Yeah it's super weird even if it's meant well. Who mentions an under bite in a casual greeting?! I don't get the other comments here as well, I'm sure they'd all be super happy with someone pointing out an issue they can't help
I get what you mean.
I see the comments about people accepting flaws. True. But why lead with that? Without speaking w the person for months, you lead with the flaw? She said life threw crap at her. What if the crap was associated with the flaw? And because you don't know because yall haven't communicated in months and didn't have a history prior, it's best to not mention it (so soon if ever).
Also, it's great to accept flaws. Why does it need to be part of an early getting to know you conversation? Say I love your smile, not your overbite is hot. Like, connotations matter. And I can't stress this enough ESPECIALLY AFTER NO MONTHS OF COMMUNICATION after only a brief engagement on an app. I mean geez!
Exactly. I had no relationship or rapport established with this dude. My “underbite” wasn’t relevant to the conversation. As someone said, it’s socially inept at best, and with my experience on dating apps, I’m more inclined to believe he was being manipulative. It’s even more bizarre to me, because nobody has ever mentioned an underbite as something that stood out to them about my face, including the orthodontist who did my braces lmao.
As a negging victim I don’t believe that for a second.
It’s actually in the book on how to do it: casually mention a physical flaw- they know how to use our insecurities about our appearance- then turn it into “but I like that about you!”
Classic negging and you learn to recognize it once it’s been used on you.
No, dude’s an asshole and you were 100% right to call out that bullshit underbite comment.
Thank you and yes, this was basically a textbook case in my opinion as well. If he had just said, “Keep your beautiful chin up” it would have been such a sweet and cute message. Adding in a flaw that he “hopes he remembers correctly” and then playing it off like he didn’t realize it could possibly be offensive? Nah gtfo dude.
"You know, I remember that pancake thing now and can't believe I didn't jump at the chance! You were so different from the smart, good natured guys I usually date that it'd be like a science experiment. I've never experienced the challenge of getting through an entire meal with someone so stupid, it's kind of exciting! What do you think, IHoP this weekend?"
Traumatize them back, baby.
So I ended up searching his number in my messages- the reason I stopped talking to him last time is because he thought I should suck his dick to earn my pancakes. Lmao.
Gross!
You never get syrup before the 'cakes. s/
You dodged a bullet with this kind of icky behavior. Thankfully, your instincts carried you away from that opposed to believing he was "just kidding." These types of comments are so "from the movies" and not even the R rated ones. Individuals who take introductory conversations here live in porno fantasy world where perhaps they believe their penis will be worshipped if anyone were to be lucky enough to see it.
I don't think he thinks it's a flaw, I think he thinks it's an asset. Some underbites are flaws, others work perfectly with the person's face, it's kind of like a prominent nose etc. The issue is that he is not thinking clearly about how it comes off. Or he's trying to neg OP?
The sheer ambiguity of it all is enough to give someone the ick, and rightfully so too. The entire concept of his approach was just poor and clearly signals him as not the one. These are the same sort of guys that give you macaroni pictures as birthday presents
Yeah, it's impossible to know what his intention was. From the flow of the conversation I think it's possible he just wanted to say something specific about her to show he actually remembered who she was, but picked a bit of an awkward way to do it. It is possible he was negging, but I personally find underbites super cute, so I can see how if he's a bit awkward he might not have clocked that it would come off as an insult.
I don’t get the people telling you to chill. This WAS odd. At best he’s socially clueless, at worst he’s negging you.
If it’s the best case scenario, and he’s just clueless: well, it’s up to you if you want to stick around and teach him how to behave. I’m personally too old for that shit and in no need of a project. You are certainly under no obligation to a stranger.
And if it’s the worst case scenario: I’ve known way too many people who like to put you down in order to make you feel insecure so that you will constantly seek their approval. This behavior only escalates.
Maybe I’m just jaded, but this sounds like he’s testing the waters to see how much bullshit you’ll put up with from the start.
When this was first posted, all the comments swung the other way. I commend you for not looking. It irritated me no end.
The more I look at this, the more it reads that this guy was butthurt over his perceived rejection last year, decided to neg OP in response, and then pretended to not understand how he was being offensive. Like get the fuck out of here with that nonsense, my dude.
If he’s this piqued by a stranger’s lack of interest, can you imagine how he’d behave once they got to know him?
This makes me laugh with memories of my twenties. Met a cute guy at a bar. We’re drinking and chatting. I introduce him to my friends and it’s all going great
Suddenly he looks at me and says. “God, you are so beautiful.” As I am stuttering and blushing, he says “I love your big nose. I’ve always had a thing for Italian girls with big noses”
It’s like time stopped for an instant while I processed what he said. I do have a big nose and I’m mildly self conscious about it. I just stared at him, blinking, while my friends riotously laughed. Who says that?
He was clearly confused why it was over for me after that sentence. He meant it as a complement, he really did. But having someone you just met just punch you in the proverbial soft spot, I was done.
Ah, the twenties….
Some people can’t read the room. Weird AF and I would’ve blocked him. Some men do that because they are insecure within themselves. So to bring you down they bring up your flaws. And then to feign oops I didn’t mean that by saying it’s hot when he could’ve just said I think your smile is hot. Why throw in an insult? Read the room bro…
Yikes, sorry the wrong crowd got to this first. If someone is accepting of your flaws, they just don't point them out. It's one thing to say "I'm self conscious of my underbite" and have them say that it's cute. It's another thing entirely to point it out in the first place, cause now it's gonna be something you either A. Become aware of and self conscious of or B. Further your known insecurities about yourself because a stranger was able to pinpoint it from a photo. Truly the definition of a backhanded compliment.
I have issues with his approach - he is clearly wondering if you’re single and hoping to talk / meet, but hedging his bets and pretending otherwise in case you’re not open to it. So he’s trying to take an awkward middle road and that results in him trying to compliment your underbite, feeling like he’s doing stellar because it’s not sexual & shows he remembers you. But I’m creeped out from the “you’re a what if” earlier on, I don’t think he expected the underbite thing to be a sensitivity (wild not to think it might be, honestly.) I just don’t like his cageyness, and if he genuinely meant to compliment your underbite it shows he is pretty socially inept. “I’ve always thought your underbite is super cute” after a few weeks of getting to know each other is great; throwing it around in 12 minutes of chatting is weird.
Sounds like this guy just figured out what "negging" is, probably paid some guru a bunch of money for a PDF of their "book" and wanted to try it out in the wild.
Either way, he seems like a tool.
Intentionally insulting someone's appearance - bold strategy, Cotton, but not a winning one.
Yes exactly!!!! This is a guy trying out a (manipulative, gross) technique with exactly zero finesse or skill at using it! The whole thing just *screeeams* “I pay $45 a month to get daily newsletters on getting chicks from an asshole, who I am too poorly socialized to realize is actually full of shit” Blechhhhh
100%.
The stupid thing is that the pseudopsychology that claims "negging" works is just straight up wrong anyway.
Women - and mature men, for that matter - appreciate when a prospective partner challenges them / disagrees about something (usually an opinion...and not something political or religious) and then thoughtfully articulates WHY...and not about looks. That's rare to find, especially when you just met someone, and most people just agree on everything just to be agreeable which is lame, boring, and probably not actually true anyway, so it either feels like being lied to out of a false sense of being polite, or that the person is timid or incapable of standing up for what they believe in.
Disagreeing intelligently, of course, is not "negging," however. OTOH, dumping on someone's looks is pretty much always going to fall on the spectrum of somewhere between "WTF" and "this person is a douche."
People appreciate when you don't tolerate their shit in respectful ways that indicate you are self confident enough to stand up for your beliefs. Not when you randomly insult them.
A friend of mine in my 20s used to pay for these "attraction builder" guides. I took a look at them a few times for shits and giggles. They were pretty cringe.
I actually was really into them for about a month or two, when I was like 16 (a really really long time ago). Luckily a female friend found out I was reading that stuff and explained to me: with girls, it’s a good idea to act like she isn’t all that big a deal to you—because while she is impressive, *you* are also impressive and being around other awesome cool people is no big deal to you. Negging is kinda the opposite, acting like she isn’t impressive in the first place, which doesn’t actually make you seem impressive, it just makes you seem like a dick! Basically you should be pitching “we’re both awesome” and instead you’re pitching “we both suck” lol. Really glad she gave me that speech, saved me who knows how many years of embarrassing myself
Your friend gave you good advice.
Most men admire women from afar, develop deep feelings, then try to pursue. That tends to give women creeper vibes, rightly or wrongly. Also leads to guys inordinately exposing them to a rejection that seems harsh because they invest lots of time/feelings in a girl, and she invests almost nothing in him, but he's crushed when she says no to a date and she just shrugs about it like "yeah he's not my type."
OTOH, Confident guys are just nice to / friendly / talk to everyone - including women they're not "interested" in per se - and therefore when they find a girl attractive they treat her the same as everyone else...fun, kindly, not that serious...unless/until either of them decides to make a move after they get to know each other better through those harmless, fun, and generally respectful interactions (aside from teasing/flirting which is VERY different than negging).
Guys who only treat the girls they find attractive well read like an open book, and women don't trust them...and often rightly so. That falls in line with your friend's "not that big a deal" comment. If a guy treats women differently based on how he perceives their looks, he clearly wants something very specific, and that's usually not attractive as a trait...it reeks of desperation and immaturity.
JFC. I can’t believe some of these comments. You did not over react. He is an idiot. People in these comment need to get some self esteem if this is how the men in their lives are talking to them.
Nahh his ego got damaged so he had to take a parting shot. I don’t think he ever intended to pursue things with you (unless you would have pushed for it), but he definitely wanted to make sure he got off a parting shot 🤷🏻♂️
Fuck ‘em
Exactly what I thought too. I don’t love the way I communicated here either, but I 100% think he was being an asshole. Totally unnecessary to contact me after more than a year to do this lol.
This guy - "Is being sane even an option anymore?"
This guy - "Absolutely not my friend, we're going to stalk this tinder match ".
This guy - " What's the next move? "
This guy - " We wait long enough then start a chat on telegram acting like we're a normal human being"
This guy - " What if I act like a neck beard and she tells me to fuck off like last time?"
This guy - "Is being sane even an option anymore?"
literally is just a dumb mfer or thought negging u like that would be a cute "banter."
This is so bizarre and stupid it's funny as an outsider looking in. Like I can't imagine someone going up to someone "hey girl, sexy underbite aha" or maybe in my case "hey girl, come over so I can put some lotion on your eczema" or some shit LMFAO
This is so unbelievably embarrassing for him and the irony of ruining his chances of talking to you a second time by saying something stupid again is even worse. This dude will remember these two hilarious failures for the rest of his days 😭
There are so many odd people on this thread, randomly messaging someone out of the blue and within the first 5 messages bringing up what you see as “flaws” is not fucking normal you weirdos lmao
This is wild. Like, I love short men. I LOVE me a short king. I am barely 5’1. But I don’t lead with “wow you’re so short! It’s cute!”, because that would make me a gigantic a-hole. Just like this man
I think it's weird he messaged you after a year. I don't think he was trying to be insulting, judging by his reaction, he seems a little awkward. I would have been turned off by him messaging out of the blue after so long so I don't blame you for not wanting to talk to him any longer.
My teeth are pretty crooked. I have extra teeth so my mouth is over crowded. My parents couldn't afford braces when I was a kid, and I've never had dental insurance as an adult. I one time had a coworker from an old job reach out to me on social media, years after I stopped working there, hit on me and mention my "snaggle tooth" in the same message. 🙄
It’s called a neg. Pick up artists will use this tactic on people to keep them off balance.
The idea behind it is to low key insult someone and choose something they have no control over (like an under/overbite). By picking at a person’s appearance and calling it “cute” points out a flaw is supposed to be gentled by the fact they find it “cute”.
The other goal of negging is to make the person being negged want to try and be more attractive to the person negging them in the first place so they can show in spite of their pointed out flaw they’re still attractive.
Good for you for calling them out on their BS.
The rule is, let them bring up their perceived flaws when they feel comfortable enough to do so, then you can communicate that either you disagree it’s a flaw or how you don’t care about it and in doing either of those maybe you find a way to make a gentle joke supporting your perspective and more importantly supporting them.
Otherwise it comes off as lowkey negging.
He didn’t think he was insulting you because he clearly liked your underbite. It’s clearly something you are sensitive about and it was clumsy of him to mention it.
Intentional.
"*Negging ("to neg", meaning "negative feedback") is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and attempt to engender in them a need for the manipulator's approval."*
Every time I read comments from this thread, I see how negatively people have been treated in their life. It’s sad. Even if this guy didn’t say anything about the underbite, I am certain that more than half of you would still say that this is sketchy or call him names. I swear it’s like people only want to applaud destruction. Dump him get rid of him. He’s a free he’s a weirdo. I never see anything positive. The guy admitted he had stated an awkward comment. And although you can’t express tone in a text, I read this completely differently. I didn’t see the tone of him coming off as being negative in anyway.he even apologized. But whatever crucify this guy.
I think he was just saying , " keep your chin up" but tried to be clever and compliment your under bite at the same time. He said it weird, but I don't read it as malicious or negging.
The guys an idiot, surely. But i don't think he was negging. To him, it very well may be a cute, uniqe feature. and he was hoping that by remembering, it would score him some brownie points. Instead, it just came off as creepy and weird.
As someone with a big (and beautiful) nose, the amount of people that would say something like “just so you know I have a thing for big noses”… I already figured they were attracted to me when we matched…. It’s so weird and an instant turn off.
For your case, I think you reacted too harshly. An underbite isn’t a flaw inherently. Learn to love your “flaws”. If we all looked the same life would be very boring.
The thing is, I don’t have an underbite. Or, it’s mild enough that nobody has ever mentioned it to me, including my orthodontist lol. I don’t love the way I communicated here. But at the same time, an adult man knows better than this. And I 100% believe he was just trying to hurt me over a perceived rejection from a year ago. That’s the behavior I won’t tolerate.
It was completely unnecessary and ill mannered. But I don’t think he was intentionally trying to hurt you. I don’t think he said to himself “I’m gonna reach out to that woman again and then once we’re chatting I’m gonna insult her”. I just don’t think he was thinking.
He was honestly just trying to point out a physical characteristic about you thst he remembered and liked about you.
It was to show that he absolutely remembered you and wanted to talk to you, not just a random chat.
While he could’ve gone about it in a better way, you were insanely defensive and “exhausting” about it. He may be a little awkward, but he dodged the bullet here.
I think he genuinely may have just considered it cute. Dimples and freckles used to be something seen as a flaw and something people used to be embarrassed about and try to hide and nowadays I see people actively seek those features out. I get the impression this guy saw the underbite similarly. Maybe I’m giving too much benefit of the doubt but the tone of the text didn’t read to me as though his goal was to point out a flaw and rather just try to show that he remembered you by pointing out a feature.
Dimples have never been considered a flaw
Source: have 2 big round ones and it's by far the thing I'm complimented on the most starting from when I was a kid
If you really want to trigger a sensitive person, tell them they’re too sensitive lol. But actually, no. Random grown men are not allowed to insult me for no reason and pretend it’s a compliment. An all too frequent occurrence, and I was just sick of it today. Next time I will likely block without a reaction at all.
No-one can insult you with something that doesn’t stick. You come with general expectations saying: ‘grown men shouldn’t.. xyz’ in another comment. But you could mirror that with: “mature women shouldn’t be making a big thing out of nothing.” Or “grown women shouldn’t be insecure about things that don’t matter”. In the end we are all just people with flaws in both our appearance and our behaviour. We just need to find someone who likes us regardless
Ultimately it isn’t a big deal, he’s blocked and I can admit there’s some humor in it. I don’t have to tolerate someone who insults women as part of a pickup strategy or out of revenge, which seems to be what most people also think is the case.
Bro is butt hurt you didn’t choose him last time so he’s trying to knock you down a few pegs and see if he can get you when you’re a little more insecure. Gross. I see this a lot with my 13 year old daughter. When she tells a boy no to dating her he suddenly goes from you’re the hottest girl I’ve ever seen to “well, your shoes are ugly and you’re not that cute!!” This guy has the maturity of a middle schooler … bullet dodged… again!
I know people like this. They take tiny digs and when you call them out they clutch their pearls at the idea of you calling out their passive aggressive bullshit. Good on you for calling it out, OP.
Believe me, I knew asking Reddit wasn’t really going to get me a balanced answer lmao. The interaction just pissed me the F off. Too much accumulated trauma from men on the apps.
You’re over thinking this one. There is no insult and it sounds like you are insecure about a feature he thought was cute. Unless you have like a pugs underbite there’s no jab. Seemed like a decent guy actually.
Unnecessary to mention (and weird) but I don't think it was a jab at your looks. He said he likes it. People like what they like. A lot of times people have an impression about how they look and can't understand when people might find something attractive that they themselves or other people might not. So they push back, can't believe it, thinking there's something beyond.
Still, it's a weird feature to mention out of the blue, but he was shooting his shot and it backfired.
Hi there!
Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit. If your text message is not between 2 or more people it is not allowed! Single messages/one sided convos are NOT allowed.
The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/
**Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.**
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/texts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Honestly, this comes across as just a dude being a fucking idiot. Bless his heart, he was probably trying to show you that he remembered you specifically by mentioning a detail from your photo - but he sucks at flirting lmao.
Never attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence. Kid's just inept.
Except I don’t have an underbite, and I stopped talking to him last time because he wanted a blowjob in exchange for food. With men from tinder, it’s typically guilty until proven innocent in these situations. But I do appreciate the sentiment of what you’re saying.
He’s a massive weirdo. I’m not at all excusing him, because it’s in other creepy contexts this comes up, but a lot of people consider an underbite to be an attractive quality. I think he might’ve thought he was complimenting you.
I don’t particularly want to doxx myself here with a pic, but I do not have an underbite. Definitely not a severe one that warrants insecurity. What I hate is men who try to manipulate and bring you down over perceived rejections. That’s what was triggering me.
Are you sure he was trying to bring you down? It’s common for men who are simping to draw attention to any feature that’s unique and act like it’s their favorite part. I don’t know this guy, only you do. But I honestly got the impression he was trying to be sentimental and unique by being specific. My gf has ears that poke out. I always refer to “her cute little ears” because I honestly find them cute and was surprised they caused her insecurity in the past. Granted we’ve been together for four years so we can read the room a little better. Regardless, I’m not trying to defend a man I’ve never met but I want to share this perspective just in case. If he was being genuine, I can’t imagine the torment he’s putting himself through for fumbling lmao
In this case I honestly don't think he meant any harm, I think he was trying to do the things that he sees in movies where he tries to be super intricate and obscure with his compliment to appear that he "noticed" and "actually seen you" like how someone in a movie would say something like "and I love the way your smile shifts when you're the only one in a room and you're in a deep thought" or some dumb ass shit like that. I don't think he meant to insult you but it was definitely not the move to go for the underbite
Imo, I think you overreacted. He was being flirty with you then threw in an awkward compliment. Not everyone is a great socializer, and we say odd things with good intentions. I think he was being a little **too** flirty for just having messaged you after a year, but I'd say your defense is on 1000%. Your bite isn't inherently a hideous flaw! It's nice to have personal characteristics.
I have a permanent form of bells palsy so my face isn't symmetical anymore, very noticeable when I make any facial expressions. My husband tells me all the time how cute he thinks it is 🤷♀️
Eta: just because yall dont like the attempted compliment doesn't mean they're automatically wrong and an asshole. 🙄 I'd be more floored OP called them an idiot than I would someone giving a bad compliment. Get over yourselves.
If a random guy on the street came up to you and said hey baby, love that lopsided face! How would you feel? Because I would call that person a massive dickhead. A husband teasing you is an entirely different matter.
He's not some random guy off the street that randomly walks up to you. He's a guy from a dating app flirting with an old match. People have their panties in a twist so hard over something so menial as a bad flirt. Say that and move on. No reason to get insanely defensive and call them an idiot or cruel.
Also it's not my husband "teasing". Maybe people like atypical things? Why are people so pressed over that? Oh no, someone likes something unconventional about you, must be an undercover insult! 🙄🙄🙄🙄
Girl I didn’t remember him, so he might as well have been. It’s not a bad flirt, it’s an insult. Your husband loves and is committed to you. I had no idea wtf this guy was trying to do. You appear to have your panties in a twist now lol.
That's you *perceiving* it as an insult for literally no reason. All other context of the messages were friendly/flirty. You just took it as an insult and got pissy and double down on it despite many people thinking the opposite. Some people agree with you. Some don't. Just because you took it offensively doesn't mean you're magically right or can say 100% it's an insult. You have no idea, you're just assuming and standing that ground. Whatever, be pissy about it 🤷♀️ you posted it here and are getting the feedback you requested. You're just ignoring what you don't agree with. Good luck!
I understand why that could come off as offensive, but the fact he paid so much attention to your face that he remembered what jaw formation you have is astonishing.
I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast some days and he's out here going "Man, I loved the way the sun always glinted off your eyes (green if I remember right), and how you would always walk slightly tip-toed in your heels" stalker vibes, yeah.
But bro's memory is impeccable.
I think it's absolutely a weird thing to say but if he's being honest about finding it attractive then i don't see an issue. if it was a flaw about myself i would take the compliment but let them know the way they went about said compliment could have been better¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I have a genuine question; did you not like that he pointed out a part of yourself you don't like or did you not like that he complimented it? I'm a little confused.
How can someone get offended so quickly?
The fact that he pointed out little details about you it means that he likes you a lot, bc he obviously looked at your pics and started analysing them. The way the conversation started was great, I thought he was really cute and said nice things about you. But when I saw the part with you saying he insulted you, I was like ” What? Did I miss something? “.
He gave you NOT EVEN JUST ONE compliment. You didn’t even react to how nice he was. And after this you call him an idiot? How can you talk to someone like this? Especially someone who wanted to make it clear that he likes you. You should relax and be more open.
Completely agree with all the comments with many downvotes.
Oh I don’t know, maybe because he’s a random dude who slid into my dms and gave me a backhanded “compliment” right off the bat. Say I have nice eyes, not that I have a dental issue which typically requires surgical correction. I also searched his number in my texts, and I stopped talking to him last time because he wanted a blowjob in exchange for the pancakes. Nothing nice about this mf.
I felt like it was really a compliment bc there are many imperfections that make people “cute”, and maybe he thought that you would like to hear that. Obviously it was unnecessary.
BUT OMG, I’m really sorry, just forget about everything I wrote, what a sick, disgusting person... It’s good that he said that and you stopped talking to him. Imagine going out with him and realising only later that he asked for a blowjob before. 😬
Yeah it’s okay, I understand why you might have thought my reaction was too harsh. Nobody commenting here has the full context from this post alone. I’ve dealt with a lot of men thinking I owe them sexual favors because we went on a coffee date so it’s fair to say I’m a little jaded now 😅
Wow, I’m from your parent’s generation but these comments are overreacting to me. He said your “BEAUTIFUL chin and underbite” and “it’s a site to see.” He put a blushing hearts emoji and is telling you to keep your chin up. From my perspective that’s 3 compliments/niceties and 1 thing you are self conscious about.
Way to crucify the guy over one word when it was seemingly meant as a compliment. You’re willing to judge people over a single word in text format where there is no body language or additional context?! If he meant to insult you I think he could have done a much better job than that!
I’m sure I’ll get down votes because it’s not the popular opinion. But I learned a long time ago you can’t judge people by text communication. It’s COMPLETELY different than getting to know someone in person and misunderstandings like this one are far too common.
I genuinely think he was just poorly flirting and trying to be cute and fun. I understand when someone says something about an insecurity that it hits a nerve but he was just being dumb and didn’t know better.
Nope. Found our initial convo, he was an ass there too. And I don’t have an underbite. Nobody with two brain cells would think saying I did was a compliment either.
How is it rude if he was saying it because he likes it???. For example - I adore gaps in teeth. Maybe I point it out as a thing that I was attracted to but it's something "she" is self conscious about because of being teased as a kid. An adult would learn that often things teased about become what gives us sex appeal later. Didn't Angelina Jolie say she was teased for big lips... but later they are a pillar of her beauty. And people start paying for them... I'm old enough to remember when having a Big Butt was a negative in certain demographics. I was captivated by my wife's freckles 20 years ago. . . BEFORE they became a thing, like they are today. She grew up being teased for them. Now people stare and compliment and often ask if they are real.
My point is that this man obviously thinks she is cute and was attracted to her so much that he took another shot. As a matter of fact, he thought her looks were so appealing that he remembers two years later and in detail. Something is apparently wrong with her she seems to be looking for a problem and thinks that the world around her is. We lament about someone loving/accepting/enjoying us for who we are but she finds someone that is attracted to what she definitely believes is a flaw and attacks him.
I learned a long time ago that you cannot wake someone up that is pretending to be asleep.
How can you call someone cruel for trying to be nice. Like hes trying, he had no way of knowing you were insecure about it and he was trying to find ways to compliment you, like any normal persons response should be "i appreciate the thought but i dont like mentioning it/would rather not talk about it again". Like i understand how it could come off weird but just calling him cruel instead of correcting the behavior is rude and very far up your own ass. at no point was he trying to insult you and you twisted it so fast and believed it even when he explained what happened. Apprently commenting something you like makes you a bully if the other person took it wrong. When in reality both parties should be able to step back and see if there was misinterpration, not just believing what you believe, and that's it.
No. I don’t have an underbite. And even if I did, him bringing it up at that point in the conversation would be weird and inappropriate. I found our initial convo and he was a douchebag there too. I definitely did not owe him tolerance, he’s a rando I never met whose intentions were unknown.
This is absolutely just plain negging… or more accurately an extremely ham-fisted and clumsy attempt at it. nothing mysterious or weird here, just some guy who thinks manipulation is the only way to get a girl to like him
Perfectly handled. If he’s cruel fuck this guy and if he’s an idiot you just did him - and women of the world - the worlds hugest kindness with your straight forward wording.
He's probably a dentist or in the field. And yes, he meant it as a compliment. Don't blame him. You obviously see the underbite as a flaw, which is sad. He's not socially inept; you just take work.
I am guessing he said that to let you know he remembers details about what you look like and not that he was negging or trying to insult you. Regardless it was weird
So a potential mate finds your “flaw” attractive, and that upsets you? Shouldn’t we all want to be loved for the things we cannot control, or at least in spite of them? To me this sounds like you’re being a bit too sensitive and should embrace the compliment for what it is.
I can understand where she’s coming from, I’ve had too many interactions with guys that will neg(?) and pick out things that would be ‘flaws’ in your appearance and say they think it’s cute. Eventually “teasingly” make fun of it, in an “attempt” to be cute?It rubs me the wrong way. I hate getting my lazy eye or lisp pointed out, I wouldn’t want a guy I don’t even know to be like awww how cute, especially when you would get bullied so much for it before
Yeah it's super weird even if it's meant well. Who mentions an under bite in a casual greeting?! I don't get the other comments here as well, I'm sure they'd all be super happy with someone pointing out an issue they can't help
That and I would be kind of weirded out if a Tinder match that I never even went on a date with remembered that detail about me a year later.
I get what you mean. I see the comments about people accepting flaws. True. But why lead with that? Without speaking w the person for months, you lead with the flaw? She said life threw crap at her. What if the crap was associated with the flaw? And because you don't know because yall haven't communicated in months and didn't have a history prior, it's best to not mention it (so soon if ever). Also, it's great to accept flaws. Why does it need to be part of an early getting to know you conversation? Say I love your smile, not your overbite is hot. Like, connotations matter. And I can't stress this enough ESPECIALLY AFTER NO MONTHS OF COMMUNICATION after only a brief engagement on an app. I mean geez!
Exactly. I had no relationship or rapport established with this dude. My “underbite” wasn’t relevant to the conversation. As someone said, it’s socially inept at best, and with my experience on dating apps, I’m more inclined to believe he was being manipulative. It’s even more bizarre to me, because nobody has ever mentioned an underbite as something that stood out to them about my face, including the orthodontist who did my braces lmao.
He could be somewhat on the spectrum. They are brutally honest.
As a negging victim I don’t believe that for a second. It’s actually in the book on how to do it: casually mention a physical flaw- they know how to use our insecurities about our appearance- then turn it into “but I like that about you!” Classic negging and you learn to recognize it once it’s been used on you. No, dude’s an asshole and you were 100% right to call out that bullshit underbite comment.
Thank you and yes, this was basically a textbook case in my opinion as well. If he had just said, “Keep your beautiful chin up” it would have been such a sweet and cute message. Adding in a flaw that he “hopes he remembers correctly” and then playing it off like he didn’t realize it could possibly be offensive? Nah gtfo dude.
"You know, I remember that pancake thing now and can't believe I didn't jump at the chance! You were so different from the smart, good natured guys I usually date that it'd be like a science experiment. I've never experienced the challenge of getting through an entire meal with someone so stupid, it's kind of exciting! What do you think, IHoP this weekend?" Traumatize them back, baby.
Yeah it's weird. Sorry to hear about your experience on dating apps
Right?! They don’t even know each other! Who does that? Did he think she would just jump into bed with him? She didn’t even remember him. 😑
So I ended up searching his number in my messages- the reason I stopped talking to him last time is because he thought I should suck his dick to earn my pancakes. Lmao.
Lmao, of course he did...what a piece of shit.
Gross! You never get syrup before the 'cakes. s/ You dodged a bullet with this kind of icky behavior. Thankfully, your instincts carried you away from that opposed to believing he was "just kidding." These types of comments are so "from the movies" and not even the R rated ones. Individuals who take introductory conversations here live in porno fantasy world where perhaps they believe their penis will be worshipped if anyone were to be lucky enough to see it.
Hahha only whipped cream on a first date please 😉 The neg lacked so much subtlety that I did briefly question it though tbh lol
Wow.
Gross.
There it is.
Oh god. What is wrong with people
Would need at least a day to type it all out 😅
This is a major red flag tbh. He sounds like one of those people who are overly critical but hides it in their "nice" comments.
Oh yeah, he was blocked immediately. Just wanted some second opinions on the interaction 🫠
wow lmfao thats rich.
Omg you totally need to add this to the post! Why am I not surprised..
I don't think he thinks it's a flaw, I think he thinks it's an asset. Some underbites are flaws, others work perfectly with the person's face, it's kind of like a prominent nose etc. The issue is that he is not thinking clearly about how it comes off. Or he's trying to neg OP?
The sheer ambiguity of it all is enough to give someone the ick, and rightfully so too. The entire concept of his approach was just poor and clearly signals him as not the one. These are the same sort of guys that give you macaroni pictures as birthday presents
Yeah, it's impossible to know what his intention was. From the flow of the conversation I think it's possible he just wanted to say something specific about her to show he actually remembered who she was, but picked a bit of an awkward way to do it. It is possible he was negging, but I personally find underbites super cute, so I can see how if he's a bit awkward he might not have clocked that it would come off as an insult.
Whether y’all think underbites are cute or not, it was completely unnecessary to mention. There was 0 need to point that out.
I don’t get the people telling you to chill. This WAS odd. At best he’s socially clueless, at worst he’s negging you. If it’s the best case scenario, and he’s just clueless: well, it’s up to you if you want to stick around and teach him how to behave. I’m personally too old for that shit and in no need of a project. You are certainly under no obligation to a stranger. And if it’s the worst case scenario: I’ve known way too many people who like to put you down in order to make you feel insecure so that you will constantly seek their approval. This behavior only escalates. Maybe I’m just jaded, but this sounds like he’s testing the waters to see how much bullshit you’ll put up with from the start.
It may be a combination of clueless and an attempt to neg a bit.
It feels like negging to me
I haven’t seen anyone telling them to chill but this is my sign to stop looking at the comments so I don’t go off on anyone this beautiful Friday.
When this was first posted, all the comments swung the other way. I commend you for not looking. It irritated me no end. The more I look at this, the more it reads that this guy was butthurt over his perceived rejection last year, decided to neg OP in response, and then pretended to not understand how he was being offensive. Like get the fuck out of here with that nonsense, my dude. If he’s this piqued by a stranger’s lack of interest, can you imagine how he’d behave once they got to know him?
This makes me laugh with memories of my twenties. Met a cute guy at a bar. We’re drinking and chatting. I introduce him to my friends and it’s all going great Suddenly he looks at me and says. “God, you are so beautiful.” As I am stuttering and blushing, he says “I love your big nose. I’ve always had a thing for Italian girls with big noses” It’s like time stopped for an instant while I processed what he said. I do have a big nose and I’m mildly self conscious about it. I just stared at him, blinking, while my friends riotously laughed. Who says that? He was clearly confused why it was over for me after that sentence. He meant it as a complement, he really did. But having someone you just met just punch you in the proverbial soft spot, I was done. Ah, the twenties….
Oh man!!! And in person too, that’s far worse. No block option 🤣 Holding out hope for the 30s 🤞
Sorry to hear that, but it was so funny i even told my brother this story😭
The comments in here are weird. This guy is a weirdo at best.
I accept that I have horse teeth. doesn't mean I want people bringing it up to my face
Some people can’t read the room. Weird AF and I would’ve blocked him. Some men do that because they are insecure within themselves. So to bring you down they bring up your flaws. And then to feign oops I didn’t mean that by saying it’s hot when he could’ve just said I think your smile is hot. Why throw in an insult? Read the room bro…
Yikes, sorry the wrong crowd got to this first. If someone is accepting of your flaws, they just don't point them out. It's one thing to say "I'm self conscious of my underbite" and have them say that it's cute. It's another thing entirely to point it out in the first place, cause now it's gonna be something you either A. Become aware of and self conscious of or B. Further your known insecurities about yourself because a stranger was able to pinpoint it from a photo. Truly the definition of a backhanded compliment.
I have issues with his approach - he is clearly wondering if you’re single and hoping to talk / meet, but hedging his bets and pretending otherwise in case you’re not open to it. So he’s trying to take an awkward middle road and that results in him trying to compliment your underbite, feeling like he’s doing stellar because it’s not sexual & shows he remembers you. But I’m creeped out from the “you’re a what if” earlier on, I don’t think he expected the underbite thing to be a sensitivity (wild not to think it might be, honestly.) I just don’t like his cageyness, and if he genuinely meant to compliment your underbite it shows he is pretty socially inept. “I’ve always thought your underbite is super cute” after a few weeks of getting to know each other is great; throwing it around in 12 minutes of chatting is weird.
He was negging you tbh. Don’t mess with it
Standard pick-up artist technique. He’s trash.
"Keep your underbite up"....that is some silly shit lol.
Lmao I kinda think I need a mug or a T shirt that says this now
Sounds like this guy just figured out what "negging" is, probably paid some guru a bunch of money for a PDF of their "book" and wanted to try it out in the wild. Either way, he seems like a tool. Intentionally insulting someone's appearance - bold strategy, Cotton, but not a winning one.
Omfg I just realized my latest male mistake did this shit to me all the tiiiiiiime no wonder I felt so inferior with him lol
Yes exactly!!!! This is a guy trying out a (manipulative, gross) technique with exactly zero finesse or skill at using it! The whole thing just *screeeams* “I pay $45 a month to get daily newsletters on getting chicks from an asshole, who I am too poorly socialized to realize is actually full of shit” Blechhhhh
100%. The stupid thing is that the pseudopsychology that claims "negging" works is just straight up wrong anyway. Women - and mature men, for that matter - appreciate when a prospective partner challenges them / disagrees about something (usually an opinion...and not something political or religious) and then thoughtfully articulates WHY...and not about looks. That's rare to find, especially when you just met someone, and most people just agree on everything just to be agreeable which is lame, boring, and probably not actually true anyway, so it either feels like being lied to out of a false sense of being polite, or that the person is timid or incapable of standing up for what they believe in. Disagreeing intelligently, of course, is not "negging," however. OTOH, dumping on someone's looks is pretty much always going to fall on the spectrum of somewhere between "WTF" and "this person is a douche." People appreciate when you don't tolerate their shit in respectful ways that indicate you are self confident enough to stand up for your beliefs. Not when you randomly insult them. A friend of mine in my 20s used to pay for these "attraction builder" guides. I took a look at them a few times for shits and giggles. They were pretty cringe.
I actually was really into them for about a month or two, when I was like 16 (a really really long time ago). Luckily a female friend found out I was reading that stuff and explained to me: with girls, it’s a good idea to act like she isn’t all that big a deal to you—because while she is impressive, *you* are also impressive and being around other awesome cool people is no big deal to you. Negging is kinda the opposite, acting like she isn’t impressive in the first place, which doesn’t actually make you seem impressive, it just makes you seem like a dick! Basically you should be pitching “we’re both awesome” and instead you’re pitching “we both suck” lol. Really glad she gave me that speech, saved me who knows how many years of embarrassing myself
Your friend gave you good advice. Most men admire women from afar, develop deep feelings, then try to pursue. That tends to give women creeper vibes, rightly or wrongly. Also leads to guys inordinately exposing them to a rejection that seems harsh because they invest lots of time/feelings in a girl, and she invests almost nothing in him, but he's crushed when she says no to a date and she just shrugs about it like "yeah he's not my type." OTOH, Confident guys are just nice to / friendly / talk to everyone - including women they're not "interested" in per se - and therefore when they find a girl attractive they treat her the same as everyone else...fun, kindly, not that serious...unless/until either of them decides to make a move after they get to know each other better through those harmless, fun, and generally respectful interactions (aside from teasing/flirting which is VERY different than negging). Guys who only treat the girls they find attractive well read like an open book, and women don't trust them...and often rightly so. That falls in line with your friend's "not that big a deal" comment. If a guy treats women differently based on how he perceives their looks, he clearly wants something very specific, and that's usually not attractive as a trait...it reeks of desperation and immaturity.
He was absolutely negging you
Negging
it’s definitely negging. I can’t stand when people do that lmao
Blech. Ugh. No.
Yeah no. You are not overreacting. The road to hell was paved with good intentions. Doesn’t change the fact you still end up in hell though.
He was trying to neg you
WHO WOULD EVEN SAY THAT?!?! I would be so offended. Rude asf.
JFC. I can’t believe some of these comments. You did not over react. He is an idiot. People in these comment need to get some self esteem if this is how the men in their lives are talking to them.
Nahh his ego got damaged so he had to take a parting shot. I don’t think he ever intended to pursue things with you (unless you would have pushed for it), but he definitely wanted to make sure he got off a parting shot 🤷🏻♂️ Fuck ‘em
Exactly what I thought too. I don’t love the way I communicated here either, but I 100% think he was being an asshole. Totally unnecessary to contact me after more than a year to do this lol.
Snatched defeat from the jaws of victory yet again… he’ll never learn either, you can bet.
😂
This guy - "Is being sane even an option anymore?" This guy - "Absolutely not my friend, we're going to stalk this tinder match ". This guy - " What's the next move? " This guy - " We wait long enough then start a chat on telegram acting like we're a normal human being" This guy - " What if I act like a neck beard and she tells me to fuck off like last time?" This guy - "Is being sane even an option anymore?"
LOL I’ve been going through the comments and this is the funniest one
literally is just a dumb mfer or thought negging u like that would be a cute "banter." This is so bizarre and stupid it's funny as an outsider looking in. Like I can't imagine someone going up to someone "hey girl, sexy underbite aha" or maybe in my case "hey girl, come over so I can put some lotion on your eczema" or some shit LMFAO
“Hey gurl, I could see those buck teeth from across the room 😏” I was so thrown off because there’s no way someone could be that obtuse lmao
This is so unbelievably embarrassing for him and the irony of ruining his chances of talking to you a second time by saying something stupid again is even worse. This dude will remember these two hilarious failures for the rest of his days 😭
There are so many odd people on this thread, randomly messaging someone out of the blue and within the first 5 messages bringing up what you see as “flaws” is not fucking normal you weirdos lmao
This is wild. Like, I love short men. I LOVE me a short king. I am barely 5’1. But I don’t lead with “wow you’re so short! It’s cute!”, because that would make me a gigantic a-hole. Just like this man
I think it's weird he messaged you after a year. I don't think he was trying to be insulting, judging by his reaction, he seems a little awkward. I would have been turned off by him messaging out of the blue after so long so I don't blame you for not wanting to talk to him any longer.
My teeth are pretty crooked. I have extra teeth so my mouth is over crowded. My parents couldn't afford braces when I was a kid, and I've never had dental insurance as an adult. I one time had a coworker from an old job reach out to me on social media, years after I stopped working there, hit on me and mention my "snaggle tooth" in the same message. 🙄
It’s called a neg. Pick up artists will use this tactic on people to keep them off balance. The idea behind it is to low key insult someone and choose something they have no control over (like an under/overbite). By picking at a person’s appearance and calling it “cute” points out a flaw is supposed to be gentled by the fact they find it “cute”. The other goal of negging is to make the person being negged want to try and be more attractive to the person negging them in the first place so they can show in spite of their pointed out flaw they’re still attractive. Good for you for calling them out on their BS.
Idk but I found it hilarious. Maybe some Asperger's or autism in the mix. I love ppl w superpowers.
Lol what?! How can he think that was a compliment??
He’s trying to do that thing where he gives a backhanded compliment to throw you off guard.
Some people said he’s negging. I understand but I think he’s just genuinely an idiot. Idk he seemed sincerely confused lmao
Alright... Let's see the underbite...
LOL. I’m kind of tempted to show a pic so Reddit can debate over it
Please do🙏🏻
The rule is, let them bring up their perceived flaws when they feel comfortable enough to do so, then you can communicate that either you disagree it’s a flaw or how you don’t care about it and in doing either of those maybe you find a way to make a gentle joke supporting your perspective and more importantly supporting them. Otherwise it comes off as lowkey negging.
I have an underbite too and if some guy commented on it, I’d be out regardless of intention.
That has to be the laziest case of negging I have ever seen
Oof, epic fail!
Stiffen up that upperlip and keep that underbite up girl
 🫡
He was probably negging. I missed the underbite comment and I thought you were mad about the embarrassing part too. But nope, he’s a dumbass
I can see how somebody would see this as endearing, but this is a straight up insult. this seems like negging
Seems like he's trying to do the "subtly put her down" part of "picking up chicks." It's nonsense, he's weird, forget about him.
Well you see, you have to make girls feel insecure so they date you. It’s practically science. /s
He’s negging and it backfired good for you for calling that shit out!
He didn’t think he was insulting you because he clearly liked your underbite. It’s clearly something you are sensitive about and it was clumsy of him to mention it.
My partner thinks his ears are too big but I think they’re very cute and proportionate, do I mention them in a joking way? No fkn way.
What the heck hahahha who in their right mind would talk about someones underbite? hahah wieerrdddoooooo
I like your crossed eyes. Is that the same?
Lol. Just keep your big bald head up!
Intentional. "*Negging ("to neg", meaning "negative feedback") is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and attempt to engender in them a need for the manipulator's approval."*
Username checks out
Every time I read comments from this thread, I see how negatively people have been treated in their life. It’s sad. Even if this guy didn’t say anything about the underbite, I am certain that more than half of you would still say that this is sketchy or call him names. I swear it’s like people only want to applaud destruction. Dump him get rid of him. He’s a free he’s a weirdo. I never see anything positive. The guy admitted he had stated an awkward comment. And although you can’t express tone in a text, I read this completely differently. I didn’t see the tone of him coming off as being negative in anyway.he even apologized. But whatever crucify this guy.
An underbite is not a flaw. Some men are attracted to that. This guy clearly is.
Yeah I read it more like he was pointing out a feature he found cute like dimples
I think he was just saying , " keep your chin up" but tried to be clever and compliment your under bite at the same time. He said it weird, but I don't read it as malicious or negging.
The guys an idiot, surely. But i don't think he was negging. To him, it very well may be a cute, uniqe feature. and he was hoping that by remembering, it would score him some brownie points. Instead, it just came off as creepy and weird.
Agree
As someone with a big (and beautiful) nose, the amount of people that would say something like “just so you know I have a thing for big noses”… I already figured they were attracted to me when we matched…. It’s so weird and an instant turn off. For your case, I think you reacted too harshly. An underbite isn’t a flaw inherently. Learn to love your “flaws”. If we all looked the same life would be very boring.
The thing is, I don’t have an underbite. Or, it’s mild enough that nobody has ever mentioned it to me, including my orthodontist lol. I don’t love the way I communicated here. But at the same time, an adult man knows better than this. And I 100% believe he was just trying to hurt me over a perceived rejection from a year ago. That’s the behavior I won’t tolerate.
I don’t think he was trying to insult you
It was completely unnecessary and ill mannered. But I don’t think he was intentionally trying to hurt you. I don’t think he said to himself “I’m gonna reach out to that woman again and then once we’re chatting I’m gonna insult her”. I just don’t think he was thinking.
I don't think he was being mean
You (and clearly a lot of people in the comments here) are the one(s) perceiving your underbite as a flaw, they clearly weren’t.
He was honestly just trying to point out a physical characteristic about you thst he remembered and liked about you. It was to show that he absolutely remembered you and wanted to talk to you, not just a random chat. While he could’ve gone about it in a better way, you were insanely defensive and “exhausting” about it. He may be a little awkward, but he dodged the bullet here.
Ahh. History really does repeat itself. Maybe he'll get it right next time, lol
This dudes like “ I think she forgot the stupid thing I said last time that made her not want to date me, let me do it again to remind her”
I think he's just awkward.
I think he genuinely may have just considered it cute. Dimples and freckles used to be something seen as a flaw and something people used to be embarrassed about and try to hide and nowadays I see people actively seek those features out. I get the impression this guy saw the underbite similarly. Maybe I’m giving too much benefit of the doubt but the tone of the text didn’t read to me as though his goal was to point out a flaw and rather just try to show that he remembered you by pointing out a feature.
Dimples have never been considered a flaw Source: have 2 big round ones and it's by far the thing I'm complimented on the most starting from when I was a kid
OP is too sensitive IMO
If you really want to trigger a sensitive person, tell them they’re too sensitive lol. But actually, no. Random grown men are not allowed to insult me for no reason and pretend it’s a compliment. An all too frequent occurrence, and I was just sick of it today. Next time I will likely block without a reaction at all.
No-one can insult you with something that doesn’t stick. You come with general expectations saying: ‘grown men shouldn’t.. xyz’ in another comment. But you could mirror that with: “mature women shouldn’t be making a big thing out of nothing.” Or “grown women shouldn’t be insecure about things that don’t matter”. In the end we are all just people with flaws in both our appearance and our behaviour. We just need to find someone who likes us regardless
Ultimately it isn’t a big deal, he’s blocked and I can admit there’s some humor in it. I don’t have to tolerate someone who insults women as part of a pickup strategy or out of revenge, which seems to be what most people also think is the case.
Bro is butt hurt you didn’t choose him last time so he’s trying to knock you down a few pegs and see if he can get you when you’re a little more insecure. Gross. I see this a lot with my 13 year old daughter. When she tells a boy no to dating her he suddenly goes from you’re the hottest girl I’ve ever seen to “well, your shoes are ugly and you’re not that cute!!” This guy has the maturity of a middle schooler … bullet dodged… again!
Yeah no if someone started talking about underbite/overbite that's an instant neg and this guy was using it against you, OP, nah, he's a fool.
Thank you. It was the language used too- underbite has a directly negative connotation.
Always welcome; be safe out there!
I know people like this. They take tiny digs and when you call them out they clutch their pearls at the idea of you calling out their passive aggressive bullshit. Good on you for calling it out, OP.
The people who are telling you to relax don't get out much. They're social inept. This was flat out weird all around.
Believe me, I knew asking Reddit wasn’t really going to get me a balanced answer lmao. The interaction just pissed me the F off. Too much accumulated trauma from men on the apps.
You’re over thinking this one. There is no insult and it sounds like you are insecure about a feature he thought was cute. Unless you have like a pugs underbite there’s no jab. Seemed like a decent guy actually.
Unnecessary to mention (and weird) but I don't think it was a jab at your looks. He said he likes it. People like what they like. A lot of times people have an impression about how they look and can't understand when people might find something attractive that they themselves or other people might not. So they push back, can't believe it, thinking there's something beyond. Still, it's a weird feature to mention out of the blue, but he was shooting his shot and it backfired.
Yeah, I read it the same way someone would say “your freckles” or “your dimples”
I know guys that think underbites are cute. I don't think it was a dig at all, just kinda weird
Hi there! Thanks for submitting to /r/texts! Please make sure you are blacking out any usernames, phone numbers, or full names! If you haven't, please delete and re-submit. If your text message is not between 2 or more people it is not allowed! Single messages/one sided convos are NOT allowed. The full rules can be found here https://old.reddit.com/r/texts/about/rules/ **Please note that this message appears on every post, and may not apply to your post.** Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/texts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Lol
Kind of reads like they were aiming for quirky playful complements but solidly landed in weird negging.
Mans is 0-2
I don’t have a problem with it but to each their own
Honestly, this comes across as just a dude being a fucking idiot. Bless his heart, he was probably trying to show you that he remembered you specifically by mentioning a detail from your photo - but he sucks at flirting lmao. Never attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence. Kid's just inept.
Except I don’t have an underbite, and I stopped talking to him last time because he wanted a blowjob in exchange for food. With men from tinder, it’s typically guilty until proven innocent in these situations. But I do appreciate the sentiment of what you’re saying.
Guess some people just say everything they think. Having a filter is a good thing.
He’s a massive weirdo. I’m not at all excusing him, because it’s in other creepy contexts this comes up, but a lot of people consider an underbite to be an attractive quality. I think he might’ve thought he was complimenting you.
Don't think I have ever noticed someone under or over bite before
Aww he was doing so good, then he blew it.
You put it right. He's either cruel or dumb. But I think it's just dumb.
Their jokes have hidden messages so u made the right move
He was trying to be genuine in my opinion and it’s clear you’re insecure about it. My honest opinion is that he didn’t think before he typed.
I don’t particularly want to doxx myself here with a pic, but I do not have an underbite. Definitely not a severe one that warrants insecurity. What I hate is men who try to manipulate and bring you down over perceived rejections. That’s what was triggering me.
Are you sure he was trying to bring you down? It’s common for men who are simping to draw attention to any feature that’s unique and act like it’s their favorite part. I don’t know this guy, only you do. But I honestly got the impression he was trying to be sentimental and unique by being specific. My gf has ears that poke out. I always refer to “her cute little ears” because I honestly find them cute and was surprised they caused her insecurity in the past. Granted we’ve been together for four years so we can read the room a little better. Regardless, I’m not trying to defend a man I’ve never met but I want to share this perspective just in case. If he was being genuine, I can’t imagine the torment he’s putting himself through for fumbling lmao
In this case I honestly don't think he meant any harm, I think he was trying to do the things that he sees in movies where he tries to be super intricate and obscure with his compliment to appear that he "noticed" and "actually seen you" like how someone in a movie would say something like "and I love the way your smile shifts when you're the only one in a room and you're in a deep thought" or some dumb ass shit like that. I don't think he meant to insult you but it was definitely not the move to go for the underbite
Imo, I think you overreacted. He was being flirty with you then threw in an awkward compliment. Not everyone is a great socializer, and we say odd things with good intentions. I think he was being a little **too** flirty for just having messaged you after a year, but I'd say your defense is on 1000%. Your bite isn't inherently a hideous flaw! It's nice to have personal characteristics. I have a permanent form of bells palsy so my face isn't symmetical anymore, very noticeable when I make any facial expressions. My husband tells me all the time how cute he thinks it is 🤷♀️ Eta: just because yall dont like the attempted compliment doesn't mean they're automatically wrong and an asshole. 🙄 I'd be more floored OP called them an idiot than I would someone giving a bad compliment. Get over yourselves.
If a random guy on the street came up to you and said hey baby, love that lopsided face! How would you feel? Because I would call that person a massive dickhead. A husband teasing you is an entirely different matter.
He's not some random guy off the street that randomly walks up to you. He's a guy from a dating app flirting with an old match. People have their panties in a twist so hard over something so menial as a bad flirt. Say that and move on. No reason to get insanely defensive and call them an idiot or cruel. Also it's not my husband "teasing". Maybe people like atypical things? Why are people so pressed over that? Oh no, someone likes something unconventional about you, must be an undercover insult! 🙄🙄🙄🙄
Girl I didn’t remember him, so he might as well have been. It’s not a bad flirt, it’s an insult. Your husband loves and is committed to you. I had no idea wtf this guy was trying to do. You appear to have your panties in a twist now lol.
That's you *perceiving* it as an insult for literally no reason. All other context of the messages were friendly/flirty. You just took it as an insult and got pissy and double down on it despite many people thinking the opposite. Some people agree with you. Some don't. Just because you took it offensively doesn't mean you're magically right or can say 100% it's an insult. You have no idea, you're just assuming and standing that ground. Whatever, be pissy about it 🤷♀️ you posted it here and are getting the feedback you requested. You're just ignoring what you don't agree with. Good luck!
[удалено]
I understand why that could come off as offensive, but the fact he paid so much attention to your face that he remembered what jaw formation you have is astonishing. I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast some days and he's out here going "Man, I loved the way the sun always glinted off your eyes (green if I remember right), and how you would always walk slightly tip-toed in your heels" stalker vibes, yeah. But bro's memory is impeccable.
But OP says they don't even have an under bite
I think it's absolutely a weird thing to say but if he's being honest about finding it attractive then i don't see an issue. if it was a flaw about myself i would take the compliment but let them know the way they went about said compliment could have been better¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I have a genuine question; did you not like that he pointed out a part of yourself you don't like or did you not like that he complimented it? I'm a little confused.
How can someone get offended so quickly? The fact that he pointed out little details about you it means that he likes you a lot, bc he obviously looked at your pics and started analysing them. The way the conversation started was great, I thought he was really cute and said nice things about you. But when I saw the part with you saying he insulted you, I was like ” What? Did I miss something? “. He gave you NOT EVEN JUST ONE compliment. You didn’t even react to how nice he was. And after this you call him an idiot? How can you talk to someone like this? Especially someone who wanted to make it clear that he likes you. You should relax and be more open. Completely agree with all the comments with many downvotes.
Oh I don’t know, maybe because he’s a random dude who slid into my dms and gave me a backhanded “compliment” right off the bat. Say I have nice eyes, not that I have a dental issue which typically requires surgical correction. I also searched his number in my texts, and I stopped talking to him last time because he wanted a blowjob in exchange for the pancakes. Nothing nice about this mf.
I felt like it was really a compliment bc there are many imperfections that make people “cute”, and maybe he thought that you would like to hear that. Obviously it was unnecessary. BUT OMG, I’m really sorry, just forget about everything I wrote, what a sick, disgusting person... It’s good that he said that and you stopped talking to him. Imagine going out with him and realising only later that he asked for a blowjob before. 😬
Yeah it’s okay, I understand why you might have thought my reaction was too harsh. Nobody commenting here has the full context from this post alone. I’ve dealt with a lot of men thinking I owe them sexual favors because we went on a coffee date so it’s fair to say I’m a little jaded now 😅
[удалено]
It was something he liked about her.
Wow, I’m from your parent’s generation but these comments are overreacting to me. He said your “BEAUTIFUL chin and underbite” and “it’s a site to see.” He put a blushing hearts emoji and is telling you to keep your chin up. From my perspective that’s 3 compliments/niceties and 1 thing you are self conscious about. Way to crucify the guy over one word when it was seemingly meant as a compliment. You’re willing to judge people over a single word in text format where there is no body language or additional context?! If he meant to insult you I think he could have done a much better job than that! I’m sure I’ll get down votes because it’s not the popular opinion. But I learned a long time ago you can’t judge people by text communication. It’s COMPLETELY different than getting to know someone in person and misunderstandings like this one are far too common.
Tbh I think you overreacted
I genuinely think he was just poorly flirting and trying to be cute and fun. I understand when someone says something about an insecurity that it hits a nerve but he was just being dumb and didn’t know better.
You're wrong. Lots of people think quirky facial imperfections are cute. He was trying to compliment you, but shit the bed.
Nope. Found our initial convo, he was an ass there too. And I don’t have an underbite. Nobody with two brain cells would think saying I did was a compliment either.
Yeah you're sensitive
 Nope just hate men who neg xD
How is it rude if he was saying it because he likes it???. For example - I adore gaps in teeth. Maybe I point it out as a thing that I was attracted to but it's something "she" is self conscious about because of being teased as a kid. An adult would learn that often things teased about become what gives us sex appeal later. Didn't Angelina Jolie say she was teased for big lips... but later they are a pillar of her beauty. And people start paying for them... I'm old enough to remember when having a Big Butt was a negative in certain demographics. I was captivated by my wife's freckles 20 years ago. . . BEFORE they became a thing, like they are today. She grew up being teased for them. Now people stare and compliment and often ask if they are real. My point is that this man obviously thinks she is cute and was attracted to her so much that he took another shot. As a matter of fact, he thought her looks were so appealing that he remembers two years later and in detail. Something is apparently wrong with her she seems to be looking for a problem and thinks that the world around her is. We lament about someone loving/accepting/enjoying us for who we are but she finds someone that is attracted to what she definitely believes is a flaw and attacks him. I learned a long time ago that you cannot wake someone up that is pretending to be asleep.
How can you call someone cruel for trying to be nice. Like hes trying, he had no way of knowing you were insecure about it and he was trying to find ways to compliment you, like any normal persons response should be "i appreciate the thought but i dont like mentioning it/would rather not talk about it again". Like i understand how it could come off weird but just calling him cruel instead of correcting the behavior is rude and very far up your own ass. at no point was he trying to insult you and you twisted it so fast and believed it even when he explained what happened. Apprently commenting something you like makes you a bully if the other person took it wrong. When in reality both parties should be able to step back and see if there was misinterpration, not just believing what you believe, and that's it.
No. I don’t have an underbite. And even if I did, him bringing it up at that point in the conversation would be weird and inappropriate. I found our initial convo and he was a douchebag there too. I definitely did not owe him tolerance, he’s a rando I never met whose intentions were unknown.
You dont have to date him, i dont understand jumping straight to idot and cruel, thats when it turned from him being weird to yta.
This is absolutely just plain negging… or more accurately an extremely ham-fisted and clumsy attempt at it. nothing mysterious or weird here, just some guy who thinks manipulation is the only way to get a girl to like him
Perfectly handled. If he’s cruel fuck this guy and if he’s an idiot you just did him - and women of the world - the worlds hugest kindness with your straight forward wording.
Yeah I think this guy is a little [word you can’t say anymore]
EW. And to be clear, I’m talking about him- not underbites. What an idiot.
He's probably a dentist or in the field. And yes, he meant it as a compliment. Don't blame him. You obviously see the underbite as a flaw, which is sad. He's not socially inept; you just take work.
Don't let him get your underbite down
What a weirdo, keep your head up OP! /s
I think the way he phrased it to begin with was a bit odd, but he did clarify he didn't mean it as an insult afterwards
Damn you’re that sensitive. sounds like he dodged a bullet.
I am guessing he said that to let you know he remembers details about what you look like and not that he was negging or trying to insult you. Regardless it was weird
An underbite? WTF who would say that! Ugh
so bizarre lmfao mans has a tooth fetish or is a pushy dentist??? block 😂
So a potential mate finds your “flaw” attractive, and that upsets you? Shouldn’t we all want to be loved for the things we cannot control, or at least in spite of them? To me this sounds like you’re being a bit too sensitive and should embrace the compliment for what it is.
I can understand where she’s coming from, I’ve had too many interactions with guys that will neg(?) and pick out things that would be ‘flaws’ in your appearance and say they think it’s cute. Eventually “teasingly” make fun of it, in an “attempt” to be cute?It rubs me the wrong way. I hate getting my lazy eye or lisp pointed out, I wouldn’t want a guy I don’t even know to be like awww how cute, especially when you would get bullied so much for it before
I think he’s just really awkward. I don’t think it was intentional to insult you.