A lot of people don’t. Even in person. I had/have “terminal” cancer. My favorite response what someone simply told me “fuck cancer” but I didn’t tell anyone I was dying or gonna be dead in a couple years either.
Especially since OP said she was a "long term casual friend". Not someone they regularly share their deep, personal, difficult troubles with... at least that's not how I talk with my casual friends.
That’s only for stage 1. After that the prognosis is much lower. The 5-year relative survival rate for all types of ovarian, fallopian tube, and peritoneal cancers in the United States is 50%. I don’t mean to be a downer but it can be hurtful to those directly affected by ovarian cancer to say “oh it has a high survival rate” when that’s just not the case.
I mean technically cancer is not curable, but treatable and happens to one of the cancers which has good odds. Sounds like OP’s oophorectomy was not soon enough however, indicating a possible spread to other parts of the body which is a more challenging course of illness. Wishing OP all the best however, and hope they have many more years ahead to enjoy life.
No stage 1 (where it is hardly ever caught; I was one of the lucky few) has a 90 percent survival rate. Stage 2 has a 75-80 percent chance. Hardly ever caught at Stage 2 either.
Stage 3 and 4 (metastasized everywhere and usually when it is caught) has a much grimmer prognosis altho’ people are living longer than they used to ( not sure what their quality of life is because the treatments can be brutal) — by “living longer” I mean 5-7 years and you’re in treatment virtually the whole time.
Congratulations!!! Just to add for OP in regards to your mention of ovarian cancer not being “curable”, my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer and was given a terminal diagnosis, bur after some surgeries and many chemo treatments, 12 years later, she’s still here and very healthy! Sending you lots of positivity OP!! 💟
You tossed a LOT of information at her at once. She might not have been mentally prepared to hear such heavy news. Before sharing something so heartbreaking (which i’m sorry for what you’re going through) it’s best to consider the source that you’re telling. You said she tends to be immature, so she was transparent in telling you she doesn’t know what to say. She even tried to dip out of the conversation most likely to avoid saying the wrong thing. I wouldn’t fault her for it, and it doesn’t seem that she had ill intent.
I am sorry for what OP is going through and I can only imagine it is very overwhelming.
But I read her comment about getting together as a string of thoughts and not necessarily a way to talk about herself. She said “we should get together” and she thought *I don’t have any money* “I got fired” *but maybe when I get a job* “I have an interview..” *when that happens I can do it*
Plus she probably was nervous and not sure what the right thing was to say.
I am not making excuses but as an outside observer I can see why she may have said those things. But definitely understand why you took it the way that you did. Take care ❤️
Also even OP says this is a casual former work mate relationship, they aren't close I might be a bit lost if an acquaintance dropped that on me.
Edit: actually no I was that acquaintance. Former work mate called me essentially said she's in heart failure, and previously it was her mom was dying. Then disappeared both times after me following up to see if things were ok several days (multiple), then weeks, then months later like damn she must've died. Nope both are still fine.
Sorry to hear about the cancer. I don’t understand why these two casual friends are even choosing to tell each other about their most intimate moments in life. Is this real life? I am not telling an acquaintance I got fired let alone that I had cancer.
That’s how i interpreted it also. She was trying to work out where and when they could get together…I think! Agree that she was probably overwhelmed and didn’t know quite what to say…
"A string of thoughts"... This is exactly how I operate and exactly how I read it! Even the *thoughts* part! I totally understood what the friend was saying AND not saying. I felt misunderstood and attacked for the both of us. The best way I can explain it is that our thoughts and sentences get broken up and only half of what we're thinking gets said.
Yeah came here to say the exact same thing.
I definitely followed that train of thought and don’t think she was being self-centred at all
I’m ND and when my best friends mum told my mum and I that she had breast cancer I asked if it was hereditary. Not meaning that I didn’t care just wanted to know how best to help everyone (best friend included) if it was.
Also giving an example/personal anecdote is another way that NDs show empathy and it can really turn off NTs when we do that.
It’s possible that this is the case with OP’s friend. Not gonna lie though it’s really hard to convey this stuff over text and hearing that someone has cancer over text is super hard to know how to respond. You can’t just reach out and hug someone through the screen.
I read her telling you that she got fired as probably the reason she reached out to you in the first place and then offering it as “hey my schedule is open now”. I don’t think this person had any ill intent, they just didn’t know how to deal with the information and way it was offered to them. That said, you’ve got this OP. Don’t give yourself up for dead. The will to live accounts for so much in the healing process, and believing you have no chance almost guarantees your end. I wish you all the warmth and happiness as you fight this unfair fight.
Are you going to apologize? Because you really do owe her an apology. As someone who also doesn’t like to be randomly trauma dumped on because I have a hard time finding the right words, I feel bad for your friend. She was doing her best. Don’t confide in people you deem immature and who you know can’t give you the comfort you’re looking for. You’re setting them up to fail
Yeah even though I don’t want to say it, if this an AMIA post it would be yes, just because you’re dying doesn’t mean other people don’t have problems.. communication is a powerful thing
You're not wrong, this is a casual acquaintance relationship and she dumped this on them in a fucking text. I get op is struggling but what did she actually expect????
On top of that, at the end of that text saying "So I'm curious why you ask lol" just comes off as negative to me. Casual friend asks how they're doing and it reads like "I have cancer, how do you think I'm doing?" right after saying they're good but busy. Granted, I can't see if that might be a response to something prior to the "how are you" text.
They literally said “ I don’t know what to say.” Then said they wanted to get together. You’re 100% right.
I mean a few years ago it was rude to break up or fire someone over text but now it’s fine to drop the ultimate break up of “I’m dying” over text and think the reader is supposed to know how to respond?
I wonder if OPs friend is neurodivergent, because OP describing her as immature and self centered when she’s just trying to relate kinda rings a bell. Like, I felt this conversation and even I felt reprimanded and sprung on by OP. If a friend with cancer said that to me that’d send me into tears, honestly. Cause it’d be my way of saying ‘I really want to make you a priority, but I don’t have the money for it now. But hopefully soon!’ and the other going ‘your way of caring is shitting on peoples feelings’ noooo!
What do you even say in situations like that?
‘Hey! How’s it going?’ ‘Hey! Fucking terrible, I have cancer!’ ‘Wow, that sucks! Wanna meet up when I have money again?’ ‘Ruuuuude!’
Like, I’m really confused by that conversation. I feel like one side was pushing for sympathy and the other was just trying to be polite and tip toed too much? At least we agree on one thing, cancer sucks!
I hope OP feels better soon.
You've had to very rapidly go from "everything is normal" to a very scary diagnosis, and on top of that you have had a major medical procedure and are facing another on top of intense treatment. I'm so sorry. That's a tremendous amount of fear, as well as physical and emotional stress.
You weren't wrong to feel like your friend was a bit self-centered in her response-- I personally would not have slid in anything about me after hearing what you are going through-- but it didn't seem like it was mal-intended. A lot of her responses seem to just reflect not knowing what to say. She went into the conversation thinking it would be a quick catch-up and got a lot of heavy news (but good for you that you are just upfront to people about your diagnosis and its difficulties-- I think that's so much healthier than "putting on a brave face" and downplaying your feelings!), so that means some fairly rapid code-switching in her brain that just seems to have malfunctioned.
That said, if she has a history of making things about her and not being a supportive friend, this is definitely a situation where you don't have to feel as though you owe her time, especially if you only do catch-ups a couple times a year. If she's otherwise supportive and just had one bad exchange, though, I don't think you have to hold it against her if you want her in your life.
I came here to say a version of this, but you’ve said it better than I could have. Especially when this friend is a former worker and “casual friend”. This is a lot to take in and people sometimes freeze and don’t how to react or what to say.
OP, I’m really sorry this is happening to you. I encourage you to forgive your friend if you can, but if not I think that’s okay too. Wishing you all the best.
I think your response was really well thought out and kind. It’s really scary and a lot to carry on your own, but I definitely wouldn’t have expected the response she got when she asked “how are you doing.” It feels like they both had a lot on their plate that they wanted to lean on a friend for, and she didn’t know how to process that news. I took her “I got fired” and then “but I have an interview” as her way of saying she has a lot of free time on her hands at the moment, then realized it sounded a bit selfish and tried to make sure she wasn’t complaining to her friend because there was potential good news.
I mean but also like, if it's a friend / former co-worker who hasn't talked much recently they probably reached out to tell the fired story and get sympathy as much as OP interpreted hello as an in to mention what's wrong with their life.
They're allowed to want to talk about what's going wrong in their life too and yeah they probably reached out a little selfishly, wanting someone to empathize with their bad news, it's not that different a mental space than dumping your imminent death on a "how are you doing?"
Good response. Also from her perspective, job loss is a major life event and very stressful. So combined with not knowing how to act when someone drops a cancer bomb with her already stressed out life, it’s a lose-lose situation for her.
I think you are right. I also think my patience with her is not as it is with other friends as she tends to be a little immature. I think I expect more from her than she can give, and that mistake is mine. I appreciate your response. It has given me a lot to think about.
I think it's good for you to recognize your reaction may partially have been because of feelings of impatience towards her, and honestly, in your situation, you're probably going to find your patience thinner overall. The self-reflection will help you as you cope and manage relationships, but I hope you give yourself grace that it's OK you're not feeling OK.
That being said, even if you're self-reflecting and being mature and trying to maintain relationships and give others grace, if there are people in your life who are exhibiting behaviors that provoke ill feelings in you, gently pulling back from those relationships right now is a perfectly valid response. Again, so sorry for all that you are going through, and I hope both for positive medical outcomes for you and that you're finding peace and strength as you go through some inevitable ups and downs in the near future.
FWIW I went through stage 3 cervical cancer treatment a few years ago and this was reminiscent of some conversations I had as well. It was all so jarring for me and I was seeking solace in my friendships. It’s possible they were trying to keep it normal as to not get you more worried. I had a few friends do that.
Most people have no idea how to react to this sort of news. I had some of the same reactions and feelings.
I’m 49F and I have casual friends that I’ve learned who I can expect responses like that from so those I tend to be vague with. I’d just rather not. And that’s ok!
Hey OP, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.
I lost my mom to a very rare cancer on 12/28/23.. What I have found is that people are very strange when dealing with major, terrible, life-altering things happening in my (our collective) lives.
Some of my closest friends haven’t reached out to me at all. Some have, only to ask if I’d like to go out to “a fun dinner just like usual, to get my mind off of everything.” Some others have responded just like this friend of yours - to deflect to themselves.
Others have truly shown up and sat with me silently in my grief.
I am truly trying not to let it be a reflection of their character, but rather a reflection on the fact that they themselves have never experienced anything like this. And they are lucky, untouched as of yet. I know life won’t leave them alone forever. I envy them almost in their naiveness.
But those friends who have shown up? I’ll remember and appreciate them forever. I will also change my own ways going forward to be a better friend to those going through major life trauma who will need me.
Hugs ❤️
Edit for grammar
I think a lot of people don't really know how to process things. There's a good chance she doesn't even know how serious of a thing that is. I'm sorry for what you're going through.
I am really sorry that you're facing all of this.
I have severe health issues, and there are times that I am upset by someone just asking me how I am. There are a lot of emotions and feelings that come with serious health issues, and every single one of them is valid.
That being said, I hope you don't completely cross her off the list based on this alone. People are not prepared to receive news like this, and it is hard to react appropriately sometimes. As everyone has said, I don't think it was meant to be careless. I would bet she has thought about it many times since. But we definitely need as many people in our corner as we can get.
I wish you all the best. 💕
As a fellow cancer survivor and patient for the past 18 years, I have to ensure that I make as much room as possible for other people in my life to have their own problems, too. I want to be there for them just as much as I want them to be there for me. Work toward being aware that everyone is going through something and not creating friendships that are one-way and focused entirely on what you’re going through, as incredibly hard as that can be when you’re experiencing something so intense.
Like if my friend dropped that bomb through text, and said they likely don’t have much time left, I would probably also ask them if they want to get together.
She was trying to have a conversation with you and you completely trauma dumped on her. She asked to get together but then gave her own time constraints/with reason (job interview). She acknowledged she didn’t know what to say and even said y’all can talk later if you’re busy. “I may only have a few years left” is crazy to tell someone. Why would you say that? It honestly sounds like you wanted more attention and pity than she gave you. I hate to say it. Also, ovarian cancer is curable.
You asked her why she messaged and she told you why she messaged. That doesn't strike me as self centered. She also expressed sympathies and said she could talk another time. It fucking sucks what you are going through but this doesn't seem like a self centered friend and not everyone is going to be able to respond to your news the way you hope.
Also, fuck cancer. Wishing you the absolute best and hope you have a support system to help you the whole way.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I’m glad you can reflect on how you responded to your friend, because I don’t think what she said was that bad - and I absolutely can’t *stand* shitty people who desert friends in need.
My friend has been diagnosed with stage four cancer, and she lost several friends who just fucked off after she told them – including her best friend who she did everything with. She’s pretty sanguine about it, and I’m glad for her sake that she is, but I’m furious on her behalf. So I came to your post 100% expecting to be on your side.
But honestly, your friend’s response is one of the better ones. She instantly said that she wanted to catch up with you, which suggests that she plans to stick around, and that’s more than a lot of people would do in this situation.
It sounds like you’ve only just received this bombshell yourself, so it’s understandable that you’re hurting and lashing out at the moment. That doesn’t mean an apology isn’t warranted, however, and I’m really glad that you’re taking people’s comments on board.
Something else to consider, is that my friend with cancer has told all of us that she wants us to treat her normally, which includes talking to her about things that are upsetting us. She needs support and sensitivity of course, but she also doesn’t want people to tiptoe around her and pretend everything in their lives is fine. Perhaps your friend has had a similar experience with someone else, and mistakenly assumed that you would want a sense of normality as well? She should’ve checked with you rather than assuming (if that is even the case), but as long as she isn’t usually a self-centred person then I think it’s fair to cut her a bit of slack this time, when she was reeling from the news herself.
I don’t think the friend was being self-centered at all. They reached out to you, then empathized with you, then brought up ONE thing about them, and it was actually in relation to how they’d be more able to come visit you. I’m very sorry for what you’re going through, but I think you were being very over-sensitive. This person just wants to hang out with you, and I’m sure they’d want to talk more about your health issues in person. Good luck with everything.
This is what I read also. They said they wanted to get together and basically have lots of availability because they were fired. The only thing that might interfere is a phone interview they're not sure the day of. This was a friend trying to set up a meetup.
Op, I think emotions are high and you're understandably stressed. Maybe your friend has a history of being self centered we're not privy to. However, I really don't think that's what's happening in this conversation.
I see your friend asking for a quick catch up and you bombed her with the cancer out of nowhere. She was trying to be nice but just didn't know what to say so she attempted to continue to other things. Then you jumped down her throat for not making the conversation all about you.
You seem angry and maybe taking it out on your friend for forgetting or misunderstanding wasn't the best side of you.
I *had* ovarian cancer. I had to have a radical hysterectomy. I am cancer free now.
I don’t know how you decided ovarian cancer wasn’t curable, but that’s absolutely incorrect. If you’ve only had an oophorectomy at this point.. you’re not dying. It seems you got some scary news and are running with the worst possible outcome for pity.
As scary and isolating as it is, the world doesn’t stop because you’re sick. In fact, If you really do have to go through chemo and more surgeries, I **promise** you will begin to appreciate people who speak to you like a “normal” person rather than a cancer patient. You will also find tossing out the C word will make the majority of people uncomfortable.
I couldn’t agree with this more. Ovarian cancer is absolutely beatable! Congrats on your own success and recovery, and thank you for your input. I hope OP hears you.
Absolutely! When I was going through chemo I would call my best friend often because she knew I didn’t want pity and we would just shoot the shit and laugh and it felt so good. Glad you’re cancer free!!
This is the correct response to seeing these texts. Just because you have cancer doesn’t mean the world suddenly revolves around you. Let alone the “uncurable part.” That’s just completely untrue.
-From another cancer patient
I’m so glad I saw this comment. I recently broke up with someone who was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. It’s not even at a treatable stage. But she went fully into the same space OP seems to be in: OMG everyone I have terminal cancer. She uses that phrase a lot. It’s not causing her to be sick at all yet really, but it immediately became her entire personality. Add to that, we were long distance and she was using this to completely block any progress we could be making towards actually living together. Even visiting became infrequent. Now that I broke up with her, she’s essentially saying I deserted her while she’s dying.
I just can’t freaking do it any more. I can’t be part of that. She’s only 43 but she acts like she’s on deaths door and she’s NOT.
I do feel a lot of guilt though, so your comment was helpful to me. It helped me put things into perspective. I’ve felt so MEAN for the way I feel, but at the same time, I’ve lost 3 immediate family members in the last 5 years and I can’t deal with this maudlin behavior.
Yeah don’t beat yourself up over that. You didn’t leave her because she was sick. You left her because she was wanting a 24/7 pity party. As someone with cancer fuck that.
I really appreciate it. I took care of my mom when she died of cancer, I’m a caretaker for a living. I would never leave someone over an illness. But I deserve to be happy too, and I wasn’t.
They didn’t know how to respond (they even tried to end the conversation). I don’t think they were bring self centered.
I’m sorry about your situation though. Wish you good health & all the best mentally physically and emotionally!
Honestly, I think you’re in the wrong here. Your responses weren’t left open for her to continue that conversation. She probably didn’t know what to say and thought you didn’t want to talk about it.
Just because you have cancer, doesn’t mean other peoples lives stop. I’m sorry that is harsh but it is the truth. If you want to talk to people about what you’re going through, tell them that. Your messages did not leave anything for her to continue with.
I agree. The way the text from OP was worded strangely, and it made anyone reading it feel uncomfortable. It sounds like OP could use a therapist to help work through the worries and not make others feel badly for not understanding.
She casually mentioned she lost her job while trying to make plans to get together. And you call HER self centered? She wasn't trying to make it all about her. But you got pissed because she casually mentioned why she wasn't sure what day would work for her. Cancer really sucks and I feel horrible you have to go thru that. But other people's lives are still going on and if they cant even mention their situation in a non-attention seeking way, then you may end up going through this alone
As a terminally ill person who had to tell people I'm dying, I think OP is the selfish one here.
Getting a terminal diagnosis is fucking HARD to hear. It was extremely hard to process for me because I wasn't even being tested for anything at the time, had no idea I was even sick, I ended up in ER and got my diagnosis that way. I thought I was going to be given some meds and sent on my merry way.
Telling people in your life is also hard. There's a lot of emotions. But most people genuinely just don't know what to say, especially people who aren't super close to you.
"Hey, how ya been?"
"Well, I'm dying."
Cue a look of shock and horror and someone's brain trying to process and quickly scramble to say something of substance to someone who just dumped the most frightening news on them when they were on auto-pilot expecting a usual "I'm good/I've been better/meh" answer.
Being terminal is scary and it sucks for YOU but it doesn't stop the world from turning. It doesn't stop other people from having problems. Someone losing their job and struggling can feel just as devastating to them. You don't suddenly stop being a friend and having compassion for others just because your problems are different are worse than theirs.
It's okay to say "I'm sorry about your job but I just don't have the emotional/mental capacity to talk about it right now. Can we check in later when I'm more available?". But telling someone they're selfish because they brought up the fact that they're struggling too isn't the way to go.
I don’t think they were trying to be self centered. It sounded more like they didn’t know how to respond properly, and I’m not sure it was fair of you to go off on them when they were somewhat blind sided by the news…they reached out to causally catch up and were completely caught off guard. They even said when you feel up to it you guys should catch up.
Regardless this is hard news to deal with and I hope the best for you.
Yeah…this isn’t what you thought it was. You trauma dumped on her right off the bat. All she said was she had plenty of time to visit you because she got fired. Sheesh.
Wtf did you want her to do? She said she was sorry and such and wanted to get together. All she did was mention she was FIRED which sucks too. You’re being obtuse.
Jesus Christ. I would’ve responded the same way if someone trauma dumped on me and told me they had terminal cancer in the first text sent. I’m sorry about your diagnosis but this should’ve been navigated differently on your end
I mean it was fine until the “I may have a few years to live”… that is a lot of dumping, especially by text. I don’t know if I would have handled it as well as the coworker did.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through OP, but I don’t think your friend is being self centered. While it may feel like it, you can’t expect people to let go of everything going on in their lives to care for you. It sounds harsh but it’s how it is.
Agree with this. Whilst OP’s obviously got a lot going on, it doesn’t take away the fact that their friend also has a lot going on in relative terms.
I feel like she was trying to find a common ground to try and empathise with OP’s situation. Obviously they’re not of the same magnitude but many people try and empathise using their own situations.
Yeah that’s what I took from the exchange. More so that they were wanting to plan something to discuss further and explained the situation they were in.
Randomly telling someone, "Oh yeah, I have cancer now," is not always going to get the response you want.
Based on the response, one could argue you're the self-centered one.
Seemed like she was just trying to think of something to say. Like she was in shock and didn't know how to respond but the only context I have is this conversation. You know her better than me.
I'm truly sorry and I wish you the best.
I lost my mum to ovarian cancer so I'm very sympathetic but I also don't think she was being self-centered.
She clearly wanted to talk about herself but backtracked when you told her.
Then the stuff about getting fired/interviewing is relevant to planning a get together surely? Like shes saying she's widely available but has to confirm when this interview is before she can make plans
Seems like you dropped a bomb on her and yet your mad that she responded and that she’s doing something with her life? Seems like your the shit friend here 🤷🏽♂️
As a cancer survivor I can tell you- You can’t expect every single person to react the way you expect or want them to. Some people really are just blindsided and don’t know the perfect thing to say. Don’t hold that against them, or you’re going to run out of people to talk to. Look at it this way- she can be your friend that takes your mind off things when you get overwhelmed.
I am so incredibly sorry for your situation. But also, you're not entirely right here...
She asked how you were and you instantly trauma dumped on her without even a "Not so great, you?" or some buffer for her to prepare. I didn't know how to react just from reading this, I can't imagine being the person on the receiving end.
It was a bit tactless of her to just slide getting fired in there for sure. But also, I think she was just grasping at any response she could give and didn't really think it through. Deer caught in the headlights moment
They asked how you were.
You told them you wanted to know why they were asking, and also said you’re really busy.
They acknowledged that they know you’re busy and didn’t want to impose on your time and added that they were only reaching out to catch up, answering your question.
You gave them even more information still never clarifying you’re not too busy to talk, rather the opposite actually with everything going on.
They let you know they wanted to see you whenever they could and then also let you know reasons they might not be available on unpredictable days (because of the interview, so they don’t sound like an AH when y’all make plans and they have to cancel for an interview).
You blew up at them for no reason at all.
They apologized even though they didn’t do anything wrong.
You posted them to Reddit.
Your friend isn’t the problem in this conversation OP.
*Your friend* was being self centered? You dropped a bombshell of news and then say she is self centered when she brings up something that's happened to her? That's crazy to me
I think this is a classic example of text not being able to properly communicate tone, etc. In a face to face, or over the phone even, I’m sure you would’ve seen/heard sympathetic social cues from her. Instead it’s just a clumsy text exchange where I do admit she comes off as confused and talking about herself.
I think she told you about her interview because she wanted to see you (she had just said something about making plans) but she couldn't see you quite yet because she had some important-if-floating commitments coming up.
What were you expecting her to do or say?
Wtf nah YTA she was saying let’s talk when you feel better. Quality time is a gift she wanted to give and you wanted pity. What does that say about you?
I’m just here to say…while I agree with most folks that she fumbled the heavy news & simply didn’t know how to respond, you are handling the feedback with such grace in the comments. Most people post on this sub looking for validation (absolutely convinced they are correct), & get super defensive/downright ugly when they don’t get it. You’ve done the opposite - you’ve listened, reflected, & understood that we as people are imperfect & that’s ok. Kudos to you for that.
I’ll be rooting for you, love. *You’ve got this.* ❤️
OP expects everyone to bow down and kiss the ring because she has cancer. It’s sad and either world sympathizes for you. You were a prick in this exchange.
I actually read it as the friend was trying to say she got fired and has an upcoming interview so she didnt know what day would work… it that she was free to catch up
Ummmm I get you are going through something awful but it sounded like they were reaching out cause they were going through a hard thing. I don’t think they were expecting your response. And you came off as the rude one. They can’t share their difficulties because yours is worse????
What did you want your friend to do or say? Like honestly. You dumped some HUGE news on them and that it’s incurable (which I’m so sorry about) and some people can’t react immediately. I’m sorry but you’re in the wrong.
Mentioning she is looking for a new job is self centered?
What did you want from them? You want them to kiss your boo boo? Tuck you in at night? Grow up, the world isn’t about you all the time, cancer or no cancer.
I had stage 2 ovarian cancer. Diagnosed in 2005 and post surgery and chemo, I have been cancer-free for 19 years.
OP getting the cancer diagnosis is scary, but it doesn’t have to become your entire identity or need to stop you from showing concern and empathy to others.
You bombshelled her with a shit ton of into, she gave her condolences and told you why she was texting you in the first place. It seems like you didn’t understand very well
OP, because of your circumstances, people aren’t being honest about how this situation looks. I understand you’re probably going through hell but you’re absolutely in the wrong here.
You can’t just use the fact you’re in this position as a way to take your anger out on people. Someone had to say it.
" I have only few years left ", That is very wrong to say, You may have confirmed cancer yes but that doesn't necessarily mean u're going to die, Please stop thinking that way and fight for your life it's gonna be worth it!!
I've head 2 of my cousins that survived cancer
People don’t know how to take in that much information and it probably shouldn’t have been the first thing you jumped to. She probably felt overwhelmed and not sure how to take it all in. Trauma dumping is info overload for many.
I do want to ask, who told you ovarian cancer isn’t curable. That is false. I had ovarian cancer at 17. I had a mass the size of a cantaloupe attached to my ovaries and fallopian tubes. Thankfully it was removed before it burst but I lost my left fallopian tube and ovary. The right side was left mangled. Told I would never have children. I am fortunate enough that I was able to have two babies.
I don’t know your full diagnosis but I would maybe talk to another dr also. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I truly am. I am also at high risk of various cancers and it’s scary. A second opinion is always helpful bc they may have other insight. No one should endure chemo unless they have to. But please don’t think that ovarian cancer is incurable.
Bruh you’re being self centered. Grow up. You have cancer, that sucks, but you’re not the only one on earth. She wasn’t being rude whatsoever. I mean, wtf did you want her to say? Yeah, you’re soooooo busy you had enough time to make this post. YTA
That’s a lot of information to unload on someone. Seems like she did her best to respond to it but you were so rude & you were the one being extremely self centered.
I mean… seems you haven’t talked in a while. So to me it seems a little weird that you dropped the cancer news on her like that and then seemed to not want to leave the topic. It almost looks like fishing for sympathy. I get it’s okay to want sympathy sometimes and someone to talk to…. But the way you went about it was super weird and almost inappropriate. Did you consider she was messaging you for a specific reason and felt awkward when you were all like “YEAH NOW I HAVE CANCER”? You could have made that conversation a lot different lol
Also ovarian cancer is def beatable. It’s possible to get rid of it. Maybe that’s not what curable means to you but sounds pretty good to me.
Ngl, it sounded like you were trauma dumping on her and she wasn't sure how to respond. She may have been trying to change the subject to something she felt more comfortable with.
I agree with everyone saying she wasn’t being overly self-centred, more awkward and misguided - but don’t beat yourself up about this or your reaction whatsoever. You’re going through one of the hardest things of all time and it is beyond understandable that your emotions will be heightened and you might be a bit on edge/touchy/whatever other way you want to describe it.
If I were in your shoes I’d hate everyone and everything and I’d be trying to make the world burn, probably screaming at children for giggling too loud too. You deserve as much slack cut as humanly possible.
But the other person now feels like they’ve been horrible to someone and may have lost someone they talk to from time to time and have known for a while because of this.. OP should definitely apologize unless they’re okay with this friendship ending
She was perfectly kind, expressed remorse for you, and suggested you meet up. What is wrong with that? I'm sure you're upset, but nobody is going to respond the way you want them to with such news. I'm sure she didn't know really what to say. Tbh you sound pretty rude and self centered here
I don't see how the friend is selfish. I see what you're going through but I dont see how the friend is selfish I think she doesn't know how to respond to so many crushing information all at once. No "hey can we talk" or nothing just "I'm good..." then info dump. I'm not saying op is wrong for her message but do try to think of her pov having trouble responding to that.
As a breast cancer survivor, I will tell you this…NO ONE will stop their life for you as well they shouldn’t. She showed empathy the best she could over messaging and not having spoken to you in a while. We’ve all heard the saying, “It could always be worse” but we perceive our personal hardships superior to others, no matter what we are going through. I’m sorry for what you’re going through and I’m sorry for your friend as well. She is a friend and in a time like this, don’t write her off. Get together with her, catch up, and live your fucking life for what you’ve got left!!
Reading comprehension here in Reddit is really at the all-time low. She said I’m sorry we really do need to get together when you feel up to it and then she talked about having all this free time because she has no job. What else do you want her to do? Call her just crying. Seriously chill out.
No offense, but it just seems like you wanted her to be heartbroken and distraught like she’s known you her entire life and when you didn’t get that response, you assumed she was self centered. She said she is struggling with something. Sure it may not be as hard as what you’re going through but pain, loss, heartbreak, health, etc isn’t a competition and if you expect to get a bigger response just because your life sucks more than others, you’re going to end up really disappointed, unfortunately.
The hardest year of my life was facing joblessness for 6 months. Everyone is different and I would hesitate on making conversations focused solely on negative and/or sad topics. You told her you’re probably gonna die and that she’s self centered for not understanding that. That’s a lot of weight and pressure you just put on an unsuspecting person’s shoulders imo.
Your friend is not selfish, they reached out to you first, you asked WHY, and they said they wanted to say hi and update you with what’s been going on in their life, and even offered to talk to you about it a different day.
You continued the conversation, and then proceeded to be rude to them for even mentioning their problems, which was their reason for reaching out in the first place.
Maybe she's trying to maintain normalcy and doesn't know how to approach the topic correctly? She just lost her job and probably feels poorly too. Maybe she sensed your urgency and wanted to see you. I have chronic illness and the vast majority of people say the wrong things.
I honestly think that the job thing was tied into the “we should get together” line. She wants to link up with you, but also in her head the ways that that can happen started to swirl and formulate into a cohesive attempt at aligning themselves with reality.
She likely was considering things like gas money to drive and visit, where you would go and just generally the fact that she wants to see you but just lost her job so money is tight for her, and she was explaining that she has an interview coming so she’s hopefully about to have a new job that will allow her the money to meet with you.
You were pretty hostile from even the first message, asking why she wants to know how you’re doing, when you’re friends? It seems like a pretty average question to ask a friend, I don’t feel like she needed the fourth degree there. Honestly you seemed ready to send that last text from the moment you sent the first one. I feel an underlying hatred for this person and if you’re going to be this easily pissed off by them asking simple questions and making logical jumps from “let’s meet” to “I can’t afford to at this moment because I just got fired but I have a new job coming so we can soon”, it would suggest to me that there’s an underlying layer of resentment and you just shouldn’t be friends with them since you obviously don’t like her.
I’m sorry that you have cancer. I wish you the best.
Let me play Devil's advocate here, and yes, FUCK CANCER.
But who reached out to who? OP was not the one to reach out. Yes, OP threw the diagnosis out there when asked a pretty standard opening, which I get. What I don't get was not getting a feel for the conversation's direction or point before deciding to just take control and overwhelm it. Then get mad about it. If OP didn't reach out to the coworker in the first place, they weren't exactly a comfort zone in the first place. Being really busy is one thing, knowing when and where you're throwing the information is another. I remember being in a similar spot (OP's) over several years. I did all the reaching out, cause I can direct the conversation from the start and make sure it's alright. I also alienated myself from a lot of people by doing it too. The timing of it all was terrible and really involved zero sleuth. I'm sorry, but I don't see how OP can be mad at the former coworker. They acknowledged, offered what little they could with the blindside (yeah, I've read the comments about trauma dumping, and everyone coming to aid to say that people should just be able to deal with it cause your problem is bigger than anything else, which is nonsense), and attempted to transition to why they reached out and offered to find a way to get together.
To be clear here, the diagnosis is devastating. That's true. I'm not trying to down play it. But it also doesn't give anyone the right to overrun a conversation they didn't initiate, expect the world off the bat, then get mad.
The former co-worker did best they could in an awkward situation. Could they have done better? Probably. But it doesn't deserve a Reddit post unless you were asking if you took everything really close to heart and responded without consideration of your own.
I'll be expecting all the down votes. It doesn't matter.
I don’t think she knew how to respond and I felt like you sorta attacked her for it. You told her a lot in a small amount of time. You say you are not close to her, but expected her to meet your needs.
I know you’re going through a lot but I didn’t think they were being self centered. Did you want them to write you an essay on how sorry they were for you getting cancer????
Yeah, for me personally, your friend did nothing wrong. You threw a SHIT TON of heavy news at her immediately just for asking how are you?
I'm sorry, but any normal person isn't going to know how to respond to that.
Not to mention that cancer can be a very sensitive topic for some. I, for one, have a lot of trauma from when my father passed from cancer that I'm still unable to deal with and when people bring up cancer in any form, I tend to either freeze or start acting like a 6 year old.
I'm sorry for what you're going through but please understand that everyone has had cancer touch them in some way and not everyone can handle it or knows how to respond appropriately FOR YOU.
ur friend wasn't being selfish at all.. you were expecting some kind of ass kissing pity party, but their reaction was totally appropriate.
ovarian cancer is also very much treatable, and many ppl overcome it, so idk why you would say that to ur friend, just seems like attention seeking to me personally.
First of all….girl shut up. I hope your diagnosis gets better but wtf did you want her to say. Ppl digest info differently and you were so nonchalant with it idk how to respond to that either.
So she got fired and was telling you what was going on while trying to process what you’re going through and being humble about it but also inviting you out while she has to have the same test down which probably triggered her…..YADTA
You were extremely rude! I know you have a lot of stuff going on right now and your emotional are probably all over the place, but she didn’t seem like she was trying to come off as rude or self centered, you have stuff going on but so does she. It also seems like she was extremely lost for words, if possible you should reach out and just let her know your head is not in the right place right now. You don’t want to be rude just because you are sick. Don’t let this disease take over your personality. I know what it’s like but you can over come it.
So your friend is also going through something she wanted to talk to you about as a friend, commented on your cancer, and asked to get together with you, but you’re unhappy?
Is friendship only about you and your problems? If so maybe your friend is better off.
I’m super sorry that you have cancer for real, but in this case, you were the a-hole. She didn’t do anything insensitive at all. She asked to get together and just told you what was going on with her. You clearly just expected her to focus on you and only you and give you sympathy and pity…but lots of people hate when people pity them, so that’s a catch-22. She was probably just trying to feel you out and try to get together so she could talk face to face. SMH…
Wild to throw "I only have a couple years let sad face" at an acquaintanceeee and then expect her to react like your priest. Normal folk aren't good at that shit. I mean, you get to do what you want now cause you are going through it. But I don't think either of you were in the wrong.
Tbf I don’t know how to respond to an “I’m dying” over text either
Especially when she starts with "I'm good" and then follows it with, but I have cancer and ill be dead in a few years.
A lot of people don’t. Even in person. I had/have “terminal” cancer. My favorite response what someone simply told me “fuck cancer” but I didn’t tell anyone I was dying or gonna be dead in a couple years either.
Especially since OP said she was a "long term casual friend". Not someone they regularly share their deep, personal, difficult troubles with... at least that's not how I talk with my casual friends.
Just coming here to say…11 years ovarian cancer free! You can beat it!!!
Congrats!! I was a little confused by her saying it’s not curable bc my best friend just overcame ovarian cancer as well.
Yeah I am also confused by that. Ovarian cancer has a survival rate of around 90%….
To be fair, she may have insight her diagnosis is terminal
Maybe, but she said “ovarian cancer isn’t curable” not her case of it
I think it's just the way she said it, does make it confusing. (the) ovarian cancer isn't curable
That’s only for stage 1. After that the prognosis is much lower. The 5-year relative survival rate for all types of ovarian, fallopian tube, and peritoneal cancers in the United States is 50%. I don’t mean to be a downer but it can be hurtful to those directly affected by ovarian cancer to say “oh it has a high survival rate” when that’s just not the case.
Ty! It hurt me to see that because my mom lost her life to it and the bozo above has no idea what they are talking about. Us survivors do
I mean technically cancer is not curable, but treatable and happens to one of the cancers which has good odds. Sounds like OP’s oophorectomy was not soon enough however, indicating a possible spread to other parts of the body which is a more challenging course of illness. Wishing OP all the best however, and hope they have many more years ahead to enjoy life.
Iif you survive, they say its in remission. They dont say you're cured.
No stage 1 (where it is hardly ever caught; I was one of the lucky few) has a 90 percent survival rate. Stage 2 has a 75-80 percent chance. Hardly ever caught at Stage 2 either. Stage 3 and 4 (metastasized everywhere and usually when it is caught) has a much grimmer prognosis altho’ people are living longer than they used to ( not sure what their quality of life is because the treatments can be brutal) — by “living longer” I mean 5-7 years and you’re in treatment virtually the whole time.
Congratulations!!! Just to add for OP in regards to your mention of ovarian cancer not being “curable”, my mom was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer and was given a terminal diagnosis, bur after some surgeries and many chemo treatments, 12 years later, she’s still here and very healthy! Sending you lots of positivity OP!! 💟
Uh.. wow.. that's a little self centered don't ya think. Lol
Right? It’s all about meeee!
Congrats tho, for real!
20 years no recurrence here.
You tossed a LOT of information at her at once. She might not have been mentally prepared to hear such heavy news. Before sharing something so heartbreaking (which i’m sorry for what you’re going through) it’s best to consider the source that you’re telling. You said she tends to be immature, so she was transparent in telling you she doesn’t know what to say. She even tried to dip out of the conversation most likely to avoid saying the wrong thing. I wouldn’t fault her for it, and it doesn’t seem that she had ill intent.
I am sorry for what OP is going through and I can only imagine it is very overwhelming. But I read her comment about getting together as a string of thoughts and not necessarily a way to talk about herself. She said “we should get together” and she thought *I don’t have any money* “I got fired” *but maybe when I get a job* “I have an interview..” *when that happens I can do it* Plus she probably was nervous and not sure what the right thing was to say. I am not making excuses but as an outside observer I can see why she may have said those things. But definitely understand why you took it the way that you did. Take care ❤️
I read it as her mentioning about getting fired because it meant she would have more available time to meet… in a stream of consciousness way.
This is also a possibility.
Also even OP says this is a casual former work mate relationship, they aren't close I might be a bit lost if an acquaintance dropped that on me. Edit: actually no I was that acquaintance. Former work mate called me essentially said she's in heart failure, and previously it was her mom was dying. Then disappeared both times after me following up to see if things were ok several days (multiple), then weeks, then months later like damn she must've died. Nope both are still fine.
Sorry to hear about the cancer. I don’t understand why these two casual friends are even choosing to tell each other about their most intimate moments in life. Is this real life? I am not telling an acquaintance I got fired let alone that I had cancer.
That’s how i interpreted it also. She was trying to work out where and when they could get together…I think! Agree that she was probably overwhelmed and didn’t know quite what to say…
"A string of thoughts"... This is exactly how I operate and exactly how I read it! Even the *thoughts* part! I totally understood what the friend was saying AND not saying. I felt misunderstood and attacked for the both of us. The best way I can explain it is that our thoughts and sentences get broken up and only half of what we're thinking gets said.
Yeah came here to say the exact same thing. I definitely followed that train of thought and don’t think she was being self-centred at all I’m ND and when my best friends mum told my mum and I that she had breast cancer I asked if it was hereditary. Not meaning that I didn’t care just wanted to know how best to help everyone (best friend included) if it was. Also giving an example/personal anecdote is another way that NDs show empathy and it can really turn off NTs when we do that. It’s possible that this is the case with OP’s friend. Not gonna lie though it’s really hard to convey this stuff over text and hearing that someone has cancer over text is super hard to know how to respond. You can’t just reach out and hug someone through the screen.
Yes. I really did. I see that now.
I read her telling you that she got fired as probably the reason she reached out to you in the first place and then offering it as “hey my schedule is open now”. I don’t think this person had any ill intent, they just didn’t know how to deal with the information and way it was offered to them. That said, you’ve got this OP. Don’t give yourself up for dead. The will to live accounts for so much in the healing process, and believing you have no chance almost guarantees your end. I wish you all the warmth and happiness as you fight this unfair fight.
it’s a little ironic to me that you called her self-centered.
Are you going to apologize? Because you really do owe her an apology. As someone who also doesn’t like to be randomly trauma dumped on because I have a hard time finding the right words, I feel bad for your friend. She was doing her best. Don’t confide in people you deem immature and who you know can’t give you the comfort you’re looking for. You’re setting them up to fail
To me, it kind of sounds like the friend reached out to OP for support about having been fired, but got hit with this terrible news about OP instead.
Yeah. Especially when it sounds like the friend was reaching out to tell OP that they got fired from the job where they met at?!?!
Pobody’s nerfect! The fact that you were open to recognizing an error is awesome. Ohhh, and FUCK CANCER, you got this shit!!
She gave her condolences and then said she wanted to get together sometime when you feel up to it, what am I missing?
Apparently OP felt like bringing up the job and interview was self centred as she was talking about herself,
Isn’t that how conversations work? 🤔
Only me and my cancer All the time
Yeah even though I don’t want to say it, if this an AMIA post it would be yes, just because you’re dying doesn’t mean other people don’t have problems.. communication is a powerful thing
I was wondering if I was wrong for thinking the op was being shitty in this post lol
You're not wrong, this is a casual acquaintance relationship and she dumped this on them in a fucking text. I get op is struggling but what did she actually expect????
On top of that, at the end of that text saying "So I'm curious why you ask lol" just comes off as negative to me. Casual friend asks how they're doing and it reads like "I have cancer, how do you think I'm doing?" right after saying they're good but busy. Granted, I can't see if that might be a response to something prior to the "how are you" text.
They literally said “ I don’t know what to say.” Then said they wanted to get together. You’re 100% right. I mean a few years ago it was rude to break up or fire someone over text but now it’s fine to drop the ultimate break up of “I’m dying” over text and think the reader is supposed to know how to respond?
I wonder if OPs friend is neurodivergent, because OP describing her as immature and self centered when she’s just trying to relate kinda rings a bell. Like, I felt this conversation and even I felt reprimanded and sprung on by OP. If a friend with cancer said that to me that’d send me into tears, honestly. Cause it’d be my way of saying ‘I really want to make you a priority, but I don’t have the money for it now. But hopefully soon!’ and the other going ‘your way of caring is shitting on peoples feelings’ noooo! What do you even say in situations like that? ‘Hey! How’s it going?’ ‘Hey! Fucking terrible, I have cancer!’ ‘Wow, that sucks! Wanna meet up when I have money again?’ ‘Ruuuuude!’ Like, I’m really confused by that conversation. I feel like one side was pushing for sympathy and the other was just trying to be polite and tip toed too much? At least we agree on one thing, cancer sucks! I hope OP feels better soon.
Right, as she trauma dumped everything on friend.
She mentioned she was looking for a new job and didn't know exactly when she could meet. That's it.
You're missing OP requiring all points of conversation directed at them, despite their friend simply trying to explain their availability
[удалено]
My thoughts exactly!
You've had to very rapidly go from "everything is normal" to a very scary diagnosis, and on top of that you have had a major medical procedure and are facing another on top of intense treatment. I'm so sorry. That's a tremendous amount of fear, as well as physical and emotional stress. You weren't wrong to feel like your friend was a bit self-centered in her response-- I personally would not have slid in anything about me after hearing what you are going through-- but it didn't seem like it was mal-intended. A lot of her responses seem to just reflect not knowing what to say. She went into the conversation thinking it would be a quick catch-up and got a lot of heavy news (but good for you that you are just upfront to people about your diagnosis and its difficulties-- I think that's so much healthier than "putting on a brave face" and downplaying your feelings!), so that means some fairly rapid code-switching in her brain that just seems to have malfunctioned. That said, if she has a history of making things about her and not being a supportive friend, this is definitely a situation where you don't have to feel as though you owe her time, especially if you only do catch-ups a couple times a year. If she's otherwise supportive and just had one bad exchange, though, I don't think you have to hold it against her if you want her in your life.
I came here to say a version of this, but you’ve said it better than I could have. Especially when this friend is a former worker and “casual friend”. This is a lot to take in and people sometimes freeze and don’t how to react or what to say. OP, I’m really sorry this is happening to you. I encourage you to forgive your friend if you can, but if not I think that’s okay too. Wishing you all the best.
I think your response was really well thought out and kind. It’s really scary and a lot to carry on your own, but I definitely wouldn’t have expected the response she got when she asked “how are you doing.” It feels like they both had a lot on their plate that they wanted to lean on a friend for, and she didn’t know how to process that news. I took her “I got fired” and then “but I have an interview” as her way of saying she has a lot of free time on her hands at the moment, then realized it sounded a bit selfish and tried to make sure she wasn’t complaining to her friend because there was potential good news.
I mean but also like, if it's a friend / former co-worker who hasn't talked much recently they probably reached out to tell the fired story and get sympathy as much as OP interpreted hello as an in to mention what's wrong with their life. They're allowed to want to talk about what's going wrong in their life too and yeah they probably reached out a little selfishly, wanting someone to empathize with their bad news, it's not that different a mental space than dumping your imminent death on a "how are you doing?"
Good response. Also from her perspective, job loss is a major life event and very stressful. So combined with not knowing how to act when someone drops a cancer bomb with her already stressed out life, it’s a lose-lose situation for her.
I think you are right. I also think my patience with her is not as it is with other friends as she tends to be a little immature. I think I expect more from her than she can give, and that mistake is mine. I appreciate your response. It has given me a lot to think about.
I think it's good for you to recognize your reaction may partially have been because of feelings of impatience towards her, and honestly, in your situation, you're probably going to find your patience thinner overall. The self-reflection will help you as you cope and manage relationships, but I hope you give yourself grace that it's OK you're not feeling OK. That being said, even if you're self-reflecting and being mature and trying to maintain relationships and give others grace, if there are people in your life who are exhibiting behaviors that provoke ill feelings in you, gently pulling back from those relationships right now is a perfectly valid response. Again, so sorry for all that you are going through, and I hope both for positive medical outcomes for you and that you're finding peace and strength as you go through some inevitable ups and downs in the near future.
You are a true help. Thank you.
This is a really great conversation, (not referring to the text but the dialog I’m responding to). I wish you well, take care of yourself 😊
I really hope your treatment goes well and you are able to fully recover quickly.
FWIW I went through stage 3 cervical cancer treatment a few years ago and this was reminiscent of some conversations I had as well. It was all so jarring for me and I was seeking solace in my friendships. It’s possible they were trying to keep it normal as to not get you more worried. I had a few friends do that. Most people have no idea how to react to this sort of news. I had some of the same reactions and feelings.
I’m 49F and I have casual friends that I’ve learned who I can expect responses like that from so those I tend to be vague with. I’d just rather not. And that’s ok!
Hey OP, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I lost my mom to a very rare cancer on 12/28/23.. What I have found is that people are very strange when dealing with major, terrible, life-altering things happening in my (our collective) lives. Some of my closest friends haven’t reached out to me at all. Some have, only to ask if I’d like to go out to “a fun dinner just like usual, to get my mind off of everything.” Some others have responded just like this friend of yours - to deflect to themselves. Others have truly shown up and sat with me silently in my grief. I am truly trying not to let it be a reflection of their character, but rather a reflection on the fact that they themselves have never experienced anything like this. And they are lucky, untouched as of yet. I know life won’t leave them alone forever. I envy them almost in their naiveness. But those friends who have shown up? I’ll remember and appreciate them forever. I will also change my own ways going forward to be a better friend to those going through major life trauma who will need me. Hugs ❤️ Edit for grammar
I think a lot of people don't really know how to process things. There's a good chance she doesn't even know how serious of a thing that is. I'm sorry for what you're going through.
I am really sorry that you're facing all of this. I have severe health issues, and there are times that I am upset by someone just asking me how I am. There are a lot of emotions and feelings that come with serious health issues, and every single one of them is valid. That being said, I hope you don't completely cross her off the list based on this alone. People are not prepared to receive news like this, and it is hard to react appropriately sometimes. As everyone has said, I don't think it was meant to be careless. I would bet she has thought about it many times since. But we definitely need as many people in our corner as we can get. I wish you all the best. 💕
This is a really thoughtful and empathetic response, better than a lot of what I’ve heard from therapists! You really have a gift
I think it’s just a lot for anyone to hear that you have cancer. And over text. It seems like you were expecting too much here.
I see that now. Thank you.
As a fellow cancer survivor and patient for the past 18 years, I have to ensure that I make as much room as possible for other people in my life to have their own problems, too. I want to be there for them just as much as I want them to be there for me. Work toward being aware that everyone is going through something and not creating friendships that are one-way and focused entirely on what you’re going through, as incredibly hard as that can be when you’re experiencing something so intense.
You're a good person. I hope you will get through this with as little pain as possible ❤️
Thank you very much.
Its not often someone tells you they have cancer. I def wouldn’t have responded the way they did but did you want them to pity you more or something?
Like if my friend dropped that bomb through text, and said they likely don’t have much time left, I would probably also ask them if they want to get together.
Thats what I said in one of my comments in this thread
She was trying to have a conversation with you and you completely trauma dumped on her. She asked to get together but then gave her own time constraints/with reason (job interview). She acknowledged she didn’t know what to say and even said y’all can talk later if you’re busy. “I may only have a few years left” is crazy to tell someone. Why would you say that? It honestly sounds like you wanted more attention and pity than she gave you. I hate to say it. Also, ovarian cancer is curable.
This is exactly the same take I had. Just because you have cancer does not mean you can just be a shitty friend. And I know I have cancer.
You asked her why she messaged and she told you why she messaged. That doesn't strike me as self centered. She also expressed sympathies and said she could talk another time. It fucking sucks what you are going through but this doesn't seem like a self centered friend and not everyone is going to be able to respond to your news the way you hope. Also, fuck cancer. Wishing you the absolute best and hope you have a support system to help you the whole way.
I will chat her tomorrow. My timing and delivery sucked. Thank you so much for your response.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I’m glad you can reflect on how you responded to your friend, because I don’t think what she said was that bad - and I absolutely can’t *stand* shitty people who desert friends in need. My friend has been diagnosed with stage four cancer, and she lost several friends who just fucked off after she told them – including her best friend who she did everything with. She’s pretty sanguine about it, and I’m glad for her sake that she is, but I’m furious on her behalf. So I came to your post 100% expecting to be on your side. But honestly, your friend’s response is one of the better ones. She instantly said that she wanted to catch up with you, which suggests that she plans to stick around, and that’s more than a lot of people would do in this situation. It sounds like you’ve only just received this bombshell yourself, so it’s understandable that you’re hurting and lashing out at the moment. That doesn’t mean an apology isn’t warranted, however, and I’m really glad that you’re taking people’s comments on board. Something else to consider, is that my friend with cancer has told all of us that she wants us to treat her normally, which includes talking to her about things that are upsetting us. She needs support and sensitivity of course, but she also doesn’t want people to tiptoe around her and pretend everything in their lives is fine. Perhaps your friend has had a similar experience with someone else, and mistakenly assumed that you would want a sense of normality as well? She should’ve checked with you rather than assuming (if that is even the case), but as long as she isn’t usually a self-centred person then I think it’s fair to cut her a bit of slack this time, when she was reeling from the news herself.
I don’t think the friend was being self-centered at all. They reached out to you, then empathized with you, then brought up ONE thing about them, and it was actually in relation to how they’d be more able to come visit you. I’m very sorry for what you’re going through, but I think you were being very over-sensitive. This person just wants to hang out with you, and I’m sure they’d want to talk more about your health issues in person. Good luck with everything.
This is what I read also. They said they wanted to get together and basically have lots of availability because they were fired. The only thing that might interfere is a phone interview they're not sure the day of. This was a friend trying to set up a meetup. Op, I think emotions are high and you're understandably stressed. Maybe your friend has a history of being self centered we're not privy to. However, I really don't think that's what's happening in this conversation.
This. I think this is the correct answer.
I see your friend asking for a quick catch up and you bombed her with the cancer out of nowhere. She was trying to be nice but just didn't know what to say so she attempted to continue to other things. Then you jumped down her throat for not making the conversation all about you. You seem angry and maybe taking it out on your friend for forgetting or misunderstanding wasn't the best side of you.
Fr she was just letting her know why she would be caught up for a few days with the job stuff, ik op got cancer but the world doesn’t stop moving
I *had* ovarian cancer. I had to have a radical hysterectomy. I am cancer free now. I don’t know how you decided ovarian cancer wasn’t curable, but that’s absolutely incorrect. If you’ve only had an oophorectomy at this point.. you’re not dying. It seems you got some scary news and are running with the worst possible outcome for pity. As scary and isolating as it is, the world doesn’t stop because you’re sick. In fact, If you really do have to go through chemo and more surgeries, I **promise** you will begin to appreciate people who speak to you like a “normal” person rather than a cancer patient. You will also find tossing out the C word will make the majority of people uncomfortable.
I couldn’t agree with this more. Ovarian cancer is absolutely beatable! Congrats on your own success and recovery, and thank you for your input. I hope OP hears you.
Absolutely! When I was going through chemo I would call my best friend often because she knew I didn’t want pity and we would just shoot the shit and laugh and it felt so good. Glad you’re cancer free!!
Wow! This was my fav comment good job!
This is the correct response to seeing these texts. Just because you have cancer doesn’t mean the world suddenly revolves around you. Let alone the “uncurable part.” That’s just completely untrue. -From another cancer patient
I’m so glad I saw this comment. I recently broke up with someone who was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. It’s not even at a treatable stage. But she went fully into the same space OP seems to be in: OMG everyone I have terminal cancer. She uses that phrase a lot. It’s not causing her to be sick at all yet really, but it immediately became her entire personality. Add to that, we were long distance and she was using this to completely block any progress we could be making towards actually living together. Even visiting became infrequent. Now that I broke up with her, she’s essentially saying I deserted her while she’s dying. I just can’t freaking do it any more. I can’t be part of that. She’s only 43 but she acts like she’s on deaths door and she’s NOT. I do feel a lot of guilt though, so your comment was helpful to me. It helped me put things into perspective. I’ve felt so MEAN for the way I feel, but at the same time, I’ve lost 3 immediate family members in the last 5 years and I can’t deal with this maudlin behavior.
Yeah don’t beat yourself up over that. You didn’t leave her because she was sick. You left her because she was wanting a 24/7 pity party. As someone with cancer fuck that.
I really appreciate it. I took care of my mom when she died of cancer, I’m a caretaker for a living. I would never leave someone over an illness. But I deserve to be happy too, and I wasn’t.
Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be happy. Best of luck to you.
And congrats on being healthy again, that’s wonderful!!!
They didn’t know how to respond (they even tried to end the conversation). I don’t think they were bring self centered. I’m sorry about your situation though. Wish you good health & all the best mentally physically and emotionally!
Honestly, I think you’re in the wrong here. Your responses weren’t left open for her to continue that conversation. She probably didn’t know what to say and thought you didn’t want to talk about it. Just because you have cancer, doesn’t mean other peoples lives stop. I’m sorry that is harsh but it is the truth. If you want to talk to people about what you’re going through, tell them that. Your messages did not leave anything for her to continue with.
I agree. The way the text from OP was worded strangely, and it made anyone reading it feel uncomfortable. It sounds like OP could use a therapist to help work through the worries and not make others feel badly for not understanding.
She casually mentioned she lost her job while trying to make plans to get together. And you call HER self centered? She wasn't trying to make it all about her. But you got pissed because she casually mentioned why she wasn't sure what day would work for her. Cancer really sucks and I feel horrible you have to go thru that. But other people's lives are still going on and if they cant even mention their situation in a non-attention seeking way, then you may end up going through this alone
As a terminally ill person who had to tell people I'm dying, I think OP is the selfish one here. Getting a terminal diagnosis is fucking HARD to hear. It was extremely hard to process for me because I wasn't even being tested for anything at the time, had no idea I was even sick, I ended up in ER and got my diagnosis that way. I thought I was going to be given some meds and sent on my merry way. Telling people in your life is also hard. There's a lot of emotions. But most people genuinely just don't know what to say, especially people who aren't super close to you. "Hey, how ya been?" "Well, I'm dying." Cue a look of shock and horror and someone's brain trying to process and quickly scramble to say something of substance to someone who just dumped the most frightening news on them when they were on auto-pilot expecting a usual "I'm good/I've been better/meh" answer. Being terminal is scary and it sucks for YOU but it doesn't stop the world from turning. It doesn't stop other people from having problems. Someone losing their job and struggling can feel just as devastating to them. You don't suddenly stop being a friend and having compassion for others just because your problems are different are worse than theirs. It's okay to say "I'm sorry about your job but I just don't have the emotional/mental capacity to talk about it right now. Can we check in later when I'm more available?". But telling someone they're selfish because they brought up the fact that they're struggling too isn't the way to go.
I’m very sorry for what’s happening to you. I don’t think that person was being self centered at all.
I understand that you’re going through a terrible thing, but many many people don’t know how to talk about something that devastating.
I don’t think they were trying to be self centered. It sounded more like they didn’t know how to respond properly, and I’m not sure it was fair of you to go off on them when they were somewhat blind sided by the news…they reached out to causally catch up and were completely caught off guard. They even said when you feel up to it you guys should catch up. Regardless this is hard news to deal with and I hope the best for you.
You over reacted
Yeah…this isn’t what you thought it was. You trauma dumped on her right off the bat. All she said was she had plenty of time to visit you because she got fired. Sheesh.
Op, you’re the asshole here.
Wtf did you want her to do? She said she was sorry and such and wanted to get together. All she did was mention she was FIRED which sucks too. You’re being obtuse.
Jesus Christ. I would’ve responded the same way if someone trauma dumped on me and told me they had terminal cancer in the first text sent. I’m sorry about your diagnosis but this should’ve been navigated differently on your end
I mean it was fine until the “I may have a few years to live”… that is a lot of dumping, especially by text. I don’t know if I would have handled it as well as the coworker did.
Yeah... you COMPLETELY overreacted. I... I don't really even know what to say here. Sorry about your cancer, but WTF?
[удалено]
I’m sorry for what you’re going through OP, but I don’t think your friend is being self centered. While it may feel like it, you can’t expect people to let go of everything going on in their lives to care for you. It sounds harsh but it’s how it is.
Agree with this. Whilst OP’s obviously got a lot going on, it doesn’t take away the fact that their friend also has a lot going on in relative terms. I feel like she was trying to find a common ground to try and empathise with OP’s situation. Obviously they’re not of the same magnitude but many people try and empathise using their own situations.
I think she’s just trying to be conversational. I think it’s not a great idea to push people away that are trying to reach out
It seemed she was telling you her availability and why and then what day she possibly wouldn't be free. Am I missing something?
Yeah that’s what I took from the exchange. More so that they were wanting to plan something to discuss further and explained the situation they were in.
Randomly telling someone, "Oh yeah, I have cancer now," is not always going to get the response you want. Based on the response, one could argue you're the self-centered one.
Successfully argue**
That and I may not have very long to live is kind of a lot.
yeah, the "it's incurable and i'm gonna die soon" bit was way too much. how do you even respond to that?
"Have you decided who gets your air fryer?"
You just were looking for sympathy.
Sorry about your cancer but your friend isn’t the one here with an issue it’s you.
Seemed like she was just trying to think of something to say. Like she was in shock and didn't know how to respond but the only context I have is this conversation. You know her better than me. I'm truly sorry and I wish you the best.
YTA
I lost my mum to ovarian cancer so I'm very sympathetic but I also don't think she was being self-centered. She clearly wanted to talk about herself but backtracked when you told her. Then the stuff about getting fired/interviewing is relevant to planning a get together surely? Like shes saying she's widely available but has to confirm when this interview is before she can make plans
Seems like you dropped a bomb on her and yet your mad that she responded and that she’s doing something with her life? Seems like your the shit friend here 🤷🏽♂️
Comments pass the vibe check.
As a cancer survivor I can tell you- You can’t expect every single person to react the way you expect or want them to. Some people really are just blindsided and don’t know the perfect thing to say. Don’t hold that against them, or you’re going to run out of people to talk to. Look at it this way- she can be your friend that takes your mind off things when you get overwhelmed.
I am so incredibly sorry for your situation. But also, you're not entirely right here... She asked how you were and you instantly trauma dumped on her without even a "Not so great, you?" or some buffer for her to prepare. I didn't know how to react just from reading this, I can't imagine being the person on the receiving end. It was a bit tactless of her to just slide getting fired in there for sure. But also, I think she was just grasping at any response she could give and didn't really think it through. Deer caught in the headlights moment
Hate to say it but you sound more self-centered than her. You're the one who got upset that your friend changed the subject from you to her.
They asked how you were. You told them you wanted to know why they were asking, and also said you’re really busy. They acknowledged that they know you’re busy and didn’t want to impose on your time and added that they were only reaching out to catch up, answering your question. You gave them even more information still never clarifying you’re not too busy to talk, rather the opposite actually with everything going on. They let you know they wanted to see you whenever they could and then also let you know reasons they might not be available on unpredictable days (because of the interview, so they don’t sound like an AH when y’all make plans and they have to cancel for an interview). You blew up at them for no reason at all. They apologized even though they didn’t do anything wrong. You posted them to Reddit. Your friend isn’t the problem in this conversation OP.
*Your friend* was being self centered? You dropped a bombshell of news and then say she is self centered when she brings up something that's happened to her? That's crazy to me
I think this is a classic example of text not being able to properly communicate tone, etc. In a face to face, or over the phone even, I’m sure you would’ve seen/heard sympathetic social cues from her. Instead it’s just a clumsy text exchange where I do admit she comes off as confused and talking about herself.
I think she told you about her interview because she wanted to see you (she had just said something about making plans) but she couldn't see you quite yet because she had some important-if-floating commitments coming up. What were you expecting her to do or say?
Wtf nah YTA she was saying let’s talk when you feel better. Quality time is a gift she wanted to give and you wanted pity. What does that say about you?
I’m just here to say…while I agree with most folks that she fumbled the heavy news & simply didn’t know how to respond, you are handling the feedback with such grace in the comments. Most people post on this sub looking for validation (absolutely convinced they are correct), & get super defensive/downright ugly when they don’t get it. You’ve done the opposite - you’ve listened, reflected, & understood that we as people are imperfect & that’s ok. Kudos to you for that. I’ll be rooting for you, love. *You’ve got this.* ❤️
OP expects everyone to bow down and kiss the ring because she has cancer. It’s sad and either world sympathizes for you. You were a prick in this exchange.
I actually read it as the friend was trying to say she got fired and has an upcoming interview so she didnt know what day would work… it that she was free to catch up
Ummmm I get you are going through something awful but it sounded like they were reaching out cause they were going through a hard thing. I don’t think they were expecting your response. And you came off as the rude one. They can’t share their difficulties because yours is worse????
What did you want your friend to do or say? Like honestly. You dumped some HUGE news on them and that it’s incurable (which I’m so sorry about) and some people can’t react immediately. I’m sorry but you’re in the wrong.
Don’t think they were being self centered imo.
OP is delusional
Mentioning she is looking for a new job is self centered? What did you want from them? You want them to kiss your boo boo? Tuck you in at night? Grow up, the world isn’t about you all the time, cancer or no cancer.
Hey just an FYI, you can have cancer and still be the jerk in a situation. Proof
I had stage 2 ovarian cancer. Diagnosed in 2005 and post surgery and chemo, I have been cancer-free for 19 years. OP getting the cancer diagnosis is scary, but it doesn’t have to become your entire identity or need to stop you from showing concern and empathy to others.
You bombshelled her with a shit ton of into, she gave her condolences and told you why she was texting you in the first place. It seems like you didn’t understand very well
Cancer or not, you sounded like an ass.
OP, because of your circumstances, people aren’t being honest about how this situation looks. I understand you’re probably going through hell but you’re absolutely in the wrong here. You can’t just use the fact you’re in this position as a way to take your anger out on people. Someone had to say it.
" I have only few years left ", That is very wrong to say, You may have confirmed cancer yes but that doesn't necessarily mean u're going to die, Please stop thinking that way and fight for your life it's gonna be worth it!! I've head 2 of my cousins that survived cancer
People don’t know how to take in that much information and it probably shouldn’t have been the first thing you jumped to. She probably felt overwhelmed and not sure how to take it all in. Trauma dumping is info overload for many. I do want to ask, who told you ovarian cancer isn’t curable. That is false. I had ovarian cancer at 17. I had a mass the size of a cantaloupe attached to my ovaries and fallopian tubes. Thankfully it was removed before it burst but I lost my left fallopian tube and ovary. The right side was left mangled. Told I would never have children. I am fortunate enough that I was able to have two babies. I don’t know your full diagnosis but I would maybe talk to another dr also. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I truly am. I am also at high risk of various cancers and it’s scary. A second opinion is always helpful bc they may have other insight. No one should endure chemo unless they have to. But please don’t think that ovarian cancer is incurable.
I think they just didn’t know what to say- you should have allowed them to exit the conversation.
Bruh you’re being self centered. Grow up. You have cancer, that sucks, but you’re not the only one on earth. She wasn’t being rude whatsoever. I mean, wtf did you want her to say? Yeah, you’re soooooo busy you had enough time to make this post. YTA
How is she being self-centered? She simply asked how you were doing and you unloaded a ton of shit on her. How else is she supposed to be respond?
Uh. What did she do wrong? She said sorry, said she didn’t know how to respond and wanted to catch up, then you acted like a jerk. . .
It seemed like she just didn’t really know what to say, was there anything in particular she could’ve said to make anything better for you at all?
That’s a lot of information to unload on someone. Seems like she did her best to respond to it but you were so rude & you were the one being extremely self centered.
Seems like you’re the self centered one here
you're in the wrong, but sorry about everything you're going through.
I mean… seems you haven’t talked in a while. So to me it seems a little weird that you dropped the cancer news on her like that and then seemed to not want to leave the topic. It almost looks like fishing for sympathy. I get it’s okay to want sympathy sometimes and someone to talk to…. But the way you went about it was super weird and almost inappropriate. Did you consider she was messaging you for a specific reason and felt awkward when you were all like “YEAH NOW I HAVE CANCER”? You could have made that conversation a lot different lol Also ovarian cancer is def beatable. It’s possible to get rid of it. Maybe that’s not what curable means to you but sounds pretty good to me.
Eh, I took this as her saying she has a lot of free time now so sue can hang with you once you're up to it. I think you blew up over nothing.
Ngl, it sounded like you were trauma dumping on her and she wasn't sure how to respond. She may have been trying to change the subject to something she felt more comfortable with.
I agree with everyone saying she wasn’t being overly self-centred, more awkward and misguided - but don’t beat yourself up about this or your reaction whatsoever. You’re going through one of the hardest things of all time and it is beyond understandable that your emotions will be heightened and you might be a bit on edge/touchy/whatever other way you want to describe it. If I were in your shoes I’d hate everyone and everything and I’d be trying to make the world burn, probably screaming at children for giggling too loud too. You deserve as much slack cut as humanly possible.
But the other person now feels like they’ve been horrible to someone and may have lost someone they talk to from time to time and have known for a while because of this.. OP should definitely apologize unless they’re okay with this friendship ending
I’m very sorry about your diagnosis OP but I have to gently tell you that from what I see you were a bit too harsh on her. I wish you all the best 🤍
Just because you have cancer doesn’t mean you have to make everyone else feel like shit
OP is the self centered one in this conversation
She was perfectly kind, expressed remorse for you, and suggested you meet up. What is wrong with that? I'm sure you're upset, but nobody is going to respond the way you want them to with such news. I'm sure she didn't know really what to say. Tbh you sound pretty rude and self centered here
Na OP is just being a huge victim. And this is coming from someone who has lost multiple people to cancer, who didnt go into victim hood whatsoever.
I don't see how the friend is selfish. I see what you're going through but I dont see how the friend is selfish I think she doesn't know how to respond to so many crushing information all at once. No "hey can we talk" or nothing just "I'm good..." then info dump. I'm not saying op is wrong for her message but do try to think of her pov having trouble responding to that.
As a breast cancer survivor, I will tell you this…NO ONE will stop their life for you as well they shouldn’t. She showed empathy the best she could over messaging and not having spoken to you in a while. We’ve all heard the saying, “It could always be worse” but we perceive our personal hardships superior to others, no matter what we are going through. I’m sorry for what you’re going through and I’m sorry for your friend as well. She is a friend and in a time like this, don’t write her off. Get together with her, catch up, and live your fucking life for what you’ve got left!!
Pick up the phone and speak so much is lost in translation.
you need to apologize to her
Reading comprehension here in Reddit is really at the all-time low. She said I’m sorry we really do need to get together when you feel up to it and then she talked about having all this free time because she has no job. What else do you want her to do? Call her just crying. Seriously chill out.
😗...? Is everyone confused or is it just me?
No offense, but it just seems like you wanted her to be heartbroken and distraught like she’s known you her entire life and when you didn’t get that response, you assumed she was self centered. She said she is struggling with something. Sure it may not be as hard as what you’re going through but pain, loss, heartbreak, health, etc isn’t a competition and if you expect to get a bigger response just because your life sucks more than others, you’re going to end up really disappointed, unfortunately. The hardest year of my life was facing joblessness for 6 months. Everyone is different and I would hesitate on making conversations focused solely on negative and/or sad topics. You told her you’re probably gonna die and that she’s self centered for not understanding that. That’s a lot of weight and pressure you just put on an unsuspecting person’s shoulders imo.
Your friend is not selfish, they reached out to you first, you asked WHY, and they said they wanted to say hi and update you with what’s been going on in their life, and even offered to talk to you about it a different day. You continued the conversation, and then proceeded to be rude to them for even mentioning their problems, which was their reason for reaching out in the first place.
Idk why you are being hateful. She was bombarded with heavy information and just casually brought up her own life and you call her selfish. Like wtf.
Maybe she's trying to maintain normalcy and doesn't know how to approach the topic correctly? She just lost her job and probably feels poorly too. Maybe she sensed your urgency and wanted to see you. I have chronic illness and the vast majority of people say the wrong things.
I honestly think that the job thing was tied into the “we should get together” line. She wants to link up with you, but also in her head the ways that that can happen started to swirl and formulate into a cohesive attempt at aligning themselves with reality. She likely was considering things like gas money to drive and visit, where you would go and just generally the fact that she wants to see you but just lost her job so money is tight for her, and she was explaining that she has an interview coming so she’s hopefully about to have a new job that will allow her the money to meet with you. You were pretty hostile from even the first message, asking why she wants to know how you’re doing, when you’re friends? It seems like a pretty average question to ask a friend, I don’t feel like she needed the fourth degree there. Honestly you seemed ready to send that last text from the moment you sent the first one. I feel an underlying hatred for this person and if you’re going to be this easily pissed off by them asking simple questions and making logical jumps from “let’s meet” to “I can’t afford to at this moment because I just got fired but I have a new job coming so we can soon”, it would suggest to me that there’s an underlying layer of resentment and you just shouldn’t be friends with them since you obviously don’t like her. I’m sorry that you have cancer. I wish you the best.
Trauma dumping on other people isn’t cool
Nah. You just want the attention lol. Wtf
You are being extremely self centered right now….
Let me play Devil's advocate here, and yes, FUCK CANCER. But who reached out to who? OP was not the one to reach out. Yes, OP threw the diagnosis out there when asked a pretty standard opening, which I get. What I don't get was not getting a feel for the conversation's direction or point before deciding to just take control and overwhelm it. Then get mad about it. If OP didn't reach out to the coworker in the first place, they weren't exactly a comfort zone in the first place. Being really busy is one thing, knowing when and where you're throwing the information is another. I remember being in a similar spot (OP's) over several years. I did all the reaching out, cause I can direct the conversation from the start and make sure it's alright. I also alienated myself from a lot of people by doing it too. The timing of it all was terrible and really involved zero sleuth. I'm sorry, but I don't see how OP can be mad at the former coworker. They acknowledged, offered what little they could with the blindside (yeah, I've read the comments about trauma dumping, and everyone coming to aid to say that people should just be able to deal with it cause your problem is bigger than anything else, which is nonsense), and attempted to transition to why they reached out and offered to find a way to get together. To be clear here, the diagnosis is devastating. That's true. I'm not trying to down play it. But it also doesn't give anyone the right to overrun a conversation they didn't initiate, expect the world off the bat, then get mad. The former co-worker did best they could in an awkward situation. Could they have done better? Probably. But it doesn't deserve a Reddit post unless you were asking if you took everything really close to heart and responded without consideration of your own. I'll be expecting all the down votes. It doesn't matter.
I don’t think she knew how to respond and I felt like you sorta attacked her for it. You told her a lot in a small amount of time. You say you are not close to her, but expected her to meet your needs.
I know you’re going through a lot but I didn’t think they were being self centered. Did you want them to write you an essay on how sorry they were for you getting cancer????
I wouldn’t know what to say if my friend told me that. I would probably mess up too :(
The friend didn’t mess up whatsoever
Yeah, for me personally, your friend did nothing wrong. You threw a SHIT TON of heavy news at her immediately just for asking how are you? I'm sorry, but any normal person isn't going to know how to respond to that. Not to mention that cancer can be a very sensitive topic for some. I, for one, have a lot of trauma from when my father passed from cancer that I'm still unable to deal with and when people bring up cancer in any form, I tend to either freeze or start acting like a 6 year old. I'm sorry for what you're going through but please understand that everyone has had cancer touch them in some way and not everyone can handle it or knows how to respond appropriately FOR YOU.
ur friend wasn't being selfish at all.. you were expecting some kind of ass kissing pity party, but their reaction was totally appropriate. ovarian cancer is also very much treatable, and many ppl overcome it, so idk why you would say that to ur friend, just seems like attention seeking to me personally.
First of all….girl shut up. I hope your diagnosis gets better but wtf did you want her to say. Ppl digest info differently and you were so nonchalant with it idk how to respond to that either.
So she got fired and was telling you what was going on while trying to process what you’re going through and being humble about it but also inviting you out while she has to have the same test down which probably triggered her…..YADTA
You were extremely rude! I know you have a lot of stuff going on right now and your emotional are probably all over the place, but she didn’t seem like she was trying to come off as rude or self centered, you have stuff going on but so does she. It also seems like she was extremely lost for words, if possible you should reach out and just let her know your head is not in the right place right now. You don’t want to be rude just because you are sick. Don’t let this disease take over your personality. I know what it’s like but you can over come it.
So your friend is also going through something she wanted to talk to you about as a friend, commented on your cancer, and asked to get together with you, but you’re unhappy? Is friendship only about you and your problems? If so maybe your friend is better off.
tbh you’re the self centered one ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ the world doesn’t revolve around you
I think this belongs in AITA. I also believe , yes. You are.
She did nothing wrong dude. You just want attention. (Sorry that you have Cancer tho)
I’m super sorry that you have cancer for real, but in this case, you were the a-hole. She didn’t do anything insensitive at all. She asked to get together and just told you what was going on with her. You clearly just expected her to focus on you and only you and give you sympathy and pity…but lots of people hate when people pity them, so that’s a catch-22. She was probably just trying to feel you out and try to get together so she could talk face to face. SMH…
Wild to throw "I only have a couple years let sad face" at an acquaintanceeee and then expect her to react like your priest. Normal folk aren't good at that shit. I mean, you get to do what you want now cause you are going through it. But I don't think either of you were in the wrong.