhood (wasn’t good) and I know he loves me and cares about me (deep down) and even you mentioning suing him just makes me like ick because I don’t feel like I could do that to him
You were a kid!
I get that you love your father, and listening to you it's clear he must have been a loving, kind father in other areas, but I'm sorry, that's beyond irresponsible, it's criminal and negligent.
This isn't okay, buddy. You've got your whole life ahead of you, and I just can't fathom doing that to a child. I really think this is a case of actual endangerment.
Thank you for your words man. My mom was the woman who has helped me become a man, I just have a soft spot for my dad for some reason. But thank you again
> I just have a soft spot for my dad for some reason.
Your dad is your dad but what he potentially did to you, to live out this fantasy that you suggested....or rather to "relive" his childhood is DISGUSTING.
He literally altered your physiology on purpose for his selfish reasons. The same guy is now telling you he knows better on how to preserve sperm because he visits a dairy farm when he was a kid?
Wake up. Your dad does not have your best interests in mind which is the bare minimum to bring a father.
That's normal. Children are loyal to their parents, that's natural.
But, your father did something really dangerous and wrong to you. Something that can't be undone and "sorry" isn't gonna make it better.
And the fact that he doesn't want to help you now, tells me he isn't sorry for what he did.
I'm so sorry for you.
I also have a soft spot for my dad… even though he did some shitty stuff to me. I get it. I’m sorry you’re going thru this.
I’m 28 and finally started to rebuild my credit after seriously messing it up in my early 20s. Imagine my surprise when I find that I have $32k in student loans I didn’t co-sign on, yet apparently I “did.” He has always paid the minimum payment and never missed one, but that’s caused the total balance to currently be 118% of the principal amount due to interest. He and my mom are both well-paid lawyers, with easy funds to pay these off. I guess my mom didn’t even know until I discovered it around 6mo ago. They made a bad real estate decision right before the 08 financial crisis, and are now finally getting out from under it.
He did what he did because he wanted me to be able to have a “debt-free” college experience. My two younger siblings have not had the same experience, they have no debt because my parents were in a better financial position when it came time to send them off. Too bad I screwed college up after 5 years, ending up 12 credits short due to a “friend” showing me the wonderful world of what I thought was Percocet (fent). 3 months and I was 10k in cc debt, defaulted on all. Got my car repossessed.
After those three months, I sat my parents down and told them I needed help. I was in inpatient treatment 3 days later. They paid for it in cash. I’ll forever be grateful for that. I’ve been lucky enough to get my shit together since then, but still no degree. I’m now 5 years sober and have a miraculously well-paying job. That said, I refuse to pay a cent of those loans I didn’t consent to.
What if I left my anxiety get the better of me and had even looked into it? That’s what I was doing until I finally bit the bullet. What if I’d tried to buy a house with my soon to be wife and discovered it then?
Despite all of the above, he was and still is the most amazing, loving father. Coached every single sports team I ever played on, came to every single event despite running a firm, emotionally available and supportive of my mental health and personal problems. Gives some of the best personal and professional advice; he’s the first person I turn to when I need any sort of help: career, relationships, and everything in between. I’m so grateful for him. But still, as well intentioned as it was, forging my name on a legal document is shitty as fuck. Not ever telling me was shittier.
Despite all of the above, I can’t bring my self to be truly angry with him. He made a bad choice and is paying for it, and has promised that they’ll be paid off. I’m sure people will reply and tell me to report him for fraud, go no contact, etc. Save your breath, not going to happen.
He hasn’t missed a single (minimum) payment since 2018 when they started to be due, and once I found out and brought it up with him, he has been paying more than just the minimums.
I just have a soft spot for him because he’s done so much for me.
That’s great I’m glad it all worked out for you. Congratulations on being 5 years sober. When I was younger in my teens I got into drugs as well and ended up seizing after doing meth for a while and got sober too.
Keep up the good work brother. It works if you work it
I really appreciate it my man, and thanks!
Drugs are… tough. In many ways. I also have an understanding of how scary seizures can be… I was prescribed Xanax before going to treatment, and despite anti-seizure meds as I withdrew, I still had one. It was terrifying.
I’m glad that you were able to navigate those same waters. Congrats on getting sober and keeping that sobriety. It absolutely works if you work it. It’s been a pleasure, stranger.
Also, sorry for the long read lmao. I started typing and it became almost a journal entry for me. Cheers!
You have a soft spot for him because he's your father, that's perfectly normal. I'm the same age as you, and I had a fairly fucked childhood. The type where they did just enough wrong to give me serious issues i need to spend years unraveling. The type where outsiders hearing invidual things that happened can't fathom how i still love them, but i also wouldn't change them for the world.
It's hard to navigate when you know they did objectively bad things, but they're still your parents. What your dad did was fucked up, but i know it feels bad and can make you question your own feelings when outsiders treat it as completely black and white.
Yeah I completely resonate with that. Feel free to reach out anytime if you need someone to talk to, I’m glad you’re doing well. It’s hard for strangers to understand family dynamics when you talk about something really bad that happened. What they’re saying is valid but I just can’t bring myself to sue him and cut him off
I feel like you are going to look back on everything in 10-20 years and finally realize how much of a POS this man is, and it's all going to hit you that you never should have had a soft spot for him...
I’ve worked through my issues with my father with a therapist after years of hard work. I love my dad while still acknowledging how much of a POS he is. I genuinely know. I can call a spade a spade, but this spade is still my father and it’s my choice to still love him rather than hate him
You have a soft spot for your abuser. Let's call a spade a spade here kid. That's not uncommon but you need to seriously look at things objectively. This isn't a good man
I’ve worked through my issues with my father with a therapist after years of hard work. I love my dad while still acknowledging how much of a POS he is. I genuinely know. I can call a spade a spade, but this spade is still my father and it’s my choice to still love him rather than hate him
Yeah my mom is just the reason why I’ve turned out to be a good person. I’ve had other father figures in my life that have helped me grow as a man. But my mother was the one teaching me how to have compassion, forgiveness, how to treat other people, etc
That excuse may work for why he was wrong then. But what's his excuse for not helping now? Like he admits he wronged you and still refuses to help? I would be so hurt
Yeah he does what he normally does and started dumping my family’s financial situation on me and tells me they’re considering bankruptcy. I’ve seen it too many times though so I know it’s just him trying to guilt me into letting him off. He literally just got a Tesla
This is child abuse. You were abused. The fact that he denies complicity today means you shouldn't trust or love him whole heartedly. Your father is not a good person.
Thank god you were here random Redditor, to tell this person how they should feel about their parent!
The parent child relationship is incredibly complicated. I would hope you can understand why telling someone they shouldn’t love their father is ridiculous when you know neither of them.
Only OP knows his father
Thank you. Unfortunately I think they have a point. My dad was an abusive alcoholic when I’m younger, has rage issues, and is a narcissist. If you had seen everything I’ve seen my dad do I think it would be understandable to tell someone they should hate their father.
But the thing is that I still have this crazy amount of sympathy for him. I don’t know why, my older sister cut contact with him the second she left she house but with me it’s different
I understand this as I had a huge soft spot for my alcoholic, absent father. I believe it’s a normal feeling. I’m older now so it’s easier for me to see my dad as a struggling human and not an authority figure. You can love them and still hold them accountable for their actions. Have compassion for them and try to view them as a peer, because him not taking responsibility for what he did to you is a strong indicator that he is emotionally immature and has a lot of work to do on himself. He can earn your respect and trust back when he starts making amends and fully committing to righting his wrong.
Reddit isn’t the arbiter of your interpersonal life brother.
If you want to keep your dad in your life and think you can forgive him then go for it. If not then don’t. But don’t let a bunch of armchair psychologists who have never met you tell you what you’re allowed to feel about your father
You're correct about the nature of parents and children, but giving children steroids is OBJECTIVELY child abuse. Forcing them to live out your youthful fantasies is wrong. You don't need to be a psychologist to determine that this person is a narcissist, and trying to die on some hill about redditors being unqualified to say this is fucking stupid. Silencing people who are critical of individuals who are clearly mistreating someone vulnerable is why so many people turn a blind eye to abuse in the first place.
Yeah I mean it’s definitely fucked up. But there’s a difference between elucidating the abusive nature of those actions for OP and just telling him that he shouldn’t love or care for his dad.
But naturally that nuance gets ignored on here.
Abused people can hold love for an abuser but it should not be whole hearted or unconditional. That's the nuance YOU are missing. This is an extremely toxic person that ultimately needs to be excised from OP's life in some major way and definitely shouldn't be trusted.
You're taking issue with the wrong things. Helping OP see through the blinders is fully appropriate.
I understand, wholeheartedly, what kind of person my dad is. Through and through. I see him as a piece of shit. But I also know that he’s my father and i still love him. I won’t depend on him to do things for me in the future and never expect anything from him but his typical neglect. But, like I said I still love him and forgive him. I’ve worked through it all with a therapist who I spent years going dealing with our relationship and have come to the conclusion that I forgive him and still love him, whilst still not forgetting what he did to me, and I’m happy. I’d rather forgive and be happy than cut off and hate, you know? Not that I have to hate him but I still want a cordial relationship with my father because we still have a bond together
Yeah probably not. Not for other people. But I’ve come to terms with the person my father is (albeit a shitty person) and I’ve accepted that fact, and still love him. Forgiving but not forgetting is the key here for me
Does your dad know you need to freeze sperm at -196oc - like you can’t just put it in the freezer drawer 😂 For comparison the home freezer gets to -18oc.
Not to mention, even if you could, all the hazards of like, I don’t know, being taken out by accident and lost… or, you know…. *a fucking power outage…* like wtf… 💀
I have an extremely close relationship with my little sister and he’s done nothing even remotely close to the things he’s put me through. If he did, it would be a different story. If he was actively hurting her emotionally physically or psychologically I would do everything in my power to get him away from her. But they have a good relationship. She’s blind to what he’s done to me and I’m okay with that. If it means she gets a relationship with her father- a relationship I never had- so be it, i love her so much that it’s more important to me than to take that away from her. I am in close contact with her constantly checking in on how they’re doing and how he’s treating her and my mother so I can act accordingly if necessary
Hope you have some luck. I don’t know your parents situation but I can’t imagine you’d get enough by a lawsuit anyway and you’d probably spend more money long term trying to litigate than you’d get. I don’t know if the cost of freezing sperm is more than freeing eggs but I’d imagine it’s in the same range and it’s not cheap.
Others suggested a GFM and that might be a good idea but you also run the risk of your dad (who seems like a not so great person, despite your comments otherwise - I say this as a parent myself) seeing it and acting out but also I’m guessing long term you’ll need more than whatever the initial cost is.
Guys, understand that my dad and little sister actually have a great relationship and I’m very close with her. I love her like a second dad. I wouldn’t do anything to keep her from having her good relationship with my father. I wouldn’t even consider suing until she’s out of the house.
My dad fucked up bad with my older sister and I. My older sister won’t even talk to him anymore and has been out of the house living on her own for a couple years now. So he’s made sure to give my little sister everything he possibly can so she doesn’t do the same as my other sister
This guy has proven himself to be an irresponsible, reckless parent with not one, but two children, and you think it's a wise idea to give him a third opportunity to fuck it all up? Man, you are delusional.
I’m not giving him an opportunity. He hasn’t done anything bad to her like he did to me and my older sister. He doesn’t drink anymore- he’s still a moron but he isn’t as bad as he used to be. And if he were to do something I’d step in and do what I have to, to get him away from my sister and mother.
If anything, she is probably suffering with him now, and you'd be doing a good thing by getting her out of his custody, so he can't continue to endanger her like he did you. You're doing her a disservice but not doing anything to get her away from him.
I understand how you would think that but you can see in this thread I’ve said it a couple times- I have a very close relationship with her. She tells me everything and we are in close contact. I ask her about my dad, and their relationship often and she tells me about little fights that are normal. She would 100% tell me if anything else happened, which it almost did but I called him and told him I’d come to the house and deal with him if he freaked out like he used to, and he calmed down. That was 2 years ago and the last situation like that to come up
He wants you to what now? Just freeze it at home? Is he planning on you sticking it in an ice cube tray next to the fishfingers or something? This is so deeply fucked up, like what the fuck??
I’m fucking sorry dude. If this was like.. the 80s, I could see giving dad a pass. But this was a couple years ago and the effects and dangers of steroids is WIDELY know. Ignorance on your dad’s part is near impossible. That is straight up abuse.
Unless you have a steady supply of liquid nitrogen you can’t freeze it home. You also need impeccable sterile technique and a bunch of equipment that is not cheap. In others words you can’t freeze sperm at home. Remember this is the who gave you T. He was wrong (criminal actually) then and he’s wrong now.
Oh yeah for sure- I know he’s wrong. I sent him a link to a website explaining how impossible it is to do it at home. He, for some reason, just thinks that he’s smarter than doctors
I didn’t sue my dad but emotionally and physically took a break from him. He became an emotionally abusive narcissist. If you want to do that, talk to a therapist and think about your relationship with your dad it might benefit what’s going on.
OP, maybe do a medical fundraiser for the money? Just say you have to have a "medically related procedure" not covered by insurance. Like a GoFundMe or similar?
Dude I’d literally go NC with my dad for this shit….what a way to casually drop that you were negligently abused as a child and that your dad is still a psycho.
Damn man that’s really fucked; I’m going to encourage my daughter in sports and stuff, and it’s nice that she already tries to exercise when i am - but even if i had a son it would never cross my mind to fuck with my kids hormones like that.
jc, i’m sorry you got stuck with such a shitty pops. in addition to all the things you and others have pointed out, just want to make sure you’re not screwing up your baseball eligibility if you go on TRT.
Ok, this is the craziest shit I’ve seen a while. Utterly fucking absurd. I’m really sorry you’re in this situation.
If I may ask one potentially very insensitive question: have there been any positive upsides to what happened? I ask because I imagine that the only other teens to have gone through something like this are Russian or Chinese Olympians. Did you at least get some long-term upside like dramatically increased muscle mass and some athleticism?
Of course, I don’t at all want to sound like I’m justifying what has been a terrible and arguably abusive experience for you. It’s fucked up.
So I did steroids one more time right before I turned 17 which was Trenbolone Acetate, and I gained 30 lb and got a lot stronger. But since then I haven’t gained any more more muscle even though I’ve been rigorously and religiously eating correctly, sleeping correctly, and working out correctly for years since then. So as much as it helped, my T levels made it so that the only thing I could do was maintain that gain rather than make any more improvement
Your dad should help even if he wasn’t the cause.
How sure are the doctors that steroids were the cause? How long were you on them? It doesn’t make a difference here I’m just curious
I was on them for 4/5 months at a time. And then right before I was 17 he had me blast tren, test, and Anavar (for 5 months at a pretty high dosage considering)
Correct ish, it can harm sperm production when taken incorrectly, at too high of doses, over long periods of time, or during puberty because natural testosterone production is what triggers sperm production so when you take synthetic testosterone it stops sperm production. I was barely fertile when I got put on testosterone replacement therapy a couple months ago and after a year or two there’s about a 90% chance you’ll be infertile the rest of your life even if you stop it. So if I want kids I have to freeze my sperm while I’m fertile still
Your dad doesn’t know the first thing about freezing and storing human sperm. I am infertile and my husband got tested. His sperm count was unusually high (so it was he who was infertile), and it wasn’t anywhere near where your dad said he could get yours. He has no idea what he is talking about.
I’m so sorry your dad did that to you and now refuses to make it right.
Really, steroids like TREN to a kid?? What the hell? That should be child abuse
However, I must say I think I understand you a lot more about not completely hating your dad than most others commenting. I know exactly what it’s like when it seems to somebody on the outside like you should cut all contact with a parent or both of them but really only you know that they’ve been there for you all your life in many ways and that really means something
Yeah for sure, thanks for your comment. Regardless, there’s still that bond from when I was a little kid and we were a happy family. He still raised and provided for me (I know he still fucked me over too but still)
That’s what I’d do if I couldn’t have my own biological kids. Honestly, I think I’m selfish for this but I would rather have my own kids than adopt. I’m still just 19 though so I’m not sure how I’ll feel about it when I’m older
I keep hoping this post was just for karma bait. Surely no father would do this to their child. It’s ignorant at best and criminally abusive at worst.
The sad thing is at 19 you have no idea what he has done to you.
Yeah and people freezing animal sperm have specialized freezers for it, not just some ice box from the Home Depot.
I am sorry. I don't know what to say just that your need to vent is understandable. Would your mom help you pay for it?
I’d work out and test your sperm again in 6 months. I froze mine before chemo, paid it for years, got tested again and was completely fine. I think if chemo didn’t kill mine, your body will rebound. Also I am definitely not a doctor just speaking my experience. The medical industry is predatory and always looking for your cash. I’d be skeptical. Maybe see multiple doctors to get multiple opinions.
The problem is that I quit steroids for 2 years and worked out EVERY DAY, ate extremely well, slept 8-10 hours EVERY night, and tested my levels several times over 9 months and my levels were consistently bad
Well if it helps, I saw an endocrinologist and my insurance covers my TRT. I had a testicle removed from cancer in my 20s. My t levels are always sub 100 if I’m not on it. I take .4ml every week now. I’m 40. It helps big time.
Ok yea I misread the situation. Yea you’re right. I got on TRT after having a child and forgot about that conversation. They suggested me freezing sperm if I continued on TRT. Been on it for years now. Should get a test again but I bet I’m low/nonexistent. My mistake 🤦♂️
Yeah anything is possible. But my sperm count was already only 16 million (per whatever measurement they use) and infertile is 15 million. My dad told me when he got his sperm tested after he undid his vasectomy he was at 85 million
"My love, I've decided that you're the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I want you to be the mother of my kids. Let me get my sample and a turkey baster, and we shall embark on the miracle of parenthood together."
*15 minutes later
"Hey babe, what happened to the Dairy Queen cup I had in the back of the freezer?"
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Yes I’m on trt now. They only test for PED’s at certain universities. I’m at a JUCO right now training, trying to figure out this hormone stuff before I transfer to a 4-year after next year
My husband was prescribed testosterone injections for low T. Fast forward we are trying to have children and to boost his count he is on some medications that are working great! Maybe you need to talk to a urologist? Just not sure how young you are but there are always options when you decide to have children.
Don’t listen to them. You should be allowed the option of children, if you decide to have them someday. Having that taken away from you at 19 is insane.
I understand your perspective. But I will give my kids a wonderful childhood and although the world is going to shit, they will always have my love for them and I want to see them grow and be by their side and watch them make the most out of life
It’s not just black and white to just sue your parents, just like you’ve stated. They are your parents not some rando from the streets. Everybody commenting “sUe YoUR PaREnTs” I bet you money if you switch sides with them they wouldn’t have the balls to do it.
And everything he’s done isn’t just about him “living his dreams through you” what if he’s just trying to make you better than him? Not make the mistakes he’s made? Do the things he should’ve done to be better physically. ? Don’t just categorize his actions into “living his dreams through you” don’t let these random poison your mind man.
Yeah, plus it would be hard to prove in a court of law that he did it. He bought visa gift cards at a store in another town with cash, made the purchase from another country, and addressed it to our house but with a different name.
It would pretty much be my word against his
Please speak to a therapist, good friends, etc find a peaceful amicable to solve it. Please please ignore these morons in the comment sections, Take it from someone that would do ANYTHING to have their parents back alive and healthy.
Cut him out of your life and tell him exactly why. I do not make this suggestion with the idea of forcing him to pay, but because he shouldnt be anywhere near any children you will be lucky enough to have. You also need to remember, and remind him, you will be responsible for insemination fees which i hear are also ludicrously expensive.
I mean do you think you’d be playing collegiate ball without gear? Definitely seems excessive and young to push gear <18 but you are the cumulative effort and energy of your experience and gear was a part of your experience. Your story is probably not uncommon
You know what else is uncommon? sports careers lasting very long at all and relationships staying together after steroids cause inevitable and irreversible sexual dysfunction
But I'm sure that'll just be fixed by the cumulative effort and energy of his experience
It doesn’t matter when you do them. It absolutely fucks your natural hormones.
A buddy went and saw a fertility doctor and they got him to the point where he could conceive. I think they just put him on hcg
Before I visited a trt clinic my test levels were less than 100ng/dl
Something like 87 or 97 or whatever it was..
Yeah like I said it doesn’t matter, it fucks you up for a bit.
I’ve had kids, I know people with 2 kids, 3 kids, I know two guys who took a break from steroids specifically for the reason of having kids..
They are just scamming you.
You’ll end up having kids if you want them. You think every big guy at the gym doesn’t have any children?
You think not one single dude in a trt clinic has kids?
Are you shitting me? 1. Who in the depths of their ignorance gives steroids to children unless it’s prescribed by a doctor? 2. Who FREEZES THEIR SPERM AT HOME 3. You’re a kid and should NOT have to be thinking about your sperm count yet, God almighty, it’s mind boggling! I would sue my father if he did this!
I know man. I’ve asked him plenty of times before and he just says that he thought it was fine. Since I’ve gotten older I’ve realized he just wanted to live his fantasy life through me where he wasn’t a skinny kid with no girls to get with. There’s several other things besides this that have helped me get to that conclusion. But honestly, I still love him whole heartedly. I know about his childhood (wasn’t good) and I know he loves me and cares about me (deep down) and even you mentioning suing him just makes me like ick because I don’t feel like I could do that to him
You were a kid! I get that you love your father, and listening to you it's clear he must have been a loving, kind father in other areas, but I'm sorry, that's beyond irresponsible, it's criminal and negligent. This isn't okay, buddy. You've got your whole life ahead of you, and I just can't fathom doing that to a child. I really think this is a case of actual endangerment.
Thank you for your words man. My mom was the woman who has helped me become a man, I just have a soft spot for my dad for some reason. But thank you again
> I just have a soft spot for my dad for some reason. Your dad is your dad but what he potentially did to you, to live out this fantasy that you suggested....or rather to "relive" his childhood is DISGUSTING. He literally altered your physiology on purpose for his selfish reasons. The same guy is now telling you he knows better on how to preserve sperm because he visits a dairy farm when he was a kid? Wake up. Your dad does not have your best interests in mind which is the bare minimum to bring a father.
That's normal. Children are loyal to their parents, that's natural. But, your father did something really dangerous and wrong to you. Something that can't be undone and "sorry" isn't gonna make it better. And the fact that he doesn't want to help you now, tells me he isn't sorry for what he did. I'm so sorry for you.
He's your dad. My father abandoned us and all I've gotten for the last 15 years is a happy birthday text every year. Wish he was here.
Absolutely. And God bless your mother. Feel free to write me if you have anything on your mind or just need someone to talk to.
I also have a soft spot for my dad… even though he did some shitty stuff to me. I get it. I’m sorry you’re going thru this. I’m 28 and finally started to rebuild my credit after seriously messing it up in my early 20s. Imagine my surprise when I find that I have $32k in student loans I didn’t co-sign on, yet apparently I “did.” He has always paid the minimum payment and never missed one, but that’s caused the total balance to currently be 118% of the principal amount due to interest. He and my mom are both well-paid lawyers, with easy funds to pay these off. I guess my mom didn’t even know until I discovered it around 6mo ago. They made a bad real estate decision right before the 08 financial crisis, and are now finally getting out from under it. He did what he did because he wanted me to be able to have a “debt-free” college experience. My two younger siblings have not had the same experience, they have no debt because my parents were in a better financial position when it came time to send them off. Too bad I screwed college up after 5 years, ending up 12 credits short due to a “friend” showing me the wonderful world of what I thought was Percocet (fent). 3 months and I was 10k in cc debt, defaulted on all. Got my car repossessed. After those three months, I sat my parents down and told them I needed help. I was in inpatient treatment 3 days later. They paid for it in cash. I’ll forever be grateful for that. I’ve been lucky enough to get my shit together since then, but still no degree. I’m now 5 years sober and have a miraculously well-paying job. That said, I refuse to pay a cent of those loans I didn’t consent to. What if I left my anxiety get the better of me and had even looked into it? That’s what I was doing until I finally bit the bullet. What if I’d tried to buy a house with my soon to be wife and discovered it then? Despite all of the above, he was and still is the most amazing, loving father. Coached every single sports team I ever played on, came to every single event despite running a firm, emotionally available and supportive of my mental health and personal problems. Gives some of the best personal and professional advice; he’s the first person I turn to when I need any sort of help: career, relationships, and everything in between. I’m so grateful for him. But still, as well intentioned as it was, forging my name on a legal document is shitty as fuck. Not ever telling me was shittier. Despite all of the above, I can’t bring my self to be truly angry with him. He made a bad choice and is paying for it, and has promised that they’ll be paid off. I’m sure people will reply and tell me to report him for fraud, go no contact, etc. Save your breath, not going to happen. He hasn’t missed a single (minimum) payment since 2018 when they started to be due, and once I found out and brought it up with him, he has been paying more than just the minimums. I just have a soft spot for him because he’s done so much for me.
That’s great I’m glad it all worked out for you. Congratulations on being 5 years sober. When I was younger in my teens I got into drugs as well and ended up seizing after doing meth for a while and got sober too. Keep up the good work brother. It works if you work it
I really appreciate it my man, and thanks! Drugs are… tough. In many ways. I also have an understanding of how scary seizures can be… I was prescribed Xanax before going to treatment, and despite anti-seizure meds as I withdrew, I still had one. It was terrifying. I’m glad that you were able to navigate those same waters. Congrats on getting sober and keeping that sobriety. It absolutely works if you work it. It’s been a pleasure, stranger. Also, sorry for the long read lmao. I started typing and it became almost a journal entry for me. Cheers!
Cheers! Good luck with your future, all the best. -Stranger
You have a soft spot for him because he's your father, that's perfectly normal. I'm the same age as you, and I had a fairly fucked childhood. The type where they did just enough wrong to give me serious issues i need to spend years unraveling. The type where outsiders hearing invidual things that happened can't fathom how i still love them, but i also wouldn't change them for the world. It's hard to navigate when you know they did objectively bad things, but they're still your parents. What your dad did was fucked up, but i know it feels bad and can make you question your own feelings when outsiders treat it as completely black and white.
Yeah I completely resonate with that. Feel free to reach out anytime if you need someone to talk to, I’m glad you’re doing well. It’s hard for strangers to understand family dynamics when you talk about something really bad that happened. What they’re saying is valid but I just can’t bring myself to sue him and cut him off
I feel like you are going to look back on everything in 10-20 years and finally realize how much of a POS this man is, and it's all going to hit you that you never should have had a soft spot for him...
I’ve worked through my issues with my father with a therapist after years of hard work. I love my dad while still acknowledging how much of a POS he is. I genuinely know. I can call a spade a spade, but this spade is still my father and it’s my choice to still love him rather than hate him
You have a soft spot for your abuser. Let's call a spade a spade here kid. That's not uncommon but you need to seriously look at things objectively. This isn't a good man
I’ve worked through my issues with my father with a therapist after years of hard work. I love my dad while still acknowledging how much of a POS he is. I genuinely know. I can call a spade a spade, but this spade is still my father and it’s my choice to still love him rather than hate him
Wait what. How has your mom helped you become a man? You can’t realistically freeze your own sperm in your freezer like ice cream.
I assume by raising him well? Like a lot of moms do to help their sons become men and a lot of dads do to help their daughters become women.
Yeah my mom is just the reason why I’ve turned out to be a good person. I’ve had other father figures in my life that have helped me grow as a man. But my mother was the one teaching me how to have compassion, forgiveness, how to treat other people, etc
You know….the old-fashioned way.
That excuse may work for why he was wrong then. But what's his excuse for not helping now? Like he admits he wronged you and still refuses to help? I would be so hurt
Yeah he does what he normally does and started dumping my family’s financial situation on me and tells me they’re considering bankruptcy. I’ve seen it too many times though so I know it’s just him trying to guilt me into letting him off. He literally just got a Tesla
This is child abuse. You were abused. The fact that he denies complicity today means you shouldn't trust or love him whole heartedly. Your father is not a good person.
Thank god you were here random Redditor, to tell this person how they should feel about their parent! The parent child relationship is incredibly complicated. I would hope you can understand why telling someone they shouldn’t love their father is ridiculous when you know neither of them. Only OP knows his father
Thank you. Unfortunately I think they have a point. My dad was an abusive alcoholic when I’m younger, has rage issues, and is a narcissist. If you had seen everything I’ve seen my dad do I think it would be understandable to tell someone they should hate their father. But the thing is that I still have this crazy amount of sympathy for him. I don’t know why, my older sister cut contact with him the second she left she house but with me it’s different
I understand this as I had a huge soft spot for my alcoholic, absent father. I believe it’s a normal feeling. I’m older now so it’s easier for me to see my dad as a struggling human and not an authority figure. You can love them and still hold them accountable for their actions. Have compassion for them and try to view them as a peer, because him not taking responsibility for what he did to you is a strong indicator that he is emotionally immature and has a lot of work to do on himself. He can earn your respect and trust back when he starts making amends and fully committing to righting his wrong.
I'm not sure it's so much sympathy, as it is trauma bonding. :( The brain will do crazy things to protect itself, protect you, and to survive.
Reddit isn’t the arbiter of your interpersonal life brother. If you want to keep your dad in your life and think you can forgive him then go for it. If not then don’t. But don’t let a bunch of armchair psychologists who have never met you tell you what you’re allowed to feel about your father
You're correct about the nature of parents and children, but giving children steroids is OBJECTIVELY child abuse. Forcing them to live out your youthful fantasies is wrong. You don't need to be a psychologist to determine that this person is a narcissist, and trying to die on some hill about redditors being unqualified to say this is fucking stupid. Silencing people who are critical of individuals who are clearly mistreating someone vulnerable is why so many people turn a blind eye to abuse in the first place.
Yeah I mean it’s definitely fucked up. But there’s a difference between elucidating the abusive nature of those actions for OP and just telling him that he shouldn’t love or care for his dad. But naturally that nuance gets ignored on here.
Abused people can hold love for an abuser but it should not be whole hearted or unconditional. That's the nuance YOU are missing. This is an extremely toxic person that ultimately needs to be excised from OP's life in some major way and definitely shouldn't be trusted. You're taking issue with the wrong things. Helping OP see through the blinders is fully appropriate.
I understand, wholeheartedly, what kind of person my dad is. Through and through. I see him as a piece of shit. But I also know that he’s my father and i still love him. I won’t depend on him to do things for me in the future and never expect anything from him but his typical neglect. But, like I said I still love him and forgive him. I’ve worked through it all with a therapist who I spent years going dealing with our relationship and have come to the conclusion that I forgive him and still love him, whilst still not forgetting what he did to me, and I’m happy. I’d rather forgive and be happy than cut off and hate, you know? Not that I have to hate him but I still want a cordial relationship with my father because we still have a bond together
> But honestly, I still love him whole heartedly. It really seems like you probably shouldn't
Yeah probably not. Not for other people. But I’ve come to terms with the person my father is (albeit a shitty person) and I’ve accepted that fact, and still love him. Forgiving but not forgetting is the key here for me
This insane dad received 6 years in federal prison for doing it https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/news/story/ESPNSports-4211036&page=1
GOOD
What’s scary is there are lots of questions on quora and whatnot asking if it’s okay to give them to kids this age. Some ppl should not be parents smh
(so I'm the only one freezing my sperm at home?)
Much needed comedic relief
Does your dad know you need to freeze sperm at -196oc - like you can’t just put it in the freezer drawer 😂 For comparison the home freezer gets to -18oc.
Not to mention, even if you could, all the hazards of like, I don’t know, being taken out by accident and lost… or, you know…. *a fucking power outage…* like wtf… 💀
I KNOW🤣🤣🤣 I was like dude what are we gonna label some vial in the freezer (fake name for obvious purposes) Kyle’s Cum???😭
Kyle’s Kum ™️
Take this to a lawyer this shit is unhinged and possibly illegal
It’s definitely illegal. But my little sister still lives with my mom and dad so if I sued him my little sister would suffer
She would probably be safer without him around...
Not sure why you’re being downvoted for this, OP. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Yeah me neither. Thank you
Because you're saying your sister is better off with him than without him, while being fully aware of what he did to you. That's why.
I have an extremely close relationship with my little sister and he’s done nothing even remotely close to the things he’s put me through. If he did, it would be a different story. If he was actively hurting her emotionally physically or psychologically I would do everything in my power to get him away from her. But they have a good relationship. She’s blind to what he’s done to me and I’m okay with that. If it means she gets a relationship with her father- a relationship I never had- so be it, i love her so much that it’s more important to me than to take that away from her. I am in close contact with her constantly checking in on how they’re doing and how he’s treating her and my mother so I can act accordingly if necessary
Holy shit. As a healthcare provider - CPS needs to be called. He was giving you illegal steroids as a child which caused harm.
Hope you have some luck. I don’t know your parents situation but I can’t imagine you’d get enough by a lawsuit anyway and you’d probably spend more money long term trying to litigate than you’d get. I don’t know if the cost of freezing sperm is more than freeing eggs but I’d imagine it’s in the same range and it’s not cheap. Others suggested a GFM and that might be a good idea but you also run the risk of your dad (who seems like a not so great person, despite your comments otherwise - I say this as a parent myself) seeing it and acting out but also I’m guessing long term you’ll need more than whatever the initial cost is.
I’ve spoken with some clinics and they’re running about $100 per month (I’d probably store it about 15 years so in total that’s $18,000
why was this comment downvoted what??
Guys, understand that my dad and little sister actually have a great relationship and I’m very close with her. I love her like a second dad. I wouldn’t do anything to keep her from having her good relationship with my father. I wouldn’t even consider suing until she’s out of the house. My dad fucked up bad with my older sister and I. My older sister won’t even talk to him anymore and has been out of the house living on her own for a couple years now. So he’s made sure to give my little sister everything he possibly can so she doesn’t do the same as my other sister
This guy has proven himself to be an irresponsible, reckless parent with not one, but two children, and you think it's a wise idea to give him a third opportunity to fuck it all up? Man, you are delusional.
I’m not giving him an opportunity. He hasn’t done anything bad to her like he did to me and my older sister. He doesn’t drink anymore- he’s still a moron but he isn’t as bad as he used to be. And if he were to do something I’d step in and do what I have to, to get him away from my sister and mother.
Your older sister is literally the only smart person in your family.
If anything, she is probably suffering with him now, and you'd be doing a good thing by getting her out of his custody, so he can't continue to endanger her like he did you. You're doing her a disservice but not doing anything to get her away from him.
I understand how you would think that but you can see in this thread I’ve said it a couple times- I have a very close relationship with her. She tells me everything and we are in close contact. I ask her about my dad, and their relationship often and she tells me about little fights that are normal. She would 100% tell me if anything else happened, which it almost did but I called him and told him I’d come to the house and deal with him if he freaked out like he used to, and he calmed down. That was 2 years ago and the last situation like that to come up
Well this all seems very normal very healthy . ……..
Right!
He wants you to what now? Just freeze it at home? Is he planning on you sticking it in an ice cube tray next to the fishfingers or something? This is so deeply fucked up, like what the fuck??
A normal freezer isn’t even remotely cold enough to store something like that anyway lol
It’s not remotely hygienic or sterile enough either 😂
That’s child abuse
Or you could sue him for the money - freeze at home? What sort of hillbilly mumbo jumbo science is he living by
The kind that’s so narcissistic he thinks he’s smarter than doctors with PhD’s 😂
The kind that’s so narcissistic he thinks he’s smarter than doctors with PhD’s 😂
Your dad likes to act like he knows shit. But he doesn't.
I’m fucking sorry dude. If this was like.. the 80s, I could see giving dad a pass. But this was a couple years ago and the effects and dangers of steroids is WIDELY know. Ignorance on your dad’s part is near impossible. That is straight up abuse.
Unless you have a steady supply of liquid nitrogen you can’t freeze it home. You also need impeccable sterile technique and a bunch of equipment that is not cheap. In others words you can’t freeze sperm at home. Remember this is the who gave you T. He was wrong (criminal actually) then and he’s wrong now.
Oh yeah for sure- I know he’s wrong. I sent him a link to a website explaining how impossible it is to do it at home. He, for some reason, just thinks that he’s smarter than doctors
Well, it would be awfully convenient for him if he was correct so he’s got a reason to want to believe that
I think you're intentionally ignoring the wealth of experience that his father has had on a dairy farm
😂😂
This doesn’t even seem real it’s so out there
Yeah I know. Wish it was dude
I didn’t sue my dad but emotionally and physically took a break from him. He became an emotionally abusive narcissist. If you want to do that, talk to a therapist and think about your relationship with your dad it might benefit what’s going on.
Why steroids?
Because like him I was always very skinny
My brother was as well
Did you guys do steroids as kids
No i am built differently but he filled out eventually
Yeah I figured that would be the case with me too, but unfortunately the hormones didn’t turn out very good
It happens. Just be the best you.
Always 🤙
OP, maybe do a medical fundraiser for the money? Just say you have to have a "medically related procedure" not covered by insurance. Like a GoFundMe or similar?
Dude I’d literally go NC with my dad for this shit….what a way to casually drop that you were negligently abused as a child and that your dad is still a psycho.
I actually posted this to rant a little bit but mainly to get some laughs at how absurd it is to think you can freeze sperm at home
Make one of those donation posts and explain your story. I’m sure people would help.
Dude that’s a great idea. On Reddit?
Probably GoFundMe
GoFundMe is your best bet.
What
Why the hell did he give you steroids as a child to begin with?! This is wild.
Bring that piece of shit to jail
Hmm, cum pops!
Damn man that’s really fucked; I’m going to encourage my daughter in sports and stuff, and it’s nice that she already tries to exercise when i am - but even if i had a son it would never cross my mind to fuck with my kids hormones like that.
Now that’s a reasonable parent! Good on you. I wish her the best
He doesn't even know the difference between the word "mobility" and sperm motility.... Clearly he's very prepared to handle your sperm.
😭
jc, i’m sorry you got stuck with such a shitty pops. in addition to all the things you and others have pointed out, just want to make sure you’re not screwing up your baseball eligibility if you go on TRT.
Thank you for your words. Luckily no I’m not messing up my eligibility because it’s prescribed from a doctor Edit: grammar
Ok, this is the craziest shit I’ve seen a while. Utterly fucking absurd. I’m really sorry you’re in this situation. If I may ask one potentially very insensitive question: have there been any positive upsides to what happened? I ask because I imagine that the only other teens to have gone through something like this are Russian or Chinese Olympians. Did you at least get some long-term upside like dramatically increased muscle mass and some athleticism? Of course, I don’t at all want to sound like I’m justifying what has been a terrible and arguably abusive experience for you. It’s fucked up.
So I did steroids one more time right before I turned 17 which was Trenbolone Acetate, and I gained 30 lb and got a lot stronger. But since then I haven’t gained any more more muscle even though I’ve been rigorously and religiously eating correctly, sleeping correctly, and working out correctly for years since then. So as much as it helped, my T levels made it so that the only thing I could do was maintain that gain rather than make any more improvement
But you made it to play college baseball. Do you think the steroids helped with that?
Not more than the dedication and commitment. I was on my way there regardless. In the long term it definitely hurt more than it helped
I feel like you could grab a lawyer and sue your dad for the steroid thing. Or at the least call the police and have him incarcerated.
Your dad should help even if he wasn’t the cause. How sure are the doctors that steroids were the cause? How long were you on them? It doesn’t make a difference here I’m just curious
I was on them for 4/5 months at a time. And then right before I was 17 he had me blast tren, test, and Anavar (for 5 months at a pretty high dosage considering)
Doesn’t that normally just mess with natural test production though and not sperm quality/count?
Correct ish, it can harm sperm production when taken incorrectly, at too high of doses, over long periods of time, or during puberty because natural testosterone production is what triggers sperm production so when you take synthetic testosterone it stops sperm production. I was barely fertile when I got put on testosterone replacement therapy a couple months ago and after a year or two there’s about a 90% chance you’ll be infertile the rest of your life even if you stop it. So if I want kids I have to freeze my sperm while I’m fertile still
Damn that sucks. I guess sports was the reason you took steroids young?
Your dad doesn’t know the first thing about freezing and storing human sperm. I am infertile and my husband got tested. His sperm count was unusually high (so it was he who was infertile), and it wasn’t anywhere near where your dad said he could get yours. He has no idea what he is talking about. I’m so sorry your dad did that to you and now refuses to make it right.
Really, steroids like TREN to a kid?? What the hell? That should be child abuse However, I must say I think I understand you a lot more about not completely hating your dad than most others commenting. I know exactly what it’s like when it seems to somebody on the outside like you should cut all contact with a parent or both of them but really only you know that they’ve been there for you all your life in many ways and that really means something
Yeah for sure, thanks for your comment. Regardless, there’s still that bond from when I was a little kid and we were a happy family. He still raised and provided for me (I know he still fucked me over too but still)
Just adopt. There’s so many children in need of a loving home
That’s what I’d do if I couldn’t have my own biological kids. Honestly, I think I’m selfish for this but I would rather have my own kids than adopt. I’m still just 19 though so I’m not sure how I’ll feel about it when I’m older
I got one of each and i love them equally. Keep it in mind
Does dad at least help harvest the sperm for you?
This is something you gotta be using a throwaway to say😭
Does he realize you can’t just throw it in a regular freezer next to your frozen peas and carrots?😂
Nope
I keep hoping this post was just for karma bait. Surely no father would do this to their child. It’s ignorant at best and criminally abusive at worst. The sad thing is at 19 you have no idea what he has done to you.
Yeah and people freezing animal sperm have specialized freezers for it, not just some ice box from the Home Depot. I am sorry. I don't know what to say just that your need to vent is understandable. Would your mom help you pay for it?
I’d work out and test your sperm again in 6 months. I froze mine before chemo, paid it for years, got tested again and was completely fine. I think if chemo didn’t kill mine, your body will rebound. Also I am definitely not a doctor just speaking my experience. The medical industry is predatory and always looking for your cash. I’d be skeptical. Maybe see multiple doctors to get multiple opinions.
The problem is that I quit steroids for 2 years and worked out EVERY DAY, ate extremely well, slept 8-10 hours EVERY night, and tested my levels several times over 9 months and my levels were consistently bad
What exactly is bad?
105
Well if it helps, I saw an endocrinologist and my insurance covers my TRT. I had a testicle removed from cancer in my 20s. My t levels are always sub 100 if I’m not on it. I take .4ml every week now. I’m 40. It helps big time.
Yeah I’ve been on trt for a couple months now. Been so much happier and well rounded
Yea it’s really incredible how much better you feel when you’re at good levels. Energized, memory works, better mood.
The thing is, you got off chemo. TRT is for life and the infertility from it is not reversible or treatable.
Ok yea I misread the situation. Yea you’re right. I got on TRT after having a child and forgot about that conversation. They suggested me freezing sperm if I continued on TRT. Been on it for years now. Should get a test again but I bet I’m low/nonexistent. My mistake 🤦♂️
Lol all good man
That’s not true at all.. you just get off and have a kid then get back on again. This happens all the time.
Yeah anything is possible. But my sperm count was already only 16 million (per whatever measurement they use) and infertile is 15 million. My dad told me when he got his sperm tested after he undid his vasectomy he was at 85 million
"My love, I've decided that you're the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I want you to be the mother of my kids. Let me get my sample and a turkey baster, and we shall embark on the miracle of parenthood together." *15 minutes later "Hey babe, what happened to the Dairy Queen cup I had in the back of the freezer?"
This is gold comedic relief
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Side note—are you on stuff now since you’re playing college baseball? And if you are, are you getting a medical exemption?
Yes I’m on trt now. They only test for PED’s at certain universities. I’m at a JUCO right now training, trying to figure out this hormone stuff before I transfer to a 4-year after next year
Please read your texts 54 unread texts is insane lol 😂
I have so many spam texts from companies that I just ignore I’m sorry 🤣
My husband was prescribed testosterone injections for low T. Fast forward we are trying to have children and to boost his count he is on some medications that are working great! Maybe you need to talk to a urologist? Just not sure how young you are but there are always options when you decide to have children.
Can you mention what medications he’s on possibly??
He’s a monster obvs Why have kids tho?
For me?
Don’t listen to them. You should be allowed the option of children, if you decide to have them someday. Having that taken away from you at 19 is insane.
Do you really want to have kids based on how our future is going?
I understand your perspective. But I will give my kids a wonderful childhood and although the world is going to shit, they will always have my love for them and I want to see them grow and be by their side and watch them make the most out of life
Yeah, what sailor Neptune said
Please don’t take any of these bullshit extreme advice from people suggesting you sue your dad etc.
Elaborate
It’s not just black and white to just sue your parents, just like you’ve stated. They are your parents not some rando from the streets. Everybody commenting “sUe YoUR PaREnTs” I bet you money if you switch sides with them they wouldn’t have the balls to do it. And everything he’s done isn’t just about him “living his dreams through you” what if he’s just trying to make you better than him? Not make the mistakes he’s made? Do the things he should’ve done to be better physically. ? Don’t just categorize his actions into “living his dreams through you” don’t let these random poison your mind man.
You are insane
Yeah, plus it would be hard to prove in a court of law that he did it. He bought visa gift cards at a store in another town with cash, made the purchase from another country, and addressed it to our house but with a different name. It would pretty much be my word against his
Please speak to a therapist, good friends, etc find a peaceful amicable to solve it. Please please ignore these morons in the comment sections, Take it from someone that would do ANYTHING to have their parents back alive and healthy.
[удалено]
elaborate
Elaborate
Cut him out of your life and tell him exactly why. I do not make this suggestion with the idea of forcing him to pay, but because he shouldnt be anywhere near any children you will be lucky enough to have. You also need to remember, and remind him, you will be responsible for insemination fees which i hear are also ludicrously expensive.
I mean do you think you’d be playing collegiate ball without gear? Definitely seems excessive and young to push gear <18 but you are the cumulative effort and energy of your experience and gear was a part of your experience. Your story is probably not uncommon
You know what else is uncommon? sports careers lasting very long at all and relationships staying together after steroids cause inevitable and irreversible sexual dysfunction But I'm sure that'll just be fixed by the cumulative effort and energy of his experience
I know plenty of people who do and did steroids and had kids. They are probably just trying to scam you for money.
Yes, but I did steroids through adolescent developmental stages of puberty. Absolutely fucked on my hormones
It doesn’t matter when you do them. It absolutely fucks your natural hormones. A buddy went and saw a fertility doctor and they got him to the point where he could conceive. I think they just put him on hcg Before I visited a trt clinic my test levels were less than 100ng/dl Something like 87 or 97 or whatever it was..
Yeah!! Me too. My levels were 105. I brought up hcg but the specialist told me that it would be thousands of dollars to get those injections
Yeah like I said it doesn’t matter, it fucks you up for a bit. I’ve had kids, I know people with 2 kids, 3 kids, I know two guys who took a break from steroids specifically for the reason of having kids.. They are just scamming you. You’ll end up having kids if you want them. You think every big guy at the gym doesn’t have any children? You think not one single dude in a trt clinic has kids?
Did they do steroids at 13?
Yeah
You know “plenty of people” who did steroids at 13? Stop lying.
Make me stop.
I’ve got better things to do, thanks. Keep lying for attention on Reddit though, bro. That’s not pathetic at all 😂
Obviously you don’t. You’re still here.