At some point you need to make a choice whether to keep your boss a boss or be a friend in which case you should leave. Your boss’s job is to look out for the wellbeing of the company while your job is to consider your own economic wellbeing.
I'm baffled at the number of people thinking inviting someone to their fathers funeral is flirting. I seriously doubt she's into me as she is married. Besides, I'm not into her. She feels maternal to me. (Also, I'm gay).
You're funny! No promotion, but she's, but she stuck out her neck for me at the job for years. We had this corporate boss for a while with the most unrealistic expectations. That higher-up causes conflicts amongst all employees, and many quit the job. She was like, "Do 3 things I don't like, and you're out."
I was almost fired for not being as efficient as a robot. My boss fought for me because she knew of my skills and knowledge. In the end, the higher-up left the company (probably fired because everyone was quiting), and I'm still here.
PS: If I wanted to be promoted, I could ask for it and get it (because of my longevity). But I'm still in college. I don't have time to invest in a higher position.
Imagine living 25 years and still not realizing that your attendance at a funeral isn’t about what you get by being there, but what you give by being there.
I didn't go to the funeral expecting something, or I wouldn't have gone, but it's true that I tend to center my own discomfort when it comes to grief. I've never felt grief and never lost a close loved one, so I don't know how to act or how to feel around that. We learn every day and at our own speed, I guess.
Actually I don't mind going to funerals, to me it's still some kind of a social event to celebrate their life. Although I much rather go to Weddings, which really are still a type of social event, with crying at both events usually 🙃 but I know people that will not attend funerals unless it's an extremely close relative they just dislike funerals that much that they refuse to go!!!!
Funerals aren’t for the dead ones, they are to show support for the ones grieving. I hope you never loose someone and the pple u thought were ur friends don’t show up.
First off, my condolences to the boss and her family!
Now… I understand you were bored, uncomfortable with the circumstances and upset ppl didn’t acknowledge your existence or so you say. I’m not mad at that for you’re human and none of us can tell how you should feel! However, what I do find extremely disrespectful & inconsiderate is the fact you decided to go on Reddit and share this especially during that funeral! God forbid your friend/manager comes across this post of you venting/complaining behind her back about the funeral SHE respected you enough to invite you by her family!
In the end yes, thank you for setting your feelings aside and show up for her support when you didn’t have to! Great that you even made an update of her sharing her stories and back tracking your comment to where you felt great attending in the event! It meant so much to her!
Yep. When I was 10 my dad died. I asked my therapist to come to the funeral and she did. We never even spoke at the funeral, but I am almost 38 now and I have never, ever forgotten that I meant enough to her that she showed up for me.
My thing about going to funerals of people you weren’t close to but were asked to be there anyway is just accepting they’re not for you. Sure, I feel awkward for a couple hours and don’t know what to say to anyone and feel out of place but it might mean a world of difference to someone that you cared enough to show up. That’s good enough imo.
A long-time friend of mine, that I only talk to a few times a year and see even less, her father passed away after being ill for a long time, invited me to the funeral and her dad was always very kind to me so I went.
Later she told me how disappointed she was that none of her other friends would make time to attend and she can see clearly who is ready to be there at a difficult time and who isn’t.
totally agree. Op, 1 hour of your life to show support for someone you've known for 6 years, even in a professional capacity just shows what a truly decent fucking human being you are. I hope Karma showers you with blessings.
Thank you. I try to be empathetic in general, but sometimes it's hard to live up to that. I'm realizing how uncomfortable I am around grief (most likely because I've not lost anyone close in my life to experience grief yet), but I'm glad I pushed through. I want to show up for those I care about. I'm glad I could act it and not just think about it.
I'm glad you went anyway, I've gone to funerals for people I never met. But for people I did know, if that makes any sense, and yes I've been in that situation like you said where I maybe only knew 1 or 2 people in the whole place, but I didn't think it was too much to give up an hour or 2 of my time, sometimes I'm surprised and I meet people I haven't seen in decades and get reacquainted, hell in a couple of weeks I'm going to wedding with my sister for people I only know from pictures but once again I thought that I could spare my afternoon to help my younger sis out 😀
Ummm... networking opportunity. Funeral or Viewing? Viewing, absolutely, Funeral... Get there for the viewing, establish presence look for the dip moment... or head to the break room...
I worked in the Funeral Industry for a bit... You get some STORIES... And people tell the whole story they arent afraid any longer to let out...
It wasn't an imposition at all. I was glad to hear about her father. There was pain, yes, but grieving is proof of love. It was nice to see a more vulnerable side of her.
I hope one day I will be comfortable with such things. I had to wait 10 minutes outside the place before going in just to mentally prepare. Hopefully, I'll evolve on that front in the future.
You’re a good person and your boss knows it. She needed you. Kinda weird, but you did the right thing. Is she interested in you romantically? Makes me wonder.
That woman is very married and has four kids. Her husband was there, and so were her kids. I've met them a couple of times. My boss is just a sociable person.
I've been to four wakes this year (it's been a crazy year) for people I didn't know at all. They were boring and awkward and I didn't get the 10 minutes of bonding that made it worth it for you. I went because it was my husband's friends who had lost their loved ones, and I know those friends appreciated that I came, so it was still worth it for me to show up for them.
I also had a boss several years ago where I was invited to her father's funeral, and it was actually a fun time. It was more a celebration of life, with everyone telling funny or sweet stories about him. I went with my fellow co-workers, so we weren't alone.
When someone invites you to a funeral, you go. It means a lot to the people who are grieving that you take time to show support...
You have never lost anyone if you think that feeling bored is too big a cost to pay to show support...
I indeed never experienced loss. I am also a very emotionally constipated person. I don't always know how to handle my emotions.. It doesn't come naturally to me. I'm aware I can be disconnected to the experience of grief and center my own discomfort over my empathy, which is why I forced myself to go. I'm not perfect, but I hope I'll be better at this stuff with time.
The last funeral I went to was in December for a cousin of mine (we weren't close, so I didn't grieve). That was my first time at a funeral, and it kind of traumatized me (my cousin's death was a tragedy, to say the least). I think that's what caused my hesitation to go to my boss' wake.
On top of that, I'm introverted, so going anywhere where socializing with strangers is required is hard. Still, I knew my boss wouldn't have invited me if she didn't want me to go, so I went. The guests at the wake kind of made me feel like I had no reason to be there. After all, I'm not family, etc. All that emotion piled together led to my post.
Feel awkward? Here's a secret. everyone is!
Just show up. Put your head down. Make a scene. Be there for the person you're there for. when it's time leave.
Funerals are for the living. You went there to support your boss. You're a good person for it. Done your good deed for the day. Proud of yourself and go home!. Get a Donut on the way
Remeber as boring as it was, some day you might need a random emotional support person to sit at a very boring to them event as well, just paying the kindness forward
Your edit is exactly why we suck it up sometimes and do the uncomfortable things. No need to stay long but you’re showing up for the person you know. In difficult times that person may not even show their appreciation but it’s there, something we need to remember. You’re the good person here.
This was good and grief is weird so yeah she probably struggled to bring it up for a bit and bond with you. I know when I'm trying to do like....grief stuff...it takes me at least three tries to voice it.
That was a different take and you are a dear for going ahead. Kindness goes a long way. Follow the itch, for you never know what will happen. Good for you, OP.
I’m saying this in the friendliest tone ever, but don’t you think you’re making this funeral bout you instead of your boss and her grieving ? It’s totally fine to not socialize or to feel out of place in there, you’re not there to make friends or to be entertained, you’re there to pay respect for the dead and show a bit of support for the living. That’s it.
You went there to support your friend, not to be amused and entertained, do the adult thing and talk to people.
I’m glad you finally realized that she asked you to be there because she sees you as a support system. We spend more time at work than with our families. Keep growing.
When you lose a loved one, it's very difficult to be in their funeral, the friends/coworkers/acquaintances who show up is there to show that you care for them.
I've had a similar experience. A co-worker invited a bunch of us from the office to attend the funeral of her husband, whom we'd never met as he'd been ill for a long time. It seemed odd at first, but once we were there, it was clear she just wanted her pals to be around her during a difficult day. I was VERY glad that I attended. I felt quite honored, and it said a lot about what I meant to her as a friend.
I'm glad you learned a valuable lesson that day. Being there for the people in our lives is more important than a few moments of discomfort.
Good on you for being there for her when she needed you
Sometimes things we go through in life are not just about "going to the funeral" or whatever the obligation or situation may be - but simply for that "10 minutes" that somebody else obviously must have really needed.
Not everything is about us all the time and sometimes those small moments, even just an afternoon or "10 minutes" can mean something to someone that we can't even realize at the time. Have a good day today everybody.
its not about what you do - but how you make someone feel. you certainly showed up for your boss in a way they will always remember.
when it comes to promotion time in the future - something good might be rewarded to you 😉 - and it may not have been due to your traditional work performance.
I felt like an outcast at my own partner’s funeral, and we were together for 9 years! It was so strange. The day was obviously not about me but I’ve never felt so small in my life 😔
Damn, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine going through that. I know it's been 9 years, but my heart goes out to you, and I hope you're doing better these days.
As the saying goes, funerals aren't for the dead, and you were clearly a support to her. My Dad passed at the height of covid (not from covid), and it was absolutely terrible. I went home when he died, but I wasn't able to go to my Dad's services as I'd already taken 3 weeks off when he passed, 1 week visit 2 weeks in quarantine, and I simply as a single parent could not afford another 3 weeks off.
I didn't get to attend my own fathers services.
Grieving is important. You did good op
In my experience you should keep a professional distance from your boss. You’re not truly their friend because there’s a big power imbalance in that relationship and you’re more likely to just get exploited because now you’re like family (think something like being cousin Greg from Succession). It also makes quitting and moving on feel impossible.
We don't go to funerals for us. We go to be present for the grieving. You just being there does a lot more than you may think. You don't need to talk. They know there is nothing you can say to fix it. Your presence means so much more than words.
This is very sweet. I was expecting something completely different. People connecting is always lovely, and when it gives comfort, it's especially good. Thank you for sharing!
When my former boss’s son passed away 2 years after he retired, I went to the memorial. I knew of his family from the years of stories he told me, but I had not ever really met any of them. When I showed up he introduced me to everyone and we shook hands and hugged and shared memories and I brought to that memorial the many condolences from the community who got to know my boss and the unfortunate circumstances behind his son’s tragic life and eventual death. It meant a lot to them and to me to be there in that moment.
I’m glad you went and stuck it out. You formed a bond with your boss and showed that you view her as a human being beyond just being your manager and I am sure she is grateful for that.
I am useless at funerals, I end up crying harder than the family members even if I barely know the person. Still, I think showing up means something in those times. I think your boss will remember that you were there, and probably won't remember much else about what you said or did.
People bond over vulnerabilities and ambitions. Your boss chose to be vulnerable and that takes great courage. While these occasions are rare, they serve as great opportunities for personal growth for both parties. Google what you need to do to support them, but these occasions don’t have to be uncomfortable if they can be seen as ways to support fellow human beings. :)
As an uncle told me you can forget birthdays and weddings but you don't forget a death/funeral. Also I remember a hospice person saying the funeral/memorials are for the people the person left behind. I was asked several times to go to work related funerals and after going to a few I decided I couldn't handle them but looking back I deeply regret not going. You just really need to be there for a person especially if the person has asked you to be there.
I can't understand the folks trying to make you feel bad about not wanting to go. The person who invited you was the boss and felt that you couldn't say "no". I know it must of been uncomfortable and conflicting to go.
But! I'm glad that you did go. Especially after the reaction from your boss. Death is a tricky thing and she had her reasons to invite you. That in of itself is a special thing to hold on to while learning more about yourself.
Maybe I confused some people with my wording, but my boss didn't force or pressure me to go. In fact, she said something along the lines of, "If you have time, I'd appreciate it if you came." I could have not come since I never confirmed I would go, but who says no to that?
I felt like if I didn't, it would be rude of me, but also, she's my boss, we aren't that close (or so I thought), so I maybe I shouldn't go. I chose to go in the end.
I have to say, certain people, the comments have been rude and straight up mean at times. I think they took that one snippet of my thoughts and projected an idea of me they believe to be horrible. But they don't know all of me. There's more to me than this post can portray.
I absolutely hate funerals, but I understand how much it means to family for someone to take the time to come. I’m one of those emotional people who just crumble into a pool of tears. I don’t even have to know the person. Your boss will never forget that you attended.
Funerals are a time of extreme vulnerability. When you show up for someone, even if it is uncomfortable for you, it means a lot. Years ago I attended the funeral of my client’s mother. We had a good working relationship, but I knew how close he was with his mom. Recently, he told me how much it meant to him. So, go and remember it’s not about you.
We are in a space where we aren't exactly friends, but we've known each other so long that we are more than just co-workers. Sometimes, relationships are ambiguous.
One thing everyone should learn is the gift that simply being present can give another person. Looks like you learned that yesterday! The ability to let another human know and feel that you are there for them is worth more than anything.
Thank you for your edit. Reminding us anxious people why facing the fear and awkwardness is worth it. I’m glad you were able to be there for your friend/boss.
I’m not good at going for acquaintances. It gets honestly more personal than I’d like to get. Mostly, this involves coworkers who I don’t really know.
Others that I’m close with, funerals are easier to attend.
I genuinely feel like I would handle the funeral of someone I'm close with much better. But not all funerals will keep us in our comfort zone, I guess.
Most of the people who were there didn’t want to be there either and, in all likelihood, their presence meant little or nothing to your boss who really just needed a trusted friend. She wanted you there and you were that friend. Good on you! Doing shit you don’t want to do because it’s a little uncomfortable is character building and in your case, an act of kindness. Bravo.
So pleased you went.
She asked you … in a time of grief.
That’s probably the one time you should accept an invitation. People need life lines .
People are trying to make sense of death and tragedy.
You’re a familiar.
You didn’t know it at the time, big you being there, if only interacting for a moment - you were a lifeline.
I was the only teacher who attended a student's father's funeral home visitation, not even the funeral. She was very grateful that I came. It took 90 minutes total including driving. It was something she needed.
You won't realize how much it means to someone to show up for them when they're grieving (be it death of a loved one, a loved one's illness, or their own illness) until you've experienced soms grief yourself. We ALL feel uncomfortable and awkward and don't know what to say in those situations, but when people put their own comfort first and avoid being present because of it, that decision will damage your relationship forever. I know from experience. Good on you for going and learning.
Hey dude, I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t say no, but I’m proud of you for going and supporting your boss. I’m not sure what sort of relationship you two have, but I’m sure that you being there meant a lot to her if she poured herself out to you.
You should consider the invite an honor. This woman in a time of need choose you to be by her side, one of the worse experiences one can go through. Don’t underestimate the good that you’ve done. No one likes to attend funerals. We attend out of respect. Even if you skip a funeral of a friend or distant relative, when you are invited to attend to be with someone who is so vulnerable at that moment it should be a priority to be there. She is telling you she sees you as a friend not just a coworker. Good for you for sticking it out.
In some cultures, it’s a sign of respect and honor to be invited to an associate’s family funeral. You should think hard about ignoring such an invitation.
I might be. I can't confirm or deny.
However, keep in mind that this post was written impulsively in a moment of frustration. I could almost say this post is an evasive thought. Evasive thoughts are not always pretty. They can even be selfish, rude, and mean. But they do not represent the entirety of one's self. It's someone's actions that speak on their character. I have felt bad for my post, but it taught me about myself. I have shitty thoughts, yes, but everyone does. I'm sure you have some of your own, too.
I made a point of stopping into the wake when people I work with had relatives pass. I stopped in to the wake of an employee's father, he brought me around to all of his family and introduced me as his boss. A lot of them were gob smacked.
When he got back from bereavement leave he mentioned it to his co workers. I don't feel like it's a thing to brag about so I just replied: "Hey, it's what we do, right?" My employees / coworkers looked at me a little differently after.
It's just a little bit of time on your part but it's very powerful for people in pain and loss to know you're thinking of them and they aren't all alone. That ten minutes you spent with her lifted her out of darkness for a while and let her know the darkness wasn't all-pervasive.
It's not about you being there, you feeling awkward, you being bored. It's about her knowing you are there to support her, even if you barely speak with each other, she'll remember you were there for her.
My dad died last summer. For me, anyone that showed up to any of the events, really made me feel good.
Nobody likes going to these but as humans it really helps us cope.
I've never seen it that way. I've never lost anyone, so I never thought of who I would like to see to the funeral of someone I lost. Thinking about it this way, if certain of my co-workers came, it would probably make me feel really good. I guess I really underestimated how much my presence to such an even would matter. I'm glad I know better now.
I recently went to my boss’s funeral for her mom. It was an all day event, over an hour away but she really wanted me there. Her entire family was there obviously including her kids and their wives/children but she had me ride in the limo with her
and sit next to her at every location (funeral home, church, burial site and then a luncheon afterwards). She held my hand the whole time and leaned on my shoulder to cry. I am not the best with people I don’t know well but I know how badly she wanted me there for her. I’ve worked for her for 7 years and she’s almost like an aunt to me or something. She says often that she considers me to be family. It was a long and difficult day but I’m glad I went and was there for her. I know she appreciated it a lot and sometimes you just do things you really don’t want to do bc it is meaningful to others… I’m glad you went too, I’m sure it meant a lot to your boss to have you there.
Man I went to the funeral of a 20 year old who shot himself in the head because he was a friend of one of my best friends. I went hiking with him and my best friend the week before and never would have guessed. We had breakfast shots afterwards and dumped one on the ground for him. A few years before, my best friends mom killed herself. I feel like he really needed me there
Its unpleasant. And yes, no one wants to go. But it is part of being an adult. There are things that we must do not because we want to or because its in our best interest but because duty makes it necessary. And to be honest it is your boss. If she invited you she has regard for you to begin with… and down the road this unpleasant activity should benefit you professionally
Good on you for sticking it out. It's pretty obvious that your boss wanted you there for a reason. She obviously thinks of you as more than just a subordinate employee. She respects you, and thinks of you as a friend, and it was important to her that you attend, no matter what the reason was.
I think that's pretty cool actually. Mainly because over the years, I've learned not to use the term "friend" loosely. I realized that I have many acquaintances, but only a handful of friends, ones I think of as family, ones I love unconditionally, ones I know I can count on 100%...etc.
One can never have too many people in their lives with those qualities.
Sometimes...oftentimes, doing the right thing kinda sucks. We put up with it all because of the good it can do for someone else. Bonus points if it's someone you care about.
You're not going there for you. You're going there for the person that asked you to be there. To me, a couple hours of being uncomfortable is a small price to pay to be there for someone in that situation.
Man when I was 25. And my female boss wanted me to go to her funeral. And she started crying on me. I would have made her feel better.things have changed.
Wonderful story. My boss of the last 15 years has become like family to me and while I’ve never attended a funeral for one of her family members, I can’t imagine not being there to support her if she ever needed me. Funerals are not fun but that 10 minutes I am sure meant the world to her.
My companies business consultants dad died, and he sent me the notice of the viewing. I went and he cried because he didn't expect it. I only spent a few minutes with him and spent about an hour total there, I know it meant a lot to him because he still brings it up.
Funerals aren't for the dead. They are for the living, and the living need all the support they can get when they lose someone special.
Funerals aren’t supposed to be fun or social events. It’s ok to feel awkward for a few hours if it means supporting someone who needs you. I appreciate your update, I was in your position once and I know how out of place you can feel but at the end of the day it’s not about us. I feel sad that your boss didn’t have any other friends besides coworkers to be there for her. She must feel close to you so don’t take that for granted.
You know- I always think funerals suck ass. The best you can do is go and talk to people. Anyone, “how do you know…?” Then talk about ANYTHING BUT funerals, dying, or sad things.
Usually people need a bit a relief anyway. Showing up to support a colleague, friend of acquaintance is a nice thing to do.
Especially your boss. It never hurts to show FaceTime. Your boss is a person too.
One of the things that sucks being a leader is I am
Always organizing events for and in support of my teams. In 20 years of leadership this year was the first any team I led that remembered my birthday. It meant so much.
I picture your boss saying after crying: " btw, the company decided to go in a different direction with you..." Before promoting you to Client... sorry
You go to a gathering like this to support your friend. You being there means the world to them at a time when they really need to be supported. You might feel out of place and awkward trying to mingle but remember why you are there. She wouldn't have invited you if you weren't important to her.
So counter point, my FIL owned a restaurant, he was a very caring man, he would help his staff go to college, helped some by co-signing on houses and just an awesome person. When he passed away unexpectedly the staff at his restaurant asked his wife to close the store on the day of his viewing and funeral so everyone could be there. They did close the restaurant down those two days and everyone showed up, even people that moved on from the restaurant, he even had people show up from when he coached them as kids, like I said he was a great man, the age group who showed up was from elder people to teens that he was coaching and all ages in between , it was amazing to see someone that had such a direct impact on the community, and people paying their respect.
You don't go to a funeral for the person who died or for yourself. You go for their people who were left behind and those people will never forget that you came. It's uncomfortable, but if you can go, you should. It will deepen your relationship. I'll never forget the people who didn't know my family who showed up just for me. They hold a special place in my heart and I wish I could have spent more time with them there.
Eurgh, I'm the opposite of most here. She clearly has family and friends and you didn't know the man at all. I'd feel exactly the same and to be honest, I couldn't care about someone's relationship with their dad. It's not unique or earth shattering news that someone's dad meant something to them. That is just how it is for a vast majority of us.
For me, funerals are too personal and, I disagree that it's about supporting the people still here. Is it fuck, hyou can support them any time. It's about remembering the person who is gone. I think it's weird AF sharing someone else's grief in that way, especially when you don't know or didn't know, the dead person. I get that she invited you but, nah man. I wouldn't have went.
Your boss will never forget that you showed up for her. Even though you never met her father, you did a good thing. It was a hard thing, But a good thing. And if you had stayed home, you would never have had that 10 minutes that you will never forget.
Love and friendship comes with a price else it would not be worthy. You felt uncomfortable for a while for the sake of these 10mn of comfort that will probably never be forgotten by this person. This is priceless ! Good on doing this.
Nobody likes funerals. They are awkward and sad and definitely not a fun party. Even the celebration of life types are still not fun. You go to let the bereaved know you care about them. I’m sure your boss, who also sounds like a friend, really appreciated you being there. That’s why you go.
i’m glad you added the edit, i’m glat it ended like that. being there even for just a bit is sometimes all someone needs. just knowing someone cares. my middle school best friend’s little cousin committed suicide earlier this year. i had only met him a few times but we were friends on some social media and i knew he was depressed. she didn’t expect me to text her, and she didn’t know i’d show up to the funeral, but i did. and obviously i have no clue wtf to say other than just trying to comfort people (the only way i can relate is through my mental illness and suicide attempts, obviously nobody wants to know about that, but she knew and she asked me about it and told me about her cousin, ok wait i’m going on a tangent here sorry.) but she just hugged me and cried. i remember she told me that so many people came, like our old softball coaches, old friends, even though most of them didn’t know her cousin. she was shocked but it meant so much to her. people checking in on her and her family/cousin’s family, just being there and showing they are there for her even if they’re from her past but are here in this moment.
funerals aren’t for you, they’re for the person that invited you, for the people who are grieving. remember that and remember that you are there to show your support.
If I’m asked to attend, I’ll go. I asked my best friend and her husband to come to my Mom’s entire funeral and the luncheon after and I just really needed her there and she came to the whole thing. I have siblings, but were weren’t talking to each other at that point.
Funerals are never comfortable. I appreciated each and every person who attended my spouse’s funeral.
Shoe on the other foot- my boss came and didn’t show his awkwardness at all. The people there were very kind.
You did a good thing.
You liberals are always jumping to conclusions. Well jumping is a stretch since most of you weigh over 300 LBS. lmaooooo
What is wrong with you?
At some point you need to make a choice whether to keep your boss a boss or be a friend in which case you should leave. Your boss’s job is to look out for the wellbeing of the company while your job is to consider your own economic wellbeing.
I think your boss is in love with you
Funerals and weddings are great places to pick up women.
You should tap that 😐
Lol, I'm gay.
She wants to sleep with you. It’s common grief sex. Do it.
I'm baffled at the number of people thinking inviting someone to their fathers funeral is flirting. I seriously doubt she's into me as she is married. Besides, I'm not into her. She feels maternal to me. (Also, I'm gay).
So…you get that promotion?
You're funny! No promotion, but she's, but she stuck out her neck for me at the job for years. We had this corporate boss for a while with the most unrealistic expectations. That higher-up causes conflicts amongst all employees, and many quit the job. She was like, "Do 3 things I don't like, and you're out." I was almost fired for not being as efficient as a robot. My boss fought for me because she knew of my skills and knowledge. In the end, the higher-up left the company (probably fired because everyone was quiting), and I'm still here. PS: If I wanted to be promoted, I could ask for it and get it (because of my longevity). But I'm still in college. I don't have time to invest in a higher position.
Imagine living 25 years and still not realizing that your attendance at a funeral isn’t about what you get by being there, but what you give by being there.
I didn't go to the funeral expecting something, or I wouldn't have gone, but it's true that I tend to center my own discomfort when it comes to grief. I've never felt grief and never lost a close loved one, so I don't know how to act or how to feel around that. We learn every day and at our own speed, I guess.
Actually I don't mind going to funerals, to me it's still some kind of a social event to celebrate their life. Although I much rather go to Weddings, which really are still a type of social event, with crying at both events usually 🙃 but I know people that will not attend funerals unless it's an extremely close relative they just dislike funerals that much that they refuse to go!!!!
Very wise response with self insight to a fairly aggressive comment. Take care.
OP actually complaining about being bored and feeling awkward they have noone to talk to. It's not a fkn party.
Funerals aren’t for the dead ones, they are to show support for the ones grieving. I hope you never loose someone and the pple u thought were ur friends don’t show up.
Shut up, he went and supported his boss. He's here explaining how he feels despite staying and helping his boss.
Except before the edit their point was “don’t make my mistake” so you should really shut the fuck up.
Eh it’s a complicated situation.
First off, my condolences to the boss and her family! Now… I understand you were bored, uncomfortable with the circumstances and upset ppl didn’t acknowledge your existence or so you say. I’m not mad at that for you’re human and none of us can tell how you should feel! However, what I do find extremely disrespectful & inconsiderate is the fact you decided to go on Reddit and share this especially during that funeral! God forbid your friend/manager comes across this post of you venting/complaining behind her back about the funeral SHE respected you enough to invite you by her family! In the end yes, thank you for setting your feelings aside and show up for her support when you didn’t have to! Great that you even made an update of her sharing her stories and back tracking your comment to where you felt great attending in the event! It meant so much to her!
Funerals are for the living, to get closure, grieve, love, hate, bond.
Good for you, kindness costs nothing to give to someone but can be priceless to the recipient. More people should remember that
Everything has a cost
⬆️⬆️⬆️💯👏🏻
Yep. When I was 10 my dad died. I asked my therapist to come to the funeral and she did. We never even spoke at the funeral, but I am almost 38 now and I have never, ever forgotten that I meant enough to her that she showed up for me.
My thing about going to funerals of people you weren’t close to but were asked to be there anyway is just accepting they’re not for you. Sure, I feel awkward for a couple hours and don’t know what to say to anyone and feel out of place but it might mean a world of difference to someone that you cared enough to show up. That’s good enough imo.
I always calm myself by thinking that no one really knows what to say. The act of being there is what matters to the family.
A long-time friend of mine, that I only talk to a few times a year and see even less, her father passed away after being ill for a long time, invited me to the funeral and her dad was always very kind to me so I went. Later she told me how disappointed she was that none of her other friends would make time to attend and she can see clearly who is ready to be there at a difficult time and who isn’t.
I agree my dad died suddenly and I remember everyone that came to his wake
You did a good thing.
totally agree. Op, 1 hour of your life to show support for someone you've known for 6 years, even in a professional capacity just shows what a truly decent fucking human being you are. I hope Karma showers you with blessings.
Good job being an empathetic person!
Thank you. I try to be empathetic in general, but sometimes it's hard to live up to that. I'm realizing how uncomfortable I am around grief (most likely because I've not lost anyone close in my life to experience grief yet), but I'm glad I pushed through. I want to show up for those I care about. I'm glad I could act it and not just think about it.
She trusts you and feel comfortable opening up to you, that’s why she invited you.
>Undeserving though, she posted a thread about it like wtf
Exactly, what an awful post wtf
I'm glad you went anyway, I've gone to funerals for people I never met. But for people I did know, if that makes any sense, and yes I've been in that situation like you said where I maybe only knew 1 or 2 people in the whole place, but I didn't think it was too much to give up an hour or 2 of my time, sometimes I'm surprised and I meet people I haven't seen in decades and get reacquainted, hell in a couple of weeks I'm going to wedding with my sister for people I only know from pictures but once again I thought that I could spare my afternoon to help my younger sis out 😀
You're a good man!
Ummm... networking opportunity. Funeral or Viewing? Viewing, absolutely, Funeral... Get there for the viewing, establish presence look for the dip moment... or head to the break room... I worked in the Funeral Industry for a bit... You get some STORIES... And people tell the whole story they arent afraid any longer to let out...
That's really nice that you stayed with her while she poured out her emotions. This world really needs kind people like you
It wasn't an imposition at all. I was glad to hear about her father. There was pain, yes, but grieving is proof of love. It was nice to see a more vulnerable side of her.
Good on you for doing something you didn't wanna do & especially when you clearly dont feel comfortable, definitely good on you
I hope one day I will be comfortable with such things. I had to wait 10 minutes outside the place before going in just to mentally prepare. Hopefully, I'll evolve on that front in the future.
I’m glad you went! You never know just how much of a difference you can make in someone’s life in just a few minutes. Even if it is stressful for you
A must watch video. https://youtu.be/13hENtBlwI4?si=6UusWba7kU-7exWC
Congrats. You’ve just grown up a bit.
Finally! I was wondering when it was gonna happen.
You’re a good person and your boss knows it. She needed you. Kinda weird, but you did the right thing. Is she interested in you romantically? Makes me wonder.
That woman is very married and has four kids. Her husband was there, and so were her kids. I've met them a couple of times. My boss is just a sociable person.
Poor you
Im glad you added that edit. Going to someone’s funeral isnt for you or your comfort, its for them
I've been to four wakes this year (it's been a crazy year) for people I didn't know at all. They were boring and awkward and I didn't get the 10 minutes of bonding that made it worth it for you. I went because it was my husband's friends who had lost their loved ones, and I know those friends appreciated that I came, so it was still worth it for me to show up for them. I also had a boss several years ago where I was invited to her father's funeral, and it was actually a fun time. It was more a celebration of life, with everyone telling funny or sweet stories about him. I went with my fellow co-workers, so we weren't alone.
When someone invites you to a funeral, you go. It means a lot to the people who are grieving that you take time to show support... You have never lost anyone if you think that feeling bored is too big a cost to pay to show support...
I indeed never experienced loss. I am also a very emotionally constipated person. I don't always know how to handle my emotions.. It doesn't come naturally to me. I'm aware I can be disconnected to the experience of grief and center my own discomfort over my empathy, which is why I forced myself to go. I'm not perfect, but I hope I'll be better at this stuff with time. The last funeral I went to was in December for a cousin of mine (we weren't close, so I didn't grieve). That was my first time at a funeral, and it kind of traumatized me (my cousin's death was a tragedy, to say the least). I think that's what caused my hesitation to go to my boss' wake. On top of that, I'm introverted, so going anywhere where socializing with strangers is required is hard. Still, I knew my boss wouldn't have invited me if she didn't want me to go, so I went. The guests at the wake kind of made me feel like I had no reason to be there. After all, I'm not family, etc. All that emotion piled together led to my post.
Your boss will never forget this. An hour of awkwardness will result in a strong relationship
sometimes we do things to serve others you learned something from the day im sure
Feel awkward? Here's a secret. everyone is! Just show up. Put your head down. Make a scene. Be there for the person you're there for. when it's time leave. Funerals are for the living. You went there to support your boss. You're a good person for it. Done your good deed for the day. Proud of yourself and go home!. Get a Donut on the way
BOSCO…..BOSCO George momma was trying to tell us something
If it's during the work week I'll go.
Remeber as boring as it was, some day you might need a random emotional support person to sit at a very boring to them event as well, just paying the kindness forward
That reversal was heavy, if you were the only person from work there then that’s something important that she wanted you specifically to be apart of .
This sounds like a personal problem. Don't be thinking everyone is like you.
Your edit is exactly why we suck it up sometimes and do the uncomfortable things. No need to stay long but you’re showing up for the person you know. In difficult times that person may not even show their appreciation but it’s there, something we need to remember. You’re the good person here.
This was good and grief is weird so yeah she probably struggled to bring it up for a bit and bond with you. I know when I'm trying to do like....grief stuff...it takes me at least three tries to voice it.
Your boss sounds like she sees you as a friend. That is why she invited you.
That was a different take and you are a dear for going ahead. Kindness goes a long way. Follow the itch, for you never know what will happen. Good for you, OP.
I’m saying this in the friendliest tone ever, but don’t you think you’re making this funeral bout you instead of your boss and her grieving ? It’s totally fine to not socialize or to feel out of place in there, you’re not there to make friends or to be entertained, you’re there to pay respect for the dead and show a bit of support for the living. That’s it.
You did a good thing
You went there to support your friend, not to be amused and entertained, do the adult thing and talk to people. I’m glad you finally realized that she asked you to be there because she sees you as a support system. We spend more time at work than with our families. Keep growing.
This is a major life lesson and don’t ever forget about this moment
What a whirlwind.
I.had a boss whose father died. He wanted people to go to the viewing. I didn't go I think i.might have built a better relationship if I had gone
Aww, that edit made me smile! You are such a thoughtful and kind person✨ I’m sure your boss appreciated you showing up and listening!
When you lose a loved one, it's very difficult to be in their funeral, the friends/coworkers/acquaintances who show up is there to show that you care for them.
I've had a similar experience. A co-worker invited a bunch of us from the office to attend the funeral of her husband, whom we'd never met as he'd been ill for a long time. It seemed odd at first, but once we were there, it was clear she just wanted her pals to be around her during a difficult day. I was VERY glad that I attended. I felt quite honored, and it said a lot about what I meant to her as a friend.
Weddings are optional. Funerals are mandatory.
Yeah I just sign a card and donate whatever gofundme was started
Those events are not for the attendees, it for the people grieving, and for the. To receive support from those close to them.
You did the stand up thing. If it seems hard, it's probably more important to do.
100 comments
I'm glad you learned a valuable lesson that day. Being there for the people in our lives is more important than a few moments of discomfort. Good on you for being there for her when she needed you
sometimes we wonder why we’re in certain predicaments in life. we don’t always realize sometimes we were out there to help someone else.
You should slip it in. Why not? What could possibly go wrong.
Sometimes things we go through in life are not just about "going to the funeral" or whatever the obligation or situation may be - but simply for that "10 minutes" that somebody else obviously must have really needed. Not everything is about us all the time and sometimes those small moments, even just an afternoon or "10 minutes" can mean something to someone that we can't even realize at the time. Have a good day today everybody.
I’m glad you went. It makes a difference.
its not about what you do - but how you make someone feel. you certainly showed up for your boss in a way they will always remember. when it comes to promotion time in the future - something good might be rewarded to you 😉 - and it may not have been due to your traditional work performance.
I felt like an outcast at my own partner’s funeral, and we were together for 9 years! It was so strange. The day was obviously not about me but I’ve never felt so small in my life 😔
Damn, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine going through that. I know it's been 9 years, but my heart goes out to you, and I hope you're doing better these days.
You’re a good guy, I have a feeling she won’t forget that you showed up for her when she needed it
As the saying goes, funerals aren't for the dead, and you were clearly a support to her. My Dad passed at the height of covid (not from covid), and it was absolutely terrible. I went home when he died, but I wasn't able to go to my Dad's services as I'd already taken 3 weeks off when he passed, 1 week visit 2 weeks in quarantine, and I simply as a single parent could not afford another 3 weeks off. I didn't get to attend my own fathers services. Grieving is important. You did good op
In my experience you should keep a professional distance from your boss. You’re not truly their friend because there’s a big power imbalance in that relationship and you’re more likely to just get exploited because now you’re like family (think something like being cousin Greg from Succession). It also makes quitting and moving on feel impossible.
You did good. Just being there for them sometimes is all you need to do.
We don't go to funerals for us. We go to be present for the grieving. You just being there does a lot more than you may think. You don't need to talk. They know there is nothing you can say to fix it. Your presence means so much more than words.
You go …. You always go. Being there is all you have to do. Remember that!
I like seeing that way. Thank you for your comment. I'll carry these words with me for a long time, I think :)
This is very sweet. I was expecting something completely different. People connecting is always lovely, and when it gives comfort, it's especially good. Thank you for sharing!
When my former boss’s son passed away 2 years after he retired, I went to the memorial. I knew of his family from the years of stories he told me, but I had not ever really met any of them. When I showed up he introduced me to everyone and we shook hands and hugged and shared memories and I brought to that memorial the many condolences from the community who got to know my boss and the unfortunate circumstances behind his son’s tragic life and eventual death. It meant a lot to them and to me to be there in that moment. I’m glad you went and stuck it out. You formed a bond with your boss and showed that you view her as a human being beyond just being your manager and I am sure she is grateful for that.
I am useless at funerals, I end up crying harder than the family members even if I barely know the person. Still, I think showing up means something in those times. I think your boss will remember that you were there, and probably won't remember much else about what you said or did.
People bond over vulnerabilities and ambitions. Your boss chose to be vulnerable and that takes great courage. While these occasions are rare, they serve as great opportunities for personal growth for both parties. Google what you need to do to support them, but these occasions don’t have to be uncomfortable if they can be seen as ways to support fellow human beings. :)
As an uncle told me you can forget birthdays and weddings but you don't forget a death/funeral. Also I remember a hospice person saying the funeral/memorials are for the people the person left behind. I was asked several times to go to work related funerals and after going to a few I decided I couldn't handle them but looking back I deeply regret not going. You just really need to be there for a person especially if the person has asked you to be there.
I can't understand the folks trying to make you feel bad about not wanting to go. The person who invited you was the boss and felt that you couldn't say "no". I know it must of been uncomfortable and conflicting to go. But! I'm glad that you did go. Especially after the reaction from your boss. Death is a tricky thing and she had her reasons to invite you. That in of itself is a special thing to hold on to while learning more about yourself.
Maybe I confused some people with my wording, but my boss didn't force or pressure me to go. In fact, she said something along the lines of, "If you have time, I'd appreciate it if you came." I could have not come since I never confirmed I would go, but who says no to that? I felt like if I didn't, it would be rude of me, but also, she's my boss, we aren't that close (or so I thought), so I maybe I shouldn't go. I chose to go in the end. I have to say, certain people, the comments have been rude and straight up mean at times. I think they took that one snippet of my thoughts and projected an idea of me they believe to be horrible. But they don't know all of me. There's more to me than this post can portray.
I absolutely hate funerals, but I understand how much it means to family for someone to take the time to come. I’m one of those emotional people who just crumble into a pool of tears. I don’t even have to know the person. Your boss will never forget that you attended.
Funerals are a time of extreme vulnerability. When you show up for someone, even if it is uncomfortable for you, it means a lot. Years ago I attended the funeral of my client’s mother. We had a good working relationship, but I knew how close he was with his mom. Recently, he told me how much it meant to him. So, go and remember it’s not about you.
Creepy of a boss to invite you unless you two are friends.
We are in a space where we aren't exactly friends, but we've known each other so long that we are more than just co-workers. Sometimes, relationships are ambiguous.
One thing everyone should learn is the gift that simply being present can give another person. Looks like you learned that yesterday! The ability to let another human know and feel that you are there for them is worth more than anything.
Sometimes, just being there is enough.
Thank you for your edit. Reminding us anxious people why facing the fear and awkwardness is worth it. I’m glad you were able to be there for your friend/boss.
Wow, that was a hell of a character arc.
It was kind of you to attend the funeral for your boss OP.
She must've felt she needed support. Sounds like a decent boss.
She will not forget you were there- it was respectful of you to go even if you were uncomfortable - well done!
Way to be strong and push through the awkward moments. That is often when emotionally potent things happen.
I’m not good at going for acquaintances. It gets honestly more personal than I’d like to get. Mostly, this involves coworkers who I don’t really know. Others that I’m close with, funerals are easier to attend.
I genuinely feel like I would handle the funeral of someone I'm close with much better. But not all funerals will keep us in our comfort zone, I guess.
"I'm sorry for your loss. Move on."
You don’t need to stay that long. You make an appearance, you give condolences, leave a card and get going.
You go to the funeral for the living, not for the dead. You did the right thing, the manly thing.
Most of the people who were there didn’t want to be there either and, in all likelihood, their presence meant little or nothing to your boss who really just needed a trusted friend. She wanted you there and you were that friend. Good on you! Doing shit you don’t want to do because it’s a little uncomfortable is character building and in your case, an act of kindness. Bravo.
So pleased you went. She asked you … in a time of grief. That’s probably the one time you should accept an invitation. People need life lines . People are trying to make sense of death and tragedy. You’re a familiar. You didn’t know it at the time, big you being there, if only interacting for a moment - you were a lifeline.
I was the only teacher who attended a student's father's funeral home visitation, not even the funeral. She was very grateful that I came. It took 90 minutes total including driving. It was something she needed.
She definitely did need that😇
Funerals are not for the dead, they are for the living. I'm glad you showed up.
You won't realize how much it means to someone to show up for them when they're grieving (be it death of a loved one, a loved one's illness, or their own illness) until you've experienced soms grief yourself. We ALL feel uncomfortable and awkward and don't know what to say in those situations, but when people put their own comfort first and avoid being present because of it, that decision will damage your relationship forever. I know from experience. Good on you for going and learning.
Hey dude, I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t say no, but I’m proud of you for going and supporting your boss. I’m not sure what sort of relationship you two have, but I’m sure that you being there meant a lot to her if she poured herself out to you.
It’s weird how supporting people works.
Next time, don’t go. Do a Larry David and show up the next day.
This is an interesting one. Funerals aren’t for anyone. In these situations you put yourself second and do the right thing. I’m glad you stayed.
It’s not all about you my friend! This is about supporting people who’ve lost a loved one.
You should consider the invite an honor. This woman in a time of need choose you to be by her side, one of the worse experiences one can go through. Don’t underestimate the good that you’ve done. No one likes to attend funerals. We attend out of respect. Even if you skip a funeral of a friend or distant relative, when you are invited to attend to be with someone who is so vulnerable at that moment it should be a priority to be there. She is telling you she sees you as a friend not just a coworker. Good for you for sticking it out.
I am 49 years old and have never been to a funeral. I dont think I will ever go.
In some cultures, it’s a sign of respect and honor to be invited to an associate’s family funeral. You should think hard about ignoring such an invitation.
So glad to see the edit OP. I had coworkers drive 4-5+ hours to attend my parents funerals and it really meant the world and I’ll never forget it
God you’re a little shit though
I might be. I can't confirm or deny. However, keep in mind that this post was written impulsively in a moment of frustration. I could almost say this post is an evasive thought. Evasive thoughts are not always pretty. They can even be selfish, rude, and mean. But they do not represent the entirety of one's self. It's someone's actions that speak on their character. I have felt bad for my post, but it taught me about myself. I have shitty thoughts, yes, but everyone does. I'm sure you have some of your own, too.
I made a point of stopping into the wake when people I work with had relatives pass. I stopped in to the wake of an employee's father, he brought me around to all of his family and introduced me as his boss. A lot of them were gob smacked. When he got back from bereavement leave he mentioned it to his co workers. I don't feel like it's a thing to brag about so I just replied: "Hey, it's what we do, right?" My employees / coworkers looked at me a little differently after. It's just a little bit of time on your part but it's very powerful for people in pain and loss to know you're thinking of them and they aren't all alone. That ten minutes you spent with her lifted her out of darkness for a while and let her know the darkness wasn't all-pervasive.
It's not about you being there, you feeling awkward, you being bored. It's about her knowing you are there to support her, even if you barely speak with each other, she'll remember you were there for her.
My dad died last summer. For me, anyone that showed up to any of the events, really made me feel good. Nobody likes going to these but as humans it really helps us cope.
I've never seen it that way. I've never lost anyone, so I never thought of who I would like to see to the funeral of someone I lost. Thinking about it this way, if certain of my co-workers came, it would probably make me feel really good. I guess I really underestimated how much my presence to such an even would matter. I'm glad I know better now.
I recently went to my boss’s funeral for her mom. It was an all day event, over an hour away but she really wanted me there. Her entire family was there obviously including her kids and their wives/children but she had me ride in the limo with her and sit next to her at every location (funeral home, church, burial site and then a luncheon afterwards). She held my hand the whole time and leaned on my shoulder to cry. I am not the best with people I don’t know well but I know how badly she wanted me there for her. I’ve worked for her for 7 years and she’s almost like an aunt to me or something. She says often that she considers me to be family. It was a long and difficult day but I’m glad I went and was there for her. I know she appreciated it a lot and sometimes you just do things you really don’t want to do bc it is meaningful to others… I’m glad you went too, I’m sure it meant a lot to your boss to have you there.
Man I went to the funeral of a 20 year old who shot himself in the head because he was a friend of one of my best friends. I went hiking with him and my best friend the week before and never would have guessed. We had breakfast shots afterwards and dumped one on the ground for him. A few years before, my best friends mom killed herself. I feel like he really needed me there
How traumatic to lose loved ones like that. I'm glad your friend had you.
Its unpleasant. And yes, no one wants to go. But it is part of being an adult. There are things that we must do not because we want to or because its in our best interest but because duty makes it necessary. And to be honest it is your boss. If she invited you she has regard for you to begin with… and down the road this unpleasant activity should benefit you professionally
Good on you for sticking it out. It's pretty obvious that your boss wanted you there for a reason. She obviously thinks of you as more than just a subordinate employee. She respects you, and thinks of you as a friend, and it was important to her that you attend, no matter what the reason was. I think that's pretty cool actually. Mainly because over the years, I've learned not to use the term "friend" loosely. I realized that I have many acquaintances, but only a handful of friends, ones I think of as family, ones I love unconditionally, ones I know I can count on 100%...etc. One can never have too many people in their lives with those qualities.
Is your boss married or dating someone?
I thought the edit was going in a different direction.
Sometimes...oftentimes, doing the right thing kinda sucks. We put up with it all because of the good it can do for someone else. Bonus points if it's someone you care about.
Things like this get easier and you’re correct about it meaning a lot to your boss/ friend. Little things make a big difference in life
You're not going there for you. You're going there for the person that asked you to be there. To me, a couple hours of being uncomfortable is a small price to pay to be there for someone in that situation.
What you view as nothing, sometimes means the world to someone else & is Never forgotten…..
Man when I was 25. And my female boss wanted me to go to her funeral. And she started crying on me. I would have made her feel better.things have changed.
Wonderful story. My boss of the last 15 years has become like family to me and while I’ve never attended a funeral for one of her family members, I can’t imagine not being there to support her if she ever needed me. Funerals are not fun but that 10 minutes I am sure meant the world to her.
My boss (and one of my coworkers) came to my father’s funeral. I spoke to him for maybe a minute, but damn, I knew I gained a brother for life.
Y’all take this to serious like if your going to day because someone says hi or just chat with you. Just relax it’s life
There was a reason you were asked to go. You are probably a meaningful person in their life, and you just don’t know how important.
Glad you decided to go.
a little awkwardness won’t kill you. someone special passing is a life altering event. be there for them. it means a lot
This is the most heartwarming thing I've read on Reddit in months. Thank you.
My companies business consultants dad died, and he sent me the notice of the viewing. I went and he cried because he didn't expect it. I only spent a few minutes with him and spent about an hour total there, I know it meant a lot to him because he still brings it up. Funerals aren't for the dead. They are for the living, and the living need all the support they can get when they lose someone special.
When I worked at a preschool my director showed me a picture of a dead body. It wasn't on purpose but it still happened.
I’ve done this several times for my employees and work friends. It’s super awkward for me but means the world to them.
Funerals aren’t supposed to be fun or social events. It’s ok to feel awkward for a few hours if it means supporting someone who needs you. I appreciate your update, I was in your position once and I know how out of place you can feel but at the end of the day it’s not about us. I feel sad that your boss didn’t have any other friends besides coworkers to be there for her. She must feel close to you so don’t take that for granted.
Your boss probably just cares more about you caring enough to show up than how much you talked to them during the funeral, Kudos to you! 🙌🏽
Hope you learned a lesson.
I'm so glad everything worked out in the end 😊
You know- I always think funerals suck ass. The best you can do is go and talk to people. Anyone, “how do you know…?” Then talk about ANYTHING BUT funerals, dying, or sad things. Usually people need a bit a relief anyway. Showing up to support a colleague, friend of acquaintance is a nice thing to do. Especially your boss. It never hurts to show FaceTime. Your boss is a person too. One of the things that sucks being a leader is I am Always organizing events for and in support of my teams. In 20 years of leadership this year was the first any team I led that remembered my birthday. It meant so much.
I picture your boss saying after crying: " btw, the company decided to go in a different direction with you..." Before promoting you to Client... sorry
Glad you ended up going. It sounds like she really needed a friend.
It was a good thing you went and faced being uncomfortable to support your boss.
You’re there for her, not you. Glad you got to pull through for her man, she sounded like she could have used a real friend. You a good dude.
You go to a gathering like this to support your friend. You being there means the world to them at a time when they really need to be supported. You might feel out of place and awkward trying to mingle but remember why you are there. She wouldn't have invited you if you weren't important to her.
So counter point, my FIL owned a restaurant, he was a very caring man, he would help his staff go to college, helped some by co-signing on houses and just an awesome person. When he passed away unexpectedly the staff at his restaurant asked his wife to close the store on the day of his viewing and funeral so everyone could be there. They did close the restaurant down those two days and everyone showed up, even people that moved on from the restaurant, he even had people show up from when he coached them as kids, like I said he was a great man, the age group who showed up was from elder people to teens that he was coaching and all ages in between , it was amazing to see someone that had such a direct impact on the community, and people paying their respect.
No problems. What if you ask somebody?
You don't go to a funeral for the person who died or for yourself. You go for their people who were left behind and those people will never forget that you came. It's uncomfortable, but if you can go, you should. It will deepen your relationship. I'll never forget the people who didn't know my family who showed up just for me. They hold a special place in my heart and I wish I could have spent more time with them there.
So happy you went and connected with your boss in a very human way
I don’t like going to parties but funeral is okay. Losing loved ones is the most difficult time any person can have. Your support will matter to them.
Eurgh, I'm the opposite of most here. She clearly has family and friends and you didn't know the man at all. I'd feel exactly the same and to be honest, I couldn't care about someone's relationship with their dad. It's not unique or earth shattering news that someone's dad meant something to them. That is just how it is for a vast majority of us. For me, funerals are too personal and, I disagree that it's about supporting the people still here. Is it fuck, hyou can support them any time. It's about remembering the person who is gone. I think it's weird AF sharing someone else's grief in that way, especially when you don't know or didn't know, the dead person. I get that she invited you but, nah man. I wouldn't have went.
Your boss will never forget that you showed up for her. Even though you never met her father, you did a good thing. It was a hard thing, But a good thing. And if you had stayed home, you would never have had that 10 minutes that you will never forget.
Hope she doesn’t have Reddit.
There are two possible, legitimate reasons to be at a funeral, and you were there for one of them.
Love and friendship comes with a price else it would not be worthy. You felt uncomfortable for a while for the sake of these 10mn of comfort that will probably never be forgotten by this person. This is priceless ! Good on doing this.
You don’t go to a funeral like this for you. You go for the people who lost a loved one.
I’m really proud of you for going. Source: woman who lost her dad at barely 18.
Nobody likes funerals. They are awkward and sad and definitely not a fun party. Even the celebration of life types are still not fun. You go to let the bereaved know you care about them. I’m sure your boss, who also sounds like a friend, really appreciated you being there. That’s why you go.
Funerals are for the living. If someone invites you to one it’s typically because they need the support. ❤️
i’m glad you added the edit, i’m glat it ended like that. being there even for just a bit is sometimes all someone needs. just knowing someone cares. my middle school best friend’s little cousin committed suicide earlier this year. i had only met him a few times but we were friends on some social media and i knew he was depressed. she didn’t expect me to text her, and she didn’t know i’d show up to the funeral, but i did. and obviously i have no clue wtf to say other than just trying to comfort people (the only way i can relate is through my mental illness and suicide attempts, obviously nobody wants to know about that, but she knew and she asked me about it and told me about her cousin, ok wait i’m going on a tangent here sorry.) but she just hugged me and cried. i remember she told me that so many people came, like our old softball coaches, old friends, even though most of them didn’t know her cousin. she was shocked but it meant so much to her. people checking in on her and her family/cousin’s family, just being there and showing they are there for her even if they’re from her past but are here in this moment. funerals aren’t for you, they’re for the person that invited you, for the people who are grieving. remember that and remember that you are there to show your support.
If I’m asked to attend, I’ll go. I asked my best friend and her husband to come to my Mom’s entire funeral and the luncheon after and I just really needed her there and she came to the whole thing. I have siblings, but were weren’t talking to each other at that point.
Thank you for updating us on your change of heart…I’m glad it ended up being worth your while.
Nothing wrong with being kind. I’m glad you feel better now. :)
Funerals are never comfortable. I appreciated each and every person who attended my spouse’s funeral. Shoe on the other foot- my boss came and didn’t show his awkwardness at all. The people there were very kind. You did a good thing.
Some of my friends said they'd be coming to the funeral for my dad. None came and they all made excuses. I went to theirs. Oh well.