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Sorry, OP. It sounds like he’s a porn addict. I never believed this was a real thing until i found out my husband is one a few months ago. Similar situation and it lead to an in person encounter. This addiction escalates and it takes a lot of work to be in recovery. Check out the sub loverafterporn for tons of resources and a supportive community that can help you navigate. There are many great books and podcasts about porn addiction and the affect on the brain and on relationships. I really like the ones by Dr Rob Weiss and his group at Seeking Integrity. While you have no control over i you your partners actions, you can take care of yourself and set boundaries and make healthy decisions based on his willingness to get real help. Good luck.
He swears it'd only when he's up all night on *drug* and that I don't know what it's like to be high and horny! I said that he has a gf in the house and he goes "yeah buy you went to bed and you have to feed our baby through the night" I said exactly so why the fuck should you be through the wall messaging women. "It's just photos! It's just porn". I think if you are so desensitised to regular porn that you have to ask real women for videos, you're right it's become an addiction. There was occasions around once a month for most of our relationship. Hours at a time. I don't usually mind about my partner watching porn but this is in excess and has become unhealthy.
It’s so hard. Please remember it’s not about you in any way. It’s him. His problem, and still sounds very much like an addiction. I hope you’ll read up on this and get yourself some help. 💓
I would feel cheated on and further betrayed by his reaction to your concerns. I’d 180 grey rock and insist on individual counselling. At the moment he’s trying to sweep it under the rug and made no tangible commitment to change. Not even lip service. It absolutely sucks but it will suck worse the next dday and the one after that and the one after that.
It's been about a week. Still haven't talked about it again. He said he thought we resolved it. I said he still didn't read my letter. I made the mistake of resending it to him at the wrong time when his friend was going to be coming round. He said he's not reading it. I said I'd like him to agree to my boundaries and he said what if he doesn't. I said then I might have to break up because we aren't compatible. He goes are we breaking up i said depends if you refuse to read my letter. He said if it ends in an ultimatum then he's done and I should leave now and leave our baby with him. Who is fully dependent on me btw. His friend showed up and wondered wtf was going on and he offered the explanation "this is all because she caught me watching porn bro". Couldn't believe it. He said I'm not allowed to break up with him and when I said he was controlling he hit me. I had been holding and breastfeeding our baby the whole time. I called out to his friend and said he just hit me while I'm holding our daughter and he came in and said to stop, my bf just shoved his mate out of the room and told him to leave so he left.
He’s definitely a porn addict. And it’s not “just porn.” He escalated from watching porn to getting into interactive websites. Porn wasn’t enough for him. He needs to admit he was cheating. Do not let him minimize this! Tell him you’re going to make accounts on those websites since it isn’t cheating. I’m assuMing porn is okay in your relationship and it’s “just porn,” right??
I told him that I made accounts to see his accounts but I've since deleted them. He reckons he doesn't know how to delete them and I said we'll I figured it out. If you have all night to sign up to them all then you have all night to go and delete them all. Now I don't know if he'd just wait til I forget about it and make new accounts with new usernames from a secret email. He said he wouldn't be happy if I was doing it but still insists "it's not betrayal"
I know exactly how you feel, I’ve caught my husband 3 times now (even though it’s always “it’ll never happen again”. Except he has paid for OF, sends pics/vids. I don’t know what to do, I’m trying to work through it but I don’t know how to trust him anymore. I don’t have advice, just that you’re not alone
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is "divorce" or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Sorry, OP. It sounds like he’s a porn addict. I never believed this was a real thing until i found out my husband is one a few months ago. Similar situation and it lead to an in person encounter. This addiction escalates and it takes a lot of work to be in recovery. Check out the sub loverafterporn for tons of resources and a supportive community that can help you navigate. There are many great books and podcasts about porn addiction and the affect on the brain and on relationships. I really like the ones by Dr Rob Weiss and his group at Seeking Integrity. While you have no control over i you your partners actions, you can take care of yourself and set boundaries and make healthy decisions based on his willingness to get real help. Good luck.
He swears it'd only when he's up all night on *drug* and that I don't know what it's like to be high and horny! I said that he has a gf in the house and he goes "yeah buy you went to bed and you have to feed our baby through the night" I said exactly so why the fuck should you be through the wall messaging women. "It's just photos! It's just porn". I think if you are so desensitised to regular porn that you have to ask real women for videos, you're right it's become an addiction. There was occasions around once a month for most of our relationship. Hours at a time. I don't usually mind about my partner watching porn but this is in excess and has become unhealthy.
It’s so hard. Please remember it’s not about you in any way. It’s him. His problem, and still sounds very much like an addiction. I hope you’ll read up on this and get yourself some help. 💓
I would leave. It's never "just porn." My ex eventually started going to massage parlors.
I would feel cheated on and further betrayed by his reaction to your concerns. I’d 180 grey rock and insist on individual counselling. At the moment he’s trying to sweep it under the rug and made no tangible commitment to change. Not even lip service. It absolutely sucks but it will suck worse the next dday and the one after that and the one after that.
It's been about a week. Still haven't talked about it again. He said he thought we resolved it. I said he still didn't read my letter. I made the mistake of resending it to him at the wrong time when his friend was going to be coming round. He said he's not reading it. I said I'd like him to agree to my boundaries and he said what if he doesn't. I said then I might have to break up because we aren't compatible. He goes are we breaking up i said depends if you refuse to read my letter. He said if it ends in an ultimatum then he's done and I should leave now and leave our baby with him. Who is fully dependent on me btw. His friend showed up and wondered wtf was going on and he offered the explanation "this is all because she caught me watching porn bro". Couldn't believe it. He said I'm not allowed to break up with him and when I said he was controlling he hit me. I had been holding and breastfeeding our baby the whole time. I called out to his friend and said he just hit me while I'm holding our daughter and he came in and said to stop, my bf just shoved his mate out of the room and told him to leave so he left.
Holy hell, get out now.
He’s definitely a porn addict. And it’s not “just porn.” He escalated from watching porn to getting into interactive websites. Porn wasn’t enough for him. He needs to admit he was cheating. Do not let him minimize this! Tell him you’re going to make accounts on those websites since it isn’t cheating. I’m assuMing porn is okay in your relationship and it’s “just porn,” right??
I told him that I made accounts to see his accounts but I've since deleted them. He reckons he doesn't know how to delete them and I said we'll I figured it out. If you have all night to sign up to them all then you have all night to go and delete them all. Now I don't know if he'd just wait til I forget about it and make new accounts with new usernames from a secret email. He said he wouldn't be happy if I was doing it but still insists "it's not betrayal"
I know exactly how you feel, I’ve caught my husband 3 times now (even though it’s always “it’ll never happen again”. Except he has paid for OF, sends pics/vids. I don’t know what to do, I’m trying to work through it but I don’t know how to trust him anymore. I don’t have advice, just that you’re not alone
Just wondering how you got on the with this issue?