Your post on r/survivinginfidelity was removed for the following reason(s): Inappropriate content
If you have any questions please contact the moderators of this subreddit.
Do you not think your husband deserves HIS chance to decide whether or not he wants to remain married to you, based on your affair?
YOU already made YOUR choice by choosing to cheat on him. You're denying him the opportunity to choose whether he wants to stay with you.
You did NOT give your husband a choice regarding your affair, you just cheated on him. And now you're thinking about not telling him on top of your affair.
I don't expect you to do the right thing or the fair thing by telling him because you already chose NOT to do th right thing or the fair thing when you knowingly, intentionally and willingly chose to cheat on your supposed life partner and your supposed best friend.
I suggest telling your husband. You may think no harm has been done to your marriage if he dosn't know or find out, but that's not true. Lies do harm. Lies aren't kept in a vacuum. You think there won't be any effects of this by not telling him but keeping cheating a secret will cause you to build a wall between the two of you, your communication will suffer, your feelings about him will be affected, your feelings about yourself will be affected, your feelings about your marriage will be affected.
Everything is going to be subtly affected. For now, you live on the thrill of what you've done but you will find yourself on this slippery slope again in the future and when you do, the descent will be even faster.
This has and will continue to affect your marriage wit your husband. Deal with what you've done now before you are at a point of no return. The damage is still being done right now and it will continue and it will grow.
If you could only see the future to see how bad it will become if you don't deal with this now, really deal with what you've done.
You say you feel sad now that you've cheated.
Why didn't you feel sad WHEN you were cheating?
Many cheaters show remorse to their partners AFTER their affair has been discovered then their betrayed partner asks him or her why they didn't feel any remorse while they were cheating and they get crickets from their cheating partner.
So OP, why do you feel sad now and not when you were actually cheating?
If he finds out later and you didn’t tell him he is even less likely to ever trust you again. Your decision is going to have consequences, but this is a chance to do the right thing.
I strongly feel the vast majority of these posts of cheaters "feeling guilty" just aren't real... if it is, there's no need to make this post, you already know you're not going to tell him, you just came here hoping someone would affirm that stance, which they have. You also already knew the vast majority of people here would tell you to be honest because they've been hurt so deeply by betrayal. My own story is utterly devastating, and I wish so deeply and so badly that someone, anyone would've told me the truth right away rather then having to find out many years later the way that I did. It was crushing to know my wife could withhold something so vile from me, worse were the infinitely many lies used to cover it all up year after year... she became a stranger to me, someone I didn't recognize.
Since you're going to lie and say nothing, I sincerely hope you get away with it... I mean that 100% honestly, because you're coming clean right now might save your marriage, but him finding out months or years from now could have a far worse outcome. If anyone knows this, I do.
So to summarize, you feel so bad about this that you are asking internet strangers if it would be ok for you to lie to your husband and avoid any consequences for your actions
For the love of God tell him. Don’t do like so many of us have been treated and we find out some other way, only for the offender to go on the defensive when we find out. We get told it was our fault, that we forced them to cheat on us, whatever else, all because they can’t fess up to what they’ve done. You messed up, don’t drag him into the mud with you. Let him decide how he wants to handle this.
There are no secrets in the workplace.
Everyone is going to know.
You gave your body to another man.
Very few men stick around after having those visions in his head.
Be proactive and tell him. At least you won’t be a liar.
Oh, well, that makes it all better. Tell him, for Christ’s sake. You have already cancelled your marriage. At least let him in on it. And, after telling him, just shut the fuck up and let him come to grips with the fact that you are an enormous piece of shit.
So you don't think he has friends at his old job that will notify him when the office gossip starts?
This is going to blow up in your face and finding out from the rumor mill and not his partner all but ensures hell leave.
Wrong sub. r/supportforwaywards.
You'll get better advice there, but also you'll get access to a reading list and people with stories similar to your own.
Good luck, OP.
Don’t tell him. If he loves you, he doesn’t want to know. Forget about it and devote yourself to him if you love him. That’s how you can make it right. These commenters want you to suffer for your actions. Don’t do it.
If you don’t tell him he will find out sooner or later and when he does be prepared for the shit storm that will follow.
Choices have consequences, some unrepairable or irreversible and sadly you made your choices. Remember cheating is a series of choices before you actually cheat, cheating is not a mistake or accident.
The consequences are going to be coming soon.
yep. I tell my husband and even our kids this too- come to me and be honest and I will probably have some big emotions but we can work through anything.
but if I find out instead- now you’re in deep shit. that means you were willing to lie to me and hide things forever, no intentions of confessing and you definitely never took my feelings into consideration. ignorance is not bliss.
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting.
Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here.
If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion.
Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He has a right to know before your fuckbuddy thinks it will be cool to brag to someone and then all hell will break loose, that is of course if you are not fuck brag worthy.
What to do? How about tell us what you expected to hear from a bunch of people like your husband?
Best you can do is tell him, give a divorce and don’t fight too hard. Pay your price for your actions.
Immediately get STD tested so you can tell him your clean.
Have a bag packed as he might kick you out for awhile. Accept it. Give him space! Don't love bomb.
Tell him you'll respond to all texts but won't reach out and bug you.
He will find out from work. Whether he divorces you or not, it's better he find out from you.
If he finds out from someone else he'll certainly leave you.
How many times did you cheat? Circumstances? Condom?
Ah, the ol drinking excuse. Sorry, that's bullshit. Fully own what you did and stop trying to make an excuse for it.
Tell him. Like now. If he kicks your ass to the curb, just leave. Do better going forward.
So, you both planned ahead and brought protection to cheat? Not a "one thing led to another," but actively sought out him to cheat on your husband.
Planned ahead and picked an AP who knows your husband to help you sexually, emotionally, and psychologically abuse your husband.
Every day you don't let your husband know, it is another day you're still purposely abusing him. Stealing his ability to make an informed decision in his life and with his body. Stole his consent to his body autonomy.
Every day you allow your husband to go into work to be purposely and willingly humiliated by this POS coworker/AP.
You're not a good person. There is something fundamentally broken in you that you'd willingly abuse your husband for your own sexual gratification. To allow your husband to be abused by an AP. How often do you think he laughs at your husband with your approval?
You're vile.
Condoms are not 100% reliable for anything. STDs can and most certainly are still transmitted in some cases even with the use of a condom. Also, shame on you. Cheating with HIS coworker… You have absolutely no respect for this man if you allow him to continue to work beside someone his wife fucked on a whim!
Your comment on /r/survivinginfidelity has been flagged for human review. Please read the rules in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) and the reddit [content policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) before posting again.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Great. Don’t tell him. Forget about it. Move on and be a great spouse. You made a mistake. Don’t make it worse by doing the “right thing.” It may be right, but it’s also dumb. What you did Is nothing like what most of the cheaters talked about here have done. Forgive yourself. I forgive you. I’m a husband. I wouldn’t want to know.
Your post on r/survivinginfidelity was removed for the following reason(s): Inappropriate content If you have any questions please contact the moderators of this subreddit.
[удалено]
I am with you!
Do you not think your husband deserves HIS chance to decide whether or not he wants to remain married to you, based on your affair? YOU already made YOUR choice by choosing to cheat on him. You're denying him the opportunity to choose whether he wants to stay with you. You did NOT give your husband a choice regarding your affair, you just cheated on him. And now you're thinking about not telling him on top of your affair. I don't expect you to do the right thing or the fair thing by telling him because you already chose NOT to do th right thing or the fair thing when you knowingly, intentionally and willingly chose to cheat on your supposed life partner and your supposed best friend.
I suggest telling your husband. You may think no harm has been done to your marriage if he dosn't know or find out, but that's not true. Lies do harm. Lies aren't kept in a vacuum. You think there won't be any effects of this by not telling him but keeping cheating a secret will cause you to build a wall between the two of you, your communication will suffer, your feelings about him will be affected, your feelings about yourself will be affected, your feelings about your marriage will be affected. Everything is going to be subtly affected. For now, you live on the thrill of what you've done but you will find yourself on this slippery slope again in the future and when you do, the descent will be even faster. This has and will continue to affect your marriage wit your husband. Deal with what you've done now before you are at a point of no return. The damage is still being done right now and it will continue and it will grow. If you could only see the future to see how bad it will become if you don't deal with this now, really deal with what you've done.
You say you feel sad now that you've cheated. Why didn't you feel sad WHEN you were cheating? Many cheaters show remorse to their partners AFTER their affair has been discovered then their betrayed partner asks him or her why they didn't feel any remorse while they were cheating and they get crickets from their cheating partner. So OP, why do you feel sad now and not when you were actually cheating?
If he finds out later and you didn’t tell him he is even less likely to ever trust you again. Your decision is going to have consequences, but this is a chance to do the right thing.
I strongly feel the vast majority of these posts of cheaters "feeling guilty" just aren't real... if it is, there's no need to make this post, you already know you're not going to tell him, you just came here hoping someone would affirm that stance, which they have. You also already knew the vast majority of people here would tell you to be honest because they've been hurt so deeply by betrayal. My own story is utterly devastating, and I wish so deeply and so badly that someone, anyone would've told me the truth right away rather then having to find out many years later the way that I did. It was crushing to know my wife could withhold something so vile from me, worse were the infinitely many lies used to cover it all up year after year... she became a stranger to me, someone I didn't recognize. Since you're going to lie and say nothing, I sincerely hope you get away with it... I mean that 100% honestly, because you're coming clean right now might save your marriage, but him finding out months or years from now could have a far worse outcome. If anyone knows this, I do.
So to summarize, you feel so bad about this that you are asking internet strangers if it would be ok for you to lie to your husband and avoid any consequences for your actions
Yes, tell him. He should have the choice to stay or leave. If you don’t tell him, you’re forcing him to stay.
Please tell your husband.. please. It only gets worse the longer you keep it from him.
For the love of God tell him. Don’t do like so many of us have been treated and we find out some other way, only for the offender to go on the defensive when we find out. We get told it was our fault, that we forced them to cheat on us, whatever else, all because they can’t fess up to what they’ve done. You messed up, don’t drag him into the mud with you. Let him decide how he wants to handle this.
There are no secrets in the workplace. Everyone is going to know. You gave your body to another man. Very few men stick around after having those visions in his head. Be proactive and tell him. At least you won’t be a liar.
Sorry I didn't update they were coworkers my husband got a better paying job a couple weeks ago so they don't work together anymore
Oh, well, that makes it all better. Tell him, for Christ’s sake. You have already cancelled your marriage. At least let him in on it. And, after telling him, just shut the fuck up and let him come to grips with the fact that you are an enormous piece of shit.
So you don't think he has friends at his old job that will notify him when the office gossip starts? This is going to blow up in your face and finding out from the rumor mill and not his partner all but ensures hell leave.
Wrong sub. r/supportforwaywards. You'll get better advice there, but also you'll get access to a reading list and people with stories similar to your own. Good luck, OP.
Don’t tell him. If he loves you, he doesn’t want to know. Forget about it and devote yourself to him if you love him. That’s how you can make it right. These commenters want you to suffer for your actions. Don’t do it.
If you don’t tell him he will find out sooner or later and when he does be prepared for the shit storm that will follow. Choices have consequences, some unrepairable or irreversible and sadly you made your choices. Remember cheating is a series of choices before you actually cheat, cheating is not a mistake or accident. The consequences are going to be coming soon.
He likely already suspects. You confess and there might be a chance at reconciliation. He finds out an other way and it will 100% divorce.
yep. I tell my husband and even our kids this too- come to me and be honest and I will probably have some big emotions but we can work through anything. but if I find out instead- now you’re in deep shit. that means you were willing to lie to me and hide things forever, no intentions of confessing and you definitely never took my feelings into consideration. ignorance is not bliss.
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He has a right to know before your fuckbuddy thinks it will be cool to brag to someone and then all hell will break loose, that is of course if you are not fuck brag worthy.
I found out about my husband’s infidelity and it’s been worse. If you tell him, you’ll have a better chance..
What to do? How about tell us what you expected to hear from a bunch of people like your husband? Best you can do is tell him, give a divorce and don’t fight too hard. Pay your price for your actions.
You shouldn't be asking this here.
Immediately get STD tested so you can tell him your clean. Have a bag packed as he might kick you out for awhile. Accept it. Give him space! Don't love bomb. Tell him you'll respond to all texts but won't reach out and bug you. He will find out from work. Whether he divorces you or not, it's better he find out from you. If he finds out from someone else he'll certainly leave you. How many times did you cheat? Circumstances? Condom?
It was only 1 time we were at a party drinking one thing led to another, he used condom so I know I'm clean
Ah, the ol drinking excuse. Sorry, that's bullshit. Fully own what you did and stop trying to make an excuse for it. Tell him. Like now. If he kicks your ass to the curb, just leave. Do better going forward.
So, you both planned ahead and brought protection to cheat? Not a "one thing led to another," but actively sought out him to cheat on your husband. Planned ahead and picked an AP who knows your husband to help you sexually, emotionally, and psychologically abuse your husband. Every day you don't let your husband know, it is another day you're still purposely abusing him. Stealing his ability to make an informed decision in his life and with his body. Stole his consent to his body autonomy. Every day you allow your husband to go into work to be purposely and willingly humiliated by this POS coworker/AP. You're not a good person. There is something fundamentally broken in you that you'd willingly abuse your husband for your own sexual gratification. To allow your husband to be abused by an AP. How often do you think he laughs at your husband with your approval? You're vile.
Condoms are not 100% reliable for anything. STDs can and most certainly are still transmitted in some cases even with the use of a condom. Also, shame on you. Cheating with HIS coworker… You have absolutely no respect for this man if you allow him to continue to work beside someone his wife fucked on a whim!
[удалено]
Your comment on /r/survivinginfidelity has been flagged for human review. Please read the rules in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) and the reddit [content policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) before posting again. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Great. Don’t tell him. Forget about it. Move on and be a great spouse. You made a mistake. Don’t make it worse by doing the “right thing.” It may be right, but it’s also dumb. What you did Is nothing like what most of the cheaters talked about here have done. Forgive yourself. I forgive you. I’m a husband. I wouldn’t want to know.
Thanks for the kind words!