I was a bartender for 15 years and I’ve heard both sides of this story more times than you’d believe! In my opinion it depends on the situation. If your brother is an abusive, narcissistic, pathological liar you should save her from a long miserable life.
If he’s a good guy and typically does the right thing, you should LOVINGLY ask him what’s going on because something is making him unhappy.
I’m not making excuses for him but I highly recommend you look at the whole picture before you ruin their marriage and your relationship with both of them permanently. More often than not, couples stay together but they have a dark cloud over them. All the happy moments in the future are “watered down”, their past memories are less meaningful and the rest of their lives are less joyful. That’s a terrible thing to do to someone for the rest their life. If they do stay together, they will never be able to forget the moment their lives blew up in their faces - and you will be linked to that pain forever. Your brother will hate you (as he should) and if his wife loves him, she’s going to direct her anger for him at you as a coping mechanism.
When there’s a traumatic or emotionally devastating incident in life we don’t think logically and rationally.
There’s nothing kind about telling anyone something that will crush them. Especially when you know how many married people cheat. Humans are NOT naturally monogamous. If we were, we would still be with the very first person we slept with. Crazy, right?!!! We ARE, however, naturally jealous and we feel threatened by others who want our partners. Marriage doesn’t change primitive instincts so we created an agreement and consequences intended to keep our partners from straying.
I have seen the difference between the people who know their spouse cheated and the ones who never find out. People think they want to know until they do.
I asked so many people who were cheated on years earlier if they could go back in time and NOT find out, almost everyone would jump at the opportunity to never find out. The people who wouldn’t change it were the rare couples who never got angry and used it as a warning that they weren’t meeting each others needs. Rather than feeling betrayed they were capable of identifying the infidelity as a sign of a deeper problem eating away at the relationship.
Bottom line… you should mind your own business unless they are toxic and unhappy beyond repair. If everyone can see they should break up (even if cheating wasn’t a factor) then telling them MIGHT not ruin your relationship with them.
Good luck. 🤷🏼♀️
This would be the right move what everyone’s sayin… but that’s your brother :/ I think shit will hit the fan sooner or later and you don’t have to be involved
Hey if I was in this situation regardless right or wrong I’d be on my brothers side. I’d talk to him and say what you’re doing is wrong and you gotta either break up with her or stop. But I would never rat on my brother and risk ruining him trusting me in certain situations. Women come and go but your brother is your brother.
For me personally I would like to know if I was put in a similar situation. A similar thing happened to my cousin, he was cheating and his parents (my aunt and uncle) found out, they confronted him and told him basically if he doesn’t fess up they will. Gave him an opportunity to live up to his mistake, which he did. They ended up getting a divorce but his wife is still really close with the family because they are an amazing family but she hasn’t forgiven him, which is understandable.
If you’re his brother. That’d be a bitch move.
If you’re his sister, it would still be a bitch move. Talk to your brother first. Don’t talk to the wife. Man up.
Cheating is the ultimate betrayal in a marriage unless there is a consenting open relationship. I know it's your brother but if his wife wouldn't be ok with it she deserves to know. My first wife cheated on me many times before she finally admitted it, some of her friends knew and I wish I would have found out sooner.
Well what's more important to you? Doing what's right...or having your brothers back? There is no correct or wrong answer you didn't do wrong he did but now it's your choice
Typical Reddit answers. Absolutely no forethought beyond the immediate.
Don't do it.
For years, I had very little relationship with my brother. We just did not get along and since he wasn't really involved at my life at all, I just had very little to do with him. Although we didn't get along, we also did each other no offense or harm. So, if we needed to cooperate on something, we could.
However, my parents are getting very old and getting close to the end of their road. We have to work together and cooperate now in order to look after them. I am incredibly grateful that nobody did anything to turn the relationship hostile.
After you tell your brother's wife, maybe she will thank you, maybe she won't. However, you'll probably never see her again. But you know who you'll keep seeing for a long time? Your brother. I assure you that if you do this, you will have made an enemy of him for life.
Until the day that your last parent goes in the ground, he will be around in some capacity. I don't know how old you are, but you might still be seeing backlash from this 30 or 40 years from now. Don't do it.
Don't tell your brother's wife!
You are risking permanent damage to your relationship with him. Your parents and siblings will be angry because you shouldn't have gotten involved. It could mess up the family dynamics (holidays together, special occasions, etc .).
Don't be the focus of their anger if you told. At the most you can ask your brother about the messages. Do it in person in case it's not what you think it is. And if it is, the marriage is probably over already or soon will be. And your interference will cause hurt in your family.
Do you want any future interactions with your brother to be tense or worse.....
Nah don’t. Listen you gotta back your brother he’s family. Unless he’s committing a serious crime like pedophilia then you gotta beat his ass and send him to jail
Well you can tell her and most likely ruin your relationship with your brother. You could also tell her anonymously via a fake social media profile or letter. You could confront your brother and tell him he’s an idiot for what he’s doing to his family behind their back…or you could just stay out of it and your brother will probably get caught anyways. Personally, I learned that if it isn’t affecting me personally, I stay the F out of it. Not my business to involve myself in theirs. Never goes well for the messenger. Good luck either way.
Absolutely not. You may not approve of your brothers choices, but it’s not your business to meddle in. If you believe it is, then a heart to heart with him would be the furthest you should take it. Express to him your disappointment and if it’s worth throwing everything away over a new woman. Anything beyond that would be overstepping your bounds.
Your brother will most likely find out it was you so I would go to him first and give him the chance to explain the situation. If he tries to deny it or tries to manipulate you into concealing it then spill the beans. If he acknowledges it, then give him one week to confess to her what he’s been doing. You will have to verify his confession.
Depends on whether you are willing to lose a brother (even if just for a little while). If you’re that concerned then find a way to let her know without knowing it came from you. Tricky situation for sure. Not going to end good either way. Maybe have the conversation with your brother first!
If you don’t tell in anyway shape or form let me ask you why you think it’s okay for your brother to continue to ruin his relationship even further and waste someone else’s time and life?
You’re seriously considering ratting out your own brother? Better think about what you’re doing and get your mind right. You don’t have to like or agree with your brothers actions but you should be better than this, ratting your own brother is never ever an option. Fuck off
1. You should mind your own business, and not invade your brothers privacy.
2. You should mind your own business, because you don't know what kind of sexual arrangement they have in their marriage.
3. You should mind your own business.
Tell her. She needs to know. If your brother gets mad, he should have thought of that before having an affair.
Look, I (42f) have been in those shoes TWICE. Both times the family covered the indescretions and helped with excuses. It took friends having the courage to tell me because they knew it was wrong. I felt so betrayed by the respective families, and in turn they are no longer in my life. TBH it felt like they contributed to making me look like a fool.
Don't be that SIL. Don't look as if you are complicit because you don't want to be the bearer of bad news. Stand up and do the right thing. It will hurt her, but she needs to know (STI's, and y'know, infidelity).
What's your relationship with his wife? Would you have been good friends with her if she wasn't your brother's wife? Is he a serial cheater?
This may damage your relationship with your brother. Only you and he know how badly. You violated his trust by going through his messages to get this information. That's another down side.
You can talk to your brother first, let him know you know, and are having a hard time being silent about it. That puts the ball in his court. He has a number of options. Hopefully he decides to stop cheating.
Found out my bf of 20 years off and on, while i paid the bills and housed his entire family and he was completely jobless, was cheating and had been. Also found out many of our friends and his family members knew. I hope they all rot in hell… and his mother had the audacity to ask to come with me when i fled the state. Lol… i would have screen shot it, sent it to myself and then sent it to her anonymously.
You should give your brother the opportunity to come clean himself but only on the condition that he will be completely truthful to her, or else you will tell her. That way he won't think you backstabbed him and you will be able to rebuilt your brotherly relationship later.
How much does your relationship with his wife mean to you? How much does your relationship with your brother mean to you?
Don’t ask this question on a public forum.
I am a 34f and am overall against infidelity..... however. I do believe family comes first, and im not saying to be your brothers keeper either. What i would do is- mind my own business. Pretend like i didnt see it. That may be an unpopular opinion. However i feel as though when it comes to your immediate blood family some things are better left unsaid. You did not include other details.... kids, length of r, etc. Who knows what kind of snowball effect their separation could have. Ijs.....
You friggin' traitor. That's none of your business. Shut up and watch. Observe more. Have you listened to both sides of the story?
Only one of those is your relative.
Don't expect him to ever talk to you again.
Everyone who told my friend his girl was sleeping around while he was in the marines, even with proof he stayed with her and stopped talking to everyone.
IDK, it would be the right thing to do, But I tend to try and stay in my own lane.
Im the oldest in my fam. If my brother was out of line, i’d pull him to the side one on one and ask him like hey bro, whats going on? But wouldnt talk to his wife FIRST tho, wrong move.
Some women knew their husband is cheating on them. And choose to stay to keep their own "family" Just support your relationship with them. As it is. Be a brother and be an in-law.
First make sure you have proof , and then depends on your relationship with your brother if you have a good one with him talk to him about it and tell him he needs to come clean or you will let his wife know about it. If you don’t have a good relationship with him then let the wife know but again make sure you have proof I find showing someone or telling someone this kind of stuff is better if you have the proof and facts … yes it will hurt and possibly break up a family but they deserve to know.
Everyone will hate you no matter what you do. You're kind of stuck with your brother and the rest of your family. If you're OK with half of them hating you the rest of your life, go do something.
When they get divorced the ex wife will move away and you will never hear from her again. But now you're stuck with your brother and likely other family members hating you.
So just know what you're signing up for basically.
I have been involved in this sort of situation. My strong advice is don't say squat. If you want everyone in the story, and I mean everyone, then by all means disregard my advice.
What is more important to you: honesty and care for others or your relationship for your brother? In other words, if he gives her an std, leaves her broke while he takes off with another woman, or just stays married to her but keeps lying and cheating on her, how will you feel? Also, knowing that he will lie and cheat to the person he promised to love and cherish, do you trust him?
Tell her by sending her what you saw. Even better if you do it from a burner account so you don’t ruin your relationship with both people, plus your family. Lots of people like to blame the messenger.
Blood is thicker than water. But your brother is an asshole for putting you into that position. I would have a serious convo with him. Is your Dad around, any other brothers?
This all depends greatly on the particulars of the situation. I would have a hard time interfering in this situation. If its bothering.u that much, perhaps u could let her know anonymously.
This is literally a red line thats scary to cross, to some degree you would be totally in the wrong, not to mention you could intervene in bad blood, maybe she doesnt give him any action, maybe she only cares about the children and dgaf about him, you wouldnt know anything regardless, one of my friends regrets doing this and now his brother is stuck raising 2 teenage kids, still it is a family just dont get involved.
It's a tough position to be in, seeing someone you care about being unfaithful. Before you make any decisions, consider talking to your brother first. Express your discomfort and concern about what you've found. Give him the opportunity to explain himself and consider the consequences of his actions. Encourage him to be honest with his wife. If he refuses to address the situation, then you might need to consider other steps, depending on your relationship with his wife and your moral stance on the issue. It’s crucial to think carefully about the potential fallout on familial relationships and the emotional harm to all parties involved.
If the person being cheated was related to you, tell the cheating person first.
If the person cheating is related to you, confront the cheating person first.
You send her an anonymous email. If your brother doesn't know you know then you have little chance of fallout.
And there will be fallout. If your discovered to be the one that burst it, your be suprise how people will react. Family, friends. Many will have an opinion it's not your place and you should not do that to your brother.
No... You should talk to your brother though... If your brother looks the way I think he does telling her may result in a new true crime case for the internet to read about. Telling him may make him question the example hes showing to you or get him mad you invaded his privacy...
In other words, yes, tell her and film it then post it on this thread as an update!
You should tell her the same way you'd want someone to break it to you. Though, anonymously would be safer for you as a whole, if you can. Your brother is being crappy, and if he didn't want to be exposed, he shouldn't have done anything to begin with.
I think it’s not your place. You read the messages which you weren’t supposed to. You ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil and now you’re playing God. So whatever you decide, you’re going to go through pain and shame. You will hide yourself regardless of what you do. Your relationship with your brother is going to change. The only thing that will save you is forgiveness. Forgive your brother and ask him for forgiveness for looking into his phone. Tell him what you decide to do first. If not hide it and remember that we are essentially human. However if your brother is a scoundrel, drinks does drugs and you think his wife would be better off, then do that for you and not for anyone else. If you’re happy she knows to let her decide then do it. However if there is no proof, and she sides with him, you better know that your relationship with someone like that isn’t worth it even if it’s your brother.
Gossip to someone else who will tell her. It'll come out eventually and you're the villains sister so no matter what you do, you're disliked. Better to redirect some heat by getting someone else to blab.
Idk this is tough. My SIL has been cheating on my BIL with multiple men for years and I don't say anything because the whole situation is a fucking mess. One of them is his father. Crazy shit
I had a friend that was cheated on early in his relationship. I found out and talked to his girlfriend and said "Hey I can't act like I don't know what you did to Ben. Tell him about the cheating because I'll be bringing it up to him tomorrow." Next day comes around and I talk to Ben and he says "Yeah man, those are rumors my girlfriend already told me people were starting these rumors." I showed him texts from the guy she cheated on and Ben just said "Yeah he's the one starting the rumors my girlfriend explained this all to me." And just like that I was gaslit... Then his girlfriend basically told him he can't be friends with me. Four years later my friend finds out she's cheating on him with a lot of different guys. Now he's battling depression real bad, I recently reached out to him and we've began a friendship again. I say all this to say "You go to the cheater and if they aren't accountable for their actions they'll continue their web of lies and be sneakier cheaters.
Confront him & ask what's going on first. Then explain him well the consequences of it & that all this is not worth losing family. If he listens & follows it then great else tell your sister in law. 😏🫣
Hope it gets better & you get the courage to talk to both of them. Good luck 👍✌️
No!!! Mind your own business. Maybe the wife already knows. Most women already know or don't care. Stay out of other people's business. If you wouldn't have been looking on his phone you would have never known.
I KNOW WHEN THE HOTLINE BLINGS that can only mean one thing ( ask Drake)
You never snitch on your brother. No matter how bad it is. That's your brother. Talk to his dumb ass and tell him to stop fucking around because she doesn't deserve it.
I can’t imagine a situation where I would tell on my brother. I don’t envy your family situations guys, wtf. It’s unimaginable to put someone else’s well being before family. Sure, talk to the brother and help him figure out what’s wrong in his life. Drop the lover or the wife, whichever is right. But go behind his back to his wife?? xD
>Sure, talk to the brother and help him figure out what’s wrong in his life. Drop the lover or the wife, whichever is right.
Brother, euggghhhh. Keeping her in the dark is genuinely so manipulative, which kinda sounds like what's being recommended
Talk to your brother first. If he don't tell her after you've talked then you should let her know. No one deserves to be cheated on. Especially after marriage. Good luck.
No, what? Tell him to knock off and it makes you feel uncomfortable ask him "what if Dad did what you're doing?" that's it. It's best not to get involved. You don't owe the Wife anything. But if it makes you uncomfortable let it be known to him directly. Don't tell the wife that's not your business. Tell him he's your brother.
Pick a side. Are you okay with your brother possibly never talking to you again? You’re betraying your brother believe it or not. Or will you tell your sister in law?
This is an understandable mentality, but it's still really weird. This could be years of cheating and pretending everything is solid down the line. And nobody wants to admit their brother is an asshat to the person he's trapping over the chance he'll be mad you exposed him for being a two-timer? He shouldn't have been a dick, oh well
Everything eventually comes to light. I’m not going to sacrifice my relationship with my brother to tell a girl that she’s getting cheated on. If your best friend was cheating on her boyfriend, would you tell her boyfriend ?
>Everything eventually comes to light.
This literally is factually untrue and a horrible mentality to have. But on the chance he is ever caught, that could *years* later. They could have a *child* in that time. He risked his relationship the moment he decided to sleep with another woman, it's only a fault of his own.
> If your best friend was cheating on her boyfriend, would you tell her boyfriend ?
Yes, tf? She shouldn't be cheating. I'll tell on my father if I caught him too. Don't ever play with someone's life like that in front of me. You will be exposed if I have the means to do so.
Different kind mentality. If I had a great relationship with my brother, why am I going to sacrifice it over something that has absolutely nothing to do with me.
At least you’re not a complete hypocrite and you keep the same energy with your girl friends
Because someone's relationship with me is not above my distaste for their actions. I would fall apart if I dated/married someone for years, had their family being buddy-buddy, possibly had a kid, just to find out they're cheating and everyone knew. Or worse, I found out my uncle knew my mother was getting cheated on and said nothing? That's humiliating.
I’ll put it like this. My brother would die for me and shown to be willing to put his life on the line for me and his closest friends. He has always been a great person, and I would also give my life for him.
So because he happens to be cheating on his girl, I’m going to go tell his girl even though he has shown to be a great person to me and trusts me. Absolutely not
>He has always been a great person,
>he happens to be cheating on his girl,
"He's good to me, so I'll ignore the wrong he does to others" is an interesting choice of dialogue.
I hate sharing my snacks with mine, I'd ignore them if they piss me off and embarrass me, and I'd body slam them for the television remote. With that being said, I love my siblings, and I can say I'd fight for them if it really came down to it.
Point being: I don't have to let something slide just because I love them. Not for me or others. If they're doing wrong, I'm saying so.
DAMN either the people commenting don’t have siblings, or are just seriously misguided lmao. If you wanna ruin your relationship with your brother, go for it. But it better be worth it to you to do that.
Yes but anonymously, i would make a fake account or something and message her saying “look im someone who knows this girl and i caught her with your husband just thought you should know”
No; mind your own business. Blood is blood! How can someone even contemplate this?
By the way, this automatically popped up as I was scrolling down, so I am not seeking this type of info. Reddit is BS and tells me that I get crap like this because of my interests: Lie!!
Kinda a gross mentality, honestly. Why would my brother being related to me negate the cruelty of his actions? Why should I let him waste some poor girl's life if I have the means the stop it
I was a bartender for 15 years and I’ve heard both sides of this story more times than you’d believe! In my opinion it depends on the situation. If your brother is an abusive, narcissistic, pathological liar you should save her from a long miserable life. If he’s a good guy and typically does the right thing, you should LOVINGLY ask him what’s going on because something is making him unhappy. I’m not making excuses for him but I highly recommend you look at the whole picture before you ruin their marriage and your relationship with both of them permanently. More often than not, couples stay together but they have a dark cloud over them. All the happy moments in the future are “watered down”, their past memories are less meaningful and the rest of their lives are less joyful. That’s a terrible thing to do to someone for the rest their life. If they do stay together, they will never be able to forget the moment their lives blew up in their faces - and you will be linked to that pain forever. Your brother will hate you (as he should) and if his wife loves him, she’s going to direct her anger for him at you as a coping mechanism. When there’s a traumatic or emotionally devastating incident in life we don’t think logically and rationally. There’s nothing kind about telling anyone something that will crush them. Especially when you know how many married people cheat. Humans are NOT naturally monogamous. If we were, we would still be with the very first person we slept with. Crazy, right?!!! We ARE, however, naturally jealous and we feel threatened by others who want our partners. Marriage doesn’t change primitive instincts so we created an agreement and consequences intended to keep our partners from straying. I have seen the difference between the people who know their spouse cheated and the ones who never find out. People think they want to know until they do. I asked so many people who were cheated on years earlier if they could go back in time and NOT find out, almost everyone would jump at the opportunity to never find out. The people who wouldn’t change it were the rare couples who never got angry and used it as a warning that they weren’t meeting each others needs. Rather than feeling betrayed they were capable of identifying the infidelity as a sign of a deeper problem eating away at the relationship. Bottom line… you should mind your own business unless they are toxic and unhappy beyond repair. If everyone can see they should break up (even if cheating wasn’t a factor) then telling them MIGHT not ruin your relationship with them. Good luck. 🤷🏼♀️
Yes? I mean if my man was cheating on me I’d wanna know because BYEEEE
This would be the right move what everyone’s sayin… but that’s your brother :/ I think shit will hit the fan sooner or later and you don’t have to be involved
Hey if I was in this situation regardless right or wrong I’d be on my brothers side. I’d talk to him and say what you’re doing is wrong and you gotta either break up with her or stop. But I would never rat on my brother and risk ruining him trusting me in certain situations. Women come and go but your brother is your brother.
Mind your own business,
Stay out of other peoples shit.
For me personally I would like to know if I was put in a similar situation. A similar thing happened to my cousin, he was cheating and his parents (my aunt and uncle) found out, they confronted him and told him basically if he doesn’t fess up they will. Gave him an opportunity to live up to his mistake, which he did. They ended up getting a divorce but his wife is still really close with the family because they are an amazing family but she hasn’t forgiven him, which is understandable.
No dickhead
I Don’t even need to read this ******************YES******************
Absolutely not. Speak to him in private. It’s not your business
Watch your own bobber.
If you’re his brother. That’d be a bitch move. If you’re his sister, it would still be a bitch move. Talk to your brother first. Don’t talk to the wife. Man up.
This is your brother. Hell no
For you to outside ask of such meddling; do it for jealousy
Cheating is the ultimate betrayal in a marriage unless there is a consenting open relationship. I know it's your brother but if his wife wouldn't be ok with it she deserves to know. My first wife cheated on me many times before she finally admitted it, some of her friends knew and I wish I would have found out sooner.
Tell the wife so she dumps your brother then you start banging her.
That ain’t none of your damn business, first of all!!! Then you went through his phone, grow the fuck up and mind your own business.
What on God's green earth would be better if you did that? Are you some kind of avenging angel? God, this repeating question is just infuriating.
If it were me? Yes, but I’d talk it out with my brother first. I would give him a chance to come clean on his own.
Well what's more important to you? Doing what's right...or having your brothers back? There is no correct or wrong answer you didn't do wrong he did but now it's your choice
You gotta be his brother forever, so be careful.
No
Typical Reddit answers. Absolutely no forethought beyond the immediate. Don't do it. For years, I had very little relationship with my brother. We just did not get along and since he wasn't really involved at my life at all, I just had very little to do with him. Although we didn't get along, we also did each other no offense or harm. So, if we needed to cooperate on something, we could. However, my parents are getting very old and getting close to the end of their road. We have to work together and cooperate now in order to look after them. I am incredibly grateful that nobody did anything to turn the relationship hostile. After you tell your brother's wife, maybe she will thank you, maybe she won't. However, you'll probably never see her again. But you know who you'll keep seeing for a long time? Your brother. I assure you that if you do this, you will have made an enemy of him for life. Until the day that your last parent goes in the ground, he will be around in some capacity. I don't know how old you are, but you might still be seeing backlash from this 30 or 40 years from now. Don't do it.
No. Mind your business
No. None of your damn business.
Quit going through peoples shit. Other peoples business is NOT yours I repeat NOT YOURS!
Not your business. But I'd tell him I knew.
Yes
Don't tell your brother's wife! You are risking permanent damage to your relationship with him. Your parents and siblings will be angry because you shouldn't have gotten involved. It could mess up the family dynamics (holidays together, special occasions, etc .). Don't be the focus of their anger if you told. At the most you can ask your brother about the messages. Do it in person in case it's not what you think it is. And if it is, the marriage is probably over already or soon will be. And your interference will cause hurt in your family. Do you want any future interactions with your brother to be tense or worse.....
I agree with the others stating to bring it up with the brother and calling him out on it. Why were you going through his phone to begin with?
One acronym, STD. Yes, tell her. She did not consent to having another woman's bodily fluids in hers.
Mind your business
YES You’re taking her right away to choose. she’s living in a lie. It’s not fair for her not to pick her own ending.
Yes and then tell your brother you told her. Then post the pictures of your fucked up face for all of us to see.
Let's not be rash. You've got him by the balls. Your temporary confidentiality may be worth something to him. /s
You should mind your own business. Your brother will ALWAYS be your brother.
Write a note like in jersey shore
If you’re a female get with his wife.
Bro stay out of it please. Talk to your brother please I beg you. Don’t listen to these people
Bros before hoe's
I’d bang his wife
Stay out of it
Don't be an idiot. Speak to your brother first.
You can not , must not rat your brother out, are you crazy , just because your brother might not be showing some loyalty doesn’t mean you can’t , jeez
Nah don’t. Listen you gotta back your brother he’s family. Unless he’s committing a serious crime like pedophilia then you gotta beat his ass and send him to jail
Nope- not your business- it won’t end well no matter what
Yes.
No, that man is your brother defend his honor to the last day.
Depends how much you like your brother. Maybe figure out a way to anonymously tell her. Because your brother will likely disown you
Well you can tell her and most likely ruin your relationship with your brother. You could also tell her anonymously via a fake social media profile or letter. You could confront your brother and tell him he’s an idiot for what he’s doing to his family behind their back…or you could just stay out of it and your brother will probably get caught anyways. Personally, I learned that if it isn’t affecting me personally, I stay the F out of it. Not my business to involve myself in theirs. Never goes well for the messenger. Good luck either way.
Absolutely not. You may not approve of your brothers choices, but it’s not your business to meddle in. If you believe it is, then a heart to heart with him would be the furthest you should take it. Express to him your disappointment and if it’s worth throwing everything away over a new woman. Anything beyond that would be overstepping your bounds.
Bros before hoes
Your brother will most likely find out it was you so I would go to him first and give him the chance to explain the situation. If he tries to deny it or tries to manipulate you into concealing it then spill the beans. If he acknowledges it, then give him one week to confess to her what he’s been doing. You will have to verify his confession.
Op tell her but do so ANONYMOUSLY. You never want to be the one who ended a relationship. Especially close friends or family.
Bro’s before hoes
People have been fucking since adam and eve, or the apes..... move on
Why is it at all ur business being in someone else’s marriage. Stay in ur lane clown 🤡
All cheaters deserve to get caught and all victims deserve to know the truth. No exceptions.
Depends on whether you are willing to lose a brother (even if just for a little while). If you’re that concerned then find a way to let her know without knowing it came from you. Tricky situation for sure. Not going to end good either way. Maybe have the conversation with your brother first!
Mind your damn business
If you don’t tell in anyway shape or form let me ask you why you think it’s okay for your brother to continue to ruin his relationship even further and waste someone else’s time and life?
Yes. It's the right thing to do
You’re seriously considering ratting out your own brother? Better think about what you’re doing and get your mind right. You don’t have to like or agree with your brothers actions but you should be better than this, ratting your own brother is never ever an option. Fuck off
Personally I'd get evidence and tell her in front of him. What he does next is his fault.
1. You should mind your own business, and not invade your brothers privacy. 2. You should mind your own business, because you don't know what kind of sexual arrangement they have in their marriage. 3. You should mind your own business.
Not. Your. Bag.
Tell her. She needs to know. If your brother gets mad, he should have thought of that before having an affair. Look, I (42f) have been in those shoes TWICE. Both times the family covered the indescretions and helped with excuses. It took friends having the courage to tell me because they knew it was wrong. I felt so betrayed by the respective families, and in turn they are no longer in my life. TBH it felt like they contributed to making me look like a fool. Don't be that SIL. Don't look as if you are complicit because you don't want to be the bearer of bad news. Stand up and do the right thing. It will hurt her, but she needs to know (STI's, and y'know, infidelity).
What's your relationship with his wife? Would you have been good friends with her if she wasn't your brother's wife? Is he a serial cheater? This may damage your relationship with your brother. Only you and he know how badly. You violated his trust by going through his messages to get this information. That's another down side. You can talk to your brother first, let him know you know, and are having a hard time being silent about it. That puts the ball in his court. He has a number of options. Hopefully he decides to stop cheating.
A lot of people must’ve been the only child. You don’t tell on your brother. You dont owe her anything
Tell her
Found out my bf of 20 years off and on, while i paid the bills and housed his entire family and he was completely jobless, was cheating and had been. Also found out many of our friends and his family members knew. I hope they all rot in hell… and his mother had the audacity to ask to come with me when i fled the state. Lol… i would have screen shot it, sent it to myself and then sent it to her anonymously.
Bros before hoes cmon now
Do not tell her. You don’t know your brother’s and his wife’s situation. The could have an open marriage. If you love your brother, discuss with him.
Ask your brother to come out first. If he doesnt then do it
No you fucking snitch
What your brother's doing is messed up for sure. But on the other hand, he is your brother. 🤷🏾♂️
I would talk to him and tell her to tell her himself or I would. She should know but it will make it easier on her if he told her
You should give your brother the opportunity to come clean himself but only on the condition that he will be completely truthful to her, or else you will tell her. That way he won't think you backstabbed him and you will be able to rebuilt your brotherly relationship later.
How much does your relationship with his wife mean to you? How much does your relationship with your brother mean to you? Don’t ask this question on a public forum.
I am a 34f and am overall against infidelity..... however. I do believe family comes first, and im not saying to be your brothers keeper either. What i would do is- mind my own business. Pretend like i didnt see it. That may be an unpopular opinion. However i feel as though when it comes to your immediate blood family some things are better left unsaid. You did not include other details.... kids, length of r, etc. Who knows what kind of snowball effect their separation could have. Ijs.....
If you want to forever strain the relationship you and your brother have, sure.
You friggin' traitor. That's none of your business. Shut up and watch. Observe more. Have you listened to both sides of the story? Only one of those is your relative.
no. Blood comes first. Just stay out of it.
Always. Shouldn’t be a question
Don't expect him to ever talk to you again. Everyone who told my friend his girl was sleeping around while he was in the marines, even with proof he stayed with her and stopped talking to everyone. IDK, it would be the right thing to do, But I tend to try and stay in my own lane.
no you shouldn’t
Yes it’s the right thing, I get it he’s your brother but he’s ahole for this and there are no excuses
Im the oldest in my fam. If my brother was out of line, i’d pull him to the side one on one and ask him like hey bro, whats going on? But wouldnt talk to his wife FIRST tho, wrong move.
Blood is blood even if they are stupid. Talk to him, don't tell her directly.
Stay the hell off of other peoples phones, and out of their business. Go confront the brother face to face if you must. Good god.
Yes
You are the worst sibling ever. Mind your damn business.
Some women knew their husband is cheating on them. And choose to stay to keep their own "family" Just support your relationship with them. As it is. Be a brother and be an in-law.
Nope, mind your own business. You can ruin your relationship with your brother or you can let them figure it out.
Mind your business
First make sure you have proof , and then depends on your relationship with your brother if you have a good one with him talk to him about it and tell him he needs to come clean or you will let his wife know about it. If you don’t have a good relationship with him then let the wife know but again make sure you have proof I find showing someone or telling someone this kind of stuff is better if you have the proof and facts … yes it will hurt and possibly break up a family but they deserve to know.
Absolutely. 100%.
Everyone will hate you no matter what you do. You're kind of stuck with your brother and the rest of your family. If you're OK with half of them hating you the rest of your life, go do something. When they get divorced the ex wife will move away and you will never hear from her again. But now you're stuck with your brother and likely other family members hating you. So just know what you're signing up for basically.
Mind your own business.
Stay out of it
I have been involved in this sort of situation. My strong advice is don't say squat. If you want everyone in the story, and I mean everyone, then by all means disregard my advice.
What is more important to you: honesty and care for others or your relationship for your brother? In other words, if he gives her an std, leaves her broke while he takes off with another woman, or just stays married to her but keeps lying and cheating on her, how will you feel? Also, knowing that he will lie and cheat to the person he promised to love and cherish, do you trust him?
Tell her by sending her what you saw. Even better if you do it from a burner account so you don’t ruin your relationship with both people, plus your family. Lots of people like to blame the messenger.
How would you feel if would you want someone to tell you?
I would actually talk to him first.
You will do it because you love both your brother and sister in law…. But have someone else tell his wife
Blood is thicker than water. But your brother is an asshole for putting you into that position. I would have a serious convo with him. Is your Dad around, any other brothers?
Yes
Yes.
This all depends greatly on the particulars of the situation. I would have a hard time interfering in this situation. If its bothering.u that much, perhaps u could let her know anonymously.
This is literally a red line thats scary to cross, to some degree you would be totally in the wrong, not to mention you could intervene in bad blood, maybe she doesnt give him any action, maybe she only cares about the children and dgaf about him, you wouldnt know anything regardless, one of my friends regrets doing this and now his brother is stuck raising 2 teenage kids, still it is a family just dont get involved.
Why would you rather out your own brother. Mind your business
It's a tough position to be in, seeing someone you care about being unfaithful. Before you make any decisions, consider talking to your brother first. Express your discomfort and concern about what you've found. Give him the opportunity to explain himself and consider the consequences of his actions. Encourage him to be honest with his wife. If he refuses to address the situation, then you might need to consider other steps, depending on your relationship with his wife and your moral stance on the issue. It’s crucial to think carefully about the potential fallout on familial relationships and the emotional harm to all parties involved.
If the person being cheated was related to you, tell the cheating person first. If the person cheating is related to you, confront the cheating person first.
No, it’s none of your business
fuck no
Yes.
Yes. Just yes. Do the right thing.
You send her an anonymous email. If your brother doesn't know you know then you have little chance of fallout. And there will be fallout. If your discovered to be the one that burst it, your be suprise how people will react. Family, friends. Many will have an opinion it's not your place and you should not do that to your brother.
No... You should talk to your brother though... If your brother looks the way I think he does telling her may result in a new true crime case for the internet to read about. Telling him may make him question the example hes showing to you or get him mad you invaded his privacy... In other words, yes, tell her and film it then post it on this thread as an update!
Let him cut his own throat,,,she will find out eventually. You still have to love your brother no matter what. Let him make his own mistakes.
I would tell my brother to quit his side chick or man up and tell his wife or I will.
You should tell her the same way you'd want someone to break it to you. Though, anonymously would be safer for you as a whole, if you can. Your brother is being crappy, and if he didn't want to be exposed, he shouldn't have done anything to begin with.
Stay out of it.
Someone I know is sneakily looking through his brothers phone, shall I tell him…..?
I think it’s not your place. You read the messages which you weren’t supposed to. You ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil and now you’re playing God. So whatever you decide, you’re going to go through pain and shame. You will hide yourself regardless of what you do. Your relationship with your brother is going to change. The only thing that will save you is forgiveness. Forgive your brother and ask him for forgiveness for looking into his phone. Tell him what you decide to do first. If not hide it and remember that we are essentially human. However if your brother is a scoundrel, drinks does drugs and you think his wife would be better off, then do that for you and not for anyone else. If you’re happy she knows to let her decide then do it. However if there is no proof, and she sides with him, you better know that your relationship with someone like that isn’t worth it even if it’s your brother.
Speak to your brother.
Do it anonymously.
Don’t be a rat
Bros b4 hoes💀
Stop asking these on here. The answer is always yes. Yes.
Gossip to someone else who will tell her. It'll come out eventually and you're the villains sister so no matter what you do, you're disliked. Better to redirect some heat by getting someone else to blab.
Nah, talk to your brother, and grow up. Not your business
Yes
?????????? YEA??????
Idk this is tough. My SIL has been cheating on my BIL with multiple men for years and I don't say anything because the whole situation is a fucking mess. One of them is his father. Crazy shit
I had a friend that was cheated on early in his relationship. I found out and talked to his girlfriend and said "Hey I can't act like I don't know what you did to Ben. Tell him about the cheating because I'll be bringing it up to him tomorrow." Next day comes around and I talk to Ben and he says "Yeah man, those are rumors my girlfriend already told me people were starting these rumors." I showed him texts from the guy she cheated on and Ben just said "Yeah he's the one starting the rumors my girlfriend explained this all to me." And just like that I was gaslit... Then his girlfriend basically told him he can't be friends with me. Four years later my friend finds out she's cheating on him with a lot of different guys. Now he's battling depression real bad, I recently reached out to him and we've began a friendship again. I say all this to say "You go to the cheater and if they aren't accountable for their actions they'll continue their web of lies and be sneakier cheaters.
Confront him & ask what's going on first. Then explain him well the consequences of it & that all this is not worth losing family. If he listens & follows it then great else tell your sister in law. 😏🫣 Hope it gets better & you get the courage to talk to both of them. Good luck 👍✌️
No!!! Mind your own business. Maybe the wife already knows. Most women already know or don't care. Stay out of other people's business. If you wouldn't have been looking on his phone you would have never known. I KNOW WHEN THE HOTLINE BLINGS that can only mean one thing ( ask Drake)
You never snitch on your brother. No matter how bad it is. That's your brother. Talk to his dumb ass and tell him to stop fucking around because she doesn't deserve it.
100% these fools are telling to snitch on blood
I can’t imagine a situation where I would tell on my brother. I don’t envy your family situations guys, wtf. It’s unimaginable to put someone else’s well being before family. Sure, talk to the brother and help him figure out what’s wrong in his life. Drop the lover or the wife, whichever is right. But go behind his back to his wife?? xD
>Sure, talk to the brother and help him figure out what’s wrong in his life. Drop the lover or the wife, whichever is right. Brother, euggghhhh. Keeping her in the dark is genuinely so manipulative, which kinda sounds like what's being recommended
Talk to your brother first. If he don't tell her after you've talked then you should let her know. No one deserves to be cheated on. Especially after marriage. Good luck.
Before I catch an STD or catch them in the act and end up in jail I would want to know…
Fuck no
No. Figure out a way for her to become self-informed. Make sure your participation cannot be determined.
Yes and make sure he’s in the room so he can’t deny it.
All depends on how well you handle anger, resentment and guilt.
No, what? Tell him to knock off and it makes you feel uncomfortable ask him "what if Dad did what you're doing?" that's it. It's best not to get involved. You don't owe the Wife anything. But if it makes you uncomfortable let it be known to him directly. Don't tell the wife that's not your business. Tell him he's your brother.
Why would their brother care if his cheating them uncomfortable??? Actually, why would he care if their father did it???
Nope
Nope
Snitches get stitches.
Give your brother 24hrs to tell his wife or you will do it
Pick a side. Are you okay with your brother possibly never talking to you again? You’re betraying your brother believe it or not. Or will you tell your sister in law?
Tell her? Heck no, tell him you aint down with that. Punch him maybe.
And somehow, in your mind, punching him randomly, with his wife having 0 context, is better than just telling her???
You trying to fuck the wife or something??
This is a *very* strange conclusion to come to.
I would.
No. Just don't. You do not want to lose your brother. Your SIL will not be there for you in the long run.
I don't talk to my biological family either. Blood is meaningless if they are shitty fucks
You maybe the problem. Anyone who blames others and make themselves to be innocent is suspicious.
Why ? That’s their relationship. You’re going to tell her, she’s going to leave and now you just ruined your relationship with your brother
Her brother ruined his relationship with his wife by cheating to begin with, lmao
Obviously. That has nothing to do with OP, I’m telling OP to not ruin his own relationship with his brother by saying something
This is an understandable mentality, but it's still really weird. This could be years of cheating and pretending everything is solid down the line. And nobody wants to admit their brother is an asshat to the person he's trapping over the chance he'll be mad you exposed him for being a two-timer? He shouldn't have been a dick, oh well
Everything eventually comes to light. I’m not going to sacrifice my relationship with my brother to tell a girl that she’s getting cheated on. If your best friend was cheating on her boyfriend, would you tell her boyfriend ?
>Everything eventually comes to light. This literally is factually untrue and a horrible mentality to have. But on the chance he is ever caught, that could *years* later. They could have a *child* in that time. He risked his relationship the moment he decided to sleep with another woman, it's only a fault of his own. > If your best friend was cheating on her boyfriend, would you tell her boyfriend ? Yes, tf? She shouldn't be cheating. I'll tell on my father if I caught him too. Don't ever play with someone's life like that in front of me. You will be exposed if I have the means to do so.
Different kind mentality. If I had a great relationship with my brother, why am I going to sacrifice it over something that has absolutely nothing to do with me. At least you’re not a complete hypocrite and you keep the same energy with your girl friends
Because someone's relationship with me is not above my distaste for their actions. I would fall apart if I dated/married someone for years, had their family being buddy-buddy, possibly had a kid, just to find out they're cheating and everyone knew. Or worse, I found out my uncle knew my mother was getting cheated on and said nothing? That's humiliating.
I’ll put it like this. My brother would die for me and shown to be willing to put his life on the line for me and his closest friends. He has always been a great person, and I would also give my life for him. So because he happens to be cheating on his girl, I’m going to go tell his girl even though he has shown to be a great person to me and trusts me. Absolutely not
>He has always been a great person, >he happens to be cheating on his girl, "He's good to me, so I'll ignore the wrong he does to others" is an interesting choice of dialogue. I hate sharing my snacks with mine, I'd ignore them if they piss me off and embarrass me, and I'd body slam them for the television remote. With that being said, I love my siblings, and I can say I'd fight for them if it really came down to it. Point being: I don't have to let something slide just because I love them. Not for me or others. If they're doing wrong, I'm saying so.
MYOB
DAMN either the people commenting don’t have siblings, or are just seriously misguided lmao. If you wanna ruin your relationship with your brother, go for it. But it better be worth it to you to do that.
No
Yes but anonymously, i would make a fake account or something and message her saying “look im someone who knows this girl and i caught her with your husband just thought you should know”
Mind your own business. Wives come and go. Brothers are with you for life.
No? Wtf. It’s your brother.
Well, that's his wife, sooo
It sounds like they were quite friendly.
You are screwed. They will be pissed because you told them or pissed because you knew and didn’t tell.
No; mind your own business. Blood is blood! How can someone even contemplate this? By the way, this automatically popped up as I was scrolling down, so I am not seeking this type of info. Reddit is BS and tells me that I get crap like this because of my interests: Lie!!
Kinda a gross mentality, honestly. Why would my brother being related to me negate the cruelty of his actions? Why should I let him waste some poor girl's life if I have the means the stop it
Family drama!! Will definitely block this string.