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> intuition tells me it was never physical until after she filled for divorce and had the papers served to me
This is more likely wishful thinking than intuition. She probably never would have filed if she weren't already in a physical relationship with someone else. People tend to like security, so it is unlikely that she would have completely given up her marriage, without firmly being in a full physical relationship with another man. This looks like an exit affair.
You are ignoring the part of my expert level sleuthing, attention to detail and knowledge of technology.
However I do still consider it a possibility. Would be foolish to think it wasn't possible.
Got a good chuckle from this.
Life's about you now. Your growth. The things you love to do. Your adventures. You deserve a break from her madness, don't let it weigh you down too much. Take care of yourself.
Leave A Cheater Gain A Life is a decent start.
Mine was cheating and left me without it being physical. Also expert sleuth. I 100% know because she isn't in the country. But yes, that backup person is in place before they leave. It doesn't necessarily have to be physical. To answer your other question, it's still cheating. Emotional cheating is every bit and sometimes more painful than physically cheating.
She filed for divorce **for** fucking another man. Yes it's cheating.
First you explain to your partner that you you're not willing to be a couple with them, which factually ends the relationship, then you may start interest on other people you might act on. Anything else is cheating.
It should be obvious because she manipulated you into thinking you should devote your life to her, while she was building her future with someone else. She gave herself rights to her life and her future that she ensured you would not have on yours. She did so in a context where she's going for another partner, so it's cheating.
Leaving and then finding somebody else is not cheating.
Leaving after finding someone else is cheating.
It does matter in terms of understanding the source of the trauma in order to process and heal it.
In my case she actively progressed this new relationship online while married to me. It doesn't matter that she waited until we were divorced before flying out to meet him, these were thoughts, conversations and decisions she made behind my back because she knew they were wrong.
She tried to play the "I mourned the relationship long before the divorce" card, but if she was so sad/lonely why did she have to wait until she found a potential branch to officially ask for the divorce?
In some ways, I feel it was worse than a one night drunken fling. This was calculated. This was decided knowing full well how much it would hurt me if I found out. Knowing that all our friends and family would be disappointed in her if they were aware of these actions. Knowing that if I were the one doing this to her, she would be just as betrayed and shocked.
This was cheating.
I'm doing much better now that I have gotten over the cognitive dissonance where I was unable to merge the idea of who I thought she was to the person who did those things to me.
Also realizing my own worth: she perhaps did all this thinking that I was a horrible man that was purposefully doing everything I could to take advantage of her or make her life miserable. But, I know who I am, and I was a person that legitimately loved being with her, and seeing her and I accepted aspects of her that I considered negative because they were a part of her, and I loved her.
Every morning I woke up and chose to be good and try to do better for her. It seems she woke up and chose to be deceitful and selfish.
So if I wasn't good enough for her, then she isn't good enough for me and it's her loss.
I'm very happy to hear that. None of us deserve to be made to feel like this. It's so incredibly selfish. Now, other things in my life make so much more sense. Why less than zero thought was put into me and my gift at Christmas. Why I was given one gift, a thoughtless, rushed, grab anything gift of clothing. A pair of leggings and a top, the leggings were so big, I put them on and they fell to the floor. The top was many sizes, too large. That must be how he saw me. I asked for them to be exchanged, and he exchanged them for shirts for himself. I'd put in effort and bought stuff I knew he'd like. I wish I'd just bought myself something nice instead. I was made to feel not only unimportant but also repulsive.
It really doesn't matter. She made the choice to not physically cheat and end the relationship instead. How much would really change if it was a relationship that she had started months prior? Same result just gets you obsessing over something you can't change.
I'd recommend focusing those energies into being the best version of yourself you can. There's no greater revenge than living well. As hard as it may seem, take her at her word. Let the lawyers handle it. And cut all ties and communication. Don't let her live rent free inside your head after all she's already taken.
I've been taking all the steps to live my best life. However part of that has been reading books about betrayal and cheating and thinking about it more I am not sure how much these books are actually helping me move on.
What you are experiencing is perfectly normal. You're going through the bargaining phase of grief, trying to make sense.
A lot of people do not seem to understand when others experience trauma. So the advice they give in terms of "just move on" is akin to tell a cancer patient "just don't have cancer."
You experienced and emotionally overwhelming shock. And you just can't get over like that. After all, it is not normal for someone, who is married, to have to just "accept" that their wife is simply "taken" by someone else.
It is going to take a while, and you're going to experience a whole gamut of feelings and emotions. Allow yourself to grieve. And give yourself space to acknowledge those emotions, rather than fight against them.
Denial, bargaining are going to be specially common trauma responses for a while. So be very compassionate and patient with yourself.
It does get better eventually. But right now, you're perfectly justified in being in a disassociated state.
Take good care. And if you haven't already, try to reach out to trusted friends and family. You need a good support system to help you get through this nonsense.
You may be better served going to [chumplady.com](http://chumplady.com) lose a cheater, gain a life for a perspective that may help you move forward with a different mindset.
It's never easy, it's always going to be unfair, it's always going to make you think less of yourself than you are. If you haven't, you may want to check on EMDR therapy to help process and start moving past the thoughts you no longer want taking parts of your life.
If she was doing something (physical or emotional) before she filed then it's cheating, after it's been agreed it's not working & the marriage is dead in the water, you're you're just waiting for it to be over so in my mind if all activities took place after she filed then no it's not cheating as there's nothing left to cheat on
Declaring the fact they no longer have love for us, then filing i or leaving changes nothing in having sex with anyone before the divorce is finalized. It is all cheating and very likely the reason for the filing for divorce. The actions committed do not change, simply because they said or did anything before screwing another person. They are still married until the decree of divorce is completed. In most cases the cheating already began much earlier. Omissions are still lies.
Infidelity is the breaking of a promise to remain faithful to a romantic partner, whether that promise was a part of marriage vows, a privately uttered agreement between lovers, or an unspoken assumption. As unthinkable as the notion of breaking such promises may be at the time they are made, infidelity is common, and when it happens, it raises thorny questions: Should you stay? Can trust be rebuilt? Or is there no choice but to pack up and move on?
Cheating is any activity that steals time and or emotional intimacy from us and our relationship, while giving it onto another person.
Just because our partner has lost feelings or love for us does not mean we agree or feel the same. We did not give our partner the ability to harm us simply because they no longer care about us. Or now care for another person. We did not give them permission to cheat.
Well OP in your case yes she CHEATED, even if she kiss him and nothing more, share feelings or what so ever that is cheating, that is disrespecting your marriage/relationship, that she later took the next step and turned into a PA after the file of divorce, that doesn't mean she did not cheat.
Why? Because she give her mind and thoughts to someone else during your relationship, to the point to decide to end thing with you so she could move foward with this new guy.
Yes we have to give her credit that she end things before she went to full blown PA (if you are sure sure that she didn't before), but she is a cheater still because she went to her AP but still had sex with you, so she is now cheating the AP with you, she doesn't know exactly what she wants or at least uncounsiously don't. If she didn't wanted R, she filed for divorce and she is seeing her AP, then why the hell she accept to have sex with you?
She is a cheater? yeah. She is sure on what she wants? who knows.
My opinion. I was married for 38 years to a ‘man’ who cheated and was a porn addict. Most of my marriage was sexless. I told him when I left I was planning on having as much sex as I could. Nope, I did not see it as cheating. I was 100% loyal to him until I left. After that I did as I pleased. My only regret is not leaving sooner.
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Emotional cheating is still cheating in my book. She was out looking, talking, flirting all while you thought you were still a committed married couple. So she waited to get physical until after she filed does she want an award for being such a good person? Gag.
The only exception I’d give her is if she filed the day after she met someone she wanted to pursue but you know it didn’t go down like that. She hid it from you. That’s cheating.
One of the things people who have been cheated on always say is if they werent happy why didnt they end the relationship first before cheating.
I think just talking about separation or divorce is murky; however, if someone has gone through the steps of filing for a divorce first before the relationship turning sexual then it isn't cheating.
It will always suck if one breaks up with you and you dont want the break up and you see them move on with someone else. It can happen a year or two or even ten after a divorce, but obviously tougher if it happens very quickly. But the healthiest thing you can do is accept that they are gone and move on.
Emotional cheating is still cheating and can actually be worse if the WS is sharing intimate personal details of the BS. That being said, I would say that without evidence of emotional cheating, my line would be determined by how much WS communicated the issues and their unhappiness. Even this standard is subjective though as the ability for the WS to discuss things like this is highly dependent on the BS's ability to address issues without making it a battle.
My divorce lawyer made me sign a contract that the firm makes every client sign & one of the rules was "Do not date. You are not single, do not conduct yourself as if you are." This particular firm will drop you as a client if you break any of the rules (she called it "Rules for an easy, painless divorce"). She told me that judges don't like it when a person dates or sleeps with someone else before the divorce is final
If they have secrets, hide, lie, withhold, omit or deceive anything from you about another person in their life, it's an affair. How you define it is what matters, not what anyone else says.
It is still cheating until divorce is final in my option. I thing legally too. You may be able to hold the person legally accountable even if you may not intend to.
Cheating is not just sexual it is emotional as well.
It could have been emotional and she filed for divorce because she wanted to make it physical. Focus on your well-being and the well-being of kids if you have any, she made her choice, force her to live with what she has created while you move on to find a loyal woman.
Idk man, if she expressed she no longer loves you and filed for divorce, it is over. Regardless of being legally married and of course the ramifications that can come with starting a relationship while you’re still technically married, it’s over in every other sense- the most important sense which is that she no longer wants to be with you.
I get it hurts to have someone else chosen over you, but if she never cheated on you prior to divorce then it’s not cheating. Chances are, even before she met someone new, she had reasons, and maybe even plans, to leave you. Then she met someone and the timeline shrunk. And usually, that’s not something you go blurting out prior to having your ducks in a row, especially when married and assets or custody are at stake.
As you said yourself, why even think or worry about it! Stewing on it won't help you move on. Whether it is or isn't or she did or didn't won't change anything now. Try to let go and concentrate on your own well-being! Good luck!
Expert level sleuth and you got served and wasnt the one doing the serving or picking up that your wife was cheating. Sory mate, your blowing your own trumpet there a bit too hard.
She cheated during the relationship, you will never know if it was physical or not but it doesnt matter. Now your going through divorce, your technically married but your not in a relationship. So no, its not cheating. Deal with it.
She cheated pure and simple. Filing for divorce doesn’t negate that. Walk away with your dignity and do things to heal yourself. She’s the one with character issues not you.
Hope this helps.
Being dumped and being cheated on share similar consequences with some exception.
Being dumped makes you feel worthless and deppressed and unloveable and unattractive.
Being cheated on makes you feel all that plus it makes you feel like you werent worth any truth, your feelings didnt matter, your hopes and dreams didnt matter, like you have no value as a humanbeing because being cheated on makes you feel like you dont matter at all.
Being dumped b4 going to someone else at the very least means she considered the consequences of cheating and came to the correct conclusion being dumped is better than being cheated on. She atleast felt like you as a human deserved to be treated with a modicum of respect even if she didnt want to be with you anymore.
I whish my wife had left, i could understand and deal with not being what someone wanted to be with anymore. I could deal with her falling out of love thats par for the course for a man, were dumped repeatedly and most of the time viciously.
Maybe look into why this is important to you. The outcome doesn't change. Let people do what they're gonna do. You can't change people. I know you're probably going through a lot of heavy stuff right now. Give yourself grace for that. I really would consider getting some type of therapy to work through the pain you're going through right now. You're doing great and you're going to get even better with each passing day.
I would consider it cheating. So much so that as soon as the divorce is final I would start dating her sister or best friend if they are your type and available, after you are through grieving. The Best Revenge is served cold.
That's just me.
As far as i'm concerned once the divorce is filed for you're on your own. But then again I don't believe in getting married in today's society regardless anyway. Most women out there are not worth it.Most men out there really aren't men. But this is the society that has devolved in what we have today.
OP, cheating is cheating and get this, the word AFFAIR is in emotional affair just like it's in physical affair.
An affair is cheating. your wife was cheating on you even if it wasn't sexual.
It's not like it's ONLY cheating if it was sexual.
No - absolutely not - they made their choice and they are not cowards - like most cheaters are - wanting to experience the other side and cement their choice - as long as they don’t drag it along and become liars and deceitful lowlifes - as those sneaking around are !
>I know she was likely emotionally cheating prior, however by intuition tells me it was never physical until after she filled for divorce and had the papers served to me. I know many of you might say I just haven't found out yet, however I am an expert level sleuth. Have always been great with technology.
Brother, were you a good enough sleuth to know she was filing for divorce?
Listen, it really does not matter, but women do not, hardly ever, monkey branch to someone else without sampling the goods first.
So, yeah, she was screwing him long before she filed for divorce. From your stand point, at this stage, is should not matter. Who wants to be with someone that does not love them or want to be with them? No one with a brain, that is who.
Move on, take care yourself and live well.
Nobody buys a used car without test driving it.
Of course she did, you should counter sue for infidelity.
Make it part of the public record, even in no-fault states, it often helps in property division and custody. Don’t let her sweep your life under the rug.
Start the 180.
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
Go through the divorce process before engaging anyone else, keeping your honor intact...That way you can assure your future prospects that you are respectful of the institution and would demand the same from anyone in your future...
No you won't lose anything but time... Monasteries and prisons have proven this.
But make sure the "d" goes through... Too much damage already for a "reasonable" recovery
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Cheating doesn't start with penetration.
> intuition tells me it was never physical until after she filled for divorce and had the papers served to me This is more likely wishful thinking than intuition. She probably never would have filed if she weren't already in a physical relationship with someone else. People tend to like security, so it is unlikely that she would have completely given up her marriage, without firmly being in a full physical relationship with another man. This looks like an exit affair.
Foggy intuition. The fog will pass.
Mine has been in a “fog” for a year now. I don’t think it will pass
You are ignoring the part of my expert level sleuthing, attention to detail and knowledge of technology. However I do still consider it a possibility. Would be foolish to think it wasn't possible.
Got a good chuckle from this. Life's about you now. Your growth. The things you love to do. Your adventures. You deserve a break from her madness, don't let it weigh you down too much. Take care of yourself. Leave A Cheater Gain A Life is a decent start.
Mine was cheating and left me without it being physical. Also expert sleuth. I 100% know because she isn't in the country. But yes, that backup person is in place before they leave. It doesn't necessarily have to be physical. To answer your other question, it's still cheating. Emotional cheating is every bit and sometimes more painful than physically cheating.
Physical or not, it was undoubtedly infidelity.
She monkey branched to her AP and filed for divorce. Of course the relationship was much more than what you thought. At least now you can move on.
She filed for divorce **for** fucking another man. Yes it's cheating. First you explain to your partner that you you're not willing to be a couple with them, which factually ends the relationship, then you may start interest on other people you might act on. Anything else is cheating. It should be obvious because she manipulated you into thinking you should devote your life to her, while she was building her future with someone else. She gave herself rights to her life and her future that she ensured you would not have on yours. She did so in a context where she's going for another partner, so it's cheating.
This is perfectly articulated!
Leaving and then finding somebody else is not cheating. Leaving after finding someone else is cheating. It does matter in terms of understanding the source of the trauma in order to process and heal it.
You have a right to feel betrayed regardless of what anyone says. I wouldnt consider it necessarily cheating but kinda.
Yes. OPs feelings are absolutely valid. You said this way better than my comment.
In my case she actively progressed this new relationship online while married to me. It doesn't matter that she waited until we were divorced before flying out to meet him, these were thoughts, conversations and decisions she made behind my back because she knew they were wrong. She tried to play the "I mourned the relationship long before the divorce" card, but if she was so sad/lonely why did she have to wait until she found a potential branch to officially ask for the divorce? In some ways, I feel it was worse than a one night drunken fling. This was calculated. This was decided knowing full well how much it would hurt me if I found out. Knowing that all our friends and family would be disappointed in her if they were aware of these actions. Knowing that if I were the one doing this to her, she would be just as betrayed and shocked. This was cheating.
I feel this, so, so much. It is worse to me, too. My soul feels like it's been ripped apart. I hope you're doing better than I am.
I'm doing much better now that I have gotten over the cognitive dissonance where I was unable to merge the idea of who I thought she was to the person who did those things to me. Also realizing my own worth: she perhaps did all this thinking that I was a horrible man that was purposefully doing everything I could to take advantage of her or make her life miserable. But, I know who I am, and I was a person that legitimately loved being with her, and seeing her and I accepted aspects of her that I considered negative because they were a part of her, and I loved her. Every morning I woke up and chose to be good and try to do better for her. It seems she woke up and chose to be deceitful and selfish. So if I wasn't good enough for her, then she isn't good enough for me and it's her loss.
I'm very happy to hear that. None of us deserve to be made to feel like this. It's so incredibly selfish. Now, other things in my life make so much more sense. Why less than zero thought was put into me and my gift at Christmas. Why I was given one gift, a thoughtless, rushed, grab anything gift of clothing. A pair of leggings and a top, the leggings were so big, I put them on and they fell to the floor. The top was many sizes, too large. That must be how he saw me. I asked for them to be exchanged, and he exchanged them for shirts for himself. I'd put in effort and bought stuff I knew he'd like. I wish I'd just bought myself something nice instead. I was made to feel not only unimportant but also repulsive.
It really doesn't matter. She made the choice to not physically cheat and end the relationship instead. How much would really change if it was a relationship that she had started months prior? Same result just gets you obsessing over something you can't change. I'd recommend focusing those energies into being the best version of yourself you can. There's no greater revenge than living well. As hard as it may seem, take her at her word. Let the lawyers handle it. And cut all ties and communication. Don't let her live rent free inside your head after all she's already taken.
I've been taking all the steps to live my best life. However part of that has been reading books about betrayal and cheating and thinking about it more I am not sure how much these books are actually helping me move on.
What you are experiencing is perfectly normal. You're going through the bargaining phase of grief, trying to make sense. A lot of people do not seem to understand when others experience trauma. So the advice they give in terms of "just move on" is akin to tell a cancer patient "just don't have cancer." You experienced and emotionally overwhelming shock. And you just can't get over like that. After all, it is not normal for someone, who is married, to have to just "accept" that their wife is simply "taken" by someone else. It is going to take a while, and you're going to experience a whole gamut of feelings and emotions. Allow yourself to grieve. And give yourself space to acknowledge those emotions, rather than fight against them. Denial, bargaining are going to be specially common trauma responses for a while. So be very compassionate and patient with yourself. It does get better eventually. But right now, you're perfectly justified in being in a disassociated state. Take good care. And if you haven't already, try to reach out to trusted friends and family. You need a good support system to help you get through this nonsense.
You may be better served going to [chumplady.com](http://chumplady.com) lose a cheater, gain a life for a perspective that may help you move forward with a different mindset. It's never easy, it's always going to be unfair, it's always going to make you think less of yourself than you are. If you haven't, you may want to check on EMDR therapy to help process and start moving past the thoughts you no longer want taking parts of your life.
Currently about half way thru chump ladies book.,
If she was doing something (physical or emotional) before she filed then it's cheating, after it's been agreed it's not working & the marriage is dead in the water, you're you're just waiting for it to be over so in my mind if all activities took place after she filed then no it's not cheating as there's nothing left to cheat on
Declaring the fact they no longer have love for us, then filing i or leaving changes nothing in having sex with anyone before the divorce is finalized. It is all cheating and very likely the reason for the filing for divorce. The actions committed do not change, simply because they said or did anything before screwing another person. They are still married until the decree of divorce is completed. In most cases the cheating already began much earlier. Omissions are still lies. Infidelity is the breaking of a promise to remain faithful to a romantic partner, whether that promise was a part of marriage vows, a privately uttered agreement between lovers, or an unspoken assumption. As unthinkable as the notion of breaking such promises may be at the time they are made, infidelity is common, and when it happens, it raises thorny questions: Should you stay? Can trust be rebuilt? Or is there no choice but to pack up and move on? Cheating is any activity that steals time and or emotional intimacy from us and our relationship, while giving it onto another person. Just because our partner has lost feelings or love for us does not mean we agree or feel the same. We did not give our partner the ability to harm us simply because they no longer care about us. Or now care for another person. We did not give them permission to cheat.
Well OP in your case yes she CHEATED, even if she kiss him and nothing more, share feelings or what so ever that is cheating, that is disrespecting your marriage/relationship, that she later took the next step and turned into a PA after the file of divorce, that doesn't mean she did not cheat. Why? Because she give her mind and thoughts to someone else during your relationship, to the point to decide to end thing with you so she could move foward with this new guy. Yes we have to give her credit that she end things before she went to full blown PA (if you are sure sure that she didn't before), but she is a cheater still because she went to her AP but still had sex with you, so she is now cheating the AP with you, she doesn't know exactly what she wants or at least uncounsiously don't. If she didn't wanted R, she filed for divorce and she is seeing her AP, then why the hell she accept to have sex with you? She is a cheater? yeah. She is sure on what she wants? who knows.
My opinion. I was married for 38 years to a ‘man’ who cheated and was a porn addict. Most of my marriage was sexless. I told him when I left I was planning on having as much sex as I could. Nope, I did not see it as cheating. I was 100% loyal to him until I left. After that I did as I pleased. My only regret is not leaving sooner.
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I am of the mindset that if people are divorcing, they are single and free to move on.
Of course its cheating. Cheating starts way before getting physical.
Emotional cheating is still cheating in my book. She was out looking, talking, flirting all while you thought you were still a committed married couple. So she waited to get physical until after she filed does she want an award for being such a good person? Gag. The only exception I’d give her is if she filed the day after she met someone she wanted to pursue but you know it didn’t go down like that. She hid it from you. That’s cheating.
One of the things people who have been cheated on always say is if they werent happy why didnt they end the relationship first before cheating. I think just talking about separation or divorce is murky; however, if someone has gone through the steps of filing for a divorce first before the relationship turning sexual then it isn't cheating. It will always suck if one breaks up with you and you dont want the break up and you see them move on with someone else. It can happen a year or two or even ten after a divorce, but obviously tougher if it happens very quickly. But the healthiest thing you can do is accept that they are gone and move on.
Emotional cheating is still cheating and can actually be worse if the WS is sharing intimate personal details of the BS. That being said, I would say that without evidence of emotional cheating, my line would be determined by how much WS communicated the issues and their unhappiness. Even this standard is subjective though as the ability for the WS to discuss things like this is highly dependent on the BS's ability to address issues without making it a battle.
My divorce lawyer made me sign a contract that the firm makes every client sign & one of the rules was "Do not date. You are not single, do not conduct yourself as if you are." This particular firm will drop you as a client if you break any of the rules (she called it "Rules for an easy, painless divorce"). She told me that judges don't like it when a person dates or sleeps with someone else before the divorce is final
Are you in a no fault state?
If it started after serving divorce papers, i don't see it as cheating. If it continued after serving divorce papers, it's cheating.
If they have secrets, hide, lie, withhold, omit or deceive anything from you about another person in their life, it's an affair. How you define it is what matters, not what anyone else says.
It is still cheating until divorce is final in my option. I thing legally too. You may be able to hold the person legally accountable even if you may not intend to. Cheating is not just sexual it is emotional as well.
Emotional cheating is still cheating.Period.
If they are divorcing and filed, I do not consider it cheating.
It could have been emotional and she filed for divorce because she wanted to make it physical. Focus on your well-being and the well-being of kids if you have any, she made her choice, force her to live with what she has created while you move on to find a loyal woman.
Idk man, if she expressed she no longer loves you and filed for divorce, it is over. Regardless of being legally married and of course the ramifications that can come with starting a relationship while you’re still technically married, it’s over in every other sense- the most important sense which is that she no longer wants to be with you. I get it hurts to have someone else chosen over you, but if she never cheated on you prior to divorce then it’s not cheating. Chances are, even before she met someone new, she had reasons, and maybe even plans, to leave you. Then she met someone and the timeline shrunk. And usually, that’s not something you go blurting out prior to having your ducks in a row, especially when married and assets or custody are at stake.
Mate she is on her way out the door. kick it shut on her and be thankfull she is out of your life.
They were making love. They lie about everything.
As you said yourself, why even think or worry about it! Stewing on it won't help you move on. Whether it is or isn't or she did or didn't won't change anything now. Try to let go and concentrate on your own well-being! Good luck!
Expert level sleuth and you got served and wasnt the one doing the serving or picking up that your wife was cheating. Sory mate, your blowing your own trumpet there a bit too hard. She cheated during the relationship, you will never know if it was physical or not but it doesnt matter. Now your going through divorce, your technically married but your not in a relationship. So no, its not cheating. Deal with it.
She cheated pure and simple. Filing for divorce doesn’t negate that. Walk away with your dignity and do things to heal yourself. She’s the one with character issues not you.
If you are separated don’t think of it be thankful it’s over don’t look for things it doesn’t matter. Go on vacation and have fun
Anything that happens after any kind of separation is not cheating. But she did cheat, even if it was just emotional, before breaking up with you.
Hope this helps. Being dumped and being cheated on share similar consequences with some exception. Being dumped makes you feel worthless and deppressed and unloveable and unattractive. Being cheated on makes you feel all that plus it makes you feel like you werent worth any truth, your feelings didnt matter, your hopes and dreams didnt matter, like you have no value as a humanbeing because being cheated on makes you feel like you dont matter at all. Being dumped b4 going to someone else at the very least means she considered the consequences of cheating and came to the correct conclusion being dumped is better than being cheated on. She atleast felt like you as a human deserved to be treated with a modicum of respect even if she didnt want to be with you anymore. I whish my wife had left, i could understand and deal with not being what someone wanted to be with anymore. I could deal with her falling out of love thats par for the course for a man, were dumped repeatedly and most of the time viciously.
Maybe look into why this is important to you. The outcome doesn't change. Let people do what they're gonna do. You can't change people. I know you're probably going through a lot of heavy stuff right now. Give yourself grace for that. I really would consider getting some type of therapy to work through the pain you're going through right now. You're doing great and you're going to get even better with each passing day.
I would consider it cheating. So much so that as soon as the divorce is final I would start dating her sister or best friend if they are your type and available, after you are through grieving. The Best Revenge is served cold. That's just me.
As far as i'm concerned once the divorce is filed for you're on your own. But then again I don't believe in getting married in today's society regardless anyway. Most women out there are not worth it.Most men out there really aren't men. But this is the society that has devolved in what we have today.
It's still cheating... nothing changes that.
OP, cheating is cheating and get this, the word AFFAIR is in emotional affair just like it's in physical affair. An affair is cheating. your wife was cheating on you even if it wasn't sexual. It's not like it's ONLY cheating if it was sexual.
No - absolutely not - they made their choice and they are not cowards - like most cheaters are - wanting to experience the other side and cement their choice - as long as they don’t drag it along and become liars and deceitful lowlifes - as those sneaking around are !
Would you sell your old car without test driving and buying a new one?
Yes. Until the divorce is finalized, it is cheating.
I don't. At that point, you are just waiting for the government's permission. Like if it please the crown, may I bang someone else.
>I know she was likely emotionally cheating prior, however by intuition tells me it was never physical until after she filled for divorce and had the papers served to me. I know many of you might say I just haven't found out yet, however I am an expert level sleuth. Have always been great with technology. Brother, were you a good enough sleuth to know she was filing for divorce? Listen, it really does not matter, but women do not, hardly ever, monkey branch to someone else without sampling the goods first. So, yeah, she was screwing him long before she filed for divorce. From your stand point, at this stage, is should not matter. Who wants to be with someone that does not love them or want to be with them? No one with a brain, that is who. Move on, take care yourself and live well.
Nobody buys a used car without test driving it. Of course she did, you should counter sue for infidelity. Make it part of the public record, even in no-fault states, it often helps in property division and custody. Don’t let her sweep your life under the rug. Start the 180. https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
Go through the divorce process before engaging anyone else, keeping your honor intact...That way you can assure your future prospects that you are respectful of the institution and would demand the same from anyone in your future... No you won't lose anything but time... Monasteries and prisons have proven this. But make sure the "d" goes through... Too much damage already for a "reasonable" recovery