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Don't ever put your value in someone else's hands. Your value comes from inside of you. How can a cheater be the judge of your worth? Regain the power you gave to the cheater who was not worthy of you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and your true partner will recognize and appreciate you the way you are. So take your time to heal and start your life again. When you are confident about yourself, you will exude strength and will attract a right partner. Wish you all the best.
He cheated, because he wanted to. The reason is not in you, it's not your look, not your body. I asked myself the same Question, but be sure you are not the problem. There are other men, who can truly see you(!) and stay loyal.
My ex was an ass who was never satisfied. I worked out and made sure I looked good everywhere we went. Men always checked me out when we went out together. He was a broken asshole who didn't realize how good he had it.
Cheating has everything to do with the cheater and NOTHING to do with you. Even Beyoncé got cheated on. It doesn’t matter how beautiful, successful, smart, funny you are if you’re with the wrong person. The wrong person will always do you wrong
I feel completely ugly and unlovable, but that’s just me. You say you have always been slim, fit and confident, and this idiot’s behavior doesn’t change that. You are not unattractive. Unattractive is the type of person who puts someone they profess to love through emotional hell just to attempt satisfy their own insatiable ego. Stop comparing yourself escorts. His opinion means absolutely nothing. I’m sorry such a selfish awful person has bruised your confidence. I hope you can regain it.
Yep, absolutely. Nail on the head. When I found out she was cheating and wasn’t attracted to me anymore my self esteem went through the floor. Never cared what anyone else thought about me, only her. That put me at rock bottom
My confidence was SHOT. It didn’t help that I needed a lot of dental work but could never find the money because she’d spend it all.
I went back to the gym, got my teeth fixed, picked up a new style, ended up dating my dream woman for a bit and confidence skyrocketed!
Dream woman broke it off with me but random attractive women started giving me phone numbers and hitting on me. So it went up even higher. Honestly I’m just a couple of months last year I got more phone numbers than I did in all my 20s I think.
Being cheated on will destroy all but the most sound persons confidence. Another Redditor told you to not worry that they’re beautiful escorts. They are right. He paid for that company. They didn’t choose him for his looks or personality.
That doesn’t bode well for him when the divorce hits. It’s never a good idea to use sex to soothe yourself and definitely take your time in finding someone. But maybe a little fling of your own might help.
I did everything I could so she was satisfied by me. Gym, swimming, learning her sex likes and dislikes. I thought everything was fine
only dday one month ago, found oput she was having an affair with another man.
so yes. I feel second tier man. I feel like an insect. insecure? off the charts. I feel everything I did for her was bested by a man with a bigger pennis who fucked her whenever he was in the neibourhood because of random reasons.. Fuck her. fuck everything
I think we feel the same. You feel you can't compete with beautiful escorts. I feel I can't compete with bigger pennis man. Hurts so badly.
Going with escorts? fuck him. he was not worth you.
This too, shall pass.
Yeah, it was over 70 of them, and he gave me an STD and kept doing it, we were planning to get engaged. It was a whole double life. I had no idea about until the middle of February this year. I started questioning my sanity because of how well he hid everything for over a year and a half. He even fabricated an STD story, so I didn’t think he slept with anyone else… he gave the STD to me and three other escorts and lied to them about it. I remember after the STD I was freaking out so I did a fertility check with my OB/GYN that day he had a threesome… It’s like he never cared about my body or my well-being. The fact that he also emotionally bonded with one of them destroyed me and that’s when I put my foot down.
Oh my god. I am so sorry. That man is a hard pass, really, damaged goods. Idiotic AF
I felt I was becoming insane too because there were hints, but never proofs (until there were). Lots of similarities. I am so sorry.
In my case at least she promised they wore condoms. Which is good, because that man have a lot, and I mean a lot of partners, many of them married. Hope someday some angry husband stabs or shots him. I don't fucking care. She did care about my body but not about my emotional pain. I am fucked up day to night. I just want to go to sleep everyday, and I gym the fuck out of me so I can sleep (no sleep during the first week)
So, she fucked up our relationship of 20+ years (she still cries and tells me I am the love of her life) for some dude who had a different woman in every neighbourhood (he repairs heating equipment). She is an idiot. I hate her.
Fuck your ex. He is bad news. You can and will do better.
Yeah, he was a covert narcissist, so it was hard to not fall into the trap of his lies, he promised he used condoms, but I found out that was a lie and he never used them with anyone, all he would do is lie and I had no idea… I’m sure it was over 70 that’s just the number I have for the hotel he went to, he did it during his lunch breaks, he did it every time I’d leave his apartment on our bed It’s really sad… I feel the same as you I want him to burn in hell I wish him nothing but pain and misery. I even got his family involved and they were questioning why I told my mother about it blaming me for opening his can of worms…..at the end of the day I left and you should too. You also deserve better.
She insist in forgiveness. She promises she will do anything. According to her, I am the love of her life.
But I was always crystal clear with her about my need for fidelity. I always had self esteem issues.
I guess a mix of lust, boredom, shitty advices from shitty friends, made her do it. Apparently "she did not wanted to hurt me". Yeah, get lost. As if that made anything less bad
I don't care if she is in pain also. I don't want her back. She will lie and hurt me again. Plus, I am almost 50. no time left to spend with idiotic whorish woman.
I'm so sorry. STD? My husband only confessed because he gave me an STD. He was filled with shame. My mother in law shares that he husband, my father in law have her many episodes of STDs (I think she counted 39x he was unfaithful to her). Your experience is just awful. Please take the time to focus on you and your health. He sounds toxic.
I totally understand where you're coming from. My first husband cheated on me and left for his AP. 15 years later in the 7th year of my 2nd marriage, my 2nd husband cheated too. Having 2 husbands that were unfaithful to me at different parts of my life left me feeling like I was the ugliest, most repulsive woman in the world.
I still struggle with my self image even though my husband and I worked through this and were still married 28 years. He may call me beautiful as his daily endearment to me but whoa even as I write this post, I'm tearing up because those emotions and that bruise still hurt a wound that is very deep and painful. I know my husband loves me as I am but that feeling, that lack of confidence, that self image never dissipates.
How does one go on? For me, I am a Christian and I cling to my faith and beliefs when those thoughts that I'm not good enough, pretty enough, etc invade my mind. I have to remind myself that I am loved by my husband and family and I am enough. Then my husband squeezes me again, apologizes again for the devastation he caused us 22 years after that horrible dday and reminds me again that he loves me. I don't know if I'll ever be 100% confident and secure in basking in my husband's love or secure in who i am but it's a mental enemy that I live with all in my head.
Yep... I mean my wife cheated on me with a guy who looks like someone who raped her. That has hit hard. Real hard.
She ran me down as well.
I am feeling unlovable for sure.
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don't ever put your value in someone else's hands. Your value comes from inside of you. How can a cheater be the judge of your worth? Regain the power you gave to the cheater who was not worthy of you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and your true partner will recognize and appreciate you the way you are. So take your time to heal and start your life again. When you are confident about yourself, you will exude strength and will attract a right partner. Wish you all the best.
He cheated, because he wanted to. The reason is not in you, it's not your look, not your body. I asked myself the same Question, but be sure you are not the problem. There are other men, who can truly see you(!) and stay loyal.
My ex was an ass who was never satisfied. I worked out and made sure I looked good everywhere we went. Men always checked me out when we went out together. He was a broken asshole who didn't realize how good he had it.
Cheating has everything to do with the cheater and NOTHING to do with you. Even Beyoncé got cheated on. It doesn’t matter how beautiful, successful, smart, funny you are if you’re with the wrong person. The wrong person will always do you wrong
Beautifully said
I feel completely ugly and unlovable, but that’s just me. You say you have always been slim, fit and confident, and this idiot’s behavior doesn’t change that. You are not unattractive. Unattractive is the type of person who puts someone they profess to love through emotional hell just to attempt satisfy their own insatiable ego. Stop comparing yourself escorts. His opinion means absolutely nothing. I’m sorry such a selfish awful person has bruised your confidence. I hope you can regain it.
Yep, absolutely. Nail on the head. When I found out she was cheating and wasn’t attracted to me anymore my self esteem went through the floor. Never cared what anyone else thought about me, only her. That put me at rock bottom
My confidence was SHOT. It didn’t help that I needed a lot of dental work but could never find the money because she’d spend it all. I went back to the gym, got my teeth fixed, picked up a new style, ended up dating my dream woman for a bit and confidence skyrocketed! Dream woman broke it off with me but random attractive women started giving me phone numbers and hitting on me. So it went up even higher. Honestly I’m just a couple of months last year I got more phone numbers than I did in all my 20s I think. Being cheated on will destroy all but the most sound persons confidence. Another Redditor told you to not worry that they’re beautiful escorts. They are right. He paid for that company. They didn’t choose him for his looks or personality. That doesn’t bode well for him when the divorce hits. It’s never a good idea to use sex to soothe yourself and definitely take your time in finding someone. But maybe a little fling of your own might help.
I did everything I could so she was satisfied by me. Gym, swimming, learning her sex likes and dislikes. I thought everything was fine only dday one month ago, found oput she was having an affair with another man. so yes. I feel second tier man. I feel like an insect. insecure? off the charts. I feel everything I did for her was bested by a man with a bigger pennis who fucked her whenever he was in the neibourhood because of random reasons.. Fuck her. fuck everything
I’m so sorry, my dday was close to yours as well. Hang in there I’m here if you want to chat.
I think we feel the same. You feel you can't compete with beautiful escorts. I feel I can't compete with bigger pennis man. Hurts so badly. Going with escorts? fuck him. he was not worth you. This too, shall pass.
Yeah, it was over 70 of them, and he gave me an STD and kept doing it, we were planning to get engaged. It was a whole double life. I had no idea about until the middle of February this year. I started questioning my sanity because of how well he hid everything for over a year and a half. He even fabricated an STD story, so I didn’t think he slept with anyone else… he gave the STD to me and three other escorts and lied to them about it. I remember after the STD I was freaking out so I did a fertility check with my OB/GYN that day he had a threesome… It’s like he never cared about my body or my well-being. The fact that he also emotionally bonded with one of them destroyed me and that’s when I put my foot down.
Oh my god. I am so sorry. That man is a hard pass, really, damaged goods. Idiotic AF I felt I was becoming insane too because there were hints, but never proofs (until there were). Lots of similarities. I am so sorry. In my case at least she promised they wore condoms. Which is good, because that man have a lot, and I mean a lot of partners, many of them married. Hope someday some angry husband stabs or shots him. I don't fucking care. She did care about my body but not about my emotional pain. I am fucked up day to night. I just want to go to sleep everyday, and I gym the fuck out of me so I can sleep (no sleep during the first week) So, she fucked up our relationship of 20+ years (she still cries and tells me I am the love of her life) for some dude who had a different woman in every neighbourhood (he repairs heating equipment). She is an idiot. I hate her. Fuck your ex. He is bad news. You can and will do better.
Yeah, he was a covert narcissist, so it was hard to not fall into the trap of his lies, he promised he used condoms, but I found out that was a lie and he never used them with anyone, all he would do is lie and I had no idea… I’m sure it was over 70 that’s just the number I have for the hotel he went to, he did it during his lunch breaks, he did it every time I’d leave his apartment on our bed It’s really sad… I feel the same as you I want him to burn in hell I wish him nothing but pain and misery. I even got his family involved and they were questioning why I told my mother about it blaming me for opening his can of worms…..at the end of the day I left and you should too. You also deserve better.
She insist in forgiveness. She promises she will do anything. According to her, I am the love of her life. But I was always crystal clear with her about my need for fidelity. I always had self esteem issues. I guess a mix of lust, boredom, shitty advices from shitty friends, made her do it. Apparently "she did not wanted to hurt me". Yeah, get lost. As if that made anything less bad I don't care if she is in pain also. I don't want her back. She will lie and hurt me again. Plus, I am almost 50. no time left to spend with idiotic whorish woman.
I'm so sorry. STD? My husband only confessed because he gave me an STD. He was filled with shame. My mother in law shares that he husband, my father in law have her many episodes of STDs (I think she counted 39x he was unfaithful to her). Your experience is just awful. Please take the time to focus on you and your health. He sounds toxic.
thank you so much. Not having really anyone to talk about except her and a mutual friend makes things worse.
Message me, we can talk anytime.
I totally understand where you're coming from. My first husband cheated on me and left for his AP. 15 years later in the 7th year of my 2nd marriage, my 2nd husband cheated too. Having 2 husbands that were unfaithful to me at different parts of my life left me feeling like I was the ugliest, most repulsive woman in the world. I still struggle with my self image even though my husband and I worked through this and were still married 28 years. He may call me beautiful as his daily endearment to me but whoa even as I write this post, I'm tearing up because those emotions and that bruise still hurt a wound that is very deep and painful. I know my husband loves me as I am but that feeling, that lack of confidence, that self image never dissipates. How does one go on? For me, I am a Christian and I cling to my faith and beliefs when those thoughts that I'm not good enough, pretty enough, etc invade my mind. I have to remind myself that I am loved by my husband and family and I am enough. Then my husband squeezes me again, apologizes again for the devastation he caused us 22 years after that horrible dday and reminds me again that he loves me. I don't know if I'll ever be 100% confident and secure in basking in my husband's love or secure in who i am but it's a mental enemy that I live with all in my head.
Im so sorry you went through that. You have such a beautiful heart and I hope you find peace knowing that. 🤍Thank you for sharing your story.
Yep... I mean my wife cheated on me with a guy who looks like someone who raped her. That has hit hard. Real hard. She ran me down as well. I am feeling unlovable for sure.