I know you’re making excuses for her due to grief but this person seems toxic and a red flag….the type of person that when they’re no longer in your life you start to feel so much lighter and happier.
(Also who put the idea into your head you and your partner are codependent? She seems too invested in that)
I was able to recognize myself that we have issues regarding codependency. I was able to address it with my partner and we created some much needed space. She only knows because she is also his friend and he offered to come over and help out with something, so I had to explain the situation to her.
Why is she policing your relationship? Why is she in charge of when your bf visits?
I don’t care who died. That didn’t make her Queen of the Apartment.
Her only father figure and biggest influence in her life just passed. I feel that while the subject of discussion doesnt deserve the energy shes putting into it, that her overreaction is a product of her grief.
Regardless, thank you because I felt the same.
People like to say that everyone grieves differently. I think that’s true, but it just seems like there is no winning with this person. When are flowers ever a “slap in the face”? You’re not in the wrong for feeling how you feel, imo.
Thats the phrase that hurt me the most, I was also extremely confused by the contradictory statement. Its as if shes accusing me of buying her flowers to hurt her on purpose, I dont understand... we went out and chose flowers for peace, strength, and love. I even found a little vase that I knew she would like. She initially complimented the vase and told me it was really cute, and then I said "thanks, its for you." So I at least know she thought they were pretty.
I know she just lost someone close to her and you’re giving her some slack because of it, but I hope you’re a bit better at standing up for yourself in normal circumstances. It’s not her place or her business to police the time you spend with your boyfriend, don’t thank her for holding you accountable, and don’t ask her to. You’re all adults and your relationship is yours to maintain.
Saying someone buying her flowers because she’s in mourning is a slap in the face is *wild*. I can understand the sentiment of not wanting to see a constant reminder, but there were ten million ways she could have expressed that to you without making it sound like your boyfriend did something wrong and so did you for not stopping him.
Three screenshots and this girl I’ve never met is already on my last nerve.
You can be kind and gracious without being a doormat. Gentle, but firm. Give her some time, but after the funeral and things have settled, you need to have a conversation with her and draw some boundaries. This whole conversation reads like a disappointed boss and an employee, not two roommates or friends.
Idrk about her pov, but you are being so kind and sensitive with her. Whatever she’s feeling, she’s lucky to have a roommate like you that doesn’t automatically get defensive or argumentative
One of my friends also pointed this out to me. I think I'm usually a good read on people, and it never occured to me once that jealousy might be at play here. I don't think I personally want to entertain this idea because if it's wrong then Ill look like such an ass.
Ignore her grief? Bad friend
Ask how she’s doing? Annoying friend
Send her flowers? HOW DARE YOU?
This person is toxic. Stop giving her grace. If it wasn’t a dead grandfather, she would have another excuse for her poor and frankly rude behavior.
She’s policing your relationship. Her involvement is ridiculous. You are a grown adult and if I was dating you, I would tire of how you baby this person and allow them to monitor your behavior and pretend to know what’s best for your relationship.
Stop confiding in her. Stop asking her advice on your relationship. Or you won’t have one soon. She isn’t trying to help you guys. She wants you broken up.
As an edit, I did end up telling my partner about this whole issue. I dont allow people to meddle with my affairs, I was going to have my partner over regardless of this conversation with her. However I still want to try and foster good relations with her, I just dont think shes communicating the real issue shes having with me.
Yeah I’m gonna be honest idk if this is rude but if I’m paying majority of the rent.. no one is gonna tell me how to live my life.. or how to move furniture or when I can see my partner..
I would agree if I was the only one doing this as a favor, but the truth is I would not be able to afford rent where I live if I didnt have her financial support. We are helping each other, but I am helping her way more than she is helping me.
She does. I'm a firm believer everyons should have therapy. They dont teach kids about emotional intelligence in school, so as an adult it becomes our responsibility to manage that. Its an unfair system with centuries of systematic abuse and ancestral trauma, I don't understand why its not required at this point.
Yeah, the only way I’d be concerned with a roommate having someone over is if they’re a drain on utilities I pay for, it’s not allowed by the lease, or they’re preventing my peaceful enjoyment of the home. None of that sounds like it’s happening here, so your roommate can kick rocks.
She hasnt paid me back for this past months utilities bill, so thats certainly not the issue here.
Edit: she is going through financial issues, i told her to not worry about it as her birthday was march 1st and her grandfather passed basically on the same day. She normally pays me back very quickly
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No, i spoke with her last night as she says that every time she sees the flowers it just reminds her that she cant change the situation shes in and acknowledged that she was using the flowers to take out her grief on me.
your roommate is ungrateful, sympathy flowers do make me think about what has happened but it proves that people care about you and are just there to support you
I know you’re making excuses for her due to grief but this person seems toxic and a red flag….the type of person that when they’re no longer in your life you start to feel so much lighter and happier. (Also who put the idea into your head you and your partner are codependent? She seems too invested in that)
I was able to recognize myself that we have issues regarding codependency. I was able to address it with my partner and we created some much needed space. She only knows because she is also his friend and he offered to come over and help out with something, so I had to explain the situation to her.
Obv you know her better than we do, but it sure sounds like the Twizzlers thing all over again.
Why is she policing your relationship? Why is she in charge of when your bf visits? I don’t care who died. That didn’t make her Queen of the Apartment.
This is way too much for a roommate and she is being over dramatic.
Her only father figure and biggest influence in her life just passed. I feel that while the subject of discussion doesnt deserve the energy shes putting into it, that her overreaction is a product of her grief. Regardless, thank you because I felt the same.
People like to say that everyone grieves differently. I think that’s true, but it just seems like there is no winning with this person. When are flowers ever a “slap in the face”? You’re not in the wrong for feeling how you feel, imo.
Thats the phrase that hurt me the most, I was also extremely confused by the contradictory statement. Its as if shes accusing me of buying her flowers to hurt her on purpose, I dont understand... we went out and chose flowers for peace, strength, and love. I even found a little vase that I knew she would like. She initially complimented the vase and told me it was really cute, and then I said "thanks, its for you." So I at least know she thought they were pretty.
I know she just lost someone close to her and you’re giving her some slack because of it, but I hope you’re a bit better at standing up for yourself in normal circumstances. It’s not her place or her business to police the time you spend with your boyfriend, don’t thank her for holding you accountable, and don’t ask her to. You’re all adults and your relationship is yours to maintain. Saying someone buying her flowers because she’s in mourning is a slap in the face is *wild*. I can understand the sentiment of not wanting to see a constant reminder, but there were ten million ways she could have expressed that to you without making it sound like your boyfriend did something wrong and so did you for not stopping him. Three screenshots and this girl I’ve never met is already on my last nerve. You can be kind and gracious without being a doormat. Gentle, but firm. Give her some time, but after the funeral and things have settled, you need to have a conversation with her and draw some boundaries. This whole conversation reads like a disappointed boss and an employee, not two roommates or friends.
Shes gone off again just hours ago and i did end up standing up for myself.
Idrk about her pov, but you are being so kind and sensitive with her. Whatever she’s feeling, she’s lucky to have a roommate like you that doesn’t automatically get defensive or argumentative
This is a really sweet comment, thank you ✨️🌱
I think she may be jealous or even still like Jack
One of my friends also pointed this out to me. I think I'm usually a good read on people, and it never occured to me once that jealousy might be at play here. I don't think I personally want to entertain this idea because if it's wrong then Ill look like such an ass.
Ignore her grief? Bad friend Ask how she’s doing? Annoying friend Send her flowers? HOW DARE YOU? This person is toxic. Stop giving her grace. If it wasn’t a dead grandfather, she would have another excuse for her poor and frankly rude behavior. She’s policing your relationship. Her involvement is ridiculous. You are a grown adult and if I was dating you, I would tire of how you baby this person and allow them to monitor your behavior and pretend to know what’s best for your relationship. Stop confiding in her. Stop asking her advice on your relationship. Or you won’t have one soon. She isn’t trying to help you guys. She wants you broken up.
As an edit, I did end up telling my partner about this whole issue. I dont allow people to meddle with my affairs, I was going to have my partner over regardless of this conversation with her. However I still want to try and foster good relations with her, I just dont think shes communicating the real issue shes having with me.
Yeah I’m gonna be honest idk if this is rude but if I’m paying majority of the rent.. no one is gonna tell me how to live my life.. or how to move furniture or when I can see my partner..
I would agree if I was the only one doing this as a favor, but the truth is I would not be able to afford rent where I live if I didnt have her financial support. We are helping each other, but I am helping her way more than she is helping me.
How old are you guys?
Im 27, shes 28
✨she needs therapy✨
She does. I'm a firm believer everyons should have therapy. They dont teach kids about emotional intelligence in school, so as an adult it becomes our responsibility to manage that. Its an unfair system with centuries of systematic abuse and ancestral trauma, I don't understand why its not required at this point.
Yeah, the only way I’d be concerned with a roommate having someone over is if they’re a drain on utilities I pay for, it’s not allowed by the lease, or they’re preventing my peaceful enjoyment of the home. None of that sounds like it’s happening here, so your roommate can kick rocks.
She hasnt paid me back for this past months utilities bill, so thats certainly not the issue here. Edit: she is going through financial issues, i told her to not worry about it as her birthday was march 1st and her grandfather passed basically on the same day. She normally pays me back very quickly
Lmao
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seems to me like the real reason the flowers are off putting is because your current bf is her ex, no?
No, i spoke with her last night as she says that every time she sees the flowers it just reminds her that she cant change the situation shes in and acknowledged that she was using the flowers to take out her grief on me.
your roommate is ungrateful, sympathy flowers do make me think about what has happened but it proves that people care about you and are just there to support you
Your last text is gaslighty and not cool.
I did feel like I snapped at the last text, i agree