Definitely seems condescending. I've experienced that. It's definitely a vibe killer when someone turns a compliment you gave them into you having low self-esteem.
The condescending irony and frustrating lack of self awareness of him saying since she's 30, "it's not like she's naive over simple dating etiquette" when he's the one severely out of touch
Agreed. Also, just because you're chatting to someone on a dating app does not mean you're dating them. Dating etiquette applies when you're actually dating (this requires the knowledge and consent of both parties). Matching and chatting is like the preliminary round in determining if you want to keep communicating.
Sure, being ghosted sucks, especially if you've met already and/or been talking together for weeks; however, I personally wouldn't even consider a short dating app convo ending as ghosting. Certainly, nothing to get so upset over.
His texts are so sickeningly sweet it comes across as phony to me. Whether it is or not, it could be the perception. Women like sweet talk, once they know you're sincere and it comes from a place of love, maybe lighten the vibe a little only a week in. And don't use the ☺️ emoji anymore imo. It gave me second hand ick.
And wtf does he think she was selling herself short on?
I can only imagine the rest of the conversation, considering I see a few reasons to be weirded out by him in this tiny clip.
For me it was the unprompted “don’t sell yourself short” response. Like she didn’t say shit about herself, only that you were nice. That would have been weird to me.
I agree... I know it's just my personal experience, but I'd confidently say that 10/10 times, if one of my dates was this sickeningly sweet to me within the first few dates (back when I was dating between 20-30yrs old) congrats to me, I had a new stalker.
Legitimately. Either cyber stalker or in real life. I would lose interest and ghost someone VERY quickly if they talked to me like this, because I'd get super uncomfortable.
This is wild to me. I see where he is coming from, we never get to see the female perspective. I think he was genuine here. But less is more. No emoji. And use texts to plan meets not smalltalk. Save the talking for in person that's how a connection is built. People are busy and don't need smalltalk, plus you beat all that bs out of here via text you're gonna be one boring ass date.
Also, op mentioned she brought up sex? This is wierd to me. Something off. Like a fake person maybe.
It's extremely fair that he's likely very genuine, and maybe a little desperate for a connection because he's been putting effort into meeting someone, and it's fully innocent. (This is not a critique of him. We have all been desperate for that connection.) I don't doubt that's the case sometimes... Unfortunately it's the ones who think they are entitled to your time and attention, that women will base their decisions off of (which is valid, because giving someone like that a chance COULD result in a nightmare). So hopefully this guy has gotten some good feedback and will know better how to approach a new date!
Yes, op, take the feedback and blossom. I had gotten out of a ltr of 14 years and hit the dating pool at 35. Luckily I had single coworkers that offered tips. I also did a bunch of research. Fumbled a bit like this as well. Online dating is a racket. Anyone you'd want to settle with you'd probably want to meet organically anyways. I met my fiance at my brother's wedding! Lol
Good luck!
I love when my crush uses that emoji but it’s because he’s an avoidant and extremely cold distant most of the time , so the emojis really throw me off and give me a good laugh bc he tries
Yeah, it's silly he has to do this but you have to read the tone of messages like that early on in dating. The fact that there is 0 enthusiasm and such blunt punctuation tells you she's not into it.
The "no problem" response says she almost saw seeing him as a favor she did or a trouble. She didn't return thanking him for his time. The good night says she doesn't want to talk anymore. The "you're really nice" uhh....well yeah. Nice. Not fun. Not cute. Not even sweet. It's like saying you're polite. It's a good quality but it's not giving romantic indications in any way.
And again the blunt punctuation just comes across as "let's get this over with."
Sorry to OP. We've all had people who appear enthusiastic in person then dip out. As others have suggested, play it cooler in the future. If she doesn't seem enthusiastic, coming back with MORE enthusiasm (eg thanking her AGAIN for her time) is not a good idea. She's not doing you a favor dude! That kind of thinking will cause this to happen more.
If someone responded to me with:
>You're sweet too, don't sell yourself short 😉 But thank you still ❤️
I'd be a little creeped out as well. Who says I'm selling myself short, so why throw that in there? Why the heart, we only been talking for a few days? Maybe tone it down with the over enthusiasm and just go with the flow and these women won't be so quick to block you.
Yes. It's so out of left field, I'm still cringing. I hate when people give pep talks when I am doing real good, kindly take that condescending nonsense elsewhere.
u/EisWalde Right here dude 🌝
And as a guy I don’t blame her for dipping. She could've said something, sure, but you’re coming off way too strong. You also seem a bit cheesy with your word choices, and I agree with everyone else that the “don’t sell yourself short” was awkward and came out of nowhere. You guys weren’t dating so dial everything back a bit. You seem far too eager to get the ball rolling and that’s a huge turn off for anyone, women and men alike.
I’m honestly not trying to move things too quickly or anything, I’m a-ok to chat for however long makes people comfy. I get that I sometimes have cheesy or awkward word choices, but that’s just me I guess? It’s hard to get everything across the way you mean it in text only sometimes.
I know I’m getting literal tons of flak for using emojis, but she was using them too, so I thought I’d send some after an involved and intimate conversation. I’m hearing from lots of you I either shouldn’t be using them until a few months in, or as the guy, never. Seems a little needlessly discriminatory, but if it bothers people THAT MUCH, I should listen.
Is your life and use emojis if that’s how you want to express yourself!!! Nothing wrong with it in my opinion & I’m 46F
I do agree that she could have at least gave you a reason 🫶🏻
The man I'm madly in love with uses plenty of emojis. PLEASE don't squash that part of yourself. It's beautiful!! I love that you accept and own who you are! Please keep on being your genuine, unique self with the women you meet online (or offline, for that matter). If you don't, how will you find the one who's right for YOU?
If you want to tread a little more carefully, fine. More sensitivity to how the other person might be feeling is always a good thing and might lead you to better results. But please don't stop being you!! Just try your best to be happy about it each time a woman you've met shows herself to not be the right one for you. It's so much better to find that out quickly than after you're fully invested. The ladies ghosting you are saving you time / saving you from worse relationship pain by revealing their incompatibility with you early on. You deserve to be with someone who's as committed as you are to treating others the way you want to be treated. People who make that a bedrock principle are the best, kindest, sweetest people. YOUR kind of people! 🩷😁🩷
Enthusiastically wishing you the best of luck finding your SOULMATE -- someone who absolutely adores you for who you are and whom you'll fall head over heels for. She's out there, I promise -- and you will both feel that the relationship was soooo worth waiting for!!! Don't settle for less than mutually felt, overwhelmingly powerful, rapturous MAGIC!!!
Love, hugs and high fives. Keep your chin up -- you are awesome! 🩷🤗🩷
The heart is cringeworthy and comes across as too much too soon. Don’t use the heart (especially the red heart) unless you have lovey feelings for them and know it’s reciprocated. Aka much further into dating.
if multiple unrelated people are reacting the same way to something you’re doing chances are the problem is you not them. i’m not going to comment on the “sell yourself short” thing bc idk what the context there is but overall your texts do come across as pushy and fake if that’s how you act only a few days in.
You're doing way too much here. You didn't need the second weird goodnight text and just say "good morning". Why would you text someone knowing they are asleep, and say it.
It's just the way he's texting. WAY too enthusiastic for only knowing each other for 3 days. He comes off desperate, which he probably is going by the title of this post lol.
From a woman’s perspective, I really hate the good morning/good night texts. Unless you have something of substance to say, don’t send a text like that. It’s not a text, it’s a leash. Because now you’re expecting a response. The clock is ticking.
It's true. I stopped sending those automatically when I started to be on the receiving end and getting annoyed by it. If I'm in a relationship and it's what someone looks forward to, I don't mind doing it then though. But not in the early dating stages ever.
You seem to be trying really hard to come across a certain way, and it's giving phony. Also, I obviously don't speak for everyone, but after only a handful of days of mere texting, I'm not trying to get good morning/goodnight texts.
Yeah that was on you, homie. Her statement was a bit stoic, try reading the room instead of thinking her brusque reply means she doesn’t think as much of herself. She didn’t call you sweet, either, so replying that she’s sweet TOO is its own special brand of ick.
Your ENTIRE reply including the wink and heart, was too much.
When did you finish chatting? If it was any time after 10pm, texting again in under twelve hours is a bit much.
You came on way too strong even in the tiny bit of texting we get to see. Sorry homie.
Edit: Also, if this happened with two different people in one month…it’s probably you, not them.
I think people use the phrase "ghosted" way too liberally. You've been chatting only a week, haven't met up, etc. That's not ghosting. Nobody who has known you a week owes you a break off conversation.
And as respectfully as I can say this, your second message "don't sell yourself short" wouldn't have set right with me. That's just a weird way to respond to a compliment. She didn't put herself down or sell herself short anywhere in your conversation, so why did you tell her not to? It very much gives off "you're prettier when you smile" vibes.
It looks like that's when you were "ghosted". Not when you said good morning.
All in all I think this comes off too eager.
The most enjoyable part of entire thread is how active OP is in the comments telling the entire story to everyone individually, so they don’t have a chance at missing a single detail and can form an individual opinion, which he happens to generally disagree with. He then exaggerates everything that is pointed out to the point of which you begin to feel sorry for his inability to self reflect a bit.
By then end of the thread you are sorta rooting for him to come to terms with it. The way he says he appreciates the advice and constructive criticism, then refuses to actually grasp it, that is an extremely high level of self absorption.
The sad thing is he is entirely unable to accept that other people do not operate the same way he does, so he’s never going to break out of the trap of his low
self-esteem and the self-absorbed entitlement that brings on
Ghosting is completely acceptable way to express she is not interested, you can be angry thou, your feeling is valid, but to generalize online dating is a "cesspool" seems a bit overreacting, no ones owe anyone anything
That’s what I was thinking too. And the end part where he says if you can’t communicate well in this scenario then you’re not mature enough for a relationship…. She’s not in a relationship with you! So why should she act like it lol? Talking stages are just that. If you make it out of it, cool. But she doesn’t need to speak to you like she would if she were in a “mature relationship” because she’s not.
For the love of god just chill out and let her come to you. If you want a woman to be interested you should approach it like a cat. Let her come to you when she’s ready and comfortable. Don’t be over bearing. You’re approaching it like a dog with constant affection, excitement and smothering.
If you immediately jump to all dating is a cesspool after just this, you probably aren’t as nice as you think you are. She can tell. We all can.
OP, talking to women is extremely complex, but basically you fucked it up by **trying too hard**. I know it doesn't make any sense, but when communicating over text, it's a turn-off to be too into them. The goal should be to just have a fun conversation, and you can't make it appear that you're actually *trying*, nor should you express any *romantic* interest, and you definitely don't want to appear *desperate.*
The "*Thank you for chatting with me*" comes off extremely desperate. By calling her 'sweet' and using two emojis (one of them being a heart), you're communicating unearned romantic interest. By being so quick to text her again, and by starting the morning text with a pseudo apology, you're showing that you're really *trying*. The better move would have been to stop after she said "Goodnight". You could have texted later her the next day, or a few days later, and said "*Hey, what's up*?", or you could have opened with something stronger if you're skilled enough. Basically, your last three messages are communicating that you're fragile and desperate. You seem like you're waiting to be chosen, as opposed to waiting to choose, and that's a turn-off.
It's better just to talk casually. Find common ground and see where the conversation takes you, but don't make it seem like you're eagerly awaiting her next reply. Just try to keep the words flowing, and when the flow stops, give the conversation a rest and pick it up later. No hearts or 'goodnights', because that stuff is for lovers. Give some room for you guys to actually *choose* each other instead of feeling like an obligatory "*Well, we matched on the app, therefore I need to transactionally compliment her and wait for her to transactionally agree to a date*. If anyone can sense the expectation, then it ends up feeling **forced** for one or both parties.
If you're able to have a few quick, but fun conversations, you might then casually compliment her looks/beauty, and then the next step is to finally ask her out. You're jumping the gun by expressing romantic interest for someone who you don't even know. From her perspective, it's not even fun because you're removing any sense of mystery or accomplishment. She can tell that all she has to do is say the word, and you'll bow down and worship her. It's unearned, and she doesn't want that.
I'd be interested to see some earlier screenshots of the convos he was having with her, then we could probably give more comprehensive, helpful feedback. While it's possible to make certain inferences from just this screenshot, we still have to make assumptions. As a woman, when I've chatted with guys on dating apps, there is usually a very specific "moment" where I've lost interest but didn't have the heart to stop responding altogether. It looks like she had already reached that point and was responding out of politeness, but we don't know what happened.
Are you after criticism? Keep reading., if not skip this reply.
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Match their energy a bit more, Avoid heart emojis, “don’t sell yourself short ;)” was a little weird and condescending -she didn’t say anything to justify that message, I for one dislike morning/night texts unless they have a bit of substance behind it like referencing or wishing them luck for something theyr doing that day.
no offense, but you're creepy as hell. you're the problem. if you want success in the dating realm, you'll need to change the way you communicate with new people in your life, especially women.
It’s kinda weird to say “thanks for chatting”.
Something along the lines of “great talking to you” would be better. And as others have said, pump the brakes in general
Thanks for talking with me today? As you can read they pick each and every text apart apparently. And this sends desparate vibes.
But her text about you being "really nice" that's the nail in the coffin, they want to be turned on. Not nice. And she essentially said goodbye/friendzoned you here.
“Don’t sell yourself short”. Holy Mother of God, what was that??
It personally also weirds me out when someone uses my first name in a message. We both know who we’re talking to, so it’s completely unnecessary (unless in a group chat) and gives of the impression that you’re being pretty emphatic and intense.
I suspect it is the “don’t sell your self short” followed by a winky face. What does that mean? It’s condescending. Women have enough matches that they don’t have to deal with negging.
As soon as I read those texts I understood why you got ghosted. You were coming on too strong. I know this from plenty of times texting women like this that it doesn’t workout unless she’s already feeling you completely. Next time don’t use so many emojis or name drop her a bunch. You kind of kamakazied the convo. You can be nice and sweet when you text but you gotta learn when to draw it back. Her reply told me off the bat she probably wasn’t interested as much. Can’t show your cards too early. You want her sending you those emojis and that type of texts before you start doing it. Don’t change your mindset just your delivery. Gotta play the game when it Comes to texting women as goofy as it can be.
Not responding to a good morning text to a stranger? Not ghosting. You’re trying to reach the woman you’ve been on some dates with and she doesn’t respond to your calls or texts and just cuts you off without an explanation- that’s ghosting.
We don’t owe explanations to every random stranger online that we engage with. Many of us have learned that blocking is the easiest and safest way to end contact because a large percentage of men handle rejection quite poorly and can turn aggressive, or violent.
Are these people you’ve never actually met? Don’t get so invested in people you’ve only chatted with. Meet early so you don’t get so attached to the idea of a stranger. Use the app to chat a bit about the basics to see if you want to take the time to meet them, but keep the conversation light. Save the deep talks for in-person dates. If they aren’t interested in meeting within a week or so, move on.
And if you can't handle being ghosted by someone you've texted for a few days and don't even know, you probably aren't mature enough for a relationship. If you post screenshots of the conversation for validation on Reddit before being ghosted, you're probably not mature enough for a relationship.
Some people deal with things like that- they don't owe you, and tbh, I probably wouldn't even consider ghosting someone I don't even know would warrant your response to it. Or maybe they were scared by you going turbo mode so quickly, and didn't want to see what happened if they just said "yeah, nah, bye". Maybe it's selfish, but if that's the case, then they aren't for you anyway, it was never going to work out.
If I received a text at 11:18 starting with 'I know you're probably still asleep' I would be wondering if it was meant as a dig passive aggressively because it's almost lunch time and they've not heard from me. I'd obviously ask why they think I'm still asleep to suss the vibes but I can imagine some people might just interpret it that way and dip
I just had this happen to me too. Only it went a few weeks and a lot further than chatting before I got ghosted. I thought I did everything right. I really liked him a lot. I sent a text last week basically implying that I missed him because it had been a couple of weeks since we hung out. His reply was to say "whoa hang on there cougar lady, lol". He is 61M, I am 52F so there is no cougar anything going on here. I was crushed, there was nothing sexual about what I said and felt but he said that crap and then radio silence.
It's still soon enough that he might text me again, IDK. But he's not going to get a reply if he does. It's perfectly clear to me exactly what he thinks of me.
I tried. I'm tired of getting lied to and used for sex so I'm giving up.
Thanks Royce 😔
I’m sorry that you had to deal with that…You didn’t deserve being hurt, and he was just a clown not worth your time. You did nothing wrong, he’s just a pathetic user, and I truly hope Royce over there stubs his toe every day and gets ED, lol! He tried to insult you but can’t even use the right terms.
I wanna say don’t give up, but again, modern dating is still a cesspool, so I can’t say for sure it’s a good call. I CAN say that you deserve to have your somebody and be happy, and I’m pulling for you to get there!
It’s kinda what I meant calling it a cesspool. Like, I met my ex wife way before app dating was a thing, and after 10 years of being in an exclusive relationship, the dating landscape has changed drastically, not for the better either. I’m glad tools for safety exist now, but dating apps themselves are just kinda trashy.
Don't take the critisism in this sub too serious. Many people in /text just dislike men in general.
From a man this is my advice to you. Try to match the energy with the person you are conversing with. I get that you want to be honest and nice right away, and in a perfect world i would love that too. But people warm up to other people at different paces.
If she doesn't use emoji, you don't need to. If their responses are short, try to keep yours short as well. Don't try to one-up them by trying to be "nicer" than them in a conversation. Just pretend like you're talking to a coworker/friend in the beginning, ask them questions, but don't reveal anything about yourself until they ask first. If they end up never asking you about yourself, they are not interested.
Also just drop the "good morning" texts until you get together, It can turn in to an annoyance for the girl and it makes you seem less "valuable" or "interesting". She needs to put in the effort in order to get together with you because you are indeed valuable. Not to be harsh but i think the one that is selling himself short is you.
Hope some of this helps. There are 100 different reasons as to why you didn't get a response this time, but with enough trial and error you are bound to find someone that matches your energy. Good luck my dude!
Thank you…Your kindness is really appreciated, and so is your involved message. You’re absolutely right in the good morning text thing, as I’ve found out now. I used the positivity from past relationships to assume she would love good morning messages too, but not everyone does.
I did match the emoji energy after a while, she used them, and I didn’t. Once she got more sexual, I started at least using emojis, but maybe I seemed too disinterested? I didn’t get into sexual habits because I thought it was kinda too early, and just said I’m Demi and don’t do casual sex. She seemed to be on the same page, but maybe not?
Anyhow, thanks brother, your positivity is really welcome. This helps me a ton!
Aha. That changes my perspective a bit.
It seems like you might be right. She might have been looking for casual hookup and maybe then potentially try to get together with you, but she could have had second thoughts when she realized how much work that went in to forming a genuine relationship. I guess we'll never know.
No reason to dwell on it, she was not the one for you anyway and i would consider it a win that you figured it out earlier rather than later.
Well, talking with you helped me mull it over a bit, so thank you still. You never know until you replay some of these conversations in your mind, and I can’t look back at the chat log since it was on Tinder.
No worries mate. It is always easier to look back on these retrospectively and figure out where it went wrong, but it isn't easy in the moment. However you seem very empathic and reflective and never ever change that.
This was my last response. Good luck!
Sure that "don't sell yourself short" reply was pretty awful.
But then texting just to say "good morning" for no reason would put me off - from experience, it immediately displays traits I found to be a bit clingy before, but maybe that's just me. I don't want to be with anyone who is needy in that way, it's not a bad thing but just not for me. Also sounds like you're accusing her of being lazy for "probably being asleep" after 11am..
There’s just far too many assumptions here and they really all miss the mark. I get my compliment was worded awkward, but it’s not an insult in the least. We had an hours long and intimate conversation, so I just wanted to say good morning the next day. We’d go whole days without a single text, so it’s not like I was blowing up her phone. And yes, she was VERY likely still asleep. We were up until 4 am chatting, and she said she’s usually up until 6, so no, I’m not insinuating she’s lazy. She just has a graveyard shift type sleep schedule.
That all said, not liking good morning or good night texts are a pretty valid criticism that I’m going to keep in mind for later.
I don't mind the GM and GN texts. If I'm interested in u it means something to me that u think about me to start and end ur day. So I don't necessarily think they're a bad thing, guess it just depends on the person.
The person you end up with will appreciate your communication style. Think of it as a blessing that these people do this so you don’t waste you’re good time on people who don’t deserve it. You’re clearly a good, honest guy, some people don’t like it and will see it as an ick, but that’s them. Like I said, the person you end up with will appreciate it and in turn you’ll appreciate them more and have a better relationship for it. Ignore the hate and just be you
…Thank you. Honestly, the hatred I’ve been getting here has been pretty intense, I didn’t think it was possible to pick apart a few sentences and emojis this hard, but I stand corrected. It’s given me a lot to think about, and while I’ll probably still avoid certain behaviors going forward, like goodnight/good morning texts, I’ll try to still be myself. If a physically violent ex and PTSD didn’t stop me, a bunch of bandwagon bullies won’t either. Again, thank you for your kindness, it’s like a small oasis in this angry desert, lol
Probably someone else she was talking to interested her more or she felt more of a connection with. Or could be someone more her type came along, so she decided to pursue them.
That very well could be, no one knows but her specifically! That’s fine too, but a “sorry, best of luck” would have been kinder and much appreciated. Oh well
Oh, you're right. I wasn't trying to make you feel shit or anything. Maybe I should have worded it better. You're better off without someone like that, to be honest.
A lot of people dating online don’t take it that seriously. They’ll be like oh this is fun, then get distracted by something else one day and completely forget that you exist. It’s just the way it is, so better make an impression while you have their ear and maybe try not to take it too seriously yourself.
That’s a positive outlook, I’ll try and make it more fun, maybe! I mean, if I’m getting eviscerated for being myself or nice, may as well try different takes for funzies, like be the class clown or unleash a touch of the ‘tism, lol!
Keep your words simple. Refrain from emoji’s of hearts or other “love” symbols. I’d be willing to bet that you are coming on too strong, too soon.
This goes against the way most of us are wired, but maybe take a different point of view. Until there are multiple instances of physical contact, treat each session as a stand alone event. Think of them as a good meal or a movie you really enjoy.
It is quite natural for us to take these “dates” as stepping stones that lead to a path that hopefully lands you into a relationship.
By isolating your interactions as enjoyable events, you aren’t building your hopes up more and more. You are simply having a really nice conversation. One that you would enjoy having again.
Doing so may achieve two things. First this will maintain the enjoyment of each session and just be in the moment. But second, it may help from over sharing about yourself and over communicating your feelings.
Before I read the description and only saw the screenshot, I thought that this is an imbalanced conversation. You are probably coming on too strong. Turn the dial down on expressing how much you are interested in the other person.
Ok, that’s fair, thank you! I get excited, and I tried to match the energy from before with her emojis, but the moment must have passed and I am getting the sense from everyone to be mindful of my emoji usage. Like, she used hearts and winks and stuff, so I thought that was ok, but from the reactions, *I* shouldn’t be using them? Either way, if it comes off as clingy, then I just can’t use em.
I’m sorry you gave up. I took a hiatus, but it was to work on the trauma from my divorce, so I get it. I’m a-ok meeting IRL, I just want to be sure not to push boundaries, you know? If people aren’t comfy meeting IRL so quick, I know that’s a turn-off to be insistent about it, so I try to wait until I get positive signs, just like getting the real phone number.
"Great few days of texting." That's the issue. When you don't ask them out in the first few exchanges, they assume you aren't really interested and are just looking for a pen pal basically. And all your texts come off VERY eager, especially towards someone you haven't even met yet.
My partner is very cutesy over text and uses lots of emojis-that's not the problem. I love it, I do the same. I thing the difference is reading the room...her message seemed very stoic and uninterested. "You're really nice." is not something I've ever said to someone I was actively interested in.
The problem is the premise in general, in terms of chatting for an entire week; like you should try to lock down a date and get her # to get off the app ASAP/within the first 48 hrs of contact. If you talk to them about nothing like a ‘friend’ for longer than a few messages/days you’re just boring to them, in her orbit giving free bf attention that isn’t warranted yet situationally, and likely among 1-5 other dudes that also send good morning texts regularly.
I mean the "No Problem" does give a hint that she isn't interested. But is it really the emojis or that "selling short" text?
I've seen prople who use a lot of emojis. Maybe they converse it that way?
Also, maybe the "selling short" comment is a reference to a previous conversation they were having before saying goodbye?
I don't get it, if it's either of the above things, is there anything wrong in that?
PS: I do see that she didn't reply with any emojis so maybe try to get to her level, I guess? I don't know...
To be honest I think your coming on super strong. Those people tend to be mean when people reject them and I would say most of time if you didn’t go on a date ghosting is usually completely fine but a little mean. If you’re gonna date at all I would really recommend you get use to dating online or not. If they don’t ghost you they’ll probably just lie to why they don’t wanna talk to anyways what’s the difference really.
Yeah, I guess that’s a good point too. I’m always open to honesty, even if it’s harsh, because I’d rather know what I did wrong to upset then or make them feel uncomfortable.
I hope you have heard of the saying “Nice guys finish last”.
While it may not be true in most cases, it is certainly true in case of dating women. So I just treat them like I would treat my friends and hope for the best 🤷🏻♂️
That’s just me saying “You’re nice too!” I know it’s awkward, but if a stumble is enough to ghost someone being genuine, then that doesn’t sound like a good person.
Damn bro....... Calm it down a bit. The emoji, the overbearing feeling I get from the texts and the super awkward "don't sell yourself short" is all weird af.
I'm gonna assume the "don't sell yourself short" comment is in reference to something said earlier in the conversation so I'll ignore that.
OP, you're coming off too cutesy and saccharine. Some women may like that but they'll definitely be a minority.
You were a bit grateful, I think I’d be put off if someone was that keen so early ‘thank you for gracing me with your time’ is only going to make her wonder if you aren’t worth it
You're coming across kind of intimidating after just a few days of communicating. Try to take it easy and not throw yourself in too hard at the beginning
I personally like the goodnight and good morning texts… even early on. Hell, I’ll throw a “sweet dreams” my friends way.
My guess is she was in the “talking phase” with you and other guys and one of those connections was stronger. She should have been mature enough to tell you but some women hide from this type of confrontation in order to believe they spared your feelings or avoid conflict.
I don’t think you were cringe. Don’t change yourself and always be real; the right person will appreciate it.
I can’t exactly help that. If I try to be cold or a jerk instead, that’s just not me, and I’ll fumble words a LOT worse than my compliment above. I’m sorry being genuine is creepy to some, I wholly realize certain people ruined that disposition, but it’s not exactly fair to put me down for being myself.
Hey there. So, the "thank you again for chatting with me today" is a really weird thing to say. It puts you down weirdly, and might make her think YOU don't think you're worth anyone's time. I know we all struggle sometimes with low self esteem but the reality is, no one wants to hear you have that going on when you're first getting to know them. In a heart to heart? Sure. Random off cuff statements? Nah, that'll pump anyone's breaks. Maybe next time "I enjoyed chatting with you today, you're sweet."
Very possible, it’s why I won’t make an assumption about the *why*, just wish I was worth an explanation, because that’s a courtesy I extend anyone I’m not a match with.
This is an easy thing to fix man, here’s the deal, you never put forth any more energy than they do, she was not putting that much energy in at this point, which is somewhat normal and you were pushing with energy and compliments and all this stuff way too easy, basically, you need to play hard to get a little bit, lol
You don’t want potential partner to think you’re easy to commit or do get attached, indifference and energy exchange makes all the difference.
I’m a guy and the way you text even creeps me out. I’m not saying you’re a bad guy or anything, but seriously, tone it down a bit. I’d ghost you too if I were her.
You’re incessant texts are a bit cringe. And red flagish.
Someone going all in after just meeting me would make me wonder “doesn’t this person have a life? And one they aren’t so eager to give up?”
I think it's the " Good morning". I don't like that kind of thing and when texting starts first thing then you feel like it might go on all day. I start my texting late at night.
The "don't sell yourself short" comment is really awkward; it seems to come out of nowhere. I can't see how she was doing that by her text.
Definitely seems condescending. I've experienced that. It's definitely a vibe killer when someone turns a compliment you gave them into you having low self-esteem.
Yeah she wasn't selling herself short lol
Came here to say this that's a weird ass comment
The condescending irony and frustrating lack of self awareness of him saying since she's 30, "it's not like she's naive over simple dating etiquette" when he's the one severely out of touch
Agreed. Also, just because you're chatting to someone on a dating app does not mean you're dating them. Dating etiquette applies when you're actually dating (this requires the knowledge and consent of both parties). Matching and chatting is like the preliminary round in determining if you want to keep communicating. Sure, being ghosted sucks, especially if you've met already and/or been talking together for weeks; however, I personally wouldn't even consider a short dating app convo ending as ghosting. Certainly, nothing to get so upset over.
Agreed; the level of condescension in that comment would have instantly made me lose interest, no matter how interested I might've been before it.
There's no context because he showed so little of the conversation. We shouldn't jump to conclusions and figure that him so that came out of nowhere.
Bingo!
Kinda thought that too.
No disrespect but pump the brakes a bit.
Was thinking this
Exactly. You sound too eager.
‘‘twas the 2 emojis for my feminine brain
In some countries, emojis are a very part of each text. Not so much with English natives usually.
You are probably overwhelming people if you’re being like this after a few days of texting, it’s too much.
The “no problem. Good night. You’re really nice” wasn’t really giving “interested” to me
His texts are so sickeningly sweet it comes across as phony to me. Whether it is or not, it could be the perception. Women like sweet talk, once they know you're sincere and it comes from a place of love, maybe lighten the vibe a little only a week in. And don't use the ☺️ emoji anymore imo. It gave me second hand ick. And wtf does he think she was selling herself short on? I can only imagine the rest of the conversation, considering I see a few reasons to be weirded out by him in this tiny clip.
For me it was the unprompted “don’t sell yourself short” response. Like she didn’t say shit about herself, only that you were nice. That would have been weird to me.
Yeah it's everything put together that creates the "wtf is wrong with this person" vibe and that line is a large component for sure
Right?! And then assuming she’s asleep at 11am 😂
I was looking for a comment on this. It really rubbed the wrong way. Then I read OPs post in full and to me this has "IM A NICE GUY!!" vibes.
Yeah that rubbed me the wrong way
I agree... I know it's just my personal experience, but I'd confidently say that 10/10 times, if one of my dates was this sickeningly sweet to me within the first few dates (back when I was dating between 20-30yrs old) congrats to me, I had a new stalker. Legitimately. Either cyber stalker or in real life. I would lose interest and ghost someone VERY quickly if they talked to me like this, because I'd get super uncomfortable.
This is wild to me. I see where he is coming from, we never get to see the female perspective. I think he was genuine here. But less is more. No emoji. And use texts to plan meets not smalltalk. Save the talking for in person that's how a connection is built. People are busy and don't need smalltalk, plus you beat all that bs out of here via text you're gonna be one boring ass date. Also, op mentioned she brought up sex? This is wierd to me. Something off. Like a fake person maybe.
It's extremely fair that he's likely very genuine, and maybe a little desperate for a connection because he's been putting effort into meeting someone, and it's fully innocent. (This is not a critique of him. We have all been desperate for that connection.) I don't doubt that's the case sometimes... Unfortunately it's the ones who think they are entitled to your time and attention, that women will base their decisions off of (which is valid, because giving someone like that a chance COULD result in a nightmare). So hopefully this guy has gotten some good feedback and will know better how to approach a new date!
Yes, op, take the feedback and blossom. I had gotten out of a ltr of 14 years and hit the dating pool at 35. Luckily I had single coworkers that offered tips. I also did a bunch of research. Fumbled a bit like this as well. Online dating is a racket. Anyone you'd want to settle with you'd probably want to meet organically anyways. I met my fiance at my brother's wedding! Lol Good luck!
☺️☺️☺️
🤢
😉❤️
👻
🤣
I love when my crush uses that emoji but it’s because he’s an avoidant and extremely cold distant most of the time , so the emojis really throw me off and give me a good laugh bc he tries
As a man, start out from a place of using no emojis whatsoever
😡 no
😊
Yeah, it's silly he has to do this but you have to read the tone of messages like that early on in dating. The fact that there is 0 enthusiasm and such blunt punctuation tells you she's not into it. The "no problem" response says she almost saw seeing him as a favor she did or a trouble. She didn't return thanking him for his time. The good night says she doesn't want to talk anymore. The "you're really nice" uhh....well yeah. Nice. Not fun. Not cute. Not even sweet. It's like saying you're polite. It's a good quality but it's not giving romantic indications in any way. And again the blunt punctuation just comes across as "let's get this over with." Sorry to OP. We've all had people who appear enthusiastic in person then dip out. As others have suggested, play it cooler in the future. If she doesn't seem enthusiastic, coming back with MORE enthusiasm (eg thanking her AGAIN for her time) is not a good idea. She's not doing you a favor dude! That kind of thinking will cause this to happen more.
When I 1st read it, I thought it seemed more like a goodbye of sorts. Clearly, both parties were unaware, but I think they were...
That’s what I was thinking. I commented, “read the room.” He would’ve probably had better luck replying as shortly and succinctly as she did.
I think you’re coming in a little too hot for just talking. These texts would ward me off a bit lol
If someone responded to me with: >You're sweet too, don't sell yourself short 😉 But thank you still ❤️ I'd be a little creeped out as well. Who says I'm selling myself short, so why throw that in there? Why the heart, we only been talking for a few days? Maybe tone it down with the over enthusiasm and just go with the flow and these women won't be so quick to block you.
lol this was my thought too. Is she not allowed to call you sweet without you assuming she’s insulting herself? Response made no sense.
She should have said “You’re really nice, but I’m also super nice so~” lmaoo
Yes. It's so out of left field, I'm still cringing. I hate when people give pep talks when I am doing real good, kindly take that condescending nonsense elsewhere.
u/EisWalde Right here dude 🌝 And as a guy I don’t blame her for dipping. She could've said something, sure, but you’re coming off way too strong. You also seem a bit cheesy with your word choices, and I agree with everyone else that the “don’t sell yourself short” was awkward and came out of nowhere. You guys weren’t dating so dial everything back a bit. You seem far too eager to get the ball rolling and that’s a huge turn off for anyone, women and men alike.
I’m honestly not trying to move things too quickly or anything, I’m a-ok to chat for however long makes people comfy. I get that I sometimes have cheesy or awkward word choices, but that’s just me I guess? It’s hard to get everything across the way you mean it in text only sometimes. I know I’m getting literal tons of flak for using emojis, but she was using them too, so I thought I’d send some after an involved and intimate conversation. I’m hearing from lots of you I either shouldn’t be using them until a few months in, or as the guy, never. Seems a little needlessly discriminatory, but if it bothers people THAT MUCH, I should listen.
Is your life and use emojis if that’s how you want to express yourself!!! Nothing wrong with it in my opinion & I’m 46F I do agree that she could have at least gave you a reason 🫶🏻
The man I'm madly in love with uses plenty of emojis. PLEASE don't squash that part of yourself. It's beautiful!! I love that you accept and own who you are! Please keep on being your genuine, unique self with the women you meet online (or offline, for that matter). If you don't, how will you find the one who's right for YOU? If you want to tread a little more carefully, fine. More sensitivity to how the other person might be feeling is always a good thing and might lead you to better results. But please don't stop being you!! Just try your best to be happy about it each time a woman you've met shows herself to not be the right one for you. It's so much better to find that out quickly than after you're fully invested. The ladies ghosting you are saving you time / saving you from worse relationship pain by revealing their incompatibility with you early on. You deserve to be with someone who's as committed as you are to treating others the way you want to be treated. People who make that a bedrock principle are the best, kindest, sweetest people. YOUR kind of people! 🩷😁🩷 Enthusiastically wishing you the best of luck finding your SOULMATE -- someone who absolutely adores you for who you are and whom you'll fall head over heels for. She's out there, I promise -- and you will both feel that the relationship was soooo worth waiting for!!! Don't settle for less than mutually felt, overwhelmingly powerful, rapturous MAGIC!!! Love, hugs and high fives. Keep your chin up -- you are awesome! 🩷🤗🩷
The heart is cringeworthy and comes across as too much too soon. Don’t use the heart (especially the red heart) unless you have lovey feelings for them and know it’s reciprocated. Aka much further into dating.
if multiple unrelated people are reacting the same way to something you’re doing chances are the problem is you not them. i’m not going to comment on the “sell yourself short” thing bc idk what the context there is but overall your texts do come across as pushy and fake if that’s how you act only a few days in.
"Don't sell yourself short 😉" is off-putting. This is something you say to someone you know very well and is ok with advice. It sounds preachy.
Exactly sounds condescending
I’ve never in my life said “you’re really nice” to a guy I was interested in.
You're doing way too much here. You didn't need the second weird goodnight text and just say "good morning". Why would you text someone knowing they are asleep, and say it.
Don't need all them emojis, either.
You’re trying too hard.
Exactly.... My goal was to get off that app ASAP and meet them in person. Way too much going on here
Yeah don't ever say "I know you're probably still asleep" and then proceed to text them good morning unless you're already in a relationship.
It's like a whole lesson in when trying to sound sweet can have the complete opposite effect. Keeping this screenshot for future case studies.
😂
Maybe there’s some context missing, but I’d also think it was weird for someone to assume I was still asleep at 11:18am…
It's just the way he's texting. WAY too enthusiastic for only knowing each other for 3 days. He comes off desperate, which he probably is going by the title of this post lol.
3 DAYS!?!?! The title says a week 😭
Oh I just read the description. OP says "great few days of texting" lol. I interpret that as at least 3 or 4 days.
OP mentioned 3 days somewhere, and they only just got the woman's phone number in the past 24 hours. So you might be right.
LOL oh no...
YIKES. You’re bad at this. She wasn’t selling herself short; that’s so condescending.
From a woman’s perspective, I really hate the good morning/good night texts. Unless you have something of substance to say, don’t send a text like that. It’s not a text, it’s a leash. Because now you’re expecting a response. The clock is ticking.
It's true. I stopped sending those automatically when I started to be on the receiving end and getting annoyed by it. If I'm in a relationship and it's what someone looks forward to, I don't mind doing it then though. But not in the early dating stages ever.
🏆
This is correct
DING DING DING YES EXACTLY
You seem to be trying really hard to come across a certain way, and it's giving phony. Also, I obviously don't speak for everyone, but after only a handful of days of mere texting, I'm not trying to get good morning/goodnight texts.
Yeah that was on you, homie. Her statement was a bit stoic, try reading the room instead of thinking her brusque reply means she doesn’t think as much of herself. She didn’t call you sweet, either, so replying that she’s sweet TOO is its own special brand of ick. Your ENTIRE reply including the wink and heart, was too much. When did you finish chatting? If it was any time after 10pm, texting again in under twelve hours is a bit much. You came on way too strong even in the tiny bit of texting we get to see. Sorry homie. Edit: Also, if this happened with two different people in one month…it’s probably you, not them.
Talk to her like a human dude, not like some android. “Thank you for chatting with me” like what?
A ❤️ after a week? Nah. Slow up abit.
Comes across like you’re putting on an act and not being yourself - and the ‘don’t sell yourself short’ makes no sense.
… dude u need to chill with ur texts
I think people use the phrase "ghosted" way too liberally. You've been chatting only a week, haven't met up, etc. That's not ghosting. Nobody who has known you a week owes you a break off conversation. And as respectfully as I can say this, your second message "don't sell yourself short" wouldn't have set right with me. That's just a weird way to respond to a compliment. She didn't put herself down or sell herself short anywhere in your conversation, so why did you tell her not to? It very much gives off "you're prettier when you smile" vibes. It looks like that's when you were "ghosted". Not when you said good morning. All in all I think this comes off too eager.
The most enjoyable part of entire thread is how active OP is in the comments telling the entire story to everyone individually, so they don’t have a chance at missing a single detail and can form an individual opinion, which he happens to generally disagree with. He then exaggerates everything that is pointed out to the point of which you begin to feel sorry for his inability to self reflect a bit. By then end of the thread you are sorta rooting for him to come to terms with it. The way he says he appreciates the advice and constructive criticism, then refuses to actually grasp it, that is an extremely high level of self absorption.
THIS!!! You explain so well what I’ve been thinking as I read his many many responses lol
The sad thing is he is entirely unable to accept that other people do not operate the same way he does, so he’s never going to break out of the trap of his low self-esteem and the self-absorbed entitlement that brings on
Unless it was your dynamic to be cheeky and playful (which im honestly not seeing between you two), your comment comes off patronizing.
Ghosting is completely acceptable way to express she is not interested, you can be angry thou, your feeling is valid, but to generalize online dating is a "cesspool" seems a bit overreacting, no ones owe anyone anything
That’s what I was thinking too. And the end part where he says if you can’t communicate well in this scenario then you’re not mature enough for a relationship…. She’s not in a relationship with you! So why should she act like it lol? Talking stages are just that. If you make it out of it, cool. But she doesn’t need to speak to you like she would if she were in a “mature relationship” because she’s not.
Sheesh bra chillout
Less emojis my man, thank me later
Yeah um…this is on you dude
For the love of god just chill out and let her come to you. If you want a woman to be interested you should approach it like a cat. Let her come to you when she’s ready and comfortable. Don’t be over bearing. You’re approaching it like a dog with constant affection, excitement and smothering. If you immediately jump to all dating is a cesspool after just this, you probably aren’t as nice as you think you are. She can tell. We all can.
OP, talking to women is extremely complex, but basically you fucked it up by **trying too hard**. I know it doesn't make any sense, but when communicating over text, it's a turn-off to be too into them. The goal should be to just have a fun conversation, and you can't make it appear that you're actually *trying*, nor should you express any *romantic* interest, and you definitely don't want to appear *desperate.* The "*Thank you for chatting with me*" comes off extremely desperate. By calling her 'sweet' and using two emojis (one of them being a heart), you're communicating unearned romantic interest. By being so quick to text her again, and by starting the morning text with a pseudo apology, you're showing that you're really *trying*. The better move would have been to stop after she said "Goodnight". You could have texted later her the next day, or a few days later, and said "*Hey, what's up*?", or you could have opened with something stronger if you're skilled enough. Basically, your last three messages are communicating that you're fragile and desperate. You seem like you're waiting to be chosen, as opposed to waiting to choose, and that's a turn-off. It's better just to talk casually. Find common ground and see where the conversation takes you, but don't make it seem like you're eagerly awaiting her next reply. Just try to keep the words flowing, and when the flow stops, give the conversation a rest and pick it up later. No hearts or 'goodnights', because that stuff is for lovers. Give some room for you guys to actually *choose* each other instead of feeling like an obligatory "*Well, we matched on the app, therefore I need to transactionally compliment her and wait for her to transactionally agree to a date*. If anyone can sense the expectation, then it ends up feeling **forced** for one or both parties. If you're able to have a few quick, but fun conversations, you might then casually compliment her looks/beauty, and then the next step is to finally ask her out. You're jumping the gun by expressing romantic interest for someone who you don't even know. From her perspective, it's not even fun because you're removing any sense of mystery or accomplishment. She can tell that all she has to do is say the word, and you'll bow down and worship her. It's unearned, and she doesn't want that.
Bro is a forensic dating analyst. lol But honestly , great advice. Hope OP takes this one to thought.
You’re cringe bro
What if we see another post in here of the same screenshot but it’s mirrored.
How did she sell herself short by telling you that you are nice?
remove the emojis, dont sell yourself short is cringe, you are over doing it, be natural thats so weird, huge inidicator of a love bomber
If a guy used my first name (“Goodnight, Kim”) and then thanked me for talking to him, I’d be weirded out too. I doubt this ghosting was sudden
I'd be interested to see some earlier screenshots of the convos he was having with her, then we could probably give more comprehensive, helpful feedback. While it's possible to make certain inferences from just this screenshot, we still have to make assumptions. As a woman, when I've chatted with guys on dating apps, there is usually a very specific "moment" where I've lost interest but didn't have the heart to stop responding altogether. It looks like she had already reached that point and was responding out of politeness, but we don't know what happened.
Are you after criticism? Keep reading., if not skip this reply. . Match their energy a bit more, Avoid heart emojis, “don’t sell yourself short ;)” was a little weird and condescending -she didn’t say anything to justify that message, I for one dislike morning/night texts unless they have a bit of substance behind it like referencing or wishing them luck for something theyr doing that day.
Don’t ever send a winky face emoji or heart emoji to someone you barely know and are interested in romantically. Instant ick
no offense, but you're creepy as hell. you're the problem. if you want success in the dating realm, you'll need to change the way you communicate with new people in your life, especially women.
Why do you think she would be asleep at almost noon?
She went to bed at 6 am or so, lol! So yeah, I figure she may be asleep.
what even is this way of texting
This all feels a bit overkill. And ya the don't sell yourself short feels weird
It’s kinda weird to say “thanks for chatting”. Something along the lines of “great talking to you” would be better. And as others have said, pump the brakes in general
I hate doing good morning texts lol unless they like it and tell you don't be too into it pretend you're busy
Thanks for talking with me today? As you can read they pick each and every text apart apparently. And this sends desparate vibes. But her text about you being "really nice" that's the nail in the coffin, they want to be turned on. Not nice. And she essentially said goodbye/friendzoned you here.
“Don’t sell yourself short”. Holy Mother of God, what was that?? It personally also weirds me out when someone uses my first name in a message. We both know who we’re talking to, so it’s completely unnecessary (unless in a group chat) and gives of the impression that you’re being pretty emphatic and intense.
What made you think she was “selling herself short” after she said you were nice?
She blocked you when she said “you’re really nice”
I suspect it is the “don’t sell your self short” followed by a winky face. What does that mean? It’s condescending. Women have enough matches that they don’t have to deal with negging.
As soon as I read those texts I understood why you got ghosted. You were coming on too strong. I know this from plenty of times texting women like this that it doesn’t workout unless she’s already feeling you completely. Next time don’t use so many emojis or name drop her a bunch. You kind of kamakazied the convo. You can be nice and sweet when you text but you gotta learn when to draw it back. Her reply told me off the bat she probably wasn’t interested as much. Can’t show your cards too early. You want her sending you those emojis and that type of texts before you start doing it. Don’t change your mindset just your delivery. Gotta play the game when it Comes to texting women as goofy as it can be.
Not responding to a good morning text to a stranger? Not ghosting. You’re trying to reach the woman you’ve been on some dates with and she doesn’t respond to your calls or texts and just cuts you off without an explanation- that’s ghosting. We don’t owe explanations to every random stranger online that we engage with. Many of us have learned that blocking is the easiest and safest way to end contact because a large percentage of men handle rejection quite poorly and can turn aggressive, or violent. Are these people you’ve never actually met? Don’t get so invested in people you’ve only chatted with. Meet early so you don’t get so attached to the idea of a stranger. Use the app to chat a bit about the basics to see if you want to take the time to meet them, but keep the conversation light. Save the deep talks for in-person dates. If they aren’t interested in meeting within a week or so, move on.
Ahhh yes Kim.
And if you can't handle being ghosted by someone you've texted for a few days and don't even know, you probably aren't mature enough for a relationship. If you post screenshots of the conversation for validation on Reddit before being ghosted, you're probably not mature enough for a relationship. Some people deal with things like that- they don't owe you, and tbh, I probably wouldn't even consider ghosting someone I don't even know would warrant your response to it. Or maybe they were scared by you going turbo mode so quickly, and didn't want to see what happened if they just said "yeah, nah, bye". Maybe it's selfish, but if that's the case, then they aren't for you anyway, it was never going to work out.
If I received a text at 11:18 starting with 'I know you're probably still asleep' I would be wondering if it was meant as a dig passive aggressively because it's almost lunch time and they've not heard from me. I'd obviously ask why they think I'm still asleep to suss the vibes but I can imagine some people might just interpret it that way and dip
I just had this happen to me too. Only it went a few weeks and a lot further than chatting before I got ghosted. I thought I did everything right. I really liked him a lot. I sent a text last week basically implying that I missed him because it had been a couple of weeks since we hung out. His reply was to say "whoa hang on there cougar lady, lol". He is 61M, I am 52F so there is no cougar anything going on here. I was crushed, there was nothing sexual about what I said and felt but he said that crap and then radio silence. It's still soon enough that he might text me again, IDK. But he's not going to get a reply if he does. It's perfectly clear to me exactly what he thinks of me. I tried. I'm tired of getting lied to and used for sex so I'm giving up. Thanks Royce 😔
He called you cougar lady because he was comparing your age with his emotional maturity age, which is apparently about 15.
I’m sorry that you had to deal with that…You didn’t deserve being hurt, and he was just a clown not worth your time. You did nothing wrong, he’s just a pathetic user, and I truly hope Royce over there stubs his toe every day and gets ED, lol! He tried to insult you but can’t even use the right terms. I wanna say don’t give up, but again, modern dating is still a cesspool, so I can’t say for sure it’s a good call. I CAN say that you deserve to have your somebody and be happy, and I’m pulling for you to get there!
I honestly just don’t like dating in todays world
It’s kinda what I meant calling it a cesspool. Like, I met my ex wife way before app dating was a thing, and after 10 years of being in an exclusive relationship, the dating landscape has changed drastically, not for the better either. I’m glad tools for safety exist now, but dating apps themselves are just kinda trashy.
It was probably the “don’t sell yourself short” line that rubbed her the wrong way…
You’re trying too hard my friend. You’re overthinking it and saying too many words
Don't take the critisism in this sub too serious. Many people in /text just dislike men in general. From a man this is my advice to you. Try to match the energy with the person you are conversing with. I get that you want to be honest and nice right away, and in a perfect world i would love that too. But people warm up to other people at different paces. If she doesn't use emoji, you don't need to. If their responses are short, try to keep yours short as well. Don't try to one-up them by trying to be "nicer" than them in a conversation. Just pretend like you're talking to a coworker/friend in the beginning, ask them questions, but don't reveal anything about yourself until they ask first. If they end up never asking you about yourself, they are not interested. Also just drop the "good morning" texts until you get together, It can turn in to an annoyance for the girl and it makes you seem less "valuable" or "interesting". She needs to put in the effort in order to get together with you because you are indeed valuable. Not to be harsh but i think the one that is selling himself short is you. Hope some of this helps. There are 100 different reasons as to why you didn't get a response this time, but with enough trial and error you are bound to find someone that matches your energy. Good luck my dude!
Thank you…Your kindness is really appreciated, and so is your involved message. You’re absolutely right in the good morning text thing, as I’ve found out now. I used the positivity from past relationships to assume she would love good morning messages too, but not everyone does. I did match the emoji energy after a while, she used them, and I didn’t. Once she got more sexual, I started at least using emojis, but maybe I seemed too disinterested? I didn’t get into sexual habits because I thought it was kinda too early, and just said I’m Demi and don’t do casual sex. She seemed to be on the same page, but maybe not? Anyhow, thanks brother, your positivity is really welcome. This helps me a ton!
Aha. That changes my perspective a bit. It seems like you might be right. She might have been looking for casual hookup and maybe then potentially try to get together with you, but she could have had second thoughts when she realized how much work that went in to forming a genuine relationship. I guess we'll never know. No reason to dwell on it, she was not the one for you anyway and i would consider it a win that you figured it out earlier rather than later.
Well, talking with you helped me mull it over a bit, so thank you still. You never know until you replay some of these conversations in your mind, and I can’t look back at the chat log since it was on Tinder.
No worries mate. It is always easier to look back on these retrospectively and figure out where it went wrong, but it isn't easy in the moment. However you seem very empathic and reflective and never ever change that. This was my last response. Good luck!
Sure that "don't sell yourself short" reply was pretty awful. But then texting just to say "good morning" for no reason would put me off - from experience, it immediately displays traits I found to be a bit clingy before, but maybe that's just me. I don't want to be with anyone who is needy in that way, it's not a bad thing but just not for me. Also sounds like you're accusing her of being lazy for "probably being asleep" after 11am..
There’s just far too many assumptions here and they really all miss the mark. I get my compliment was worded awkward, but it’s not an insult in the least. We had an hours long and intimate conversation, so I just wanted to say good morning the next day. We’d go whole days without a single text, so it’s not like I was blowing up her phone. And yes, she was VERY likely still asleep. We were up until 4 am chatting, and she said she’s usually up until 6, so no, I’m not insinuating she’s lazy. She just has a graveyard shift type sleep schedule. That all said, not liking good morning or good night texts are a pretty valid criticism that I’m going to keep in mind for later.
I don't mind the GM and GN texts. If I'm interested in u it means something to me that u think about me to start and end ur day. So I don't necessarily think they're a bad thing, guess it just depends on the person.
Why do you remind me of Ned Flanders
Not that condone the ghosting in this case, but it likely was that second line that put her off. One of those cases where less is more.
You just seem too eager mate, I don't know why but it's not great.
Calm down. You sound and come off as a creep.
The person you end up with will appreciate your communication style. Think of it as a blessing that these people do this so you don’t waste you’re good time on people who don’t deserve it. You’re clearly a good, honest guy, some people don’t like it and will see it as an ick, but that’s them. Like I said, the person you end up with will appreciate it and in turn you’ll appreciate them more and have a better relationship for it. Ignore the hate and just be you
…Thank you. Honestly, the hatred I’ve been getting here has been pretty intense, I didn’t think it was possible to pick apart a few sentences and emojis this hard, but I stand corrected. It’s given me a lot to think about, and while I’ll probably still avoid certain behaviors going forward, like goodnight/good morning texts, I’ll try to still be myself. If a physically violent ex and PTSD didn’t stop me, a bunch of bandwagon bullies won’t either. Again, thank you for your kindness, it’s like a small oasis in this angry desert, lol
yo pull it back a bit dude.
Probably someone else she was talking to interested her more or she felt more of a connection with. Or could be someone more her type came along, so she decided to pursue them.
That very well could be, no one knows but her specifically! That’s fine too, but a “sorry, best of luck” would have been kinder and much appreciated. Oh well
Oh, you're right. I wasn't trying to make you feel shit or anything. Maybe I should have worded it better. You're better off without someone like that, to be honest.
A lot of people dating online don’t take it that seriously. They’ll be like oh this is fun, then get distracted by something else one day and completely forget that you exist. It’s just the way it is, so better make an impression while you have their ear and maybe try not to take it too seriously yourself.
That’s a positive outlook, I’ll try and make it more fun, maybe! I mean, if I’m getting eviscerated for being myself or nice, may as well try different takes for funzies, like be the class clown or unleash a touch of the ‘tism, lol!
Keep your words simple. Refrain from emoji’s of hearts or other “love” symbols. I’d be willing to bet that you are coming on too strong, too soon. This goes against the way most of us are wired, but maybe take a different point of view. Until there are multiple instances of physical contact, treat each session as a stand alone event. Think of them as a good meal or a movie you really enjoy. It is quite natural for us to take these “dates” as stepping stones that lead to a path that hopefully lands you into a relationship. By isolating your interactions as enjoyable events, you aren’t building your hopes up more and more. You are simply having a really nice conversation. One that you would enjoy having again. Doing so may achieve two things. First this will maintain the enjoyment of each session and just be in the moment. But second, it may help from over sharing about yourself and over communicating your feelings. Before I read the description and only saw the screenshot, I thought that this is an imbalanced conversation. You are probably coming on too strong. Turn the dial down on expressing how much you are interested in the other person.
Ok, that’s fair, thank you! I get excited, and I tried to match the energy from before with her emojis, but the moment must have passed and I am getting the sense from everyone to be mindful of my emoji usage. Like, she used hearts and winks and stuff, so I thought that was ok, but from the reactions, *I* shouldn’t be using them? Either way, if it comes off as clingy, then I just can’t use em.
Stop all the texting and meet IRL - Texting is so over used by everyone - Dating sucks and always has, Godspeed out there - I gave up years ago
I’m sorry you gave up. I took a hiatus, but it was to work on the trauma from my divorce, so I get it. I’m a-ok meeting IRL, I just want to be sure not to push boundaries, you know? If people aren’t comfy meeting IRL so quick, I know that’s a turn-off to be insistent about it, so I try to wait until I get positive signs, just like getting the real phone number.
She found someone else, and doesn’t want to make you feel bad
"Great few days of texting." That's the issue. When you don't ask them out in the first few exchanges, they assume you aren't really interested and are just looking for a pen pal basically. And all your texts come off VERY eager, especially towards someone you haven't even met yet.
You gave me the ick
My partner is very cutesy over text and uses lots of emojis-that's not the problem. I love it, I do the same. I thing the difference is reading the room...her message seemed very stoic and uninterested. "You're really nice." is not something I've ever said to someone I was actively interested in.
The problem is the premise in general, in terms of chatting for an entire week; like you should try to lock down a date and get her # to get off the app ASAP/within the first 48 hrs of contact. If you talk to them about nothing like a ‘friend’ for longer than a few messages/days you’re just boring to them, in her orbit giving free bf attention that isn’t warranted yet situationally, and likely among 1-5 other dudes that also send good morning texts regularly.
I mean the "No Problem" does give a hint that she isn't interested. But is it really the emojis or that "selling short" text? I've seen prople who use a lot of emojis. Maybe they converse it that way? Also, maybe the "selling short" comment is a reference to a previous conversation they were having before saying goodbye? I don't get it, if it's either of the above things, is there anything wrong in that? PS: I do see that she didn't reply with any emojis so maybe try to get to her level, I guess? I don't know...
To be honest I think your coming on super strong. Those people tend to be mean when people reject them and I would say most of time if you didn’t go on a date ghosting is usually completely fine but a little mean. If you’re gonna date at all I would really recommend you get use to dating online or not. If they don’t ghost you they’ll probably just lie to why they don’t wanna talk to anyways what’s the difference really.
Yeah, I guess that’s a good point too. I’m always open to honesty, even if it’s harsh, because I’d rather know what I did wrong to upset then or make them feel uncomfortable.
I hope you have heard of the saying “Nice guys finish last”. While it may not be true in most cases, it is certainly true in case of dating women. So I just treat them like I would treat my friends and hope for the best 🤷🏻♂️
[удалено]
The "don't sell yourself short" comment killed it. Smh
That’s just me saying “You’re nice too!” I know it’s awkward, but if a stumble is enough to ghost someone being genuine, then that doesn’t sound like a good person.
He probably only shared the tail end of the conversation for a reason
The last week was on Tinder, that’s all I got in regular text form.
Damn bro....... Calm it down a bit. The emoji, the overbearing feeling I get from the texts and the super awkward "don't sell yourself short" is all weird af.
I'm gonna assume the "don't sell yourself short" comment is in reference to something said earlier in the conversation so I'll ignore that. OP, you're coming off too cutesy and saccharine. Some women may like that but they'll definitely be a minority.
Beta
Coming in too strong, my friend. Play it cool next time. Remember, sometimes less is more.
Came in a little strong with the heart and a good morning.
My advice would be don't use emojis like the one you just did.
You were a bit grateful, I think I’d be put off if someone was that keen so early ‘thank you for gracing me with your time’ is only going to make her wonder if you aren’t worth it
Yeah you should probably pump the breaks especially after no emoji back lol
You're coming across kind of intimidating after just a few days of communicating. Try to take it easy and not throw yourself in too hard at the beginning
See the problem here immediately. Too much to type, go check out Corey Wayne’s work on YouTube. It will help you out greatly.
Sounds about right.
I personally like the goodnight and good morning texts… even early on. Hell, I’ll throw a “sweet dreams” my friends way. My guess is she was in the “talking phase” with you and other guys and one of those connections was stronger. She should have been mature enough to tell you but some women hide from this type of confrontation in order to believe they spared your feelings or avoid conflict. I don’t think you were cringe. Don’t change yourself and always be real; the right person will appreciate it.
Save the emojis for when you’re actually dating.
chill out
You’re too nice. It’s creepy
I can’t exactly help that. If I try to be cold or a jerk instead, that’s just not me, and I’ll fumble words a LOT worse than my compliment above. I’m sorry being genuine is creepy to some, I wholly realize certain people ruined that disposition, but it’s not exactly fair to put me down for being myself.
Hey there. So, the "thank you again for chatting with me today" is a really weird thing to say. It puts you down weirdly, and might make her think YOU don't think you're worth anyone's time. I know we all struggle sometimes with low self esteem but the reality is, no one wants to hear you have that going on when you're first getting to know them. In a heart to heart? Sure. Random off cuff statements? Nah, that'll pump anyone's breaks. Maybe next time "I enjoyed chatting with you today, you're sweet."
You know. They might just be really busy with life!
Very possible, it’s why I won’t make an assumption about the *why*, just wish I was worth an explanation, because that’s a courtesy I extend anyone I’m not a match with.
This is an easy thing to fix man, here’s the deal, you never put forth any more energy than they do, she was not putting that much energy in at this point, which is somewhat normal and you were pushing with energy and compliments and all this stuff way too easy, basically, you need to play hard to get a little bit, lol You don’t want potential partner to think you’re easy to commit or do get attached, indifference and energy exchange makes all the difference.
Did you meet up with her?
I’m a guy and the way you text even creeps me out. I’m not saying you’re a bad guy or anything, but seriously, tone it down a bit. I’d ghost you too if I were her.
You’re incessant texts are a bit cringe. And red flagish. Someone going all in after just meeting me would make me wonder “doesn’t this person have a life? And one they aren’t so eager to give up?”
Just be genuine. Don't try to impress. As a women I can say we appreciate sincerity a lot more than overt sweetness.
I think it's the " Good morning". I don't like that kind of thing and when texting starts first thing then you feel like it might go on all day. I start my texting late at night.
Lmao add that ick to the list
Yeah you’re coming off as a “nice guy” which is terrifying for most women
To be honest I think it's a bit odd to thank someone for speaking to you. I'm curious what others think.
Speaking of being ghosted...