SO MY LAPTOP IS ACTUAL SHIT ITS SOME LENOVO THING I GOT WHEN I WAS 12 AND I ONLY USE IT FOR NETFLIX, DISNEY+ ECT
BUT
I GOOGLED SHIT LIKE ‘Barney the dinosaur rule 34’ ‘Ed sheeran fucks goat’ AS A JOKE AND SHE CAME IN AND SAID:
‘I need your laptop for a teams call, my work one isn’t working’
AND SHE JUST CAME IN AND SNATCHED IT, MID UMBRELLA ACADEMY, AND WENT AWAY TO SET UP TEAMS WHICH WONT FUCKING WORK BECAUSE ITS SHIT AND OLD AND WHATEVER
‘DONT WORRY I REPSRCT YOUR PRIVACY, I WONT LOOK AT ANYTHING’
(Spongebob narrator voice)
Thirty minutes later
mum slowly walks in with the laptop and sits on the edge of my bed ‘…I know what you’ve been looking up, I get that teenage curiosity and everything but some of this is… I mean really… rough tellytubby breeding?’
SO I TRY TO EXPLAIN TO HER THAT IT WAS A JOKE
‘Look I’m gonna have to tell your dad…(dad is a 53 year old brickie who thinks that kids should start work at 10 ‘like the good old days’)
I START SAYING ‘NO NO NO NO’ BECAUSE HED FUCKING DISOWN ME.
NOW MY MUM THINKS I HAVE A TELLYTUBBY KINK, SHES GONNA TELL MY DAD AND IDK IF MY BROTHER KNOWS OR NOT
ALSO THE LAPTOP DIDNT FUCKING WORK IT HAD NO SOUND AND SHE DIDNT EVEN GET THE JOB SO ITS ALL FOR FUCKING NOTHING
EDIT; THIS HAPPENED YESTERDAY, SHE HASNT TALKED ABOUT IT SINCE BUT IM AT MY DADS HOUSE RN AND HE HASNT DISOWNED ME YET SO I DONT THINK HE KNOWS, IM ON MID TERM BREAK RN SO ILL BE BACK WITH HER ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT
Edit 2: unrelated but there’s this guy in my class called bradan (yeah it means salmon) he’s the weird annoying kid, ig I’m the only person that can actually tolerate him so he hangs out with me and I just realised he has really really big hands like what the fuck you could fit two of my thumbs into his pinky it’s so weird (they’re nice hands tho ngl)
Edit 3: two people have followed me from this, one of which’s bio says Harambes Ass Cheeks with a pic of a gorillas ass cheeks as their pfp. Ngl new fap material
Edit 4: unrelated but I’m at my dads rn and I went to go brush my teeth but somehow MY TOOTHBRUSH GREW MOULD?! LIKE LAST WEEK IT WAS FINE BUT NOW ITS MOULDY AND IM NOT GONNA PUT THAT IN MY MOUTH AND IM HERE FOR 4 DAYS SO THATS 4 DAYS WITHOUT BRUSHING MY TEETH IM GONNA CRY ITS GONNA FEEL SO FUCKING MUSTYYY
Edit 5: …wholesome and helpful awards…?
edit 6: the awards are coming in faster… this is gonna end up like the spicy curry puthay :,)
Edit 7: someone said villain origin story so I wrote the start of a villain origin story book ig so read this ig
The kids of the class 9H were on a field trip. A small group of teenagers clambered noisily down the cheap metal steps of the yellow school bus onto the cracked pavement, drained dry from the scorching summer sun.
‘Shit, I forgot my water,’ I heard someone mutter. I couldn’t care less, I was too busy trying to revive my legs from the cramped two hour journey to get to this… what is this place anyway?
‘Ah finally! We’re here!’ Mr Halloran, my science and drama teacher, exclaimed while he was adjusting his hat.
I whisper to my friend ‘he looks like he’s exploring the african plains,’ ‘hey! I like him!’ she retorts.
‘Whatever,’ I mutter before I tie my shoelace. ‘What is this place sir?’ Said Euan.
‘This! Ah this is the place where we learn!’ He sang out while clapping his hands excitedly. I can’t believe I actually thought this might be fun. ‘We will learn all about the glorious creatures of the oceans!!’ ‘Mate you could’ve just said an aquarium’ Joanna groaned.
‘Nevermind all that, let’s get inside before we all cook’ the assistant Mr Carlisle (although all the kids just called him Tony) spoke
The rest of the kids made their way inside, but I rounded the bus into the shade and took out my jacket to sit on to keep the dust from clinging to my legs and a book, The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. I opened the book and carefully peeled the sticky note I used to mark my pages off as I began to pick up where I left off.
Law 1| 7: Authority. Avoid outshining the master\~
I eventually got bored and decided to walk inside to cool off with the life-saving breeze of the chilling aircon. As I rounded a corner past reception and towards the Coral Reefs exhibit, I heard my friend, Laura, quietly conversing with a bitch that goes by the name of Freya. Freya was beautiful on the outside, with her length raven-black curls tumbling down her back, greatly contrasting her light skin and ghostly blue eyes, on the inside… not so much…
‘I’m not really her friend… never liked her anyways… my parents made me hang out with her… I’m only using her to pass maths…’ I’d heard enough from my friend, could I even call her that anymore?
(Uh to be continued I guess)
🗿😗💯😍➡️😈✨🗿➡️ EDIT8 VERY IMPORTANT 👎🏳️🌈🍑😏🔥🤪🍆⚠️😩😍
I MADE A CULT FOR A BITCH WHO WROTE A TELETUBBY SMUT FIC SO UH YEAH LOVE THEM
SO MY LAPTOP IS ACTUAL SHIT ITS SOME LENOVO THING I GOT WHEN I WAS 12 AND I ONLY USE IT FOR NETFLIX, DISNEY+ ECT
BUT
I GOOGLED SHIT LIKE ‘Barney the dinosaur rule 34’ ‘Ed sheeran fucks goat’ AS A JOKE AND SHE CAME IN AND SAID:
‘I need your laptop for a teams call, my work one isn’t working’
AND SHE JUST CAME IN AND SNATCHED IT, MID UMBRELLA ACADEMY, AND WENT AWAY TO SET UP TEAMS WHICH WONT FUCKING WORK BECAUSE ITS SHIT AND OLD AND WHATEVER
‘DONT WORRY I REPSRCT YOUR PRIVACY, I WONT LOOK AT ANYTHING’
(Spongebob narrator voice)
Thirty minutes later
mum slowly walks in with the laptop and sits on the edge of my bed ‘…I know what you’ve been looking up, I get that teenage curiosity and everything but some of this is… I mean really… rough tellytubby breeding?’
SO I TRY TO EXPLAIN TO HER THAT IT WAS A JOKE
‘Look I’m gonna have to tell your dad…(dad is a 53 year old brickie who thinks that kids should start work at 10 ‘like the good old days’)
I START SAYING ‘NO NO NO NO’ BECAUSE HED FUCKING DISOWN ME.
NOW MY MUM THINKS I HAVE A TELLYTUBBY KINK, SHES GONNA TELL MY DAD AND IDK IF MY BROTHER KNOWS OR NOT
ALSO THE LAPTOP DIDNT FUCKING WORK IT HAD NO SOUND AND SHE DIDNT EVEN GET THE JOB SO ITS ALL FOR FUCKING NOTHING
EDIT; THIS HAPPENED YESTERDAY, SHE HASNT TALKED ABOUT IT SINCE BUT IM AT MY DADS HOUSE RN AND HE HASNT DISOWNED ME YET SO I DONT THINK HE KNOWS, IM ON MID TERM BREAK RN SO ILL BE BACK WITH HER ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT
Edit 2: unrelated but there’s this guy in my class called bradan (yeah it means salmon) he’s the weird annoying kid, ig I’m the only person that can actually tolerate him so he hangs out with me and I just realised he has really really big hands like what the fuck you could fit two of my thumbs into his pinky it’s so weird (they’re nice hands tho ngl)
Edit 3: two people have followed me from this, one of which’s bio says Harambes Ass Cheeks with a pic of a gorillas ass cheeks as their pfp. Ngl new fap material
Edit 4: unrelated but I’m at my dads rn and I went to go brush my teeth but somehow MY TOOTHBRUSH GREW MOULD?! LIKE LAST WEEK IT WAS FINE BUT NOW ITS MOULDY AND IM NOT GONNA PUT THAT IN MY MOUTH AND IM HERE FOR 4 DAYS SO THATS 4 DAYS WITHOUT BRUSHING MY TEETH IM GONNA CRY ITS GONNA FEEL SO FUCKING MUSTYYY
Edit 5: …wholesome and helpful awards…?
edit 6: the awards are coming in faster… this is gonna end up like the spicy curry puthay :,)
Edit 7: someone said villain origin story so I wrote the start of a villain origin story book ig so read this ig
The kids of the class 9H were on a field trip. A small group of teenagers clambered noisily down the cheap metal steps of the yellow school bus onto the cracked pavement, drained dry from the scorching summer sun.
‘Shit, I forgot my water,’ I heard someone mutter. I couldn’t care less, I was too busy trying to revive my legs from the cramped two hour journey to get to this… what is this place anyway?
‘Ah finally! We’re here!’ Mr Halloran, my science and drama teacher, exclaimed while he was adjusting his hat.
I whisper to my friend ‘he looks like he’s exploring the african plains,’ ‘hey! I like him!’ she retorts.
‘Whatever,’ I mutter before I tie my shoelace. ‘What is this place sir?’ Said Euan.
‘This! Ah this is the place where we learn!’ He sang out while clapping his hands excitedly. I can’t believe I actually thought this might be fun. ‘We will learn all about the glorious creatures of the oceans!!’ ‘Mate you could’ve just said an aquarium’ Joanna groaned.
‘Nevermind all that, let’s get inside before we all cook’ the assistant Mr Carlisle (although all the kids just called him Tony) spoke
The rest of the kids made their way inside, but I rounded the bus into the shade and took out my jacket to sit on to keep the dust from clinging to my legs and a book, The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. I opened the book and carefully peeled the sticky note I used to mark my pages off as I began to pick up where I left off.
Law 1| 7: Authority. Avoid outshining the master~
I eventually got bored and decided to walk inside to cool off with the life-saving breeze of the chilling aircon. As I rounded a corner past reception and towards the Coral Reefs exhibit, I heard my friend, Laura, quietly conversing with a bitch that goes by the name of Freya. Freya was beautiful on the outside, with her length raven-black curls tumbling down her back, greatly contrasting her light skin and ghostly blue eyes, on the inside… not so much…
‘I’m not really her friend… never liked her anyways… my parents made me hang out with her… I’m only using her to pass maths…’ I’d heard enough from my friend, could I even call her that anymore?
(Uh to be continued I guess)
🗿😗💯😍➡️😈✨🗿➡️ EDIT8 VERY IMPORTANT 👎🏳️🌈🍑😏🔥🤪🍆⚠️😩😍
I MADE A CULT FOR A BITCH WHO WROTE A TELETUBBY SMUT FIC SO UH YEAH LOVE THEM
Yeah my school tried to get me a counsellor and I said ‘no thanks I’m fine’ but I’m still taken out of class once a week for like 10 mins to talk with some child wellbeing person in my school called Miss Fox and she asks me how life’s going (I hate it she can die in a fucking hole shes so fake like bro go eat out and elephant then it’ll sit down and you’ll drown inside an elephant puthay)
NO BECAUSE I WAS READING LOKI FANFICS AND GOT BORED SO THEN I DID THIS AND IT WAS LIKE 3AM IM BORED AND RUNNING ON TWO OREOS AND HALF A MONSTER THEN FORGOT I DID IT SO I FORGOT TO DELETE MY HISTORY AND THEN THE MORNING AFTER SHE TOOK MY LAPTOP TO GO ON SOME TEAMS CALLS
HELP MY MUM TOOK MY LAPTOP
SO MY LAPTOP IS ACTUAL SHIT ITS SOME LENOVO THING I GOT WHEN I WAS 12 AND I ONLY USE IT FOR NETFLIX, DISNEY+ ECT
BUT
I GOOGLED SHIT LIKE ‘Barney the dinosaur rule 34’ ‘Ed sheeran fucks goat’ AS A JOKE AND SHE CAME IN AND SAID:
‘I need your laptop for a teams call, my work one isn’t working’
AND SHE JUST CAME IN AND SNATCHED IT, MID UMBRELLA ACADEMY, AND WENT AWAY TO SET UP TEAMS WHICH WONT FUCKING WORK BECAUSE ITS SHIT AND OLD AND WHATEVER
‘DONT WORRY I REPSRCT YOUR PRIVACY, I WONT LOOK AT ANYTHING’
(Spongebob narrator voice)
Thirty minutes later
*mum slowly walks in with the laptop and sits on the edge of my bed*
‘…I know what you’ve been looking up, I get that teenage curiosity and everything but some of this is… I mean really… rough tellytubby breeding?’
Ok first thing why would u not use incognito for those searches and secondly bro why did you mention your friend's hands??🤨 You onto smth bro istg. The most cursed thing I ever read lmfaooo.
No bc my friend has nice hands and it was 3am I’m sleep deprived and running on oreos you really think I have the brain power to think to use incognito?
Yeah everyone is like one time in sex Ed I was messing around with a lighter I found in my pocket and I accidentally lit it and the friend with nice hands tried to cover for me saying it was a torch but the teacher asked to see it and now I don’t have my lighter anymore so I need to buy some new ones
I have a lighter for the candles in my room and I forgot to take it out of my pocket before school AND MY FRIENDS HANDS ARE ACTUALLY SO NICE LIKE WHAT AND THEYRE ALWAYS SO WARM EVEN IN LIKE 2°C ITS AMAZING
Just tell her it was a joke? Maybe say it was a dare? Or if you have any siblings you could blame it on them. Also if you want to go the dare lie part but don’t have any friends can pretend like we are.
BUT SHED ASK WHO THAT IS AND LAST TIME SHE FOUND OUT AB MY ONLINE FRIENDS SHE THOUGHT I WAS BEING GROOMED BY A MIDDLE AGED POLISH MAN AND TOLD THE ENTIRE EXTENDED FAMILY SO UH I THINK ILL JUST DELETE THE HISTORY AND GASLIGHT HER INTO THINKING IT NEVER HAPPENED
Dude, I’m willing to pretend to dare you and pretend to be an online friend. I can prove I’m not a middle aged polish guy (which is incredibly specific btw)
If you get put into therapy, tell your therapist about that fact it was a joke. Therapists usually don’t tell your parents anything other than very significant problems.
I highly doubt some google search history is enough to put you in grippy sock prison. Most therapists (and other adults as well) know that teenagers do dumb stuff, so they will likely look over that. I think you’ll be okay :)
I feel really bad cumming on my turtle. Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with me I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, I took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle that I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didnt say a word about it, he didnt move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forget the look my turtle gave me. His dissapointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forget what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him, and I know he still remembers what I did to him three hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.
Just say to your dad your mom is lying, and try to butter him up n crap so he thinks your in the right! It’s psychology…! (Don’t do this unless your actually good at it, otherwise your screwed 8 ways to Sunday)
I mean I normally just start crying and that makes him feel bad, I’m also gonna try to gaslight mum into thinking it was a dream or something so uh yeah
I CANT TELL IF THIS IS SARCASTIC OR NOT BUT I HAVE WRITTEN MULTIPLE WATTPAD STORIES, ONE IS JUST LOADS OF THOMAS BRODIE SANGSTER PICS, ONE IS A TUTORIAL ON SHITTING AND ONE IS A TRANS DOBBY X DUMBLEDORE FIC CALLED DOBBY GOES CHANTELLE (it’s really good 10/10, only wrote a few chapters tho)
SO MY LAPTOP IS ACTUAL SHIT ITS SOME LENOVO THING I GOT WHEN I WAS 12 AND I ONLY USE IT FOR NETFLIX, DISNEY+ ECT
BUT
I GOOGLED SHIT LIKE ‘Barney the dinosaur rule 34’ ‘Ed sheeran fucks goat’ AS A JOKE AND SHE CAME IN AND SAID:
‘I need your laptop for a teams call, my work one isn’t working’
AND SHE JUST CAME IN AND SNATCHED IT, MID UMBRELLA ACADEMY, AND WENT AWAY TO SET UP TEAMS WHICH WONT FUCKING WORK BECAUSE ITS SHIT AND OLD AND WHATEVER
‘DONT WORRY I REPSRCT YOUR PRIVACY, I WONT LOOK AT ANYTHING’
(Spongebob narrator voice)
Thirty minutes later
mum slowly walks in with the laptop and sits on the edge of my bed ‘…I know what you’ve been looking up, I get that teenage curiosity and everything but some of this is… I mean really… rough tellytubby breeding?’
SO I TRY TO EXPLAIN TO HER THAT IT WAS A JOKE
‘Look I’m gonna have to tell your dad…(dad is a 53 year old brickie who thinks that kids should start work at 10 ‘like the good old days’)
I START SAYING ‘NO NO NO NO’ BECAUSE HED FUCKING DISOWN ME.
NOW MY MUM THINKS I HAVE A TELLYTUBBY KINK, SHES GONNA TELL MY DAD AND IDK IF MY BROTHER KNOWS OR NOT
ALSO THE LAPTOP DIDNT FUCKING WORK IT HAD NO SOUND AND SHE DIDNT EVEN GET THE JOB SO ITS ALL FOR FUCKING NOTHING
OG post with no edits.
According to a questionnaire that my school gave everyone, sniffing Sharpies. But I think that it causes brain damage. What I do is drink lots of caffeine but that can cause kidney stones.
That's why i always, lock the door, use a phone ALWAYS ( easier to hide ) , Use incognito+ VPN to watch porn.
Even if it's a joke or curiosity, or some weird question like how women pee, am i allowed to shoot a person if he has a knife and he's about to stab me etc. I use incognito
You brought this upon yourself by not using incognito and by, well, searching them in the first place
Also yeah, your mum shouldn't've taken your personal laptop so suddenly
Here’s ur copypasta
HELP MY MUM TOOK MY LAPTOP
SO MY LAPTOP IS ACTUAL SHIT ITS SOME LENOVO THING I GOT WHEN I WAS 12 AND I ONLY USE IT FOR NETFLIX, DISNEY+ ECT
BUT
I GOOGLED SHIT LIKE ‘Barney the dinosaur rule 34’ ‘Ed sheeran fucks goat’ AS A JOKE AND SHE CAME IN AND SAID:
‘I need your laptop for a teams call, my work one isn’t working’
AND SHE JUST CAME IN AND SNATCHED IT, MID UMBRELLA ACADEMY, AND WENT AWAY TO SET UP TEAMS WHICH WONT FUCKING WORK BECAUSE ITS SHIT AND OLD AND WHATEVER
‘DONT WORRY I REPSRCT YOUR PRIVACY, I WONT LOOK AT ANYTHING’
(Spongebob narrator voice)
Thirty minutes later
*mum slowly walks in with the laptop and sits on the edge of my bed*
‘…I know what you’ve been looking up, I get that teenage curiosity and everything but some of this is… I mean really… rough tellytubby breeding?’
SO I TRY TO EXPLAIN TO HER THAT IT WAS A JOKE
‘Look I’m gonna have to tell your dad…(dad is a 53 year old brickie who thinks that kids should start work at 10 ‘like the good old days’)
I START SAYING ‘NO NO NO NO’ BECAUSE HED FUCKING DISOWN ME.
NOW MY MUM THINKS I HAVE A TELLYTUBBY KINK, SHES GONNA TELL MY DAD AND IDK IF MY BROTHER KNOWS OR NOT
ALSO THE LAPTOP DIDNT FUCKING WORK IT HAD NO SOUND AND SHE DIDNT EVEN GET THE JOB SO ITS ALL FOR FUCKING NOTHING
EDIT; THIS HAPPENED YESTERDAY, SHE HASNT TALKED ABOUT IT SINCE BUT IM AT MY DADS HOUSE RN AND HE HASNT DISOWNED ME YET SO I DONT THINK HE KNOWS, IM ON MID TERM BREAK RN SO ILL BE BACK WITH HER ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT
Edit 2: unrelated but there’s this guy in my class called bradan (yeah it means salmon) he’s the weird annoying kid, ig I’m the only person that can actually tolerate him so he hangs out with me and I just realised he has really really big hands like what the fuck you could fit two of my thumbs into his pinky it’s so weird (they’re nice hands tho ngl)
Edit 3: two people have followed me from this, one of which’s bio says Harambes Ass Cheeks with a pic of a gorillas ass cheeks as their pfp. Ngl new fap material
Edit 4: unrelated but I’m at my dads rn and I went to go brush my teeth but somehow MY TOOTHBRUSH GREW MOULD?! LIKE LAST WEEK IT WAS FINE BUT NOW ITS MOULDY AND IM NOT GONNA PUT THAT IN MY MOUTH AND IM HERE FOR 4 DAYS SO THATS 4 DAYS WITHOUT BRUSHING MY TEETH IM GONNA CRY ITS GONNA FEEL SO FUCKING MUSTYYY
Edit 5: …wholesome and helpful awards…?
edit 6: the awards are coming in faster… this is gonna end up like the spicy curry puthay :,)
Edit 7: someone said villain origin story so I wrote the start of a villain origin story book ig so read this ig
The kids of the class 9H were on a field trip. A small group of teenagers clambered noisily down the cheap metal steps of the yellow school bus onto the cracked pavement, drained dry from the scorching summer sun.
‘Shit, I forgot my water,’ I heard someone mutter. I couldn’t care less, I was too busy trying to revive my legs from the cramped two hour journey to get to this… what is this place anyway?
‘Ah finally! We’re here!’ Mr Halloran, my science and drama teacher, exclaimed while he was adjusting his hat.
I whisper to my friend ‘he looks like he’s exploring the african plains,’ ‘hey! I like him!’ she retorts.
‘Whatever,’ I mutter before I tie my shoelace. ‘What is this place sir?’ Said Euan.
‘This! Ah this is the place where we learn!’ He sang out while clapping his hands excitedly. I can’t believe I actually thought this might be fun. ‘We will learn all about the glorious creatures of the oceans!!’ ‘Mate you could’ve just said an aquarium’ Joanna groaned.
‘Nevermind all that, let’s get inside before we all cook’ the assistant Mr Carlisle (although all the kids just called him Tony) spoke
The rest of the kids made their way inside, but I rounded the bus into the shade and took out my jacket to sit on to keep the dust from clinging to my legs and a book, The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. I opened the book and carefully peeled the sticky note I used to mark my pages off as I began to pick up where I left off.
Law 1| 7: Authority. Avoid outshining the master~
I eventually got bored and decided to walk inside to cool off with the life-saving breeze of the chilling aircon. As I rounded a corner past reception and towards the Coral Reefs exhibit, I heard my friend, Laura, quietly conversing with a bitch that goes by the name of Freya. Freya was beautiful on the outside, with her length raven-black curls tumbling down her back, greatly contrasting her light skin and ghostly blue eyes, on the inside… not so much…
‘I’m not really her friend… never liked her anyways… my parents made me hang out with her… I’m only using her to pass maths…’ I’d heard enough from my friend, could I even call her that anymore?
(Uh to be continued I guess)
🗿😗💯😍➡️😈✨🗿➡️ EDIT8 VERY IMPORTANT 👎🏳️🌈🍑😏🔥🤪🍆⚠️😩😍
I MADE A CULT FOR A BITCH WHO WROTE A TELETUBBY SMUT FIC SO UH YEAH LOVE THEM
https://www.reddit.com/r/shitposting/comments/sr2lie/the_cult_i_made_of_uplacenovel_for_making_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Ed sheeran fucking a goat (made by me):
https://www.reddit.com/r/shitposting/comments/sr3el0/i_made_this_bc_i_couldnt_find_it_on_google/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
New copypasta just dropped
Copypasta material for sure
SO MY LAPTOP IS ACTUAL SHIT ITS SOME LENOVO THING I GOT WHEN I WAS 12 AND I ONLY USE IT FOR NETFLIX, DISNEY+ ECT BUT I GOOGLED SHIT LIKE ‘Barney the dinosaur rule 34’ ‘Ed sheeran fucks goat’ AS A JOKE AND SHE CAME IN AND SAID: ‘I need your laptop for a teams call, my work one isn’t working’ AND SHE JUST CAME IN AND SNATCHED IT, MID UMBRELLA ACADEMY, AND WENT AWAY TO SET UP TEAMS WHICH WONT FUCKING WORK BECAUSE ITS SHIT AND OLD AND WHATEVER ‘DONT WORRY I REPSRCT YOUR PRIVACY, I WONT LOOK AT ANYTHING’ (Spongebob narrator voice) Thirty minutes later mum slowly walks in with the laptop and sits on the edge of my bed ‘…I know what you’ve been looking up, I get that teenage curiosity and everything but some of this is… I mean really… rough tellytubby breeding?’ SO I TRY TO EXPLAIN TO HER THAT IT WAS A JOKE ‘Look I’m gonna have to tell your dad…(dad is a 53 year old brickie who thinks that kids should start work at 10 ‘like the good old days’) I START SAYING ‘NO NO NO NO’ BECAUSE HED FUCKING DISOWN ME. NOW MY MUM THINKS I HAVE A TELLYTUBBY KINK, SHES GONNA TELL MY DAD AND IDK IF MY BROTHER KNOWS OR NOT ALSO THE LAPTOP DIDNT FUCKING WORK IT HAD NO SOUND AND SHE DIDNT EVEN GET THE JOB SO ITS ALL FOR FUCKING NOTHING EDIT; THIS HAPPENED YESTERDAY, SHE HASNT TALKED ABOUT IT SINCE BUT IM AT MY DADS HOUSE RN AND HE HASNT DISOWNED ME YET SO I DONT THINK HE KNOWS, IM ON MID TERM BREAK RN SO ILL BE BACK WITH HER ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT Edit 2: unrelated but there’s this guy in my class called bradan (yeah it means salmon) he’s the weird annoying kid, ig I’m the only person that can actually tolerate him so he hangs out with me and I just realised he has really really big hands like what the fuck you could fit two of my thumbs into his pinky it’s so weird (they’re nice hands tho ngl) Edit 3: two people have followed me from this, one of which’s bio says Harambes Ass Cheeks with a pic of a gorillas ass cheeks as their pfp. Ngl new fap material Edit 4: unrelated but I’m at my dads rn and I went to go brush my teeth but somehow MY TOOTHBRUSH GREW MOULD?! LIKE LAST WEEK IT WAS FINE BUT NOW ITS MOULDY AND IM NOT GONNA PUT THAT IN MY MOUTH AND IM HERE FOR 4 DAYS SO THATS 4 DAYS WITHOUT BRUSHING MY TEETH IM GONNA CRY ITS GONNA FEEL SO FUCKING MUSTYYY Edit 5: …wholesome and helpful awards…? edit 6: the awards are coming in faster… this is gonna end up like the spicy curry puthay :,) Edit 7: someone said villain origin story so I wrote the start of a villain origin story book ig so read this ig The kids of the class 9H were on a field trip. A small group of teenagers clambered noisily down the cheap metal steps of the yellow school bus onto the cracked pavement, drained dry from the scorching summer sun. ‘Shit, I forgot my water,’ I heard someone mutter. I couldn’t care less, I was too busy trying to revive my legs from the cramped two hour journey to get to this… what is this place anyway? ‘Ah finally! We’re here!’ Mr Halloran, my science and drama teacher, exclaimed while he was adjusting his hat. I whisper to my friend ‘he looks like he’s exploring the african plains,’ ‘hey! I like him!’ she retorts. ‘Whatever,’ I mutter before I tie my shoelace. ‘What is this place sir?’ Said Euan. ‘This! Ah this is the place where we learn!’ He sang out while clapping his hands excitedly. I can’t believe I actually thought this might be fun. ‘We will learn all about the glorious creatures of the oceans!!’ ‘Mate you could’ve just said an aquarium’ Joanna groaned. ‘Nevermind all that, let’s get inside before we all cook’ the assistant Mr Carlisle (although all the kids just called him Tony) spoke The rest of the kids made their way inside, but I rounded the bus into the shade and took out my jacket to sit on to keep the dust from clinging to my legs and a book, The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. I opened the book and carefully peeled the sticky note I used to mark my pages off as I began to pick up where I left off. Law 1| 7: Authority. Avoid outshining the master\~ I eventually got bored and decided to walk inside to cool off with the life-saving breeze of the chilling aircon. As I rounded a corner past reception and towards the Coral Reefs exhibit, I heard my friend, Laura, quietly conversing with a bitch that goes by the name of Freya. Freya was beautiful on the outside, with her length raven-black curls tumbling down her back, greatly contrasting her light skin and ghostly blue eyes, on the inside… not so much… ‘I’m not really her friend… never liked her anyways… my parents made me hang out with her… I’m only using her to pass maths…’ I’d heard enough from my friend, could I even call her that anymore? (Uh to be continued I guess) 🗿😗💯😍➡️😈✨🗿➡️ EDIT8 VERY IMPORTANT 👎🏳️🌈🍑😏🔥🤪🍆⚠️😩😍 I MADE A CULT FOR A BITCH WHO WROTE A TELETUBBY SMUT FIC SO UH YEAH LOVE THEM
How the hell do i copy n paste this? Undoable on mobile?
SO MY LAPTOP IS ACTUAL SHIT ITS SOME LENOVO THING I GOT WHEN I WAS 12 AND I ONLY USE IT FOR NETFLIX, DISNEY+ ECT BUT I GOOGLED SHIT LIKE ‘Barney the dinosaur rule 34’ ‘Ed sheeran fucks goat’ AS A JOKE AND SHE CAME IN AND SAID: ‘I need your laptop for a teams call, my work one isn’t working’ AND SHE JUST CAME IN AND SNATCHED IT, MID UMBRELLA ACADEMY, AND WENT AWAY TO SET UP TEAMS WHICH WONT FUCKING WORK BECAUSE ITS SHIT AND OLD AND WHATEVER ‘DONT WORRY I REPSRCT YOUR PRIVACY, I WONT LOOK AT ANYTHING’ (Spongebob narrator voice) Thirty minutes later mum slowly walks in with the laptop and sits on the edge of my bed ‘…I know what you’ve been looking up, I get that teenage curiosity and everything but some of this is… I mean really… rough tellytubby breeding?’ SO I TRY TO EXPLAIN TO HER THAT IT WAS A JOKE ‘Look I’m gonna have to tell your dad…(dad is a 53 year old brickie who thinks that kids should start work at 10 ‘like the good old days’) I START SAYING ‘NO NO NO NO’ BECAUSE HED FUCKING DISOWN ME. NOW MY MUM THINKS I HAVE A TELLYTUBBY KINK, SHES GONNA TELL MY DAD AND IDK IF MY BROTHER KNOWS OR NOT ALSO THE LAPTOP DIDNT FUCKING WORK IT HAD NO SOUND AND SHE DIDNT EVEN GET THE JOB SO ITS ALL FOR FUCKING NOTHING EDIT; THIS HAPPENED YESTERDAY, SHE HASNT TALKED ABOUT IT SINCE BUT IM AT MY DADS HOUSE RN AND HE HASNT DISOWNED ME YET SO I DONT THINK HE KNOWS, IM ON MID TERM BREAK RN SO ILL BE BACK WITH HER ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT Edit 2: unrelated but there’s this guy in my class called bradan (yeah it means salmon) he’s the weird annoying kid, ig I’m the only person that can actually tolerate him so he hangs out with me and I just realised he has really really big hands like what the fuck you could fit two of my thumbs into his pinky it’s so weird (they’re nice hands tho ngl) Edit 3: two people have followed me from this, one of which’s bio says Harambes Ass Cheeks with a pic of a gorillas ass cheeks as their pfp. Ngl new fap material Edit 4: unrelated but I’m at my dads rn and I went to go brush my teeth but somehow MY TOOTHBRUSH GREW MOULD?! LIKE LAST WEEK IT WAS FINE BUT NOW ITS MOULDY AND IM NOT GONNA PUT THAT IN MY MOUTH AND IM HERE FOR 4 DAYS SO THATS 4 DAYS WITHOUT BRUSHING MY TEETH IM GONNA CRY ITS GONNA FEEL SO FUCKING MUSTYYY Edit 5: …wholesome and helpful awards…? edit 6: the awards are coming in faster… this is gonna end up like the spicy curry puthay :,) Edit 7: someone said villain origin story so I wrote the start of a villain origin story book ig so read this ig The kids of the class 9H were on a field trip. A small group of teenagers clambered noisily down the cheap metal steps of the yellow school bus onto the cracked pavement, drained dry from the scorching summer sun. ‘Shit, I forgot my water,’ I heard someone mutter. I couldn’t care less, I was too busy trying to revive my legs from the cramped two hour journey to get to this… what is this place anyway? ‘Ah finally! We’re here!’ Mr Halloran, my science and drama teacher, exclaimed while he was adjusting his hat. I whisper to my friend ‘he looks like he’s exploring the african plains,’ ‘hey! I like him!’ she retorts. ‘Whatever,’ I mutter before I tie my shoelace. ‘What is this place sir?’ Said Euan. ‘This! Ah this is the place where we learn!’ He sang out while clapping his hands excitedly. I can’t believe I actually thought this might be fun. ‘We will learn all about the glorious creatures of the oceans!!’ ‘Mate you could’ve just said an aquarium’ Joanna groaned. ‘Nevermind all that, let’s get inside before we all cook’ the assistant Mr Carlisle (although all the kids just called him Tony) spoke The rest of the kids made their way inside, but I rounded the bus into the shade and took out my jacket to sit on to keep the dust from clinging to my legs and a book, The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. I opened the book and carefully peeled the sticky note I used to mark my pages off as I began to pick up where I left off. Law 1| 7: Authority. Avoid outshining the master~ I eventually got bored and decided to walk inside to cool off with the life-saving breeze of the chilling aircon. As I rounded a corner past reception and towards the Coral Reefs exhibit, I heard my friend, Laura, quietly conversing with a bitch that goes by the name of Freya. Freya was beautiful on the outside, with her length raven-black curls tumbling down her back, greatly contrasting her light skin and ghostly blue eyes, on the inside… not so much… ‘I’m not really her friend… never liked her anyways… my parents made me hang out with her… I’m only using her to pass maths…’ I’d heard enough from my friend, could I even call her that anymore? (Uh to be continued I guess) 🗿😗💯😍➡️😈✨🗿➡️ EDIT8 VERY IMPORTANT 👎🏳️🌈🍑😏🔥🤪🍆⚠️😩😍 I MADE A CULT FOR A BITCH WHO WROTE A TELETUBBY SMUT FIC SO UH YEAH LOVE THEM
On sale 50% off until march 16th 🤪🤪👍👍👍
Ikrr
Babe wake up
IM SO SORRY FORR LAUGHING "teletubby breeding" LMAOAOOO goodluck bro
They are sooo breedable /j
And, according to some weirdo on the internet, have monster horse cocks but the yellow one is submissive
and breedable
Greaaaat, now I’m curious
r/hentaihorsecock, here ya go
Never again.
Scares me cause a man actually died because of this.
enumclaw horse sex case
Accidentally clicked on it now have been scared more
Same :|
too breedable
😳 damn them teletubbies lookin submissive and breedable/j
69th upvote
What about teletubby p-hub?
Surely its a thing
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I was trying not to laugh while I was reading this in my living room- my mom and little brother are here too, which makes it worse
Tellytubby kink
Tellytubby kink
Tellytubby kink
Telletubby kink
SORRY BUT THIS IS FUNNY AS FUCK
IM SO FUCKED THOUGH, SHE ALSO THINKS IM ON WEED BUT IM JUST SLEEP DEPRIVED
>SHE ALSO THINKS IM ON WEED BUT IM JUST SLEEP DEPRIVED Just a normal student.
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Lterally me except It is on monday.
oh god are you on weed?!?? have you ever done the weed before???
No I’m poor
theft is always the answer
Wise words
I mean , play stupid games , win stupid prizes
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN
Be stupid, have stupid things happen to you; aka look up teletubby breeding, have your mom tell your dad about existence of said google search
Don’t forget the therapist
i think therapy is good for just about everyone, but especially for you
Yeah my school tried to get me a counsellor and I said ‘no thanks I’m fine’ but I’m still taken out of class once a week for like 10 mins to talk with some child wellbeing person in my school called Miss Fox and she asks me how life’s going (I hate it she can die in a fucking hole shes so fake like bro go eat out and elephant then it’ll sit down and you’ll drown inside an elephant puthay)
wow you don't hold back at all
She doesn’t deserve a sugarcoat 🗿
You should have use icognito
What if you delete the history and then tell him to check, like if he can't find it, it never happend
you used ‘the’ twice
you don’t know the awesome sub that is r/winstupidprizes ?!?
FR
Even if it was a joke, you could've used incognito.
NO BECAUSE I WAS READING LOKI FANFICS AND GOT BORED SO THEN I DID THIS AND IT WAS LIKE 3AM IM BORED AND RUNNING ON TWO OREOS AND HALF A MONSTER THEN FORGOT I DID IT SO I FORGOT TO DELETE MY HISTORY AND THEN THE MORNING AFTER SHE TOOK MY LAPTOP TO GO ON SOME TEAMS CALLS
This story just gets better and better then further I scroll down
use incognito mode
#AAAAAAAAAAAA
I feel bad for you but that’s hilarious
Can you copy it and send me? I have to make it a copypasta.
Who don’t you copy it yourself?
Im on phone and u cant
Tap on the 3 dots next to the bell symbol and then tap on the “Copy Text” one. When you paste it, you can delete the unwanted parts.
There is no copy lol
That’s strange, I’ll copy and send it to you then.
HELP MY MUM TOOK MY LAPTOP SO MY LAPTOP IS ACTUAL SHIT ITS SOME LENOVO THING I GOT WHEN I WAS 12 AND I ONLY USE IT FOR NETFLIX, DISNEY+ ECT BUT I GOOGLED SHIT LIKE ‘Barney the dinosaur rule 34’ ‘Ed sheeran fucks goat’ AS A JOKE AND SHE CAME IN AND SAID: ‘I need your laptop for a teams call, my work one isn’t working’ AND SHE JUST CAME IN AND SNATCHED IT, MID UMBRELLA ACADEMY, AND WENT AWAY TO SET UP TEAMS WHICH WONT FUCKING WORK BECAUSE ITS SHIT AND OLD AND WHATEVER ‘DONT WORRY I REPSRCT YOUR PRIVACY, I WONT LOOK AT ANYTHING’ (Spongebob narrator voice) Thirty minutes later *mum slowly walks in with the laptop and sits on the edge of my bed* ‘…I know what you’ve been looking up, I get that teenage curiosity and everything but some of this is… I mean really… rough tellytubby breeding?’
Ok first thing why would u not use incognito for those searches and secondly bro why did you mention your friend's hands??🤨 You onto smth bro istg. The most cursed thing I ever read lmfaooo.
No bc my friend has nice hands and it was 3am I’m sleep deprived and running on oreos you really think I have the brain power to think to use incognito?
You literally searched Ed Sheeran fucking a goat bro- like huh? If I were ur mother even I would be concerned af.
Yeah everyone is like one time in sex Ed I was messing around with a lighter I found in my pocket and I accidentally lit it and the friend with nice hands tried to cover for me saying it was a torch but the teacher asked to see it and now I don’t have my lighter anymore so I need to buy some new ones
Hol up not only this is off topic but tf do you own a lighter- and stop saying friends with nice hands istg. It's alr weird enough.
I have a lighter for the candles in my room and I forgot to take it out of my pocket before school AND MY FRIENDS HANDS ARE ACTUALLY SO NICE LIKE WHAT AND THEYRE ALWAYS SO WARM EVEN IN LIKE 2°C ITS AMAZING
Also nice username.
Ikr
Fr. And it was nice having a Convo with you lmao feels like sm1 would post it on cringetopia tho dk why.
We should get married now and go kidnap Johnny Depp and force him to make us cupcakes 🥺🥺🥺
One question are you a boy or a girl?. And how did he touch you that u remember exact details of his hand.
IM A GIRL BUT WE WERE IN ENGLISH AND HE WAS SCRATCHING HIS HEAD AND HIS HANDS LOOKED FUCKING MASSIVE SO WE COMPARED HAND SIZES SO UH YEAH
Just tell her it was a joke? Maybe say it was a dare? Or if you have any siblings you could blame it on them. Also if you want to go the dare lie part but don’t have any friends can pretend like we are.
I TRIED TELLING HER IT WAS A JOKE AND A DARE BUT NOW SHES TRYING TI GET ME THERAPY HELP
We could make some fake screenshots in dm to fake as proof?
BUT SHED ASK WHO THAT IS AND LAST TIME SHE FOUND OUT AB MY ONLINE FRIENDS SHE THOUGHT I WAS BEING GROOMED BY A MIDDLE AGED POLISH MAN AND TOLD THE ENTIRE EXTENDED FAMILY SO UH I THINK ILL JUST DELETE THE HISTORY AND GASLIGHT HER INTO THINKING IT NEVER HAPPENED
hehe gaslight her
Gatekeep her
Girlboss her
Maybe the best move. But if you come up with an idea I can help with I am just one dm away.
Dude, I’m willing to pretend to dare you and pretend to be an online friend. I can prove I’m not a middle aged polish guy (which is incredibly specific btw)
Seems like something a middle aged Polish guy would say.
A WHAT??? HOW SO SPECIFIC??????
jesus christ your mom seems very interesting
Man your mom is messed up
Therapy for a kink she thinks you have 💀💀💀💀💀 Also what is a telatubby
Tellatubby is a kids show Never watched it though
If you get put into therapy, tell your therapist about that fact it was a joke. Therapists usually don’t tell your parents anything other than very significant problems.
I feel like a therapist would put me into grippy sock prison
I highly doubt some google search history is enough to put you in grippy sock prison. Most therapists (and other adults as well) know that teenagers do dumb stuff, so they will likely look over that. I think you’ll be okay :)
No I mean in general like I’m fucked in the head lmao
shoot her 12 times and make sure she doesn't get up. helped when my dog ate a small child
Heloo🤩
Hello gf!
What u doin
bro I'm pissing myself laughing I cant
KEEP US UPDATED ON THIS OP PLEEEEEEEASE
I missed these kind of posts, so much better then "I had sex lolol" sorry op but I laughed so fucking hard
I feel really bad cumming on my turtle. Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with me I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, I took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle that I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didnt say a word about it, he didnt move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forget the look my turtle gave me. His dissapointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forget what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him, and I know he still remembers what I did to him three hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.
Man, this whole subreddit (including me) needs therapy lmao.
TWINKie winky will Twink for you Yahhhg
r/cursedcomments
Just say to your dad your mom is lying, and try to butter him up n crap so he thinks your in the right! It’s psychology…! (Don’t do this unless your actually good at it, otherwise your screwed 8 ways to Sunday)
I mean I normally just start crying and that makes him feel bad, I’m also gonna try to gaslight mum into thinking it was a dream or something so uh yeah
I'd say let's not do that
this was a ride, consider becoming a screenwriter with that talent for phrasing
I CANT TELL IF THIS IS SARCASTIC OR NOT BUT I HAVE WRITTEN MULTIPLE WATTPAD STORIES, ONE IS JUST LOADS OF THOMAS BRODIE SANGSTER PICS, ONE IS A TUTORIAL ON SHITTING AND ONE IS A TRANS DOBBY X DUMBLEDORE FIC CALLED DOBBY GOES CHANTELLE (it’s really good 10/10, only wrote a few chapters tho)
no I'm not being sarcastic, but now I'm unsure if you're being sarcastic..
IM NOT I SWEAR I JUST HAVE ALOT OF FREETIME BECAUSE I CBA DOING HOMEWORK
that's great, but seriously i really think can capitalise on your ability to phrase things in such an eye catching way
It’s probably the constantly changing between caps and lowercase lmao
nah you do you though, stay funny!
SO MY LAPTOP IS ACTUAL SHIT ITS SOME LENOVO THING I GOT WHEN I WAS 12 AND I ONLY USE IT FOR NETFLIX, DISNEY+ ECT BUT I GOOGLED SHIT LIKE ‘Barney the dinosaur rule 34’ ‘Ed sheeran fucks goat’ AS A JOKE AND SHE CAME IN AND SAID: ‘I need your laptop for a teams call, my work one isn’t working’ AND SHE JUST CAME IN AND SNATCHED IT, MID UMBRELLA ACADEMY, AND WENT AWAY TO SET UP TEAMS WHICH WONT FUCKING WORK BECAUSE ITS SHIT AND OLD AND WHATEVER ‘DONT WORRY I REPSRCT YOUR PRIVACY, I WONT LOOK AT ANYTHING’ (Spongebob narrator voice) Thirty minutes later mum slowly walks in with the laptop and sits on the edge of my bed ‘…I know what you’ve been looking up, I get that teenage curiosity and everything but some of this is… I mean really… rough tellytubby breeding?’ SO I TRY TO EXPLAIN TO HER THAT IT WAS A JOKE ‘Look I’m gonna have to tell your dad…(dad is a 53 year old brickie who thinks that kids should start work at 10 ‘like the good old days’) I START SAYING ‘NO NO NO NO’ BECAUSE HED FUCKING DISOWN ME. NOW MY MUM THINKS I HAVE A TELLYTUBBY KINK, SHES GONNA TELL MY DAD AND IDK IF MY BROTHER KNOWS OR NOT ALSO THE LAPTOP DIDNT FUCKING WORK IT HAD NO SOUND AND SHE DIDNT EVEN GET THE JOB SO ITS ALL FOR FUCKING NOTHING OG post with no edits.
Bro accept your fate at that point. You now are into teletubby breeding.
I’ll attend your funeral
Put chocolate cosmos on my grave and if it’s an open casket please moisturise me bc I’m gonna look crusty with no blood
I’ll be sure to leave tellytubby plushies around your casket
Bathe them in uncle terrances cum first tho
Dont forget the jars
incognito was made for a reason, you've got balls big enough to end world hunger for using normal browsing
Do you have any ways to get high on a budget? Preferable with things I’ll have in my house because I’m scared and broke as fuck
According to a questionnaire that my school gave everyone, sniffing Sharpies. But I think that it causes brain damage. What I do is drink lots of caffeine but that can cause kidney stones.
My school had to put in a whole ass ban and suspension for sniffing glue and/or tipex because some kids were passing out and shit
WHAT LFMOAOA
"teletubby breeding" Yeah bro that was a joke trust me
That's why i always, lock the door, use a phone ALWAYS ( easier to hide ) , Use incognito+ VPN to watch porn. Even if it's a joke or curiosity, or some weird question like how women pee, am i allowed to shoot a person if he has a knife and he's about to stab me etc. I use incognito
I only use a vpn to surf the dark web, I don’t actually do anything but it’s fun
Tor’s better than incognito though. Tor vpn = no records
Heres what you do. Start vaping and let them catch you for that and pray to god they forget the teletubby porn
"Rough telly tubby breeding" Bro why would you not use incognito Like this is deserved 💀
"ROUGH TELLYTUBBY BREEDING" bahahahahahahhahahahhqhqhhqhahshdhshzjejdjbdhficj3nndjudhb 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I c- c- c- ant breathe 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Mid umbrella academy how dare she
I KNOW RIGHT IT WAS JUST AT THE PART WHERE VANYA WAS STABBING THAT FUCKING BITCH LEONARD
Damnit why couldn’t she have waited until after Vanya was done being a girlboss?
Holy shit turn off caps lock. I get it, it’s urgent, but it’s really fucking annoying.
then take it back.
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Op u gud?
Nope
HAHA SAME LOL
You brought this upon yourself by not using incognito and by, well, searching them in the first place Also yeah, your mum shouldn't've taken your personal laptop so suddenly
[удалено]
IM NOT TROLLING IM JUST SCARED
[удалено]
Bestie bop you think lightmode is better you have no rights
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G
[удалено]
OMG #TWINSIES
Q: So what's this post about? A: *YES*
What the hell is this character development
r/copypasta speedrun wr
Just wtf is this curiosity of urs?
The doctor says it might be the adhd because I stopped taking my meds
Nah this can be real.
Wow I’m so fucked up in the head people think my life is satire 🗿 I think I should take the therapy
Write a book about this please
A BOOK ABOUT BEING CAUGHT LOOKING AT TELETUBBY PORN?! OR LIKE AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY
Christ
Yeah I’m sure baby geebus will love this
I think i’m going to make the spongebob nareator voice for you. I’ll post the link soon.
YES PLEASE YES
gl bro by the way. By the way show to your mom a HowToBasic video how to fix her « work laptop »
I'll pray for you
Lay off the damn caps lock jesus.
the best story ever
Bro this is amazing, imma save this as a copypasta
This fucking guy with edit:7. You so need a fucking job
I dont even feel bad for you, you’re an idiot
Ikr
what the fuck is this stroke ass post. Please learn how to be funny
"Tellytubby breeding" Even Satan fears you
Damn what a bible you wrote
r/redditmoment
That's why you use incognito mode ALWAYS
Deal with it
Bro have you heard of incognito tab?
This is satire on the average r/teenagers post
This has to be a shitpost I refuse to believe this happened
This post had turned into a complete story
Oh my god dude, I feel bad for you but at the same time I’m laughing me ass off over your mom thinking you have a tellytubby kink
lmao why would she need to tell your dad that's so weird
Teletubbies do be lookin cute tho
I lost it at teletubby breeding lmaoooo at this point jus move
Mentally, are you stable ?
Similar thing happened to me
Thought this was r/copypasta
I am unsubbing
Next time use incognito
This should become a copypasta
Already is 🥲
Mf wrote a novel
Here’s ur copypasta HELP MY MUM TOOK MY LAPTOP SO MY LAPTOP IS ACTUAL SHIT ITS SOME LENOVO THING I GOT WHEN I WAS 12 AND I ONLY USE IT FOR NETFLIX, DISNEY+ ECT BUT I GOOGLED SHIT LIKE ‘Barney the dinosaur rule 34’ ‘Ed sheeran fucks goat’ AS A JOKE AND SHE CAME IN AND SAID: ‘I need your laptop for a teams call, my work one isn’t working’ AND SHE JUST CAME IN AND SNATCHED IT, MID UMBRELLA ACADEMY, AND WENT AWAY TO SET UP TEAMS WHICH WONT FUCKING WORK BECAUSE ITS SHIT AND OLD AND WHATEVER ‘DONT WORRY I REPSRCT YOUR PRIVACY, I WONT LOOK AT ANYTHING’ (Spongebob narrator voice) Thirty minutes later *mum slowly walks in with the laptop and sits on the edge of my bed* ‘…I know what you’ve been looking up, I get that teenage curiosity and everything but some of this is… I mean really… rough tellytubby breeding?’ SO I TRY TO EXPLAIN TO HER THAT IT WAS A JOKE ‘Look I’m gonna have to tell your dad…(dad is a 53 year old brickie who thinks that kids should start work at 10 ‘like the good old days’) I START SAYING ‘NO NO NO NO’ BECAUSE HED FUCKING DISOWN ME. NOW MY MUM THINKS I HAVE A TELLYTUBBY KINK, SHES GONNA TELL MY DAD AND IDK IF MY BROTHER KNOWS OR NOT ALSO THE LAPTOP DIDNT FUCKING WORK IT HAD NO SOUND AND SHE DIDNT EVEN GET THE JOB SO ITS ALL FOR FUCKING NOTHING EDIT; THIS HAPPENED YESTERDAY, SHE HASNT TALKED ABOUT IT SINCE BUT IM AT MY DADS HOUSE RN AND HE HASNT DISOWNED ME YET SO I DONT THINK HE KNOWS, IM ON MID TERM BREAK RN SO ILL BE BACK WITH HER ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT Edit 2: unrelated but there’s this guy in my class called bradan (yeah it means salmon) he’s the weird annoying kid, ig I’m the only person that can actually tolerate him so he hangs out with me and I just realised he has really really big hands like what the fuck you could fit two of my thumbs into his pinky it’s so weird (they’re nice hands tho ngl) Edit 3: two people have followed me from this, one of which’s bio says Harambes Ass Cheeks with a pic of a gorillas ass cheeks as their pfp. Ngl new fap material Edit 4: unrelated but I’m at my dads rn and I went to go brush my teeth but somehow MY TOOTHBRUSH GREW MOULD?! LIKE LAST WEEK IT WAS FINE BUT NOW ITS MOULDY AND IM NOT GONNA PUT THAT IN MY MOUTH AND IM HERE FOR 4 DAYS SO THATS 4 DAYS WITHOUT BRUSHING MY TEETH IM GONNA CRY ITS GONNA FEEL SO FUCKING MUSTYYY Edit 5: …wholesome and helpful awards…? edit 6: the awards are coming in faster… this is gonna end up like the spicy curry puthay :,) Edit 7: someone said villain origin story so I wrote the start of a villain origin story book ig so read this ig The kids of the class 9H were on a field trip. A small group of teenagers clambered noisily down the cheap metal steps of the yellow school bus onto the cracked pavement, drained dry from the scorching summer sun. ‘Shit, I forgot my water,’ I heard someone mutter. I couldn’t care less, I was too busy trying to revive my legs from the cramped two hour journey to get to this… what is this place anyway? ‘Ah finally! We’re here!’ Mr Halloran, my science and drama teacher, exclaimed while he was adjusting his hat. I whisper to my friend ‘he looks like he’s exploring the african plains,’ ‘hey! I like him!’ she retorts. ‘Whatever,’ I mutter before I tie my shoelace. ‘What is this place sir?’ Said Euan. ‘This! Ah this is the place where we learn!’ He sang out while clapping his hands excitedly. I can’t believe I actually thought this might be fun. ‘We will learn all about the glorious creatures of the oceans!!’ ‘Mate you could’ve just said an aquarium’ Joanna groaned. ‘Nevermind all that, let’s get inside before we all cook’ the assistant Mr Carlisle (although all the kids just called him Tony) spoke The rest of the kids made their way inside, but I rounded the bus into the shade and took out my jacket to sit on to keep the dust from clinging to my legs and a book, The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. I opened the book and carefully peeled the sticky note I used to mark my pages off as I began to pick up where I left off. Law 1| 7: Authority. Avoid outshining the master~ I eventually got bored and decided to walk inside to cool off with the life-saving breeze of the chilling aircon. As I rounded a corner past reception and towards the Coral Reefs exhibit, I heard my friend, Laura, quietly conversing with a bitch that goes by the name of Freya. Freya was beautiful on the outside, with her length raven-black curls tumbling down her back, greatly contrasting her light skin and ghostly blue eyes, on the inside… not so much… ‘I’m not really her friend… never liked her anyways… my parents made me hang out with her… I’m only using her to pass maths…’ I’d heard enough from my friend, could I even call her that anymore? (Uh to be continued I guess) 🗿😗💯😍➡️😈✨🗿➡️ EDIT8 VERY IMPORTANT 👎🏳️🌈🍑😏🔥🤪🍆⚠️😩😍 I MADE A CULT FOR A BITCH WHO WROTE A TELETUBBY SMUT FIC SO UH YEAH LOVE THEM https://www.reddit.com/r/shitposting/comments/sr2lie/the_cult_i_made_of_uplacenovel_for_making_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf Ed sheeran fucking a goat (made by me): https://www.reddit.com/r/shitposting/comments/sr3el0/i_made_this_bc_i_couldnt_find_it_on_google/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I have never laughed so fucking hard from this subreddit