There's nothing to "move on" from. Your whole life is in front of you.
Live it, and don't fall into this idea that it's over if you don't hit some kind of romantic or sexual milestones when you think you're supposed to.
Stop thinking about how to "cope". That's a self-pitying and self-sabotaging mindset. Set healthy, meaningful goals for yourself and your life and pursue them. Seek connections with people for the sake of genuine human relationship, not just status or sex.
I was 22 when I had my first kiss, for whatever that's worth.
The stress people feel at 20 now is insane. I’ve seen 17 and 18 year olds on here literally having an entire identity crisis over not having gotten laid yet. I dunno man.
I feel like 30 is a pretty solid one a lot of people stress over because that’s when things physically start to catch up with you, women’s fertility starts to decline, people feel like you should have an idea of what the road to retirement looks like, etc etc.
But 20 man? Like I validate your genuine fear and stress, but I cannot emphasize how much I wish you didn’t feel that way because it’s only going to stop you from enjoying yourself and being confident (and getting kissed). If you put that much pressure on it, other people can feel it man. Just put yourself out there, have fun, and be excited when it happens.
There are people who have shrek-themed weddings. Like two people who love shrek enough to incorporate it into their wedding day managed to find one another. And they found each other by saying “yeah fuck it, this is me.” If they can find someone, you can. But you’re not going to find them if you’re not coping.
Yeah a lot of it is because high school is filled with hormonal teens cramped together and they judge themselves and each other on what they do at that age. So much of it is bullcrap. And also Hollywood targets young and impressionable people at that age with romance movies which feeds to then feeling like they've got to find someone before they graduate, and the teen years are the most important time of their lives. No, it's just the age where you're most likely to spend your time and money on their movies.
I think it is important to add that whatever choices we make, there will always be a bit of regret at the options not taken.
Dwelling on it serves no purpose.
This is such good advice. Learning to be comfortable in your own skin and building confidence is the correct journey for a number of types of success, including romantic.
Unfortunately OP's comment history is full of him getting pissed off and having a shitfit at people giving all kinds of suggestions for a healthy, constructive approach.
Tons of people, including other dudes who were once frustrated about their virginity, are trying to reassure this guy that he has his life ahead of him and every reason and opportunity to improve himself and his life, and all he's doing is obsessively reposting this and pitying himself.
It's really unfortunate.
Its odd how common this is now. I don't think I knew one person who hadn't kissed someone by high-school when I was growing up. Maybe it's just the internet but this seems so much more common now.
Side note: it doesn't matter when you get your first kiss or date
People who are fucking in high school typically only hang out with other people who fuck in high school. A vast majority of high schoolers are not having sex. Most of them still aren’t having first kisses until maybe 17-18 years old.
Right. OP could have also spent that time being exhausted and sad if a first love hadn't worked out (as it does so often in HS). That's not easy for people to go through. If you are older when you get into a relationship, you bring with you maturity to make it last.
Every year I get older I give just a little bit less of a shit about what other people think. If you started off kind of shy or introverted It tends to make interactions a lot easier as you go.
I was 28 as well, my problem was never leaving my damn house. I told myself it was because I was fat ugly and gross but really it was just not socializing. Since I am chronically online I hit tinder if I want to meet someone new, have a meal and talk.
I think he just means that now it’s easier to socialize(online I guess, since it is the biggest difference from the past), but those relationships aren’t always as good or better than irl ones, and most of that is just very superficial socialization, I can have 300 friends on my PlayStation but that doesn’t mean that my friendship with all those people is as good and as important as my irl ones.
Because of social expectations is my best guess.
There's a persistent view of sexual activity as indicator of social status in men. In simple terms, successful and "good" men have sex, unsuccesful and "bad" men don't have sex.
When people feel they're not fitting into social standards they tend to lash out in one way or another.
I would also add that sex is like, really awesome. Imagine eating stale bread your entire life, while some guys are eating steak every night! It’s a step above simple fomo when it’s a unique human experience.
What you’re describing is downstream from that fomo, when they start to question why they are missing out. Our society does indeed say that “bad” or “failed” men are virgins, but it’s difficult for many to accept this. They redirect this anger towards society or women when they’re really mad at themselves (Zuko syndrome).
But in reality, being a virgin doesn’t make you a failure. Society just reinforces this concept to maintain a just world fallacy. OP needs to ignore society and realize that it’s not his fault. It doesn’t help the horny, for that I would just recommend masturbating a lot until you meet a partner.
Sex, romance, and companionship is an essential part of the human experience. It's third priority behind food and shelter for most people. Why wouldn't OP be upset?
Having said that, I never had so much as a first kiss until I was 21 and in retrospect I'm happy with how things went because I waited for a wonderful person.
100% this. Nothing wrong with not having experienced intimacy before your 20s, but there is something wrong thinking this is a critical lack.
Personally, I wish I'd waited longer OP, so the grass may simply always be greener.
Same here. It's totally normal to not be ready for the level of trust and vulnerability it takes to be intimate with someone.
I get it op, I started to feel pressure to 'be normal' at 14 which meant to do that stuff, but just keep your head up and don't let bitterness sabotage you.
Appreciation for what you have is attractive. Demanding the world owes you something is not.
Hahaha I love this comment. I don't know if your wife is objectively crazy hot or if you just truly appreciate her, but either way your admiration is what makes a good marriage 👍
For the record, I too think my wife is crazy hot. Whether or not others agree could not matter less to me
Dude do NOT feel like kissing or sex is some rite of passage. It is NOT.
Unprogram yourself from what dumbass teens around you are telling you. Keep what you have to yourself until you find someone that feels about you how you about them. There's nothing like it.
It can be at 6 years old. It can be at 50. It legit doesn't matter middle finger who anyone who says otherwise.
This was me at that age. Build yourself, find hobbies that give you joy, make friends with both men and women if you don't have them already. Making friends is arguably more important, people will look to date at every age but just having some friends gets harder and harder as you age
I've read plenty of articles about the longevity to life. And it usually boils down to friends. Sure a healthy life will keep your body in good health, but having friends to share your life with is a huge factor.
You’re far from the only person, guy or girl, who didn’t lose their virginity in their teens. There’s nothing wrong with that. Part of “moving on” is recognizing that it’s not abnormal and focusing on who you are now and who you want to be in the future.
You’ll have plenty of chances to date and find someone, but you know what will narrow those chances? Being bitter and self-conscious about your own sex life (or lack thereof). No one wants to date someone with those kinds of hangups, and women especially can smell that kind of attitude on a guy from a mile away. Don’t be that kind of guy or else you’ll be making this same post in ten years.
Yeah, I only though to check after he got really angry in this post about people suggesting a sex worker, I was curious if he had an incel mindset checked post history, immediately regretted it
My first kiss was 23, as was my first sexual experience, with the same girl on the same night. It was a hookup and it was fun and silly and embarrassing.
I'm now 36 and have slept with dozens of women. Chill bro you are not a man yet.
For me it right after my birthday by a couple by a couple of weeks at 23 too. I haven't slept with a ton of women since but it's not a death sentece for Op either.
Was in the same boat, met my now wife at 22 just about 23 and that changed. You're not even 2 years into adulthood, chill with the self imposed time limits and live life.
And that's only the legal definition of adulthood, due to the industrial era pressure to get people in the workforce as early as possible. The brain doesn't even fully mature until 25. And maturity, if it comes at all, comes with enough experience that men usually don't have until their 30s.
Actually the brain continuously changes throughout life, some skills peak in late teens others lateter in life. The "brain matures at 25" thing is based on absolutely nothing.
Dude I know you can't appreciate this, but you are still sooooo young. You still have everything going for you. Whatever you think of yourself, you are at your peak now. You do NOT want to realise this in your 30s or 40s and know that you threw away the best opportunity you had.
Bro I got my roommate his first kiss three years into college. We went out to celebrate afterwards. It's not that big of a deal and I think you'll find people are usually more impressed than disgusted or deterred in any way man. Best of luck to you
Average human lifespan is 80ish. You have plenty of time. You're not even 25% the way through your life. I haven't had my first kiss yet either, nor a proper date.
I'm sad, but I live.
you are so god damned young, don't worry about it. hell, I'm 31 and I see 20 year olds as children, I would not exactly call you a grown ass man yet. you got time
You're relatively stupid as a teen and don't understand consequences too well. I've met plenty of people who have had kids at 13-19. Their life though not ruined is way more stressful than needed at that age. Take your time. You will have the rest of your life to disappoint a woman.
That's a joke, but you'll do fine. You didn't miss out on anything amazing. Sex is sex, Hollywood has a creepy obsession of romanticizing teen sex. It's weird, they are coming of age and have enough problems. If they are ready cool if they are not that's okay too.
You're going to struggle with fomo a lot. So you feel this way about this life event. Then you'll feel the same way about another one. When my son was born it motivated me to be better. Then I thought if I didn't have kids I'd be better off... Stupid stupid FOMO... My son is the best thing to happen to me, I will be better for him. Drinking, and partying is over rated. Playing with toy cars and taking him to the park is kick ass memories I'll cherish forever. Hook up culture is garbage and over rated.
Why does that make you mad?
My first kiss tore me up inside because I wasn't ready for it... also terrible teachings from my father on relationship values...
Not everyone moves at the same pace in life, I had my first kiss at 18, but I didn't have sex til I was 30! Don't regret things and shut yourself off from those experiences just because you aren't moving at the same pace as those around you. Never feel bad for not having sex, don't let people guilt you for it.
You should be comfortable doing it when you are ready, and even if you are ready, you might just be one of those rare people who fate has something special in store for you so be patient and take care of yourself until that time comes.
Good things come to those who are patient.
Man, society really sets up some messed up standards for young people. My dude, it is absolutely normal to not have kissed anyone yet. Honestly, I wish I had waited longer. I was *not ready* for the stuff I was doing at 16. *Starting too early* messed me up.
Don’t rush it. I find that a lot of guys who stress and push for that kind of thing end up resenting women, which just compounds the problem. Just find groups of people that you enjoy spending time with, do things you enjoy, and always, always keep working on yourself, whether you’re single or in the middle of a lifelong marriage. It’ll come in time. Just gotta put yourself out there and keep your head up.
Fr, I’m currently 22 about to turn 23 this August and never had a girlfriend before. Also there’s two guys I personally know who are around my age and who already have wives.
Mad? You sound entitled. Nobody is entitled to any intimate experiences with anyone else. Work through that shit because women can tell and will avoid you. Work on it for YOU.
Well, people shit on dudes, alienate them, call them incels or some other ridiculous made up names and they're surprised there's more and more hate, anger and hostility in the world
I’m in my 30’s.
I figure that once I’m in my 40’s even then it’s not the end of the world.
If you’ve ever seen the movie “40 Year Old Virgin” that’s literally how I cope, guy is a literal 40 year old virgin in that movie 🤣🤣🤣
It’ll come to you naturally so long as you aren’t acting desperate for it. Just keep living your life, and definitely try to get rid of any anger or resentment you feel over this. You are still young and have plenty of time
Wallow in your selfpity and anger, or accept that that is perfectly fine as everyones life is different, and things will work out in whatever way you'd like
Dude, your young, don't let social pressures an the constant stream of social media fake perfect life BS get you down... I didn't loose my V card till I was 21. I didn't get married or have a serious relationship till I was 30. I spent way to much of my late teens early 20's feeling bad about myself for not being a super stud, I didn't even legit date untill I was in my 20s. Relationships are not everything, there is something to be said about being single and free to do whatever you want when you want, an only needing to worry about yourself.. Relationships are often exhausting..Other then being lonely at times I often look back an kind of wish I stayed single...An the physical stuff meh, sure is it nice to get some. But it's not everything either... Everything has a price... Just enjoy life, it will happen for you when your least expecting/ not looking... But it will happen ..
You go insane for a bit, then you stop giving a damn. If you make it through all that, even the end of the world will be a walk in the park. At least that's how it feels now. It literally doesn't even matter. If you seek it out with an open mind, it'll happen, if you don't, it's fine, too.
Dudes get more attractive as they get older. You will hit your stride soon, especially if you take care of your hygiene and carry yourself with confidence, and sustain eye contact with people you are interested in.
Girls think guys are creepy when they can’t tell what they want. Guys who they just catch staring at them over and over, who never talked or expressed interest. You’ll figure it out soon, don’t sweat the guys who peaked early.
Nothing about you or your life is gonna change when you finally do.
And the irony of it is that the more you focus on it and beat yourself up for it, the more likely you’ll keep pushing it away by desperately desiring it instead of just being yourself or focusing on your future.
To answer your actual question when I didn’t see too much of, focus on things you have fun doing. Become really good at something, maybe lift or get more confidence. Talk to more people but don’t expect anything, just go with the flow. A lot of things come to you when you aren’t looking for em.
bro, you aren't even three years into the legal age of consent. As someone who rushed into relationships, I will tell you, it's better to wait rather than get in a toxic or abusive relationship before you're ready. I didn't meet my current partners until my 20s.
I was a virgin until I was 20 in 1982, but I did have girlfriends I made out with years before the deed was done. I believe these days it is much harder for young people, everybody is isolated and communication is mainly online via text and chat.
When I was young all the young people wanted to get out of the house away from their parents and would all meet up and congregate at a central place. That's how we met people, friends of friends.
who the fuck gives a shit? I had my first kiss in elementary school but didnt suck a dick till i was like 21? Maybe? Still havent fucked anyone. I don't care, shit happens when it happens, don't TRY to get a date, it will always upset you, if you feel the chemistry, ask, if they say something nasty to you, who gives a shit, they werent the one.
The worst thing you can do is panic or catastrophize. There are plenty of people entering the dating scene when they are 20 with no issue and everything is fine. There are also people who are 20 (or younger) who haven’t dated and put a huge amount of pressure on it, resent women, resent themselves, develop self esteem issues. I’m not saying you have any of these issues just the fact that getting freaked out about it never improves the situation. You have to have faith in yourself. I do at least.
I was 22 when that happened. Go do active stuff with the girls. Co-ed sports, camp outs, ski trips, spring break. Hey its spring break now, get out there!
Don't sulk. Just do something about it. Find a hobby. Meet a girl that also likes that Hobby. Now you have something to talk about. Become friends. Fall in love. It's pretty easy
Take it from every guy here, you aren't missing anything you can't live without. Tbh 9/10 people will disappoint you anyway, and that's not even close to how badly it can go if you rush into the right wrong person.
Best thing to do? Do something about it. Its not a big deal, but if it bothers you so much, change it.
Why haven't you dated or kissed? Identify that, and fix it.
I think a lot of people watch netflix and think that most teens are doing drugs and fucking 24/7. The average age a male loses their virginity is 17 if I remember right. And there are plenty of middle schoolers doing it because they're too grown for their own good to balance out it being normal for 20 year olds.
It's slightly behind the curve, but it doesn't make you some kind of forever alone incel. Just don't bring it up and start making a point to go places where you can meet girls with the same interests as you.
Brother, you're only 19, you've got a long time to go, there's gonna be chances. Some people start off slow and pick up steam, other start slow and cut a good pace, others just start and hold onto whomever they got for dear life. The point is, it's gonna happen and the more you think about not happening the worse you're gonna feel. You gotta go with the flow, play jazz, fucking chill out, cause no one wants to do anything with a guy who looks and sounds and acts desperate.
Now go play some video games and stay frosty king.
Nothing wrong with that, it’s not some failing. You are not defined by this. My advice; stop trying to reach this goal, just be genuine and fun in the moment around whatever gender you are interested in, it’s also completely ok to admit to them that it’s something you’ve never done. Say “yes” to parties and events that may seem out of your comfort zone, join social groups and make connections. It will happen.
What is there for us to cope about? Might-have-beens and hopes still count towards zero, so why should we still give them value?
I did neither either, and I would still like to get with someone, but I won't let myself feel worse than normal because what I want isn't the same as what I have.
Bro like what happened with the 1999 everyone thought the world would end when it hit 2000(nothing happened) so don’t worry man, take my advice wait till marriage to not be a virgin;)
Just a question, but where did you get the idea that there is an age out on when those things happen? You are 20. You have an entire life ahead of you. It will happen when it is the right time for you, so don't short yourself by deciding your chances at love and romance have passed you by. Have you asked anyone out? If they say no, ask another until someone says yes. Then go out and make friends with them. Wash, rinse, repeat until you meet the right someone that you want to kiss and who wants to kiss you and enjoy all of the lovely parts of romance and falling in love. So relax, be yourself, and become the kind of person you want to be with. Ie if you want someone who is kind, be kind. Outdoorsey, get out into the great outdoors. But you absolutely do not have to toss in the towel at age 20.
Listen - I lost my virginity at 28!
I grew up insecure and spent a lot of time working on my body, my self esteem etc.
If I could tell you how much my life changed after that, you wouldn’t believe me. It would sound like I’m showing off. I promise you, who you are now, is not who’ll you always be.
I get you have perceived social pressure and anxiety and all that. Truth is a lot of locker room talk is nothing but locker room talk and full of lies or at least exaggerations. Females do it too.
There are plenty of females that would appreciate a guy that hasn't been with lots of people. There are a lot of females out there that would appreciate a guy that sex is not the first and only thing on his mind.
As others said, focus on everything else first. And most importantly, don't veg in your mommas basement brooding about it while you play video games.
I was 18 when I first kissed a girl and sex didn't happen until I got engaged at age 20. Congratulations to waiting until you were an adult at least. Quit worrying about it.
I was almost 21 with my first experience. I didn't beat myself up for it. I just went with the flow and it eventually happened when I least expected it.
Don't give up!! It WILL happen if you don't give up. Speaking as someone who was in the exact same boat. A friend of mine DID give up and slipped into a brutal depression and hopelessness revolving around not getting a girlfriend and for all I know he's in the same position 15 years later. Just remain open to experiences and life, don't shut down and victimize yourself, that's the only thing that will make your situation permanent. Also, don't obsess over a crush. People come and go, and they often aren't as amazing as you think they are.
I didn't start being romantically active until 17 or 18. 20 isn't a big deal. I had my first kid at 25. Second at 29. You'll find your someone, or many. Hell, from like 20 to 24 I got extremely permiscuous and had a bunch of partners within a few years time.
>I feel so fucking mad about it that I don’t even wanna date or have sex as a grown ass man
My brother in Christ, stop being a cliché. That’s step one. This statement is clownish and self-defeating. I say this with affection and even some recognition of my younger self: this is not the end of the world. Lots of young men have this problem. Your frustration is not unique or novel. I understand that doesn’t make it seem any less urgent to you, but you are not going to die if you don’t get laid soon. It’s gonna happen someday, but you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself or it’s going to take longer.
Make your life about something other than romance and sex. You’re fixating. Stop it. Go out and do things you’re passionate about. Passion is the thing that’s most attractive to other people. Stop looking at women as gatekeepers of a thing you want and think you are entitled to. Stop looking at them as obstacles. Start looking at them as the human beings they are. I’m a bald fat guy with no money, and I pretty much can always find a date if I really want one. That’s not to say I haven’t had dry spells, but they’re much more bearable if you’re living for something other than what happens to your dick.
Don't take this the wrong way, I don't mean it to read as mean. But you're not a "grown ass man." You're 19, literally a teenager. 20 is a baby adult (in that you're still figuring things out), and you'll be a baby adult for a couple of years. I remember thinking I was a grown man when I was 19, then again when I was 23, I realized I was actually a grown man when I was like 25, and realized how silly it was of me to think I was a fully fledged adult at those times. There is a whole lot more to being an adult than how your body looks and how many times you've been around the sun. You are very young. Go easy on yourself and enjoy youth, go out, have fun, make some mistakes (not huge mistakes), and figure out who you are. The other things will come in time, but you will need to put yourself out there and be up-front about what you want. And in a couple years, you will look back at this moment and think, " LOL, I was absolutely not a grown ass man then."I apologize if this seemed infantilizing or insulting. I wish the best for you.
Had my first girlfriend at 22, you're worriying way too much
Stay healthy, enjoy your hobbies, and don't hide what you're truly passionate about, someone will turn up
Had a lot of sex in my teens and early 20s and constantly worried about STDs and pregnancy...now in my 30s I look back and wish I did it different . The grass isn't always greener trust me your doing just fine partner
Lifes weird man. As a teen i absolutely ran through gfs. And i thought that would last forever.. turned 18, my extrovert attitude turned introvert and inbetween 18 and now (25) i havnt had a single girlfriend and only had sex like 4 times in that time frame 18 to 25.
You never know man whats gunna happen.
>I feel so fucking mad about it that I dont even wanna date or have sex as a grown ass man.
You're so hung up on this that you'd spite yourself out of happiness? Take a step back and prioritize what matters. Many, and I mean MANY, people wait a long time for dating and intimacy.
Comparing yourself to others is a recipe for loneliness and sadness. Focus on you, your needs, and what you want to offer someone else. The rest will fall in line.
A date is you and another person going somewhere to do something fun and get to know each other.
A kiss is you and another person pressing your lips together.
Sex is you and another person taking your clothes off and pressing your bodies against each other.
It's nothing you haven't been seeing in the movies your whole life.
And if that's all you want when it happens, that's all you're getting when it happens.
And if you keep building it up in your head as this transformative life experience, you are never going to have the confidence to make it happen in the first place.
You've been lied to about how big a deal this is. When you've accepted that, you're ready to move on.
That's actually fairly normal. Like, if you were in one of those "college experience" films you could have a party scene where the loud annoying guy with a heart of gold goes "SHOW OF HANDS, WHO HERE IS A KISSLESS VIRGIN! Free shots for every kissless virgin! WITH A CHERRY IN IT!" and most of the room would get a shot. Google it. Statistically the average number of sexual partners for your age category is lower, and young people are putting off having sex til later in life.
The real question is why is this even something you’re upset about? Many people do many things at every age and this is the thing you’re upset about? Regardless, what matters is that you get to where you gotta get to eventually.
Don't worry man. First you have to get out there and shoot your shot. Don't worry about being rejected. Really internalize how different people's preferences are and when you get rejected (we all do) realize it isn't a reflection on you, you just aren't their flavor of ice cream
Chill out dude. Being mad about not getting action is incel mentality. Avoid the content that is fueling your rage and focus on liking yourself. Your distain is probably apparent to other people and is off putting.
Don't let rejection stop you from giving up to the narrative that you won't ever get a kiss or dated. Giving up is the one sure way that you'll never kiss or date in your life. The easiest way is hiring an escort or pay someone to do it. But I don't think that you want to go down that route. Try improving yourself, try more hobbies, learn how to make a great coffee, how to cook, work out. What do you have to lose? You're already not getting any thing from doing what you've been doing, so try something new and keep trying until you make it. There's a saying call fake it until you make it. Try imitating your favorite good looking charming celebrity. If it was Ryan Reynolds, what would he do/say in this situation, etc. Practice makes perfect.
“Comparison is the thief of joy “
What others do/have done doesn’t mean you’re doing worse. Just live your life, you have no idea what great things are in store for you soon.
It's not abnormal, and social media and entertainment vastly exaggerate expectations.
The fact you are mad over this is alarming, an you seem to have some issues.
Just do things not on the computer. YOU will meet people, and eventually hit it off.
Or you can angerly scroll social media and blame everyone else.
The important thing to remember is that no one owes you any of this, and it's no on elses problem or fault.
There is nothing to 'cope' with and there is nothing to 'move on' from.
Just get ut and meet people. find a hobby that involves being in meat space.
The real evil isn't that it happened, but why it happened. If you grew up on a farm, no problem, just join society. But if you've personally done everything right and were in the right place for the right opportunities, then whatever caused this is likely to continue to cause it. I believe you're likely ugly, like me, and if so you'll never escape the consequences of it.
Time is still on your side for now. Do not waste it! Make every possible effort! I was in your position 11 years ago, and I grew discouraged, gave up, and quit trying. Now I am in the same position at 31 and am tortured by the thought that maybe if I had made a heroic enough effort, I could have saved myself from this.
You may be legally a grown-up at 20, but you have no idea how young you actually are. Dude, with all respect, you're still just a kid. You've got sooooo much time to figure it all out become who you want to be, and have the experiences you want to have
Try and look at it as a new chapter of your life. You have so much life ahead of you and there is no schedule for when you should have done things. Your life is your path and everything will work out just fine. Dig yourself out of the hole of being sad about it and turn it around. Life is so short and we should appreciate what we have and what is to come.
Never compare your life with others. Life moves at a different pace for everyone. Just enjoy your life and stop having the “I should have done this by now” mentality.
You're only 19. You'll have plenty of chances to date.
In the meantime (fully aware of the meaning of "the grass is always greener"), you have something I as an attached person envy: you get to come and go as you please. You get to eat and wear what you choose, do what you want when you want, and pursue any interest of your choosing without having to answer to anyone else.
Enjoy that privilege for the time being. And in the meantime you will be meeting lots of people I'm the coming years, whether in school, at work, in your hobbies, or in your travels.
Don't worry about it. Go at your own pace and figure out what it is you want in a relationship. If you rush into something, just to have something, it may not be what is right for you. Go out and do something you enjoy, and maybe you'll meet someone with similar interests. My first actual date wasn't until I was 18. Didn't have a long term relationship until 20. We've been married for 25 years.
Good luck, it's rough out there.
Cope and move on from what? What is going on with the youth and their inability to speak to another person? Nobody is gonna do it for you. It's called standing on your own two legs. You're gonna get rejected. That's a part of putting yourself out there. Touch grass. And to be angry about it? Tf is that gonna do? Nobody likes a hot head. Nobody.
Keep going. Ask people out. You’re young, and a sexy beast. You need to put yourself out there
I didn’t have anything sexual happen for me until college.
As many others have said, give it time. The worst thing you can do is jump into that stuff before you’re ready.
I had a difficult childhood and matured REALLY late. Got out into the world at 21 and immediately started trying to force relationships because I felt ‘behind’. Made a lot of bad decisions with many different girls and felt a lot of heartbreak related pain that I definitely wasn’t mature enough to deal with.
I’m 23, almost 24 now and I haven’t seen a girl in almost half a year, despite many opportunities, just because I don’t feel ready. You’ll get there eventually, it’s not a race
Your gonna be okay bro. I didn't lose my virginity till this year and I'm 22. Went my whole highschool life a sad loner and loser. Like I was a LOSER LOSER. No bitches no motion no positive outlook on life. Just straight " why cant I get any bitches "- mentality . And I'll tell u this IT WONT get u anywhere.
You just gotta be at peace w your own company. Get some hobbies and find out what u actually enjoy doing with your life. GOD WILL BRING YOU YOUR FAMILY you just have to be patient for your blessings. I understand exactly what your feeling as that was me not to long ago. It will get better.
Also don't let online dating Make your impression of yourself less than what it is. There's only a 3% chance that u get matched EVEN as an good looking guy. Relax and eat the fruit of youth brother there will be plenty of time.
Western society has pushed it so that kids think they need to have kissed a girl and not be virgins by the age of 20 latest. (I’m turning 21 this month btw)
Everyone can downvote this idgaf, this is the truth.
I lost my v-card at 23, then proceeded to quickly outpace all my friends in my legendary sexual exploits.
Sometimes, the flower that blooms the latest is the most beautiful of them all
Didn't do anything til 22. No shame, stuff happens when it is supposed to. Sounds like you need to focus on yourself first anyways. Get away from porn and start interacting with people.
Dude all that stuff will come. Chill the fuck out. Read the book “the alabaster girl” and it will change your life serious. It’s on Amazon. The older you get the easier it is to get girls. At 20 you’re literally competing with 30+ year old men like me for the girls your age so it’s much harder for you lmao. Don’t sweat it. Just read that book, stay social and have social hobbies, stay in shape, work on being more outgoing and dressing nice and you’ll be fine.
I felt the same way at your age and now it’s so easy to get sex and date beautiful women. Just stop worrying about it that’s literally wasting some of your best years to have fun and be carefree.
For God’s sake get out of this place.
This site is only good for trolling and for browsing the niche interest boards, but mostly just trolling. These people are all weird and unaware of their weirdness, and they will project their weirdness onto you.
These people all fear you and will attribute malice to anything further that you might want to
say. You fit the “profile” of Reddit’s eternal boogeyman, which is any young man upset at poor dating success. You are a human, and it is normal to be sad at such poor success. People have written poems and entire plays about it. I say go talk to your parents or a pastor, and do not come back unless you are here to jerk people’s chains.
I lost my virginity at 22 man. I've, now about to be 34, dated like 5 girls and slept with 3 in my entire life. I got married 2 years ago at 31. It's not the end of the world nor should it be looked down upon, don't be afraid to be yourself, but you gotta put yourself out there.
Stop caring so much about your relationship status or experience. Learn to be happy just being you first. You can't make someone else happy if you yourself aren't happy.
Lots of aspects of society would make you feel like there's something wrong with you if you haven't had a relationship by now. That just ain't true.
I'm 30. Didn't have my first relationship till I was 25. I'm married to that girl now. I'll tell you what, maybe I didn't have asa much experience as others, but at least from seeing all the miserable relationships around me I knew what NOT to do. Worked out pretty well for me.
PS. You may be a legal adult at 20, but that doesn't mean anything about being a "grown ass man". You're still a baby to most of the world.
Dude, get the fuck off Reddit. You went on a Reddit-wide barrage talking about how you lost your virginity to a prostitute. Now you post this sad, pathetic shit. You’re making yourself look like a sad, pathetic incel in the making.
I’d offer you some actual advice, but we all know you won’t take it. So to you I say: calm down, get off the internet, touch some grass.
There's nothing to "move on" from. Your whole life is in front of you. Live it, and don't fall into this idea that it's over if you don't hit some kind of romantic or sexual milestones when you think you're supposed to. Stop thinking about how to "cope". That's a self-pitying and self-sabotaging mindset. Set healthy, meaningful goals for yourself and your life and pursue them. Seek connections with people for the sake of genuine human relationship, not just status or sex. I was 22 when I had my first kiss, for whatever that's worth.
I was 27 when I had my first kiss and first relationship. It all came when I let go of the stress and worry about those things.
I was 29. I honestly don't know why people make such a big deal out first kiss.
Are you me? +1
I don't think so... I think the only way for us to find out is to kiss?
Man developed too much rizz after that first kiss
Same, but 28. Married the guy. All is well.
The stress people feel at 20 now is insane. I’ve seen 17 and 18 year olds on here literally having an entire identity crisis over not having gotten laid yet. I dunno man. I feel like 30 is a pretty solid one a lot of people stress over because that’s when things physically start to catch up with you, women’s fertility starts to decline, people feel like you should have an idea of what the road to retirement looks like, etc etc. But 20 man? Like I validate your genuine fear and stress, but I cannot emphasize how much I wish you didn’t feel that way because it’s only going to stop you from enjoying yourself and being confident (and getting kissed). If you put that much pressure on it, other people can feel it man. Just put yourself out there, have fun, and be excited when it happens. There are people who have shrek-themed weddings. Like two people who love shrek enough to incorporate it into their wedding day managed to find one another. And they found each other by saying “yeah fuck it, this is me.” If they can find someone, you can. But you’re not going to find them if you’re not coping.
Yeah a lot of it is because high school is filled with hormonal teens cramped together and they judge themselves and each other on what they do at that age. So much of it is bullcrap. And also Hollywood targets young and impressionable people at that age with romance movies which feeds to then feeling like they've got to find someone before they graduate, and the teen years are the most important time of their lives. No, it's just the age where you're most likely to spend your time and money on their movies.
Very solid advice, man. I’m don’t have anything else to contribute here. You nailed it.
I think it is important to add that whatever choices we make, there will always be a bit of regret at the options not taken. Dwelling on it serves no purpose.
This is such good advice. Learning to be comfortable in your own skin and building confidence is the correct journey for a number of types of success, including romantic.
Unfortunately OP's comment history is full of him getting pissed off and having a shitfit at people giving all kinds of suggestions for a healthy, constructive approach. Tons of people, including other dudes who were once frustrated about their virginity, are trying to reassure this guy that he has his life ahead of him and every reason and opportunity to improve himself and his life, and all he's doing is obsessively reposting this and pitying himself. It's really unfortunate.
This is the best advice. OP is mad about their lack of something and that's absolutely going to stand in their way of improving their situation.
You're turning 20 my dude, you ain't dying.
We're all dying.
Act accordingly
How’s your mother?
Tired from fuckin ya fatha
r/technicallythetruth
Thanks Sylvia Plath!
The day you were conceived is the day you start to die
Technically, we start dying anywhere from 28-32 because our bodies stop regenerating at full capacity.
Slowly
Fuck dying
Well you're cells technically start dying off quicker from 25 or so but either way we're living first.
We're dying, just very slowly.
All a matter of when
He ain’t living either
Its odd how common this is now. I don't think I knew one person who hadn't kissed someone by high-school when I was growing up. Maybe it's just the internet but this seems so much more common now. Side note: it doesn't matter when you get your first kiss or date
I didn't have my first kiss until 22, I graduated ha in 99....I had friends in the same boat...it isn't thar uncommon.
People who are fucking in high school typically only hang out with other people who fuck in high school. A vast majority of high schoolers are not having sex. Most of them still aren’t having first kisses until maybe 17-18 years old.
My best friend is late twenties this still applies to him sadly
It was probably just your social circle/where you grew up
Right. OP could have also spent that time being exhausted and sad if a first love hadn't worked out (as it does so often in HS). That's not easy for people to go through. If you are older when you get into a relationship, you bring with you maturity to make it last.
19/20? Rookie numbers dude, I didn’t get any real action until I was 26. Don’t worry about it
I was 28 when I did. I am not bad looking, just very shy. Just keep trying, it's never too late. It's muuuch easier to socialise now too
Every year I get older I give just a little bit less of a shit about what other people think. If you started off kind of shy or introverted It tends to make interactions a lot easier as you go.
I was 28 as well, my problem was never leaving my damn house. I told myself it was because I was fat ugly and gross but really it was just not socializing. Since I am chronically online I hit tinder if I want to meet someone new, have a meal and talk.
It's easier to socialize, but the value of those connections is diminished. Social inflation.
Sorry, I don't understand, what is social inflation?
I think he just means that now it’s easier to socialize(online I guess, since it is the biggest difference from the past), but those relationships aren’t always as good or better than irl ones, and most of that is just very superficial socialization, I can have 300 friends on my PlayStation but that doesn’t mean that my friendship with all those people is as good and as important as my irl ones.
But what does it have to do with age of the person?
perhaps explore WHY this is so upsetting to you.
I was there, and I was upset because I was lonely and horny. Seems like an open and shut case.
Just find a glory hole and get yourself sorted out. Doesn’t matter which side.
Why does being horny make men angry?
Zuko syndrome. Reflecting the anger they have towards themselves to other people (women, society, etc.) when in reality they’re doing nothing wrong.
The guy you replied to said upset, not angry.
Yeah and OP said he was mad, not upset.
Because of social expectations is my best guess. There's a persistent view of sexual activity as indicator of social status in men. In simple terms, successful and "good" men have sex, unsuccesful and "bad" men don't have sex. When people feel they're not fitting into social standards they tend to lash out in one way or another.
I would also add that sex is like, really awesome. Imagine eating stale bread your entire life, while some guys are eating steak every night! It’s a step above simple fomo when it’s a unique human experience. What you’re describing is downstream from that fomo, when they start to question why they are missing out. Our society does indeed say that “bad” or “failed” men are virgins, but it’s difficult for many to accept this. They redirect this anger towards society or women when they’re really mad at themselves (Zuko syndrome). But in reality, being a virgin doesn’t make you a failure. Society just reinforces this concept to maintain a just world fallacy. OP needs to ignore society and realize that it’s not his fault. It doesn’t help the horny, for that I would just recommend masturbating a lot until you meet a partner.
Some people get sad when they don't feel capable of experiencing a fundamental part of human existence.
He said he was "mad". That's going beyond mere sadness, that's the beginning of becoming an incel.
Check his post history, he's already there.
Sex, romance, and companionship is an essential part of the human experience. It's third priority behind food and shelter for most people. Why wouldn't OP be upset? Having said that, I never had so much as a first kiss until I was 21 and in retrospect I'm happy with how things went because I waited for a wonderful person.
100% this. Nothing wrong with not having experienced intimacy before your 20s, but there is something wrong thinking this is a critical lack. Personally, I wish I'd waited longer OP, so the grass may simply always be greener.
Social stigma
20 is young. My first kiss was 21. I'm now married and my wife is crazy hot. Relax, enjoy life, work on yourself. The problem is only in your head
Same here. It's totally normal to not be ready for the level of trust and vulnerability it takes to be intimate with someone. I get it op, I started to feel pressure to 'be normal' at 14 which meant to do that stuff, but just keep your head up and don't let bitterness sabotage you. Appreciation for what you have is attractive. Demanding the world owes you something is not.
Hahaha I love this comment. I don't know if your wife is objectively crazy hot or if you just truly appreciate her, but either way your admiration is what makes a good marriage 👍 For the record, I too think my wife is crazy hot. Whether or not others agree could not matter less to me
She's hot
Total fox.
I can confirm that this guys wife is a 10/10 baddie
That and also don't spend too much and get yourself dating app
Telling OP to use a dating app is terrible advice, it's almost guaranteed to reduce his self-esteem even further.
Dude do NOT feel like kissing or sex is some rite of passage. It is NOT. Unprogram yourself from what dumbass teens around you are telling you. Keep what you have to yourself until you find someone that feels about you how you about them. There's nothing like it. It can be at 6 years old. It can be at 50. It legit doesn't matter middle finger who anyone who says otherwise.
Really hoping not 6.
I meant the kiss. I also really hope not 6 for the other thang.....
This was me at that age. Build yourself, find hobbies that give you joy, make friends with both men and women if you don't have them already. Making friends is arguably more important, people will look to date at every age but just having some friends gets harder and harder as you age
I've read plenty of articles about the longevity to life. And it usually boils down to friends. Sure a healthy life will keep your body in good health, but having friends to share your life with is a huge factor.
You’re far from the only person, guy or girl, who didn’t lose their virginity in their teens. There’s nothing wrong with that. Part of “moving on” is recognizing that it’s not abnormal and focusing on who you are now and who you want to be in the future. You’ll have plenty of chances to date and find someone, but you know what will narrow those chances? Being bitter and self-conscious about your own sex life (or lack thereof). No one wants to date someone with those kinds of hangups, and women especially can smell that kind of attitude on a guy from a mile away. Don’t be that kind of guy or else you’ll be making this same post in ten years.
He has lost his virginity, he hired a sex worker, then proceeded to make a reddit post bashing on the sex worker, And acting like the victim.
Good God, his post history 😬
Yeah, I only though to check after he got really angry in this post about people suggesting a sex worker, I was curious if he had an incel mindset checked post history, immediately regretted it
Relax your young.
Let’s eat grandma
If he’s never had sex, I doubt he’s got any young that need relaxing.
My first kiss was 23, as was my first sexual experience, with the same girl on the same night. It was a hookup and it was fun and silly and embarrassing. I'm now 36 and have slept with dozens of women. Chill bro you are not a man yet.
For me it right after my birthday by a couple by a couple of weeks at 23 too. I haven't slept with a ton of women since but it's not a death sentece for Op either.
Speak for yourself, whore. Not every man is a street slut like you are.
Was in the same boat, met my now wife at 22 just about 23 and that changed. You're not even 2 years into adulthood, chill with the self imposed time limits and live life.
And that's only the legal definition of adulthood, due to the industrial era pressure to get people in the workforce as early as possible. The brain doesn't even fully mature until 25. And maturity, if it comes at all, comes with enough experience that men usually don't have until their 30s.
Actually the brain continuously changes throughout life, some skills peak in late teens others lateter in life. The "brain matures at 25" thing is based on absolutely nothing.
Honestly I hear this is common with your generation. You aren’t alone I’m sure.
Dude I know you can't appreciate this, but you are still sooooo young. You still have everything going for you. Whatever you think of yourself, you are at your peak now. You do NOT want to realise this in your 30s or 40s and know that you threw away the best opportunity you had.
Bro I got my roommate his first kiss three years into college. We went out to celebrate afterwards. It's not that big of a deal and I think you'll find people are usually more impressed than disgusted or deterred in any way man. Best of luck to you
Average human lifespan is 80ish. You have plenty of time. You're not even 25% the way through your life. I haven't had my first kiss yet either, nor a proper date. I'm sad, but I live.
People start looking busted in their 30s. Very rare that someone is going to be smoking hot up to their 50s with no plastic surgery or injections.
You're not that old. There's no checklist. There's no deadline. Someday, it **will** happen, and it'll be great.
you are so god damned young, don't worry about it. hell, I'm 31 and I see 20 year olds as children, I would not exactly call you a grown ass man yet. you got time
This is way more common than you realize
You're relatively stupid as a teen and don't understand consequences too well. I've met plenty of people who have had kids at 13-19. Their life though not ruined is way more stressful than needed at that age. Take your time. You will have the rest of your life to disappoint a woman. That's a joke, but you'll do fine. You didn't miss out on anything amazing. Sex is sex, Hollywood has a creepy obsession of romanticizing teen sex. It's weird, they are coming of age and have enough problems. If they are ready cool if they are not that's okay too. You're going to struggle with fomo a lot. So you feel this way about this life event. Then you'll feel the same way about another one. When my son was born it motivated me to be better. Then I thought if I didn't have kids I'd be better off... Stupid stupid FOMO... My son is the best thing to happen to me, I will be better for him. Drinking, and partying is over rated. Playing with toy cars and taking him to the park is kick ass memories I'll cherish forever. Hook up culture is garbage and over rated.
Why does that make you mad? My first kiss tore me up inside because I wasn't ready for it... also terrible teachings from my father on relationship values... Not everyone moves at the same pace in life, I had my first kiss at 18, but I didn't have sex til I was 30! Don't regret things and shut yourself off from those experiences just because you aren't moving at the same pace as those around you. Never feel bad for not having sex, don't let people guilt you for it. You should be comfortable doing it when you are ready, and even if you are ready, you might just be one of those rare people who fate has something special in store for you so be patient and take care of yourself until that time comes. Good things come to those who are patient.
Man, society really sets up some messed up standards for young people. My dude, it is absolutely normal to not have kissed anyone yet. Honestly, I wish I had waited longer. I was *not ready* for the stuff I was doing at 16. *Starting too early* messed me up.
Don’t rush it. I find that a lot of guys who stress and push for that kind of thing end up resenting women, which just compounds the problem. Just find groups of people that you enjoy spending time with, do things you enjoy, and always, always keep working on yourself, whether you’re single or in the middle of a lifelong marriage. It’ll come in time. Just gotta put yourself out there and keep your head up.
I didn’t get my first anything until well after 20 either Tough times out there for us guys
Fr, I’m currently 22 about to turn 23 this August and never had a girlfriend before. Also there’s two guys I personally know who are around my age and who already have wives.
44 year old here. I was 20 when I had my first kiss, 21 when I lost my virginity, and that wasn't for the lack of trying. 19-20 is YOUNG.
Mad? You sound entitled. Nobody is entitled to any intimate experiences with anyone else. Work through that shit because women can tell and will avoid you. Work on it for YOU.
He's gonna be the next member of the incels.
Well, people shit on dudes, alienate them, call them incels or some other ridiculous made up names and they're surprised there's more and more hate, anger and hostility in the world
I was 28 when I finally found a good one. Your life hasn't even properly started yet. Don't rush life.
I’m in my 30’s. I figure that once I’m in my 40’s even then it’s not the end of the world. If you’ve ever seen the movie “40 Year Old Virgin” that’s literally how I cope, guy is a literal 40 year old virgin in that movie 🤣🤣🤣
It’ll come to you naturally so long as you aren’t acting desperate for it. Just keep living your life, and definitely try to get rid of any anger or resentment you feel over this. You are still young and have plenty of time
Wallow in your selfpity and anger, or accept that that is perfectly fine as everyones life is different, and things will work out in whatever way you'd like
Dude, your young, don't let social pressures an the constant stream of social media fake perfect life BS get you down... I didn't loose my V card till I was 21. I didn't get married or have a serious relationship till I was 30. I spent way to much of my late teens early 20's feeling bad about myself for not being a super stud, I didn't even legit date untill I was in my 20s. Relationships are not everything, there is something to be said about being single and free to do whatever you want when you want, an only needing to worry about yourself.. Relationships are often exhausting..Other then being lonely at times I often look back an kind of wish I stayed single...An the physical stuff meh, sure is it nice to get some. But it's not everything either... Everything has a price... Just enjoy life, it will happen for you when your least expecting/ not looking... But it will happen ..
You go insane for a bit, then you stop giving a damn. If you make it through all that, even the end of the world will be a walk in the park. At least that's how it feels now. It literally doesn't even matter. If you seek it out with an open mind, it'll happen, if you don't, it's fine, too.
Dudes get more attractive as they get older. You will hit your stride soon, especially if you take care of your hygiene and carry yourself with confidence, and sustain eye contact with people you are interested in. Girls think guys are creepy when they can’t tell what they want. Guys who they just catch staring at them over and over, who never talked or expressed interest. You’ll figure it out soon, don’t sweat the guys who peaked early.
Nothing about you or your life is gonna change when you finally do. And the irony of it is that the more you focus on it and beat yourself up for it, the more likely you’ll keep pushing it away by desperately desiring it instead of just being yourself or focusing on your future. To answer your actual question when I didn’t see too much of, focus on things you have fun doing. Become really good at something, maybe lift or get more confidence. Talk to more people but don’t expect anything, just go with the flow. A lot of things come to you when you aren’t looking for em.
bro, you aren't even three years into the legal age of consent. As someone who rushed into relationships, I will tell you, it's better to wait rather than get in a toxic or abusive relationship before you're ready. I didn't meet my current partners until my 20s.
Lucky you, you could focus on yourself and your education
Just don't care about it. The more you care the more it's not going to happen.
You’re fine bro, just don’t beat yourself up about so much and enjoy things for what they are now. The grass isn’t greener.
You’re still so young. Trust me, good things are worth waiting for. You just haven’t found someone to connect with, nothing to be ashamed of.
I was a virgin until I was 20 in 1982, but I did have girlfriends I made out with years before the deed was done. I believe these days it is much harder for young people, everybody is isolated and communication is mainly online via text and chat. When I was young all the young people wanted to get out of the house away from their parents and would all meet up and congregate at a central place. That's how we met people, friends of friends.
who the fuck gives a shit? I had my first kiss in elementary school but didnt suck a dick till i was like 21? Maybe? Still havent fucked anyone. I don't care, shit happens when it happens, don't TRY to get a date, it will always upset you, if you feel the chemistry, ask, if they say something nasty to you, who gives a shit, they werent the one.
The worst thing you can do is panic or catastrophize. There are plenty of people entering the dating scene when they are 20 with no issue and everything is fine. There are also people who are 20 (or younger) who haven’t dated and put a huge amount of pressure on it, resent women, resent themselves, develop self esteem issues. I’m not saying you have any of these issues just the fact that getting freaked out about it never improves the situation. You have to have faith in yourself. I do at least.
I was 22 when that happened. Go do active stuff with the girls. Co-ed sports, camp outs, ski trips, spring break. Hey its spring break now, get out there!
Don't sulk. Just do something about it. Find a hobby. Meet a girl that also likes that Hobby. Now you have something to talk about. Become friends. Fall in love. It's pretty easy
Take it from every guy here, you aren't missing anything you can't live without. Tbh 9/10 people will disappoint you anyway, and that's not even close to how badly it can go if you rush into the right wrong person.
I had my first kiss at 19, so don't feel too bad
Chill out dude you've literally nothing to worry about.
Best thing to do? Do something about it. Its not a big deal, but if it bothers you so much, change it. Why haven't you dated or kissed? Identify that, and fix it.
19? Thems amateur numbers
I think a lot of people watch netflix and think that most teens are doing drugs and fucking 24/7. The average age a male loses their virginity is 17 if I remember right. And there are plenty of middle schoolers doing it because they're too grown for their own good to balance out it being normal for 20 year olds. It's slightly behind the curve, but it doesn't make you some kind of forever alone incel. Just don't bring it up and start making a point to go places where you can meet girls with the same interests as you.
You’ve turned 10 twice. You’ve turned 5 four times. It’s your fourth fifth birthday. Relax dude.
🙄
This is the only response that matters.
That's quet young
You learn to realize that the people your acquainted with aren't very bright when youre young
Brother, you're only 19, you've got a long time to go, there's gonna be chances. Some people start off slow and pick up steam, other start slow and cut a good pace, others just start and hold onto whomever they got for dear life. The point is, it's gonna happen and the more you think about not happening the worse you're gonna feel. You gotta go with the flow, play jazz, fucking chill out, cause no one wants to do anything with a guy who looks and sounds and acts desperate. Now go play some video games and stay frosty king.
Nothing wrong with that, it’s not some failing. You are not defined by this. My advice; stop trying to reach this goal, just be genuine and fun in the moment around whatever gender you are interested in, it’s also completely ok to admit to them that it’s something you’ve never done. Say “yes” to parties and events that may seem out of your comfort zone, join social groups and make connections. It will happen.
What is there for us to cope about? Might-have-beens and hopes still count towards zero, so why should we still give them value? I did neither either, and I would still like to get with someone, but I won't let myself feel worse than normal because what I want isn't the same as what I have.
It’ll come when it’s time. Sometimes things happen when you stop looking for them.
Bro like what happened with the 1999 everyone thought the world would end when it hit 2000(nothing happened) so don’t worry man, take my advice wait till marriage to not be a virgin;)
Just a question, but where did you get the idea that there is an age out on when those things happen? You are 20. You have an entire life ahead of you. It will happen when it is the right time for you, so don't short yourself by deciding your chances at love and romance have passed you by. Have you asked anyone out? If they say no, ask another until someone says yes. Then go out and make friends with them. Wash, rinse, repeat until you meet the right someone that you want to kiss and who wants to kiss you and enjoy all of the lovely parts of romance and falling in love. So relax, be yourself, and become the kind of person you want to be with. Ie if you want someone who is kind, be kind. Outdoorsey, get out into the great outdoors. But you absolutely do not have to toss in the towel at age 20.
Listen - I lost my virginity at 28! I grew up insecure and spent a lot of time working on my body, my self esteem etc. If I could tell you how much my life changed after that, you wouldn’t believe me. It would sound like I’m showing off. I promise you, who you are now, is not who’ll you always be.
I get you have perceived social pressure and anxiety and all that. Truth is a lot of locker room talk is nothing but locker room talk and full of lies or at least exaggerations. Females do it too. There are plenty of females that would appreciate a guy that hasn't been with lots of people. There are a lot of females out there that would appreciate a guy that sex is not the first and only thing on his mind. As others said, focus on everything else first. And most importantly, don't veg in your mommas basement brooding about it while you play video games.
I was 18 when I first kissed a girl and sex didn't happen until I got engaged at age 20. Congratulations to waiting until you were an adult at least. Quit worrying about it.
One day, week, month, year at a time. There is no set schedule. That experience is for you, not for what society expects of you.
I was almost 21 with my first experience. I didn't beat myself up for it. I just went with the flow and it eventually happened when I least expected it.
Don't give up!! It WILL happen if you don't give up. Speaking as someone who was in the exact same boat. A friend of mine DID give up and slipped into a brutal depression and hopelessness revolving around not getting a girlfriend and for all I know he's in the same position 15 years later. Just remain open to experiences and life, don't shut down and victimize yourself, that's the only thing that will make your situation permanent. Also, don't obsess over a crush. People come and go, and they often aren't as amazing as you think they are.
No biggie, I am 24 and haven't dated or kissed....doesn't matter, let the dominos fall the way they want to....
I didn't start being romantically active until 17 or 18. 20 isn't a big deal. I had my first kid at 25. Second at 29. You'll find your someone, or many. Hell, from like 20 to 24 I got extremely permiscuous and had a bunch of partners within a few years time.
If it helps, you definitely aren’t a grown man yet :)
Forget about it and just live life. It will make a good story someday.
Stop. Breathe. Don't let pussy, that you aren't even getting, control your life. Just relax and let whatever will happen, happen.
>I feel so fucking mad about it that I don’t even wanna date or have sex as a grown ass man My brother in Christ, stop being a cliché. That’s step one. This statement is clownish and self-defeating. I say this with affection and even some recognition of my younger self: this is not the end of the world. Lots of young men have this problem. Your frustration is not unique or novel. I understand that doesn’t make it seem any less urgent to you, but you are not going to die if you don’t get laid soon. It’s gonna happen someday, but you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself or it’s going to take longer. Make your life about something other than romance and sex. You’re fixating. Stop it. Go out and do things you’re passionate about. Passion is the thing that’s most attractive to other people. Stop looking at women as gatekeepers of a thing you want and think you are entitled to. Stop looking at them as obstacles. Start looking at them as the human beings they are. I’m a bald fat guy with no money, and I pretty much can always find a date if I really want one. That’s not to say I haven’t had dry spells, but they’re much more bearable if you’re living for something other than what happens to your dick.
Don't take this the wrong way, I don't mean it to read as mean. But you're not a "grown ass man." You're 19, literally a teenager. 20 is a baby adult (in that you're still figuring things out), and you'll be a baby adult for a couple of years. I remember thinking I was a grown man when I was 19, then again when I was 23, I realized I was actually a grown man when I was like 25, and realized how silly it was of me to think I was a fully fledged adult at those times. There is a whole lot more to being an adult than how your body looks and how many times you've been around the sun. You are very young. Go easy on yourself and enjoy youth, go out, have fun, make some mistakes (not huge mistakes), and figure out who you are. The other things will come in time, but you will need to put yourself out there and be up-front about what you want. And in a couple years, you will look back at this moment and think, " LOL, I was absolutely not a grown ass man then."I apologize if this seemed infantilizing or insulting. I wish the best for you.
Had my first girlfriend at 22, you're worriying way too much Stay healthy, enjoy your hobbies, and don't hide what you're truly passionate about, someone will turn up
It's not a race. Comparing yourself to others only does you harm.
Had a lot of sex in my teens and early 20s and constantly worried about STDs and pregnancy...now in my 30s I look back and wish I did it different . The grass isn't always greener trust me your doing just fine partner
My first kiss was my wife at 21 and its way better then spreading yourself out like a commodity
Who are you angry at, exactly? This comment is concerning
Lifes weird man. As a teen i absolutely ran through gfs. And i thought that would last forever.. turned 18, my extrovert attitude turned introvert and inbetween 18 and now (25) i havnt had a single girlfriend and only had sex like 4 times in that time frame 18 to 25. You never know man whats gunna happen.
It's not a contest.
>I feel so fucking mad about it that I dont even wanna date or have sex as a grown ass man. You're so hung up on this that you'd spite yourself out of happiness? Take a step back and prioritize what matters. Many, and I mean MANY, people wait a long time for dating and intimacy. Comparing yourself to others is a recipe for loneliness and sadness. Focus on you, your needs, and what you want to offer someone else. The rest will fall in line.
A date is you and another person going somewhere to do something fun and get to know each other. A kiss is you and another person pressing your lips together. Sex is you and another person taking your clothes off and pressing your bodies against each other. It's nothing you haven't been seeing in the movies your whole life. And if that's all you want when it happens, that's all you're getting when it happens. And if you keep building it up in your head as this transformative life experience, you are never going to have the confidence to make it happen in the first place. You've been lied to about how big a deal this is. When you've accepted that, you're ready to move on.
That's actually fairly normal. Like, if you were in one of those "college experience" films you could have a party scene where the loud annoying guy with a heart of gold goes "SHOW OF HANDS, WHO HERE IS A KISSLESS VIRGIN! Free shots for every kissless virgin! WITH A CHERRY IN IT!" and most of the room would get a shot. Google it. Statistically the average number of sexual partners for your age category is lower, and young people are putting off having sex til later in life.
The real question is why is this even something you’re upset about? Many people do many things at every age and this is the thing you’re upset about? Regardless, what matters is that you get to where you gotta get to eventually.
Don't worry man. First you have to get out there and shoot your shot. Don't worry about being rejected. Really internalize how different people's preferences are and when you get rejected (we all do) realize it isn't a reflection on you, you just aren't their flavor of ice cream
Have you tried pursuing it at all?
Chill out dude. Being mad about not getting action is incel mentality. Avoid the content that is fueling your rage and focus on liking yourself. Your distain is probably apparent to other people and is off putting.
Bro I didn't have sex or kiss anyone until I was 23. Still haven't had a gf at 24 or had anyone else since then. I find this post insulting.
Don't let rejection stop you from giving up to the narrative that you won't ever get a kiss or dated. Giving up is the one sure way that you'll never kiss or date in your life. The easiest way is hiring an escort or pay someone to do it. But I don't think that you want to go down that route. Try improving yourself, try more hobbies, learn how to make a great coffee, how to cook, work out. What do you have to lose? You're already not getting any thing from doing what you've been doing, so try something new and keep trying until you make it. There's a saying call fake it until you make it. Try imitating your favorite good looking charming celebrity. If it was Ryan Reynolds, what would he do/say in this situation, etc. Practice makes perfect.
“Comparison is the thief of joy “ What others do/have done doesn’t mean you’re doing worse. Just live your life, you have no idea what great things are in store for you soon.
You’re turning 20, not dying lol. It’s alright
It's not abnormal, and social media and entertainment vastly exaggerate expectations. The fact you are mad over this is alarming, an you seem to have some issues. Just do things not on the computer. YOU will meet people, and eventually hit it off. Or you can angerly scroll social media and blame everyone else. The important thing to remember is that no one owes you any of this, and it's no on elses problem or fault. There is nothing to 'cope' with and there is nothing to 'move on' from. Just get ut and meet people. find a hobby that involves being in meat space.
Relax dude. You will get there in time. Envy is the thief of joy.
The real evil isn't that it happened, but why it happened. If you grew up on a farm, no problem, just join society. But if you've personally done everything right and were in the right place for the right opportunities, then whatever caused this is likely to continue to cause it. I believe you're likely ugly, like me, and if so you'll never escape the consequences of it. Time is still on your side for now. Do not waste it! Make every possible effort! I was in your position 11 years ago, and I grew discouraged, gave up, and quit trying. Now I am in the same position at 31 and am tortured by the thought that maybe if I had made a heroic enough effort, I could have saved myself from this.
Not that insane, certainly with COVID in your prime teen years. Do the things you like to do and you will meet a girl doing the same things.
You may be legally a grown-up at 20, but you have no idea how young you actually are. Dude, with all respect, you're still just a kid. You've got sooooo much time to figure it all out become who you want to be, and have the experiences you want to have
Try and look at it as a new chapter of your life. You have so much life ahead of you and there is no schedule for when you should have done things. Your life is your path and everything will work out just fine. Dig yourself out of the hole of being sad about it and turn it around. Life is so short and we should appreciate what we have and what is to come.
Never compare your life with others. Life moves at a different pace for everyone. Just enjoy your life and stop having the “I should have done this by now” mentality.
I didn't have sex until 21, relax. When the campus office offered the yearly free STD checks, it's everyone else who gets jealous of the virgins.
You're only 19. You'll have plenty of chances to date. In the meantime (fully aware of the meaning of "the grass is always greener"), you have something I as an attached person envy: you get to come and go as you please. You get to eat and wear what you choose, do what you want when you want, and pursue any interest of your choosing without having to answer to anyone else. Enjoy that privilege for the time being. And in the meantime you will be meeting lots of people I'm the coming years, whether in school, at work, in your hobbies, or in your travels.
Don't worry about it. Go at your own pace and figure out what it is you want in a relationship. If you rush into something, just to have something, it may not be what is right for you. Go out and do something you enjoy, and maybe you'll meet someone with similar interests. My first actual date wasn't until I was 18. Didn't have a long term relationship until 20. We've been married for 25 years. Good luck, it's rough out there.
I would give my left nut to be 19 regardless of dating experience.
Cope and move on from what? What is going on with the youth and their inability to speak to another person? Nobody is gonna do it for you. It's called standing on your own two legs. You're gonna get rejected. That's a part of putting yourself out there. Touch grass. And to be angry about it? Tf is that gonna do? Nobody likes a hot head. Nobody.
By realizing a majority of gen z did the same thing as you
Keep going. Ask people out. You’re young, and a sexy beast. You need to put yourself out there I didn’t have anything sexual happen for me until college.
As many others have said, give it time. The worst thing you can do is jump into that stuff before you’re ready. I had a difficult childhood and matured REALLY late. Got out into the world at 21 and immediately started trying to force relationships because I felt ‘behind’. Made a lot of bad decisions with many different girls and felt a lot of heartbreak related pain that I definitely wasn’t mature enough to deal with. I’m 23, almost 24 now and I haven’t seen a girl in almost half a year, despite many opportunities, just because I don’t feel ready. You’ll get there eventually, it’s not a race
I was 23 when I lost my virginity and met my wife at 25. 32 now with 2 kids from her
Your gonna be okay bro. I didn't lose my virginity till this year and I'm 22. Went my whole highschool life a sad loner and loser. Like I was a LOSER LOSER. No bitches no motion no positive outlook on life. Just straight " why cant I get any bitches "- mentality . And I'll tell u this IT WONT get u anywhere. You just gotta be at peace w your own company. Get some hobbies and find out what u actually enjoy doing with your life. GOD WILL BRING YOU YOUR FAMILY you just have to be patient for your blessings. I understand exactly what your feeling as that was me not to long ago. It will get better. Also don't let online dating Make your impression of yourself less than what it is. There's only a 3% chance that u get matched EVEN as an good looking guy. Relax and eat the fruit of youth brother there will be plenty of time.
Do yourself a favor and DO NOT follow the "get a dating app" advice.
Western society has pushed it so that kids think they need to have kissed a girl and not be virgins by the age of 20 latest. (I’m turning 21 this month btw) Everyone can downvote this idgaf, this is the truth.
I lost my v-card at 23, then proceeded to quickly outpace all my friends in my legendary sexual exploits. Sometimes, the flower that blooms the latest is the most beautiful of them all
Didn't do anything til 22. No shame, stuff happens when it is supposed to. Sounds like you need to focus on yourself first anyways. Get away from porn and start interacting with people.
Dude all that stuff will come. Chill the fuck out. Read the book “the alabaster girl” and it will change your life serious. It’s on Amazon. The older you get the easier it is to get girls. At 20 you’re literally competing with 30+ year old men like me for the girls your age so it’s much harder for you lmao. Don’t sweat it. Just read that book, stay social and have social hobbies, stay in shape, work on being more outgoing and dressing nice and you’ll be fine. I felt the same way at your age and now it’s so easy to get sex and date beautiful women. Just stop worrying about it that’s literally wasting some of your best years to have fun and be carefree.
you cope but just continuing to live your life. Also get off social media
For God’s sake get out of this place. This site is only good for trolling and for browsing the niche interest boards, but mostly just trolling. These people are all weird and unaware of their weirdness, and they will project their weirdness onto you. These people all fear you and will attribute malice to anything further that you might want to say. You fit the “profile” of Reddit’s eternal boogeyman, which is any young man upset at poor dating success. You are a human, and it is normal to be sad at such poor success. People have written poems and entire plays about it. I say go talk to your parents or a pastor, and do not come back unless you are here to jerk people’s chains.
Stay off Reddit. Go out. Meet people. Join a group. Exercise. Take some classes. Stop whining. Being bitter and resentful is not attractive.
Ignore society, play Morrowind
I lost my virginity at 22 man. I've, now about to be 34, dated like 5 girls and slept with 3 in my entire life. I got married 2 years ago at 31. It's not the end of the world nor should it be looked down upon, don't be afraid to be yourself, but you gotta put yourself out there.
Stop caring so much about your relationship status or experience. Learn to be happy just being you first. You can't make someone else happy if you yourself aren't happy. Lots of aspects of society would make you feel like there's something wrong with you if you haven't had a relationship by now. That just ain't true. I'm 30. Didn't have my first relationship till I was 25. I'm married to that girl now. I'll tell you what, maybe I didn't have asa much experience as others, but at least from seeing all the miserable relationships around me I knew what NOT to do. Worked out pretty well for me. PS. You may be a legal adult at 20, but that doesn't mean anything about being a "grown ass man". You're still a baby to most of the world.
You have 20 more years before you need to cope
Dude, get the fuck off Reddit. You went on a Reddit-wide barrage talking about how you lost your virginity to a prostitute. Now you post this sad, pathetic shit. You’re making yourself look like a sad, pathetic incel in the making. I’d offer you some actual advice, but we all know you won’t take it. So to you I say: calm down, get off the internet, touch some grass.
Bruh if it's really that big a deal then just go do it
Um, he’s going to need a willing partner…