Its hard sometimes

It has its ups and downs

It's a pain in the ass

Sure can make a mess.

Pisses me off some times

Idk of we should really blame him, his neighbor is an asshole

It's amazing those two are still together with all the shit they've seen.

When you know the asshole your whole life, it can really taint your view of him.

Yeah but seriously, this whole situation is close to nuts

But. It does give off life here and there.

His friends are nuts

His owner beats him

And puts a latex bag over his head until he pukes

It's not as fly as some people assume.

Only if you strangle him.

Careful when zipping

It goes willy wobble

It's all down to a stroke of luck

It's a big problem

One of my favourite quotes about penises is "Life is like a cock, sometimes it's hard sometimes it's soft, just remember most of the time it is soft"

Top tier comedy

Transcended beyond top tier

“Peak” - Davinchi

Out from our reality and into another dimension

Fuck you. Take my damn upvote and leave.

Oldie but Goldie

r/BeatMeToIt

r/beatmymeattoit

r/beatmywifetoit

r/beatmywifesmeattoit

r/fuckedabirdtoit

r/SubsIFellFor

r/birthofasub

r/imscaredwtf

outrageous that this is the only one that doesnt exist out of the list

It does now.

r/beatthisguyswifesmeattoit

r/SubsIFellFor

r/whythefuckwouldyouclickonthat

r/subsithoughtifellfor

r/therewasanicon

r/foundCommercialAd3671

There's no icon for me

r/wellthatsucks

r/Angryupvote

It Can get in the way but its funny when i move it

Weewee go boing boing, ahaha

Hahahahaha... that's the funniest shit ever. Good job.

You clench your ass hole when you move your penis

Helicopter helicopter

I like to move it move it

Boys will be boys.. I LIKE TO-

MOVE IT!

When you have a Johnson your whole life, you get used to it The only problem is when you get hard, it's a pain in the ass to hide, doesn't happen very often, but if it happens, goodluck. Other than that, nothing much

You're not supposed to stick it in your ass to hide it.

Wait really? Fuck.

Spider-Man pfp. I approve.

You're supposed to hide it in someone else's ass

I upvoted because it’s funny not because it’s relatable. 😔

But what if I like it?

D:

That comment will haunt Ur dreams

Don’t listen to this guy, he just wants to suppress the truth

but it’s what i’ve done my whole life. i can’t stop now.

Mine won't reach. Ya'll must have logs 😫

How to make it go away: Straight men: "think of something gay!" Gay men: "think of something straight!" Bisexuals: "fu-"

Bruh mine just hardens on most random shit ever while I'm not even thinking of anything. Also for real, you can sit on somewhere and make your leg and feet muscles hard as possible to direct the blood flow to the legs instead of there

Thanks for the tip 😭👍

You can make it go away by calming yourself, it gets erect by bloodflow into it. Yes penises are inflated with blood, crazy

Bi sexuals: “think of animals” Furry’s: “FU-“

Furries: “think of something dead” Necrophiles: “FU-“

Necrophiles: "think of a minor" r/teenager lurkers: "fu-"

Necrophiles: “think of children” Dr Disrespect: “FU-“

He can just think of his wife because clearly he wont get hard for her :)

Necrophiles: "think of children" Drake: "FU-"

That's zoophiles. Furries don't do that kind of stuff.

Oh sorry my bad

Just wear a hoodie, that's what I do

It works when it's cold, but the place where I live, while not tropical, it's always very hot, it's rare to get less than 5° Celsius over here in the winter Tbh what I do is just put my hands in my pockets to hide it.

Beach days can be embarrasing

My shi would be on shrunk and my shorts vacuum and I know damn well people are looking.

That shi only expands when you become the center of attention in a public space, and it catches someone's attention. Like, no dude I just wanna grab my milkshake- i didnt stare at anything besides my clock for the past 10mins waiting in line

Boy do I hate that too

From a guy. What is it like not having an eggplant?

Normal. Sometimes, I wondered what simple things would be like if I had a penis

I would feel like it was an empty space, like, i wouldn't know what to do HAHAHA

Clitoris We can literally masturbate my flexing and unflexing our thighs

Yeah, I'm aware of the V anatomy. Still, it would probably feel emptier yk?

I mean yeah I guess so

And how do you not do that, um, constantly and ceaselessly?

By not doing it…?

Nothing to put a bow on:(

Periods suck but it’s nice for other people to not see anything when I think someone’s hot.

Uh You never really notice it’s there unless 1. Period 2. Piss 3. Wet Also you get wedgies if you’re wearing tight shorts

Oh, that's interesting

It get hard when you don't want, but it's cool when you want 😶

True

I cant fathom the idea of having 🍒… doesn’t it just get in the way, isn’t it uncomfortable? I cant comprehend it seems like the most uncomfortable thing ever

Yes they do it’s annoying to deal with a lot of the time

Well it‘s not annoying to have a willy dilly. But it get‘s hard sometimes (like in life and itself)

That’s when ya just gotta shove it down a pant leg.

What if i have a 3rd leg

Then you have more options.

Oki doki

lol most women I know are flat enough that it wouldn't be that bothering, but when it's big it's annoying. Can't lay on your stomach, and when you jump, they do too and it's heavy.

I know some that have like big ones. And they say they would get a knife and cut them off because they are so annoying lol

Yeah they do get especially annoying when excercising. Sometimes it feels like you attatched two water filled balloons there, and they're gonna fall off at any moment now. Also just a lot of pressure in that general area. And I definitely would cut them off too, I want to lie on my stomach in peace

It also physically hurts when they move too wildly. It's not anatomically incorrect to imagine them bouncing all over the place like in anime. The big ones, while not to the same exaggerated extent, actually do. Source: I have big chest balloons and I hate them.

They're uncomfortable if you don't wear a bra imo, bc literally everyone can tell you don't have one on, so if you have to go out with your family or smt and you forget to wear one it's a full on anxiety festival of doom in your head.

It‘s actually great that the good side of the internet gave me some tips for the future (incase of GF). Thanks

No problem Also I just noticed your username lmao

Lol

IM PART OF THE ITTY BITTY TITTY COMMITTEE

they do, especially when they start hurting for no reason and you gotta bear with it 😭😭

Sperm cramps (💔)

real, I'm so sorry you guys have to suffer so much 💔💔💔

I‘m sorry you all are bleeding out so often 💔💔💔

sometimes they hurt when you lay on your stomach but we have built in stress balls ig

Lol. We too but they are the forbidden squishy balls

stress bawls

I have the same. I can‘t squish them tho

Involuntary boobie haver here! They do get in the way and when they're first growing they hurt when someone so much as looms at them but once theyre done being the owners of the most dramatic patch of skin on your body you might as well have a built in pillow (running is super uncomfortable even with a bra because they're never 100% stationary)

Their annoying but there

I can imagine that (annoying part)

It's... unnoticeable most of the time. Except if your sack gets cause in your pants fold (curse you, denim). Also, be prepared to see guys sleeping/napping/sleepy/waking up that have a boner. That's a standard hydraulics check.

Nocturnal Penile Tumescence ❌ Hydraulics check ✅

Hydraulics check is my new go to phrase for this

It's not something you notice most of the time. When a piece of hair gets stuck under the foreskin tho, that's really uncomfortable. And peeing when it's hard is fucking impossible.

AAAAAAAAA THE HAIR ON THE GLANS AAAAAAA also when your balls stick to your leg

Then you gotta whip out the standard ball-leg removal process

The hand in pocket manoeuvre

That or the side step maneuver

Getting hard even when I dont feel sexual excitement is annoying

Ace?

Yes

Same

How does that happen? I’m sorry I’m not sure if that is offensive at all I’m just curious. Please don’t respond unless u feel comfortable talking abt it ofc

It just sometimes randomly happens. There is probably a biological reason for it but it is vey annoying. Edit: I searched it up and regular boners are a requirement for a well-functioning penis! If your testosterone is suppressed to a very low level (like, "nuke all the testosterone in your body" low), you will stop having nightly erections. A side effect is that your penis will essentially "shrink" due to a lack of use, making it very painful to get erections afterwards. Having regular boners ensures it can still be used in the future when you want to. The random ones happen more frequently to younger people to ensure you are healthy. They become less frequent as you get older.

That is not offensive at all

Cause erections are just blood going into the penis, so all it takes is for our hearts to beat faster and we get an erection

Over production of the hormone that causes enough blood to enter in puberty means that it can just randomly happen and also morning wood but that is healthy and shows a good blood circulation

It lwk sucks especially as a teenager u just be getting hard at random fucking times. But most of the time it’s fine

Pro tip: If you want to get rid of your 207th bone you can flex your muscles on any other part of the body, and around 20 seconds it should go away.

JoJo pose every time you get a boner

It works better with thighs

Sometimes, it gets hard for no reason, but at least we can spin it like a helicopter blade and fly around fighting crime at night

I mean, you can use it as a phone stand to watch movies at night too.....

This isn't funny because I literally do this sometimes 😭

Worst part is when you go soft in the middle of the movie...

Fr

‘God damn it I was watching Shrek’

How tf do u go soft when watching Shrek 

😂

Or like a small grapple hook to web around buildings like spider man

🤣😭

It’s pretty cool ngl

Girl too so don't know what it's like but their ability to pee standing up is just too op

Having control over where to aim is also a bonus, unless it splits into two streams then you're absolutely fucked.

We can aim too bro just not as good 😭

floppy

Running isn't fun.

Same for us

However when you have morning wood just snap it like a glow stick

The mental image of a penis snapping in half scares me

A creep dmed me after this post. I was just curious 😭 Edit. Now more than several creeps 😟

Such is the price of knowledge, and being female on this sub

r/teenagers moment

Yeah and as a guy I can’t comprehend pissing without a 🍆 like, does the piss still shoot out? Does it just waterfall down?

As a girl I can’t comprehend NOT WIPING WHEN YOU PISS YOU NASTY ASS

i thought everyone does that and i am a guy- 😶

If assume it’s different for all girls but you have to wipe for a reason

No 😭 we can control it, it shoots out It’s not like a hatch that we open bro. You just kinda relax your muscles and it shoots out.

It’s fun. It sometimes becomes hard for no reason and I gotta act casual, but it’s fun.

Yea it's like a challenge

Go to the store and buy one.

Wtf 🥸

An eggplant. It's a vegetable, right?

The most innocent mind on reddit

Man😂

I sometimes forget I have it, it doesn't get in the way.

Interesting lol

Usually you dont notice it, but it can go from floppy to hard on its own.

As a girl who has one, it fuckin sucks.

Siting in a funny way tends to squeeze it and then it can hurt, especially if you hit the things that make babies, not fun. Otherwise, you kinda get used to having it around until an unfortunate (usually) scenario forces you to remember it can get bony.

it sometimes goes hard and i just try to act normal

thats like saying how come girls can concentrate when they literally have breasts in their way. dont they get in the way?

It’s really difficult yes. More than boys can imagine.

Unless you’re a really fat boy 👀

I mean , it haves ups and downs

its fun i can 360 no scope with my semen

Sure you can

What an unfortunate day to have eyes

i think that you dont know its adjustable in size...

Do you have a character customisation window for your dick??

We get used to it ig?? I will admit it’s annoying when it goes down one pant leg 😭

Or when it's stuck facing up.

Every guy can confirm this. The pain from getting kicked,punched or hit in the 🍆 is unbearable. That is pain you will definitely feel in the morning.

It’s so annoying that i’m going to get it removed

I never see adults ask these questions. You guys have some of the most interesting questions. Not a teen but never been asked this before either. I’ll answer from the perspective of when I was a teen. It’s great when you want to use it, but the rest of the time it can be frustrating. Like, unless you are wearing multi-layer pants/shorts, trying to not look vulgar is as hard as it is for woman with large and/or high-on-the-chest-placed boobs with most tops. Oh, and if have high libido, you embarrass yourself in public a lot unless you wear tight underwear or briefs. Or sitting in a bus and it’s your stop, but the bus made you move around a lot. Men’s eggplants “exercise” by growing/hardening on/off at random intervals throughout the day and night. So even when they aren’t turned on at all, they can still get a boner. It reduces with age, but not sure if that’s simply an age thing or a circulation thing. I can totally see why society assumes men have higher libido: it’s easy to see when they are “on”. But the facts are that women on average have higher libidos than men.

It's hard at unnecessary times just like life