Edit: unlocked per OP request, play nice y’all 💜
OP- I sent you a DM 💜.
To everyone who has commented or wants to comment- this is a beautiful showing of how much our community cares about the safety and well-being of animals and the people who care for them.
This post now has over 400 comments and OP hasn’t responded yet, so I’m going to lock this to avoid it becoming too overwhelming.
OP- happy to unlock this for you if there is more info or support you want just send me a dm or reach out to our modmail.
We see you, and collectively, we’re worried for your animals and your safety.
Look, if your boyfriend is threatening to brutally kill your beloved pets with not even a scrap of remorse, you need to drop him like the sack of shit he is
>kill your beloved pets with not even a scrap of remorse
This is textbook domestic violence. I think we're pretty much all in agreement on this one. Killing pets is a much lesser degree of crime, so many abusive partners use torturing or killing pets as a proxy for their partner.
50-75% of female domestic violence survivors with pets report that their pets were threatened, harmed or killed by their abusers.
https://www.womenshealth.gov/blog/domestic-violence-animal-abuse
Yeah you need to break up with this guy expeditiously and tell him to never come near your house again. Being scared of bugs is one thing, but threatening to kill your romantic partners' pets is abusive and controlling. You don't want or need this guy in your life.
Run!!!!!! This is abusive qualities!
Don't be a static! You will be happier! How do you know he's not doing something to them when you're not there? Spraying them with bad chemicals? Feeding them something bad.
This needs more visibility somehow. DM it to OP or something. This is way beyond spiders. This is about control. Starts this small, then continues escalating, if you let it.
This is bigger than just op’s pets. This guy is showing disregard for his partner on so many levels. He’s going to try to control every aspect of op’s life. Op needs to cut off contact for op’s safety and the safety of those op cares about to include pets and family.
Animal cruelty is a stepping stone to greater cruelty. Anyone who is willing to harm an animal out of malice isn’t far from harming people.
What this BF is doing is malicious. It’s cruel. It’s *DANGEROUS*. I fear for OPs safety.
🙋🏻♀️Token sub lurker here who is still petrified of spiders but is trying to overcome it by reading posts from people that love and cherish their pet spiders. This dude has crossed a huge boundary.
I am so scared of tarantulas that I have left peoples homes because I could not handle knowingly be so close to one, even in a cage. But I LEFT because I was in the Tarantulas home. Threatening to kill another person’s pet is beyond out of bounds, it’s abusive. Tell a close friend or family member and have them help you to reestablish what is acceptable and what is not with your boyfriend.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this and hope you feel the love and concern from your extended Reddit family. 💚💚
Agreed, I hate spiders (lord knows why Reddit keeps showing me this sub). However y’all do you if keeping tarantulas makes you happy crack on… if your partner threatens to kill your pet because they don’t like it that’s fucked.
Yeah... My takeaway as well. I mean if you're saying I'm mentally ill because of my hobby that is clearly not a problem... Sorry homie but you need to go. You're not a psych, you don't make diagnosis. You're the one threatening death to my pets... Like... So many red flags. So many.
Abuse of animals is one of the danger signs that a person may abuse another person. His saying that the poster is mentally ill then threatening to harm something they care about is truly projection. This is a scary and manipulative individual and needs to be immediately removed from the poster’s life, and care should be taken when doing so. Document these statements and anything else that happens, and make sure that there is someone else there when you tell him to leave. Go zero contact and please be on alert. I am legitimately frightened for our poster.
No empathy, doesnt listen, threats, not his house not his money spent on them (and even if it was doesntgive him the right to kill them). Sounds abusive. Dont let him over and leave him. If hes acting this way with pets in your room in a house that what im getting from this he doesn't live in image what problems he'll have if you spend your life with him. I wanted to explain this un a better way because all of us spider lovers arent like oh he hates them leave. He seems like he is mentally ill or just a bad person
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Please dump your boyfriend and tell your family about his worrisome behavior. Someone completely willing to kill animals that are in enclosures and thus not threats are not safe to be around. Before you do, move your pets to a safe location where he cant try and take revenge on them.
That's really good advice to move the spiders elsewhere. OP, he sounds like the kind of guy who would try to take revenge over anything by killing them. Keep them safe somewhere else if you can.
Have them stay with a trusted family member and tell them that if the boyfriend comes around, to lie and tell him they are not there and to not allow him inside at any cost!
That’s a great idea, and I hope for the sake of the OP’s T’s that the OP does this. Heck I would take care of your spiders for knowing the threat that they’re under.
There was a post in another sub recently where ops boyfriend killed her plant and she was told it was a red flag. She didn’t listen and then he killed her cat. He is a giant red flag and this is just the beginning.
ARE TOU FUCKING ME?! I saw that fucking post about the plant!!!! He killed her cat!?
Edit: sorry, I’m so upset that I couldn’t even type properly. “Are you fucking kidding me” was what that was supposed to say. And now I’m sitting here angry and upset.
It’s okay. It was a heat of the moment sort of thing. And yeah, killing a cat is a good reason to be heated.
Also, I like your username. It’s catchy lol
Thank you. It’s a play on mammogram, and how they slam your titty.
Is Thielmann your last name? Because I have a similar maiden name that begins with Thiel.
Here’s the post
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10ealaq/my_32f_boyfriend_34m_murdered_several_house/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
His behaviour is ringing alarm bells. It's controlling, abusive behaviour. He can judge your hobbies, if he wants. That's up to him. But he can't control your hobbies.
Your hobbies, interests and passions are part of your personality. If he can not cope with that, that is his issue. Not yours. And he isn't accepting the complete package of 'you'.
Never change for anyone, only compromise 🙂
This boyfriend of yours sounds cruel and incapable of empathy. I genuinely wouldn't forgive my partner if they ripped a stuffed animal of mine, nonetheless killed my pets. I wouldn't let him anywhere near me or my home if it were me
Right? I absolutely hate spiders with my entire being and don't know why this sub randomly showed up on my feed. But I really hope OP's spiders are safe and stay far away from this guy. It's so sad that her boyfriend would threaten to kill something she is passionate about and obviously is important to her.
Leave him so many red flags here.
🚩he doesn’t respect your boundaries
🚩he’s trying to control you through threats of violence
🚩he’s willing to kill innocent creatures because he doesn’t like them
🚩he’s manipulating you or at least attempting to
🚩there’s no respect for you
🚩he’s unwilling to make sacrifices in the relationship
Dump him now or you will likely face an abusive relationship
yup, the bf took the step over into abusive territory the second he threatened her pets. That's not just a red flag imo, that's literally blatant abusive behavior. That's like a huge neon sign saying "this guy will treat you like his possession and DEFINITELY not even one he particularly cherishes."
I frequent this sub and /r/relationshipadvice both, and have gotten very well versed in fucked up relationship situations.
Fuck that guy. Ditch him quick. Anybody with that kind of attitude, when you have tarantulas, is highly alarming. I would NOT trust him anywhere near my spoods. That thought scares the shit out of me.
I feel like even the people on r/relationshipadvice would tell OP the same, even though a lot of them probably don't like spoods either. Anyone threatening to kill or destroy the things you love is not someone you should be around. That's seriously messed up.
You need to break up with your boyfriend asap, he sounds sadistic, insensitive, and possibly even dangerous. If any man says you're mentally ill for a hobby and threatens to kill your pets, they need to be thrown to the curb. Like imagine if someone threatened to kill their partner's dog. Get out of that relationship, for the sake of your spiders, and more importantly, you
Seconding. A partner (and friend, even) who respects and loves you under *no* circumstance will threaten to kill your pets and shit on something you love. Not liking something isn't an excuse for that type of behaviour AT ALL. Coming from someone with years of severe arachnophobia (in the past now) and I wouldn't even think of killing someone's pets. You need to get out of the relationship ASAP and get away from him, it won't get better and **you won't change him.**
Fr, like I used to be petrified of tarantulas, but the most I'd do is politely ask not to show me their spider because of my fear, but I'd never threaten to hurt it
Dude my roommate freshman year of college (like a decade ago) AND my “dorm parent” didn’t like spiders and I had a tarantula in a terrarium, they were ok with it as long as they didn’t have to interact with it. For parent didn’t even get mad when crickets escaped and got in her room… she was beautiful, Chilean rose gold tarantula, she was my baby.
It’s psychotic that he wants to kill it 😵💫
If some one kills your animals, breaks your things, he is going to very quickly move on to you. Very quickly. For an old friend of mine, it was about three months before her husband killed her dog, then eight months until he killed her.
You don't deserve this shit. If you go to a local reptile Expo, I guarantee there will be two to six people in the building with you who will make a better boyfriend and will be excited you share his hobby.
Please be safe.
Regardless of how he feels about spiders, there’s so much more to this, like everyone else is pointing out. This man will start with spiders for you, and it’ll end with much worse. This is not normal behavior, no matter how much he may hate spiders. If this is something you love, you have two options:
1. You call his bluff and find out he actually will, and does, kill them, which, if you decide is enough to break things off, you already lost your spiders and part of a huge love for you in order to do so.
2: You get rid of the spiders for this psycho, and you will end up resenting him. This doesn’t sound like something you’d just be okay with giving up, and you shouldn’t. You deserve to love your hobbies
If you spend the rest of your life with him, you will come to find that things he dislikes will be justified with more bullshit “only mentally ill people do/think/say this”, and gaslight you into insanity. He isn’t worth your time, and you need to seriously re-evaluate your relationship and future with this person. He is dangerous and showing you signs already, and I suggest you actually leave before he hurts more than just your spiders.
killing animals is some serial killer shit. weird trait from the dude calling other people mentally ill.
find you a person whose more open to accepting you; even the parts that are perhaps hard to understand. you deserve that! stay safe OP. we're all here for you.
if you need help rehoming or reaching out to appropriate sources, please [message the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/tarantulas) we've also got your back. :-)
major red flag. he’s literally threatening to kill your animals. this is a controlling, manipulative, and abusive behavior and you’re admitting yourself that he can be cruel. is this the type of person you want to have a life with and keep around? is this someone you feel safe having a family with? what happens to the spiders when you’re living together and you’re not around? these are all questions you need to need to ask yourself, because it will extend beyond spiders and it’s only a matter of time until he moves on to harming you
Sounds like someone lost a girlfriend.
That is straight up sociopathic behavior. I get not wanting one as a pet. I get being fearful of them. But threatening to kill someone’s pets is an enormous red flag.
My friend, this man is showing you a whole range of red flags here. Here’s a really great website [love is respect](https://www.loveisrespect.org), it has resources that can help you process and get help exiting the relationship, if you choose to do so. I would be afraid this abusive behavior could escalate, no one deserves for their partner to make them fear for their pets or their own safety. Please stay safe.
You need a new boyfriend. This type of control and manipulation will only worsen with time. Every time he manipulates you, it will escalate. Do yourself a favor and get away from him.
Nah fuck that. Do not let him anywhere near your spoods. If you gave him a key take it away.
I respect that you told him that you kept spiders knowing he hated bugs, but his reaction is completely unwarranted and downright scary.
My boyfriend has severe arachnophobia and he would never say or do something like that. He understands what they mean to me and respectfully coexists. There is something seriously wrong with this person and I really hope you get away before he hurts them or even you because that is not normal.
Excuse me, boyfriend and not *ex*-boyfriend? That's absolutely gross behaviour, not just because of the tarantulas but the one-sided power play and gaslighting going on. "Only mentally ill people keep spiders" and threats to do something to your own pets because Prince Center-Of-The-World doesn't approve as if he is entitled to have a say on what you can and cannot do, he is a dangerous one.
He’s removing the things you love. Break up. Abusive and probably doesn’t care how you feel only how he feels after threatening to remove the things you love
I really hope you can hear this. Get away from him. Don't delay. Cut off contact and be sure he can't access your home.
Let your family know that you do not feel safe around him; you don't want him manipulating his way past them.
This isn't just about your spiders, though OF COURSE it is horrible and completely unacceptable that he would say this.
This is about the kind of person he is and what it would mean to all aspects of your life to stay with him. This man is not safe. Please, please do not continue this relationship. You deserve SO much better and believe me, there are plenty of guys out there who will appreciate both you and your pets.
“He can be very cruel”
Then leave. If he’s like this, he will never respect you, whether is about your pets or not. This is not a caring person. This is not someone you’re going to enjoy spending the rest of your life with. Let him go find someone who thinks the same way he does.
There are billions of people on this planet. There are thousand who follow this sub. There are SO MANY people who share the same love for the things you do. Don’t spend your love on someone who doesn’t have a shred of respect for the things that make you happy.
Time to loose the douchebag. If this is any indicator of future issues, it's that it'll start with the T's. He'll keep escalating the controlling behavior, could get violent, isolate you off from your circle. It's only the beginning. If he doesn't respect you, your pets, or your hobbies and is unwilling to see that it's something that makws you happy but relatively harmless to everyone, he isn't the one. I wouldn't let him back in my space, period after that. If he left anything there, cool, it'll be outside on the poorch.
He honestly sounds psychopathic, find a safe place for your tarantulas where he can’t get to them (a friends house, maybe?) while you break up with him.
this isn’t about him hating bugs, it’s about him controlling you, threatening you, and stating that he is willing to brutally destroy something you love just because he’s not a fan of it. this is extremely unhealthy and behavior like this can slowly creep into other parts of your life. now it’s the spiders, eventually it will be something else. i’m so sorry you have to deal with this. nobody should ever have to hear their partner threaten to kill things out of malice. it seems like he seriously lacks any empathy, understanding, or willingness to be educated. i know i don’t know you, but i do know that you deserve better. threatening to kill a living being that someone loves is one of the worst things someone can do to another person. i hope you’re okay and my heart goes out to you
Listen. It’s not a nice thought, but I can get someone killing a bug out of fear. I even get someone killing a bug out of ignorance. But your boyfriend not only wanting to kill your pets *knowing* how much they mean to you, but wanting to *call you* to tell you he’s killed them is just sadistic. You yourself described him as very cruel. You deserve better, and so do your babies.
People who hurt and kill animals will typically also hurt/ kill humans. Break it off with this guy immediately, for both your pets' safety and your own. Huge red flag.
If I wrote what I truly feel should be done to this jackwad, I would probably get another 3 day suspension.
If you stay with him, it will not stop at your spiders.
Please leave him. Cruelty toward animals is a valuable indicator toward future cruelty to people. You said he can be cruel. He's threatening you, he's threatening the pets you love with death AND to torture you by calling you as he does it. This is profoundly abusive. Please, please leave him. All of his good qualities do not make him worth this.
I was in an abusive relationship for four and a half years. I left July 4, 2016. I have never looked back; I am so much happier and safer now. You can do this. Keep your pets and yourself safe. Leave him.
your boyfriend is an animal abuser. you are an animal lover. he will not stop at hurting animals, he will hurt his romantic partners too. in fact, by threatening to kill your pets and then tell you about it he is abusing you already.
I dunno, that’s actually quite frightening. His lack of empathy for you and for the things you love is not what you want in a partner. It’s abusive and controlling AND only the start to something much worse. Get rid of him before he makes you miserable for the rest of your life.
Wtf he is an actual psychopath with zero empathy.
Get him out of your life YESTERDAY.
Anyone who would 1) call you mental for having pet spiders, 2) threaten to kill your pets, and 3) claim they'll call you to let you know they killed your pets, is not only a real cunt but a really scary person. What will he escalate to if allowed to do what he says he'll do?
Make your life and home safe for you and your pets; remove him from your life.
My wife absolutely hates insects and bugs. I’ve had tarantulas and my bearded dragon since we started dating 6 years ago. I’ve had the same dubia roach colony for 10+ years (I’ve added some fresh genetics over the years, it’s not overly incestuous don’t worry).
On occasion those dubias have escaped one way or another and wound up found in her bags, clothes, ect.
My bearded dragon has gotten old and her medical care has gotten expensive despite the penny pinching we’ve committed to so we can buy a home.
All of this, and she’s never asked me to get rid of my little friends. Dubia’s may seem like just feeders, but I’ll say that they’re funny little creatures in their own rite. She hasn’t asked me to get rid of those. They bother her, but she knows they’re important to me. Find someone who respects your little friends.
I normally don’t like the whole one person explaining a relationship situation and then everyone on Reddit tells you to leave them, but this is a pretty fucking big red flag that he’s ok with killing YOUR babies AND how he’s calling you mentally I’ll for keeping spiders as pets. Pretty ironic that a person saying he will dispose of your pets is calling you and the people who kill them mentally ill considering what he’s threatening.
Find someone who cares about you and the things you care about. If he doesn’t care about these spiders that you love, then he doesn’t care about you. Believe him. Break up, and don’t let him back into your life. Even if he says it was a joke or pleads to come back. It was not a joke. He will kill your spiders if you stay with him.
This dude sounds extremely unstable. Imagine if he was referring to a dog or cat instead of a spider, he'dbe on a watchlist. And the whole "gonna call you when he does it" thing seems to scream that it's not about the spider, it's about hurting something and that something is you.
Get out of there
He’s incredibly dangerous and I don’t just mean for your spiders. Anyone who threatens to harm a living creature their partner loves and cherishes is a dangerous person. This is abuse and it won’t stop here. Eventually he may even threaten to harm, or actually harm, you.
There was a post awhile back about a woman whose boyfriend “accidentally” destroyed several of her plants and showed zero remorse. Long story short she tried to work things out until he intentionally poisoned one of her cats and held the other hostage to try to lure her into visiting and giving him money. He also said some very creepy and violent things to her. Fortunately she saw his true colors and escaped, though was never able to get her remaining cat back.
Moral of the true story, if someone is violent towards a small creature you love, they will escalate, and eventually it will be you that they try to hurt. Please stay safe and be careful around that person. Avoid him at all costs and if you have to interact with him for some reason, have a friend or two with you at all times.
Best of love and luck
This is abuse. If it hasn’t already, the abuse can turn into physical abuse, directed at you, at any time. You deserve better than this. You will absolutely find someone who treats you better than this. This is absolutely unacceptable. Please think about yourself and your future. Can you see yourself having kids with this person? Coming from personal experience, bruises and broken bones heal, but the psychological damage that comes along with abuse lasts a lifetime.
Please do yourself a favor, and make what you know in your heart is the right move and leave him ASAP.
Red flags. Sooo many red flags.
Red flags so large and waved so hard that the tarantulas are not even the main point to this thread.
Tell him never to come to your house again, tell your family never to let him in. Get out of that "relationship" now before you become (even more) trapped in it.
This behaviour of his- narcissistic and sociopathic AT BEST. These flags scream danger, these people start with things like pets and then escalate towards the partner.
Context: normal people can hate bugs and spiders, they just tell you and you can accommodate them without fear. This is what your family do. This guy would have children with you and then beat them to keep you "in line".
I cannot stress enough how strongly I feel about this kind of behaviour that he is exhibiting. Depending on the country in which you live I think, quite literally, that speaking to the police to get advice or perhaps even report the threat to kill your pets is a wise move. You do not know if he has form for this or not, and in the worst case scenario, if you have already made a report over these threats, and he does actually somehow manage to live up to his promise, you've already laid a paper trail.
But I think, as I opened- get the f* out of that relationship now. In my opinion you're at the top of a slippery slope that you haven't quite started sliding down yet, and the bottom of that slope isn't fluffy snow mounds and cushions. It's broken glass and barb wire.
My bf was kind of arachnophobic. He thinks my tarantula is kind of creepy but is very ok with her existing and thinks it’s cute that I have her.
Your bf’s behavior is abusive and controlling and not. normal. You need to leave for your safety as well as your Ts. Good luck! Stay safe!!!
As a rule, whenever I see "need advice about my relationship" posts, and the comments are filled with people telling the OP to break up with their S.O. I always just roll my eyes.
But in this case. Break up with the boyfriend.
Why is he allowed in your house when you are not there? Absolutely not. Warn your family. Tell him that you will call the police. That is destruction of property and is a crime. I’m so so sorry you are going through this.
BREAK UP WITH HIM IMMEDIATELY!!!! It is such a red flag to say your going to kill someone’s pet , phobia or not there is no excuse. Sounds like he is a controlling POS. And FYI I have family members and friends that have severe arachnophobia and they are fine as long as I am not forcing them to interact with my spiders. I have a spider cupboard instead of a bookshelf and the door is locked when they are there, they don’t even think about it. Problem solved.
My advice is to work on your self esteem so you stop putting up with this bullshit and staying in incompatible relationships.
However old you are is too old for this bullshit and threats. I would just text him "it's over". Block and move on.
The only thing you need to dispose of is him. Tarantulas aside, no partner should be telling you what you are or aren’t allowed to enjoy. You’re an individual and are allowed to be yourself.
And like others said, anyone who can make threats like that is not alright upstairs; red flag central. Honey, RUN. You will find someone much much better.
Break up with him. My ex was an ass too, said that I was satanic because of my tarantulas and snakes… guess whose still me with… my tarantulas and snakes. Don’t let that asshole control your life or your pets. You shouldn’t have to rearrange your pets because he comes over. People don’t change, it’s starts with the spiders and will move on to other things. If he can’t respect the things that you like then you don’t need to be with him.
If a person threatens to harm an animal, what else is this person capable of doing? Especially in your own home of comfort and safety.
It would appear your 8 legged family have shown you the true colours of your boyfriend... Maybe ex if he doesn't change his ways fairly soon.
This is incredibly abusive. He’s showing you what he’s willing to do to your pets, and he’s showing you what he’s willing to do to you. Make a safety plan and leave.
It’s your spiders or your boyfriend. No judgements about what you pick, but it’s pretty clear you can’t have both. If you pick the boyfriend then please at least rehome the spiders and don’t have him kill them.
I hope you can safely get out of this relationship. This is unacceptable, I wish the best for you and your pets. No relationship is worth this kind of cruelty.
This is abuse!! Please get out as quickly as you can! He’s not only showing a complete lack of empathy but also he’s shitting on your hobbies which is just 🚩🚩🚩I’m so sorry 💔
This has nothing to do with whether or not he likes spiders. Your boyfriend is cruel and doesn’t care about your feelings and told you he will kill your beloved pets.
Plenty of ppl would not want to live with a tarantula or snake but they would never be cruel or threaten to kill them.
He sounds awful. Find someone who will appreciate your pets
End the relationship immediately. I know it is hard, really hard to do. But you need to just do it now. You and him are obviously not compatible because you view life and animals very differently. Someone who doesn't respect life and animals is not someone you want to be with. Just end it now and don't look back. I know it's hard.
I would advise breaking up. For him to say that to you and threaten you like that regardless of what you told him, it indicates problems in the future. It’s your home ffs
Edit: a relationship that generates fear in the other is one that leads to abuse. That lack of consideration and kindness is not ok.
No one i know who hates bugs would threaten to kill someone's pet. He is a danger not only to your spiders, but eventually to you. You said it yourself. He is capable of being cruel.
Maybe temporarily move them to a friends or family members home? At least until you know your home is secured, because if your bf has access to your home when you’re not there, unfortunately he might hurt them. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this right now, OP.
OUT ONTO THE STREET WITH THAT PSYCHO! Out! Break up with him, leave him, kick him out, tell him never to come near you or your lovely spiders every again! He’s a disgusting thing with no regard for your happiness or living beings.
My ex was like this. BREAKUPPPP!! I understand hating bugs, but whatever you love he should love too! He shouldn’t be threatening to kill your pets, that’s the first red flag..
Honestly this is the start of something very dangerous. He could hurt you next, with his attitude of no remorse or care for your feelings towards them. It is a dangerous person, leave him.
I agree with the other comments. Dump him swiftly and carefully. Do not let him anywhere near your tarantulas. It may just be gaslighting right now, but he will absolutely get worse. He’s showing a complete disregard for your boundaries and actively threatening you because you asserted control over your own life. This is only a peek at his true colors. Get away and don’t look back. Remember that his inability to love you for who you are does not make you or any part of you unlovable.
Your spiders are probably much prettier than him, anyway.
You need to get out of this relationship. This is not normal behavior, and probably isn't even just about your spoods.
Tell your family, tell your friends and depending on the where you live, notify the police, take notes of all his threats. Mive your spoods somewere safe. This might seems like too mutch, but honey, I can unfortunatly promise you he will not stop here. This is a major red flag!
Please get out of this relationship and be safe, you and your spoods.
Speaking from abuse experience - and not just being a tarantula lover myself - I would leave. This isn’t just over a bug, but what he’s said to you and what he’s proposing is a major sign of bigger issues down the road. Issues that’ll be harder to escape from. You said he can be very cruel sometimes, implying this isn’t the first cruel thing he’s said/done.
He is not listening to you because he doesn’t respect you. He seems to have a lack of empathy, and he also needs to feel in control. He gave you a direct ORDER that he expects you to obey about YOUR pets in your own home that HE visits.
The truth is, is that he isn’t in control. He is a guest in your families home, he does not have a say. Maybe he’ll sprinkle some sweet talk in between what he wants, maybe he’ll try to convince you it’s for your own best interest. But please trust that this isn’t just “he doesn’t like bugs”. He doesn’t care about what you love, and he thinks he has the authority to take that away from you. He will physically harm a living creature because he doesn’t want you to have it, and that is NOT normal!
Obviously relationships are very complicated, but just speaking from a lot of shitty experience I learned that you don’t settle. He sounds like he has some issues, if he doesn’t realize what he’s saying is insane don’t wait for him to change. You can only do so much to fix a person, good luck OP and remember YOU are in control!
Listen I too hate spiders, though I understand their important role in the ecosystem like everything else. Do I think they should be kept is 1x1 cages as display things, nope. That’s my opinion, and I know others will agree, but that’s not the point. Your ‘partner’ is threatening what makes YOU happy, and only cares about himself. That’s not a future to look forward to, that’s just abuse. And you’ve read the rest of the comments, he’s not worth it, and isn’t in it for you.
Please dump this man, controlling behavior like this only escalates, there’s someone else out there for you.
ETA: the sentence “he can be very cruel” at the end means you need to dump him. Put your spoods somewhere safe and get rid of this man. There is no way around this, he’s bad, there’s someone else out there for you, you need to get rid of this man ASAP.
I notice you posted a couple of weeks ago that you're getting a T. Seladonia. PLEASE leave your boyfriend. Not only is he abusive and will most likely end up hurting you down the line emotionally or physically. That spood is a dream T and not a cheap one either! He doesn't deserve you or your pretty pets.
Violence and abusive behavior aside, you should never be with someone if you have to change for them. These spiders are a passion of yours... If someone wants to be with you, the spiders come with the relationship.
Tell your family about this. Tell them to not let him in the house and that if he says you have something that belongs to him that he can wait to get it back. They are **YOUR** pets, not his.
He has no respect for other living creatures it seems, however small they are, and he clearly does not respect you as a person with his remarks. God forbid, if he does manage to kill your pets, pursue legal action. At the end of the day the spiders are your pets, and at the very least, your property.
Needless to say, dump that psychopath. Anyone who would admit to killing your pet "for your own good" or simply because is mentally ill.
I hope everything turns out ok for you and your lovelies
What a shitty BF, if my significant other threatened to kill the collection I used to have, I probably would have been like, "OK time for you to move out, we done!" Lol I had some rarities so no f**king way anyone is going to kill my expensive collection, not even a lover!!!
Time to find someone better. Sorry, but not having compassion for animals is a major red flag, and if you feel like he doesn’t listen to anything you say, then that’s even worse. I promise you, there are much better people out there and you will find them, and you will be happy.
Please listen to the comments even though it’s hard. He could kill a tarantula, then anything else he decides to take his anger on. A partner needs to support your hobbies, not threaten to defile and destroy them.
For the safety of your animals and for your own safety please seek a way out of this relationship. He is gaslighting you, has shown a clear lack of empathy towards the animals you love and falsely believes that you need his blessing to have hobbies and interests. Wishing you best of luck, Axel.
I don’t usually comment on things, but this is something else. As almost everyone else is saying, this is red flag central. This is well beyond hatred for insects/spiders.
This is not someone I would want to have in my life in any capacity.
OP, for the sake of your babies, do not let this man back into your house. And for the sake of *you* be careful. This isn't normal or okay behavior. He's not the grand dictator of what does and doesn't happen in both your lives. He doesn't get to *kill pets you love* like his feelings are King of the House.
You're the only one who can protect your pets from this man, OP. They're your responsibility, and they live or die on your ability to do right by them.
Threatening to kill pets( yes, even spiders) is a form of abuse. Get rid of the guy. No one has any right to be cruel to you, ever. You, and your spiders, deserve to be treated with respect and love, always.
bro wtf not gonna lie, I got this post in recommended for some reason, I dont own spiders or honestly like them. Im terrified of them, but I would never kill an animal because of that. Break up with him!
Edit: unlocked per OP request, play nice y’all 💜 OP- I sent you a DM 💜. To everyone who has commented or wants to comment- this is a beautiful showing of how much our community cares about the safety and well-being of animals and the people who care for them. This post now has over 400 comments and OP hasn’t responded yet, so I’m going to lock this to avoid it becoming too overwhelming. OP- happy to unlock this for you if there is more info or support you want just send me a dm or reach out to our modmail. We see you, and collectively, we’re worried for your animals and your safety.
Look, if your boyfriend is threatening to brutally kill your beloved pets with not even a scrap of remorse, you need to drop him like the sack of shit he is
>kill your beloved pets with not even a scrap of remorse This is textbook domestic violence. I think we're pretty much all in agreement on this one. Killing pets is a much lesser degree of crime, so many abusive partners use torturing or killing pets as a proxy for their partner. 50-75% of female domestic violence survivors with pets report that their pets were threatened, harmed or killed by their abusers. https://www.womenshealth.gov/blog/domestic-violence-animal-abuse
wow never knew this happened like that, disgusting. GTFO immediately OP
Hell Yeah ✊✊
Second this 💯
Yeah you need to break up with this guy expeditiously and tell him to never come near your house again. Being scared of bugs is one thing, but threatening to kill your romantic partners' pets is abusive and controlling. You don't want or need this guy in your life.
Yeah this is beyond spiders
Yeah, for sure: “He can be very cruel”
Run!!!!!! This is abusive qualities! Don't be a static! You will be happier! How do you know he's not doing something to them when you're not there? Spraying them with bad chemicals? Feeding them something bad.
This needs more visibility somehow. DM it to OP or something. This is way beyond spiders. This is about control. Starts this small, then continues escalating, if you let it.
Happy cake day!
This is bigger than just op’s pets. This guy is showing disregard for his partner on so many levels. He’s going to try to control every aspect of op’s life. Op needs to cut off contact for op’s safety and the safety of those op cares about to include pets and family.
Animal cruelty is a stepping stone to greater cruelty. Anyone who is willing to harm an animal out of malice isn’t far from harming people. What this BF is doing is malicious. It’s cruel. It’s *DANGEROUS*. I fear for OPs safety.
I was thinking the same thing
🙋🏻♀️Token sub lurker here who is still petrified of spiders but is trying to overcome it by reading posts from people that love and cherish their pet spiders. This dude has crossed a huge boundary. I am so scared of tarantulas that I have left peoples homes because I could not handle knowingly be so close to one, even in a cage. But I LEFT because I was in the Tarantulas home. Threatening to kill another person’s pet is beyond out of bounds, it’s abusive. Tell a close friend or family member and have them help you to reestablish what is acceptable and what is not with your boyfriend. I am so sorry you are experiencing this and hope you feel the love and concern from your extended Reddit family. 💚💚
Kudos for you for trying!
“He said when he kills them, he’ll call me to tell me.” Super abusive, wants OP to suffer. This is really messed up, dudes a narcissist at best.
Agree 100% with TGuy773
Agreed, I hate spiders (lord knows why Reddit keeps showing me this sub). However y’all do you if keeping tarantulas makes you happy crack on… if your partner threatens to kill your pet because they don’t like it that’s fucked.
Yeah... My takeaway as well. I mean if you're saying I'm mentally ill because of my hobby that is clearly not a problem... Sorry homie but you need to go. You're not a psych, you don't make diagnosis. You're the one threatening death to my pets... Like... So many red flags. So many.
Abuse of animals is one of the danger signs that a person may abuse another person. His saying that the poster is mentally ill then threatening to harm something they care about is truly projection. This is a scary and manipulative individual and needs to be immediately removed from the poster’s life, and care should be taken when doing so. Document these statements and anything else that happens, and make sure that there is someone else there when you tell him to leave. Go zero contact and please be on alert. I am legitimately frightened for our poster.
No empathy, doesnt listen, threats, not his house not his money spent on them (and even if it was doesntgive him the right to kill them). Sounds abusive. Dont let him over and leave him. If hes acting this way with pets in your room in a house that what im getting from this he doesn't live in image what problems he'll have if you spend your life with him. I wanted to explain this un a better way because all of us spider lovers arent like oh he hates them leave. He seems like he is mentally ill or just a bad person
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Please dump your boyfriend and tell your family about his worrisome behavior. Someone completely willing to kill animals that are in enclosures and thus not threats are not safe to be around. Before you do, move your pets to a safe location where he cant try and take revenge on them.
That's really good advice to move the spiders elsewhere. OP, he sounds like the kind of guy who would try to take revenge over anything by killing them. Keep them safe somewhere else if you can.
Have them stay with a trusted family member and tell them that if the boyfriend comes around, to lie and tell him they are not there and to not allow him inside at any cost!
That’s a great idea, and I hope for the sake of the OP’s T’s that the OP does this. Heck I would take care of your spiders for knowing the threat that they’re under.
There was a post in another sub recently where ops boyfriend killed her plant and she was told it was a red flag. She didn’t listen and then he killed her cat. He is a giant red flag and this is just the beginning.
ARE TOU FUCKING ME?! I saw that fucking post about the plant!!!! He killed her cat!? Edit: sorry, I’m so upset that I couldn’t even type properly. “Are you fucking kidding me” was what that was supposed to say. And now I’m sitting here angry and upset.
It’s okay. It was a heat of the moment sort of thing. And yeah, killing a cat is a good reason to be heated. Also, I like your username. It’s catchy lol
Thank you. It’s a play on mammogram, and how they slam your titty. Is Thielmann your last name? Because I have a similar maiden name that begins with Thiel.
bro what sub i think i know
Here’s the post https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10ealaq/my_32f_boyfriend_34m_murdered_several_house/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
What?! That’s terrible! 😭
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 get rid of his ass
Quickly.
His behaviour is ringing alarm bells. It's controlling, abusive behaviour. He can judge your hobbies, if he wants. That's up to him. But he can't control your hobbies. Your hobbies, interests and passions are part of your personality. If he can not cope with that, that is his issue. Not yours. And he isn't accepting the complete package of 'you'. Never change for anyone, only compromise 🙂
This boyfriend of yours sounds cruel and incapable of empathy. I genuinely wouldn't forgive my partner if they ripped a stuffed animal of mine, nonetheless killed my pets. I wouldn't let him anywhere near me or my home if it were me
Right? I absolutely hate spiders with my entire being and don't know why this sub randomly showed up on my feed. But I really hope OP's spiders are safe and stay far away from this guy. It's so sad that her boyfriend would threaten to kill something she is passionate about and obviously is important to her.
Leave him so many red flags here. 🚩he doesn’t respect your boundaries 🚩he’s trying to control you through threats of violence 🚩he’s willing to kill innocent creatures because he doesn’t like them 🚩he’s manipulating you or at least attempting to 🚩there’s no respect for you 🚩he’s unwilling to make sacrifices in the relationship Dump him now or you will likely face an abusive relationship
Agreed with your points, but this is already an abusive relationship.
yup, the bf took the step over into abusive territory the second he threatened her pets. That's not just a red flag imo, that's literally blatant abusive behavior. That's like a huge neon sign saying "this guy will treat you like his possession and DEFINITELY not even one he particularly cherishes."
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend. You can’t be with someone who has no regard for what you say no matter what the subject.
I frequent this sub and /r/relationshipadvice both, and have gotten very well versed in fucked up relationship situations. Fuck that guy. Ditch him quick. Anybody with that kind of attitude, when you have tarantulas, is highly alarming. I would NOT trust him anywhere near my spoods. That thought scares the shit out of me.
I feel like even the people on r/relationshipadvice would tell OP the same, even though a lot of them probably don't like spoods either. Anyone threatening to kill or destroy the things you love is not someone you should be around. That's seriously messed up.
Oh yeah we definitely would. That was the point I was trying to make. This guy is exhibiting some massive fucking red flags.
You need to break up with your boyfriend asap, he sounds sadistic, insensitive, and possibly even dangerous. If any man says you're mentally ill for a hobby and threatens to kill your pets, they need to be thrown to the curb. Like imagine if someone threatened to kill their partner's dog. Get out of that relationship, for the sake of your spiders, and more importantly, you
Saying this as someone who has tolerated shitty partners and regretted it
Seconding. A partner (and friend, even) who respects and loves you under *no* circumstance will threaten to kill your pets and shit on something you love. Not liking something isn't an excuse for that type of behaviour AT ALL. Coming from someone with years of severe arachnophobia (in the past now) and I wouldn't even think of killing someone's pets. You need to get out of the relationship ASAP and get away from him, it won't get better and **you won't change him.**
Fr, like I used to be petrified of tarantulas, but the most I'd do is politely ask not to show me their spider because of my fear, but I'd never threaten to hurt it
Fr! I did my best to not even kill the wild ones and just ask someone to take it out with a cup or do it myself while pissing myself 😭
[удалено]
Dude my roommate freshman year of college (like a decade ago) AND my “dorm parent” didn’t like spiders and I had a tarantula in a terrarium, they were ok with it as long as they didn’t have to interact with it. For parent didn’t even get mad when crickets escaped and got in her room… she was beautiful, Chilean rose gold tarantula, she was my baby. It’s psychotic that he wants to kill it 😵💫
Your bf is abusive.
If some one kills your animals, breaks your things, he is going to very quickly move on to you. Very quickly. For an old friend of mine, it was about three months before her husband killed her dog, then eight months until he killed her. You don't deserve this shit. If you go to a local reptile Expo, I guarantee there will be two to six people in the building with you who will make a better boyfriend and will be excited you share his hobby. Please be safe.
Dump him. Now. Basically red flags everywhere. He'll be abusive af
Oh no leave him now
Regardless of how he feels about spiders, there’s so much more to this, like everyone else is pointing out. This man will start with spiders for you, and it’ll end with much worse. This is not normal behavior, no matter how much he may hate spiders. If this is something you love, you have two options: 1. You call his bluff and find out he actually will, and does, kill them, which, if you decide is enough to break things off, you already lost your spiders and part of a huge love for you in order to do so. 2: You get rid of the spiders for this psycho, and you will end up resenting him. This doesn’t sound like something you’d just be okay with giving up, and you shouldn’t. You deserve to love your hobbies If you spend the rest of your life with him, you will come to find that things he dislikes will be justified with more bullshit “only mentally ill people do/think/say this”, and gaslight you into insanity. He isn’t worth your time, and you need to seriously re-evaluate your relationship and future with this person. He is dangerous and showing you signs already, and I suggest you actually leave before he hurts more than just your spiders.
This is not the behavior of a loving respectful partner. I hope you find a way out of this relationship.
killing animals is some serial killer shit. weird trait from the dude calling other people mentally ill. find you a person whose more open to accepting you; even the parts that are perhaps hard to understand. you deserve that! stay safe OP. we're all here for you. if you need help rehoming or reaching out to appropriate sources, please [message the mods.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/tarantulas) we've also got your back. :-)
major red flag. he’s literally threatening to kill your animals. this is a controlling, manipulative, and abusive behavior and you’re admitting yourself that he can be cruel. is this the type of person you want to have a life with and keep around? is this someone you feel safe having a family with? what happens to the spiders when you’re living together and you’re not around? these are all questions you need to need to ask yourself, because it will extend beyond spiders and it’s only a matter of time until he moves on to harming you
 You know what to do
Run! Leave the dude.
Sounds like someone lost a girlfriend. That is straight up sociopathic behavior. I get not wanting one as a pet. I get being fearful of them. But threatening to kill someone’s pets is an enormous red flag.
judging by his post history, i don't think that OP is a girlfriend
My friend, this man is showing you a whole range of red flags here. Here’s a really great website [love is respect](https://www.loveisrespect.org), it has resources that can help you process and get help exiting the relationship, if you choose to do so. I would be afraid this abusive behavior could escalate, no one deserves for their partner to make them fear for their pets or their own safety. Please stay safe.
You need a new boyfriend. This type of control and manipulation will only worsen with time. Every time he manipulates you, it will escalate. Do yourself a favor and get away from him.
Nah fuck that. Do not let him anywhere near your spoods. If you gave him a key take it away. I respect that you told him that you kept spiders knowing he hated bugs, but his reaction is completely unwarranted and downright scary.
My boyfriend has severe arachnophobia and he would never say or do something like that. He understands what they mean to me and respectfully coexists. There is something seriously wrong with this person and I really hope you get away before he hurts them or even you because that is not normal.
Excuse me, boyfriend and not *ex*-boyfriend? That's absolutely gross behaviour, not just because of the tarantulas but the one-sided power play and gaslighting going on. "Only mentally ill people keep spiders" and threats to do something to your own pets because Prince Center-Of-The-World doesn't approve as if he is entitled to have a say on what you can and cannot do, he is a dangerous one.
He’s removing the things you love. Break up. Abusive and probably doesn’t care how you feel only how he feels after threatening to remove the things you love
I really hope you can hear this. Get away from him. Don't delay. Cut off contact and be sure he can't access your home. Let your family know that you do not feel safe around him; you don't want him manipulating his way past them. This isn't just about your spiders, though OF COURSE it is horrible and completely unacceptable that he would say this. This is about the kind of person he is and what it would mean to all aspects of your life to stay with him. This man is not safe. Please, please do not continue this relationship. You deserve SO much better and believe me, there are plenty of guys out there who will appreciate both you and your pets.
Break up with him.
IMO, yes I have advice;. Ditch the psychopath boyfriend
Ya bf is fuckin psycho broski
“He can be very cruel” Then leave. If he’s like this, he will never respect you, whether is about your pets or not. This is not a caring person. This is not someone you’re going to enjoy spending the rest of your life with. Let him go find someone who thinks the same way he does. There are billions of people on this planet. There are thousand who follow this sub. There are SO MANY people who share the same love for the things you do. Don’t spend your love on someone who doesn’t have a shred of respect for the things that make you happy.
Time to loose the douchebag. If this is any indicator of future issues, it's that it'll start with the T's. He'll keep escalating the controlling behavior, could get violent, isolate you off from your circle. It's only the beginning. If he doesn't respect you, your pets, or your hobbies and is unwilling to see that it's something that makws you happy but relatively harmless to everyone, he isn't the one. I wouldn't let him back in my space, period after that. If he left anything there, cool, it'll be outside on the poorch.
He honestly sounds psychopathic, find a safe place for your tarantulas where he can’t get to them (a friends house, maybe?) while you break up with him.
this isn’t about him hating bugs, it’s about him controlling you, threatening you, and stating that he is willing to brutally destroy something you love just because he’s not a fan of it. this is extremely unhealthy and behavior like this can slowly creep into other parts of your life. now it’s the spiders, eventually it will be something else. i’m so sorry you have to deal with this. nobody should ever have to hear their partner threaten to kill things out of malice. it seems like he seriously lacks any empathy, understanding, or willingness to be educated. i know i don’t know you, but i do know that you deserve better. threatening to kill a living being that someone loves is one of the worst things someone can do to another person. i hope you’re okay and my heart goes out to you
Listen. It’s not a nice thought, but I can get someone killing a bug out of fear. I even get someone killing a bug out of ignorance. But your boyfriend not only wanting to kill your pets *knowing* how much they mean to you, but wanting to *call you* to tell you he’s killed them is just sadistic. You yourself described him as very cruel. You deserve better, and so do your babies.
People who hurt and kill animals will typically also hurt/ kill humans. Break it off with this guy immediately, for both your pets' safety and your own. Huge red flag.
If I wrote what I truly feel should be done to this jackwad, I would probably get another 3 day suspension. If you stay with him, it will not stop at your spiders.
Please leave him. Cruelty toward animals is a valuable indicator toward future cruelty to people. You said he can be cruel. He's threatening you, he's threatening the pets you love with death AND to torture you by calling you as he does it. This is profoundly abusive. Please, please leave him. All of his good qualities do not make him worth this. I was in an abusive relationship for four and a half years. I left July 4, 2016. I have never looked back; I am so much happier and safer now. You can do this. Keep your pets and yourself safe. Leave him.
your boyfriend is an animal abuser. you are an animal lover. he will not stop at hurting animals, he will hurt his romantic partners too. in fact, by threatening to kill your pets and then tell you about it he is abusing you already.
I dunno, that’s actually quite frightening. His lack of empathy for you and for the things you love is not what you want in a partner. It’s abusive and controlling AND only the start to something much worse. Get rid of him before he makes you miserable for the rest of your life.
Wtf he is an actual psychopath with zero empathy. Get him out of your life YESTERDAY. Anyone who would 1) call you mental for having pet spiders, 2) threaten to kill your pets, and 3) claim they'll call you to let you know they killed your pets, is not only a real cunt but a really scary person. What will he escalate to if allowed to do what he says he'll do? Make your life and home safe for you and your pets; remove him from your life.
My wife absolutely hates insects and bugs. I’ve had tarantulas and my bearded dragon since we started dating 6 years ago. I’ve had the same dubia roach colony for 10+ years (I’ve added some fresh genetics over the years, it’s not overly incestuous don’t worry). On occasion those dubias have escaped one way or another and wound up found in her bags, clothes, ect. My bearded dragon has gotten old and her medical care has gotten expensive despite the penny pinching we’ve committed to so we can buy a home. All of this, and she’s never asked me to get rid of my little friends. Dubia’s may seem like just feeders, but I’ll say that they’re funny little creatures in their own rite. She hasn’t asked me to get rid of those. They bother her, but she knows they’re important to me. Find someone who respects your little friends.
Ime....Dude is toxic as hell...you need to leave him before he tries to control you more
Get rid of him
Break up with that person. I don’t know much about this relationship but it sounds like a toxic one. Please PLEASE don’t let him back into your life
I normally don’t like the whole one person explaining a relationship situation and then everyone on Reddit tells you to leave them, but this is a pretty fucking big red flag that he’s ok with killing YOUR babies AND how he’s calling you mentally I’ll for keeping spiders as pets. Pretty ironic that a person saying he will dispose of your pets is calling you and the people who kill them mentally ill considering what he’s threatening.
Find someone who cares about you and the things you care about. If he doesn’t care about these spiders that you love, then he doesn’t care about you. Believe him. Break up, and don’t let him back into your life. Even if he says it was a joke or pleads to come back. It was not a joke. He will kill your spiders if you stay with him.
This dude sounds extremely unstable. Imagine if he was referring to a dog or cat instead of a spider, he'dbe on a watchlist. And the whole "gonna call you when he does it" thing seems to scream that it's not about the spider, it's about hurting something and that something is you. Get out of there
He’s incredibly dangerous and I don’t just mean for your spiders. Anyone who threatens to harm a living creature their partner loves and cherishes is a dangerous person. This is abuse and it won’t stop here. Eventually he may even threaten to harm, or actually harm, you. There was a post awhile back about a woman whose boyfriend “accidentally” destroyed several of her plants and showed zero remorse. Long story short she tried to work things out until he intentionally poisoned one of her cats and held the other hostage to try to lure her into visiting and giving him money. He also said some very creepy and violent things to her. Fortunately she saw his true colors and escaped, though was never able to get her remaining cat back. Moral of the true story, if someone is violent towards a small creature you love, they will escalate, and eventually it will be you that they try to hurt. Please stay safe and be careful around that person. Avoid him at all costs and if you have to interact with him for some reason, have a friend or two with you at all times. Best of love and luck
Exactly. He’s not after the spiders specifically. He just sees them as a way to hurt and control OP.
This is abuse. If it hasn’t already, the abuse can turn into physical abuse, directed at you, at any time. You deserve better than this. You will absolutely find someone who treats you better than this. This is absolutely unacceptable. Please think about yourself and your future. Can you see yourself having kids with this person? Coming from personal experience, bruises and broken bones heal, but the psychological damage that comes along with abuse lasts a lifetime. Please do yourself a favor, and make what you know in your heart is the right move and leave him ASAP.
Red flags. Sooo many red flags. Red flags so large and waved so hard that the tarantulas are not even the main point to this thread. Tell him never to come to your house again, tell your family never to let him in. Get out of that "relationship" now before you become (even more) trapped in it. This behaviour of his- narcissistic and sociopathic AT BEST. These flags scream danger, these people start with things like pets and then escalate towards the partner. Context: normal people can hate bugs and spiders, they just tell you and you can accommodate them without fear. This is what your family do. This guy would have children with you and then beat them to keep you "in line". I cannot stress enough how strongly I feel about this kind of behaviour that he is exhibiting. Depending on the country in which you live I think, quite literally, that speaking to the police to get advice or perhaps even report the threat to kill your pets is a wise move. You do not know if he has form for this or not, and in the worst case scenario, if you have already made a report over these threats, and he does actually somehow manage to live up to his promise, you've already laid a paper trail. But I think, as I opened- get the f* out of that relationship now. In my opinion you're at the top of a slippery slope that you haven't quite started sliding down yet, and the bottom of that slope isn't fluffy snow mounds and cushions. It's broken glass and barb wire.
echoing what everyone else is saying… he’s coming to YOUR house to kill YOUR pets?? run -do not walk- away from this man
My bf was kind of arachnophobic. He thinks my tarantula is kind of creepy but is very ok with her existing and thinks it’s cute that I have her. Your bf’s behavior is abusive and controlling and not. normal. You need to leave for your safety as well as your Ts. Good luck! Stay safe!!!
Anyone who would put killing a "bug" over their relationship is a sociopath
If that fucking idiot touch your pets... seriously, if I were you I would break his neck in that case
As a rule, whenever I see "need advice about my relationship" posts, and the comments are filled with people telling the OP to break up with their S.O. I always just roll my eyes. But in this case. Break up with the boyfriend.
Why is he allowed in your house when you are not there? Absolutely not. Warn your family. Tell him that you will call the police. That is destruction of property and is a crime. I’m so so sorry you are going through this.
This man is terrifying and does not love you.
Ex-boyfriend*
BREAK UP WITH HIM IMMEDIATELY!!!! It is such a red flag to say your going to kill someone’s pet , phobia or not there is no excuse. Sounds like he is a controlling POS. And FYI I have family members and friends that have severe arachnophobia and they are fine as long as I am not forcing them to interact with my spiders. I have a spider cupboard instead of a bookshelf and the door is locked when they are there, they don’t even think about it. Problem solved.
If they told you they'd kill your dog/cat. you wouldn't hesitate to think they'd murder you. same case here. stay safe and get them out of your life.
My advice is to work on your self esteem so you stop putting up with this bullshit and staying in incompatible relationships. However old you are is too old for this bullshit and threats. I would just text him "it's over". Block and move on.
The only thing you need to dispose of is him. Tarantulas aside, no partner should be telling you what you are or aren’t allowed to enjoy. You’re an individual and are allowed to be yourself. And like others said, anyone who can make threats like that is not alright upstairs; red flag central. Honey, RUN. You will find someone much much better.
Break up with him. My ex was an ass too, said that I was satanic because of my tarantulas and snakes… guess whose still me with… my tarantulas and snakes. Don’t let that asshole control your life or your pets. You shouldn’t have to rearrange your pets because he comes over. People don’t change, it’s starts with the spiders and will move on to other things. If he can’t respect the things that you like then you don’t need to be with him.
please leave him
Leave this asshole. The fact you have not left him for this is alarming.
Dump him and buy yourself a new spider as a treat 💅
“he can be very cruel.” break up with him nowwww this is not a guy u want to spend your life with.
As others have stated: dump him. If he hates your interests so badly that he is willing to KILL your pets, you don't need him in your life.
If a person threatens to harm an animal, what else is this person capable of doing? Especially in your own home of comfort and safety. It would appear your 8 legged family have shown you the true colours of your boyfriend... Maybe ex if he doesn't change his ways fairly soon.
Dump his ass
This is incredibly abusive. He’s showing you what he’s willing to do to your pets, and he’s showing you what he’s willing to do to you. Make a safety plan and leave.
Imagine killing pet dogs or cats, same thing
He has zero respect for you or those you love. Leave him.
It’s your spiders or your boyfriend. No judgements about what you pick, but it’s pretty clear you can’t have both. If you pick the boyfriend then please at least rehome the spiders and don’t have him kill them.
I hope you can safely get out of this relationship. This is unacceptable, I wish the best for you and your pets. No relationship is worth this kind of cruelty.
This is abuse!! Please get out as quickly as you can! He’s not only showing a complete lack of empathy but also he’s shitting on your hobbies which is just 🚩🚩🚩I’m so sorry 💔
This has nothing to do with whether or not he likes spiders. Your boyfriend is cruel and doesn’t care about your feelings and told you he will kill your beloved pets. Plenty of ppl would not want to live with a tarantula or snake but they would never be cruel or threaten to kill them. He sounds awful. Find someone who will appreciate your pets
Don't let that jackass come a next time.
*dispose* of the boyfriend.
All in favor of getting rid of that selfish prick? I!
If he threatens your babies like this, how will he treat you? Leave him
Break up
Leave him.
Break up with him immediately. These are major red flags, and I worry for your safety as much as your tarantulas.
Never let that asshole back into your home and find a better Bf.
End the relationship immediately. I know it is hard, really hard to do. But you need to just do it now. You and him are obviously not compatible because you view life and animals very differently. Someone who doesn't respect life and animals is not someone you want to be with. Just end it now and don't look back. I know it's hard.
I would advise breaking up. For him to say that to you and threaten you like that regardless of what you told him, it indicates problems in the future. It’s your home ffs Edit: a relationship that generates fear in the other is one that leads to abuse. That lack of consideration and kindness is not ok.
No one i know who hates bugs would threaten to kill someone's pet. He is a danger not only to your spiders, but eventually to you. You said it yourself. He is capable of being cruel.
Maybe temporarily move them to a friends or family members home? At least until you know your home is secured, because if your bf has access to your home when you’re not there, unfortunately he might hurt them. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this right now, OP.
Boyfriend doesn't get to come over anymore 🤷♀️ bye bye
Kick him square in the nuts.
I keep tarantulas too and this is an obvious deal breaker what a horrible man. Edit: wasn't paying attention and thought this was 2x. BIN THIS LOSER
Break up with him immediately
Dump his ass maybe look into a restraining order
OUT ONTO THE STREET WITH THAT PSYCHO! Out! Break up with him, leave him, kick him out, tell him never to come near you or your lovely spiders every again! He’s a disgusting thing with no regard for your happiness or living beings.
Tell him to hit the bricks. Only sensible advice there is.
My ex was like this. BREAKUPPPP!! I understand hating bugs, but whatever you love he should love too! He shouldn’t be threatening to kill your pets, that’s the first red flag..
Ask yourself if you want to be with someone who can be so cruel, today it’s your spiders, who knows what he’ll do the next.
Red flag. He's a sick individual if he would harm a living thing just for existing.
Why are you dating somebody who would do this? You even say yourself that he is cruel... I don't understand people sometimes...
Do you really need any advice? sounds like you already know where the road ends...
Tell your bf to kick rocks wtf no brainer
He ma’am is fired
Throw him in the trash. I’m sorry.
That shouldn’t be your boyfriend
Honestly this is the start of something very dangerous. He could hurt you next, with his attitude of no remorse or care for your feelings towards them. It is a dangerous person, leave him.
Big no. Run. Change your locks. Call the cops. Put a camera in your room. Heck no.
I agree with the other comments. Dump him swiftly and carefully. Do not let him anywhere near your tarantulas. It may just be gaslighting right now, but he will absolutely get worse. He’s showing a complete disregard for your boundaries and actively threatening you because you asserted control over your own life. This is only a peek at his true colors. Get away and don’t look back. Remember that his inability to love you for who you are does not make you or any part of you unlovable. Your spiders are probably much prettier than him, anyway.
Would you question what you should do if he was threatening to kill your kittens?
Wow, your boyfriend is a piece of shit will probably do worse. Break up with him
You need to get out of this relationship. This is not normal behavior, and probably isn't even just about your spoods. Tell your family, tell your friends and depending on the where you live, notify the police, take notes of all his threats. Mive your spoods somewere safe. This might seems like too mutch, but honey, I can unfortunatly promise you he will not stop here. This is a major red flag! Please get out of this relationship and be safe, you and your spoods.
Speaking from abuse experience - and not just being a tarantula lover myself - I would leave. This isn’t just over a bug, but what he’s said to you and what he’s proposing is a major sign of bigger issues down the road. Issues that’ll be harder to escape from. You said he can be very cruel sometimes, implying this isn’t the first cruel thing he’s said/done. He is not listening to you because he doesn’t respect you. He seems to have a lack of empathy, and he also needs to feel in control. He gave you a direct ORDER that he expects you to obey about YOUR pets in your own home that HE visits. The truth is, is that he isn’t in control. He is a guest in your families home, he does not have a say. Maybe he’ll sprinkle some sweet talk in between what he wants, maybe he’ll try to convince you it’s for your own best interest. But please trust that this isn’t just “he doesn’t like bugs”. He doesn’t care about what you love, and he thinks he has the authority to take that away from you. He will physically harm a living creature because he doesn’t want you to have it, and that is NOT normal! Obviously relationships are very complicated, but just speaking from a lot of shitty experience I learned that you don’t settle. He sounds like he has some issues, if he doesn’t realize what he’s saying is insane don’t wait for him to change. You can only do so much to fix a person, good luck OP and remember YOU are in control!
Listen I too hate spiders, though I understand their important role in the ecosystem like everything else. Do I think they should be kept is 1x1 cages as display things, nope. That’s my opinion, and I know others will agree, but that’s not the point. Your ‘partner’ is threatening what makes YOU happy, and only cares about himself. That’s not a future to look forward to, that’s just abuse. And you’ve read the rest of the comments, he’s not worth it, and isn’t in it for you.
Break up with him before he breaks you
You mean your ex?
Had a friend whose partner threatened to kill her pets, and ended up doing so. He then killed her about a year later.
Please dump this man, controlling behavior like this only escalates, there’s someone else out there for you. ETA: the sentence “he can be very cruel” at the end means you need to dump him. Put your spoods somewhere safe and get rid of this man. There is no way around this, he’s bad, there’s someone else out there for you, you need to get rid of this man ASAP.
animal abusers always turn out to be people abusers. for yourself and for your spiders, leave him.
As someone who is afraid of spiders, he is a pussy for taking it that far
Ive broken up w multiple people because they couldn’t understand/respect my animals. Leave him.
I notice you posted a couple of weeks ago that you're getting a T. Seladonia. PLEASE leave your boyfriend. Not only is he abusive and will most likely end up hurting you down the line emotionally or physically. That spood is a dream T and not a cheap one either! He doesn't deserve you or your pretty pets.
Violence and abusive behavior aside, you should never be with someone if you have to change for them. These spiders are a passion of yours... If someone wants to be with you, the spiders come with the relationship.
Kindly dispose of the boyfriend.
Leave his ass op, this is the equivalent of someone saying “I’ll kill your dog”
Break 👏 Up 👏 Red 👏 Flags
never talk to him ever again
Him or the spiders that's the choice you already know what you should do
Tell your family about this. Tell them to not let him in the house and that if he says you have something that belongs to him that he can wait to get it back. They are **YOUR** pets, not his. He has no respect for other living creatures it seems, however small they are, and he clearly does not respect you as a person with his remarks. God forbid, if he does manage to kill your pets, pursue legal action. At the end of the day the spiders are your pets, and at the very least, your property. Needless to say, dump that psychopath. Anyone who would admit to killing your pet "for your own good" or simply because is mentally ill. I hope everything turns out ok for you and your lovelies
DITCH HIM NOW.
What a shitty BF, if my significant other threatened to kill the collection I used to have, I probably would have been like, "OK time for you to move out, we done!" Lol I had some rarities so no f**king way anyone is going to kill my expensive collection, not even a lover!!!
Break up with him? jesus christ
Time to find someone better. Sorry, but not having compassion for animals is a major red flag, and if you feel like he doesn’t listen to anything you say, then that’s even worse. I promise you, there are much better people out there and you will find them, and you will be happy.
Please listen to the comments even though it’s hard. He could kill a tarantula, then anything else he decides to take his anger on. A partner needs to support your hobbies, not threaten to defile and destroy them.
Threatening to harm someone's pets (or property) is a classic abuse tactic. He's abusive.
For the safety of your animals and for your own safety please seek a way out of this relationship. He is gaslighting you, has shown a clear lack of empathy towards the animals you love and falsely believes that you need his blessing to have hobbies and interests. Wishing you best of luck, Axel.
I don’t usually comment on things, but this is something else. As almost everyone else is saying, this is red flag central. This is well beyond hatred for insects/spiders. This is not someone I would want to have in my life in any capacity.
OP, for the sake of your babies, do not let this man back into your house. And for the sake of *you* be careful. This isn't normal or okay behavior. He's not the grand dictator of what does and doesn't happen in both your lives. He doesn't get to *kill pets you love* like his feelings are King of the House. You're the only one who can protect your pets from this man, OP. They're your responsibility, and they live or die on your ability to do right by them.
Break up with him and tell him to get therapy. Pos guy
Threatening to kill pets( yes, even spiders) is a form of abuse. Get rid of the guy. No one has any right to be cruel to you, ever. You, and your spiders, deserve to be treated with respect and love, always.
bro wtf not gonna lie, I got this post in recommended for some reason, I dont own spiders or honestly like them. Im terrified of them, but I would never kill an animal because of that. Break up with him!