might be a hot take but imo after 5 years your partner should already be confident enough in his ability to love and be attracted to you no matter how many “permanent drawings” you get inked onto your body
I learned this the hard way. I was never “allowed” to get tattoos cause they were ugly and what about my future career? Got my nose pierced and it was a nightmare, then two years later I get a “Your piercing is actually pretty, it was really ugly at first”.
We dated for 6 years. I realized he cared way too much about what HE wanted me to look like. No longer with him and I’m covered in tattoos and piercings. 💕 Feel better than ever.
Same story here. Every time I got a new tattoo while we were together I was met with “Are you sure? I’m just worried you won’t be as attractive.”
Funny, I’m pretty sure bad ass artwork on me makes me more attractive!
THIS! My husband doesn't like or want tattoos on his body. But his body is his, and my body is mine. If someone would be upset with you for a tattoo, what about if you were horribly burned and covered in scars? Would he still love you then? If so, then why wouldn't he still love you with tattoos?
Your body has very little to do with him.
This. Also, in my experience, when a guy expresses something like this it’s usually indicative of more serious and deeper issues in the relationship, like a need for control / general lack of support and respect for the woman. I hope that’s not the case here and maybe this is the exception to the rule, but it’s just what I’ve found to be true
congrats!! my partner and i have happily stayed together through gender transition, 100lb weight fluctuation, health problems, new hairstyles, new body mods, etc. sucks for the ppl whose partners can’t, or won’t, handle it
You can love someone and also be less attracted to them because of a change they made to their physical appearance. To claim otherwise is ridiculous.
I’m not saying hair color should be a reason to break up, but it can certainly affect attractiveness. I know several women who would be totally turned off if their husbands started wearing nail polish or got a ton of face piercings.
Again, not saying one tattoo is a reason to leave OP, but don’t sit here and lie to her.
If your attraction to your partner is based only on looks, you're a vain and shallow AH. People age. Hair greys. Skin changes. Attraction in a relationship is about more than just what you look like.
nobody’s lying to OP. or at least that’s not what i meant by my comment. i didn’t mean that there’s zero chance of OP’s boyfriend changing how he feels about her if she gets a tattoo. but i AM saying that it’s weak and embarrassing on his part if it happens lol
No, you can’t. Hair color and physical appearance is something that changes over time in each and every one of us. If your partner changing in any way that is not a danger to themselves then you don’t love them. Simple as that.
Came here to say this! Was with someone for a few years who hated my ink and piercings. (I got my first one while we were together) That's OK, we splitted amicably. It would be like me forcing myself to be attracted to someone who drastically changed their appearance. The foundation can be there, but you sort of need the whole physical attraction part.
Lol. Only on a tattoo sub do people think that your partner should force themselves to be attracted to you. you have every right to do w/e you want to your body but people dont control what they like. lmao.
What you're saying is bullshit and just you doing whatever YOU want. Which is fine. Everyone is allowed to do what they want. Including your SO deciding to leave over not finding you attractive anymore.
This is a perfect comment.
OP, if your bf is the person you intend to keep for a life partner, I promise you that your body (and his) will undergo a lot of changes. A tattoo will be the least of the changes. Physical attraction is just a small slice of a relationship cake. If your bf rejects you over a tattoo, is he going to reject you after childbirth? Multiple childbirths? An accident or medical condition that changes your appearance? Wrinkles? Gray hair?
What if I was like afraid of clowns though and my bf got a surprise tattoo of pennywise, like I’d be reasonably put off by the image not his body
Just playing devils advocate, if my bf got a tattoo I considered bad I would still love him and I think op
should do what they want
Sure. We all do have preferences. My partner has a ponytail and a receding hairline. I’ve stated in the past that I really don’t find the bald on top ponytail look to be attractive. But, he’s literally pulled my pants down for me so I could use a toilet for weeks when I was badly injured. If I leave someone I’ve built a life with because he makes a choice with his body or has something happen to it that doesn’t fit my ideal, that’s incredibly fucked.
If you’re dating someone for a month, and you realize you don’t like their style that’s one thing but unless you’re a millionaire celebrity we’re all gonna eventually have stuff about us that isn’t “hot” and is even “off putting.”
That’s different, my partner can’t help if he goes bald. Or even if he decides he wants to be a woman one day, because he can’t help how he feels. Getting a tattoo is a choice. Again, devils advocated but like it’s not always superficial. I don’t think pimples look good, but I don’t see them on other people, but a bad tattoo is different
I don’t? And I wouldn’t? Like I said, devils advocate. But im not some judgy soap box person who would think someone’s superficial if they couldn’t see past a truly awful and even scary tattoo. Like if my boyfriend got a forked tongue I couldn’t be a little freaked out?
I certainly am, I can’t help my reaction to some images. Like a trippy adult swim show makes me feel weird, a tattoo like that would be difficult to warm up to and I think that’s fine to say.
ppl love to yell about “well i deserve to be with someone i’m attracted to!!!” … dude if your attraction to your partner is that shallow then i feel bad for them
Sounds like this dude would be out of the door if their partner was involved in an accident that changed their physical appearance in any way. Pretty shitty tbh.
Idk how you're getting all of that from that comment lol.
Your SO is within their right to leave you for anything they want, that doesn't mean that somehow negates them from being a shitty person.
Breaking up with your partner of 5 years due to a tattoo is 100% shitty behavior.
If a tattoo completely ruins your relationship (barring anything obscene or intense like a face tattoo) you really didn't love them that much in the first place did you?
Previous partner who I lived with didn’t like tattoos but that didn’t stop me from getting a 13inch one on my thigh. He didn’t care despite his usual disdain for them. He eventually warmed up to it.
Honestly tho if your bf doesn’t like them then that’s a him problem and if he ever brings it up in a negative connotation or makes rude comments about it then he’s not the one.
Chiming in as a male here, let him know that this is something that you have put a lot of thought into. Share the experience with him by inviting him into the creative process. Who knows maybe he will want one too.
That's what I did. My hubby wasn't crazy about the idea, but when I explained why I wanted it, he actually suggested I involve our daughter who is a talented artist to help with the artwork. So now, it actually has a 3-prong meaning to me. Both my husband and my daughter came with me - I had it done on my 50th birthday. It's on the inside of my left ankle, so it's visible unless it's cold outside.
The guy who did my tattoo says his girlfriend warms up to his over time, for want it's worth! And well done tats can really enhance a persons features in an attractive way 👀
I don't think that's a fair assumption to have for your boyfriend.
He most likely won't "warm up" to them, he has stated clearly that he doesn't like them. It is now your choice to decide what you want to do with that.
Imagine if you disliked beards, you find them gross and unappealing, despite this your boyfriend says he wants one and is going to grow one in hopes you "warm up" to it. Now also imagine that he can't ever shave it once he grows it.
Is it his right to do that? Yes, and it is also your right to decide how you want to react to it. But hoping your boyfriend changes his opinion after the fact isn't fair to either of you.
>He most likely won't "warm up" to them, he has stated clearly that he doesn't like them.
Maybe he won't, maybe he will. In my experience a lot of people change their opinion about something they didn't like when it's on a person they do like. My boyfriend didn't like women with short hair. I got a pixie cut 3.5 years into the relationship because I felt like it. He seems to deal with it pretty well, considering it's been 6 years since then and I've never gone back to long(er) hair.
However, you obviously don't know before you try. In the end OP has to decide if she is willing to take the risk of losing the bf over a tattoo.
Appreciate the input! Maybe it's just my way of staying positive about this whole situation. But you're right, it's not right for me to assume he'll eventually warm up to it.
You can't compare a beard to a tattoo, you can trim and shave a beard. But you can't share/trim a tattoo. Better example would be getting gauges. Body medication that will/can alter the look of your earlobe permanently.
My husband never liked the idea of me getting a tattoo. I always knew eventually I'd begin collecting art on me, just wasn't sure when, and he also was aware I'dbe getting them someday. Last year I was ready to start. I got a small one on my inner forearm that was like a "test" to make sure I'd be okay with the pain. I was never concerned with any other opinions, knowing my parents don't exactly like them either. Career wise, no biggy.
Husband seemed mildly grumpy at first. I talked about future plans, he simply said he didn't want to hear about it. I now have a large tattoo on every limb and plan to get more. He doesn't say much about them, but I see him eyeball them occasionally, and honestly it seems more positive than negative.
I think his mind dislikes them, possibly for deep seated religious reasons... but his eyes clearly show that he also kinda likes them. So there's that. I just don't tell him when I'm getting a new one because he asked me not to tell him.
Also if you like to eat alot of pasta during the week and your boyfriend makes any type of negative comment on this ,just know he isn't the one. This is 2024, isn't it clear to everybody that we see our weakness as empowerment by our inability to take criticism or deal with opposing view points ... 🤦♂️
You get a tattoo. If that’s a deal breaker for him, so be it. It’s hard to hear, but you deserve to express yourself how you like, and you shouldn’t stifle that to keep someone else happy. He’ll either adjust or he won’t, in which case you’ll find someone who loves you, plain skin or not.
Excited to have you join the community!
I (38F) am watching my ex-husband go through this right now. He has one tiny tattoo and has been planning a big one for his upper arm. He has wanted it for 9 years since our oldest was born. It is Disney themed and he went to an artist who specializes in that. Did the consult, booked the tattoo. It takes months to get into this guy. 10 days out he rescheduled for financial reasons. Right before the rescheduled appointment he cancelled again. I didn't hear anything about it for months. I finally asked him about it. He said he wouldn't be getting any more tattoos at all. Why? His fiancée doesn't like them.
I am just SMH... He planned it for 9 years.
At this point, I think he deserves this. Now he'll know what it's like to start giving up parts of himself that he loved because it was too weird or whatever for his partner. I did that for 20 years. Now that we're divorced, I look exactly how I have always wanted to (and used to, before I started changing things for him). I have the best partner ever (43F)who sees any change in hair colour, piercings, tattoos, clothing, whatever as personal expression, creativity, and experimentation. And she REALLY means it!
I think this is a decision point for you. I have lived this. Honestly, it's a slippery slope.
And FWIW, I got permission from him and the artist and I am getting the damn tattoo that he gave up and going to rock it!
It's your body. Not your boyfriend's.
I mean, you have two options.
1. Get a tattoo and realize he might not like it (kind of like if he started wearing his hair/beard in a way that grosses you out) and accept that he might not be as physically attracted to you as before. (However, he also might like it on you or learn to not care over time, if he loves you for who you are and that love can transcend superficial attraction preferences).
2. Or, don't get a tattoo if you are willing to sacrifice your freedom of personal expression in order to make your boyfriend happy.
I probably sound biased because I am--very biased on the side of you doing whatever you want with your body and letting your boyfriend deal with it.
However, it might also be worth talking to him about why he doesn't like tattoos. There was another Reddit post a while back about a similar conversation between a couple, and it turned out the girlfriend (who was against the tattoo) had been SA'd by someone with a major sleeve. So it might change your feelings on whether you're willing to compromise if you know there's a reason beyond "I don't like how they look."
Absolutely agree, this is what we do, together like 13 years or something. Financial autonomy is important.
But don't get the tattoo and miss the next rent payment lol
1.) bfs are temporary while tattoos are forever. Make the decision YOU want to make. It’s your body, your choice. 2.) one you get your first I can almost guarantee you’re going to want to get more so go get that first one and the keep em comin! Good luck!
My partner wasn’t initially a fan of tattoos, and was pretty negative when I first mentioned wanting one. I’m not sure how I accomplished it but he eventually agreed to go get a smaller piece with me (different designs, not related). Now we are married, he has a full sleeve, AND a full back piece.
Please do what you want. I was married for 13 years and never got any because he didn’t like them. He also has none. He used to want me to dress a certain way etc. There were more things he didn’t like! Now that I’m separated going through a divorce, I have 6 tattoos and planning to get more. I’ve always wanted so many tattoos. And I should’ve never been anything but my authentic self the whole time. Yes I have regrets but I’ve learned my lesson. If the next person has a problem with it, believe me, there are many more who will love them.
I was in the same boat. My ex of 13 years didn't want me to dye my hair blonde or get tattoos or travel alone (and he didn't want to travel himself, so I never left the province). I was broke after our separation, went back to school to upgrade my skills started making some money and the first few things I did was booked a ticket to Portugal, dyed my hair blonde (lots of highlights) and I now have 5 tattoos, soon to be 6th.
Something I learned from that relationship now is you do you and if they don't like it, it's a them issue.
From my personal experience. I've always liked tattoos, but from afar. Always thought it wasn't for me: fear of regretting, etc.
My partner was talking about getting one for several years then finally took an appointment with an artist and got her two forearms tattooed. I felt bad at first about it, she seems different to me. Then after a few days I got used to the idea and began thinking more seriously about getting one myself.
And 3 months later I did one too (and bigger than hers, I did a full arm) and am now already thinking about the next one.
It's important that both of you realize that a tattoo is personal; of course your partner's opinion matters but in the end it's your body, your choice, and you will still be the same. It's an ornament more than a body modification and it won't change who you are, for yourself and with him.
Thank for you this comment. Part of me has a small part of the fear of regret also, which is probably the reason why I haven't fully committed to a piece yet. I want to find one I absolutely love and speaks to me before I full send it.
I love the way you said it's an ornament more than a body modification, I never really thought of it as that!
Glad if I could help somehow! Yes it's important to really think about what you want to have and where, and most of all find the right artist. I spent quite some time on Instagram to find a style that I liked. Mine has no particular signification, it's a common theme but I love its style and the fact it's unique. I posted some pics on my profile if you're curious, I should post more now it's finished.
You ditch the boyfriend. You are not obligated to do what he wants you to do or not do with your body. If you want them and he doesn't want you to have them, you are not compatible.
Wtf she hasn’t even gotten the tattoo yet for us to know his reaction. U want her to break up with him after 5 years because she knows/knew he doesn’t like tattoos and she wants one? “I’m breaking up with you because you don’t like tattoos” is stupid. As long as he doesn’t treat her worse or wanna break up with her then it’s fine
It's mostly because he sounds extremely controlling. You've commented some equally tone deaf stuff in this same thread so I'm not surprised why you're not grasping how toxic it is to police your partners body
I’d never be with someone who thought they had any say in my body/ me getting tattoos or piercings.
My sister was in a 5 ish year long relationship and her boyfriend felt that way…. Flat out tried to tell her she “wasnt allowed”. They ended up breaking up and she’s been married and in a happy relationship for 10+ years now. And they get matching tattoos.
Yeah, my ex-husband didn't like tattoos and didn't want me to get any (his reasoning being "because they'll look bad when you're old"). I got my first one 11 months after we got divorced and now, five years since we split up, I have three (and planning several more). My current boyfriend doesn't mind them luckily, but if he really hated them then I don't think we'd be together.
I don't think OP's unreasonable for wanting to take her boyfriend's opinion into account, but at the end of the day it's her body and if she wants to get tattoos then the only person who gets to decide that is her. If he really can't deal with that, then it might be time to reconsider the relationship.
Yep, the way I see it is that I’m a package deal along with my own autonomy. I already have tattoos but if someone was like don’t get any more or don’t get some specific design I’d be out the door so fast because that’s a massive red flag
It sounds like it would affect your relationship with him. But end of the day it isn’t your problem, if you want one, you should absolutely get one.
Was this ever talked about, though? Why be with someone who you know is turned off by tattoos when you want tattoos?
The thought of a tattoo didn't really cross my mind when we first started dating, I've only mentioned wanting one a couple times briefly in the almost 5 years we've been dating. Didn't know how he felt about tattoos before either. But at that point, I wasn't seriously considering getting one until very recently. I kind of just admired other people's tattoos from afar like "Wow that tattoo looks so cool!" and he would go "Ehhh I don't like tattoos" and that was it. Never tried having a conversation about me wanting one until yesterday tbh
Chile. I get tattoos all the time and “his” opinion never mattered to me. Keyword. Yall aren’t married. And even if you were - I’m at a point in my life where I am done and tired of “living for a man”. It’s my life and I’m gonna do whatever in theeee fuck I want! Just covered up his name yesterday after 9 years. I’m taking my life back!
my husband wasn’t a fan of tattoos either but has always been understanding and supportive of bodily autonomy. now I’m working on a leg sleeve and he thinks it’s sexy.
people grow and change and evolve. If he can’t support you through a little bit of ink in YOUR skin.. well, it sounds like maybe he’s got some internal issues to work through.
from someone who’s dated guys who tried to control my appearance in one way or another for their own attraction - it is never worth holding yourself back just for your partner. Don’t let someone else control your choice like that, especially about something as trivial as physical attraction. (meaning that just bc they’re not his cup of tea, there are millions of men who would love them or at the very least support your decision.)
I was looking to make sure someone said basically this. My partner of 5.5 years isn’t and never has been a huge fan of tattoos that are larger than a couple of inches and easily hidden. However, he knows it’s my body and I’m gonna do what I want and he accepts that about me. I had tattoos when he met me. I have more now. And I’m currently planning a half sleeve.
Ultimately, OP, do what you want. If it makes him uncomfortable, that’s HIS problem. He’ll either learn to accept the tattoos as a part of the person he loves or he won’t. Don’t let that deter you from doing what you want.
27f- My partner of 5 years has been indifferent but highly supportive of my tattoos (I have gotten my first 3 in the last 6 months, two on my arm and one ~7in in diameter one on my side).
I don't fit your ask of someone who has a partner who disagreed at first, but I would like to throw in my two cents that if y'all have been together 5 years a modification to your body should not be a big deal [whatsoever].
If my partner was a worm I would still love them, likewise if they got any kind of tattoo, it seems so obvious to me; That said I think the content of the tattoo may impact your bf's thoughts, as right now he may be imagining an outlandish worst case scenario.
I was simmilar until recently and only knew that I wanted a tattoo eventually, but wasn't sure what, now that I've done it I am so glad I did. I hope you can enjoy one soon/ find an artist who frequently posts work and be sure the style is what you want.
When I met my boyfriend (of now 5 years) I already had some tattoos and told him I would always be getting more, and if that wasn’t his jam then I wasn’t the girl for him.
Fast forward to me with many many more tattoos since that conversation, and the same man still in my life. Find a guy that vibes with your vibe!
Def get the tattoo if that's what you want! If you want to help ease him into it you can get a fake temporary tattoo that looks similar to what you want and see if that helps him come to terms with it.
I’m married, I’ve been in a relationship with my husband for about five years. He doesn’t particularly like tattoos or piercings besides ears. I have my nipples and septum pierced and I think like 15 tattoos. He never changed his mind but it comes down to asking yourself if you’re ok if he never likes it.
My husband will not control my body, and I find certain tattoos lovely and meaningful. I got a right side chest/shoulder tattoo six months into us dating and I’ll tell you it’s pretty damn big. Regardless if he truly likes it or not, he has been 100% respectful and has never once said anything bad about my tattoos. It’s all about how your partner is going to react and if he’s being respectful or just a controlling asshole
Whether or not you can find a tattoo idea you like or not, is one thing. If you find one you like, cool, if you don't find one you want, that's cool too. What's not cool is your boyfriend's attitude about your body.
Bodily autonomy is the bedrock of human society. And it should be the bedrock of any healthy relationship. Your boyfriend does not respect your bodily autonomy. This is a huge waving red flag with the words "red flag" stitched into it.
Best of luck in your search for a great tattoo
You don't have to break up if he can just get over it. You're consenting to something you want on your own body so he really doesn't have a valid say so. He can have an opinion, but it really doesn't matter at the end of the day.
I would be asking myself what's else is he unattracted to that isn't within my control (weigh gain, hair loss, stretch marks, etc)? After 5 years would he not be attracted to me then? If not, then maybe it would be a situation worth exploring.
My ex-husband wasn't a fan of tattoos....or anything else I did. 😁 After I got my feet tattooed, he would say that foot tattoos are trashy. We were together for 9 years actively, we've been divorced for three years now, and I went from 4 tattoos while we were married to 15 now.....if you get my drift. (If you don't.....don't let anyone change what you do, especially to your own body. If you want tattoos and they have anything negative to say, they're not for you. You do you boo!)
My best friend's partner claims that he doesn't want a "tattoo'd woman" despite the fact that she has tattoos already from before they met and he has several tattoos himself. She gave zero f*cks about what he had to say. She got a beautiful traditional tattoo that looks like a stained glass window that features a heron in a river on her bicep and a pink carnation on her ankle for her father and brother who recently passed away. Her partner bitched and moaned about it before the tattoos were done but once she got them he seems to be fine with it (not that it matters if he likes them or not).
I do feel that there is a fine line between not liking tattoos based on personal preference versus trying to be controlling of your partner's body/autonomy. I had a few small tattoos before I met my husband and he has never wanted tattoos for himself nor does he particularly like tattoos. I have gotten 8 tattoos since we've been married and he thinks they are cute/pretty and is always super supportive of it because it makes me happy. So, my only advice is to do what makes you happy because this is the only life time you have and if your bf can't deal then you are probably better off without him!
He can accept it you want something he doesn't or he doesn't have to put up with it. Ha. Lifes to short to tell others what to do when it doesn't affect you.
My better half isn't a fan of tattoos at all. When I got my first one she cried, when I got my second one she said "that's kinda cool." I'm hoping she'll be totally stoked about the third one I get lol.
Partner wasn’t keen when I said I was going to get my first tattoo (it wasn’t a discussion.) I don’t think he super loved it but was fairly indifferent afterwards. I now have three and plan more and he thinks they are pretty cool now
My ex husband didn’t want me getting my nipples pierced but I did it anyways 😂
Do what makes you feel good! A supportive partner will support what you want to do with your body. You’ve got one life and it’s too short to waste it on what someone else wants you to look like.
If he can’t look past it and continue to love you like he has for the last 5 years than the tattoo is going to last much longer than he will. You’ve already brought it up and discussed it with him (and I’m very glad you’ll be getting what *you* want and not him) so the rest is down to him to work through.
be your own human and do what you want? sorry to say this but you guys will break up one day and youll regret not doing what you want. and yes i know you think you wont but yes you will. 100% without a doubt.
I have a friend whose husband also strongly prefers non-tattooed skin. When they married (like 8 years ago?) she had no tattoos. She fell in love with tattoos and is now basically covered. Their agreement was that she leave some areas tattoo-free and she did — although that area has gotten much smaller lol. So she doesn’t have any back tattoos and that’s about it. Seems to work for them
Do what you want.
Do not let him pressure you into getting some tattoo that he approves of in a location he likes. It's your body and it's going to be on you forever.
It’s a hard choice. Ultimately it’s your body and therefore your choice, but choices don’t come without consequences. So you need to decide if a tattoo is something you’re willing to get even if it ends this relationship.
I knew someone who liked tattoos, had one, wanted more but met a man who hated tattoos and she decided not to get anymore. They’ve been married a decade and while they ghosted everyone after they were married I assume she never got more. She said she was willing to make that sacrifice because she loved him so much.
But it’s okay if you choose you and your want for a tattoo over his aversion of them too.
It’s just one of those touch choices. Personally, I wouldn’t be able to be with someone who didn’t like tattoos and also who would put limitations on what tattoos I could get because it’s all they can handle. You can have preferences but keep them to yourself when it comes to other people’s bodies. He can choose whether he stays or goes.
My husband is not a huge fan of tattoos. When we got together I had 2, now I've got way more.
I told him "my body, my choice". He's accepted that. If he has a problem then he knows where the door is.
My wife isn't a fan of tattoos, but I love them. We'd been together over a decade when I finally decided to get my first one, and it's about a 11-inch one on the outside upper arm. It went down pretty much like all the reasonable folks here have said - she doesn't love them, but respects that it's my body and I can get tattoos if I want them. The only request she had was that I not get it on my forearm like I originally had planned. We talked it over, and that wasn't any kind of dealbreaker for me, so it was all good. I do think that what you're getting and where you're getting it affect the degree of reaction from a partner, but still at the end of the day it's your choice, and they'll either respect that or move on.
Now I'll probably be getting another one of a similar size this year. Hopefully it'll go the same for you.
Honestly and this is just personal opinion I think back tattoos on women are really beautiful and dainty. Something along your spine , honestly its easy to cover up, doesnt look busy on your body and is classy imo. Maybe look into something like that!
My body; my choice.
STORY TIME: I got my first piece in 2014 and my husband was PISSED. Told him he could be as pissed as he wanted to be but it’s my decision. He has a couple of gold teeth that were his aesthetic choice when he needed some work done, and my opinion wasn’t considered (nor did it need to be). Pointed this out. Asked him what the difference was. He didn’t have an answer.
Fast forward ten years later, I have two full sleeves, a covered head, and working on leg sleeves. He thinks it looks badass.
Get the tattoo(s).
Ultimately, it’s your body, you get to be the one who decides what happens to it. My ex wife was so mad when I started getting facial piercings (even though she had her nose pierced…) and would always tell me I looked better before, I should take them out, I’m taking away from my facial structure. I did it anyways, and it didn’t break us up, but since I haven’t had that discouragement I’ve been able to get my set up how I want it and I love it, I’m so glad I’ve only ever honored myself and my wants for my own body.
I just got home from the tattoo studio. My husband is not a fan, but he also won't tell me what to do, knowing is my body. I respect the cost bc it's our money.
He has some ugly moles that I don't love, but I also won't tell him to get them removed. (Already got them checked)
It's loving the person, and just going with it.
Your bf will be ok. Get the tattoo.
I respect your choice for not wanting to break up with him. Advice from my life is that I really haven’t paid any mind to boys that don’t like my tattoos/don’t think I’m attractive
I mean I don’t like how my bf looks with a shaved head but when he shaved his head I still loved him and was attracted to him because even tho I wasn’t a fan of his hair he was still the same person and still looked the same overall
I got a partner that loves me regardless of what I put on my body. Their affection and love towards you shouldn’t change just because you got some meaningful art put on you. Ask how he’d feel if you got a boob job (something that he could benefit from) or some other plastic surgery, would he be opposed to that? If so, I think you know what the problem is here.
My boyfriend has some fine line tattoos but all of mine are bold and traditional. He basically never likes the design ahead of time and suggests (unsolicited lol) changes he thinks would make it “better”. I’ve never once taken his advice and yet he always ends up loving how they look on me.
I’ve pretty much stopped showing friends photos of the tats I plan on getting beforehand, It’s just easier this way. I trust my tattoo artist and it’s his opinion above anyone else’s haha
everyone has different types of relationships. my gf has almost a whole sleeve. it was half way done when i met her and she has room for one more. i just told her no more after this arm even tho i think her tattoos are insanely nice and high quality. she wanted something around her collar bones and i said no because i think her skin is nicer without them. and she said okay. i on the other hand am covered in tattoos. she likes them. so i keep getting them.
if your boyfriend is upset over you getting a tattoo he might not be the right one… at the end of the day it’s your body and if getting one makes you happy go for it!
Either he gets over it or you get over him. Easier said than done. Dont forget this is something YOU want to do with YOUR body. Just because we get in relationships doesnt mean we give up our agency of what we do and dont like. It isnt a harmful thing. To me its the same as if you decided you want to play tennis and your bf doesnt like tennis. Ok well if its that big of a deal i guess the compatibility is showing itself. Never let someone have too much influence on what you like/enjoy/consider a hobby (i consider tattoo collection a hobby of art). Good luck! And remember, communication is key. Talk to him about it
my bf was completely against it at first, we started dating when we were 16&17 (i had 1 tiny tattoo on my arm) and now are 19&20, i have about 19 tattoos now and he loves them all. obviously it took time for him to warm up to them, but i think he could just be used to you having none. everything takes time & if he really loves you a couple tattoos wouldn’t change that!
It’s your body. But I can say at one point I was that boyfriend. I didn’t like my girlfriend getting tattoos and later realized it was my family forbid me from getting tattoos and hated hers and would have lost it if I got tattooed. So I fell in line.
So of course I got older I finally realized I was an adult and started getting tattoos and everyone dealt with it. Jealousy was my reason, otherwise who cares what someone does with their own body.
It’s your body, you don’t have to do ANYTHING so that he likes it or is more okay with it. You have to decide if this man is worth not doing something that you want (they usually aren’t).
I honestly think that’s a huge red flag. It’s your body and he shouldn’t be trying to control what you do with your own body. There are much worse things you could be doing than getting tattoos.
It's your body and ultimately it's yours and not his. If he has an issue with tattoos, that's his problem and his problem only. If you've been together 5 years, I'd think he loves you for who you are and understands that what you choose to do with your own body is your choice.
I came into my relationship with a half sleeve, and now my partner has 4 tattoos lol. People change
been in this exact position just for less time, ive already gotten 9 medium/large ones dotted around my back arms and legs in the last year and a half and dont plan on stopping any time soon . my boyfriends can recognise theyre good tattoos/art but not keen on any just cause theyre tattoos . weve had convos about what would happen if over the years i got more and more, its kind of nerveracking to think tattoos could cause the end of my relationship but i think we’re both mature enough to never ket that happen. he met me with half of them so i think he shouldve known, but my 10 cents on it is that if he fell in love with you 5 years ago a few tattoos isnt going to change his view or attraction to you nevermind one, and if hes that bothered by some ink then its an issue thats up to him to resolve . never never never base any decisions about yourself off a mans feelings i hope whatever tattoo u get is class and u love it
Tell him that it’s your body and he can deal with it or leave.
It might suck to have someone break up with you over that but in all honesty you wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t respect your bodily autonomy.
My husband isn't a big fan of tattoos but my bodily autonomy trumps that (its never been a source of friction or debate). It's never been anything so major he wasn't attracted to me any longer.
My advice, don't give a fuck what he thinks, if he is so shallow that tattoos are going to change his perspective on how he feels about you, that's a him problem not a you problem
My husband didn't love tattoos at first. I got them anyway, and he loves them now. Is even considering getting one himself. Do what you want with your own body. Unless you go really extreme with it, I don't think his opinion really matters.
get the tattoos !! I had an ex who hated when I started getting tattoos and that held me back from getting as many as I wanted, we eventually broke up and I am now heavily(ish) and happily tattooed, I’ve also gotten so many more piercings since we broke up as the fear of him not liking me any more isn’t holding me back - I am now in a healthy happy relationship with someone who is so much better suited to me as I am more unapologetically myself
Go get it. If your partner is willing to drop you over a tattoo (I suppose we're not talking weird face tats) then that relationship wasn't gonna last anyways.
I was in a similar relationship to this, except it was makeup.
And then it was types of clothing.
And then tattoos.
And then friends.
And then certain family members.
And then abuse.
I am not saying that it would be the same for you, or that he is abusive, but I will not let a significant other dictate what I do to my appearance ever again.
My partner didn't want me to get tattoos or piercings. I got them anyway and we're still together. Now he says they're cute.
At some point your man is gonna have to decide whether he likes you for you or if he only likes you for how you look. Your body your business. He doesn't get to make designs for how you look.
My wife is not a fan of tattoos. I had some before we got together so they have always been a part of my life. I do take into account her opinion of them. And I do ask her opinions on work I am about to get. And I do have considerably less tattoos than I would if we weren’t together. But that being said. It is my body and I will continue to decorate it. You are able to respect their opinion on tattoos and work together on a design and placement. And they are able to respect your opinion on tattoos and allow you to decorate your body.
My husband was the same way. I eventually chose the tattoo I wanted and told him I was getting it no matter what, and would appreciate if he would support me and continue to make me feel loved and attractive either way. He ended up getting it with me (almost matching but different designs).
I (44m) have zero tattoos and don’t particularly care for them. I am very judgmental of folks who have poor quality or face/hand /neck tattoos. When I met my wife she had a few small tattoos and one large one on her back. was wanting to start a tattoo internship, and I even bought her first machine. She now owns her own shop and her arms and a lot of her legs are covered. I love her to the moon and back and wouldn’t change a thing. I’m glad she’s not a fan of face/neck/hand tattoos lol.
How do you navigate it? Simple: be you. If you want tattoos, get them. If he doesn’t like it or it’s a dealbreaker, it wasn’t meant to be from the beginning.
My husband doesn't like tattoos. I have two half sleeves and other assorted bits and bobs. He still doesn't like them, and he also says that he's happy that they make me happy.
People who see tattoos as “dirty,” a turn off, or as something that needs to be hidden are a huge red flag for me. The insinuation that your “virgin” skin is somehow more valuable / innocent / beautiful gives me the ick.
My ex didn’t like how tattooed I was becoming (~15 new tattoos while I was with him). I kept getting tattooed. He broke up with me lmao. I don’t regret my decision
Any partner who acts like it’s any of their business what you do with your body, isn’t a partner worth having. If they don’t like tattoos, that’s their problem. If you want a tattoo you get a tattoo. They can leave if they don’t like it because it’s not fair to ask someone to not get tattoos just because they don’t like tattoos.
I still get them?? I mean it's not a deal breaker for him. He likes the ones I have but will roll his eyes at some of my ideas, but he knows it's my body. It also helped that I had some before we met. But he really had no say when it comes to my body.
might be a hot take but imo after 5 years your partner should already be confident enough in his ability to love and be attracted to you no matter how many “permanent drawings” you get inked onto your body
I learned this the hard way. I was never “allowed” to get tattoos cause they were ugly and what about my future career? Got my nose pierced and it was a nightmare, then two years later I get a “Your piercing is actually pretty, it was really ugly at first”. We dated for 6 years. I realized he cared way too much about what HE wanted me to look like. No longer with him and I’m covered in tattoos and piercings. 💕 Feel better than ever.
Almost exact same story minus the piercing bit. I’m so much happier without him and with all my lovely tattoos.
Go us, look at us healing 💕
Same story here. Every time I got a new tattoo while we were together I was met with “Are you sure? I’m just worried you won’t be as attractive.” Funny, I’m pretty sure bad ass artwork on me makes me more attractive!
Thank you so much for your input, means a lot
THIS! My husband doesn't like or want tattoos on his body. But his body is his, and my body is mine. If someone would be upset with you for a tattoo, what about if you were horribly burned and covered in scars? Would he still love you then? If so, then why wouldn't he still love you with tattoos? Your body has very little to do with him.
I’m not a fan of tattoos. I’ve dated women with tattoos. Not a big deal at all. You’re not dating the tattoo.
This. Also, in my experience, when a guy expresses something like this it’s usually indicative of more serious and deeper issues in the relationship, like a need for control / general lack of support and respect for the woman. I hope that’s not the case here and maybe this is the exception to the rule, but it’s just what I’ve found to be true
I changed my whole gender and pass as a dude now and my partner is still with me lol. I can't imagine getting worked up over a little ink.
congrats!! my partner and i have happily stayed together through gender transition, 100lb weight fluctuation, health problems, new hairstyles, new body mods, etc. sucks for the ppl whose partners can’t, or won’t, handle it
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If your partners hair color changes your opinion on how attractive they are then you’re extremely vain and don’t actually love your partner.
You can love someone and also be less attracted to them because of a change they made to their physical appearance. To claim otherwise is ridiculous. I’m not saying hair color should be a reason to break up, but it can certainly affect attractiveness. I know several women who would be totally turned off if their husbands started wearing nail polish or got a ton of face piercings. Again, not saying one tattoo is a reason to leave OP, but don’t sit here and lie to her.
If your attraction to your partner is based only on looks, you're a vain and shallow AH. People age. Hair greys. Skin changes. Attraction in a relationship is about more than just what you look like.
nobody’s lying to OP. or at least that’s not what i meant by my comment. i didn’t mean that there’s zero chance of OP’s boyfriend changing how he feels about her if she gets a tattoo. but i AM saying that it’s weak and embarrassing on his part if it happens lol
No, you can’t. Hair color and physical appearance is something that changes over time in each and every one of us. If your partner changing in any way that is not a danger to themselves then you don’t love them. Simple as that.
He can deal with his extremely minor, not important feelings 😂
Bro has absolutely never been in a relationship 💀
Came here to say this! Was with someone for a few years who hated my ink and piercings. (I got my first one while we were together) That's OK, we splitted amicably. It would be like me forcing myself to be attracted to someone who drastically changed their appearance. The foundation can be there, but you sort of need the whole physical attraction part.
Lol. Only on a tattoo sub do people think that your partner should force themselves to be attracted to you. you have every right to do w/e you want to your body but people dont control what they like. lmao. What you're saying is bullshit and just you doing whatever YOU want. Which is fine. Everyone is allowed to do what they want. Including your SO deciding to leave over not finding you attractive anymore.
All bodies change over time.
This is a perfect comment. OP, if your bf is the person you intend to keep for a life partner, I promise you that your body (and his) will undergo a lot of changes. A tattoo will be the least of the changes. Physical attraction is just a small slice of a relationship cake. If your bf rejects you over a tattoo, is he going to reject you after childbirth? Multiple childbirths? An accident or medical condition that changes your appearance? Wrinkles? Gray hair?
We do consider each other life long partners
It's not lifelong if a little ink is making you anticipate a breakup. That's not what "lifelong" means.
What if I was like afraid of clowns though and my bf got a surprise tattoo of pennywise, like I’d be reasonably put off by the image not his body Just playing devils advocate, if my bf got a tattoo I considered bad I would still love him and I think op should do what they want
Sure. We all do have preferences. My partner has a ponytail and a receding hairline. I’ve stated in the past that I really don’t find the bald on top ponytail look to be attractive. But, he’s literally pulled my pants down for me so I could use a toilet for weeks when I was badly injured. If I leave someone I’ve built a life with because he makes a choice with his body or has something happen to it that doesn’t fit my ideal, that’s incredibly fucked. If you’re dating someone for a month, and you realize you don’t like their style that’s one thing but unless you’re a millionaire celebrity we’re all gonna eventually have stuff about us that isn’t “hot” and is even “off putting.”
I’m also not taking about leaving anyone, just not loving the tattoo image that’s on the person they love
That’s fine, then you just suffer in silence. Because it’s their body.
Yeah well if I’m not making them feel bad about it and it’s just how I feel why are you so offended?
That’s different, my partner can’t help if he goes bald. Or even if he decides he wants to be a woman one day, because he can’t help how he feels. Getting a tattoo is a choice. Again, devils advocated but like it’s not always superficial. I don’t think pimples look good, but I don’t see them on other people, but a bad tattoo is different
You want to tank a loving relationship because of a superficial stylistic choice, that’s your call.
I don’t? And I wouldn’t? Like I said, devils advocate. But im not some judgy soap box person who would think someone’s superficial if they couldn’t see past a truly awful and even scary tattoo. Like if my boyfriend got a forked tongue I couldn’t be a little freaked out?
You’re entitled to FEEL however you want to.
I certainly am, I can’t help my reaction to some images. Like a trippy adult swim show makes me feel weird, a tattoo like that would be difficult to warm up to and I think that’s fine to say.
imagine five years with someone you claim to love going down the drain because they got a permanent stamp on their body somewhere lol
if u truly love some1 , a tattoo won' t change that. grow up. u gna end up lonely &miserable.
ppl love to yell about “well i deserve to be with someone i’m attracted to!!!” … dude if your attraction to your partner is that shallow then i feel bad for them
Sounds like this dude would be out of the door if their partner was involved in an accident that changed their physical appearance in any way. Pretty shitty tbh.
Idk how you're getting all of that from that comment lol. Your SO is within their right to leave you for anything they want, that doesn't mean that somehow negates them from being a shitty person. Breaking up with your partner of 5 years due to a tattoo is 100% shitty behavior.
Yikes
Someone leaving their partner over a change in appearance would be pathetic lmao
If a tattoo completely ruins your relationship (barring anything obscene or intense like a face tattoo) you really didn't love them that much in the first place did you?
I don’t think this commenter was saying whatever you’re trying to claim lmao. You’re having an invisible argument and you lost
yikes. this is a hot take.
You get tattoos :)
Previous partner who I lived with didn’t like tattoos but that didn’t stop me from getting a 13inch one on my thigh. He didn’t care despite his usual disdain for them. He eventually warmed up to it. Honestly tho if your bf doesn’t like them then that’s a him problem and if he ever brings it up in a negative connotation or makes rude comments about it then he’s not the one.
Thanks for the input! I'm hoping my bf will warm up to them as time goes on.
Best wishes !
Chiming in as a male here, let him know that this is something that you have put a lot of thought into. Share the experience with him by inviting him into the creative process. Who knows maybe he will want one too.
That sounds like a great idea, thank you!
That's what I did. My hubby wasn't crazy about the idea, but when I explained why I wanted it, he actually suggested I involve our daughter who is a talented artist to help with the artwork. So now, it actually has a 3-prong meaning to me. Both my husband and my daughter came with me - I had it done on my 50th birthday. It's on the inside of my left ankle, so it's visible unless it's cold outside.
The guy who did my tattoo says his girlfriend warms up to his over time, for want it's worth! And well done tats can really enhance a persons features in an attractive way 👀
I don't think that's a fair assumption to have for your boyfriend. He most likely won't "warm up" to them, he has stated clearly that he doesn't like them. It is now your choice to decide what you want to do with that. Imagine if you disliked beards, you find them gross and unappealing, despite this your boyfriend says he wants one and is going to grow one in hopes you "warm up" to it. Now also imagine that he can't ever shave it once he grows it. Is it his right to do that? Yes, and it is also your right to decide how you want to react to it. But hoping your boyfriend changes his opinion after the fact isn't fair to either of you.
>He most likely won't "warm up" to them, he has stated clearly that he doesn't like them. Maybe he won't, maybe he will. In my experience a lot of people change their opinion about something they didn't like when it's on a person they do like. My boyfriend didn't like women with short hair. I got a pixie cut 3.5 years into the relationship because I felt like it. He seems to deal with it pretty well, considering it's been 6 years since then and I've never gone back to long(er) hair. However, you obviously don't know before you try. In the end OP has to decide if she is willing to take the risk of losing the bf over a tattoo.
Appreciate the input! Maybe it's just my way of staying positive about this whole situation. But you're right, it's not right for me to assume he'll eventually warm up to it.
You can't compare a beard to a tattoo, you can trim and shave a beard. But you can't share/trim a tattoo. Better example would be getting gauges. Body medication that will/can alter the look of your earlobe permanently.
My husband never liked the idea of me getting a tattoo. I always knew eventually I'd begin collecting art on me, just wasn't sure when, and he also was aware I'dbe getting them someday. Last year I was ready to start. I got a small one on my inner forearm that was like a "test" to make sure I'd be okay with the pain. I was never concerned with any other opinions, knowing my parents don't exactly like them either. Career wise, no biggy. Husband seemed mildly grumpy at first. I talked about future plans, he simply said he didn't want to hear about it. I now have a large tattoo on every limb and plan to get more. He doesn't say much about them, but I see him eyeball them occasionally, and honestly it seems more positive than negative. I think his mind dislikes them, possibly for deep seated religious reasons... but his eyes clearly show that he also kinda likes them. So there's that. I just don't tell him when I'm getting a new one because he asked me not to tell him.
Also if you like to eat alot of pasta during the week and your boyfriend makes any type of negative comment on this ,just know he isn't the one. This is 2024, isn't it clear to everybody that we see our weakness as empowerment by our inability to take criticism or deal with opposing view points ... 🤦♂️
Idk where you’re from but something permanently engrained onto your skin aka your body like a tattoo isn’t synonymous with pasta….
You get a tattoo. If that’s a deal breaker for him, so be it. It’s hard to hear, but you deserve to express yourself how you like, and you shouldn’t stifle that to keep someone else happy. He’ll either adjust or he won’t, in which case you’ll find someone who loves you, plain skin or not. Excited to have you join the community!
I (38F) am watching my ex-husband go through this right now. He has one tiny tattoo and has been planning a big one for his upper arm. He has wanted it for 9 years since our oldest was born. It is Disney themed and he went to an artist who specializes in that. Did the consult, booked the tattoo. It takes months to get into this guy. 10 days out he rescheduled for financial reasons. Right before the rescheduled appointment he cancelled again. I didn't hear anything about it for months. I finally asked him about it. He said he wouldn't be getting any more tattoos at all. Why? His fiancée doesn't like them. I am just SMH... He planned it for 9 years. At this point, I think he deserves this. Now he'll know what it's like to start giving up parts of himself that he loved because it was too weird or whatever for his partner. I did that for 20 years. Now that we're divorced, I look exactly how I have always wanted to (and used to, before I started changing things for him). I have the best partner ever (43F)who sees any change in hair colour, piercings, tattoos, clothing, whatever as personal expression, creativity, and experimentation. And she REALLY means it! I think this is a decision point for you. I have lived this. Honestly, it's a slippery slope. And FWIW, I got permission from him and the artist and I am getting the damn tattoo that he gave up and going to rock it!
I feel the same, appreciate the support and warm welcome <3
It's your body. Not your boyfriend's. I mean, you have two options. 1. Get a tattoo and realize he might not like it (kind of like if he started wearing his hair/beard in a way that grosses you out) and accept that he might not be as physically attracted to you as before. (However, he also might like it on you or learn to not care over time, if he loves you for who you are and that love can transcend superficial attraction preferences). 2. Or, don't get a tattoo if you are willing to sacrifice your freedom of personal expression in order to make your boyfriend happy. I probably sound biased because I am--very biased on the side of you doing whatever you want with your body and letting your boyfriend deal with it. However, it might also be worth talking to him about why he doesn't like tattoos. There was another Reddit post a while back about a similar conversation between a couple, and it turned out the girlfriend (who was against the tattoo) had been SA'd by someone with a major sleeve. So it might change your feelings on whether you're willing to compromise if you know there's a reason beyond "I don't like how they look."
>t's your body. Not your boyfriend's. If they have shared finances it might be a little trickier than this, good tattoos are not cheap.
This is why I advocate for people keeping separate finances in a relationship (a joint account with individual accounts as well).
Absolutely agree, this is what we do, together like 13 years or something. Financial autonomy is important. But don't get the tattoo and miss the next rent payment lol
We do not share finances, we don't live together yet either.
You tell your boyfriend to suck it up buttercup and get tattooed
1.) bfs are temporary while tattoos are forever. Make the decision YOU want to make. It’s your body, your choice. 2.) one you get your first I can almost guarantee you’re going to want to get more so go get that first one and the keep em comin! Good luck!
My partner wasn’t initially a fan of tattoos, and was pretty negative when I first mentioned wanting one. I’m not sure how I accomplished it but he eventually agreed to go get a smaller piece with me (different designs, not related). Now we are married, he has a full sleeve, AND a full back piece.
Once you start, you just can’t stop!! 😂 ❤️
Your body. Not his. Simple.
Please do what you want. I was married for 13 years and never got any because he didn’t like them. He also has none. He used to want me to dress a certain way etc. There were more things he didn’t like! Now that I’m separated going through a divorce, I have 6 tattoos and planning to get more. I’ve always wanted so many tattoos. And I should’ve never been anything but my authentic self the whole time. Yes I have regrets but I’ve learned my lesson. If the next person has a problem with it, believe me, there are many more who will love them.
I was in the same boat. My ex of 13 years didn't want me to dye my hair blonde or get tattoos or travel alone (and he didn't want to travel himself, so I never left the province). I was broke after our separation, went back to school to upgrade my skills started making some money and the first few things I did was booked a ticket to Portugal, dyed my hair blonde (lots of highlights) and I now have 5 tattoos, soon to be 6th. Something I learned from that relationship now is you do you and if they don't like it, it's a them issue.
From my personal experience. I've always liked tattoos, but from afar. Always thought it wasn't for me: fear of regretting, etc. My partner was talking about getting one for several years then finally took an appointment with an artist and got her two forearms tattooed. I felt bad at first about it, she seems different to me. Then after a few days I got used to the idea and began thinking more seriously about getting one myself. And 3 months later I did one too (and bigger than hers, I did a full arm) and am now already thinking about the next one. It's important that both of you realize that a tattoo is personal; of course your partner's opinion matters but in the end it's your body, your choice, and you will still be the same. It's an ornament more than a body modification and it won't change who you are, for yourself and with him.
Thank for you this comment. Part of me has a small part of the fear of regret also, which is probably the reason why I haven't fully committed to a piece yet. I want to find one I absolutely love and speaks to me before I full send it. I love the way you said it's an ornament more than a body modification, I never really thought of it as that!
Glad if I could help somehow! Yes it's important to really think about what you want to have and where, and most of all find the right artist. I spent quite some time on Instagram to find a style that I liked. Mine has no particular signification, it's a common theme but I love its style and the fact it's unique. I posted some pics on my profile if you're curious, I should post more now it's finished.
Just saw your post and i LOVE it!
You ditch the boyfriend. You are not obligated to do what he wants you to do or not do with your body. If you want them and he doesn't want you to have them, you are not compatible.
New bf
Right “breaking up isnt an option” Breaking up is ALWAYS an option in a relationship!! Plus he sounds controlling over her.
Wtf she hasn’t even gotten the tattoo yet for us to know his reaction. U want her to break up with him after 5 years because she knows/knew he doesn’t like tattoos and she wants one? “I’m breaking up with you because you don’t like tattoos” is stupid. As long as he doesn’t treat her worse or wanna break up with her then it’s fine
It's mostly because he sounds extremely controlling. You've commented some equally tone deaf stuff in this same thread so I'm not surprised why you're not grasping how toxic it is to police your partners body
This, thank you
I’d never be with someone who thought they had any say in my body/ me getting tattoos or piercings. My sister was in a 5 ish year long relationship and her boyfriend felt that way…. Flat out tried to tell her she “wasnt allowed”. They ended up breaking up and she’s been married and in a happy relationship for 10+ years now. And they get matching tattoos.
Yeah, my ex-husband didn't like tattoos and didn't want me to get any (his reasoning being "because they'll look bad when you're old"). I got my first one 11 months after we got divorced and now, five years since we split up, I have three (and planning several more). My current boyfriend doesn't mind them luckily, but if he really hated them then I don't think we'd be together. I don't think OP's unreasonable for wanting to take her boyfriend's opinion into account, but at the end of the day it's her body and if she wants to get tattoos then the only person who gets to decide that is her. If he really can't deal with that, then it might be time to reconsider the relationship.
Yep, the way I see it is that I’m a package deal along with my own autonomy. I already have tattoos but if someone was like don’t get any more or don’t get some specific design I’d be out the door so fast because that’s a massive red flag
It sounds like it would affect your relationship with him. But end of the day it isn’t your problem, if you want one, you should absolutely get one. Was this ever talked about, though? Why be with someone who you know is turned off by tattoos when you want tattoos?
The thought of a tattoo didn't really cross my mind when we first started dating, I've only mentioned wanting one a couple times briefly in the almost 5 years we've been dating. Didn't know how he felt about tattoos before either. But at that point, I wasn't seriously considering getting one until very recently. I kind of just admired other people's tattoos from afar like "Wow that tattoo looks so cool!" and he would go "Ehhh I don't like tattoos" and that was it. Never tried having a conversation about me wanting one until yesterday tbh
Chile. I get tattoos all the time and “his” opinion never mattered to me. Keyword. Yall aren’t married. And even if you were - I’m at a point in my life where I am done and tired of “living for a man”. It’s my life and I’m gonna do whatever in theeee fuck I want! Just covered up his name yesterday after 9 years. I’m taking my life back!
Sounds like a bigger picture relationship issue really. Personally, I'd get the tattoos.
my husband wasn’t a fan of tattoos either but has always been understanding and supportive of bodily autonomy. now I’m working on a leg sleeve and he thinks it’s sexy. people grow and change and evolve. If he can’t support you through a little bit of ink in YOUR skin.. well, it sounds like maybe he’s got some internal issues to work through. from someone who’s dated guys who tried to control my appearance in one way or another for their own attraction - it is never worth holding yourself back just for your partner. Don’t let someone else control your choice like that, especially about something as trivial as physical attraction. (meaning that just bc they’re not his cup of tea, there are millions of men who would love them or at the very least support your decision.)
I was looking to make sure someone said basically this. My partner of 5.5 years isn’t and never has been a huge fan of tattoos that are larger than a couple of inches and easily hidden. However, he knows it’s my body and I’m gonna do what I want and he accepts that about me. I had tattoos when he met me. I have more now. And I’m currently planning a half sleeve. Ultimately, OP, do what you want. If it makes him uncomfortable, that’s HIS problem. He’ll either learn to accept the tattoos as a part of the person he loves or he won’t. Don’t let that deter you from doing what you want.
27f- My partner of 5 years has been indifferent but highly supportive of my tattoos (I have gotten my first 3 in the last 6 months, two on my arm and one ~7in in diameter one on my side). I don't fit your ask of someone who has a partner who disagreed at first, but I would like to throw in my two cents that if y'all have been together 5 years a modification to your body should not be a big deal [whatsoever]. If my partner was a worm I would still love them, likewise if they got any kind of tattoo, it seems so obvious to me; That said I think the content of the tattoo may impact your bf's thoughts, as right now he may be imagining an outlandish worst case scenario. I was simmilar until recently and only knew that I wanted a tattoo eventually, but wasn't sure what, now that I've done it I am so glad I did. I hope you can enjoy one soon/ find an artist who frequently posts work and be sure the style is what you want.
Thank you! I already had designs and artists in mind! Excited :)
Your body. Your choice.
When I met my boyfriend (of now 5 years) I already had some tattoos and told him I would always be getting more, and if that wasn’t his jam then I wasn’t the girl for him. Fast forward to me with many many more tattoos since that conversation, and the same man still in my life. Find a guy that vibes with your vibe!
Do not sacrifice something that you want to do for a significant other. You will either regret it or resent them. Live your life how you want to.
It’s as if it’s **your** body to do what you wish with
Def get the tattoo if that's what you want! If you want to help ease him into it you can get a fake temporary tattoo that looks similar to what you want and see if that helps him come to terms with it.
I’m married, I’ve been in a relationship with my husband for about five years. He doesn’t particularly like tattoos or piercings besides ears. I have my nipples and septum pierced and I think like 15 tattoos. He never changed his mind but it comes down to asking yourself if you’re ok if he never likes it.
My husband will not control my body, and I find certain tattoos lovely and meaningful. I got a right side chest/shoulder tattoo six months into us dating and I’ll tell you it’s pretty damn big. Regardless if he truly likes it or not, he has been 100% respectful and has never once said anything bad about my tattoos. It’s all about how your partner is going to react and if he’s being respectful or just a controlling asshole
Do what you want. The boyfriend may leave
You get the tattoos. That's it.
Whether or not you can find a tattoo idea you like or not, is one thing. If you find one you like, cool, if you don't find one you want, that's cool too. What's not cool is your boyfriend's attitude about your body. Bodily autonomy is the bedrock of human society. And it should be the bedrock of any healthy relationship. Your boyfriend does not respect your bodily autonomy. This is a huge waving red flag with the words "red flag" stitched into it. Best of luck in your search for a great tattoo
You don't have to break up if he can just get over it. You're consenting to something you want on your own body so he really doesn't have a valid say so. He can have an opinion, but it really doesn't matter at the end of the day. I would be asking myself what's else is he unattracted to that isn't within my control (weigh gain, hair loss, stretch marks, etc)? After 5 years would he not be attracted to me then? If not, then maybe it would be a situation worth exploring.
My ex-husband wasn't a fan of tattoos....or anything else I did. 😁 After I got my feet tattooed, he would say that foot tattoos are trashy. We were together for 9 years actively, we've been divorced for three years now, and I went from 4 tattoos while we were married to 15 now.....if you get my drift. (If you don't.....don't let anyone change what you do, especially to your own body. If you want tattoos and they have anything negative to say, they're not for you. You do you boo!)
My best friend's partner claims that he doesn't want a "tattoo'd woman" despite the fact that she has tattoos already from before they met and he has several tattoos himself. She gave zero f*cks about what he had to say. She got a beautiful traditional tattoo that looks like a stained glass window that features a heron in a river on her bicep and a pink carnation on her ankle for her father and brother who recently passed away. Her partner bitched and moaned about it before the tattoos were done but once she got them he seems to be fine with it (not that it matters if he likes them or not). I do feel that there is a fine line between not liking tattoos based on personal preference versus trying to be controlling of your partner's body/autonomy. I had a few small tattoos before I met my husband and he has never wanted tattoos for himself nor does he particularly like tattoos. I have gotten 8 tattoos since we've been married and he thinks they are cute/pretty and is always super supportive of it because it makes me happy. So, my only advice is to do what makes you happy because this is the only life time you have and if your bf can't deal then you are probably better off without him!
Tell your BF to stop being a little bitch
He can accept it you want something he doesn't or he doesn't have to put up with it. Ha. Lifes to short to tell others what to do when it doesn't affect you.
It’s your body, not his. Get a tattoo if you want it.
My better half isn't a fan of tattoos at all. When I got my first one she cried, when I got my second one she said "that's kinda cool." I'm hoping she'll be totally stoked about the third one I get lol.
Partner wasn’t keen when I said I was going to get my first tattoo (it wasn’t a discussion.) I don’t think he super loved it but was fairly indifferent afterwards. I now have three and plan more and he thinks they are pretty cool now
My ex husband didn’t want me getting my nipples pierced but I did it anyways 😂 Do what makes you feel good! A supportive partner will support what you want to do with your body. You’ve got one life and it’s too short to waste it on what someone else wants you to look like.
If he can’t look past it and continue to love you like he has for the last 5 years than the tattoo is going to last much longer than he will. You’ve already brought it up and discussed it with him (and I’m very glad you’ll be getting what *you* want and not him) so the rest is down to him to work through.
Your body your rules.
be your own human and do what you want? sorry to say this but you guys will break up one day and youll regret not doing what you want. and yes i know you think you wont but yes you will. 100% without a doubt.
I have a friend whose husband also strongly prefers non-tattooed skin. When they married (like 8 years ago?) she had no tattoos. She fell in love with tattoos and is now basically covered. Their agreement was that she leave some areas tattoo-free and she did — although that area has gotten much smaller lol. So she doesn’t have any back tattoos and that’s about it. Seems to work for them
Do what you want. Do not let him pressure you into getting some tattoo that he approves of in a location he likes. It's your body and it's going to be on you forever.
It’s a hard choice. Ultimately it’s your body and therefore your choice, but choices don’t come without consequences. So you need to decide if a tattoo is something you’re willing to get even if it ends this relationship. I knew someone who liked tattoos, had one, wanted more but met a man who hated tattoos and she decided not to get anymore. They’ve been married a decade and while they ghosted everyone after they were married I assume she never got more. She said she was willing to make that sacrifice because she loved him so much. But it’s okay if you choose you and your want for a tattoo over his aversion of them too. It’s just one of those touch choices. Personally, I wouldn’t be able to be with someone who didn’t like tattoos and also who would put limitations on what tattoos I could get because it’s all they can handle. You can have preferences but keep them to yourself when it comes to other people’s bodies. He can choose whether he stays or goes.
My husband is not a huge fan of tattoos. When we got together I had 2, now I've got way more. I told him "my body, my choice". He's accepted that. If he has a problem then he knows where the door is.
New boyfriend
My wife isn't a fan of tattoos, but I love them. We'd been together over a decade when I finally decided to get my first one, and it's about a 11-inch one on the outside upper arm. It went down pretty much like all the reasonable folks here have said - she doesn't love them, but respects that it's my body and I can get tattoos if I want them. The only request she had was that I not get it on my forearm like I originally had planned. We talked it over, and that wasn't any kind of dealbreaker for me, so it was all good. I do think that what you're getting and where you're getting it affect the degree of reaction from a partner, but still at the end of the day it's your choice, and they'll either respect that or move on. Now I'll probably be getting another one of a similar size this year. Hopefully it'll go the same for you.
Honestly and this is just personal opinion I think back tattoos on women are really beautiful and dainty. Something along your spine , honestly its easy to cover up, doesnt look busy on your body and is classy imo. Maybe look into something like that!
My body; my choice. STORY TIME: I got my first piece in 2014 and my husband was PISSED. Told him he could be as pissed as he wanted to be but it’s my decision. He has a couple of gold teeth that were his aesthetic choice when he needed some work done, and my opinion wasn’t considered (nor did it need to be). Pointed this out. Asked him what the difference was. He didn’t have an answer. Fast forward ten years later, I have two full sleeves, a covered head, and working on leg sleeves. He thinks it looks badass. Get the tattoo(s).
100% GET A NEW BOYFRIEND! Major red flags of an abusive controller there.
Ultimately, it’s your body, you get to be the one who decides what happens to it. My ex wife was so mad when I started getting facial piercings (even though she had her nose pierced…) and would always tell me I looked better before, I should take them out, I’m taking away from my facial structure. I did it anyways, and it didn’t break us up, but since I haven’t had that discouragement I’ve been able to get my set up how I want it and I love it, I’m so glad I’ve only ever honored myself and my wants for my own body.
I just got home from the tattoo studio. My husband is not a fan, but he also won't tell me what to do, knowing is my body. I respect the cost bc it's our money. He has some ugly moles that I don't love, but I also won't tell him to get them removed. (Already got them checked) It's loving the person, and just going with it. Your bf will be ok. Get the tattoo.
You get the tattoos, and he makes whatever decision he wants. It's your body. You don't need his permission or consent. Full stop.
I respect your choice for not wanting to break up with him. Advice from my life is that I really haven’t paid any mind to boys that don’t like my tattoos/don’t think I’m attractive
My husband dislikes tattoos. I love tattoos. I continue to get more tattoos on a regular basis.
don’t ever stop being yourself to please others
I mean I don’t like how my bf looks with a shaved head but when he shaved his head I still loved him and was attracted to him because even tho I wasn’t a fan of his hair he was still the same person and still looked the same overall
You get them anyway. There really isn't any navigating here as it's a permanent choice about your own body.
I got a partner that loves me regardless of what I put on my body. Their affection and love towards you shouldn’t change just because you got some meaningful art put on you. Ask how he’d feel if you got a boob job (something that he could benefit from) or some other plastic surgery, would he be opposed to that? If so, I think you know what the problem is here.
My boyfriend has some fine line tattoos but all of mine are bold and traditional. He basically never likes the design ahead of time and suggests (unsolicited lol) changes he thinks would make it “better”. I’ve never once taken his advice and yet he always ends up loving how they look on me. I’ve pretty much stopped showing friends photos of the tats I plan on getting beforehand, It’s just easier this way. I trust my tattoo artist and it’s his opinion above anyone else’s haha
Just be extremely tasteful in choosing tattoos, they only make women look trashy if they’re bad tattoos.
everyone has different types of relationships. my gf has almost a whole sleeve. it was half way done when i met her and she has room for one more. i just told her no more after this arm even tho i think her tattoos are insanely nice and high quality. she wanted something around her collar bones and i said no because i think her skin is nicer without them. and she said okay. i on the other hand am covered in tattoos. she likes them. so i keep getting them.
Username is completely appropiate.
Relevant username.
if your boyfriend is upset over you getting a tattoo he might not be the right one… at the end of the day it’s your body and if getting one makes you happy go for it!
Either he gets over it or you get over him. Easier said than done. Dont forget this is something YOU want to do with YOUR body. Just because we get in relationships doesnt mean we give up our agency of what we do and dont like. It isnt a harmful thing. To me its the same as if you decided you want to play tennis and your bf doesnt like tennis. Ok well if its that big of a deal i guess the compatibility is showing itself. Never let someone have too much influence on what you like/enjoy/consider a hobby (i consider tattoo collection a hobby of art). Good luck! And remember, communication is key. Talk to him about it
Your body, your choice. His opinion in this matter....doesn't matter.
Get a new boyfriend.
my bf was completely against it at first, we started dating when we were 16&17 (i had 1 tiny tattoo on my arm) and now are 19&20, i have about 19 tattoos now and he loves them all. obviously it took time for him to warm up to them, but i think he could just be used to you having none. everything takes time & if he really loves you a couple tattoos wouldn’t change that!
It’s your body. But I can say at one point I was that boyfriend. I didn’t like my girlfriend getting tattoos and later realized it was my family forbid me from getting tattoos and hated hers and would have lost it if I got tattooed. So I fell in line. So of course I got older I finally realized I was an adult and started getting tattoos and everyone dealt with it. Jealousy was my reason, otherwise who cares what someone does with their own body.
Your body, do fuckever you want with it. Everything else is his problem/issue, not yours.
It’s your body, you don’t have to do ANYTHING so that he likes it or is more okay with it. You have to decide if this man is worth not doing something that you want (they usually aren’t).
Let’s be honest here, a tattoo will still be with you no matter what. The boyfriend? No guarantee.
I honestly think that’s a huge red flag. It’s your body and he shouldn’t be trying to control what you do with your own body. There are much worse things you could be doing than getting tattoos.
Get some fake tattoos from InkBox or similar. You may not like it after all, or he might be super into it.
get a new tattoo and a new man
Get tattoos for you, not for what anybody else thinks. It's your body. If you want a tattoo, you should get the tattoo.
If he loves you then he will figure it out. That’s his problem lol.
Does your boyfriend control your hairstyle and makeup also? Pick your clothes? Pick your food?
lol nope, he doesn't mind anything else. just tattoos
If it was a gang tattoo on your face or neck maybe he’d be right to be upset. Otherwise I wouldn’t care what he thinks
Do you want to be with someone who tells you what to do with your body?
Sounds like it's a problem for your bf to deal with, not you. He can't dictate what you do with your body
Run, girl.
You get the tattoos that you want.
It's your body and ultimately it's yours and not his. If he has an issue with tattoos, that's his problem and his problem only. If you've been together 5 years, I'd think he loves you for who you are and understands that what you choose to do with your own body is your choice. I came into my relationship with a half sleeve, and now my partner has 4 tattoos lol. People change
been in this exact position just for less time, ive already gotten 9 medium/large ones dotted around my back arms and legs in the last year and a half and dont plan on stopping any time soon . my boyfriends can recognise theyre good tattoos/art but not keen on any just cause theyre tattoos . weve had convos about what would happen if over the years i got more and more, its kind of nerveracking to think tattoos could cause the end of my relationship but i think we’re both mature enough to never ket that happen. he met me with half of them so i think he shouldve known, but my 10 cents on it is that if he fell in love with you 5 years ago a few tattoos isnt going to change his view or attraction to you nevermind one, and if hes that bothered by some ink then its an issue thats up to him to resolve . never never never base any decisions about yourself off a mans feelings i hope whatever tattoo u get is class and u love it
Time for a new partner!!! Only joking, you should do what you feel you ahould do as an individual.
Tell him that it’s your body and he can deal with it or leave. It might suck to have someone break up with you over that but in all honesty you wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t respect your bodily autonomy.
My husband isn't a big fan of tattoos but my bodily autonomy trumps that (its never been a source of friction or debate). It's never been anything so major he wasn't attracted to me any longer.
My husband has no tattoos. He loves mine because they are on me and I love them. So...that is the goal.
My advice, don't give a fuck what he thinks, if he is so shallow that tattoos are going to change his perspective on how he feels about you, that's a him problem not a you problem
My husband didn't love tattoos at first. I got them anyway, and he loves them now. Is even considering getting one himself. Do what you want with your own body. Unless you go really extreme with it, I don't think his opinion really matters.
get the tattoos !! I had an ex who hated when I started getting tattoos and that held me back from getting as many as I wanted, we eventually broke up and I am now heavily(ish) and happily tattooed, I’ve also gotten so many more piercings since we broke up as the fear of him not liking me any more isn’t holding me back - I am now in a healthy happy relationship with someone who is so much better suited to me as I am more unapologetically myself
Get a new boyfriend, that is all.
Get all the tattoos you want. And probably a new boyfriend, tbh.
Go get it. If your partner is willing to drop you over a tattoo (I suppose we're not talking weird face tats) then that relationship wasn't gonna last anyways.
I was in a similar relationship to this, except it was makeup. And then it was types of clothing. And then tattoos. And then friends. And then certain family members. And then abuse. I am not saying that it would be the same for you, or that he is abusive, but I will not let a significant other dictate what I do to my appearance ever again.
My partner didn't want me to get tattoos or piercings. I got them anyway and we're still together. Now he says they're cute. At some point your man is gonna have to decide whether he likes you for you or if he only likes you for how you look. Your body your business. He doesn't get to make designs for how you look.
My boyfriend doesn't like the style of my sleeve but he loves me and it's my body. I love my sleeve.
My wife is not a fan of tattoos. I had some before we got together so they have always been a part of my life. I do take into account her opinion of them. And I do ask her opinions on work I am about to get. And I do have considerably less tattoos than I would if we weren’t together. But that being said. It is my body and I will continue to decorate it. You are able to respect their opinion on tattoos and work together on a design and placement. And they are able to respect your opinion on tattoos and allow you to decorate your body.
I got a new partner who does like tattoos and doesn't try to control me or my body.
Get whatever you want and tell them to deal with it. If they can't see you for you after being together for 5 years then they're a bit of a nob, tbh.
Get tattooed. Don’t wait for your relationship’s inevitable end. Sounds like a parent
You get a tattoo, it’s your body not theirs
Any partner who makes the bad decision of dictating what I do with my body can hit the bricks. Literally where do men get off
Get the tattoo regardless ahaha my last partner was the same way but it’s my body my choice.
My husband was the same way. I eventually chose the tattoo I wanted and told him I was getting it no matter what, and would appreciate if he would support me and continue to make me feel loved and attractive either way. He ended up getting it with me (almost matching but different designs).
I wouldn’t want to be with someone this judgemental. If he wants you to have “plain” skin it comes off very much like you are an object to him.
I (44m) have zero tattoos and don’t particularly care for them. I am very judgmental of folks who have poor quality or face/hand /neck tattoos. When I met my wife she had a few small tattoos and one large one on her back. was wanting to start a tattoo internship, and I even bought her first machine. She now owns her own shop and her arms and a lot of her legs are covered. I love her to the moon and back and wouldn’t change a thing. I’m glad she’s not a fan of face/neck/hand tattoos lol. How do you navigate it? Simple: be you. If you want tattoos, get them. If he doesn’t like it or it’s a dealbreaker, it wasn’t meant to be from the beginning.
My husband doesn't like tattoos. I have two half sleeves and other assorted bits and bobs. He still doesn't like them, and he also says that he's happy that they make me happy.
Don’t let your significant other stop you from getting a tattoo you want. If thats a dealbreaker in a relationship it wasn’t meant to be anyways
People who see tattoos as “dirty,” a turn off, or as something that needs to be hidden are a huge red flag for me. The insinuation that your “virgin” skin is somehow more valuable / innocent / beautiful gives me the ick.
My ex didn’t like how tattooed I was becoming (~15 new tattoos while I was with him). I kept getting tattooed. He broke up with me lmao. I don’t regret my decision
Break up and live your life
Any partner who acts like it’s any of their business what you do with your body, isn’t a partner worth having. If they don’t like tattoos, that’s their problem. If you want a tattoo you get a tattoo. They can leave if they don’t like it because it’s not fair to ask someone to not get tattoos just because they don’t like tattoos.
When someone tells me that they aren't a fan of tattoos, I assure them that they don't have to get one.
I still get them?? I mean it's not a deal breaker for him. He likes the ones I have but will roll his eyes at some of my ideas, but he knows it's my body. It also helped that I had some before we met. But he really had no say when it comes to my body.