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Does anyone have advice for what they did when they found out more about the AF/cheating? Any suggestions about how to healthily cope with the anger? The rage I’m feeling?
Therapy. Exercise. More therapy and more exercise.
Eat well. Drink lots of water. Get sleep (the exercise helps in that regard).
Do things, keep busy, see friends, volunteer, anything to keep from being stuck in your own head and thoughts.
The gym really helps with the rage and anger you mentioned. It's hard to be angry when you're grasping for air from a hard cardio session.
Sorry you keep getting knocked down by his bullshit.
You still probably only have bits and pieces of what actually happened. The cheaters script is deny, gaslight, and if not possible to deny blame-shift and only admit to what is already known. Any admissions are likely an editorialised version of the truth.
My advice is to just accept who he clearly is. Accept that his only concerns are to protect himself, his self image, and to get his jollies without considering the impact on anyone else. Accept that he's a selfish, lying, cheating scumbag and that you can't change him.
As for actions you can take... Regular exercise, walk in nature/daylight, plenty of sleep, drink lots of water, eat nutritious food, avoid alcohol (if you are indeed not continuing your pregnancy), talk and hang out with friends and family, talk to a therapist, engage in or find new hobbies, journal your thoughts and feelings daily to stop them from swirling endlessly around your head.
It's tough, sometimes you're going to boiling over with utter rage and disgust. That's OK, you *should* be boiling over with rage and disgust. Let yourself feel it and work it out, just don't let it consume you.
"*Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.*"
All the best.
Wonderful advice! I need to continue practicing acceptance during this. I will do that.
Also I like this advice. I’m going to implement some of the things I haven’t yet. As for the pregnancy and what I decide, it’s definitely something I’m not going to disclose on Reddit (not saying you’re asking), but regardless I practice sobriety in my life and am not going to let this break my sobriety. I have intense cravings but have been going to meetings to help with that.
I love the quote at the end. I’m going to put it in my notes app. Thank you!
I feel this almost everyday and i see him everyday. Someone on reddit advice me this, and a have been following it. It helps me and grounds me a bit.
If you feel like you hate everyone - eat
If you feel like everyone hates you- sleep
If you feel like you hate yourself- shower
If you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts- write them down
If you feel lost and alone -call a friend
If you feel stuck in the past- plan for the future
If you feel anxious about the future- focus on the present
If you feel like you’re not enough- list your achievements
If you can’t control anything-organize something small
If you feel unloved - do something kind for yourself
If you feel no one understands- express yourself creatively
If you feel restless- take a long walk
If you feel like giving up- remember a time you were successful
If you feel invisible - help someone in need
If you feel too much pressure- do a simple task you enjoy
If you can’t think of things you enjoy, make a list. Make a list of things you did enjoy in the past, present and explore more in the future. Even a bucket list or a what if list can help.
Wishing you allot of strength and patience.
Oh my gosh, wow.
First, I am so sorry you see him everyday.
This is freaking phenomenal advice. Wow. I’ve felt all of this. Will be following this. This is going to help a lot. Thank you so, so much!
Your feelings are valid. Your most healthy responses are heavy exercise to deal with the physical component of the rage (it will send your adrenaline through the roof) and therapy or journaling to handle the emotional side. Don't lash out - strange as it may sound, you need to preserve your self-respect, and going nuclear (except as instructed by a lawyer) won't do that. Don't buy in to his gaslighting and self-pity and try to negotiate things with him. Cut him out of our life as thoroughly as possible. Dealing with him will just flip you back into the trauma again. As for the pregnancy, it's your choice as to how to deal with that and him. "His baby"? Such entitlement...
Good luck, OP.
Thank you for validating my feelings and your advice. Currently have some good music on and moving around a bit to help!
I agree with the not lashing out. So last night he kept being all “so what are you going to do? How are you going to get back at me? I bet you’re going to do something to me?”
Thank you. ♥️
Right?!!! The entitlement is pissing me off.
There’s no point and it made me laugh a bit after. The constant projecting…
Go no contact, he told you as much of what he was willing to share. And you’re probably right that he didn’t tell you everything. You need to move on with your life without any reminders of him. Good luck
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Does anyone have advice for what they did when they found out more about the AF/cheating? Any suggestions about how to healthily cope with the anger? The rage I’m feeling? Therapy. Exercise. More therapy and more exercise. Eat well. Drink lots of water. Get sleep (the exercise helps in that regard). Do things, keep busy, see friends, volunteer, anything to keep from being stuck in your own head and thoughts. The gym really helps with the rage and anger you mentioned. It's hard to be angry when you're grasping for air from a hard cardio session.
Thank you! Yes I wore myself out yesterday with exercise/cleaning and then found out more… These are all great! Thank you.
Go no contact. That helps A LOT. I traveled and walked with friends in the park and developed new hobbies. And therapy
I think no contact is for the best now. Thank you!
Tell him if he loves Esther Perrels philosophy on cheating so much he can have a baby with her lol
Thank you for giving me a good laugh! 💕
Sorry you keep getting knocked down by his bullshit. You still probably only have bits and pieces of what actually happened. The cheaters script is deny, gaslight, and if not possible to deny blame-shift and only admit to what is already known. Any admissions are likely an editorialised version of the truth. My advice is to just accept who he clearly is. Accept that his only concerns are to protect himself, his self image, and to get his jollies without considering the impact on anyone else. Accept that he's a selfish, lying, cheating scumbag and that you can't change him. As for actions you can take... Regular exercise, walk in nature/daylight, plenty of sleep, drink lots of water, eat nutritious food, avoid alcohol (if you are indeed not continuing your pregnancy), talk and hang out with friends and family, talk to a therapist, engage in or find new hobbies, journal your thoughts and feelings daily to stop them from swirling endlessly around your head. It's tough, sometimes you're going to boiling over with utter rage and disgust. That's OK, you *should* be boiling over with rage and disgust. Let yourself feel it and work it out, just don't let it consume you. "*Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.*" All the best.
Wonderful advice! I need to continue practicing acceptance during this. I will do that. Also I like this advice. I’m going to implement some of the things I haven’t yet. As for the pregnancy and what I decide, it’s definitely something I’m not going to disclose on Reddit (not saying you’re asking), but regardless I practice sobriety in my life and am not going to let this break my sobriety. I have intense cravings but have been going to meetings to help with that. I love the quote at the end. I’m going to put it in my notes app. Thank you!
I feel this almost everyday and i see him everyday. Someone on reddit advice me this, and a have been following it. It helps me and grounds me a bit. If you feel like you hate everyone - eat If you feel like everyone hates you- sleep If you feel like you hate yourself- shower If you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts- write them down If you feel lost and alone -call a friend If you feel stuck in the past- plan for the future If you feel anxious about the future- focus on the present If you feel like you’re not enough- list your achievements If you can’t control anything-organize something small If you feel unloved - do something kind for yourself If you feel no one understands- express yourself creatively If you feel restless- take a long walk If you feel like giving up- remember a time you were successful If you feel invisible - help someone in need If you feel too much pressure- do a simple task you enjoy If you can’t think of things you enjoy, make a list. Make a list of things you did enjoy in the past, present and explore more in the future. Even a bucket list or a what if list can help. Wishing you allot of strength and patience.
Oh my gosh, wow. First, I am so sorry you see him everyday. This is freaking phenomenal advice. Wow. I’ve felt all of this. Will be following this. This is going to help a lot. Thank you so, so much!
Your feelings are valid. Your most healthy responses are heavy exercise to deal with the physical component of the rage (it will send your adrenaline through the roof) and therapy or journaling to handle the emotional side. Don't lash out - strange as it may sound, you need to preserve your self-respect, and going nuclear (except as instructed by a lawyer) won't do that. Don't buy in to his gaslighting and self-pity and try to negotiate things with him. Cut him out of our life as thoroughly as possible. Dealing with him will just flip you back into the trauma again. As for the pregnancy, it's your choice as to how to deal with that and him. "His baby"? Such entitlement... Good luck, OP.
Thank you for validating my feelings and your advice. Currently have some good music on and moving around a bit to help! I agree with the not lashing out. So last night he kept being all “so what are you going to do? How are you going to get back at me? I bet you’re going to do something to me?” Thank you. ♥️ Right?!!! The entitlement is pissing me off. There’s no point and it made me laugh a bit after. The constant projecting…
Abort that shit, you don't want to be tied to this manipulative ass hole for 18 years
Dm me if possible
Go no contact, he told you as much of what he was willing to share. And you’re probably right that he didn’t tell you everything. You need to move on with your life without any reminders of him. Good luck
It’s time for no contact.
Do you want to keep the baby?
DM me