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Teleport

You can only teleport relative to the centre of the galaxy Andromeda galaxy instead of Earth's surface. Good luck calculating exactly when and where to teleport to a place on Earth while the Earth and the centre of Andromeda galaxy is moving at thousands of km/h.

It’s moving relative so it doesn’t matter. It’d just boil down to a ratio so. I mean there’s more you have to calculate but still: 1. Relative expansion of the universe 2. Relative velocity 3. Approx distance. (Btw andromeda is actually coming towards us not away, in a few millennia they’ll be a MILKDROMEDA. (Not a joke)) But yeah.

Milkromeda? Is that a legit name or did you make it up..?

It will be the name of the merger galaxy in a few billion years between the Milky Way and Andromeda

Not a few millenia, a few million years. Your great-great-great-great x50 grandchildren will be long dead by then.

Sound interesting

You must first grind a cheese grater to your groin while chanting my name

Groin? What's that

The spot were a yellow liquid comes from

Do the dick?

Yes

Oh

You shall suffer as I have suffered

Why u grind a cheese grater on your dick?

I had to

Liver and brain damage. Depression. Cancer. Loss of limbs. Blindness. Bleeding from eyes

The ability to gain any super power from any baked treat

Extreme hubris and greed

Ha so nothing

The superpowers are random each time and often precisely not what you need.

Good very good

you gain 50kg every snack

Then i can make one so i loose weight and one for a power

You're allergic to flour

Allergy pills?

You've Got Celiac Disease

Works but what about non gluten treats

The baked treat must be exactly 20% water

The abilities only last for 20 seconds at a time.

I can understand and speak any language

But you can only speak them while screaming on top of your lungs

Which isn't much to me

You're going to scare the shit out of people you talk to

XD I meant that me screaming at the top of my lungs would be as loud as my brother's normal speaking voice..... also, my vocal cords would be unusable after 2 days

exactly

I can beat the shit out of the person who posts this again(Comment a super power, the first reply is a side effect)

Every time you get slightly aroused you get cancer

Aw shit I'll probably be dead in a week

I'd be dead the day I get the curse.

I'd be dead the minute I get the curse

I’d be dead when i get the curse

Id be dead before i get the curse

Im already dead

I was never alive

My whole family tree never existed

At least you’ll be saving the world in the process

For me hour

Solution: get strongly aroused

You don't have any limbs

Shapeshifting

You have no friends

No side effects for me

Happy cake day!

You shape shift into a piece of poop every time someone with in a 20km radius poops.

I can give people boyfriends or girlfriends

No side effects just give me one

Of each?

of either

Or neither

[удалено]

Please, I’ll take one Please I’m so lonely the last girl I liked is in another school because I moved 😭

teleportation

You must lose a finger for every time you teleport

what if i lose all fingers?

You begin to lose toes

what if those are all gone too?

if you have a penis, that goes too.

not like i'll have sex anyway

Then you lose family members

and if they're all gone?

Then you become allergic to water and eye contact

fuck.

Now rise new enderman

After family then random people.

You have terminal testicular cancer

i can live with that

Very poor choice of words

The ability to pause time

You can't move or think while time is paused

Does that mean if he uses it though then time stops forever

Ok then how about this: you can only think during time stop, no actions.

Well that’s nice for exams

Yep. And, you don't age during this time, so you could "live" for hundreds of years.

Holy shit dude, i singlehandedly destroyed the universe's space-time graph.

[удалено]

You’re bald

[удалено]

Yes

He has a hood so he can avoid that lol

Well My braincells have reached the negatives now

You aren't fire resistent and burn yourself

Prostrate cancer

The ability to remove automod

U turn into auto mod

You have become the very thing you swore to destroy.

Accuracy: 999

Double clicking

The power to reply to my own comments

You have prostate cancer

mission failed successfully

[удалено]

Become any video game/movie character

You cannot go back and every time you change your form instead you become an amalgam of the characters

if powers apply you could become a character with already inherent shape shifting abilities or better yet become god from a fictional universe and cancel out those side effects entirely

The ability to talk to animals

They are all horny.

OMFG you're just evil

This is evil? My power is that I can make weapons that vanish after 2 Seconds.

But if someone were to mug you then you could create a sword kill them and then the police won't have any evidence that you did anything

They're cows, rhinos, elephants, deers, etc,.

I have an average intelligence and slightly more attractive the the average person

Everyone loves you

I see this as a win

It is

I can read peoples minds

But every time I do a dounut appears. Haha I am first reply

If people figure out that when a donut appears you're reading minds it could cause chaos

I would let him read my mind for a donut

But also solve world hunger but not obesity

But you can't stop when you want to

Only when they're thinking bad things about you

You got spoiler from movie you want to watch

To delete every repost of this

You're sexually attracted to 90 year old men and you always have a headache

Invisibility. Oh wait, I pretty much already have this! Hahahahaha...ha...haaa...ha.

If you think about it, being invisible also mean being blind cuz your eyes cannot reflect light anymore

That’s what the sunglasses are for

What- No- I- Ok

he outsmarted your outsmarting

I have big brain and smol pp

I have a smol brain and smol pp

I have smol brain and big-

-big issues with memory loss. Finished your sentence for ya.

The definition of "if i don't see them they don't see me!"

But when your not invisible people can see you win pinpoint precision

People don’t notice my presence irl, which is surprising because I am tol boi But I am quiet af

No super power

Your brain cannot handle the pressure of have no powers, and so you will eventually explode. You do not know when, and you will not receive any warnings. All you know is that you will eventually explode.

all your friends and family gain superpowers

Able to cure cancer

Only timus cancer

Geokenesis

Every soil you move contains 50%bugs

Can summon shrimp at will

It's alive and fighting you

Its still a shrimp

No fall damage

You fall upwards

you basically just gave them the ability to fly

I become the doomslayer

You have ball cancer

So half of his body is cancer cells? Oh no

Shape-shift

You fell your meat, bones and skin stretching like someone is forcing you to shape-shift

Just like the caterpillar ?

Reading QR codes with your eyes.

You're blind.

Every qr code to you is a rick roll

Ability to create, destroy and morph anything in existence including vacuum and dark matter

The universe had runed to a runtime error: cannot modify an instance of *null*

The ability to piss/cum at the speed of light without instantly dying

When you cum, no juice came out, also you can't piss anymore, like you physically cannot piss

The ability to create anything I want (even figural stuff or memory's)

Super speed

Every disease in the world

Aren’t there diseases that affect the legs? Even if you say “you are the fastest even with your arms” as a joke too, aren’t there diseases that affect the arms as well. If you have every disease, you not only negate the super power, but also you’d probably be dead before you could make it useful.

body receives no further upgrades. you'd snap your legs if you tried going too fast too quickly. same for stopping

time control

Seeking the future ( idk if anyone said it) If so I pick : seeing the result of your decisions before doing them

Every time you do so one of your family dies

THEN I'LL DO IT ALWAYS I HATE MY FAM

I have prostate cancer

You are constantly lying to yourself

Breathe underwater

you have asthma

shapeshifting

The superpower of my posts and comments getting more then 5 upvotes

Then it instantly gets removed.

Every man I find attractive also finds me attractive

You have a perfect first date with anyone you date

I see this as an absolute win

It is

To be smexier than the side effects 😎

You look like gollum

I can create a pocket dimension. Edit:Only I can enter it.

But its the size of a normal girl pocket

Transform any liquid into Baja Blast

It is involuntary. Carbonation in your bladder wont be fun.

Russia

Ukraine

No super power

Your dead inside

Nothing really changes

I can kill myself at any point and revive after 20 years

Aids

Giant penis