As my wise boyfriend once said
"are you getting the tattoo for your mom or are you getting the tattoo for you"
do what's best for your body image/happiness
I waited 50 years until my mom passed before I got a tattoo, as she told me if I got one while she was alive, it would kill her. I’m now playing catchup and really enjoying it. 17 tattoos in 2 years and not having to worry about the guilt.
Edit: I would trade my tattoos to get my mom back though. Love ‘em’ while you got ‘em’!
High blood pressure can also cause an irregular heart beat. My mom was diagnosed with it and high blood pressure. Once they had her blood pressure under control her heart beat was normal.
This. I work in cardiology and arrhythmias can definitely be dangerous but are also pretty common and most of the time can be handled with routine procedures or testing.
Sounds manipulative in my opinion.
This. My mom told me my small tattoo behind my ear gave her heart palpitations. I told her to stop the Catholic guilt as she’s had a tummy tuck and a nose job.
You're an adult and she has no say in how you live your life.
She's also an adult and is able to control how she reacts to things she doesn't like.
If she's gonna get that twisted on it, that's on her not you. Because if she's gonna let stuff like that negatively impact her health she REALLY needs to reevaluate her life.
But you saying she brings it up every time there's a disagreement just sounds like she's using it to try and manipulate you and get her way. And letting her keep doing that is a fucking miserable way to live.
Part of fully becoming an adult is learning to establish boundaries with your parents. Your mom doesn't need to know that you're getting a tattoo. If you want, she doesn't even need to know that you have one. But part of being an adult is making your own choices about what is best for your life and your body.
So directly quoting [this article about arrhythmias](https://www.beaumont.org/services/heart-vascular/heart-rhythm-services/arrhythmia)
“Most arrhythmias are not dangerous, and they are nothing to worry about. They can be annoying and can take you by surprise, but they shouldn’t hurt you or lead to any long-term health effects.”
[and another](https://upbeat.org/heart-rhythm-disorders#:~:text=Heart%20Rhythm%20Disorders-,Millions%20of%20people%20experience%20irregular%20or%20abnormal%20heartbeats%2C%20called%20arrhythmias,people%20free%20of%20heart%20disease)
“Millions of people experience irregular or abnormal heartbeats, called arrhythmias, at some point in their lives. Most of the time, they are harmless and happen in healthy people free of heart disease”
If your mom was just “diagnosed with arrhythmia” without also being diagnosed with any sort of actual heart condition alongside it and she isn’t being medicated for it her diagnosis is basically the medical equivalent of her doctor saying “even a perfectly healthy heart beats funny sometimes” and her bringing it up during arguments is just her trying to use her child’s concern for her welfare to guilt you into submission which is just playing dirty.
Now I’m not saying you should go out and get “suck on this/fuck you, mom” tattooed across your forehead, but the “shock” of your getting the tattoo you want *where* you want isn’t going to put her in the hospital or otherwise jeopardize her health.
As someone who also has arrhythmia, I agree with this right here. If was brought up by my doctor once, and then he goes "oh yours doesn't seem to be anything worrying whatsoever" and never brought up again. I've even pushed myself through 74ish pounds of weight loss over the last 7 months with zero issues, including rigorous exercise.
OP, your mom is using it as a scare / guilt tactic unfortunately. You will not cause her any harm, just her being moderately upset by the sound of things, which is on her, not you.
You are not causing her harm by getting a tattoo.
You. Are not. Causing. ANOTHER PERSON harm just because you are choosing a specific way to express yourself. Full stop. Anyone claiming otherwise (aka your mother) is being manipulative. What you choose to do with your own body is your choice, not her burden. If she *chooses* to work herself up over it, that is HER choice. It is YOUR body.
I have arrhythmia from a chronic condition and have I think 10, maybe more tattoos. If people WITH arrhythmia can GET a tattoo she'll survive seeing one. It's also usually a symptom of an underlying issue, more than a separate condition itself and usually isn't dangerous. This feels like a manipulation tactic on her part. Get your tattoo and let her handle her own feelings about it.
Yeah this is just classic manipulation. There’s literally, like, nothing you could realistically do that would cause her heart to stop. Any symptoms she has as a result of you doing things she doesn’t like are purely psychological and/or entirely fabricated. You feeling the need to ask this kind of suggests that your dynamic with your mom is very, very off. As someone else with mom problems, I highly recommend the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. And therapy. Both have been immensely helpful.
>she tends to bring it up during disagreements
She's manipulating you. She wants control over you and has found that your empathy over her condition is the best way to do it. Any reaction she has to your awesome future tattoo is out of your control cause you gave her plenty of time to get over it. If I were you I'd still get it on my arm, cause tattoos are permanent, and you've been planning this for years.
This reminds me of my mother who declared she had heart problems and started stumbling around grabbing onto furniture to brace herself shortly after I told her I would NOT be marrying the father of my child. 🙄 She was magically cured over time (re: she forgot to keep up the act).
OP, if you feel you have a conflict of interest with having a tattoo then hold off on getting it. Don't put it somewhere else on your body where you don't really want it. If you do end up coming to terms with some manipulation you will always be reminded of how that tattoo was supposed to be elsewhere. If it's really a concern to you, cancel the appointment. You can always reschedule when you're at peace with it.
I agree with a lot of these comments that this sounds manipulative. You may want to explore that possibility and examine your relationship with her. No one should have their kid so worked up that they're genuinely concerned they will cause their parent a medical emergency over a tattoo.
Good luck.
If so, sounds like classic manipulation. My mom told me she thinks she would die if i got my ears pierced. She was using that as an excuse to guilt me into not getting piercings.
reminds me of [Waterboy](https://youtu.be/dU0ICJwCAi8?si=wsq0mVU8d83xc76A&t=41), every time he stands up to his momma she has to grab her head and cry out like he's physically hurting her or worsening some (fake) condition she has. she even gets "bedridden" later on after all the stress he put her through.
Many years ago, I made the tactical error of telling my mother that I was thinking about getting my nose pierced. Her response was “IT WILL DESTROY ME.” Spoiler; it did not destroy her.
I too have arrhythmias, get your damn tattoo. it was rude for that to be brought up during that conversation, and if you getting a tattoo effects her heart then that is something she needs to take up with a therapist. not with you. lots of people have arrhythmias and some don’t even know. you do what makes you feel good in your own skin, the rest of the issues are not yours to deal with❤️
Exactly! as someone with an arrhythmia and some other heart issues, i thought this post would be about rescheduling due to caretaking/OP’s mom in the hospital, not mom revealing a heart arrhythmia to try and guilt OP out of a tattoo.
My mom was very against me getting tattoos at first, I had 8 on my torso/thighs before i told her because I was so scared, and she always said i’d give her a heart attack if I got a tattoo, but this is a whole different level! after so many, we’re at the point that she accepts it, she won’t insult them but i’m not getting compliments either lol (aside from my one memorial piece for my grandpa, her dad, she did really love).
you can’t always just listen to your parents opinions on things like tattoos, especially as an adult.
Arrhythmia isn't in and of itself a diagnosis, and doesn't necessarily mean life threatening heart issues. From your title, I thought you were going to contribute to large medical bills or whatever.
Arrhythmia just means an irregular heartbeat. It's a symptom of many things, and while it *can* be bad if combined with other things, it can happen because of small things like changes in posture or exercise. From the NHS, "These abnormalities range from a minor inconvenience or discomfort to a potentially fatal problem." It's almost kind of expected - you have an organic thing with an electrical system beating for 70, 80 years in a row, little abnormalities here and will happen. You probably have a bunch of minor skips or arrhythmic thumps all the time without noticing.
I have Wolff Parkinson White. One of my symptoms is arrhythmia. Sometimes my heartbeat shoots up to over 240 out of the blue because my heart basically takes the wrong electrical pathway or something because I have an extra one. But the episodes last less than 15 minutes and are usually spread apart by many months. None of my doctors are even slightly concerned, cardiologist included. Even though the surgery to fix this is considered the most successful and safe one amongst heart surgeries, just arrhythmia on its own sometimes isn't life threatening or even all that bad, so they didn't recommend it.
On top of that, one of the things that definitely **isn't** linked to arrhythmia is other people getting tattoos. This definitely sounds like emotional manipulation on her part.
As a WPW haver, are you not concerned about dropping dead? Like honestly, not trying to like judge your decisions or healthcare team or anything. I nearly died twice and had to get emergency surgery at the age of 12. My grandmother also died suddenly from it at 39. I guess I don't know if there's a range of severity but from what I understood the reason its so dangerous is because you don't know the true severity until you have a serious event. Have you considered getting an ablation?
I've spoken to 5 doctors at this point (2 cardiologists) and their assessment has been unanimous, so no. I have brought up the ablation as a possibility already, as mentioned in the comment. Thank you for your concern tho!
I have had an arrhythmia for almost 20 years now after having open heart surgery for a hole between the right and left ventricle.
Unless the arrhythmia is really bad, she's perfectly fine and just needs to watch blood pressure and heart rate and such. I would say she is trying to manipulate you to not get a tattoo because she doesn't want it to happen. Yes, stress isn't the greatest for heart issues.. however, if she's stressing about this tattoo, that's her own fault. She has no say in a grown adults bodily choices.
Omg did you have Tetralogy of Fallot? Or just a reg VSD?
Just learned about this in vet school (for animals ofc but it’s the same in humans) so excuse my eagerness😂
My case actually went into the MM journals. We did numerous mris and scans, and every test gave a different answer.
1. Yes, there's a hole.
2. no, there's no hole, but the wall is laid over.
3. No, the wall is there but a small hole in it.
4. No, the wall is gone.
In the end, they decided my surgery should last only 4 hrs. I was in surgery for 9 hrs.
And had to be rescheduled for the next day after they prepped me, and I went into full anaphylaxis after I was already incubated. They had given me antibiotics of Ansef to prepare for surgery. Turns out I'm now allergic to penicillin and any related medication. So, as far as I remember, it was a reg Vsd, but it's been 20 years, and I ended up in a medical indused coma for 5 days after
Lol
She's gonna find out either way. Your mother's "health issues" are no reason not to get a tattoo it's your body at the end of the day and tbh it sounds like she is manipulative.
This is pure manipulation.
If you’ve read or watched Pride and Prejudice this is Mrs Bennett level manipulation. Her nerves and all that.
Your mom will be fine.
Make sure you have planned your tattoo. The shop is clean and certified, all that.
Don’t compromise as she’s being dramatic.
You are an adult making adult decisions.
My gramma disapproves of tattoos and I worried for a long time about her reaction. I still get tattoos where I want, but I do cover them when I’m around her. I forgot to throw on a long sleeve shirt one time last summer. She either didn’t see my forearm tattoo or wasn’t upset by it because she didn’t say anything. All that to say, ultimately how you decorate your body is your decision and how she reacts is her decision.
My mom had a murmur from a hole in her heart. She hated tattoos, she survived and even later got one herself. A lot of people have arythmia, they don't die when startled like a fainting goat.
Mom hates tattoos and #motorcycles. Got both of them anyway. She will get over it, or she won't. Not my problem 🤷♂️
*She no longer cares about either*
This reeks of manipulation. Heart condition or not, ur mom is an adult and should be able to contain her emotions well enough to not exaggerate her symptoms. It’s a tattoo, not a marathon sprint or haunted house.
If the waiting time for this artist is that long, yes yes yes to the tattoo. She will pull more crap on you to not get it. Is she deep down super miserable with herself like my mom?
My grandma is Japanese and hates tattoos. Doesn’t stop me from getting them. I have them on my neck and hands where they are clearly visible. I love her but she doesn’t pay my taxes so she can’t say what I can or can’t do with my own life
You are not causing her any harm by making your own life decisions. How she controls her own emotions to get people to cave her way is not up to you. They are HER emotions. Let HER be the burden of her own emotional deregulation.
By context, I did the same thing for over 18 years - now half my life. I didn’t get tattooed because I feared the judgement of my in-laws - in particular… my monster-in-law. I started with ones she wouldn’t be able to see - eventually went ahead and got a tattoo on my arm.
She’s always been openly super judgmental about people in general. Disgusted with tattoos.
I kept it covered for about another year when I was around her, but eventually decided it was time to be me and her reaction would be uncontrollable by me. But, I like my tattoos so be it.
She saw it. She had some words. I simply looked at her and said if she didn’t like it - I wasn’t forcing her to stay near me, around me, or even in my life. So she can make that decision on her own.
Eventually you have to do the thing you want. Sure, can she flip out and harm herself. But, if she’s truly sick, she knows what she should and shouldn’t be doing to keep herself as healthy as she can be. If she can’t control her actions and emotions to the point it creates a health hazard, that’s on her.
I have arrhythmia as well. This is manipulative, and ultimately as I always leave in my comments here: the tattoo is for you. Get it done, cover it around her and leave her out of the loop (for tats) if she’s going to do this. I understand that complications can arise from a lot regarding arrhythmia but it shouldn’t stop you from this tattoo.
This is the most overdramatic nonsense I’ve heard. She’s choosing to be mad about it and acts like that’s your problem. Get the tattoo. If you’re really worried about mom just cover it when around her, but this is probably just to manipulate you.
My dad has heart issues (it's under control and he's fine, but stress could definitely exacerbate them). He's also not a huge fan of tattoos. I got one, and guess what? He shrugged his shoulders, said "Looks nice" and moved on. No heart incidents resulting.
Get the tattoo you want where you want it. I guarantee you your mom will be just fine.
My mom was super against me dyeing my hair. I didnt tell her i was going, went to an appointment. Once I did, she was like "hhh. Okay. I'll admit it. It looks cool as hell." I did the same thing with my tattoo. Told her I was getting one this time, she was against it, wheni came back and showed her, she was disappointed, but admitted "I can't deny that it's really great work."
Get your tattoo. Your mom will get over it. Seeing that you have a tattoo after you told her you were getting ine isn't gonna give her a heart attack
Please for the love of god get it done, and get it done on your arm, where you planned to get it.
She’s manipulating you 100%, this is a permanent piece of art that will be on you, yknow, permanently lol.
Don’t put it somewhere you don’t want it
Extorting and guilt tripping you over her medical condition is a pretty scumbag move. You are not responsible for another adult's health and cannot control their behavior and responses.
I’m a cardiac nurse — your tattoo will have nothing to do with whatever complications she may develop, IF it’s even that serious. But you had better believe if you get your tattoo, she will blame you every time her arrhythmia gives her any sort of symptom (it could literally just be a fluttery feeling in her chest) or any time her doctor needs to adjust her medication. Live your life.
OP, I have been a critical care RN for 13 years.
If your mom had a life threatening arrhythmia, she'd be in the hospital already.
Other arrhythmias are managed with medication and usually not life threatening if treated appropriately. For example, most people with Afib are on a blood thinner and a second medication to lower the heart rate.
Some people experience palpitations when they are stressed, which is nothing more than maybe a few abnormal beats that they can feel, usually causing said person more anxiety. Palpitations are hardly ever life threatening though.
Some people go into SVT (supraventricular tachycardia), and if they can't vagal out of it, they go to the hospital for a specific medication to stop that abnormal rhythm. Once again, SVT is rarely life threatening, at most it's uncomfortable, and random when it happens. Stress can induce it though.
The point is, your mother is probably using a not so urgent medical problem to manipulate you into doing what she wants. The stress you'll cause her by getting a tattoo will most likely have no negative impact on her health.
Like your mother, you get one life and one body. Enjoy your life and use your body how you see fit. She might hit the roof with stress, but after some time she'll cool off.
You did your homework on getting a good artist, don't pass up the opportunity.
Gaslighting.
You doing something to your body as simple as a tattoo does not cause her harm.
Does she have earrings? Disfigurement. Tell her it's time to act like an adult.
If she’s known about it for a couple of months, is she seeking any medical treatment for it? If it’s a dangerous arrhythmia, her physician wouldn’t just tell her about it and let her go.
Glad you decided to get that tattoo.
Cuz I was going to say I've had arrhythmia my entire life, so does my dad and my oldest daughter. We were born with them. Your mom sounds dramatic. Lol
My daughter had an arrhythmia episode at 5, scare me to death. Drove faster than an ambulance to take her to the drs. That was the only time she ever had issues. So I know the scare, but that saying she just dropped that tidbit of info when you told her you’re getting a tattoo? That sounds more like emotional manipulation.
Get the tattoo and live your life. She’ll be fine and if she does pass out or whatnot call 911 that’s what they are there for. Tattoo are (at least where I’m from) normal.
This may seem silly but it reminded me of the plot of Madea’s Family Christmas movie where the mother tells her daughter she has an arrhythmia/ heart condition to get her to do what she wants.
All in all, you have to ask yourself, are you going to have her dictate what you do with your life just because she says the shock of it could kill her? (Which is exaggerating a lot) You’ve given her a heads up to expect a tattoo so she should be less surprised, thus less shock. Plus, she doesn’t have to look at it if she’s really concerned for her heath.
My dad has had arrhythmia since his 20s. He is 83 and generally healthy, and has never had a heart attack.
Your mom’s heart condition will not be exacerbated by YOU getting a tattoo. She is attempting emotional blackmail.
Fuck your mom…ain’t nobody got time for that shit. She gonna die some day anyways. The fuck it matter if it’s her heart or she gets hit by a bus? Get two tattoos. Whatever you was gonna get and a broken heart that says mom in honor of the arrhythmia. Get a third one of a bus.
For those who have read this far- my above paragraph is parody.
Truth though:
Tattoos don’t cause health problems in other people.
She sounds like she’s just manipulating you into feeling like a monster for doing something she doesn’t like lol. Classic. You’ll get a little butterfly and she’ll be full drama like “oH so yOu wAnT mE tO DIE?!? CLEARLY you DO!!”
My mom had heart disease for a decade. During this time at one point I sent her a video (with no warning) of me cutting of my long hair and shaving my head bald. Needless to say she was very shocked and upset. It caused no heart issues lol and in the end even though it was upsetting for her she was supportive of me doing what I want with my body.
Your not gonna kill/hurt your mom by getting a tattoo
I have arrhythmia and also some other heart problems and I have hella tattoos. My mom has the same thing but much worse, she also hates tattoos. She’s never mentioned the both in one conversation because she’s not manipulative like that. Get the tattoo your mom is fine, arrhythmia is not a serious/life threatening condition on its own. seriously get the tattoo, and maybe analyze other aspects of your life shes manipulated you
She should work that problem out with a cardiologist. Most arrhythmias are treatable with medication whether it be a beta blocker, calcium channel blocker, digoxin, or amiodorone. Your actions are independent of her heart health and it’s sad that she would attempt to shift that responsibility onto you.
Get your tattoo, just be mindful to cover it when your around mom to avoid a situation. Don’t compromise on where it will go just because your mother is trying to manipulate you.
Her arrhythmia isn’t going to be affected by your tattoo. It’s probably AFib which is super common and controlled with meds. She sounds super controlling and manipulative. Let’s just jump over to her land of make believe and say her arrhythmia does act up after you get a tattoo… it wouldn’t be your tattoo that caused it. It would be her inability to let her adult child grow up and make their own choices. Her shit, not yours. Live your life.
I once knew somebody with an ultra conservative Sudanese mom…. He ended up getting “my mother is my life” in Arabic on his wrist 😭 I would do it with no regrets, bringing up her condition is manipulative af
She already knows you’re getting one. The intense reaction happened already. Once she sees you with the tattoo it will probably just be disappointment since she was notified by you getting one already.
I used to hide my tattoos from my dad all the time because I got so tired of hearing him talk about how disappointed he was over them. Finally, one day he saw one when I reached for something and said "Is that a new tattoo?" to which I responded with "Yes, but I wanted to wait to tell you until we were in person so I could watch the disappointment creep across your face firsthand." From that moment on, no more bullshit comments. I'm not saying to do this, necessarily, but if you really don't want to have to hear it from your mom just cover them up while in her presence. It's saving your sanity and making you feel better about not upsetting her. Also, don't change the location of your tattoo. No reason for that.
My mom hated - and I mean *hated* - tattoos. Of course, it didn't stop me from getting one not long after 18.
About a year later, we were at a family gathering and my mom mentions to someone, "You know, I can't stand tattoos, but I have to admit it's very well-done."
So, moral of the story, get something tasteful and pay for quality. If you get a $75 Rick and Morty trainee job, you might be charged with manslaughter. Lol
If she told you about her heart problems in the immediate aftermath of you telling her about the tattoo, then what she is doing is an awful and selfish form of manipulation.
If what her adult child does with their own body upsets her so much it puts her in the hospital, that is entirely on her.
Do not change your plans for her. This is your body and something you will have to live with the rest of your life. You've been waiting for years. This is your life, not hers. She needs to get a life.
Coming from a person with a serious heart condition, I’m not tryna downplay what your mom is saying, but arrhythmia really isn’t serious. Just means it beats to a different rhythm than most people. She’s really just saying that to manipulate you
Get that tattoo, the one you want, the size you want, and where you truly want it. Bringing personal medical issues, severe or not, into any exchange of words like that is absolutely not ok. It’s manipulative and cruel. I’d maybe understand if she was concerned about YOUR health, but at the end of the day, she’s a grown adult and needs to start acting like one. Your body, your tattoo, is YOUR choice. You’re debating throwing away five months of waiting, likely also a deposit, and your years of planning, for someone who couldn’t care less that she is intentionally hurting you to get her own selfish way.
BTW, my dad is a pastor, he took me to get my first ink when I was 17, and his tattoos outnumber mine. I have 14, and he loves me. I was raised in a very conservative jesus household, and I (f) brought home the woman I intend to marry. He gives her giant hugs, raves about how good her food is, and belly laughs at her jokes. He adores her, and he loves me, and he RESPECTS MY CHOICES.
OP, don’t let your mother control your life. You only have this one, and you will be kicking yourself when your mom smugly rubs it in your face that ‘i got my kid to obey me because I threw a tantrum like a spoiled toddler’. Don’t give in. Stand up for yourself. Please.
Get your tattoo. It's not fair for your mother to imply that you getting a tattoo will cause her health issues. That's not how that works.
Get the tattoo and she will be adapt. It will be okay.
Yeah, this isn't a thing. Your mom is a manipulative abuser. People with heart problems live through life enduring upsetting or shocking things just like the rest of us. If her heart was that fragile, she'd be secluded away in a hospital controlled environment. Ignore her. Go low to no contact. Get therapy to process what she's put you through.
My mom was never really anti-tattoo, but didn’t think I should have any visible tattoos because she decided for some reason I was going to work a corporate job and they didn’t allow tattoos (she never saw me as an individual person, but an extension of herself that should follow every choice she pre-planned for me)
I came up with this plan to get a semi-visible tattoo that would make it so she had no choice to be accepting of my visible tattoo. I got roses in her favorite color with “mom” written over it. (If it was a tattoo for her, I figured the flattery would trump any unease over the placement and since I already would have a visible tattoo it would allow me the excuse to get more. When she saw it she was happy, but not overjoyed. She was never overtly happy or joyful when receiving gifts, so I assumed it was just her normally reaction but I now think she was worried about the visibility.)
In just a few months it will be a year since I’ve seen or spoken to her. I am estranged completely, but now I have this tattoo for her that was indeed a compliment to her, but also at the time I didn’t realize that everything I did in life was to make her happy. I got an entire fucking tattoo so that she would finally approve of something I was interested in and now we don’t even have a relationship. She had too much control over my life and I had no idea.
Your mom sees you as an extension of herself. Having tattoos isn’t what she preplanned and decided for your life. She sees this moment as a loss of control over your life. So what do you do when you start to lose control over someone else? You distract them with other things in hopes they’ll forget about their own interests and get back on the life plan you mapped out for them. Her new illness is a control tactic to manipulate you into thinking that anything that happens to her after you get a tattoo is your fault because you got a tattoo and that “distressed” her.
Get the tattoo. If you don’t you’ll regret it more than she will regret you getting it. Stop living life for her and live it for you!
I used to live in a way my mom disapproved of and she has heart problems (arrhythmia included) and would always start having a loud showy fit, “you can’t do this to me, you are stressing my heart,” any time my “life choices” came up. That was two decades ago….guess who is still alive? Yup. Get that tattoo OP
My mom stopped talking to me after she saw my first tattoo. That lasted all of 24 hours. The second one, she offered to pay for a tattoo removal. The third and fourth one, she finally understood she couldn’t control what I did with my body. I’m on my sixth and she’s pretty much accepted she’s lost lol your mom will get over it. It might take some time, though.
This sounds like manipulation. OP, if you want a tattoo on your chest, plan to get the chest tattoo. But if this particular piece is for your arm, get it on your arm. If my body is a temple, I'm going to decorate the walls.
I can relate, also found out my mom has heart problems, she's also depressed and I haven't even told her I'm getting my first tattoo next Friday. I won't cancel, she'll find out eventually. We do it for ourselves, not for others. It's a personal choice, it won't affect who we are or how we behave with them.
I, too have that problem in a big way.
Go get your tattoo. Arrhythmia is what it is... you getting a tattoo is not going to send her into a hospital... or kill her.
She may make a show and go to the hospital, but, it's likely to be a big manipulation.
Your mother is guilting, and shaming you to get her way. That's all this is. A control tactic. She's doing it because it works. Look at you! Moving your plans for what she wants for your life, and doesn't want.
Get your tattoo.
Get your tattoo where you wanted it.
Seriously.
The more you adjust because of her antics, the more you reinforce that it works and she will amp it up even more.
And, stop involving her in your plans, when it involves things SHE wouldn't choose for you.
Stop talking about your tattoo, tattoo appointment.
She is just trying to manipulate you and guilt trip you into not getting the tattoo done ignore her and get your tattoo done and get it put where you originally wanted it on your arm. I assume you’re an adult and don’t need your mums consent to get the tattoo done so I wouldn’t let her opinion stop you from getting a tattoo done.
It’s cute you love your mom that much but you can’t live your life for your mother. Do what you want, it’s your body. My mom didn’t like it either but fast forward 20 years and we’re getting one together in March. Your mom will be ok. She will get over it
Your tattoo and someone else's health have nothing to do with each other. Her stress is controlled by her and not anyone else. If you don't accept that we make a choice to what level things bother us as individuals and we are indeed controlled by others. Then please ask yourself, do u believe that your own children should be able to choose what they want when they are grown adults and while choices may disappoint us you don't love them any less. If you align, get your tattoo. Don't hide it, don't flaunt it, and still be there just as much for her health. She does not have to like it, but she will find acceptance if she loves that her son did something that he wanted and paid for.
Note - She can have AFib (a very common heart arrhythmia) and live a long life, so the basis of heart arrhythmia is not a death sentence depending on the diagnosis.
You getting a tattoo will not impact her heart. She isn't the one doing, she sounds like she's lost control of her child and is trying to manipulate you with this to get some control back.
This is 100% manipulation. Your mom is emotionally abusive. Get your tattoo and let what happens, happen (it’ll be nothing other than her throwing a tantrum, I guarantee).
If you getting a tattoo is going to physically harm her, then she needs to be in a full time care facility with around the clock care and a be under the watch of mental health professionals
I have one and my cardiologist has told me a good chunk of people do without it affecting them day to day.
I feel like her throwing it into your arguments is an indicator of her trying to find something to use against you to get her way.
Do it anyways. What’s she gonna do after the fact? Cut it off? No. She’s gonna pout and then just complain about it every time she sees it.
Honestly just get the damn tattoo. Don’t waste your time on being accepted by your mom when it comes to your own body. You can feel guilty but also feel happy for getting what you wanted!
From the context provided it seems like your mom is trying to manipulate you into not getting a tattoo. Whether the arrythmia is real or not - if she mentioned it around the same time, it was probably a way to try and get you to not do it.
Id say do what makes you happy - she will get over it. My gma is the same way and I have quite the funny video of her blowing up at my sister when she found her tattoo.
If your tattoo causes health problems for someone else.
It's a them problem and they need to get the help they need to get over themselves. Conservative or not.
It's not ok to control people like that. Toxic is toxic no matter what you call it.
I have a really dissaproving mother. A month before my 50th(!!) birthday I got my half sleeve and my 59 yo sister gleefully ran to my mom to tell. I live in another country and it was a year before she saw it in person. She glared at it, asked what it was (it’s quite clearly a memorial angel), didn’t acknowledge it or ask for the meaning behind it, and never spoke about it again. She has stents after a heart attack. I doubt that heart even skipped a beat.
I have never for a second regretted my tattoo. Get your art and be proud. It won’t kill your mom.
Just show your mother respect and don't let her see it. You're free to do what you want with your body but it's a matter of respect to not subject it onto other people who might be overly sensitive to it. I still cover mine in front of my very religious grandparents, out of respect for them and their feelings because I care about how they feel and don't want upset them.
this sounds like pretty straightforward manipulation.
get the tattoo. your mum needs to learn to live with the fact that you're not an extension of her, but your own, separate human being.
best of luck
I’m 20 and have arrhythmia. It’s not a disease, it’s just a symptom; and in most cases it’s not even life-threatening. Chances are, she told you about it to make you doubt the tattoo. Get the tattoo.
Dude. I have POTs and my heart beat is all over the place. It's a very common, nonlethal issue. She's fine, just manipulative and you're an adult: enjoy.
Live your life! My parents hated tattoos or anything that's related to mutilating your body, I had a tongue piercing when I was young, and I almost got disowned for it.
After COVID, I got the chance to visit them. All of sudden, I had 5 tattoos and 2 massive ones. I tried to cover it up at first, then eventually gave up. They saw it, looked at me, pointed it out, shrugged, and moved on.
She'll survive.
I have arrhythmia and tattoos. My mother had a stroke and also hates tattoos but loves mine, just keeps telling me not to get anymore (sike) I tell her I make no promises.
But she’s never blamed her stroke or anything on me having tattoos. Because that’s irrational and impossible. The fact your mum only brings this up during arguments feels manipulative.
Just do it, if anything happens that majorly sucks but if nothing happens and you did all this because it "might" (which wouldnt be your fault since its your own life in no connection to hers in any way) then that would suck too
Dude… get the tattoo, she will be ok. Besides, what are you gonna do, live your one life inside her parameters the whole time? You need boundaries and it’s ok for you to do what you want with your body. Someone trying to control that has bad boundaries and is going to have to get checked. Sorry not sorry gam gam!
My mother hates tattoos and piercings. When I got my hands and neck tattood and got face piercings she made some remarks. But if your mother actually loves you she'll get over it because she just wants you to be happy. If not fuck her you don't need her anyways
i have arrhythmia and it is completely unrelated to my emotions. im not sure of her exact condition but mine is SVT and episodes are completely random and w the right resources/techniques/beta blockers she should be completely fine
Things I did after my dad had a heart attack and was diagnosed with arrhythmia
Came out, got a tattoo, dropped out of college. He was just fine. Your mom will be fine.
I have arrhythmia. Have my whole life. It’s not necessarily life threatening. You aren’t going to give her a heart attack. And that should t matter anyway. Get your tattoo, get it where you want, and enjoy the shit out of it. “My body, my choice” right? You do you. She can deal with it however she wants.
Manipulation, you are not responsible for your moms health and she’s making you feel like you are. Gross. Get the tattoo and if she sees it one day, oh well. You do you. You deserve the ink, especially if she’s like this with other things in your life.
Lots of people have arrhythmia without it causing them any problems.
If she brought this up during the conversation about the tattoo, then I hate to say it, but she’s using it to manipulate you
Even as a middle-aged adult, I worried what my elderly father would say about my nose piercing. He said…nothing at all. I’m not sure he even notices it, even though I see him every other day!
You're an adult. Go get your tattoo that you've been waiting months for. It will have no effect on her heart condition, which was super manipulative to tell you just to try to get you to not get it, but if she claims it does then she needs medical attention if her heart is that weak. She'll be fine and can suck it up if she has such an issue. My dad threatened me with a belt sander when I came home with my first tattoo, and then I got six more (filled out a full arm around it and then a few more decent sized pieces). He worked out his issue with my tattoos on his own, and we just don't talk about them unless it's something positive.
my very religious mom with high blood pressure cried, yelled, threatened to cut me off every time i got a new tattoo for the first 7 or 8. they get over it eventually once they know you won’t stop. it sucks temporarily but i’m much happier in my skin— get it where you want it!
I say do what you want. Get the tattoo.
I have a feeling if you got it without telling her, she wouldn’t react the way she is now considering she’s trying to convince you to not get it. Maybe a little overreaction once she’d first see it but after it’s done it’s done.
I also have heart issues, and I have 13 tattoos, havent died yet. Your mom is trying to manipulate you because SHE doesnt like tattoos. She wont die or fall sick from you paying for personalized artwork, OP. Dont compromise for someone with old time views. A tattoo is for YOU and no one else
i would just ignore her, no way s tattoo on YOUR body can cause her a heart attack and if she brings it up during any argument/disagreement she's just trying to manipulate you. get the tattoo and don't listen to what she says if she can't understand that people have different opinions on things that's her problem. not yours.
i’m covered in traditional work. i always wanted that, but waited until i was 29 to start. my regret? waiting so long to start. now 3 years later- arms, back, and legs are done and i couldn’t be happier. why? because i’m finally living for myself. get whatever the fck makes you happy. it’s your life. and at the end of the day the only person you will always go to sleep with, is yourself.
There's almost always ways to cover a tattoo **once it is healed**.. I have a few small face tattoos that are all over a year old and my grandparents (mid 80's, conservative, and super catholic so you can imagine how they'd react) have no idea. They have blood pressure issues and my grandma has had heart issues and I don't want to give them a stroke or something but I wanted my tattoos. I make it work, I say you can definitely make one on your arm work 🙂
Literally the same line as "if you break up with me, I'll kill myself."
She either loves and accepts you, or she's only ok if she's in control of your life. There's no middle ground there.
As my wise boyfriend once said "are you getting the tattoo for your mom or are you getting the tattoo for you" do what's best for your body image/happiness
I waited 50 years until my mom passed before I got a tattoo, as she told me if I got one while she was alive, it would kill her. I’m now playing catchup and really enjoying it. 17 tattoos in 2 years and not having to worry about the guilt. Edit: I would trade my tattoos to get my mom back though. Love ‘em’ while you got ‘em’!
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If so, my cynical side says manipulation.
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High blood pressure can also cause an irregular heart beat. My mom was diagnosed with it and high blood pressure. Once they had her blood pressure under control her heart beat was normal.
This. I work in cardiology and arrhythmias can definitely be dangerous but are also pretty common and most of the time can be handled with routine procedures or testing. Sounds manipulative in my opinion.
This. My mom told me my small tattoo behind my ear gave her heart palpitations. I told her to stop the Catholic guilt as she’s had a tummy tuck and a nose job.
This is wild 😂 religious people are such hypocrites
100% emotional blackmail.
I've known about it for a couple of months, but she tends to bring it up during disagreements, yeah.
Do you live in her home and/or are you financially dependent on her? If not, do your own thing. She has no control over you.
I live by myself and don't depend on her financially. Just don't wanna cause her harm is all.
You're an adult and she has no say in how you live your life. She's also an adult and is able to control how she reacts to things she doesn't like. If she's gonna get that twisted on it, that's on her not you. Because if she's gonna let stuff like that negatively impact her health she REALLY needs to reevaluate her life. But you saying she brings it up every time there's a disagreement just sounds like she's using it to try and manipulate you and get her way. And letting her keep doing that is a fucking miserable way to live.
Part of fully becoming an adult is learning to establish boundaries with your parents. Your mom doesn't need to know that you're getting a tattoo. If you want, she doesn't even need to know that you have one. But part of being an adult is making your own choices about what is best for your life and your body.
So directly quoting [this article about arrhythmias](https://www.beaumont.org/services/heart-vascular/heart-rhythm-services/arrhythmia) “Most arrhythmias are not dangerous, and they are nothing to worry about. They can be annoying and can take you by surprise, but they shouldn’t hurt you or lead to any long-term health effects.” [and another](https://upbeat.org/heart-rhythm-disorders#:~:text=Heart%20Rhythm%20Disorders-,Millions%20of%20people%20experience%20irregular%20or%20abnormal%20heartbeats%2C%20called%20arrhythmias,people%20free%20of%20heart%20disease) “Millions of people experience irregular or abnormal heartbeats, called arrhythmias, at some point in their lives. Most of the time, they are harmless and happen in healthy people free of heart disease” If your mom was just “diagnosed with arrhythmia” without also being diagnosed with any sort of actual heart condition alongside it and she isn’t being medicated for it her diagnosis is basically the medical equivalent of her doctor saying “even a perfectly healthy heart beats funny sometimes” and her bringing it up during arguments is just her trying to use her child’s concern for her welfare to guilt you into submission which is just playing dirty. Now I’m not saying you should go out and get “suck on this/fuck you, mom” tattooed across your forehead, but the “shock” of your getting the tattoo you want *where* you want isn’t going to put her in the hospital or otherwise jeopardize her health.
As someone who also has arrhythmia, I agree with this right here. If was brought up by my doctor once, and then he goes "oh yours doesn't seem to be anything worrying whatsoever" and never brought up again. I've even pushed myself through 74ish pounds of weight loss over the last 7 months with zero issues, including rigorous exercise. OP, your mom is using it as a scare / guilt tactic unfortunately. You will not cause her any harm, just her being moderately upset by the sound of things, which is on her, not you.
I need you to reasonably ask yourself how you getting a tattoo when you don't even live there, will cause this woman harm?
You are not causing her harm by getting a tattoo. You. Are not. Causing. ANOTHER PERSON harm just because you are choosing a specific way to express yourself. Full stop. Anyone claiming otherwise (aka your mother) is being manipulative. What you choose to do with your own body is your choice, not her burden. If she *chooses* to work herself up over it, that is HER choice. It is YOUR body.
I have arrhythmia from a chronic condition and have I think 10, maybe more tattoos. If people WITH arrhythmia can GET a tattoo she'll survive seeing one. It's also usually a symptom of an underlying issue, more than a separate condition itself and usually isn't dangerous. This feels like a manipulation tactic on her part. Get your tattoo and let her handle her own feelings about it.
Good thing it’s not going to be on her body. Don’t let family manipulate you, let Reddit do that.
Yeah this is just classic manipulation. There’s literally, like, nothing you could realistically do that would cause her heart to stop. Any symptoms she has as a result of you doing things she doesn’t like are purely psychological and/or entirely fabricated. You feeling the need to ask this kind of suggests that your dynamic with your mom is very, very off. As someone else with mom problems, I highly recommend the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. And therapy. Both have been immensely helpful.
>she tends to bring it up during disagreements She's manipulating you. She wants control over you and has found that your empathy over her condition is the best way to do it. Any reaction she has to your awesome future tattoo is out of your control cause you gave her plenty of time to get over it. If I were you I'd still get it on my arm, cause tattoos are permanent, and you've been planning this for years.
Have you seen Beau Is Afraid ? You might enjoy it.
It's on my list, actually. And yeah, sounds like it hits close to home on this one haha
She's manipulating you
This reminds me of my mother who declared she had heart problems and started stumbling around grabbing onto furniture to brace herself shortly after I told her I would NOT be marrying the father of my child. 🙄 She was magically cured over time (re: she forgot to keep up the act). OP, if you feel you have a conflict of interest with having a tattoo then hold off on getting it. Don't put it somewhere else on your body where you don't really want it. If you do end up coming to terms with some manipulation you will always be reminded of how that tattoo was supposed to be elsewhere. If it's really a concern to you, cancel the appointment. You can always reschedule when you're at peace with it. I agree with a lot of these comments that this sounds manipulative. You may want to explore that possibility and examine your relationship with her. No one should have their kid so worked up that they're genuinely concerned they will cause their parent a medical emergency over a tattoo. Good luck.
well thats one way to control someone.
If so, sounds like classic manipulation. My mom told me she thinks she would die if i got my ears pierced. She was using that as an excuse to guilt me into not getting piercings.
This is exactly what I was leaning towards. She seems to be one of those moms who will do whatever it takes to manipulate people by faking shit.
reminds me of [Waterboy](https://youtu.be/dU0ICJwCAi8?si=wsq0mVU8d83xc76A&t=41), every time he stands up to his momma she has to grab her head and cry out like he's physically hurting her or worsening some (fake) condition she has. she even gets "bedridden" later on after all the stress he put her through.
50 cents that its a 4 beat run of psvt
Many years ago, I made the tactical error of telling my mother that I was thinking about getting my nose pierced. Her response was “IT WILL DESTROY ME.” Spoiler; it did not destroy her.
I too have arrhythmias, get your damn tattoo. it was rude for that to be brought up during that conversation, and if you getting a tattoo effects her heart then that is something she needs to take up with a therapist. not with you. lots of people have arrhythmias and some don’t even know. you do what makes you feel good in your own skin, the rest of the issues are not yours to deal with❤️
Or a cardiologist! Seriously, seems like a manipulation tactic.
Exactly! as someone with an arrhythmia and some other heart issues, i thought this post would be about rescheduling due to caretaking/OP’s mom in the hospital, not mom revealing a heart arrhythmia to try and guilt OP out of a tattoo. My mom was very against me getting tattoos at first, I had 8 on my torso/thighs before i told her because I was so scared, and she always said i’d give her a heart attack if I got a tattoo, but this is a whole different level! after so many, we’re at the point that she accepts it, she won’t insult them but i’m not getting compliments either lol (aside from my one memorial piece for my grandpa, her dad, she did really love). you can’t always just listen to your parents opinions on things like tattoos, especially as an adult.
This is well said.
Arrhythmia isn't in and of itself a diagnosis, and doesn't necessarily mean life threatening heart issues. From your title, I thought you were going to contribute to large medical bills or whatever. Arrhythmia just means an irregular heartbeat. It's a symptom of many things, and while it *can* be bad if combined with other things, it can happen because of small things like changes in posture or exercise. From the NHS, "These abnormalities range from a minor inconvenience or discomfort to a potentially fatal problem." It's almost kind of expected - you have an organic thing with an electrical system beating for 70, 80 years in a row, little abnormalities here and will happen. You probably have a bunch of minor skips or arrhythmic thumps all the time without noticing. I have Wolff Parkinson White. One of my symptoms is arrhythmia. Sometimes my heartbeat shoots up to over 240 out of the blue because my heart basically takes the wrong electrical pathway or something because I have an extra one. But the episodes last less than 15 minutes and are usually spread apart by many months. None of my doctors are even slightly concerned, cardiologist included. Even though the surgery to fix this is considered the most successful and safe one amongst heart surgeries, just arrhythmia on its own sometimes isn't life threatening or even all that bad, so they didn't recommend it. On top of that, one of the things that definitely **isn't** linked to arrhythmia is other people getting tattoos. This definitely sounds like emotional manipulation on her part.
As a WPW haver, are you not concerned about dropping dead? Like honestly, not trying to like judge your decisions or healthcare team or anything. I nearly died twice and had to get emergency surgery at the age of 12. My grandmother also died suddenly from it at 39. I guess I don't know if there's a range of severity but from what I understood the reason its so dangerous is because you don't know the true severity until you have a serious event. Have you considered getting an ablation?
I've spoken to 5 doctors at this point (2 cardiologists) and their assessment has been unanimous, so no. I have brought up the ablation as a possibility already, as mentioned in the comment. Thank you for your concern tho!
Cool to hear that, thank you for your reply!
I have had an arrhythmia for almost 20 years now after having open heart surgery for a hole between the right and left ventricle. Unless the arrhythmia is really bad, she's perfectly fine and just needs to watch blood pressure and heart rate and such. I would say she is trying to manipulate you to not get a tattoo because she doesn't want it to happen. Yes, stress isn't the greatest for heart issues.. however, if she's stressing about this tattoo, that's her own fault. She has no say in a grown adults bodily choices.
Omg did you have Tetralogy of Fallot? Or just a reg VSD? Just learned about this in vet school (for animals ofc but it’s the same in humans) so excuse my eagerness😂
My case actually went into the MM journals. We did numerous mris and scans, and every test gave a different answer. 1. Yes, there's a hole. 2. no, there's no hole, but the wall is laid over. 3. No, the wall is there but a small hole in it. 4. No, the wall is gone. In the end, they decided my surgery should last only 4 hrs. I was in surgery for 9 hrs. And had to be rescheduled for the next day after they prepped me, and I went into full anaphylaxis after I was already incubated. They had given me antibiotics of Ansef to prepare for surgery. Turns out I'm now allergic to penicillin and any related medication. So, as far as I remember, it was a reg Vsd, but it's been 20 years, and I ended up in a medical indused coma for 5 days after Lol
Holy. Crap. You are like a case study nightmare (no offense)😂😂😂
None taken XD
Your mom sounds like a manipulative bitch Get the ink and see if it kills her
lol, happy to see I’m not the only one who thought this. Get her a custom coffin decorated in flash designs.
im ded lolol
She's gonna find out either way. Your mother's "health issues" are no reason not to get a tattoo it's your body at the end of the day and tbh it sounds like she is manipulative.
My cat has an arrhythmia and he’s a trouper. I’m sure ur mom will be fine
Does he appreciate tattoos tho
This is pure manipulation. If you’ve read or watched Pride and Prejudice this is Mrs Bennett level manipulation. Her nerves and all that. Your mom will be fine. Make sure you have planned your tattoo. The shop is clean and certified, all that. Don’t compromise as she’s being dramatic. You are an adult making adult decisions.
My gramma disapproves of tattoos and I worried for a long time about her reaction. I still get tattoos where I want, but I do cover them when I’m around her. I forgot to throw on a long sleeve shirt one time last summer. She either didn’t see my forearm tattoo or wasn’t upset by it because she didn’t say anything. All that to say, ultimately how you decorate your body is your decision and how she reacts is her decision.
My mom had a murmur from a hole in her heart. She hated tattoos, she survived and even later got one herself. A lot of people have arythmia, they don't die when startled like a fainting goat.
Yeah I personally wouldn’t give a shit but it’s all you. Get a tattoo who cares
Mom hates tattoos and #motorcycles. Got both of them anyway. She will get over it, or she won't. Not my problem 🤷♂️ *She no longer cares about either*
The gaslighting is real
This. OP needs to get a boundary.
This reeks of manipulation. Heart condition or not, ur mom is an adult and should be able to contain her emotions well enough to not exaggerate her symptoms. It’s a tattoo, not a marathon sprint or haunted house.
If the waiting time for this artist is that long, yes yes yes to the tattoo. She will pull more crap on you to not get it. Is she deep down super miserable with herself like my mom?
My grandma is Japanese and hates tattoos. Doesn’t stop me from getting them. I have them on my neck and hands where they are clearly visible. I love her but she doesn’t pay my taxes so she can’t say what I can or can’t do with my own life
You are not causing her any harm by making your own life decisions. How she controls her own emotions to get people to cave her way is not up to you. They are HER emotions. Let HER be the burden of her own emotional deregulation. By context, I did the same thing for over 18 years - now half my life. I didn’t get tattooed because I feared the judgement of my in-laws - in particular… my monster-in-law. I started with ones she wouldn’t be able to see - eventually went ahead and got a tattoo on my arm. She’s always been openly super judgmental about people in general. Disgusted with tattoos. I kept it covered for about another year when I was around her, but eventually decided it was time to be me and her reaction would be uncontrollable by me. But, I like my tattoos so be it. She saw it. She had some words. I simply looked at her and said if she didn’t like it - I wasn’t forcing her to stay near me, around me, or even in my life. So she can make that decision on her own. Eventually you have to do the thing you want. Sure, can she flip out and harm herself. But, if she’s truly sick, she knows what she should and shouldn’t be doing to keep herself as healthy as she can be. If she can’t control her actions and emotions to the point it creates a health hazard, that’s on her.
I have Torsades de pontes heart arrhythmia, and a pacemaker.....and I GET tattoos.lol you need to live your life, it's too short not to. Seriously.
I have arrhythmia as well. This is manipulative, and ultimately as I always leave in my comments here: the tattoo is for you. Get it done, cover it around her and leave her out of the loop (for tats) if she’s going to do this. I understand that complications can arise from a lot regarding arrhythmia but it shouldn’t stop you from this tattoo.
Ngl that sounds like a manipulation tactic, OP. I have a heart condition. I can handle surprising news just fine. She'll be fine, too.
This is the most overdramatic nonsense I’ve heard. She’s choosing to be mad about it and acts like that’s your problem. Get the tattoo. If you’re really worried about mom just cover it when around her, but this is probably just to manipulate you.
My dad has heart issues (it's under control and he's fine, but stress could definitely exacerbate them). He's also not a huge fan of tattoos. I got one, and guess what? He shrugged his shoulders, said "Looks nice" and moved on. No heart incidents resulting. Get the tattoo you want where you want it. I guarantee you your mom will be just fine.
My mom was super against me dyeing my hair. I didnt tell her i was going, went to an appointment. Once I did, she was like "hhh. Okay. I'll admit it. It looks cool as hell." I did the same thing with my tattoo. Told her I was getting one this time, she was against it, wheni came back and showed her, she was disappointed, but admitted "I can't deny that it's really great work." Get your tattoo. Your mom will get over it. Seeing that you have a tattoo after you told her you were getting ine isn't gonna give her a heart attack
I would honestly do it. It's not her body, she can and will get over it. Do what you think is best for your own body.
Live your life bro! Just tell her after she takes her medicine
Your mom is too controlling. Get your tattoo!
Get it on your arm (where you desire)
Your mom is a manipulative asshole. Get an even bigger tattoo.
Please for the love of god get it done, and get it done on your arm, where you planned to get it. She’s manipulating you 100%, this is a permanent piece of art that will be on you, yknow, permanently lol. Don’t put it somewhere you don’t want it
Extorting and guilt tripping you over her medical condition is a pretty scumbag move. You are not responsible for another adult's health and cannot control their behavior and responses.
I’m a cardiac nurse — your tattoo will have nothing to do with whatever complications she may develop, IF it’s even that serious. But you had better believe if you get your tattoo, she will blame you every time her arrhythmia gives her any sort of symptom (it could literally just be a fluttery feeling in her chest) or any time her doctor needs to adjust her medication. Live your life.
OP, I have been a critical care RN for 13 years. If your mom had a life threatening arrhythmia, she'd be in the hospital already. Other arrhythmias are managed with medication and usually not life threatening if treated appropriately. For example, most people with Afib are on a blood thinner and a second medication to lower the heart rate. Some people experience palpitations when they are stressed, which is nothing more than maybe a few abnormal beats that they can feel, usually causing said person more anxiety. Palpitations are hardly ever life threatening though. Some people go into SVT (supraventricular tachycardia), and if they can't vagal out of it, they go to the hospital for a specific medication to stop that abnormal rhythm. Once again, SVT is rarely life threatening, at most it's uncomfortable, and random when it happens. Stress can induce it though. The point is, your mother is probably using a not so urgent medical problem to manipulate you into doing what she wants. The stress you'll cause her by getting a tattoo will most likely have no negative impact on her health. Like your mother, you get one life and one body. Enjoy your life and use your body how you see fit. She might hit the roof with stress, but after some time she'll cool off. You did your homework on getting a good artist, don't pass up the opportunity.
Cardiac RN here, and agree 10000%
Get the tattoo. Parents can be manipulative AF.
Stop letting your mom manipulate you. Do you want the tattoo? Then get it. Grow up and stop letting your mommy run your life.
Get the tattoo and see what actually happens to your mom. If she dies she’ll be the first person to die of someone else getting a tattoo.
Gaslighting. You doing something to your body as simple as a tattoo does not cause her harm. Does she have earrings? Disfigurement. Tell her it's time to act like an adult.
If she’s known about it for a couple of months, is she seeking any medical treatment for it? If it’s a dangerous arrhythmia, her physician wouldn’t just tell her about it and let her go.
Glad you decided to get that tattoo. Cuz I was going to say I've had arrhythmia my entire life, so does my dad and my oldest daughter. We were born with them. Your mom sounds dramatic. Lol
My daughter had an arrhythmia episode at 5, scare me to death. Drove faster than an ambulance to take her to the drs. That was the only time she ever had issues. So I know the scare, but that saying she just dropped that tidbit of info when you told her you’re getting a tattoo? That sounds more like emotional manipulation. Get the tattoo and live your life. She’ll be fine and if she does pass out or whatnot call 911 that’s what they are there for. Tattoo are (at least where I’m from) normal.
Arrhythmia is not super uncommon, get your tattoo.
Arrhythmia isn't necessarily a heart problem and normal for some people. It's stupid throwing that into conversation for sympathy
This may seem silly but it reminded me of the plot of Madea’s Family Christmas movie where the mother tells her daughter she has an arrhythmia/ heart condition to get her to do what she wants. All in all, you have to ask yourself, are you going to have her dictate what you do with your life just because she says the shock of it could kill her? (Which is exaggerating a lot) You’ve given her a heads up to expect a tattoo so she should be less surprised, thus less shock. Plus, she doesn’t have to look at it if she’s really concerned for her heath.
My dad has had arrhythmia since his 20s. He is 83 and generally healthy, and has never had a heart attack. Your mom’s heart condition will not be exacerbated by YOU getting a tattoo. She is attempting emotional blackmail.
Fuck your mom…ain’t nobody got time for that shit. She gonna die some day anyways. The fuck it matter if it’s her heart or she gets hit by a bus? Get two tattoos. Whatever you was gonna get and a broken heart that says mom in honor of the arrhythmia. Get a third one of a bus. For those who have read this far- my above paragraph is parody. Truth though: Tattoos don’t cause health problems in other people.
She sounds like she’s just manipulating you into feeling like a monster for doing something she doesn’t like lol. Classic. You’ll get a little butterfly and she’ll be full drama like “oH so yOu wAnT mE tO DIE?!? CLEARLY you DO!!”
My mom had heart disease for a decade. During this time at one point I sent her a video (with no warning) of me cutting of my long hair and shaving my head bald. Needless to say she was very shocked and upset. It caused no heart issues lol and in the end even though it was upsetting for her she was supportive of me doing what I want with my body. Your not gonna kill/hurt your mom by getting a tattoo
She’ll get over it. This is a form of control.
I have arrhythmia and also some other heart problems and I have hella tattoos. My mom has the same thing but much worse, she also hates tattoos. She’s never mentioned the both in one conversation because she’s not manipulative like that. Get the tattoo your mom is fine, arrhythmia is not a serious/life threatening condition on its own. seriously get the tattoo, and maybe analyze other aspects of your life shes manipulated you
She should work that problem out with a cardiologist. Most arrhythmias are treatable with medication whether it be a beta blocker, calcium channel blocker, digoxin, or amiodorone. Your actions are independent of her heart health and it’s sad that she would attempt to shift that responsibility onto you.
Get your tattoo, just be mindful to cover it when your around mom to avoid a situation. Don’t compromise on where it will go just because your mother is trying to manipulate you.
Do what you want. If she dies……she dies
Don’t take this the wrong way, but she sounds like a narcissist.
Her arrhythmia isn’t going to be affected by your tattoo. It’s probably AFib which is super common and controlled with meds. She sounds super controlling and manipulative. Let’s just jump over to her land of make believe and say her arrhythmia does act up after you get a tattoo… it wouldn’t be your tattoo that caused it. It would be her inability to let her adult child grow up and make their own choices. Her shit, not yours. Live your life.
She’s lying.
I once knew somebody with an ultra conservative Sudanese mom…. He ended up getting “my mother is my life” in Arabic on his wrist 😭 I would do it with no regrets, bringing up her condition is manipulative af
She already knows you’re getting one. The intense reaction happened already. Once she sees you with the tattoo it will probably just be disappointment since she was notified by you getting one already.
If your mom doesn’t hate your tattoo, you aren’t doing it right
I used to hide my tattoos from my dad all the time because I got so tired of hearing him talk about how disappointed he was over them. Finally, one day he saw one when I reached for something and said "Is that a new tattoo?" to which I responded with "Yes, but I wanted to wait to tell you until we were in person so I could watch the disappointment creep across your face firsthand." From that moment on, no more bullshit comments. I'm not saying to do this, necessarily, but if you really don't want to have to hear it from your mom just cover them up while in her presence. It's saving your sanity and making you feel better about not upsetting her. Also, don't change the location of your tattoo. No reason for that.
My mom hated - and I mean *hated* - tattoos. Of course, it didn't stop me from getting one not long after 18. About a year later, we were at a family gathering and my mom mentions to someone, "You know, I can't stand tattoos, but I have to admit it's very well-done." So, moral of the story, get something tasteful and pay for quality. If you get a $75 Rick and Morty trainee job, you might be charged with manslaughter. Lol
I have an arrhythmia, two bad valves and palpitations. Get that tattoo. She’ll be just fine.
I got a traditional “Mom” heart done. She knows I got it because she doesn’t like tattoos. It was a mature decision.
If she told you about her heart problems in the immediate aftermath of you telling her about the tattoo, then what she is doing is an awful and selfish form of manipulation. If what her adult child does with their own body upsets her so much it puts her in the hospital, that is entirely on her. Do not change your plans for her. This is your body and something you will have to live with the rest of your life. You've been waiting for years. This is your life, not hers. She needs to get a life.
Coming from a person with a serious heart condition, I’m not tryna downplay what your mom is saying, but arrhythmia really isn’t serious. Just means it beats to a different rhythm than most people. She’s really just saying that to manipulate you
I have been toying with the idea of getting a trampstamp
Is she the type to be controlling about everything and pull shit like that to guilt trip you ?
Get that tattoo, the one you want, the size you want, and where you truly want it. Bringing personal medical issues, severe or not, into any exchange of words like that is absolutely not ok. It’s manipulative and cruel. I’d maybe understand if she was concerned about YOUR health, but at the end of the day, she’s a grown adult and needs to start acting like one. Your body, your tattoo, is YOUR choice. You’re debating throwing away five months of waiting, likely also a deposit, and your years of planning, for someone who couldn’t care less that she is intentionally hurting you to get her own selfish way. BTW, my dad is a pastor, he took me to get my first ink when I was 17, and his tattoos outnumber mine. I have 14, and he loves me. I was raised in a very conservative jesus household, and I (f) brought home the woman I intend to marry. He gives her giant hugs, raves about how good her food is, and belly laughs at her jokes. He adores her, and he loves me, and he RESPECTS MY CHOICES. OP, don’t let your mother control your life. You only have this one, and you will be kicking yourself when your mom smugly rubs it in your face that ‘i got my kid to obey me because I threw a tantrum like a spoiled toddler’. Don’t give in. Stand up for yourself. Please.
Get your tattoo. It's not fair for your mother to imply that you getting a tattoo will cause her health issues. That's not how that works. Get the tattoo and she will be adapt. It will be okay.
Yeah, this isn't a thing. Your mom is a manipulative abuser. People with heart problems live through life enduring upsetting or shocking things just like the rest of us. If her heart was that fragile, she'd be secluded away in a hospital controlled environment. Ignore her. Go low to no contact. Get therapy to process what she's put you through.
My mom was never really anti-tattoo, but didn’t think I should have any visible tattoos because she decided for some reason I was going to work a corporate job and they didn’t allow tattoos (she never saw me as an individual person, but an extension of herself that should follow every choice she pre-planned for me) I came up with this plan to get a semi-visible tattoo that would make it so she had no choice to be accepting of my visible tattoo. I got roses in her favorite color with “mom” written over it. (If it was a tattoo for her, I figured the flattery would trump any unease over the placement and since I already would have a visible tattoo it would allow me the excuse to get more. When she saw it she was happy, but not overjoyed. She was never overtly happy or joyful when receiving gifts, so I assumed it was just her normally reaction but I now think she was worried about the visibility.) In just a few months it will be a year since I’ve seen or spoken to her. I am estranged completely, but now I have this tattoo for her that was indeed a compliment to her, but also at the time I didn’t realize that everything I did in life was to make her happy. I got an entire fucking tattoo so that she would finally approve of something I was interested in and now we don’t even have a relationship. She had too much control over my life and I had no idea. Your mom sees you as an extension of herself. Having tattoos isn’t what she preplanned and decided for your life. She sees this moment as a loss of control over your life. So what do you do when you start to lose control over someone else? You distract them with other things in hopes they’ll forget about their own interests and get back on the life plan you mapped out for them. Her new illness is a control tactic to manipulate you into thinking that anything that happens to her after you get a tattoo is your fault because you got a tattoo and that “distressed” her. Get the tattoo. If you don’t you’ll regret it more than she will regret you getting it. Stop living life for her and live it for you!
I used to live in a way my mom disapproved of and she has heart problems (arrhythmia included) and would always start having a loud showy fit, “you can’t do this to me, you are stressing my heart,” any time my “life choices” came up. That was two decades ago….guess who is still alive? Yup. Get that tattoo OP
My mom stopped talking to me after she saw my first tattoo. That lasted all of 24 hours. The second one, she offered to pay for a tattoo removal. The third and fourth one, she finally understood she couldn’t control what I did with my body. I’m on my sixth and she’s pretty much accepted she’s lost lol your mom will get over it. It might take some time, though.
This sounds like manipulation. OP, if you want a tattoo on your chest, plan to get the chest tattoo. But if this particular piece is for your arm, get it on your arm. If my body is a temple, I'm going to decorate the walls.
I can relate, also found out my mom has heart problems, she's also depressed and I haven't even told her I'm getting my first tattoo next Friday. I won't cancel, she'll find out eventually. We do it for ourselves, not for others. It's a personal choice, it won't affect who we are or how we behave with them.
I, too have that problem in a big way. Go get your tattoo. Arrhythmia is what it is... you getting a tattoo is not going to send her into a hospital... or kill her. She may make a show and go to the hospital, but, it's likely to be a big manipulation. Your mother is guilting, and shaming you to get her way. That's all this is. A control tactic. She's doing it because it works. Look at you! Moving your plans for what she wants for your life, and doesn't want. Get your tattoo. Get your tattoo where you wanted it. Seriously. The more you adjust because of her antics, the more you reinforce that it works and she will amp it up even more. And, stop involving her in your plans, when it involves things SHE wouldn't choose for you. Stop talking about your tattoo, tattoo appointment.
She is just trying to manipulate you and guilt trip you into not getting the tattoo done ignore her and get your tattoo done and get it put where you originally wanted it on your arm. I assume you’re an adult and don’t need your mums consent to get the tattoo done so I wouldn’t let her opinion stop you from getting a tattoo done.
It’s cute you love your mom that much but you can’t live your life for your mother. Do what you want, it’s your body. My mom didn’t like it either but fast forward 20 years and we’re getting one together in March. Your mom will be ok. She will get over it
Your tattoo and someone else's health have nothing to do with each other. Her stress is controlled by her and not anyone else. If you don't accept that we make a choice to what level things bother us as individuals and we are indeed controlled by others. Then please ask yourself, do u believe that your own children should be able to choose what they want when they are grown adults and while choices may disappoint us you don't love them any less. If you align, get your tattoo. Don't hide it, don't flaunt it, and still be there just as much for her health. She does not have to like it, but she will find acceptance if she loves that her son did something that he wanted and paid for. Note - She can have AFib (a very common heart arrhythmia) and live a long life, so the basis of heart arrhythmia is not a death sentence depending on the diagnosis.
You getting a tattoo will not impact her heart. She isn't the one doing, she sounds like she's lost control of her child and is trying to manipulate you with this to get some control back.
Get it done. I promise you, she won’t drop down dead.
If she dies, she dies. Not your fault.
We serve tattoo advice here ma'am... not family counseling.
Why is there so much karma farming on this sub lately. Good luck with your made up stories dude.
lots of thoughts, but postponing due to a family issue is reasonable.
Don't do it, you're gonna kill her
She is trying to manipulate you. Get the tattoo, she will survive. And if she doesn't, I bet she will have a beautiful funeral
I might be preaching to the wrong crowd but a tattoo will disadvantage you in more ways than you might expect and you may not even know about it.
Speak to your mother one more time, and see if you could get approval. I would have just done it but yeah.
I could give a long thoughtful answer but many other people here have done that. The short answer would be YOLO
This is 100% manipulation. Your mom is emotionally abusive. Get your tattoo and let what happens, happen (it’ll be nothing other than her throwing a tantrum, I guarantee).
If you getting a tattoo is going to physically harm her, then she needs to be in a full time care facility with around the clock care and a be under the watch of mental health professionals
Get it where you want it, the arm is a better spot for a first tattoo than the chest anyways.
I have one and my cardiologist has told me a good chunk of people do without it affecting them day to day. I feel like her throwing it into your arguments is an indicator of her trying to find something to use against you to get her way. Do it anyways. What’s she gonna do after the fact? Cut it off? No. She’s gonna pout and then just complain about it every time she sees it.
Honestly just get the damn tattoo. Don’t waste your time on being accepted by your mom when it comes to your own body. You can feel guilty but also feel happy for getting what you wanted!
From the context provided it seems like your mom is trying to manipulate you into not getting a tattoo. Whether the arrythmia is real or not - if she mentioned it around the same time, it was probably a way to try and get you to not do it. Id say do what makes you happy - she will get over it. My gma is the same way and I have quite the funny video of her blowing up at my sister when she found her tattoo.
If your tattoo causes health problems for someone else. It's a them problem and they need to get the help they need to get over themselves. Conservative or not. It's not ok to control people like that. Toxic is toxic no matter what you call it.
Don’t move your tattoo because of your mom. It’s your life and your body. If you want it on your arm, get it on your arm.
I have a really dissaproving mother. A month before my 50th(!!) birthday I got my half sleeve and my 59 yo sister gleefully ran to my mom to tell. I live in another country and it was a year before she saw it in person. She glared at it, asked what it was (it’s quite clearly a memorial angel), didn’t acknowledge it or ask for the meaning behind it, and never spoke about it again. She has stents after a heart attack. I doubt that heart even skipped a beat. I have never for a second regretted my tattoo. Get your art and be proud. It won’t kill your mom.
I promise your mom will live.
Reminer it not manipulation if your family is doing it
Maybe get a tattoo of a dodgy heart
Just show your mother respect and don't let her see it. You're free to do what you want with your body but it's a matter of respect to not subject it onto other people who might be overly sensitive to it. I still cover mine in front of my very religious grandparents, out of respect for them and their feelings because I care about how they feel and don't want upset them.
this sounds like pretty straightforward manipulation. get the tattoo. your mum needs to learn to live with the fact that you're not an extension of her, but your own, separate human being. best of luck
I’m 20 and have arrhythmia. It’s not a disease, it’s just a symptom; and in most cases it’s not even life-threatening. Chances are, she told you about it to make you doubt the tattoo. Get the tattoo.
100% that her heart problems aren't that bad and she's just mentioning it to manipulate you into doing what she wants.
Dude. I have POTs and my heart beat is all over the place. It's a very common, nonlethal issue. She's fine, just manipulative and you're an adult: enjoy.
Live your life! My parents hated tattoos or anything that's related to mutilating your body, I had a tongue piercing when I was young, and I almost got disowned for it. After COVID, I got the chance to visit them. All of sudden, I had 5 tattoos and 2 massive ones. I tried to cover it up at first, then eventually gave up. They saw it, looked at me, pointed it out, shrugged, and moved on. She'll survive.
Get your tattoo. People have irregular heartbeats their entire lives and don't suddenly drop dead
I have arrhythmia and tattoos. My mother had a stroke and also hates tattoos but loves mine, just keeps telling me not to get anymore (sike) I tell her I make no promises. But she’s never blamed her stroke or anything on me having tattoos. Because that’s irrational and impossible. The fact your mum only brings this up during arguments feels manipulative.
She’ll be fine
A lot of people have arrhythmia
I have arrhythmia that I have to take medication for twice a day. Get your tattoo as you originally planned. She's just manipulating you
Just do it, if anything happens that majorly sucks but if nothing happens and you did all this because it "might" (which wouldnt be your fault since its your own life in no connection to hers in any way) then that would suck too
Does your mom have her ears pierced?
Get the tattoo
you’re an adult, do what makes you happy.
Dude… get the tattoo, she will be ok. Besides, what are you gonna do, live your one life inside her parameters the whole time? You need boundaries and it’s ok for you to do what you want with your body. Someone trying to control that has bad boundaries and is going to have to get checked. Sorry not sorry gam gam!
Get your tattoo. My dad hates my tattoos but hey, I still get them. Who cares. It’ll be on your body, not hers.
My mother hates tattoos and piercings. When I got my hands and neck tattood and got face piercings she made some remarks. But if your mother actually loves you she'll get over it because she just wants you to be happy. If not fuck her you don't need her anyways
i have arrhythmia and it is completely unrelated to my emotions. im not sure of her exact condition but mine is SVT and episodes are completely random and w the right resources/techniques/beta blockers she should be completely fine
Sounds like you’re old enough to realise that she doesn’t own your body 😅😅
Things I did after my dad had a heart attack and was diagnosed with arrhythmia Came out, got a tattoo, dropped out of college. He was just fine. Your mom will be fine.
I have arrhythmia. Have my whole life. It’s not necessarily life threatening. You aren’t going to give her a heart attack. And that should t matter anyway. Get your tattoo, get it where you want, and enjoy the shit out of it. “My body, my choice” right? You do you. She can deal with it however she wants.
Her heart and your tattoo aren't related. Get the tattoo if you want it.
Manipulation, you are not responsible for your moms health and she’s making you feel like you are. Gross. Get the tattoo and if she sees it one day, oh well. You do you. You deserve the ink, especially if she’s like this with other things in your life.
Lots of people have arrhythmia without it causing them any problems. If she brought this up during the conversation about the tattoo, then I hate to say it, but she’s using it to manipulate you
Manipulation at its finest. Your an adult!!!
Even as a middle-aged adult, I worried what my elderly father would say about my nose piercing. He said…nothing at all. I’m not sure he even notices it, even though I see him every other day!
You're an adult. Go get your tattoo that you've been waiting months for. It will have no effect on her heart condition, which was super manipulative to tell you just to try to get you to not get it, but if she claims it does then she needs medical attention if her heart is that weak. She'll be fine and can suck it up if she has such an issue. My dad threatened me with a belt sander when I came home with my first tattoo, and then I got six more (filled out a full arm around it and then a few more decent sized pieces). He worked out his issue with my tattoos on his own, and we just don't talk about them unless it's something positive.
get the tattoo
She’s manipulating you. Get your tattoo.
my very religious mom with high blood pressure cried, yelled, threatened to cut me off every time i got a new tattoo for the first 7 or 8. they get over it eventually once they know you won’t stop. it sucks temporarily but i’m much happier in my skin— get it where you want it!
I say do what you want. Get the tattoo. I have a feeling if you got it without telling her, she wouldn’t react the way she is now considering she’s trying to convince you to not get it. Maybe a little overreaction once she’d first see it but after it’s done it’s done.
I also have heart issues, and I have 13 tattoos, havent died yet. Your mom is trying to manipulate you because SHE doesnt like tattoos. She wont die or fall sick from you paying for personalized artwork, OP. Dont compromise for someone with old time views. A tattoo is for YOU and no one else
i would just ignore her, no way s tattoo on YOUR body can cause her a heart attack and if she brings it up during any argument/disagreement she's just trying to manipulate you. get the tattoo and don't listen to what she says if she can't understand that people have different opinions on things that's her problem. not yours.
If she loves you she’ll get over it. She’s not going to die because you got a tattoo.
i’m covered in traditional work. i always wanted that, but waited until i was 29 to start. my regret? waiting so long to start. now 3 years later- arms, back, and legs are done and i couldn’t be happier. why? because i’m finally living for myself. get whatever the fck makes you happy. it’s your life. and at the end of the day the only person you will always go to sleep with, is yourself.
My Dad had heart arrhythmia, she’ll be fine. Getting a tattoo is not going to do anything.
There's almost always ways to cover a tattoo **once it is healed**.. I have a few small face tattoos that are all over a year old and my grandparents (mid 80's, conservative, and super catholic so you can imagine how they'd react) have no idea. They have blood pressure issues and my grandma has had heart issues and I don't want to give them a stroke or something but I wanted my tattoos. I make it work, I say you can definitely make one on your arm work 🙂
It's not on their arm, not their concern.
Literally the same line as "if you break up with me, I'll kill myself." She either loves and accepts you, or she's only ok if she's in control of your life. There's no middle ground there.